The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Relationship

  • How can I save my relationship with my hot temper?

    How can I save my relationship with my hot temper?

    Good evening, I am a 20-year-old student of English and Literary Studies, (200Level). I want my relationship to last for me. My guy is 27, loving and caring. My problem is that I’m hot-tempered. Please tell me what to do to stop it. I don’t want to lose him. My name is Kenny from Uyo.

    There are definite triggers that may cause you to lose your temper – stress, anxiety, demanding workloads, hectic lifestyles, family, social and financial responsibilities and unrealistic expectations of people. If someone constantly calls you names, bullies, torments or humiliates you, this is bound to cause a reaction.

    Some people have a shorter temper than others and often become easily provoked and enraged. When it hampers your personal relationships with friends and family, leads to violence, creates trouble in your professional life and people fear your temperamental nature, you need help.

    The next time you get angry, try to breathe calmly and slowly. Science proves that breathing is directly related to anger. If you breathe faster, your blood pressure increases which results in anger. On the other hand, if you breathe slowly and calmly, the body temperature becomes neutral and you are able to control yourself in that situation.

    For the long run, deep breathing meditations benefit in many ways. Like mentioned above, it helps you form thoughts in your mind. Thoughts arise, and dissolve. There are three kinds of thoughts you can expect: Positive, Negative, and Neutral. Your mind helps you choose the best one for you since your breathing is in control. Breathing meditations actually make you realize that the choice, you thought you didn’t have when you were angry and did something you regret, is now available to you.

    Deep breathing increases a man’s will power, to bring self-control over himself, to bring him the strength to make the right choice.

  • Relationship Vs good grades

    I did not get the opportunity to interact with Ibok Asuquo, the overall best graduating student of the University of Lagos during last week’s convocation. But I spoke with a colleague who did and I also read the interview she granted in the UNILAG SUN, where she spoke about being focused on the main reason for being in school.

    What I found instructive about her story was her reason for not entering into a relationship in school. She told my colleague about a friend whose grades began to suffer after she met her boyfriend.

    Dating involves interaction with the opposite sex that places heavy demand on the time, emotions, finances, intellect and bodies of both parties. When one seems to love more than the other, the demands are even greater. The person spends more time in the world of make belief than in the real world cooking up ‘what ifs’. The time spent in that world means the person cannot give 100 per cent attention to the real world. As a result the person neglects health, books, food, work, and business, whatever may be the main focus of his life at that time.

    It is no surprise that students find their grades suffering when they are in a relationship in school, particularly when love turns sour or when one does not support the academic aspirations of the other. Few students can succeed in blocking out their emotions to focus on their books even when in a relationship, loving or tumultuous.

    While it would be difficult to advise all students to emulate Ibok because attending school is not all about academics, it is not bad to tell them to place their priorities right. A relationship should not be the reason any student should be asked to withdraw or be forced to drop out of school or make to with an unsatisfactory grade because of emotional instability.

    Appointing exemplary Pro-Chancellors

    Last week, the University of Lagos honoured Aare Afe Babalola with a Doctor of Law degree. The well-respected lawyer and founder of the Afe Babalola University, Ado-Ekiti (ABUAD), has paid his dues and was deserving of the honour.

    The President Olusegun Obasanjo administration did well in appointing Afe Babalola Pro-Chancellor and Chairman of Governing Council of the University between 2001 and 2008. He is one of the few that has served in that position selflessly – donating his allowances to the institution, spending his own personal funds, and raising funds from other sources. The Federal Government should use Afe Babalola as a template for appointing Pro-Chancellors for its institutions. It should appoint people who do not think the government owes them a livelihood; people, who will not misappropriate the limited funds of the universities for their own selfish gains; and people who out of passion for the institutions, would do their utmost to ensure their progress.

    Afe Babalola has made it easy for government to recognise such people. I hope from now, they will be sought after to help our institutions grow.

     

     

  • I’m 22, I need a wealthy woman of 50 for a relationship

    I’m Alex, 22, a student in Lagos. I need a romantic and wealthy woman between age 30 and 50 who

    lives in Lagos for a relationship.

     

    •Dear Alex, your request shouldn’t have come through me at all. I’m sure your mum and aunties have wealthy friends within their age brackets, so all you should do is to walk up to any one of them for friendship. If that fails, you print your request on fliers and go to all those highbrow shops in Lagos where they sell lace and expensive goods and distribute. Who knows, you may be contacted.

    As for me, I believe in morals and I would tongue lash a younger brother of mine who at this age is looking for a wealthy woman old enough to be his mother instead of concentrating on hard work and a bright future. Forget about all the sugar-mummy stuff you see in film, if they exist in reality, it is rare and it takes more pains than what you see. There is also no future in it. Be serious about life, Alex.

  • Putting your relationship on the front burner in 2013 Ngozi’s story

    Ngozi and her husband had been together for over five years when she realized that they were growing apart. They barely saw each other anymore between the demands of their careers and raising their two year old twin boys, and, when they did see each other, it seemed like all they did was snap at one another.

    Ngozi missed the way their relationship had once been and wanted things to be different. She worked up the courage to talk to her partner who, much to her surprise, felt the same way.

    They decided to make their relationship a priority and agreed to make some changes in order to make this happen. They started by setting aside some time to spend together two nights each week after their boys went to bed and decided to go out as a couple once a month.

    At first, Ngozi and her husband felt a little awkward spending time together. They weren’t sure what they should talk about or do, but stuck with it and were able to come up with some ideas to try. They gradually noticed that they were arguing less and felt more connected than they had in years. Today Ngozi and her husband feel that the time and effort they put into making their relationship a priority has helped them have the kind of satisfying and loving relationship they always wanted.

    The Lesson

    It is normal for people to occasionally let their relationships slide to the back burner but it can cause problems if you let it stay there for too long. 3 easy steps you can take to make your relationship priority are:

    1. Invest in your relationship

    2. Make time for your relationship

    3. Spend your time wisely

    Next Steps

    Take what you have learned in this article and consider whether your relationship is currently a priority in your life. If not, try the suggestions given in this article to see if they help. Please seek the help of a qualified professional if you need or want support while making these changes or if you feel your situation is not improving despite your efforts.

    Is Your Relationship on the Back Burner?

    When was the last time you spent time with your partner? I don’t just mean being in the same physical space, like being in the same room together while one of you plays on the computer and the other watches television. I mean REALLY spent time together talking, enjoying each other’s company, and connecting emotionally with one another. Take a minute and give it some thought…

    If you couldn’t come up with an answer or if the answer you came up with was so far in the past that you can barely remember it, then its probably safe to say that your relationship has been put on the back burner and is not currently a top priority in your life.

    Why is this a problem?

    Just as when a pan is left unattended on a hot stove, leaving your relationship on the back burner for too long will eventually cause your relationship problems to boil over and make a huge mess. Couples who do not make their relationship a priority tend to feel less invested in their relationship, feel distant and disconnected from one another, and argue more frequently which, in turn, can lead to couples making their relationship even less of a priority.

    How did this happen?

    If you are like most people, you stay busy trying to juggle the demands of whatever you have going on in your life. There are deadlines to be met at work and/or school, children to be cared for, endless chores to be done, and so on… Among all of these competing demands for your time and resources, relationships often get put on the back burner because the short-term consequences for not attending to them tend to be far less immediate and negative than the consequences that go along with not attending to these other things. You are probably highly motivated to make your job a priority because you need to work in order to get paid, but your partner will most likely still be there for you even if you don’t spend much quality time together…right?

    Another reason why relationships tend to get put on the back burner is because dealing with them can be painful. When problems exist in the relationship, it is sometimes easier for people to distance themselves from their partners than it is to try and re-connect with them.

    What you can do…

    Making your relationship a priority is an essential part of moving your relationship off of the back burner. Here are 3 tips to help you do this.

    1. Invest in your relationship. Your relationship, like everything else in life worth having, requires an investment of your time and effort in order for it to be as good as it can possibly be. Recognize that your relationship is unlikely to magically or spontaneously improve on its own and then take active steps to build and maintain it.

    2. Make time for your relationship. In today’s busy world, things that are not scheduled become much lower on our list of priorities because we are too busy and/or tired to get to them, and relationships are no exception. Regularly set aside time for just the two of you to be together as a couple. Have a conversation with your partner about how often and how much time the two of you can dedicate to your relationship and then put it on your calendar. Doing this increases your sense of commitment and makes it much more likely that you will follow through with your plans.

    3. Spend your time wisely. Work with your partner to generate a list of ideas for how the two of you can spend time together as a couple. Choose activities that will allow you to enjoy each other’s company and converse with one another about whatever you want or need to discuss. Remember that it is important to periodically spend some of your time together talking specifically about relationship issues, such as how each of you thinks the relationship is going, where you want it to go in the future, and how you can make that happen.

    Making your relationship a priority does not need to be an elaborate production: even relatively small but consistent investments of your time and effort can go a very long way toward improving your relationship.

    If you and your partner have very serious problems and/or if there is a considerable amount of animosity between the two of you, it may be necessary for you to resolve these issues before you begin the job of reconnecting with one another. Consider working with a qualified professional if you need or want someone to help you do this work.

  • I was raped at aged 4 now the guy I love is asking me for sex

    Aunty Adeola Agoro, I love everything about you. I lost my virginity at the age of 4 through raping, I am in a relationship for just one month and 3 weeks now but the guy is asking me for sex. His character is changing every day, I need your advice should i stay or leave. The truth is I love him.

    My dear, if as a child you were molested by a shameless pedophile, you didn’t have control over that then. You were just a defenseless little girl whose privacy was soiled. As an adult, you should do everything in your power to protect yourself from deceivers who come in the name of love. I don’t feel comfortable with this kind of guy who comes into your life and begins to misbehave just because you won’t spread your legs. He’s not like the first guy that debased you only in the sense that he wants your consent as against that one who forced you.

    However, they are the same in the sense that he wants to use ‘style’ in the name of love to get your back down. Please, let him go if he wants to go. You have had enough bad experiences already, so you must love yourself and your feelings first before giving in to somebody who is so silly as to be misbehaving just because you refused to give him your body. Your body is yours and you have the power now to say no to sex when you’re not ready. Whether you give in to a bad guy or not, he will leave you when he has had his fill. Be wise!

  • My guy found out about the other guy and asked me to go

    Dear aunty I’m IJ, I’m 22 years old and I’m dating a guy whom I once loved but I’m falling in love with another guy and I have been hiding it away from him but he later found out and asked me to go. Please help me; I don’t know what to do.

    Sooner or later in the game of double dating, the secret will leak and one party will have to take a walk. In relationships, you can’t continue to eat your cake and have it. It is either  you stick to the one you loved but whom you have fallen out of love with or embrace the new relationship and enjoy it as it unfolds while you say bye-bye to the other guy.

    He’s a real man that’s why he asked you to go. That is even good for you as he still has something to hold on to, after all, he can console himself with the fact that he ended it. It is more painful when the cheating person is the one who has the upper hand to end a relationship. In this case, you were the cheat and he can at least rest in the fact that he caught you and sent you packing.

    This should teach you a lesson in your new relationship – stop cheating. It is better to end an old relationship and start a new one

    on a clean slate. Face your new guy and learn the art of faithfulness.

  • Concerns linger over Jonathan, Tambuwal’s relationship

    Concerns linger over Jonathan, Tambuwal’s relationship

    Tongues have been wagging about the relationship between the nation’s number one citizen, President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, and the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Honourable Aminu Tambuwal. The insinuation is that between them, there is no love lost.

    The position has been fueled by recent developments, particularly, the absence of the Speaker from the Independence Day celebration ceremony in Aso Villa, Abuja, on Monday.

    Besides, the hard-line posture of the House in respect of the 2012 Budget, and its threat to institute impeachment proceedings against the President on account of alleged poor implementation of the said budget is seen as a direct fallout of the frosty relationship between the two chieftains of the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP).

    Today, the House has indicated that, despite the communication from the President that he would be willing to present the outlay of his fiscal plan for 2013 today, it would be unwilling to receive the budget.

    Last week, the House rejected the request and hinged its decision on the conflict between the President’s date and the time frame the lower chamber set for oversight of projects executed by Ministries, Departments and Agencies (MDAs). The President had written to inform the two chambers of the National Assembly of his plan to present the 2013 budget today. However, House spokesman, Honourable Zakari Mohammed, declared soon after, that the lawmakers would not be available to receive the President.

    In his words: “We are going on oversight and will not be back until October 9.” He stressed that the House would not accept the 2013 Budget until it was satisfied with the implementation of this year’s budget. The House had projected that it would begin oversight of projects by the MDAs from on October 1, to ascertain claims by them of what they have done so far. Zakari dismissed the insinuation that the House’s decision not to receive President Jonathan was in furtherance of the rift between the House and the Executive, saying “There is no rift between us. It is purely on the ground of what I told you.” Instructively, the House accepted the medium-term budget sent by the Presidency after a meeting with the Minister of Finance and Coordinating Minister of the Economy, Dr. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, two weeks ago. Media Adviser to the Speaker, Alhaji Imam Imam, told The Nation yesterday that there is no truth in the insinuation that the relationship between the President and the Speaker is frosty. He attributed the failure of the Speaker to be present at the Villa for the Independence Day ceremony to flight logistic.

    “There is no iota of truth in that insinuation or speculation. How can people make a mountain out of a mole hill? The Speaker was in Abeokuta on Sunday to commiserate with the family of the late Lateef Adegbite, after which he attended several meetings in Lagos. But he made it clear that we must depart Lagos by the first flight, probably by 6 a.m. But then, because of logistics problems in the arrangement, he was delayed. He quickly got in touch with the Deputy Speaker to represent the House as an institution. Those who are peddling this rumour, don’t they know what protocol is about? How would the Speaker just walk into an arena when the President, Vice-President and the President of the Senate were already seated?”, Imam asked.

    He pointed at the appointment of the Speaker to head the Presidential Committee to dialogue with Saudi authorities over the detention and deportation of Nigerian female pilgrims last week as a testimony that both leaders are matured enough to realise that Nigerian interest must not be made to suffer at any point in time.

    He asked rhetorically, would the President appoint the person he is not in love with into such a committee?

    Tambuwal was named chairman of the Presidential Committee saddled with the responsibility of dialoguing with the Saudi authorities to resolve the issues that led to the detention of over 1000 Nigerian female pilgrims. The Secretary to the Government of the Federation (SGF) Senator Anyim Pius Anyim announced the Committee. However, Imam said the insistence of the House to ensure compliance with the implementation of the budget is a matter of principle. And that any rational thinking Nigerian should not fault the House. “I don’t speak for the House, but you must allow me say that the issue of budget implementation has been a major bane for all administrations in this country and if the House says we can’t continue like that, I think we should listen to them than say it is a way to run down the executive or a fall out of the relationship between two people. It is the welfare of Nigerians that is at stake, I hope we all know that. As far as I know, there is no personal grudge between these two eminent Nigerians. And I want to crave the indulgence of Nigerians not to give mischief makers room to flourish in our body politics”, he explained.

    Political observers, however, hold that there may be more to the scenario playing out than meet the eye. A PDP chieftain from one of the Southwest states who craved anonymity, alleged that notwithstanding the explanation anybody may give to the goings on, it is clear that all may not be well and that something is “seriously amiss”.

    “Let’s face it, if the President of the country has written to inform the National Assembly of his intention to present the 2013 budget to the National Assembly, it is the height of disrespect to declare that we are not going to welcome him. Yes, the President has an option not to go and just send an aide, but if I were the President, I would go and let the people judge if their decision to shun the President is good judgment or a bad one. Let them mend their fences and give the people good governance and dividends of democracy”, he stated.

    In like manner, another chieftain of the party from one of the Southsouth states fingered the politics of 2015 as “the factor stoking the fire”.

    He told The Nation, while asking not to be named, that “permutation about what will happen in 2015 is driving the body language of these politicians. We are not deceived. We all know what is happening and you also know the way the Speaker emerged, he was certainly not the choice of the party leadership but once the opposition parties, in a bid to assert their relevance, decided to play a major role in the election of the Speaker, the PDP leadership lost it.

    “I think they still regard that development as a slight, if not really anti-party on the part of the Speaker. But even at that, subsequent efforts to douse the tension have not met with any success. If the House raises an issue over the implementation of the budget, and the party and presidency reaches out to the House leadership, I think the House should sheathe its sword. Look at last month, there was an alarm that a grand plan to impeach the Speaker had been uncovered. And naturally, heads will turn in the direction of the presidency. All this further heat up the polity and I think the party has a role to play in calling seemingly big members of the party to order for peace to reign. The party should be supreme and whatever it decides should be final”, the party chieftain said.

    Recently, it was alleged that the leadership of the PDP, purportedly acting in concert with the Presidency, wanted to impeach the Speaker over the handling of the bribery allegation against former chairman of the ad-hoc subsidy probe committee, Honourable Farouk Lawan.

    It was alleged that the way the House handled the matter was not pleasing to the powers that be and that the development presented a veritable platform to deal with the Tambuwal ‘headache’ once and for all. Tambuwal, branded in some quarters as Opposition Speaker, is said to be a thorn in the flesh of the Executive. In May, he openly disagreed with President Jonathan at the 2012 Democracy Day National Symposium on the concept of Separation of Powers and budget preparation.

    There is also the allegation that the Speaker’s popularity rating may be a source of worry in some quarters. This, according to political analysts, may not be unconnected with his resolve to always be on the side of the people. On several occasions, Tambuwal’s leadership has been brave enough to confront the executive.

    Recently, the President and the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) were forced to suspend their plans to introduce the N5000 note and coin some denominations which was popularly opposed by the people. But it was not only the House that made that possible. The Senate was even more critical in its criticism of the project.

    Tambuwal, who represents Kebbe/Tambuwal Federal Constituency of Sokoto State, emerged as the Speaker against all odds. In June last year, the leadership of the ruling party was humiliated as members of the 7th House of Representatives defied its directive on zoning and elected Tambuwal as Speaker and Emeka Ihedioha (PDP, Imo) as Deputy Speaker. The duo were elected in the presence of the then Acting National Chairman, Alhaji Haliru Mohammed Bello, former BOT chairman, Chief Tony Anenih, Anyim and some state governors.

    They include former Bayelsa State Governor, Chief Timipriye Sylva, former Kogi State Governor, Ibrahim Idris, Zamfara State Governor, Abdul Azeez Yari, Bauchi State Governor, Isa Yuguda.

    Their presence in the gallery did not deter the lawmakers from going ahead with their ‘plot’ as they successfully jettisoned the party’s decision and picked candidates of their choice.

    Tambuwal beat his only challenger, Hon. Mulikat Adeola-Akande from Oyo State who happened to be the PDP anointed candidate by 252 to 90 votes in an election that lasted for almost four hours, while Ihedioha was elected unopposed.

    On that day, Tambuwal and Ihedioha who belonged to the same camp, disguised their dressing by wearing what they were never known or associated with in terms of dressing code. It was learnt then that it was to avoid being arrested in connection with an alleged N10 billion loan scam for which former Speaker, Dimeji Bankole was being held then by the Economic and Financial crimes Commission (EFCC).

    While Tambuwal who is known for his flowing Babariga was dressed in a pair of suit and a bowler cap to fit, Ihedioha noted for his Ibo traditional attire with his green cap chose to dress in a white agbada and mallam-like cap.

    After the result was announced by the Clerk of the House, the new Speaker was immediately sworn in. His landslide victory forestalled further election for the position of Deputy Speaker as Hon. Dogara Yakubu and Ishaku Bawa who were also gunning for the position of Deputy Speaker withdrew, thereby clearing the coast for the emergence of Ihedioha without a contest.

    In his acceptance speech, Tambuwal said the House was the House of the people and they had spoken through the election of the two of them.

    But many Nigerians who have been curious may want to know exactly where to put the relationship between the President and the Speaker.