The story of one Deji Adenuga, who burnt and killed eight family members of a lady simply known as Titi has sent shock waves across the nation.
Titi had called off the love relationship with him and the fleeing Adenuga thought to pay her back by pouring petrol in her family bedroom while they slept and set it on fire.
Eight members of her family were burnt beyond recognition.
According to the Public Relations Officer of the Ondo State Police Command, Mr Femi Joseph, Titi is the only survivor of the unfortunate incident for now.
But she is in critical conditions in the hospital while Adenuga is on the run
This is one painful situation youths today find themselves. There is the possibility of being in love with someone that does reciprocate.
It is even possible for a young man to ask a lady for a relationship and she turns his request down.
There are ways to handle this situation to prevent a severe damage or committing a criminal offence. Some include:
1. Give yourself time to grieve: After the rejection, don’t be afraid to feel any emotions that come your way. Sadness, anger, fear, and similar feelings are all natural parts of rejection, and working through them now will make it far easier to move on in the future.
Don’t be afraid to cry or scream when you’re alone. If you can, talk through your feelings with a close friend, family member or therapist. Sharing your emotions with a supportive, understanding person can make a huge difference in your mental well-being.
2. Think about why she said no: Though returning to the rejection may hurt, doing so after grieving can help you better understand what happened and gain some closure. If you believe your crush said no because she dislikes something about you, think about whether it is something you should change or if it is a simple matter of preference.
3. Be kind to her afterwards: This is sometimes hard to do because if your crush is someone you see a lot, it is normal to experience some awkwardness after a rejection. But nerves will cool down in the long run, and then your normal friendship can resume. Until then, try to be as kind, friendly, and polite to her as you can.
4. Keep yourself busy: Try picking up a brand new hobby or an old job that you have not touched in a while. If that is not enough to take your mind off things, try setting a personal goal you want to achieve. The busier you are, the easier time you’ll have getting over the rejection.
5. Remember that rejection is not a personal attack: In most cases, romantic rejection is not a criticism of your character. If your crush decides she doesn’t want you, it doesn’t mean she dislikes you or even finds you unattractive. Though every instance of rejection is different, the common thread is that “you” are not rejected.
YINKA looked breath-taking in her flowing white gown. Her ebony-black skin shone like ivory. Her eyes were bright and captivating. As she slowly walked past with the grace of a stallion, she flashed a smile at known and unknown faces that had come from far and near to make the day a memorable one for her and her beau.
She walked on and looked until her eyes rested on Chukwuemeka, her prince charming and lover of four years, who in a few minutes would be pronounced her husband. She heaved a sigh of relief like a champion; her happiness was real, her joy knew no bounds.
Minutes later, she would be heard chorusing after the preacher, ‘I do take you Chukwuemeka, to be my lawfully wedding husband, to love and to cherish, forsaking all other men, in sickness and in health for better for worse, till death do us part’. Once the rites and the ceremonies have been performed, both embarked on a journey to the moon in search of honey thereafter, or is it much later? The reality of the eternal commitment made to each other sets in. So what happens afterwards? For most women, coping with the realities of marital life is highly challenging. Women are like babies who never want their candies taken away from them. By nature, they are sentimental and often times demand of their husbands’ undivided love and attention, round the clock. And when this is not forthcoming in their estimated proportion, they feel shortchanged and sometimes look for trouble even when it is unfounded.
Needless to say that most women find it hard to brace up to the changes that may occur in the man they married and subsequently in their homes. It is not an exaggeration to say the man you married is different from the husband you are living with. It is understandable that during courtship, the parties involved often hide their true colours. Some manners are consciously hidden during this period. However, such manners and behaviours start manifesting once the couple start living together. Women, who later gets to know that their husbands are the type who always ‘hang around with the boys’ become insecure. Such women become suspicious of every move the man makes. Women like this, draw erroneous conclusions and mostly believe that their husbands are engaged in illicit affairs.
Sadly, women like this go through their husband’s private stuff to see if they can get any incriminating evidence to confirm their suspicion and fears. The husband’s shirts and trousers are thoroughly searched for traces of lipsticks or any piece of paper with a lady’s address. For such a home, verbal and physical violence becomes the order of day.
A couple I once knew were always fighting over one thing or the other. Most of the time, concerned neighbours had to rush down to their flat to put out the fire. Interestingly, not one of these neighbours was able to get past the door, the reason being that the (couple) have the habit of throwing away the keys before every fight. Amazingly, the fight took a new turn one day, as the woman charged out of the house, headed for the husband’s car and broke the wind-screen. The husband, in a bid to retaliate broke into pieces the wife’s kitchen wares. The wife, on seeing this went for her husband’s clothing and tore them into shreds with a scissors. The husband went for the wife’s clothing’s and set them on fire!
If you think the scenario above is absurd, ponder over what happened to a close friend, (she will kill me if she gets to read this) who felt that her husband was cheating on her and broke their television set in anger. She did not stop there, she took the husband’s thirty thousand (N30,000) which he initially kept in her custody and tore them up in shreds, just to get back at the man! On the other hand, women who do not have violent tendencies react by developing a low self-esteem.
Such women see themselves as nothing but a mere article of no commercial worth. They suffer from inferiority complex, and become bitter and withdrawn. These tendencies are majorly found in women whose husbands are highly into night-clubbing, keeping late nights or womanizing. Nevertheless wives who discover after they tie the knots, that their husbands are family men at heart, displaying deeper affection for their extended family, begin to get unnecessarily jealous. To such women, members of the husband’s family are seen as competitors for affections and attention, such women may act irrationally and may go as far as putting restrictions on the number of family members that are ‘allowed@ to visit and same even demand prior notification even before the man’s mother can visit.
In Africa, such behaviours are not only disrespectful but insulting to traditional values. Needless to say that it is just a matter of time before such a woman is thrown out and another brought into replace her. It will be erroneous for any African woman to get proudly possessive of her husband so much so that she starts keeping his family at bay. For in Africa, especially in the Igbo culture, it is believed that when a woman marries a man, invariably, she marries his extended family.
One of the mistakes some women make is that they fail to see marriage as it really is. By the virtue of their academic qualifications and dispositions, they have a hypothetical picture of marriage of existing or isolating themselves totally from the man’s family. They tend to forget all too easily that an African will always be an African regardless of his intellectual acumen.
For some couples, living as a couple may not be any of the above. It could be that the man snores heavily while sleeping or exhibits other bad habits like not flushing the toilet after use or will never hang his clothes properly but likes throwing them around.
It could be that, he is the type that will never lend a helping hand in the kitchen or help with the kids, stock-piling his dirty clothes always and expecting his wife to do the washing all the time. He may be the type that never says ‘sorry’ when he is wrong or thank you when you have done something that warrants him saying so. He may never choose the colour of his clothes right in sprite of your numerous protests, or maybe he is never at home on weekends which happen to be his free days.
The truth is, marriage is not a bed of roses. There are ups and downs and one cannot expect that two different people from different backgrounds, different ways of life, will not have frictions and character clashes here and there.
Courting an individual is not the same thing as living with the person all the days of your life. One is bound to notice some mannerisms that were not there before. The reason is because people change as the years go by; new ideas are adopted, while the old ones are discarded consciously and unconsciously. One should not think that marriage is an illusion when one starts noticing changes in one’s spouse.
Any arrangement or plan to address any unfavourable changes in one of the parties concerned should always be open. One thing is certain in marriage, the man or woman you married may have changed, but the friend you have in him or her will never change.
As a woman never loses the friendship you have in your husband, no matter what it could be, the only anchor you can hold on to in stormy times.
If it is the right of a woman to be accepted as a first lady, what, therefore, stops a man from assuming the status of a first gentleman?
I imagine that a time will come in Nigeria when a lady would be the president of the country or governor of a state and it would be epochal that her husband unequivocally becomes the first gentleman! Hope the constitution of this country would tolerate such a man. If so, no problem.
Such a man should be able to float as many Non-Governmental Organisation (NGOs) as he deems necessary. And nothing should debar him from having funds to sustain such NGOs.
First ladyship, no doubt has come to stay in Nigeria. It is an accepted precedent. However, the million naira question now is, who will be the first gentlemen? The first gentleman is that man who would occupy the presidency or state government house and he would have an office due to the wife’s position and be addressed as the first gentleman. Do you know that the so-called male chauvinism is a relative term? Are men holistically chauvinistic? All the great world religions supposedly place men above women. The man is the head and the woman the tail? But what is the fate of a man whose wife is the president? Is that man going to ascend the throne of a first gentleman willing? Even if that man can boast of an enviable profession, will he abdicate his professional role and jump at the perks the office of a first gentleman can offer?
Mr. Ugo Odogwu, a philanthropist, said: “One thing is certain. The pride of the African man. Do you think pride would allow a man to descend so low as to start functioning as first gentleman courtesy of his wife’s position as president or governor? Even if such a man is ready to swallow his pride and accept such an office, what is society’s expectation of him? May be, society itself should be purged of it’s pride. It is only after this that Nigeria can ever boast of the first man being the first gentleman in government. That is also a way to empower and encourage women. Give them the opportunity to aspire to reach the top. Men should not perpetuate their hold on power.
Another respondent who simply identified himself as Emmanuel, an industrialist, submitted that a man in position of authority would like to create avenue for siphoning government’s funds by allowing his wife access to public functions. He also argues that it would be a misdemeanour for a man to act as the first gentleman simply because his wife is in a position of authority, adding that such a man would become irrelevant, weak and voiceless.
On her part Mrs. Omotunde, a politician says if she becomes the president of this country, she would create the office of first gentleman for her husband. “Why, I must carry him along in whatever I do. Secondly, I have to do that in order to protect our marriage, because if he feels sidelined. This may lead to divorce. To her, such an office should be premised on marriage protection.
Ahmad Usman, a medical practitioner, submitted that if his wife was the president, he would like to be addressed as the president’s husband rather than the first gentleman. He then described such an office as unnecessary innovation, un-African and subjugation of the man’s sensibility’.
He says he would rather dedicate his time to his profession instead of playing second fiddles in an office that is unconstitutional.
Another respondent, Mr. Olatunde Olayinka, said: “It’s a natural phenomenon that a woman should look up to a man. Every man wants to protect his social identity and so it is difficult for a man to compromise his dominant element in the society. Having this in mind, there is certainly no room for a man to want to occupy the office of the first gentleman”. He would rather have his own business distinct from his wife’s government appointment.
Mathew Kwentua, a marketer, also agrees with the others. “Halleluyah, if my wife becomes the president of this country, I can even use her influence to make opening for myself, but I will not be caught dead playing the role of the first gentleman. For God’s sake, I am a full blooded African; I must be the head of my wife, though understanding means that she is still my wife but to be a first gentleman?. Totally unacceptable’.
Mrs. O. Olumide, a Lagos-based lawyer, said if at all she goes into politics and eventually becomes the president, she would not allow her husband to parade himself as the first gentleman. Reason. “It is an aberration for him to abdicate his own professional responsibility and embrace such an office. Secondly, if I allow him to have an office, what would be his likely roles? I think he will only use that office to canvass for contracts and possibly use me as a link. If I serve as a link, he may turn around to accuse me of flirting unjustifiably, she rationalized”.
Mrs. Kemi Oduniyi says if she becomes the president of Nigeria, her husband should steer clear of Aso Rock. “This is because he has his own business. He can only advise me. Is he not a partner in progress? His partnership should end with my campaigns. When I an elected, he should retreat.”
It is now evident that Nigerian women can go places politically. But the task now is: How many men are ready to be called the first gentleman with their wives as president or governors respectively?
What exactly is the fuss about mother in-laws? Why do so many people have issues with them? Are they really the monsters people say they are?
The answer is simple. They are not. They are simply mothers; mothers who have to give out their children to another person.
It really is all about perception. Once you have the right perception, it will be a smooth ride with your mother in-law.
If you are lucky to have your mother-in-law on your side, you can be sure you are off to an enjoyable marital experience.
These are 7 easy ways to win your mother in-law’s heart:
See her as your mother
This is the very first step to winning her over. Once you stop looking at her as the black monster out to steal your spouse, you tend to love her just as you would your mother.
Get to know her
How do you love someone you do not know? Find out what she likes. Know her values , her best food, what gets her angry, etc. Do the necessary digging around.
Act accordingly
Cook her that special meal she likes from time to time. Call her as you would someone you genuinely love. Avoid doing things that piss her off, make her know you have taken her as a mother.
Overdoing everything has negative consequences. Overdoing your acts of love with you mother in-law might just turn into a case of familiarity breeds contempt. The key is maintaining a balance.
Prove your love for her child
She needs to know that her child who she has nurtured for decades is in safe hands. Prove to her that you are the right partner for her child. This is where knowing her comes to play. If she is particular about healthy feeding, cook balanced diets for her child.
Make sure her child fulfills parental responsibilities
This is very important. It will make her feel less like her child was stolen from her. Make sure financial and emotional needs are fulfilled. Emphasize seriously on this.
Appreciate her:
Nothing softens the heart like a good dose of appreciation. Call her up one day and tell her how you appreciate how well she brought up her child, tell her how she has been a blessing to you and how you’d rather have no other as a mother in-law.
Follow these steps, and watch your mother in-law love you like her child.
The ancient city of Osogbo is in the spotlight over the alleged disappearance of Osun deity. SINA FADARE, who visited the city, reports that there is more to the issue than meets the eye.
THE controversy generated by the alleged sale of Osun goddess is compounded by the recent removal of the Baba Osun and the Iya Osun, the male and female custodians of the deity, allegedly by the Ataoja of Osogbo, Oba Jimoh Olanipekun.
Chief Adigun Olayiwola Olosun, the man who blew the whistle over the sacrilegious act, had alleged that the missing deity was sold to some people. His allegation followed a call he claimed to have received from a man in Lomé, Togo, confessing that they bought the goddess from a tall woman called Iya Osun in alleged active connivance with Oba Olanipekun, in the sum of N15 million.
The call, Adigun said, was necessitated by the difficulty those who took the deity away were having in putting it in the aircraft that would fly it to Europe where it was billed for sale. In the bid to get out of the quagmire, their accomplices in Osogbo had to avail the buyers with Adigun’s phone number so they could contact him for possible solution, particularly as the goddess was said to have become angry, appearing to them in dreams and demanding that she be returned to the Osun temple.
In a bid to retrieve the deity, Adigun agreed to meet with the caller from Togo in Ibadan, where it was revealed that the deal was allegedly masterminded by the ousted Arugba (the deity’s calabash bearer). Thereafter, he took possession of the deity after their N15 million was refunded.
But speaking with our correspondent in his palace, Oba Olanipekun dismissed Adigun as a jester who did not know what he was talking about.
According to him, the Ataoja (the Oba himself) and the Osun deity are inseparable entities like Siamese twins, adding that his title has its origin in the Osun deity, hence nobody can sell it.
He said: “Osun is a spirit. She only makes herself available to those she chooses to see. And if anybody dares her, she will prove her spiritual superiority. “After my great grandfather, Laro, had settled at the base of the river when they arrived from lpole, Osun came out in form of a pretty woman and presented a big fish to Laro as a symbol of an agreement she had with them that they should move a bit far away from the river bank, and there would be a covenant between her and Laro’s people.
“As part of the process of getting the big fish from Osun, Atewo Gbeja (the fish receiver) became the title of any Oba in Osogbo till today. It was Atewo Gbeja that was eventually pronounced as Ataoja.”
Historical antecedent
Efforts to dig further into the alleged sale of Osun deity revealed the complexity of the story of the deity itself. A lot of loopholes and unanswered questions make the situation more complex. Unlike other notable gods in Yoruba land like Ogun (the god of Iron) or Sango (the god of thunder), whose symbol can be moved from one place to the other depending on where the priest resides, the origin of Osun Osogbo presents a completely different scenario.
According to the Araba of Osogbo land, Chief Yemi Osundagbonu Elebui bon, the Osun goddess was based in a river where the settlers, Timehin, a powerful hunter, and Laro came from lpole to settle because of water scarcity.
He said: “It was Timehin, a great hunter, who went to Ipole to announce the discovery of a big river where the people could settle and make a living. In every dry season, the people usually experienced scarcity of drinking water. He, therefore, invited the people to come and settle close to the river.
“Osun is the owner of Osogbo. Olutimehin and Laro, who were the first settlers in Osogbo, met Osun on ground. When they wanted to settle very close to the river, Osun told them that a spirit and human beings could not leave together.
Ataoja of Osogbo, Oba Jimoh Olanipekun and Former Baba Osun, Adigun
“The people decided to start a living very close to the river. One day, while they were cutting some trees to make a home, one of the trees fell into the river. Immediately the tree fell inside the river, a voice came from the river saying, ‘Oso ile, aje ile won ti fo gbogbo ikoko aro mi’, meaning all the witches and wizards in the jungle have destroyed my dye pots.
“After this strange voice, Timehin, who was a brave hunter, put on his war regalia and entered the river. He saw Osun inside the river and narrated their predicament to Osun and why they came to settle in the area.”
According to the Araba of Osogbo, “the Osun goddess told Timehin that they could not live together with her because they were human beings and she was a spirit. But she told them that they should move forward until they got to three hills where they could settle.
“The first hill they saw was Oke Ohuntoto now in Osun forest. The second one was Jamegbon and the third one was where the Central Mosque is built today. That was how the two families, Laro and Timehin, settled down.
“Meanwhile, Timehin came with a calf from the jungle to domicile in his compound. That was why up till today, the Timehin household is referred to as Omo a merin wa telu. That is, someone who brought in an elephant to domicile in the town.
“Osun told them that she would always assist them and both would live in harmony.
“When the Fulani army wanted to invade Osogbo to launch an attack on Oyo Empire, it was Osun who saved them. It was Osun who came out like a pretty woman, prepared egbo and gbegiri soup and gave it to Ilorin warriors who were stationed at the entrance of the town with a view to overrunning the town during the night.
“After eating the food, they all died. That single act was the point of agreement between Osun and the Ataoja of Osogbo who usually visits the river as a symbol of appreciation.
“How then can we separate Osun from Osogbo? It is not possible. It was Osun who did not allow war to ravage the town, and she also gave children to the barren. So, there is no way we can separate Osun from Osogbo.”
Genesis of crisis
The Nation investigation revealed that since Adigun was relieved of his position as the Baba Olosun, a position he had allegedly used to his advantage, especially in Germany where he resided, things have not remained the same.
It was gathered that the Ataoja had to take a drastic action in order to restore sanity to the traditional temple. It was alleged that the son of the Iya Osun, Ayo Kolade, invited his wife to live with him at the Osun temple, a step the Ataoja said was a sacrilege. All efforts to make Kolade see reason was said to have proved futile.
Against this backdrop, the Ataoja was said to have instructed the chiefs to eject him and his wife from the temple; a situation the mother, Adesiyan Olayiwola (lya Olosun), was not happy with. Hence, she packed her belongings and left the temple.
Providing the background to the feud, the Ajagunna of Osogbo, Chief Gabriel Oparanti, said: “The Ataoja did not remove the lya Osun and the Baba Osun; they removed themselves. The Ataoja asked Ayo Kolade, who was living with his wife in Osun House, to move out because it was a taboo for husband and wife to live together in the place. But when he disobeyed, the Ataoja told us that we, the Chiefs of Osogbo land, should instruct him to vacate the Osun House.”
Ajagunna noted that when Kolade refused to move out, her mother was invited. “We invited Iya Osun and informed her that the Ataoja wanted her son to vacate the Osun House, which was formerly the Ataoja palace, because he disrespected the King.
“But the Iya Osun said that if her son must vacate the place, she too would leave. We told her that she needed not to leave the place. What we saw next was that they came with two tricycles to pack their belongings from the Osun House. According to Oparanti, the Baba Osun and the Iya Osun hail from the same family, implying that Ayo Kolade is related to the Baba Osun. “That was why the Baba Osun too decided to leave, prompting the Ataoja to appoint new Baba Osun and Iya Osun.” However, Oyetunji, went into the background to Layi Adigun’s history, saying that he was not appointed by anybody to become the Baba Olosun. According to him, “Laro’s wife was the first Iya Osun.
She was the one who followed the Arugba to the river. Since then, it is the wife of the Oba that usually performs that function. The Osun deity is my property and anybody that is so blessed by the goddess can worship it. “Osun is a spirit and I am her symbol. Everybody follows me to the river every year to offer sacrifice and supplication. Nobody ever gave Layi (Adigun) or his father the traditional title of Baba Olosun. The Ataoja only has Baba Orisa, because he has many gods like Oro, Ogun and Ifa, apart from the Osun goddess. “The Ataoja used to appease all these gods. So, we have Baba Oloosa, not Baba Olosun.
The Ataoja is the owner and symbol of Osun, and no one else. Nobody can sell my Osun deity, because it is a spirit which you cannot see with the naked eye unless you are an Ataoja.” According to him, “The man called Layi Adigun, who alleged that the Osun deity had been stolen, does not have any connection with Osun. Osun assisted his father in the past and he leveraged on this to attach himself with Osun devotee. His father came from Otan Ayegbaju.
He was a bricklayer. “According to Adigun himself, he claimed that there was a time he was kidnapped and suddenly remembered the Osun goddess which his father was worshipping and he cried to her to save him. “He said he saw a woman with a special bead like Iya Osun who suddenly appeared at the scene and took him away. He said he later found himself at the Osun shrine and did not know where he was until passers-by recognised him and took him to Ataoja’s palace. “When he got to Ataoja ‘s palace, he told everybody what he saw, and since then, he has been attached to Osun worshippers.”
The royal father explained that Adigun’s father used the Osun goddess as a means of survival many years ago. He said: “He had a statue then called ‘Jubilee, which he used to carry about, collecting money from the people. Children usually followed him. We used to give the old man one penny in those days as a small boy.
He used that method to eat and claimed to be a devotee of Osun goddess.” Can Osun goddess be sold? Adigun, who claimed to be the CEO of lya Dudu Centre for Yoruba Arts and Culture in Germany, insisted that he had the custody of the said Osun deity that was allegedly sold, though he could not present it to anybody to see. He argued, “If the lrele in lkirun and the Otin in Okuku can be sold, what stopped fraudsters from selling Osun? They did.” But the Ataoja of Osogbo insisted that Adigun was out of his mind and did not
know what he was saying. He said: “Osun is a heritage which has been passing from one generation to the other. I have followed my fathers, the two past Ataojas, to the Osun groove when I was young. I used to celebrate everything with them. All that they were doing then were exactly what l am doing now.
“Layiwola Adigun is hungry. But he should not tarnish the good names of my forefathers which l hold in high esteem.” Corroborating the royal father, Chief Oparanti, the Ajagunna of Osogbo, said: “Nobody dares sell Osun deity. Anybody who dares to set an eye on it apart from the priest that is in custody of the Osun House will go blind. Therefore, we do not believe it because it is an unverified information. To Elebuibon, the sale of Osun deity is not possible. “It is a goddess that belongs to all. It cannot be stolen. Osun goddess is the only god we celebrate in Osogbo.
Osun Osogbo is a deity that has the origin and foundation of Osogbo. “The man who claimed that Osun deity has been sold is telling a lie, because it is not possible. If it was true, he should show a proof of how it was allegedly claimed back. l did my own independent investigation and l did not see any iota of truth in the claim that the deity has been sold.
“The throne of Ataoja of Osogbo has a lot to do with Osun goddess. There are some people who are into antiquity business but they are warned by government not to sell the core traditional ones.” With Elebuibon, the Araba of Osogbo and a renowned lfa priest and custodian of deities in the ancient town of Osogbo asserting that the Osun deity cannot be moved much less sold, there are many questions only Adigun could answer: where did Adigun keep the so- called Osun deity since he relocated to his base in Germany? Who gave him the title of Baba Osun he is currently claiming? How did he raise the N15 million allegedly paid to those who claimed to have bought the deity without informing any of the traditional chiefs in Osogbo? What will happen to the next Osun celebration if the deity has disappeared as claimed? The answers to these knotty questions are as complex as a riddle. But traditionalists insist that Osun deity cannot be seen with an ordinary eye, much less taken away by someone who is not a devotee.
SUGAR daddies are everywhere. They are married men with a fat purse. They have enough to take care of madam and the ladies or girls outside. In fact, for them, the younger a lady is the better for them. Sugar daddies are owners of companies, they are public office holder, politicians, they are so wealthy that they can afford to fly and keep their wives and kids abroad. So, they can be free to……. They cater for girls, they cater for their parents and siblings, especially if such girls are very good in bed. In fact, if a girl continues to be generous with her body, then a sugar daddy can rent her an apartment, buy her a car, and keep her for a long time to come. But the problems are; though the sugar daddy picks all the bills, how long will it last? What happens to the girl’s future when he gets bored? Since he already has a wife at home, is it possible to walk down the aisle again with another woman? Will the girl be content playing the role of the second wife? If he is the really aged type, how would the girl introduce him in public? I have read stories about men collapsing in hotels while doing it, what would the girl do if she wears him out and he suddenly collapses due to exhaustion? On the other hand, a single man could be okay. He’s not afraid to take you to public places. On Valentine days, if you are the ‘main’ person in his life, you could have him to yourself all day. He could be good prospect for your future. He’s always at the same pace with you all time. He reasons with you and feels you, since he belongs to the same generation with you. You can call each other up as often as you like, even you can do midnight calls. Text messages could simply flow ceaselessly between you. But the problems are, he might not have enough cash to throw around. No big cars, meaning that you might have to trek to your love spots or take a bike. No doubt in my mind he could make it in future, but are you ready to wait? If you decide to wait for him till he makes it in life, are you sure you will be his choice of a future partner. If he opts for another woman, then you might have just wasted your time. From my experience, I have seen ladies who dated single men, and it, worked for them. I have seen ladies who dated and eventually married their sugar daddies, and they appear to be very happy. I spoke to some of my female acquaintances, and this what they have to say…….
Deola Bhadmus
“I have dated both. My sugar daddy is a man I hold in a very high esteem. He paid my school fees throughout my years in the university. After God Almighty, he is the next person. He cares and loves me so much that there is nothing he cannot do for me. When I graduated from university, he bought me a Honda car which I still drive today. I know he has a wife and kids at home, but I also know that he takes very good care of them. His eldest son just left law school and he told me he also bought him a fine car as a graduation gift. So, as you can see, no one is hurt, everyone is happy. I am not saying it is a good thing to date sugar daddies, but if your parents are as broke as mine were; then you might be left with no choice. Also, briefly though, while in school, I dated a single guy. He was a medical student, handsome and about three years my senior. We dated for about six months, and I had to call it off because it just didn’t work for me. He was very clumsy in bed. Whenever he kissed me, there was always saliva everywhere; whenever he made love to me, there was never any emotion from me whatsoever. My sugar daddy is the best option for me. He practically ‘worshipped’ me. I know he might not marry me in the end, but I might decide to have a baby for him, just to say thank you for being there for me.
Mary Jane
Some sugar daddies can be very bitter daddies. The ‘sugar daddy’ I once dated was not actually an old man. He had it all. Good looks, nice dress sense, enough money to throw around and powerful command of English. Even in his business, he was quite on top of his game. Little wonder why I fell for him. Our affair was a very loud one. We did not bother to keep it secret. At least, 80 per cent of his friends knew about it. And it seemed back then that I had their approval. He had been married for about five years without a child. Perhaps he was spending all the money and attention on me so I could give him a child. 14 months into the relationship, I became pregnant. To say he was thrilled would be an understatement; he was ‘over – the – moon’. He spent so much on me that you would think money was going out of
fashion. I was thrilled to give him the child he had long waited for. Five months into the pregnancy, I observed a drastic change in my man. No doubt the money was still coming in but the attention had suddenly nosedived. First, he said it was work, and then his lines became almost inaccessible. When I asked him why, he blamed it on his work. I accepted the lies he told me because I obviously had no choice. I was very heavy with his baby; I could not go to his house, so I just waited for the worst to come. I later found out that his wife had gotten pregnant soon after I did. She did not tell him earlier because she was not even aware she pregnant until she was three months into it. The shock of the news threw me into false labour. I was later delivered of a beautiful baby girl that looked just like her father. His wife had a baby boy, a few weeks after, I did. The point now is that he has severed all relationships with me and the
baby. His friends say he is scared his wife might find out about us. On a monthly basis, my account is always credited with huge sum of money by a faceless person. I know he has been paying in the money.
The society has labelled me a single mother.
Ayisat
Give me a single boy/man any day, I will never date a sugar daddy. Single men are those available for marriage. Which woman wouldn’t want a home of her own? Sugar daddies only use and dump one. No matter how appealing their offer might seem, I would rather date and marry the person I can build a home with. With single men, whether rich or poor, you are assure that your chances with him are 50 – 50. In fact, right now, I am in a relationship with a single man, and I feel on top of the world. Both of us are very much in love. For now, I don’t know if it could lead to marriage, but I am confident that our
Unless you ARE a single mom, you can’t feel like one.
In the year 2000 I was happily married (for 13 years, together for 20) to my college sweetheart, with a lovely home and two young children.
Then one day I began the process of discovering my husband’s long-standing affair—with someone I knew very well. Within 9 months my marriage was over.
And though I met and married a wonderful man— and have been married for over 10 years—the hurt and pain of that time is still there. Still palpable.
I was (and still am) very lucky to have an incredible network of friends and family—without whom I would have never come out the other side as successfully as I did. Yet even among my closest friends, I would experience “well-meaning” advice, words and comments that really stung. Things that I myself might have said prior to my divorce, having no idea how powerful those seemingly innocent words could be:
“It’s too bad you have children—you’ll always be connected because of them.”
This was very painful to hear. My kids were often the singular reason that I got out of bed many mornings following my divorce. There were so many times that I would wake up not knowing how I was going to face the day. But then I’d remember my children—and the responsibility I had to them—and I did what I needed to do. Having them around me made me feel happy, loved, not alone. I can’t imagine my life without them.
(When a spouse is out of town) “I feel like SUCH a single mom this week.”
No you don’t. Yes, you may not have extra hands at breakfast or bath time, but this is NOT the same as being a single mom. The fears, anger, hurt and complications that accompany divorce are there 24/7, as opposed to the temporary “single” status that occurs when a spouse is away. Do NOT say this, ever.
Another well-meaning comment that ultimately stings. Mainly because even in moments when I was enjoying my “alone” time, the reason for it would quickly overwhelm. I was alone not by choice, and as the result of a devastating event.
“You’ll never be truly happy until you forgive.”
I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this. My husband had an extra-marital affair that ruined me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I will never forgive him—ever. And yet I can say, with complete conviction, that I am happy. Happily married. Happily employed. Happily engaged with life.
“I saw it coming.”
Even if you did, don’t say it. No matter the cause, divorce almost always feels—on some level—like failure. A comment like this just pours salt on the wound.
“It’s ultimately for the best.”
It’s natural to want to offer hope in this situation. And I was lucky that in my case it really did work out for the best. But in the beginning I was terrified—for my financial future, and that I’d never meet anyone else. A comment like this diminishes that fear, and rings hollow.
“I’d never survive if it happened to me.”
This is like the opposite of the above comment—implying that divorce is something that would decimate the average person. I only wanted to feel “typical”—not some freak or outsider because of my new status.
“You’re so brave.”
Another seemingly innocuous comment—well-meaning, and yet I can’t think of a single time I heard this that it didn’t ultimately feel like pity.
“I would never put up with (insert spouse’s awful behavior here).”
I hung in for months after discovering my husband’s affair—and no one was more surprised than I was. I knew there’d be no turning back once I ended my marriage, and I needed to be absolutely ready and sure before I did. I learned that you don’t REALLY know how much you’re willing to tolerate—until you’re there yourself.
Joy was only 12 years old when she was subjected to the gruesome, inhumane, and excruciatingly painful torture of genital mutilation.
Sadly, the idea of cutting a part of the female sexual organ in most parts of the country is one that is culturally celebrated and a mark of transition of the girl child into womanhood.
With warm and flowing tears in her eyes, grim pain in her veins, screams and shouts of excruciating torture, Joy went through one of the most agonizing phase of her entire existence.
Please stop!!! She cried as she begged the locals who were cutting her to have mercy. In all, four women held and pinned her down to the wooden bed as the chief “operator” continued in her “cutting” business.
Whether Joy lives to tell the story is a discussion for another day. There are so many young girls like Joy who either have a pitiable story to tell or died during the process of the mutilation. However, the aftermath of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is by far devastating and reprehensible.
Female genital mutilation is also known as female genital cutting or female circumcision. It not only destroy lives in the name of fulfilling an archaic cultural norm, but also causes more harm than good to the girl-child.
According to a definition by the World Health Organization (WHO), Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) comprises all procedures that involve partial or total removal of the external female genitalia, or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons. This act is mostly carried out by traditional circumciser who often play central roles in the community such as attending child birth.
Recent statistics from the WHO reveals that more than 200 million girls and women alive today have undergone female genital mutilation in the countries where the practice is concentrated.
Also, there are an estimated 3 million girls at risk of undergoing female genital mutilation every year. The majority of girls are cut before they turn 15 years old.
The report further shows that the procedures are mostly carried out on young girls sometime between infancy and adolescence, and occasionally on adult women. More than 3 million girls are estimated to be at risk for FGM annually.
More than 200 million girls and women alive today have been cut in 30 countries in Africa, the Middle East and Asia where FGM is concentrated.
The practice is most common in the western, eastern, and north-eastern regions of Africa, in some countries the Middle East and Asia, as well as among migrants from these areas. FGM is therefore a global concern.
Nigeria, due to its large population, has the highest absolute number of female genital mutilation (FGM) worldwide, accounting for about one-quarter of the estimated 115–130 million circumcised women in the world.
Also, according to U.S. National Institutes of Health’s National Library of Medicine (NIH/NLM), “In Nigeria, FGM has the highest prevalence in the south-south (77%) (among adult women), followed by the south east (68%) and south west (65%), but practiced on a smaller scale in the north, paradoxically tending to in a more extreme form.
“Prevalence rates progressively decline in the young age groups and 37% of circumcised women do not want FGM to continue. 61% of women who do not want FGM said it was a bad harmful tradition and 22% said it was against religion. Other reasons cited were medical complications (22%), painful personal experience (10%), and the view that FGM is against the dignity of women (10%).”
In Nigeria, FGM is being tackled by World Health Organization (WHO), United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF), The International Federation of Gynecology and Obstetrics (FIGO), African Union (AU), and many women organization, sensitizing and educating the general public at all levels about the danger and undesirability of FGM.
However, there is little that can be done both at the individual, group or community level without the backing of an extant law condemning and prohibiting the practice of FGM. At the moment, there is no federal law prohibiting the practice of FGM in Nigeria, and this is the reason for the slow and somewhat retrogressive progress or otherwise in the prevalence of FGM.
This is a clarion call to every well-meaning Nigerian – Man and woman, boy and girl, young and old, to say “NO” to FGM and protect the lives and future of the girl child in our dear country. Parents, say “NO” to Female Genital Mutilation.
Beyond their fame from movies, some actors are now flourishing as university lecturers in different citadels of higher learning across the country. Leading the pack is Sola Fosudo, whose acting prowess register his name in the minds of movie buffs, with his performance in hugely successful soap opera, Village Headmaster (now rested), Glamour Girls, Ripples, and Iyawo Alhaji, among others.
Now, a professor of Theatre Arts at the Lagos State University (LASU), Ojo, Fosudo, who joined the university in 1994 as Junior Lecturer, straddles between two worlds—acting and lecturing.
In a recent interview with a newspaper, he gave reasons why he decided to juggle the two worlds against the disenchantment of many of his colleagues who feared that he was about to drop his relatively successful and lucrative career for lecturing, which at the time was poorly remunerated.
He said: ‘’I was happy with the industry at the time I moved to LASU, but I have always looked forward to growth, and I knew LASU would be a platform for me to make a bigger contribution to the development of theatre in Nigeria.
“Development theatre in Nigeria should not be only through films but also by training people. I applied to LASU, passed the interviews and was employed. But when I joined LASU in 1994, some people felt I was unserious or insane. I was already earning N150,000 to appear in movies. I had featured in popular movies like Glamour Girls, True Confession and a host of others. However, when I joined LASU as a Lecturer 2 in 1994, my salary was N5,000.
‘’A few years after joining LASU, I was instrumental to the establishment of the Theatre Arts Department. I joined the English Language Department but later applied to the Department of Theatre Arts, which started in 2001. For me, this is a major achievement as many students have passed through the department.’’
Next is multitalented performance artiste, Tunji Sotimirin. The Ijebu Aiyepe, Ogun State born popular actor, stand-up comedian, broadcaster and singer with two music albums to his credit currently lectures in the University of Lagos (UNILAG). Famed for his Konkere music contraption, Sotimirin, in a recent media interview, said: “When you find yourself teaching, it doesn’t mean you should give up your first love. You don’t say you’ll abandon it because you are teaching.’’
In this league also is seasoned actor, Ayo Akinwale, a professor of Theatre Arts at the University of Ilorin, Kwara State. Akinwale is famed for combining deep Yoruba accent with fluent English diction. He has appeared in countless flicks, including Oko Aseetani, Osooro, Eti Keta and a television commercial on Bagco super sack.
Akinwale studied at the University of Ibadan, and he participated at local and international theatre festivals under the tutelage of Prof Adelugba. He was formerly in the employ of the Broadcasting Corporation of Oyo State (BCOS) in the 1980s, from where he moved to The Polytechnic, Ibadan. He was later appointed the Head of the Department of the Performing Arts at the University of Ilorin (UNILORIN) in 1985.
Akinwale is a scholar of repute with books and articles on Theatre Arts in Nigeria to his credit. Some of his publications include From Compound Space, to the Living Stage’ Nigerian Theatre Journal (1998); ‘Theatre and Democracy in Nigeria’ Nigerian Theatre Journal; ‘The Nigerian Theatre and Economic Viability.’ Arts Administration in Contemporary Nigeria; The Nigeria Broadcaster’ Media Nigeria, among others.
OTHERS
In the Nigerian movie sector, no one can deny the place of veteran actor, Kola Oyewo, a professor of Theatre Arts at The Redeemers University, Ogun State. Oyewo, who started out as a stage actor and instructor at Obafemi Awolowo Univesrity, Ile Ife, Osun State, had featured prominently in the stage acting era of the country’s film sector with notable doyens of the art, including Oyin Adejobi and Kola Ogunmola, both of blessed memory.
Desirous of upping his ante and educational background, Oyewo would later earn a bachelor’s degree in Theatre Arts from the same university and capped his academic back up with masters and doctoral degrees from the University of Ibadan (UI).
With his then newly attained academic background, Oyewo, who played the lead role in Tunde Kelani’s movie, Kosegbe, where he acted as Mako, the incorruptible Customs chief later lectured at OAU and retired from the university in 2011 and has since pitched his tent with The Redeemers University.
Speaking with The Nation recently, Oyewo said he decided to earn university degrees and become a lecturer in order to further make impact in his profession.
“When I joined Oyin Adejobi Theatre group in 1964, Chief Lere Paimo, who was manager of the theatre then, was my role model. I loved the way he acted, the way he sang, and I tried to emulate him.
“When I came to the University of Ife theatre in 1973, Uncle Jimi Solanke was there for me to look up to. So at different stages of developing my talent in theatre, I had different people to look up to.
‘’I wouldn’t call it an afterthought (his decision to acquire university degrees), because I started living in an academic ambience and I saw that it was necessary for me to improve on my status. That if I had the opportunity, why don’t I acquire knowledge and become a teacher, not just remain as an actor forever? “Because I started working in the university environment since 1973, I saw the opportunity and I grabbed it. And I was encouraged by a lot of people, including my wife.
“My then head of the department, Dr. Akomolafe, encouraged me to change to academic after my first degree. Professor Femi Osofisan also encouraged me. Even those who are younger than I am encouraged and mentored me to get into the status that I am now as an Associate Professor of Theatre Art.
‘’A lot of people think that they can jump up one day and say that they are actors. I believe that there is talent, but they just have to acquire some knowledge so the talent you have, you will nurture it to maturity.
“So, it is not enough to be talented. It is equally important to acquire knowledge in whatever you are doing. I advise that the young ones who want to be artistes, once they discover they have the talent, they must also try to acquire knowledge to learn the techniques and the mechanisms of the profession.”
Movie lovers of the 80s and 90s would easily remember Doyin Hassan, who starred in Natal, a film produced in the 80s by Doyin Hassan. Hassan shot into limelight in the movie scene in 1985 as star actor in The Heretic, a movie jointly produced by Baba Babs-Fashina and Jimi Odumosu of Lagos Televison, LTV 8.
“Hassan who holds a doctoral degree in Marketing has featured on many stage productions and movies, including Trials of Oba Ovonranmwen written by Ahmed Yerima in 1996; Iku Olokun Esin, an Akinwunmi Ishola’s adaptation of Death and the Kings Horseman written by Wole Soyinka in 1994; Ola Rotimi’s Kurunmi directed by Olu Akomolafe of Obafemi Awolowo University, Ife in 1996; Arrows of God (1998); Sango (1999); Saworoide (1999), Agogo-Eewo (2003), Campus Queen (2003), Arewa (2003), and Widows the Mourning After by Jimi Odumosu in 2003, among many others.
Hassan, currently a senior lecturer in the Department of Marketing at the Lagos State University (LASU), where he was an Assistant Director in charge of School of Part Time Studies.
Alex Usifo rose to fame in 1988 when he starred in Zeb Ejiro’s soap opera, Ripples, where he played the villain called Talaab Abass and has since starred in over 250 movies to date.
He took a break from acting to earn degrees in the university, culminating in a doctoral degree in Information Studies from Babcock Univesity in Ogun State, where he now teaches in the Department of History and International Studies.
Joke Muyiwa is one of the few female thespians around who are doing exploits in the movie industry. The star actor in Ayitale, a film produced by Femi Adebayo, is a senior lecturer and former Head of Department of Theatre Arts at Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ogun State.
Also on the list of actors turned lecturers is a renowned playwright, actor, director and producer, Professor Ahmed Parker Yerima. Yerima, a former director of the National Troupe of Nigeria and Director-General of the National Theatre, is currently Dean of the College of Humanities at Redeemers University. He has featured in several movies, including Widow, The Mourning After, produced by ace filmmaker, Jimi Odumosu.
Popularly called Saka, Hafiz Oyetoro, a comedian and actor, has featured prominently in several movies, including Tunde Kelani’sKosegbe. He is a senior lecturer in the Theatre Arts Department of Adeniran Ogunsanya College of Education, Ijanikin, Lagos. He made the headlines when he ported from Etisalat to MTN as ambassador with a mouth-watering remuneration.
Like Oyetoro, Gbenga-Windapo is a prolific thespian and comedian who has featured in several movies and stage productions with Oyetoro. Windapo, who is the founder of LAFOMANIA, is also a lecturer at Adeniran Ogunsanya College of Education (AOCOED).
Although Igodo, an epic film, brought Dr Sam Dede into prominence, he is also a lecturer at the University of Lagos (UNILAG). He would later switch over to the Department of Theatre Arts at the University of Port Harcourt and was later appointed as the director-general of the Rivers State Tourism Development Agency.
While the foray of theatre arts practitioners into academics may be personal decisions of the aforementioned actors, a cross section of them are not willing to quit acting for lecturing yet.
Sotmirin said: ‘’When you find yourself teaching, it doesn’t mean you should give up your first love. You don’t say you’ll abandon it because you are teaching.
“The universities also began to give some focus to the discipline in their curriculum.
“The truth is that the admission of students into the Theatre Arts departments in universities has helped to correct certain misconceptions about the profession.
“They now realise that it is discipline that prepares you to hold your head high anywhere you find yourself.”
A Lagos based nurse and mother of four, explains how she found her death certificate in the vehicle of her husband and father of her children.
She shared this experience with a Nigerian OAP who posted it on her Twitter account.
The message reads:
“I am in a very sad mood, I feel used and rejected, I feel so terrible, I am married with four kids and I always felt I am married to the best man in the world.
“I am a registered Nurse in a Government hospital here I Lagos, while he is a dentist.
“Our plan has always been that when our first child finishes primary school, we will relocate to the US.
“About a year ago, my husband started dating a lady in her late 30s. I saw her messages and challenged him after which he appologised and I forgave him.
“However, to my surprise, he came home late on Friday night and slept very early on Saturday. I drove his car out to refill the gas. I saw an envelope in his car.
“Inside this envelope, was his passport with US visa on it and the lady’s own with US visa. I saw the form he used to fill his visa application.
“In the form, he said his wife was late and my death certificate was attached and his wedding certificate with the lady was also attached.
“In the form, he wrote out all our children’s name but he claimed their mother was late. I made a photocopy of all the documents and returned the documents.
“I nearly ran mad. He observed that I have been so cold lately and he has been asking what the matter is.
“What should I do? How should I accept this level of wickedness and traitor attitude?
“Please Mummies, advise me before I do something drastic”
