The Nation Newspaper

Category: Relationships

  • The vow (2)

    After the oath we took between us, things progressed smoothly between Ena and I. Shortly after, we got married and settled down to living as husband and wife. Life with Ena was blissful. My only complaint was his tight work schedule.

    He was a businessman who did a lot of contracts with different companies and was thus a very busy person. I hardly saw during the week and even some weekends when he had deadlines to meet. He, however made it up to me and the children whenever he had some free time. On my 25th birthday, for instance, he took the whole family to South Africa to celebrate it. It was the first time I was traveling out of the country so you could imagine my joy.

    My childhood friends, some of whom had ended up having kids for different men out of wedlock were all envious of my good fortune at marrying Ena.

    “Mercy, whatever charm you used on him, please give me some! I want to marry a rich man like your husband too,” one of my friends, Doris said one day when she came visiting me at home. I had taken her on a tour of the nice duplex we lived in a very nice neighbourhood and she had simply gazed at everything in wonder.

    “You are really enjoying o! You mean just the four of you live alone in this big house?” she queried. I nodded, laughing and she had shaken her head. We had grown up together in the same street and like most families in that neighbourhood lived in very crowded accommodation. Doris, her twelve siblings and parents including a few relatives lived in a one room apartment. Her four year old daughter from a former boyfriend also lived with them. Their home was always noisy with fights and arguments a regular way of life.

    “Anyway, thank God one of us has left the ghetto for a posh place like this. I won’t mind living here o! Maybe you should employ me as your house help so I can come and enjoy with you!” she said.

    “No way! You are too big and too pretty to be my house girl! I no wan lose my husband o!” I retorted and we both laughed.

     

    ****

    With my husband’s help, I got admission to the university to study Business Administration. I had to be attending classes from home and between going to school, taking care of the children and my husband, it was tough. But I persevered because I was really determined to get a degree.

    It was in my second year that I got pregnant. After giving birth to my son, Tejiri, I returned to school and focused on my studies. To assist with the baby, Ena got a full time nanny, a retired nurse who was very competent. That helped me a lot as I could stay in school for all my classes without worrying too much about my baby.

    We had been married for about five years when the accident happened. My husband had gone to Abuja on some business and was returning to Lagos when he was involved in an accident. He had been scheduled to return by air but his flight had been cancelled. Since he had a very important business meeting the following morning, and unable to get another flight, he had decided to return by road. He was first admitted in a hospital near the town the accident occurred but because of the severity of his condition, he was transferred to the teaching hospital in Benin.

    On hearing the news, I immediately flew to Benin to be by his side. I wept bitterly when I saw my husband. He was in a coma, breathing through an oxygen tank and was unaware of his surroundings.

    “This is no time to cry, Madam. You need to pray now so he can recover,” the doctor in charge of his case told me on my arrival.

    So, I prayed as I had never done before. I remembered how we met, got married and our life together since then. I petitioned God to save my husband and I would serve him all my days.

    But it was all in vain. He died a week after the accident without regaining consciousness.

    To say I was devastated was putting it mildly. It was like my life ended, as if the light in my life had been switched off and there was nothing but darkness everywhere…

    A father’s request

    It’s been three years since my darling husband died. I have still not recovered fully from the shock of losing my husband at such a young age. Things have not been easy for me all alone with three young children to bring up. Financially, I have no worries as Ena left the bulk of his considerable wealth to me and the children. Perhaps, having a premonition of his death, he had written a will some months before the accident. His family had not contested it thankfully and had not harassed me in any way concerning their brother’s estate.

    I miss my husband daily and though there are pressures from some quarters for me to remarry, I have no interest in being with another man. Just last week, my father had come visiting and had brought up the issue of my marrying again.

    “You are still young. You should marry again so you can have someone to help you take care of these children,” he had stated in his usual blunt manner. He had even proposed to matchmake me with a son of his friend who had just relocated from the United States. But I had not been interested.

    Besides the lack of interest, there is also the oath I took with Ena all those years ago before our marriage. When I made the vow to him, I never in my wildest dream think this would happen, that I would be a widow at 31. Ena had told me that it’s a vow that cannot be broken or there would be consequences.

    I don’t know much about the spiritual significance of taking oaths so I would appreciate if readers who know about these things can enlighten me. I don’t know what will happen in the future, whether I will meet a man and fall in love again. Will it be possible for me to marry again despite the oath I took with Ena? And if I do, will any misfortune happen to me as some people I discussed the matter with have suggested? Please help!

    •Concluded

    •Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

    •Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

     

  • Which authority takes complaint from a wife who is battered by her husband?

    How does one handle a bully husband? Which authority takes complaint from a victim wife? A man so battered his wife this morning I felt like inviting the police. – 08024061242.

     

    Hello! Everyday all over the world, wives are being beaten and battered to death by the same men who are supposed to protect them. Physical abuse is something no woman should put up with. I wonder why the wife is this case has not cried out. It appears the couple who just spoke about lives in your environment. We have all these community meetings not only to ensure that we have adequate security and keep the environment clean. We have them so that we can look after each other and generally being our brothers’ keeper. God forbid, if this man beats his wife to death, the whole community will then have no choice than call the police and arrange a burial for her. At that point, it would be too late.

    If you have a chairman in that community (mine is a close consisting of just about 20 houses yet we have a chairman who ensures the different families are doing fine), arrange to let him and other people (men and women who do not beat their partners) speak with this man. He should be made to know that if he tries to physically abuse her again, it will become a big police issue.

    If on the other hands, the wife is the one who moves the man to the level of uncontrollable anger, older women should have a word with her about how to keep her caustic tongue in check. Weak African men resort to their strength over women when angry while their ‘oyinbo’ brothers fire bullets. Real men are those who silently deal with women who give them problems.

    If you think your community can’t handle this couple, then, you may suggest to the women to seek for help from a of the many women

  • My manhood is so small; my wife doesn’t like making love to me

    Good afternoon. I am 34 years but I can hardly satisfy my wife in bed because I don’t last up to 3 minutes when making love to her and after the first round it takes up to 5 hours to come on again. Also, my penis is small and this is making my wife not wanting to make love with me. I am afraid I am losing her. I need what will enhance my penis and performance without side effect. Thank you for good work and help save my family. Abu, Calabar.

    Dear Abu, pleasuring a woman, especially your wife shouldn’t be such a big deal with or without a big penis. A lot of women make the mistake of thinking that the size really matters when all you need is to know the right position for sex in order to be able to make contact with a woman’s clitoris during sex. While men can easily find pleasure during oral sexual intercourse, several minutes of penetration or even just hard and fast thrusting, the woman has two major areas by which she can experience mind-blowing orgasm and gain sexual satisfaction-the clitoris and the G-spot. Knowing how to gently stroke it during cunnilingus will do the trick to making a woman climax. So the next time she makes you feel inadequate because your male organ is small, prove to her that you know the tips and tricks to giving her an explosive orgasm within a matter of minutes by finding a way to stimulate her clits.

    If however the real issues are quick ejaculation or weak erections, then you can talk to me about the drugs you will need. Cheers!

  • Seven secrets to make your relationship last

    Every long-term relationship has its bumps, and they can pop up at any time. Learn to navigate them smoothly — before they send your relationship into a ditch.

    No matter how long you’ve been together, there are some simple, fundamental rules of the road. Putting them into practice isn’t always easy, but it is critical. Make your relationship stronger, and the good stuff — fun, sex, trust, affection — will be better than ever.

    1. Be Vocal About Things You Like: Boredom, frustration and everyday irritations can douse the spark between you and your partner — and more of the same certainly won’t feed the flame. Making the good stuff your top priority will. Here’s how to do it:

    First, consider that it takes up to 20 positive statements to outweigh the harm done by one negative one. So compliment your girlfriend on her new shoes, or your boyfriend on his new blue shirt. Thank him for helping around the house. Dial her office for a quick “thinking of you” check-in. Be sure these compliments and thank-yous are heartfelt and specific, and make eye contact when you smile.

    Once you take this approach, you’ll realize that, in addition to knowing how to push your partner’s hot buttons, you know how to push his or her joy buttons too (and we don’t just mean sex). After all, that’s how this whole thing started. It won’t be long before you appreciate that it’s always the right time for small acts of love, like sharing a long kiss before you turn in each night.

    2. Touch Each Other: Human touch aids the release of feel-good endorphins, for giver and receiver. So hold hands when you’re walking, and brush her cheek when you smooch good morning. Revive the ways you touched in the early days — a kiss on the back of the ear, a hand through her hair. Adding more of this kind of touch will help you build a fortress of love. That’s important, because a couple who form a tight unit can weather any storm (and are better able to stave off infidelity).

    How do you build this bond? First, support your partner. Take his or her side whenever possible if trouble arises in the “outside world.”

    Keep their secrets to yourself, even when everyone at work spills theirs. Except in a true emergency, don’t let anything interrupt “us” time. That’s what voice mail and bedroom-door locks are for.

    Make a commitment to spend up to 30 minutes a day chatting with each other about everyday plans, goals and, yes, dreams. This is time to build a friendship. Studies show that being friends pays off over

    time, ensuring a closer, sexier union. And don’t forget to make time for intimacy, even if you must log it in your day planner.

    3. Stop Blaming Your Partner For Everything That’s Wrong: It’s tempting to blame your partner when you feel angry, disappointed, bored, betrayed or stressed out about your relationship. The next step is seeing your mate as the one who must change for the relationship to improve.

    That’s a cop-out. Trying to improve your partner puts him or her on the defensive and casts you in a negative light. The result? Nobody changes. Nobody takes responsibility. Everyone is unhappy. And making your partner the bad guy means ignoring the 90 percent of him or her that’s good.

    The true fix: Change yourself. When you address your own flaws and seek the best in your companion, magic happens. Optimism increases.

    Your partner feels better because he or she feels appreciated, not chastised. And you both feel motivated to change in ways that lead to even more joy.

    4. Improve Your Relationship by Relaxing: The classic advice experts give to singles seeking a perfect match: Be “the one” to attract “the one.” Same goes in a long-term relationship. The happier you feel, the happier your relationship will be, and the easier it will be to manage conflicts. If 15 minutes of morning yoga, a switch to decaf, or a new hobby help you relax, the good feelings can’t help but lead to happier, richer moments together.

    Meanwhile, admit it: You used to fuss over your hair and obsess over the sexiest item to wear to bed. Now, it’s stained sweats and a ratty old T-shirt. Time to spruce up your look. Comb that mane, brush those

    teeth and throw on a new robe. Feeling good about the way you look makes your eyes sparkle. You’re more likely to make eye contact. That sends a spark to your partner. You know what to do next!

    5. Fight Fair: Conflict is a normal, even healthy, part of any relationship. What’s important is how you handle it. In a Florida study of longtime couples, joint problem-solving ability was cited as a key factor for 70 percent of satisfied pairs. With the right tools and attitude, conflict becomes a gateway to deeper intimacy — the chance to be seen and loved for who you truly are, to accept your mate’s adorable, vulnerable real self, and to build a strong union without silently seething.

    First, steer clear of criticism, confrontation and hostility. They’re like gas on a fire. University of California researchers who followed 79 couples for more than a decade found that early divorcers fought long and loud and were always on the attack — or the defensive. Happy couples, on the other hand, avoid verbalizing critical thoughts, keep discussions from escalating, and don’t use absolutes like “never” and “always.”

    If a fight does start, try to change the subject, inject gentle humour, empathize or show your partner extra appreciation. Too late? Call a truce, walk away and cool off for a while.

    6. Pick the Right Time to Argue: Don’t start potentially tough talks if you’re not well rested and well fed. Hunger and fatigue can unleash nasty remarks and dark thoughts. Ban booze for the same reason. Save it for when you’ve achieved detente. That’s worth a toast. Don’t ever try to deal with serious marital issues if you’ve got one eye on something else. Turn off the TV, the phone, the laptop. If you’re distracted or going out the door, pick another time to talk. You can’t resolve conflicts on the fly.

    7. Learn to Listen: The single most powerful step you can take to keep a relationship solid? Speak less and listen more. Blame, insults, criticism and bullying predict a bad end, or at least a living hell.

    When talk turns combative, don’t interrupt, offer a solution or defend yourself too soon.

    When feelings are at issue, they need to be heard. So nod, rephrase or provide a soft “um-hum” to show you honour the emotions behind the words. Sometimes, all we really need to do to feel closer to someone is pay closer attention to what it is that they’re saying.

     

    Courtesy: Sarì Harrar and Rita DeMaria

     

  • The vow (1)

    Looking back now, I realize it was not a very smart thing to do. Perhaps, my young age then (I was just 23) had something to do with it. And of course, the love I had for my then fiancé, Ena. He meant the world to me and I was ready to do anything for him.

    I met Ena in 2005, at a very difficult time in his life. And mine as well because I was going through a lot of challenges then. I had finished secondary school and though I had the ambition of furthering my education, there was simply no money to do that. You see, I come from a very large family.

    My late mother had eleven of us (though we lost one) and taking care of all these children was not easy. My father did not have any regular job and did a little business here and there to make ends meet. Before she died, my mother used to do some petty trading in second hand clothing and other stuff. All their efforts did not bring in much and food and other necessities of life were scarce. Feeding all these mouths was a big struggle for my parents.

    I was the third born and first daughter in the family. My elder brothers left home as soon as they finished school to ‘hustle’ and it was left to me to look after my younger siblings. Things got worse after my mother’s death as there was very little money to take care of the family. So, as soon as I finished school, I started looking for a job. With the help of a church member, I got a position as a cashier at a supermarket in town. The pay was not much and after deducting the money I spent on transport commuting to and from work, there was not much left.

    But it was better than staying at home idle or running around with different men for money as some of my friends did. Anyway, it was while working at the store that I met Ena. He had come shopping one day with a little girl of about six. There was a particular item he wanted to buy which we did not have in stock. I promised to help place an order for it with our suppliers. He was very grateful and before leaving, he dropped his card with me.

    “I will call you as soon as we have it in stock,” I said as he left.

    Some days later, we had the item he wanted and he returned to pick it up one evening on his way from the office.

    “Thanks so much. I have searched all over town for this but I could not get it to buy,” he stated happily as he paid for the product.

    Later that week, he called me and we got chatting. With time, we became friends. At that time, he had been separated from his wife for about two years and he was raising his two daughters alone with the help of his mother and sister. He had a son too, but he had died a few days after his third birthday. As we got closer, he told me about what happened with his former wife and the reason he had become so wary of women.

    “She was dating other men behind my back. I caught her in the act so it wasn’t just gossip,” he stated one day about three months after our first meeting. By then, we had started going out, though he made it clear from the onset that he could never settle down with any woman again.

    “You are the first lady I have become close to since the incident as I find it difficult to trust women again. What my wife did to me really hurt me,” Ena explained. It was not just the emotional pain alone, he said. There was the cultural aspect too. You see, Ena is from a royal family in his community in Delta State. According to their tradition, any woman married into the family must never have affairs outside her home as it could lead to severe consequences for the family and community as a whole. Call it superstition or not but he believes it’s the wife’s infidelity that caused the death of his only son. His mother and other family members thought the same too.

     

    Fresh start

    You might wonder why I decided to get involved with a man who had serious issues with trust and had sworn never to marry again. The fact was that the more I got to know Ena, the more I liked him. He was a very loving and caring man and I wondered why any woman would be unfaithful to such a man and treat him so badly.

    Anyway, with time, Ena grew to love me and I felt the same way too. Despite his love for me, I always felt he was holding back from fully accepting me into his life. Things would have continued that way if it were not for Cherie, his first daughter.

    The girl had returned from school one day crying that one of her schoolmates, whom she had an argument with had called her a ‘motherless child’.

    “Daddy, please bring my Mummy back home. I want a Mummy like my friends!” she had cried that day.

    Perhaps, it was due to this incident, which made him see the need for a mother for the children or the fact that his hard stance against remarriage had softened, for he proposed to me shortly after. This was a year after we started dating. By this time, I had become close to his children as well as other family members. His mother seemed to like me; her only complaint about me was that I did not come from their hometown.

    She had a reason for that.

    Ena’s former wife, she pointed out was not from their community and did not know ‘our traditions. That’s why she misbehaved and brought shame on herself and not my son,’ she said with a hiss.

    I accepted Ena’s proposal and he got to meet my father and siblings. My father, probably because he had one less child to worry about or a new son to help with family responsibilities, welcomed my fiancé eagerly into our home. He became even happier when Ena began giving him money regularly for the upkeep of the family. He also promised my father that he would ensure that I went to a higher institution after our marriage.

    “Mercy, my daughter, we are very lucky to have someone like Ena come into this family. So, I want you to be a good wife to him when you marry. Also, take his children as your own and don’t be wicked to them,” my father advised me one day as we began making preparations for my marriage.

    Two weeks before the traditional marriage ceremony, Ena called me into his room one evening. The children were in their room watching TV and I had just finished preparing dinner.

    In the room, he brought out a large Bible from a drawer by the bedside, which he gave to me. I gazed at him curiously, wondering what he was doing with the book when he wasn’t going to church that evening.

    Then looking at me solemnly he stated:

    “This is something we need to do before our marriage. I want to be sure in my mind that there will not be a repeat of what happened with my ex-wife.”

    “What is it? What do you want to do?” I asked a bit anxiously.

    “It’s not something tasking. All I want is for you to make a vow that you will stay faithful to me forever. You have to promise me that you will never allow any , man except me to touch you as long as you live. Can you do that, Mercy?”

    “Is that all?”I said and without thinking much about it, I agreed to do as he wished.

    I placed my hand on the Bible and vowed to be a faithful and loving wife.

    “I promise that I will never look at another man for the rest of my days. It is you alone I will have in my heart, body and soul,” I stated firmly.

    After that, Ena gave me a kiss which sealed the vow between us…

     

     

    To be continued

     

    Will Mercy be able to keep to the vow of fidelity she made to Ena? Join us next Saturday to find out!

     

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

     

    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

  • The torn veil (3)

    Dennis was busy entertaining some friends of his who had come visiting when I arrived his house that Sunday evening. We were supposed to go out on an outing but I was not in the mood. So, after his guests left, I took him by the hand and led him to his bedroom.

    He looked up at me askiance as I stood, gazing down at him.

    “What’s the matter, Meg? You look so serious! Did anything happen?”

    “That’s what I want to know. What’s with you and my Mum?” I queried.

    “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, looking at me quizzically.

    “I want to know what you’ve done to her that she seems to dislike you so much! That she doesn’t want you around me! What is it?” I demanded.

    He shrugged.

    “I don’t have a clue. Perhaps you should ask her…” he stated.

    “Please don’t give me that! I know there’s something going on and I want the truth!” I was determined to get to the root of the matter no matter what it took.

    Dennis was silent for a while, then he said quietly:

    “I think it will be better if you ask your mother. She will explain things to you better.”

    “Explain what?” I asked, my curiosity piqued.

    But no matter how much I pressed him, he refused to speak more on the matter.

     

    The revelation

    Back home, I confronted my mother as soon as I stepped in through the front door. We had the house to ourselves as my father was at a meeting and Harry was at the home of a friend who lived on our street.

    Initially, she was reluctant to speak but on seeing the determined look in my eyes, she later opened up.

    What she told me shocked me to the core of my being.

    “It happened over ten years ago,” she began softly. “It was that time your dad travelled abroad for a course his company sent him for. Remember?” she stated.

    I did. I had just finished secondary school and was preparing to go to the university.

    I nodded, impatient for her to continue.

    “When your dad left, I missed him terribly. I felt so lonely without him. To add to my loneliness, you were away on campus and your brothers, Joe and Paul were in boarding school. Harry was not born then. I’m not trying to make excuses for my behaviour but just to give you an idea of what made me do it.”

    She paused briefly then continued:

    “I met Dennis one evening on my way from work. My car had a flat tyre. I was standing by the car confused and wondering what to do as I didn’t know how to change a tyre when this young man came up to me. He helped with the tyre and out of gratitude, I gave him a ride home. His office back then was close to where I used to work before my resignation. So, after work, I would wait for him to close and I would drop him at home. That was how we became friends. And before long, it developed into something else and we became lovers.”

    I just stood gaping at her as the words sank into my mind. Was this real or a dream? Was this really my mother, a woman I loved and respected more than any other person on earth confessing to an affair? With my fiance? Was she really telling me she had cheated on her husband, my dad while he was away? But she was still speaking…

    “I know, Meg that this must come to you as a shock. I don’t know what came over me that made me do it. It was temptation and I guess I was too weak to resist. You are now a woman and you can understand these things,” she stated. She added that she ended things with Dennis when my Dad returned to Nigeria.

    She then said that because of the affair with Dennis, I could not continue with the relationship with him and should call off the wedding.

    I gazed at her as she spoke, my mouth turned up in what must look like disgust to her. It was bad enough her cheating on my dad with my fiancé. Now she was even justifying her bad actions!

    “Mum, how could you do that to dad? Don’t you have any conscience? Don’t you know it’s a big offense in our culture for a married woman to have an affair outside her matrimonial home? How could you?” I raved at her, getting increasingly worked up.

    The thought of my mother with my beloved fiancé, the man I loved so much and wanted to marry was nearly driving me crazy. After I had screamed and ranted at her, I stormed up to my room and began packing. I couldn’t bear the thought of continuing to live under the same roof with such a woman who could betray her husband so cheaply. To the outside world, my Mum presented this veneer of respectability of a married woman. She covered herself with a moral veil, as if she could do no wrong. This was a woman who was always advising me about men, not to be loose and to respect myself. See what she had done!

    The veil was torn now, revealing her true face!

    I called my friend Pat to come and pick me up. As I was throwing my clothes and other stuff into my suitcase, my Mum came into my room. She looked surprised to see what I was doing.

    “What are you doing?” she queried.

    “What does it look like?” I countered angrily.

    “Don’t tell me you are moving out of the house! It’s late. Where will you go by this time of the night?” she stated.

    I didn’t care where I went as long as she was not there.

    As I dragged my large suitcase downstairs and made for the front door, my mother kept begging me not to go, that I should stay so we could sort out things.

    “Please don’t go, my daughter! What will your father say when he hears you have packed out of the house?” she said, holding onto my hand.

    I shook her hand off. That was her problem not mine. She caused the whole mess and she should clean it up.

    A few days later, Dennis came to see me at my friend’s place where I was staying temporarily. I was still angry at what they had done but after he spoke to me, I calmed down a bit.

    “I was young and stupid then. It was all so long ago. Please honey, don’t let what happened in the past between your Mum and I spoil our relationship. I love you,” he pleaded.

    That was the problem. I love Dennis so much that the thought of breaking up with him is making me ill. How could I go on without him? If I listened to my mother, that was what would happen. But why should I sacrifice my happiness because of what my mother did in the past?

    I love Dennis too much to give him up. Based on that, I have decided to ignore my Mum’s words and continue with my relationship with him.

    My problem now is my Dad. He is still unaware of the reason I moved out of our home. He has been calling, wanting to know what caused the quarrel between my Mum and I. There are times I feel like opening up to him and telling him what my Mum did to him. But when I think about the devastating effects it could have on their marriage and our family life, I keep quiet.

    I don’t know what to do. Should I tell my Dad or let what happened in the past remain in the past? And did I take the right decision by staying with Dennis despite his affair with my Mum in the past? Please I will appreciate if readers can advise me. Thanks.

    •Concluded

     

    •Names have been changed to protect the identities of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

    •Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

  • Virgo man and libra woman compatibility

    ‘Virgo and Libra in a relationship, share a love of balance and harmony, which can be a major point of attraction between these two. Virgo is certainly a thinker, but Libra is more given to sharing flights of fancy while Virgo’s ideas are more conservative and practical. However, both are willing to make adjustments in order to keep up the relationship.

    A Virgo man is detail-oriented, analytical, and enjoys hard work that requires a lot of attention. He is such an obsessive perfectionist himself that he expects the same high degree of perfection out of those around him, which can be stifling at times. Basically he is a true lover with sincere feeling and strong love flames to burn throughout life. He has deep involvement in his love life and strong interest in his maiden.

    A Libra woman is a very charming and wins most people over with her flattery. She is very talented with her words. She can tell anyone off and at the same time smile in their face. She can also make anyone into believing anything she wants them to believe. She is able to see both sides of a situation giving each and every one the fairness they deserve. Libra female’s social talents are paired with a sharp, logical mind. But at times she can be unpredictable and frivolous, which can land her in complicated situations from time to time.

    Libra woman is one of the few who can tolerate the pessimistic views of a Virgo man, while still obtaining her optimistic views. She has the ability to bring the Virgo male around to her ways of thinking. It may take a while for him to see the downsides of this woman because she is hiding them with the flattery of her words.

    A Virgo man is not at all romantic types but he is definitely a very devoted person who values his family and dear ones. He is very careful to express his judgment. Surprisingly, he finds that his Libra woman understands his judgment of others. She often even shares in the same opinions. She needs to be aware that restricting Virgo man’s freedom can cause him to become disgruntled. This can scare him because this is rarely done by others. They both have periods of irritability and stretches of tranquility and they both are good at escaping such uncomfortable situations.

    With increasing awareness, understanding and tenderness in the relationship, both the Libra woman and the Virgo man make up a relationship which is true at all levels of their life. They can laugh and cry, they can sink and dry and they can always make things go great for each other. The lovely Libra lady beautifully and tenderly convinces her Virgo man to choose to live a life that is happier and worry free and he gifts her with a life that has so much of devotion to be experienced with sprinkle of perfection in almost all matters of life. With careful thoughts and concerning deeds they make their togetherness a cherishing experience that lasts for years and make them a happier couple.

    The airy Libra woman and earthy Virgo man has a beautiful sexual relationship with no rush towards intimacy at first meet. They find themselves being very relaxed with one another. There is a subtle peacefulness to the lovemaking of a Virgo man and Libra woman. They may lack passion but are quite happy with one another in the bed with gentle comfort and tender fulfillment. They both enjoy the excitement that a subtle quietness of the bedroom can bring. There are different levels in their physical demonstration of love and they enjoy each level with its own special dimension of joy and love. A union between the Virgo man and Libra woman can be quite calming. He is often a victim of the worries of the world. She with her slick words and charm is able to pull him away from his worries and showers him with love while he makes her feel secure and cared in his arms. Their physical consummation intensifies with time and brings them closer altogether with much more to share and have a happier relationship ahead.

    Though there are many ups and downs in the relationship of Virgo man and Libra woman; but most of them surface when, he starts being unreasonable to her. She wants to hold her Virgo man but that scares him and he turns cold towards her affection. Moreover, his criticism is one thing that she cannot tolerate for a long time. Her persuasion and his criticism together increase the bitterness of their relationship and makes it worse to carry on with each other. Though they know how to escape such situations but there is no permanent solution to their problems. To make the relationship smoother, he needs to hold his tongue and thoughts while responding to his Libra woman and she needs to give him more space so that he can fulfill his desire of being a loner and then come back to her when he is satisfied with his freedom’.

    I guess that describes us a little, my Biodun. You’re my best friend and my confidant. You’re my counselor and my help in times of hardship at work. As I type this, the white cake (chosen for your purity) is ready to be cut. The wine bottle is waiting to be popped and as I watch you eating the jollof rice and turkey with all the ‘orisiris’, I can’t wait but thank God for the gift that you are. Happy Birthday darling. May God keep you safe and strong and happy, amen. Lots of love.

    Lest I forget, congratulations once again for the elevation that came your way last week. Don;’t you think it was given in preparation for your birthday? More grease to your elbow.

  • How to experience a working relationship

    Every human craves a working and extraordinary relationship; a phenomenon many desire. Many may, however, question the possibilities of experiencing an extraordinary relationship in a depraved world such as ours. I beg to differ – It is possible! No matter how rotten our society is, extraordinary relationships exist.

    Good things, they say, don’t come easily. To experience extraordinary relationships that could result in a marriage require sacrifices but how many of us are ready to do what it takes to achieve the feat?

    If you desire a working relationship or marriage, there are certain habits you need to inculcate. One of such is speaking favorably of your significance to your partner, especially when they are not there. You should endeavor to desist from uttering negativism about your partner such that if they get to hear of it, it could have adverse effect in your relationship.

    Another habit that should come handy is that everyone in your personal circle should know you are in a relationship and hear more positive than negatives about your relationship, it’s very important you make people aware of your status and also.

    No other couple could say it better than Mr. and Mrs Ogundipe. The couple has been together for over 40 years. They spoke extensively on the subject matter. The under listed are their do’s and don’ts to having a successful relationship:

    1. Be patient with your partner: It’s easy to become snappish or disagreeable when we’re tired or frustrated. Remember, this is someone we love. Therefore, love should always be evident in each communication. Love intensely, passionately and frequently! If all the world needs is love, it’s absolutely the most key ingredient in our relationships. In everything we do, the plan should be to have no regrets. Can you imagine how powerful a relationship could be if we loved like there was no tomorrow?

    2.Ultimately, all we really must do is treat our partner the way we desire to be treated people are pretty much the same we all have feelings that can get hurt, dreams we want supported, and the need to experience an honest and healthy love relationship. Once we have that understanding, we are well on our way to achieving an extraordinary relationship.

    Things we must avoid in a relationship according to the Ogundipes:

    1. Channel your talking energy rightly, not to gossiping but to keeping your partner company.

    2. Do not engage in unnecessary fights and arguments because no one loves a troublesome partner but every man hates women who fight anyhow. So try to control it.

    3. Selfless men hate women who are selfish, who work but plan for their income alone. The abhor women who never share their ideas with their husbands. If you’re a married lady and you do such, soon you’ll be single again.

    4. Foreign children: This goes especially to single ladies! Control yourself before marriage there’s no single husband who will look after kids who belong to other men.

    The Ogundipes also gave the list of things that can improve a relationship:

    1 . Good communication: Always ensure that once in a day, you communicate with your partner, e.g ask how their day is? What they’re doing etc so as not to disconnect

    2. Realistic expectations: Don’t be too demanding for partner, be contented and accept him or her the way they are. A lot of people have mental blueprint of how their partner should be like and end up wreaking the relationship trying to configure your partner to your mental image

    3. Insecurity and trust: Your relationship should be based on a foundation of honesty and trust, because it is the backbone of every relationship. You should be confident of yourself and partner and trust them always even when they lie

    4. Jealousy: You should not be envious of your partner, some relationships fall apart as a result of people not being able to handle their partner’s success. You should always wish your partner better things and carry them along in whatever you do

    5. Always rebrand and improve yourself: At all times make sure that you improve yourself everyday to improve yourself worth and value to improve the quality of your relationship it can be attributed to property ,it can depreciate and appreciate just like property.

    It is my utmost belief that the rules listed above could go a long way to making our relationship work especially as they come from a couple who has been together for several decades. Let’s make our marriage and relationship a blissful one and stay positive that we all can all be EXTAORDINARY in our relationship

     

     

  • The tycoon’s son (6)

    Lexie made his plans quietly and carefully to ensure the success of the ‘deal’. To him, there was no room for failure. It was a ‘do or die’ affair as he knew the implication of not succeeding. With the assistance of a banker friend, he was able to secure an offshore account where the money totally about four hundred million naira would be paid into. His travel documents were ready. All that was left was for his father to go abroad for his annual vacation and medical check up before making his move.

    There was only one hitch in the carefully laid out plans. His father wanted Selina to accompany him on the trip stating that he would miss her too much if they were separated.

    “That’s impossible. There’s no way you can go with him. It will spoil our plans,” Lexie protested when she informed him about his father’s request some days later.

    Selina nodded.

    “I know. But what can I do? He has already made all the travel arrangements. If I refuse to go with him, he might think I want to stay back in Nigeria because of another man. You know how jealous your dad can be,” she pointed out.

    “Don’t worry about it. I will think of something,” he said.

    Two days before Chief and Selina were to travel, he sat in his private sitting room and study going through some files. He wanted to put his business affairs in order before leaving. That way, he would not have to worry too much about work while he was away. The few weeks vacation he took yearly was the only time he had for himself, when he could get away from the hassles of running his large business empire which kept growing by the day.

    He removed his reading glasses, yawned and flexed his arms to loosen his shoulder muscles which felt stiff. Just then, Selina came into the room. She wore a short blue night-gown with a matching blue wrap wrapped round her shoulders to ward off the chill night air.

    “Ah! Chief! You are still working! Do you know what time it is? It’s nearly midnight! Leave the rest for tomorrow and come to bed!” she said. She went to the table, and closing the file he had been reading, took his arm.

    He stood up, then hugged and kissed her lightly on the lips. Then cupping her face in his hands said:

    “You are so caring. That’s one of the things I like about you…you are always concerned about me.”

    “I have to Chief. Your wellbeing is important to me. You work so hard. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Remember what the doctor said, that you need to reduce your workload, take things easy a bit because of your health…” she said.

    “I know, my dear. That’s why I want you with me on my vacation. I know you will help me unwind,” he said. Then noticing her outfit, he added: “You are looking very sweet tonight, Selly baby. Are you planning to keep me awake all night?” he asked teasingly.

    “No o! You need rest. I will sleep in my room tonight,” she stated.

    “Says who? We are going to my room. Come,” and holding her by the shoulder, they walked out of the study…

    The following morning, they were having breakfast when Selina’s mobile phone rang. Picking it up, she listened to the voice at the other end before exclaiming:

    “What? Papa? In the hospital? What happened?”

    Chief stopped eating when he saw the worried expression on her face.

    “What’s wrong, dear?” he enquired when the call ended.

    “That was my younger brother Osas. He said my father collapsed early this morning and is in a coma. He’s in the hospital right now,” she stated in a worried tone.

    “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope he will be alright,” Chief stated. He reached across the table and took her hand in his.

    “I pray so. He has been having these health problems lately…something to do with his heart,” Selina said. Then getting up announced:

    “Chief, I may have to go home and see how he’s doing. And also give my mother moral support. I know she will be so worried.”

    “Ok, dear. I will call David to book a flight for you and make other arrangements,” Chief said, getting up from his seat.

    About two hours later, Selina was ready to go to the airport to catch her flight to Benin where her parents lived.

    “Call me as soon as you arrive,” Chief told her. They were outside at the large courtyard of his home. They stood watching as one of his drivers who was taking her to the airport placed her small traveling bag in the boot of the sleek, black SUV that she used whenever she was in his house.

    “I will do that, Chief. Thanks for your concern,” Selina stated. She hugged him close and gave him a peck on the cheek before entering the car.

    She waved as they drove towards the gate of the large compound. As soon as they were on the main road outside the gates, Selina brought her cell phone from her bag and quickly sent a text message to Lexie.

    After the driver had dropped her at the departure lounge of the airport and left, Selina stood at the entrance and scanned the throng of travelers in the hall. She spied Lexie standing in a long queue of people waiting to buy tickets at the counter of a popular airline.

    He smiled when he saw her.

    “The plan worked. I told you not to worry,” he said as they made their way outside.

    “You are right. Chief believed the story and he even made all the arrangements for me to travel. He just wasted his money booking a flight I won’t take,” she stated with a wry grin.

    The truth was that there was nothing wrong with Selina’s father. He was neither sick nor in the hospital. It was Lexie who had called her during breakfast pretending to be her brother. It was all a ruse, a lie planned by Lexie so that Selina would not be able to travel with his father for his vacation.

    In the cab they took into town from the airport, they finalized their arrangements for the next few days which were crucial to their ‘project’.

    “You have to lie low until my dad leaves town. You are supposed to be in Benin so you must not be seen around town,” he told her.

    He had booked accommodation for her in a very secluded hotel where she would stay for a few days. Lexie left after dropping her off, promising to call her later in the day.

    Airport showdown

    “I’m sorry Chief. I was really looking forward to being with you on your vacation. But with the way things are…” Selina said. She had just told Chief on the phone about her father’s ‘condition’ which she said was critical. “Though he has regained consciousness, the doctor said, they need to observe him for sometime as his situation is still critical,” she added.

    Chief was sympathetic, telling her to ensure he was in a good hospital where he could get the best medical care.

    “Don’t worry about money. I will take care of all medical expenses,” he told her.

    It was later agreed that he would still proceed on his trip as planned while she could travel to join him later.

    “I promise to join you once my father’s condition stabilizes a bit,” she said before hanging up.

    “Alright dear. Love you,” said Chief.

    “Love you, too,” Selina responded.

    ‘Travel to join who? I will be far far away in a place where you can’t reach me in some days time. Yeye man!’ she stated with a smile after the call with her rich lover ended.

    The following day, Chief travelled out and Selina was able to move about freely. She went to her apartment and packed all her belongings. She got a safe place where she moved them to, leaving the few bags she would be traveling with out of the country with Lexie once their scheme had been concluded.

    Some days later, early in the morning, Lexie and Selina went to the bank and paid in one of the forged cheques from his father worth about N200m. He had earlier opened an account specially for that in one of the new generation banks.

    From there, they moved to another branch and paid in the second cheque. While Selina worried incessantly while they waited for the cheques to clear, Lexie was calm. He trusted the man who had forged the cheques, though he still prayed silently that all would go well.

    His prayers were answered for a few days later, the two cheques were cleared.

    “Wow! We did it! We are rich!” Lexie exclaimed. They were in her hotel room where she planned staying till they jetted out of the country in a few days.

    “Yes! The plan worked. Congrats for such a brilliant plan,” Selina enthused.

    She brought out some chilled bottles of wine and they sat toasting and drinking till very late, celebrating their success and making plans for their bright and happy future abroad…

    Lexie transferred the bulk of the money into his offshore account, while he paid the rest into another account. As he left the bank with the teller, he felt a sense of satisfaction, that he had at least done something worthwhile for his community, a place that had suffered so much through the greed of people like his own father and uncaring public officials and others.

    The itinerary for their trip included a stop-over in Dubai as Selina wanted to do some shopping. “I want a completely new wardrobe. A total make-over,” she had told Lexie. From there, they would leave for the Carribbean for a holiday before finally settling in Canada.

    Lexie looked forward to his new life with some excitement. The only downside was that he would be separated from his mother whom he loved so much.

    ‘Anyway, she can always come over for visits,’ he reassured himself. She was unaware of what he had done to his father as he knew she would not approve of such a dubious scheme.

    He had only told her he was traveling to London to see an old school mate who had invited him over.

    The day of their trip came and Selina and Lexie were at the airport on time for their flight. After checking in their luggage and going through passports control, they sat chatting while waiting for their flight. Later, Lexie went to the rest room, leaving Selina by herself.

    She was checking her phone when some one tapped her on her shoulder.

    Two men she had never seen before stood, looking grimly down at her.

    “Are you Miss Selina Daniels?” one of the men asked gruffly.

    “Who wants to know?” she retorted, looking at her watch. It was nearly time for their flight to be called.

    He reached into his breast pocket and brought out a card.

    “We are from the Police Headquarters. We have a warrant of arrest for you. You are under arrest for forgery, conspiracy, obtaining under false pretenses and other offenses…” the first man stated while his colleague brought out a pair of handcuffs.

    “What do you think you are doing? You must be mistaken! I’m not…” Selina began to protest while fellow passengers in the lounge looked on curiously. Just then, Lexie, unaware of the unfolding drama came out of the toilet. Seeing the police with his cohort, he tactfully withdrew and made his escape. As Selina was being led by the police into a waiting vehicle, he quickly left the airport and taking a cab disappeared into the city.

    Epilogue

    Chief cut short his holiday and returned to Nigeria a week after Selina’s arrest. Lexie, meanwhile had disappeared completely, leaving no trace behind. Chief was not bothered about his errant son. He would deal with him later whenever he showed up as he surely would one day. It was the conniving ‘snake’ as he now referred to Selina that he reserved all his wrath for.

    “After all I did for her, she could treat me this way. Gang up with my own son to dupe me!” he ranted when he heard about the scam. To think he was even planning on making her his wife! It was due to the vigilance of one of his accountants who had noticed the huge withdrawals from his personal accounts in his absence that had exposed the fraud. The security cameras at the bank had revealed the identities of the fraudsters.

    “Make sure she’s not released from that cell until I say so,” he told the police officer in charge of her case. The man nodded, thinking of the large envelope stuffed with Naira notes that Chief’s man had given him earlier. He would lock her up for life if that was what Chief wanted. Though that would be such a waste as she was such a beauty…

    Meanwhile, the people of Igen were in a joyous mood. An unknown benefactor had just donated over a hundred million naira to the community towards some developmental projects. Igen sorely needed the money as things were no longer the same after the discovery of oil in their land. None of the promises of the oil company to execute projects that would benefit the community were fulfilled. Worse still, their land was being despoiled by oil exploitation activities. Even their own son, Chief Agbah was rumored to be conniving with the oil company to defraud the community of royalties due to them. But the people were helpless, too weak to fight the oil giant and their other oppressors.

    They saw the donation as a godsend to ease their many years of suffering…

    •Concluded

    •What should Chief do to Selina and his fraudulent son, Lexie?

    •Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only) or psaduwa@yahoo.com

    •Names have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals in the story.

  • She would have spent the night with the guy if he was a woman like her?

    Madam Adeola, good afternoon. Please Madam, what does it mean for girl that someone likes to say she would have spent a night with the guy if he was a woman like her. Thanks, Fb.

    FB, she meant exactly what she said. You’re not a woman like her so she won’t spend the night with you. Oh, you think she must have been using style to invite you? If she wanted to spend the night, she wouldn’t even wait for an invitation. So, she knows what she means. Don’t go pestering the poor girl to come and sleep with you.