Biologically, mothers have been given the super privilege to bear children and usher in the next generation. Because they nurture the developing child in their own bodies, they almost always feel a compelling drive to protect the new, entirely dependent life they’ve given birth to. These many hours of care each day make mothers most often the person closest to their children and the person with greatest influence. Experiences with mom powerfully shape a child’s perspective, attitudes, and sense of self. Now what happens when in a world as hostile as this, a mother cannot be relied upon for emotional, physical and mental support?
Dear Aunty Temilolu,
Kudos to you. Your write-ups have changed so many things in my life most especially my mindset but now I am facing a problem. A month ago, I was raped by my mum’s closest friend’s son. He has threatened me in so many ways not to tell. I am scared. I am just 16 and in S.S.3. I’m even scared of telling my mum and causing a family feud. I am depressed and confused with life. Please help me.
Anonymous
Dear Mum,
I am 20 and was recently raped by my brother’s friend. I have always wanted to remain a virgin till my wedding night. Now that I’ve been forcefully deflowered, I’m so incredibly hurt and ashamed. Can I still be a virgin again? Please help, I don’t know who else to confide in but you.
Dear Aunty Temilolu,
I am a 17-year-old girl. A few months ago, I was raped by a guy who walks freely on the street while my heart breaks anytime I see him. The guy who raped me lives down our street and we exchanged pleasantries whenever we see. He invited me for a birthday party in his house and I obliged him. When I got there, he told me he wanted to show me something in his room. Believe me, in my stupidity or do I say naivety, I followed him not suspecting any foul play since his friends were in the living room. He left me on the bedroom and told me he wanted to get me something, I later discovered he went back to the living room to send his friends away. When he returned to the bedroom, he pushed me on the bed. I tried to escape but he held me tight and even when I screamed no one came to my help. Then, after forcing his way inside me, he began apologising, saying he didn’t know I was still a virgin. I cried a lot knowing that my pride was gone and I was scared of getting pregnant. He assured me that he would accept the pregnancy. Eventually, I took in and he bought a small drug and gave it to me to drink. After drinking it, I bled for a week before he finally told me that it was an abortion drug he gave me. I don’t know if God would forgive me for unconsciously killing an innocent soul and if my future partner would ever forgive me. I’m so ashamed to tell anyone this, not even my mum because she could call me a whore which I am not.
Dear Nigerians,
I thought mothers always knew when something went wrong with a child? I grew up hearing “orisa bi iya kosi” (there’s no god like a mother) which honours the bond between a mother and a child and that special support which guides us through life. I also hear “iya l’alabaro omo” meaning a mother is a child’s confidant. So, what’s the problem here? A non-chalant attitude, lack of real presence in a child’s life due to work and social activities or just lack of empathy?
My darling sisters,
In the first instance, I just wish you had some pieces of evidence so we can nail these guys. As for the 16-year-old who was raped by her mum’s closest friend’s son, she must tell her mum without delay! Those threats are empty. You cannot die in trauma. You are too young for this.
On the other hand, you are encouraged to remain chaste not to please man but to follow God’s principles and live a good, unpolluted life. Stop moaning or groaning about what any man has done to you. God sees your heart, He knows your thoughts, He knew even before you were raped and deflowered. Little do you know that if you stay glued to Him and remain chaste, there’s a super-duper compensation waiting for you around the corner. He has the final say. He has the power to restore you, to make you greater than you would have been in your former state. This is the time for you to cry out to Him and make heavy demands for a beautiful life that would make you forget your pain. Stop bowing your spirit low, stop hanging your head low….
“This is but a light thing in the eyes of the lord…” 2 Kings 3:18
To be continued.
