The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • Much ado about Valentine’s Day

    Much ado about Valentine’s Day

    Happy Valentine’s Day! How did it go? For me, I didn’t leave my house on that day. Was the Val any less romantic, no! In fact, it couldn’t have been more romantic. But I guess I’m just indifferent about going out with my man to celebrate Val or planning that special Valentine’s Day occasion because personally, I think we should have as many Valentine’s Day in a relationship/marriage.

    I’m usually not an early riser; I woke up and realized it was just a few minutes past 8:00 am. I wanted to be the first to send my man a Valentine’s message but of course I couldn’t be, not in the days of social media, BBM, facebook, name it. Nevertheless, I sent him a beautiful message. He’s special! Very special to me!! Just like me, he also didn’t rise early and so he didn’t get to reply my message until about two hours later. Once I didn’t see his text, I knew he was still sleeping and I wasn’t going to disturb his sleep just because of Valentine. I understood his job; he has this very erratic work schedule so Valentine or not, he deserves his rest. The text came as soon as he woke up and it was so romantic. I have read it like thrice or more since he sent it. I read it over and over on Val Day’s. Don’t blame me, this man made me feel loved. He always does. God! I can’t thank you enough.

    Hmm, I’m not about to share his text with you but just for you to know that we can make it special without necessarily losing an arm and a leg. Oh yes, we can. It’s not in the clothes that you buy or the gift that you share that makes it a special day. It’s in the love that you truly feel for each other that really makes it a special day. If the special celebration comes or the gifts then it’s okay. It makes it all beautiful too.

    But you don’t feel loved in your relationship, spending the entire day dinning won’t do much. Everyday can be Valentine with the right person. Relationship shouldn’t be stressful. You should feel peaceful in your relationship. If there are too many issues, you might as well remain friends. You are dealing with crazy issues like your man doesn’t care about you, he barely visit, he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t feel concerned about your endevours (like wise you should  so same to him), it just about the sex or the money as the case maybe of what use is that table for two?

    I’d love to set the dinner table with the best cocktail, exotic wine, cake and a special dish to go and most of all appear in that touch of red sexy dinner gown or lingerie, mind you if the relationship is working. Yes I’d love to. I’m a romantic. But in this case when he has to attend to work, it not a lost day. Make the best of what is available email, phone call, text message, get a card, just do something.

    Can you imagine that I’m just settling dispute between this couple that I know just because her man insisted he had to go and take care of some business which she felt could wait until after Valentine.

    A day before Val she had spent the entire day at the saloon, trying to make her hair and guess what he was the one who suggested the kind of hair-do, only for him to run off to attend to business oh! That got Desola mad! Not after all the preparation. They started preparing ahead, especially that more so the Val fell on a weekend. “Didn’t he know he had to attend to business? Mercy, my husband doesn’t love me anymore. All this men cannot be trusted you know, he may have gone to be with someone else”, she said.

    Then at that point, I had to chip it in, “Desola, I was home alone yesterday”. It was my choice because after we exchanged text messages, by 12 or thereabouts, my phone battery ran out. I had left my pin mouth at work so there was no way I could charge my phone. So for the next 4 hours or so, my phone was down. I had to send someone to get me a charger. But before I did that, I had tried to charge my phone briefly with a desk top knowing he might have been calling to speak with his baby. And quite true immediately my phone came on, it was him calling.

    He wanted to squeeze himself and see if we could hangout. “Why did you switched off your phone. I have been calling since. I called the other line too you didn’t pick”. I didn’t know I abandoned my other line in my bag. That was also very sweet. Even though he wasn’t there, he wanted me to know he would have loved to spend the day with me, but a man has got to do what is got to do. I understood. It was just as simple as that. I could have been the one who was very busy on that day and I would want him to understand too, sefini.

    The big question now: Is Valentine an expression of love? Please write in and let’s have your views on this. I would also like to know how you celebrated your Valentine.

  • Finding Rosie (2)

    One day, nearly five months after our first meeting, Chief Simon called to invite me for an international business conference he was attending.

    “I will be away for about two weeks. I could use some company so how about coming with me?” he asked over the phone.

    It sounded tempting especially since he disclosed he would be taking a short vacation in the U.K after the conference in Canada. Then I remembered my job and also Lucas, my boyfriend.

    “Would have liked to but duty calls. Can’t take time off work now as we are rather busy at the office. Even my leave this year was cancelled,” I explained. The company had just brought out a new product and I was deeply involved in its marketing.

    But I had reckoned without Chief’s influence. Some days later, my big boss, the Marketing Director of the company called me to his office and informed me that the annual leave I had applied for sometime time before and had been turned down had been approved.

    “You can go on your leave now if you still want it,” were his words.

    I left his office, wondering what was going on. This was the same man who had told all of us in the department just weeks before that no one could take time off work until the new product that had been launched was doing well in the market.

    I did not have long to wonder. That same evening, one of Chief’s P.As Patrick came with a note from Chief with instructions to give him my international passport since I had been given my leave.

    After the man left, I called Chief on phone.

    “How did you know my leave had been approved?” were the first words I uttered.

    He laughed and said:

    “Well, let’s just say the Chairman of your company is a friend and tennis partner at the club. We had a game yesterday and I had a word with him concerning your matter and here we are!” His explanation sounded reasonable and I wondered at how the rich and powerful in the society often got their wishes and desires just by the snap of a finger.

    ***

    “Don’t tell me you have accepted Chief’s invitation!” said Helena a few days later at her house. I had just told her my leave had been granted and I was going with Chief on his trip after all.

    “Of course I have! Free ticket, accommodation and everything. What’s not to like? I think it will be fun,” I told her happily.

    “What sensible person will turn down such an opportunity?” put in Hilda, a mutual friend of ours. “If I were her, I would grab at it with both hands. So, let her go and enjoy herself. I envy you o, Rosie,” she added turning to me.

    “But what about Lucas? Have you told him you are travelling soon?” asked Helena with a frown.

    I shook my head.

    “No. I’ll do that some days before I leave,” I said.

    “Well, I don’t think he will be too pleased to know you are travelling abroad with your sugar daddy,” she said.

    “What’s your problem? I have told you several times that Chief is not my ‘sugar anything.’ We are just friends. Besides, Lucas and I are not married. We are just dating. We are not engaged or anything and I can see whoever I want. If he doesn’t like it, well too bad,” I said, shrugging.

    “I hope you know what you are doing,” she said.

    “Your problem, Helena is that you worry too much. Lucas is my boyfriend, not yours. I know how to handle my love life,” I said.

    I did not tell my boyfriend the full details of the trip- I lied that my company was sponsoring me for the conference I was attending.

    “I’ll miss you,” he said, stating that he would have loved to come with me if he had some free time from work.

    “Hey! I’ll only be away for a few weeks. You talk as if I’m relocating abroad,” I said, laughing.

    “I know. But those few weeks will be like a year to me. Make sure you call as soon as you get there,” he said hugging me tightly…

     

    On the trip

    What can I say about the trip other than it went well and Chief gave me a surprise I was not expecting? We arrived safely in Montreal where the conference took place, after a stop over in the U.S. Patrick, Chief’s Personal Assistant who travelled with us, had made hotel reservations for us and we drove down there on arrival.

    I had a separate room and I was a bit surprised as I had thought I would share Chief’s suite with him.

    Anyway, while he attended the conference during the morning and afternoon, Patrick and I went round exploring the city and doing some shopping accompanied by a French speaking guide he arranged for us.

    It was on getting to London that Chief sprang his surprise on me. One evening, a few days after arriving in the U.K, I had gone to visit an old school friend who lived in another part of the city. When I returned to his house, I saw a parcel addressed to me on the centre table in the living room.

    ‘Who could be buying me gifts in London?’ I wondered as I opened the parcel. Inside was an engagement ring, encrusted with diamonds and other precious stones that glittered in the soft light in the room.

    I was admiring the ring in its case when a voice said behind me:

    “I think that will look better on your finger.”

    I turned sharply to see Chief coming down the stairs, a broad smile on his face.

    “What do you mean, Chief?” I blurted out. He drew close, took my hand and led me to the sofa.

    “I know this must have come as a surprise to you. But the truth is, I want you as my wife. So, will you marry me, my lovely Rose?” he said. He took my left hand and slipped the ring on it.

    To say I was surprised was stating the obvious. I had thought of many things Chief could have wanted from me. Marriage was not among them.

    “But Chief, you have a wife and many children already! So, why this?” I asked.

    “You are quite correct, my dear. But listen to what I have to say and you will understand the reason I’m doing this,” he said.

    “You see, dear, my wife and I live virtually separate lives. We are husband and wife in name only. We’ve been separated for years. The breakdown of our marriage did not begin today. It all started long ago. To be fair to my wife, I’m partly to blame for what happened. Over twenty years ago, I met this young lady, very beautiful. One thing led to the other and I fell in love with her. An affair started and before long, she got pregnant for me. I wanted the baby so I got an apartment for her where she stayed with my daughter after she put to bed.

    “Soon, my wife got to know about my mistress and the child. As expected, she was not pleased at what had happened and she made her views clear. It caused a lot of quarrels and fights between us. Even many years after the incident, my wife has not forgiven me or let bygones be bygones. Unfortunately, my mistress died from a terminal illness when my daughter was about five years old. I had to bring my child to our home so I could raise her myself. That’s my last child Claire, you’ve met her a couple of times at my house in Lagos.

    “Anyway, bringing Claire into our home was like the last straw for my wife. She refused to accept the girl, stating she would rather die than bring up ‘a strange woman’s child’. She moved out of our home and has stayed out ever since. All entreaties from our relatives and even our children to make her return home have been rebuffed by her. You see, my wife is a very stubborn woman and is difficult to convince once she has made up her mind about something.

    “All this happened many years ago and since then, my relatives have been advising me to remarry. But I have not been keen. I have instead focused on my business and making money.

    “But in the past few years, I have been giving the idea serious thought. The only problem is finding the right woman. Luckily for me, I found her along the road one day, standing by her car which had a flat tyre,” he said, smiling at me.

    “Why me, Chief? There are so many ladies out there you could choose from; why did you pick me?” I queried.

    “Good question. I don’t know what it is, but as soon as I saw you, I knew you were the one I had been searching for. I know at your age, you will want to marry a young man in your age group. But marrying an old man like me won’t be such a bad idea, considering what you will gain. Financial security for life, for instance with all my worldly possessions at your disposal among other perks. I won’t rush you, dear. I will give you enough time to think about it, whether here or when we return to Nigeria. Finding you Rosie, hasn’t been easy. But I’m prepared to wait for you to make up your mind…”

    To be continued

     

    Will Rosie accept Chief’s strange marriage proposal? Don’t miss the hot details next week!

    We welcome comments/suggestions from readers. All correspondence should be sent to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of Rosie and the other individuals in the story.

  • Finding Rosie (1)

    I WAS running late for my friend Helena’s birthday party and was driving down, trying to meet up when I nearly had a crash. As I slowed down to negotiate a bend into her estate, I heard a sound at the back of the car. I swerved off the road and parked. Feeling a bit shaky, I got down to see the damage. One of the back tyres was flat. I sighed, wondering why this had to happen now of all days.

    Just then, my phone rang.

    “Rosie where are you? Nearly everyone has arrived except you!” Helena said, sounding pissed with me.

    When I told her about the flat tyre, she calmed down a bit.

    “I know you can’t fix it yourself, so just tell me where you are and I will send someone to you,” she stated before hanging up.

    My second phone rang and as I was talking to another friend I had invited for the party and needed directions to Helena’s house, a sleek, black saloon car drew close to where I stood. As the driver parked, a man spoke from the back window.

    “Is there a problem? Do you need any help?”

    I drew close to the car and stated:

    “I have a flat tyre sir.”

    “In that case, my driver can help you fix it as I know most of you ladies can’t handle such things,” he said, smiling a little.

    I thanked him but rejected his kind offer.

    “My friend is sending someone to sort it out. So, don’t bother, sir. And thanks,” I said.

    “It’s no bother. My driver can be working on it before your friend turns up,” he said. He spoke to his driver, who came down and opened the boot of the car. He brought out some tools and set to work on my car.

    The man got out of the car and introduced himself.

    “I’m Simon. And you are…?”

    “Rosemond. But my friends call me Rosie or Rose,”I told him.

    “I think I prefer Rose because you look like a flower, a blooming one at that,” he said, grinning down at me. He was a tall man and even in my high heels, he towered over me. He looked to be in his sixties with his closely cropped hair generously sprinkled with grey hair.

    We stood under a nearby tree chatting as his driver replaced the punctured tyre with a spare.

    It turned out he was visiting a relative of his who lived in the same neighbourhood as Helena.

    I told him about the party and said he could join us when he was done at his relative’s place. He was a total stranger to me but I felt inviting him to the party was my little way of expressing appreciation for his help with my car.

    “Thanks for the invite. But won’t I be ‘crashing’ your friend’s party?” he asked. I told him it was not a problem, that my friend would not mind my bringing a guest.

    Soon, the driver was done with the car. I thanked him again and before driving off, exchanged contacts.

    ***

    I never knew that chance meeting with the kind hearted man who helped with my car, would have such an effect on my life. But that’s a story for another day.

    Later that day, the man called stating he could not make it to Helena’s party, as he had to be at another function with his relation.

    “I would have really loved to be at your friend’s party but we have a family function to attend. But I hope I can invite you out for a drink or so one of these days,” he said.

    It was nearly three weeks later when he called. I was free that weekend- my boyfriend Lucas was out of town on a business trip so I accepted his invitation.

    “I will like to, sir,” I stated.

    “Good. But do me a favour, will you? Can you drop the sir? It makes me feel ancient. Just call me Simon,” he said.

    “It’s just a sign of respect sir, as you are old enough…”

    “To be your father. But I’m not your Daddy,” he said, laughing and I joined in. That was one thing I liked about the man- he had a capacity to put me at ease, made me relate to him like a mate instead of someone of my Dad’s generation.

    On the appointed day, I met Simon at a very exclusive club in town. One had to be extremely rich, with a networth running in multiple millions to belong to the club. I wondered as I parked near the entrance if Simon belonged that class.

    He was in a white tennis outfit when I met up with him. He was sitting in a private part of the club, chatting with another man.

    After introducing me to the man who was a friend of his, he ordered for some drinks for me.

    I told him I was not hungry when he wanted to send for some food too.

    “You can order for some small chops to go with the drinks. Their chicken wings here are delicious. Why not try some?” he said.

    It was that day I knew that appearances could be really deceptive. Simon or Chief as most people around called him turned out to be a very successful and wealthy business mogul. Though with vast wealth, he lived a very simple life and shunned the limelight unlike many of the rich in the society. He had six children who were all grown up with the last born having graduated shortly before our meeting. That day, I found out a little bit about him and more as our unusual friendship progressed.

    Later, he went to the tennis courts within the club to play a round with some friends of his. I sat by the court side, sipping my drink and watching them play.

    “I really enjoyed your company today. Maybe we could do this some other time?” he asked as we got ready to leave.

    I did not see any harm in it since all he seemed to want was for me to keep him company.

    “I’ll like that,” I told him before we parted.

    ***

    After that, Chief often called to meet up with him. Our initial meetings were at the club though later, I began seeing him at home. He lived in a very big mansion in a high fenced compound with a lovely garden. His wife, he explained, was hardly in the country as she preferred living abroad.

    “Two of my children live abroad as well and she shuttles between them,” Chief told me the first time he invited me to his home. Apart from the last child, a girl who still lived at home, the rest had their own homes. That first day, I had expected him to make some moves towards me but he remained his friendly self, treating me more like a little sister than anything else.

    “What’s up with that man? Are you sure he’s a real man?” Helena wondered when I told her

    what had transpired at Chief’s house.

    “And what’s that supposed to mean?” I queried.

    “What man will invite a lady home, a cute one like you for that matter and not even touch her. It’s unreal!” she declared.

    I laughed at her words.

    “You think every man is a flirt? Chief is not like that o! Besides, he sees me as just a friend, ‘his baby sister’ or even daughter,” I stated.

    “Daughter my foot! Just wait, his true intentions towards you will surface one of these days! Then, you will see I was right all along!” said Helena.

    “You know your problem? You have become very cynical about men. Not all of them jump into bed with every girl they meet. There are still some decent, responsible ones, you know. Like Chief Simon. He’s not interested in me as a woman,” I said.

    She shrugged.

    “Na you sabi. Only time will tell if I’m right or wrong,” she said before changing the subject.

    As events turned out, my friend’s words proved prophetic. For Chief indeed had plans for me, but not in the way she envisaged…

    To be continued

     

    What does Chief Simon want from Rosie? Details next week!

     

    We welcome comments/suggestions from readers. All correspondence should be sent to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

     

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of Rosie and the other individuals in the story.

  • He promised me paradise, but all I got was hell! (4)

    He promised me paradise, but all I got was hell! (4)

    Continued from last week…..

    Then, abruptly, he flung me against the wall and I slid to the floor. I must have fainted for when I woke up, I found myself on a hospital bed. A nurse, who was standing by the bed, looked relieved on seeing me awake.

    “Thank God, you have regained consciousness. We have been so worried about you. Let me get the doctor,” she stated, before hurrying out of the room.

    It was from the doctor I heard the horrible news, that my baby, who had arrived prematurely had died.

    “We kept him in an incubator since he was premature but it was no use. He lived for just a few hours,” he said in a sad tone. I turned my face to the wall, hot tears steaming down my face, feeling too drained and weak to even cry out.

    Just then, some of my family members came into the room, their expressions shifting from looks of joy at my regaining consciousness and sadness at my baby’s death. My Dad, stepmother and my brother Mike stood round the bed, looking down at me.

    “I’m so glad you are back with us, my daughter. You are very precious to me and I can’t afford to lose you,” said my Dad as he took my hand in his. He looked grim when I quietly narrated what had happened with my husband that had led to my being hospitalized.

    “I know it’s painful to lose your baby but though the water might have spilt, the vessel is still intact; it’s not broken. As for that husband of yours, just leave him to me. I know what to do to him. Don’t worry about him. Your health is what matters now. So, focus on getting better and everything will be alright,” he reassured me. ”

    But will it, I thought glumly after they had gone to see the doctor. Will things ever be the same again between Kel and I after what had happened. I shuddered, remembering the fight at home, the crazy look in his eyes as he held my throat so tightly. What if he had strangled me to death that night? It was a miracle that I was alive but that fact brought me little joy. All I could think about was losing my baby and I blamed Kel for that.

    I heard he had been coming to the hospital all the time I was unconscious and had been so worried about me. But I did not care; I did not want to see him and I told the nurses attending to me not to allow him near my room.

    Later, I fell into a deep sleep and woke up to the sound of loud voices outside the door of my room. I could make out my husband, Kel’s voice among them. He was telling the nurses to allow him in to see me as it was his right as my husband.

    “She’s my wife! You can’t stop me from seeing her! What kind of crazy hospital is this? I will definitely let the CMD hear about this!” he threatened.

    “Sir, we are just following instructions. It’s better you go back and return when she’s in a better frame of mind,” the nurse told him but he was not ready to budge. Though still feeling weak and with pains, I managed to get out of the bed and made for the door. I stood there silently for a while watching the argument between Kel and the nurses.

    “What have you come to do now? Finish the ‘work’ you started at home?” I queried, my voice seeping with anger.

    They all turned to me then.

    “Ah, baby, how are you feeling now? Are you alright?” he asked, a worried look on his face. One of the nurses bustled up to me and stated firmly:

    “Madam, you are not strong enough to be walking around yet. Go back to bed. It’s time to take your drugs. Lie down and Nurse Mary will attend to you.”

    “Just tell him to stay away from me. I don’t want to see him,” I said as I laid on the bed.

    ***

    About a week later, I was discharged from the hospital. Instead of heading home however, Mike drove me down to our parents’ house. I did not want to go home, at least not yet. I needed space and time to recover fully both physically and mentally, before seeing my husband again. I was to remain there for the next three months despite Kel’s pleading for forgiveness and for me to return home.

    He also sent his relatives to plead with my Dad and I. My father who was really angry with Kel at his behaviour, was even more against my going back to my husband, stating that if he had killed me that night of the fight, ‘would they be here begging for me to return to him?’

    “I gave my daughter to your son to love and care for her, not kill her for me. I lost her mother to illness some years ago. I don’t want anything to happen to her. So, warn your son! He should learn to control his temper as a man,” he told them.

    After some time though, my Dad relented. By then, my anger with my husband had subsided and I was ready for a reconciliation. Truth is, I loved my husband very much and I was ready to work on my marriage to make it succeed.

    On the eve of departure for my marital home, my Dad had a long talk with me.

    “My dear daughter, as you are going back to your husband, I want you to put what has happened behind you and forge on. Marriage is not a bed of roses; anyone that says otherwise is simply lying. It’s full of challenges, you just have to learn to weather them. Be patient with your husband and do not provoke him to anger that might result in violence like what happened the last time. Your husband has shown enough remorse and I believe there won’t be a repeat of the last incident. Be a good and loving wife to him and he will cherish you,” my father advised.

     

    ***

    Soon, I returned home and life went on as usual. The only difference was Kel, who now treated me so carefully like an egg that could break if handled roughly. He later confessed that he thought he was going to lose me when I was lying unconscious in the hospital.

    “I couldn’t sleep for days or eat. I prayed like I had never done in my life. I was so scared you might die,” he stated.

    “As you can see, I’m still alive and well,” I said, smiling.

    He laughed then made a solemn promise never to lay a finger on me again.

    “Never again, darling. I promise never to hit you or cause you pain,” he said before drawing me close and kissing me passionately.

    That promise lasted exactly six months. Then it was back to the old Kel. He would slap or hit me whenever we had any argument. With time, he grew more controlling and dictated what I could and not do.

    I work in a government parastatal and I usually closed from work officially around 5 o’clock. But sometimes, extra work would keep me in the office an hour later. I was home late on such days and it was a bone of contention between us.

    “Why can’t you be home early like other civil servants? What do you do in that office after closing? Or are you having an affair? Are you now cheating on me? Answer me!” he demanded angrily one evening on getting home later than him.

    “Kel, how can you say that? You know I will never do that! It was the traffic that made me late,” I explained. But he was still furious and kept on talking about what he termed ‘these so called sophisticated career city women who run around with other men and cheat on their husbands.’

    “If I ever catch you having an affair behind my back, I’ll kill you with my bare hands,” he warned. I kept my cool and did not say a word further to maintain the peace.

     

    The other woman…

    Then, I got pregnant again and this time, I was determined to keep this baby. Kel was happy at the news though later, that changed to anger when I stopped sleeping with him. I had taken the decision to keep my pregnancy safe, to avoid another miscarriage.

    “You do this all the time, denying me my rights! Of what use are you to me, anyway? Or your family? You and your crazy family are completely useless!” he raved. I ignored him and went to sleep in the spare room to avoid a quarrel and possibly another beating.

    He did not bother me about the issue for sometime and I thought he had agreed with me to cool off from sex for a while.

    Unknown to me, he had other plans. I came home one Saturday evening from a visit to my friend Trina to see my husband laughing and talking with a lady in the sitting room. I had never seen her before and wondered who she was.

    “Oh, here you are dear. This is Clarissa, a very good friend of mine. We knew each other back in the States; she’s in the country for a visit and she will be staying with us for a while,” he stated. I greeted her then turned to my husband and motioned for him to follow me to our bedroom.

    “Kel, what is the meaning of this? How can you just bring a guest home without informing me about it?” I queried sharply.

    “So, now I have to take permission from you before inviting my friends home?” he countered.

    “That’s not what I mean. You should have told me she was coming maybe yesterday so I can make preparations. It’s wrong for you to simply bring her home without telling me, your wife beforehand,” I replied.

    “Thank God you know your place, that you are my wife and not my mother. You have no right to question me about this issue. Instead of standing there babbling, go and get the guest room ready. She’s tired after the journey and she needs to rest,” he ordered. I was ready to argue with him on the matter but remembered my father’s words just in time and decided to keep my cool for the sake of peace.

    That was how Clarissa came into our lives. She brought with her a new set of problems to add to the ones I was already battling with. She was the lazy type who did no house chores and expected to be served everything. Even in my condition, she never offered to help with the cleaning, cooking and other chores around the house but left everything to me. All she did all day was paint her nails and face, style her long weave and wear all kinds of skimpy and provocative clothes both at home and while going out. Then, there was her drinking and smoking habits which I found particularly irritating.

    Kel did not see anything wrong with her smoking in the house and told me to stop complaining about it.

    “Stop whining, woman! She’s our guest. Learn to live with her, bad habits and all,” he said.

    I endured, praying she would leave us soon. Then, two weeks after her unexpected arrival, I came home early from work one day as I had a bad headache. The front door was unlocked and as I stepped into the house, I could hear sounds like loud moans from the direction of our bedroom.

    I opened the door and…

    To be continued

     

    Don’t miss the concluding part of Jessica’s tale next Saturday

     

    We welcome comments/suggestions from readers. All correspondence should be sent to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

     

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of Jessica, her husband and other individuals in the story

  • Coping as a single dad

    Single parenthood may happen because of death, divorce, separation, abandonment, among others. In spite of the circumstances surrounding the family situation, being a single dad can be very stressful and challenging. By nature, men are different from women in dealing with the issue of raising children.  Therefore, some men find it very difficult to take up the full responsibility of raising their children alone.

    Single dads face a lot of challenges, and their children also encounter problems. Bringing up children can be difficult under any situation and without a partner, the stakes are even higher. Now, the issue is how should single dads deal with the challenges of single parenting?

    Have a good structure in place: Create a daily routine for every member of your family to follow, such as regular time for food, study time, play time and bed time.

    Religion: Get them involved in your religion. Pray with them and make them participate fully in all religious activities. When they grow up, they will not depart from the values you have imparted to them. This will help your children and other members of the family to know what to expect. It will also give you room to have time for other things. In a situation where you have domestic workers or family members assisting you, assign duties and supervise them properly.

    Communication: Maintain a good relationship with your children. Talk with them, not at them, and listen to them when they are talking to you. Interact with them. Be their best friend; let them see you as a dad that they can tell everything, and the only way you can achieve this is by being free with them.  In the case of divorce or separation, always let them understand that it has nothing to do with them because children in dealing with divorce cases always feel that the separation or divorce is as a result of their faults.

    Create family time: Set time aside everyday to have quality dealing with your children. Bonding with your children as a single dad is very important and the only way you can achieve it is by spending time doing things together as family. This will  give you the opportunity to know your children’s individual personalities, their strengths and weaknesses in other areas like academics and so on. Remember to set boundaries as well as consequences involved, if not obeyed. Ensure you follow up, otherwise they will not take you or the boundaries seriously. A law-abiding adult is one who has been taught to have boundaries as a child. Word of caution: set realistic boundaries.

    Role model: Being the only parent makes you their number one role model. Be a good example to your children in every way.  Don’t do anything you don’t want them to do in their presence. Practise what you preach. Children copy their parents because they see them as their role models. If you find yourself, exhibiting behaviour that you don’t want your children to copy , it’s a sign that you should change how you react in certain situations.

    Show affection:  Some know how to express love, while some don’t. Don’t let a day go by without you saying “I love you” to your children. Hug and kiss them to show emotion. A hug for a child often makes him feel loved, safe and able to count on you.

    Make birthdays special: Children are God’s greatest gift to us. Each child is different in how they see themselves and the world around them. All children are gifted- each in his special way. Celebrate their uniqueness and make their birthdays special with affordable resource.

    Praise and reward:  Don’t forget to praise good behaviour because it is as important as discipline. Don’t underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have on your children. Again, be specific when doing your praise. Let them know why you are praising them. Appreciate their efforts and successes, especially in areas where they have struggled.

    Keep yourself healthy: For some dads, separation or divorce, for example, is one of the most stressful life events they ever go through. That pressure may be amplified by custody and financial issues which can bring out the worst in people. So discovering ways to manage your own stress is very essential. Keeping yourself  physically and emotionally healthy  can help combat the effects of stress. You will then be in the best shape to take care of your family.

    Create time for yourself:  Have moments of relaxation, meaning time to do what you enjoy doing. Make out time to kick back and relax.  Rest is very important, especially as a single dad. A good rest will make you feel refreshed.

    Help: Learn to interact with other single dads who have gone through the same situation.  Learn from their experiences. You can also seek the help of a counsellor, therapist, or  friend, if need be.

    Financial struggle and well-being of the children: Because most dads are the breadwinners of their families, the financial responsibility falls mainly on them with little or no assistance from anybody. A  single dad must learn to be able to balance his career or job and the affairs of the children in order to maintain a healthy home.

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and  motivational speaker. Send in your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com. You can also follow her on twitter@bineharrietj or txt messages only to 08023058805.

  • New Year Resolution… unhealthy relationship habits

    It’s about time to dump old habits and embrace new and productive lifestyle that fosters good relationship. The long and short of it is go ahead and plan-New Year, quarterly, monthly, weekly, daily, just plan because when you fail to plan, you have planned to fail.

    When you do not study, you have planned to fail when it’s time for examination. No miracle can change your fate if you fail to do the right thing! We by ourselves decide our fate to an extent. When you plan is one fate. When you fail to plan is another kind of fate. The former is a good fate because the result is success. The latter is a bad fate because the result is failure. Even the holy book says, ‘whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might…’-hard work is the price you need to pay. ‘A hard working man will not stand before unknown men. He will stand before king’ so says the holy book.

    The one habit many need to confront headlong in this year also is laziness and indiscipline.

    God have a covenant with us to prosper us. A covenant is a supernatural agreement entered by God with mankind. This covenant is kept and honoured by God but human beings have a way of not playing their part.  After all, an agreement is between two people. And the two people must play their part to achieve a desired result. When God said, ‘whatever you put your hands to will prosper, ‘He meant it. The only reason why we fail to prosper the way we want is failure to uphold our side of the bargain (agreement).

    There is no dream too tall so don’t be afraid to plan, to set goals this new year. Whatever goals you set, God has a covenant to prosper us but be ready to keep your part of the covenant.

    Decide to keep good and profitable relationship/friendship this year. That is one way to working out your success. When you consciously surround yourself with people of great minds or rob minds with them, your career, work and life will be the better for it. Another way to interact with great minds is by reading. This year read any and everything. Henry ford puts it this way, read a lot. Think a lot. Work a lot.

    Here are some excerpts from the bestseller “my advice to business men is to read a lot, and think a lot and work a lot. I started that way. I kept on thinking and I’m still thinking. The habit of analysis, the habit to get under the surface things and at vital essentials, gives a man tremendous advantage over those of his competitors who do not do likewise…we study too much and think too little…a lot of people are crammed full of knowledge but they don’t know how to use it.

    “The Woolworth building was once a thought…thought is the parent of progress. Thought creates all. Everything springs from thought. Human beings are distinguished from animal by this one power, the power of thought. The immortals of this world are they who thought deeper or more brilliantly than their fellows…

    “The Tobacco King, James B. Duke, attribute is rise largely to a thought that came to him when he was a young man. “Why can’t I do in tobacco what John D. Rockefeller has done in oil? He asked himself. “And then,” he told me, “I started out to do it.” Note that: “I started out to do it.”

    2015 think! Think! And think! See you at the top soon! Because I’ve started thinking too!

  • New Year Resolutions… unhealthy relationship habits

    IT’S about time to dump old habits and embrace new and productive lifestyle that fosters good relationship. The long and short of it is go ahead and plan-New Year, quarterly, monthly, weekly, daily, just plan because when you fail to plan, you have planned to fail.

    When you do not study, you have planned to fail when it’s time for examination. No miracle can change your fate if you fail to do the right thing! We by ourselves decide our fate to an extent. When you plan is one fate. When you fail to plan is another kind of fate. The former is a good fate because the result is success. The latter is a bad fate because the result is failure. Even the holy book says, ‘whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might…’-hard work is the price you need to pay. ‘A hard working man will not stand before unknown men. He will stand before king’ so says the holy book.

    The one habit many need to confront headlong in this year also is laziness and indiscipline.

    God have a covenant with us to prosper us. A covenant is a supernatural agreement entered by God with mankind. This covenant is kept and honoured by God but human beings have a way of not playing their part.  After all, an agreement is between two people. And the two people must play their part to achieve a desired result. When God said, ‘whatever you put your hands to will prosper, ‘He meant it. The only reason why we fail to prosper the way we want is failure to uphold our side of the bargain (agreement).

    There is no dream too tall so don’t be afraid to plan, to set goals this new year. Whatever goals you set, God has a covenant to prosper us but be ready to keep your part of the covenant.

    Decide to keep good and profitable relationship/friendship this year. That is one way to working out your success. When you consciously surround yourself with people of great minds or rob minds with them, your career, work and life will be the better for it. Another way to interact with great minds is by reading. This year read any and everything. Henry ford puts it this way, read a lot. Think a lot. Work a lot.

    Here are some excerpts from the bestseller “my advice to business men is to read a lot, and think a lot and work a lot. I started that way. I kept on thinking and I’m still thinking. The habit of analysis, the habit to get under the surface things and at vital essentials, gives a man tremendous advantage over those of his competitors who do not do likewise…we study too much and think too little…a lot of people are crammed full of knowledge but they don’t know how to use it.

    “The Woolworth building was once a thought…thought is the parent of progress. Thought creates all. Everything springs from thought. Human beings are distinguished from animal by this one power, the power of thought. The immortals of this world are they who thought deeper or more brilliantly than their fellows…

    “The Tobacco King, James B. Duke, attribute is rise largely to a thought that came to him when he was a young man. “Why can’t I do in tobacco what John D. Rockefeller has done in oil? He asked himself. “And then,” he told me, “I started out to do it.” Note that: “I started out to do it.”

    2015 think! Think! And think! See you at the top soon! Because I’ve started thinking too!

  • Sexual intimacy in marriage

    Thanks for sharing your situation with us. We hope we will be able to provide some tips that will help your marriage, especially in the sexual aspect. What you are going through is not different. Most beginners have the same challenges. From your story, I can see that there is a bit of communication between you and your wife which is a plus. In the beginning, the challenges are great, but trust me, with the right information you will later improve.

    Sexual intimacy in marriage is very important because it is the process whereby husband and wife give in or blend their personalities. It helps them experience together the highest moment in their life of complete oneness. Therefore, understanding how to enjoy sexual intimacy with your spouse is to have a clear knowledge of your spouse’s expectations and how to work towards achieving them. However, being a Christian or Muslim is the more reason while you and your wife should talk about sex freely with  each other.  Almighty God ordains marriage with sex for bonding and procreation. I know full well that there is something powerfully binding that happens when husband and wife makes love. And frankly, it angers Satan because deep down he knows that marriage where sex is treasured and protected is a force to be reckoned with. Yes, he has a more difficult task on his hands when he goes up against a couple that savours being one with each other. Sexuality is a natural and essential part of intimate human partnership. That is why husband and wife who are sexually satisfied are happier and healthier than those who don’t. So to achieve this you must create an atmosphere for intimacy. Remember small changes make big difference. More so marriage is the only platform that you have the licence to explore sexual intimacy with your spouse. That is to say you should do and undo with your spouse.   The following are helpful tips:

    Learn to set the mood: Relax and be free with each other to start with, and then try to engage your wife about your day’s happenings and ask her about her day. Allow her to express herself freely. Laugh over issues with her. As a matter of fact, start being nice to her from morning, so that when it gets to bed time you and your wife are already in a relax mood to enjoy sex.

    Communication: Talk to your spouse; commend her for letting you know that she is not satisfied sexually. Then, ask her what she likes. Also state your likes as well. Let her know that you are in it together and that there is always room for improvement. Discuss the issue freely. Close the conversation with a warm embrace and affectionate kiss.

    Expression: Put the conversation into practice, just like the saying goes “action speaks louder than words”. A sexually satisfied spouse makes a happy home.

    Appreciation: Nothing leads more to gratitude and compliment. Men and women want to be appreciated. They want to be noticed, admired and complimented. When you shower your relationship (wife) with gratitude and good energy of appreciation, your wife will want to be close to you in every aspect.

    Learn to be romantic: To some women, romance or foreplay puts them in the mood. Study your spouse; know what interests her and then incorporate it into your sex life.

    Be spontaneous: Broaden your knowledge. Read books that will educate you more. Be creative. Flow with your feelings. Have no specific time to be intimate with your wife. Surprise her. That way, you can really satisfy her in bed. If you can get her something she likes when she is not expecting it that will be nice.  Always remember that you are married and so two are now one. Like I will say, you now have the licence to enjoy each other sexually. This feeling will definitely help you knock off the feeling that you are not good enough. Instead, it will help you build up your self- esteem.

    Moreover, learn to develop the skill of being able to hold up your sexual urge and help your wife to build up her sexual desire, so that both will be ready to enter into the moment of marital intimacy together (climax). Then, ensure you accompany each other, cuddling lovingly and tenderly until each falls into a calm relaxing sleep in the arms of one another.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counselor and a motivational speaker. Send in your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com.   You can also follow her on twitter@bineharrietj or txt message only to 08023058805. Blog; liwh.com.ng

  • He promised me paradise, but all I got was hell! (3)

    He promised me paradise, but all I got was hell! (3)

    KEL came back from work one day, looking very sad. When I asked him what the problem was, he was silent for sometime, not saying anything.

    “Honey, what’s wrong? You have been so quiet since you came home. You barely answered my greeting,” I said when I followed him to the bedroom.

    “There’s no problem,” he said brusquely, taking off his shirt and going into the bathroom. Later, after he had eaten and was relaxing in front of the TV he opened up a bit, stating that it was some issues he had in the office that was bothering him.

    “We lost a huge IT contract to a rival company and my Chairman is mad at everybody,” he said.

    “That’s too bad, dear. Don’t worry too much about it. I bet another one will come,” I said reassuringly. I went to sit besides him on the couch and cuddled up to him, placing my head on his shoulder.

    “Thanks, love. I felt really bad because we put in so much effort for us to get the job, but all was in vain,” Kel stated glumly.

    “As I said, everything will be alright. God will provide another one,” I said. We watched a popular soap opera on TV for a while before retiring to bed.

    Due to the experience I had with my last pregnancy, I was very careful this time around. I avoided things that might pose as a risk such as doing strenuous things like the doctor advised.

    That night in bed, when my husband reached for me, I pushed him away gently, giving the baby as an excuse. By then, I was about five months pregnant.

    It did not go down well with Kel who grumbled about being denied his marital rights.

    “This is the second time you are pushing me away this week. How long will you stop me from making love to you?” he said irritatingly.

    “It’s for the sake of the baby, Kel. I don’t want to lose this one too,” I explained.

    “Excuses, excuses! That’s all you ever give,” he grumbled. He turned his back on me and soon I could hear him snoring softly.

    The contract

    About three months later, I was in the kitchen preparing dinner when Kel came home from work. He was earlier than usual and I could see a glint in his eyes that he normally had when he had great news to tell.

    It turned out his company was involved in a bidding for a contract with a major Telecoms outfit in the country.

    “It’s the same company where your Uncle Thomas is a director,” he announced. Uncle Thomas was one of my late mother’s brothers. He was quite wealthy and had been very good to my siblings and I after our Mum’s death.

    “That’s good. I pray you will win this one. God will use this contract to compensate for the last one you lost,” I prayed.

    “Thanks for your prayers, dear. But we also need your Uncle’s support to facilitate things for us,” he said.

    “What do you mean?” I asked.

    He shrugged.

    “Well, since he is one of the directors, we could ask him to put in a word for my company; that will definitely give us an edge over our competitors,” he said.

    I shook my head before stating:

    “I don’t think it’s a good idea. You know how Uncle Thomas is; he is a very strict and straight forward man and likes following the proper procedures when doing things especially when it comes to official matters. Remember what happened to Mike,” I stated. Mike was one of my brothers who had applied for a job in my Uncle’s company along with other applicants to fill some vacancies. Despite Uncle Thomas’s position in the company, Mike did not get the job, much to his annoyance. Later, on being asked why his nephew had failed to secure the job, my uncle had explained that he did not perform up to the required standard the company demanded.

    ‘The fact that he is my nephew is not an automatic license for his getting a job in the company. He failed in the interview. Period,’ he had told me back then.

    “So, dear, I don’t think you should put too much hope on my uncle for his assistance. The best thing is to ensure your company puts in a strong bid and with luck on your side, you will win the contract,” I said.

    But Kel still persisted on going through Uncle Thomas, stating that the contract was too important to leave to chance.

    “We really need to win this contract. The Chairman has given us a mandate to do all it takes to win it and if that includes seeing your uncle over it, then we have to do that. He has even promised to make me the M.D of the company if we clinch the contract. You know the present M.D will be leaving us soon. So, dear, let’s meet Uncle Thomas, ok?”

    I was still not convinced but not to make it look as if I did not want to help, I conceded to his demand.

    ***

    As I had predicted, Uncle Thomas was unwilling to involve himself in the bidding process, stating ethical reasons.

    “We have foreign affiliations and our bidding process follows the high standards of our foreign partners. So, I cannot influence it. Besides, I believe in fairplay for all the parties involved in the bid. Jessica, you should have explained the situation to your husband, that it’s something I can’t do. If you are lucky to win the bid, then I can help with facilitating payment of the money or anything to do with the execution of the contract. But till then, all I can do is wish you goodluck,” he said with finality.

    Kel was unhappy with my Uncle’s stance, believing it was selfish on his part not to assist him, his niece’s husband.

    I tried to pacify him, stating that his company might get the job considering the strong bid they had put in. Unfortunately, my optimism was misplaced. Kel’s company lost the bid to a rival. That evening when he came home from work, he looked furious and barely acknowledged my greeting on entering the house.

    He blamed the loss of the contract on my uncle, pointing out that if he had put in a little effort on his behalf, the contract would have been theirs.

    “Your Uncle is such a wicked person. A simple thing to do to help a family member is too much for him. What kind of man is that? Selfish bastard!” he stated angrily.

    I took exception to his calling my uncle names over a matter that he had no control over and when I told Kel that, he got even angrier. This led to a full blown quarrel between us, one of the biggest quarrels since our marriage.

    “Stop blaming my Uncle for your failure! There was nothing he could do about the bid and he explained it to you. The man is innocent. And stop calling him names! He’s not your mate, remember?” I said equally angry.

    “So, are you now calling me a failure? How dare you!” he shouted at me. He then slapped me and grabbed my neck in a vice choke. I tried to scream, struggling to extricate myself from his grip but it was nearly impossible as he was much stronger than me.

    Then, abruptly, he flung me against the wall and I slid to the floor. I must have fainted for when I woke up, I was in…

    To be continued…

     

    What next? Details next Saturday!

    We welcome comments/suggestions from readers. All correspondence should be sent to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of Jessica, her husband and other individuals in the story.

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of Jessica and other individuals in the story.

  • New Year Resolution… unhealthy relationship habits

    THIS is the New Year and it is my tradition not to be so typical. So don’t be shocked to see a different me in this edition. It is that time to reflect on our personal life, which relationship is only a fraction of. Life is not all about relationship. In fact, for you to prosper in relationship, you must work towards personal accomplishments and achieving your personal fulfillment.

    With good looks, a girl can attract any man but it takes more than mere good looks to sustain a relationship with a ‘quality’ man. Any man who is successful in what he does or is working hard to build a brand for himself, trust me, may be swayed by looks at first but it takes more than good looks for him to walk you down the aisle. If that is your dream, this year you need to change your strategy. You can’t keep doing things the same way and expect a different result. And that applies to every facet of our life.

    If you have seen the movie, Just Right, 2010 American romantic comedy film starring Queen Latifah, Common, Paula Patton among others, then you will be familiar with this line, ‘A girl doesn’t just become the wife of an NBA Franchise player by accident. It takes strategy, good intellect and vision…These NBA player’s wives one is got a fragrance, the other one has a clothing line coming up, brands! I’m almost 30. I’ve got to start thinking about my future like now”.

    That was a character in the movie called Morgan (Paula Patton). Morgan had the strategy that works but for her attitude even after winning the heart of Common (the NBA player) she lost him to her God-sister, Leslie, a physical therapist, when  Common’s career came crumbling due to a fatal injuring. She had a bitchy attitude. She walked out on him, abandoning him in his challenges and having no respect for marital vow. Attitude is everything really. Number one, habit to work on this year is having the right attitude. Being humane is a priceless attitude. As we strive to get to the top, being humane because that’s in itself, true happiness.

    One lie that we do tell ourself is ‘I don’t care what people say about me’. You may not care if someone tries to put a limitation on you. By using the word, ‘you can’t do it’ but when someone constructively points out an attitude of yours that’s not good such as you are acting bitchy, rude, selfish, greedy, moody always and so on then you need to check it. In fact, make a conscious effort to dump that attitude. You are even lucky; if you get someone to point out your flaws to you in this generation. Gone are those days, when we live in a communal village-the days when a child was brought up by the elderly around. The days when no one waited for your folks before they can correct you when they see you are toeing the wrong path. Now, we live in a global village- where the younger generation, learn from social media, a place where vices are the new values. And values have become old fashion.

    The New Year is the best time to start afresh. You may not agree with me because really, why do you have to wait for a New Year to come before reevaluating or taking stock of our lifestyle. It is something that can be done on a daily basis however; there is something about the New Year that causes us to reflect in order to set new horizon, new goals for a more production year than the previous one.

    Setting new targets comes with a sense of beginning afresh and what better time than this time. When we talk about taking stock, it means after taking your time to reflect on your lifestyle, you then make the decision to do anyway with old habits that get in the way of your personal growth and accomplishments in life.

    Whatever we are doing, the target is for us to live a purposeful life. One cannot live a purposeful life just by wishful thinking. It does not come by accident. It takes planning, good intellect and vision. The time of living life has it comes is over. It is time to plan your way to success. Most of us are familiar with this popular Chinese saying, “failing to plan is planning to fail”. But how many of us really plan? And there is one common lie that has become acceptable to many. And that lie is, ‘I don’t believe in New Year Resolution’. But it will amaze you how many people actually set their goals (plan) at the beginning of the year and make a success of them. Even those who say they do not believe in New Year Resolution, plan but some of us will just jump on other people’s philosophy without having an alternative plan.

     

     

     

    It’s about time to dump old habits and embrace new and productive lifestyle that fosters good relationship. The long and short of it is go ahead and plan-New Year, quarterly, monthly, weekly, daily, just plan because when you fail to plan, you have planned to fail.

    When you do not study, you have planned to fail when it’s time for examination. No miracle can change your fate if you fail to do the right thing! We by ourselves decide our fate to an extent. When you plan is one fate. When you fail to plan is another kind of fate. The former is a good fate because the result is success. The latter is a bad fate because the result is failure. Even the holy book says, ‘whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might…’-hard work is the price you need to pay. ‘A hard working man will not stand before unknown men. He will stand before king’ so says the holy book.

    The one habit many need to confront headlong in this year also is laziness and indiscipline.

    God have a covenant with us to prosper us. A covenant is a supernatural agreement entered by God with mankind. This covenant is kept and honoured by God but human beings have a way of not playing their part.  After all, an agreement is between two people. And the two people must play their part to achieve a desired result. When God said, ‘whatever you put your hands to will prosper, ‘He meant it. The only reason why we fail to prosper the way we want is failure to uphold our side of the bargain (agreement).

    There is no dream too tall so don’t be afraid to plan, to set goals this new year. Whatever goals you set, God has a covenant to prosper us but be ready to keep your part of the covenant.

    Decide to keep good and profitable relationship/friendship this year. That is one way to working out your success. When you consciously surround yourself with people of great minds or rob minds with them, your career, work and life will be the better for it. Another way to interact with great minds is by reading. This year read any and everything. Henry ford puts it this way, read a lot. Think a lot. Work a lot.

    Here are some excerpts from the bestseller “my advice to business men is to read a lot, and think a lot and work a lot. I started that way. I kept on thinking and I’m still thinking. The habit of analysis, the habit to get under the surface things and at vital essentials, gives a man tremendous advantage over those of his competitors who do not do likewise…we study too much and think too little…a lot of people are crammed full of knowledge but they don’t know how to use it.

    “The Woolworth building was once a thought…thought is the parent of progress. Thought creates all. Everything springs from thought. Human beings are distinguished from animal by this one power, the power of thought. The immortals of this world are they who thought deeper or more brilliantly than their fellows…

    “The Tobacco King, James B. Duke, attribute is rise largely to a thought that came to him when he was a young man. “Why can’t I do in tobacco what John D. Rockefeller has done in oil? He asked himself. “And then,” he told me, “I started out to do it.” Note that: “I started out to do it.”

    2015 think! Think! And think! See you at the top soon! Because I’ve started thinking too!