The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • ‘Working with vulnerable children gives me great joy’

    ‘Working with vulnerable children gives me great joy’

    Olasimbo Ojuroye is a Chemistry graduate from the University of Lagos. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about how she started her career with SAIPEM, an oil firm in Port Harcourt, and later moved to IT in the United Kingdom. She also shares her passion for less-privileged children through the Sparkle Foundation, making money as a realtor and life  after being married to Ayo Ojuroye, Bet9ja CEO.

    What inspired you to care for children?

    I have always had a heart for children. I have always had a heart for the needy and I have always wanted to put smiles on children’s faces. It has not been very easy to know how to conceptualise all this. I had an event in 2006 where we had Smiley faces for children in need. However, we want to take Sparkles Foundation far and beyond all of that. We want to give them a holistic package, so that we can follow a child from the beginning to the end. We want to empower them, educate them and give them qualitative healthcare.

    I actually had to go and do training on this for three years because I have always been an I.T person. I left that to do a healthcare course, just to understand the concept, because being able to travel around, I can see exactly where the deprivation is. It is heavily between the poor and the rich and the focus of our organisation is to give the normal child the basics of life which can empower their future. I believe that our children are the future.

    How do you identify these children and reach out to them?

    Most of the time, when I am driving or moving around I can identify a child that is malnourished. As a mother, you would know a child that is well looked after and the one that is not well looked after. We started originally by going to the orphanage homes and one thing I noticed is that, they give them food and they go to school but it is not a complete package. So, that influenced the programme I had at the beginning, taking them out of that and let them do what normal children do as well as engaging them more. We plan to do this because we have a plan for them in health education.

    At the moment, we go through a team called Loveworld. Once they identify a child in need, they send an email to us. Then we find out what they need, do our findings, then we support the child. The name sparkle was something that was dropped into my spirit and it is related to the idea of smiling faces. When things sparkle, it helps to make you brighter. The plan is to make it a yearly event, with the help of my other colleagues. We hope to do something every May 27, which is the children’s day. A time to eat, dance and have fun. For the healthcare, we are getting the process right, the location and getting the community involved. I have some health experts that I am working with and we already have a plan. The only thing we are waiting for is the location. I have doctors, nurses and people I would work with. Everything is on course and it is just the logistics and location.

    Initially, we were thinking of having a clinic for the community and they would be responsible for what goes on there. Then there was the other idea of making it a proper healthcare and we are just in the process of making that decision. At the moment, it is self financed. I have got four trustees and myself on board. Eventually, we hope to have more people on board.

    What are the other things that spurred you to do the things that you do?

    My mother was a matron. I lived half of my life in Nigeria and she always had the heart to care for people, always had the empathy kind of thing. While I was doing the course, I went to some hospitals in Nigeria to speak with consultants, to have an idea of what goes on. There is a big difference in what I am seeing compared to what should be. I noticed that a lot of things can be prevented if the right education is provided. For a child to die of malaria and a number of other things that we can prevent does not go down well with me, making sure every child goes to school in the right community is important.

    What are some of the challenges?

    There would always be a lot of challenges in everything you do in life. We try to embrace our focus and forget the distractions. Looking at the challenges would not get us to where we want to be. One of the things I find challenging is the organisation, but I believe that by working with the right people we would be able to overcome it.

    What are some of the projects that you are working on at the moment?

    For this year, we hope to give what we call Christmas giveaway. I believe that Christmas is a family affair. I believe that every family or child should be able to have something to eat and drink. With the poverty level in this country, I knew some children are not able to do this. We can’t feed the world but our desire is to do as much as we can. At the moment, we have some children that we are sponsoring in school. The plan is to have a health clinic and also empower mothers who are struggling. The truth is that if the mother is not right, the children definitely would suffer. Our plan here is to empower parents, put them on their feet, so that they can do what they need to do for the family. Also as much as they are learning, they must also play. It is always nice to have a balanced life.

    Tell us about your personal life

    I am married with three children. I went to Grace School, Gbagada and then went to the University of Lagos where I did a Chemistry degree. After graduation, I worked with Saipem, an oil company in Port Harcourt, and then went to the United Kingdom where I went into IT. I have been in the UK for about 20 years. I worked on internet applications and I also went into properties, trading and later went into something they call simple furnishing or interior décor. Along the line, I did something for children and that was how the charity part of me came into being. I started the foundation and went for training, a course in general medicine for three years, and I finished this year in October.

    Of all the things you have done, which do you consider the most interesting for you?

    To be honest with you, I would say that the charity work is the best for me. During the 2006 event, I felt it and knew that this is something I had to do. Most of my career was just money making, but the charity thing was different. We are touching millions of lives and we believe that charity begins at home. For me, it started from in-house supporting family and friends. Every situation is unique and what I always say at the end is that all the glory goes back to God.

    What was it like growing up?

    I am the second of four children. I was very close to my mum and we came from a middle class family in those days. My father was an engineer and my mother was a nurse. The caring thing runs in the family, we always want to do this. Also the love shown to me by my parents, I just feel it is time to give back. My mum’s influence also rubbed off on me. She didn’t live very long but her short life was purposeful. She died when she was about to celebrate her fiftieth birthday. A lot of people came to talk about the extent she went to help people and I think I took a bit of that from her.

    Let’s talk about your husband. What are the things that you like about him?

    He is a very real, down to earth guy. He has always been very hard working. There are lots of things that we share in common. He has been very supportive and this goes a long way. If it wasn’t for his support, the foundation won’t be happening now.

    How did you meet him?

    I was on my way to a friend’s house for a party, walking down the road with another friend, and then he drove past with his friend. Then he stopped and just smiled. I had this hard-to-get look and asked my friend, why he was smiling at me. A few days after, he saw me again in church, Kessington Chapel, and he came hugging me saying, “Opa arugbo e wani ekule mi.” I was wondering what a strange guy he was, he didn’t even know how to go about toasting. But he did try and it went on from there. I must say that I have had a blissful marital life.

    What is his mood like when business is good?

    Even when he is excited, you won’t see him jumping all over the place. All you would see is this nice smile that comes up his face. When they are winning or losing, he stays calm, but when they are winning big, his smile is different.

    How did you feel when he told you he was starting a betting business?

    I didn’t feel anyhow because he has been a man of purpose. He has always been successful in what he did. So when he told me about betting, I said “betting ke?” Then he told me that his dad used to be in betting and we started the journey by going for a course and that was how Bet9ja was birthed. One thing I have learnt in my journey in life is that you would meet different kinds of people, they must never change who you are. Don’t try to be somebody else. Don’t try to be what you are not.

  • Flying without wings

    Dotun attended the school’s alumni meeting a few weeks ago. Here, he met a number of his old school mates and they had become a shadow of themselves. Guys who used to be the toast and envy of all had deteriorated so badly and they all wondered why he looked so clean and radiant.

     “The only thing that keeps me going is my dear Amaka, the woman who has made me to fly in emotional colours. She is a wonderful heart to be with and every moment spent in her company makes me feel better and younger. She helps you plan your day in a unique way and when you are down, she is ever ready to proffer solutions that would make you go to bed with a heart filled with joy.”

    That, for him, is the emotional tonic required to fly around like a butterfly.

    A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life and business. As you look around for success stories, you find that good relationships improve all aspects of life as well as strengthen your health, your mind, and your connections with others.

     However, if the relationship isn’t working, it can also be a tremendous drain. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back.

    For some, no matter what they put in, the other party would just not make them fly because the relationship was not based on trust but on lust and material gains. Once you find yourself on the edge like this, it is better to device ways to repair the trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

    At such moments, it may be better to withdraw from the hustle and bustle to nature. That was exactly what Adunni did recently and it took away the emotional confusion without stress. Here, she saw a beautiful butterfly flying and perching around. The brightly-coloured insect stole the show. It was beautiful watching the overlapping rows of tiny scales jumping around in excitement.

    However, she discovered that as beautiful and exciting as it was, the experience did not last forever.

    To understand this, you need to understand that as beautiful as the butterfly is, it has a short lifespan. The average lifespan for an adult butterfly is 20 to 40 days. Some species live no longer than three or four days; others may live up to six months.

    From egg to adult, butterflies undergo a series of physical transformations known as metamorphosis. After mating, the female butterfly lays her eggs on a caterpillar food or “host” plant. The eggs can hatch within a few days, or within months or even years, depending on whether the conditions are right or not.

    In addition, a caterpillar’s first meal is its own eggshell. It then spends most of its time eating the leaves of the plant on which it hatched. An adult butterfly uncoils its long, straw-like proboscis to sip nectar from flowers, juice from rotting fruit and water from puddles.

    Many butterflies have developed interesting ways of defending themselves from predators. One method is disguise, or “cryptic colouration”, where the butterfly has the ability to look like a leaf or blend into the bark of a tree to hide from predators. Another method is chemical defence, where the butterfly has evolved to have toxic chemicals in its body. These species of butterfly are often brightly coloured, and predators have learned over time to associate their bright colour with the bad taste of the chemicals.

    Interestingly, it also reminds you about the lyrics of the song by Westlife titled; ‘Flying without wings’.

    It talks about everybody looking for that special thing, that thing that makes them complete; the thing that brings excitement to their emotions and life in general. The song writer hints that such pleasures and excitement occur in the strangest places, places where you never knew or imagined that you could find cupids arrow.

    The big question then would be where can you find the kind of love that you truly desire?

    Well, some actually find it sharing every morning while others have to stay away from the maddening crowd to find it in their solitary lives. If you do not get it here, then you may just rediscover lost affection in the words of others or in the deepest friendship. Friends, whose hearts are as beautiful as the butterfly, can be a great asset. These are the kinds of hearts that you would cherish all your life.

    As elusive as love seems to be, some actually find it at the right time, in the right place and with the right person. It could be found in the eyes of a lovebird, in the heart or just in the things that they do. The crux of the matter is that when great hearts find that special thing, you’re flying without wings.

    It is usually better when partners eliminate assumptions about the things they like, challenges, achievements as well as how the personal finance duties should be divided up.

     Money is emotionally charged and can bring a lot of anger. But it can be great at opening up a dialogue and improving communication. It is therefore important to manage your money as a team to ensure that you have a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

  • Idle in the market place (II)

    My great Nigerian sisters and every wonderful fan of this page-God’s page,
    I am happy to be with you again today. I prophesy into your lives as it is written in Isaiah 14:3 “And it shall come to pass in the day (today) that the LORD shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve,” in Jesus mighty name. This week, God will visit you with miracles that will wipe out your past ridicule in Jesus name. The light of God will shine upon your ways and turn your frustrations to fulfillment in Jesus name. AMEN!

    Last week, I discussed the cases of three ladies who had bright prospects at a young age; started well in their various fields of endeavour but in their late 30s/early 40s have nothing to show for the wonderful seeds of greatness planted in them by God. It’s very sad that when one of them should be one of the richest women in Africa, she’s living from hand to mouth. No matter what you think, it is an attack against her destiny. This is because we are all created for the glory of God and should move from glory to glory. However, a lot of youths who should guard their destinies jealously don’t even have the faintest idea of the super-stars they are and so pay very little attention to it or better put don’t know how to protect themselves and get their stars to manifest. Unfortunately, some other people who are ready to support the devil in truncating such beautiful destinies have seen the shinning stars  from their childhood and possibly even from their mother’s womb and would do everything to stop the stars from shinning. If Herod was bent on killing Jesus Christ because of his star, who are we not to suffer the same fate?

    I earlier mentioned that we are all endowed with spiritual deposits planted in us by God to make us great in life and turn us to stars and wonders. If these deposits are not working either because they are being suppressed or out rightly stolen by the enemy, such a person can never be fulfilled in life and will only go from stagnation to frustration to non-achievement to lack to trouble etc. I could go on and on. The devil is after people of relevance, significance, those whose lives will promote the kingdom of God, as a matter of fact- human gold mines. You never can tell the type of destiny you carry. Your parents may not even know. The earlier we realise in our adolescence that the whole world lies in wickedness and we have a fierce battle to fight, the better for us.

    Adolescence is viewed as a transitional period between childhood and adulthood, whose cultural purpose is the preparation of children for adult roles. It is a time we see life just the way our peers see it. It is a time our vivid imagination set from childhood practically runs wild and we just want to have the world at our feet and everything our way whether it’s right or wrong. It is a time when an average girl believes she’s already an adult and has every reason to have a boy friend, engage in sex, wear hair extensions, dress up to the nines i.e. dress to kill, master the latest dance steps etc. Girls flutter their eyelashes, wear sexy and colourful clothes, and go around tightening their bottoms. They want to be in shape and up to date. You’re at the age when you think everything is centred on yourself. You are only interested in the present and usually carried away with your emotions. Adolescence is a period when so much time is spent on inanities. A time you don’t want to be left out; a time when you want to be accepted by your peers and seen to be “happening” whether what you are doing makes sense or not. All of these are done with so much gusto like tomorrow would never come. In this generation, the social media makes things worse and exposes you to so much that distract you from what you really should concentrate on. It’s just that age, a very short time out of the number of years God has graciously given us but an improper use of it could lead us to an unfulfilled and wasted life. Since choices made during adolescent years can influence later life, high levels of self-awareness, self-control, spirituality and deep acquaintance with God during mid-adolescence will arm you for your journey through life.

    No wonder Solomon encourages us in Ecclesiastes 12:3 to remember our creator while we are still young before those dismal days and years come when you will say, “I don’t enjoy life.” That is before the devil fully gains his ground in your life, makes you feel you are enjoying life, manipulates you at will for so many years and then you wake up one day suddenly realising you’ve not made any good of your life. Hmm…girls, do you know a lot of women wish they had been serious with God in their teens?

    In this season of great joy and glad tidings, may God cause you to sing a new song of ecstatic joy, reveal His wonderful plans for your life and place you on the original path of your destiny in Jesus mighty name. God loves you, so do I!

  • ‘Teens tell me what they don’t tell their parents’

    ‘Teens tell me what they don’t tell their parents’

    For Ngozi Eze Social work is a passion that runs in the family. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, the entrepreneur , interior decorator and Event management consultant talks about life working with young people, their challenges and more.

    Why are you passionate about touching the lives of young people?

    It started with three individuals who came together with a vision. We all liked taking to young people and we found that there was a need and we have to reach out to them. We all have teenagers and you find that your kids cannot really talk to you and they are usually talking to some other persons and if you don’t find a way to reach them, they might talk to someone who may not give them good advice. So we basically came together to be able to reach these young people growing into adulthood.

    Why are you interested in charity?

    It is an organisation that has compassion on women and the youths. Just like what happened today at the Lagos Business School. We are helping them to create awareness about how they can start up. How they can thrive in a difficult society and a couple of ways to survive unemployment. So that was how we started the start up thing; developing entrepreneurial skills in young people. You can actually do something apart from working for somebody. First, you must know what you have a passion for, then we let them know that they must work for it to be successful. Also, for a woman, you must know how to carry yourself. How do you fit into a society that looks like it is all for men? How can you start from nowhere?

    All this has to do with your mindset. So we work with youths and help them to transform their mindset. We help them to unlearn the things that they have been taught through the environment that they live in while growing up. We tell them that they can make it and that they can reach their goal as a woman.

    What was the initial reaction?

    I think we found it funny, especially with my half daughters. They said, ‘mummy, why are you taking my friends from me? Why are you so with my friends?’

    Now I have quite a lot of young people coming to talk to me when they have issues. Most times they see me as a big aunty not mummy and they talk to me about the things that happen in their lives.

    What are some of the projects carried out by your organisation?

    We have done seminars where we teach them self esteem, relationship management, fears from friends, their image, what people say about them, their careers and what to focus on.

    What are some of the things that you discovered along the line?

    We discovered that a lot them want to talk to someone but they do not know how to go about it and who to talk to. They are, therefore, happy that there is this aunty that they can go to. We also try to introduce an alumni magazine where they can talk to us without having to see us one on one.

    Interestingly, what you get to hear a lot is a friend of a friend but they are basically talking about themselves. It is therefore very important for somebody to always be there for them.

    Let’s talk about one or two cases that make you happy when you look back now

    We had this young girl who was going to be abused and she kept resisting it. We talked to her and told her what to do. So, she eventually faced the young man and he stopped initially, she did not know what to say to him.

    Right now, what we also do is to have scholarships for some of the young ones. We also pay for accommodation for some street kids. Ideally, we would love to have a halfway home where kids who are out of the home can have some vocational training and then they move on to better themselves.

    Are there challenges doing some of these things?

    Yes, there are challenges, especially finance; there is never enough. This is because there are so many people out there who actually need help.

    Corruption is one issue that the country is faced with, how can we let the young ones know that money isn’t everything?

    We have been working on their mindset. We are also trying to bring back the old values. For us, there is a lot of emphasis on education; bettering yourself. If you are not academically inclined, then you have some kind of life skills. You should learn, especially the girls, and we make them know that you have a head that is as good as the boys’. They have the same opportunities even though they have to work harder to prove themselves.

    Is there a way you have shown success stories to inspire others?

    Yes. But we have to do it with their permission, especially if they are under eighteen years. We need permission from their parents as well.

    Let’s talk about the other things that you do

    I do interior decor. I also handle events management and then I do customer care and hospitality training.

    How did you get into the area?

    I am one of those people who love to see the before and after of things, people and events. I am like a vision builder. If you come to me with your vision and I like it, I would actually help you build it. If I get into a place and everything was looking horrible, the first thing that comes to my mind is how I can transform the place and make it beautiful. So, that was how I got into interior decorating.

    How did you find the experience?

    It was really rewarding. The first job I did was in 1993. That was over 20 years ago. However, it has been by the side because I do other things. It can be interesting as well as challenging. I had a case at the beginning and the client wasn’t happy with my choice. They wanted something traditional and I was doing something contemporary but I have since learnt from that experience. Now, I ask a lot of questions and I am in tune with the client.

    Is there someone who inspires your drive for social work?

    My mother. She is the founder of Arrows of God Orphanage and I think we all basically have it in the family. No matter what we do, we just want to help others.

     If you had to advice the average Nigerian woman, what would you tell her?

    I would tell her first of all to discover their passion. They also need to realise, like they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Overtime, you would grow. Once you discover that this is what you want to do, just keep at it. While you are doing this, if you have a home, always strike a balance.

    What does style mean to you and what’s your beauty routine like?

    I wear what makes me comfortable. I do not go with the flow.

  • Idle in the market place

    Idle in the market place

    My darling sisters and every wonderful fan of this page-God’s page,
    I am delighted to be with you again today and my greatest wish and prayer for you is to discover God’s wonderful purpose for your life and move there with speed even before the end of this year in Jesus name. AMEN!

    During the week, I got a distress call from a mother who is very unhappy about the state of her 39-year- old daughter’s life. The single lady – a graduate who happens to be her first child is the least accomplished amongst all her children and doesn’t seem to be doing well. Though she has a job, her mother wants to get her a better accommodation because the lady can’t afford to get a good one. According to her mother, her pay package is not sufficient for her. Her mother thinks she’s not doing well because she would rather do things her own way than listen to her but I think there’s more to this lady’s predicament. A year ago, her mother told me about her latest broken engagement and how she had to pay for her flight ticket abroad to cool off. My worry is if at 39, she’s yet to be independent and fulfilled or accomplished in one way or the other, at what age would she make a meaning out of her life? Here’s a beautiful lady who was so bright and sharp in her adolescence and knew exactly what she wanted from life. I know another single lady whose business acumen from a rather young age fetched her so much money such that one could say she was too wealthy for her age when she was in her 20s. And being a prudent and smart lady, by now in her mid 30s she ought to have made enough money and saved enough such that buying an aircraft wouldn’t be a difficult task for her but, strangely, she’s been practically living from hand to mouth in the last two years. I know yet another 43-year-old single lady who was suddenly laid off in the company where she worked and earned well because of a change of management. When all attempts to get a good job failed, she decided to go into event planning and I tell you in the last four years, life has been so hard for her. There’s always one trouble or the other with the very few jobs that come her way. It’s either she’s underpaid or not paid for months after working so hard. Her business frustration made her settle for the job of a receptionist in a 2-star hotel, yet her salary is not sufficient for her needs. Now, she has to depend on a younger sibling who gives her a monthly allowance. This lady has always wished to be married but no good man comes her way. My question is, when will these ladies become fulfilled in life when their destinies seem to be idle in spite of their efforts?

    Idle means inactive and not at work, without purpose or effect; pointless. There are too many destinies like that in the world today practically rendered useless either due to lack of focus, wrong association, wrong priorities, lack of sense of responsibility, sin or outright satanic attack. Yes, the devil loves to truncate the destinies of great stars and bombard them with different problems such that they get so confused and just slump in the race of life. There are spiritual deposits in our lives planted by God to make us great but it has been suppressed by the devil in so many lives. Some children of the devil who are destiny traders know how to transfer virtues and render the original owner of the virtues useless for life unless God intervenes. You come across people who are loaded with talents, unusual skills and fantastic ideas yet they lack patronage and have become liabilities to others when they are meant to be great assets simply because something has been killed or stolen from their lives. It is indeed a tragedy for anyone not to be accomplished in life and celebrated because we were all created to manifest God’s glory.

    Sisters, our adolescence/youth is indeed the best time of our lives when we want to live out our lives and enjoy life to a hilt. But if I were you, I’d rather focus on my future and lay a solid foundation for all my aspirations and arm myself well enough to journey through life. We all have a common enemy which is the devil who has only come to kill, steal and destroy God’s beautiful plans for our lives.

    The energy wasted on clubbing/partying endlessly and other inanities in your youth could be better spent in equipping yourself with ammunition for your future. You never can tell the sort of destiny/star you have. It could be one the devil has made up his mind to destroy right from when you were in your mother’s womb. Your destiny/star could be one that the African continent has never experienced before. God’s plan for your life could be for you to become the world’s most influential woman some day. How tragic it would be for such a destiny not to manifest! For everyone who is presently idle- you shall fly from the sky of rejection to the firmament of dominion in Jesus name. AMEN!

    •To be continued.

  • Swinging like the chandelier

    Hearts, like everything else, come in different categories. Some are large, others are small and ordinary. Like a lamp, your heart would ultimately create an atmosphere that is as unique as your personality. A small heart would definitely not have enough space to attract or accommodate others. However, if you have a heart that is very large, creative, accommodating and reliable, then you can brighten your world as well as the lives of those around you.

    Imagine what you could do in darkness with a torch, a lamp as well as a chandelier! The last option is obviously the most effective as well as the most attractive. Chandeliers are often ornate, and normally use lamps. Crystal chandeliers have more or less complex arrays of crystal prisms to illuminate a room with refracted light. However, you cannot go far with a chandelier whose lamps are faulty and do not refract light.

    This also reminds you of the love song called ‘Chandelier’ by Sia, the Australian singer. The song is the lead single from her sixth album and it offers a different point of view about party girls. The group of jolly good fellows doesn’t get hurt, can’t feel anything and are as mesmerising as the chandelier. Swinging from the chandelier, this heart lives like tomorrow doesn’t exist.

    Chandelier is a song laced with self-reflecting vocals, a haunting melody and tribal escalations that give a solemn feel. What’s more, its lyrics tell us the exact thoughts going on inside a girl with an alcoholism problem. Time and again, she tries to tell herself that she shouldn’t do it anymore, but peer pressure, lust, need for love always brings her back, convincing her that she can handle anything, that she should live life while the moment is there. In one word, addiction.

    Escaping from reality, that is what many think of and that is what takes them to do things that are unrealistic and as well as lead to suicidal tendencies. Hearts in dreamland is what comes to mind at this point as you ponder on hearts and relationships that fit into this description. A romantic experience that takes you to your dreams is everybody’s wish but most times what you see isn’t what you get. Just when you think you’ve found love, it slips away again and then the search begins once more. If you are lucky, you run into the right heart and you begin to experience the forever happy ending kind of experience. Not so lucky, you try, try and try again. Even after finding a perfect soul mate, maintaining the relationship comes with a lot of challenges and you need to work hard to protect it forever.

    Interestingly, relationship or marital problems come in all shapes and sizes. So, if you are feeling distraught, worn out or desperate for help, it is important to look for help in the right quarters. Don’t ever give up because you are not alone.

    Interestingly, there are a number of common relationship problems that we all come across on a daily basis. The first one that comes to mind is infidelity. There are usually a number of signs to see when the love boat is sailing in this direction. Once you notice this on time then you would be able to save the relationship before it crashes.

    Some of the other issues that you have to contend with include sexual problems, particularly loss of libido ( male and female). If this does not occur in your situation, then you may just be faced with the significant differences in the individual’s core values and beliefs. Here, what is required is to understand what the other person likes or dislikes and then try to adjust as well as accommodate the other person.

    As you go through these adjustments , you should also be in tune with the different t life stages, what it means to you and your partner, as well as how to make the best out of it all. You also need to be aware of certain traumatic and life-changing events in the way that shows sympathy and empathy for the heart that you cherish so much.

    Experts inform that there are significant personal disappointments and traumas in relationships these days. This unfortunately has led to a change in relationship dynamics. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter to you can be very frustrating and challenging.  This gets worse when there is manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or friends. Sadly, a lot of people get depressed because they just have a feeling that the relationship is one-sided and the other party is uncaring.

    Lack of communication about important matters like this usually leads to separation .Unfortunately, there are times when this is just nothing but perceived lack of concern, care and consideration, financial problems, dealing with a jealous partner, unrealistic expectations as well as poor division of or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and tasks.

  • The amazing power of a Spirit-filled girl (IX)

    At such a young age, she has not only learnt to build her home on earth, she already has a mansion in heaven.

    Are you filled with the spirit of God or you are just an ugly shadow of yourself and the devil’s playground?

    Get your soul ignited today and begin to experience your original.

    (Excerpt of a poem-”The Amazing Power of A Spirit-Filled Girl)

    DEAR TEMILOLU,

    Your column in The Nation on Sunday is always a blessing, may your fountain of knowledge never run dry.

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    I have been following your articles on “The amazing power of a Spirit-filled girl” and it has been such a blessing to me. I have always wanted to be a spiritual person to surmount the challenges I’ve encountered all my life and I thank God for using you to inspire me and give me the much needed encouragement and leverage. Thanks for being there.

    Esther, Kaduna

     

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    I just read your article for the first time and it really helped me. Thank you. Please never stop writing.

    My darling sisters and every wonderful fan of this page-God’s page,

    I welcome you all to the last month of year 2015; the month that will put an end to your struggles, troubles, fears and anxieties. May God in His infinite mercies change your garment and give you a garment of glory, everlasting joy, praise and thanksgiving even before the very last day of this year in Jesus name.

    I ended last week’s article inquiring from you about your usefulness to the kingdom of God. What does God mean to you? Or perhaps who is God to you? Do you see Him as a Father who is meant to be used at will even when you misbehave or you see Him as a Father whom you are committed to more than anything or anyone else in the world and whose kingdom you must propagate? Unfortunately, too many Christians who say they are born again appear to be too busy to propagate the kingdom of God and win souls. Everyone wants to go to heaven some day but they forget they’ll be asked to give an account of what they did on earth to promote the kingdom of God amongst other things. If you truly love God with all your heart, whether He has granted you your requests or not, you’d love to talk about Him in the public bus, in your school and almost anywhere you find yourself. You’d love to rush to church and sweep the floor or clean the chairs before someone else does it. You’d love to carry the things of God on your head and act like it’s your no.1 priority in life. By so doing, you are gathering stars for your destiny, promoting your life – no matter how bad things are for you currently and also building yourself a mansion – a house of glory in heaven. At the same time, you are building a wonderful future for yourself here on earth. There are so many challenges you can never imagine you are bull-dozing by those acts. Even if your life is so down-trodden at the moment and relatives have given up on you – it only takes one move of God for your destiny to be catapulted to where those you always wanted to be like can never even get to. Is He not God?

    “And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.” Daniel 12:3

    Check out the above scripture – what a good God!

    THE SCRIPTURES ALSO SAY:

    “But, as it is written,”What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”— these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God.  And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.[a]

    “The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.  The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one.” 1 Corinthians 2:9-15

    What the above scripture implies is that spiritual things must be spiritually discerned including your destiny and entire journey through life. If we do not possess the spirit of God which enables us understand the things given freely to us by God, we cannot possibly possess them neither can we live the glorious and very unique life God has destined for each one of us. You really need to ask yourself this question – Am I my original as created by God or just an ugly shadow of myself and the devil’s playground?

    It is my prayer that the mighty power of God rests upon your life and ignites your spirits in Jesus mighty name. AMEN!

  • Refuelling your tank

    Water, water, everywhere and none to drink. This comes to mind when you compare what’s going on with the fuel scarcity at the moment. A car (heart) without fuel (love) is useless. It can’t go far. Even if it is a brand new car, with gadgets that are fantastic, you are not going to go far if you can move it (heart) at the pace you want.

    Fuelling (loving) a car (heart) sounds easy but when it comes to the nitty-gritty of it all, you discover that it is a very complex (whims and caprices) process. The routine of washing the car, servicing it at the right time would determine if you are in charge or not. In addition, choosing the appropriate fuel is important because this can also mar the process. Adulterated fuel, like adulterated love, takes you to the ‘End of the Road”.

    Timing is crucial. It is wrong to do the last things first. Experts actually advise that it is better to fuel the car in the morning and not in the middle of the day because heat creates vapour, which leaves space in the tank. Some people can also be miserly with the way they dole out their affection. Interestingly, fuel experts warn that doing the refuelling (loving) once in a while may damage the fuel pump (heart) or wear out the filters (emotion).

    The driver of the car should be in charge and know when to fuel and refuel the tank without stress. Sadly, there are times when those in the emotional saddle discover that their emotional tank has been emptied and they are stuck. That is what ought to have happened to a bride recently. Unfortunately, things just did not go as planned. She dreamt of love, imagined it during the day and looked forward to the physical actualisation of the forever happy-ending kind of tale she had read so much about.

    Unfortunately, this was not to be. Just when she thought that she had the emotional world in her pocket, the emotional thief and pickpocket strolled in and had the last laugh. It is worse when you are cruising on the emotional highway with a heart that does not know what he wants. That was exactly the scenario that she found herself.

    Her dream man changed his mind and walked away. He chickened out at the last moment and she was back to square one. That is a bad dream and nobody looks forward to this in a relationship. Sadly, it is the reality for many. Just imagine how you would feel like as a bride being left at the altar under dramatic circumstances.

    An empty aisle. It should have been love, but it is over. Emptiness, bitterness and frustration. Tears and more tears. The emotional turning-point can be explosive. It starts with a small spark that spontaneously combusts and starts a wild fire that just can’t be controlled. Poor dreamer, you still wish that it wasn’t true. Sometimes, you wish that the flames will die down. But when it ignites just before the most daunting commitment of your life, the blaze seems to blind you from seeing the forest for the trees. All the truth of the matter is that many of us just cannot imagine living a lifetime in that kind of heat.

    A bride recently fell into this category and no matter how hard she tried; it was difficult putting this emotional miscalculation behind her. “All this left me with a wedding and no groom.”

    The harm had been done but she decided to make the emotional exit memorable in her own way. So she called her photographer in tears and decided to have a photo-session without the groom. Instead of cancelling the photography coverage, the heartbroken lovebird decided to use the photos to help the healing process.

    She was really strong and came to the realisation that she could have a wedding if she turned her mind to it.”What I learned is that a wedding is something entirely different from a marriage,” said Jones. “A wedding is about all the people and things that come together to witness two people get married. A marriage is just about the bride and groom. So when my entire family decided to come to New Orleans anyway and see me through the aftermath, it became evident that all the same people and things that made up my wedding still existed. There just wasn’t going to be a marriage. Truthfully, I couldn’t see anything optimistic at first. I was just grateful I wasn’t alone.”

    Interestingly, the source of her inspiration was the photographer. “It wasn’t until my photographer suggested doing a photo-shoot anyway that I realised something truly beautiful happened out of all the ugliness. It was the first time my entire family was together in one place, just for the sake of being together, for over a decade or more. And they all came together to hold me up. Somehow, the solidarity and seeing and feeling unconditional, forgiving love radiate from them made the pain of my ex-fiancé’s decision almost irrelevant. In the armour of my family’s strength and support, I could face the battle of heartbreak without fear or humiliation. I cried. I laughed. I sang. I danced. And somehow, in an indescribable way, I won. Did I get married? No. Do I still have a lot grieving and healing yet to do? Yes. But all of that will be okay in time because, in the end, I got so much more than a wedding.”

  • ‘I love to do things that are difficult’

    ‘I love to do things that are difficult’

    Reverend Funke Abiodun is an engineer married to an engineer. Over the years she has contributed to the technical sector and served on the Lagos State Technical and vocational board. In addition, the energetic woman is passionate about humanitarian work as well as women and integrity in whatever area they find themselves. In this interview with YETUNDE OLADEINDE she talks about the things she does, her plans for the womenfolk and more.

    Why did you go into engineering?

    I studied engineering in India and Dubai. My major area is in the drilling of borehole. I started first in Dubai, then I worked with Julius Berger for a while and then my husband said that he doesn’t want me to work under anybody. Then I started a company that focused is on engineering and that business I adopted from my husband. So I used that business to work with UBA, I worked with First Bank as a consultant , Union bank , Gurara Holdings and Nexim Bank in Abuja.

    There is an estate called Gwarimpa Estate in Abuja, that place is a very difficult place to drill borehole. As a borehole engineer, I drilled more than forty boreholes in Gwarimpa. I did more than 80 in Abuja and in Lagos I worked on all First bank branches, old and existing branches. I thank God, HE has been proving himself. When it comes to engineering, God gave me the inspiration to draw plans in a unique way. Just tell me what you want and the owner would marvel and appreciate God in me.

    I was exposed again through Lagos state Technical and vocational center. God has been helping us with the children that we are training both in Agidingbi, technical college here. We have five technical colleges in Lagos. This includes Epe, Ikotun, Adurosoba, Ikorodu and Agindigbi. We oversee all the affairs of the colleges and make sure that our students get the best. People were not informed about technical colleges in the past, they taught it was only for dullards but that is changing now.  During our time, we did a lot of awareness and spoke to parents and there was a lot of turn around. You can see that all the technical colleges are being renovated and equipments are being bought for them.

    In the past, we didn’t have many women in technical areas, would you say this is changing?

    Yes, it is really changing. I believe that we have lots of ladies making a difference. In Agindigbi we have lady welders, about six of them and they are really good, there are also ladies in mechanical engineering. When I was young I loved to do what men do, that is what prompted me to go and do the borehole thing. Now, we have lot of women doing very well.

    Can we say it was easy for you because your husband is also into engineering?

    No!  It wasn’t like that. I think it was in me personally. Some people called me Margaret Thatcher when I was young.  I loved to do things that were difficult. I loved to do things that men do. I always see myself as a man because I am the first born of my family.  I was told that my father lost a boy before me but I do not know how that works but I believe that there is nothing impossible for a woman to do. I have some people that I am mentoring and this makes me happy. In fact about 8 people came to me from Landmark University and I don’t know how they got my contact but they said that they have searched for me and wanted me to mentor them.

    How do you juggle this with family life?

    It’s been easy because I have a husband that is very supportive. We tried to do things together but it got to a stage where he said you have to go this way and I that way and they meet at a point. Communication matters and we do not leave that out.

    Why are you passionate about women and integrity?

    I have a passion for women and I love women of Integrity anywhere I go. I have always wanted a woman to be confidence and it is that confidence that makes my husband allow me to represent him as a speaker and as an evangelist. Women of Integrity (WOI) is a program that the lord led me to start in London some years back.

    Then I brought some women together and gave them the confidence required to make a difference in their lives, family and the society at large. It is all about Charity, the need to give out as well as look inwards, to see if there is anyone in our midst who needs assistance in whatever way. This way you would know how to empower them as well as use the word of God to back them, giving them the relevant advise as well as teaching them how to fish. I discovered that there is need to reach out to women and empower them on how best to contribute to the society as well as handle the family. It is not wise to watch films from morning to night, when there are so many other useful things that you can do with your time. A lot of things come with prayers and you have to take a bold step.

    That bold step is what we are talking about, instead of being a liability to their husbands. It is not good for women to sit at home and be asking their husbands for everything. You need to look at yourself and ask what if God created you as a man, what you would do. The answer for me would be that I would feed my wife and children. Likewise, you can support your husband, where we are today, I told him about having a penthouse and he was like what if the money finished but I encouraged him.

    As women, we need to encourage our husbands. Our husbands are so flexible like babies. When you give them full support, you would see them doing greater things but if you do not do this, you see them falling easily. So I went all the way to encourage women that they can do it.

    Talking about integrity, the economy is in a state with retrenchments and corruption everywhere. What advice do you have for Nigerian women?

    I want to advise Nigerian women that they should be prayerful. Here I want to crave the indulgence of men by saying that women are more powerful than men, I believe that prayers can do all things. However with prayers, you cannot sit down and relax. Instead you need to add passion and hard work to make it. I want to encourage our women that after prayers, you seat yourself down to meditate and God would lift you.

    When you hear the voice of the lord, you would not seek wrong counsel. The voice of God would not let you look at somebody else’s cloth because you do not know what is going on underground. Live your own life, don’t live a fake life. A lot of the problems we have are that a lot of our women live a fake life. Although there is a portion that says that you fake it to make it, there are some areas that you can do this. For instance, you can pretend to be big when you know that something big is coming up for you but when you do this in some areas where you need assistance, and then you would fail. All we need to do is to be prayerful and focused. Most of us are not focused; we are looking at today and not thinking about tomorrow.

    You are also part of Inner wheel?

    If you have a spirit of giving then you belong to Inner wheel. When we got married my husband and I had a covenant to be giving   to the less privileged. Every time we had the opportunity to give to the poor we were happy and our spirit would lift. We continue until one day when we would see some people coming to drop things and I asked who they were and they told me they were Inner Wheel members. It got to a stage and a friend encouraged us to join Inner Wheel and Rotary, since we had the spirit of giving. That was how we joined and I have spent about 22 years. I have been president more than six times, secretary and now I am at the district level. Next year I want to drop this because I want to charter a club in Iju. I have been to the International rallies more than 7 times.

    How did you get into the Ministry?

    I thank the lord for the directive. It is due to my husband’s involvement with the powerful hand of God with the search and confirmation that HE really wants him to work for God. So, I had to go along with him.

    Immediately after the calling, God did something wonderful in my life. At that point, I was actually abroad on ministration and I was called by the Fashola Administration. They made me a member of the Governing board of the Technical and Vocational education body. Ever since then, I have been involved with the state government. We are just nine on the board and I never lobbied for it. We have a lot of people lobbying for things like this but I believe that it was God working as usual. HE says follow me and everything is going to fall in place. I appreciate God for that and I need to give the testimony openly.

    What is the name of the Ministry?

    The name of the ministry is the Beloved church. Initially, it was called the First Beloved Church Ministry International and that was what was registered abroad in the UK. The church started about 6 years ago. First it started as Saturday worship about 8 years ago. It was like a ministry, then at the Women’s development center, Agege. Then my husband thought it was going to be a partial thing.

    What was it like at that point?

    It was so nice because we could see the hand of God. But he was a minister to the prophets and most of the pastors he was mentoring got the touch of God. It got to a stage where God told him to start the Sunday service but because he had his own job, he didn’t want to take it up initially. My husband is an electronic electrical engineer while I am a civil engineer. At the same time, I have certificates on procurement. It was so easy when we started the Sunday service and since then, God has been so faithful to us.

    What are some of the achievements recorded?

    A lot! I can’t count God’s glory. If you look back at what has happened, naming them one by one, you would be amazed. God has been so good to us. My husband’s story is like the biblical Noah, who God told to go and build the ark. I know what he has suffered for the calling and I have also suffered for it. I did an operation five times and I nearly died. But I am alive and ready to evangelise for Christ.

  • Fingernails: What’s normal, what’s not?

    Fingernails: What’s normal, what’s not?

    Your fingernails composed of laminated layers of a protein called keratin and grow from the area at the base of the nail under your cuticle. Healthy fingernails are smooth, without pits or grooves. They are uniform in colour and consistency and free of spots or discolouration.

    Sometimes, fingernails develop harmless vertical ridges that run from the cuticle to the tip of the nail. Vertical ridges tend to become more prominent with age. Fingernails can also develop white lines or spots due to injury, but these eventually grow out with the nail.

    Not all nail conditions are normal, however. Consult your doctor or dermatologist if you notice:

    • Changes in nail colour, such as discolouration of the entire nail or a dark streak under the nail
    • Changes in nail shape, such as curled nails
    • Thinning or thickening of the nails
    • Separation of the nail from the surrounding skin
    • Bleeding around the nails
    • Swelling or pain around the nails

     

    Fingernail care: Do’s and don’ts

    To keep your fingernails looking their best:

    • Keep fingernails dry and clean. This prevents bacteria from growing under your fingernails. Repeated or prolonged contact with water can contribute to split fingernails.
    • Wear cotton-lined rubber gloves when washing dishes, cleaning or using harsh chemicals.
    • Practice good nail hygiene.
    • Use a sharp manicure scissors or clippers-Trim your nails straight across, then round the tips in a gentle curve.
    • Use moisturiser-When you use hand lotion, rub the lotion into your fingernails and cuticles, too.
    • Apply a protective layer-Applying a nail hardener might help strengthen nails.

    Ask your doctor about biotin. Some research suggests that the nutritional supplement biotin might help strengthen weak or brittle fingernails.mayoclinic.org