The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  •  Why I shun politics, by Okoya

     Why I shun politics, by Okoya

    The Aare of Lagos and Chairman of the Eleganza Group, Chief Rasaq Okoya is 81 this week. He spoke with Deputy Editor EMMANUEL OLADESU on why he has refused to participate in politics and what government can do to improve the economy and boost public welfare

     

    HOW do you feel celebrating 81?

    I am very happy. I am in good health. I thank God Almighty. Everything is going on fine with me, my family and my business.

    Not all the members of your generation are that lucky. But, you are 81 now. What are the secrets of long life?

    Hard work is good. You wake up every morning and you have something to do. You are not idle; you move about. That in itself is an exercise. It helps your health. You are energised. You stay on one spot in a week or two and you are sick because you don’t move. But, when you move through your factory, working, inspecting, supervising; it is a good exercise for you.

    You are an industrialist. Why are firms and industries collapsing in Nigeria?

    Power is one of the most important things. The solution lies in power; electricity. I saw the policy. It has been a little bit amended. Power should be stable.

    Is power the only factor?

    It is the most important factor. It is the major factor. It is a major factor. I have 35 hectares of factory land. The operations depend on power. If there is power, you can generate over 2,000 employments. With stable power, you have 10 times of that. With power, we can do more. The challenge of power has to be tackled. The level of power now is not encouraging. It should be improved. It is a major challenge. Everyone cannot afford to have his own plant. No. The small and large scale industries need power. The generator you buy, within a year, will wear out. So, we need power.

    We also observe that professional artisans are reducing. Why are professional carpenters, welders and bricklayers in short supply?

    That is the issue. We didn’t train them. If you have a small scale industry, like 30 by 40, about 1,000 units, yearly in all the states, and you provide accommodation for them nearby, two-bedroom, one-bedroom, and for security reasons, you can have a mini-barrack nearby; you have training schools which focuses on the major materials we need, furniture, pharmaceuticals. You train these people. You contact important countries that have all these machine tools, China, India that have these small machine tools. You give to these people as a loan, at a small price. They will be paying gradually with low interest. Believe me, all these things can be realised.

    As an industrialist, you advertise. You can get good wood maker. You are a builder. You cannot get good bricklayer and carpenters. And we have wood. We have everything. They are not trained. We have to depend on neighbouring countries. We need them, but they are not trained. A small school will train them. We give them machines for work. After their first degree, they can be trained. Believe me, you will get what you want.

    Many of the youths are not in the right direction. So, it is time now to bring them to what the country really needs. And then plan to finance them. It is not expensive.  It does not involve big money. These machines are very small. You loan it to them. They pay back within two or three years. And then become somebody that is important. They can expand big on their own.

    In the light of these, are you calling for the establishment of more vocational and technical colleges in the country?

    Well, we need more. If you build all these industries, you can come back to them with your first degree? Why? You are an accountant. You are a lawyer. What is the use of your degree, unless you have your law firm. But, these artisans are going to employ most of these graduates; accountants, and lawyers. They will employ them. So, we need these artisans to grow the economy. Therefore, our technical schools and colleges are not enough.

    Generally, how can government tackle unemployment?

    First, let light be stable. Second, get all these small scale industries; 30 by 40 ready across the states. Provide accommodation for their workers. For security reasons, get a mini barrack nearby. Get the needed country; China. They bring their machines. You loan them.  It is not expensive.  They will start gradually. One person you train will employ many others. If they exist across the states, the rush to cities will not be there. An idle hand is a devil’s workshop.

    If the youths also embrace agriculture, would it not solve the problem of unemployment?

    Agriculture is good. But agriculture is not sufficient. Let some people be in agriculture. Let other people be in mini-industries. If you have agriculture progressively the way we have it and we have these mini-industries, of course, our problems will be solved.

    What has been the impact of Covid-19, generally, on business and the economy?

    It is bringing business down. It has been like that in the last one year. The worst was last year. It was a phase. It has passed now. It has not been the same. We pray this year will be better.

    How have you been coping as an industrialist in this Covid-19 period?

    We cope. We have a very strong factory and we are determined. We always manage to get ourselves out of challenges. We triumph.

    During the period too, there were #EndSARS protests. How can the government prevent a reoccurrence?

    I have analysed the solution. Keep them busy. Let them have something doing. Give them hope. The hope is that every state should have this unit of factory. They won’t migrate to Lagos and Abuja. Most of them will like to be in their states, where they are well equipped.

    At 81, do you have a succession plan for your group of companies as an industrialist?

    I have my family. My wife today as I am telling you, the factory is her life. She goes to the factory six days a week, day and night. The factory is all her life. The children are following her footsteps.

    When you were a young man, having got economic power, why did you not enter politics to get political power?

    I was always busy with my father in the shop as a tailor. That would not allow me. We were busy. We sewed clothes during Ramadan fasting. From the first six days of Ramadan fasting to the end of Ramadan; we were busy sewing. There was no way.

    When you now got independence from your father and you became your own man, a captain of industry and an influential person in the society, why did you not join a political party to acquire political power?

    I am not a politician. I don’t know how to do it. What I know to do best is how to produce, how to run an industry. If you are producing, you will not think about any other thing. You will be comfortable there and you will be happy. You family, your children will join you. You will not think about any other thing.

    What are those things government can do to serve as incentives to investors and industrialists?

    Yes, it is good to have investors. But, our youths will benefit, if you do these small, cottage industries. They will cover a number of products which the foreign investors are coming to do for us. So, we should be less dependent on these foreign investors. Our youths will cover a lot of grounds for us. We should train them. With that, we will depend less on these foreign investors. We have petroleum. We have petro-chemicals. We have the materials. It is a necessity. But, we should build ourselves and depend less on them.

    The cottage industry is the only solution. I grew up under my father, a tailor. It was a cottage industry. That is why I sewed, moulded blocks myself. So, the cottage industry is the answer. Let’s create 1,000 units in each state yearly. People will not migrate into Lagos and all these urban centres. That is our problem. It will reduce traffic.  It will save many things.

    Is the import duty not affecting the price of importation of raw materials for your company?

    Most of my raw materials are local materials, petrol-chemicals from Eleme and so on. But, the tariff has to be looked at seriously.  Where party of the item,  the raw material, is more expensive than the finished product, is worrisome.  We shouldn’t encourage high tariffs.  You find the material attracting more duties that the finished products. They have to look into this seriously.

    In what way have you been ploughing back to society, in terms of philanthropy?

    I am doing my best. I am giving what I can. I do my best.

    Lagos was destroyed during the #EndSARS protests. What is your advice to Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu as he moves to rebuild the state?

    Everyone will contribute what he can afford. I am an industrialist.  I don’t have billions. Rebuilding is not an easy task. We are contributing our quota in our own little way, to give what we can.

    What are other things you want the Federal Government to do, generally, for industrialists?

    Once that the cottage industries are in place, most industrialists will be happy. We look at other things; how to register business easily, how to get permits. You don’t make things difficult.  You look at problems arising from these local industries and you resolve them immediately. You must give them a priority. They will pay back their loans. They will employ more people. Our problems will be solved. There will be no insecurity and armed robbery. If you have a good job, you will not think of becoming an armed robber.

    Now, on your way to 90, what are the targets you have set for yourself?

    I pray for long life. I am still taking care of my family and factory. I am taking care of my children, building them right. I am exercising. I am happy.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • ‘We’re running centres for disease distribution’

    ‘We’re running centres for disease distribution’

    By David Adenuga, Bauchi

    • Teachers, pupils in Bauchi schools lament bad toilets, poor sanitary conditions

    • Lack of decent toilets force female pupils to drop out of school

    • Lavatory infections responsible for many cases of infertility — Health expert

    Nauseating stench of urine and decaying faeces from the pit toilets pervaded the air, causing the choking reporter to gasp for breath. The potent stench from the four-room facility, shoddily built and left uncovered, could block the nostrils of anyone unfortunate enough to inhale it.

    The surroundings also were littered with excreta, so much so that the reporter, who had gone on inspection at the Kandahar Primary and Junior Secondary School, had to tiptoe to avoid stepping on them.

    Nearby, a female primary three pupil, who obviously was scared of using the miserable pit toilets, was seen answering the call of nature in an open space. Obviously, the poor sanitary condition had posed serious health concerns to the pupils, especially the females who are more vulnerable to urinary tract infections.

    But Kandahar, located beside the railway in Bauchi metropolis, is one of the public schools in the state at the mercy of poor toilet sanitation and water scarcity. It hosts about 4,000 pupils of primary and junior secondary levels, with UBEC/SUBEB 2015 Projects boldly written on its walls.

    The Nation gathered that pupils of the school whose houses are close by usually rush home whenever they need to answer the call of nature; a development that constitutes a clear distraction to learning.

    A teacher at the school, who spoke with our correspondent in confidence, said: ”We are endangered by unhygienic toilet conditions. As you can see, our toilet facilities here are more or less centres for disease distribution.

    “Teachers and students cannot use the toilets. Those whose houses are nearby usually rush home to answer the call of nature.

    ”This affects learning because some pupils see it as an opportunity to avoid classes. They won’t come back to school once they are allowed to go home.”

    The teacher, who led our reporter to the toilets area to see for things for himself, added: “We have four toilets here and they are all in bad conditions. The only borehole available is not functioning.”

    Speaking about other challenges faced in the school, she said the classrooms were overcrowded while the pupils learn on bare floor because there are no tables or chairs.

    ”We don’t have a single chair in the school, so the pupils learn on bare floor. Even the chairs in the staff rooms were bought by teachers.

    ”The school also has no gates, so the pupils move out any time they like.”

    Also speaking to our reporter, the headmaster of Kandahar Primary School, Mohammed Abdullahi, said the school runs three shifts featuring the primary , junior secondary and the Islamiyya.

    He said that due to the  coronavirus pandemic, the primary school pupils come in the morning while the junior secondary school pupils resume in the afternoon.

    According to him, only the primary section takes care of the toilet while others don’t comply.

    Abdullahi said: ”It is only us in the primary section that are trying our best to sanitise the toilets; the rest don’t care despite being persuaded. The junior secondary and the islamiyya schools are not doing anything.

    ”Besides, the school is not fenced. That is why different people gain entry to do whatever they like.

    “Initially, we tried to construct a gate here but the people in the community refused, saying It would block their drainage. This is the major problem we are facing.

    ”One person cannot do the job of preventing the outbreak of diseases from the bad toilet facilities. There must be collaboration but the others have refused to cooperate and there is no source of income from which we can hire somebody to come and clean it for us.

    “Our pupils are too little to do the cleaning, and we have tried our best but we cannot control the situation, looking at the high population of students in the school.

    ”Source of water is an additional problem as there is no water in the school premises. We have four toilets here and they are all in bad conditions due to lack of water.”

    Asked If any complaint had been made to the government, he said: ”The government  played their part by providing the pit toilets but we are the architect of our problem because we are not given them proper maintenance.”

    Abdullahi, who also lamented the insecurity in the area, said most of the chairs and desks in the school were carried away by hoodlums in the neighborhood since there was no gate. Others, he said, had been vandalized.

    Like Kandahar like Gwallameji

    A visit to another school, Gwallameji Secondary School, located in the Bauchi metropolis, also revealed that most of the students go home to answer the call of nature whenever they are pressed.

    The school with a population of more than1,000 pupils has three toilets which are all in pathetic conditions. Some pupils who are  lucky to have friends who stay close to the school are said to be taking advantage of it to sneak out of their classrooms.

    Patience Amos, an SS2 female student of the school, said: ”I have never used any of the school’s toilets because of their bad conditions. I use to go my friend’s place which is just a stone’s throw from the school, while some of us go into the bush during or after school hours because  we don’t want to contract diseases.

    “You would often see a grown up person using the toilets without flushing. The truth is we just cannot maintain them.”

    Corroborating Amos, another female student, Janet Ishaku, said: “The toilet and the backyard are really in a mess. I have a friend that stays nearby where I do go to ease myself because I am scared of toilet infection.

    ”I want to appeal to the state government to help us renovate it because the toilets are an eyesore. We also cannot learn in the rainy season because of  the shattered roofs.”

    Speaking to our reporter in confidence, a teacher at the Gwallameji Secondary School said both students and staff were affected by the bad toilet facilities, adding that the students who dare use the toilets often have to join a long queue.

    She said: ”The school is so highly populated. In the primary section, they are up to 500. The junior secondary has a population of about 1,000 students. The secondary section also has a population of about 1,000, making it a total of about 2,500 pupils’.

    ”Students usually sneak out to the neighbourhood to ease themselves or answer the call of nature when they are not permitted to go out. And if they have to use the school’s toilets, they also have to join a queue because of the population. There is high probability of a student contracting a disease with the toilets’ unhygienic condition.

    ”There is a need for the toilets to be renovated. The government is very aware of this because they have a special team that goes round on inspection. But they are probably not getting the right feedbacks from this special team, because no action is being taken.”

    ”Even we teachers are seriously affected. At times, we have to go to our various homes to defecate, thereby spending money on transportation. That is for those of us who do not stay close by.

    “There was a time that somebody offered to help renovate It, but he ended up doing more damage in the sense that he closed the pit toilet and only plastered the floor, so there was no hole for the students to pass faeces.

    “Aside that, the school  is in a dilapidated state with some of the roofs completely blown open by rain. We also don’t have enough chairs and desks. Students sit on bare floor to learn.”

    Famous Hassan Usman College not an exception

    The General Hassan Usman Katsina Unity College (GHUKUC), one of the historic schools in northern Nigeria, is also not an exception when it comes to poor sanitation.

    It is even more alarming that a school established in 1923 and has produced prominent Nigerians, including former governor of Gombe State Danjuma Goje and the immediate past Speaker of the House of Representatives Yakubu Dogara, among others, is now a shadow of itself.

    Located in Yelwa area of Bauchi metropolis and directly opposite Abubakar Tafawa Balewa University (ATBU) township campus, the once prestigious school now begs for government’s attention and intervention.

    A visit to GHUKUC reveals years of neglect which has resulted in dilapidated facilities. Our correspondent gathered that pupils in the school defecate in the open; a situation which together with the refuse dump in the school’s premises exposes them to serious environmental hazards.

    A part of an abandoned hostel in the school looks more like a psychiatric home. It has also become a sanctuary for reptiles as bushes have taken over the surrounding areas.

    An authority in the school, who spoke to the reporter in confidence, said only three toilets were in good conditions while the remaining three were begging for attention.

    The source said the school only has two boreholes but water does not often come out from them. Taking our reporter round the school, he lamented that there was a paucity of funds to carry out proper maintenance in the school, adding that the students only pay N700 as tuition fee per session.

    He said: “We are under the Ministry of Education, but what I need to tell you is that there are other challenges aside toilet facilities,

    “This school is harbouring children from 19 states, but all the past governors that came into power did nothing here. So what else do you want me to tell you?

    ”We collect N700 as school fees per session. Out of the population of 1,400 students in the school, 800 are external students, and we don’t collect money from them. Thus, the money is not enough to maintain the school.

    “We don’t even have enough seats and desks. We are trying our best possible but the burden is too much on us, considering the paucity of funds.”

    Lack of decent toilets force girl pupils to drop out of school

    According to findings, more than half of young girls who drop out of school in Nigeria do so due to poor water, sanitation and hygiene (WASH) facilities.

    A WASH-in-School report issued by the United Nations in 2018 revealed that about 50 per cent of schools in Nigeria do not have basic water supply, sanitation and toilet facilities.

    According to the report, this implied that the brunt of the challenge of poor access to water facilities is borne by people in the lowest economic ladder and those living in rural areas and semi-urban areas.

    It warned that children’s education and health was at risk due to lack of decent WASH facilities in schools.

    “As many as 50 per cent of schools in Sub-Saharan Africa are without access to water. Access to water, sanitation and hygiene at school is also a matter of gender equality.

    “Girls are more likely to miss lessons or to drop out completely once they start menstruating if their school does not have a decent toilet where they can change menstrual cloths in dignity and privacy.

    “In fact, one in 10 adolescent girls in Africa miss school during their menstruation and eventually drop out due to lack of gender-friendly toilet facilities,” the report said.

    Urinary tract infection deadly in girls — Health expert

    An health expert, Dr Ibrahim Aminu Baba of the Department of Medicine at the State Specialist Hospital Bauchi expressed concern over the poor toilet and sanitation condition in public schools in the state, saying it poses serious danger to the health of pupils, especially girls.

    Baba, in an interview with our reporter, warned that if the hygiene in public schools  is not maintained on a regular basis, the risk of infection is very high and the complications of the infection is deadly for the female pupils.

    He explained that such infections, if not treated on time, can result in pelvic inflammatory disease which can result in primary or secondary infertility in future.

    He said: ”From the medical point of view, this is very serious, as you know that any public toilet that different people use needs to have very regular hygiene control  to avoid urinary infection.

    ”Medically, we call it urinary tract infection or vaginal infection, and it is a highly transmissible infectious disease. So if you have a public toilet where different people come, imagine one visits two to three times in a day and you count the number of people that make use of the toilets and are infected.

    ”Female pupils are more vulnerable due to the structure of their urine outlet, because anatomically, the structure of their urine outlet (that is what you call the urethra or bladder which contains the urine) is very short, unlike the male’s that is very long and  has three segments. Theirs is just short and direct, so they can easily contract germs and get infected.

    “Also looking at the connection between the urine outlet and their private parts, when infected, it can go directly to their womb. That is why they can have what we call pelvic inflammatory disease, and that pelvic inflammatory disease has a consequence. One of the worst consequences is primary or secondary infertility.

    ”In situations like this, you see a girl who is okay but cannot conceive because of that chronic infection that will go and affect the fallopian tube or the womb. In the long run, it may become permanent infertility. That is why a woman would get married and stay for long without conceiving, not knowing that part of  the problem is infection due to negligence.

    ”So, the toilet infection is very difficult to handle, especially in a public setting. When one contracts it out of thousands, you have to screen the others, if not they will be infected.

    ”The hygiene of toilets in schools or any public place is very important. In summary, it is not something to play with. We have had instances where some will come and say they have been with the problem for long and what we fear for them is not being able to conceive.”

    Hold school principals responsible for neglect —State government

    The Bauchi State Commissioner for Education, Dr. Aliyu Tilde, however, blamed school principals for the poor sanitation in the schools visited by our reporter.

    Speaking to The Nation, he said: ”Are we the ones that will manage that for them?  It is their problem. I as a commissioner won’t be the one to maintain the hygiene for them.  They have wells and hand pump boreholes, Are they expecting the ministry to help maintain it for them?

    ”The government can only build. As a principal or headmaster, you are to use your human resources to maintain the sanitation condition of your school. They ought to make a roaster for maintenance.

    “We have allowed them to collect N700 from every child. I think that can be used for the maintenance of their schools.”

    On the dilapidated conditions of some of the public schools, the commissioner said there was paucity of funds to renovate all the schools, saying there were about 1,000 schools in similar conditions.

    ”There are about 1,000 schools like that, and there will always be, and we have limited resources. We will always repair and repair, and it requires billions to do that. Under this ministry alone, we have about 216 schools. The State Universal Basic Education Board (SUBEB) has over 4,000 schools. How much do you need at a time?”

    ”The wind that’s always blowing the roofs off comes every year but the problem remains with the school principals and their lackadaisical attitude. They wait for things to go completely bad before taking action, and this is indicting on them, not us.”

    ”They are to blame for all this. They are just too lazy. They only know how to extort parents and buy new cars at the time of every admission exercise or WAEC examination. That is why they are there.”

    Also speaking to our correspondent, the Public Relations Officer (PRO) of SUBEB, Mohammed Abdullahi, said the board inherited dilapidated structures but the government was tackling them one step at a time.

    He said: ”What happened is that we inherited a lot of dilapidated structures. When a new government came into power, we had to plan and be proactive in tackling those issues. When you go to other schools, you will see some of the toilets built by SUBEB in collaboration with WASH.

    ”We are actually tackling the issues one by one, because there are many of them and the available funds cannot cater for all of them at once. And you know we were affected by the coronavirus pandemic.

    ”We have about 4,000 schools under our care. We shall soon draw our action plan for the year and some of the affected schools will be included.

    “Part of our action plan for the year will be renovation of dilapidated classrooms, construction of toilets, boreholes and fences. We will also provide them with school gardens and sporting facilities.”’

  • Why Nigeria is not yet an attractive tourism destination — NIHOTOUR DG

    Why Nigeria is not yet an attractive tourism destination — NIHOTOUR DG

    The Turakin Kebbi, Alhaji Nura Sani Kangiwa, is the Director General of the National Institute for Hospitality and Tourism (NIHOTOUR). Before his current appointment as NIHOTOUR’s DG, he had functioned as the Special Assistant to the Kebbi State Governor on Tourism and Argungu International Fishing Festival. The ardent polo lover and owner of Nura Sani Kangiwa (NSK) Polo Club spoke with GBENGA ADERANTI on the challenges of running NIHOTOUR, his passion for polo, among other issues.

    FEW months into your appointment as the Director General, National Institute for Hospitality and Tourism (NIHOTOUR), how would describe this national assignment?

    I would say it is challenging. More so because NIHOTOUR, the apex tourism and hospitality training institute in Nigeria, has been established for over 27 years but it is still finding it difficult to carve a niche for itself. You will be surprised that not many people know about its existence, yet it is crucial for the development of tourism in Nigeria.

    I see my appointment as the Director General of the Institute not only as an opportunity to serve my beloved country in my chosen profession but also to turn around the fortunes of the institute.

    What do you think should be the role of this parastatal in developing the tourism industry?

    I agree with you that the tourism industry in Nigeria is still developing. And it is my belief that no amount of investment in infrastructure or in the expansion of tourism capacity will make it successful unless the necessary manpower in the required numbers and at the required levels of knowledge and skills are provided to manage the sector.

    NIHOTOUR was established to do just that. I don’t see us doing anything outside this mandate. However, what I see us doing differently is to provide world class training for personnel in the industry, and to proactively partner with stakeholders in making Nigeria a sustainable tourism destination.

    Tourism is the mainstay of some countries like the United Arab Emirates, The Gambia, Ethiopia and others. How can the Nigerian economy benefit from tourism like these other countries of the world?

    Immensely, I must say. We must focus on world class personnel training, which NIHOTOUR is geared to provide, and competitive tourist product development in Nigeria. These two elements go hand-in-hand in global best practice of tourism destination management. My years in the tourism private sector has revealed to me, among other things, that Nigeria is not yet an attractive tourism destination because we have not strategically built on our tourism comparative advantage, which is our cultural diversity. You see, with over 300 ethnic groups, we can create attractive cultural tourism products, hence promote Nigeria to inbound Africa tourists, as the one-stop-shop to experience African cultural festivals, fashion, music, religion, and so on. No other African country is as culturally diverse as Nigeria.

    My point is that Nigeria’s tourism unique selling points ought to be cultural tourism products. Countries in eastern and southern Africa have done the same with their wildlife safari. Additionally, policies and programmes must be tailored to make Tourism and Hospitality industry a key priority in the growth of our economy. It is only then that the country will benefit from the great export earning capacity, employment generation, wealth redistribution, infrastructural development and inter-sectoral linkage incentives derivable from tourism globally.

     Before your appointment as DG, you were SA to the Kebbi State governor on tourism and Argungu. How did that prepare you for the current task?

    A lot of things prepared me for the current task. Yes, as the SA to the Kebbi State Governor, I was literally giving the marching order to ensure that the Argungu International Fishing and Cultural Festival held after a decade of no-show. This was an enormous responsibility and we delivered. We rebranded the festival and till now, people are still talking about it.

    There were others too that prepared me for the current task. Remember, I was the Head of Marketing and Public Relations of Abuja Carnival 2005/2006/2007; Secretary, Exhibition Sub- Committee, Nigeria at 50 2009/2010; Secretary, Publicity Sub Committee- United Nations World Tourism Organisation (UNWTO) Commission for Africa Meeting in Abuja – 2002; Secretary, Media and Publicity Sub Committee- 2nd Commonwealth Tourism Ministers’ Meeting in Abuja 2005; Secretary, Publicity Sub- Committee UNWTO Regional Conference on Tourism Communications (TOURCOM), Lagos 2005 and Vice President of FTAN North-West Zone. All the experience garnered both in the public and private sectors have prepared me for this task

    You are a scion of the illustrious Kangiwa family. Could you talk about your growing up years?

    I am the first male child of Ambassador Sani Kangiwa (Turakin Kebbi). My father believed so much in a child’s education and so he spared nothing to ensure that we got the best. He made sure that we took western and Islamic studies seriously. As a sport lover himself, he also encouraged me to play football and polo since I was in primary school.

    You are a polo royalty with Nura Sani Kangiwa (NSK) Polo Club. How did the Kangiwa name influence your foray and passion for polo?

    I grew up watching my father, his brother and friends play the game. I also started playing from Primary 5. Do you know that my father had “HORSE LOVER” imprinted on all my T-shirts (laughs)? Out of the two games (football and polo) I started playing in primary 5, polo is my favourite and it is no wonder that I am passionate about the game. The laurels I have won over the years are a testament to this. On the administrative side, I also work hard to make the game better. Not too long ago, I got re-elected as 2nd Vice President of Nigerian Polo Federation.

    Polo is believed to be the game of the rich. Can an average person engage in polo sport?

    Absolutely, a person of the average class can play polo. There are professional players who don’t even own a horse, yet you find patrons giving them mounts (ponies) to play for their team due to their prowess in the game. Just like other competitive sports, polo has a long economic value chain. Tournaments attract hotel patronage of both players and spectators, local transporters, restauranteurs, veterinary and equine supplements providers, horse feeds sellers, night clubs and other recreation centres owners, etc.

    How did you become the Turakin Argungu?

    I am the fifth in my family line to be turbaned Turaki. Others who had held this title before me were my grandfather Ambassador Mohammed Bello; my uncle Governor Shehu Kangiwa; my father Ambassador Sani Kangiwa. I was turbaned Turaki on the 5th of February 2011, after the passing away of my father in 2010, by His Royal Highness the Emir of Argungu Alhaji Samaila Mohammed Mera, CON.

    What influences what you wear?

    This is a question I’m often asked. To be honest, what influences what I wear are my mood and the occasion or event I will be attending. I don’t see myself as a fashionista, albeit I like to look good because it makes me feel good. I also realise that looking good is a confidence booster.

    What is your vision for NIHOTOUR?

    My vision is for NIHOTOUR to become indisputable centre of excellence for hospitality and tourism personnel training and capacity development in West Africa in the like of Utalii College Kenya which caters for East Africa. Remember, this is the vision of the founding fathers. I will not rest on my oars until I’m able to achieve this for the institute.

     What is your life philosophy?

    To do unto others what you want them to do unto you I suppose it is called the Golden Rule.

    As a blue blooded northerner, how much privilege did you enjoy while growing up?

    This is a common misconception. I have heard a few people, mostly from Southern Nigeria, expressing the same opinion and, I wondered what gave them that erroneous impression. However, I realised that most people with such mindset have either never been to the North, or they came to that conclusion because they saw that more Nigerians of Northern extraction have constantly been in position of power, politically, post-independent Nigeria. But that situation is easily explainable. The answer is politics. And you know politics is a game of numbers and it happens that Northern Nigeria, as it is presently constituted, is the most populated region in the country. To my mind, the average Northerner is, comparatively, more politically savvy, especially when there are demands for popular votes.

    Yes, I was brought up with a silver spoon, but my father never let that get into our heads. He raised me to believe in the dignity of labour. Growing up, my parents impressed it upon me that a man must strive to do the right thing and be responsible for his actions. My father was a hardworking civil servant, and he rose through the ladder because his parents invested in his education. I thank God he did the same for me. I am not privileged. I am a hardworking man.

    What would you describe as your greatest challenge in life and how did you surmount it?

    I have had a few challenges, but I will speak about the challenge of leadership and the responsibility it bestows on me. With the passing away of my father, I was turbaned the Turakin Kebbi and I suddenly had to switch from my reserved, shy nature to an out-and-out people’s servant. So, every day now, I am concerned with how best to improve myself for the service of my people.

    The same challenge continues with the additional responsibility given to me now as the Director General of NIHOTOUR. You know, I have a personal disposition of excellence on every task I set my heart on. So, my latest challenge is to meritoriously lead NIHOTOUR to massively equip the manpower with skills to sustain Nigeria’s tourism development.

    Banditry and kidnapping are gradually becoming part of us. Many ‘comfortable’ people live in fear. Do you sometimes have this feeling that you could be a victim?

    Come to think of it; who doesn’t? However, if we live our lives in fear, we would never achieve anything. Shakespeare once said that cowards die many times before their death. As a Muslim, I believe in the will of Allah; that what will be will be. Having said that, I want to believe that this is a phase and I am confident that banditry and other organised crimes shall, at some point, seize to become a part of our lives in Nigeria. I strongly believe both the Federal and state security organs will gain momentum and eventually destroy every stronghold of criminality in every enclave across Nigeria.

     How has insecurity in the country affected your industry?

    Insecurity is bad for every industry and the tourism industry is no exception. Besides, no society is totally immune from insecurity, no matter how advanced the society is. For the Tourism industry in Nigeria, one of the greatest damages insecurity has done is the international perception that Nigeria is a country of pervasive crime and criminality. As it is said, perception is reality. When a tourist destination is perceived to be generally insecure, the destination’s tourism offerings will lose its inherent attractiveness. Today, even domestic tourists do not want to travel around Nigeria. It is as bad as that.

    Do you regret not playing football considering the glamour associated with it right now?

    No, I do not. I am now fulfilled as a Polo player.

    What period would you describe as your lowest moment and how did you come out of it?

    The loss of my father. By God’s grace, I found solace in Islamic scriptures revelations about life, living and the afterlife.

    What is your attitude to polygamy?

    Polygamy is permitted in Islam. I am a faithful Muslim. So, I do not question the right of a Muslim that chooses a polygamous life.

  • Major stimulants for men: A lady’s body or mind

    Major stimulants for men: A lady’s body or mind

    With Vera Chidi-maha

    It is soothing to know how much time and money women now spend on their looks and physique. It is even more soothing to know that the aftermath of the ‘investment’ is paying off; ladies in relationships now keep their homes. Most men no longer stray and even when they do, they oftentimes come back home. Suffice it to say then that the modern women have come of age. Women now watch what they eat. We are now more conscious of our weight especially the tummy which is very key. Our armpits are always shaved.

    Our nails are often fixed or at least trimmed. We are conscious of using tissues after we urinate to avoid status on our undies and to avoid offensive odour when we open to our men. We wash thoroughly during bath. And oh, our hair do’s? Our greatest asset ever! We braid, we fix weave-on, we perm, and the list is endless. In fact, sometimes we dye our hair to darker shades to give it vitality.

    We are more conscious now of the type of brassier we wear. Women now put on firmer bras that will change and enhance their looks. Most women now attempt to put on very crazy high heeled shoes it is the trend now. As I write this piece, not a few women would be unhappy leaving their homes without either a roll on or perfume/ deodorant in their bags. Of course, we need to smell good at all times.

    These measures, most women have taken in order to consolidate their relationships. The clause here, however, is that these might not be enough to get and keep a man.

    Oh, no doubt about it; men are indeed wired by sight, studies have shown. In fact, to buttress these findings, try and conduct an experiment on your own. Notice that a man that is chatting with you and is so engrossed in the conversation can easily be distracted when a pretty lady walks past. As a matter of fact, if they don’t stare out of respect for you, they struggle to ignore the lady, if one is observant she can tell easily. I have an admirer in my office that will oftentimes tell me how much he loves to see my face but as soon as a pretty lady passes by he will forget me for that split second and stare at the lady. It is not right, but it is the way men are. If your man does that sometimes, please do not be upset, it is their nature. Beauty attracts them and they react on impulse, they do not mean any disrespect to the lady they are with.

    Having said that, I have also observed that a lady’s good looks may attract a man but it may not be enough to sustain the relationship for long. Oftentimes, to keep a man, women need to be intellectually sound. This is where our mind come-in. studies have shown that most men prefer women that can either match them intellectually or at least have something upstairs. Findings has shown that outward beauty can only keep a man temporarily but hey want more for an enduring relationship.

    There are many misconceptions about what sort of women, men prefer. Not all men are the same and their preferences depend on their personalities. Men make different choices depending on the long and the short term relationship. Let’s consider the long term aspect which is more important. Men hate nagging women. Men simply cannot stand chatter boxes. As human beings, there’s always a limit to what men can take and communication is always the key when it comes to a long term constantly nag and argue are disliked by men.

    Men love decisive women. – when it comes to long term relationship, men always prefer women who are good decision makers and who can help men with their problems. Men do not like to lead all the time therefore a decisive woman who can occasionally lead rates high on their most wanted women list.

    Beauty with brains. The aspect of attraction cannot be taken out of account here. Men prefer women who are attractive to them. But beauty alone cannot induce them into a long term relationship rather brains and intelligence is something which keep them strongly attracted to a woman for a long term. Problem solvers – men prefer women who are smart enough to solve their problems. Men prefer women who are more intelligent than them and can act as problem solvers when it is necessary.

    Should be a mother – long term relationship is all about having a family and taking care of the house. Therefore, most men prefer to have a woman that can take care of them like their mother. Men love to be pampers them more but their mothers.

    Therefore, if you give them a caring touch like their mother, men would find you more attractive and would be more attractive and would be more than willing to get into a long term relationship with you.

    But these tips do not guarantee success with men but I assure you it is a great start.

  • Your car or your wife?

    Your car or your wife?

    By Chidi Vera-maha

    Recently, a close neighbour of ours could not wait to show us his new car. “Come Madam,” he said, “I want to show you something”. As I followed him, he took me straight to the car park, pointed towards a fine car.

    I must admit the car was quite a very clean one, but it was not the car that got the better part of my attention. It was the excitement on his face, he just could not hide it. He was beaming from ear to ear, just by looking at his face; you could tell that the car was just his dream come true.

    Just as we were still admiring the car, a thought suddenly crossed my mind. In all my years on planet earth, never have I seen a man this happy or excited showing off his wife and I am like, what is it with men and cars. Are wives not supposed to be prized far above rubies, (the virtous ones, I mean) I do not think it is fair on us woman, if a mere car should get more attention from the man then us.

    A cousin of mine claims that her man spends fortune to maintain his cars, but when she dares to ask for an increment in her allowances, he questions her and then complains that the economy is bad. Call this a protest if you like, but some wives simply can’t recall the last time their man showed them off to either friends or co-workers.

    In order not to be seen as one-sided, I decided to speak to some respondents on why the wife and the car have to be in competition in the first place.

    Their responses are as varied as their names and faces are.

    Sola: “I don’t know, I have never really thought about it. I think I spend more money on my wife. In my opinion, I feel a woman is more expensive than a car. Although in a way, a wife is comparable to a car because she is somebody you acquired and then you are under obligation to take care of her. Your wife is a part of your life and often times you are more conscious of your wife than your car”.

    Yemi: ‘My wife is far more useful to me than my car. You see, I can afford to park my car if it will make my wife happy because before the car came, my wife has been there, and after the car, my wife will still be there. So in the light of this, I would rather pay more attention or spend more on my wife than my car’.

    Muyiwa: “My wife comes before the car. The reason is that if I don’t maintain my wife, she would not last in my house. I can afford to buy a car today and discard it tomorrow, but I cannot do same with my wife.

    “In the first instance, my wife is a human being, and as such, she is more valuable than my car. On the other hand, the family needs to maintain the car to keep the family mobile”.

    Ben: ‘My wife will kill me if she reads this, but faithfully speaking, I spend more money on my car than I do on my wife. The car is meant to ease her outings and those of the kids. Instead of her hopping from one bus to the other, the car will be a better deal for the whole family”.

    Leke: “In fact, one’s car is considered to be a person’s first wife. For instance, if one is always seen with a car and he is suddenly seen trekking, the first thing he will be asked is about his car and perhaps later his wife. When a car breaks down, one cannot afford to leave or dump it. If there is no money, one must borrow to get the car back on the road”.

  • ‘Tougher times await Nigerians in 2021 food wise’

    ‘Tougher times await Nigerians in 2021 food wise’

    Former president of the Lagos chapter of the Nigerian Institute of Food Science and Technology (NIFST), Sunday Bamgbose, recently delivered a paper on the nation’s outlook in terms of food security, which drew a rapturous applause. He elaborates on his position in this interview with PAUL UKPABIO and also speaks about issues concerning his private life and lifestyle.

     

     

    Your organisation is made up of experts on food issues. How prepared is Nigeria for food sufficiency?

    Sadly, Nigeria is far from food sufficiency despite the presence of many experts on food issues both on our platform (NIFST) and other similar or related platforms. This can be attributed to many factors, including insecurity, poor funding, lack of coordination among the various stakeholders in the food value chain, government’s lack of commitment to food sufficiency despite the lip service being paid to it and playing politics with food matters. These and other factors make the issue of food sufficiency to look like a mirage despite the availability of egg heads in our institute and other professions.

    Have we ever had food sufficiency in the country?

    It is obvious that we have not had food sufficiency in the past few years. From the report of the NBS (National Bureau of Statistics) in recent past, aside the fact that inflation has been on the rise generally, food inflation has been consistently above the average inflation. Foods have been scarce and very expensive. For example, I am into poultry farming. In the last one year, the price of feed has almost doubled due to shortage of major inputs into feed production, such as maize and soya bean cake. The irony of it is that we hear of billions of naira government is claiming to be spending to support food production. The pertinent question is why are these government policies, intervention and supports not resulting in abundant and cheaper food?

    With the high rate of banditry and herdsmen attacks on farmers this year, what projection should we be looking at in terms of food in the country next year?

    While I would have loved to project something positive, the reality on ground is very scary. Government needs to do more to stop the incessant attacks by herdsmen, bandits and Boko Haram on farmers in different parts of the country. Recently, 43 rice farmers were slaughtered on their farms in Borno. There have been similar attacks and kidnappings in other parts of the country. Can you imagine the impact of such attacks on the psyche of other farmers and aspiring farmers?

    The curious thing is that the government is not showing enough will power to stop the incessant attacks. Or how do we explain the fact that in the five years of this government, no single person has been prosecuted for all these crimes. Rather, government seems to come up with excuses to justify the attacks or label them as farmers-herders clashes. You then wonder if all those gory sight of babies, children and women butchered were farmers clashing with herders too. Except something drastic happens, Nigeria should brace up for tougher times in terms of food sufficiency in 2021. I pray that something drastic happens to avert this looming food scarcity. But government should wake up to her responsibility of stopping these attacks on farmers.

    Do you think that the effort of government towards production of food in the country is enough?

    Any effort that does not yield positive results is obviously not enough or wrongly channeled or not sincerely applied. For example, this government has talked more about boosting food production than previous governments, yet more people are hungry in spite of all these efforts. I think what the government is doing wrong is that this government is not clear about what they intend to achieve with each of the actions they are taking to boost food production.

    For example, if government has earmarked a certain amount to support farmers, a clear goal must be set for the percentage increase in production expected from such intervention. There must be a way of monitoring if the money got to the intended beneficiaries. Someone should be asking relevant questions. Why are prices of foods increasing when more production should lead to reduction in price? The issues of preservation of harvest, security and so on must be considered and solutions provided.

    It seems the government is more interested in getting applause for efforts made than for the results obtained. That is why the government is intolerant of any form of criticism. That is why they are quick to reel out all the schemes they have on paper rather than the impact of these schemes on the lives of Nigerians.

    The call in recent times has been for young graduates to go into farming. Fom your vantage point of view, do you think the call is achieving results?

    The call though totally in order, is, sadly, not achieving the desired results because the enabling environment to encourage such venture has not been put in place. For example, sometime earlier in the year (2020), a video of a young lady went viral. She was lamenting the high cost of feeds for her laying birds, which she could no longer afford thereby watching her birds starving to death. In another documentary video somewhere in Oyo State, a young lady farmer was kidnapped while her fiancé was killed during the kidnap by herdsmen. Such stories are disincentive to young graduates going into farming. If government creates the enabling environment, it will be easy to attract young graduates into farming.

    In what ways has your organisation been contributing to food production in the last few years?

    At both the chapter and national levels, NIFST has been collaborating with other stakeholders to address the issue of food security. This collaboration cuts across government departments like the Lagos Safety Commission; the Ministry of Agriculture; regulatory bodies like NAFDAC and SON; research institutes like FIIRO, NSPRI and so on.

    We have conducted trainings jointly or singularly to educate stakeholders along food value chain on safe handling and storage of food. We have organised training and enlightenment campaigns to address the issue of misuse of chemicals for food preservation. We have embarked on campaign to various markets in different parts of the country to address street food safety. I have personally been on 3 National TV channels on four different occasions to address mainly food safety. So also have several of our members been on different radio, TV and online channels to address issues related to food production, value addition in the food value chain, food preservation, food safety and so on.

    Our institute partnered with Wageningen University & Research of Netherlands to conduct a research on improving nutrition through increase in consumption of vegetables in Nigeria. The research and the intervention programme were recently concluded. We are currently doing another project on street food safety in conjunction with the Lagos State Government and a third party. We are conducting training on different areas of food science and technology throughout 2021. The training timetable was recently released by the institute.

    At what point do you think that the government should declare a state of emergency on food production?

    I think a state of emergency should have been declared by now. It is already getting too late. Every available data is pointing to the fact that we are in a precarious situation already. Government needs to do something urgently to address all issues affecting food sufficiency.

    Do you believe like some people do that the Operation Feed the Nation (OFN) programme of the Obasanjo-led military administration in the 1970s should be revisited?

    Well, the issues we have on ground currently go beyond revisiting OFN. While I see nothing wrong with re-visiting OFN or any other scheme, if other issues like insecurity, lack of commitment, are not addressed, it will still not achieve the desired results.

    The NIFST recently became a chartered institute. What advantage does that bring?

    I think one of the best actions taken by President Buhari since coming to power five years ago was the signing into law the bill that established the council for the regulation of the practice of food science in Nigeria. Food is about the most important thing in life and it is important that the profession should be regulated. You may not go to the hospital or see a doctor for months or years, you may not take drug for months or years, yet you cannot practice as a doctor or pharmacist without the authorization of the relevant professional bodies. It is therefore a big omission to have allowed just anybody to handle food that we must eat every day without any form of regulations. This is putting so many lives at risk.

    Therefore, the signing into law of the charter bill will bring lots of sanity into the practice of food science when fully implemented and will help to ensure safer food for Nigerians and even non-Nigerians because the food produced in Nigeria are now exported to Asia, Europe, America and other parts of the world. This will build confidence in food products produced in Nigeria irrespective of where it is consumed.

    As a former employee of Coca-Cola, do you miss regular employment?

    I would say to some extent, I missed the regular employment, especially after working for an international organisation like Coca-Cola. Like everything else, working in a corporate environment has its advantages and disadvantages. For example, working in an Organisation like Coca-Cola gave me the opportunity to meet some of the best brains around the world. It broadened my knowledge beyond my technical areas. You have the opportunity of knowing about marketing, human resources, sustainability and so on. You get opportunity to sit at meetings where all departments make presentations and opportunity to contribute. Beyond this, you are sure of regular salary, you enjoy travelling to different parts of the world, travelling business class at company expense, official car and stuffs like retreat where you can mix business with pleasure.

    However, being on my own gives me freedom that is priceless. It gives me more time for my family, which I did not have while with Coke. Also, I hate the office politics that is very entrenched in the corporate setting. By nature, I don’t know how to pretend or do eye service; I say it the way I see it. Probably because of my absolute trust and dependence on God, I was not afraid of saying it bluntly the way I see it. I guess many didn’t really like such bluntness where many have learnt to conform. Overall, I am grateful for the opportunity I had working in a corporate setting, but I will not trade it for the freedom and flexibility I now enjoy working on my own.

    How profitable has it been working exclusively as a consultant?

    Well I have cause to thank God. I left the paid employment about six years ago, and my absolute trust in God has not failed once. Aside working as a consultant, I have a small poultry farm by the side. Funny enough, consulting was not part of my plan when I left Coca-Cola. By nature, I don’t like lobbying for anything, so I hate anything that will make me to go from office to office looking for contract and soliciting for business. So I told God, ‘since you know my nature, I can’t offer bribe and I don’t know how to beg, just lead me by yourself.’

    The first job I did as a consultant came from my former Chairman at Lacasera. I got a call from him shortly after I left Coca-Cola. He said he heard that I had exited Coca-Cola. He asked me to go and bring proposals on different areas where I thought we could work together. The first job I did for them was on packaging. We were able to get an approval for their products, which they had been pursuing for about four years. I also supported them in other areas not related to my areas of expertise. I later got an opportunity to carry out some audits on behalf of Coca-Cola in some facilities supplying them raw materials. I later got a call from some of these facilities to conduct audits, carry out productivity improvement projects and so on.

    In 2018, I got opportunity to work with UNICEF as a consultant on nutrition, which gave me the opportunity to work with other stakeholders in improving the nutrition of children and other vulnerable groups. My satisfaction is not in monetary value but the opportunity to add value; the satisfaction from the fact that I am still relevant in my profession.

    How strong is NIFST in other parts of the country?

    NIFST is currently made up of 11 vibrant chapters scattered all around the country. Each chapter is vibrant and carrying out activities relevant to their areas of coverage. The level of vibrancy may differ from chapter to chapter depending on the peculiarity of the area. For example, chapters in security-challenged areas may not be as strong as Lagos or Western chapter.

    We know Nigeria can boast of good farmers. But how about food processing and preservation; where are we on that?

    So far, emphasis has been on farming or agriculture generally. However, it is becoming clearer and clearer that a country can only prosper in agriculture through value addition. This value addition comes in form of processing and preservation. Sadly, because there has not been a conscious effort or policy to include this important aspect of food production and because of neglect of food scientists in policy formulation, Nigeria is not deriving maximum benefits from agriculture.

    We have information that some of your members are calling on you to aspire to the national leadership of NIFST. Are you on that path?

    Well, I am not aware of this and it is not an aspiration. Though I have been opportune to serve in leadership roles in various associations or groups that I belong to, I have never aspired for such roles. As per national leadership of NIFST, I believe we have many capable hands that are more competent than me. Left to me, it is not an aspiration and I can’t even wait to hand over the Lagos chapter to give opportunity for others to also serve. I don’t have a plan to contest any position at the national level, not to talk of the national leadership.

    Apart from food business, what other things do you do and at your spare time too?

    I think I spend most of my spare time going on evangelism and distributing tracts and flyers.

    Between food sufficiency, production of electric cars, going to space and conducting a census, which will you advice the country to do now and why?

    If I am to wish, I will want Nigeria to start producing electric cars. However, that is just wishful thinking. I will rather advise we focus on food sufficiency or conduct credible census devoid of ethnic or religious bias that can drive true development.

    At this point in time in Nigeria, some notable voices in Benue State and other states have called for farmers to be armed when going to their farms. What’s your opinion on this?

    I pray and hope that we won’t get to that stage where farmers have to carry weapons to the farm. But if it gets to that stage, then it means Nigeria is already a failed state. You don’t expect any meaningful development under such condition. I hope the government will do something urgently to tackle insecurity all around the country.

    If you were not into your profession, what else would you have loved to be?

    I would have loved to be a Formula One driver. I am sure if I had been born in another clime, I would have taken a shot at that.

    Who has influenced you most in life?

    Several people have influenced me at different stages of my life. That includes my mum, my former boss and former NIFST president Mr. Sola Olawale and my Spiritual leader Bishop Oyedepo. Aside these people, I have other people that have influenced me in one way or the other. From some, I even learnt from their mistakes on what to avoid.

  • Good sex great for your physical, psychological health

    Good sex great for your physical, psychological health

    With Funmi Akingbade

    Whenever I am privileged to tell couples that sex not only adds to their lives but enhances their health, both physical and psychological, it seems to be an eye-opener for many people.

    Whenever any of the spouses is in the mood for sex, do you know that such a partner is indirectly boosting his or her immune system or maintaining a healthy weight?

    Yes, good sex offers those health benefits and more because we are vital, sexual creatures. Sex does the body good in a number of ways, the benefits aren’t just subjective or hearsay but backed by scientific scrutiny.

    Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody which can protect your spouse from getting colds and other infections. While some older couples may worry that the effort expended during sex could cause a stroke, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke. Instead, sex lowers blood pressure and produces overall stress reduction.

    Having sex twice or more a week reduces the risk of fatal heart attack by half. Having sex and orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the love hormone, this helps bond couples and intensifies orgasm. Positioning a pillow or using pillows under your wife’s buttocks before you get going in missionary position makes many wives climax more intensely and faster.

    This is due to the fact that many women after one or two normal virginal delivery lose sensitivity in the vaginal area because of the over stretching of the vaginal muscles. But when pillows are directly under the buttocks for support, the elevated buttocks help the husband to get to thrust in and out effectively.

    This also helps the husband to really know when his wife is climaxing or getting to orgasm. The husband will feel that his wife is squeezing, releasing her PC muscles and simultaneously contracting her vaginal muscles and as this is happening she is actually reaching her climatic level of orgasm. I always encourage that whenever the husband notice this he should gently intensify the thrusting in a gentle but deepening manner – so keep doing it because she loves so much!

    Researchers evaluated few premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their husbands ending with hugs, affections, foreplay and romantic sex. They found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels.

    Sex is also a pain reliever, as the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. These chemicals calm pain, from a minor headache to arthritis or migraines, and with no secondary effects. So if you are always complaining of headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms a sure natural pill with no side effect and no financial constraint is sex.

    Migraines also disappear because pressure in the brain’s blood vessels is lowered while we have sex. So now we see that actually, a woman’s headache is rather a good reason for having sex, not against it!

    Such symptoms improve after sex, because of higher oxytocin levels. In fact sex helps anyone to sleep better because the oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research. And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure.

    Sex strengthens floor muscles for women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers lots of benefits. Married lovers will enjoy more pleasure, and the woman will also strengthen the pelvic area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.

    To do a basic Kegel exercise, all a woman has to do is tighten the muscles of her pelvic floor, as if one is trying to stop the flow of urine. Count to three, then release. Do these frequently and as often as you can.

    Sex reduces prostate cancer risk; frequent ejaculations may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life. Boosting self-esteem is one reason people have sex, but overweight men with increased waist line are more likely to have poor semen quality. If you happen to fall within this category remember that sex is a good workout. If you’re looking to burn more calories, have more sex.

    Husband knowing how to suck your wife’s breast can increase her arousal, cause her to orgasm and prevent breast cancer. But scientists say until breast sucking is done in an erotic manner some hormones that fight against cancer may not be released.

    So while starting off, use your hands to lightly outline the outer part of both breasts slowly; this will help her nipples to become erect. Use your lips to kiss around the outskirts of the breasts. Start kissing the outline with your moist lips slowly. Then lightly squeeze those breasts together and kiss down the middle. Making your way close to each nipple, and lightly blow over them.

    Take each nipple into your mouth, and suck them if her nipples are standing at erection, you can harden your tongue and flick it back and forth, and slowly take it into your mouth, at which point you will begin to suck and nibble simultaneously. But if her nipples are not hard, you can usually manipulate each one by sucking it and then releasing it from your mouth. If you can’t do both together at the same time suck one nipple, and lightly pinch the other with your thumb and index finger seductively.

    Researchers estimate that a spouse’s healthy sexual fantasy assists the body’s muscular and cardiovascular system to function better. An erotic fantasy is a product of the imagination that arouses a sexual emotion. Fantasies are often summed up as erotic scenes, seen or imagined, which we enjoy replaying in our heads.

    Fantasy can also be an idea, an impression or a feeling. Fantasies are not only sexual; they can be about any topic that awakens human desire and pleasure. But sexual fantasies are in direct contact with our psyche and therefore have such power of arousal. They represent the fulfilment of subconscious sexual desires, through psychic processes.

    Erotic fantasies are created from scenes seen or experienced during adolescence or later in adult years and when channelled in a healthy way enhance the better functioning of the heart muscle and the general body muscular system.

    In fact, it can also aid a pregnant woman in child birth labour to have a faster delivery because it has an indirect effect on the vaginal wall, by allowing the vaginal smooth muscles to relax fast and expand better.

    But there is a note of warning here. Research has found out that pregnant women who want to experience this type of easy virginal delivery should not ‘eat for two’. Pregnant women who eat for two and gain too much weight are at greater risk of having complications than those who stick to a healthy diet, even when they can fantasy well.

    QUESTION ONE

    What can you classify as a healthy sexual life is for couples?

    A healthy sexual relationship is different for every couple because every individual has differing sexual needs. While the activities involved in each sexual relationship can vary widely, in general, “healthy” sex should encompass the following: Both married partners should feel equally pleased with the activities. Neither spouse should feel forced into doing something they don’t want to do. Each spouse should be given the privilege and right to say “no” to sex when there is an understandable genuine reason. Couples should give mutual respect before and after sex to one another. Neither party must suffer a loss of self-esteem. Trust and openness should exist about sexual history and current activities.

    QUESTION TWO

    I was molested by my step-dad as a teenager, shortly after which I developed a smelly discharge that reoccurs in spite of treatments over the years. I notice habitual pains in my clitoris and I have not been sexually active. What can I do?

    Clitoral pain can result from damage or injury to any of the structures of the vulva (external genitalia), including the inner and outer labia, the vaginal opening, and the clitoris. The symptoms may be constant or variable and may improve or worsen with movement or sexual activity. It may be described as a raw sensation or a burning, itching or stinging feeling that ranges in intensity from mild to severe. Sometimes, pain perceived in the clitoris is actually referred pain that originates from injury, disease or infection elsewhere in the vulvar region.

    Pain and discomfort in the vulva (vulvodynia) is a common cause of clitoris pain, as are skin irritations from rashes or household chemicals. Recurring infections or cancer may also cause clitoris pain. In other cases, clitoris pain may be related to a chronic underlying disease that affects other regions of the body. Other causes of clitoris pain include vaginal yeast infections and sexually transmitted diseases. The duration and course of clitoris pain vary widely, depending on the cause. Symptoms caused by injury, such as those following sexual abuse, often have a sudden onset. In other cases, clitoris pain may come from an infection that may develop slowly and persist or worsen over time. Clitoris pain alone is rarely a serious medical condition; however, it may be associated with symptoms of a serious medical condition.

    QUESTION THREE

    Is there anything you can do to change or increase a spouse sex drive? The greatest wish of my husband is for me to have a better sex drive. I have tried all I can but nothing has changed.

    Experts say the answer lies not so much in what a spouse’s sex drive is, but whether or not it has reached its potential. While everyone’s level of desire is individual, it can also differ with each partner, and vary within a relationship, increasing or decreasing over time.

    Age can also alter sex drive, in men and women, and is usually linked to a decline in sex hormones. Moreover, there are a number of emotional and physical conditions, as well as medications, including some sedative or sleeping pills that can put a damper on desire.

    If a physical problem causes sex drive to plummet – such as erection difficulties in men, or painful intercourse in women – and treatment is received, desire usually increases. If emotions are getting in the way, talking to a counsellor or sex therapist can help. And sometimes, sex drive will recharge on its own, as circumstances in couple’s life change — such as the birth of a new child, change of environment, loss of love ones, death of a previous spouse, marriage to a new spouse, change of financial status, change of inspirations and aspirations. But for your case you can use some libido enhancers for women; they are very good.

    QUESTION FOUR

    I have five biological sons and they are all getting married one after the other. Each time they bring their potential wives to visit me in the village, I eavesdrop on their sexual escapades and wish I can still engage in active sex. But my wife has put a hold on that, claiming we are too old to make love. Is one ever “too old” to make love?

    Providing that both you and your wife are in good physical health, experts say both men and women can continue to have sex to any age. However, the aging process itself, along with many health conditions, can make having sex increasingly difficult in later years. However, even if intercourse is not possible, remember that physical intimacy can take many forms, and that sometimes getting older really does mean getting wiser about the many ways in which couples can bring each other pleasure. Tell your wife you secretly still want sex and if she can’t make it available she can give you gentle foreplay. With this you can still recapture the feel of sex.

    QUESTION FIVE

    What is the definition of sex addiction and what does it entail?

    Sex addiction is described as an overwhelming need for sex, the pursuit of which frequently takes precedence over all other things in life, including work and relationships. Sex addicts frequently engage in risky behaviour, including not only vulnerable sex, but also seeking stimulation in dangerous situations. Behaviour is usually self-justified, so most sex addicts don’t view their actions as problematic, though they frequently feel a sense of shame or guilt after indulging their addiction.

    Behaviours associated with sex addiction include: compulsive masturbation; multiple extramarital affairs; anonymous sex partners or strings of one night stands; consistent use of pornography; consistent need for phone or computer sex; continuous use of prostitutes; sexual exhibitionism (such as “flashing”); voyeurism (watching others have sex); stalking a sex partner, they are actually a perverted way of seeking sexual pleasure.

  • Guys can be virgins till their wedding night! (II)

    Guys can be virgins till their wedding night! (II)

    DEAR Ma, although I’m a boy, I love the articles you write and can’t wait to read them every Saturday! May God bless and reward you!

    Kunle

     

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    100% truth, I am a living witness of your massive preaching on sexual purity! Since I made a covenant with God to remain chaste till my wedding night, God has transformed my life in all ramification with great blessings and happiness. You know how hard it is for a graduate even with good results and skills to get a good job in Nigeria least of all an undergraduate. I am a student working in a reputable company in Nigeria. I got the job in my 4th year during my I.T. immediately after making a vow to God that no man would touch me again till my wedding night. I’m currently in my 5th year in the university doing well in the company, performing excellently well in my academics and above all supporting my parents financially! People often ask how I’m able to joggle working and studying but I tell you God has been my strength and made it so easy for me. I have not lacked anything since I made that vow of celibacy till marriage. People love, admire and respect me a lot, my physical beauty increases daily with more wisdom and knowledge added to it ma! I can’t say all here but I’m trying to prove your assertions on sexual purity are VERY CORRECT! God is so merciful to mankind if we can stay committed to Him. May God bless you beyond your wildest dreams and continue to use you for humanity till Jesus comes! I love you ma!

     

    Miss Chizoba

    Awww…my sweet Chi…I’m so touched by your testimony! May you remain blessed forever more! The God whom you choose to follow will never disappoint you in Jesus name!

     

    My very dear brothers,

    I’d like you to Google search the 1st part of this article. Believe me, if only you could brace up and dare to stand out of the pack of immoral youth scattered all over the world, you would be pleasantly surprised at how your life and destiny would suddenly receive an upsurge! The transformation and glory would be so glaring such that people would not stop asking you what happened. I know what I’m talking about! Perhaps I should convince you more. Here are some reasons you should abstain from every ungodly sex including masturbation, pornography, homosexuality, bestiality etc.

    1. Freedom from unwanted pregnancy/Abortion, STDs, Multiple Heartbreaks/depression etc.
    2. Freedom from transference of spirits from multiple sex partners which disintegrates and pollutes one’s life and could actually destroy it.
    3. Freedom from ungodly soul ties which could redesign your life.
    4. Freedom from choice of an entirely wrong or inappropriate marriage partner.
    5. Freedom from satanic diversion of your priceless virtues/what God has deposited in you to make you comfortable/shine in life.
    6. Sexual Purity illuminates your soul and makes you Spiritually-Intelligent.
    7. Sexual Purity could make you exceptionally brilliant because your soul is carrying a huge dose of God who knows all things.
    8. Sexual Purity attracts goodness into your life because you are not bombarded by demons which flow from one sexual partner to the other.
    9. Sexual Purity helps you retain spiritual strength needed to confront life’s battles and navigate your way through!
    10. Sexual Purity makes you a power generator and too hot for the devil to handle!

    And most importantly- righteousness exalts while sin is a reproach! You just never can tell the type of destiny you carry and what it would require to manifest. Imagine if biblical Joseph had danced to Mrs. Potiphar’s tune, would he have become a prime minister in a foreign land at age 30 even after he was sold into slavery? Who knows what your sexual purity could fetch you? Just like Chizoba mentioned above, God is so merciful, there’s nothing He can’t do for whoever has a change of heart and besides believe me, if you preserve your virginity till marriage, You’re preserving your life and armoring yourself for an uncertain future!

    If you have long been engaging in premarital sex and you are reading, it would be in your best interest to become a Secondary Virgin i.e. abstain from sex till you get married. You will be amazed at what could become of your life if you totally abstain and let God flush you and give you a spiritual over-hauling! Mark my words; you will experience a rebirth that will shock even you as your spirit would shine like sparkling crystal! I shall give you a few steps on how to go about this next Sunday God-willing!

     

    I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

  • I have been mother to 23 children for nine years — Victoria Nkong

    I have been mother to 23 children for nine years — Victoria Nkong

    Victoria Nkong is a woman of many parts. She is passionate about discovering talents, managing artistes and working with known brands like KORA Musk awards, Headies and more. She is also into Charity work, running an orphanage, caring for 23 Children and still having time for her busy schedule. In this interview with YETUNDE OLADEINDE, she takes you into her world and the things that inspire and motivate her.

    Tell us about the new things that you are working on at the moment?

    I am working on several new projects, the most exciting one is a collaboration between myself and media mogul Olisa Adibua, more details will be revealed at the appropriate time. My company now represents a drink brand as well and this is a whole new experience for us. We also  just signed one of the X Big Brother Nigeria housemates under our management, and we are currently on the Production of the HEADIES Awards.

    What has been the experience managing and working with artistes?

    I actually manage talents generally not just artists. It’s been a roller coaster. Of course, you know that like  every business, some days are good and some days aren’t so good. The thing with Talent Management is that it takes a lot of selflessness and dedication on the part of the manager, however if the talent doesn’t play their part with the right attitude to work, all your efforts could be thrown in the bin.

    It’s quite exciting to watch brands grow under your watch and strategy and it’s been very rewarding for me knowing that I’m directly impacting lives

    I have had some really exciting moments and built some useful relationships as well while I’ve also had some really disappointing and heartbreaking moments.

    Tell us about some of the memorable moments?

    I remember when my artists Toofan had the highest nominations at the MTV MAMA Awards in Durban and we went there quite happy, eventually out of 5 nominations they didn’t win even one, I’ll never forget the pain that we felt in a hurry.

    I also remember being in the studio in Paris with Harrysong and how blown away everyone in the studio was when he started performing.

    What are some of the challenges?

    Financing is always a big issue in Talent Promotion because the industry has taken a new turn over the years and you almost have to pay your way through every aspect.

    Also a lot of the talents on this side aren’t used to structure, so it makes it quite difficult to execute plans towards set down goals.

    In addition, you find that there’s no support from the Government so we are left to put everything in place by ourselves. Even though most of what we do is for the culture. The challenges abound but we just keep pushing.

    What or who inspires the things you do?

    I am inspired by different things. This includes  my children  as well as the desire to impart lives and be different

    What  are some of the other things that occupy your time?

    There’s a lot, because Talent Management is only one aspect of what I do

    So just to properly introduce myself: I am the CEO of Qtaby Events. We are into Events Production, TV production, Public Relations and Talent Management. I am on the board of trustees of Jegede Paul Foundation and I also run an orphanage home where I have been the mother to 23 children in the past 9 years amidst other children that have come and gone for adoption or been reunited with their family.

    Tell us about the people you admire?

    It’s a wide range of people from different spheres of life: My mother comes first,  she represents strength to me and she was an exceptional mother to us against all odds. She built the foundation that prepared me for the life that I currently live. My partner at the orphanage, Mr. Jegede Abiodun Paul who despite his challenging schedule as the Chairman of Japaul Group has been steadfast in his commitment towards the children in the home and all the responsibilities that abound.

    What would you consider as the turning point ?

    A major turning point for me was the loss of my sister who died from a violent marriage. I think my life changed since then and the resolve to do more, be more, touch more lives and live while I’m here multiplied.

    When it comes to career, I will  say that my initial employment with KORA All African Music Awards also marked a turning point in my career.

    Did you feel like quitting at any point?

    Of course, it’s the story of every entrepreneur. I can assure you that was a phase; especially in a country like Nigeria where it seems like everything is orchestrated to make our lives difficult. Doing business in this country is twice as hard and on several occasions I  quit mentally but when I remembered why I started, I bounce back and waxed stronger. Even with the orphanage, there have been very emotionally draining situations that have lead me to that point on a few occasions, one of it is the loss of a child with cerebral palsy that was in our care.

    What are you looking forward to in the next few years?

    Taking my brand to the next level, being able to help more creatives achieve their dreams and build their empire, I’m looking forward to a better structured creative industry and more sincere working collaborations across the industry where we support each other to grow rather than see one another as competitors. I want to see a Nigeria that works for us all where the son of a “Nobody” can become “somebody” without knowing “anybody” because he deserves it.

    What advice do you have for young people who want to come into the sector?

    You must be focused, maintain utmost professionalism, be true to yourself and your vision. Never get carried away by the razzmattazz in the industry. Show business is crazy but the people who finance the business aspect are not crazy. Ensure that your work and work ethics stand out always.

    What is your definition of style?

    Looking good without breaking a bank…lol…Generally, I love smart casual outfits, mini tunic dresses e.t.c which I could quickly switch up to look almost formal with the use of high healed shoes. My shoes, perfumes and my smile are the  most important accessories.

    What are the things that you won’t do in the name of fashion?

    I’m particularly against nudity, I don’t subscribe to the new trend of showing off too much skin just to appear sexy, I believe in modesty so anything that looks overboard won’t work for me because I know that less is more, I won’t undergo a cosmetic surgery for any reason, I never follow trends as it’s hectic to keep up with.

    Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

    My family and my Godfidence.

    How would you describe Nigerian women in the entertainment sector today?

    There are several Nigerian women who are doing really great stuff in the entertainment industry despite the fact that it is a male dominated industry. As a matter of fact, I dare say that the women are putting in an unprecedented touch of excellence through their work at the moment. Look at King of Boys by Kemi Adetiba? There are women who really make me proud of being a woman and there  are also a few misguided ones. Gone are the days when we are limited by our sex or considered as the weaker sex, at the moment women are taking several seats in front and in some cases teaching the men how it should be done.

  • What to do when couples become roommates, not sex partners

    What to do when couples become roommates, not sex partners

    By Funmi Akingbade

    A few days ago I got a call from one of my numerous readers, a couple who wanted to see me by all means despite the heavy downpour. I insisted the appointment could be rescheduled due to the heavy rain but they insisted on seeing me.

    On getting to my office the wife spoke first; ‘she said they wanted to see me because of the question their eight-year-old son’s posted to them which they could not honestly answer. Their son had asked: “why does daddy always sleep on the couch?” in the middle of the couple’s conversation.

    She continued: “We raised eyebrows at each other across the table, and looked at each other knowing fully that our little boy spilled the “secret” of our sexual dryness and drifting apart. Even though my husband tried to make him believe otherwise by saying “Your mom and I still sleep in our bed together,” but the boy quickly replied “Just not always anymore.”

    “This is why we are here the wife said. We want you to tell us all we need to know so as not to drift apart sexually any longer.

    No matter how you say it, marriage and a double sex-filled bed should go hand in hand. Cuddling under cover night after night, initiating endless intimacy and sex makes marriage healthy.

    But sometimes sex gets lost in the shuffle of schedules and couples generally react to a bad case of drifting apart by either viewing sex as something to do and just get over. Or sometimes introduce pornography into their bedrooms, dangerously comparing their spouses to porn stars.

    Needless to say that couples can choose to use a dull time in their sex lives to reinvent it, to refresh themselves, and restore their closeness.

    Here are some ideas to jumpstart your sex life and gets it sizzling again. Make sex a priority; go to the extent of writing it on your calendar if you’re having trouble finding the time.

    While sex is certainly not the biggest part of a marriage, it is a fairly accurate measure of the health of your marriage. It will enhance your sleep and your energy levels so plan for the first week to have sex every night for a week. Yes, that includes the weekend! Why? Researchers say having sex usually begets the desire to have more.

    Ask your spouse what he or she needs. Men are different from women. Women need a reason; men just need a place. Men, if you truly want to touch your wife’s body, touch her heart first. Talk with her. Consider chatting her up in the kitchen as a form of foreplay!

    If you have young children, take over bedtime duties and give your wife precious time to make the transition from mommy to sex goddess! Honour her and be sensitive to her needs.

    Women, if you truly want to have a great intimate relationship, stop treating your man like he’s a rapist because he wants to have sex. This is his God-given desire and his best way of connecting with you.

    In general terms, sex might well be more important to men than to women. So make the most of it. Make it your goal to make every room in your house sexually appealing. Get creative, try a fashion show with lingerie – greet your husband at the dinner table wearing his tie and nothing else. Even if you breast is sagging make sure you are under a blowing fan, the cool air will temporarily firm up the breast making your nipple stand out and this will appeal to him greatly, or wake him in the middle of the night for sex wearing his favorite colour hat. Send a text for his eyes only.

    Like this couple visiting my office, sometimes some couple need more than the ordinary to revival their sex life and create a passionate heat between them. For instance a very advance version of doggy style has been of tremendous help to many of my clients.

    So as my habit is I did not hesitate to introduce this ‘wonder working’ ‘all in one’ ‘ever ready to revive style’ to my visiting couple. This style can be practiced by any couple regardless of their age, years of sexual starvation or health condition.

    Most importantly, the advantage of this result-proven style is that it helps couples to experience erotic sensation and gain back lost feelings.

    QUESTION ONE

    I think my sex drive is normal, and I love having sex with my husband. But lately I feel turned off because he seems to expect sex as a reward for everything. If he gives me money to fix my hair, if he spends time listening to my problems, if he takes me out to see my parent, he expects to be rewarded with sex. I hate feeling obligated. Do I owe my husband sex?

    Married life works best when both partners focus on ways to express love and meet each other’s needs. It would be good for you to try to change the way you interpret his interest in sex. If your husband communicates his sexual desires in those terms, try to see his desire for frequent sex as an opportunity for you to show love. Of course, we hope your husband will start communicating his needs in a less demanding way, but you can still choose how you want to interpret those requests. Your husband may be trying to win your heart by performing acts of kindness and service and I personally think you should be happy because out there are countless wives who would give anything to have what you want to throw away. I think this should be a fun experiment for you.

    QUESTION TWO

    My wife and I have sex regularly, but it’s always the same and I’m bored with it. The problem is when I try to spice things up, my wife becomes shy or embarrassed. Then I feel like a hunter ready to devour a prey, forcing changes where she doesn’t want them. I’ve heard that sex between married people should get better and better, but that’s not true for us. What can I do?

    Commonly, women prefer sameness and men prefer variation. That’s just part of the fascination and frustration of being male and female. Often for men the fantasies about sexual variety are more exciting than the actual experience of some exotic position. For a woman, those experiments may feel aggressive because she’s uncertain how they’ll feel or how well she’ll perform. If you can talk to your wife about your feelings and listen to hers, it could lead to some helpful negotiating. Learning to adapt to each other’s wishes and needs is what marriage is all about. Being the one to “give in” or make changes is often hard, but it will improve your relationship. Marriage requires some give and take from both partners.

    QUESTION THREE

    When I got married six years ago, I was glad to see that my wife likes things orderly. She is much neater than I am which is great. But her desire for cleanliness has its downside when it comes to sex. Even though I shower and shave beforehand, the smells and fluids associated with intercourse bother her so much that we’ve rarely had sex for more than two years. Instead, I am now having sex with her best friend. I know it’s wrong but her friend doesn’t reject me like she does.

    Share with your wife your concern for her total sexual enjoyment as well as your desire for the closeness that genital sexual union provides. Taking to adultery few years into your marriage will not help. There may seems to be some question about your wife’s desire for sexual play and orgasmic release that you may need to know if it is simply the messiness of ejaculation that’s bothering her, then try using a condom (which would contain the ejaculate) or having intercourse in the shower (where ejaculate would be promptly washed away). Keep in mind that sex for her isn’t just sex – as it may be for you. Women tend to express their sexuality as inseparable from their feelings and relationship desires.

    QUESTION FOUR

    My husband and I have been married three months. On our honeymoon, he got a bad chest cold, and let’s just say the honeymoon wasn’t what I had been waiting for all those years. Both my husband and I were virgins when we married, and I thought that our sex life would be exciting and unstoppable once he felt better. Now, three months later, I am the one who makes the move to get intimate. It doesn’t seem to bother him. He thinks that because he use to fast and prayed a lot while single to keep the sexual thoughts away, now that he’s married he is just still in that mode he can’t seems to come out of that. My question is how I am sure he is not lying to me? Can one fast and pray to the extent that he will not have any sexual feeling in this time and age?

    Human levels of sexual drive are on a variety of levels rather than being uniform. Just as most men have a higher desire for sexual play and intercourse and most women less interest, individual differences may reverse this usual pattern.

    Each of you should explore openly and honestly your deepest attitudes about sex. How did you learn about sex and what were your earliest sexual experiences? What were the constraints that helped you maintain your virginity? Are there expectations about sexual “performance” that present anxiety when you approach sexual interaction? Understanding yourselves and each other may help you find a more agreeable level of interaction. I’d also like to emphasize the delightful journey toward marital oneness. I fully understand how long three months of newly wedded sexuality may seem, but want to encourage you to be patient. If, in fact, prior to marriage your husband had been fasting and praying to reduce his sexual thoughts and drive, it may take some time for those patterns of denial to diminish. Your patient acceptance of his sexuality can help him overcome those old inhibitions. Affirm and reward his interest and continue to invite him gently whenever you want.

    QUESTION FIVE

    My husband does not have a problem getting an erection, nor does he lack desire to have sex, but he almost never ejaculates. Is it possible for a man to feel satisfied by intercourse even though he does not ejaculate? I know he used to be able to ejaculate years ago but cannot now. Can you help us out here? I enjoy sex and want to make sure he does too.

    It’s important to recognize the full extent of the male sexual response. The arousal phase marked by erection also includes other physiological changes including increase in heart rate and blood pressure, rate of breathing, flushing of the skin, increase in muscle tension, nasal congestion as the “erectile tissue” of the nasal cavity become engorged, lubrication of the urethra (producing a sticky discharge from the end of the penis), and a shifting of blood to the pelvic area. As orgasm approaches, all of these changes increase until the orgasmic release occurs. Orgasm is most obviously signaled by ejaculation, the forceful emission of seminal fluid from the penis. This produces only a part of the pleasurable sensation of the orgasm. The contractions of the vas deferens and outer leg muscles in a rhythmic cycle; the intense muscular contraction of large muscle groups such as the buttocks, thighs, and abdomen; sweating, a respiratory response; and the relaxation that follows all contribute to the intense pleasure of orgasm. These may occur to varying degrees during a particular sexual experience and as a man ages. Consequently, a man may have a satisfying experience without ejaculation. If the other aspects of arousal and orgasm are present, there may be no cause for concern.

    One explanation for this may be that he is having “retrograde” ejaculations. In this condition the seminal fluid is directed back up the urethra into the bladder rather than externally out of the penis. But this could be treated if you both so desire. It is also possible for ejaculation to be inhibited by psychological factors (such as fear of pregnancy or financial stress), physical factors (such as fatigue or alcohol use), or as side effects from some medications (such as tranquilizers and antidepressants).