The months leading to a wedding can be really exciting. Couples enjoy the bliss of falling in love and agree to get married to each other for a moment it can make them see each other as being perfect.
Nevertheless, being a newly wedded bride or groom can be very unraveling. You discover a lot of things that you didn’t even know were in existence. Couples make a lot of silly mistakes and the boss of them all is that they forget to plan life after wedding.
As newly wedded couples there are certain criteria you need to take if you want a successful and peaceful marriage and true getting there it can be tough.
No marriage is perfect, there would be good times and bad times but they are all part of the marriage process.
Here are some newly wedded couples should avoid:
· Irrecoverable debts. Most couples spend in excess during preparations of their wedding that managing bills and debts put a strain to their new marriage.
To avoid this, couples during preparations of their wedding should cut their cloth according to their size, prepare a budget, stay on the budget and get your finances proper and you will probably fight less.
· Operation spouse changer. One of the greatest mistakes spouse make is trying to change their partners. Often, one spouse thinks a marriage certificate will prompt a sudden change. Then why did you get married to him/her hoping they will change?
Frankly, most adults don’t drastically change. Therefore your best bet is that you should willingly accept your spouse the way they are, basically him/her is unique and different in their ways.
Not bonding with each other. Most marriages have failed because they lack the basic necessities for a relationship to grow such as quality time, attention, adequate care and concern. Not spending a lot of time with your spouse. All these can cause a great damage to the marriage.
Acting like you are still single. Some couples are yet to adapt to the marriage due to the fact that they just got married.
Well, while you want to cling to your old single lifestyle and habits such as hanging out with friends, going to club and staying late outside, you have to realise that you are no longer alone.
Now you “ll need to plan how much time you will spend with friends and how to maintain your friendship while balancing it up with your marriage.
· Ignoring important discussions. Many couples have been trying to avoid confrontation, hence avoiding important discussions.
Now that you are married, however you really need to discuss the key issues in the marriage together. Be an adult and talk about the issue in harmony and settle up the differences.
Getting jealous. Jealousy is a poisonous instrument that should be avoided in marriages to make the relationship grow. Trust your spouse no matter the situation and let the marriage grow peaceful.
“My wife suddenly just fired my driver and gate man without informing me about it, I came home and she told me that they insulted her.
“Fast forward to one year later, I mistakenly cheated with her kid sister and she found out, I begged and begged my soul out, the only thing that I did not give her was my life but she kept saying she was fine when I knew she was not.
“So recently, I called her into the room and went on my knees, as usual, to beg and beg again. I was even crying.
“All she did was laugh so loud, I felt it was getting to her and she was losing her mind then I held her hands and hugged her so tight, do you know what she told me as I hugged her, she said that , Baby do you know why I fired our former gateman and driver, I nodded my head and she said, it was because I Slept with them .
Hey, what’s up? Hope the week has been fruitful? As usual, there’s still a lot of issues to discuss but I decided to dedicate this week’s edition to publish more of your mails.
In fact, you guys have over motivated me with your text messages and emails, just keep sending them in.
I want to use this medium to apologize to my gay readers. I do not believe in gay relationship, so I refuse to encourage it on this page. My critics, keep playing the check and balance role but don’t overdo it. You overdo it when you personalize your criticisms. To my sugar sons, none of you even bothered to apply to me. I wonder why? Don’t you think I am qualified to be one? Na wa for una sef.
To those in search of serious relationships I wish you the best of luck.
Well, till we meet next week, God willing, cheers and stay blessed.
Re: Office of the First Gentleman: Why not?
Dear Vera,
That’s very relaxing. We can even try calling the guy “First Dude” to make it look hip! But, let’s be serious, that’s not going to happen. The African man is a born chauvinist and nothing can change that. And, in any case, how many women will vote for a female candidate in Nigeria? You know the answer. Don’t you? Have u great weekend.
Olu.
Re: What edge does a sugar daddy have over a single men?
Dear Vera,
The above article was educative , informative and entertaining. It was food for thought. I’m a married man of over twenty years. What do you do when a young lady approaches a playboy or cassanova to be his area father or uncle? Is that not the start of sugar daddy affair? Keep it up. God bless you.
Cyril.
Re: Can you live in your wife’s apartment?
Dear Vera,
The above was a very interesting piece. For me, I will never advise any man to live in a woman’s apartment for any reason. I had a very nasty experience. I dated my wife for ten years before getting married for another ten years. I am a business person, but she works with one of the oil companies. She became very wealthy and bought a house and that was how we separated till today. I have been sending a series of messages to her to divorce me, but she refused to respond. Now, I’m stuck at fifty four years of age.
Michael (Not real name, please).
Hello Vera,
How are you doing? I am a Benue boy, Podolsky. I love you.
Hello, Benue boy,
Lol. I love you too.
Dear Vera,
I really gained something special from the article, ‘Can you live in your wife’s apartment?’ Keep it up.
Fred.
Dear Vera,
How are you? Send me your WhatsApp number so I can chat you up, babe. I like your article, especially the one on ‘Romance without finance’. Actually, you aired your views to a great extent. Great days ahead my princess.
Thanks, waiting.
Dear Waiting,
I will send you my WhatsApp number as soon as I know the meaning of WhatsApp
Dear Vera,
Benue people are in love with you.
Dear Benue people,
Awwwww…I love all so much more.
Re: Does a woman really mean yes when she says no?
Dear Vera,
First, for a young man to be wooing a woman instead of a young woman or a lady is a mismatch. Then you wrote ,”Allow him to call you five times before you return one call. Make him swear a bit” No wonder the churches are weekly crowded with several matured spinsters who must have pompously missed their would-be life partners. The Bible says,” the race is not for the swift, but time and chance happens to them all” Eccl 9vs 11. Please, advise our ladies to wisely make haste when the sun shines.
Elder Ladipo O. David, Efon Alaaye, Ekiti State.
Dear Vera,
Good morning, my name is Chiamaka. I am 21 years, 300 level at …I once wrote this a guy in his final year, studying Mechanical Engineering, always calling me pet names and also texting with, My dear, My love . Mid last year, he suddenly opened up to me claiming he’s in love with me. Since I accept his overtures, I have been the one calling and texting. I am totally confused because I truly love this guy. He possesses the qualities I require in a man. He is humble. Please tell me what to do.
Chiamaka.
Dear Confused,
If he doesn’t want to follow up on his overtures, please let him.go. At 21, you have your whole life ahead of you. I assure you there will be many other better guys that will come your way. Commit to your studies, look good and delete his number.
NKECHI and Brown had been living together as a couple for over 10 years. They were blessed with three lovely daughters. To the outside community, they were an ideal couple, as they could be seen holding hands while they take walks down the streets. To put it mildly, they made every bachelor and spinster green with envy each time they take their evening strolls.
To the whole neighbourhood, Nkechi was known and addressed as Mrs. Brown and she would glow and respond with a wave of the hand whenever one addresses her that way. She was respected, and she had a perfect ‘home’ or so we thought. Nkechi’s world in one day came crashing down on her when the unexpected happened, did I say unexpected? I would like to paraphrase. Her world came crashing down on her when the unimaginable happened.
Brown had just been promoted at work (by the way Brown is a banker). Nkechi was elated, no she was thrilled. She did not stop there. She came to church to testify to the goodness of Almighty God on her household. She told of how they had hitherto stayed in a one-bedroom apartment and the package that was attached to her ‘husband’s promotion (a four-bedroom apartment, fully furnished and an official car with a driver).
The whole church gave a resounding applause following her testimony. The following week she went to the market and prepared Brown’s favourite meal, banga with starch, unusually. Brown came home a little earlier than expected with a strange looking man in a faded blue suit, the man was clutching a very huge Bible that Nkechi never knew existed in the stores.
Warmly, Nkechi welcomed her husband with a hug, but she got the shock of her life when Brown gently but firmly shoved her side. The Daddy welcome his kids chorused was met with the same cold response. She ushered the funny- looking man in and a surprised Nkechi followed them from behind.
She could not comprehend what the problem was. Was there a problem in the office? Had the promotion been withdrawn? Was there a bad news item from the village? A thousand and one questions went through her mind. She had lived with her husband for ten years. So far, the union had been blissful. Brown had never in those ten years raised his voice on her or even the kids, so what on earth could be wrong?
Innocently, she entered their one-bedroom apartment and before she could offer their guest any drink, her husband ordered her to sit down. Still feeling a little numb from Brown’s strange behaviour, she managed to sit down. Brown introduced the man as a prophet who he met earlier in the day when he went to have lunch with his colleagues. He claimed the man told him (Brown) the story of his life, right from his childhood days. The man even told him about his promotion and how the future would look bright except for one thing. At this point, Nkechi’s heart was beating so fast she could hear it.
Brown paused and looked at the man, as if asking for support. The man cleared his throat and continued from where Brown stopped. He looked straight into her eyes and said: “Madam, you be witch na you wan kill this man.” Before she could recover from the shock of what the man was saying, Brown, pointing an accusing finger at her, said: “Nkechi, so after all I have done for you. This is the thanks I get? Prophet says that if I continue to live with you, I will die in six months”. Nkechi said she could not sit any longer. She tried to find her voice to respond, but Brown was not through. He started dealing severe blows on the woman, shouting on top of his voice, he yelled, “leave my house,” throwing her things out in the process.
Still dazed from the happenings, all she could mutter was Dim, Dim (which means my husband, my husband). This even infuriated him the more. He got angrier and asked: “Who is your husband? Listen, you witch; I am not your husband, neither are you my wife. You are simply the mother of my children. After all, did I pay any bride price on you?”
At this point, neighbours had started rushing out from their rooms. Brown was not deterred by the crowd. He continued to shout: “Leave my house! Leave my house! Witch! You are not my wife. You are not my wife! You are just the mother of my children”.
All efforts by neighbours, friends and family members to make peace met a brick wall. To cut a very long story short, that was how Nkechi left her home of ten years to become a single woman and disgraced. The shame she brought on her parents could not be explained. Looking back, she recalled how she got pregnant for the man she called her husband for over ten years, the man she had sacrificed her future for.
And due to her pregnant state, Brown compelled her to move in with him and promised that the marriage rites would be done soon after the baby was born. Nkechi had been so carried away by Brown’s promises to meet with her parents that it never dawned on her that ten years, three kids, had passed so quickly. Whenever she tried to remind him, he would tell her that the time was not right. He claimed he was waiting for the big bucks to come before they perform their marriage rites. Well, the rest as they say is history.
Brown has since moved to Abuja. He has a very huge four-bedroom apartment and a car to match. Nkechi is stuck in Lagos with her kids, squatting with friends here and there, as her parents were still too angry to accommodate her. With no further education, no job (Brown had earlier told her there was no need for her to work). Where would she go from here? Would Brown come back to his senses? Was this a set-up so that she would not partake in the benefits that came with his promotion? Who was this fake prophet and where did he come from? If she was good enough to be his wife in a one-bedroom apartment, why was she not good enough when the goodies were here? What does the future hold for Nkechi and her kids? Only tomorrow will tell.
My comment
If you must move in with a man, ensure he fulfils all conditions of acceptable marriage rites. If he does not have enough money, support him. (Wedding does not necessarily have to be expensive. You can go to the registry with just two witnesses. That way, you earn yourself and your kinsmen the respect they deserve. Don’t be too blinded by love that may not even appreciate you. I don’t care how long you have lived with him. I don’t care whether you have kids for him or not. If he has not performed the marriage rites, you are not his wife, and he is certainly not your husband.
The sooner you rectify this, the better for everyone. If he loves you, let him prove it. With one thousand naira, you can be married.
I AM 16 years old. I desperately need your advice. I am not living with my parents due to some circumstances.
My problem is masturbation, and I have been doing this for two or three years now. This act is affecting me seriously. All I think is sex. My concentration has dropped drastically and my academic work is suffering.
I use to be very intelligent, but not anymore. I have resorted to examination malpractices which I feel so bad about.
Please, I need your help urgently. I am ashamed of myself.
Name withheld.
Realising the fact that you need help is good. We must commend your courage for sharing your problem with us. It takes a lot of strength to summon such courage to do so, bearing in mind that masturbation is a secret habit that victims are ashamed of talking about freely.
Most teenagers, males or females, are confronted with the same challenge, but they find it difficult to open up. The reason is that at the stage of adolescence which starts from the age of 13 to 19 years young boys start going through changes in their bodies. Physically and emotionally, this is also applicable to girls as well due to the hormonal changes.
Feelings come to play when a young boy or girl starts thinking that he or she is in love with a particular girl whereas in the actual sense, it is just mere infatuation or crush. Now a child that does not understand why he or she is feeling in a certain way might go the wrong way because of lack of proper information from home to start with at an early stage.
Masturbation can be described as self-stimulation of one’s genital to the point of orgasm. This is one widespread struggle of adolescence which some see as a joke. Some silently talk about it among friends, while some are so ashamed to be related with the act.
The issue of masturbation is not only centred on males. Some females are also involved in the act as well, but the difference is that the ratio of boys that masturbate is more than the girls.
Teenage stage is a remarkable period of physical and emotional changes in a person’s life. Therefore, the sudden changes all teenagers experience often surprise and confuse them because of little or no information given. They are most times not adequately equipped to understand and tackle the sex urges as the play up which is natural due to their current stage in life.
In addressing the issue at hand which is masturbation, it will be proper for us to list out the possible reasons why teenage boys, for example, masturbate.
Physiological changes: This is as a result of the hormonal changes that take place at this period. Feelings start driving wide, so lack of the right information on how to deal with such feelings can actually lead to masturbation which, if not addressed, can affect other aspects of the person’s life.
Next is lack of proper sex education. This is a situation whereby a child is not properly informed about the changes that will occur in his body both externally and internally at a certain age, that is, what to expect and how to go about it. Once there’s a gap, the child, in the process of seeking answers or solutions, might be guided wrongly into masturbation.
However, some adults have this notion that talking to children about sexuality, sex and relationship is actually encouraging them to put the act into practice, forgetting that knowledge is power. On the other hand, some children to view any awareness of their bodies particularly sexuality as bad. This simply leaves some children unprepared for sexual urges and surges they encounter as adolescence.
Other factors are the company they keep: The type of friends they keep and what they do (peer pressure).Rumours and secrecy can also lead a teenager into the act of masturbation. Masturbation is like a drug addict hungry for his next fix when to address.
Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker.
Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com. You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.
Blind date can be so unnerving even for the confident ones. Basically, you just want to hook up with the person you haven’t met before.
Few things strike terror into the hearts of men so much. What is the person going to look like? Are you both going vibe together? What if it’s a total disaster?
Here are some few pointers on how you can survive a blind date,
START WITH A PHONE CALL
Before going on a blind date, it is important to talk to your date on phone, listen to her voice, get more details about your date, make plans about the date, ask her about her background and what interests her so much, so when you go on that first date, though it’s blind, it’s not in the dark
BE POSITIVE
Nobody like a curmudgeon, stay positive. Set your expectations to be neutral. Don’t be too negative or assume you are about to embark on a worst case scenario. If you keep thinking then the outcome would surely turn up to be a bad one, so when going for a blind date has a positive mindset.
Give yourself and you’re a chance to have fun and enjoy each others’ company .Even if the date doesn’t end up in a romantic relationship, the both of you might end becoming tight friends which is also a good thing.
DON’T BE TOO ANXIOUS
Don’t be too full of disquietude when going for a blind date, Anxiety kills your self- esteem and questions might begin to pop up in your mind which can lead to negativity. It is okay if you are nervous or anxious but it should be at a minimal level. Build up confidence and set out for your date. The outcome result would be positive.
WEAR SOMETHING SMART AND LOOK MODERATE
Remember, you’re meeting someone you don’t know or seen before. If you’re overdressed or under-dressed, you’ll make him or her feel uncomfortable. What you should target is that your date should notice you that you’ve made effort to look presentable.
If you’re a woman, don’t go for any outfit that makes you feel conscious. That means skip the 6-inches which might make you stumble or prevent you from taking a comfortable walk alongside your date as well as the tiny dress that you need to pull down and adjust every few minutes.
If you’re a guy, avoid overly causal clothes. You can still wear something that looks great and feels comfortable without going the t-shirt and thongs route. The most important thing is that you wear something appropriate for a first date.
BE YOURSELF, DON’T FORM WHAT YOU ARE NOT
If you find your date very attractive, there’s no need to form be yourself don’t embellish any stories about yourself or even brag about yourself just so you can impress him or her. Fine you want your date to find you appealing in return but being fake or feeling arrogant isn’t the way to do that.
This might just cause your date to feel intimidated or see you as someone who is proud and up yourself.be warm and interesting but above all adopt the code which states “BE YOURSElf”
It’s good to talk about your accomplishments or success in life, in as much as it is appropriate to the conversation and was not brought up to brag about yourself.
CHOOSE A SUITABLE PLACE FOR THE DATE
This is a blind date and so you don’t want to be stuck in an upscale restaurant for a full course dinner with someone who might turn out to be not your type.
If your taste is not the coffee shops and parks, arrange to meet in a place where you’re sure you will have a swell good time. That way, it can be by the sea shore, or anywhere that is pleasant.
You don’t know the kind of person you want to meet but it is advisable that you take your own cash when going for a blind date to be on a safer side. Who knows your partner might fuck up and just escape and leave you alone to sort the bills. Just play safe.
LISTEN ADEQUATELTY AND CAREFULLY;
Some people just want to talk about yourselves. Use this opportunity to learn about your date if he/she is worthy to be in a relationship with. Every person has a story to tell. You may be missing an epic tale if you’re too busy talking about yourself. In the case of you listening you might not understand something so just ask questions to be clear about it.
CREATE A SENSE OF HUMOR
Laughter is the best medicine for a blind date, just make the place lively. Say things that are funny but not stupid. Ensure the date is not a dull one, make the date a memorable that he/she would even want to request for a second time.
PREPARE YOUR OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS:
You don’t want to appear like you’re cross- examining your date. If you’re a naturally curious person, then stick to open-ended questions. That way, you’re leaving the door open for your date to tell you more about himself/herself.
AVOID BEING JUDGEMENTAL
Love, at first sight, is great but don’t be too quick to dismiss someone if you don’t feel an instant connection.
You may find that your impression of your date a second time around is quite different to the first, and much better. Try to keep an open mind and don’t be too critical.
The importance of sex in a relationship cannot be over-emphasised. The point of being in a relationship is to make each other happy. Sex is fun, so I commend you for sharing your concern, and requesting for a solution. I will tell you to just relax and enjoy it. You do not need an excuse in order to engage or not engage in intercourse. The fact that it makes your spouse happy is all the reason that you need. I guess whoever came up with the slogan “Make love, not war” was certainly a smart person.
To understand its importance we need to ask and answer the question: Why do we have sex?
I can tell you that sexual motives go far beyond the ‘big three’ – love, pleasure, and making babies. There are more reasons why we have sex and it includes: Physical reasons -pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person. Goal-based reasons – to make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge. It is also for emotional reasons – love, commitment, or gratitude. For insecurity reasons – to boost self-esteem, or keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insisting on having sex). Or for commercial reasons or what some called ashawo but now known as agbelepawo in Yoruba.
For this particular situation you shared here, we have to look at it from a male point of view, and that may be hard at times. While women need the romance, the passion, and the chemistry to get the assurance and re-assurance that the love is alive and well, just as they need to be loved and cherished, and this is often through verbal signs of affection; men, on the other hand, are very straightforward and almost primal in their needs. They need to have sex in a relationship because it shows strength, agility and unity.
So, I will say sex is a physical, emotional, relational and a spiritual need. Sex is very important in a relationship as lack of sex or inadequate sex can lead to a breakdown in a relationship. The demand on you as you put it can actually be that it is a healthy release of your husband’s affection to you. When you’re in love with someone, you can’t get enough of them. You want to show them how much they mean to you, which is hard to do. That’s why sex is a great way to release the emotions and show how much love one have.
Sex with you helps him get to know you better. When you have sex with someone, they are letting you see a side of them that not many people have seen. That means you are special. Having sex helps him learn what makes you as his partner happy, and will let him know you better than anyone else does.
Sex reduces pain. A headache is not a reason to refuse sex. In fact, that is the reason why you should have it. When our emotional and happy hormones join forces during sex, pain has no other option but to run away. So, the next time your partner says he has something to take the pain away, you better believe it is true. Yes, headache or that feigned pain is an excuse not to get some sex, but please, let us not be petty.
Another reason is that it improves sleep. Are you sure he is not having trouble getting a good night’s sleep? Well, all you need to do is have an exciting round of sex, and both of you will be snoozing in no time. Orgasming releases a chemical in your body that relaxes you, which means it will be super easy to fall asleep in your lover’s arms.
Sex helps people stay smart as it increases blood flow to the brain, which means that, both of you will be more alert. If you have a lot of work to do, especially you as a caterer, having sex beforehand could actually help you. It will make your brain sharper.
You yourself will benefit as it will help in your bladder control. Having sex works out your pelvic muscles. So if you’re guilty of having to run to the toilet every five minutes, having sex can be the cure you have been looking for. The more orgasms you have, the stronger your pelvic muscles will become.
Sex causes healthier skin. If you are unhappy with your complexion, sex could help. A hormone called DHEA is produced during intercourse, which helps with a variety of things, including your skin. So skip the dermatologist or toning creams and hop into bed.
As I mentioned earlier sex is an emotional process. Yes, it is a physical activity but most men and women agree that there is much more to it than just seeing stars and losing calories as a bonus. You see, there is a good reason why ‘having sex’ is often replaced with ‘being intimate with somebody’. Sex starts with romance and ends with romance because both genders feel the need to cuddle after it. Furthermore, healthy sex life is a confidence boost for both genders – it proves that partners are still very much interested in all aspects of their relationship.
Did you know, for example, that couples who have sex often, demonstrate more feelings? They feel the need to touch, kiss and hug more often and have fewer problems with demonstrating this loving- lovely behaviour in public. You know why? It is because sex makes the body produce more oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feels the need to love and trust somebody.
The challenge we have in this part of the world is that we don’t talk about sex, freely. Women are embarrassed to talk about sex with their husbands so they are not seen as ‘whores’ or being unfaithful.
The truth of the matter is if you want to have a good relationship, sex must be discussed- i.e. what you want and how you want it. When sex is discussed in the home it gives room for intimacy, the moment a couple can discuss sex freely, they will be able to talk about anything and everything. If the man is satisfied sexually it is unlikely that he will go out to seek extramarital affairs. Even though there are other things to be considered in this aspect.
To address the issue at hand, sex demand by your husband on you could be a stress relief for him. A real mood lifting activity for him. It will help him to forget all those problems; he will fall asleep like a baby and will have enough energy to face the next day feeling happy and rejuvenated.
Sex helps you too to live longer. Sex rejuvenates and heals wounds, makes him more flexible and less prone to various illnesses. It is a metabolism and immunity booster as it reduces the risk of stroke and fights the ageing process too. It is a perfect anti-aging method no lab could ever produce, bottle or sell.
You need to also understand that your man’s sexual demand on you could be that it makes him want it more each time. The more he has sex, the more he will want it. Doing this will increase your libido, which means that you will want to have sex more often with him, too. This occurs, because sex increases the blood flow and vaginal lubrication, which makes sex feel even better for you this time than it did the last time.
You should not be focused only on the benefits of sex for you, but for your partner as well. Sex reduces the risk of Prostate cancer. You might not have to worry about prostate cancer, but your partner does. If you want him to live a long, happy life then having sex with him can help make it happen.
Sex helps burns calories. Not only will your muscles become toned, but you could lose some weight. Losing 100 calories every half-hour or so doesn’t seem like much, but if you have sex multiple times a week, all of those calories will add up.
It is so unfortunate that some reasons why sex is not enjoyed in the family are based on hygiene and poor dressing from both sides even though it’s leaning more towards women. An example is body odour. It is so sad that a woman cannot tell the spouse about this because she feels it will offend him/her, whereas its offensive to him/her and it may not allow him/her to have erection/libido.
And again the way women dress at home, tying wrapper up and down or a man in funny looking attires kills the desire. Neglecting an appearance plays a negative role on sexual feeling. How can a woman leave the house in the morning without using roll on/perfume? Or want to sleep at night and won’t bath nor freshen up? These are the little things that will make the men to go out and have affairs.
Couple In Bed With Relationship Difficulties
When sex is discussed, it will allow the couple to know if there is a problem where they need to seek help. For example, if the woman is always having pain during sex it might require seeing a doctor to establish the underlying cause/s. The man also may have erectile dysfunction (ED). There are some medical reasons why sex is not enjoyed and in this case the couple will have to see a therapist.
If you do not have enough sex in your marriage but both the partners love each other and are intimate with each other, the marriage lasts longer. But if you have enough sex but little intimacy or very little love and respect, your marriage may not withstand the test of time.
Some people just don’t have desire to have sex. It is important to understand this in a relationship. The question to ask is whether it is a medical issue or a relationship issue.
In cases where there are medical issues like infertility or diabetes, the couple will need to see a therapist to discuss how they can enjoy sex. Talking to a therapist is still a new thing in our society and this is the way to go. Sex is to be enjoyed not endured. Talk to a therapist today.
But there is more to life than sex. It is established that sex in indeed a very important part of one’s marriage. But yes, there is much more to life and a relationship than just sex. Marriage is about closeness, commitment and caring. Sex is important but not the most important or the only important thing.
But if both the partners value sex and need it more than anything else then yes, it becomes very important in the marriage.
Thus, importance of sex depends on the individual requirements of both the partners in the marriage. For some, sex forms the basis of the relationship while for some it is simply like any other factor. There are couples who are happily married even when being in a sex-less marriage. Especially the couples who are in their mid fifties and those who are busy following their hearts such as busy with their ambitious projects or embarking on a spiritual journey.
In final words, sex is the vital component in a functioning relationship, but it doesn’t have to be incredibly frequent. A couple just needs to know they have those moments of intimacy which only they share, and which binds them together.
YOU’VE planned, organised, analysed your spreadsheets, worked with your coordinator, finalised details and checked off your list.
The big day is almost here. Are you ready to make sure you soak it all into the fullest? You’ve heard it before, but it really is true it’ll fly by! We’ve got a few tips to make sure all your planning and hard work is put to good use and you enjoy every moment of your big day.
Leave your phone behind. You’ve hired a professional photographer, everyone you love is there with you leave the digital distraction in your hotel room!
Remember to eat and hydrate. Don’t forget to have a small snack and lots of water, especially if you’re getting married outdoors in the heat and/or plan on drinking later in the evening.
Hire (at least) a day-of coordinator. Don’t want to worry about the caterer showing up late, or where that 18th table arrangement has gotten to? While were huge advocates of hiring a full coordination planner for the entire wedding planning process, if you haven’t done so already, invest in a day of coordinator. Trust us, it’s worth the money!
Speaking of professionals, don’t micromanage them. You’ve hired your vendors for a reason. Trust they know what they’re doing, and will do their jobs well!
Outsource the tips. While it’s never expected, it’s always appreciated to tip your vendors. Have the tips already arranged in labelled envelopes, and recruit someone trusted to hand them out as vendors arrive. You can also ask your coordinator to do this!
Take a few minutes with your new spouse. You’re officially married! Make sure to plan for a quick break with your new spouse maybe right after the ceremony, before you sign your license. Just sneak away for 10-15 and soak in your first moments together, alone.
Don’t over book. The morning of your wedding is inevitably chaotic don’t try to pack in more than you need to. There will be plenty of time to say hello to everyone later, and don’t plan to be finishing any DIY projects that morning. Schedule yourself a little more time than you think you need so you have a cushion, and can relax!
Stay in the moment. Easier said than done, but do your best to take a deep breath and stay in the moment. It really does go by ultra-quickly!
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Remember you can only control the controllable. If it starts raining, or a last minute delayed flight means your great aunt doesn’t make it in time, try to take it in stride. No large scale event goes off without a few small hiccups, and working yourself up into a fuss over something you have no power over won’t help anyone.
Have a glass of champagne. We are firm believers that a nice glass of champs improves everything!
Some men in the FCT said their reasons for delay in proposing marriages despite a long courtship with their partners stems from high bride price, traditions, pressure and influences.
Some of the residents who spoke to the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) on Wednesday in Abuja said the delay had further increased the number of unmarried ladies, emotional pains, immoral behavior, single parenthood and pregnancy outside marriage.
Mr Emmanuel Chime, a businessman in Apo said the expenses incurred during marriages as demanded by some cultures, delayed marriage proposal, especially for low income earners.
“You will see a matured man or woman still single, not because they do not want to get married, but because of the finances involved for bride price and other traditional marriage rites.
“One doesn’t have to spend years saving up for marriage alone when there are other things to think and plan for, such as building a house, starting a business, education, and others,’’ he said.
Similarly, Mr Sunday Aboki, said some alien traditions as practiced in some cultures encouraged young couples to engage in immoral acts.
“ I never got married either in the traditional or religious way because of some traditional practices which forced me and my wife to cohabit and have children without going through the normal process of acquiring a wife,’’ he said.
Aboki, stressed the need for traditional leaders of every society to caution the people on appropriate demands for marriage rites to encourage inter marriages for low income earners to get married.
“When some rules are properly explained and made clear, it will encourage marriage for people from different cultural background,’’ he said.
Joy Micheal, a business woman said the high bride price demanded by some cultures had broken or ended relationship between engaged couples.
“I was engaged to be married, but some outrageous demands by my extended family as part of marriage rites caused a lot of problems for my ex-fiancé and his people,’’ she said.
Micheal said her former fiancé and his people felt frustrated by the demands, which affected their relationship and they had to suspend their marriage plans and later called it off.
On his own part, Mr Olu Adegoke, a civil servant in the FCT said marriage between a couple should be an avenue for both families to start a relationship that would last forever, not an avenue for making money through unnecessary demands.
“Marriage should be seen as an avenue for both families to start a relationship that will last forever, rather than an opportunity to make money.
“No matter how much a dowry or bride price cost, it can never pay for the amount spent in bringing up the proposed wife.
“ So rather than some cultures making it difficult for their children to get married, they should instead look at it from another angle, that they are starting a new relationship with another family and they will all benefit from the union,’’ he said.
Adegoke recounted that some requirement for marriage rites between some couples had left both extended family in a sour relationship that might even affect the marriage.
Similarly, a marriage Counselor, Mrs Naomi Danjuma, stressed the need for every culture to be concerned about inculcating good moral acts, upholding the cultural values of its people, as well as encourage inter-marriages between people of diverse cultures, rather than enforcing stringent laws and customs.
“Though, some of these marriage rites is very important and some people even face the consequences of engaging in marriage without the proper cultural rites.
“There is need for us to also encourage that some of these laws that prevent marriages should be looked into and an alternative be used to encourage marriage between people of diverse cultures,’’ she added.
Danjuma said inter-marriage between people of various cultures would strengthen the relationship of the people, promote, peace and unity, and address some of the security challenges prevalent in the society.
PATRICIA recently found herself in a love triangle when Olatunde, a guy younger than her by five years suddenly developed a frightening interesting her. Well, she described Tunde’s interest in her as frightening because not only was she older, she also looked every inch her age. Before Tunde’s interest in Patricia, she had an existing relationship with a slightly older guy she was hoping would blossom into marriage.
Initially, she thought Olatunde’s interest in her must be for money, but she was wrong. Olatunde has been showering gifts on her like no man’s business, not to mention the fact that he worked in one of the new generation banks and rode in a chauffeur-driven car. Patricia was so confused that this younger guy must be up to some mischief. I mean, what could he possibly want from a lady so much older than him when, at his beck and call were girls who would readily do his bidding. As usual, we went out to know from guys if they could or would date or marry an older woman.
Mr. Adeyemi Wale
Never, I have no apologies to anyone. The truth is that I can never date or worse still marry a woman older than myself. Why should I? I do not want a woman that will boss me around just because we are in love, that it is allowed. Some women I have come across naturally want to automatically assume the role of one’s mother. These women are younger. Can you imagine what would happen if they were older? I want a woman I can relate with without fear.
Another thing I have observed about dating older women is that they are always desperate to tie the man down. Imagine approaching a girl for friendship and the first thing she asks you is when you want to meet her parents. Haba! Who has said anything about having a serous affair and now we are talking marriage? Judge this for yourself, is it fair? Yet, when the man decides to retrace his steps, for fear of avoiding future disaster, the next thing she does is to accuse you of breaking her heart!
Mark my words, younger ladies are not like this at all. For a younger girl, when you say it is over, she moves on straight to the next guy no hard feelings. If per adventure, you run into her in the future, you either continue from where you left off or you just shake hands and leave. I will choose a younger lady over an older one ten times over.
Mr. Bisi Okafor
Yes, I can. What’s the big deal? After all, you are as old as you feel. Older women are much more mature to deal with than all these small girls. When you date an older woman, from the word go, you are both aware that you are in serious business. No time for romantic hassles when you date or worse still marry a younger girl all you get is l have missed my “period” as if you lost it in the first place. In recent times, their stock-in-trade is their endless demands for recharge cards and even when you recharge their phones on a daily basis, all you get is a flash!
There are also more tendencies for a younger woman to cheat on you, if you are not careful. They feel they are young and they should live life to its fullest. You need to hear these ladies discuss their older boyfriends. They even call some “mungun”. The older man to them is seen as a meal ticket that should be used to the last. The older women perhaps? Because of her age and wisdom! They apply all their experiences to make a smooth-sailing relationship. She is always eager to please. An older woman known when it is safe; she does not come unto you to say “I have missed my period”. If you are now unfortunate enough to marry a younger girl and you and have a disagreement, the first that occurs to her is to run to her daddy. I am too impatient to play that sort of love.
Mr. Victor Najomoh
What I want in a woman is submission. Her age does not matter in my past experience; I have seen younger women behave in a very mature manner and wiser upstairs. On the other hand, I have seen older women throw tantrums like babies. So, it is not in the age, it is in the person you are dating. I want my woman to respect me, respect my opinion. Don’t get me wrong. I am not looking for a door mat or anything like that, in fact on the contrary. I have intelligent, opinionated, independent women, but these qualities should not be to the detriment of our relationship or to run down my person. At all times, respect should be given to whom it is due, age notwithstanding.
Mr. Idris Omoniyi (not real name)
There is absolutely nothing wrong with an older woman. As a matter of fact, they are the best. Currently, I am happily married to a woman older than me by seven years. What’s the big deal? You need to come to my house to see how she treats me like a king. At earlier part of our courtship, my parents were worried that she might be unable to give me children. Today, we are blessed with two lovely daughters and I believe that our marriage is very enviable considering how happy we are together.
If I have to choose again, I will still go for her. When I am with her, I do not even remember the age difference. She calls me daddy; she treats me like I am the best thing that happened to her. We love each other very deeply and I believe that is all that matters. I have friends that are married to much younger women and all they do is quarrel. The wife will report to all that cares to listen about the shortcomings of her husband. This cannot happen with my Funke (not real name). When we disagree, you will not hear it from anybody, least of all her parents. Believe me, it is a wonderful experience.
