The Nation Newspaper

Tag: love

  • ‘You have to love what you do and keep at it’

    ‘You have to love what you do and keep at it’

    Nike Lamai is the founder of Hadassah Healing Foundation, Co-pastor at the Maker’s Church and has been an administrator in a multinational organisation for about two decades. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about her passion for women, their challenges and more.

     

     

    WHO or what inspired you to do some of the things you are doing?

    I have a mother that is an addicted giver. She is 78 years old at the moment. So I actually grew up to know how to give. If you give her a monthly allowance, you can be sure that she is going to give it all out. I grew up in a polygamous home and my mum had two of us. I had my first degree in History and Masters in Industrial Relations. I have been an administrator in a multinational company for about 20 years now. My typical day is hectic and I feel that 24 hours a day is not enough to achieve what I want. So I prioritise because I am not a wishy washy person. Even when I am sleeping I have something by my side to note any idea that comes up. When I got married, my husband saw this in me and he encouraged me to do something in this line. Sometimes, I can be going on the street and start crying when I see situations that move me to tears. I am very emotional about women and the things they pass through on a daily basis. Apparently, God also had orchestrated it all and the first programme took place at The Sheraton Hotels and Towers in 2005 and we had about 80 people in attendance.

    What are some of the discoveries you made since you started about eight years ago?

    In the process of working with women, I discovered that a lot of them were not where they should be because of laziness and lack of exposure. A lot of them believe you must start big and then the waiting game begins. I have seen a lot of people starting from zero and getting to the top with hard work. Sustainability is also very important but a lot of people are very impatient.

    For instance, you find someone in water business today and because they feel that their business is not growing, they would just drop it and move into another area overnight. The truth of the matter is that you have to love what you do and keep at it. There is no one who does not have challenges in life. A few cases are genuine but there is no case without a challenge.

    Who are your targets and how have you been touching the lives of these women?

    Basically, we are reaching out to people with low income or no income at all. A number of them are mostly housewives and unemployed young women. In addition, we have young girls that are challenged and catering for the family. Unfortunately, these are some of the reasons why some of them are pushed into prostitution.

    We have the community outreaches where we impact knowledge, empower the less-privileged so that they can be in a position to take care of their families and have a multiplier effect on the society positively. Apart from this, we also have some people that we empower in schools and we pay attention to the welfare of some widows around us.

    At a point, God spoke to me to go to the hinterland. So I went to a community called Alausa in the Ikeja area. The place is highly populated and we gave them support and enlightenment talks. The areas covered included cervical cancer, breast cancer and diabetes. So what we focused on basically last year was health and everything was free for those who participated. Everyone who came got their results and they went back for further checks. We also gave out free clothing. The foundation works throughout the year from January to December trying to reach as many women as possible. What we do is counselling for some of our targets as well as conferences in different parts of the country. We were in Sabongida Ora in Benin in the month of March, and in June we were in Ibadan for the first time. Since then there has been a craving for more. We do a lot of conferences and the most constant is the Lagos conference. The next edition of the Lagos conference comes up in September and the theme is “New Wine”.

    We are focusing on empowerment and we would be going to four locations that include the Sogunle Community Hall, Anifowoshe in Ikeja, Ikorodu and Akute in Ifo Local Government Area of Ogun State. Personally, I believe that empowering the woman makes you empowered. We are also going to teach the selected beneficiaries how to start a small business and grow big with time. You do not have to start a business big to succeed; you can actually start small and grow bigger and better.

    Which areas are you looking at in terms of training?

    In one of the locations, we would be teaching crafts and it would shock you to know that the resource persons that we would be using are a blind man and his wife. So for me, there is no disability that can hinder someone who is focused. Here I am talking about a man with physical disability who has four children and he is making money.

    In the other locations we would be teaching these women how to make donuts, tailoring and other skills. At the end of the programme we would take six of the participants who perform very well as Hadassah 2013 ambassadors. We would support them for the duration of the course they have selected for further training, give them what they need to start off as well as monitor to ensure that they are established. This way we would be able to give back to the society as well as ensure that these people do not become a liability to the society.

    To do some of these projects, we have been funded by our partners who are women who believe in us. Instead of giving the beneficiaries seed money, what we do is to establish them with their requests and not give them money. From experience, money can be tempting and it could be diverted to other needs. Like those who want to go into tailoring we buy the machines and the other accessories needed to do their work.

    Recently, we empowered someone who was going into recharge card business and bought vouchers from the different networks, umbrella, tables and chairs which we handed over to her instead of the cash equivalent. At some point, the participants expected us to give them money but we shocked them by buying the items that we think should give them the start off.

    Some of the challenges for women these days include divorce, violence against women and poverty. How do you handle these?

    Divorce is not of God but we are not a legalistic organisation. Someone called me to take up a divorce case but I told her that this was not our focus. What we do is mediation and counselling. Interestingly, there are a number of couples who are living together in the same house but they are worse than those who are divorced. In some cases, you would find out that it is the woman who is at fault. I have a pathetic case of a couple and the husband told her not to work and she obeyed. But all of a sudden they gave a lady a ride in their neighborhood and the man started dating her.

    He started getting irritated with his wife’s presence and was complaining about her shape, hair and almost everything. The woman started getting nuts and she hacked into her husband’s mail. Here she found a lot of shocking things and when she confronted him with them he was nonchalant about her findings. It continued and at home the lady and her husband kept pinging themselves and he stopped eating her meals. It was a traumatic experience. The good thing is that they are back together and the Jezebel has pulled out. Marriage is not sweet all the time, it is about tolerance.

    What are some of the high points for the organisation?

    For me, touching and transforming lives is something that makes me happy. You look back to recall where they are coming from and how you have helped to give them a push. One of our students is now a first class Engineering student. We also have a number of families who are no longer a liability to others. Of course, we know that out of every 10, you can be sure that two or three would default but that does not deter us from doing what we are doing.

  • A lust over love

    A lust over love

    Growing up as a child can be fun and sheltered for many girls, but as the teenage years approach, some realities set in. But the realities detailed in Lust In Storms, a novel written by Ena’ Rose Igbuwe, are peculiar to quite a number of girls; however in varying degrees.

    For Lillian, the protagonist in the book, despite having good grades from secondary school, finance was a barrier to furthering her education. Finding herself with a docile mum, and an ogling step-father, Lagos offered better prospects than her dreary hometown in Edo State. It was an opportunity which she would grab but which would not be as smooth as envisaged.

    With no one to cater for her in Lagos upon arrival, Lillian found solace in a church. And the kind-hearted pastor seconded her to live with Mercy, a sister who worshipped in the church. Ensconced in Mercy’s one-room apartment in the Ebutte-Metta part of the state, Lillian began her foray in Lagos.

    Being a beautiful girl, Lillian attracted male attention. But while she resisted much, a young man, Yemi, despite Mercy’s disapproval, eventually captured her heart. And it started by Yemi’s offer of a job. But, Mercy’s advice was, ‘You are a Christian and he (Yemi) is not. In Bible language, you are light and he is darkness.” But young Lillian was already in love. And her boss seemed to reciprocate this love.

    And spending much time with Yemi reduced Lillian’s commitment to church activities, a situation which did not please Mercy or her pastor very much. But, not too long after this, news of Lillian’s mother’s ill health would destabilise her. However, Yemi came to her rescue with money for the treatment. Armed with money to treat her mother, she went home to her village where she met with an admixture welcome. While some praised her for caring for her mother, others sniggered on how she could only have been prostituting to come by such money. But apart from her mother’s illness, the disappearance of Steve, her brother, also worried her.

    However, feeling grateful for Yemi’s assistance, Lillian easily succumbed to him on her return from the village and they made love, against her better judgment. Another chapter also opened whereby she moved out of Mercy’s one-room apartment to one rented by Yemi for her. After a series of trysts, she discovered Yemi had a wife and daughter in Europe. She also discovered she was pregnant. And while a sad Lillian was morose on breaking the news to Yemi, Yemi, on the other hand was ecstatic and immediately asked to marry her. He travelled with Lillian home to begin the rites.

    But the troubles began – Yemi’s friend, Kola, wanted to harm her. And only a chance meeting with Steve, her brother, saved her. Brother and sister and husband by a stroke of fate, each suffering, were however destined to meet again, but in a hospital.

    While Igbuwe’s tale is peculiarly Nigerian, it nevertheless focuses on some of the travails which might befall the girl-child. In the course of living, the sexual innuendoes thrown at females are a reality. And for those that reject such overtures, the journey to success could be made harder. And in the course of the book, the author also played up the need for Christian virtues.

  • MERCY Akide declares: If you love the game, play it

    MERCY Akide declares: If you love the game, play it

    One of the first stars of women’s football in Africa, Mercy Akide-Udoh was a trailblazer in more ways than one. An exciting attacking player, she starred for Nigeria in three FIFA Women’s World Cups, two Olympic Football Tournaments and won three African titles with the Super Falcons.

    She was named by CAF as the first African Women’s Footballer of the Year in 2002 and was appointed an Ambassador for women’s football by FIFA in 2005. She came to the United States to play in the now defunct Women professional league in United States of America (WUSA) for its inaugural season, Merci was named MVP of the Women League in leading Hampton Roads to the title in 2003, and she remained in the USA to coach young girls since retiring

    She talked with FIFA.com recently about her passion for football and for giving back using the sport.

    Did you suffer from discrimination as a young woman playing football?

    Mercy Akide-Udoh: Not me, but the players in 1991 [at the inaugural FIFA Women’s World Cup] broke the barrier, and then me and others came in ’95. And people in my life really supported me. I had two brothers that always encouraged me to play with them and their friends on the street. I did have a couple of friends whose parents did not want them to keep playing or have anything to do with soccer because they felt it was a men’s game. And they were very good players, better than me, but because they didn’t get that support, they had to quit. The only problem I had was people would say about me ‘oh look at her, she looks like a boy, she’s not a girl’. I was fit and muscular and like a tomboy, so people would talk about me, but I didn’t care.

    Do you think the emergence of women’s football was part of a larger social change, and why do you think Nigeria was at the forefront of that in Africa?

    Number one: Nigeria is a football country. We love football, and we believe anyone who loves the game can play the game. People saw we could play, so there was encouragement. Then it became women helping women to feel good about themselves, learning that they can do anything they put their minds to. And so now you have more women in government. Before you didn’t have that. Women now are trying to not just be housewives. They might still care for their home and their children, but they realise they can do more if they want.

    And women’s football is catching up across the continent.

    All of the teams are trying to beat Nigeria, and they are all growing and focusing on the girls. That can only help the World Cup. In Africa, there are many different cultures. We have Muslims and Christians, and they all love the game. There are Muslims who cover their face and still kick the ball. That’s the love of the game. More women are putting in energy and time to make football a point for young girls to play.

    What did it mean to you to be one of the first recognised African women playing football at a high level?

    I love the game, and so whenever any game was on, I always watched them. They were men’s games, but then when the girls started to play I always dreamed and thought I could become a professional player. I’m grateful I achieved that, and then I said to myself ‘I can do more’. I am so passionate about the game and wanted to give back with the talent that I had, so that’s how I got to coaching.

    And you have been coaching in the USA since you stopped playing.

    Little kids have looked up to me as a role model, and I can teach them, not just about soccer but about all aspects of life. I’m a mom too, so I understand what a kid needs. I always knew someday I would go back home, but I felt like I had a lot to share here and there was more opportunity for me to get experience. In Nigeria, we have talent but sometimes we don’t work to develop it. I would like to help the Federation with ideas on improving the standard of the women’s league because right now it’s in a bad state.

    How else are you thinking about helping Nigerian women’s football?

    I’ll be trying to help young girls earn scholarships to US colleges. That’s how I got my big break, and the time is right for me to look to help others to achieve their dreams. Starting this summer when I go back home, I’m starting a program called Play2Learn where I will run camps for girls in high schools in Nigeria and pick those who can really play, and also have the right educational qualifications for recommendation to coaches. It will help fill a need for both sides as the schools need talented players, and the players get a chance to get an education while playing the game. Hopefully, with time, I can spread it to the rest of Africa.

    You have been mentioned as a possible future coach of the Nigerian national team as well. Is that on your radar?

    I hope some day I can coach the national team. That’s my passion. There are things we are lacking, and I want to go back and help my country with my experience i have gathered while playing and coaching. I still have that fire in me.

    There was controversy a few years ago when disparaging remarks were made about homosexuality. What did you make of that?

    For me, I don’t know what that was all about. During coaching and as an ex-player, with friends on my teams, I didn’t see that stuff or know anything about it. I don’t go into people’s business. It’s their life. I cannot tell you not to go and get married, or tell you to go with this person or not. I’m not in a place to judge or control anybody. You are there to play soccer, and that’s all.

    Did you ever suffer any other kind of discrimination?

    Not really. The only thing I had a problem with was that back home, we’re not outspoken, and if you don’t relate to your coach sometimes they feel like you’re ignorant or not paying attention. It’s hard for Africans to come to a different culture and start talking and feel like they have some control. It’s how we treat older people, we don’t come talk to you unless you come talk to us. But then I started learning that people were just different. I used to take it wrong, but not anymore because I realised that they just don’t know my culture or where I’m coming from.

    • CULLED FROM FIFA.COM

  • I want to leave him for a while, but for how long will I keep off?

    There was a write-up of yours I read about ‘ways someone can get his/her ex back.’

    One of d points is to stop calling for a while, but the time one needs to ignore him/her wasn’t specified, maybe it is weeks, months or years. What happened in my own case is that he refused to tell me it was over but his action tells me that the relationship has already ended because he doesn’t pick my number again with the excuse that he’s busy or not with his handset whenever I call with my line and I’m trying to control myself from asking him questions or telling him what to do because he says I complain and nag a lot which he caused.

    What really broke the camel’s back between us was that I added one of his Facebook friends who I’d teased him once maybe they were dating. But before this, we’ve had an issue on a female Facebook friend before then. I’d begged and even unfriended that lady. I’d said sorry more than  one billion times through text etc and I’ve even tried for us to see because we are not in the same state but he’s avoiding me. If I call with my line he will be busy (according to him), but if I use another line he will pick and respond to me very well as a casual friend. There was a day I said I’m sorry and asked that is there a second chance in his dictionary, but he said he didn’t tell me that we’ve ended the first one that so what am I talking about. Though, I don’t talk about the issue of that lady again but if I try to ask him what was my offence and that let by-gone be by-gone, he will say I didn’t offend him that he has told me several times to stop talking like that. Though he twice said I don’t know the kind of things/words I don’t suppose to use to play with somebody and I’m kind of person that like to tease people especially if we’re dating at times I can pick my phone and send a nasty text message to him just to say hi. He has refused to tell me my offence which makes the whole scenario annoying and painful to me.

    I do call and text to say hi once in a while, but since I read that write-up I want to leave him for a while, but for how long will I keep off? – KF.

    Dear KF, from the content of your mail to me, I could see that you have the penchant for saying too much at once. If you give any guy the impression that you want to say it all at once, you shouldn’t be surprised if they run away. It is obvious that this guy wants a big breathing space, so why would you be disturbing him with all those text messages and calls? When it is over in a relationship, the party making the move doesn’t want too much contact after moving on and they expect you to respect that.

    If you expect somebody to come back, give enough room for them to miss you. But when you’re always making yourself  too much available, they get angry and don’t even want to talk to you again.

    You give the impression of somebody who thinks nothing more than this guy. Common, occupy your mind with serious things. This relationship (or any at all) won’t get you anywhere in life. Face the most important things that will propel you to greater heights.  If you let this guy be today, you may look back in years to come and thank God you broke up in the first place. Stop sending his text messages and stop calling him. Just stop it!

  • Is it possible to fall in love with someone you have never met?

    Laura: Good morning ma. I have a problem with my relationship.

    Adeola Agoro II:  Go on, let’s share it.

    Laura: There is a guy whom I love so much. He is in Sweden and we have dated for six months. I havn’t seen him before but he has seen me when I was small before he travelled.

    Adeola Agoro II: Yes… I’ reading, go on.

    Laura: I got to know him through my sister and we dated for six months

    Adeola Agoro II:  What is the problem with the relationship?

    Laura:  He asked me to go to his family for them to know me, which I did. He broke up with me for no good reason. He blocked me on FB and stopped my number from calling him.

    His family loves me so much they have talked to him but he gave them a deaf ear.

    The cause of the problem is we were chatting one day when he told me that he wanted us to be chatting once a month. I asked him why and he told me that’s the way he wants it.  But he used his brother’s name to chat with me on FB.

    I told him while I was chatting with him online that he said we should chat once a month and he was using his brother’s name to chat with.

    Adeola Agoro II: You want to hear the truth?

    Laura: Yes ma

    Adeola Agoro II: It is certain he could be married and doesn’t want this online relationship to spoil what he has. Why on earth would he be hiding you or hiding to chat with you under another name if not that he is trying to protect a more serious relationship?

    Laura: That’s true.

    He told me he has a son with a white woman but they are not married and they don’t live together.

    Adeola Agoro II:  You’re a very fine girl, so I will advise you not to waste your time chasing shadows. Most of these people abroad may not have valid residence papers except they marry citizens. At this point in his life, he is most likely to be trying to face the most important thing he’s abroad for – making a living. You may mean a lot to him emotionally, but he has to use his head in order to stay aboard poverty in a foreign land.

    Laura: I’m madly in love with him ma, I don’t know what to do. There was a time he told me that he would like his parents to go and pay my dowry, I said no, that I haven’t seen him, that we should wait till he comes back.

    Adeola Agoro II:  So many of our men abroad would really love to marry our girls, but I just explained to you the difficulties some of them experience to you. His intentions may be noble, but when reality comes knocking, they must follow it. On your part, yes, it is normal to fall in love with that man who professes love. For a young girl like you, it is even sweeter that he’s abroad and you may be thinking about the opportunities before you should he invite you to join him, but you have to face the reality on ground – he has constraints that may mar his chances abroad if he gives in to passion instead of proper reasoning and financial reality.

    Laura: Ok i just have to move on with my life.

    Adeola Agoro II: I guess so. Read me in The Nation this coming Saturday and get more hints for your concern. Please read some feedback below:

    1.      Yes it’s extremely possible to love someone you have never met. My boyfriend and I met online, and we did not meet for 5 months. I was totally in love with him long before we ever met. Now we have lived together over 3 years and we are extremely happy together. The heart knows no boundaries, no state lines, and no distance. You can love across the street or across the country it doesn’t make a difference. What you need to do is tell this person how you feel about them, so that they know how you feel, and find out if they feel the same way about you.

    2.      Don’t expect it to be easy though, relationships are harder than anything you see in the movies and long distance relationships are harder still. Your Mr. Right may not even be the one in Sweden, he could be living on the other side of town right now. But yes, it does happen, and it is entirely possible that it could happen to you.

    3.      Maybe one of you doesn’t want to feed the relationship with just skype and emails for years until maybe you can move. I’d say the chances are higher if you’re living in the same country with hi long term.

    4.      After you weigh up the logistics the expense and the sheer hassle you’ll soon find the notion of romance wears off. Ok…you fantasize about meeting and falling in love with someone from another country but why does he have to be Irish? It shouldn’t matter to you where the person is from and long distance relationships are hard and frustrating (especially when neither of you can move to live together).

    5.      Men in Sweden men are no better than men living in Nigerian. A lot of those abroad are disrespectful, sleazey, fat and ugly and very broke. Honestly I wouldn’t advise you to waste your life and time on him. Trust me.

     

  • From revolution with love

    From revolution with love

    Not many Nigerians eyed with enthusiasm the rumbles in Tahrir Square in Egypt last week. Not many are glued to it even now, in spite of the earthquake significance for the Nigerian political earth. It is not a revolution for the young alone. Its rage dissolves hierarchies. About the French revolution, the poet William Wordsworth crooned that “bliss it was that dawn to be alive/ to be young was very heaven.” Wordsworth wrote bliss that did not belong to the French Revolution. Not after the guillotine of paranoia that saw head after head fly out of bodies as hysteric crowds cheered with the glee of hyenas.

    As I write, the revolution has nothing of the neatness of theory, about one order going for the anointing of the new. Revolutions are not sacraments. Often they carry the mournful halo of butcheries. Don’t forget the other ones, including the Russian and Chinese revolutions. They woke up their societies, teased them with dreams of a promised land and, through waves of blood, anger and destruction, returned them to their default pennies and penuries, to their inequities and inequalities.

    That is why this writer is wary of revolutions. The best revolutions are reforms that over long periods become revolutions. So we can talk of the American Revolution not in terms of the result of the war that ousted England, but the country that resulted over 50 years later and became the model for other nations. The non-political ones like the industrial or scientific revolutions did not appear so until late in the day.

    So while many call for revolution Egypt style, I applaud their passion for Nigeria. Speaker of the House of Representatives, Aminu Tambuwal, called for it last week. I love a revolution for Nigeria. But unlike many, I think we wax romantic about this subject. We are not close to a revolution.

    Nigerians are too happy for a revolution. We love our tribes too much for a revolution. We love God too much for a revolution. We love our suffering, as master masochists, so we prefer the pain now to paradise tomorrow. We sniff crude oil every day, and the greatest tragedy is that we love oil too much to contemplate a revolution.

    We have never in our history manifested, in any collective way, a revolutionary ferment. We have only pretended it. We have only romanticised it, like in the June 12 struggles and the charade of a labour standoff we had about a year ago. We lack the spirit of endurance and the sense of sacrifice that embroiled Egypt last week and compelled an elected officer who was president to make an apology of a broadcast after dealing a high hand in the fashion of a pharaoh.

    The point though is not that Nigeria is not ripe for a revolution. We are. The problem is that we are too ripe for a revolution. The translation is that we have passed a situation that could have driven other societies to the streets. But we escaped every chance for a revolution. I think three reasons account for this.

    One, tribe. I try not to use the stylised word ethnicism, because what assails us in Nigeria is tribal. The hate in the air that divides us is savage. It is like the loss of innocence dramatised in the Nobel Prize-winning novel, Lord of the Flies. Hatred is no longer hatred if the other group does not fall and die. I recall the old national anthem, “though tribes and tongues may differ/ in brotherhood we stand.” We sang that anthem before we killed each other in a fratricidal war. We see this now in the Niger Delta, in Plateau State, and in the blood fest of Boko Haram around the North. We see it all the time in election cycles.

    The second is religion. I am a Christian, but I see Pentecostalism and the Islamic fundamentalism as twin villains of the day. We are compelled to see Nigeria as the kingdom of God, and we place emphasis on individual redemption as against collective liberation. This contradicts Bible injunctions, but individual salvation should not counter collective bliss. We should be our brother’s keepers. But the religious leaders key into the capitalist ethos to profit from the misery of the day. The consequence is a lack of insistence on change but in finding individual escape routes. It is always “my God, or my Allah.” As Max Weber wrote, capitalism preys on individual piety. The religions as they are practised endorse the status quo.

    The third is oil. Oil reminds me of a story in Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. In the centre of a town near Paris before the city quakes under a revolution, a big vat of wine cracks on a rock. It leaks in furious temptation. Everyone scurries to have a share. Those with cups come. Those with buckets come. Ditto those with handkerchiefs. Everyone has their share of the drink. They thrill to this inebriate heaven. Mothers dance with their children. They make circles; and men, women and children rejoice in the liquid spell. But drink comes to an end, the alcohol clears and the whole society regains sobriety. Farmer goes back to farm, mother remembers where she leaves the child, seamstress defaults to her tools, etc. The party is over, and sadly they embrace the repressed reality again. That is what oil means to us. In one way or another, oil defers our engagement with our misery.

    Today we have to face it. Nigerians have not suffered enough. You would think the depredations of Boko Haram would trigger something. Nope. You would think that the stealing of treasuries everywhere would awaken us to integrity. No way. Somebody said recently that the kidnappings indicate our closeness as the poor are sending signals to the rich. But I believe the kidnappers are not thinking about ruffling the rich but want to be rich too. They don’t detest the rich and their corruption. They just want to be like them. That is not revolutionary.

    I think the thieves should steal more. The roads should decay more. The hospitals should be worse than consulting clinics but chambers of death, although they already are. The schools should churn out more illiterates and the bridges should collapse everywhere. Tribal strife should descend to deeper atavistic savagery. The Americans and Europeans should ban us from living in their countries but they won’t. They want our money. We should have a government that gambles all our oil to another country or firm in the West or China. We shall wake up one morning to see that our country is in a shipwreck and all of us are sinking together and there is no one with a God to pray to and a fat bank account to latch on to. We become dependent on our collective salvation.

    Then by our actions, we will begin a meaningful conversation about revolution. Meanwhile, we have a party in which some have wines costing a million naira and others are staggering on paraga, a local brew, or apetesi. Make your choice.

    I despair at this scenario. We are too adept at creating illusory heavens out of hell. So, let us just dream. A dream can be an end in itself. So let us just dream about it, and see Egypt on television.

  • Playing on love

    Two Plays written by Femi Onileagbon situates two plays that took place in a society where love is neither true nor false. Each story plays on love in a funny way as to lampoon a people who do not really understand the true concept of love. While in the first play entitled Killed Love, we see Marie, Ife’s fiancée killing love in a family where there was peace before her arrival. In the second play entitled The Marriage, love moves from the arena of the common man to the palace.

    Marie is a modern day woman whose love is not only to win and take over, she goes all out there to take over Ife, line, hook and sinker, bewitching him and sucking his blood in the process. As love progresses in their day-to-day activities, Marie is not content with love alone but how to hoodwink Ife to forget his people or even forget himself to be hers completely and unrestrainedly.

    Even when people around them are not convinced about this type of love, Marie is hell bent on ensuring that no one ever interferes in her love affair with Ife. In the end, Ife loses his life in the process. Then the playwright asks: “Is it true the love that kills to live? Marie says so too after Ife has given up the ghost: “Now he is completely mine”! Now no one can take him away from me. Not his family, not the women, not the supermarket, not the phone calls, not the rain, not even you can take him away now. Love is forever mine now!”

    In The Marriage, Princess Faderera falls in love after many years of being too choosey. But it is the palace jester who makes the play a pleasant one. He tells the King about the suitor and how the Princess manipulated him to submission. Yet is delights the King, Ipadeola, that his precious daughter has now chosen to settle down to start her own home. However, the way the clown or palace jester goes about the story intrigues the King to no end. The spicing gives life to the play.

    This is a total story of love where there is a conviction that a Princess has finally discovered love. Akanni, the jester surmises it like this: “In the end, there is plenty to eat and drink. Oh, by the way, you too are invited to come and chop’. This is a story of a people long engaged in wars, but again true love has conquered all that now. Princess Federera’s marriage has now ushered in moments of peace for the Kingdom.

    Onileagbon, a poet and playwright says the play is done to help encourage the rebirth of dramas in secondary and primary schools in Nigeria. “This is the highway to getting the standard of education back on track,” he says.

  • I’m a police officer, one girlfriend is a fashion designer and the other is a health worker, which is best for me?

    Hello ma, please I am confused in my relationship, the reason is that, I have been in relationship with one lady for three years; she learnt fashion designing, she’s holding O’Level result but still planning to go further in school and I have another just of recent and she’s in a health school. Advise me please: is it bad to marry somebody that learnt work or the one holding certificate because I am a police in which I can be moved at any time; which one should I choose, please?

     

    Oga Police, marriage is much more than consideration for the worth of a woman’s certificate or her readiness woman to move with you to Maiduguri or Yobe especially during this period of insurgency in Nigeria if you are transferred. Marriage should be a union which has graduated from being just mere friends, to friends who are ready to live together to give support of whatever kind throughout life.

    The one you should choose is that one who loves you unconditionally. The woman who takes her job so seriously you can actually see her growing in leaps and bounds in a few years’ time is the one for you. Check her out around other people and check her out with other people’s children. Does she have enough love to go round? See her reaction to crisis – whether domestic or work related or even how she copes when confronted with her family issues. The one who is calm, balanced and gentle in crisis and prayerful is the one.

    Love is very important and we all want to choose that man or woman who professes much love, but love is never enough. Study both women and before long, you will know the one who is right for you.

    N.B: Men shouldn’t make the mistake of looking for the women like their mothers. Some mothers are pure hell; sure you won’t want your wife to be like hell.

  • KIND invites nomination for Examplars of love and forgiveness

    The Kudirat Initiative for Democracy (KIND) has invited nomination of exemplars of love and forgiveness -from conflict actors to peace builders- from the six geopolitical zones of the country.

    The project in collaboration with Festzer Institute according to Project Administrator of KIND, Steve Aborishade is designed to identify and highlight the works of unspoken heroes of peace who have relied on the transformative power of love and forgiveness from different communities.

    “It is hoped that their examples will serve as an inspiration to other communities in ways that will transcend primordial sentiments of ethnicity and religious leanings and further promote and advance the capacity of our people to love and forgive,” Aborishade stated.

    Individuals and groups are to nominate worthy individual(s) on this website http://www.nijaexemplarsoflove-forgiveness.org/?page=welcome.

    “It is meant to replicate and localize the ever increasing transformative impact that love and forgiveness can have on conflict situations ranging between individuals, communities, and the society as a whole, in Nigeria.

    “We ask, beyond amnesty, can love and forgiveness heal our wounds? Can it place us on a new landscape of mutual coexistence based on respect and sensitivity to each other’s diversity?

    “ KIND sees this project as a chance and platform for exchange of ideas and opportunities, and, an avenue for broader practical application of the lessons that can be gleaned from the works of identified exemplars, which can be replicated and built upon while growing an enduring awareness around the concept of love and forgiving as a transformative energy among individuals, communities and the larger society,” Aborishade explained.

     

     

  • I love talking about love — Azeezat

    I love talking about love — Azeezat

    Azeezat Sadiq, known for her colourful hairstyles, has a lot going for her at the moment politically. As one of the directors of the Copyright Society of Nigeria, COSON, and another position in the Performing Musicians Association of Nigeria, PMAN, the talented singer who is trying to make a comeback to the entertainment scene, in a phone interview with DUPE AYINLA-OLASUKANMI talks on her appointments, what she has been able to achieve, her career, family and other issues.

     

    WHAT are you doing at the moment?

    I am working on a lot of things which include my career and politics. Currently, I am one of the directors of Copyright Society of Nigeria, the treasurer of the Performing Musicians Association of Nigeria, and in business I am still the publisher of Revolution magazine and some other things.

    Why this new passion for political positions?

    The truth is I didn’t choose politics; for a long time in my life, I hated it. In everything that I have done in my life, I have always taken a lead role. I am always passionate about making life better for the people around me. So when that calling came, it was still a part of me. And I discovered that there was a feeling in my heart that I needed to add to my people, like becoming a director in Copyright of Nigeria. The fact that we are delivering alone is like a miracle. Because this was something that people had thought would never happen in Nigeria. And this has been a great fulfillment for me alone as a human being. It is not about politics, but giving value to the people around me. It is the same thing with PMAN. And if you give me something to believe in and when I discovered that, the dream was for me to have a Hall of Fame for great Nigerian female singers; that was it for me.

    What have you been able to achieve with these positions within the period you got appointed?

    Well, for Copyright I got elected last year May. And before that, COSON was able to distribute 25million naira as royalties to Nigerian musicians. And then in another eight months was able to distribute another 10million. Another thing is that, around the time I got elected, a lot of people didn’t know what COSON was about or they knew it in a negative way. But right now, people know what it is all about and the positive side. For PMAN, one of the things we have been able to do is to organise events for widows. And we are also following on the case of Tiwa Banks that was stabbed by her landlord son. These are the things we have been doing and for PMAN, it just started recently. We are still trying to put our house together, with lot of structures too. But what matters to me is PMAN’s drive to clean up the image of what had gone on in the past.

    How have you been able to keep your magazine on the news stand; what is the secret?

    We have our own problem too. It was just recently that we started coming back. It is a peculiar thing. It is just that we did a lot of studying before we started. Everybody that knew when we started knew that we had our challenges too, but because it was an ideal thing and even we knew what to do, it was a calling that we had to answer. And that was why we came back, knowing it is the only hair and entertainment magazine in Nigeria.

    Why didn’t you put an end to the project since it was not making money?

    It is the fact that it is a hair magazine. And wherever I go to the salon, I discover there is still a need for it. When such a thing occurs, you don’t have a choice. I discovered that there is a need to be filled. There is a voice in the Nigerian economy, concerning that area.

    Having your husband as your manager for years, how have you been able to manage your relationship without breaking up?

    The secret behind any relationship is God first and being able to put everything in His hands. If I go on talking about it, it would look like I want to take the credit away from God. And it is not as if we don’t go through challenges, but with God and His grace upon your union you will always pull through.

    When did you discover that you had passion for love poems?

    It’s been a long time coming. I discovered that I am in love with love. And I love talking about love issues. I lean on the wisdom of God and the experiences that I have gone through and that of the people around me. I have always done that, even when I was in secondary school. All these things, to me as a human being, happened accidently. You know God has a perfect plan and knows where you are going, and will always equip you to get there. But to me, it was accidental. People always keep asking me, why do you always sing about love? Every time they ask me, I am always shocked; because it is not always a deliberate thing by me to go out there and start singing about love. I just found myself singing love songs. And another thing is that, when I was grooming myself in the 80s and early 90s, those were the songs reigning then. But it is all to the glory of God.

    Will it be right to say you can’t sing other genre of songs?

    I do. I love doing a lot of inspirational songs; songs that give hope. Actually, I used to say that my ministry is a ministry of hope. Even in my love songs too, you can see that all I do is to give people hope. If you can go through anything in life, you will pull through if you believe.

    Why have you been releasing singles?

    Truth is I have had album packages in the past that didn’t work. And these days, I think it is more of singles. I believe that my people just want to hear something new, and I believe that the way they can feel instead of waiting for a complete album all together is to continue to dish out songs for them to hear. And when they are ready, and ask me to give them an album, I will.

    Why do you choose the kind of hairstyles you have on?

    It is what I have always wanted. I started when I wanted an identity for myself. And I told myself that the first thing somebody will probably see about you when you make an appearance is your hair before checking out what you are wearing. And I wanted that for my identity. And I felt it will be easier for me to carry. And for you to always be outstanding, the hair itself will not be what will be easy for anybody else to carry. That was what informed the kind of hair I have been doing. And I also got inspired by an Onidiri (hairstylist) then, from one of her hairstyles. It is all about fantastic hair; it is all about ‘wow’ hair. And that was why it was easy for me to publish a hair and glamour magazine.

    Do you always have the hair on, or only on occasions?

    Before, I used to. But now because of other duties and the unpredictability of my movement you can always catch me with various hair styles. But it is something that has become quite worrisome to me because I felt like a brand is always a brand and you have to be caught always with it. But I guess I have to put all those ideas to one side, because I have work to do. But Azeezat is still Azeezat. That is what I want to push through now. My voice still stands.

    Can you still boast of still having your natural hair?

    The truth is people can’t predict my natural hair. My hair is very natural, for over five, six years now, I have not even had any chemical in my hair. Though it is slightly low, and because it’s natural, it is easy to have all sorts of styles.

    How do you find time for your family with your busy schedule?

    Thank God for the informal nature of my hour. I still sort out time to spend with my family. My hours are not the 9-to-5 type of job. So I still find time to spend with my husband and my children. Especially the children, I try to spend quality time with them. The truth is I work with my husband and get to spend more time together and find out how to carry the children along.

    The last time we spoke, there were no children mentioned. Why did you shield them away from the public?

    Well right now, because I have a lot of things that I am doing, and I am taking one step at a time and trying to get back into the industry to satisfy the yearnings of my fans for my songs. It is all about the music, even though I do more of politics. I am doing all I can to push myself to the forefront. Any other thing that can distract that, I don’t condone.

    Was it the competition in the industry that made you lie low for some time?

    I really don’t see competitors in the industry. If you want to first of all be shoving yourself about competitors, you will first have problem in your compound. Because there will be like there is your landlord’s daughter who might be a singer. Before you now gradually enter the industry itself. You know there are lots of talents about. And if you bother yourself about that, you will not rise. It is not a competitive thing, but bringing the best that you are about. It is just the way it is. There will be a time when you will have great songs and other times you try to do something new and they don’t feel it. And if you are so passionate about what you are doing, you will still continue and make sure you do something they will feel.

    How many kids do you have now, and how do you care for them when you have engagement?

    I have two. And with the nature of my business you must always make arrangement for care-taking.