The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Sharp emotional arrows

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    What happens when you step on emotional toes? Well, that, unfortunately, is Moyo’s predicament at the moment. Slim, tall, with a flawless skin and curves in the right places, she has succeeded in stealing hearts from dusty emotional shelves.

    Why not! An eye (heart) for an eye (heart). Scroll down memory lane and you also find that our dear friend was a victim; valuable hearts had vanished courtesy of some emotional shoplifters.

    Recently, she ran out of luck and was declared ‘wanted’. She took to her heels and tried to find solace in the emotional jungle. The rugged owner of a missing heart did not give up; she staked everything to have her pound of flesh from the hawk – the one that had caused her so much pain. Strategically, she combed the nooks and crannies carefully and finally found the queen of heart, looking remorseful.

    This was not the best time for sermons, and so she was beaten to a state of coma, with memorable scars. Jungle justice! It is the norm and so it is best to tread with caution.

    If you do not want to be an emotional prey, then you must be in charge of the terrain. Don’t also bite more than you can chew. Always make sure that Cupid’s arrow is on target, there is no harm trying again and again. Arrows? Yes, they are symbols that we see all the time. From the street signs, road markings and markings on the doors indicating direction to a choice location. This also reminds you of Jeffrey Archer’s book, A Quiver full of Arrows. Fortunes are made and squandered, honour betrayed and redeemed and love lost and rediscovered. In this collection of short stories, you find the passion that drives men and women to love and to hate.

    A good hunter must have a quiver filled with a sharp emotional arrows (strategies). Love birds need different arrows for the different phase(s) in their relationships. Arrows also have their different functions and you must understand the terrain. When you use a wrong arrow for the wrong target, it is not likely to work.

    What you are ‘chasing’ would determine the type of arrows required to achieve your emotional aims and objectives. In the emotional jungle, you run into all kinds of hearts. Hearts that are as gentle as dove, hearts that are alluring as well as romantic. On the other side of the emotional divides are lions, crocodiles, hyenas and antelopes.

    Sadly, the emotional wilderness can be a death trap if you are not careful. You are likely to run into trouble when you least expect it to happen. On the prowl are hearts that are as cunning as a fox or hearts that are as wild as the tiger.

    If you are unlucky to fall hopelessly and helplessly with hearts in this category, then you must have your quiver filled with deadly emotional arrows. The arrows you choose would ultimately determine who becomes the prey in the emotional jungle.

    Without the required arrow in your custody, you are likely to be lily-livered and abandon the heart that you have been longing for, lusting after and wishing you had for keeps. Winners are usually wild with emotions and aware of all the tricks (arrows) in the quiver during the emotional hunting expedition.

    Learn the ropes, improvise, as well as update yourself with skills that would give you the sobriquet as hunter of hearts like lions and not just hunting for emotional ants, mosquitoes, cockroaches or rats. The crux of the matter is the hearts in this category are not worth dying for.

    Surprisingly, in the emotional terrain, women are better hunters. They have mastered the skills ultimately, used it to capture and get what they want. In the woman’s emotional quiver are tears, smiles, patience, endurance, nagging, as well as intrigues.

    Having the right arrows without making use of them is as good as not having them at all. In addition, a good heart hunter must know how to put the emotional arrow on the bow and draw it back to meet its target. The further you draw the bow (love), the more distance it goes or covers.

    You therefore cover more distance by showing love consistently, sharing your affection and substance dutifully. It is very important to talk nicely to the person you think you love, claim you love or that just makes your heart skip a bit all the time.

    Interestingly, the best emotional arrows aim at trust. It is the arrow that controls all the other arrows in your quiver. You can be sure that once this affectionate arrow is missing in your quiver, then you would miss the target. Love without trust isn’t love. Like a doubting Thomas, you are going to see a dove in the emotional woods and imagine that what you are looking at is a tiger.

    When you see a rabbit whispering sweet nothings into your ears, instead of turning around to caress this Cupid-send angel, all you see is a heart luring you to the rabbit hole, to be strangled, cleaned up and adorned with condiments before ending in the pepper soup pot as ‘bush meat’.

  • Running after a wild goose

    YOUNG, restless and beautiful, Eucharia looked like she had the emotional world in pocket.  But behind the façade is a lonely heart; a heart in despair. Her mind suddenly flashed back to a telephone conversation she had with Monday, the father of her only child, a few minutes back and it brought instant tears.

    Sadly, the one who stole her heart was an emotional crook. Like a fool she trusted him with her heart and everything only to be abandoned at the climax. At that point, she was already pregnant and she made up her mind to keep the baby against the odds.

    When the baby finally came, Monday was nowhere to be found. Luckily for her, the boy looked exactly like Monday and that for her was some consolation for the trauma she had gone through. His mother came around and apologised saying Monday had three other children from different ladies. She was already saddled with enough burdens and there was no point expecting much the poor old woman.

    Ever since, Eucharia has been struggling to take care of the little tot alone. Unfortunately, she has some financial problems at the moment and her account is in red. That was why she decided to give him a call and see if he would take care of some of his son’s bills. As usual, the Casanova was elusive and it was at that point that she came to the realisation that she had been a fool in this game. How could she have fallen for a callous heart? Why did she allow his looks and sweet tongue to deceive her? And why did she abandon a kind heart for this emotional devil?

    Now that she appears to have learnt her lesson, it is too late. She was never in charge; all her efforts had been wasted because she had been running after an emotional goose. The problem for a lot of people is that we get carried away with the physical things and forget that the things that offer comfort are usually not seen.

    Life offers many rewards, including learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, there are many challenges.

    Finding the right romantic partner is often a difficult journey, for several reasons. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of short, abrupt relationships where you or your partner get bored too soon, and you don’t know how to make a relationship last.

    Conversely, it could be that you are always attracted to the wrong type of person and keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past.

    In the emotional context, nothing is really permanent. One minute, lovebirds are soaring high with their emotions and the next minute you find them falling apart like humpty dumpty, unable to bring back the affectionate pieces together again. So, the big question would be why do we crave for love when we know is it not stable, unfair and uncertain?

    The truth of the matter is that true love can be magnetic, it conquers all. A healthy, loving relationship can enhance many aspects of your life – from your emotional and mental well-being to your physical health and overall happiness.

    For many, finding a heart that is genuine, someone that we want to share our lives with, can be very difficult. That, however, should not make you give up.

    Experts advice is that you don’t despair, even if you have a history of relationships that don’t last or if you feel burned out by traditional and online dating, you can still learn how to find lasting love.

    Even when you find love, it can be tough maintaining it. There would be times when your emotional vehicle runs out of fuel, needs serving or crashes. The crux of the matter is that it’s only the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few bumps in the affectionate road. If you recognise ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them.

    Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going. They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counselling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error.

    Whatever the case is, it’s also important to recognise that relationships are never perfect and always require lots of work, compromise, and a willingness to resolve conflict in a positive way. To find and build any relationship worth keeping, you may need to start by re-assessing some of your misconceptions about dating and relationships that can prevent you from finding lasting love.

  • Lost in a masquerade

    Yetunde Oladeinde

    The lyrics in George Benson’s song, The Masquerade, talk about signs in a fading relationship. Things have fallen apart and the lovebirds are finding it difficult to stand side by side. This happens on a daily basis and you run into a relationship that ended with a sour taste recently. Here, a pretty babe and a very attractive dude in a cozy corner. They must be one of the best around and somehow Funmi wished she was in their shoes, having just lost the heart she craved for all this while. Sitting next to the lovebirds took her down memory lane thinking about the hearts she had once loved and lost. Just while she was getting lost (lust) around the emotional corridor, they brought her back to reality.

    The romantic vibes changed and the emotional temperature got heated from passion to anger and frustration. “Where were you yesterday evening? Do you think I am a fool? I have been following you around in the past weeks and I know the guy that you are messing around with,” the Romeo exploded. Remorse? No, not really.  “See who is calling the kettle black, Mr. Casanova himself. A guy who has no taste at all and is always ready to jump into bed with just anything in skirts.”

    The verbal war went on and on and it was obvious that this relationship had hit the rocks; they had come to the end of the road. Even though it was bad news to learn of another sad love story, she was consoled with the fact that she wasn’t alone. Sometimes, it tastes so good and there are other times when all you feel is the bad and ugly vibes. Those who have gone round the emotional circle in tears usually become so pessimistic believing that it is all a trap designed to get two people to overlook each other’s faults.

    Of course, we all love to have the good times but the reality is that the bad times are all part of the love agenda. Memories of that dizzying high, days when you stare into your lover’s eyes as if they are the stars that make up the heavens. What many crave for is true love. That is love that is deep; abiding love that is impervious to emotional whims or fancy. Great idea, if it is something that you can achieve. To do this, there must be that constant commitment to a person regardless of the present circumstances. It’s a commitment to a person who you understand isn’t going to always make you happy and a person who will need to rely on you at times, just as you will rely on them.

    The truth, however, is that those moments usually go away. It does for everybody. So, once it’s gone, you need to know that you’ve buckled yourself down with a human being you genuinely respect and enjoy being with, otherwise things are going to get rocky. Love, according to many, can be compared to being in dream land; the land of fantasy and it reminds you about the forever happy moments that you read about in love stories.

    The reality usually is that you are absolutely not going to be absolutely gaga over each other every single day for the rest of your lives, and all this ‘happily ever after’ idea some argue may just be a way of  setting people up for failure. This way, they go into relationship with these unrealistic expectations. Then, the instant they realise they aren’t ‘gaga’ anymore, they think the relationship is broken and over, and they need to get out.

    That is actually a sign of immaturity. A mature heart must be ready for the good and bad times. There will be days, weeks, months or when you aren’t all mushy-gushy in-love. That is certainly a phase in the relationship and when you get to that point, the most important thing is to go back to the emotional drawing board to get inspiration for the next phase without tears.

    The crux of the matter here is that a love that’s alive is also constantly evolving. It expands and contracts and mellows and deepens. It’s not going to be the way it used to be, or the way it will be, and it shouldn’t be. If more couples look at it from this perspective, then they would be less inclined to panic and rush to break up or divorce.

    One other important thing is that you should not be with someone because someone else pressured you to. Love sometimes can be complicated but the most important thing is to take one day at a time. Getting confused or angry is not always the right step to take. Most times, instead of finding solutions to the problem, it is likely to bring more confusion or bring down the beautiful emotional mansion that has taken time to build in one day.  In ancient times, people genuinely considered love a sickness. Parents warned their children against it, and adults quickly arranged marriages before their children were old enough to do something dumb in the name of their emotions.

  • World AIDS Day

    Mikky Attah

    In a nutshell, World AIDS Day, December 1 is commemorated as an opportunity to highlight the work of eliminating HIV/AIDS.

    The current vision in the world today is to have zero new HIV infections.  Also, there must be zero discrimination, and the target is also zero AIDS- related deaths.

    In support of these, I devote a full reproduction of the message of the Executive Director of UNAIDS in today’s column. UNAIDS is the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS, and it is headed by Engr Winnie Byanyima as Executive Director.   She was appointed in August 2019. Winnie Byanyima is an aeronautical engineer and activist from Uganda. She is also the Under-Secretary-General of the UN.

    Her message:

    I believe in communities.  Communities make change happen.

    Communities are the best hope for ending AIDS because communities have fought against HIV right from the beginning!

    As the epidemic raged through our countries, cities, villages, women held communities together and bore the higher burden of care for their families.

    For far too long we have taken their volunteerism for granted.

    In the face of adversity, communities of gay men, sex workers and people who use drugs have organized themselves to claim their right to health as equal citizens.

    So, we know that communities have proved their worth. There is no debate there.

    Without communities, 24 million people would not be on treatment today. Without communities led by women living with and affected by HIV, we would not be close to ending new HIV infections among children, raising orphans and caring for the sick.

    Twenty-five years ago, a Burundi woman called Jeanne was the first person to disclose that she was living with HIV. Today, Jeanne is holding leaders accountable and fighting for the right to health care.

    Pioneers like Jeanne have been joined by younger leaders, like 20-year-old Yana, who was born with HIV in Ukraine. Yana founded Teenergizer, a group bringing together young people across eastern Europe. In a world where power resides with old men, she wants her peers to have a voice and a choice.

    Consider Fiacre. He lives in Central African Republic, displaced by conflict along with thousands of others. Fiacre cycles to a clinic, crossing barriers and checkpoints to collect antiretroviral medicines for him and members of a group he belongs to. Without this support, each person would have to make the dangerous journey on their own. Simply amazing.

    As you can see, communities make the difference all over the world.

    However, the way communities are being taken for granted has to change.

    On World AIDS Day, UNAIDS salutes the achievements of activists and communities in the struggle against HIV. We remember and we honour all those whom we have lost along the way. Activists challenged the silence and brought life-saving services to their communities. But the countless contributions by women and many others can never replace the responsibility of governments.

    Let me remind you, governments committed to at least 30% of HIV services being community-led.

    They also agreed that 6% of all HIV funding go to community mobilization, promoting human rights and changing harmful laws that act as barriers to ending AIDS.

    Let’s be clear, defending human rights and challenging discrimination, criminalization and stigma is risky work today.

    So, we call on governments to open a space so that activists can do the work they do best.

    With communities in the lead and governments living up to their promises, we will end AIDS.

    UNAIDS

    The Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) leads and inspires the world to achieve its shared vision of zero new HIV infections, zero discrimination and zero AIDS related deaths. UNAIDS unites the efforts of 11 UN organizations—UNHCR, UNICEF, WFP, UNDP, UNFPA, UNODC, UN Women, ILO, UNESCO, WHO and the World Bank—and works closely with global and national partners towards ending the AIDS epidemic by 2030 as part of the Sustainable Development Goals.

    Twitter @mikky_princess

  • Grass greener where you water

    Yetunde Oladeinde

    Like the saying, grass greener where you water, things get better in a relationship where you play your part well. A lot of people admire hearts that have been watered by others, thinking that it all happened by chance. That is not usually the case.

    The saying interestingly comes from the idea of looking at a neighbour’s lawn and seeing it as better looking, healthier and overall greener than your own. It actually shows that a lot of hard work had been put in place and the outcome of the dedication and perseverance by the owner of the emotional lawn has indeed paid off.

    On the other hand, the reality in many relationships is the fact that partners expect so much and get disappointed when their expectations are not met. Great hearts on the other hand are people who give in so much and yet have expectations that are reasonable; things that their partner can do and have the capacity to do. This way, their emotional investments get greener and by the time they turn around to take stock, everything falls in place beautifully. Those who do not ‘water’ their emotional tree end up having withered affection. All they do is argue, complain and see nothing good in the hearts they were meant to love, cherish and adore. In confusion and frustration, their sweethearts cannot flourish; they also get hostile and things would certainly fall apart.

    Here the hearts concerned would keep on ignoring anything negative.

    Gbenga has been in and out of four relationships, in less than a year. He kept on admiring his best friend’s girlfriend wishing he could get someone as smart and trendy as she was. “When I told my friend the reasons I broke up with the girl, he smiled and told me that his girl wasn’t as perfect as I thought she was. He was actually the one that had been making up for her inadequacies. He honestly never looked at it that way and now he understands that the emotional grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”

    Friend#2: Are you serious? I’ve always envied you. People expect so much out of me. I’ve never been able to have a life because of studying and other schoolwork. If I get less than an A, people freak out like I got an F. I may accomplish that much, but with all the pressure on me I’ll probably be insane by the time I’m 35. In so many ways, I wish I could just be a regular guy with normal expectations and a normal life.

    David has just ended his four-year-old relationship with Jessica. He gave that relationship everything he had but somehow the heart in question did not appreciate and value the efforts that he was putting into the relationship. Initially, he didn’t mind because he imagined that the babe in question was just playing hard to get. However, things got to a point where he just couldn’t take it anymore. He discovered that his sweetheart was hanging out with another buddy and always arrived at her doorstep around midnight. “She just did not know that I was monitoring her and I waited for the right time to tell her the stuff that she was made up.”

    Remorseful? No she wasn’t. Instead, she threw the garbage back in my court. “What exactly is the matter with you? You go out with your friends and nobody says anything about it? You refuse to pick my calls on a number of occasions and you expect me to sit and wait for you, Mr. Prince charming?”

    Wasn’t it better to iron out the emotional difference at this point? “For God’s sake, when will these double standard stop. No, I don’t think that you are the type of guy that I am looking for. I do not want a man that would give me heartaches, please just go away. I am sick and tired of this relationship.”

  • My love for saving lives made me a Food Doctor – Awesu Joseph Temitope

    Adeniyi Adewoyin

    The Founder and Managing Director of Food Dotors, Awesu Joseph Temitope has revealed that he loves to save life which was why he opted to study medicine but not lucky enough with University admission, he later settled for Lagos State Polytechnic, Ikorodu in 2008 to study Food Science & Technology.

    In his words “My love for saving lives as a medical doctor was what translated to my saving lives through food”.

    Having studied Food Science & Technology at the Lagos State Polytechnic, Joseph thought outside the box to carve a niche for himself.

    He continued that he didn’t give up on his dream

    He noted not studying medicine didn’t stop his dream of saving live which was what gave birth to his company, Food Doctors Nigeria Limited in 2009.

    ”When I was in school, whenever I told people I was studying food technology they often asked if I could cook, but when I tell them I am a food doctor, they crave to know more about me.

    However, Food Doctors Nigeria Limited (FDNL), an indigenous food consulting firm and a registered incorporation in Nigeria with a track record on exceptional and professional performance, poised itself as a one stop shop for Food Safety Solutions, Agribusiness Sustainability and Capacity Development.

    “At Food Doctors, with our mandate to save Lives Through Food…..We have a large food and agro-allied professional network pool of over 64 faculty working with the organization in areas of capacity development for farmers and food industry. Also a network of registered nutritionists working on zero malnutrition advocacy project in Nigeria” Awesu noted.

    READ ALSO: ITU: innovation crucial to saving lives

    Earlier this year, on May 9th, 2019 the Orgazation had the Maiden edition of “Food Entrepreneur Rountable Summit” which attracts food Professionals and Food Business Managers across the country to tackle, address and discuss “Food Business Sustainability:Key to Zero Hunger with the Guest Speaker Pat McMicheal, CEO Eat ‘N’ Go (Domino Pizza). This summit was organized by Food Doctors Nigeria Limited having observed a lot of Quick Service Restaurants (QSR) are folding up in Nigeria.

    Also, currently the company embarked on an initiative tagged “Fruit Break” to encourage schools to have a mandatory fruit break during learning hours as this Improves and promotes Good nutritional status amongst students and helps incorporate a good dietary habit as a lifestyle from an early life.

    When asked where do Joseph see Food Doctor in a decade?

    He said, “In a decade, I want Food Doctors Ng to be a leading food and agribusiness consulting firm in Africa”.
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  • Lust, love and fluctuations

    LOST and stranded, Ifedayo just cannot understand the alternating emotional current that she is experiencing at the moment. As much as she tries to decode the tune from the radio for better signals, the tunes are discordant.  Perhaps it is better to shift the emotional antenna in another direction for connection. Sadly, it is still the same old story.  It is obviously an outpour of emotion but the message is vague and confusing; how is she ever going to understand these alternating emotional currents?

    To be or not to be? That is the emotional question on her lips now. She met her true love, Bayo, at the hospital when her father had an accident. It was a very traumatic period in her life and he was a great comforter. It was a wonderful relationship after a few nasty experiences with men. Bayo literately swept her off her feet and the word resistance vanished from her emotional lexicon.

    Was this sacrifice worth the while? Well, the Romeo was glued to her emotional frequency for a while. It was very alluring and listening to these love vibes consistently, our dear friend was certain that the frequency was just right. Those sweet emotional lyrics and lullabies brought tears of joy. Just when she thought she couldn’t do without the dude in question, the source of the emotional current was tampered with and there was an emotional blackout.

    Can we really blame the Romeo in question? He became bored with the package and began to tune to other emotional frequencies that had a variety of options to offer. Reality zone! Should she fight for control of the emotional station? The truth of the matter was that she had never fought over a guy in her life and so there was no need to fight for this one. If he was truly hers, he would certainly come back. Time and distance bring lots of distractions. The vacuum also brought new frequencies to a heart that was distorted and disorganised. Instead of struggling with melancholic vibrations, she tuned to a lust frequency. A mistake? To her utmost surprise, the selections on the turn table were melodious. It turned out to have vibes that were scintillating. Meanwhile, Bayo is tired of the lust frequency and was trying to reconnect. The feeling did not match the expectations. No, this was not the kind of music (love) that he craved for. Back with a bang? He was on but Ifedayo was no longer operating on that frequency. She was actually operating on something higher and more adventurous. End of the story? This time around, Bayo had learnt his lessons and he knew he needed to give her time. Time to know and understand that what she was feeling was nothing but distraction. He was right, twelve weeks after it was all over and she was back in his arms.

    They almost missed it. Interestingly, they are not alone. A number of lovebirds have been distracted along the lust frequency. It is therefore wise to make sure you understand the heart that you are cruising with if you really love the person. Also make sure that you are operating on the same frequency and make room for adjustments. Failure to do this can take you treasure from one point of distraction to the other.

    Did I just hear you say that your heart can never be distracted? A big joke? Love and lust are like Siamese twins, where you find one, you find the other. If you are still in doubt, then you must listen to what Tim Hunt, a biochemist, says about distraction and the laboratory.

    “Let me tell you about my trouble with girls,” Mr. Hunt told an audience at the World Conference of science journalists in South Korea. “Three things happen when they are in the lab: You fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticise them they cry.”

    His summation here is that women are a romantic distraction in the laboratory. Truth here is that men get carried away most of the time and it doesn’t matter who you are; temptations abound. The Nobel laureate had to resign as honorary professor at University College London after saying this because there was an uproar about women being a romantic distraction in the laboratory.

    The crux of the matter is that the emotional frequency fluctuates and you need to be prepared to handle the currents without tears.

    True connection is one of love’s bedrock prerequisites, a prime reason that love is unconstitutional but instead requires a particular stance. Neither abstract nor mediated, true connection is physical and unfolds in real time. It requires sensory and temporal co-presence of bodies.

    The main mode of sensory connection, scientists contend, is eye contact. Other forms of real-time sensory contact include touch, voice or mirrored body postures and gestures. Nevertheless, eye contact, experts inform, is the most potent, trigger for connection and oneness.

  • Discipline is not child abuse

    Mikky Attah

    I was listening to the radio without too much concentration a couple of days ago when a caller phoned in on the programme.  I didn’t get what the discussion topic had been but the story the caller told froze me in my seat.

    From his story, the caller worked in a lab in a hospital, and one time a pregnant woman and her daughter, a girl of about four; had come in for some tests. But the little girl later wondered off unnoticed. When her mother later realised that her daughter was not about her, she went off round the various rooms of the hospital in frantic search of the little girl. After a while a nurse surfaced with the child in tow. The nurse said the girl had wondered into the ward she was in and had come right up to her. Unfortunately, she had been very busy at the time the child wandered over, and that was the first free moment she could get to locate the mother or father.  At that, the mother sprang up and dealt the girl a series of terrible slaps, in rapid succession and on both sides of the face.

    The caller said he was so angry then that a thought had come to him that if he had been the father of the child and seen that happen, he wonders how he would have restrained himself from hitting the child’s mother! Everyone around there was horrified and wondered at how the toddler was being treated at home.

    I listened to the rest of the programme with all my attention after that; and it felt like walking into a dark and dreadful place.

    Caller after caller phoned in, all with sad tales of the terrible beatings they had suffered during childhood at the hands of their parents. One person said that his mother once beat him until blood began to come out from his nose.

    Many told of how the physical scars from the merciless beatings of childhood were visible on their bodies. Then you wonder: how about the emotional scars that are left ?!

    Parents use- balled fists (!), canes, (iron) rods, skipping ropes (now how come this sounds somehow familiar) ; and any and everything, to beat their own children.

    The promise by a lot of these parents is that they would “beat the hell out of them”. They talk as though they have the gauge or instrument of measurement for the scale of hell wrapped up in a child and thus know the level of beating to be given to “beat the hell out.”

    The results are predictable all across the world. Here, it is left now for one dedicated researcher to record and reveal the number of infanticides  by parents across Nigeria over a set time period, for all to see. Even as it is, we are constantly inundated with horrific tales of deaths of children at the hands of negligent and, or violent parents. A lot of young ones who survive end up with disfigurement, permanent facial paralysis or  with horrible scars which today give law enforcement officials cause to pick them up and frivolously charge young men and women as cultists, or gangsters. Others suffer a complete shut- out from careers in any of the forces where body marks are not permissible for recruits.

    The baby in the picture below was battered and disfigured by her own father such that it is no longer discernible that this baby is actually a girl. This girl was brutalised for doing whatever little thing she did without even being old enough to know that whatever on earth it was, was wrong! She is still a baby, for heaven’s sake.

    It has reached the level that several countries across the globe have long outlawed corporate punishment at homes and at schools.

    American children are taught an emergency number to call, should their parents ever go ahead to hit them.

    Please do not get me wrong here; I agree totally with the fact that boundaries matched with accountability and discipline spell love for a child. But is that what a great many parents have been pursuing while bringing up their children?

    Just as I was writing this, right on Twitter came this distressing piece- a 26- year old was beaten to death by some policemen in Kano and his father witnessed the beating.

    Reports have it that the police alleged that Abdulkadir Nasiru had participated in a neighbourhood gang fight. He was not at home when the cops came calling with the allegation, but upon his return, his father Nasiru Madobi took him down to Madobi police station.  There he was brutalised and tortured to death.

    His father’s claim is that he took his son to the station for interrogation but quarrelling and fighting broke out with the young man well outnumbered. This he said was because at a point the young man decided to fight back against the police brutality. From the  same father’s  account  he himself LEFT his son in that situation, after taking him. There and proceeded home. At the end of the day his son’s corpse was sent back home. Now I ask, why did the father LEAVE his son there in that situation?

    The Kano police command says (only) 4 policemen have been arrested in connection with the murder. How about the father?  He needs to be interrogated too.

    Well whatever the case, like faazbeautyhub says on Instagram : May Allah guide us to carry out our responsibilities well.

    Twitter @mikky_princess

  • PILLOWTALK: Smile to the emotional bank

    Yetunde Oladeinde

    molaralife@yahoo.com

    It was Bimpe’s birthday and Wale decided to give her a wonderful treat. He bought a variety of clothes, accessories and took care of the other details.

    Friends and relatives were invited to this memorable event and he actually thought this was the best way to convince her that he really loved her and wanted her for keeps.

    Unfortunately, things did not just work out as planned: the birthday gal and some of her friends who were the ‘typical bad gals’ changed the agenda. Some of the other friends in their circle were brought into the arrangement a few days to the party and they hijacked the ceremony.

    At this point, our dear friend realised that he was not as important as he thought he was on the babe’s emotional scale of preference.

    Oh dear! Why didn’t anyone warn him about all these? How come he never knew that she was cheating on him?

    Frustrated, he left the party midway because every moment spent made him realise that he had been a fool all this while. His heart was very heavy, a belly also filled with animosity.

    Tears? No, there was no need for that now. It hurts but tears weren’t an option. It was only an eye opener, something that has made him wake up from emotional slumber and plan for something better.

    Most times, a lot of guys and babes get carried away with the emotional gesticulations. You need to look beyond the physical and do some assessment of your worth from time to time.

    You also need to know what goes through a person’s mind when they are feeling attraction for you. What really are the criteria for selecting you and not another? Is it because you have a good job, work hard and pretty cute or a really kind or easy going person?

    Time definitely would certainly tell…but before you allow the odds to catch up with you, you may need to do a quick emotional survey.

    A sincere partner should naturally smile to the emotional bank after working so hard to make a relationship work. Yes, sometimes this is as a result of dedication, hard work and perseverance. But there are times when you put in so much and you get so little in return.

    It happens especially when the person that you put all your dreams and hopes upon is insincere. From the outset, he or she has it all worked out, and foolishly you tagged along until the emotional carpet is pulled off your feet in a very rude way.

    Recently, yours truly ran into a story that brings tears to the eyes, breaking hearts all the way. A 29-year-old man actually scammed and robbed 38 women in at least seven states while giving different identities as Ray Holycross, Ray Cross and ray Thompson.

    So, how did he do this? Investigations revealed that he spent years logging into dating websites to meet women before moving in with them and then went on to steal from these women.

    For Jennifer Clark, it was love until the mess was discovered. She met him on an online dating site and was smitten. In a short while, the two lovebirds moved in together. “We lived in my house and I decided I wanted to help him.”

    Once he captured her heart, he tried to convince her to sell her home and her car. The love struck lady agreed to do the wish of her prince charming, while he promised to take her to Chicago.

    So, the emotional coast was very clear. He took her laptop, iPhone, withdrew about $1000 from her account and vanished.

    Just like that! “He made me feel like he was going to take care of me, instead I was left with absolutely nothing,” Clark recalled.

    Was she really stupid or could this be love?”He was extremely charming and convincing and, looking back at myself I feel foolish.” Many of the women who met Holycross online told a similar story. They said he was an online charmer who took off with their cash once they let him into their lives and homes.

  • A curious journey

    THE bird perched on the wall nearby, there were other birds around. Jolly good fellows at work and you just can’t help but admire the beautiful scenario that they have just created. The last bird moved around a particular bird and wasn’t eager to fly away. A closer look and you discover that something had caught its fancy. It’s another bird but the bird had company, a rival who wasn’t ready to let go.

    This beautiful bird was certainly excited (in love) and you can feel the excitement. Just when you think this was going to last forever, a noise from the latest entry into the emotional contest (bird) catches your attention. There is a struggle between these rivals and then it flies away from trouble.

    That scenario aptly captures a number of experiences when it comes to love and relationships. It, certainly, is a sweet and memorable experience that trails the lovebirds at the beginning of every love story. While some are simple, others are dramatic; but the most important thing is attaining your emotional goals and surviving the many odds involved.

    Naturally, love captures and captivates the person at the centre of the game and once you are hooked the rest is history, as they say. Conversely, all the rapt emotional attention, emotions and the other things that get caught in the web of each love story can also go down the drain.

    An upset comes when the other party realises that he or she is being taken for a ride , not appreciated or there is another competitor lurking around ready to take away what you have accepted, kept, treasured and is ready to do just anything to have it for keeps.

    Do anything for love? Yes! Why not! A lot of people are ready to do anything when they fall helplessly in love and that explains why a person known to be very tough softens down and allows the one he or she loves to have their way, sacrifice everything and anything for them. They would definitely close their eyes to things they would never have compromised on, hence the popular saying, ‘love is blind’.

    Love is indeed intoxicating and it hangs on the discovery of something unique and different. It is therefore natural to want to keep and treasure something that is an asset, something that is beautiful and good. Of course, if you are lucky to have a very special connection, then you should be ready to do everything to make it last. And because the experience is exciting and great then you start to think that maybe you’ve finally found the bone of your bones.

    Mr. or Mrs. Right? That, for  many, is usually an elusive race and when this becomes a reality, it is at this point that you find a lot of ladies getting anxious about something going wrong, or about him suddenly “changing his mind” about her. Unfortunately, this is precisely the moment where a lot of women make a lot of mistakes. You can and should communicate what you want to a man and set certain standards.

    A good relationship is about navigating the numerous differences between you. It must come first on your scale of preference. It is actually those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world. It is also very important to enjoy and appreciate what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be.

    Having good communication helps to oil the emotional wheel. Of course, there are days when we disagree but it must be done in such a way that we do not end up always hurting the people we claim to love. How would you feel when the love of your life talks down on you in front of his or her friends? How would you feel when issues you discuss privately with your sweetheart are taken to the public domain? The crux of the matter here is that ridiculing or humiliating each other is not a good idea, at all. You need some level of privacy to succeed in the relationship that you are building. Once you understand this perfectly and make sure you both talk honestly about what irritates or upsets you, then the love arena would continue to wax stronger, no matter the issues confronting you.

    If you have managed to surf the ups and downs of your relationship, you will become an inspiration to other people around you.

    Besides, you will always have a wealth of shared memories to laugh over and look forward to handling differences without stress. This is because you have accepted each other in your entirety.