The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • ‘We need the best brain in our education sector’

    Alhaji Tajudeen Ibrahim, an expert in Civil Engineering and Construction Management was into Construction business for many years before he became the CEO FUNTAJ International School in Asokoro, Abuja.
    In this interview with Omolara Akintoye, he speaks about the role of education to national development and good education.

     

    Your educational background?

    I went to Omolewa Nursery and Primary School in Ibadan. After all the sojourn of my father politically where he was grounded to zero during the Operation Wet e, in those days, it was big trouble to get out of the village and come to Ibadan.

    Later I went to Children Home School and spent a short period there before going to Ibadan Grammar School. I also attended Adeola Odutola College in Ijebu-Ode.  I didn’t complete my Higher School
    Certificate (HSC) before I proceeded to America where I obtained my first and second Degree, first in Civil Engineering in Washington University, second in Construction Management before I came back to Nigeria.

     

    Your growing up

    I was born in 1960 and my parents are still very much alive. I’m a lucky one and they reside in Ibadan. I’ve gone through the thick and thin to get to get to the position I am today. I was not born with silver spoon because my parents, particularly my father was just coming out of civil service as a forest guard in our hometown, Ikire in Osun State.

    So I did not see any qualification of silver spoon in that for the fact that as a civil servant, he only relied on his salary, and struggles to make ends meet but as he was growing old, his life was getting better and I woke up and grew with his rise in achieving success.

    I got quite a lot of inspirations from my father.  He was a very hardworking man who never gives up on anything and his watchword is work hard and you will make it.  Just believe in yourself whatever you want to undertake, so I will say I really learned a lot from that.
    His own wish is that everybody, both biological and non-biological children must get the best of education and equal opportunity for everyone despite the polygamy setting.

    What was the first business you ventured into?

    I worked with my father in his construction company.   As a Civil Engineer, I had to help him shape up his company.  I had to inject some new ideas into the company which was quite challenging, but later we started getting contracts, we constructed political parties’ offices in Ondo and Oyo states.

    Eventually we got a very big contract to build one of the three primary secretariats under ACON Nigeria Limited, in Abuja.  He was the Managing Director of the company then and I was the Contract Director.

    Why did you venture into education?

    When I came back from America, I said I needed to get some qualitative experience so I worked with Strabag Construction in 1984/85 and I was transferred to Abuja. That was when I solicited contracts for my father’s company and since the jobs were many, I needed to pull out and resign from the company after taking a lot of contracts from the Federal Capital and Ogbomosho/Ikirun road aside other small contracts.

    After that I decided to be on my own because polygamy in the long run I would be looked at as if I
    was the one sitting on the chair of my father’s wealth so I had a discussion with my father and I registered my own company UJAT Nigeria Limited in 1986 which is my first name Taju spelt from the back.

    Then FUNTAJ came out of inspiration from my sojourn in the construction industry where I now know that there are challenges doing government contracts.  If you have pride, you might not be able to survive in the sense that bureaucracy is not something I would say I enjoyed even working with my
    father.

    I have passion to make sure children are getting the best out of their lives so education came to my mind. Fortunately for me, I have a wife I could put on line to run the school because I am an engineer, but I have passion for education and luckily for me she shared the passion with me.

    So we formed the school FUN stands for her name Funke and TAJ for Tajudeen; FUNTAJ International School which is 22 year old.

     

    What were the initial challenges you faced establishing the school?

    It wasn’t challenging because it was when the government had lost it at the trial period of government where the private schools were not doing well and we had a lot of elites all over Abuja yearning for qualitative school.
    So we came embraced properly and it was a very interesting story.  We started with 10 classrooms in Asokoro, we had a focus, vision and of course it’s the darling school in Abuja.

    What gives FUNTAJ School an edge among its contemporaries?

    Our belief is to make sure that whatever talent you have, we help you bring it out and develop it.  Not only about education, our orientation is to give the child total package in terms of moral confidence to stand on his or her own.  Our alumni base is very outstanding and I’m really proud of what they have done
    over the 22 years.

    In terms of teaching personnel, how do you ensure that your teachers are not among those that consider teaching as the last option which is the general practice today?

    We are noted for standard because when you get a qualitative teacher, you get a qualitative student. We don’t compromise on the standard we have set and that has really spoken for us till today.

    We ensure total quality in whatever teacher we employ and they also go through rigorous process before
    being employed and we train and retrain them.

    Talking about examination malpractice, private schools have been labeled as major culprits.  What is your response on this?

    I have a very high integrity on that particular subject.  I hear some schools do it, but it never existed to the best of my knowledge and it will never happen here. We’ve seen cases where parents would come but we tell them this is our own discipline here, if you cannot abide by it then you are free to go elsewhere. Maybe that has tagged us a pompous school but we are not moved. My pride is that the school has never produced any failure in whatever examination we partake in.

    What is your advice to the government on how to attract best brains to teaching profession?

    It’s a long journey but we need to first of all go back to the rudiments and fundamentals. We have to go

    back to the basis. We have gone off the track, educational wise and social development wise.  Corruption has grabbed the whole system and so on. The attention to what a teacher is supposed to
    give is already challenged and it starts from the government, politicians are self-centered and are not interested in any progress.

    Their manifesto is a bunch of lies.  If you want to grow a nation, you start from the education path.  It’s unfortunate that 90 percent of all our good quality professionals are outside because that’s where they can get job security and maintain all the challenges of life, because life is short and you have
    to make hay while the sun shines.

    The brain drain can be addressed if we go back to re-chart our course, give the correct infrastructure and  give the correct template for people to develop on.

  • ‘How my crashed marriage re-awakened me’

    Top Socialite cum businesswoman Olubukola Ashaolu-Shopeju re-located abroad some years ago, but she did not go off the social radar despite a marriage collapse which she said was strenuous considering the fact that “my husband and I had built a strong business which was huge.”

    After a brief stint at Chevron, she moved to Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC).  Bukky Ashaolu as she is popularly known went full scale into business. A Geoscientist, Bukky Ashaolu’s extensive investment covers solid minerals and non solid minerals and she boasts of extensive links in Nigeria and abroad.

    In this interview with Paul Ukpabio, the top socialite shares with us memories of her early years, how she copes with life as a single lady years after collapse of her marriage and how she has remained un-stoppable. We asked if she will re-marry. She gave a ready answer.

     

    What would you say motivated you to travel abroad?

    Essentially to search for the proverbial greener pasture, acquiring more knowledge, skills and improving myself in all areas of life. To learn more about modern and advanced technology of the western world, how it has enhanced and still enhancing their development, how it can be infused and used as a model or reference for planning, designing and impacting on our foundational and primary stage of development in Nigeria.

    As a child was education mandatory for you?

    Yes, my mother was a nurse but she ended up as a Company Secretary and later a business woman. My father was career and service man with two Masters Degrees in his twenties. Hence, evidently, education is prioritized by my parents in early years and my formative years were monitored, guided and greatly influenced by them.

    Tell us about your education at an early age?.

    l started my elementary education in Franciscan Nursery and Primary School, Ilesa (white Irish Catholic Mission School ) Oyo state then now Osun state. Then I moved after to the nursery, GTTC Demonstration School, Cappa, Ilesa, Oyo state. My Secondary School years were in Methodist High School, llesa and High School in Wesley College, Elekuro, Ibadan, in the present Oyo state. My tertiary education was at Ondo State University, Ado Ekiti. Ekiti State. (OSUA then, now Ekiti State University, Ado Ekiti) where l studied Geology and Applied Geophysics. I Graduated with a Bachelors of Science Degree and a Post Graduate Diploma at Debis Computer Institute, Ikeja. Lagos, now Debis University.

    Tell us about your extracurricular activities and notable achievement in your early days?

    I participated actively in athletics and interschool sport competitions, literary and debate society and interschool quiz competition, Badmington and hockey games too. So also, in my primary school days, I won many beauty pageants and several fashion contests.

    In my university days l was involved in students’ campus politics where l was the Vice President of my department in my final year. I was the Vice President of Osun State Students Association, OSUA Chapter. I was also the Vice President of Rotaract Club and an Elder Stateswoman for many years. Was also a Treasurer for Ijesa Student Union within the same year.

    My final year in the university was a very busy one coupled with my ambition and striving to pass in flying colours.

    Tell us about your growing up years?

    I was born into a staunch and devoted Christian family, with very strict and disciplinarian parents. I and my siblings’ daily life were well monitored and very orderly like a page of a book. An everyday routine rarely deflected unless another very important event cropped up. The daily routine included waking up to early in the morning, Songs of Praise and Prayers, then to school, getting involved in all school activities. Driven home in the afternoon after school, having a short siesta, home lessons, followed by private/ personal study and reading. After these, Church activities:  Bible study, Choir practice, Church Services like cleaning etc. Then followed by attending mentoring groups: Girls Guild, Girls Brigade, Young AYF and participating in interchurch quiz and Bible competition. Momentary adventure into Brownies and Girls Scout at a period. These are the standard routine in my home for many years

    What are your views about religion and how did your early years influenced you?

    Though l was born into a Christian home but my parents and even my generations in the past were liberal about religion. Hence a lot of trusted friendship ensued that lived actively to the present generation. And we in the 2nd generation are still bonded and benefitting from the bond till date. Hence, l am very liberal with religion. My family had many Muslims as family friends, very respected and appreciated for many years.  Also some very close Muslim family friends with whom we exchange visits at festive periods of both religion. And both families sew all clothes for each family at their festive occasions which we all worn. Be it Xmas, Easter, Eid Fitri, Eid Kabir and Eid Maulud.

    I have very close friends, loved ones and extended families that are Muslims. And l see no difference. We relate and bonded in love.

    How did you develop interest in business? Or was it in the family line?

    My mum was a businesswoman with many wholesale stores and warehouses. I used to  work at my mother’s stores at different locations on weekends and on holidays supporting the General Manager and Location Managers in managing, stocktaking , auditing and balancing of weekly sales, inbound and outbound accounts i.e. general inventories and placing new orders and planned deliveries, from 11yrs. My mum being a wholesaler and distributor of varieties of drinks, beverages, confectionaries, snacks etc. International distilleries and cement factories like International Breweries Plc, Omi Asoro, Ilesa , Standard Beweries Plc, Ibadan , Guinness Plc, Cocacola Plc, Pepsi Cola Plc, Lever Brothers Plc, Nestle Plc, Elephant Cement Plc, Ewekoro, etc.

    l basically helped at our different stores on holidays or took up employment with renown Multinational Companies if we ( l and siblings) were not travelling in my late secondary school and varsity days. These early experiences and tutoring built up my interest in business.

    How did you get into real trading and real business at an early age?

    Wow! Interesting (smiles) l followed my mum, taking notes at business meetings. By the age of 13yrs, l did represent my mum at meetings with or without the GM. And by then, l was tasked with the responsibility of taking daily proceeds to the bank on holidays. I was actively involved in negotiating our business interest with the Bank Manager and others. One day, l was invited and convinced by this young man, a staff of the bank, in person of Mr Olugbenga Ogunmolawa (now a staff of the World Bank). While attending to me with stores daily proceeds deposit. He mentioned that he knew l have personal deposit of great amount in the bank lying fallow, yielding minute interest. Why didn’t l invest the money in stocks and bonds cum other investments for quick turnaround and huge interest? That kick-started my sojourn into avid stock buyer and investment, monitoring stock fluctuation, investment and managing my money. From there l started multitasking and became a serial entrepreneur buying some of my mum’s goods and products plus other products with my money on my own. Reselling, retailing and making my own personal sales at my mother’s stores, in my secondary school days and after, dealing in Drinks, Households items, Confectionaries, Gas cookers, Gas cylinders, Toys etc. So l had my foray into business and management at my early and formative years. Moreover, my interest in business reflected in my ability and performance in my WASC result whereby l had the overall best result and highest top score in Commerce for leaving cert. exam (WAEC) in my secondary school. These experiences carved me into who l am today.

    Any other significant people in your life that influenced your business acumen and who you turned out to be?

    My biological direct father was a disciplinarian, very strict but loving and very caring. A very brilliant, real career man and successful service man with two Masters Degrees at his 20s, considered a great feat at his time. He was a warm and affable person within his socialite circle. And my two non biological fathers, mentors and guardians.

    My blood related dad and 1st uncle, my mum’s elder brother that adopted me since younger age as his only surviving daughter: Late Naval Capt. (Chief) Francis Adegbotolu of Oceansteamship Ltd, Lagos and my 2nd dad Dr Lawrence Omole JP. of Lawrence Omole and Sons Ltd. Ilesa. They are all highly successful global businessmen of high integrity, honour, respect , accolade and reputation in their chosen fields. These had impacted greatly on my future path , my believe in hard work, being resilient, never giving up until result and success or finish line and my general principle about life and career.

    In what ways did those early years impacted on the person that you are today?

    As l have said earlier, being lucky to have been born into a strict, disciplined Christian home helped in my formative years. It helped me to be focused because l was always busy, with no chance of going astray and made usual teenage mistake prone to younger ones and bend under peers pressure. Nor getting involved in the ills of the society or despicable acts that can easily distract, derail and corrupt hence, taking me from my ordained path. I was blessed with very dedicated parents, biological and non biological parents with integrity, honour and verifiable successful achievers with great track record as a result of great hard work. They were men of impeccable character, credence and principle. They had set the pace and yardstick for me to prove my worth, prepared me for the future ahead, to improve, be better and successful. And to prove myself in my work, let my credentials, potentials and quality reflect in whatever l do. Build trust, integrity and earn respect, more valuable. A golden name is worth more than the opulence and wealth amassed in the world to me. I appreciate people evaluating, embracing and accepting me based on my contribution and credentials as a measure of value and performance. Not for where l came from or any ties.

    Who will you say determined your eventual future path and career?

    My parents had wished that l became a medical doctor but l am never convinced nor see myself as one. I am conscious that l am an outdoor person, loves mother earth, nature and geography. These prompted me to research further until l discovered Geology, Geophysics and Petroleum Engineering. Discussing my career with Mr. S. S Makinde, the Managing Director, International Breweries Ltd as a vacation jobber, a temporary Secretary supporting the Company Secretary was an eye opener and enlightening on choice of career that I wanted though he wished l followed in his steps. But l discovered my potentials while searching for courses in the university listings towards my chosen path. I have preference for Geology or Geophysics otherwise Petroleum Engineering then I discovered universities that offered both as single course i.e. Geology and Applied Geophysics. Elated, here l am, the rest is history.

    You are a Geoscientist, tell us, what does that means?

    Yes, l am. A geoscientist is a geologist or a geophysicist or combine as both. A very broad and technical discipline which combines a variety of roles which involves technical, biological, chemical, physical and other science factors leading to evolution and formation of earth’s system, its components, structures and other terrestrial factors that shape them ( whether solid, liquid and gas state). A Geoscientist involves in the search and study of natural resources like solid minerals and non solid minerals like metals and non- metallic e.g. Gold, Silver, Lead, Tin, Aluminum, Limestone, Asbestos, Talc etc. Mining and Quarrying, Exploration for crude oil, natural gas for other refined petroleum components and products such as petrol, kerosene, diesel; industrial or commercial gas supply and home or cooking gas; Groundwater and its management; Energy : Renewable or Solar and other forms, used for lighting and alternative power generation/ supply; Agricultural development related. In a simple term, Geoscientists are explorers, research a lot to discover solutions to many earth challenges, problems and human needs with natural resources available that God and mother earth blessed us with. Find solution to society’s most challenging problems and natural disasters like earthquake etc, development of technical improvement to combat such disasters. Explore natural resources to generate new derivatives, funds and means of boosting economy.

    How have you applied your learning?

    Starting with my mandatory youth service programme, (NYSC) in Chevron. I crossed over to Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC) to finish for employment. I eventually relocated abroad in the quest for further opportunities and career development. I had held many senior administrative and management positions abroad both in financial services, logistics services that l curiously ventured into as new fields to sharpen skills and gather more knowledge and experience. Also, I was at the top management executive position in Geosciences sector and energy. I was director, consultant and entrepreneur in Mining and Exploration, Renewable Energy, Petroleum exploration and Agricultural development. In my path, l have garnered so much support network, many colleagues, active partners, investors and allies in these fields.

    How has been a Geoscientist reflected and applicable in your career?

    I am on the board of Executive Management of Bukabella Global Services Ltd as The CEO. I am an international consultant, project manager and entrepreneur. I am also a stakeholder in mining development in Nigeria, participating and contributing in Nigeria Mining Week and a National Executive Council member of Women in Mining in Nigeria and others. I am deeply interested in supporting the Ministry of Mines and Solid Minerals: quarrying, mining sector and extractive industry in general, to further develop from its foundational, fundamental and primary stage with my contribution, knowledge, expertise, practices acquired abroad and technical knowhow if given such opportunity to be of service (with other specialists like myself. Success is evident).

    I am working with and liaising with agencies in the mining sector in order to get involved. Mining sector is a massive economic revenue generating unit abroad. Why not in Nigeria? If l can impact abroad, l should successfully be creative and be impactful in my beloved country. We are advancing gradually with the roadmap concluded and plans in the offing to review guiding laws, regulations, protocols, bureaucracy and others in order to attract global interest and avid investors.

    What could identify as major problems or challenges confronting the Mining Sector in Nigeria?

    The mining sector remains largely unregulated, despite the large deposit of minerals, the government has not been able to  plan, design  and monitor effective interventions that would have taken Nigeria into the league of nations benefitting from the God given gift to the people. The irony is that the Government does not benefit from royalties and Taxes and the people are left with damaged environment, contaminated water, untreated effluence and  the attendant dangers to the health of the people. Evident in the earth tremors experienced in Abuja locality lately.

    Other  issues include, but it is not limited to illegal miners, now decorated with the name ‘artisanal miners’, these set of miners often go into sites under license to others and ravage the conceded sites. They are often run by a syndicate of heavily armed men who often threaten the real site owners and danger to lives.

    There is also the issue of insecurity. Most of the mining sites are often in far flung places far from inhabited villages, and towns. Miners then find themselves being targeted by miscreants, who threaten, kidnap, maim and sometimes kill staff, carrying out their legitimate business.

    The original owners are often antagonistic towards license owners, and they therefore make unrealistic demands even before the first excavation.

    Other issues that require quick intervention to harness the great potentials of Mining in Nigeria include:

    The major issue is finance, as most banks still do not have a mining desk and funding plan to help miners’ access funds at good rates

    The unregulated nature of the industry is scary to mining investors

    Artisanal miners are often on the move and have no roots and little to show for all their hard work

    Cost of buying specialized equipment for commercial or large scale operations proves impossible. Which means license holders who wish to perform at the highest level operation resolve to use local artisan and are often relegated to artisanal miner organizers and often bury their dreams.

    Without express support from the government to help miners in large numbers through support, affordable provision of equipment and assist with working capital. There must be investments in mining infrastructure too.

    Interventions to minimize environmental issues and also to train the artisanal miners, in best practices so that they can avoid dangers associated with mining

    What then do you consider as solutions to these challenges?

    Funding from Government, local and international investors will assist in boosting productivity in the sector.

    Establishing technical and training schools will eventually provide the required technical manpower and basic knowledge needed, which will assist in growing the mining industry.

    Government should intervene decisively in ongoing taxation dispute between local and state governments who frustrate the license holders.

    Supporting government measures that can be introduced, alleviate, attracting mining sector investors local and global growth.

    To develop initiative and policies that will enrich and grow mining sectors. Review of present regulatory laws and policies.

    How do you think this sector can be funded?

    The Nigerian government is a major player and decision maker in the running of the nation’s economy. Therefore, it is in the best position to guarantee adequate funding in the sector across the value chain. The government can also create the enabling environment for local and foreign investors to participate in the process of reviving mining sector in Nigeria. The current road map for mining in Nigeria should be implemented completely to give opportunities to all across the value chain. Process of doing business in Nigeria must be enhanced so as to encourage investors to come and invest in Nigeria.

    Did you work in Nigeria before relocating abroad?

    Yes, l will only streamline to the multinational and global companies that l work with leaving numerous local ones before my sojourn abroad. They are International Breweries Ltd, Chevron Plc and SPDC (Shell).

    Could you tell us the path that led you into being a Logistics Manager and Financial Analyst?

    Relocating abroad, looking to get a swift employment in Geoscience sector proved tough because Ireland is not an oil producing country. Most Oil companies have only administrative offices for sales and servicing companies. The mining sector as at 20yrs ago was not as developed and expansive as it is now. So rather than getting frustrated, l decided to explore new areas, getting in-depth knowledge about important sections that will hold and fit into my forecasted and projected vision of the company in the future. Moreover it was the logistics and IT boom period. This attracted me into Logistics first where l worked from junior level to senior level as Administrator and management level as Buyer and Demand Planner of European Headquarter of a global multinational company called TechGroup now West Pharmaceutical with Global Headquarters in the US. I also worked with notable IT giants like IBM, XILINX, 3COM, etc.  At management level in Logistics, l believe I had gained enough expertise and experience to forge ahead. Hence I decided to explore Financial Services next ,gaining employment, working from junior level again to Senior Administrative position, Technical Administrator and Consultant. I believe that at this point, l am seasoned and knowledgeable enough to put all experience to impact positively in my future engagements. I decided to find my path back to my passion: Geoscience sector and use knowledge acquired in both different fields to build future prospects. And l launched with employment in senior management and eventual executive role as a Director of an energy company i.e, Sandyford Continental Energy Ireland. The decision to start my own business emerged thereafter. I went for ‘start your own business course’, ‘auditing and account balancing’, ‘taxation’, digital marketing etc, and many other courses to prepare me and enhance smooth transition. BUKABELLA was born as a result of dedication, self inspiration, self motivation, self determination and hard work.

    What did you consider as the turning point in your life?

    The turning point in my life was the crash of my marriage which l never anticipated nor was part of my plan. It was a weakening period. I was completely lost and lonely. Derailed but on getting to the rock bottom, it was re-awakening. I rediscovered myself and capability hence fought my way out of the void and sinking hole that was consuming me. Found my inner strength and ability to forge ahead with life. Believing that with hard work, perseverance and resilience that l can still find my path back again and become what l set out to become previously before the challenges. I regained, built my strength, counted my losses and came out successful despite all the crisis and limitations.

    Big thanks to my friends, loved ones and family members, like Ozolua Giwa-Amu, Barrister Bamidele Ibironke, Lewis Agboola Ayeni, Babatope Adebayo, Oluwole Ashaolu, Vincent Adedotun Adegbotolu and others that l am unable to mention, that stood by me during the trying period, encouraged and believed in me, supporting my ambition.

    What influence did your sojourning abroad have on you?

    It has greatly enhanced and advanced my career, enhanced and improved my knowledge and technical knowhow in western world with value added courses, developed technology, experience and mastery. It has given me an exposure to modern approach, technicalities, improved services and relations. I am better in developing several possible ways and art of problem solving, keen eye, deep thinking and crucial creativity. It has also provided me with an optional method of resolution approach and application. Also maintenance culture and building a chain of highly valued and important network: business partners, allies and supports. Merchandise, sourcing products, equipment and machineries, specialists and experts networking etc

    Your being single, was it a deterrent in a way in your career?

    l will not deny that it wasn’t what l bargained for and really a huge setback but my kids were very supportive and comforting.  They assisted me to get back on my feet and keep moving. Professionalism and being good at what you do and services offered have no effect on being single and vice versa. But circumstances and situation sometimes may impede or may cause a constraint on your efforts. Being single gives you liberty to plan on your terms, work more, explore and improve to your best at your own time but having a partner and being married is the best, growing together, sharing ideas, motivate and encourage each other and a shoulder to lean on when necessary.

    You are a fashion enthusiast. Tell us about your style and how did you became one? And what kind of fashion appeals to you?

    l am a born natural fashion enthusiast. This trait was noticeable and detected by my parents at early age. I was very picky about clothes and what to wear. I designed my clothes and had great ideas about creativity since the age of 10 exploring and playing with cuts and colours, fabrics and shapes. I always sat by my tailor, talking him through cutting and sewing my dress with my drawing, graphics and design. Imaginative creatively cut segments. Till date l design most of my wears except for readymade office wears. Someday l still intends to fall back on this my natural passion. And develop this talent into reality in form of a fashion house and personal shopper outfit. Please watch out!. I have equally won many beauty and fashion pageants in my early years.

    We learnt you had a stint with modeling at mid age? Tell us more about it.

    Funny and exciting topic! What a story, my 1st daughter was the one that initiated me into modeling which l did part-time. Encouraging me that l have a good figure wasting away under cloth. At a time, she wished to get into modeling industry at below 18 thus registered online for the widely publicized and renown “Make me the Next Top Model UK, Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland, without my knowledge and consent but her application was refused based on her being under age. She went back to register and entered me into the competition with my details and photo. After the organizers approval of application, the next stage is global online voting. I just saw my young lady running towards me, ecstatic and screaming, ‘mum you’ve hit several hundreds of thousands votes, going to a million in few hours. I can’t remember the exact figure again. I thought she said l won nearly a million. But in my memory l was wondering when l did play a lotto, is it in my dreams or what? Because l never!. It took efforts to calm her down. Then the biggest shocker, l screamed how could you without my consent. l was dumbfounded. Well, l rebuked her but admired her for her courage. Moreso, enchanted by my little one’s believing in me, asking me to look at myself in the mirror. Screaming mum, you still look great and gorgeous, be confident, it’s someone’s loss. You can do it!. At 40, l asked myself and found myself competing with age 18- 28yrs. They never believed my age though. I made it into shortlisted, voted into the first 250 out of several hundreds of thousands entries. And into the final voted into the last 50, invited to London all expenses paid, a luxury holiday indeed and last 20 Grand finale. I got a break, contracts and worked as a model.

    What kind of fashion appeals to you?

    My designs and creativity mostly. Trendy, youthful, athletic, smart and professional cuts basically reflecting young and youthful but serious reflection for office wear while casual are fairly softer, brighter, adventurous still youthful and fitted. I treasure my cultural wear alot, Indigenous full attire buba and iro with gele and iborun ie, blouse with wrapper complete with head tie and shoulder shawl at weekends for events and occasions.

    What fashion accessories could you not do without?.

    My jewelleries: original pearls and natural stones, shoes with matching bags.

    What does family means to you and do you find time for family holidays?

    Family is everything to me. The love, care and bonding with my kids had seen us through many dark days of tribulations and overwhelming challenges. But my kids endurance, perseverance, support and their being steadfast strengthening me alot to hope, keep working towards my dream and vision. Moreso, out of the worst period. l also cherish my friends though many but few very close and my adorable loved ones. We do go on holiday once or twice a year.

    You are involved in charity work? Tell us about it.

    l was brought up to be humane and appreciate others. And because I am privileged and hard working resulting in amazing success does not make me special or that others are lazy. It is just the grace of God that I enjoyed. l am just anointed, fortunate and blessed by God hitherto had to serve as a blessing to others. God provided for me in order to be a destiny helper and support to others who are less privileged. I find fulfillment and joy in using my endowments to help people around me. Just as some people are thrown in my path to be my destiny helpers, doing same to others becomes a passion for me too. I was not trained to look down on anyone nor do l belittle or underestimate the possibility and capability of anyone’s tenacity to be better than me if given the same opportunity that l have. Instead l tend to help as far and as much as l can, touching people’s lives in a positive way quietly emulating my parents. My parents trained so many related and non –related people, from far and near. When l was growing up, you can hardly know or notice any difference between our housemaids, errand boys and we, the children infact they cook whatever each of them choose to eat, even lord over us, in an healthy manner, instill discipline and respect, you dare not question their submission nor report to my parents that you were sent on errands, my parents  wont entertain such. You must obey because they are older. Hence l have so many aunties, uncles, brothers and sisters who are my parents past employees, maids and house helps at that time that until today, we are still bonded to, like my blood relations and some l looked up to, in love and care. Some as role models and achievers, who have also impacted some values in me. I tried to provide for the needy, give moral and financial support as much as I can afford. I am involved in a lot of charity work abroad and will name few here for emphasis: Children For World Children   (CFWC), Beauty for Ashes, Donation to Children Hospitals etc, in Ireland and Nigeria. l have just been awarded and honoured as an Ambassador of Kindles Ministry (An NGO protecting the rights of girl child). I make personal donations to NGOs and my principle majorly is to assist and help the needy privately and discretely with no noise and fuss. My parents are enviable quiet philanthropists in my younger days and l followed in their foot print. Only my mum is alive now retired but this year she was recognized and given the Osun State Anglican Diocesan Distinguished Women of Virtue and Excellent Mothers Award”.

    You have been married in the past but single now. What difference has being single made in your life?

    Yes, l am single now, but l am happy. It is a great transition and experience but life continues. Each and everyone’s path has been laid out and planned by God. I am only treading and following my path to greatness as ordained by God Almighty. My former marriage lack lustre, peace and joy but l am single now, happy and brighter. And the kids are happy and at peace too.

    Do you miss family life? Are you hoping to remarry someday?

    Of course, I do. It is the joy of every woman, irrespective of the level of achievement or success to be married to the right man specially made for her. That is the way God has designed our life. l still intend to remarry someday when my love and missing rib finds me. I left all to God, He will execute at His own ordained time. Still walking my path.

    Once a businesswoman always a businesswoman. Tell us, what do you do now?

    I am presently involved in promoting bilateral trade and exchange programme, consultancy, project management, machineries and equipment procurement, installation and maintenance services, site agreement and licence procurement, human capital development i.e. expatriate and local training of staff and miners, equipment use training, expos and cross training abroad in Mining, Renewable energy and Agricultural development between European countries i.e. Ireland and other African countries like Nigeria, Sierra Leone, Cote D’ivoire and Ghana. I am engaged with team of qualified professionals, skilled experts and specialists in different fields and various departments at BUKABELLA GLOBAL SERVICES LTD , we are more focused in providing Quarry, Mining and Exploration of Solid Minerals services . We are working and expanding gradually to other related businesses for maximum impact within our scope in Nigeria. Projection oil services and exploration too in the future, as the organisation grows but a step at a time. God help us.

    We are looking up to the government to assist us in solving so many challenges that we are facing in the mining industry. We implore governments and investors, both local and foreign to inject funds into research, in Africa particularly Nigeria in reviewing and developing this sector in order to explore the great potential of the sector and to diversify our economy.  We are making a steady progress in creating, establishing necessary business relationships and partnerships with the government and critical stakeholders in the industry in Nigeria, for instance, with a view to contributing to the growth of the mining sector and the nation’s economy.

    Are you a member of any social club and do you hold any chieftaincy title?

    No, not at all but a Rotaractor in my university days. I hope to find my path back to my family as a Rotarian someday. I have no chieftaincy title though l was honoured and offered severally but it is not yet time. There is time for everything.

    l belong to some proactive change and strategist groups whose objectives are towards the betterment of Nigeria i.e., Revive Nigeria Group. (RNG), Egalitarian Mission For Africa, New Dimension Group among others.

    What other passions or hobbies do you have?

    l love reading, researching, digging into archaeological facts and an antique collector. In addition, l love travelling, social media and meeting new people.

    How would you describe yourself?

    l am a very simple, easy-going, pleasant, amiable person and a fashion die hard. I express myself in writing more at leisure, poetic. I am a cut between extrovert and introvert but more introverted depending on circumstances but generally a very warm, gentle, humble and sociable person. I am affable, easy to talk to, people connect with me easily, open minded and easily accessible. I do relate well.  I am a thinker, dreamer, good listener, creative, visionary, hardworking and a problem solver. A resilient person, l hardly give up on any task or challenges until solution is found. This does not, or should not project me as being perfect. No, God has never created a perfect man or woman. We are all work in progress. I have my weaklings, too, like a every human. Others can judge or comment about the rest. You see yourself through others evaluation more.

    You are also very passionate about Nigeria. What future do you see for Nigeria?

    l am very passionate about Nigeria relentlessly. As a strong stakeholder in Nigerian project, working assiduously with people, experts and professionals in my chosen field of  Geoscience : especially Mining- solid minerals, Energy and Agriculture, Extractive industry in general, supporting agencies, liaising with and working together for progress in the Mining sector to develop the Nigerian economy.  We are working and strategizing on the way forward to grow and develop these aforementioned critical sectors of the Nigerian economy where I am evidently endowed, professionally trained and equipped to contribute my quota for the overall growth and development of our dear country.  I am also involved in research and reviews in conjunction and supported by some renowned global mining companies, world great players for technical development, support and partnership. Moreover, support and partnership of some foreign countries e.g. Ireland, etc who are willing to support me with research tools and technical materials using western model and technical knowhow to develop strategy and blueprint to upscale and develop Nigeria mining sector.  I am very optimistic that all these potentials will be harnessed by the present and future government of Nigeria for growth of these sectors. Thereby improving Nigeria economy extended effect on living conditions of our people

    We learnt that you belong to some Pro-Forward Nigeria, Change and Strategist Groups. Would you like to tell us more about these groups?

    You are absolutely correct.  l was invited and proud to be a member of some proactive, real positive change oriented and strategist groups which aim towards betterment of Nigeria such as the  Revive Nigeria Group (RNG), Egalitarian Mission For Africa, New Dimension Group among many. These groups are positive change oriented associations or group, strictly by invitation comprising of intellectuals and notable achievers in their chosen fields, local residents, global and diasporas, all over the world coming together to research, ruminate, formulate, strategize and derive ways of improving all aspects of living conditions of our people. They also focusing on being actively involved in growing the nation’s economy for the betterment of average Nigerian citizens. Revive Nigeria Group (RNG), organizers of “Mad4Naija” was founded by Barr Aisha Waziri Umar, a lawyer, politician and public figure.

     

     

  • My encounters with Margaret Thatcher’s men as a college principal in UK –Tourism Practitioners President Odusanwo

    Oyo high chief, Chief Abiodun Odusanwo, is the President of the Institute of Tourism Practitioners of Nigeria (ITP) as well as the Vice President, Federation of Tourism Practitioners of Nigeria (FTAN). He lived in the United Kingdom for many years imparting knowledge. Apart from being a director of Education Qualification Agency, he represented Black and Minority Ethnic Groups in Lewisham Strategic Partnership. He spoke with OKORIE UGURU about his life, career and his passion for empowering people through education.

    MY background really is that I am an educationist in terms of the fact that most, if not all my post-graduate experience, has been in education. I started in 1982 after my MBA in England. I was a lecturer at the London College of Further Education. I also lectured in a number of further and higher education institutions. I taught virtually everything when it comes to Business Administration, apart from teaching Law and Statistics. I taught Marketing, Tourism, Business Administration, Principles of Banking, and so on. I have been into human resource development; that is my main trust. I saw myself as an agent of change. I want to see people transformed into achieving competences that would enrich their lives.

    Have you always lived in England? I left for England in 1976. I was born in Lagos, but I am a native of Ijebu Ayepe. I had my secondary education at Remo Secondary School, Sagamu. It was an Ionian schools. In fact, my school was really the first mixed secondary school in the whole of West Africa. It was established in 1945 or thereabout. I was actually meant to travel. It started with doing some correspondence courses in those days. I actually worked with the Nigerian Airways as a commercial officer. By that time, they had not built this new international airport. It was under construction. That was actually my first step into tourism and aviation industry. This stimulated my interest in the industry. After working at the place for some time, I travelled to Italy in 1976 and moved to England mainly because of language, because I always knew that I was going to study Business Administration.

    On getting to England, I went to City Polytechnic and studied Marketing and then International Business, specialising in tourism. What was life like as a growing up child? My dad sold Lino, what they call carpet, at Idumagbo Avenue in Isale Eko; Jankara to be specific. You know, all those Baba Ijebu (Ijebu indigenes) are into big commerce. I was in fact born into a Moslem family. I even studied the Koran in primary school. I actually went to Ahmadiyya, where we wore white uniform. But what changed all that was that I went to Remo Secondary School, Sagamu, which was a pure Christian school. It was then I opted to become a Christian. It was a matter of choice.

    That time, having gone from Lagos to study in Ijebu, I was one of the flamboyant students. We bought things from Kingsway and so on. Is that to say that you were born with a silver spoon? Not really, but with a very nice spoon. Going to secondary school in Remo made me become a Christian, because when I want to pray, I want to pray in a language I understand, and that made things easier. When I left school, the idea was really to travel out despite the fact that my dad wanted me in his business. But I had made up my mind that I was not going to go into business. Was there any special reason for that? Really, my dad had a couple of houses in Surulere and so on, but I really wanted to go to school. My dad was very disappointed that I refused to join him in the family business. Any reason for that? I was well mannered, very enterprising. That was why after secondary school, he wanted me to join him, but I refused. I ran to go meet my grandmother and reported to her, that this was what my daddy was saying.

    She asked me: ‘Why don’t you go?’ She said people were actually praying for such opportunities. I told her I didn’t want to. Was your decision based on the secondary education you acquired? It was just a matter of choice really. I wanted to actually get something that is mine, something I can say I generated this. In other words, you wanted to run away from your father’s shadow? Yes. Also being from a polygamous home, I just said I didn’t want the rat race. When he went to report me to my grandmother, she appealed on my behalf. Then I started working.

    In the City Hall, my uncle, Sanwo, was the paymaster. I went to him to engage me. My father called him and warned him not to give me a job; that he was going to disown him if he did, and that if I wanted a job, I should join his business. I said okay. Then, there was labour office where after you left school, you could just go and queue and you would get a job. I went there but I did not like the offers available. I then went to meet my aunt who took me to the old Nigerian Airways. The Personnel Manager, Mr. Makinde, told me, ‘Your sister is such a nice person. Nobody can terminate your appointment in Nigerian Airways unless you steal.’ That was where I started my career. While working, I started correspondence classes and then I travelled to England. In our own time, education was a meal ticket. So long as you had your qualification, you were okay. That means your motivation was the meal ticket… I was not looking for a meal ticket. I just said I must be educated to be independent. I started studying for my qualifications. I was interested in developing and contributing to my environment. When Federal Polytechnic, Bida, was established, they came to England to interview people and I attended the interview.

    That time, I was actually a part time marketing lecturer in England. When the interviewer asked me my definition of marketing, which is making profit through customers’ satisfaction, the man was looking for one long definition but I didn’t go with that. I didn’t take the offer because I was not ready. At that time, I was hoping to do my PhD as well. The second interview I had, which was equally interesting, was for one bank, BCCI or something like that, because I also taught banking. They wanted to employ a trainer for banking. They got my name through the Institute of Bankers because they had a directory of banking teachers in England. I got the job, but the man said: ‘Sorry, we cannot employ you because one, you are not from the North; two, if we employ you, you will be the highest paid Nigerian and you are the general manager of the bank. I told him you people came here to employ me as a British person. He said unless they bring me in as an expatriate, and I said I didn’t mind.

    I continued with my part-time and full-time lecturing. As at that time, there were so many Nigerians in London, but only a few of us managed to do proper jobs like being lecturers or part-time lecturers. Many of my contemporaries worked as security guards, cab drivers and so on. Through my part-time lecturing job, they started asking, so this man can do this? So, it was like blazing the trail, because not many black people were into lecturing, not to talk of Nigerians… Yes. So, how did they react to seeing you in an area that was like an exclusive preserve of the white? They were quite pleased. There is a college called Central London College. I was the head of department. Somebody came out looking for the department, because they couldn’t call my name, Biodun, they called me Mr. Abbey. They told him to go and see Mr. Abbey.

    The man was asking me who Mr. Abbey was. Because you were black? Yes. Some Nigerians that I came across, I tried to assist them to excel. In 1989, I think I was a lecturer then also. I told them that no Nigerian person should come to me to give them reference for security jobs. If you want reference from me, you must apply for a proper job. Through that, many of them applied for proper jobs. Why did you decide to do so? They were qualified to do all these jobs. They were qualified to work in the office as opposed to marking time doing cleaning and so on. So the idea was for you to push them to go for better jobs? Yes. It helped enormously. It created a pool who would say if it were not for that man, I would have still been doing those menial jobs. It was not just Nigerians, but blacks generally.

    That time, as a Commonwealth citizen, one was allowed to work for 20 hours a day as a student. So, I told them, for those 20 hours, why not go for proper jobs? With that, many of them got the necessary experience for future employment. Then after you have lived in England illegally for seven years, you get your stay. I also encouraged them to do short training programmes. At the time you moved to England, by virtue of your qualification, you could apply for other jobs. Why settle for teaching? I think it was my drive to improve the lot of people. Like I said, according to my background, work was not an issue. I thought having done all these, why not assist other people? That helped because it brought in better understanding of blacks. Also at that time, I started getting more interest in tourism and I applied to many institutions for a PhD in tourism but they refused. I was asked to do tourism in either of two countries: Gambia or Spain.

    Those were the areas they wanted me to focus on. I told them I wanted to focus on Nigeria and they said Nigeria was not a tourists’ destination. So, I asked myself what I could do. I said I must study tourism. I knew also of many doctors and professors who were my senior colleagues in the academia. They said the two were the areas they could easily get supervisors. These supervisors were also working for their own research interests as well. While working for my PhD, I got so involved in lecturing. That is why I have not yet completed it. I became a college principal during the Margaret Thatcher era. You can imagine what Margaret Thatcher was to black people. I mean she was a conservative prime minister. Being the head, there were so many issues with immigration and I didn’t deal with so many of those guys; I dealt with the policy. I called them.

    Many were able to regularise their stay in England through our establishment. So, at what point did you decide to focus more on Nigeria? I actually represented Britain when it came to the harmonization of tourism education across Europe. I was also involved in educational development. In fact, vocational education development generally. I travelled to many parts of Africa as a member of British team. During the Abacha era, we were discouraged from coming to Nigeria. But after that, I started coming back to Nigeria, spending few days at a time. Despite not frequenting Nigeria for so many years, my mind was still in Nigeria. Why do you think you were honoured by the Alaafin of Oyo, Oba Lamidi Adeyemi, with the Aare Soludero of Oyo chieftaincy title? It was because of my contributions to Nigerians in the Diaspora.

    I featured in so many publications. I supported lots of good causes which had to do with Nigerians in European communities. I was an employer also because I went into consultancy training for blacks. I grew a very large base of Nigerians in my support for the community in London, helping people to stabilize. But the honour from the Alaafin came as a surprise to me. When top Nigerian dignitaries came to Europe, I was among those that would represent the Nigerian community in meeting with them. When Alaafin once came, we went to meet him. He told me he had heard about me; about how I was supporting the black community in London. When the letter came that the Alaafin wanted to honour me for my contributions to the Yoruba race, I was shocked, because I was not expecting it. He said they were proposing to make me the Aare Soludero, meaning ‘the person that helps in making life more conducive’. But they said I could not have an Alaafin title without being a chief somewhere. Then the Oba of Akinmoorin gave me a title in his domain before the Alaafin’s title.

  • Are you in a relationship that feels like it may be over? Do you feel it’s time to move on? (2)

     

    To see reality as it is, see the actions as they are and let them speak for themselves. Actions ultimately speak louder than words.

    1. When he/she is causing you emotional/physical/verbal hurt.

    Physical and verbal abuse are definite no-no’s. There is clearly something wrong if the other party abuses/hits/curses/swears at you, no matter how he/she tries to make up for it later. Even if it may be the spur of the moment, the fact that he/she lets slip in that moment shows there is something deep inside him/her that needs addressing.

    Emotional hurt is trickier. A lot of people negate emotional hurt because it’s not visible. Ignore it, and it’s not there. But emotional hurt is hurt all the same, if not worse. The wounds that are hardest to heal are the emotional ones, not the physical ones.

    1. When the same situation/issue recurs even though you tried addressing it.

    Once might be a coincidence. Twice, you might want to give another chance. But 3 times is a clear sign something is wrong. I finally realized nothing was coming out from the relationship between G and I after our loop played out the third time. Each time, I did what I could to make it work out, but it always stopped at the same end. It was more than enough evidence that this was the end.

    Do you find yourself in replay mode in your relationship? Do you keep landing in the same situation, the same scenario, the same outcome, time and again, no matter what you do? If so, perhaps you need to accept this is the furthest the relationship can get to. You can keep pressing on, but it’s a matter of time before it sinks in that there’s nothing further to go. This is the end of the road. There is a future for you and him/her, and this relationship isn’t the route to that future.

    1. When he/she puts little to no effort in the relationship.

    Every relationship requires effort by the duo. The same applies for familial bonds, friendships, mentorships and most definitely love. Both of you have to commit to the relationship together. If you are constantly the one putting in more effort, sooner than later it’ll drain you. You have to give more and more just to keep the relationship afloat. Unless this imbalance is addressed, it will only become bigger and bigger over time. Soon you sink your whole self into it, losing yourself identity in the process.

    1. When your fundamental values and beliefs are different.

    For any friendship or relationship to work out, there has to be certain similarity in fundamental values. Similarity in these values are the big rocks which will hold the friendship in place. Even if other things are dissimilar, the big rocks will enable the friendship to weather through even the toughest storms ahead.

    On the other hand, if your core values are fundamentally different, it doesn’t matter even if everything else is the same. The journey to keep the relationship together will only become an uphill battle. It’s just like trying to hold the soil of the ground together in a heavy rain. Without the roots of the tree to hold this soil together, everything will just slip away against your best efforts.

    1. When the relationship holds you back, hence preventing both of you from growing as individuals.

    A relationship is ultimately a third entity formed due to two individuals. Every relationship evolves based on how both parties are growing. Sometimes both parties grow at the same pace. There are times where the relationship is one of stagnancy, where both parties don’t grow. Then there are times when one outgrows the other, by a large margin.

    When this happens, you have two options (i) change the dynamics of the relationship to fit this new development, or change yourself  to maintain the same dynamics. It’s more important to first be true to ourselves. Determine who you are and who you want to be, then decide if this relationship is one that is compatible with you. A relationship that hinders you from growing into your own isn’t the best one for you.

    11.When you stay on, expecting things to get better.

    This is similar to #1, except it pertains to the future. Just like how you don’t live in the past, you don’t live in the future. You can hope that the future will be better, but the fact is you live now. If the only thing that’s making you hold on is the hope of a better future, the relationship isn’t exactly built on solid grounds. The future you wish for is one of the many possibilities that can occur, a possibility that may never come to reality. It’s dangerous to base the fate of the relationship on something that might not occur. A building built on a shaky foundation will crash to an unsightly end when the foundation gives way.

    1. When neither of you feel the same way about each other.

    Things change. People change. If the feelings are no longer there, it’s time to move on. Some of you might linger on in a relationship even though the feelings are gone. Perhaps it has become part of your routine and you don’t know what to do once you break away. Some of you continue on because the relationship still serves certain functional purposes, such as companionship.

    Yet, a relationship without the mutual feelings is like a body without a heart. There’s no soul or life in it. If you no longer have feelings for the other party, staying on is doing the other person an injustice. More importantly, it’s doing you a huge injustice. It’s best for him/her and you to part ways so you can move to better places.

    If the other person doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, holding on to him/her only drags out the misery. Realize that “True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.” Just because you love the person doesn’t mean you have to be with the person. True love exists outside of the physical fabric of a relationship. This is just a form of expression of love, but in no way is the single definition of love.

    • Source: www.lifehack.org

  • 12 expert tips for dating after a divorce

    Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman. Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays — not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups — is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. Why is it so hard?

    “A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to ‘protect’ her and now she has to go out into the world on her own,” says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. But it’s also tough, she adds, because once you’re on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he’ll-call sort of way.

    So how can you make post-divorce dating — whether you’re looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man — less daunting? Read on for tips that will help you get back in Cupid’s good graces.

    1 Figure out if you’re ready.

    Whether it’s been one year or six since the divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you’re ready for another relationship. Instead, “it’s usually clear when you’re not ready,” says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce. That is, when the very idea turns you off. But once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don’t want to chase it out again, you’re at least ready to start, she says. If it’s truly awful,  you can take a step back and wait some more.

    2).  Feel the fear — and do it anyway.

    Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but “actual terror,” says Dr. Kirschner. Just remember that your fears are normal — after all, you’re dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval — and that you don’t have to jump all the way in. “Dip a toe in at a time. Tell a few trusted friends that you’re interested in meeting people. Accept invitations to parties.”

    3).  Avoid negative thinking.

    While it’s not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like “all men are jerks” or “all the good ones are taken,” that’s obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. Kirschner. “That kind of thinking can tank your mood — and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love.” By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you’ll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again.

    4). Know there’s nothing wrong with you.

    A divorcée may also feel that there’s something “wrong” with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. Kirschner. If that’s the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, “visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, ‘Stop!’” says Dr. Kirschner.

    5).  Determine your dating intention.

    You’ve decided to start dating — isn’t that your “intention” right there? Not completely, says Dr. Kirschner. “Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you’re after. Is it a partner in life? A short-term liaison that might lead to something? Just some fun for now? The idea is that you should consciously decide how you want to proceed,” which will in turn inform how you go about meeting people.

    6).  Rethink your definition of dating.

    Gadoua, who runs dating workshops for women, asks them to free-associate words that come to mind when they think of “dating.” Not surprisingly, words like “awful” and “dreadful” come up. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: “I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education,” she says. “Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills too.” And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun!

    7).  Get online.

    Possibly, the last time you dated there wasn’t even an Internet, much less Internet dating. But if you were thinking that searching for companionship online is strictly for losers or perverts, forget it — that’s as outmoded as dial-up. “Online dating is not only mainstream, it’s one of the best ways to widen your search, rather than just hoping that you’ll meet someone in the coffee shop,” says Dr. Kirschner. And these days, there’s a site for everyone, from eHarmony and Match to niche sites like JDate. Check out our Guide to Online Dating to learn the basics including setting up a profile to taking a relationship offline.

    8).  Don’t drag out online contact.

    Once you “meet” someone online, Dr. Kirschner says it’s easy to build up a fantasy of what he is like based on his profile and the emails you exchange. “My rule of thumb is to meet in person within two weeks of making online contact.” Might as well find out as soon as you can if the chemistry is virtual — or real. Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions. “Tell a friend where you’ll be and when you expect to be home, and meet for coffee in a public place,” suggests Dr. Kirschner.

    9).  Remember that dating is a numbers game.

    “Four out of five men you go out with will disappear,” says Dr. Kirschner bluntly. It’s just the nature of the dating world. He may have seemed great, but loses interest, or is dating someone else, or has problems you will never know about. Don’t take it personally, and instead try to remember that if you’re meeting a lot of people, the number of bad apples will go up — but so will the odds that you’ll meet a few good apples too.

    10).  Date around.

    Dr. Kirschner recommends, to start by dating several guys at the same time. For a couple of reasons: First, you’re not putting all your eggs — or hopes — into one basket. Second, you can compare what you like and don’t like. Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man’s intellectual stimulation. “You can see what

    11).  But be honest.

    While Dr. Kirschner fully supports seeing multiple people at one time when you first start dating, she does say there’s one caveat: making sure everyone knows. “Just say, ‘I’m enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that

    12).  Don’t let your kids stop you.

    Hopefully it’s obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn’t bring dates around unless it’s somewhat serious. That said, don’t let a fear of your children being upset or disapproving stop you from getting out there if you feel ready to. “Too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date,” says Gadoua. Be up-front and respectful, but don’t apologize for wanting to date. “Most children just want their parent to be happy, and may be less likely to object than you imagine,” she says.

    Source: www.womansday.com

  • When love kills…

    You know the saying, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” Well, what if the beholder is completely blind? You might be seeing something beautiful, while everyone else sees a disaster. Are you looking through the lens of blind love?

    Everybody thinks that love is a precious thing that enriches the world, which could be true, but there are different ways to love and when we do it blindly, the are consequences.

    This result has been arrived at through scientific study.

    To love means to have someone on your mind throughout the day . You feel worry, stress, longing and hope. Sometimes, all at once.

    However, if love and passion are one and the same, following your heart may very well mean losing your mind. People who love so passionately have emotions that run both hot and cold. It is true, that, there is a line to be drawn between love and passion, but most of us don’t see the difference. How can you have one without the other?  Together, love and passion rule our lives. You can find both in music, in art, in technology, in fashion and in food.

    When you are in love, you start living for another person who means the world to you. You put his or her interests and prioritize this person before all else. This mentality, this new way of life, changes you. Love doesn’t end with finding that something or someone, that is when your journey begins.

    Everything that follows, all the work you put in , all the focus and energy, all the tears that you will inevitably shed, will make you the person you are meant to become.  I have severally seen cases where love can make you act like a robot. You become clueless. You might even become a “beck and call” individual all because one has falling for that special person. Not a bad thing. It just becomes criminally wrong when you begin to act out of the ordinary.  You place a call every three minutes. You cannot function well except you hear from your love interest. You smile when they smile. You annoyingly ‘ vex’ when they are’ vexing’  When you are on the phone with them, everything else goes into oblivion.

    You threaten suicide when they so much as hint a separation. You are easily devastated when there is a red alert. You are going to be alone with your thoughts most of the time. Those thoughts are what will both lift you and throw you into the mud.

    I once had a male colleague that not only washes his woman’s undergarments ( which could be nice sha) but after washing and spreading it to dry, he begins to sniff them. ( whatever that means). You can then begin to imagine what happened to him when she eventually dumped him for a richer man, who married her as his the fifth wife. Sad. He spent months in the hospital trying to figure out what he did wrong. As I write this piece, he is yet to handle a stable relationship because he is trying to find his ex in every woman that comes his way.

    A cousin’s wife, of blessed memory, lamented to me her dilemma.

    She had three wonderful daughters for him. She was responsible for raising the girls to university level. Single-handedly built their first home and finally, on retirement she gave all her entitlement to my cousin. Who does that! My cousin, thereafter married a younger, second wife in search of a male child.

    He threw her sacrificial love for him right through the window. Today, she is dead, leaving behind three very successful graduates, who has sworn never to love stupidly and never to forgive their dad. Today, my cousin’s second wife has given to him a second daughter. Still waiting for the male child abi? Right!

    If you really put your heart into the cause, understand that it can break. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to mess things up. You are going to forget things and lose track of time. You will feel that you did everything right but failed anyway. Love sometimes hurt. You can put your soul , blood and sweat into making things right and you can be devastated when they don’t come together. Looking at the brighter side, it can also make you stronger. Stronger for the next time you push with everything you have got. You may fail again but success will happen as long as you persist. Out of all the confusion that comes from losing your mind, you emerge from the process a better individual. You come out, God willing, of that dark tunnel, wiser , smarter and even more passionate than before.

    This journey, I assure you, will be lonesome. Don’t expect much support. Some might even ridicule you, thinking you were simply stupid to have fallen so hard. Friends and families could be there, but not always, and ultimately, you will have to make yourself fine again. Happy loving, just don’t lose it.

    Keri Hilson Sings;

    Not again

    Oh, this ain’t supposed to happen to me.

    Keep rocking and keep knocking.

    Whether you louboutin it up or Reebokin

    You see the hate that they serving on a platter

    So, what we gonna have, dessert or disaster?

    I never thought I’d be in love like this

    When I look at you my mind goes on a trip

    Then you came and knocked me on my face. Feels like I’m in a race but I’ve already won first place

    I never thought I’d fall for you as hard as I did

    You got me thinking bout our life , a house and kids, yeah

    Every morning I look at you and smile

    Cause boy, you came around and you knocked me down, knocked me down

    Sometimes love comes around and knocks you down

    Just get back up when it knocks you down,

    Knocks you,

  • How we regained top spot in Nigeria market- Patrick Henchie, HMD Global

    Patrick Henchie

    The Head of Product and Operations, Sub Sahara Africa, HMD Global, Patrick Henchie serves the African market from the Republic of South Africa. In this interview, he speaks about his company’s mobile phone portfolio and how they have diversified from feature phone to smartphones within a short time frame. Excerpts ….

    Footsteps in the Nigerian market

    I remember the launch event we had in Nigeria a little over a year ago, and I have been back since. It has been amazing to know what’s going on in the market, to realize the brand love for Nokia. And we are really excited about how Nokia pure secure and up to date smartphones has been accepted in the Nigeria market. I think we as Nokia Mobile producing Nokia 6, it’s always key sticking to our basic principle of pure secure up to date android technology for everyday life and designing craftsmanship. We have seen the market grow. We have continually introduced new devices over the last year. We have raved up our portfolio to keep up to date with market trends and what is required. And it’s really exciting time to be in Nigeria and, indeed Africa at this time. You probably already know that our three key markets in Africa are Nigeria, Kenya and South Africa and we also distribute into other market in Africa.

    Launch of HMD Global’s first Nokia phone and place of feature phones

    Our first phone was launched in January 2017 in China, and it was the Nokia 6. It was a very exciting day for us and the rest of the world. The announcement was made at the mobile world congress same year.

    We were still selling Nokia feature phones. But, it’s just over a year we have been selling our pure secured up to date smartphones in Nigeria.

    Present position on feature phones segment in Nigeria

    We are still very much in that segment. It’s still a very key part in our business and what we are looking at is that is building a portfolio that we can always service any comfortably. So now we have got a wide portfolio rather than just having one device for one individual. So all the way from Nokia 1 to Nokia 5 which is a voice focus device all the way up to Nokia 8.we really feel like we can afford the entire market and there’s also opportunity with our connectivity devices which is our Nokia 250, Nokia 3310. It also provides the users the opportunity to move into entry level smartphone and with that opportunity we have the Nokia 1 in the market.

    Ambition to grow in the feature phone segment or ….

    The feature phone segment is key to growth in our business. We see them as a very important part of our business. This year we announced 8110 4G which was a feature and smartphone that was also part of our originals. We reloaded the old Nokia 8110, so we are certainly committed to the feature phone space.

    Product in the Nigeria market presently

    Our products in the Nigeria market are Nokia 1, Nokia 2.1, Nokia 3.1, Nokia 5.1, Nokia 5.1 plus, Nokia 6, Nokia 6 and we have Nokia 7plus.

    Marketing strategy and product available in Nigeria

    We work through partners and in Nigeria we have our local team based in Lagos that help us serve the Nigerian market.

    Frequency or regularity of updating OS on Nokia smartphones

    That is a really important story for us, what we are bring to the market is the pure version of android, and our promise to the customers is that, we will have monthly security update  coming through to the devices and we have a range of devices that are part of android-one program, from Nokia 3.1,Nokia 5.1, Nokia 6 and Nokia 7plus are all part of the android-one program, and we are also committed to platform update as well, so many of those devices will get update and the key there is to keep the devices relevant. You don’t want a situation where you buy a device and in 3 months your handset is outdated and that is why we have made conscious decision to commit to those update and we feel it’s very important for the users to get the monthly security update to ensure their device is secured and up to date.

    Impact of Nokia 3310 on smartphone

    I was there at the mobile world congress when Nokia 3310 was launched; it was really great to be there and see the excitement around Nokia 3310! Certainly, it brought back a lot of nostalgia for people bur in terms of overshadowing I wouldn’t call it overshadowing smartphones in anyway. I think it will be helping to bring focus to the fact that at HMD Global, we are bringing Nokia phones to the market and it allows us to tell a great story around our new smartphone range. So it was really an exciting product, really exciting to be part of it, but it also really allows us to tell people the story of the pure secured up to date Nokia android smartphones.

    Progress from a feature segment to smartphone segment

    That speaks to the Nokia brand heritage of always being able to supply devices to full range of or full portfolio and a range of devices. We are very much about catering to a wild range of end users and the way we have done this in progression is very simple. We are known for reliability, and in our feature phones we are known for quality and actually what we have done is we’ve taken that recipe and replicated it with the smartphone segment, where we have really reliable devices. The Nokia design has always played a key role in our devices. So it is really about making devices that can be used in everyday, better screen and good battery life that can get you through the day, those are kind of key elements we focus on for smartphones. And what has happened is that people have started to understand and I will say that quality is long game. For people, once they use their devices, they are getting security updates, they are getting their platform updates, so Nokia quality comes through every time and we will continue with that formula going forward. That shows the way we have progress from dominant in feature phone to growing in the smartphone space.

    Do you make market specific devices?

    We do have some regions where we have market specific devices. For example, at the moment in China, we are selling the Nokia H5, Nokia H6 which are particular to the China region.

    Why is this so?

    There are different market dynamics and different drivers in each market, so we will always look to see if a device suits a market and if it does, we will drop it for sales there. But it is also about catering to that local market needs and we will investigate and bring the device into the market. And also, there’s the different band to entry point of view, so we also need to take that into consideration.

    Efforts at delivering pure android experience

    We have conducted a lot of market research. We have spoken to a lot of consumers and a lot of customers. And one of the key things that came through from the conversations was that people want something simple, something uncluttered. Again, looking at the amount of work Google has put into android over the years there has been many alterations, where a lot of devices are all running on android, it was the perfect time for us when we came into the market to bring to the consumers the pure clean uncluttered user experience exactly the way Google intends it to be without any third party applications. We gave the users the choice of the applications they want to use on their device. Once we did that, we ended up saving some space for the users to enjoy. So the users are in complete control of their devices.

    Commitment to monthly security update for Nokia Mobile devices

    In the world we live today, there’s a lot of focus put on security and people want to trust that they are secured Nokia has always been at the forefront in the delivery this.

    Willingness of HMD Global to stand alone

    Nokia started working with Zeiss in 2002, they could add something to the devices and it has really been a privilege to work with them again in bringing a great camera experience to users of Nokia phones. With the android branding at the back of the devices, which is an extra assurance to customers that your device is part of the android-one program, which we are committed to the security updates and platform updates. All these show that we are committed to giving you the absolute and best android experience on our device. So I wouldn’t say it is not standing on our own, essentially, it’s about celebrating our partnerships and the company is happy to work with us.

    A bit more about android one

    Clearly, when we came into market with our devices, we had the pure secured and always up to date android one of our distinguishing factors. Probably, we were the first company to make this commitment to the security update android. Android-one is a program by Google which manufacturer can sign up to with a commit to having a pure and clean user interface with a commit to the security update. We are proud to be part of the android-one program and it sort of show our commitment to the security update.

    On limited number of pre-installed app

    You can look at pre-installed app in different ways, but our policy on this is essentially that the devices come with the apps exactly how Google intends it. It has the Google services pre-loaded on each device. We also do have a Nokia support application where customers can interact with our help team in case anyone has challenges with the device. But other than that, there are no other third party applications on the device, but you get to choose what app you want on the device and what you want to download from the play store.

    Strategy for Nokia to reclaiming the number spot in the market

    We will stick to our, trusted smartphone that people can rely on. We will stick to using technology in everyday life. We will stick to using quality materials. We will also stick to the pure secure and always up to date android. It’s very easy to get cut up in a ‘spec race,’ where people just talk about the biggest or the amount of mega pixels. I think the Nokia magic is how we use the screen, how we use the processor, how we optimize the battery to give the absolute best overall user experience to the consumer.

    Any new device in the Nigerian market soon

    We did have something for you guys, the Nokia 6.1 plus is in Nigeria and it’s about to go on sale. We are very pleased to announce that it will be available for #95,000 and this is testament to the fact that if we launch a device in one region we can bring it to other markets. So it almost identical to Nokia H6 that’s on sale in China that have some of the features and we are very happy to bring the device to Nigeria.

    Nigeria’s ranking when HMD Global is releasing products

    If we do a regional approach, Nigeria, Kenya and South Africa all ranked equally as we launch our products.

     

  • Do you know the size of your wife’s bra?

    RESEARCH findings show that seven out of ten men don’t know their partner’s bra size. This reveals how little many men know about the women in their lives.

    Women want their partners to know the little things. Not knowing tells us that you are not listening to us or that the details of our lives are not important enough for you to remember.

    This can in more ways than one be very frustrating for a woman. She listens and knows the minute detail about her man. She knows the boxers or inner wear sizes that would suit her man. Imagine how discouraging it could feel just to know that your man does not know the simplest thing like the size of your bra. A bra he might help to unhook every day.

    Recently, I was privileged to attend a social function and the master of ceremonies introduced a couple’s game. Five couples were brought to the floor and, of course, they were applauded for having the courage to participate in game.

    The first set of questions were thrown to the wives about their husbands. The instruction was for them to write the answers while the men would confirm if the wives answered the questions correctly.

    The questions ranged from the sizes of their husbands’ shoes to their favourite foods, colours and television programmes. Interestingly, four out of the five women answered the questions correctly while the remaining one only missed the question on his husband’s favourite colour.

    Thereafter, it came to the turn of the men. They were also required to answer the same questions as the women. The only two questions that were different were what their wives would do if they (wives) suddenly won a lottery and what the size of their wives’ bras were.

    At first, you could see the amusement on the faces of the male contestants. Perhaps they felt it was a tricky question. The audience all laughed so hysterically that at some point, I began to wonder what was so funny.

    Whilst the men wrote down their answers and responses, the time came for the MC to announce who had answered the questions correctly as well as the winner. Their answers were so funny that even those on the high table were laughing uncontrollably.

    The only answer all the contestants were able to respond to was that their wives’ favourite television programme was Zee world, a trending Indian soap opera. Only one man was able to positively respond to his wife’s bra size. Thumbs up for him. The reactions from the other women was everything but happy. Little wonder why.

    It is somewhat disturbing. Like, seriously, how can a man live year in, year out with his spouse and not know such an important detail about his partner’s life? One can pardon a man for forgetting their wedding anniversary date, her birthday or their children’s birthday (it happens sometimes). In some cases, some men even forget their own birthdays!

    I know of a particular family where on an annual basis, the wife and kids have to remind their dad of his own birthday! Epic. Excuses can be proffered for these because he might be so preoccupied with so many other pressing issues that affect family and work. But how do you begin to explain not knowing your wife’s bra size?

    A bra is a constant undergarment your spouse has to put on regularly. Daily.

    There is the full coverage, the lined full coverage, the demi, the push up, the wireless. There are bras that are padded and some that are not. You do not have to be burdened with all those information. All we need you to pay attention to is that little label behind or beside the bra. The number is neatly written in there. Don’t be in such a hurry to go back to your sports or wine glass without finding out.

    It makes a huge difference if you are among the men who knows the size of the bra.

  • Nickfest Records Another Successful Family Fun-fair in Nigeria

    Nickfest, the 2-day family- fun entertainment event, held in Lagos has ended but not without the quest for more fun and happy time experience.

    The event which was organized by Nickelodeon in partnership with premium malt drink, Maltina took place on the 29th and 30th of September at the Balmoral Events Center, Federal Palace, Victoria Island, and was full of fun and so much happiness.

    The partnership played a part in delivering fun-filled experiences to families in consonance with Maltina’s commitment to ‘Share Happiness’ with various age groups. Following the success of the maiden edition in 2017, the 2-day event provided a very rare avenue for the brand to interact with its teeming consumers and fans.

      Commenting on the success of the event, Senior Brand Manager, Maltina, Omotunde Adenusi said; “This is indeed an exciting partnership for Maltina. We realize that we are all busy and more often than not, life just gets in the way, however creating family moments is paramount.”

    “As a brand that is all about nourishing family moments, we are proud to partner with Nickelodeon again to bring all the excitement of Nickfest to families. Nickfest is one of those events that families can enjoy.”

    Children were able to reenact their fantasies as the event featured some of Nickelodeon’s superstar characters in brand new shows including Dora the Explorer along with her animal rescuer cousin, Diego and Dora’s best pal, Boots; SpongeBob Squarepants; Shimmer and Shine; and Paw Patrol’s – Ryder, Chase, Marshall, Rubble, and Sky. Also this year, Happy the Maltina mascot took centre stage at the Maltina Happy Land at NickFest, and for the first time ever he performed his very own show to the delight of kids and parents.

    Music lovers were not left out as leading artists in the industry including Mi Abaga, Simi, Mayorkun and Adekunle Gold thrilled and entertained families at the event with electrifying performances.

    Maltina lived up to its “Share happiness” mantra by putting smiles on the faces of some families at the Maltina Happy Land at Nickfest through exciting giveaways.

    The event hosted 4,000 families with everyone present having a wonderful experience. It is safe to say that they we ae all looking forward to the next edition of the biggest fun-filled family gathering event, NickFest.

    The smooth, nourishing malt drink with complete richness is fortified with Vitamins and Calcium for healthy families. Maltina remains the category leader with its innovations and message of sharing happiness.

  • One man’s ex can be another’s treasure

    THIS is a true story of my cousin who was involved in a relationship way back when I was a teenager. She was on the very weighty side when she met her boyfriend. To say she loved him would be putting it very mildly. Figuratively speaking, she worshipped the ground he walked on . Their relationship could be described as a one – sided love affair. She was in love. He was in business-the business of using and dumping. The flat nosed boyfriend ( of blessed memory) could barely stand the sight of my dear cousin, literally speaking.

    Till date, I still wonder why she chose to be with him in the first place. They were both graduates and doing quite well in their individual fields. However, financially, my cousin was doing much better. She owned a brand new car while the boyfriend rode in a fairly used car.

    Since some of us were much younger to understand fully what was going on, my cousin, in trying to be discrete, chose to keep the abuse away from family and even close friends. She went through the proverbial hell and high water all by herself. Sad!

    Two years into their relationship, things began to gradually get out hand. The guy obviously got tired of putting up false appearances and began to publicly humiliate her. The first glimpse we had of the abuse was when we attended a wake keep ceremony of a distant relative. We had all gathered but noticed our cousin’s car was neatly parked in a corner but there was no sign of her. Despite the beehive of activities- dancing and drumming, there was simply no sign of her. On sighting her boyfriend, we decided to inquire about her whereabouts.. Reluctantly, he pointed us to her parked car.

    Worried, we walked towards the car and to our shock, our cousin was locked up in her own car. When she saw us , through the tinted glasses , she tried to manage a very weak smile. Young, as we were, we asked her why in the world she should be locked up in the car when activities were going on  outside.

    Unable to bottle up her emotions anymore, she opened up and said, ” Ikechukwu” ( not real name) said I should remain in the car.”  Simultaneously, we all screamed “why”?

    Till date, I still shudder to recall the incident of that fateful day .  she said Ikechukwu had told her to remain in the car because he was ashamed to be seen with her in public because she was too fat !

    We pleaded o, dear readers, we pleaded with my cousin to come down from the vehicle and join family and friends, who love her so much, but tearfully she refused.

    Her excuses, were, ” Ikechukwu would be mad, he would be too upset, I just can’t afford to make him think I’m disrespecting him , I love him too much. He will be really mad if I ever considered disobeying him.  I just want him to be happy.” Chai!

    As committed family members, and as teenagers who felt so pained by the abused woman our cousin had become, all we could do was stand by the car with her till dawn! We had no choice. The family’s rule back then was, when one of us is hurting, we are all hurting.

    It was also the family tradition that we all travel to our country home to spend Christmas. It was usually fun. It affords us the opportunity of meeting up with old friends and family members that had not been heard from for years, even decades especially those in diaspora. We were seriously looking forward to a fun time as so many activities were usually lined up. It also afforded us the opportunity of showing off our new clothes, shoes, hairdo, false lashes and false polished nails, just name it. We were going to show the rural girls that there was a clear difference of being  city babes!

    On arrival, the incident awaiting us was going to flush down all our plans right down the drain.

    We got to hear that our cousin had arrived days before us and was in her room.

    We all ran to her frantically knocking on her door because of the excitement. On opening the unlocked door , to  our shock we met her lying on her bed and crying her eyes out. As a matter of fact, on sighting us she cried louder . What is the problem, cousin dearest, one of us managed to ask. One word, she said, “Ikechukwu” .

    We were simply blown away. You mean you guys are still dating? After the way he treated you in the past, we all wondered. The abuse  and maltreatment of two years? He is ugly! What do you see in him? Questions were just pouring out in torrents and one by one, we were able to calm ourselves in order to hear what he had done this time.

    She narrated how he had dumped her for another girl using her weight as an excuse. To further worsen an already bad situation, he brought home the new girl and warned her never to contact him.

    If we thought that was the worst that had happened,  we were criminally wrong. Our nightmare had a second part to it. Our cousin dearest, implored us this time to go begging him to take her back! Promising to shed weight, get him a car, hide herself during outings if that would make him happy. In summary, we found ourselves, on Christmas eve, pleading with a very reluctant guy to take our cousin back. After we had stooped low to massage his already bloated ego, he threw all our pleas right back in our faces, telling us to go back and encourage our cousin to move on because he had done the same.

    Fast forward to the present, our cousin, is today married to a seasoned journalist, a fine , tall , dark and handsome man. They are blessed with a beautiful daughter. Years ago, they relocated to Canada and we couldn’t be happier for her. Her husband, our sweet in law  is so crazy about her that comparing him with her past was like comparing apples and oranges. His love for her we can safely describe as “sent from above.”

    Sadly, Ikechukwu, died two years after their break up , he died in an auto crash  whilst travelling to pay the bride price of his fiancée. May his soul rest in peace. No one , not even my hurt cousin  wished  that for anyone, God forbid. All my cousin did was muster the courage to move on. He hated her for no reason. Even, when you don’t have feelings for someone, there are ways to diplomatically let them know without necessarily hurting them. My cousin was his ex and perhaps trash? Today, in Canada, she is another man’s treasure.

    One man loses sight of the beauty he once saw. Letting her go, he has love no more.

    Another man finds adventure in her eyes. He longs to wipe the tears that torment her inside.

    One man had her love but he didn’t know how to cherish.

    His love became blinded and he allowed it to perish.

    Another man takes notice of her smile, her warm heart and soul.

    He treasures her and vows not to let her go.

    One man forgot the good times and let the bad times outweigh

    He was overpowered by lust which caused him to stray

    Another man has hope for a new beginning, new love, a new start

    With his sweet ways, he wins her over, he wins her heart

    One man’s ex is another man’s treasure

    That’s life, so it seems

    She won’t give up on love because real love will heal anything

    What one man let’s go, another man will hold on

    New love will open once the last love is gone.