The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • Sex issues that can destroy your relationship

    Sex issues that can destroy your relationship

    By Vera Chidi Maha

    As far back as I started having relationships, from my experience, the issue of sex always causes crisis, from selecting a good boyfriend to a good husband, from a good girlfriend to a good wife.  Sometimes even when you select a good girlfriend, she may end up being a bad wife or vice versa. To be honest, not everything in life can be predicted as no one knows tomorrow only God.

    Sexual problems on any individual can put a damper on your sex life which means they can lead to some “not so pleasant” relationship issues, especially if they go unaddressed. Yepa!

    So, what can we consider to be “sexual problems?” Well, from my small girl’s knowledge, sexual problems, also referred to as sexual dysfunctions, are issues that arise before, during, or even after sexual activity. These problems can occur during any stage of the sexual response cycle, preventing you and your partner from receiving the “gim gim” sexual fulfilment you crave, during foreplay and/or sex that will make your eyes shine like electric bulb that doesn’t need NEPA.

    Unfortunately, however, most of us are reluctant to talk about these types of “issues” for fear of being judged or seen as sex addicts. Not surprising that even when you become an adult in our society saying the word sex is almost forbidden giving people the impression you are either loose, lack home training or sex-starved person.

    Well, good news is that most sexual problems can be successfully treated which explains why it is so important to discuss your concerns with your partner. Please, don’t keep quiet about it because that silence alone can cause damage, ignoring or pushing sexual issues aside can lead your relationship down a very rocky path and final destruction.

    If your partner is the type to “run away” from talking about sexual concerns with you, you can try to read these words below and talk to your partner if per chance they are experiencing one or more of them. I didn’t say ask every second, use sense, but still ensure you have the discussion to help your relationship grow.

    Sexual problems that could destroy your relationship

    1. Unable to have an orgasm

    I know some people would be hissing reading this by now, orgasm? How dare she talk about it?  Well unfortunately, we can’t keep running away from it.

    To some, orgasm does not even exist. They don’t even know what it means talk less of experiencing it. Being unable to orgasm can undoubtedly wreak havoc on your sex life and relationship. This condition can affect anyone, young or old. I read somewhere that it gradually decreases once women hit their 30s and 40s; however, it rises again when women hit their 50s due to hormonal changes.

    One of the possible causes of this condition is that women have more casual sex during their 20s, which may account for the lower incidences of orgasms.

    Other reasons you may not be orgasming include not being sexually attracted to your partner anymore, overthinking about orgasming during sex, feeling guilty for enjoying sex, and/or having other things on your mind during sex. This, I agree to and I have observed from my talks with other people.

    Or, it could be that your partner is “too aggressive,” during sex, in other words your partner likes to do gragra in bed too much. Regardless, an inability to orgasm can hurt your relationship because everyone wants their partners to feel sexually satisfied, so if that isn’t happening, it can create problems in your relationship. There are ways you can address this issue. You can discuss with your partner the possible options to use to make life easier for you both.  There are lots of options to explore. Feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment can arise, causing the couple to grow apart. So once you notice there is a problem, get up and fix it.

    1. Experiencing premature ejaculation

    Premature ejaculation refers to ejaculation (the release of semen from the body) that occurs before penetration or immediately after it – within one minute or less.

    The exact cause of premature ejaculation varies, but the good news is that in most cases, premature ejaculation can be fixed. Men report this as one of their top sexual performance issues. How is it even possible not to be aware of your partner’s problem with premature ejaculation? It is possible to miss the signs, primarily because men with this issue often enter into relationships with women who have little-to-no previous sexual experience.

    Why is that? Well, these men feel more comfortable with novice sexual partners who are unaware that they are experiencing premature ejaculation issues. Ironically, inexperienced women often find out their partners are suffering from it, not at the beginning of their relationships, but after dating for months or years or getting married.

    If you are curious if your partner is experiencing premature ejaculation, ask yourself the following questions: “Does my partner ‘last’ as long as I would like him to?” And, “How long does it take him to orgasm?”

    If the answer to the second question is “less than one minute,” then your partner may actually be suffering from premature ejaculation.

    1. Experiencing low libido

    Another common sex problem that affects both men and women is a low libido.

    What causes low libido?

    For a man, low testosterone, the hormone responsible for male traits (i.e. pubic, facial and body hair, deep voice and muscle tone) can cause a low sex drive. Testosterone also controls a man’s sexual desire and sperm production, so when it is low, it can not only negatively affect his libido but also prevent him from getting and staying hard.

    For women, low libido may stem from a hormonal imbalance, past sexual trauma, stress and so on.

    How can this affect your relationship? Well, it can cause your partner to avoid sex with you or you with him, which can lead to hurt feelings, low self-esteem, resentment, hostility and indifference towards your partner and the relationship.

    The end result: The end of your relationship. May God help us.

    1. Experiencing painful sex

    Painful sex can also damage a good relationship. How? Well, when sex is painful, you are more likely to avoid it.

    Women, who experience painful sex, tend to shy away from sexual activities with their partners. They may think it’s no big deal, but in reality, it can cause a myriad of relationship issues.

    If you withhold sex, for fear of pain, without talking to your partner about it, it can lead to hurt feelings and hostility from your partner. The truth is sex shouldn’t be painful, but it is a common issue.

    Having sex problems in relationships is normal. It occurs more often than you may think for many people. Keeping these issues to yourself only does more harm than good; therefore, it’s important to be open and honest with your partner about any sexual problems you are experiencing and check into a hospital or get a counsellor to help you sort things out. I wish you all the best.

  • Do you prefer to be his woman or his kept-woman?

    Do you prefer to be his woman or his kept-woman?

    By Rois Ola

    A very happy Sallah to our Muslim brethren and to you my esteemed readers! How was yesterday? I do hope we did not overdo it. To my fellow ladies, do not forget that we need to remain in shape so let’s ensure that we don’t overdo anything, drinks, food and so on.

    As women, we need to decide which side of the fence we want to be on. The old  story of Tiger Woods , the golf player, really got me thinking of how chains of women were bold enough to come out and say ”Oh, he made love to me on the floor, in the bathroom, in his garage, in the hotel room, in the lift lobby.  Give me a break! Truth is that such can only happen in that part of the world. How many of us here as married men’s mistresses (kept women) can be bold enough to come out and say a Tiger Wood had sex with me on the floor!

    The Tiger-Woods of Nigeria can sleep with us anywhere and everywhere, yet not even the walls dare to talk about it.

    Today’s piece is about which of the ladies shoes would you rather be . Do you prefer to be the wife or the mistress? The one he loves to have sex with, anytime and anywhere? In other words, his sex slave? Or do you desire to be his companion, the mother of his children, his confidant, the person he is seen with on every occasion? At the risk of sounding judgemental, I still think it is better to be his woman rather than to be his kept woman.

    Most men are scared stiff of commitment, some will rather court you till they are fed up. As women, there are ways to making men change their minds about their original intentions towards us. I am aware that when a man sights an attractive lady, sex quickly comes to mind. How will she be in bed? It is now up to us, if we are content with just having them sleep with us or show that there is more to us that just sex. Women are blessed with the gifts and know-how of getting men to take them to ‘next level’ if you like.

    I recall years back when my late mum’s first cousin came to pay her a courtesy visit with a lady on his arms. When he left the lady at our sitting room and joined my mum in the kitchen, my mum could not wait to ask him if the lady was ‘our’ wife to be?  He laughed and said: ”Aunty, so if I bring this type as a wife to be, would you believe me? She’s not my type. She’s just my part-time lover”. Dearest readers, today they are married with kids to match! Do you call it fate, may be or may be not, or you think it was destiny, you may also be right. But practically speaking, the lady knew in her heart he was going to be her husband and it happened.

    Read my lips; a man will treat you the way you allow him to. Research has shown this in 95 out of 100 cases.

    When he treats you like his ”spare” girlfriend, it is because you have allowed it.

    I recall an aunt of mine who is now in Canada once dated a guy that would make love to her countless times but refused to be seen with her in public. Till date, his reasons are not known. Luckily, my aunt is happily married to a journalist who simply adores her.

    She allowed her ex to maltreat her for so long. She became his beck and call girl until fate brought her in contact with a man that practically worships the ground that she walks on.

    You will agree that at the wooing stage, the man starts out being very enthusiastic about you. So, when he stops or drops the degree of enthusiasm, what do you think happened?

    Chances are that you were ahead of him in the emotions, department, and you showed him more than you should. Fine, you love him, but please don’t choke him to ask him how serious he is with you. Girl, actions and more actions speak volumes. Men do generally love to do the chasing, it actually thrills them. Please do allow him lead the trek of the heart.  Do not continue to allow him treat you like a ”spare” girlfriend, someone he sees when he is in the mood, biding his time until another woman rekindles that enthusiasm he had with you in the early part of the relationship.

    Do not allow yourself to be the girl he calls up at last minutes; it means you are nothing but an afterthought. Sometimes you need to show him with your actions what you will and won’t put up with. And show him without adding anger that you are not his beck and call girl.

    Romantic love has different dynamics than ‘’unconditional love.”

    When in a romantic relationship with a guy, don’t scold him for not being around, get a life for yourself. Show him that you don’t wait by the phone, do not be too clingy, trust me, it scares men away when you are doing the chase, so avoid it when necessary.

    Don’t scold him for not being around. Ensure you are busy having your own full life.

    Do give him room to pursue you, but avoid the expectations’ talk. If he stops pursing you, then don’t ask him if he’s no longer interested. You assume that he is not. And you keep your life going the whole time. You haven’t heard the last of him if you act that way, he will come back for you.

    Do not commit to a man in the hope that he will then be inspired to commit to you. That will make him think that other guys have rejected you for some reason and that he is your last hope. Most men enjoy doing the chase. Please, don’t take that away from them. They need the process. A man wants a woman who is anything but desperate or ‘glued’ on him before he has earned it.

    If you already find yourself in this category, not to worry, it can still be remedied. If you realise he is not the man for you, then may be he is not man enough for you.

    It is important for us to device means of winning and keeping our men.

    A wise woman once said that “all women are prostitutes, the only difference is that the married ones have only one customer.

    Stay safe

    Shallom.

  • Real reasons Nigerians are barred from jobs in Dubai

    Real reasons Nigerians are barred from jobs in Dubai

    According to a post that has gone viral in recent times, Nigerians resident in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) are barred from applying for jobs advertised in the Middle East country. And while many were quick to attribute the development to the recent arrest of the alleged notorious cybercrime fraudster, Hushpuppi, findings revealed otherwise, INNOCENT DURU reports.

    • Ban not connected with Hushpuppi’s arrest, says Nigerian resident
    • We’re not aware of ban -NIDCOM
    • No official statement from consular office -Foreign Affairs Ministry

    Most of them had departed their homes in Nigeria in the hope of securing lucrative jobs in the oil rich United Arab Emirates, having lost hope in their own country and its system.

    For many of them, however, the decision has turned out an awful error as many employers in the oil rich country are said to have barred Nigerians from applying for jobs, even when such jobs are meant strictly for Africans.

    With the Eldorado they chased from Nigeria to Dubai, the UAE capital not anywhere in sight, many of them are desperate to return home, but they are not only stranded but also frustrated.

    Their plight became public knowledge after a social media post indicating that Nigerians in UAE were precluded from applying for available jobs in the Asian country went viral.

    Given that the post came on the heels of the arrest of Hushpuppi, the alleged notorious cybercrime kingpin, many were fast to attribute the predicament of other Nigerians in UAE to his atrocities.

    But Nigerians who spoke with our correspondent from the UAE were unanimous in declaring that their plight had nothing to do with Hushpuppi. The ban on Nigerians, according to them, had been in effect long before the fraudster’s issue.

    What then are the sins for which UAE employers prefer the nationals of smaller African countries to those of the so-called giant of Africa?

    Femi Johnson, a Nigerian resident in Dubai, said: “I saw the information barring Nigerians from applying for the advertised vacancies.

    When I asked why, I was told that it was not an official decision of the UAE government but that of employers of labour.

    “The ban on Nigerians from applying for advertised jobs also has nothing to do with Hushppuppi. After all, he was not the only person arrested around that period.

    People of other nationalities were also arrested but it was that of Hushppupi that grabbed the media space.

    “Many Nigerians like the easy way out. For instance, sale of alcohol is regulated here but some Nigerians will want to be smart about it.

    “Last Friday, some Nigerians held a party and in Sharjah area and ran into trouble with the authorities. An Indian neighbour told them that the music was too loud but they did not budge.

    “An argument ensued and they threw the guy down from a 14-storey building. The police moved in and arrested many Nigerians and other Africans there.”

    Such development, according to Johnson, robs off negatively on the image of innocent Nigerians.

    He added: “At my place of work, my colleagues got angry about the incident and bombarded me with questions. I had to repeatedly explain things to defend my country and our people.

    “I am working here in Dubai, and I happen to be the first African to work in the organisation. When my boss saw my level of diligence and hard work, he asked me to bring my brother to also come and work in the company. He is here working in the company with me.”

    A Nigerian resident in Sharjah area of the UAE, Emem Akpan, said some employers bar Nigerians from applying for certain jobs because of their past experiences.

    Sloan said: “It has nothing to do with Hushpuppi’s arrest. Some Nigerians always want to take advantage of situations. After some employers would have invested so much on some of them, the employees will just run away at a point.

    “Some of the employers here prefer to employ Ethiopians instead of Nigerians. I went for an interview some time ago and a fellow Nigerian told me that once they helped her with a visa, she would work for two months and run away if another job came her way.

    “I told her if she was not going to stay, there was no need making them to process her visa which costs almost a million naira.

    •Hushpuppi after his arrest
    •Hushpuppi after his arrest

    Some companies deem such Nigerians to have absconded, and once they do that, it will be difficult for such Nigerians to get jobs.”

    Another reason UAE employers of labour turn down Nigerians, according to Emem, is language barrier.

    She said: “When I came here, I could not apply for a front desk job because I could not speak Arabic and could not transact with the people that were coming to do business.

    “Some of the clients don’t speak English well so they always want somebody who understands and speaks Arabic. But Nigerians are still employed in customer care sections. Presently, I work with a travel agency.

    “The Hushpuppi issue still pops up during newscast.  But it is not only Nigerians that are committing crimes here. We read about Dubai police arresting some drug lords but they won’t publicise them because they are not Nigerians.”

    Dada Ezekiel, who resides in Dubai, said he felt bad when he saw the post barring Nigerians from applying for jobs.

    “It doesn’t actually make one feel well,” he said.

    “When I saw the job vacancies Nigerians were barred from applying for, I initially thought it had to do with the Hushpuppi stuff.

    “Later that day, I saw a report that it was not the UAE government’s position but that of the employer who placed the advert.

    “There are two Nigerians in the company I work with. Before now, they didn’t want blacks.  When they tried the first person and saw what he was able to do and has been doing, they asked him to bring another person from Nigeria, and that was how I got the job.

    “When I was in Nigeria, I didn’t know the depth of this kind of issue on one’s psyche until I got to this place. It is here I got to know how it feels when you go for an interview and you feel isolated and people treat you like you are not a human being just because of the information they might have received about Nigerians’ involvement in scam.”

    Many Nigerians, he said don’t care about how their actions affect other people.

    “What Nigerians are generally noted for here is internet fraud. When I got here, I saw that there were a lot of services we could offer but a few of our people dent our image.

    “Recently, a Nigerian colleague was trying to scam an Indian by pretending to be processing a Canadian visa for him.

    “The Indian was almost paying the money when he noticed that he was being scammed. If he (Nigerians) had been caught, how would the hosts perceive somebody like me?

    “Many of them believe that every black man is a Nigerian. They see Nigeria as a continent and not just a country. Whenever any black man commits an offence, they say he is a Nigerian.

    “When I came here, there was a guy that came in with a three-month visa. When the visa expired, he absconded instead of making efforts to renew it.

    “Those are the kinds of people who commit most of the crimes. They always run away from the police and do nothing than drinking.

    “Sharjah is where you find many Nigerians. It is like a community for Nigerians and what most of them do is to drink with the females, doing all sorts of stuff.”

    Corroborating Ezekiel’s remarks, a Dubai resident, who gave his name simply as Segun, said: “Why they prefer some other African nationals to Nigerians is the attitude of our boys.

    Most of them want to make quick money. are doing here. They do leave those guys for some time because they know that they will confiscate all they have at the end of the day.  There is no way they can take any of those things out of Dubai.”

    He added: “Some of them don’t have any qualification and want to come here to make quick money. Here, they pay according to your qualification and level.

    “People from other African countries come with good qualifications and experience. At times, there would be job vacancies for only Africans, but as soon as they see Nigerians, they keep them aside and interview nationals of other African countries, telling the Nigerians to go away.

    “There are so many challenges for our brothers here. Most of them are not doing well at all.

    “Some of them who got jobs in some companies would suddenly say they don’t want to work again because they think the pay is not enough for them.

    “Most of them live extravagantly. They cannot safe when they lead extravagant lifestyle because Dubai is an expensive place to live in.

    “No matter how much you are paid, if you want to live the way you want here, you may not be able to save a dime.

    “Even some Europeans run into debts because of extravagant lifestyle, even though they earn fat salaries. Some of them get as much as N17 million monthly but they still run into debt.”

    ‘Nigerians treated like slaves in UAE’

    A Nigerian cleric, Archbishop Sam Zuga of the House of Joy Ministry, Makurdi, who was in Dubai early in the year, decried the plight of many Nigerians in the UAE.

    Zuga said: “Nigerians are being treated like slaves in UAE. Most of them are women who are stranded with their international passports seized by Nigerian human traffickers. The most stranded people in the UAE are Nigerians. Nigerians are the biggest problem of Nigerians in the UAE.

    “Dubai needs standard, but they don’t have standard. Many of the Nigerians youths I met in Dubai went there to look for money without a defined agenda. Dubai is not a money-making but a money-spending city.

    “The truth is, no firm in Dubai, be it government or private, trusts a Nigerian. Nigerians have big certificates without skills. They (UAE) need both your money and your skills.”

    Last year, the Nigerian Ambassador to the United Arab Emirates, Mohammed Rimi, revealed that 446 Nigerians were serving different terms in UAE prisons for crimes ranging from possession of hard drugs to engaging in robbery.

    He said: “Although there is no exact record of our citizens in the UAE owing to the inability to register them on arrival, the number of Nigerians resident in the country is estimated at about 10,000. Out of this number, about 2,017 are students in various universities.

    “It is disheartening to state that 446 Nigerians are currently serving different terms in prisons across UAE for committing various crimes including possession and consumption of hard drugs and engaging in armed robbery.”

    “In the spirit of forgiveness, tolerance and accommodation, the UAE government granted amnesty to all irregular residents in the country.

    “In 2018, no fewer than 5,774 standard passports were issued by the embassy, out of which, 3,164 were specifically issued during the amnesty programme. A further 1,346 emergency traveling certificates were issued to Nigerians to facilitate their return home.”

    NIDCOM, Foreign Affairs Ministry react

    Contacted, the spokesman of Nigerians in Diaspora Commission, Rahman Balogun, said he was not aware of the post claiming that Nigerian had been barred from applying for jobs in the UAE.

    “I am not aware, but the Foreign Affairs may, because it is a consular matter. We here at NIDCOM are not aware.”

    Foreign Affairs Ministry’s spokesman, Ferdinand Nwoye, admitted seeing the post, but he said the ministry had not received any official report about it.

    “Everybody read it on the social media. The ministry does not work on the basis of speculations on the social media.  We have a consulate in Dubai; we have an embassy in Dubai.

    “If such a thing happens, they will write to us officially informing us of that position, because it is an official position.  I am not of any knowledge that such has been communicated to the ministry,” Nwoye said.

  • ‘How I overcame deformity to become a lawyer’

    ‘How I overcame deformity to become a lawyer’

    In spite of being physically-challenged from birth, Jennifer Oghenewaire Nikoro, a young Nigerian lady, was able to achieve her dream of becoming a lawyer against all odds. The graduate of Ambrose Ali University (AAU) and the Nigerian Law School in Kano tells DAVID ADENUGA how she drew strength from disappointments, heartbreaks and other discouraging circumstances to surge forward.

    Were you born with disability?

    Yes. I was born like this. I was born without the right forelimb.

    Tell us about your childhood experience

    I am the third child in a family of six. Only one of us is a male while the rest of us are females. My growing up experience was not so normal, because I could not socialise because of my condition.

    I used to be very shy. My peers avoided me while the courageous ones formed a pity party around me. People wrote me off as a result of my disability.

    But thank God for my family who were very supportive. They gave me strength. My parents treated everyone of us with equal love.

    When they allocated duties at home, I had my own responsibility. My mother made sure I was not left out in the house chores.

    When I started schooling, I realised that the attention was always on me. In my mind, I thought I was a beauty queen, little did I know that it was because of my condition.

    It really made me sad though, because they felt I was not worthy to be in school. They thought that I ought to be at home or in the streets, begging for alms.

    What dream did you nurse as a child?

    I have always wanted to be a lawyer. My family did tease me as a child that I talked a lot and I liked to win arguments even when it was obvious that I was wrong (laughs).  So being a legal practitioner has always being my  dream.

    Were you able to start school at the right time, considering your condition?

    Yes, I started school as and when due. Like I said, there are six of us, and every one of us went to school as and when due. But one thing my parents did was that they kept me in one school from nursery to senior secondary.

    With that, I was familiar with everyone and everyone was familiar with me; only a little stigmatization from bullies, which to me is normal.

    And any new student coming into the school would have to adjust and adapt to the system of me being in the same class with them. Sooner or later, they adapted and we flowed well.

    Teachers liked me a lot because I was a very intelligent girl while in secondary school. At a point, I was at the top of my class in terms of grade.

    What are the challenges you encountered on your career path?

    I encountered many challenges, I must say. Firstly, let me talk about my youth service experience when I was posted to Lagos.

    The National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) actually posted me to a place of primary assignment (PPA), which I really did not like.

    I tried to change it, but to my amazement, I could not get an alternative PPA as I was virtually rejected everywhere I went.

    I applied to different law firms, but when I went for interviews, they underrated my capabilities and wondered why I had chosen to go to school when the street is the right place for my type, even though I introduced myself as a lawyer.

    Their attention was always on my deformed hand. They asked ridiculous questions like, are you sure you can do this job? Can you type with Microsoft word?

    Even when I tried to convince them that I am proficient with Ms Word, Excel or Power Point, they found it hard to believe me.

    They told me to go home and wait for feedback, only for me to wait in vain. I had to confide in a friend over the situation and she was like, ‘This is Lagos, a commercial city where the labour market is highly competitive.

    Nobody will give you a job just like that because they will feel you are not capable due to your condition. And nobody wants to hire someone they will start pitying.’

    I went for several interviews but had similar experiences. I was really disturbed because I know I am hard working.

    What were some of the biggest barriers you had to break to get to where you are today?

    One of the barriers I had to break is not letting my condition affect my mentality. The pity party did not get to me. I don’t like people pitying me. I prefer to show people that I am capable.

    I had to break the barrier of being an object of pity. The second barrier I had to break is the fact that the society will always  tell you who you are; not you telling yourself who you are. I motivated myself with the word of God to do anything.

    Do people still stigmatise you within and outside the court premises now that you’re a lawyer?

    No.

    Tell us about your journey in the law profession

    I got my LL.B from the Ambrose Ali University (AAU). I later went to the Kano Law School (2017-2018) where I got my BL.

    I got called into the Nigerian bar on November 27, 2018. I am two years at the bar now). I recently passed the Associate Member of the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators (AcARB) examination.

    The certificate will be issued maybe by December at the induction ceremony date which is not yet fixed. I am also an Associate Member at the Chartered institute of Mediator and Conciliators in Nigeria (ICMC).

    The move to broaden my horizon was borne out of the stigmatization I face due to my disability. People tend to intimidate my sense of worth in the labour market as Lagos is a competitive environment and only the strong get going. I wanted a better life for myself; I did not want my disability to tie me down.

    After I applied for mediation at ICMC, I got a job at a law firm in Lagos. But It was not enough for me because I wanted to have a successful career.

    I applied again at the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators to become an arbitrator, which is a recent application I made and I passed the exams.

    I really want to be relevant in my society so I can advocate for people who are disable. I also want to develop myself and become an expert in my field, so that people will no longer doubt me.

    I still want to go further, get my master’s degree abroad if I am opportune. I also want to become a human rights lawyer. At the same time, I want to own an NGO.

    Generally, Law is tasking: the reason one has to be up and doing. Even those with two arms and two legs are not finding it easy, not to talk of someone with disability.

    But with determination, nothing is impossible. Coping with the stress as a disable person has not been that easy but for my determination, which has been my stronghold.

    That has taken me through the discrimination I have always encountered in the field and currently facing. I believe I am not a mistake on this earth, for I believe God has a plan for me and such plan must come to pass.

    I most times follow my principal to court on contentious matters, and the only times I appear alone is on moving applications in court, which every young lawyer does. I often times wear my artificial hand, which is called prosthetic hand.

    What can you do?

    I can type. I am proficient with Microsoft word and conversant with Excel. I type my briefs myself.

    What are your hobbies?

    Sharing God’s word, advocacy, writing, reading, travelling and swimming. I also like to bake cake at my free time. I cook my food too and I also do my laundry all by myself and without any external support. I live alone.

    Have there been times people tried to take advantage of you as a result of your disability?

    People price me less because of my disability. Those who offer to give me job when they see me often times want to cut down the salary because they feel I have no choice and I cannot do much for them.

    Are there things you think your deformity has robbed you of?

    Apparently, many things. I may not remember all, but I know that at so many points, I felt depressed. People don’t want to associate with someone with disability.

    They feel you are not part of this world. Some people see you as second class citizen. They feel you are not equal with them and you are less human.

    For instance, when I was in the university, I could not mingle with the high class girls. Sometimes I would not want to come out of my hostel because I realised I had become popular for my disability, as people describe me with it.

    In 2012, I was so excited with hopes of traveling abroad. My parents wanted to renew their passports’ so they decided to take everyone along with the intention of renewing theirs and obtaining one for each of us.

    Upon arrival, my parents immediately did the needful. They paid the official fee. In less than an hour after payments were made and documentations were finalised, we were called one after the other for fingerprint impression and facial-biometric.

    When it was time for me to be captured, on getting into the capturing room, proudly seated, the officer in charge politely beckoned to my dad and said to him, ‘I’m sorry sir, but your daughter cannot be captured here in Benin; she has to go to Abuja for a fingerprint bye-pass, and such cannot be done in Benin.’

    Truth be told, everyone in my family did their biometrics and had their passport that same day. I was the only one who went back without a passport.

    Sometimes, it is no fun being disabled, I must say. Life beyond disability is for those who understand their difference and choose to live life through it.

    What has your experience been with men, especially finding true love and acceptance?

    I once had a guy who asked me out but I told him I was not interested. Despite pressure from him, I still maintained my stance.

    Then he called me one day and angrily told me he was only trying to manage me but I was not yielding to his advances.

    According to him, he only pitied and wanted to do me a favour by dating me. He then told me he was sure no other man would marry me since I didn’t accept him.

    Well, I actually turned down the guy because as a Christian, I believe in the doctrine of Christian morality, the doctrine of the faith.

    Happily for me, I was  actually  praying about it even when I said no, but his reaction just showed that it was not God’s will that we should be together. You don’t intimidate someone into marriage.

    I had a similar experience with another guy. We were flowing together, trying to see if we could bond. We were actually at the initial stage and I was thinking with time, things would get serious with us, only for him to call me one day, telling me he did not think his mother would be able to accept me. Immediately he said so, it actually got me down.

    I was like what do you mean, but I already got the code. I didn’t even want him to continue because I knew it was due to my condition.

    He later told me to hang around to see if he would be able to convince his parents, but I wasn’t the one to hang around; I had to move on with my life. That was how we parted ways.

    I also get to see men who admire me, but at the end of it all would go after somebody else, maybe a friend of mine.

    Such is life though, and I have outgrown that, because one thing about my Christian faith is that I believe when it is my time, it is my time.

    I will never out of pressure or my condition submit to anything or everything.

    What is wrong is wrong, I won’t out of pressure do what is ungodly or what I know would affect me in the end, either in relationship or marriage. Marriage is by choice.

    At the same time, you don’t pity to marry. I don’t want any man to marry me out of sympathy but love. It is better to be single and happy than to be married and unhappy.

    Besides, my parents have never put any pressure on me to get married. They’re after my development so that at the end, I will be the one selecting men, not men selecting me.

     

  • Get flirty with frills

    Get flirty with frills

    Kehinde Oluleye

     

    WHAT’S hotter this season than a frills trend?

     

    Chioma Ikokwu
    •Vintage-Inspired Chioma Ikokwu appears effortlessly cool in pieces that look plucked from the depths of a chic store.

    Flared dresses of various colours, lengths and sizes are still hot items. But among all, the frilly garb is the rave of the moment.

    Chineye Uyanma
    •Chineye Uyanna’s frills-embellished garb is very unique and simple.

    It is suitable for both informal and formal events as it is fresh and appealing.

    Diane Russet
    •Diane Russet raises the fashion stakes with her strappy black number.

    You can keep the style messy or sleek for many killer looks. So, turn heads this season with a cute and flirty frills fashion.

    Melody Molale
    •Simplicity does it-Melody Molale looks fanciful in this simple garb.

    For a more polished look, jazz up your party frills piece with glittery accessories. A stylish frills piece is a great way to add fun and extra style to your look this season.

    Chika Ike
    •Chika Ike looks sleek in this imple strapless style. She sure knows
    how to pull the look together without going overboard.

    For a formal or semi-formal evening, rock it with some dressy sandals (stilettos) and a tantalizing handbag.

    Yara Sahidi
    •Yara Shahidi’s ensemble is pure perfection from head to toe.

    For an informal event, add a pair of stylish over-sized earrings to make a chic and lasting statement.

    Lisa Folawiyo
    •Lisa Folawiyo’s frills pants projects confidence.

     

  • Between love and lust

    Between love and lust

    With Vera Chidi-Maha

     

    KEEPING safe is no longer news. We all hopefully know what to do to avoid danger. So we sanitize our hands and observe personal hygiene.

    However, no one is talking about cleaning and sanitizing our dear hearts.

    No one is recommending any sanitizer to help protect our hearts from heartache and heartbreak.

    Okay, so, here is the thing. If the government is not putting that into consideration, I think we should do it ourselves.

    Thankfully, the physical lockdown of movement is gradually easing, but the initial total lockdown has left in its wake lots and lots of heartbreaks and aches.

    People saw so much of each other. People were forced to make more friends than they did when we were operating under a normal condition.

    Following closure of schools, sex has become a thing with available persons. No wonder the increase in reported rape cases! Sad but true.

    So many now mistake lust, infatuation for love.

    Ironically, many of us do not even know the difference.

    So many people have severally inboxed me asking to know the difference.

    The difference between love and lust is like night and day.

    Lust tends to be more shortlived and more about immediate gratification.  It is an intense feeling and it happens when you are attracted to a guy or girl’s appearance or attracted to them sexually.

    The duration, according to a psychologist, Dorothy Tennov, in her research found that the duration typically lasts at most “between approximately 18 months and 3 years”

    Now, there are signs we should look out for in order to clearly distinguish between lust and love.

    * You put him/her on a pedestal.

    *It is going too fast.

    *You always flirt.

    *You are not yourself.

    *Lust overpowers other emotions.

    * You become desperate.

    * You want everything to be perfect.

    Now, here is the real deal. Love.

    According to research findings, love is a deep feeling of affection that you have for the other person.  It is a lasting attraction that goes beyond the surface and turns emotional attachment.

    Lust on the other hand is basically a physical attraction that leads to an overwhelming feeling of sexual desire, thanks to a rush of hormones.

    Infatuation might not be so bad, right? After all, we only live once?

    I will give a very subtle reason why infatuation can be oh, so bad.

    When someone intoxicated you, it is like being drunk, and in so many ways, this is dangerous.  It is a feeling that totally blinds you to reality.  Trust me, when it comes to matters of the heart, you really will need your head.

    Your head alerts and allows you to see the proverbial red flags.

    Yes, go ahead, take chances but I will encourage you to “shine” your eyes.

    #staysafe

  • I get insulted advising people on healthy living –Nutrition expert Emiko Kathy

    I get insulted advising people on healthy living –Nutrition expert Emiko Kathy

     

    • I ventured into nutrition business after undergoing Caesarian Section twice

     

    Princess Kathy Emiko is a woman of many parts. Besides being a fashion enthusiast and owner of a popular boutique, she is also a nutritionist. But the wife of a popular Warri prince, Yemi Emiko, did not become a nutritionist by accident; it was a field she ventured into after she had to undergo Caesarian Section twice because of her weight. She spoke with PAUL UKPABIO about these and other issues concerning her private and public life.

     

    WHAT is it like to be married into the Warri royal family?

    Royalty in the Warri Kingdom dates back to about 600 years ago. So, marrying into a Warri royal family gives me an opportunity to witness first hand royal splendour and even partake in it. I consider it a great privilege.

    You are a princess by virtue of your marriage. Were you worried about the challenges that come with that at the initial stage?

    I was not worried about any challenge when I married my husband. The reason is that I had dated him for a couple of years before we finally got married.

    I also was not looking or seeing him from the royal stand point. Rather, I saw him as a friend, a confidant and a lover.

    As we became closer and closer over a period of time, marrying him became a mere formality and a mere transition to the status.

    Some women desire to get married to a prince so that they may not need to work again, but yours has been different.

    You have been in the fashion industry and moved into nutrition, skin health and body fitness business. What has been the motivation?

    You really mean some women would wish they marry a prince so they would never work again? That must be a nice, beautiful fairy tale (laughs).

    Well, I thank God who met my desires. I have a prince who can take care of me, no doubt, as God has provided for him. But he allows me to be what I desire to.

    He allows me to fly, if I may use that word. He allows me to do things on the basis of my desire to help women get out of obesity and their diet challenges. It is a calling for me.

    Initially, I did not know that it was a calling. When you say something is a calling, it means that God has put it in you to reach out to others. I want to help women and I am doing that by the grace of God.

    I guide ladies to live healthy lifestyle; to get out of obesity and its challenges. It is a calling for me instead of just sitting and doing nothing after childbirth, regretting my body size and nursing other health challenges like aging prematurely.

    You also have a rich Edo cultural background. What are some of the similarities in both cultures?

    Well, as you know, Warri Kingdom emanated from Bini Kingdom. So, I would be stating the obvious when I say that there are similarities between both cultures.

    Some of the similarities are seen in the symbols used in both sides. Systems of royalty in terms of regalia, the cultures of the people, similarities in chieftaincy title and even the splendor and aura around kings in both kingdoms.

    So can you say you are now a complete Waffarian?

    Oh, I had been a Waffarian even before I met my husband. That is because I schooled in Warri; at the College of Education. I also came back to do my National Youth Service at Chevron Plc.

    What are the things that makes one a Waffarian?

    The hallmark of a Waffarian is being detribalised. Of course, it is also about the prowess of speaking the Pidgin English which is very unique to us.

    It also means intelligence. As you must have heard, Warri no dey carry last! We are also our brother’s keeper!

    We are about unity, putting ourselves in other people’s shoes and considering the happiness of others. That is what makes one a complete Waffarian.

    You grew up under a man like Prof. Eghosa Osaghae, a former vice chancellor of Igbinedion University for over a decade. What values did you learn from him?

    Yes, I recall that his life was all about education, education and education. It was one of the key values that I took away. He taught me the values of education and also how to put others before self! He was selfless.

    He also taught me that whatever I want to do, I should get approval by getting certification; that I must know my onions. That was why when I left school and went into the fitness business, I searched and got certified.

    Till date, I still do a lot of courses. Education is the key. The Bible says that people perish for lack of knowledge; not for lack of prayers.

     You had the challenge of obesity. Was it the result of your privileged lifestyle early in lfe?

    My obesity issue started with my first pregnancy. Thank God I was able to take care of that. It motivated me to know that it is still possible to regain my old figure: getting pregnant, putting up so much weight, then losing weight and going back to my pre-pregnancy look, just the way my husband met me.

    I have always been a very hard-driven person. Even when I was in the university, I was not obese. But when the babies started coming and I saw how I was growing fatter, I was alarmed.

    Thank God for that call and the fact that I didn’t ignore the call and with the help of God, I did something about it. I conquered.

    It was a challenge for me, and since I was able to conquer it, I believed that I should help other women out there who desire to have a wonderful figure.

    A woman’s figure is important. She is supposed to be on top of her health and not just to have a wonderful figure and look after the children.

    We have a role to play while God plays His part. It has been a very wonderful journey for me and it has become my passion.

    So I decided to go for qualification, which was very important. I got certified. And of course I started reaching out to a lot of people. I know knowledge is endless so I continue to learn, do more research.

    How did you resolve your obesity?

    It was a journey and it is still a journey. It was tough. A big challenge! I tried a lot of things from different diet pills, different diets, until I got the solution when I had my second baby in Paris.

    I attended a post-pregnancy class and that changed everything. You see, it is about food. If you can tackle your food intake, you will be able to resolve obesity issues.

    And one thing about eating healthy, it has to be with grace and not by power. The ability to choose between buying ice-cream or chocolate for something else is grace and not power!

    Most often, we all know what to do. Some of us can write a book on how to eat healthy — don’t take sweets, sugar, fizzle drinks, shawama, pizza.

    It is all easy to say. But the capacity and the enablement to do so is where the grace comes in. I was able to resolve that and I am still in it.

    I don’t have a lackadaisical attitude towards eating. I eat with wisdom. I tell my clients too. Now I run an academy and I talk about grace to make the right choice of what to eat.

    Can one actually have a perfect body?

    Genesis 1 verse 31 says God looked at what He had created and approved because He saw that everything was beautiful and perfect.

    And the Bible says in Psalm 139 verse 14 that we are wonderfully and beautifully made. Everybody has a perfect body. God is not a God of mistake.

    He has not made anyone imperfectly. But we have to plug into that perfection by taking care of our body physically and spiritually.

    What advice do you have for women who are struggling to break the fat or trying to prevent the fat after pregnancy?

    What advice do I have for them? It is not rocket science. To be healthy is doable. After the pregnancy and delivery of the baby, just follow the right precepts and be patient.

    A lot of women want to go back to their former dress size the next day, but that is not possible. It took you nine good months to carry that baby, increase in size and then deliver.

    So it probably will take you another nine months of consistency, of determination, of discipline to get back to shape. But the bottom line is that it is not rocket science. It is possible and you can do it.

    Do you miss owning a boutique?

    Not at all, now I realize that it was not in my calling. During the period when I was running the boutique, there were so many struggles.

    And that is what happens when you are not in your calling. Those who own boutiques must be trying. I don’t know if it has changed, but at that time, I had a lot of people who bought without paying.

    So I’m so happy with what I am doing now. I’m so passionate about what I do now that I don’t miss the boutique business in any way.

    When I see people doing the wrong stuff about their health, I can’t hold back; I approach them. Some insult me, some embrace me, but I don’t hold back the information. I give free health talk.

    Can eating habits be of any help in the Covid-19 pandemic?

    Viruses love acidic body. They swim in it! And acidic foods are everywhere. But when your body is alkaline, viruses take a bow and leave.

    A lot of people’s bodies are hosting ground for diseases as a result of what they eat and drink. Nutrition has a huge role to play in terms of Covid-19.

    Take vegetables, drink lots of water, herbal tea, pepper, ginger, garlic and onions. You know garlic drives away vampires. Covid-19 is a vampire, but it cannot stand garlic. Eat right.

    You authored a book titled ‘Jesus wants you fit!’ What has religion got to do with fitness?

    (Laughs) Religion has a whole lot to do with it. Right from the beginning when God created man, He gave him a diet. Genesis 1 verses 29, which tells us that God is interested in what we eat, how we eat and even wants us to worship Him in our diet.

    After He created man, He made provision for food so we don’t go the wrong path. In Proverbs 23 He tells us how to eat against gluttony.

    The bible talks a lot about eating habits because the way you feed your flesh determines the way your spiritual man will grow.

    Philippians 3 verse 19 says there is a god of the belly whose end is destruction. So there’s a lot of connection between religion and fitness. If you don’t take care of your body, it is suicidal.

  • ‘How we became addicted to betting’

    ‘How we became addicted to betting’

    The menace of underage betting is worsening in Lagos neighbourhoods in spite of regulatory restrictions because errant kids are being indulged by parents and operators just as enforcement of the laws against the practice remains weak, reports Kunle Akinrinade.

     

    IN childhood innocence, Azeez (surname withheld) leapt for joy as he rushed out of a sports betting centre near his parents’ residence in Ipodo part of Ikeja, Lagos.

    It was moments after he played a betting game called running dog, from which he won the sum of N3,000.

    “Ah, I have just won N3,000!” the 14-year-old shouted in utmost excitement. “The last time I played a game here, I lost. This time around, luck smiled on me.”

    It was not the first time Azeez, a Senior Secondary (SS) student of a public secondary school in Oregun area of Ikeja would be playing the game of betting. His romance with betting was influenced by his father, who had lived on betting for about 10 years.

    From running betting errands for his out-of-job father, Azeez graduated into a real time bettor with streams of income from it.

    Recalling his foray into the betting game, he said: “My father was the one that introduced me to betting after he lost his job as site artisan in a construction company.

    “About three years ago, I started running errands for my father at different betting shops and kiosks in our neighbourhood. That was where I learnt how to play the game.”

    Then aged 11, Azeez started playing betting games with proceeds of his savings and at times with money he stole from his mother.

    “The lure of the game made me to empty my piggy bank at home and I played the game for the first time in 2014. I did not win but it did not deter me from continuing to bet with my savings.

    “When I first started playing the game for my father, some of my friends mocked me for being a delinquent. But my friends have also fallen in love with sport betting after I shared with them part of the cash I won.

    “Just like today, the first money I won was N3,000 from the sum of N100 that I staked. I was so happy that I could win such a huge amount. With the money, I bought a wireless speaker.

    “At times, I would steal money from my mother’s grocery shop to bet. I have been caught many times and reprimanded but that does not stop me from betting again.”

    Azees is not the only underage hooked on betting. Adewale (surname withheld), a 15-year-old pupil who lives with his parents in the Akerele area of Agege, Lagos, prides himself among his peers as the ‘king of betting’.

    Two years ago, he became fascinated with betting games after an operator opened a centre in their neighbourhood.

    While returning from school, he and his friends would stop at the shop to play the colour, colour betting games with fairly impressive success.

    “Initially, I didn’t know how to play the games. I was only accompanying my friends to the newly opened betting shop close to our street. Before long, I acquired the knowledge to play and win and I have not stopped since then.

    “My favourite game is the colour, colour, and I have won a couple of times,” he said.

    Like Azeez, 16-year-old Frederick (surname withheld), an SS3 pupil, said he took to betting after he ran errands for her mother at lottery shops around their home in Iyana Ipaja, a Lagos suburb.

    He said from the money he won from betting, he had been able to save some to procure the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) examination form.

    He said: “My mother used to send me to lottery kiosk operators on our street to play Baba Ijebu (lottery) for her. From there, I met teenagers like me whose parents had also sent to lottery operators, and they introduced me to sports betting.

    “At first, I did not like to bet until. It was not until my new friends started flaunting the money they had won from betting that I also began to bet. Since then, I have won many times.

    “From the money I won from betting, I have been able to save some to purchase my JAMB form, among other items like bags, shoes and clothes.”

    There are many online betting companies in the country, but the major games that attract minors include football, colour colour, horserace and virtual soccer, because of the instant money that comes with winning.

    Section 34 of the National Lottery Act, 2005 stipulates that it is illegal for underage to be involved in betting with accompanying sanctions for operators who contravene the law.

    “Any person who knowingly sells to any person under the age of eighteen years any ticket in a lottery operated by a licensee commits an offence and shall be liable on conviction to a fine of not less than N20,000 or imprisonment for a term of not less than one year or both such fine and imprisonment,” the law states.

    The Lottery Laws of Lagos State (2004) forbids minors from betting in whatever guise, with appropriate sanctions for violators.

    In November 2019, the Lagos State Lotteries Board (LSLB), through various media, warned persons below the age of 18 to desist from betting in Lagos State.

    The General Manager of the lottery regulatory agency, Bashir Abiola Are, at the launch of the responsible gaming campaign, warned that “any underage who provides inaccurate information regarding their true age may have all winnings forfeited and could face criminal prosecution.”

    He added: “All operators must ensure that they adhere to responsible gaming policy by ensuring that underage people are prevented from gaming.

    Any agent caught may be suspended or penalised in line with the Lagos State Lotteries Law 2004 (as amended).”

    How operators flout regulations, encourage minor bettors

    But despite the federal and state regulations prohibiting teenagers from betting, operators who are scattered around the Lagos metropolis have failed to adhere to the laws.

    Although there are messages placed at the entrance of several betting shops and centres visited by our reporter, warning that minors are not permitted to bet, the reverse was the case in some of the shops our reporter visited.

    In several of the shops, underage persons were seen playing various betting games unrestricted.

    “The operators don’t stop us from playing betting games. They cannot chase us away because we are regular customers.

    They only ask us not to make a noise while playing the games, so we would not attract passers-by or law enforcement agents,” Fredrick said.

    sport betting in Nigeria
    •Inside a betting office at Ikeja, Lagos
    Photos by Ayomide Otitoju

    At Meiran area in Alimosho Local Government Area, 16-year-old Kazeem (surname withheld), who spoke with our correspondent after betting claimed he was never told by the operator not to bet.

    He said: “I was not told that any law forbids me from playing. You can see that I am not the only teenager here. I have been playing sports betting games here for a long time, and I have won a few times.

    “This year alone, I have won for five times.

    “The operator would not disallow me from betting because he has known me since I started accompanying my father to his shop to stake a bet on games.”

    “I should also tell you that our family lives on proceeds from betting, because I usually give part of what I win to my mother to boost her petty trade. In fact, the last time I won N15,000, I gave her N7,000 to boost her business.”

    “As I speak, I have various items including wristwatches, shoes, wireless speaker and a Nokia phone which I bought from the proceeds of betting.”

    Why it is difficult to enforce regulations, monitor violators

    An attendant in one of the betting shops on Command Road, Meiran, Lagos said it is sometimes difficult to determine the age of young bettors because of their height and looks.

    He said: “Well, some of the boys who play betting games have mature heights and looks, leaving one with difficulty in determining their age, since they don’t come around with their birth certificates.”

    A community leader in Agege, Pa Bankole, who requested that his surname should not be mentioned, said the volatile nature of Akerele and Atobaje areas of Agege, which are notorious for drug peddling and hoodlums, are difficult terrains for law enforcement agents to monitor betting centres and shops where adolescent bettors hold sway.

    “Akerele, Atobaje and several parts of Agege are volatile areas because of the cluster of notorious drug sellers and hoodlums who might seize the moment to attack security forces if they come to reprimand or punish operators who allow minors access to betting games,” Pa Bankole said.

    A source in the Salolo area of Alagbado, Lagos said that teenagers freely patronise betting centres around an open field in the community because some policemen come there to play sport betting games too.

    “Teenage betting thrives in this area. If you come around in the afternoon, you will see them playing sport betting games unrestricted.

    Most of them come from several streets away to bet in shops around here, because policemen who ordinarily should reprimand the underage bettors and the operators of the betting centres also bet there.”

    A psychologist, Leonard Ogor, blamed the indulgence of minors in betting games on parental failure, arguing that defective upbringing is a panacea for delinquent behavior, one of which is betting or gambling habits by minors.

    Ogor said: “Underage bettors are products of dysfunctional parental upbringing whereby certain influences at home or neighbourhood encourage minors to play betting or gambling games.

    “Most of these influences are from parents themselves, and at times, the neighbours or peer influences children are exposed to.

    “For example, many parents, especially the poor ones, have taken to sport betting as a result of the harsh realities of the Nigerian economy. In the process, many of them expose their children to betting directly or indirectly, especially when their children run errand for them at lottery and betting shops.

     

    “Also, numerous parents no longer have the time to strictly monitor their children and the kind of friends they keep due to occupational demands.

    Therefore, children from such parents tend to do what they think is the best for them in the absence of proper parenting.”

    Ogor noted that the consequences of the menace on children are grievous, as it does not only affect their psychological growth but also their educational advancement.

    “In no time, teenage bettors become obsessed with betting and lose their sense of morals, rationality and drive to pursue educational goals

    . This is the reason why you see many children dropping out of school to engage in crimes and misconduct in the society.

    “Parents must therefore ensure they fulfill their goals as agents of socialization by raising their children properly through effective monitoring and inculcation of moral rectitude.”

    A social worker and counsellor, Ms Irene Adewuyi, blamed the trend on the collapse of value system in the society and weak institutional regulations.

    She said: “As far as I am concerned, the diminishing societal values and weak implementation of regulations on underage betting is responsible for the menace of minor bettors, not only in Lagos State, but across the country.

    “In our days, our parents and neighbours inculcate morals in us and reprimand us when we go wrong. But the reverse is the case nowadays as moral values have collapsed.

    “Parents no longer care what their children do while neighbours too don’t care about what other people’s children do.

    Also, law enforcement agents and public officers charged with maintaining regulations and enforcement compromise, hence, teenagers freely gamble and bet with most times money stolen from their parents or neighbours.

    “Betting or gambling has a craving that could lead to children picking up stealing habits which lead them into robbery or turn them into nuisance in future.

    “My advice is that parents should monitor their children very well by creating time for them while minions of law should also apprehend culpable operators and offenders.”

    A source at the Lagos State Lottery Board, who spoke in confidence, said the agency last year embarked on Know Your Customer (KYC) programme for operators of sport betting as part of its campaign against underage gambling.

    “In November last year, we carried out a training programme called Know Your Customer(KYC) for operators of betting centres, for the purpose of curbing young bettors who are mostly children or minors.

    “The programme was in line with the directives of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) to financial and non-financial institutions in the country, which helps to identify and restrict teenage bettors.

    “We have also mandated operators to display bold stickers at their centres prohibiting the underage from betting, and there are appropriate sanctions for operators who violate our regulations according to the Lagos State Lottery Laws enacted in 2004.”

  • Oyin Frances bags doctorate degree

    Oyin Frances bags doctorate degree

    Our Reporter

    The Divisional Police Officer (DPO) of Aswani Division (Area ‘D’ Command), CSP Oyin Frances, has been conferred with a Doctorate Degree by an International institution for her outstanding contributions to the development of the society.

    Oriental News Nigeria reports that CSP Oyin, as she is popularly known, was among the recipients of Doctor of Arts Honorary Award by the European American University Commonwealth of Dominican Africa Regional Operation.

    The event took place on Saturday 18th July, 2020, at NECA House, Hakeem Balogun Way, Central Business District, Alausa, Ikeja, Lagos.

    The Coordinator in Nigeria, Dr J.C.Egbuta, while giving the award, said that Oyin was found worthy in character and was recognized for her contributions to the economic, political and social welfare of the society.

    Oyin may have been recognised internationally for her dedication and passion for humanity and commitment as a Senior Police Officer for her several contributions to save live and property.

    She is currently serving as the DPO, Aswani Police Division, under the Lagos State Police Command in Nigeria.

    CSP Oyin is an intelligent officer born and raised in Warri, Delta State.

    Oyin is a graduate of Sociology and holds a Masters Degree in Industrial Labour Relations both at Delta State University, Abaraka.

    She enlisted into the Nigeria Police Force as a cadet (ASP) Assistant Superintendent of Police in 2002.

    She, like many others, were trained at the Police Academy, Wudil, Kano, before she was posted to Enugu State.

    According to her “Nigeria Police is an organisation that should be appreciated rather than dishonoured, when she spoke with the journalists at the venue.

    Oyin stressed that while the police is busy pursuing strategies to enhance operations for the safety and security of citizens, critics are busy looking for opportunities to condemn men and officers; stressing that if the people really understand the extent of sacrifice and risk that police do and face, they will appreciate them better.

    Stating that policemen should be encouraged, Oyin said that in this pandemic alone, officers and men faces the greatest risks enforcing the laws, even when it had to do with dragging recalcitrant citizens who may be highly contagious.

    She therefore plead members of the public to give moral, spiritual and logistics support to policemen, knowing that they are vulnerable to all forms of danger.

    Her honest submission is that the police is the most patriotic outfit in Nigeria. She believes that all officers and men should keep serving diligently and most patriotically.

    She passed out in 2004 from the Academy and has also attended several courses and conferences both at home and abroad. She is a member of (IACP) International Association of Chiefs of Police, a member of International Association of Women Police (IAWP).

    She was a one time (PRO) Public Relations Officer of POWA and presently the Social Secretary of POWA Lagos State Chapter. Oyin was also a one time secretary to the famous Baptist Girls High School Agbor, Old Girls Association, Lagos State Chapter and presently their Security Adviser.

    She has worked in various States and Departments of the Police Force. She was OC JWC, Uwani Division, Enugu, DCO Gwagwaruwa Division, Kano, AO Fillinhuki Division, Kano, DTO Man Centre Division, DCO Man Centre Division, AO Ikeja Division, DCO Ikeja Division, Acting DPO Ikeja Division, DPO Man Center. She was 2ic Area West and Acting Commander Area West, Airport Police Command, Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Ikeja, Lagos, Divisional Crime Officer (DCO) of Isolo Okota Division and later moved to Ago Palace, Okota as DPO, She was transferred to Lion Building Area ‘A’ Command as 2ic Area Commander and later moved to Aswani Division, her present Division.

    Oyin has won numerous awards as a Police Officer. Due to her kindheartedness, she was honoured with the title Ezinne (Good Mother) by C.W.O. Our Lady of Fatima Cathedral, Kano, in the year 2009. She was among the 50 recipients that got honoured by the Lagos State Government at the Lagos@50 Hall of Fame Awards as a Peace Ambassador. Other awards Oyin has received included:

    – Best Media Friendly Police Officer of the Year Award by Rainbow Event Magazine

    – Most People Friendly Police Officer in Nigeria, courtesy of the Crime Reporters Association of Nigeria (CRAN)

    – Most Outstanding Police Officer of the Year by MOPO

    – Pragmatic Leadership Awards by Zenith International Magazine among other awards.

    READ ALSO: COVID-19: Oyin Frances gives palliatives to Lagos communities

    CSP Oyin is passionate, smart and a lover of peace with a special gift in conflict resolution. Testimonies abound on how she had helped solve disputes that would have ordinarily ended up in Court as an Alternative Dispute Resolution Officer. She has equally taken serious criminal cases and pursued them to logical conclusions and with that her simplicity cannot be taken for granted. She is presently the Social Director – POWA; working with the wife of CP, Alhaja N.O. Odumosu, who is the Chairperson of POWA.

    Recently, CSP Oyin Francess received International awards and chieftaincy title in far away Ghana for her courage, passion and commitment to save life and serve humanity by singularly averting ethnic crises during 2019 election in Okota area of Lagos, when she was DPO Okota Division.

    The International award for selfless service and chieftaincy title as Nne udo ndi igbo na Ghana – meaning Mother of Peace, was significant because of the circumstances that led to the recognition.

    CSP Oyin has received more than six awards in 2019 alone for her feat and professionalism which included Echo Nigeria International award of patriotism in the Federal Capital city, Abuja. Other awards included D Elite Award for outstanding DPO of the Year 2019, Most Outstanding DPO in Community Policing in 2019 by The New Experience Media organization and among others.

    CSP Oyin has demonstrated professionalism and leadership in Police Public Relationship and recently shared palliatives to three communities during the Covid-19 lockdown, a unique gesture which has endeared her to the people in Lagos.

    “My hero’s are those who risk their lives everyday to protect our world and make it a better place, police, fire fighters and members of our armed forces”

    It is particularly important to note that policing is very demanding, as their work demands that they be permanently on call. At the same time the police force has had a bad name over the years because of a few rogue Officers who have given new meaning to the saying; one rotten eggs spoils the entire pudding. By their selfish acts, they have dented the image of the police and as fate would have it, the bad elements in the Force are easily noticed. However, it would be dishonest to deny the existence of a good number of police officers who execute their duties with diligence and dedication bearing in mind Robert Peel’s saying that the police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only the members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interest of the community welfare and existence.

  • How to improve communication in a relationship

    How to improve communication in a relationship

    By Rois Ola

    The saying “communication is the key” to any relationship is not new. Personally I think it’s really easy to tell people that communication is important in a healthy relationship, but it’s not as easy to explain how to communicate, when to communicate, because it involves both verbal and body language. And if we’re never taught how to use this key, then we’ll never be able to open the door to healthy communication and keep experiencing challenges.

    Communication is said to be successful when you can convey or share ideas and feelings. You cannot be a great talker, and not be an equally great listener in order to be a great communicator. Communication is about expressing yourself in a healthy way, listening to your partner when they are doing the same, and really hearing and absorbing what the other person has to say, not just talking aimlessly.

    Try these tips for communicating better in your relationship

    1. Try asking open-ended questions as regularly as possible.

    Communication is not just about talking about each other’s days and saying what you had to eat for lunch.  It’s about being able to dig deep and get to know this person as well as you can. It’s not always easy to dig deep, especially for those who have never been comfortable talking about their feelings. And it’s not necessary to make every conversation a heart to heart.

    There are ways to do this without pressuring your partner to spill their deepest secrets. For example, instead of asking yes or no questions like “Did you have a good day?” try asking more open-ended questions like, “How was your day?” Yes, they may respond with a brief non-answer (“good”, “fine”, “the same”), but asking open-ended questions gives them an opportunity to share more if they choose to. Keep in mind that not everyone opens up very easily. Be patient with your partner if they are not sharing all the time.

    The more you get to know your partner. On a deeper level, the more open and honest you may be with each other. And honesty breeds trust, which are two very important pillars of a healthy relationship. Basically trust helps build good relationship.

    1. Try to be sensitive to nonverbal cues

    If your partner says “my day was fine” but their tone sounds irritated, upset, or angry, then there may be something else that they’re feeling but not yet ready to communicate. Communication is not just about the words we say but also how we say them. Our tone and our attitude give away a lot more than just the words coming out of our mouths. And it’s honestly a skill to be able to pick up on those nonverbal cues. Look at your partner’s facial expressions, their hands (are they trembling/fidgety?), their body language (Are they making eye contact? Are they crossing their arms?) and listen to their tone of voice. It may not be easy at first but with time you will understand them better and see obvious signs.

    1. Resist trying to assume what they are thinking

    Sometimes you can tell just by looking at someone what they may be feeling. It’s not always easy to do this and let’s face it: as much as we want to be mind readers, we aren’t and shouldn’t have to be. So, if you’re not sure what your partner is feeling, ask them.

    If you’re the one holding things in and expecting your partner to read your mind, take a moment to appreciate the fact that your partner is making an effort by asking you what’s going on rather than ignoring the problem. Do your best to let them know how you’re feeling when you’re ready to open up about it. It’s not healthy to say you’re okay when you’re not and then get mad at your partner for not figuring it out. Be honest about how you feel to the best of your ability, and try to express it in a healthy way before it gets to the point where it blows up and someone says something they regret. Being direct is always better than being silent.

    If your partner is the one who is guilty of being silent, try letting them know that it’s not really helpful for either of you when they’re not honest about how they feel. Of course, it’s awesome when we know each other so well that we can practically read each other’s’ thoughts and know exactly what to say in the right moments, but we’re human and we may make mistakes sometimes or miss signs that seem obvious to our partner or vice versa. It’s important that you both make an effort to better understand each other and be patient with each other, too.

    1. Tell your partner what you need from them

    Sometimes we may just want to vent and feel validated by having our partner support us.  Other times, all we may require is  advice. Like I said before, none of us are mind readers, so it’s important to try to keep your partner informed so that you’re on the same page. Saying something beforehand like, “I need to vent right now and I’m not looking for any advice, just your support,” or, “I really need your advice on this situation,” will let them know exactly what you need in that moment.

    Being direct about what you need can alleviate some of the miscommunication or stress in a given situation, too. By letting them know ahead of time, we can maybe prevent those unnecessary disagreements brought on by a miscommunication.

    Communication is a skill

    Ultimately, communication is a skill, which means there’s always room for improvement. Work together with your partner to figure out how you can maintain healthy communication and stay on the same page. Be as honest, direct, kind, and thoughtful as you can. Whether it’s with a Bae Sesh, or simply making a bigger effort to open up to each other.

    Ways to improve communication in your relationship

    1. Ask how they are daily

    Check in every day. Asking “How are you? How was your day?” will not only keep you in touch and in sync, it’ll help keep you in the habit of communicating with each other.

    1. Never assume

    It’s easy to get worked up in your own head about something, but never actually reach out to the other person. Assumptions and mind reading usually lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

    Communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about being an active listener. Who is an active listener? “[They] listen to what their partner says, rather than get defensive without understanding the partner’s point of view or where they’re coming from, so be patient and actually listen.

    1. Have regular relationship check-ins

    Just like you should ask how they are every day, you need to check in about the big stuff too. Make sure that you ask, “How do you feel about us?” and if there are any big changes — moving in, getting engaged, going on holiday— make sure you talk about them regularly. It gives you both an important platform to air concerns.

    1. Believe things can exchange

    Part of having positive conversation and communication is having a positive attitude. Don’t approach problems as though they’re impossible to solve.

    1. Respond

    If your partner is reaching out to you, be there to meet them. Couples try to ‘ get each others attention throughout the day, whether it’s for support, conversation, interest, play, affirmation, feeling connected or for affection,“Each of these moments is an opportunity to connect with your partner. A person should look for someone who responds to them, or at least acknowledges them when they try to get their attention, because it shows that they are meeting your emotional needs —or at least trying to.”

    Whether it’s just talking about their day or trying to discuss big issues, recognize that they’re reaching out and meet them.

    1. Talk things through before they happen

    If you know you have a stressful time coming up, touch base beforehand.

    1. Say “thank you” and always be grateful even for the little things

    “A great way to build intimacy is expressing gratitude for something thoughtful your partner did that day,” it really is very simple. The words thank you and well done go a long way.

    1. Discuss your sexual fantasies

    Being able to talk about sex openly doesn’t just mean you’ll both be more satisfied. It shows a real connection.

    1. Communicate during sex

    You don’t need to be into dirty talk to communicate during sex. Giving verbal cues is great, but moaning, leading their hands, even just saying what feels good are all great ways to make sure that the communication is happening in all areas of your relationship — bedroom included.

    1. Pick your timing

    So often we bring something up when we’re feeling frustrated or annoyed. But pick your timing. Don’t bring up a big problem if there’s no time to discuss it properly. Don’t approach your partner with a bunch of small problems while the stressing about something big. You’ll know when it’s a good time.

    1. Take the time to compliment and praise each other

    If you get too comfortable with each other, it’s easy to only bring things up if they’re bothering you. You start to get complacent about the good things and take them for granted, which can breed resentment. Keep pointing out what you appreciate and love about each other.

    It might feel as though communication is all about those big, deep conversations. In reality, it’s all about maintaining the little things. You may not get it all at once but keep trying. I wish you all the best.