The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • She left me because I was poor; so what does she want now? (2)

    The twins were about two years old when the incident that nearly brought my life to an end occurred. It was a call from my clearing agent that started it all. I remember it was early in the morning as I was preparing to take my wife who was pregnant again to her antenatal and to see her doctor before heading to my office.

    Paddy, my agent called to break the terrible news that my goods which had arrived that week had been seized by Customs!

    “What happened?” I shouted, slumping heavily on the bed at his words.

    Sherri who was fixing her hair turned from the dressing mirror, looking at me worriedly. She dropped the hair brush and rushed to my side.

    “Honey, what is it?” she asked anxiously, placing her hand on my shoulder.

    I placed a finger on my lips to silence her as I listened intently to Paddy on the phone. The more he spoke, the more worried I became. This could not be happening to me, I thought suddenly feeling dizzy.

    The call ended and I jumped up from the bed. Picking up my car keys, I headed for the door.

    “Dear, I have to go! There is an emergency at the Port! Will explain later!” I said.

    “But Dan, what about my antenatal and the appointment with the doctor? We were supposed to see him today, remember?” she stated, coming after me to the living room.

    “Sorry, dear, it has to be rescheduled. Tony will drop you at the hospital before joining me at the Port. You can take a taxi back home when you are done. There’s some money in the drawer in the bedroom. I’ve to go!” I said, hurrying out.

    I still remember the events of that day like it just happened recently. I remember rushing to the Port to meet my agent who gave me the full details of what led to the seizure of my goods.

    The matter is a criminal offence so I can’t really give the full picture but just a brief sketch. It turned out that my business partner and friend, whom we often import goods together had added some ‘contraband’ items to his own consignment without my knowledge. When they were discovered during routine checks, my goods were seized along with his since they were shipped together. What saved me from being prosecuted was that my partner confessed he acted alone without my involvement. That however could not save my goods which were confiscated and auctioned off.

    The bottom line is I lost everything- my goods, my money even my house. I had used it as a collateral to get a loan from the bank which I added to my own funds to import the goods. It was a short term loan and when the time to pay came and I could not meet up, the bank took the house, cars and other properties to settle the amount I had borrowed.

    I was back to ‘zero’- no home, money, nothing! As you can imagine, it was a terrible time for me and my family. We were nearly homeless, so we had to squat with my younger brother Tony who had moved to a small apartment after my marriage for a while. It was while there that Sherri gave birth to our daughter Karen. With her arrival, things became tougher as there was an extra mouth to feed. Tony had a fiancée who made it clear we were not welcome in their home. To avoid further insults from her, I borrowed some money from my brother who still had some savings with which we moved to a one bedroom mini-flat in another part of town.

    At the beginning of our problems, my wife supported me and was understanding. But after sometime, her attitude began changing. Either she was always complaining about the cramped space we lived in a seedy environment or that I was not giving her enough money for baby food or to buy clothes for the children.

    “The twins’ clothes need changing as they have outgrown them. Karen’s food is finished. I need money,” she said one day.

    “But dear, you know I don’t have any money. The N5,000 I collected from Larry three days ago, I gave it all to you. Don’t tell me you have spent everything! You have to be more prudent with your spending now because of our situation!” I stated.

    “What? Are you now questioning me about how I spent 5k? What is N5,000? Is that money? Is that what your mates give their wives?” she stated in an angry tone.

    “How can you talk like that, Sherri? You know when we had money, I used to give you thousands of Naira for your clothes alone! So, why are you…?” I started saying before she cut me short.

    “That was then, this is now! Now, you are messing up big time. You are no longer living up to your responsibilities as a husband and father. Instead of going out to ‘hustle’ like other men, you sit here all day complaining about my spending habits and watching stupid football games. Nonsense!” she shouted before going into the bedroom to pick up the baby who had woken up and was crying.

    From the way she spoke, one would think I was simply lazying around all day long at home, doing nothing. It was not so. I went out nearly everyday to look for ways of restarting my ruined business but it was tough. There was simply no money and none of my friends were ready to give me loans to start again. Only very few like Larry were supportive and gave me some financial assistance with which we bought food and other necessities. I even thought about getting a job no matter how small at least to get money to feed my family. But jobs were scarce and all the places I had gone to for work informed me there were no vacancies.

     

    Broken family

    Sherri’s attitude worsened with each passing day. It got to a stage she stopped giving me food at home, stating that the food was meant for her as a nursing mother and the children and I had to go out and ‘sort myself out’ as she put it. I had to make arrangements with a woman who ran a local restaurant, a ‘buka’ near my house to be eating there at least once a day on credit or I would have starved. I would settle her whenever I got a little money from my friend, Larry.

    “Apart from not giving me food, do you know she doesn’t allow me to sleep with her anymore?” I said one day when I went to see Larry at his office in Ikeja.

    “Why? She is your wife! Why would she deny you sex?” he enquired.

    “I don’t understand Sherri anymore o! The woman has changed so much! Her excuse is that she doesn’t want to get pregnant again as we don’t even have money to feed the three we have already!” I replied.

    “That’s not a good excuse. Has she not heard of contraceptives? Anyway, I will advise you to take it easy with her. Some women are like that. They can’t cope with difficult situations; they expect things to be going smoothly all the time. Life is not like that. Life is like a road that is full of bends and bumps. You just have to learn to negotiate the rough parts when you get there,” Larry said philosophically.

    “You are right, my brother. And thanks so much for your support. I don’t know how I could have coped without you,” I stated.

    Larry smiled, stating that it was the least he could do for me considering how I had helped him in the past when I had money.

    “You did the same for me some years back when I had problems in my business. I have no choice but support you now,” he pointed out.

    “Not everyone remembers the good one had done them in the past. Afterall, you are not the only one I helped, but where are the others? No where! Some even hide when they hear that I’m in their offices or homes to see them. That’s life!” I said bitterly.

    Later, we discussed some business ideas. My mood brightened a bit when he told me about a good business partner of his in Asia who was considering sending goods to me on credit.

    “I told him you are a reliable person and you always pay your debts. We are still discussing; I hope it works out,” said Larry.

    I prayed this opportunity would work out as it could help a lot in my efforts to bounce back to reckoning.

    I got home that day feeling much better than I had done in a long while. At home, I met the twins sleeping in the bedroom and my wife was no where in sight.

    ‘Where could she have gone?’ I wondered as I went to get some water from the fridge.

    Shortly after, she returned with a large ‘Ghana-must-go’ bag in her hand.

    “Where did you go, Sherri? The boys were all alone in the house! That’s not good at all!” I said.

    She ignored me and went to the bedroom. Thinking she was in one of her bad moods, I left her alone and sat watching TV in the parlour.

    The sounds of the baby crying woke me up early the next morning. I looked at my watch to see it was just past six o’ clock. Sounds were coming from the parlour so I went there. There was a suitcase and some bags there which Sherri was about taking outside the house.

    “What’s going on here, Sherri? Where are you taking those bags to?” I asked.

    “Are you so daft? What does it look like? I’m leaving!” she announced abruptly.

    “Leaving? To where? You never told me you were travelling to see your family?” I said, thinking she was going to the village to visit her old mother, who was a widow.

    “I’m going away! I’m done with this marriage!” she said, grabbing one of the bags.

    It then dawned on me that this was no ordinary journey. She was abandoning me!

    “But dear, it hasn’t come to that! Things are not so bad that you will just walk away like that from our home, our marriage!” I said.

    “That’s what you think! As for me, I can’t take this anymore. I have to leave before I go crazy!” said Sherri.

    “Please, dear, don’t go! I need you now more than ever! Please stay! You are my life, my world! What will I do without you?” I said pleadingly, trying to take her hand which she shook off.

    “Stay to do what? Starve to death? I can’t o! Let me go and try my luck elsewhere since you can no longer take care of me,” she retorted.

    I tried to stop her but she pushed me aside and dragged all the bags outside. A strange man I had never seen before came and took the bags to a waiting car which my wife later entered with the baby in her arms and they drove away, leaving me all alone with the twins…

     

    To be continued

    What next? Join us next Saturday for the final episode of Dan’s story!

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator, his wife and other individuals in the story.

    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

  • Love is just not enough!

    I realise that a lot of singles are so particular about finding the right person that they drain all their energy in the search, but when he surfaces, little or nothing is done to sustain the relationship. It is not getting into a relationship that matters. As a matter of fact, that is just the tip of the iceberg. It is one thing to find a relationship,it is another thing to sustain it. Staying in a relationship needs a lot of work. And for most singles, that is where they miss it.

    You see, although love cements a relationship, it takes much more than love to sustain it. As an individual, you need to work on improving your strengths, thereby downplaying your weaknesses. I know of a mature single lady who craves for a serious relationship, but is about to blow it because she is missing the point of sustaining her relationship.

    After Joke and I got acquainted, on studying her, I realized she was really a nice person with a good heart. Each time we talked, I could sense someone who craved for a serious relationship, but all the guys who came her way ended up dumping her and moving with another woman. Joke and I got really close and we even got spiritual about the whole thing. She fasted and prayed for weeks, concentrating on God’s word and all too soon he came.

    Anyway, he not only swept Joke off her feet, but he treated her with so much respect that there was no contesting he was heaven sent. All that was about two years ago, and guess what? Matt called me a few weeks ago to say he was calling off the relationship with Joke. I wasn’t surprised though because I realised that Joke although has a very good heart, but her attitude is nauseating. As a working class, she was able to give herself and their family some good comfort. But her financial independence got too far. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to be financially independent, of course. But Joke’s financial independence became her undoing because of the way she handled it. Perhaps paranoid from the fact that she had lost confidence in relationship I could sense her laid-back attitude to work on her relationship with Matt, as we fondly called him.

    Indeed Joke was optimistic about getting into a relationship and she indeed got one by the Grace of God, but she wasn’t doing anything to make her relationship work without actually realising it. Matt, at some point, had called me to speak about her attitude with me and I assured him she would turn a new leave. For the most part of their relationship, she took him for granted. After almost two years, she wouldn’t even accept to meet his family when he demanded for her to meet with them. She was too engrossed in making money that she didn’t seem to realise  she was taking him for granded. Her excuse was always that she loved Matt no doubt, but she needed to secure their future together. The truth was she wished that their relationship would end in marriage, but the kind of lifestyle she had imbibed as someone who was fortunate to get a well- paying job after her graduation from the university, she couldn’t sacrifice a little time for her relationship, not even weekends.  All Matthew’s complaints about her attitude seemed to fall on deaf years.

    Don’t think she was taking Matt for granted because she was seeing someone else. I can tell you for sure that she wasn’t seeing anyone and that indeed she genuinely felt something for Matt and was looking forward to becoming a bride, but her uncontrollable quest for comfort and laid- back attitude didn’t let that come to fruition. Joke always extended financial assistance to Matt, but he wasn’t that sort of man. He was a proud man who didn’t believe in living off a lady. He knew he could give Joke the kind of life that she wanted, so all he wanted from her was to give him attention. He was contended with a low-paying job and even would go out of his way to buy her some luxury items. So after close to two years of their relationship,, he decided to move on. But to my chagrin, Joke almost went mad because of the break-up. “So you really love Matt”, I asked her and she echoed, of course. “I’ve never loved any other guy the way I love him.” “ Yet you take him for granted, not giving him attention that he deserves? Living him to do the loving alone?” She kept looking at me. She further  said, “But I always reassured him verbally of my love for him just so that he’s not in doubt about it. So why is he doing this now?”

    My sister, love is not just enough. You need more than love to sustain a relationship. Ask our parents that have been married for years, they will tell you. Relationship is a lot of work. You have to work on improving your relationship, line of communication and  fire of love.

    So I advise all singles to work on themselves. If you think you’ve found the right person, then don’t take him for granted because we are meant to love and be loved in return. That is the only way a relationship can stand the text of time.

    Some sisters have terrible attitude that is a put- off for prospective spouses. Yeah, like Joke who so wanted to have a serious relationship. She got one, yet she is on the verge of blowing her chance with Matt just because she wouldn’t step out of her comfort zone to spend time with the one man who can’t leave without her. Matt and I have discussed their issue and I have begged him not to walk out on my friend because I know how she so loves him and wants to get married and start a family, but what I couldn’t assure him was if Joke will ever turn a new leave. Dear readers, do you think Matt should reconsider his stance or should he just move on. Just like my friend, Matt can’t wait to start his own family and has found someone (Joke) who he loves so much. The only snag in the relationship is her attitude. Do you think he will not regret his decision to marry Joke? Right now, he’s kept her incommunicado, just to teach her some lesson, but intends to go back to her so they can settle down, but what kind of future lies ahead of them, if she doesn’t eventually turn a new leave. Matthew wants to know if he should move on or wait to see if Joke will learn anything with the step he has taken already to call off the relationship, even though he intends to get back with her.

    Away from Joke now, what is that attitude that you have that is not helping you to settle down when we ought to. You need to make a conscious effort to dump them. You need to deliberately strive towards being a better person.

    Talking about attitude, for some people, their own attitude that’s not making them settle is their aura. The aura around some ladies can be a put-off to their would-be sister-in-law and brother-in-law. Please, let’s learn to put our best foot out. Don’t try to break family bonds.

    Love is never enough. Get a good attitude that fosters relationship. Some have lost potential husbands because of their attitude of not trying to improve their own life, but hoping that the man will do everything for them. A woman is a not a liability. If a man needs a liability, then he can get a luxury car and maintain it. Even that car has brand equity on its owner because he will be perceived as a successful man, especially in the kind of society we are in.  Strive to  build yourself, so that your partner can be proud of you. I am not saying a guy shouldn’t care for the lady he says he loves. Of course, he should, but don’t become lazy. Aspire to leave a meaningful life.

    I can go on and on and talk about attitude that are not helpful to sustaining a relationship. But let me stop here so that we do not lose focus of the main subject of today topic. Matthew who is at the  cross-roads and needs meaningful contributions that can help him to make a decision that he will not regret in future. Please, endeavour to send a text. Matters of the heart are a very serious issue and require constructive advice that will foster a good marriage. The reason why there are tons and tons of divorce cases today is because of the problem of choice. A lot of people make the wrong decision when picking a spouse. Having a good relationship begins with picking the right person.

  • The million naira husband (2)

    Give this to Lara when she returns from the bank. We are running out of these drugs,” my sister said when one evening at the pharmacy, handing me a piece of paper. Lara was the business manager cum account executive of the store who handled most of the purchases of items. I scanned the list, noting with the little knowledge of medicines I had acquired since my time at the pharmacy that a lot of the drugs were for cold, cartarrh and other respiratory conditions. Not surprising considering the weather. It rained nearly everyday and that evening, it had been pouring heavily when I arrived at the store. I put the piece of paper in my bag to give Lara later.

    “Good evening. Please I need a good cough syrup for a young boy. Can you recommend one for me?” said a customer a short while latter. My sister who usually made recommendations was at the little cubicle that served as her office at the back of the store. I went and gave her the order and shortly after, I came back with a small bottle of cough syrup from a reputable drug company.

    “He needs to take it with another drug which we don’t have in stock at the moment. Check back this time tomorrow and it will be available,” I told the man as I wrote out his bill for payment at the cashier.

    “Ok. Thanks. Will stop by on my way from work tomorrow,” the man said before leaving.Some days later, on a Saturday morning, I was at the store when the same man came in with a little boy of about five in tow. The boy immediately headed towards the fridges by the entrance that were stocked full with cold beverages.

    “I want a black berry juice,” he stated, pointing towards a chilled canned drink.

    “No, Benjy. It’s too cold,” the man said. Turning to me, he added: “He just recovered from the bad cold and cough he had recently and the first thing he wants is a cold drink!”

    I smiled down at the boy and offered him some toffees.

    “Thank you, Aunty!” he stated, popping one into his mouth.

    “Your son is so cute and polite too,” I said, patting him on the head.

    The man smiled.

    “Don’t be fooled by his angelic looks. He can be quite a handful!”

    He made his purchases and before leaving, he stood chatting for a while. I found out his name was Syl and the little boy whom I assumed was his son was actually his nephew.

    After that day, he became a regular customer at the pharmacy which also had a section for general goods like cosmetics, food, wines and other products. With time, I got to know more about him. An accountant, he had worked for one of the new generation banks for some years before the consolidation exercise a few years ago, that saw a lot of the banks going under. His bank had been among the unlucky ones and he had consequently lost his job.

    After seeking employment for sometime without success, he had decided to go solo, strike out on his own.

    “I set up an accounting firm which I run with a former colleague of mine at the bank. It was tough at the beginning but it’s getting better now as our client base has improved,” he had told me. By this time, we had become quite friendly and would often chat on phone. I could see he liked me but at that stage, I just saw him as a friend and a customer.

    Then about two months later, he asked me out. It was a house warming party of partner’s elder brother and he needed ‘a date for the evening’ as he put it.

    “What about your girlfriend?” I asked.

    “Don’t have one,” he stated.

    I wondered why a young and handsome guy like him would be without a girlfriend and he said:

    “It’s a personal choice.” It seemed he had had a nasty experience with the last lady he dated and he had decided to stay single till now.

    “Meeting you has made me realize that not all women are bitches,” he stated bluntly.

    Before accepting to go on the outing with him, I discussed it with my big Sister, Barbie.

    She had seen him in the store a couple of times though I had not introduced them. Her only condition for accepting the offer was to formally meet him.

    “I need to know the young man that is taking my baby sister out,” she stated firmly. So, a few days later, when Syl stopped by at the store, I took him to my sister’s little office and did the introductions.

    “A pleasure meeting you. Your sister has told me so much about you,” were his first words to her.

    Big Sis smiled and replied:

    “Good things, I hope.”

    “Yes. But she didn’t tell me how beautiful you are. I thought she was pretty but you are simply stunning. I wish I had met you before her…” he said, eyeing my sister who was dressed in a doctor’s white coat.

    “And what would have happened then?” my sister said a little coquettishly.

    He shrugged.

    “Anything!” he said.

    I turned and hit him playfully on the arm.

    “Syl!” I exclaimed and both of them laughed.

    I could tell that my sister liked and approved of him and that made me warm up to him more.

     

    An ancient tradition

    After that first date, Syl and I began to see each other regularly. He was fun to be with and quite caring too. With time, I met other members of his family such as Benjy’s mother who lived with him in his apartment. She was separated from her husband, a violent man who used to beat her a lot especially after drinking, Syl had told me.

    “It’s better she stays here where she’s safe than be beaten to death by that beast of a husband,” he had said when he was telling me the story of his younger sister’s unhappy marriage.

    His sister, Peggy and I were about the same age and after the initial coolness between us the first day we met, we began to get along with each other.

    Syl and I had been dating for some months when my Mum wondered when I was going to bring the ‘young man who had been taking up all my spare time’ home.

    I sighed at her words. I had not told my parents about Syl so it could only be one person who had done so: big Sis!

    “Yes,I did. And what’s wrong with that? It’s time they met him,” she pointed out.

    “Ah, Sister. You know how our parents are. The moment they see him and like him, they will start planning our wedding! I’m not ready for all that stress yet,” I stated.

    “Why not? I know you like him a lot, I can even say you are in love from the look on your face whenever he comes looking for you,” she pointed out. I could not deny that. I always felt this warm glow within me whenever I was with Syl; it was a long time I had had that feeling for any man. I felt secure with him and wanted him to be by my side always, to never leave me.

    “But he has not proposed,” I said.

    “Don’t worry about that. From the way he looks at you, I see a proposal coming soon,”she said assuringly.

    It was nearly six months later that her words came to pass. Syl proposed to me one evening after we had gone out to see some friends of his. If I had known what would come after, I would never have accepted to marry him. For things began to happen to us that I never envisaged even in my wildest dream.

    While my Dad liked Syl and was in support of the engagement, my Mum preferred I got married to one of her friend’s sons, a silver spoon kid with ‘more money than sense’ as my big Sis used to refer to him.

    “What matters is not the young man’s pocket, it’s his character we should consider. Syl seems a decent and hardworking man who will take care of our daughter. Afterall, when I married you all those years ago, we had nothing and were living in two rooms in a ‘face-me-I face you’ type building! But here we are today! Nobody knows what the future holds for him,” my Dad had argued when my mother raised objections to Syl because he was not rich like us.

    After that, we began making plans for our future. Things went smoothly until one weekend when some relatives of ours came from the village and told my Dad about an old tradition of our family, a tradition that threatened our well laid out plans…

     

    To be continued

    What is this ancient family tradition that may affect Emily’s marriage plans? Join us next Saturday for the sizzling details!

     

    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

  • Love: Different strokes…

    Love: Different strokes…

    EX- NTA girl Rose Peter-Graham speaks on her first pregnancy

    Wow! It all started like a joke, then days rolled into weeks and weeks into months and months into years. My column, the once famous ‘For Sisters Only’, is back. Oh, how I so missed my readers together with whom we shared our personal lives, thoughts, fears and all shades of emotions… pain, joy and the likes. I sincerely apologise for my unavoidable absence.It feels good to be back. Many thanks to God.

    Daughters of Mother Nature ( I stole the axiom from my friend, Rose Peters-Graham), life is a stage. There comes a time in life when we are ripe to be plucked from the beautiful garden of mother earth. Sometimes though, our parents prepare us ahead for that time, but truthfully you are the first to know. How? That moment when you begin to spend more time in front of the mirror; when you are conscious of what you wear, how you wear it and all that…and then ‘boom’, you are there waiting for your knight in shining armour to come sweep you off your feet. And then ‘they come’. Oh yeah, ‘they’ because not one, not two, not three will come to ask for your hand in marriage. A few sincere ones and a truck load of ‘Mr. Wrong’ will be knocking at your door. That is something we can’t wish away, as much as we would have preferred that God should just drop that ‘Mr. Right’ before us, so that we don’t have to cross a few rivers before we arrive at our desired place. So, the confusion starts.  This takes us to what I want to share with you today.

    I still don’t know if there is anything more delightful to every girl than being ‘Mrs. Somebody’ when the time is right. Oh, no matter how many times we are told those words, ‘marriage is not easy’, it doesn’t deter us from desiring to share our life with that one person we so much love. That we are built to love and be loved, is not just a saying, it’s a fact we all know by now. For some, the road to being ‘Mrs. Somebody’ can be seemingly smooth, for others, it can be seemingly bumpy. For some, it sometimes starts off being bumpy and ends smoothly, and for others, it could start off smoothly and end up bumpy. I can hear someone say, “it’s not my portion”. I join in saying Amen to that!

    Why am I even saying all these? The night before I wrote this piece, my friend, Rose Peter Graham, who finally left the single girls’ league sometime last year and who was recently delivered of  a baby boy in the United Kingdom, called and shared her experience about pregnancy with me. It was indeed thoughtful of Rose to have spared a thought for those sisters who not by their making become victims of violent rape, get pregnant in the process and have to go through their pregnancy without someone being there for them.

    Her words: “Having life grow inside of you is one of the most beautiful experiences in the world! And I thank the Almighty God for the grace of the opportunity! I wouldn’t say it was a stress- free pregnancy, because from time to time, I cried out from one pain or the other, mostly in my hands, waist and legs. Each time I let out a shrill cry, my husband would suddenly jump up, rush to my side and attend to the pain. He helped in massaging, sometimes with hot water, ointments and soothing words…I always felt better afterwards.

    But my thoughts never stopped going to the women who are pregnant, but for one unfortunate reason or the other, their men are not by their sides for the very comfort of emotional support during this dire and blissful moment. What about those who became pregnant from violent rape? Women in war torn zones? …what about those heavily pregnant women who are battered by their husbands or partners? I just want to let you know that, there are people who feel your pains. This little piece is dedicated to you!”

    Instead of experiencing the joy of carrying a life within them, they are traumatised. The God- given opportunity to procreate becomes the darkest days of their lives. We really need to spare a thought for one another sometimes. It is called sisterhood. Sparing a thought for victims can actually go a long way to help them to heal fast. How? What they feel at that moment is psychological, and so the process to heal is psychological and that comes with knowing someone feels their pain. The same thing goes for someone who is lucky to have their partner go through pregnancy with them. All that tendering to her pain and the attendant ‘feels better’ experience is a psychological thing.  Her husband’s touch is not a pain killer but it goes a long way to soothe the pain.

    Typical of me, I thought deeply about another kind of victims, the ones I call victims of love. Rape or death of a partner is an unforeseen circumstance; but the choice of a spouse is entirely your decision, not undermining God’s factor.

    Rose brought back not too distant memory of how I watched my best friend, Gloria, go through her pregnancy without the slightest empathy from her man. That is what I call cruelty to womanhood. Unlike Rose whose husband jumped and rushed to her side to attend to the pain, Gloria cried so many nights. Even if I had massaged her with ointment and hot water, I doubt if she would have felt better afterwards because the circumstance here was different. He wasn’t dead but not alive to his responsibility.  Suffice to say that love is meant to be shared by two people of opposite sex. Well, I didn’t let that discourage me from playing my part. My impact was mostly felt in the area of encouraging her to be strong for herself and her unborn baby because at the end of the day, a man is meant to complement you and not complete you.

    She garnered a lot of strength from my words. The day she was delivered of her baby boy, we were overjoyed but Dayo was missing on this special and most remarkable day of Gloria’s life. Surprisingly, while we were making arrangement to leave the hospital, she sent him a text to inform him of their bundle of joy. I couldn’t hide my anger. To me, what does it matter now? But little did I know it was the beginning of a new phase in her life. The baby came and surprisingly, he showed up with his parents who also didn’t care about her condition. But guess what? They had a big party in their family house, invited family members and friends because they were well to do.

    After the naming ceremony, she became a regular visitor in Dayo’s house. I kept wondering what had changed? Dayo became a regular figure in Gloria’s house too. Wow! Shouldn’t I be happy for her? Yes, but I had my fears. Remember the popular saying ‘once beaten twice shy’. To me, he just couldn’t be trusted. But each passing day, they drew closer to each other. In fact, his fondness for their son, David, was enviable. He didn’t apologise for abandoning her when she needed him the most, but my dear Gloria is happy again. Her joy knows no bound. Hmm! To crown her joy, Dayo popped the question “will you marry me?” But unlike yours truly who has been enjoying the attention from Dayo, she told him to give her time to think.

    Don’t think I have a hand in this because I don’t. I had come to terms with her present state and I’ve decided to stick with my friend in whatever makes her happy. So when she told me she didn’t accept his proposal I was confused. I have also come to like them together. But what worries me still is the fact that he has never, I mean never, apologised for his wrong doing. And I honestly,  have a problem with that. And I think that’s why Gloria is turning down his marriage proposal. And of course I’m with her in whatever she decides to do. But this isn’t about me and I cannot trust my judgment because I’m still pissed off with Dayo for what he did to my friend when she was pregnant and more so he didn’t apologise. Just who does he think he is?

    I would honestly like to know what you readers think.  These, to me, are the issues here: Do you think Gloria should accept Dayo’s proposal? Is it right for him not to apologise for his wrong doing? What are the conditions for which she should accept his proposal?

    Back to Rose who inspired me to help Gloria enquire what she needs to do.  We spoke at length a couple days ago, like I said. I didn’t believe it myself; it was past 2am  when Rose and I surrendered to nature’s call. That actually used to be our style when she was a spinster. We would chat till the early hours of the day and I wouldn’t get enough sleep before rushing off to work.

  • From our mail box: Reactions to ‘She abandoned me as a baby. Now it’s payback time!’

    The response to Nora’s story from readers was overwhelming with over 1000 sms and emails received so far and counting. Unfortunately, due to space constraints, we cannot publish all but a select few. Many thanks to all those who took time to send in their thoughts and views on the story. Letters have been edited for clarity and brevity.)

    – Nora should go all the way and deal ruthlessly with the wicked mum who abandoned her and treated her like shit all these years. She should snatch the step dad from her. People like Nora’s mum, just like my boss in the office, who think of only themselves, should  be taught a bitter lesson. I have no pity for her at all.  (via email)

    – I love this story so much! Please how do I get the full story as I missed some episodes. Keep up the good work! (081646185**)

    – Hello there, after following your weekend series religiously to its conclusion, I must commend the felicity and literary depth of this writer. However, I refuse to see how “Nora” paid back her mum in the same coin. Fate simply brought Mr P into her life to fill the yawning gap of neglect she had. If her romance with Mr P had earned her mum a divorce, the conclusion would have been logical.

     

    From Ogar Pat (via email)

    – Honestly, my Saturday is not complete without my buying The Saturday Nation and the first section I go to is the romance page. The stories here are interesting, well crafted and they teach life lessons too. Kudos to the writers of this column! God bless you for enriching my weekend! From Luke (via email)

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    – Nora should just stop what she’s doing and forgive her mother so that God will forgive her her own sins. No one is perfect. (080326706**)

    – No, she’s not doing the right thing. Besides, she should forgive her Mum, not get revenge over her. (081890849**)

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    – It’s a pity Nora went through a lot- its a lovely story though. (080789325**)

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    – Nora, I know how painful it is for you to grow up without the love and care of a Mum but you are taking it too far. What will you gain if you succeed in destroying your Mum’s marriage? Will you be satisfied? Put an end to it now and make up with your Mum. Kamsiyochukwu from Enugu. (081134261**)

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    – Dear Aunt Nora, I don’t think what you are doing is right. I’m sure your Mum would soon regret it but remember you are not going to hurt her only; you will also hurt yourself, your granny, half siblings and stepdad. Stop it now before it’s too late! (080915808**)

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    – This is a very interesting column, please keep it up. We will see the end of the story. Thanks! (0700337313**)

    **********************************

    – I think its a good thing Nora’s doing; afterall the woman never cared so why should

    she care? Opportunity they say comes but once and she didn’t go looking for the man, hecame so let her play along and enjoy her

    sweet, blissful REVENGE! Mwahahha from Laila (via email)

    ***************************************

    – I know it’s not easy to forget the pains she went through when she was abandoned, but Nora dating her stepdad is totally wrong. Sin is sin no matter how small it may look like. She just needs to forgive and forget all that she passed through; it’s all history now and she should move on with her life and reunite with her new found family. (080592121**)

    ***************************************

    – It is very interesting that Nora got Mr P miraculously but she should not go ahead to date or marry him to punish her Mum. She should consider the love her grandma has for her and should contact her for motherly advice on the way forward. Thanks, Adegebo F from Ibadan (080552162**)

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    – Yes, she’s doing the right thing but there’s always a price to pay for any action so she should be careful. (080655787**)

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    – Thumbs up jare! You really have good plans. She’s not a good mother and reall needs someone to teach her a lesson. (081029180**)

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    – I love today’s episode but I expected a fight (090997104**)

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    – Nora should take the N5m cheque, pursue a career, forget her mother and cling onto her grandmother who loves her so much. It is well. (070397234**)

    *****************************************************************

    – All the rejections started with the pride of the Clarkson family. They rejected their daughter in the first place to protect the so- called family name due to empty pride. A family that will be careless about the upbringing of their daughter and rejected her when she needed them most should not blame their daughter for replicating same foolish pride. Carol, shallow your pride and embrace your daughter please! (080397356**)

    *****************************************************************

    – Happy weekend, Ma. My advice to Nora is that she should find something to do with her life, maybe go to school and get a career. She should trust in God and become wayward. I have has that experience and I know how painful it is. (070652245**)

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    – Nice story. If I were Nora, I would have requested for at least N20 million from Carol because it’s obvious she hates her child, from Seye, Akure (080338944**)

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    – Nora’s mother is a wicked woman. She does not deserve to be called a mother. And she deserves whatever Nora does to her! (080655787**)

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    – Nora should still keep coming to the grandmother who accepted her with love and also trace her father. I’m sure he will accept her. (080344217**)

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    -No matter what, Carol should not have abandoned Nora and lied to her parents that the baby is dead. She deserves whatever happens to her. Wicked woman! (081318812**)

     

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    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

  • I MET FRANCIS, MY HUBBY ON PALMCHAT (PART 2)

    I MET FRANCIS, MY HUBBY ON PALMCHAT (PART 2)

    So like I mentioned I work as a Human Resource Manager and well my name is Bimpe Ajayi-and don’t even ask ‘cause I’m not telling you how old I am. Anyways, because my job entails managing people, I had to devise a ways to maintain a steady two-way communication with my staff (…trust me, emails and intranet don’t always work these days). I use instant messaging mobile apps a lot; any of the platforms that my staff members are active, I use it. Be it the Whatsapps, 2gos, BBMs, Wechats and I must say Palmchat (…will tell you why in a moment).

    Instant messages are hard to resist (ladies you know now); once that beep comes in, you just kind of pick up your phone and reply almost without thinking. So my staff can’t resist infos or notices etc I send across to them through these platforms. As for Palmchat, I developed a personal attachment to the platform. Remember when I said I was stuck in traffic running late to work and had a marathon presentation to make to my boss?

    I drifted mentally into a two-minute or so daydream; where I saw myself in the arms of my new found love, Francis dancing to the slow rhythms being played by a high life band at La Tropicana resort. He was about kissing me; slowly closing in like on a Close Up TV commercial when…’honk, honk’ the car behind me shattered my daydream and threw me right back into reality. I am actually in a stupid traffic and heading late to work for a presentation which I hope will go down well. I picked up my phone and sent Francis a ‘Hi dear’ on Palmchat and of course he replied almost instant with ‘sweetie I stuck in traffic…bumper to bumper’

    It is funny how I so clicked with Francis, I met this sweet guy on Palmchat and sometimes it feels impossible. I didn’t say it, but why I was running late to work that Wednesday was because I spent such a good, good time with Francis the night before (hey, not quite what you are thinking…not yet). It was close of work and I wasn’t minding sitting out a little while before embracing my mattress, so I chatted up Francis on Palmchat and told him to meet me at Radisson Blue. That was to be our second real meeting; you know, face to face not online. Our first real date was at the Leisure Mall, Adeniran Ogunsanya street Surulere and it wasn’t a bad one except that, you know, I didn’t know what to expect and quite honestly, stuffs were running through my mind like: ‘I hope I am not making a stupid mistake leaving my house to meet some guy I don’t know?…. I hope the mall is safe and nobody will be stalking me or something? And I am buying my drink, no free drinks…thanks’. With all that going through my mind, our conversation was kind of stale; it lacked energy and was completely cautious but all the same, I could tell he was a sincere guy. Like when he blushed (he has such cute dimples on his cheeks by the wayJ) and said that our meeting was his first blind date, I could tell it was not only his first blind date but his first date…and guess what happened next? (…seriously I can’t believe that I am living my fantasy)

     

     

    Sponsored content

  • It’s hard to admit that I’m 53 —Yeni Kuti

    It’s hard to admit that I’m 53 —Yeni Kuti

    Yeni, the gorgeous daughter of the iconoclastic Afrobeat musician, Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, recently clocked 53. The occasion witnessed a milder celebration than the one that took place when she turned 50. PAUL UKPABIO met her cozy home on the outskirts of Lagos, and the popular dancer spoke about life as Fela’s daughter, her spinster status and her love of dogs. She also went down memory lane to recall the invasion of her late father’s home by heavily armed soldiers in the 1970s; an incident in which Fela’s aged mother, Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti was seriously injured after the invading soldiers allegedly threw her down from the upper floor of a storey building. Excerpts:

    HOW does it feel to clock 53? In a way, I feel different. Because once you reach my present age, people give you the kind of respect they would not give you while you were in your 40s. Now they don’t look at me as another omoge (young lady) or something like that. They see me now as someone above 50 years. I prefer being over 50 to get that respect.

    What was your impression of people who were more than 50 years old when you were much younger?

    I used to see them as old people (laughs).

    Would you consider yourself an old woman now?

    I remember an incident a few years back when I was to travel and had to fill the immigration form. I was already 50 then. Afterwards, I said to myself: ‘So, you are 50? Wow!’ It is okay when you are 50, but when you actually have to write it, it becomes a different ball game. Then when you are 53, like I am today, you look and say the person is old. That must be how our kids look at me now. My daughter says when you are old, you are old. But I tell her, ‘Will you shut up?!’ I now know how my parents felt when we called them old at over 50. But I guess old is old. Surprisingly though, I am still doing some of the things I used to do when I was much younger. For instance, I still dance professionally.

    How is your body now?

    My body talks to me every day. The other day I was training the girls and I was doing the dance routines and realised that I was panting. I told myself that yeah, this is old age. Even when I try to do exercise, my body pains me for like three days. So, the body talks to me.

    Does that mean you no longer dance on stage?

    Not on stage anymore. I just train the girls and do choreography, though I danced on stage some months back when one of the dancers did not come. So, I danced the whole routine. I felt good after because it was as if I had shed some weight. That is one good thing about dance; it keeps you trim.

    Do you still control your weight?

    Yes, I try to control my weight. But since I turned 50, I’ve done a bad job of taking care of my weight. I turned 50 and just let it go. But weeks before I turned 50, I trimmed down because I wanted to be an omoge at my 50th birthday celebration. But after the celebration, I slowed down. Three weeks after the milestone event, I started exercising again. Since then, pressure upon pressure has affected the size of my body from time to time. I know that I have to always put my shape and size in top form. I lose weight when I need to. Right now, I’m not fat.

    You are the woman at the centre of everything at the Shrine. How have you managed to keep it going?

    I’ve done so with the help of my staff. I can’t say it has been easy, but I don’t believe that our Creator would put anything on our table when we are not able to deal with it. Right now, we are dealing with it. Yesterday, I had a meeting with my staff till late in the night. We are always having meetings to deliberate and re-strategise on some things that disturb us at the shrine from time to time.

    What are the challenges that you face managing the shrine?

    One of the challenges is the boys outside the shrine. We can’t seem to get rid of them no matter the amount of grammar we speak. When we first moved there, there were so many empty plots and a lot of the boys stayed on the empty plots. But now, the owners have claimed their lands and are now building. So the boys have moved out to converge in front of the shrine and it is so difficult to move them and people are complaining about them. The boys, on the other hand, feel it is their birthright because Fela was a man of the people and this is Fela’s shrine. So, one is trying not to make enemies with them. So, that is one of the difficult challenges we now face.

    Are you afraid that it may turn out to be another Pebble Street affair, which occurred while Fela was alive?

    We will never allow it. For instance, we don’t allow shops outside the shrine. If you allow it outside your property, it’s your business. But again, more people are building, so they will soon be driving them and I don’t know where they will go then.

    Inside the shrine, it is written that drugs are not allowed. How are you able to checkmate drugs?

    It’s very difficult, but we do.

    The music at the shrine is very interesting and comes with a lot of energy expressed in gyration. It is so with the kind of music Fela played and Femi now plays. What has drug got to do with music?

    I really don’t know. I suppose that a lot of artistes who take drugs do so for inspiration. But I don’t know because I don’t compose. It can also be because musicians have hard times. For instance, they are on the road for months on end while on tour or shows. Maybe it is an outlet for them to just smoke. You would find that a lot of artistes take one drug or the other. When it is soft, like igbo (marijuana), it is not that bad, unlike when they are into cocaine or heroin. Those ones kill a lot of them! They think it makes them to relax, but they get addicted to it. Which I think is very sad.

    Are you saying that consumption of marijuana is not alien to African culture?

    You know our land is very rich. Anything can grow here. Even English apple, which people thought could not grow in Nigeria, grows here and other parts of Africa. I don’t know if it is an African thing; I just know that our soil is very rich. Government should pay attention to our vegetation; not concentrate on oil alone because oil profits their pocket. Let them encourage the planting of food across the country.

    Having said that, maybe that is why we have marijuana farms everywhere, because it is profitable for the people that are doing it. Since I don’t own a marijuana farm, I don’t know about the profit and I don’t ever intend to do that.

    So why do fans take drugs more than the musicians whose songs they enjoy?

    I think that is an assumption. I don’t think it is a correct assumption too. I know a lot of people who come in to listen to Femi play, who do not even drink beer and have never taken a joint (wrap of Indian hemp) before. I know a particular guy who comes every Sunday, who I have never seen with a bottle of beer. So, that assumption boxes everybody together, and that is wrong. Femi performs and he doesn’t smoke or drink. It is about individual’s taste.

    Let’s talk about your childhood…

    My childhood has helped me because we didn’t grow up as silver spoon kids like a lot of people think. Fela did not spoil us with money. I had friends who were spoilt with money. Even to get school fees from my father was war, not to talk of enjoyment money. But that taught us to appreciate what you have. It has helped me a lot because when my friends were going to London, my father said to us, ‘London for what?’ So, he didn’t let us go. We were here. It taught us to appreciate more.

    I used to wash my own clothes. What they didn’t allow us to do was to iron our clothes. We did all those things without house helps and that helped me a lot to become who I am today. That helped my brother too because he grew up the hard way. My mom is from the Taylor family. They are Lagos people.

    Did your mum spoil you?

    My mum?!

    Some people say you are tough. Did that come from the kind of childhood you had?

    I don’t know. It is the people who don’t know me that say I am tough. Those who know me say that I am just too soft. It is easier to get to me than my siblings. If Femi says no, it is no. But my compassion is much. I don’t even know where I got the title Iron Lady from, because I am not an iron lady.

    Is it then because of your soft nature that you are the one that manages or oversees the family business?

    I think it was just a natural progression. I don’t think I was allowed; it came naturally perhaps because I am the oldest in the family. I don’t know how it came about. That is why I said earlier that God would not give you what you cannot handle.

    Did your parents see that relationship qualities in you?

    I don’t know. And did I even see that in myself? I don’t know. I just do what I have to do. There are even things that I do not because I like to do them, but I have to do them whether I like it or not.

    In a family with name, talent and some people you don’t even know but tell you they belong to your family, how easy has it been to carry everybody along?

    It hasn’t been easy, but we have managed. We have learnt to adapt to the situation.

    What gives you the stay power when you are under pressure?

    The determination to succeed gives me the stay power. I hate to fail. I know that as a human being I say, ‘hey, the wahala is too much.’ But when I get to that point, I tune off, rejuvenate myself and move on again.

    How did you come about being a dancer?

    I’ve always wanted to dance from the time I was 5. When Fela’s dancer was dancing, we were there learning from her. She used to teach my sister and I. We loved the way she danced. In secondary school, I was in the cultural troupe. I wanted to go to an advanced dancing school then, but my father couldn’t afford it. They had burnt his house by then. So what I did was to do a secretarial course, worked as a secretary for a while, and when Femi said he was ready to start his band, I ditched my job. The rest is history.

    Tell us briefly what life has been as a dancer…

    I enjoy dancing, so it has been a pleasure to dance. It was fantastic going all over the world. Places I would never have gone to.

    Would you say you were too young when the Kalakuta incident occurred? Did you understand what was going on?

    I was not too young; I was about 16. We had gone to school. We were not living with Fela, but Sola’s school was on that path. So we used to stop over there since she had to pass through there to get to her school. Femi and Sola rushed home from school that day and woke up my mum. It was in the afternoon and she was having her siesta. They chorused that there were many soldiers in front of Fela’s house. My mum thought it was like one of those other times, when they came home like that and said the same thing, and they would go round looking for where the soldiers had carried him to. But this time around, Femi and my sister said that the soldiers did not allow them to enter the place. We tried to get to Kalakuta. It was about 2 pm.

    In those days, school closed at a reasonable time: 1.30pm and not 3pm when the brain is tired. On the road, the traffic was bad, so we went back home. Femi was outside playing when some boys were passing and said to him, ‘You are here playing, your father’s house is burning!’ So, Femi rushed in and told my mum and my uncle. His message was taken literarily as we do in Nigeria whenever there is trouble. We didn’t know that it was real fire.

    The traffic was heavy but we didn’t know that it was the fire in Kalakuta that was causing the heavy traffic. This was about 5 pm. We finally got there at 8 pm. When we got there, my mum started screaming. We couldn’t drive down there totally. We walked and people had their hands over their heads. It was my mum that told us to crouch on the floor because we thought they were looking for the Kutis. My mum was shouting that they had killed them. It was a really emotional day for us all.

    We didn’t find Fela until three days later. He was in a military hospital. It was really sad. So I remember very well. It was 1977.

    Was he able to make a comeback after ‘government’ destroyed Kalakuta?

    He lost everything. Fela was a very resilient man. He told me about his dreams while he was in jail that when he got back, everything would still be there. But in reality, everything was gone. He didn’t have anywhere to stay and he had about 70 people to take care of. He had one hotel that he had been using for his girlfriends. The owner allowed him to stay there. What happened was that because he was spending so much money on hotels, he eventually ran out of cash. And he had some aides who were duping him. He lost virtually everything. He started from the beginning again. He never got back to that state financially but, at least, he was able to survive.

    How was Fela’s relationship with your mum?

    My mum loved him very much, but Fela had plenty of women. My mum accepted his women. She loved him. Towards the end, she gave him a gap. My mum never divorced him but gave him a wide gap because of his wahala. I guess towards the end of his life, he realised how so much she loved him, because each time we went to greet him, he used to send to her rolls of Marlborough cigarettes, peppermint and trebor. My mom loved these things, and when we brought them to her, she used to exclaim, ‘Wow!’ That was the extent of their relationship at that time.

    What do you miss about Fela?

    A lot of things, particularly the gists. I miss him. He was my father. But I’m also an old woman now; I’m 53, so I have to forge ahead.

    What can you say about Femi’s career?

    I think it is a misconception for people to say I play a big role in Femi’s career, because Femi is in charge of his career. I can help out where I can, that is, in the dancing and also act as an intermediary in booking him for a show. But that’s about that. He is a strong man. He always knows what he wants. I’m just an assistant.

    What does the Afrikan Shrine mean to you?

    It is a legacy. It was built as a memorial to Fela. It is a continuation of a legacy our father left for us: a legacy for Africa.

    How different is the Shrine today from what it used to be in Fela’s days?

    I guess it is better managed. We try to make sure the toilets are always clean and drinks are cold. Fela was playing, so he could not manage as well.

    Apart from dance and music, what other passions do you have?

    I co-host a TV show, which I enjoy doing.

    Will you ever marry again?

    Not too sure. I am happy the way I am.

  • How I survived two attempts on my life —Alaba Lawson

    How I survived two attempts on my life —Alaba Lawson

    Iyalode Alaba Lawson is a woman of many parts. She is an educationist, a business woman and at present, the Chairman, Governing Council of Moshood Abiola Polytechnic (MAPOLY). In this interview with INNOCENT DURU, she recalls how assassins twice attempted to take her life, the crisis concerning her Iyalode title and how it was resolved, as well as her current relationship with a former governor of the state, Otunba Gbenga Daniel, with whom she fell out while the former held sway as governor. Excerpts

    WHAT was your growing up like? I had a Christian-like upbringing. My father was a no-nonsense man. With my mother, you must do all the chores in the house before you leave for school. One thing I would also want to say about my parents, which you can see in me, is that they always put others first. All these helped us to make sure that our environment was well taken care of and other people’s interests came before ours. My upbringing with my parents was a very strict one and I am enjoying it today. I was never a rebel to my parents. I have been a blessing to them all the way.

    Would you say you are satisfied with the heights you have attained in life?

    I am contented with what I have. I always pray a lot for Jehovah to give me that guiding principle because we were taught at home when we were younger to pray as the first thing in the morning. After that, you take up your daily chores one by one. As I grew up gracefully, one thing I have enjoyed is that I allow each day to take its shape. In all the places I have been in my life, I always put the right people in the right place. I put the right peg in the right hole and we come together to discuss once in a month, because a tree never makes a forest. If there is any urgency, we call each other.

    Another hallmark of my life is honesty. It is an important aspect of my life, and it goes a long way. When we were younger, if we did anything wrong and owned up to it, we would be scolded but would be allowed to go scot free. But if you told a lie, my father would flog you mercilessly and for many days, you would be in pains. We have learnt to be honest, and that has kept the integrity in us to keep us going.

    How do you relax?

    I enjoy listening to Christian music, gardening and cooking. The other one is travelling to historical places of note. One I was enjoying in the 60s and the 70s was visiting the aged and listening to their old ideas, but I haven’t got time for that again. If I can still do it once in a month, I would adore it, because they have wisdom. Those elderly people have experiences that can lead you into another life.

    How do you feel to be appointed as the Chairman, Governing Council of MAPOLY?

    I feel very great to be the Chairman of this great institution.

    Do you think the government is doing its best in funding polytechnic education?

    They are trying, but they can do more. We don’t want to feel as if polytechnic education is inferior to university. One is technical-oriented while the other one is theory-based. The polytechnic is technical-oriented, and that is what we really need in Nigeria now that many graduates are unemployed.

    What are your objectives for the institution?

    My objectives are to ensure that we improve more on the standard of education, the welfare of the staff and as well as trying to make sure our students do not go into cultism. When I came in, we met with the council and the management of the institution, and one of the most important aspects of my objective was to make sure that students are well taken care of by having their lecture rooms well structured to suit their purposes. I also canvassed the same thing for the students’ hostels in order to make them feel at home. I also picked interest in the welfare of the staff, because it is the welfare of the staff that can make them to work efficiently and make it possible for the goals and objectives to be achieved.

    We are going to transform the institution into a university of technology. We are going to do that by the special grace of God and the cooperation of the government, especially now that we have a governor who is an old student of the institution in power. We are going to transform it and make the graduates employers of labour instead of looking for white collar jobs after their graduation.

    You appear to have a soft heart for the development of children. Where would you say you got this from?

    This is something that God must have endowed me with. Every person is endowed. I have passion for the younger ones. If you can look after the younger ones properly, the future of this great country will be well positioned, because the young shall grow. When you are able to guide them in the right way, they would never depart from it. That is why it is better to train them from the tender age and make sure that they are well disciplined.

    For the young ones, what we usually do is to give them manners and good morals. By the time they now get into the tertiary institution, they will find it very difficult to go into cultism. They would find it very difficult to do anything that would not be good for the development of the country. I have passion for it, but it has been an endowment from Jehovah God.

    When the abduction of Chibok girls happened, someone like you must have been greatly disturbed. What was your feeling like?

    Of course, I am still disturbed. There are works that I have done with the government and so many groups. These are girls at puberty age. They have emotions and should never have been taken into captivity for any reason. That is a very wrong signal, because these are children who still need everyday monitoring by their parents, especially the mothers. Most of them at this puberty age need counselling. I have been deeply touched and each day, we have continued to pray for them. We have constituted ourselves into prayer groups and will continue to pray.

    What is your take on the lingering ASUP strike?

    Well it is very unfortunate that we keep having strike after strike. I don’t believe in strike because it is something we can discuss on the table. Most of the striking lecturers I believe need to have a change of heart, because we are dealing with the future of this great country. We have a situation where students who are supposed to spend three or four years end up spending eight years. It is unacceptable. I think we should all sit down and iron it out properly. Those in government and the lecturers need to put an end to this incessant strike. I think some of them have hidden agenda. I think it is unacceptable because it is drawing this great country backward.

    Before, when our students travelled abroad, they used to place them on higher levels. Now, even if you have a first class, they will still demote you so that you spend another two years to reach the level of that country. Why are we embarking on strike when what we are asking for is still going to be given to us? And those who are supposed to give what is being asked for, what are they waiting for? It takes two to tango. They need to resolve the problem and put an end to all these strikes. I don’t like it and I don’t believe in it.

    Don’t you think that the demands of the lecturers are justifiable?

    Excuse me! I don’t want to know what they are demanding. They are really playing with the future of the youths of this country. What they are asking for is something that they can talk over, because whether you like it or not, all these strikes have really affected the lives of some youths and have derailed many. It is not all the children that went home when this strike started that would go back to school. I can tell you that. Whatever made them to embark on strike, for me, is not worth the lives of these young ones that they are toying with.

    MAPOLY has been in session all along. Does it mean that the lecturers are not members of ASUP?

    We are part of it. When I came on board, I made them to understand that we would give them all their outstanding packages; which we have done. Therefore, there is no need for them to go on strike. We are part of ASUP but we are working. Before we gave them the package, the council met and we told them we would look into it and we gave them our words. We have put our words into practice and have given them the package and we have to work. We have even told them we have to work more than before.

    For us, any demand by ASUP has been met. We have resolved it and that is exactly why I want the other polytechnics to make sure that the welfare packages of their staff are given to them. There is no point allowing them to go on strike. As a way forward, I want ASUP and those in government to put their heads together and resolve the problem.

    There was a time you wanted to float a vocational university. Is the plan still on or you have jettisoned it?

    How can we jettison it? This is going to help our students. When you get vocational training, it will make you an employer of labour, because what you have learnt will help you to start your own business. As time goes on, you will not be able to do it all alone; you will begin to employ some other people. It will help you to make money on your own and stop looking for white collar jobs from office to office.

    Once upon a time, the white collar jobs were there. When I left school, I had eight good jobs to myself. But now there are no more jobs. If going to study Accountancy, Law, Medicine, and so on was the way then, let us now change to vocational training and education so that we can now change the orientation of looking for white collar jobs.

    What would you say are your achievements so far in MAPOLY?

    We have tried, because with Jehovah God, all things are possible. I have told you about the welfare package of our staff, we have brand new buses for our students, renovation of old lecture theatres and construction of new ones for our students, fencing the school to ensure the security of lives and property and avoid encroachment on our land. We have a petrol station we are proposing to take off very soon. We have new ambulance for our health centre and the renovation of our auditorium. All these put together tell you that we are working. I believe in quiet achievement. We are also thinking of halls of residence for our male and female students.

    As a woman occupying top positions in many organisations, what is your relationship with the men who work with you, because women leaders are generally regarded as bossy?

    It depends on your upbringing and home training. I was trained to be polite. Like you rightly said, I am in the Chambers of Commerce and where we have about 20 men sitting down, sometimes, I am the only woman and I don’t feel bad. I just see it as a challenge that I must rise and live up to expectation. That doesn’t mean I should shout or become bossy. We can always work as a team.

    It is the team work that is making MAPOLY to work. And I thank God for the kind of rector that we have. He is a very experienced professor. Working with him and his management team, we can move MAPOLY to greater heights.

    As a frontline business woman, what challenges do you think confront women entrepreneurs?

    By the special grace of God, come 2017, I will be the first female national president of the Nigerian Association of Chambers of Commerce, Industry, Maritime and Agriculture. Chambers of Commerce came into Nigeria in 1898 and NACCIMA came into being in 1960. So, for one to become the first female president, it must have taken some challenges. I have passion for women and I got it from my maternal grandmother. She really took care of us. The challenges indeed are about finance and how they can breakthrough where you have the male dominating.

    The only way women can do it is by networking, and we have been able to do this very well. We meet policy makers and we lure them to let them know that women must be well taken care of. We also use advocacy and it is helping them a lot. So many of our women now are into export business. We work together with the Export Promotion Council. We just came back from Gambia, networking globally. Next year, we would be in Burundi. When we were in the Gambia, our people who were doing adire and those who were into recycling got MOUs and are supplying them now. That is the result of networking, and you can see the result in our women. We also hold seminars and workshops to enlighten them and they progress from there.

    Why are you called Iya Gomina (the governor’s mother)

    I have known Governor Ibikunle Amosun for more than 30 years, and I have known the honesty in him and his fear of God as a religious man. Since I have known him, I have known him to be fasting 24/7. We don’t appreciate something in anybody until another person realises it. I have taken interest in him, his wife and their children since then. When you see their children, they are well trained. I know this because I have lived with them for four years. You will see a high level of respect in the children. You can never see any act of hooliganism in them. All these attract me to the family.

    A few years back, for being what I am, never calling black white, I was made to go into self-exile. With all the things that culminated in my coming back, people now say Iyalode is Iya Gomina. My answer to them is yes. Because if it is during Governor Amosun’s era I feel secured enough to come back to the town where I was born and bred, then I am Iya Gomina. I will continue to pray for the goodness of this state and for the progress of everything there in. I came back during his tenure back in 2000.

    Why did you go on exile?

    I went on self-exile because my life was being threatened.

    Who were the people threatening your life?

    I would never know, but they know themselves. My house was invaded twice and they tried their possible best to come into my house. They even slaughtered my guard. I still have the picture. Thank God, I am alive today. The first time they came in, my dog chased them out. The second time they came in, they had already planted somebody in my house who caged all my dogs and even covered them up. The dogs could not even bark. The four Alsatian dogs could not bark because they knew the man that was planted in my house. What else did I need to wait for? If I had lost my life, I wouldn’t be talking to you today. So, I ran for my dear life. I can admit that it was a self-exile. But if you run away, you are coming to fight another good fight another day.

    You never planned to travel out of the country at that point in time. What were you doing while you were on self-exile?

    I was in Nigeria. I only moved away from Ogun Sate where my life was being hunted for. David in the Bible ran away to save his dear life. I also did the same to save my life.

    What lessons would you say that life has taught you?

    Life has taught me that at any point in time when you feel you are insecure, you should take the back seat. That is something that I have learnt and it has helped me a lot. But if you can keep your head when all are about you and losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when men doubt you but make allowance for their doubting, if you can wait and not be tired of waiting or being lied about or being hated, don’t give in to it and don’t look too good on top of it. Don’t let your integrity slip away even in the midst of any challenge. That is something I have learnt and it has helped me to the point I am today.

    You have been mentioning Jehovah since the beginning of this interview. As the Iyalode of Egba and Yorubaland, the popular belief is that you must be fetish…

    When I was to be installed the Iyalode in 1999, by the late kabiyesi, Oba Oyebade Lipede, the then Alake of Egbaland, I told him that I didn’t want any fetish thing and he agreed with me. You heard me mention Jehovah here because I was born into an African Church family but my parents joined Jehovah Witnesses along the line. You can see that all that I have been doing in my life has been guided by the biblical principles, if you know what the Jehovah Witness sect stands for. I also went to an Anglican school and was trained by people of high moral standards. You can see that I am into all of African church, Jehovah Witness and Anglican.

    On January 15, 2008, you were deposed as the Iyalode of Egbaland. How did that come to you?

    It had no effect on me because I did not get any letter to that effect. I only heard it on the radio. What you did not give to anybody, you cannot remove from him or her. If they had written to me, I would have taken it up legally. But for something that was just being mentioned on the radio and in the newspapers, it had no effect on me at all. Anybody can say anything, but as you can see, I am now back as the Iyalode of Egbaland without any written letter, because I was never removed. Those that were doing that were doing so for their personal gains. As the Iyalode of Yoruband, the truth has prevailed, because time will always tell.

    Some people are how you could be the Iyalode of Egbaland and that of Yorubaland. Some even say the Alaafin does not even have the power to make you the Iyalode of Yorubaland. What is your take on this?

    If anybody feels that the Alaafin has no right to do so, let them query him. He has said it over a thousand times that he has the power to install anybody with the titles in Yorubaland. He has done it for Afe Babalola. He has done it for the late Aare Arisekola Alao. He has installed so many in the Yorubaland. He has the power and the authority. And I am saying it categorically that HRM Oba Lamidi Adeyemi, the Alaafin of Oyo kingdom, has the right to install anybody. I got the Iyalode of Yorubaland on my own merit. Everywhere I have gone with him, he always asks anybody to challenge his authority on the titles he has given out as Iyalode Yorubaland, Baamofin of Yorubaland, Aare Musulumi of Yorubaland or anyone of Yorubaland.

    Back to your question on being Iyalode of Egbaland and Iyalode of Yorubaland, the first Iyalode title I took was in 1990: the Iyalode of Ake Christians. Then I got the Iyalode of Egbaland in 1999 and then Iyalode of Yorubaland. It is in stages. As we moved from one stage to another, Yorubaland captured more territories. Egbaland was one of the territories captured from Yorubaland, whereas, Ake is one of the territories conquered by Egbaland. You can see how it happened. Always do things as the Lord has made it possible. Yorubaland, Egbaland and Ake are within a territory of which a woman and a girl herself knows that she is doing her job judiciously.

    What are your regrets in life?

    I have no regrets in my life. I am a positive-minded person. I don’t believe there is any mountain that is insurmountable in my life. I don’t have any moment of regret because I believe that Jehovah will give you the right instinct and you will do it. I don’t have any regret in my life and I will never have one.

    What is your relationship now with former governor of Ogun State, Otunba Gbenga Daniel?

    We are very cordial. We met at Sport Club recently and we accorded each other respect. I am at peace with him. We have a very cordial relationship.

    But it was during his tenure that your house was invaded. Don’t you have mistrust for him?

    I don’t think so. He will never hurt me and I don’t think he will hurt me.

  • TUNJI OYEBANJI: My word is my bond

    TUNJI OYEBANJI: My word is my bond

    Tunji Oyebanji, Chairman/Chief Executive, Mobil Oil Nigeria Plc, has come a long way. He started off as a mere petrol attendant in Mobil, and now leads one of the most successful multinational companies operating in Nigeria. In this interview with IBRAHIM APEKHADE YUSUF he shares his philosophy of management, among other views. Excerpts:  

    Tarting off at Mobil

    I started working with Mobil Producing close to 34 years ago. Interestingly, I worked as a petrol station attendant on Awolowo Road, Ikoyi. I started my training there for six months, selling petrol among other things that I did. So, I actually started by selling petrol at the pump. That was the basic training that I received and of course, from then I have done many other things.

    The first assignment after the training was to sell kerosene. You may have seen kerosene sold in small trucks of say 8, 000 litre trucks. I used to have a driver and myself and we will drive into the hinterland and sell kerosene to people in 200 litre drums. And basically, that was the job I did for about two years.

    One of the lessons, of course, we learnt is the fact you should never despise days of small beginnings.

    Everybody starts small somewhere and if you have a vision of where you want to go, the sky is just the beginning, as I always like to say. So, I progressed from selling kerosene to become what I will call a proper marketing rep.

    At that point, I graduated to having my own Peugeot 504 car. I had a sales territory. We started on like that and I moved to various other assignments.

    At some point, I decided to take time off work to take a masters degree in the UK. So, I did that for a year and half and I came back to the same job.

    First breakthrough on the job

    The first breakthrough I had in my career, I think came from networking. I recalled we had a group of visitors who came from the United States. And basically, like I said, I came back to my old job after my masters degree and I felt I needed to move from the department where I was working. So, these visitors came and as is our usual practice, we took them on tour of our retail outlets and luckily, I was in charge of the particular sales territory they visited.

    Normally, small people like me were not called to attend the dinner at the end of such visits. But in this particular occasion, I was very lucky my boss asked me to join the crew. And I told myself, well, this is a unique opportunity.

    So, naturally, what I spent the evening to do was to disturb the men who came from the United States. I was just moving around and saying, well, in your own country, if you go and take a masters degree, will you still be working in this same department, shouldn’t you be moved into another department and all that? I pestered them a bit.

    Anyway, they left and about a week later, I got a call by the Corporate Planning Manager of Mobil, an American. Before you know what was happening, I had been moved to Corporate Planning.

    I progressed through that subsequently. I went to the United States for a couple of years, where I worked at the company’s global headquarters. When I came back to Nigeria, I was posted to the north as the Regional Manager for about three years. I came back to Lagos, took on some additional assignment.

    Eventually, I was called to the board in 2002. After that I had some assignments. For instance, I went to head the operations in Cameroon. I also went to head the operations in Ethiopia and later became African and Middle East Manager for industrial and whole belts. In 2007, I was called back to Nigeria and in 2008, I took on my current role as Chairman/Chief Executive.

    Experience managing a multinational company

    For many years I have to stand in front of the shareholders and give account of my stewardship. I know that if I don’t make a profit consistently over some years, the people will begin to throw chairs at me… (laughs). But the organisation can still continue to run even if it doesn’t make profits.

    But if it doesn’t have any cash and it cannot meet its obligations anymore that is the end. Then, it would have to close its doors because it cannot meet up to its creditors. Therefore, how you manage the cash is very key. No matter what the size of your organisation is, whether it’s a big or small organisation, multibillion naira company and what have you, if you don’t manage your cash well, between what is coming in and what is going out, you’re in trouble. And the key element of managing that cash is how you manage credit.

    I have had to speak with small business owners, especially people who are into buying and selling and the complaints they always give is that people often defaults when it comes to making payment and as a result they run into serious problems and they are not able to withstand the shock simply because they have given all their products out on credit.

    The question I usually ask is, what is your policy on credit and they say if we don’t give credit, we won’t be able to sell. Well, to me, it’s a yes and a no. No because you can still sell without giving credit. The difference is yes, you may not be able to sell as much as possible.

    But the fundamental rule in marketing is that if you have not collected money, the sale is not complete.

    In downstream sector, our retail margin today which is fixed by the government is N4.60 kobo. If you sell a truck of PMS, which is about 40, 000 litres, the cost of that is close to N4million. So, the profit you ought to make per litre is N4.60kobo. Assuming you sell that truck close to N4million to somebody and the person doesn’t pay and goes away with that money, how many litres do you have to sell at N4.60kobo to make up for that one truck?

    If you do the maths, it’s about 21 other trucks to make up for what you have lost, if you don’t manage your credit process very well.

    One of the reasons for the demise of many institutions, especially government institutions in the past such as Nigeria Motels, Nigeria Airways, Nigeria National Shipping Lines and many more had one weakness: all these institutions, to a large extent, collapsed because of the fact that they had offered credit to various other institutions without collecting their money back. So, to succeed in any management endeavour, always know when to apply the breaks.

    Management style

    Well, l think if l was to talk about my management style, l’ll say l have an open management style. I believe in taking feedback, getting people involved because l believe everybody has some value they can add to the system. You get better ideas from the people who are actually doing the work; they give you better ideas sometimes than what you have.

    I know that as a person because l started from the grassroots. I know a lot of the fundamentals that drive the business. So, l’m able to know those areas l should focus on.

    Another thing is that as the boss; make sure your word is your bond. So, if you promise something whether internally within your organisation or externally, make sure you meet up to it. That way you build a reputation over time as a performer.

    On micromanaging

    No l don’t. What l do is set boundaries for people within which they should operate. So, within those boundaries you’re at liberty to achieve the goals and objectives in whichever way you deem fit.

    So as long as you operate within those boundaries l set for you, you’re free. For instance, if you have a particular budget, you have to be able to operate within that budget.

    But how you go about it is entirely left to you.

    On staff motivation and punishment

    I think l motivate people by challenging them, expecting more from them than they think they can deliver. Sometimes until they’re pushed and challenged, they don’t know they actually have the ability to do much more than what they do. But when you show them that this thing is possible and challenge them to go and do it, you find that many people rise up to the occasion and perform.

    Well, for punishment, it’s always the last resort. I don’t like talking about punishment per se. But at the end of the day, what l try to do is to make sure that l put people in a situation where they themselves will know that they have not performed or delivered on their given targets. So it makes it easy.

    The fact that they have found out that they have even disappointed themselves is sometimes enough punishment for them.

    Worst or toughest decision as CEO

    Well for me, there is no perfect or worst decision. I think what is important is that you always strive for the best. Not doing anything at all is always worst.

    For me, you can’t always get every decision right. It’s not possible that 100 per cent of your decisions would be right. Some would be good and some would be bad.

    But you’ve got to take action rather than sit on the fence because if you have problems you face them squarely rather than wish and hope they will disappear and go away. So what l have found out is that you must try to take decisions whether they work out or not

    And l’ll be honest to say, sorry this or that didn’t work, so we need to try a different approach.

    Legacy

    Well, l want to build a stronger company than l met. You know we have existed for over  100 years. So, l want to build a company that can have the basis of existing for another 100 years. We’re looking constantly into the future, making sure that we bring new, fresh blood into our organisation, making sure that we train people, so that if we put adequate investment in place the company can continue to remain strong into the future.

  • My travails for three and a half years over child trafficking allegation —Bisket

    My travails for three and a half years over child trafficking allegation —Bisket

    Bisi Dan Musa, a.k.a. Bisket, bestrode the social scene like a colossus in the 80s, 90s and early 2000. Now 66, her life is one that movie makers can make a fortune from. As a fabric merchant, she was already comfortable enough to build her own house at 24. And by the time she clocked 30, she was already a mother of eight children. Tall, graceful and endowed with benevolent disposition, it is no surprise that celebrities were always flocking around her. As a matter of fact, her business office, called Bisket Store, on Allen Avenue, Ikeja, Lagos, was always a beehive of activities. It was the first to run a 24-hour schedule. She later became a born-again Christian and before any of her top society friends knew it, she had become seriously involved in ministry work. She founded a church and intensified her work in humanitarian services, picking up orphans and destitute and rehabilitating them. It was a success story that turned into a nightmare when she was arrested for alleged child trafficking in 2001. It was one incident that shook her life to its very foundation and forced her into a quiet life when she got over the storm that lasted for three and a half years. She went down memory lane as she discussed these and more with PAUL UKPABIO

    IT is not unusual to hear that you are in Jerusalem, Rome or some other holy cities on pilgrimage. How does one reconcile this with the fact that you were once accused of child trafficking?

    I believe that in the journey of life, God will always take you through different phases. The Bible tells us that there was a time in Joseph’s life that God gave him a vision, the vision backfired and he went solo like I did. But that did not deny God’s promises upon his life and the vision was made manifest. When God wanted him to go solo, he went solo. When God wanted him as a slave, he became one. When God wanted him in prison, he was in prison. But the promise of God upon him, he never missed. And those channels of suffering became the channels through which God elevated him.

    A vision is like a divine promise. Before something can materialise in your life, you and God must share a vision together. He will first give you a vision; not necessarily in a dream. It may be an idea in your heart. It may be something that you visualise that is coming to you and you are excited about it.

    You went into fabric business early in life and made great fortune from it. How did you get involved with the poor and the destitute?

    I did not go into fabric business, I was born into it. I am always a dreamer. I diversified into supermarket line and I happened to be the first to run a 24-hour supermarket in Nigeria. Up till now, nobody has achieved that feat. I did the business when Nigeria was tensed up during the military era. There were guns everywhere and I did a 24-hour supermarket business because God gave me the inspiration to do it. And anything I have an inspiration to do, I go for it and I achieve it.

    God also gave me an inspiration to serve him. Up till now, people cannot understand the calling. Not even my family members, my children, my husband, my late mother and other people who are close to me. None of them could understand why somebody at the highest level of her career would suddenly divert into taking care of the ordinary people on the streets. They believe that most people who divert into such callings do so out of frustration or career breakdown. But I was still in limelight and at my prime, because at the time I answered the call, I was still in my 30s.

    I did so many things very fast in life. Even my tenants thought that my building belonged to my mother. I had been delivered of eight children before I reached 30. Some preferred to believe the rumour that I had no children. In between all that, I was still working, travelling overseas and importing goods in containers. I was fine and I already had five branches of the supermarket. At 20, I was doing all that. I was never a wayward woman. No man in Nigeria can stand up today and say he invested in me. No man can say he has gone out with me, and no governor or minister can say he helped me or gave me a contract. I have never gone out for such largesse in my life. It was my sweat and the benevolence of my husband.

    As a wealthy woman, what is your take on success and wealth?

    My children are in their late 30s and above now. They tell me that I am a genius. They compare me to Bill Gates. They and others who know me would tell you that money is not my priority. If I were to value money, I would be one of the richest women in Nigeria today. I see many opportunities I can make money from, but I don’t go for it. Rather, I give out to people. Many whose lives I have touched are living witnesses to my generosity. I am rather careless with money. I give out more money than I make. That is why I say I don’t value money the way other people see it as a matter of life and death. Some people are so eager to achieve and do not care if they hurt anybody in their shrewd desire to make money. People hurt me. Even those that I have helped hurt me, but I just look at them and laugh. They don’t even know how to say thank you.

    Money is nothing in this world. It is only those who God has given the vision that understand the power of the source. They are the ones who know the value of life and also know that money is not everything. Money is good. I pray for it every day. I pray for my generation not to taste poverty. But one thing I used to tell my kids any time they feel bad and say, “Ah, Mummy, you are nice to a fault,’ is that life and power are transient. Everything that has a beginning also has an end. Nothing is too big to gain and nothing is too big to lose.

    I was in the office of an influential government official who is close to retirement. He was telling me that all he needed in his life was N3 million so that he could retire to his farm. I looked at him and I felt like weeping, because I know what that means. Some months ago, I gave someone a property worth N8 million free of charge. My children were angry, but I pacified them that God has favoured us and we have never lacked. I told my children that the ones they needed, I had already given them.

    Tell us about your background

    I was born into affluence. My dad and mum were very rich. My father, Chief Zacheaus Adekoya Okeowo, brought power to Ijebu-Ode. He owned the first petrol station in Ijebu Ode, and at a time, he was one of the finest politicians in the progressive politics of that era. And my mother, Chief (Mrs.) Christiana Alaba Okeowo, was one of the pioneers of the fabric business in Nigeria. She started in Lagos and went up to have her own factory. She didn’t stop employing foreigners to work in her factory. So I grew up with silver spoon. I have never tasted poverty in my life. I don’t even know what they call poverty. My parents bought me my first car at the age of 16. So, I have never tasted poverty. Maybe that is why money is not a big deal to me. When I see people running after money like life and death and they are ready to hurt anybody because of money, I feel sorry for them. Even when they accused me of stealing children, I just laughed. The question I first asked is how much would I sell them? As an individual I built my first house at the age of 24. I know how much I get from rent alone. Up till now, I live on rent because I decided not to work again. I retired at the age of 40.

    What has life has taught you?

    There are some positions God put us in, though they make us unhappy or uncomfortable, they are part of the packages that will locate our destiny. I always tell my kids that I know I may have hurt you, you may not be happy with me as your mother, maybe I wasted opportunities in which you would have been swimming in money, but it could also be that I am preparing your future. You will enjoy it. I tell them to trust me that my seven generations will reap the fruits of what I am sowing. I may not reap it, but I pray that God will give my children the grace to reap it. That’s because He works according to His grace.

    If Jesus can die at the age of 33, who am I to query God for my own cross? Jesus’ short time on earth did not deprive Him of God’s promise upon his life. Today, He is worshipped and adored globally. Before Adolph Hitler died, he confessed that Jesus was the greatest and most popular entity in the world. Even Times magazine at a time adjudged Him the Greatest Personality of the Century. Even Muslims appreciate Him. They say He is not the son of God, but they still accept him as a prophet of God. I just came back from Jerusalem and I visited where Jesus was buried. It is Muslims that are watching over the place. And it is a mosque that is beside Jesus Christ’s burial ground. They said the land is owned by Muslims and the Muslims were very careful; they were watching us. They didn’t want us to damage the place or do anything evil to it. So, they hurry you out so that you don’t overstay your visit. They say they open the place in the morning and close it in the evening. They are very watchful of the place, so that nobody will come and bomb it or do any evil to it.

    So, if God can glorify Christ up to that level and Christ promised us as His followers that ‘when you take my step, I will never owe you,’ I say that God will not owe me. It may take time for people to realise who this woman is, but God will never owe me.

    Do you regret helping abandoned children and destitute after you were accused of child trafficking?

    Thank God, one of the children they said I stole is in The Bells University today. We spend over a million naira on him in a year, but the papers are not reporting that, I don’t care. All I care about is what God asked me to do. That child (points to a sleeping baby) is a child to one of the children they said I stole. I am taking care of the mother and I am taking care of the child. Nobody is seeing that. They accused Jesus more than that. People fight what they don’t understand. My children too don’t understand, but I know with time, they will understand that I have a purpose on earth. I have a vision that I am pursuing. Nobody is seeing that vision, but I don’t care. It is not about money. God has given me a time to enjoy. I have enjoyed money. I have entered presidential jets many times. I have been to places in England where it was white people that opened the gates for me and white executives chauffeured me. So, God has given me my good times.

    Even now, I am still having my good time because at my age, I have no sickness: no diabetes, no high blood pressure, no headache, nothing. People see me and they cannot believe my age. Some people even see me and they say it to my face that all your friends are old, why are you looking young like this? It is the grace of God. Because what I have gone through, they have not gone through it. They have stayed in the limelight. They have enjoyed their lives. They are mixing with their likes while I have been mixing with the low class for the pass 20 years. I still enjoy being around them and I am not complaining. I don’t want to be in the limelight. But I do tell my children if you want the limelight, go for it.

    As a popular society figure then, a lot of people must have swam around you…

    From youth, I was happily married and started rearing children. I have never lacked anything. So, nothing prepared me for such a huge challenge. I was giving birth to children every year. Some people even said to me, pretty women like you don’t normally have kids, how come you are having children every year? God has been too kind to me. So, when the other side came, it was like a big blow. It knocked me on the floor that I couldn’t even pray. There was a time I was no longer praying. Since I gave my life to God, I have never done anything fetish and I will not do it until the day I die. But in that period of tribulation, I was just blank.

    It was not even the incident per se, but the way people disappointed me. It was something I never thought could happen. The first day they took me to court, I was thinking that I would see thousands of people waiting there to fight my cause and say, ‘No, Bisket is not like that!’ But I got there and saw only those who wanted to persecute me. The mob was shouting. They were carrying stones. I looked into the heavens and said God, I am not Jesus Christ. Jesus is your son, you both died together in heaven, but I am a child of faith. This woman is about to break to pieces. I was praying to God in my heart.

    That is why my husband, Dan Musa, no matter who they say he is, I can never leave him. My marriage to him may not be a bed of roses. People said I should leave him, but I will never because during my trying moments, he was there for me. God used him. He stood as a man to the last minute, and for that, I can never abandon him. He is with me and we will be together for life. That is my destiny. But the whole episode made me to see life from a different perspective and that really weakened me for a couple of years.

    So, how was the issue resolved?

    I pursued the case for three and a half years before I was discharged and acquitted. They could not prove any case against me because God knows that I don’t have any case, and I proved myself in the court of law. No policeman or law enforcement person can say that I bribed him with one naira, and the heavens witnessed that. I intentionally did it so that I can still trust God. If I had bought my way out, I might not trust God again. I wanted to see whether the righteous would be punished, because according to His word, the child of the righteous will never be a victim of misfortune. I wanted to establish that biblical fact.

    When I first came, the Magistrate was very hostile. But when I proved my case that I take the children with me to England, I take them on holidays, and how much will I sell them in Nigeria? Even if they say they are selling children every day in Nigeria for N500,000, the money I spent on their return ticket to London for holidays alone is more than that. So, any magistrate who knows her onions can see the proof, with their passports. The hospital they were attending was Eko Hospital. They were not going to General Hospital. And I told the magistrate to go there and check the records. There was another hospital we used on Norman Williams Street, Ikoyi. I said go and check. So, how much will I sell them? The magistrate became sympathetic. I read it in her. But she was hostile when the case started. They even begged her to give me a seat in the dock. But when she saw the reality of the case, she changed.

    Chief Rhodes insisted that I should go into trial, because they wanted to set the case aside. I have forgotten the term they used in law, but Chief Rhodes said if what I had told him was true, I had no case. He said I should not go for the easy way out because my enemies might bring the case back in 10 years’ time. He said, ‘Let them put you in the dock. If you have passed through this and you have not collapsed up till now, you can’t collapse again.’

    So, I went into the dock. By the time we finished the case, people were on my side. When I am testifying, people shed tears. By the time I was discharged and acquitted, the whole court was jubilating. People were clapping. If they didn’t believe in the discretion of the magistrate, they would have hissed or protested. But when they counted charge one, discharge and acquitted; charge two, discharge and acquitted up to charge 21, the whole court started clapping.

    People said you cried on TV

    That was because the children were not allowed to follow me. I couldn’t clap, so I was crying. That is why people who saw the television footage thought I didn’t win the case. They saw me crying on TV and thought I had been sent to jail. And you know after that case, I went into my shell. So, everybody thought I went into jail. They never knew that I was discharged and acquitted. But my joy was not completed because I said I am going home but these children are going into detention with no care and love. As a mother, what is my joy?

    It was three and a half years later, through the favour of God under Governor Bola Ahmed Tinubu’s administration, Barrister Opeyemi Bamidele, who was the Commissioner for Sport and Youth Development, assisted and the children were returned to me. May God continue to favour these two people. One of the children is at The Bells University. Others are in other higher institutions.

    We hear that you have a new passion caring for animals…

    That is funny, because I never grew up in the village. I grew up in the city. But I have the tendency to love not just animals but anything that has life. I don’t play with life. I don’t also believe that it is my doing. It is God that creates human beings and He will just create you the way He wants you to be. I always explain this to my kids that the fault you see in me is exactly how God created me. There was a time my daughter’s friend came from England into my house. She saw me spoon-feeding a kitten. She looked and went to tell my daughter that ‘your mother has a problem o. She is now spoon-feeding animals.’ I appreciate anything that has life. That is how God created me and that is who I am.

    And your beauty has stayed over the years. How do you do it?

    There is no secret to it. I relax. I don’t worship money. If one has stroke, that means wheel chair. You can’t enjoy that money again. God didn’t allow me to beg my enemies for food. That means I am a rich woman in the Lord. So, I always thank God.

    And how is life in retirement?

    My husband lives in Kwara State, and where a man stays is where his wife takes as her home. But I am somebody who cannot just stay permanently in Kwara because of my kids. They are in the stage where they need me most. So, I need to be around them even though they may be older. They are actually in their 40s, and late 30s, but a child, no matter how old, still needs the native wisdom of the mother. Moreover, many of them are just re-settling in Nigeria. They are just returning home from the UK and the US, and they don’t know much about Nigerian way of doing things. So, I make sure I shuttle between them and my husband.

    And thank God, I have a reasonable husband who is very accommodating and caring. I live in his house here in Lagos. Dan Musa gave me a whole house I live in here in Lagos. So, I shuttle between Kwara and Lagos. I live on rent. My husband has a rice plantation with a factory in Ilorin. It is such a huge agricultural investment. He produces all brands of rice. I also have a store in Ilorin because my family is into buying and selling.

    What advice do you have for young couples?

    I believe that no woman should break up her marriage, because I believe from experience that there is no perfect human being. Anybody God has given you, just take him as your destiny. Even when you change, you will not find perfection in your new partner. So why change? And the changes always affect the children. Like I always advise my kids, the love story you see on television is different from reality. Don’t believe it. Don’t even expect it! Marriage is a reality show, and reality means no perfection.