The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Domestic abuse: Singles – how to give it a miss

    Domestic abuse: Singles – how to give it a miss

    By Mikky Attah

    From the first story in this series, it was a pastor who beat his wife to death in 2017. And on Christmas Day!.  That man claimed to be a Christian.

    Of the UK  Christmas day 2018 wife killer Mohammed Qoraishi , Det. Chf Inspector Ivan Beasley said, “this was an unprovoked and savage attack on a defenceless young woman”.

    UK Judge David Griffith- Jones, in sentencing Qoraishi  said the following- “you inflicted upon her a catalogue of both blunt and sharp instrument injuries. Given the extent and obvious ferocity of the attack, there can be no doubt that your intention must have been to kill your wife”. Yes, Qoraishi is a Muslim- his name even sounds like Quran ! Do not let religion fool you. Moreover, a lot of religious leaders out there paint divorce as a crime- and insist that victims stay on in dangerous , abusive situations; and ‘pray’.

    Woman, man, wife, husband, victim; hear this- for all the advisers insisting you stay there in an abusive relationship/ marriage: NO ONE follows you to the grave in solidarity, upon your decision to stay at all cost. YOU DIE ALONE!

    Like had previously been pointed out, Pastor Ezehiri the 2017 Christmas day wife killer has not been publicly defrocked as a pastor of the Lords Chosen Ministry; in effect, he is still their pastor! Also, he is probably still at large.

    The following details of the highly publicised case of the banker Titi ,whose husband Akolade Arowolo  was found guilty of her murder will be my  last example. Titilayo  it is widely known was murdered in 2011. She was brutally hacked to death, in fact one of her eyeballs was completely gauged  out. In his testimony during the trial Titi’s father George Oyakhire made it known that his ‘daughter did not live continuously with her husband who always beat her and even threatened to throw her down from their storey building apartment.’ Oyakhire reportedly said in court, “ When I told Titilayo to report her husband to a police station she said, God will take control “.

    The pathologist who examined Titi’s corpse discovered 76 stab wounds resulting from the use of “tremendous force”,  on her heart, lungs, liver and other parts of her body. It was so gory, her stomach had been completely torn open. In the words of the pathologist , “All these injuries could not have been self inflicted”( the claim by the husband  was that Titilayo ‘s deadly injuries were entirely self inflicted .

    Justice Lateefat Okunnu of the Ikeja High Court, Lagos sentenced Arowolo to death in 2014.  Now this case, to my mind is the greatest example of religious manipulation . The fellow, Arowolo was a youth leader and later a youth pastor in a notable church ministry, the Foursquare Gospel church. It is wrongly reported that he was a Youth pastor of Redeemed (RCCG), he only changed churches shortly after marriage, but was not a pastor there. However, he got married as a youth pastor, and kept up this appearances all through his trial. Arowolo always came to the court with a very big Bible; he sang loudly and kept muttering Jesus, Jesus, God ; all through his court appearances. In spite of this, though,  he kept changing his alibis,  his defense and cause of death of his wife, all through his trial. His witnesses also, gave defense which they too changed in the course of the trial.  Neighbours all maintained that Arowolo mercilessly beat his wife, frequently. This, expectedly he denied. On the day of judgement, Arowolo came to the court with his big Bible, but this time he made a public show of kneeling before his seat and praying loudly, gesticulating and vibrating for the court to see. Throughout his incarceration now, he is being labelled a model prisoner because of all his outward display of religious piety- as a matter of fact, he was singled out to address the panel on prerogative of mercy- bringing me to issue  a stern warning to all those “enduring” domestic abuse- the ultimate aim of the abuser is to kill the victim.  I want to shock any victim even further-just as it appears  set to happen to Arowolo if care is not  taken; there is only one thing that ever  happens to murdering perpetrators of domestic abuse. NOTHING.  Nothing happens; sadly and especially, if they are men.  They simply walk free, or are set free, and shortly afterwards, go on to marry new wives, whom they invariably too, violently abuse, with time.

    My position on any victim  is abundantly clear- quit procrastinating and right NOW, as you are even reading this, pack up and get OUT of that danger zone. Only after counselling sessions might have been certified by experts  should reconciliation be contemplated.

    For those who are single, domestic abuse can completely be avoided.  By courtship.  People with violent tendencies must be dropped, as potential, future partners.

    A reader from Kogi State , Sylvester Ojogbane, reacting to this topic suggests psychiatric tests for would- be couples. He says , “Haba , what evil has taken over men’s minds?  It’s high time churches introduced psychiatric tests in marriage courses ahead of weddings”.

    I end by saying  she, he who has an ear, let her hear; let him hear.

    • Twitter @mikky_princess
  • A trip to fantasy Island

    A trip to fantasy Island

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    The tears flowed endlessly. It was actually tears of joy. She almost lost someone she loved so much. A friend told her he was cheating on her and then the battle line was drawn. It was almost over but luckily the shadows cleared and she is back in the arms of the one she loved.

    To ease out the tension, she put on the radio and the music affirmed that she was right on track.

    I see trees of green

    Red roses too

    I see them, bloom

    For me and you

    And I think to myself

    What a wonderful world…

    Butterflies bliss and Louis Armstrong’s ‘what a wonderful world’ is something many would love to experience in their relationships. This can only happen when what you have is true, pure and unadulterated romance. It’s beautiful, memorable and takes you on a trip to fantasy Island. Here you would always feel the flutter of butterflies in your stomach and on a daily basis the world feels beautiful.

    It is only natural that you would want to be with your sweetheart all the time, and even when you’re not together, you just can’t help wanting to be together. There is actually a perfect balance and you’re happy. Your sweetheart is happy, the world’s happy for you and you’re having the time of your life.

    Is it Love at first sight, unconditional love, Platonic and the other kinds of love? Even when you experience a particular type, you can be sure that your experience would be different from others.

    Interestingly, the unconditional type of love appears to be one of the best. Here you need to ask certain questions to be sure that you are on track. Do you love someone more than you love yourself? Do you care about your lover more than you care about anything else in the world?

    Interestingly, unconditional love is the stuff fairy tales and romance novels are made of. If both of you care about each other and love each other selflessly, you’re in the middle of a special type of love that few ever experience, but spend all their lives looking for.

    The first crush is a memorable experience, one that’s filled with confusing jolts in the stomach. It’s a beautiful experience and most times it feels as if your life actually depended on it at that time.

    And there are times when you like someone madly, but didn’t just want to express your love for them. Sometimes, you may have an intense infatuation for someone, but, yet, you wouldn’t want to spoil the happy thoughts by doing anything about it.

    Unrequited love is a love filled with heartbreaks and one that almost all of us have experienced. It’s the dreaded one-sided love, where you like someone and you know that person will never like you back. They may be in a relationship, or they may just use you. You find yourself falling more in love with each passing day, even though you know you’ll never get any happiness out of this type of love.

    Obsessive lovers are scared, insecure, and obviously obsessive about the relationship. Now you may have been one or may have dated someone like this. It’s a stage all of us experience when we’re afraid of losing someone we love. But if you or your partner has security issues, really, there’s no hope for a happy ending here.

    On the extreme side, you will find selfish love. Even though it involves two people to create that relationship, selfish love also involves two people who are in love with one person. Your partner loves you. You love you. Selfish love is a love where you don’t care about your partner or their happiness.

    You only care about yourself. If you ever find yourself getting into a relationship just for the heck of it without really falling in love with the other person, chances are you’re a selfish lover. Selfish lovers are clever, scheming foxes who only get into a relationship to see what they can get out of it.

    Well, the truth is that no matter the situation, love is something that we all look forward to experiencing. Even the hardest of hearts melt in the love field. But if you can’t find true love then you may just settle for Platonic love which is the simplest of all types. There are no strings attached and no sexual intentions either. It’s pure, friendly and something we experience from a very young age.

    Love, interestingly, comes in so many hues and ways that’s almost impossible to predict what type you are in.

    Sometimes, it can be happy, painful or somehow confusing. As you search your mind, you’ll definitely find that you must have passed through it and would have experienced some ‘refining’ moments. But if you haven’t gone through this phase (s) then there is definitely no cause for alarm. It may just be around the corner, all you probably need is to tap into the next love opportunity.

  • Believe, Nigerian cleric prophesied Coronavirus outbreak

    Believe, Nigerian cleric prophesied Coronavirus outbreak

    With Mikky Attah

    Please, I just want to ask why is it that there is no prophecy or prediction concerning the deadly coronavirus that is tormenting the world and spreading panic all over, even in Nigeria by our many anointed men of God (in Nigeria). If you run through their yearly prophecy, none talked about coronavirus? Zionema, 28 February 2020

    Anyone with useful information regarding this question should please enlighten us. Karo93

    Easy. God does not exist. Those that claim to hear from him are at best, con artists and liars. This last online  comment was from Bacteriologist (Nairaland).. I have already told readers of this column that I will be a lot more active on social media from now.

    Concerning predictions on coronavirus, even I was astonished to find that there actually was a prophecy by a Nigerian cleric, Bishop Emmah Isong, about it, and it was even announced and documented months before the occurrence.

    In order to put everything in perspective, and more importantly, for one’s empirical examination; here is not only a background, which includes some lesser-known facts but also a timeline of events including those that are actually ongoing.

    On November 1 2017, Wuhan, the capital city of the Province of Hubei, Peoples Republic of China was designated a Creative City by  UNESCO, in the field of Design. Wuhan became China’s fourth so designated, the others being Shanghai, Beijing and Shenzhen.

    Bridges built in Wuhan have won many international awards including awards for protecting the environment while constructing.

    Wuhan is a city of almost 11 million people(10.76 million), but now they and their city are under lockdown with several travel advisories about the place being issued  (Wuhan was placed under effective quarantine on January 23 2020).

    And as has come to be known, it is all because of a “strange pneumonia” outbreak of unknown causes detected in that otherwise very beautiful city.

    That pneumonia of unknown cause, popularly referred to as coronavirus was first declared to be a Public Health Emergency of International Concern by the WHO on 30 January 2020. On 11 February 2020, Dr Tedros Ghebrejesus , Director- General of the WHO announced that the new respiratory disease had been given a name: COVID-19. The coronavirus disease was first reported to the WHO Country Office in China on 31 December 2019.

    Bishop Emmah Isong, the national publicity secretary of PFN (Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria) finished his studies years back as the best graduating student of Banking & Finance in his set.

    But he answered a call to ministry and is today the presiding Bishop of Christian Central Chapel International, CCCI in Calabar.

    His wife is a Magistrate. During his crossover service to 2020, this Bishop released fifty eight prophecies for this year, and it is the 17th prophecy (concerning what is, today, Covid-19) that has now been proven beyond a doubt!

    Of course, from this discourse it can be seen that as at December 2019 the disease had not even been given a name.

    When the prophecy was made, the ailment was ONLY JUST BEING REPORTED, to a country office in China; not even at the WHO Headquarters, and the Nigerian Bishop was most definitely not privy to the meeting of report.

    Here is what Bishop Emmah Isong said, “Maintain a high level of public hygiene this year so as to escape a new but dangerous flu which is causing constant sneezing and redness of the face.

    It is affecting Nigeria…”.  It could be that a few who heard this at the time shrugged it of, as one of those ‘things’ like Ebola, which Nigeria would certainly be exempted from, again.

    It was not until February 25 2020 that Mike Ryan, executive director, Health Emergencies Programme of WHO  increased the Covid-19 risk assessment to very high on a global level.

    Read Also: Coronavirus: Scientists say they have made successful vaccine tests on mice

    That was the same day that Nigeria’s Federal Ministry of Health  confirmed a Covid-19 case in Lagos( for the records, it was brought into Nigeria by an Italian man who flew in from Milan to Lagos, Nigeria).

    That discovery in Lagos, a city  of 21 million people ( conservatively) must have been a factor in the WHO increase in risk assessment. In fact, the risk was raised to the highest level of alert.

    However, of note here is that the discovery and report of the Nigerian case came on February 25- two clear months after the prophecy! With uncanny accuracy did Bishop Isong get this one. ( Note also that this was the first reported case of coronavirus disease in sub- Saharan Africa, and made it 49 countries with cases of the disease).

    Now, even  as research intensifies in many places of the world in search of a vaccine, and ultimately a cure for this deadly disease ( days back the WHO classified it as a pandemic), I pray that the city of Wuhan experiences recovery, and regrowth.

    I would also urge the Chinese authorities to end forthwith the official destruction of even registered churches, and halt the escalating religious persecution, and arbitrary arrest of pastors and Imams of the Moslem faith.

    That beautiful city of Wuhan, now being ravaged and destroyed by disease is a great city; one that is classified as a Beta world city by the Globalization and World Cities Research Network.

    One thing of course that is only to be expected of people is  that in spite of the spot- on fulfilment of the prophecy about Covid-19 ; astonishing even to me this writer, not a few are still cynical, even dismissive of this prophecy.

    To those people I say, they have nothing to fear. His being a Christian prophet, then Bishop Emmah Isong has a standard gauge upon which he can immediately be weighed. His Bible.

    You see, the Bible says- the foolish prophets see false visions, and their predictions don’t come true (Ezekiel 13:6). It also says- thus says the Lord God: Woe to the foolish prophets, who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing (Ezekiel 13:3).

    It is clear then that WOE is the portion of any lying prophet. Clearly too, Bishop Isong has proven his mettle; and that for all to see.

    ( He also says for cure, we are covered in the blood of Jesus).For me, I shall continue in the words of the Bishop’s prophecy, which have immediate practical application: Maintain a high level of public hygiene this year so as to escape a new but dangerous flu. I suggest you do, too!

    Twitter @mikky_princess

  • Sharp emotional arrows

    Sharp emotional arrows

    Yetunde Oladehinde

     

    WHAT happens when you step on emotional toes? Well, that, unfortunately, is Moyo’s predicament at the moment. Slim, tall, with a flawless skin and curves in the right places, she has succeeded in stealing hearts from dusty emotional shelves.

    Why not! An eye (heart) for an eye (heart). Scroll down memory lane and you also find that our dear friend was a victim; valuable hearts had vanished, courtesy of some emotional shoplifters.

    Recently, she ran out of luck and was declared ‘wanted’. She took to her heels and tried to find solace in the emotional jungle. The rugged owner of a missing heart did not give up; she staked everything to have her pound of flesh from the hawk – the one that had caused her so much pain. Strategically, she combed the nooks and crannies carefully and finally found the queen of heart, looking remorseful.

    This was not the best time for sermons, and so she was beaten to a state of coma, with memorable scars. Jungle justice! It is the norm and so it is best to tread with caution.

    If you do not want to be an emotional prey, then you must be in charge of the terrain. Don’t also bite more than you can chew. Always make sure that cupid’s arrow is on target, there is no harm trying again and again. Arrows? Yes, they are symbols that we see all the time. From the street signs, road markings and markings on the doors indicating direction to a choice location. This also reminds you of Jeffrey Archer’s book, A Quiver full of Arrows. Fortunes are made and squandered, honour betrayed and redeemed and love lost and rediscovered. In this collection of short stories, you find the passion that drives men and women to love and to hate.

    A good hunter must have a quiver filled with sharp emotional arrows (strategies). Love birds need different arrows for the different phase(s) in their relationships. Arrows also have their different functions and you must understand the terrain. When you use a wrong arrow for the wrong target, it is not likely to work.

    What you are ‘chasing’ would determine the type of arrows required to achieve your emotional aims and objectives. In the emotional jungle, you run into all kinds of hearts. Hearts that are as gentle as dove, hearts that are alluring as well as romantic. On the other side of the emotional divides are lions, crocodiles, hyenas and antelopes.

    Sadly, the emotional wilderness can be a death trap if you are not careful. You are likely to run into trouble when you least expect it to happen. On the prowl are hearts that are as cunning as a fox or hearts that are as wild as the tiger’s.

    If you are unlucky to fall hopelessly and helplessly with hearts in this category, then you must have your quiver filled with deadly emotional arrows. The arrows you choose would ultimately determine who becomes the prey in the emotional jungle.

    Without the required arrow in your custody, you are likely to be lily-livered and abandon the heart that you have been longing for, lusting after and wishing you had for keeps. Winners are usually wild with emotions and aware of all the tricks (arrows) in the quiver during the emotional hunting expedition.

    Learn the ropes, improvise, as well as update yourself with skills that would give you the sobriquet as hunter of hearts like lions and not just hunting for emotional ants, mosquitoes, cockroaches or rats. The crux of the matter is the hearts in this category are not worth dying for.

    Surprisingly, in the emotional terrain, women are better hunters. They have mastered the skills ultimately and use it to capture and get what they want. In the woman’s emotional quiver are tears, smiles, patience, endurance, nagging, as well as intrigues.

    Having the right arrows without making use of them is as good as not having them at all. In addition, a good heart hunter must know how to put the emotional arrow on the bow and draw it back to meet its target. The further you draw the bow (love), the more distance it goes or covers.

    You therefore cover more distance by showing love consistently, sharing your affection and substance dutifully. It is very important to talk nicely to the person you think you love, claim you love or that just makes your heart skip a bit all the time.

    Interestingly, the best emotional arrows aim at trust. It is the arrow that controls all the other arrows in your quiver. You can be sure that once this affectionate arrow is missing in your quiver, then you would miss the target. Love without trust isn’t love. Like a doubting Thomas, you are going to see a dove in the emotional woods and imagine that what you are looking at is a tiger.

    When you see a rabbit whispering sweet nothings into your ears, instead of turning around to caress this cupid-send angel, all you see is a heart luring you to the rabbit hole, to be strangled, cleaned up and adorned with condiments before ending in the pepper soup pot as ‘bush meat’.

  • Woman arrested for marrying two husbands…..For what?!!!

    Woman arrested for marrying two husbands…..For what?!!!

    By Mikky Attah

    The above story brought Nigeria to continental notice, with several other African nations sending the news across to their citizens.

    The caption on the website GhanaCelebrities.com reads: Nigerian Woman Arrested for being married to 2 men even though men can marry 4 wives (the story was written by a man, Nii Smiley Byte!). Looking at Face Of Malawi, the caption is – Nigerian woman arrested for marrying 2 husbands.

    Well, the short story is that the elderly husband of a young woman in Kano state fell gravely ill and he was taken away to a village for treatment.

    After a long time and presuming the man dead, the woman    (who today is below 40) went ahead and married another suitor whom she now has children for.

    Her ‘first’ husband, upon his return, and upon discovering that his ‘wife’ had gotten another husband, promptly got her arrested and detained.

    The big question now is WHY? It is simply one outcome of zoning in on ‘male privilege’, allowing men 2 or more wives- but allowing just one husband as the portion of women! However, that’s not the focus of this piece; the Kano woman’s degrading, unlawful detention is.

    In the first instance the woman only ‘accidentally’ married a second husband. She didn’t intentionally set out to have 2 husbands! And now that it has happened, why is it not being treated as ‘unintentional polygamy’? Or, okay then,  as deliberate polygamy?

    Why is hers being handled as a case of a heinous crime,  worthy of arrest and detention? Even if she were to be accused of bigamy; that will still have to be proven, as every Nigerian is presumed innocent until otherwise proven guilty.

    GhanaCelebrities further wrote: ‘the troubling thing is if it was a man who married 2 women- there would be no case.’ (The story is also in GhanaWeb).

    Clearly, this woman is being persecuted not because she has an extra spouse; no, it’s simply BECAUSE SHE IS A WOMAN! And that is totally unjust.

    There is a further painful part to all this is- that the woman is now languishing in detention WITHOUT EVEN BEING CHARGED FOR ANY OFFENCE!

    The law enforcement agents, the Kano Hisbah Corps (Shariah Police) have not established any case against the woman in question.  While they take their time to look for evidence against her, the hapless woman remains in detention.

    Now, FIDA needs to move urgently for this woman, Hauwa Ali of Kumbotso LGA, Kano State. And in fact even after her case, they need to look at the possibility of enforcing the suggestion of the beautiful, Benue- born Nollywood star Susan Patrick. She is saying categorically that women should be allowed to marry 2 husbands!

    Twitter – @mikky_princess

  • Nigerians: there is an advantage to this Coronavirus – PMB will now stick around more!

    Nigerians: there is an advantage to this Coronavirus – PMB will now stick around more!

    By Mikky Attah

    Of a truth, President Muhammadu Buhari, PMB’s numerous foreign trips have constantly attracted comments from Nigerians.

    Perhaps we should close our borders on Buhari not just rice alone-bigboyview 2019 (after the border closure by the Buhari administration).

    Must he attend every conference?.. Is Buhari a travel blogger? @timiakegbejo

    Someone should hide Baba’s passport- Adamu Hayatou.

    The national chairman of the ruling All Progressives Congress APC, Comrade Adams Oshiomhole has chided critics of PMBs jaunts, insisting (correctly) that former President Obasanjo travelled abroad more  frequently than PMB, while in office. Bashir Ahmad, PA to PMB on New Media (@BashirAhmaad) effectively says that with several commitments extracted from many nations, the presidential trips are beneficial.

    Comrade Oshiomhole is quite right on Chief Obasanjo, OBJ, who travelled to 97 countries in his 8 years in office, causing the late social crusader and legal titan Gani Fawehinmi (who had fought  the military for many years until Nigeria was returned to democratic governance) to stamp his foot down on the matter. He sued OBJ to court asking him to justify his frequent foreign tours!

    However at this time there is an expectation, created in the minds of Nigerians of greater prudence, since the PMB administration pledged to cut the cost of governance. It thus becomes perplexing then, when for instance in 4 foreign trips over 3 months at the end of 2019, PMB travelled with a retinue of officials that included an astonishing 12 state Governors, as well as several ministers and cabinet members each trip- including his (president’s) and other’s security, protocol, media and personal aides! Needless to say, the cost of each trip is staggering.

    Aside the frequency, the timing of PMBs foreign trips have raised eyebrows such that one of the national dailies (The Punch) in one editorial stated: “in moments of national crisis, he (Mr Buhari) abandons his duty post in preference for foreign trips.”

    Additionally, it must be pointed out that even concerning foreign medical trips, PMB has exceeded the record of the late President Yar’Adua for time spent away from the country on medical grounds. The late Yar’Adua spent 109 days in 2 and half years for medicals; bringing about a very rare Nigerian constitutional amendment. But now PMB has spent 172 days in 2 years abroad on medical grounds. And while OBJ before him made a record 193 trips to 97 countries in 8 years, PMB could almost double that record, having visited 40 countries in 50 months, over 51 foreign trips.

    In all this, PMB has remained unmoved by the dismay expressed by a lot of Nigerians over his frequent tours. President Buhari travels abroad for such varied conferences as those on Climate Change (never done at home!), or even for international conferences on “Future Investments”. In the first 3 years of the administration, the President was abroad for a total of 404 days- equivalent to more than one year outside the country. And suddenly now, the world is faced with – Corona Virus, Covid 19!  And then, the global media has announced the obvious: African countries are ill-prepared to handle such a deadly pandemic. But then – scientists have discovered, to our divine benefit that the heat and humidity of tropical Africa is deadly to Covid. And voila- PMB hasn’t jetted out in the last couple of weeks, nor will he jet out in a hurry as was the case, formerly. Our President will stay around a while, and address our domestic issues because: the fear of Covid is the beginning of wisdom. So, Viva Corona!

    • The Opinion Expressed In This Column Is Not The Opinion Of This Publication.
  • Jumping from a moving train

    Jumping from a moving train

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    What do you do with love that has gone sour? Usually, it is better to throw it in the trash can before it runs the tummy. That is exactly the way Teju is feeling at the moment. She had just survived an emotional hurricane and just could not fathom where and how she was going to move on. The feeling at this point can be compared to jumping off a moving train; the disaster that would follow is better imagined than experienced.

    Flashback down the emotional memory lane and it looks like the best love story. But along the line, she came to the realisation that the relationship which lasted for two years and four months was filled with ’emotional errors’. The guy she wanted to donate her heart to was a serial cheater.

    Sadly, Teju just had to move on, hoping to find a better heart, one that would not contaminate whatever was left. On her heart, she felt it may just be too hard to start over on a clean slate. The other option, therefore, was to avoid any emotional entanglements for now.

    The emotional pressure she was going through started to affect her work and so she thought of different ways to recover herself.

    A few weeks after, she just could not take her mind off and there was also tension at work. Teju decided to take a break from work and the restaurant in the neighbourhood looked like a great arrangement. A few minutes’ walk down the road and she was in the right place, relaxed in the serene environment, feeling different. The meal was also great and she waited a little just to get refreshed before going back to work.

    Two jolly good fellows walked in looking as famished as she was and they also had lunch. Once the stomach was sorted out, they talked about some of their recent conquests and escapades. Midway into the conversations, they remembered a third friend, Lanre, and the exploits he made when he was part of this team of emotional ‘musketeers’.

    Unfortunately for them, Lanre recently found love and amended his ways. “I just don’t know what is wrong with that guy. How can he lose all his head for one woman? I thought he was stronger than this but he has really disappointed me. Sometimes, when I remember his matter I get really upset. That is why I have stopped thinking about him,” Adamu lamented.

    The bone of contention is the fact that their good friend has ‘repented’. Old things and ’emotions’ have simply passed away. “One other thing that he does is that he actually keeps all the money he makes into a joint account with this woman. To make matters worse is the fact that the alert actually goes to the woman’s phone number. He just cannot do anything without her. Is that really what they call love? Humh….. I am sure that something fishy is going on.”

    The question here is what is wrong with being faithful a hundred per cent? Our friends, however, feel differently and believe that it is better to have a plan B in every arrangement. “That is not how to be faithful at all. I think he is just being a mugun and I am very sorry for him. I just hope that it won’t be too late before he realises what’s going on.”

    Humorously, Mr. B talks about a similar experience and how a smarter Alec survived the emotional struggle. “Muyiwa had always been smart from our schooldays. Then about three years ago he met this lady and he became very cool and calm. The first time I met the lady in question, I just did not like her at all. She was very rude and domineering and I told him that he was not likely to go far with that kind of lady.”

    He continued: “For the first time, Muyiwa was visibly angry with me and he told me not to interfere with the relationship because he was in charge. So I left him with this emotional cross and thought this was another lost case. We met at a friend’s party about six months after and we reconciled. It was there that he made me realise that he was not as foolish as I thought. ‘We have a joint account and we use this account to service whatever we need to run the home. I pretend to put all my resources in the account but I have a secret account where all the extras that I make are kept. The strategy, however, is to look and feel helpless financially, so that I can continually draw from the joint account .This way I have a robust savings account that she doesn’t know exist.’”

    Can you beat that? Well, a lot of women actually get stuck on the road to an amazing relationship, and most times it has to do with a fear of the unknown.

    Lots of women who are afraid of being alone also end up picking the same kind of men over and over who just don’t “get it”.

    So you need to identify what you want and if it isn’t there, then there is no point hanging on. If you’re afraid of being alone, you’re likely to put up with behaviour you aren’t comfortable with just for the sake of being in a relationship.

  • Two who are dearly departed – Vincent Chukwuemeka Ike & Prince Osita Ike

    Two who are dearly departed – Vincent Chukwuemeka Ike & Prince Osita Ike

    Mikky Attah

     

    Whatever it will take, just let the only grandson be at Chukwuemeka Ike’s funeral

     

    IT just seems as if I’ve known Prince Osita Ike practically all my life. I remember that the very first time I got to know him, our host also let on that Prince Osita was the famous writer, Vincent Chukwuemeka Ike’s son. I turned to Prince:  So your Dad is TOADS FOR SUPPER?!

    He smiled broadly and chuckled; his dimpled and infectious laugh got all of us there laughing- and thus he became my “ big brother for life”.

    Prince Osita Ike never, ever acted like the privileged offspring of accomplished parents. His mother, Professor Bimpe Ike is a foremost library scientist and was National coordinator, National Documentation & Information Centre for Science and Technology. She was once the Dean, Students’ Affairs, Abubakar Tafawa Balewa University, Bauchi. She met the late wordsmith who was to become her husband at the University College, Ibadan. Famous in her own right ( she’s  listed in Africa’s Who is Who), she also had famous year-mates at college, like the former Secretary-General of the Commonwealth, Emeka Anyaoku.

    Prince Osita Ike was very interested in both literary and creative arts. His company, Oyster St Iyke Ltd was a media and public relations consultancy, but Prince was a real arts promoter. He was also very concerned about the less privileged, and was always available for charity events that would be beneficial to some disadvantaged sectors of people in society.

    The perfect gentleman; nice to a fault, Prince Osita was also the classic: tall, dark  and handsome! Such endowments are rarely unaccompanied by large doses of pomposity- by the time you throw in distinguished parents, then you would expect to have a really arrogant fellow!  Okay then; at the very least, if he wasn’t proud then maybe he could have been a bit stuffy; rather boring- a nerd! No, Prince seemed to have been blessed with just the right combination of everything, and he was very funny, and loved to tease people!

    Professionally, Prince was sort of  like the link to all major events and programmes in Lagos, and he always made sure he got all his acquaintances on board. Even so, picking and dropping me and others to, and from event venues was non- negotiable, once he had taken you under his wings. Now, a lot of the stuff we did then was voluntary, but on the occasions where events were paid for- Prince diligently ensured that we all got our money. Prince handled government projects, private initiatives, UNICEF programmes, name it, he handled it; very well too.

    If Nigeria was the kind  of country that recognised and rewarded merit, or talent, Prince Osita Ike was the sort of person any president would want as Minister of the Interior, or of Arts & Culture or even Tourism. He would have fitted right in, in International affairs and Diplomacy.

    On that level, I  felt a sense of kinship with him because I have ‘academic ‘ parents just like he had. They (our parents) saw Nigeria slide downhill from meritocracy to man- know- man style. But after our folks had benefited from the good before it all went bad, they simply remained in their comfort zone, leaving the next generation to ‘find their own way’. But it is rare for brilliance or diligence alone to be the deciding factor for appointments or employment in Nigeria. It would still take one extra- one influential person putting in a word, for things to get done. Strangely, these academic types seem to frequently believe that “charity begins outside”!

    I admired Prince Osita because he never expected his parents to put in a word to ANYONE on his behalf. I, on the other hand grew very bitter over what I termed my “ unluckiest, lucky state”. But as time went on and with new found faith in God, I came to realise one truth in life- that help comes from Above. However, it is still hard for me to understand how those influential folks could not possibly have made their one son known to their state governor; who would gladly have given Prince a portfolio to manage.  God knows Prince Osita would have performed fantastically.

    For about a decade, we, Prince and I were out of touch, and I am not on Facebook where his passing on was loudly announced, and that was how I completely missed that piece of information.

    I last saw him in 2011 at a state anniversary celebration in Akwa Ibom. I know he was constantly sniffing and clearing his nose, but I never imagined that a massive asthma attack would lead to his sudden death 5 years later.  And I would only get to hear of it this January. Now I know I’ve got to be a lot more active on social media…

    Prince Osita was very proud of his wife, a Bini Princess, when he got married. He spoke glowingly of her in private and even in the press. I never met her myself- but I am gutted by all I have read and heard- contributing to the painful demise of Prof Chukwuemeka Ike; the person the BBC described as “the Nigerian king who served Toads for Supper”.

    It is saddening to think of Prince Osita even having a marriage breakdown. Prince comes from a loving family and is a wonderful and considerate person himself. It all seems  to buttress the saying out there that the nice guys appear to always have horrible things happening to them. What it means too is that Prince must have been in agonies, longing for his son . The humble, genial Osita Ike I know would’ve been a loving,  caring husband and father; to have been deprived of both sources must have been awful not only for him, but for his precious parents. If only he had sued for a proper divorce, maybe then his estranged wife would have been compelled by the courts to at least grant visitation/ holiday rights. Imagine, depriving people of their only son/ only grandson; just imagine the impact on them!

    I read a lot of people saying all sorts of unkind things on social media in reaction to the death of Chukwuemeka Ike. A number of people said things like- that’s why it’s best to marry ‘your own people ‘. If Prince Osita had not married the Bini Princess, Chukwuemeka Ike would not have been deprived of his grandson etc. This is annoying. In any case which is even Prince Osita’s ‘kind’? None of those writing this stopped for one moment to think, and see that Prince Osita himself is of a Yoruba mother and Ibo father!

    And again, for the records, Prince  actually ‘became’ an only child after an earlier tragedy. I do remember him telling me that they  were two brothers  before, but one of them died( I think he said during the Nigerian civil war).

    Let me end by appealing to anyone who knows those involved in keeping Chukwuemeka Ike Jnr away, to have some human sympathy for the grieving grandmother and do whatever it will take to have him at the funeral of his erudite grandfather.

     

    Twitter @mikky_princess

  • A wonderful world

    A wonderful world

    THE tears flowed endlessly. It was actually tears of joy. She almost lost someone she loved so much. A friend told her he was cheating on her and then the battle line was drawn. It was almost over but luckily the shadows cleared and she is back in the arms of the one she loved.

    To ease out the tension, she put on the radio and the music affirmed that she was right on track.

    I see trees of green

    Red roses too

    I see them, bloom

    For me and you

    And I think to myself

    What a wonderful world…

    Butterflies bliss and Louis Armstrong’s ‘what a wonderful world is something many would love to experience in their relationships. This can only happen when what you have is true, pure and unadulterated romance. It’s beautiful, memorable and takes you on a trip to Fantasy Island. Here, you would always feel the flutter of butterflies in your stomach and on a daily basis the world feels beautiful.

    It is only natural that you would want to be with your sweetheart all the time, and even when you’re not together, you just can’t help wanting to be together. There is actually a perfect balance and you’re happy. Your sweetheart is happy, the world’s happy for you and you’re having the time of your life.

    Is it love at first sight, unconditional love, Platonic and the other kinds of love? Even when you experience a particular type, you can be sure that your experience would be different from others.

    Interestingly, the unconditional type of love appears to be one of the best. Here, you need to ask certain questions to be sure that you are on track. Do you love someone more than you love yourself? Do you care about your lover more than you care about anything else is the world?

    Interestingly, unconditional love is the stuff fairy tales and romance novels are made of. If both of you care about each other and love each other selflessly, you’re in the middle of a special type of love that few ever experience, but spend all their lives looking for.

    The first crush is a memorable experience, one that’s filled with confusing jolts in the stomach. It’s a beautiful experience and most times it feels as if your life actually depended on it at that time.

    And there are times when you like someone madly, but didn’t just want to express your love for them. Sometimes, you may have an intense infatuation for someone, but, yet, you wouldn’t want to spoil the happy thoughts by doing anything about it.

    Unrequited love is a love filled with heartbreaks and one that almost all of us have experienced. It’s the dreaded one-sided love, where you like someone and you know that person will never like you back. They may be in a relationship, or they may just use you. You find yourself falling more in love with each passing day, even though you know you’ll never get any happiness out of this type of love.

    Obsessive lovers are scared, insecure, and obviously obsessive about the relationship. Now you may have been one or may have dated someone like this. It’s a stage all of us experience when we’re afraid of losing someone we love. But if you or your partner has security issues, really, there’s no hope for a happy ending here.

    On the extreme side, you will find selfish love. Even though it involves two people to create that relationship, selfish love also involves two people who are in love with one person. Your partner loves you. You love you. Selfish love is a love where you don’t care about your partner or their happiness.

    You only care about yourself. If you ever find yourself getting into a relationship just for the heck of it without really falling in love with the other person, chances are you’re a selfish lover. Selfish lovers are clever, scheming foxes who only get into a relationship to see what they can get out of it.

    Well, the truth is that no matter the situation, love is something that we all look forward to experiencing. Even the hardest of hearts melt in the love field. But if you can’t find true love then you may just settle for Platonic love which is the simplest of all types. There are no strings attached and no sexual intentions either. It’s pure, friendly and something we experience from a very young age.

    Love, interestingly, comes in so many hues and ways that’s almost impossible to predict what type you are in. Sometimes, it can be happy, painful or somehow confusing. As you search your mind, you’ll definitely find that you must have passed through it and would have experienced some ‘refining’ moments. But if you haven’t gone through this phase (s) then there is definitely no cause for alarm. It may just be around the corner, all you probably need is to tap into the next love opportunity.

  • Protective Appropriate Dressing (PAD) for every girl (1)

    Protective Appropriate Dressing (PAD) for every girl (1)

    Sex is by choice, menstruation a must. Why then should condoms be cheap and sanitary towels expensive? OYEBOLA OWOLABI writes that activists are championing causes to ensure that girls get affordable Protective Appropriate Dressing (PAD) every month ost girls stay away from school and social activities during their monthly flow due to reasons beyond their control. A 2018 UNICEF report notes that “lack of access to functional and segregated toilets, limited information on menstrual hygiene management and limited availability of sanitary materials to manage menstruation make it more difficult for girls to manage their periods.

     

    “Sanitary pads are expensive and often inaccessible. Some girls resort to managing their periods with pieces of rags or paper which are often unhygienic and uncomfortable. Others ask for permission to leave school premises and many stay at home during their periods.”

    In 2017, Austina Okpo started the Gift-a-Pad Campaign in Nigeria to help young and poor girls. “I used the crowd-sourcing knowledge I had acquired from The Advanced Digital Changemaking Course I attended on WorldPulse and was able to generate funds enough to place a month supply of sanitary pads in the hands of 192 girls at a public high school in my community. But this is just a drop in the ocean, considering the number of girls who are yet to be reached,” she said.

    Okpo uses her Gift-A-Pad Campaign to say every girl deserves Protective Appropriate Dressing (P.A.D) every month. She reiterates that while sex is a choice, menstruation is not, and if condoms are free, pads should be free too! She also wants the Nigerian government, and other third world countries, to pass laws that pads should be free for all girls of secondary school age.

    Protective Appropriate Dressing (PAD) for every girl (1)

    Amaka Onyema, a lawyer, is also in the business of demystifying menstruation and ensuring that girls get affordable pads when the time comes. Through her ‘Embracing the Girl-Child’ non-profit, Onyema is paying forward the kindness she received as a secondary school girl by distributing pads to secondary school girls and educating them on proper menstrual hygiene.

    Onyema said: “Menstruation is a natural process. However, in most parts of the world, it remains a taboo and is rarely talked about. Almost always, there are social, cultural and religious norms or unwritten rules and practices about managing menstruation and interacting with menstruating women.

    “Sanitary towels should be put at very low cost, so low as to allow both the rich and the poor afford it. Girls in school should be able to focus on learning and not be distracted by the inability to afford period protection.”

     Read Also: Can you buy condoms for your partner?

    Period poverty

    Period poverty is described as the inability of women and girls’ to access affordable, safe and hygienic sanitary products. They are unable to manage their periods with dignity, sometimes due to community stigma and sanction. It also affects women and girls who have limited access to these products, leading to prolonged use of the same tampons or pads, which can cause infection.

    Due to this poverty period, girls miss one or more days of school. In Sub-Saharan Africa, for example, girls will miss as much as 20 per cent of their school year while some may drop out altogether. The loss of education means girls are more likely to be forced into child marriage. Their health is also at risk because they are forced to use dirty rags which can cause infection.

     

    Ending period poverty

    Campaigners and activists have argued that having a period is not a choice and, therefore, menstrual products should not be considered luxury items with high taxes imposed on them.

    ActionAid trains women and girls to make  safe, reusable sanitary pads so they always have access to clean and affordable sanitary products. It also provides information about periods, sex and pregnancy in its girls’ clubs so girls are better informed about their bodies.

    Germany last year stopped taxing menstrual products as luxuries, marking them instead as necessities. In January, the Value Added Tax (VAT) on these products was reduced from 17 per cent to nine per cent.

    In 2019, only 10 of 50 states in the United States considered menstrual products as necessities and exempted them from sales tax. In October, the number went up to 17. The European Union allows for a reduction of the VAT on menstrual products to a minimum of five per cent.

    Some other countries have completely removed any sales taxes on menstrual products, such as Kenya, which did it as far back as 2004, as well as Australia, Canada and India. But in Hungary, VAT on menstrual products is as high as 27 per cent.

     

    • To be continued next week