The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • Sexual Purity can give you a life no man can give you! (II)

    Sexual Purity can give you a life no man can give you! (II)

    By Temilolu Okeowo

    Dear Ma, I’m not a female but your column caught my attention a few weeks ago and I Google-searched your previous articles and learnt so much. Thanks so much for being a blessing to the world especially the younger ones. God bless you ma!

    Matthew

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    I’ve always secretly admired your work in the newspapers and experiencing you and your activities on face book is altogether mind-blowing. I keep asking myself what drives you to write so passionately on the need for girls to preserve their virginity till marriage and develop themselves spiritually and otherwise. I pray I meet you in person soonest. God bless you ma!

    Ruby Okonkwo

    Dear Ma,

    I love reading your articles but I have my doubt about one of your articles- “Sexual purity gives you power to have all you could ever wish for!” There are so many poor virgin girls out there. Does it mean they can’t use their power very well?

    Zipporah, 22, Lagos

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian daughters,

    Today, I would give you an insight into how you can make the most of your sexual purity and have what no man can give you.

    1. Our body- the temple of the Holy Spirit

    You must have read in the bible at some point in time that our bodies are referred to as the temple of the Holy Spirit. 1 Cor.6:19 Who or what is the Holy Spirit? In summary the Holy Spirit is the presence of God in our lives without which we can achieve very little. You may remind me that there are a lot of very successful people out there who enjoy flaunting their immoral life-style in our faces but I would also jump to ask- DO YOU KNOW THE TYPE OF STAR YOU CARRY AND WHAT IT WOULD ENTAIL TO MANIFEST? Check out Mary the mother of Jesus, her purity effortlessly made her the most famous woman in creation and till eternity because she was found worthy of bringing our Lord Jesus Christ into the world! Would biblical Esther have become queen in a foreign land if she wasn’t a virgin? Did you even know that a lot of girls/ladies have their life’s settings scattered when they’re deflowered outside marriage? THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER! Now which power do you really have to ensure God’s wondrous plans for you manifest? Your make-up, pretty dresses or endless surfing on the internet and “face-booking?” NO! The same bible says

    “So he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel, Chioma, Bidemi, Aisha: Not by might nor by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord Almighty.” Zech.4:6

    I have emphasised in this column over and over again how a lot of destinies are polluted and delayed by transference of spirits and demons through sexual intercourse and how ungodly sex opens up your life to demonic invasion! The point is- to start with- you can’t be kissing God and hugging the devil and expect that you will live a life of your dreams. Even if you sell your soul to the stupid, bad devil, it will always control your life and frustrate it.

    May I announce to you- if you are still defiling your body- God’s holy temple, YOU’RE CHEATING YOURSELF, MISSING A LOT! A clean vessel is a POWER-GENERATOR- THE POWER HOUSE OF GOD! While a dirty vessel is the DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND! Did you even know that an imagination incubated in the Holy Spirit is a time-bomb of miracles waiting to explode? Hmm…I’m afraid 85% of girls in the world today don’t know the power of God resident in them, the gold mines they are and what they could make out of it! Before we meet again, may God open your eyes to reveal the wonder in you so you can start pursuing your destiny instead of boys/men.

     

    • To be continued.
  • Does matchmaking really work

    Does matchmaking really work

    Vera Chidi-Maha

     

     

    The society we live in has a very funny and odd way of ridiculing a single person or persons.  Some are convinced that there is something wrong with the person. They go further to proffer a supposed solution by finding him a partner.

    Matchmaking has over the years come a long way. Parents are often times guilty of this. I have heard of parents who want their children to get married to their friend’s child or children, believing that it is their place to choose and decide who their child settles down with. Married couples who have single friends feel it is their place to fix their friends with some lady or guy so that they can get married and live happily with each other. The question is, does it always work out? No doubt there are match – made relationships that have worked out and even ended up at the altar. But there are also cases that ends up in disaster.

    It is just that right now, I do not have the accurate statistics of match made relationships that have worked out and those that have not. I recall with nostalgia how Ekene, a dear distant relation of mine became a very willing victim of match – making arrangement. Uncle Ekene, popularly called ‘Americana’ by all stayed almost all his adult years in the United States. He was married to Aunty Carol also a Nigerian based in US. They have two very wonderful boys.  I believe they were happy while they were there. They had been married for fifteen years. We know this because they made a lot of noise about their 15th year wedding anniversary. It was after their celebration that Uncle Ekene decided it was time to come back to his fatherland. This decision did not go well with his wife who decided to stay back in the US. The depressed and dejected Americana headed back home alone; without his wife and children.  He was home alone. Just six months after his return, everybody that was anybody in the family started bringing to Americana their friends and sisters. Needless to say that he was left with no choice but to sample and dump until they brought an undergraduate who doubted as a model. Today he is married to her and they have two girls and a boy. I believe they are happy. Or are they?  I don’t know, for everybody’s sake I pray that matchmaking thing worked out for them.

    Recently, a divorced mother of two announced to her friend that her divorce had been finalized and that she was finally free from her husband. What was her friend’s thought?  To matchmakers.  Without waiting to know whether her friend was ready to enter into another relationship, she and her husband went to fix a blind date with her husband’s divorcee friend. The just – divorced lady was irritated by this intrusion into her privacy but her friend’s intentions and mischief to see where it would end took over. She however gave her conditions. There was no way the man was coming to her flat. Since he lived alone, they would all meet at his flat for lunch. It was agreed.

    Readers, could you guess what happened? By the time they got to his apartment, the poor man had developed a cold feet and simply disappeared! He did not even have the decency to tell his children and house – helps where he went although his car was parked in the driveway. It was obvious that the poor man had also been rail – roaded into agreeing to meet her.  After about thirty minutes of waiting, she’d had it. Since she was earlier promised a good lunch by her matchmaking friends, she reminded the couple, and the lunch was provided het at the nice restaurant. So, matchmakers of this world beware. That a person lives alone does not mean that the person is lonely. Playing cupid seldom works.

    Take another instance of a wealthy father who insisted that his daughter must be married to his childhood friend’s son. Before they met; they were both deeply involved in serious relationships but in order to please their respective parents, they decided to get together. Well, they found out they had next nothing in common. The ideal thing then for them was to go their separate ways. It was at the point of deciding whether to continue or stay together that their parents decided to play tin – gods. They blackmailed them into getting married by making their inheritance a condition. Not wanting to lose their inheritance, they both quickly consented to their parents matchmaking gimmicks. The wedding ceremony was lavish. But barely three months into the courtship, the worst happened. They willingly consented to divorce. Whether they will get the inheritance or not, time will tell. Match making is not completely bad, it depends on their individuals concerned. Relationship issues can be very sensitive if not properly handled.

  • Behold Millennium Devt Goals clinic where babies are delivered with torchlight

    Behold Millennium Devt Goals clinic where babies are delivered with torchlight

    David ADENUGA, Bauchi

     

    GURKA primary health care facility located in Maiwa, a rural community in Zaki Local Government Area, Bauchi State, has operated without power supply for almost seven years.

    It is the insult added to the injury of a hospital whose structures are in pitiable conditions. The dilapidated structures are not hosts only to hospital’s staff and patients, they also serve as abodes for snakes, lizards and other reptiles that stroll in and out of the clinic at will.

    Our correspondent who visited the dilapidated health care facility was confronted with the sight of buildings  that had seen better days. Most of the buildings had no roof worth called such as the corrugated iron sheets that covered them had been blown off for years, leaving them with only their rafts.

    In that condition, the staff and patients at the hospital are left at the mercy of heavy rain, scorching sun and other unpleasant natural conditions since there is nothing left on the roofs to act as shields.

    Added to the foregoing is the overgrown weeds that have taken over some parts of the facility’s premises, exposing both workers and visitors to the danger of snakebite.

    Boldly written on the pale walls of the facility is ‘ MDGs Nigeria, a 2011 project’. Checks by The Nation revealed that the facility was one of the projects of the United Nations under its Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) and was built with support from the state government under former governor Isa Yuguda ‘s administration in 2011.

    A volunteer midwife at the maternity ward of the PHC, Hassana Madugu, who spoke with our correspondent, said the facility had been without power  supply  since she started working there about three years ago.

    She said: ”I take delivery for pregnant women during labour and  we are just managing the maternity ward.

    ”For the three years that I have been here, we use lamp or torchlight in the labour room, and  I attend to 25-30 pregnant women in  a month. The situation has been quite pathetic.

    “Whenever it rains, the roof leaks. There was a time it rained and the roof collapsed on admitted patients. We had to use our money to call carpenters to fix the damage. Snakes even roam around the premises, although they have not bitten anyone.”

    Madugu said severe cases during labour are transferred to the general hospitals.

    A routine immunization focal person at the PHC, Shehu Haruna, who also lamented  its miserable state in a conversation with our Correspondent,  said  the environment was unsafe for them.

    He said they have also been exposed to harsh weather conditions and called for urgent intervention.

    He said: ”During the rainy season, we cannot work. We are also being terrorised by snakes here due to the miserable state of the facility”

    ”Although no one has been bitten by snakes, we have killed many. We can’t wait for someone to be killed by dangerous snakes before we take proactive measures.

    ”As you can see, the roofs are in a sorry state. Since there is only one PHC per ward, this is the only one accessible to the residents here.

    ”Since last year, we have been calling the attention of the government through the Chairman of Zaki Local Government Council, but nothing has been done.

    ”But patients are still coming for services since it is the only PHC in the area.

    “During rainy season, we attend to pregnant women through our Maternity In Charge House, which is behind the facility. We also have to move our property there when it is rainy season.

    Read Also: Kwara to revamp clinic

    ”The situation has also been reported to our local government director but up till now, nothing has been done. The PHC is still in a bad condition.”

    Another health worker, Abubakar Ibrahim, said the pictures of the dilapidated structures had been sent to relevant agencies but no action had been taken.

    He added that the health facility does  not have anti-venom vaccines for snakebites, which he said poses a greater danger for patients and staff at the centre.

    When contacted, the Director of primary health care centres in Zaki Local Government Area, Adamu Hamman, declined comments.

    “I don’t think I can give you any information that I don’t know, ” he said before hanging up the phone on our reporter

    However, the Deputy Director of Zaki PHCs, Abba Tata, said renovation has commenced in the PHC but there was no installation of electricity yet.

    He confirmed that the PHC had been without electricity for almost seven years.

    Zaki Local Government Chairman, Yahuza Abdulkadir, told our reporter  on the phone that he would not speak on the matter without seeing the reporter physically. ”You’re not serious if you cannot meet me face to face,” he said.

    He then gave the phone to his personal assistant who angrily told our reporter: ”We are not aware of what you are talking about. And please don’t call my boss again!”

    When contacted, the Executive Secretary Bauchi State Primary Healthcare Development Agency (BASPHCDA), Dr. Rilwanu Mohammed, said no formal complaint had been received by the agency about the condition of the health care centre.

    According to him, the government plans to renovate dilapidated PHCs in the state.

    He added that the PHCs in Zaki are not under the Nigeria State Health Investment Project (NSHIP).

    He said: ”Our aim is to make sure the health facilities are in good condition.

    “Besides, the Federal Government has allocated N447 million for the whole 3/3 PHC per ward, which has to do with renovation and upgrading.

    ”Zaki and Alkaleri are not part of the NSHIP facilities, unlike Gamawa where the health care facilities are in good condition. Even Azare, because they are  part of the NSHIP project.”

  • FLORENCE UCHE: I got married at 20; it was the best decision

    FLORENCE UCHE: I got married at 20; it was the best decision

    Florence Uche is a woman of many parts. She is passionate about empowering women, the youths as well as transforming the communities wherever she finds herself. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, the energetic woman, who turns 60 this month, takes you down memory lane, talking about marriage to His Eminence, Prelate of Methodist Church Nigeria, Dr. Samuel Uche, in the past forty years, early life, career as an administrator, inspiration, working with women and writing two books.

    Looking simple, elegant and charming, she takes you into her world telling you that her husband is the greatest motivation in her life. “He just said you would be my wife. He was our Sunday School teacher. It just came with the grace of God. I am celebrating God’s favour in my life. I consider myself as someone who has special grace. I have passed through a lot of stress as wife, mother, grandmother, sister-in-law, and at all the levels of the church”.

    Scroll down memory lane and she tells you how the romantic encounter between her and her husband began as a chorister in church. “On the 24th day of December, a Sunday, I went to church and enrolled in the choir. The following day, the 25th, which was the Christmas Day, I went again. I didn’t know that my husband was looking for a wife. He actually told God that anyone who comes on Christmas and the other day would be his wife”.

    Luckily, Young Samuel Uche got exactly what he asked from the Lord. A student who defied the festivities to come to church was God’s choice for him. “After church service, we greeted and I left. I was rushing to go back to our house because my mum was sick. He came and said, let me tell you, you are my wife. I told him, Bro Emeka, I am not in the mood, my mum is sick. He replied saying, tell your mum, I want you to come and see my family”.

    When she got home, Florence told her mum about the encounter and her mum was happy about the news. “First, she asked me what I told him. I told her, I told him that I would pray about it. Interestingly, when I went to his place, I saw the same room that I saw in my dream. I saw the cassock too”.

    On her part, Young Florence wasn’t even thinking or dreaming about marriage. Other suitors came, but she didn’t listen to them. All that her mind was preoccupied with was to go to school and earn degrees and laurels that would make her parents proud of her. But somehow, the relationship was made in heaven. “Three days before the Christmas Day, I had a dream. In it, God led me to a room where I saw a small spring bed, with bed sheet and a pillow. It didn’t look like home because my father’s house was different. I also saw a gown hung on the wall and had to remove cobwebs around it.”

    He paid her dowry in 1980, when she was just 20 years old.”I went back to school after our fourth child. Then, I completed my WASCE after our 6th child in Kano, went on and did my NCE as well as got an admission to study Law at the Bayero University. However, my friends convinced me to stay back and I settled for teaching. My mum wanted me to be to be a nurse and that was why she gave me the name Florence Nightingale. So, I had that in my head. What stopped that dream was the fact that we didn’t have teachers for Physics, Chemistry and Biology. Some parents had to remove their children to other schools. My husband also convinced me to go for teaching”.

    Life being married to His Eminence for forty years has been very interesting and memorable. “My staying power is prayer, commitment, dedication, love for my husband and children. One other thing that gave me an edge is the power of revelation, creating programmes that are so original. After our marriage, God showed me the husband I married on TV and I was struggling to reach where he was. God told me to wake up and said that where He was taking my husband to, if I was not careful, I would not catch up. Later, God gave me another revelation. My husband was still in kano, not yet a Bishop. God asked me to open programmes for women and share the word of God”.

    Happily, she goes on painting images about her experiences working with women, ministers at different levels and getting fulfilment touching lives on a daily basis. “The joy of coming together is not easy. Everyone is calling for your attention and you just have to be there for them. I consider all these as a thing of joy. Why is it me that God chose”.

    One other thing that makes Florence fulfilled is the programmes that she does for the ministry. “God is being glorified, it gives me joy. When we want to do a meeting, I would tell God and he would reveal the agenda to me. So, doing all that gives me joy and then making sure that the home is at peace.”

    At a point, Florence recalled that her career was taking a big chunk of her time and she had to sacrifice this to support her husband and the home front. “I was shuttling between Lagos and Owerri. At a point, I almost lost my ear because of the vibration in the air, travelling my air. When my husband was promoted to the position of Archbishop in Owerri, I travelled by road for four years. Then, I was an administrative employee of The Federal Polytechnic, Nekede. I rose to the rank of Senior Assistant Registrar. Later, I tried to transfer to Yabatech which is about five minutes away from home.”

    Relief! Yes , it was. But somehow, something was still missing. Her heart yearned more for spiritual things and that finally settled it all. “ I would have been promoted to Principal Assistant Registrar”,  but at this point , she opted out and decided to focus totally on God’s work. “For me, this would be 60 years of fulfilment in the Lord’s vineyard. I am from a small village in the Okigwe Local Government Area in Imo State. I was actually born in Niger State because my father, a carpenter, worked with Public Works Department (PWD) and he travelled a lot. From Minna, the family moved to Kotangora and then to Kaduna.”

    When little Florence was in primary school, the civil war broke out. Sadly, she goes down memory lane to recall those moments and the trauma that her family went through at that point. “My father came home one afternoon and asked my mum who was pregnant to pack a few things. We were pushed in through the window at the train station and we travelled to Afikpo, Abia State and then to the village.”

    This was indeed a very sharp contrast from city life they had been used to. “There was a lot of crickets crying, no water, no electricity, no WC. We went to the bush for nature’s call and then the war came to push us further into the bush for months. From there , we moved to Uturu for years and by 1970 the war ended. Unfortunately, it wasn’t easy to go to school because everything had been destroyed. I was eleven when I entered primary school. I took the common entrance examination in 1978 and my name appeared on the list for OVIM Girls’ Secondary School. But the challenge then was the obnoxious policy by the Shehu Shagari administration that those of us who were 15 years and above should go for vocational training.  I was 17 plus and they did not give me admission. It was sad news for my parents who were not educated but we did not give up”.

    Happily she goes on to talk about her parents, their principles and how they inculcated the right values in her right from childhood. “They were good Christians and they gave us the background of godliness. We were encouraged to be punctual in church. You were told that the angels would have marked their register and your name wouldn’t be there. That made me to be always punctual and attentive. Right from childhood, they always made me to sit in front. We do this till date, with my grandchildren”.

  • OYINLOLA SALE: I got into modelling by chance

    OYINLOLA SALE: I got into modelling by chance

    Oyinlola Sale is a model, broadcaster, writer and women’s advocate. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she opens up on her experience in modelling, inspiration and more.

     

     

    TELL us about your experience managing models?

    I am an image consultant, media practitioner, advocate for women empowerment as well as a model manager. I have actually modelled before. It started in a very funny way. That was in 2011 and I was working with an event and advertising agency. They were looking for models for a Skye Bank account. So, they just selected me and everything started like a joke and before I knew it, I saw my photographs at every BRT bus stand. That was in 2013, and for almost two years, I was at every Skye bank branch and every bus stand. It was kind of embarrassing initially and a lot of my friends would call and tell me: ‘You don hammer o’. Later on in 2017, I decided to open a website for audacity studio, where models put up their profiles. For me, it has been an interesting journey so far. I have met so many women in the process and it has been so interesting for me in terms of model management and in terms of being a model as well.

    What was the very first job that you did?

    Regarding the very first job that I did, it was the Skye bank advert and it was good. Also being a presenter is like being a model. You are actually representing your brand, the TV. So, basically being in front of the camera all the time, you have to set that frame of mind and being in total composure, control and confidence is important.

    Tell us about the memorable experiences and the things that inspire you?

    The only thing that inspires me basically is passion. I am very passionate about what I am doing all the time. So, that just stirs up something within me. The truth about it is that in this journey in life, in the career, there would be ups and downs. It has been a very interesting career. If I tell you something, you will be so surprised. It is about meeting people, and I have met so many people on the job. I remember when I met Mr. John Momoh of Channels Television. He said if you were not exceptional, I wouldn’t hire you. That was as far back as 2013 before I joined TVC. Apparently, I didn’t work in Channels, but I am happy where I am right now. It is always like a blessing in disguise. Every situation that you find in this journey is always pushing you to where you are supposed to be. At the end of the day, it is just about turning your woes to wisdom.

    The only thing that inspires me is broadcasting. I have had quite an experience. I have done everything. I have been a reporter on the field, newscaster, presenter and producer. So, I am just going to break it down to what I have done in my career so far. I actually started in 2009, when I came back from the United States of America. I studied at the Eastern New Mexico University. When I came back I started with Galaxy Television, and I was an entertainment presenter and reporter. It was really interesting and I got to meet different people from Denrele and so many people. After that, I went into advertising for a short while and then I was back in broadcasting again. I went to TVC News in 2013 and I was there for over four years, presenting a programme called a Woman’s World. It was known, but by the time I joined, they had rebranded and were on Startimes. That actually stirred the passion within me to start my own programme for women. I saw that it had always been there and realized that it was a calling. After Woman’s World, I did Question of the Day and at that point, I had got children, two beautiful girls, and I love them so much. Then I was balancing career with having children and all that. It wasn’t easy, wasn’t too stable and then I moved on to Kaftan TV and I became the face of Kaftan TV. Here, I was doing so many things and they paid me to learn how to multi task.

    I was presenting Amazing Amazon, a woman’s programme. I was a producer, I was casting the news and presented so many programmes there. This developed a lot of skills that I thought I had, harnessing skills within me. At this point, I am happy with where I am. Now, I have my own platform called WomenConnect. I am hoping it will touch the life of every woman around the world. Not just Nigeria, but around the world. Women need more platforms for our voices to be heard and that is what WomenConnect stands for. It is a platform to inspire, empower and inform women. We have a TV show and we are promoting it online. We have a blog as well as a radio show; we have a lot; we have a programme with W.Fm. My broadcasting career has been awesome.

    What are the other things that occupy your time?

    The other thing that occupy my time is my phone. I am always on my phone. I am on a lot of WhatsApp groups, and so I like social engagements on social media, posting things to inform people, writing, blogging and all of that. So, those are the fun things that I do by the side. And, of course, watching movies.

    What are some of the changes that you will like to see in the modelling sector?

    Some of the changes that I would like to see in the modelling industry are a situation where you don’t have to be slim and very tall to be looked at as beautiful. I think beauty should be perceived differently. Beauty should be seen in the eyes of the beholder. It should be perceived in how confident the person is in their skin. There are lots of beautiful women who are plus sized, who are average. So, I feel that the modelling industry should portray how the average woman is looking, not just skinny and all of that.

    What are the challenges?

    I have some challenges that I face as an entrepreneur because right now, I am on my own. One of the challenges would be access to finance. This has always been the challenge for female entrepreneurs, hundreds of entrepreneurs from different sectors all say the same thing. I think the government has to look into that.

    Tell us about your role mentors and mentors?

    My role models is just one person. I love her, she is not a Nigerian, but I believe that I am going to meet her one day. I have always loved her platform when I was young. She has a platform where she interviews people and inspires them. She herself is an inspiration to so many girls. She has a story and she tells her story. What actually made her to be who she is right now? What actually moulded her to what she is right now? How I got to know the Oprah story was that in 2014 when I was doing a programme for women, I had not had my children. But then, someone said that I was not a woman enough to present the programme because I hadn’t had children. Then, someone told me something about Oprah Winfrey, that her producer once told her that she was not good enough for TV. Look at her now, she is everywhere. So, who would have thought someone would say something like that. So, turn your wounds into wisdom that is what I am doing right now. I have had a lot of bad times in the industry and in 2017 when TVC retrenched 150 staff I was among them. For me, every disappointment is a blessing in disguise.

    If you had to change something, what would it be?

    If I could change something in the industry, it will be how they perceive models. They feel that if you are a model, you are provocative and all of that. So, all those things have to change.  The perception as well as the fact that they need to make room for average women to actually showcase themselves.

    If you had to advise young people who want to come into the sector, what would you tell them?

    My advice to young people who want to come into the modelling and broadcasting sector is that the sky is big enough for all of us honestly. The sky is certainly your starting point and I believe that once you focus and put your mind at it, once you dream it , you can certainly achieve it.

    How do you relax?

    I relax by just having fun with my children, watching good movies

    What is your favourite travel destination?

    My favourite travel destination! I have been there once and I wish I could go there every single day. That is Dubai. I have been to so many places, but Dubai is different. I love Dubai, it is beautiful. The shopping experience and everything about it. The atmosphere is just a place to go to. It’s a beautiful place and everyone can attest to that.

    What type of books do you like to read?

    I like to read a lot of inspirational books by Joyce Meyer. Books that just make me to reflect on life and everything.

    What won’t you do in the name of fashion?

    Those crop tops that show your stomach is a no for me. That is something that I wouldn’t do. Also wearing a very short dress, you won’t catch me in that at all.

    Tell us about the principles that you hold onto in life?

    This includes forgive and forget. As long as people offend you, you need to forgive and forget. If you do not forgive that person, you will let them have power over you. Secondly, regardless of what you are going through as a Christian, you need to always thank God. When you thank God, He will certainly thank God. Number three, give even if it is your last. Givers never lack and the fourth is to have  good attitude. Your attitude speaks for you. Have good manners. Please, sorry and thank you go a long way. And finally, always ensure that you keep going, regardless of the situation. Times are hard, but keep pursuing your dreams. It will surely come to pass.

    What lessons has life taught you?

    I have learnt a lot of lessons in this life. One of the lessons is never look down on anybody because I have seen people who are small, nobody and they become somebody. You never know who that person would be one day. I have seen so many situations, so many things in my life that made me realise that we all need to be humble. You don’t know tomorrow, you don’t know who that person would be tomorrow, so keep being humble.

    What are you looking forward to now?

    In the midst of the pandemic this year, the most wonderful time of every year has brought hope into our lives, because 2020 is almost over. We want to share this significant Christmas with our Christmas Fair which starts from December 12th in Lagos. Speakers at the event include Titi Oyinsan, Founder IAmDynamite, Iwo Akinyoyenu, Founder Fit Fab and Alive. It is going to be a time to reflect on Surviving in a COVID-19 Era. There would be free gifts, food and a mobile spa.

  • How to build forgiveness in a relationship

    How to build forgiveness in a relationship

    By Rois Ola

    A lot of times we all believe saying good bye is a true end to everything of bad relationships but Goodbye is not always the answer and this is the case for both old and new relationships. No matter the level of mistakes you are currently facing in your relationship, it’s always worth it to try again as long as you know that both of you are willing to still make it work, emphasis on BOTH, because one person cannot achieve it alone. Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a very important aspect in relationships .It helps to keep you healthy both emotionally and physically.

    For a fact there are some things that cannot easily be forgiven, they can be forgiven but not as quickly as some other things, not only because of the hurt that they have caused but also because of how it already tainted your trust in your partner and in your relationship. If you are stuck in this cycle of constantly failing to forgive no matter how much your partner has changed, this article will help you understand in clearer times the reason(S) why you need to forgive.

    One of the most important things I have experienced and learnt is that, forgiving and letting go may be one of the most important ways to keep you strong and sane. Some transgressions are so harmful and disastrous that a relationship may not be able to survive, but forgiveness can still play a role to healing and making things better, but of course time heals all wounds.

    The Importance to your health

    Holding onto hurts, disappointments,  annoyances,  even betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you  will discover in no time that you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing your hurt (whether real or perceived) for too long can eventually make it turn into something more hate and extreme bitterness. And living a bitter life with who you supposedly love or care for only causes more damage than good.

    Not being able to forgive can also wear you down. It takes both a physical and mental toll on you causing depression and sometimes suicide. Resentment gains momentum and chips away at the foundation of your well-being and your relationship. The magic is in being able to share your feelings.

    The importance of forgiving your partner

    Betrayal of trust is a hard pill to swallow. I have been there and still doing what I can to heal, there are a number of ways one can use to find a place of forgiveness when you have experienced betrayal. Look at each method and find the combination that works best for you.

    • Be open to give and receive forgiveness.
    • Make an intentional decision to forgive your partner.
    • Think of a constructive and positive thing to do to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts, when images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind,
    • Refrain from throwing an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date, yes I know this is difficult, but try; don’t use it as ammunition in an argument, it takes practice but try not to.
    • Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression, behavior, or mistake, confession may be very difficult to give or listen to, so accept you may never get the full story and move on.
    • Try not to seek revenge or retribution; trying to get even will only extend the pain and chances are good that this won’t really make you feel better anyway.
    • Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful behavior.
    • Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your partner takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process.

    Get professional counseling to help you let go and forgive if you are still unable to forgive, or you find yourself thinking on the betrayal or hurt regularly, it won’t be easy but better to make an attempt than nothing at all.

    1. Put a stop to remembering the pain and hurt.

    If you want the wound of a mistake to fully heal, you should stop touching it – because what comes after healing is forgiveness, especially if it was done by someone you truly love. Stop thinking about what happened in the past and how it made you feel – as long as the lessons have been learned, you should do your best to stop reliving the pain and hurt. Move on and everything will follow.

    1. Try Give your partner a second chance, if they want it and are willing to work for it.

    People make mistakes and you, yourself, had your own share of regrets in the past. If you did something hurtful to someone you love like your partner, wouldn’t you want to be given a second chance? Just like how you think you deserve that chance, you should also give the same thought about your partner.

    As long as you know that they know what they did, how it affected your relationship, and the things that they should do to avoid repeating the same mistakes, then they deserve that second chance.

    1. Appreciate the changes they’ve made or trying to make.

    It can be hard for someone to change but do you wonder why they still try? Because they know that it’s the only way for them not to lose you – they want to stay and they’ll do everything for your relationship to be what it once was before, or better.

    1. Try to Make an effort to reach out.

    Perhaps your partner doesn’t feel like talking about the mistakes that they have done in the past that they tend to be quiet about how they truly feel. Their need to be forgiven sometimes makes them scared that they might say the wrong words again, and it might make things worse. What you can do is to assure them that your relationship is their safe place – they should not stop being who they are or stop expressing their thoughts just because they’re afraid to offend their partner again.

    1. Tell yourself why you fell in love.

    If all else fails, the best thing that you can do for yourself and your relationship is to remember why you are in this relationship in the first place. How did you fall in love? What are the things that you like about this person? What are the happiest memories you have together? Are those qualities still there?

    1. Pray for help and healing from God

    Let your faith and spiritual strength show you the way to find forgiveness in your heart. Sometimes, when you are hurting and in pain, you lose the courage to forgive someone who had caused you pain. What you can do is to pray for enlightenment and guidance, for wisdom and for healing, so that you will be able to have the strength to give your love another chance.

    1. Together, start over with a new love story if they are willing to.

    Let your road to forgiveness open a bigger door to a new stage in your relationship. Start over, start anew – and do this together. In order to build forgiveness in your relationship, you have to make an effort to take the first step. The road may look narrow and daunting, but never let this fear weaken your faith in the promise that you have made together.

    How to Ask you partner for Forgiveness

    If you are the one who has caused hurt and pain for your partner, you can ask for forgiveness in in order to rebuild trust in the relationship. Remember to give yourself and your partner time when working through the process. Time heals wounds if you allow it to.

    • Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you’ve caused, let them see that you are sorry for what you have done.
    • Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your partner again by repeating the hurtful behavior, any promise you make, you must fulfill.
    • Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt, face them, deal with them directly and ensure it doesn’t happen again.
    • Be open to making amends and settling for peace.
    • Make a heartfelt and verbal apology; this includes a plan of action to make things right, sometimes words may not be enough.
    • Be patient with your partner. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don’t dismiss your spouse’s feelings of betrayal by telling them to “get over it.” That will only make things worse.

    Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven. No healthy relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. But remember that forgiveness isn’t absolution.

    Forgiveness is a conscious decision and a practice of releasing feelings of resentment. Forgiveness can provide you and your partner with the tools to process and move on. Even though you may find it find it difficult, being able to forgive is crucial for the long haul to so many things like your health, state of mind and general wellbeing, existing in an unforgiving state will destroy a lot of things for you. For you to succeed in living a fulfilled life, and enjoying relationships with others, you must learn to forgive. If it’s not working, then I pray God gives you the strength to make the necessary decisions and move. I wish you all the best!!!

  • Age…just a number

    Age…just a number

    By Vera Chidi-Maha

    When it comes to the issue concerning a man and a woman, the intrigues involved cannot be overemphasized. Especially when they are both romantically inclined a lot is really involved. They try to impress each other with everything within their reach. They try to look and act good just to get the other party to fall deeper and deeper in love. Then comes a time in the relationship when the man needs or wants to know how old the lady he is involves is really is. So he summons up the courage and asks ‘Baby@, how old are you? She hesitates a little thinking in her head” how old would be appropriate to tell this guy; or she thinks: “How old would he want me to be”; so she quickly responds oh; I am 30 or less depending on how old the guy is. I once read somewhere that. “a lady that can tell her age, can tell anything come to think of it, what has age got to do with anything. To me, you are as old as you feel!

    It is because of the emphasis our men folk attach to our age that makes ladies to lie about their age every lady wants to win an ideal man depending on her taste. And if reducing the age will make some women win the men of their dreams, well…. Why not? Once upon a time, I read somewhere that Nancy Reagan, the former first lady of United States, once celebrated her 60th birthday when in actual fact she was 62 years old. I have a mischievous female friend who has celebrated her 35th birthday for the third time. Another female colleague of mine come September will be celebrating her 40th birthday when in fact she will be 44.

    Well, guess why she reduced her age? She met and fell in love with a 45 year old divorcee who is proposing marriage to her. In order to keep him hooked she had to slice off four years from her age. Fortunately or unfortunately, it is working, for some reasons it is considered rude to ask a woman her age. Why should this be? I sometimes wonder. Surely age should not be such a big deal or should it? Clearly, for some women it is particularly for those who have reached their forties and fifties, and if they look younger than their years why would they want to admit to being older in a society which is obsessed with youthfulness? Women face a hard enough time as it is, since they are more likely to be discriminated against because of their gender, once you throw in age as well, then they could also be subject to ageism. This is a common problem faced by older women; studies have shown. So, it is hardly surprising that some will lie about their real age to make themselves appear younger than they are. In a situation where they are unable to get away with such a lie since they actually look their age, or may be even older, there are those who are prepared to take significant step to change their appearance so that they can look younger than they are. There are those women who were born with good genes according to Michelle Wilkinson, so that wrinkles and other tell-tale signs of age are not as much of a problem for them as for women who weren’t as lucky with genes they were given. Ultimately, however, limiting the signs of ageing depends on the kind of lifestyle a person leads. If you eat well, exercise regularly, avoid siting in the sun for too long, have never smoked and only drink alcohol in moderation, chances are you will look younger than a hardworking chain smoker. Women these days are prepared to spend a lot of money on cosmetic’s and anti-ageing products more out of hope that they will have an effect rather than actual belief they will work. Older women want to be as attractive as when they were younger so that they can still turn men’s head, particularly if they find themselves single as older women or lady. They dye their hair, shed some weight. If they can and apply various products to their face in an attempt to disguise their age and will even lie if necessary.

    The isn’t enough for some women and there are those who spend money undergoing plastic surgery, from breast implantations to nose lifts, cheeks filled out, their lips pumped up and their wrinkles obliterated with the help of minimally invasive cosmetic procedures.

    In a youth-obsessed world, older women are having to compete with their female counterparts; in terms of jobs and relationships; and some are prepared to use rather underhand measures to stay on top, which means hiding their real age.

    The truth remains that it is a youth obsessed world here and our females are definitely playing their part.

  • Sexual Purity can give you a life no man can give you! (I)

    Sexual Purity can give you a life no man can give you! (I)

    By Temilolu Okeowo

    Dear Ma, I am 30 and a virgin. Whenever I was under pressure to compromise and fornicate I will visit your timeline and read and my brain will immediately reset. I have since vowed to remain a virgin until marriage. Thank you for all you do ma.

    Adedoyin E.

    Dear Ma,

    I came across your articles in the newspaper and I’m most grateful for your guidance ma. I am a young lawyer and a virgin and it’s my earnest desire to wait till marriage. I am a hard working lady but going through lots of hardship ranging from being in a highly abusive home, poorly paid or no pay job in law firms and undue comparison and high financial expectation from my mom despite not having a good job. I just want to disappear, I mean why has death refused to come for me? I suffer greatly from depression and suicidal ideation and this is eating me up daily. Some men are evil, they want to mess a lady up in exchange for helping her but I vowed never to let any man have me before marriage! I only wish God will make it easier for me because no matter how I try to act ignorant of the fact that lack has pushed many ladies into misbehaving, it does happen. God said He will not tempt us more than we can bear but this is more than me already, I am overwhelmed! Please why do good and decent girls suffer?

     

    Sunshine

    My Sunshine and my darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian daughters,

    Sunshine’s message not only strikes a chord in my heart but makes me wish I could give her EVERYTHING she needs right away and make her happy! In actual fact, 50% of Nigerian girls are in her shoes! And believe me, it’s so difficult to counsel anyone in this situation and convince them to wait on God and be of good courage. It’s one of the worst challenges a woman can face and it only takes a lady who’s fiercely-determined and loves God with all her heart not to bow to pressure from men to live a comfortable life. If you are reading and have suffered so much pain from men refusing to help except you sleep with them and have had to deprive yourself of goodies and even your basic necessities for righteousness sake and yet it appears your situation is not changing- sorry…sorry…sorry please!

    However, did you know God has a record of all the goodies you’ve ignored just because you fear Him? DO YOU THINK THAT’LL PASS JUST LIKE THAT? If only you knew how committed God is to those who fear Him, you’d never spare a thought to your friends who would sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry to have all their dream goodies! Even if from their promiscuity they ended marrying good men and even have children, what A’s destiny can endure, could destroy yours! Do you know the type of star you carry? Do you know God’s plan for your life? This may be difficult to stomach but anyone in my darling Sunshine’s shoes could just be going through a process or test master-minded by God, with a huge crown awaiting her. And the more you suffer for doing things God’s way, THE GREATER YOUR REWARD FROM GOD! BELIEVE ME, YOUR LIFE WILL TURN TO A BEAUTIFUL DREAM! Isaiah 49:23

    But this is what the Spirit of God said I should tell you- “For I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and multiply you, and establish my covenant with you.” Leviticus 26:9 KJV

    Hmm…a whole God is saying that to you- believe me, you may not even look or smell good now because you can’t afford to yet you stick to God – little did you know that fear of God in you is building you up into a fiery furnace, a spiritual house and a formidable weapon in the hands of God- a city set on a hill that will be saluted till eternity, a light to the world!

    I wish you wouldn’t be depressed and instead make the most of your situation. It’s not easy but there’s so much you can gain from what now seems a huge disappointment from life! Even though I plan to fashion a way out for you to have a more comfortable life- inbox, please note today’s date, by the time God who sent me to you is done with you, not only will you be superbly-established- no longer needing help, some of world’s wealthiest and most honourable men would jostle to supply your needs without asking for anything in return! YOU’LL SAY I SAID SO! Before then, may you receive help from an unexpected quarter this month in Jesus name! I love you my sweets!

    • To be continued.

    I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

  • Should sex be a top priority in marriage?

    Should sex be a top priority in marriage?

    By Vera Chidi-Maha

    It is no secret that physical love is a primary need for men. If wives can contribute to their husbands’ happiness in the areas most dear to their hearts, they will have greater success in other areas that are crucial to their wellbeing.

    It has been observed that more often than not, sexual relationship is a low priority in the minds of some women.

    This, of course, has not been a deliberate thing. It is just that there are so many other things screaming for her attention, such as raising children, work, finances, home-keeping, emotional stress, exhaustion, sickness and so on.

    In the wife’s juggling of her priorities, sex can end up at the bottom of her list. I sought to know from some wives the degrees they place their husbands’ needs for sex in marriage.

    Joan Mordi (marriage counsellor)

    For a wife, sex comes out of affection. She does not want to be affectionate with a man who makes her feel unsupported, overworked, hurt, lonely, angry and so on.

    But for a husband, sex is purely a need. His eyes, brain and emotions get clouded if he doesn’t have that release. He has trouble bearing anything his wife says or seeing what she needs when that area of his being is neglected.

    Wives sometimes have it backwards. They think they can have sex after they get other issues settled. But actually there is a far greater chance of settling the other issues if sex comes first.

    In my eight years of counselling of couples, I have come to appreciate that sex should be given a very top priority in marriage; else, the marriage might be on its way down, God forbid.

    Yetunde Osemiha (a grandma)

    It is important to make sex  a matter of priority in one’s marriage. I have been married for over 30 years and I can authoritatively tell you this.

    Whether all conditions are perfect or whether you feel like it or not, does not matter. The point is meeting the needs of your husband and keeping communications lines open.

    A man can easily be made to feel insignificant, beaten down, discouraged, or worse still, tempted in this area of his being.

    There is probably no better means of fulfilment for a man than this, and no area where he is more vulnerable than this also.

    The truth of the matter is when you starve your husband of sex all the time, it will take the very special grace of God for him to remain faithful to you.

    Most men tend to look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere. A wife should give to her husband whenever he wants it. It is wicked for a woman to hold back from her man.

    There is no excuse to deny your husband sex, except in rare cases of monthly periods or illnesses, but any other excuse does not hold water at all.

    Read Also: Is sex still a big deal amongst teenagers?

    Bridget Osadeba

    Sex should not be a top priority in marriage at all. Why should it be? There are more important issues in marriage than sex. The couple should plan for the future. They should consider ways of making extra income to make the family more comfortable instead of thinking about sex all the time.

    The earlier part of our marriage was a bit about sex, sex and more sex, but two years later, the realities began to set in and we knew that all hands needed to be on deck or else, the family will go broke.

    There should be time for everything. Time for sex, time for the kids, time for work, in what order they should be? I leave that to the couple concerned.

    Oby Ifeanyi

    Sex between a husband and his wife is God’s idea. Unless we are fasting and praying for weeks at a time, or are experiencing physical infirmity or separation, there is no excuse not to engage in it regularly.

    The moment we are married, our bodies are not our own. We owe each other physical attention and we are not to deprive one another.

    The frequency of sex depends on the other person’s needs not ours alone. When a husband is sexually satisfied, something is built up in the man and the marriage. When he is not sexually satisfied, something in him and the marriage diminishes.

    You leave each other open for temptation and far more destruction than you can imagine. If your husband desires sex more frequently, pray to God to give you the grace to meet up with his demands.

    Charity Nwaogalanya

    As a wife, I would agree that sex is important in marriage. However, when children begin to come, it becomes the most difficult time to deal with the issue of sex.

    Kids can hardly do anything for themselves, so by the time you give them their bath, feed and clothe them, at the end of the day, naturally, the only thing that will be in your mind is getting to sleep as soon as possible.

    I want to say here that a good husband should appreciate and respect his wife when she is truly exhausted. Asking her to do anything else for that day, I will say is selfish.

    Kiki Olopade

    The importance of sex in marriage cannot be overemphasized. Bad things develop when the sexual part of a marriage is neglected. No husband or wife should let that happen.

    Couples should not allow much time to go by without coming together physically.

    It is important for wives to note that an important part of their ministry to their husbands is sexual. It should not be used as a weapon or a means of manipulation by giving and withholding it for selfish reason.

  • What Makinde had in common with late mother

    What Makinde had in common with late mother

    OYO State Governor, Seyi Makinde, and his siblings are presently morning the loss of their mother, Madam Abigail Makinde, who died on Thursday, October 15, at 81.

    Although she lived a fulfilled life as she was caring to everyone around her, no child wishes to lose a mother, especially when the father had died years ago.

    Read Also: Youths minister, Makinde meet over unrest

     

    People who know the governor well always say he learnt giving and helping people from his mother. Although Madam Abigail was said to be a disciplinarian and a no-nonsense woman, she was a cheerful giver and was always ready to help.

    Makinde’s mother, who retired as a telephone operator at the Oyo State Schools Board, Iyaganku, will be buried first week in December.

    She was born and bred in Akure, though her father was from the defunct Bendel State while her mother was an indigene of Akure. She later relocated to Ibadan after her Modern School education.