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Tag: Relationship

  • Why you should not have extra-marital affairs (1)

    Why you should not have extra-marital affairs (1)

    NO matter how much you try to justify being in a relationship with a married man, there are no positive reasons for dating a married man.

    Below are 18 top reasons why you shouldn’t date a married man

    1. Dating a married man is just plain wrong. No reason justifies your action.
    2. You will always be second best when you date a married man. Why be second best to a married man when you can be another man’s number one?
    3. When you date a married man, everything about the relationship will be a secret because he doesn’t want anyone to know about the relationship.
    4. You ruin your reputation when you date a married man as you give people another reason to speak poorly of you.
    5. Why date a married man when he will never truly be yours. He’s married to another woman and he will never fully be able to commit to you.
    6. Dating a married man never has a happy ending.
    7. You are just a tool for his sexual gratification. No matter what he tells you, you definitely mean nothing to him.
    8. Time waits for no one. When you date a married man, you just waste precious time you might have had in a healthy relationship with a chance of flourishing.
    9. You won’t have him during special moments in his life as he would definitely spend it with his wife and family.
    10. You can’t see him or call him anytime you want. What’s the point being in a relationship in which you can’t call or see your partner anytime you want?
    11. You will become a regular customer at a hotel off town because you can’t come to his house.
    12. If someone he knows sees the both of you together, you will be introduced as his niece, cousin or even baby sitter. Why don’t you spare yourself such embarrassments.
    13. He might tell you his marriage is having issues and promise to marry you but that’s what they always say. It’s all lies.
    14. He will never respect you as a person.
    15. You can’t proudly introduce him as your man in public.
    16. Every man who knows about his relationship with you will see you as cheap and loose.
    17. If he can cheat on his wife to be with you, he will definitely cheat on you to be with someone else when he becomes tired of you.
    18. You stand a high chance of being publicly disgraced in public by a crazy wife. Spare yourself such embarrassment.

     

    Source:  www.elcrema.com

  • How to stop arguing…solving relationship problems

    YOU’RE a couple in love. Naturally, you’re going to fight once in awhile. However, being frustrated or angry with your partner doesn’t have to be destructive, as long as you know how to approach the argument.

    For the purposes of this article, we’re going to talk about romantic relationships. Obviously, any argument with another person can benefit from some of these principles, but different relationship dynamics require different approaches. What’s appropriate for your boyfriend may not be the best solution for dealing with your boss or your crappy roommate. Romantic relationships have their own unique challenges and its best to deal with problems when they start.

    Recognize there are two problems: your emotions and the situation

    When you first get upset or angry with your significant other, there are almost always two problems: your emotions and the actual problem. For example, say you’re frustrated with your partner for not doing the dishes. You now have two problems to solve: the dishes need to be done and you need to no longer be upset with your partner for not doing them.

    In most other areas in life, we recognize that you need to prioritize your problems and deal with them separately. It only makes sense to do the same with your fights. Before you tell your loved one something along the lines of “For the love of crap, could you please do the dishes for once?!” you may want to make sure you’re not one of those irrational people that make productive discussions difficult.

    When you’re angry and aimed at your loved one, that’s the worst time to start airing your grievances (save that for Festivus):

    For instance, Dr. Lerner mentions that in order to address grievances or differing ideas of what to do about an up-coming dilemma, couples need to take a calming break from talking together if either or both are getting emotionally heated. As she says, “Anger is an important emotion” but “when tempers flare our capacity for clear thinking, empathy, and creative problem-solving go down the drain…” Discussions are far more likely to prove productive when both parties are calm enough to be open to hearing the other person’s perspective, and to be able to express their own concerns without finger-pointing.

    Of course, being frustrated and venting anger is all normal (though continually ruminating on your problems without doing anything can just make you angrier). Accepting that your emotions are a real thing that need to be dealt with and distinct from the subject of your actual argument sets the stage for resolution.

    Deal with your emotions first

    When it comes to anger management, everyone has their own way to chill out. If you find yourself on the verge of a fight with your loved one, take a moment to deal with your stress, and allow them to do the same. In most cases, it’s probably best for you to do so alone (though in some sensitive situations, simply taking a moment to breathe where you are can help, too). Do whatever brings your energy down. Go for a walk. Listen to loud music. Write an angry note and then destroy it.

    This will work best if you let your partner know ahead of time how you best handle stress. Stomping off, muttering under your breath without a word is a quick way to hurt someone. Before you find yourself in a fight, know how your loved one deals with anger and make sure they know what you need. Even saying “I need to go for a walk. Let’s talk in a few minutes,” is more beneficial than “Whatever.”

    Most importantly, once you’re done calming down, come back. As we mentioned earlier, when a fight erupts, you’re dealing with two problems. Calming down solves one problem and it’s easy to feel like everything is better. Sometimes it is, but if you’re having a persistent problem with your partner, it won’t disappear just because you rocked out to Bohemian Rhapsody for a bit.

    Deal with the situation when you come back

    Once you’ve calmed down, you can start approaching your problem rationally. For starters, you’re now in a better position to choose your battles. Fighting with your partner over not doing the dishes for the first time when he’s had a long day may not be worth it. On the other hand, if you’ve gone thirteen straight weeks without spending an evening together, a discussion is probably worth having.

    When you come back to have a discussion with your loved one, take a collaborative approach. If you engage a problem as you vs. your partner, you create barriers that only make a happy relationship harder. As Psychology Today puts it:

    Fighting of any sort indicates that partners have taken a stance against each other. Fighting pits me against you, with expectations that one of us will emerge as a winner and the other as the loser. Participants are antagonists, competitors for who will win.

    Collaborative partnering, by contrast, involves side-by-side problem-solving. In collaborative discussions of even the most sensitive and difficult issues, both parties pursue mutual understanding. Both seek to understand the other’s point of view as well as to express their own concerns. Both presume that a broader and deeper understanding of both their own and their partner’s concerns will open a pathway for moving forward that will be responsive to all of these concerns.

    Sometimes the problems will simply be how you feel. “When you won’t put your smartphone down at dinner, it makes me feel neglected” is just as legitimate of a problem as arguments over household chores. The important thing is to express the issue as something that the two of you can work together to resolve.

    Once the talk is done, be sure to take action. Your ability to communicate is important and helps with feeling more of a bond with your partner, but if nothing changes, you’ll be having the same conversations again in a week.

    Once the two of you have established what needs to change, follow the same tactics you would to form good habits. Remind yourself later about the things your partner wants to change. Don’t rely on memory alone.

    Make Up

    You’ve gotten angry. You’ve calmed down. You’ve talked it out. You’ve come up with a plan for what needs to change. Everything’s good, right? Well, probably. If you stop there and do nothing else, you’ll still be doing better than the average yelling match. However, if you want to be sure that this becomes a habit, reward yourselves.

    Cuddling, watching a movie, or having good old-fashioned makeup sex are all positive ways to end an argument on a happy note (though if you skip the conflict resolution steps, makeup sex can actually be a destructive habit on the level of cocaine). Ideally, you’ll enjoy your significant other’s company and make each other happy. If the two of you have had a healthy discussion about your issues, take a moment to reward yourself with each other’s company.

    It may sound cheesy, but rewarding constructive behavior is a basic tenet of manipulating ourselves and others into self-improvement. If that’s not enough, science shows that the old adage “Don’t go to bed angry” rings true. Instead of settling for just not being angry, do what you can to go to bed happy, content, and looking forward to a better relationship than you had yesterday.

     

    Source: lifehacker.com

  • Desperate cheating husband begs Instagram to delete angry girlfriend’s confession

    Desperate cheating husband begs Instagram to delete angry girlfriend’s confession

    A married man is currently on his knees, pleading with a social media relationship page to take down his girlfriend’s post.

    From the girlfriend’s post on Instagram page, Break or Makeup, the girlfriend had taunted the wife of her married boyfriend, insisting that she was the man’s lover before he met and married the other woman.

    Stating that she was at their wedding, the irate girlfriend revealed that while other guests were busy praying for the success of the new marriage, she was actually cursing, asking the gods to ensure that the marriage hit the rocks in record time.

    Her prayers seem to have been answered, as the newly married man/her former lover soon retraced his way back to her after a fight with his new bride.

    The girlfriend said she did not only cook bitter leaf soup for the man, she also had sex with him.

    However, the man, who seems to have regretted his action, has invaded the relationship site, begging the administrators to put down his girlfriend’s post.

    He claims to still love his wife, but the administrators would have none of that, and went ahead to further post his plea.

    Meanwhile, the girlfriend has started another round of prayers, asking the gods to make her conceive so that even if the man refuses to marry her, she would at least be a ‘baby mama.’

    See her post

    And the cheating husband’s plea:

    This is the wife’s rejoinder to the girlfriend’s post:

  • Top rules for sophisticated guys

    Top rules for sophisticated guys

    1. Your belt should match your shoes.

    2. If you are wearing a black suit, wear black shoes.

    3. If you are wearing gray, blue, tan or a combination thereof, please use brown shoes.

    4. Get a haircut regularly. Don’t wait until everyone around you knows you need one.

    5. Never go out without a wristwatch.

    6- If you want a thinner and smarter look, go for vertical-striped shirts.

    7- You should have at least three suits in your wardrobe.

    8- Your tie should cover your collar button down to your top trouser button. Anything longer or shorter makes you look awkward or like a village headmaster.

    9- Have at least one pair of dress shoes.

    10- Wear slippers only at home and the beach. Never leave your house with slippers, not even to see someone off.

    11- If you want to use a tie, use it properly. Avoid wearing a tie with an untucked shirt or wearing a tucked shirt with a slightly loosened tie.

    12- Never match blazers with dress trousers.

    13- Do not leave your house with wrinkled clothes, it doesn’t speak good of you no matter the explanation you have for it.

    14- Match your belt to your belt loops. Don’t wear a thin dress belt with trousers that have big belt loops.

    15- Always have an elegant pen with you. It helps you look sophisticated and ready.

    16- Have lots of white shirts because white shirts make you look like a boss.

    17- Wear simple t-shirts without a photo or write-up on it. They make you look, mature, simple but sophisticated.

    18- Your trousers are too short if you can see your socks as you walk. Your trousers should end just at the top of your shoes.

  • ‘Couples who sleep naked together are happier’

    Chances are that you are happy in your relationship if you and your partner love to sleep naked, perhaps even happier than couples you know who sleep wearing pyjamas or some other pieces of clothing.

    This is because a new study has revealed that couples who sleep naked have a happier relationship and are fond of each other.

    The study from Cotton USA asked couples what they slept in at bedtime and then asked them to rate how happy they were in their relationship.

    RELATED: How often workers have sex at work

    The results showed that 57 percent of those who slept in the nude said they felt happy, compared to 48 percent of pyjamas wearers, 43 percent of nightie wearers and a mere 38 percent of people who wore pants, bum shorts, etc.

    Stephanie Thiers-Ratcliffe of Cotton USA said that one of the leading factors for this was that the nakedness encouraged intimacy and openness, thanks to the skin-on-skin contact and the feeling of soft bedding.

    Respondents, however, note that couples who sleep in the nude would always have so much washing to do!

  • Seven bedtime habits you must adjust

    Seven bedtime habits you must adjust

    The time you spend with your spouse right before you drift off to sleep is arguably the most important interaction you’ll have all day. Largely, it helps you overcome all day stress and the hectic workload at the office or place of business.

    Below, relationship experts share seven bedtime mistakes couples often make — and how to get back on track.

    1. Going to bed at different times.
    Sorry, night owl/early bird couples: Differing sleep schedules may seem like no big thing, but it’s more harmful than you realise, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a psychotherapist and author ofMarriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted.

    “It’s a recipe for feeling lonely and emotionally (and physically) detached from each other,” she said. “One of the best things about being a couple is the warm, fuzzy time you share right before drifting off to sleep — why would anyone want to sacrifice that?”

    If you’re going to bed at separate times, there may be more to it than meets the eye, said Berger. “A conflict or grudge might exist that you need to talk about earlier in the day.”

    RELATED POST: Best sexual positions for first timers

    2. Being inconsiderate of your spouse’s schedule.
    If your late night TV or texting habits are getting in the way of your spouse’s rest, it may be time to move the flat screen or smartphone out of the bedroom, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist based in Little Rock, Arkansas. Whetstone called on a real life example to illustrate her point.

    One husband I counselled was a physician and had to be at the hospital by 6:00 a.m. every weekday. He pleaded with his wife, a stay-at-home mum, to not watch TV when he was trying to get a good night’s sleep but she wanted to keep it on all night as background noise

    Whetstone recalled. “Despite every effort ­– like suggesting she get headphones or he get earplugs and blinders for his eyes — nothing brought him peace and she would not budge. A few years later, they divorced.”

    3. Saying nothing — or very little — to each other before bed.
    After a long day of work and looking after the kids, who can blame you for wanting to jump into bed and call it a night? Still, it’s worth trying to carve out some time to emotionally reconnect with your spouse.
    “Take the time to talk about the highlights and low points of your day,” said LiYana Silver, a San Francisco-based relationship coach. “There’s no need to offer advice or therapy to each other — just keep it to a short share.”

    4. Spending time with your smartphone over quality time with your spouse.
    Do yourself a favour and escort your smartphone out of the room before you head to bed. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and texts should always take a backseat to your spouse, but especially before bed, Berger said.

    ALSO: Dealing with masturbation

    “Taking a tablet or phone to bed with you harms your relationship in two ways: First, it isolates you emotionally from each other,” she said. “Secondly, when we’re on electronic device shortly before sleep, the stimulation from the screen tends to keep you awake. With insufficient sleep, we’re likely to be less patient, kind and tolerant toward our partner the next day.”

    5. Self-grooming in bed.
    Save the grooming regimen for the bathroom. As Whetstone has heard from clients, nothing kills romance quite like an errant toenail flicking you in the face.A wife I worked with was disgusted with her husband’s tendency for grooming his nails in bed,” Whetstone recalled. “She’d say, ‘I hear a click or crack and every now and then a piece of toe or fingernail hits me in the face or flies across the room and bounces off the wall!’ Even when the nails didn’t hit her, she felt like he didn’t care at all about what she thought of him.”

    A wife I worked with was disgusted with her husband’s tendency for grooming his nails in bed. Whetstone recalled. “She’d say, ‘I hear a click or crack and every now and then a piece of toe or fingernail hits me in the face or flies across the room and bounces off the wall!’ Even when the nails didn’t hit her, she felt like he didn’t care at all about what she thought of him.

    6. Putting physical intimacy on the back burner.
    Starting to feel more like roommates than spouses? If one of you is avoiding coming to bed or is seemingly disinterested in sex, talk through your issues before you hit the sheets, said Whetstone.
    “When it comes to sex, quite a few clients have told me they suspect that their spouse won’t come to bed at the same time they do because they want to avoid sex — and quite a few don’t deny that,” she said.”I always say, ‘Wouldn’t it just be easier to talk about it rather than hide out in another room and tiptoe to bed once you know they’re in a deep sleep?’”

    “I always say, ‘Wouldn’t it just be easier to talk about it rather than hide out in another room and tiptoe to bed once you know they’re in a deep sleep?’”

    7. Going to bed angry.
    You shouldn’t abruptly end an argument just because it’s late and you’re both tired. But allowing unresolved conflicts or misunderstandings to fester time and time again isn’t good for your marriage, either.

    “There is a good reason for the saying, ‘Don’t go to bed angry,’” said Berger.

    “Instead, do your best to clear up issues well before bedtime, so when you’re ready to turn in for the night you’ll both want to communicate lovingly, in words, tone and actions.”

     

    First appeared on Huffington Post

  • Renewing your marital relationship (3)

    Renewing your marital relationship (3)

    Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom

    Dear Reader,

    For the past few weeks, I have showed you how you can renew your marital relationship, by having good expectations and building intimacy. By the grace of God, this week, I will be discussing a few guidelines on intimacy.  My focus will be on Types of Intimacy.

    Intimacy is the close relationship between you and your spouse: emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually etc. Intimacy is not an end, but rather a journey that lasts throughout your marriage.

    Intimacy can have different meanings for men and women. However, all human beings have the basic need to be intimate and close with another person. Women are often portrayed as having a desire for emotional intimacy, while men are portrayed as only having a desire for sexual intimacy. However, intimacy can take many forms, including the following:

    Emotional intimacy

    This is the closeness created through sharing feelings. Here, the couple is able to share personal feelings. They are able to trust one another, and feel safe and secure with each other.

    Emotions can be described as strong instinctive feelings. Women generally understand emotions better than men. The first step to emotional awareness is to pay attention to your feelings, identify them, and think of possible reasons for them. Work on noticing the differences between strong emotions, such as terror and fury, and the differences between more subtle emotions such as anxiety, insecurity and irritation.

    Emotional intimacy occurs when people understand what they are feeling, convey that to each other and express understanding or concern on the feelings to each other.

    Mental or intellectual intimacy

    Marriage has a cognitive and planning dimension, which includes sharing thoughts about life, making plans together and discussing goals. It also involves a mutual understanding about all the important issues in marriage. Setting goals together is one of the ways to further intellectual intimacy. For example, you might set goals to improve your intimacy.

    Spiritual intimacy

    Marriage has a spiritual and philosophical dimension which includes, sharing spiritual and religious attitudes, behaviours, beliefs and life experiences. This involves sharing religious beliefs and observing religious practices together, such as praying and attending church services. As you share spiritual experiences, you will become united in your attitudes and goals. Spiritual intimacy grows when couples become active in a church where they can learn, grow, and serve God together.

    Recreational & Social Intimacy

    This is enjoying activities together, like running, golfing, or reading. Watching a TV programme or preparing a meal together can be good ways to build recreational intimacy. Marriage has a social dimension in which the partners enjoy doing things together and spending time together.

    Financial or monetary intimacy

    The fiscal dimension of marriage deals with decisions and actions concerning earning a living and spending money. This comes with discussing and sharing your finances with each other.

    Sexual intimacy

    Husband and wife share their physical love for each other, by sharing their bodies and physically becoming one. This is one of the most important dimensions of healthy marital intimacy. Healthy sexual intimacy includes sexual frequency that both partners are satisfied with, sexual activities both partners enjoy, and an open dialogue about sex. Someone once said, “A major strength for happily married couples is the quality of their sexual relationship”.

    The (Different) Meaning of Physical Affection to Men and Women

    Both men and women share the basic need to be intimate. However, from both sexual and emotional standpoints, there are basic differences. Typically, men and women enter into marriage with different beliefs and expectations about giving and receiving affection. Having a basic understanding of such differences is important to avoid misunderstanding, frustrations, and anger.

    It’s been said that, naturally, men give love and commitment, in order to get physical affection and sex. Women give physical affection and sex, in order to get commitment and love. It might also be said that men usually hunger for sex, while women hunger for romance. Men basically give and receive love to fulfill their physical needs; while women essentially give and receive love to fulfill their emotional needs.

    Often, women need to feel loved and nurtured, before they begin to be aroused and develop desire for sexual intimacy. For women, emotional intimacy is at least as important as the act of sexual intercourse.

    Men often need to be sexually aroused, before they can truly feel and express love. It’s through sexual activity that men are emotionally and physically fulfilled. Sexual activity often enables men to become aware of their wives’ need for love and emotional support.

    Unless partners understand such differences between men and women, it can be difficult or frustrating for them to find common ground, on which their emotional and physical desires can be fulfilled. Understanding each other’s feelings and expectations regarding intimacy (in all its dimensions) and being intimate, is the key.

    Until you are a child of God, you cannot benefit from what has just been discussed. To be born again entails confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Saviour and Lord.  If you are ready to be born again, please say this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

    If you prayed this simple prayer, congratulations, you are born again and you are now a child of God! He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name!  Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

  • How to master ladies’ G-spot

    How to master ladies’ G-spot

    There’s no doubt you’ve heard of the G-spot: that mythical area that feels extra good for ladies when you hit it. But sadly, there are a lot of women who actually haven’t even found their own G-spots themselves. Why not?

    For starters, it can be hard to locate. And when she’s masturbating and her clitoris is right out there in the open and ready to go, going on a solo treasure hunt in search of it the G-spot might just feel a little unnecessary.

    However, for the women who have managed to find that sacred spot, the results can be pretty mind blowing, and any guy who can find his partner’s G-spot and use it to give her maximum pleasure would qualify as an incredible lover. Finding it, however, is only the first step. You’ll need to know how it works, and the best way to stimulate it for maximum pleasure. Having a few sex positions handy that target this erogenous zone will further help your cause.

    Ready to start searching and blow her mind? Here’s how to master the G-spot — what it is, what it does, how to find it, best practices for making it feel good and beyond.

    Now would also be a good time to note that the orgasms that occur through stimulating the G-spot versus the ones that result from clitoral stimulation are related — but are felt a bit differently. “G-spot orgasms also overlap with clitoral and vaginal orgasms, as the area known as the G-spot is accessible through the front wall of the vagina and is located in very close proximity to the legs of the clitoris,” says Dr. O’Reilly.

    “Both scientific and anecdotal accounts of G-spot orgasms, however, suggest that they are distinct from other experiences of pleasure.

    Women often report that a G-spot orgasm feels different from a clitoral one, as they experience sensations of bearing down or pushing out with their pelvic floor muscles as opposed to tenting effect from clitoral stimulation.

    In fact, research suggests that the brain actually uses different regions for processing each of these feelings.

    “Dr. Beverly Whipple and Dr. Barry Komisaruk discovered that vaginal, cervical and G-spot stimulation activates different parts of the brain via four different nerve pathways that innervate the clitoris, vagina and cervix,” says Dr. O’Reilly.

    “What is most exceptional about this differentiation is the fact that the Vagus nerve bypasses the spinal cord, allowing even those diagnosed with complete spinal cord injury to experience pleasure and orgasm via the cervix.” So, now you know how it all works. But if the G-spot differs in location from woman to woman, how do you go about finding it?

    This article first appeared on askmen.com

  • Making up with your ex

    Making up with your ex

    IT’S over. You’ve broken up, hired attorneys, filed or are already divorced. You thought that you were successfully moving on, and you’re facing what feels like another long, lonely weekend alone. Sure, you’ve been dating, but you haven’t met anyone of enduring significance. When you first separated you felt confident and justified, even hopeful about meeting someone new, but now you’re feeling miserable.

    You’re laying on the couch, obsessing over what could have or should have been with your ex. You’re wondering what they’re doing and whom they’re with. Are they thinking about and missing you too? Maybe they’re your Great Love after all, and you screwed up in letting them go!

    So when they text you with an “I miss you. Can we talk?”, you’re beside yourself with hopefulness and glee. You feel like this is the miraculous moment you’ve been praying for. Here’s your chance to make it right and get back together.

    Not so fast!

    In my work with divorcing couples, and being the veteran of two divorces myself, I’ve learned personally and professionally that no matter what your lonesome heart is telling you in this moment of vulnerability, it’s critical to remain rational, take it slow, and most of all, keep your eyes open. I can promise you those unresolved problems will rise again, once the hormones and excitement settles down and you’re back in your comfort zone.

    If you both truly want to use this as a second chance at creating a happier, more successful and secure relationship, make sure you can both clearly answer a resounding “yes” to the following relationship well-being stabilizers before calling your attorneys and jumping back in. Please note that the operative word here is “both.”

    1. We have a plan of action in place to deal with disappointments that may occur. It is important to have a “rough waters, this is shaky territory” game plan for how to handle your responses differently this time around. Discuss the problem areas that you had in the past and the needed changes. Having some strategies in place will eliminate some of the shock and disappointment that occurs when you realize not much has magically changed during the time apart.
    2. We have no secrets, no masks and are willing to speak our truth. Many times we hide our true selves in order to keep the peace and win approval, attention and love. But then, we never feel completely known or seen. To make it work, you need to have the following agreement: No secrets. No masks. I am really me. You are really you. No lies, no games.
    3. We won’t bail when things get tough. There has to be a firm commitment to stay together while you are making new and permanent changes. Create a love contract that declares your willingness to hang in there and hold hands when the inevitable problems, fears and regressions arise.
    4. We are prepared to take it slow and rebuild again. This is a second chance for love. Take it slow. Don’t fall prey to the lure of ex-sex. While the desire to jump into bed may be strong, give yourself the time to learn about each other anew and see each other with fresh eyes. Go on dates, talk and build trust. Become friends. Be gentle and nurturing with yourself and your partner. Notice how safe it feels to really be you. Are your needs being met? How loved and accepted do you each feel?
    5. We have the same goals for the relationship. It’s problematic if one person wants to move quickly and the other wants to take it slow. Or one of you wants children and the other doesn’t. Don’t reunite before you are sure the timing is right and a mutual commitment of goals is agreed upon.
    6. We are ready and willing to forgive the past. If you truly want to repair and rejuvenate your relationship, you’ll have to resolve the negative feelings and come to a place of forgiveness and understanding with yourself and each other. As the barriers melt and a renewed sense of safety and relief replaces hurt, your hearts will be free to truly love again.

    Let’s face it, no relationship is problem or disappointment free. The real strength and cohesion between you is often revealed in how you deal with the problems and frustrations that arise. This time around, make sure you have a plan in place, especially for your hot button issues. Decide in advance how you’ll solve problems as a team, not make issues exclusively a “me” problem or a “you” problem. When problems do arise, the best question to ask is “How would love respond?” Loving actions brings caring solutions.

    A breakup isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it can give a relationship the healthy shake up it needs. Like a brush with death, splitting up can breathe new life and love back into a relationship that has lost its luster, grown lonely, built up a shopping cart of unexpressed resentments, or got caught up in the spin of too many distractions. Suddenly, in the midst of this rebirth, you value being together more and realize how much you really do love each other.

    This could be a second chance to have that great and enduring relationship your heart desires, or it could be the necessary completion you need to fully move on. Whatever the outcome, the willingness to choose love over fear is a worthy journey no matter how the relationship ultimately ends up.

     

    Sheri Meyers, Psy.D is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Los Angeles, CA, and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.

     

    Source: huffingtonpost.com

  • Ladies don’t love men who do these five things

    Ladies don’t love men who do these five things

    More often than necessary, you might have heard a friend complain about women not finding them attractive enough or perhaps be jealous of another friend who women always clog around. The reason could be that they engage in these things that turn women off.

    Several pieces of research have been done into the gap between men and women. It’s not rocket science to determine what men find less attractive to women. Take a quick look at these few blunders:

    Another bottle of wine too!

    Most men love a woman who loves to party but like a little policy. Sorry, ladies, but a real friend should not drink more than necessary. It is very embarrassing if someone sees my man “that drunk last week cuddled and constantly using the toilet. Thus, the task of ensuring that it does not happen is a factor to consider in hanging around the guy.

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    Forgot to shave

    There is no denial that men who give time to shave usually appear more attractive to women. If you are not sure, ask a female friend or workmate politely. It’s no mystery that women also have hair growth, but there are few men who feel attractive carrying bushy armpits, moustache or chin hair. Yeah, you may ask why women go as far as shaving everything including the hair in their Hood.

    Cursing like a ‘danfo’ driver

    Some of us have friends and may be relatives who use the f-words and the k-words often and we forgive them but that is not to say that we do not have some reservations. However, as a guy who wants to be loveable and charming to ladies should rather avoid such. This is not to say that you have to start speaking like Barrack Obama addressing the Congress or Queen Elizabeth of United Kingdom, but a little attention to your words is not too much to ask. It shows a sign of respect for the lady.

    Know the right time

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    Crazy, crazier, craziest! A typical loveable guy by all ladies is one that understands when to touch her, where to touch her and how to touch her that she might say Stop. In fact, an attractive, smart dude understands that she actually meant Continue! Similarly, there are brave and lively ladies who like to have it rough. Play rough, run around, punch them and carry them. Unfortunately, you are going to be tagged boring if you fail to respond to her gesture for a rough play per time. She wants to run but you want to sit, that’s an error.

    Perfume

    You either accept this as a fact or not, perfume is there to enhance your scent. Sometimes it also helps to create an identity or to fall, it depends on your ability to choose the right perfume. Usually, perfumes with very strong fragrance don’t go well with ladies because it chokes them. Well, don’t be disappointed if they choke you, just endure.

    In essence, do you use perfume? Do so with caution. Men burst out on huge smoke odour. Some smart ladies like to figure out the name of your perfume by perceiving the fragrance. Interestingly, they feel challenged when you confuse them by mixing two or three perfumes. Hey! Be careful in mixing perfumes, hence you begin to smell like an undertaker from the gr*veyard.