Worried by the never-ending occurrences of marriage collapses in our contemporary times, the Ochiagha of Obodo-Ukwu in Orlu, Imo State and Eze Ndigbo of Lagos State, Dr Christian Uchechukwu Nwachukwu, has advised couples and would-be ones to show commitment towards the sanctity of marriage as enunciated by God Almighty.
Eze Nwachukwu Gabe the advice on Saturday during the traditional marriage ceremony of his daughter, Princess Chioma Nwachukwu, to her husband, Chief Walter Iheasota (Jr), a successful businessman from Atta Town in Ikeduru Local Government Area of Imo State.
The event held at 17/19 Nwachukwu Drive, off Cele Bus stop, Okota.
Eze Nwachukwu noted that “most marriage teething difficulties often stem from a combination of communication failures, financial struggles and a weakening intimacy.
Addressing these issues requires open communication, compromise and sometimes professional guidance.”
He advised couples and would-be ones to make a conscious effort to ensure that they surround themselves with the right kind of people, whom he described as positive-minded individuals who are well-wishers.
“Ensure that the friends you make and surround yourself with are positive-minded individuals who will help in nourishing your relationship with positive and inspiring ideas and good pieces of advice and who can make a reliable effort to encourage you to make amends when you go against your spouse’s sensibilities,” Eze Nwachukwu said.
Continuing, Nwachukwu said: “Married couples must understand that other relationships they keep will either positively or negatively affect marriages. If you associate with those who are not bothered about the outcomes of their marriages, you cannot have a fulfilling marital life and vice versa.”
Nwachukwu noted that if those in relationships lay emphasis on mutual respect for one another, the issue of constant collapse of fledgling marriages would be minimised.
“Respect in marriage involves treating your spouse with kindness, thoughtfulness and consideration. Try to avoid rude or disrespectful behaviours. It’s about valuing your thoughts, feelings and needs equally. Even when they differ from the others’, couples should understand that respect builds trust, compassion and empathy within the relationship,” Nwachukwu said.
Expressing joy over his marriage to his heartthrob, Chioma, the bridegroom, Chief Walter Iheasota (Jr), said their marriage is made in Heaven. The elated Iheasota noted that “there is no doubt that I got my kind of woman in my wife, Princess Chioma. She is the epitome of beauty and good character. She’s such a wonderful person. She is a God-fearing person. She is a Godsend. I’m so happy that she is my wife.”
Describing her husband as wonderful and humane, Princess Chioma said: “With my husband, I believe that nothing will distract our promise and focus on building a robust and sustainable relationship. I owe him love and respect. I pray for God’s guidance and protection in our union.”
Present at the high-class event were Chief John Okezie who led the Iheasota family delegation that included the groom’s mother, Chief Mrs Ngozi Iheasota, Chief Willy Asiegbu and his wife, Hon. Ubabuike Ubabuike, Mr Sammy Okwedu, Chief Emeka Nwankwo and High Chief Paul Emeahu, the Okunaihe Atta, among other dignitaries.
The Nwachukwu family and the entire Umudim-Omere Umunwarahu of Obodo-Ukwu Town in Orlu, Imo State, were led by the Eze Ndigbo of Lagos State.
Other dignitaries include the mother of the bride, Princess Chioma, Lolo Dorathy Nwachukwu (Obidiya), Chief C.Y. Nwachukwu (Akaekpuchionwa), the Chairman of Umudim-Omere in Lagos, Chief Uche Akubueze.
Also, some members of the Igbo Community in Lagos State that are close to Eze Dr C. U. Nwachukwu were present, including Eze Ndigbo Valentine Ezeugo-Eze Ndigbo of Ajeromi/Ifelodun, Chief Sir Richard Okoye, High Chief Sunday Ezeh, Chief Anadu, the Director of Bank Hotel Ajegunle, Chief Mrs Uzoh and the Secretary and Coordinator of the Igbo Community Centre, Lagos State, Rev Joe Ihitegbulem (JP), among other personalities.
Many men don’t admit that they’re in a relationship with a woman. Relationships can occasionally suffer as a result, with women questioning why men are avoiding acknowledging the obvious. There are numerous explanations for why some men choose not to disclose that they are seeing a woman.
Here are the six reasons some men never admit they are in a relationship
1. They’re not sure about the future of the relationship
A lot of men don’t admit to being in a relationship with a woman because they’re not sure about the future of their relationship. This is why they avoid giving it a name or label. It is also their way of buying time to see if they really are compatible with the other person or not.
2. They enjoy the attention of other women
Some men are simply not ready to settle down and prefer to keep their options open. Admitting they’re in a relationship might close off potential opportunities for attention from other women, which they find exciting. For them, keeping their status a secret allows them to enjoy the thrill of being pursued.
3. They fear losing their freedom
For some men, admitting they’re in a relationship feels like losing their freedom. They might worry that being “taken” means giving up their independence, spontaneity, or social life.
This fear can lead them to keep things on the down low, as they see it as a way to maintain their sense of freedom while still enjoying the benefits of being with someone.
4. They don’t want to face pressure from friends and family
A man might avoid admitting he’s in a relationship to escape pressure from his friends or family. Some may not want to deal with the constant questions or expectations that come once a relationship is out in the open.
Keeping things private helps them avoid unnecessary scrutiny or pressure about where the relationship is heading.
5. They don’t really like their partner
It is also possible that a man doesn’t really like their partner and is just passing time with her. In such situations, they never like to admit that they are in a relationship and pretend as if there’s nothing going on between him and the girl.
6. They want to keep their options open
A lot of men also don’t admit to being in a relationship, because they want to keep their options open. This essentially means that a man may think they may find a better match in future and if they disclose their relationship from the rest of the world, they always stand a chance of approaching other women and being hit on by other women.
Falling in love might be easy but staying in love is not as easy as it seems.
When you’re with someone for many years, your relationship will naturally go through phases.
As fun and wonderful relationships are, they require some work to keep them going.
Losing some of your feelings in a long-term relationship is almost inevitable, and you find out that you are not as head over heels in love with your partner as you were in the beginning. It is perfectly normal to not feel the butterflies in your belly anymore, so you’re not a bad person if you find out the feelings are not as deep anymore. That’s why most people think love alone cannot keep a relationship going. But this doesn’t mean the relationship has to come to an end, the spark can be kept alive and you find out you still want to be with your partner, you want the relationship to work out.
Here are some ways to keep the spark alive in your relationship:
Love in your partner’s love language
Yes, you still love your partner, but are you loving them in the way they want to be loved?. A person’s love language is the way they prefer to be shown love to. Your love language may vary from your partner’s, this is why it is important to understand your partner’s love language and put it into practice. This way, it is easier to communicate your love to them. If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, write them love letters from time to time, tell them how you feel about them at the most random moments, and make them feel special with your words. If your partner’s love language is spending quality time together, they would feel loved when you make time, even out of your busy schedule to spend time with them. Loving your partner in their love language is a sure way to keep the fire burning.
Date your partner
Going on dates is not only meant for people in the talking stage. Even married people should go on dates. This helps you connect to your partner on a new level, create a romantic atmosphere, and just enjoy the moment without the interference of other people, gadgets, and devices. It is alone time with your partner. The perk of it is that you can take aesthetic pictures to keep the memories alive. So from time to time, dress up and go out on romantic dates with your partner. It doesn’t even have to be the most extravagant date. The moment is all that matters. Don’t stop flirting with your partner.
Communicate always
Communication is key in any relationship. Let your partner know how you feel at every point in time. Don’t keep things from them, especially when they do some little things that hurt you, they might not even realize. But you should let your partner know to avoid a reoccurrence in the future. And also respect your partner’s needs.
Try something new
Routines are boring and you’ll get tired pretty fast. Always try something new with your partner. If your partner is the type that enjoys traveling, go on spontaneous trips, travel to new places, and explore the world together. Plan surprises for them. Know what your partner likes and try them out from time to time.
Pay attention to your partner
When you’re spending time with your partner, give them your full attention, drop your phone. Make them feel wanted, and maintain eye contact with them.
Start a conversation
When was the last time you had a real conversation with your partner? A conversation that did not involve to-do lists or take place in the few minutes before bed? Sharing a real, emotional connection means having conversations about your future, caring about what’s on the other’s mind, daydreaming together, or reconnecting about your needs in the relationship. If your only conversations these days start with “How was work?” or “Here’s what we have to do tomorrow,” try to spark a deeper conversation.
Make laughing together a top priority
Laughter may be the best medicine, but it’s also the best-kept secret to keeping the spark alive. You know those times when you joke about a fight or an incident like, “Someday we’ll laugh at this?” Why wait until someday? If you’re together for the long haul, there’s nothing you need to take too seriously—when you can, see the humor in your disagreements or uncomfortable moments.
Make a change instead of hoping that your partner will
If you want your partner to say or do more romantic things, it can feel a lot like nagging if you are constantly asking them to give you more. Instead of asking all the time, think of how much more you can be giving to your partner. When you’re with the right person, they’ll take notice of your extra effort and feel inspired to give some extra effort back. Be generous with affection, and if you love them unconditionally, prove it.
When a guy who was once very attentive and affectionate suddenly backs off and creates distance between the two of you, it is only natural to wonder why. There are a lot of theories out there on how to tell if a guy is losing interest in you.
Women are naturally wired to love by the things they hear and, this is why when a guy says nice things to a lady, depending on her emotional state of mind at the time, she can fall hopelessly in love with him. She then goes on to build fantasies with this said guy and the sparkles between them are very evident. Even when she sees the red flags, she ignores and pays no heed to it because her senses have been so blinded by what she feels for her man. Then, somewhere along the line, she observes that her man is no longer the man she knew him for. He no longer does the things he does for her or even spends as much time as he should with her. Her head tells her the guy has begun to withdraw from her but her heart tells her he’s probably awestruck by his love for her so he needs time to digest it.
Here are the 10 ways to tell if a guy no longer fancies you:
1. HE SLOWS DOWN ON KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH YOU.
Men are wired naturally to be hunters. They go after what catches their fancy and, even after they’ve had it within their grip, they find it very very difficult to let go. Notice how he always comes up with excuses as to why he can’t keep in touch with you; lame stuff that you know doesn’t even make an atom of sense. From gradually slowing down on keeping in touch, he stops TOTALLY! At this point, you find yourself making efforts to reach him but, he’ll claim he had loads of stuff to do that has kept him away and, should you dare complain, you’ll automatically be tagged the nagging type. If a guy truly loves you and means to be with you, nothing will stop him from that.
2. HE IGNORES YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
A lot of people might not want to agree with this but, when a guy can completely ignore you on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram but you see him very active and commenting or reacting to other people’s posts, girl, you mean nothing more than a pinch of salt to him. And, should you take the bold step of trying to drop a comment on his page, you’ll get ignored as well. There’s nothing worse than being in the same space with someone yet, they act like you don’t exist.
3. HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE SEEN CLOSE TO YOU BUT WILL GLADLY FLIRT WITH ANOTHER GIRL.
This, right here, is self explanatory. When a guy truly loves you, he’ll do just about anything to prove to the world that he loves you and is proud to be associated with you. When he dreads having a conversation with you because he doesn’t want those around him to think you’re an item, that’s a huge red flag. Guys are naturally expressive; especially when it has to do with the woman they love so, if he’s not doing this for you, BACK OFF!
4. HE IGNORES EVERY FIXED APPOINTMENT YOU BOTH HAVE AND HE HAS A LEGIT EXCUSE FOR IT.
No man who truly loves a woman will stand her up and feel very comfortable with it. He will apologize for it and make up for it almost immediately. When you notice that your man stops keeping to appointments and/or meet-ups and you have to be the one to call to find out why he had to stand you up, you don’t need to be told that he doesn’t feel you anymore. Genuine love for your partner is like something great that you’re addicted to. No matter how hard you try, you can’t go a day without it. When a man truly means to be with you, every minute spent with you means a whole lot to him.
5. HE BEGINS TO SEE YOU AS A BOTHER OR BEING OVERLY DEPENDENT ON HIM.
Men love to feel like the men in da hood. They love to be in charge; not bossy and assertive per se. They love to care for and protect their women. They love to get things for their women; depending on what they can afford. When you start to observe that your man has slowed down in showing you affection like you used to and, when you try to double up affection on your own end so he doesn’t feel let down but, he still isn’t cool with it, then, you’ve stopped meaning that much to him. Each time you try to keep in touch through whatever means, he kicks against it and sees it as a bother.
6. HE DEMANDS FOR SPACE.
If you truly mean anything to your man, the last thing he’ll want to do is be away from you. Men love to keep close to themselves what they adore. When your man suddenly wakes up and asks for some sort of distance between you two, then, it’s pretty obvious that you’ve become as irritating to him as ever. When a guy needs “space”, he has stylishly broken up with you without your knowledge; except you’re smart enough to decode it.
7. HE TREATS YOU VERY CASUALLY.
You notice that all of a sudden, your man has begun to see you as a “hello, hi” kinda person and it doesn’t bother him one bit. You greet him, it’s a problem. You try to be all mushy and romantic like you’ve always been to him, he gives you this look that suggests you’re overstepping your boundaries. This is a clear indication that you both no longer operate on the same space cos, a lot of water has passed under the bridge.
8. HE DOESN’T SUPPORT YOU
He is no longer interested in your dreams, aspirations, and needs. He doesn’t support you in your important decisions in both personal and professional life. Moreover, you may feel that you can no longer look up to him or trust him in planning your goals or celebrating your achievements.
9. HE DOESN’T GO EXTRA MILE
If your partner does the bare minimum to keep things going between you two, it’s a red flag in your relationship. He doesn’t want to go the extra mile to make you feel special, spend time with you, or keep the relationship exciting. You may feel that the relationship has become one-sided.
10. HE HAS STOPPED ASKING QUESTIONS
When your partner asks you questions, it helps them understand and know you better—how things are at work and with friends and family or how you are dealing with a specific situation. When he stops asking questions, it may show that he is not interested in checking on you and would like to keep to himself.
The Executive Producer of ‘The Wife Hunter’, Mr Chidi Orazulike, said the series focuses on how to navigate the complexities of relationships, redemption and personal growth.
Orazulike, in a statement, said the movie tells the story of romance, friendship, frustration and self-discovery.
According to him: “From the comedic misadventures of mannerless encounters to the heartfelt revelations of a second chance back to life, the infatuations and old scores to settle each episode offer a unique blend of entertainment and emotion that keeps viewers on the edge of their seats.”
He added that love, laughter and unexpected twists await as audiences dive into the movie’s world.
He said: “Set against the backdrop of modern-day Nigeria, “The Wife Hunter” follows the lives of Chidoski, Paulo, and other characters as they navigate the complexities of relationships, redemption, and personal growth.
“At the heart of the series lies a timeless theme: the search for love and meaning in a world filled with challenges and surprises. Through laughter and tears, triumphs and tribulations, ‘The Wife Hunter’ invites audiences to reflect on the universal experiences of love, loss, and the pursuit of happiness.
“Featuring compelling storylines, relatable characters, and stellar performances, ‘The Wife Hunter’ captivates audiences of all ages and backgrounds. Whether you’re a romance, drama, or comedy fan, there’s something for everyone in this must-watch series.
“‘The Wife Hunter’ is more than just a story – it’s an emotional rollercoaster that takes viewers on a journey of self-discovery and transformation.
The Wife Hunter is written by Paul Alanzah and directed by Emmanuel Elakhe and Frederick Atigogo.
“We’re thrilled to share this compelling tale with audiences around the world via the YouTube Channel – Afrikan Movies and Series and hope that it resonates with them on a deep and personal level.”
Do you know: If you refuse to learn how to communicate well with people, you will become a person to be avoided or someone people will relate with as a matter of compulsion. Can you imagine a sour relationship between a wife and her mother-in-law.
One cannot be terminated for the other.
Communication is the process of transmitting messages from one end to the other with understanding and feed back in view.
When there is no feedback then you cannot be certain that what has been communicated is heard and understood.
Achieving sound communication in any relationship is in your ability to know and understand the core of people and how we can influence them positively and also get value from them.
No doubt there would be moments of arguments and misunderstandings, this is a proof that both parties are really relating with the inner cores that cannot be seen but felt. Those who experience high friction at the inception of their relationship will quickly get to the point where they know and decide if they should continue with the relationship or not.
Some often feel crisis is an indication of incompatibility, not necessarily. In crisis you build the ability to discover, understand and despite challenges bear the personality of the people in your life.
We ought to develop the ability to forebear and tolerate people. One nasty person to you today can be your ally tomorrow.
You can be that incredible person that everyone will be glad they have in their lives. Lets check some of the ways through which you can help yourself.
Don’t become anti-social: A lot of people live strict uninteresting lives. Your being anti social is not the best guard for your personality. When you place premium on healthy relationships, you will reap the fruits. Until you place value on your relationships, you will not see the need to cultivate relational skills. When you don’t learn how to communicate effectively you pave way for constant clashes. There are laws that control everything, when you break these laws you make it impossible to enjoy the benefit therein.
Show yourself Friendly: you dont have to get stocked with yourself alone. Its important to know that some feel very uneasy with company, it may be as a result of ones background. It’s time to stop thinking everyone who gets close to you do so because they want to get something from you. You will not get the gift of great people into your life that way.
Admit your mistakes: have you ever met someone who never admits wrong doing. Such people are easily defensive, they will never own up to error even when there are proofs. Some of them will never say sorry, they will rather give excuses. Even when such people have inner struggles; they will rather die than ask for help. They are difficult to get along with at work and dangerous to marry. You will refine your character when you learn to admit your mistakes.
Don’t be arrogant to say “I was wrong,” even when you offend your junior colleagues, children or students.
Be willing to change: when you are so comfortable with whom you are in the present you may loose the opportunity of becoming better in the future. I have heard people say things like” this is who I am, I cannot change.” You daily walk should be a walk into perfection. Your rough edges should be straightened as you pass through people, situations and circumstances.
Be willing to give a chance for your life to take an upward move. The fact that you were raised in a particular way is not an excuse for you to be rigid in your dispositions. Take heed when people call your attension about a particular anything. It’s all for you to get better.
You should learn to take to corrections and accept to try out new things.
Bring value: Be the reason someone is glad.
Always check your life’s progress by doing a review from time to time.
Cultivating relational skills involves active listening, empathy, effective communication, and understanding nonverbal cues. Practice these skills in conversations, seek feedback, and be open to learning from interactions. Developing patience and building connections over time can also enhance your relational abilities.
Dear reader, I thank for God for another opportunity to write you from the plat form. It is my prayer that you will be abundantly blessed today. I know you have been blessed with the previous teachings. Two weeks ago, I began teaching on the subject, ‘Nurturing Your Relationship’. The first week, we examined what relationship is all about and one of the factors that can help you to nurture and grow your relationship, which took us to the subject of commitment.
Today, we shall equally be looking at another powerful factor that can help you to nurture and grow your relationship as a married man. This article will teach you the qualities you need to possess for you to be a man of your wife’ s dream. You want to know what qualities your wife expects from you? ‘Be the Man of Her Dreams!
Before marriage, many women lay out the kind of qualities they want their future husbands to possess. In this section I want us to look at the typical characteristics of a “dream” man.
He is loving
This ‘dream man’ is loving. Following the example of Christ and the Church, this man does not wait for his wife to be perfect before he loves her. He is steadfast in his demonstration of love for his wife, believing that love is not love until it is expressed. He hugs, touches, buys her gifts and generally is caring and goes to great lengths to convince his family of his love.
In expressing his love, he consciously ignores the negative and unattractive things about the members of his family. He thinks no evil of them. He calls his wife a virtuous woman and so motivates her to live up to his expectations. He calls his children gifted and intelligent children but disciplines them in love when necessary.
He is Caring
The typical dream man must be caring. He must be concerned at all times about the welfare of members of his family. He cherishes, nourishes and ravishes his family members with care. He makes time to be with them and is always there when he is needed; he is not too busy to listen to them.
He is a Worker
Every woman’s dream man is a worker! He is one with working hands not collecting hands. He doesn’t collect foodstuff from his mother, money from his father, clothing’s from his uncle. He does something productive to sustain his family.
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel”1 Timothy 5:8.
He is a Provider
In providing for his family, the dream man puts his total trust in God, not his salary (Psalm 62:5). He recognizes that he has absolute covenant responsibility to provide for the needs of his family and does so with delight. Like my husband would humorously say, “God is Jehovah Jireh, while the man is ‘Home Jireh.’ Jehovah is the Almighty provider, the family man is the home provider” he does not send his wife begging for what to eat, wear or drink.
He is a Giver
This dream man recognizes the importance of Kingdom investment and the hidden covenants of blessings (being a blessing to one’s parents). He diligently invests in the Kingdom of God and is liberal to members of his extended family. In addition, he gives to those in need.
He is an Intercessor
Like Jesus who is presently praying for the church, this dream man invests time praying for his family. He recognizes that prayer is the means by which the power of God is released to the believer so he faithfully prays for them.
He does not find it hard to say, “I am Sorry”
Some men find it hard to say, “I am sorry, please forgive me,” because of their ego. But, the dream man does not let his ego stand between him and his wife or children. Man, don’t give room to the devil to bring problems to your home. Learn to say “I am sorry” when you offend your wife. It works! If you do that, eyeball-to-eyeball, you will see her countenance change! You will make it!
For you to be able to possess good qualities that will make you relationship to last, you need a good relationship with Christ. If, peradventure, you, the reader, is not born again and you want to accept Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour, then say this prayer in faith: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. I accept You as my Lord and personal Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for delivering me from sin and satan to serve the living God and thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.
Congratulations! If you prayed this simple prayer of faith with me, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).
With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org, 07026385437 OR 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).
Can you spot a good relationship? Of course, nobody knows what really goes on between any couple, but decades of scientific research into love, sex and relationships have taught us that some behaviour can predict when a couple is on solid ground or headed for troubled waters. Good relationships don’t happen overnight. They take commitment, compromise, forgiveness and most of all — effort. Keep reading for the latest in relationship science, fun quizzes and helpful tips to help you build a stronger bond with your partner.
Love and romance
Falling in love is the easy part. The challenge for couples is how to rekindle the fires of romance from time to time and cultivate the mature, trusting love that is the hallmark of a lasting relationship.
What’s your love style?
When you say “I love you,” what do you mean?
Terry Hatkoff, a California State University sociologist, has created a love scale that identifies six distinct types of love found in our closest relationships.
Romantic: Based on passion and sexual attraction
Best Friends: Fondness and deep affection
Logical: Practical feelings based on shared values, financial goals, religion and so on
Playful: Feelings evoked by flirtation or feeling challenged
Possessive: Jealousy and obsession
Unselfish: Nurturing, kindness, and sacrifice
Researchers have found that the love we feel in our most committed relationships is typically a combination of two or three different forms of love. But often, two people in the same relationship can have very different versions of how they define love. Dr. Hatkoff gives the example of a man and woman having dinner. The waiter flirts with the woman, but the husband doesn’t seem to notice, and talks about changing the oil in her car. The wife is upset her husband isn’t jealous. The husband feels his extra work isn’t appreciated.
What does this have to do with love? The man and woman each define love differently. For him, love is practical, and is best shown by supportive gestures like car maintenance. For her, love is possessive, and a jealous response by her husband makes her feel valued.
Understanding what makes your partner feel loved can help you navigate conflict and put romance back into your relationship. You and your partner can take the Love Style quiz from Dr. Hatkoff and find out how each of you defines love. If you learn your partner tends toward jealousy, make sure you notice when someone is flirting with him or her. If your partner is practical in love, notice the many small ways he or she shows love by taking care of everyday needs.
Reignite romance
Romantic love has been called a “natural addiction” because it activates the brain’s reward centre, notably the dopamine pathways associated with drug addiction, alcohol and gambling. But those same pathways are also associated with novelty, energy, focus, learning, motivation, ecstasy and craving. No wonder we feel so energized and motivated when we fall in love!
Individuals in the early stage of intense romantic love show many symptoms of substance and non-substance.
But we all know that romantic, passionate love fades a bit over time, and (we hope) matures into a more contented form of committed love. Even so, many couples long to rekindle the sparks of early courtship. But is it possible?
The relationship researcher Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, has found a way. The secret? Do something new and different — and make sure you do it together. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love. Whether you take a pottery class or go on a white-water rafting trip, activating your dopamine systems while you are together can help bring back the excitement you felt on your first date. In studies of couples, Dr. Aron has found that partners who regularly share new experiences report greater boosts in marital happiness than those who simply share pleasant but familiar experiences.
Diagnose your passion level
The psychology professor Elaine Hatfield has suggested that the love we feel early in a relationship is different than what we feel later. Early on, love is “passionate,” meaning we have feelings of intense longing for our mate. Longer-term relationships develop “companionate love,” which can be described as a deep affection, and strong feelings of commitment and intimacy.
Where does your relationship land on the spectrum of love? The Passionate Love Scale, developed by Dr. Hatfield, of the University of Hawaii, and Susan Sprecher, a psychology and sociology professor at Illinois State University, can help you gauge the passion level of your relationship. Once you see where you stand, you can start working on injecting more passion into your partnership. Note that while the scale is widely used by relationship researchers who study love, the quiz is by no means the final word on the health of your relationship. Take it for fun and let the questions inspire you to talk to your partner about passion. After all, you never know where the conversation might lead.
How deep is your love?
A simple quiz to determine how you score on the passionate love scale.
Sex
For most couples, the more sex they have, the happier the relationship.
How much sex are you having?
Let’s start with the good news. Committed couples really do have more sex than everyone else. Don’t believe it? While it’s true that single people can regale you with stories of crazy sexual episodes, remember that single people also go through long dry spells. A March 2017 report found that 15 percent of men and 27 percent of women reported they hadn’t had sex in the past year. And 9 percent of men and 18 percent of women say they haven’t had sex in five years. The main factors associated with a sexless life are older age and not being married. So whether you’re having committed or married sex once a week, once a month or just six times a year, the fact is that there’s still someone out there having less sex than you. And if you’re one of those people NOT having sex, this will cheer you up: Americans who are not having sex are just as happy as their sexually-active counterparts.
Although sexual activity is commonly believed to be a key component of emotional well-being, little is known abo…
But who’s counting?
Even though most people keep their sex lives private, we do know quite a bit about people’s sex habits. The data come from a variety of sources, including the General Social Survey, which collects information on behaviour in the United States and the International Social Survey Programme, a similar study that collects international data, and additional studies from people who study sex like the famous Kinsey Institute. A recent trend is that sexual frequency is declining among millennials, likely because they are less likely than earlier generations to have steady partners.
American adults had sex about nine fewer times per year in the early 2010s compared to the late 1990s.
Based on that research, here’s some of what we know about sex:
The average adult has sex 54 times a year.
The average sexual encounter lasts about 30 minutes.
About 5 percent of people have sex at least three times a week.
People in their 20s have sex more than 80 times per year.
People in their 40s have sex about 60 times a year.
Sex drops to 20 times per year by age 65.
After the age of 25, sexual frequency declines 3.2 percent annually.
After controlling for age and time period, those born in the 1930s had sex the most often; people born in the 1990s (millennials) had sex the least often.
About 20 percent of people, most of them widows, have been celibate for at least a year.
The typical married person has sex an average of 51 times a year.
“Very Happy” couples have sex, on average, 74 times a year.
Married people under 30 have sex about 112 times a year; single people under 30 have sex about 69 times a year.
Married people in their 40s have sex 69 times a year; single people in their 40s have sex 50 times a year.
Active people have more sex.
People who drink alcohol have 20 percent more sex than teetotalers.
On average, extra education is associated with about a week’s worth of less sex each year.
Early and often
One of the best ways to make sure your sex life stays robust in a long relationship is to have a lot of sex early in the relationship. A University of Georgia study of more than 90,000 women in 19 countries in Asia, Africa and the Americas found that the longer a couple is married, the less often they have sex, but that the decline appears to be relative to how much sex they were having when they first coupled. Here’s a look at frequency of married sex comparing the first year of marriage with the 10th year of marriage.
Why does sex decline in marriage? It’s a combination of factors — sometimes it’s a health issue, the presence of children, boredom or unhappiness in the relationship. But a major factor is age. One study found sexual frequency declines 3.2 percent a year after the age of 25. The good news is that what married couples lack in quantity they make up for in quality. Data from the National Health and Social Life Survey found that married couples have more fulfilling sex than single people.
The no-sex marriage
Why do some couples sizzle while others fizzle? Social scientists are studying no-sex marriages for clues about what can go wrong in relationships.
It’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year. Some sexless marriages started out with very little sex. Others in sexless marriages say childbirth or an affair led to a slowing and eventually stopping of sex. People in sexless marriages are generally less happy and more likely to have considered divorce than those who have regular sex with their spouse or committed partner.
Staying in a relationship is a decision that you make for so many reasons. Love is a choice we make, we need to realize that no one is perfect, so in relationships you “choose to love irrespective of faults and also choose to stay if you feel or believe you can tolerate the faults”. Sometimes people ask me what are the reasons or things that break relationships/marriages.
Truth is a bitter pill to swallow, but it has to be said not to criticize the negative aspects only, but to open our consciousness to actions and attitudes that expose us to not only heart break, but destroying the things we love and those we love.
There are so many reasons relationships fall apart, quite a number of people, even myself at a time, attributed breaks in relationships to money, sex, pride, lying and cheating. Of course, this is true, but, in my experience with hundreds of relationships for over two decades, I had an opportunity to share, listen and learn with close study of some “irrelevant” reasons that lead to separation, divorce, lack of romance and loss of interest in relationships. The word irrelevance is relative because what may seem relevant to one person may be irrelevant to another. Basically, what I am trying to bring out in the open here is “small things count”.
Quite a number of bad attitude which we over look, lead to a steady or sometimes fast decline in a relationship. Romance isn’t a bed of roses or set of pearl earrings you get on your anniversary only, it takes hard work and conscious efforts to make things work
Today we will analyze these problems and possible action plan we can apply to help achieve a better understanding between couples.
Physically fighting or arguing in public
This is definitely not a good idea for anyone to try as an individual, not to even mention someone you call your partner. Anyone with some self-respect should not even try this at all. You end up disgracing yourself not just your partner only. You will make everyone feel uncomfortable and awkward around you. Some couples derive pleasure in screaming at their partner, or even hitting in public. Very wrong and should not be seen as normal or accepted by any standard.
ACTION PLAN: Talk it out in private. There is a solution to every problem in life, if it’s not working, or you are having difficulty tolerating each other, better to walk away and let everyone have peace. If you feel there is still a chance, then seek counsel to settle your differences. Communication in a mature manner is key. Keep your tempers in check, take a deep breath and start the conversation in low tones. Fighting, arguing and tearing each other’s clothes in public can never be a solution. It causes more harm than good. Get help, if this is your habit.
Constant criticism of your partner’s family
Since we all know that no human being on earth is perfect, don’t you think you can cut your in-laws or in-laws to be some slack? Your partner had no part in making a decision as to which family would bring them into this world. Of course, we get to meet some family members that are truly difficult to please. But constant words like “why is your elder sister behaving like she has no home training?” or “your father is so weird” will only worsen the situation and put them on the defensive. This puts your partner in a difficult situation having to always defend them and take sides either with you or their family, and when they take sides with their family, this will hurt you and make you resentful.
ACTION PLAN: If you know what you are going to say is not nice and will hurt someone, don’t say it at all This goes especially to people who do not have the ability to practise diplomacy. It is not bad to voice your displeasure, if you are not getting the respect you deserve, but choose your words with wisdom, get an ally in your partner’s family who can help you understand how they think and function.
Even if there’s some clashing of heads, don’t focus on the family’s faults. Getting criticism from family members can make your partner feel sad and defensive which not only makes everyone uncomfortable, but can turn family events into a showdown.
The “see –finish” attitude
People who have been in a relationship for years or married for years, often do this.
I have been there too!! Being together for so many years sometimes makes you very comfortable, making you think you know all that there is and maybe more. Remember when you started dating him or her? How exciting it was at first? Get to know what they like, their best food, best colour, best hair-do, best football team, best movie actor or actress. We were all at that stage at some point. But after a while, the “see finish” spirit comes in and booms. You feel, “I know all there is to know.” There can’t be any more. Well, the thing is people change and this change comes for so many reasons, change in economy, change in financial capacity, accident, loss of a loved one and so on. Many variables can affect one’s behaviour and can lead to laxity or taking your partner for granted. You first of all start this bad habit by stopping the most important thing which is asking your partner questions and learning about them. The issue is when you stop asking these questions, you start losing interest and silence takes over.
ACTION PLAN: To stay happy in a relationship, partners need to talk to each other every single day, and I mean every single day, regular phone calls, while at work, text messages, what’s app messages, video call, just communicate, even if it is for five minutes. You need to find time to talk. The issues of life are so much and can be overwhelming. Any relationship without a means of communication is a dead one. Don’t know what to talk about? Start with what you read on the news, the movie you would love to watch, football match, the home is also a good topic, children, colleagues at work or challenges at work, if there is any. The benefit of making an effort to ask questions helps you to know and understand your partner more just as if you started dating today. It helps keep the “fire” burning and gives better insights as to what they like and don’t like.
Thinking your partner will change
Most times, couples do everything possible to change their partner’s behaviour and way of life knowing fully well the character of their partner from the very beginning. There is no such thing as a perfect human being, which is why if you have an attitude of always reminding your partner about their shortcomings regularly. This is not an ideal way to get them to change. Of course, you can remind them about putting of the bathroom light, or dropping the toilet seat or placing the toothbrush upright. But trying to get them to stop snoring after five years of marriage? Well, your guess is as good as mine. It is a cross you must bear and bear with love.
ACTION PLAN: Accept the fact that they are not perfect, the same way you are not perfect. Causing anxiety for them will make them want to defend their position and stop them from making effort to change. Don’t coerce or manipulate your partner. Change is a constant thing in life, but sometimes doesn’t happen overnight. You win some you lose some. Don’t beat up yourself about it, take life easy.
PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION
I am a great supporter of showing love and affection, but please spare people around you the discomfort of watching you getting it on in public. Our culture is opening up to people getting more expressive, but it is disrespectful when you go all out to get it on in full view, without considering the feelings of others. Some people may also embarrass you while you’re at it. Try and maintain some decency.
ACTION PLAN: First of all, be sure your partner is open to such an act. There’s nothing worse than attempting this and getting the cold shoulder. Stick to hand holding, maybe even quick kisses (not loud slurps please) save the extras for your bedroom. It gives people the impression you have no control and decency, and may be a pointer to real communication issues you have with your partner.
The importance of sex in a relationship cannot be over-emphasised. The point of being in a relationship is to make each other happy. Sex is fun, so I commend you for sharing your concern, and requesting for a solution. I will tell you to just relax and enjoy it. You do not need an excuse in order to engage or not engage in intercourse. The fact that it makes your spouse happy is all the reason that you need. I guess whoever came up with the slogan “Make love, not war” was certainly a smart person.
To understand its importance we need to ask and answer the question: Why do we have sex?
I can tell you that sexual motives go far beyond the ‘big three’ – love, pleasure, and making babies. There are more reasons why we have sex and it includes: Physical reasons -pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person. Goal-based reasons – to make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge. It is also for emotional reasons – love, commitment, or gratitude. For insecurity reasons – to boost self-esteem, or keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insisting on having sex). Or for commercial reasons or what some called ashawo but now known as agbelepawo in Yoruba.
For this particular situation you shared here, we have to look at it from a male point of view, and that may be hard at times. While women need the romance, the passion, and the chemistry to get the assurance and re-assurance that the love is alive and well, just as they need to be loved and cherished, and this is often through verbal signs of affection; men, on the other hand, are very straightforward and almost primal in their needs. They need to have sex in a relationship because it shows strength, agility and unity.
So, I will say sex is a physical, emotional, relational and a spiritual need. Sex is very important in a relationship as lack of sex or inadequate sex can lead to a breakdown in a relationship. The demand on you as you put it can actually be that it is a healthy release of your husband’s affection to you. When you’re in love with someone, you can’t get enough of them. You want to show them how much they mean to you, which is hard to do. That’s why sex is a great way to release the emotions and show how much love one have.
Sex with you helps him get to know you better. When you have sex with someone, they are letting you see a side of them that not many people have seen. That means you are special. Having sex helps him learn what makes you as his partner happy, and will let him know you better than anyone else does.
Sex reduces pain. A headache is not a reason to refuse sex. In fact, that is the reason why you should have it. When our emotional and happy hormones join forces during sex, pain has no other option but to run away. So, the next time your partner says he has something to take the pain away, you better believe it is true. Yes, headache or that feigned pain is an excuse not to get some sex, but please, let us not be petty.
Another reason is that it improves sleep. Are you sure he is not having trouble getting a good night’s sleep? Well, all you need to do is have an exciting round of sex, and both of you will be snoozing in no time. Orgasming releases a chemical in your body that relaxes you, which means it will be super easy to fall asleep in your lover’s arms.
Sex helps people stay smart as it increases blood flow to the brain, which means that, both of you will be more alert. If you have a lot of work to do, especially you as a caterer, having sex beforehand could actually help you. It will make your brain sharper.
You yourself will benefit as it will help in your bladder control. Having sex works out your pelvic muscles. So if you’re guilty of having to run to the toilet every five minutes, having sex can be the cure you have been looking for. The more orgasms you have, the stronger your pelvic muscles will become.
Sex causes healthier skin. If you are unhappy with your complexion, sex could help. A hormone called DHEA is produced during intercourse, which helps with a variety of things, including your skin. So skip the dermatologist or toning creams and hop into bed.
As I mentioned earlier sex is an emotional process. Yes, it is a physical activity but most men and women agree that there is much more to it than just seeing stars and losing calories as a bonus. You see, there is a good reason why ‘having sex’ is often replaced with ‘being intimate with somebody’. Sex starts with romance and ends with romance because both genders feel the need to cuddle after it. Furthermore, healthy sex life is a confidence boost for both genders – it proves that partners are still very much interested in all aspects of their relationship.
Did you know, for example, that couples who have sex often, demonstrate more feelings? They feel the need to touch, kiss and hug more often and have fewer problems with demonstrating this loving- lovely behaviour in public. You know why? It is because sex makes the body produce more oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feels the need to love and trust somebody.
The challenge we have in this part of the world is that we don’t talk about sex, freely. Women are embarrassed to talk about sex with their husbands so they are not seen as ‘whores’ or being unfaithful.
The truth of the matter is if you want to have a good relationship, sex must be discussed- i.e. what you want and how you want it. When sex is discussed in the home it gives room for intimacy, the moment a couple can discuss sex freely, they will be able to talk about anything and everything. If the man is satisfied sexually it is unlikely that he will go out to seek extramarital affairs. Even though there are other things to be considered in this aspect.
To address the issue at hand, sex demand by your husband on you could be a stress relief for him. A real mood lifting activity for him. It will help him to forget all those problems; he will fall asleep like a baby and will have enough energy to face the next day feeling happy and rejuvenated.
Sex helps you too to live longer. Sex rejuvenates and heals wounds, makes him more flexible and less prone to various illnesses. It is a metabolism and immunity booster as it reduces the risk of stroke and fights the ageing process too. It is a perfect anti-aging method no lab could ever produce, bottle or sell.
You need to also understand that your man’s sexual demand on you could be that it makes him want it more each time. The more he has sex, the more he will want it. Doing this will increase your libido, which means that you will want to have sex more often with him, too. This occurs, because sex increases the blood flow and vaginal lubrication, which makes sex feel even better for you this time than it did the last time.
You should not be focused only on the benefits of sex for you, but for your partner as well. Sex reduces the risk of Prostate cancer. You might not have to worry about prostate cancer, but your partner does. If you want him to live a long, happy life then having sex with him can help make it happen.
Sex helps burns calories. Not only will your muscles become toned, but you could lose some weight. Losing 100 calories every half-hour or so doesn’t seem like much, but if you have sex multiple times a week, all of those calories will add up.
It is so unfortunate that some reasons why sex is not enjoyed in the family are based on hygiene and poor dressing from both sides even though it’s leaning more towards women. An example is body odour. It is so sad that a woman cannot tell the spouse about this because she feels it will offend him/her, whereas its offensive to him/her and it may not allow him/her to have erection/libido.
And again the way women dress at home, tying wrapper up and down or a man in funny looking attires kills the desire. Neglecting an appearance plays a negative role on sexual feeling. How can a woman leave the house in the morning without using roll on/perfume? Or want to sleep at night and won’t bath nor freshen up? These are the little things that will make the men to go out and have affairs.
Couple In Bed With Relationship Difficulties
When sex is discussed, it will allow the couple to know if there is a problem where they need to seek help. For example, if the woman is always having pain during sex it might require seeing a doctor to establish the underlying cause/s. The man also may have erectile dysfunction (ED). There are some medical reasons why sex is not enjoyed and in this case the couple will have to see a therapist.
If you do not have enough sex in your marriage but both the partners love each other and are intimate with each other, the marriage lasts longer. But if you have enough sex but little intimacy or very little love and respect, your marriage may not withstand the test of time.
Some people just don’t have desire to have sex. It is important to understand this in a relationship. The question to ask is whether it is a medical issue or a relationship issue.
In cases where there are medical issues like infertility or diabetes, the couple will need to see a therapist to discuss how they can enjoy sex. Talking to a therapist is still a new thing in our society and this is the way to go. Sex is to be enjoyed not endured. Talk to a therapist today.
But there is more to life than sex. It is established that sex in indeed a very important part of one’s marriage. But yes, there is much more to life and a relationship than just sex. Marriage is about closeness, commitment and caring. Sex is important but not the most important or the only important thing.
But if both the partners value sex and need it more than anything else then yes, it becomes very important in the marriage.
Thus, importance of sex depends on the individual requirements of both the partners in the marriage. For some, sex forms the basis of the relationship while for some it is simply like any other factor. There are couples who are happily married even when being in a sex-less marriage. Especially the couples who are in their mid fifties and those who are busy following their hearts such as busy with their ambitious projects or embarking on a spiritual journey.
In final words, sex is the vital component in a functioning relationship, but it doesn’t have to be incredibly frequent. A couple just needs to know they have those moments of intimacy which only they share, and which binds them together.
