The Nation Newspaper

Tag: love

  • Never love this

    Only last weekend I watched a movie about a young lady who went the extra mile to wangle, (not just win) the love of a guy she loved, even though she was warned that he did not love her in return. Apparently, the guy was only interested in her money. In spite of advice to the contrary, she manipulated the situation to her advantage, and got her wish, but with tragic consequences, I digress. Back to my story, what on earth makes a woman choose to be with a man she knows does not love her? I like what the female author of the Dating Rules for Women said, “Wise women love only men who love them.” Why? When a man loves you, he will treat you with respect and kindness and will always have your interests at heart, without love, anything can happen. In all the instances I have seen of men who treat their women like dirt, more often than not, the union was not founded on love (especially on his side).

    What many ladies fail to realize is that the average man is a hunter, and appreciates whatever he struggles to get, even if he got it with great difficulty. Even though most men might not admit it, just as the average guy believes that a woman who gives in too easily is cheap, even worse is the situation of women who choose to love men who do not reciprocate their affections. Such a woman is at a disadvantage, why? Love gives a woman her man’s heart, and guarantees that he will treat her with kindness and care, without it anything can happen.

    In most cultures and religions the world over, women are required to submit to their husbands while men are required to love their wives. Anything else is a reversal of nature and a recipe for disaster. Taking the argument further, any married woman will tell you that it is easier to submit to a loving husband than an unfeeling, or cold husband, if not a tyrannical one. These words are however only valuable to single ladies out there. For the married ones, what can I advise? Patience.

    I have taken the time to ask people of both sexes why a woman would choose to love someone they know does not love them and received quite a number of responses; from the misguided to the unbelievable, but the truth is, how possible is it for a woman to live with a man who is from a different background and all without love?  I will end with another quote by the author of the Dating Rules for Women, when you are with a man who loves you he will treasure you and will always (in his mind) pursue you. The woman who decides to love a man who does not reciprocate her affections will always have to pursue him, which is not a very palatable experience for any woman.

  • Christian group urges love, tolerance, unity

    A Christian interdenominational group, the Christian Conscience, has appealed to Muslim faithful to abide by the lessons of love, tolerance and unity, learnt during Ramadan.

    A statement by its National Chairman Chief Enoch Ajiboso and Publicity Secretary Tunji Oguntuase, admonished Muslims to preach peace and unity to faithful so that religious organisations and other ethnic groups would maintain and sustain the peaceful co-existence enjoyed in the country.

    The statement reads: “Nigeria is destined to be great and we must make it great. We urge that the lessons learnt during Ramadan be adhered to and allow the will of God to prevail on our country.

    “A country will prosper and progress where there is peace and love. The Buhari-Osinbajo led Federal Government deserve our support now more than ever in this trying period to correct mistakes of the past. When we co-exist in peace, love and unity, it is then the will of God will be done.”

  • LOVE…The most excellent way (4)

    LOVE is the most excellent way to live – To love God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind also to love your neighbour as yourself. To excel in everything- LOVE. When you live the life of love then you please God completely.

    Today we will be talking about LOVE FOR NEIGHBOUR. Who is your neighbor?  Your neighbour is simply your fellow human being.

    Love for God and love for neighbour can not truly be separated because your love for God makes it possible for you to love your neighbor. If you say you love God you will obey His command that says: love your neighbour as yourself.  God is love, only when you know love can you practice love. The love people confess/profess to each other without knowing God and having an ongoing relationship with Him is not love that is why it fails- true love never fails as God never fails every other thing will fail but not God/love.

    The person that knows God is the one who can truly love, for God will help him to love. The first step to knowing God is when you accept and believe in His Son Jesus Christ whom He sent to reconcile us to Himself.

    God prepared me before making me write this message; He helped me get rid of the hatred I didn’t know was in my heart for someone. Do you know you can hate somebody’s lifestyle so much that hatred for that person gradually sets in?

    To you this person is not that ‘important’, in that you can comfortably do without him/her so you totally ignore him though with hatred for him in your heart- this is unacceptable to God. Know that hatred is a sin and it hinders our relationship with God and our blessings, so this person is actually very important to you- you’ve got to make peace. God wants us to get rid of all forms of hatred in our hearts.  No matter how bad a person’s lifestyle, we are not permitted to hate his person, in fact we are to show more love to him. This can be very difficult but if God says so, then it is possible as you trust Him to help you.

    You are not to accept and follow in the wrong ways of the person but never hate him.

    God made me know that hatred makes one live in total darkness which of course can lead one to hell, this is the worst that can happen to anyone. Like I said I didn’t know I was harbouring hatred in my heart for this person. Yes, I don’t like his way of life, all the negative attributes, deceits are all glaring for me to see. Unknowing to me the root of hatred had started growing in me for this person such that I couldn’t see anything good done by him. No one is completely bad without any positive attribute- it’s impossible, we have to deliberately focus on these positive attributes no matter how small they may be- this will help our hearts.  God in His mercies brought this person to mind and made me know I hated him and the dangers of hatred- being covered with darkness.  Darkness!  I was so scared when He showed me the extent of darkness I was in because of the hatred I didn’t realize was in me. I asked God what to do to reach out to this person in love and my loving and merciful Father told me what to do. He made me go show love to this person by giving him gift, I am also to pray for him always especially in his area of weakness – what a loving father we have who is so responsible for our lives- he sanctifies us and makes us ready to be with Him forever. Pray for anyone not living right, don’t condemn the person, the prayers will bring about a change we want to see in him. You are so privileged to know and live in the truth so be merciful to others who aren’t where you are today.

    The Bible says “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know no murderer has eternal life abiding in Him.”

    God wants us to love without conditions, even when that person is not meeting up with our expectations. This kind of unconditional love God showed us in that while we were yet sinners He sent His only begotten Son to die for our sins, setting us free from the bondage and slavery of sin and eternal death in hell- God wants us to do likewise, to love unconditionally. Give love the same way God has so loved you, show love to all especially the unloving, when you do this it shows that you are a child of God.

    Your love for God is expressed or seen in your dealings with others.

    This help is coming to you today because God loves you and wants you to enjoy His blessings fully. Heed His word today- show love unconditionally. Search your heart; if there be hatred already growing for someone…get rid of it fast.

    Let love, peace and forgiveness reign in our hearts and in NIGERIA!

    TEXT: Matthew 22:37-40, 1John 3:14-15, 1John 4: 7:11, 5:1-5, Romans 5:8, John3:16.

    FROM: Faith Nwachukwu.

  • LOVE…THE MOST EXCELLENT WAY (3)

    LOVE…THE MOST EXCELLENT WAY (3)

    We are in dangerous times; a perilous time indeed where lawlessness abounds and the love of many are growing cold. In perilous times men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. All these we have in our society today and even worse things are happening.

    So many people are compromising their faith in Jesus in a bid to meet their wants and needs and by so doing their love for God is cold. God sees and knows our works. The warning came to the seven churches in the book of revelation about who they were. I want to use these 7 churches to represent different kinds of people, families, fellowships, ministries, churches and nations. See where you belong on this table and begin to pray to God for repentance, restoration and faithfulness…

     

    Commendation Criticism Instruction Promise
    Ephesus Rejects evil, works, preserves, patience, Love for Christ no longer fervent- You’ve left your first love. Remember from where you’ve fallen; repent and do the first works.  

    The tree of life
    Smyrna Persecuted but gracefully bears suffering.  

     

    None

    		 Do not fear what you will suffer. You will be tested and have tribulation. Be faithful unto death  

    The crown of life
    Pergamos Keeps the faith of Christ even in the face of martyrdom Compromise- tolerates immorality, idolatry and heresies.  

    Repent

    		 Hidden manna and a stone with a new name
    Thyatira Love, service, faith, patience are greater than at first. Corruption- Tolerates cult of idolatry and immorality-allow Jezebel (false prophetess) to teach and seduce servants of God to commit sexual immorality & idolatry. Will suffer great tribulation, unless you repent. Power to rule over nations and will receive the morning star.
    Sardis Some have kept the faith You have a name that you are alive but you are dead. Repent; strengthen what remains. The faithful honoured and clothed in white.
    Philadelphia Have little strength but faithful. Have kept the word of Christ and honors His name.  

     

    None

    		 Keep the faith- hold fast what you have that no one may take your crown. Will keep you from the hour of trial coming upon the whole world. A pillar in God’s temple, a new name.
    Laodiceans None Lukewarm: neither hot nor cold-Indifferent Be zealous and repent, or be vomited out of God’s mouth. Share Christ’s throne.

     

    Where you do you belong? I desire to have the commendation of Smyrna and Philadelphia who are blameless before God.

    God loves us so much that He has given us examples to learn from. Be sincere to yourself and before God, check your life against these churches and take the necessary instructions.

    To repent and make Jesus your Lord and saviour – Pray and ask Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins, tell Him to give you a new life and be your Lord and saviour.

    For those who loved God but their love is now lukewarm or cold- Pray to God for restoration, because He loves you and desires for you not to perish but to be restored back to Him that is the reason you are reading this message today- he whom God loves He rebukes and chastens. Forsake your ways and return to your first love today, tomorrow might be too late- We have no more time!

     

    Text: Revelation chapter 2 – 3, 2Timothy 3.

  • Where are all the good men?

    Where are all the good men?

    Men, men, men!!! We can’t live with them, we can’t live without them. Picture this, boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, girl does small shakara but eventually agrees. Just when girl starts to fall in love, boy dumps her and moves on to the next target. It’s a classic scenario.  You could have met a guy that likes you, but once you start showing even a hint of affection, he gets scared and runs away.

    He might start missing your call and never call back; he might get so busy you never spend time together anymore. He might even give you a sob story; he just realized he’s not ready for a relationship. It’s him not you (yeah right)! And then it hits you. You’ve been stringed along again.

    Why are guys like that though?  I admit there are still some good guys left, but my question is; where have all the good guys gone? And by “good” guy, I mean a confident and trustworthy man. He respects and adores his woman. He loves her in spite of her flaws and  is sincere and God fearing. In short, a good man treats his woman like a Queen because he wants to be her King.

    Forget about fairy tale stories of Prince charming on a white horse. I think most women will prefer a regular guy that doesn’t play games with her or toy with her feelings. A regular good guy. I have to say that it is very frustrating being a single girl in Lagos. I wonder if it’s as tough in other states. You’re constantly bombarded with images and stories of supposedly happy couples and you wonder when you’ll have your own happy ending. It’s tough because sometimes you think you’ve finally met “The One” but then he goes out of his way to prove to you that he’s not for you. How hard can it be to show care and give attention?

    Also, it seems loyalty and monogamy is alien to men nowadays. Having side chics or piece or whatever they call it has become some sort of norm. In fact, even wives and girlfriends have accepted their fates and they console themselves by saying: it’s just sex, he loves me, not her, and he comes back home to me and things like that. I could scream!!!!

    But I refuse. I refuse to accept that fidelity is a thing of the past. I refuse to believe that cheating should be expected in a relationship. I refuse to share my man with another woman and I refuse to lower my standards. But my question still remains.

    If there are still good men out there, then where have they gone? Are they like the beautiful ones and they’ve not been born? If that is the case, finding a soulmate in this lifetime is not certain. Are they all married or in serious about-to- wed relationships? I didn’t receive the memo that advertised good men searching for suitable wives. Are they in another country entirely? I am seriously considering migrating. Lol

    Where have all the good men gone? My very own JAMB question!!!

  • LOVE…The Most Excellent Way 2

    Now we know that love is a person and without knowing who love is we can not truly practice love- Love is God and God is love. Jesus made us to know that the greatest of the commandments is LOVE- love for God and love for our neighbours.  Today, we will be talking about LOVE FOR GOD. The first commandment says “You shall love the LORD your God with ALL your heart, with ALL your soul, with ALL your mind, and with ALL your strength. To love God this way is to be totally obedient to Him. Ones love for God shows first in the acceptance and believe in His Son whom He sent to redeem us to Himself. God first showed us love by sending His Son Jesus to die for our sins and reconcile us to Himself- God has given us eternal Life and this Life is in His Son. He who has the Son has Life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have Life. Anyone who believes in Jesus have eternal Life, the one who doesn’t  believe is calling God a liar, because he doesn’t believe what God has said about His Son. Therefore, such is disobedient to God; hence he/she doesn’t love God. Your love for God shows in your obedience to God’s word. In order to have the right to be called a child of God, we must first accept and believe in God’s Son-Jesus. When this is in place then a relationship starts, Jesus begins to take us to loving God with our ALL as mentioned above- it’s a process, that no one can achieve in personal strength – God has given us Jesus to show us the WAY to Him-to loving Him, there is no other way. Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE; no one comes to the father (God) except through Him, as no one can truly love God except through Jesus.

     

    Whenever I think of a life without Jesus Christ, I find myself full of fear for such life which makes me start praying for the person to encounter Christ the way I did- the relationship gives inexpressible JOY, PEACE, HOPE, SATISFACTION. The fact remains that a life without Christ is full of struggles and emptiness- if that is you, please open your heart to Jesus and be saved so you can have the power to truly love God.

     

    If you love God you will put Him first in your life.  You will trust Him completely with your life and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.  You will choose to do His will at all times no matter how difficult it may seem. You will honour Him more than any man. Jesus told His disciples “he who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. And he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he who does not take up his cross and follow Me( cleave steadfastly to Me, conforming wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also) is not worthy of me. He who finds his life will lose it and he who loses his life for my sake will find it”.

     

    Most people are quick to declare love for God but when in certain situations of test for the love they so claim, they fail woefully. Note that your love for God will definitely be tested and this test is usually in the area of obedience to do what He says you should do; obedience to the point of death. Tell me, if you have given your life fully to follow God even unto death what else will matter, the world around can’t convince you otherwise.

     

    The test came for Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to show if they truly love God. Then in Babylon, the king Nebuchadnezzar set up a golden image and made a proclamation that at the sound of some musical instruments that everyone should bow down and worship his image and anyone refusing to bow will immediately be thrown into a flaming furnace. When these instruments sounded, everyone fell to the ground and worshipped the statue (including those who claim to love God). But Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to bow and worship the image. Then Nebuchadnezzar in rage and fury gave the command to bring these men and said to them “… if you fall down and worship the statue, all will be well. But if you refuse, you will be thrown into a flaming furnace. And what god can deliver you out of my hands then? Shedrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”  Then, Nebuchadnezzar was full of fury and commanded that the furnace be heated seven times more than it was usually heated. And also commanded some of his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and cast them into the burning fiery furnace.  Because the king’s command was urgent and the furnace exceedingly hot, the flame of the fire killed those men who threw them into the fire. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace. Then king Nebuchadnezzar was astonished; and he arose in haste and spoke, saying to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the midst of the fire?” they answered and said “True, O king.”  “Look he said, “I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.”Then Nebuchadnezzar went near the mouth of the burning fiery furnace and spoke, saying, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out, and come here.” Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came from the midst of the fire.  And the satraps, administrators, governors, and the king’s counselors gathered together, and they saw these men on whose bodies the fire had no power; the hair of their head was not singed nor were their garments affected, and the smell of fire was not on them.

    Nebuchadnezzar spoke, saying, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who sent His Angel and delivered His servants who trusted in Him, and they have frustrated the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they should not serve nor worship any god except their own God! Therefore I make a decree that any people, nation, or language which speaks anything amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego shall be cut in pieces, and their houses shall be made an ash heap; because there is no other God who can deliver like this.” Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the province of Babylon.

    Do you serve and worship the only true God, man made god, money, or material acquisition? Your love and my love for God is tested everyday in our offices, businesses, and in our interpersonal relationships. If we trust Jesus to help us, we will be steadfast, faithful, courageous and strong like these three men, then and only then will the world see our God in us and then declare our God as sovereign like the king did- this is how to enthrone Jesus in Nigeria- by loving Him and showing it in every area of your life and living in righteousness.

    SONG/PRAYER:  

    1.  More love to Thee, O Christ,
      More love to Thee!

    Hear Thou the prayer I make
    On bended knee;
    This is my earnest plea:

    More love, O Christ, to Thee,
    More love to Thee.

    1. Once earthly joy I craved,

    Sought peace and rest;
    Now Thee alone I seek,

    Give what is best;

    This all my prayer shall be:
    More love, O Christ to Thee,
    More love to Thee.
    Text: 1John 5, John3:16, 1Corinthians13:13, Matthew22:37-40, Daniel 3.

     

  • Love potion 111

    THIS week we will conclude last week’s discourse, “How to keep a man in love with you.” There is a tribe in southern Nigeria where girls are trained to take care of a man. When a Nigerian woman hears that her man is dating a woman from there, she believes that he is as good as gone. The truth? For them, the art of keeping a man is a science and an art. Girls from there are schooled from an early age to take care of their looks, cook good food, keep the home well, take special care of a man; both in and out of bed, but more importantly is that they are taught to give their men any and everything they want. Which man in his right senses can resist such a woman? So how do you make a man love you so much that people will think you hold a magic wand of sorts? Read on:

    1. Let him know that you will do any and everything he asks. For some reason I can’t fathom men love to be in charge in their relationships. By this I mean that a man wants to call the shots (or at least feel that he does) how? A man wants to be with a woman who does what he wants, and when he feels that way he is likely to listen to the woman, and acquiesce to her demands. When his woman does not do what he wants, he believes that she does not respect him. Could that be the reason that many modern women find it hard to find and keep a man? Even if a man can stomach a female boss, he doesn’t want one in his house. I like the way a veteran musician described his late wife to me. He said, “She allowed me to be the Commander-in -Chief of our home, and never gave me any trouble.” And they had a long and happy marriage that lasted over five decades before she passed on.
    2. Grow with him. Marriage is meant to be a long term relationship, and like most things will change because all humans change and grow. So a wise woman will take the time to grow with her husband. Don’t be like the woman who married her husband when he was the struggling assistant manager of a hotel, but had the dream of owning the best, and most luxurious hotel chain in the world. He achieved his dream, unfortunately she was not comfortable with his success, and the marriage ended. If your spouse is ambitious, make the effort to grow with him. Go to school and equip yourself if need be, but don’t remain a school certificate holder when your hubby is amassing masses of degrees and certifications.
    3. Stand up when he comes into the room, or at least acknowledge his entrance. ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’ is an aphorism that holds true in most marriages. Never become so familiar with your man that you treat him casually, not to mention contempt. One of the biggest ways to make your man feel loved is to acknowledge his presence in a big way whenever he walks into a room, stand up or at least welcome him back with a big smile. A lady I know opens the gate as she sees her hubby off to work every morning, and rushes out with glee when he returns home. In spite of her weaknesses, he adores her, and some wonder what exactly she has given him (as Nigerians put it).
    4. Protect his interests, not bad mouthing him to friends and family. A good wife is protective of her man’s interests and reputation; she never bad mouths him or harps on his weaknesses in public. Why? A man’s ego is a delicate thing and more than anything else demands the adoration, or at least respect of his woman. Speaking good of him at all times makes him feel safe with you.
    5. Pray for him. No matter the faith you follow, praying for your man is a given, so why add it here? This is most likely because not all women realize that men need the prayers of their significant others. Facing challenges in your relationship or with your man? Pray for him. Connection to a higher power always works for the best especially when things are hazy, or tough, or he seems to be recalcitrant. You see no man wants to be seen to be controlled by his wife, so don’t try pushing him, try praying for him instead.

  • LOVE…The Most Excellent Way 1

    The four letter word LOVE, though the most excellent way to live and needed most in our lives, yet the most lacking in our lives and society. So widely talked about but also the most abused. Where there is love, there is peace and of course progress, where there is no love the opposite is the case. Many claim to love and know love but their actions are contrary to what love is.

    What then is LOVE?

    Let’s start by looking at the characteristics of love:

    • Love is very patient
    • Love is kind
    • Love is never jealous or envious
    • Love is never boastful or proud
    • Love is never rude
    • Love is never selfish
    • Love is not provoked, irritable or touchy
    • Love thinks no evil
    • Love does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong
    • Love does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth
    • Love bears all things
    • Love believes all things. It will cause you to believe in someone without giving up on him/her.
    • Love endures all things
    • Love never fails. There is no end to love.

    If you say you know and practice love, then can you score yourself from the above characteristics of love? Love is active not passive. Surely I need help here and I believe you too. Jesus made us to know that the greatest of the commandments is LOVE- love for God and love for our neighbours.

    If the above is the character of love, I want us to know that love is a person and without knowing the person of love, no one can ever truly practice love. Who then is love? This person is GOD. He is love Himself, without Him there is no love and without knowing Him one can not truly love, you will only keep struggling, living in deceit until frustration sets in. When you know God then helps you to truly love. The scripture says “beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love”. God demonstrated His love towards us by sending His only begotten SON into this sinful world to set us free from sin and reconcile us to Himself, this He did while we were yet sinners. Not that we loved God but He loved us in spite of our sins and sent His Son to die and free us from sin so we can enjoy a good relationship with Him and be able to love. God sent Jesus to come in human form to show us what it means to love; Jesus laid down His own life for us to be free. He showed love all through His stay on earth and He still loves us being seated at the right hand of God praying for you and me. He was always busy while on earth doing good, He didn’t have a home of His own, He worked tirelessly showing love; healing the sick and setting free the captives of the mighty. While in great pain on the cross He prayed for those who crucified Him, not bad prayer that they should die but that God forgives their sins. Even in death Jesus was forgiving and set free the thief being crucified alongside Him on the cross-oh! What manner of love…! He had the power to call down fire to destroy those who crucified Him, He could have even commanded the ground to swallow them up but all these He didn’t do, rather He chose to submit to God’s will to deliver mankind from sin. In place of the word love in the characteristic listed above put Christ. This same character God wants you and me to emulate.

     

    When you believe in Jesus, He gives you His Spirit- the Holy Spirit who begins to help you to love like Him. If the Holy Spirit controls our lives then can we truly love, for the fruit of the Holy Spirit can be summarized to mean LOVE. We need love in our lives and to show love in our interpersonal relationships; in our families and in our nation Nigeria. If you will choose love (God) and believe in His Son Jesus whom He gave as an access to Him, then He will help us to love.  Without Jesus you can do nothing. Love is who a Christian should be, to love unconditionally as demonstrated by Jesus irrespective of our differences- religion, tribe, language, culture, tradition, social status and all. Jesus died for all. Nigeria needs love. You are Nigeria, I am Nigeria and we need to know and show love. Do not resist love for resisting love is resisting God.

    SONG: Let there be love shared among us

    Let there be love shared among us
    Let there be love in our eyes
    May now Your love sweep this nation.
    Cause us oh Lord to arise
    Give us a fresh understanding
    Of brotherly love that is real,
    Let there be love shared among us,
    Let there be love.

    TEXT: 1Corinthians 13, 1 John 4: 7-16, John 3:16, Luke 23: 13-49

  • My love affair with shoes- ADESOLA OMOTAYO-BENSON

    My love affair with shoes- ADESOLA OMOTAYO-BENSON

    Adesola Omotayo-Benson is from the popular Benson family of Ikorodu, Lagos State. The graduate of the Federal College of Chemical and Leather Technology, Zaria and University College of Footwear in Britain, followed his passion as a child and today he is living his dreams. He speaks with ADETUTU AUDU on why he is in love with shoes. 

    At a young age, Adesola Omotayo-Benson is gifted with his hands, and this led him to go and understudy a shoe cobbler near his home. His passion for shoe-making was ignited 30 years ago when he was barely 13 years old. Three decades later, he is living his dream, having studied footwear at the University College of Footwear, Britain in 2000 after graduating from the Federal College of Chemical and Leather Technology, Zaria in 1993.To further hone his skills, he went to AS Astoria, Milan, Italy  in 2014.   Benson after his training had worked in the UK before he moved back to the country and established his factory, SB Exclusive Shoes Company, in 2011 at Ikorodu.

    According to him, he was in Junior Secondary School two (JSS 2) when he stumbled into shoe-making and has not looked back since then. ‘Honestly, it wasn’t my initial ambition, dream or plan to go into shoe-making. My mother was working with the then former military Governor of Lagos State, the late Air Commodore Gbolahan Mudasiru. I went with my mum to visit the governor that fateful afternoon and I joined the children in their playroom. After a few minutes, the governor’s wife came to remind the children not to forget to pick up their shoes at the shoe maker’s place. She asked me if I wanted a pair, and I said ‘yes.’

    “So, I followed them and saw how the guy was making shoes and I got interested. I got that pair of sandals and when it got spoilt, I went back there and got another one. Of course, my passion was ignited and I looked for a shoe maker very close to my house. Every afternoon, I spent four hours learning shoe-making. And I was going there throughout my secondary school days. My mum didn’t know that I made shoes. But when I got to class five she caught me with a pair of shoes. Since then I have been doing shoes,” he revealed.

    Born to a father who is a lawyer, how was it easy for him to convince them to support him? “I never had issues with my parents. Both of them supported me when they discovered my passion. In fact, I make my father’s shoes till today,” he disclosed.

    So, what has been his experience since establishing the company in Nigeria? “Well, in Nigeria it is not a vocation that has been tapped into; because I studied it, and if you count four people in Nigeria who studied footwear, I will probably be one of them. You know people have been doing it the way they liked. But I see more prospects in it as time progresses,” he noted.

    Benson added that he has been producing shoes in Nigeria for 10 years before travelling out to further his studies. “I already knew the problems in Nigeria. For more than 15 years, I would come to Nigeria once in awhile to get familiarised with how the business works here. Eventually, I got tired of Ireland’s system and decided to return home, because I found out that most Nigerian youths are not empowered, and footwear is the only business that we don’t have the correct expatriates in Nigeria. I thought it was better to relocate my business to Nigeria.”

    Due to his passion for shoe-designing and youth empowerment, the graduate of University College of Footwear, Britain, is set to empower about 100 youths in Ikorodu as part of his company’s corporate social responsibility. “I am fortunate to be educated, apart from what I do, because most of the guys in the footwear industry are not educated. So, I want to empower 100 shoe makers in Ikorodu. I mean people who are not opportune to go to the university or don’t have the financial means to go and learn in the university like I did. I want Ikorodu to be like a city in Italy renowned for shoe-making. You know if you come to Italy now a part makes men’s shoes, another makes women’s shoes, children’s shoes and even furniture. Just tell them what you want and they will tell you where to go to. I want Ikorodu to be a Mecca for shoes in Nigeria so that other states in Nigeria can emulate Lagos State.”

    When would he say was his major breakthrough? “I had made shoes for the APC national leader, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu. But the breakthrough, I will say, came after I made a pair of shoes for the Ooni of Ife, His Imperial Majesty, Oba Adeyeye Enitan Ogunwusi. He is a man of humility and peace who believes in the unity of Nigeria. His humility humbled me. He is a young man that encourages others to grow. I don’t know him personally. I just admire him from afar and was looking for someone who knows his size. You know everybody kept telling me it was not possible, and somebody even discouraged me that he doesn’t wear made in Nigeria shoes. That put me off. I took up the courage and made a pair of half shoe for him and looked for a way to get it across with a proposal on developing a footwear industry in Ile-Ife.  I was happy when I learnt that he embraced it and he loved the shoes. Up till date, I have taken six pictures of him wearing the shoes I designed for him.”

    Despite his success story, what are his changes? “The major challenge is manpower and getting capable hands to work for me.” According to him, Nigerians are not trained enough to understand how standard shoes are made.  “For the next two and half years, I was busy training people on how shoes are being made. We have passed that now and moved to shoe-manufacturing.

    “Interestingly, the raw materials are locally sourced. We get it mainly from Mushin in Lagos.” Ironically, Benson disclosed that Nigeria is one of the greatest countries that produce leather. “We have so many of them in Kano but 90 per cent of these leathers are exported and later imported back to Nigeria as Wet Blu; it is like a processed leather. They leave it in plane white and bring it back to Nigeria. As manufacturers, we can now turn it into the colour of our choice.  For me, the 10 per cent left in the Nigerian markets is what I buy and use locally. So, I am happy about the recent gospel of made in Nigerian goods being propagated by the federal government. It is another way to empower local manufacturers and also boost the nation’s economy.”

    But we used to have Bata shoe company, now FAMAD, what does he think was responsible for the collapse?  Benson was quick to point out that Bata was functioning very well under Thomas Bata, the Canadian, but as soon as it was handed over to Nigerians, it became bad. “The management knew nothing about footwear, all they knew was how to buy shares, and they squandered the money. In this business, every worker’s opinion matters a lot, not just the board.”

    Having started the vocation at a young age, looking back would he say he is fulfilled?

    “Absolutely. You know all of us cannot work in multinationals. I have chosen this path and God has been faithful. Each time I see that people appreciate what I do, I am encouraged to do more. Two graduates walked up to me that they wanted to learn shoe-making in two years. They said they have been following my trajectory in shoe business in the last one year and made up their minds after the mandatory one-year service to toe my line.”

     

  • Johnsons: Stronger in love 30 years after

    Johnsons: Stronger in love 30 years after

    He calls her ‘baby’. It trickles her anytime she hears the pet name. She beams with suppressed smile, looks into his face with affection and in turn calls him ‘daddy’.

    This affectionate interplay was all palpable last Thursday at the New Oko Oba headquarters of Jesus Liberation Squad. It has been there from the beginning when they met in the choir of Foursquare Gospel Church Shomolu, then under the leadership of Pastor Mathew Ashimolowo in 1982.

    They married on May 17, 1986. 30 years after, Apostle Dele Johnson and his wife, Adekunbi are still waxing stronger. The bond keeps growing. The smiles have become permanent features. But the marriage is never always a bed of roses.

    Like every couple, the Johnsons have their high and low moments. They ‘fight’, argue and disagree. But no one else gets to know. “The truth is we are just like every other person. What we decided is no matter how angry we are, we will never carry it over to the next day,” Johnson started.

    “We decided even our children will never know about it. We have three grown up kids and none of them has ever caught of arguing or fighting. We decided nobody will ever settle disputes for us. We’d do it ourselves no matter how difficult,” he added.

    Those policy statements, he pointed out, have helped to overcome the challenges of bonding and dispute resolution. “We also decided we will take a walk when we are angry. We address the issues and never ourselves. We keep talking about the issues, not the persons when we have disagreements. All of these have helped us over the years,” Adekunbi stated.

    In 30 years, Johnson has learnt “marriage requires a lot of patience.” According to him: “The husband must act blind while the wife must be dumb. Both parties must be tolerant of the differences in the other partner.”

    When they are angry, the Johnsons have a ‘secret code’ that calms the other partner. “He knows what to do and say that will bring me out of anger and vice versa,” Pastor (Mrs.) Johnson explained.

    Since marriage is said to be a school, the couple have learnt so much in the last 30 years. He said he has learnt to practise what he calls “advanced forgiveness”. For Adekunbi, marriage has taught her to “trust him absolutely.”

    She added: “No matter what people are saying you must say ‘my husband cannot do that’; ‘my wife is not like that’. You must be able to defend the other person without hearing from him or her.”

    Last November, Adekunbi suffered from acute depression that left her hospitalised for three months. That period was the toughest test of the marriage. “She just started becoming aggressive towards me, feeling unworthy. But I told myself I must prove that I love her. I must demonstrate I am not only a lover but also a father.”

    Throughout the period, Johnson practically turned the hospital to his abode. He was there day and night to offer her moral support. “He stood by me in such an incredible way that made me decide I must reciprocate and honour him more,” she recalled. The condition that threatened to the tranquility of the marriage eventually turned to strengthen it.

    Adekunbi said they have sustained the affection over the years because they have remained inseparable. “We do everything together. We are always together. I can tell everything he is doing at every point.”

    Johnson, on his part, said the sustained affection is because “we don’t tear ourselves down. We talk about issues without fighting ourselves.”

    But are they into joint account? “Yes, we do,” Johnson stated. “Either of us can sign though we still have our separate accounts from where we fund the joint account for family projects, children and two grandchildren.”

    They said ministers with troubled homes need to look at the foundation of their marriages. “If they were friends before lovers, it will help more to sustain the tempo,” Adekunbi argued. But her husband said there must be healthy balance between marriage and ministry.

    “Once we get out of the church, we don’t discuss ministerial issues again. Our marriage becomes the focal point. God is interested first in a good marriage before ministry.”