The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Running after a wild goose

    YOUNG, restless and beautiful, Eucharia looked like she had the emotional world in her pocket.  But behind the façade is a lonely heart, a heart in despair. Her mind suddenly flashed back to a telephone conversation she had with Monday, the father of her only child, a few minutes back and it brought instant tears.

    Sadly, the one who stole her heart was an emotional crook. Like a fool, she trusted him with her heart and everything only to be abandoned at the climax. At that point, she was already pregnant and she made up her mind to keep the baby against the odds.

    When the baby finally came, Monday was nowhere to be found. Luckily for her, the boy looked exactly like Monday and that for her was some consolation for the trauma she had gone through. “His mother came around and apologised, saying Monday had three other children from different ladies.” She was already saddled with enough burdens and there was no point expecting much from the poor old woman.

    Ever since, Eucharia has been struggling to take care of the little tot alone. Unfortunately, she has some financial problems at the moment and her account is in red. That was why she decided to give him a call and see if he would take care of some of his son’s bills. As usual, the cassanova was elusive and it was at that point that she came to the realisation that she had been a fool in this game. How could she have fallen for a callous heart? Why did she allow his looks and sweet tongue to deceive her? And why did she abandon a kind heart for this emotional devil?

    Now that she appears to have learnt her lesson, it is too late. She was never in charge. All her efforts had been wasted because she had been running after an emotional goose. The problem for a lot of people is that we get carried away with the physical things and forget that the things that offer comfort are usually not seen.

    Life offers many rewards, including learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, there are many challenges.

    Finding the right romantic partner is often a difficult journey, for several reasons. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of short, abrupt relationships where you or your partner get bored too soon, and you don’t know how to make a relationship last.

    Conversely, it could be that you are always attracted to the wrong type of person and keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past.

    In the emotional context, nothing is really permanent. One minute, lovebirds are soaring high with their emotions and the next minute you find them falling apart like humpty dumpty, unable to bring back the affectionate pieces together again. So, the big question would be why do we crave for love when we know is it not stable, unfair and uncertain?

    The truth of the matter is that true love can be magnetic, it conquers all. A healthy, loving relationship can enhance many aspects of your life, from your emotional and mental well-being to your physical health and overall happiness.

     For many, finding a heart that is genuine, someone that we want to share our lives with, can be very difficult. That, however, should not make you give up.

    Experts’ advice is that you don’t despair, even if you have a history of relationships that don’t last or if you feel burned out by traditional and online dating, you can still learn how to find lasting love.

    Even when you find love, it can be tough maintaining it. There would be times when your emotional vehicle runs out of fuel, needs serving or crashes. The crux of the matter is that it’s only the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few bumps on the affectionate road. If you recognise ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them.

    Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going. They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counselling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error.

    Whatever the case is, it’s also important to recognise that relationships are never perfect and always require lots of work, compromise, and a willingness to resolve conflict in a positive way. To find and build any relationship worth keeping, you may need to start by re-assessing some of your misconceptions about dating and relationships that can prevent you from finding lasting love.

  • A call to duty

    FOR every man, food is essential. What we eat and drink helps to meet our basic needs for growth, development, control our emotions as well as satisfy our desires. In babies, the first source of their nutrients is water and breast milk.  During pregnancy, the breast responds to a complex interaction of hormones, including estrogens, progesterone, and prolactin, that mediate the completion of its development, namely lobuloalveolar maturation, in preparation of lactation and breastfeeding.

    As soon as the baby is born the alveoli are stimulated to produce and secrete milk for infants.

     Over time, the many benefits of breast milk as opposed to the infant formula have been over emphasised. The content therein is free and healthy and motherhood therefore is a call to duty for every woman.

     A number of women find it difficult to adhere to the rules of exclusive breastfeeding for so many reasons. This includes sore nipples, infant having difficulties or when the baby is not getting enough milk.  Interestingly, even though women claim they stopped breastfeeding their babies because of time, work and other health reasons, experts also found that the perception of men also affected them in making such choices. “Most women who do not breastfeed their children adequately do so because they still want to remain attractive to their men. They strongly believe that this is one of the most attractive parts of their body and would still want to look good even after motherhood,” stated Sarah Adeyemi.

    While new mothers are still grappling with their new roles and responsibilities, trying to look smart and trendy, you also find them making efforts to understand why their man needs the breast when the baby’s need is hanging in the balance. The crux of the matter here is that along with their function in feeding infants, female breasts have social and sexual characteristics.

     Scroll down memory lane and you discover the importance ascribed to the breasts. They have been featured in notable ancient and modern sculpture, art, and photography. The female breasts, therefore, figure prominently in a woman’s perception of her body image and sexual attractiveness.

     No wonder women who have the resources pay a fortune on breast augmentation or other kinds of surgery to enlarge or reduce their breast size or to reverse sagging breasts.

     To understand the issues, it is important to understand how the women feel about their breast. “The breast is one of the most important parts of the woman’s body. It sets her apart from the male and a woman without a pair of breasts is incomplete,” declares twenty-seven year old Maltida Udoh.

    Interestingly, the breast plays different roles in a woman’s life. At puberty when the girl’s life is transforming, estrogens, in conjunction with growth hormone, cause breast development. Males do not develop pronounced or well-matured breasts because their bodies produce lower levels of estrogens and higher levels of androgens, namely testosterone, which suppresses the effects of estrogens in developing breast tissue.

    Subcutaneous fat covers and envelops a network of ducts that converge to the nipple, and these tissues give the breast its size and shape. At the ends of the ducts are lobules, or clusters of alveoli, where milk is produced and stored in response to hormonal signals.

     Over the years, experts have disclosed that the breast milk elixir is the remedy that could save the lives of so many children, especially in the developing world. Current estimates backed by the World Health Organisation (WHO) and UNICEF are that optimal breast-feeding would save 800,000 children’s lives a year in developing countries. That would amount to a 12 percent drop in child mortality, a huge gain.

     Exclusive breast-feeding for six months, as strongly recommended by the WHO, is practised by just 46 percent of women in India, 17 percent in Nigeria, and 10 percent in Yemen, according to the latest Global Nutrition Report. (In the U.S., the figure is about 22 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

    Infants who are not breast-fed are 14 times more likely to die than those who are exclusively breast-fed, according to a major metastudy just published by Acta Paediatrica, a pediatrics journal.

     Apart from children, women are also beneficiaries in the breastfeeding arrangement. A recent research reveals that new mothers can cut their risk of breast cancer by breastfeeding their babies. That is not all. The findings go on to say that the longer they continue, the lower their chances of developing the disease become.

    The findings add a new dimension to the evidence already amassed of the benefits of breastfeeding for babies, including healthier immune systems and fewer breathing difficulties.

    The research by epidemiologist Sir Richard Doll – who discovered the link between lung cancer and smoking – may now lead doctors to tell mothers that breastfeeding could protect them from the disease.

    Sir Richard’s findings follow a study which compared breast cancer rates among thousands of women and revealed conclusive evidence of a drop in the chances of getting the disease among those who breastfeed.

    A woman’s average risk of developing the cancer – which currently stands at one in 12 – decreases by four per cent for every year she breastfeeds. Data from 30 countries with a wide range of baby feeding practices were analysed to examine the relationship between breast feeding and breast cancer. “The hormones oestrogen and progesterone have been linked to tumours, and breastfeeding acts as a natural contraceptive, lowering hormone levels to the extent that a woman’s menstrual cycle is halted.”

  • Life’s unpredictable trajectory

    I met my first husband- Bode, while in the college in the U.S. He was from a less-privileged background than I was and was on scholarship. Eventually, we fell in love and we started living together. Most of my friends didn’t like the fact that he was living off me and they labelled him an opportunist but I was too much in love to listen to them and besides he was a good man who treated me with respect and gave me all the love I desired. I was experiencing what I never saw my mother experiencing. My father was a wealthy man and though he was a great family man, he never treated my mother with respect. In fact, I think he treated her in a derogatory manner. She was educated to a certain extent, but my father was of a higher pedigree and a high court judge. When I got to the U.S. and became more enlightened, I made up my mind not to allow any man “look down on me.” I married my sweetheart – Bode.

    Bode was much too laid back and I think he took my enterprising nature and wealthy background for granted and as such, I was the one who earned the most and took care of the family while he was always changing jobs and never earned enough. I loved him and I respected him, you would never know I was the bread-winner. We have a beautiful daughter, Morenikeji, whom I spoilt silly from birth and vowed to give the best things in life. When we relocated back to Nigeria, Bode could not get a stable good job while my late father got me a plum job and I rose through the ranks. Over the years, our marriage suffered due to Bode’s inferiority complex and before long, he started accusing me falsely of infidelity and battering me at every given opportunity – my father never did that to my mother. I lost interest in him completely.

    In the course of Bode’s madness, I met Ropo who was like the soothing balm of Gilead. I wanted to be with him forever because there was this blissful calm always. He was ten years older but not wealthy, in fact, he had nothing as he also just came back from the U.S. where he had been studying all the while but I fiercely admired him for his intellectual achievement. Meanwhile, I was surrounded by money bags breathing down my neck, asking for my hand in marriage and almost offering me the Central Bank but I was never moved. Ropo proposed to me and encouraged me to divorce Bode and I did so without wasting time. When I took Ropo to my late father as the man I wanted to cleave with, he hissed on setting eyes on Ropo and walked out on us. He never allowed him pay my dowry till he died.

    Ropo and I started living together and when I was four months pregnant, I discovered he had nine children from three different women. He gave a funny explanation and dispelled my fears. He couldn’t be bothered about their welfare or upbringing. This scared me about him. Out of pity, I began shouldering his responsibility by paying their school fees and at the same time, gave him most of my earnings to set up joint businesses and buy properties in our names. A life of not having enough set in. When Morenikeji gained admission into Oxford University, I had to sell some of my inheritance from my father’s estate.

    One day, my second child for Ropo found a charm in form of a horn wrapped in a red clothe and screamed in fear. I untied it and discovered that my name and those of some heads of parastatals Ropo consulted for were written in it. When I confronted him about it when he returned home that night, he flew into a rage and left the house. Eventually, he relocated to Abuja and I heard he married a young lady at the registry while still having a subsisting marriage which we contracted in the church. By this time, I had given him all my retirement benefits for yet another project and I was left with nothing. He never bothered about my children’s welfare. He abandoned us in Lagos and filed for dissolution of our marriage. It then dawned on me that I had become like the other women who had children for him whom I heard he milked and abandoned. My world came crashing into smithereens.

    When we got to court, he tendered our property documents bearing only his name, while those I have bear both our names. Now, he’s threatening to throw me out of the house.

    Since Bode, my first husband (now re-married), got a juicy political appointment, he was able to win Morenikeji to his side. She began avoiding me in the past one year and would not return my calls. Here is a child I gave my all to and reprimanded several times for disregarding her father. I heard she came to Lagos early this year for her wedding introduction and I felt it couldn’t be true. Now, my only daughter is getting married in a big society wedding in December and her father has forbidden me to play my role as the bride’s mother and restricted me to attend as a mere guest. In fact, the invitation card carries his name and his new wife’s first name. Even my daughter has not brought her husband to me. Where did I go wrong? How could this happen to me? Can someone please wake me up from this horrible nightmare?

    • Dear readers, please send your advice and suggestions to the above email address.
  • ‘My journey from architecture to image grooming’

    ‘My journey from architecture to image grooming’

    Jackie Omotosho is an architect, a writer, model and pastor. She has just written a book on the practice and influence of elegance because she believes that it is important to look good, which comes from God and within. In this interview with YETUNDE OLADEINDE, she talks about her passions, looking good, as well as life in the ministry.

    WHY did you study architecture?

    I am an artist and I went to an architectural school in London. A professional school in London and I went in there, came back to Nigeria and just realised that I needed to change.

    Did you do anything with it?

    Well, I built one or two houses,  then I just stopped doing that and then did some interior designs, décor and ended up doing centre pieces in  the US.

    You look really elegant in your outfit. How did you put this together?

    It is just a rule to be elegant. I like a simple colour; especially one colour tone and these are some of the things I wrote in my book. It is important to note that every day is not a colourful day. If you want to stay in your personality, then you should stay in your seasonal colours.

    What is life in the ministry like?

    We have a ministry in the Redeemed Christian Church of God and we are pastoring right now in the United States. I enjoy ministry because of transformed lives. For me, just working in the ministry and hearing his voice gives me the privilege.

    How long have you been doing this?

    About 19 years. When I got the call, I was led by an audible voice to go and join the Redeemed Christian Church of God at the Rockview seminar and that was how we started. We started growing and everything fell into place.

    Let’s talk about your book. What is it about? Is it your first book?

    Yes, it is my first book. It’s a two volume book and it is called The practice, influence of elegance: Inside Out. It’s about grooming your image to fulfil your divine destinies.

    The elegant can be assisted by an image consultant who helps us to be ‘sharper’ who ensures that we are groomed to be elegant. The book can serve as your image consultant.

    However, for more detailed, personal grooming, you can employ an image consultant whose job is to understand the use of colours, styles, accessories, hair, makeup, poise, posture, etiquette, good nutrition and exercise to improve your image and presentation.

    He or she also carefully guides you on managing your media and personal image, verbal and non verbal communication skills, and understands how to maximise your potential, and will make sure you are elegant, thereby improving and showing off your personality and strengthening your professional and personal life.

    The book also deals with your inner man, allowing your inner and outer beauty to be apparent in order to glorify God. A dull image requires much strength or effort to overcome. The wisdom here is the wisdom of elegance, to be polished or finished. When we walk in the wisdom or skill of elegance, it will bring success. If we do not apply this wisdom, we may have to wait, and walk through rejections, not being good enough, not making a good impression at first sight.

    This can be costly.

    We could miss opportunities even though we may be qualified. While if we are polished and making a good impression on people around us, we may obtain better jobs, work fewer hours, earn more money, and accomplish more. When we apply the wisdom of this kind of excellence, because it brings success it grants more access, and prominence; thus an auspicious achievement will be inevitable.

    This wisdom is also found in God. Therefore, it is good to know what God has to say about modelling and pageantry and the wisdom of elegance. Elegance is like God’s goodness – being good, doing right, faring well or welfare while rejoicing. The lord makes you glad and beautiful. True elegance must give glory to God. It should make people not to be just aware of you, but give glory to God for the beauty you radiate.

    How did the idea start?

    The idea has been there for a while, not that I had the topic but I always found myself correcting postures; how to take the right steps and much more. I have done this all my life and when we got to the States and I saw how informal they can be, I like to be informal but I believe that when things should be formal, then it should be formal.

    From there, I went to a modelling school, which was unusual for a pastor’s wife.  There I understood some of the corrections that I had been making, adjusting facial looks and I ended up writing about it because it had a positive outcome and I wanted to pass on the information to others.

    What is the name of the modelling school you went to?

    It’s called Flairs Casablanca School of Modelling. It is in North Carolina in the United States.

    How did you find the experience?

    It was fun and interesting. It has always helped to show my personality and minister with it.

    Are there some people that you consider as your role models or mentors?

    Yes, I wrote about one of them in my book. Her name is Coco Channel, she grew up in an orphanage and fate left her to grow and she ended up being a fashion artist. She started changing fashion from the voluminous look to what you have now. She introduced life and elegance to fashion and I like to talk about her.

    When you are not doing all this, what are the other things that occupy your time?

    I have five children. It’s great looking after them and the ministry is something I love to do.

    What are your expectations of pageant management in Nigeria?

    I am trusting God to be able to add my own value to what’s going on. To be a beauty queen, you must be elegant. It is not the usual thing; your posture and outlook matter a lot. I remember that there was a time that I was in London and I saw this Miss Nigeria and I thought there was a way she could have carried herself.

    How would you describe the Nigerian fashion scene?

    There’s a lot of creativity going on right now. I am excited. One of the things that I wrote about in the book includes the principles and element of fashion, which I think people should look at.

    I am expecting more change. Things that would have a flavour and it would be respected everywhere in the world.

    If you had to advise Nigerian women, what would you tell them?

    I would tell them that you do not need to be wealthy to be elegant. You don’t need to be wealthy to show your personality. I would advise them to maintain integrity. You don’t need to try to impact on your community, show more of integrity in the things that you do.

    Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

    I love God; He is number one. My husband is number two; he taught me how to correct people without shouting. When I came back home, I saw a lot of people correcting their subordinates by shouting at them. Of course, he let me go into modelling even though we are ministering. For modelling, I did a fashion show for Flairs Casablanca as well as model for Macy’s.

  • Flirting with a backburner

    SEUN had been in a relationship with Bidemi for about two years. It was fun all the way. She was actually his type of girl and the courtship period has been very interesting. She had a great heart, a smiling face as well as a promising future. Everything fell in place for them pleasantly and his desire was to settle down with her as soon as possible.

    The babe in question was younger and she still wanted to play around a little. “Each time I tried to get a commitment from her, she diverted the discussion telling me about her plans to go back to school for her masters.”

    Would she say yes or no? It was at this point that he ran into Kikelomo in a restaurant and, somehow, she also fit into the picture of a dream girl. However, the first choice was Bidemi dearest but it was better to have an alternative. So, he kept Kikelomo by the side, this was going to be the emotional joke, just in case Bidemi messes up.

    On her part, Kike had a swell time along the emotional corridor. It was as if she had never fallen in love before and Seun swept her off her feet in a short while. Dreamer! She did not know that she was just a spare part, useful only when option A (Bidemi) fails. Unfortunately for her, Bidemi got wind of the emotional duplicate and she quickly closed the affectionate gaps. It must have been love but it was over and Kikelomo was left in the lurch. She had actually been on the back burner all this while and she just had to move on with the pieces.

     Romantically speaking, however, you need to ask yourself some pertinent questions to be sure that your emotion is directed in the right direction. You need to be sure about the part of the hook that you are hanging on. Are you having a firm grip on the heart you desire or are you just on the edge clinging desperately for attention from someone whose heart is firmly rooted elsewhere?

    Interestingly, there are signs and symptoms to show that you are on the back burner in a relationship.  “I can’t be with you … right now” is a phrase that elusive hearts keep using to string hearts together just in case they run into emotional trouble elsewhere.

    Here you get phrases like you shouldn’t keep all your eggs in one basket. So, smart hearts try to leave the emotional door cracked open for a willing or desperate heart to explore. Of course, there is the vague possibility of a relationship someday.

     Could this be a fair emotional deal? Not really! However, the crux of matter is that the emotional terrain sometimes is not fair to all. So, some just manage to play along, hoping to win by the sides or from the back. This naturally does not make the heart look very good. This adventurous zone is about the survival of the fittest and the hearts concerned are busy keeping track of and keeping in touch with alternative romantic prospects synonymous with a lot of humans.

    A science article published in Computers in Human Behaviour dubs these interactions “backburner relationships.” A backburner, as defined by the study, is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication, in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement.”

    The lead study author, Jayson Dibble, an assistant professor of communication, states that “What originally inspired me to think about this is when you meet somebody at a club and trade numbers, you might go through your contacts [later] and say ‘Oh I remember that guy. I might zing him a note and see how he’s doing … It was inspired by my old days in grad school.”

    The communication is key here. A backburner is not just someone who wanders into your thoughts every once in a whilethe college sweetheart whose Facebook photos you occasionally browse, or the cute friend-of-a-friend you met on vacation and have always thought you’d really click with, if you lived in the same city. These “what-ifs” only become backburners if you actually reach out to them.

    Dibble notes that sometimes backburners know they’re backburners and sometimes they don’t. I suppose it depends on whether the communication in question is more artful than a “hey, what’s up?” text sent at 1 a.m.

    There are a couple of competing evolutionary imperatives at play when it comes to keeping people on the backburner. On the one hand, it makes a certain primal sense to explore all the potential mates available, to be sure to get the best deal. But having one long-term partner helps offspring survive, in the rough-and-tumble caveman world often invoked by evolutionary psychology.

     So, commitment provides benefits, in exchange for letting go of other possibilitiesthat would have been, that could have been or that should have been. According to the investment model of relationships, people who have invested more resourcestime, energy, moneyinto a relationship should be more committed to it, and alternative partners should seem less attractive.

  • The international day of the girl 2015 summit

    FRIDAY, October 9, 2015 must have been a most unforgettable day for the pre-teens and teenage girls from all over the world who gathered at the Trusteeship Council Chambers of the United Nations Headquarters in New York for a summit to celebrate the 2015 International Day of the Girl. The stage performances of the Working Group on Girls, their speeches and their amazing intellectuality at such a young age must have made an indelible impression on the mind of every girl and convinced them that they have the world at their feet no matter what the situation is right now. To say I as an adult was awestruck is to say the least. I was delighted that girls could think the way the performers expressed themselves and even happier that other girls could experience them. Even the most repressed soul would have been sensitised to speak out. I thank Almighty God for the opportunity to be invited for a cause I’m so passionate about. Alas, Africa was poorly represented. I was there to represent the Girls Club of Nigeria and also double-up informally as the Nigerian representative. Sadly, I didn’t come across any other person from Nigeria at the summit. Sigh! May God help us in Nigeria. AMEN!

    Most of the issues showcased are issues paralysing the destiny of girls and the female folk in Africa such as child marriage, female genital mutilation, child abuse, sexual harassment, rape, amongst others. Akila from Egypt told us about her mother, who married her father when she was 14 and got pregnant at 16.Unfortunately, things are worse for this generation of girls as out of three girls are forced into early marriage before the age of 18.Valentina from Colombia told her story of the domestic violence she witnessed in her own home. And in the world today, every 10 minutes one girl dies out of violence. Gillian from the United States opened up about her experience as a pregnant teen, who was kicked out of the house. Aria from Brazil told about her experience with sexual harassment during the World Cup. Camilla of Nicaragua told us how she only got an education up until 5th grade while her brothers continued their education long after that. Maya shed some light on the issue of female genital mutilation, which she had to undergo at the age of five. Can you beat that?

    The Deputy Executive Director, UN Women, in her speech wished the girl child had started speaking out earlier. She affirmed the commitment of the United Nations Women towards empowering all females starting from their childhood, freeing them from all forms of discrimination, violence and ensuring they have equal opportunities in education and access to all resources boys have access to. No doubt the girls who performed at the summit rewrote the history of the girl and one can only pray that other girls all over the world would join hands together to fight for the good life they are entitled to. If they don’t speak out about their discomfort, who would? Girls have the right to a safe, educated, and healthy life, not only during these critical formative years, but also as they mature into women. If effectively supported during the adolescent years, girls have the potential to change the world – both as the empowered girls of today and as tomorrow’s workers, mothers, entrepreneurs, mentors and political leaders.

  • Myths and facts about menstrual pains

    Myths and facts about menstrual pains

    Dysmenorrhoea (painful menstrual cycle) occurs in many women. There are also very many old myths about it that tend to mislead people or keep people from injuring themselves. In this report, Medinat Kanabe speaks to a doctor about dysmenorrhoea, its myths and facts.

    DR Harrison Otamere is Head of Department, HOD, Human Physiology, College of Medicine, Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma, Edo State.  He defines dysmenorrhoea as cramps at the supra pubic region of a woman’s body (below the belt) that occurs before or during menstruation.

    He said although not all women experience it, a good number of women do. Otamere then goes on to explain that there is primary and secondary dysmenorrhoea. “For primary dysmenorrhoea, there is no particular cause you can pin down to say this is the reason but there are some risks factors, however, for secondary dysmenorrhoea, there is something wrong with the uterus or the woman’s reproductive system.”

    He added that “For primary dysmenorrhoea, you can only identify risk factors, you are just looking at its possibility, you cannot say this is the cause. For example, if the woman bleeds for too long or starts too early and for a woman that smokes cigarettes it can be primary dysmenorrhoea. For this type, after the menstrual cycle, it stops but if the pain is so much that the woman cannot bear it, we just give some pain relief and it will subside.”

    But for secondary dysmenorrhoea, he said the doctor can identify to some extent the cause of the problem. “The commonest is the Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, PID, that is when the woman has an infection in the reproductive system and if the woman has cervical sinuses (if the cervix is too narrow), but that is very rare.  Then there is endometriosis which is having endometrial tissue where they are not supposed to be or abnormal growth inside the uterus which is adenomyosis.”

    Dr Otamere disclosed that another thing that can cause secondary dysmenorrhoea is when some women visit a surgeon; the doctor may inadvertently create what is called asherman’s syndrome, which is the damage of the endometrium beyond the basal layer. This can result in dysmenorrhoea.

    He reiterated that for secondary dysmenorrhoea, there must be a cause and the doctor concludes after a proper history of the person is taken. “We ask the woman questions; if she is honest the doctor will be able to ascertain where the problem is coming from. If it is PID and it is not treated, it can affect her. Asherman’s syndrome too can affect her. These are situations that can threaten a woman’s reproductive career if not treated.”

    He then advised that if a woman is having dysmenorrhoea, she should see a doctor and answer his questions truthfully. “We will want to know whether the woman has an infection, we will also want to know whether she has had an abortion before because what we are trying to rule out is the possibility of an asherman’s syndrome that can lead to damage of the endometrium and can lead to gumming together of the womb, so all those things can cause dysmenorrhoea and can affect her reproductive system. Women should not resort to self medication but see a doctor when they are having dysmenorrhoea,” he said.

    What we heard about dysmenorrhoea

    Rachel Lakunmi is a 25-year-old student of the National Open University, NOUN, she said she was told that menstrual pain is as a result of excess sugar but she knew of people who don’t take sugar at all but have serious pains during their menstrual cycle so she didn’t believe the tale.

    “I also heard that people who experience menstrual pains will have very easy child delivery in future compared to those who didn’t have menstrual pains. I never believed it. I have not confirmed it, but that is because I think it is not true.”

    Christiana Ogbhe, a senior secondary school student, said she didn’t know anything but knows of one girl in her class who cries once every month. “I was always wondering why she used to cry. Many of us in class usually stared at her when she cried and we believed that she just wanted attention; we also felt her cry was because she likes boys too much. We always wondered why on earth she would let boys know she was having her period by coming to school to cry every month.”

    Joana Olusegun, also in secondary school, said she heard that menstrual pain happens to about 70 per cent of women and that it stops after child birth. “I also heard that the woman must not take any medicine for the pains because if she does, it will affect her womb and she may not be able to have children in future, so she must go through with the pain and discomfort every month.”

    On her part, Precious Greg said she knew about dysmenorrhoea at a young age and was ready for it. Fortunately for her, when it came it was without pains. “I had received classes on home economics and female reproduction before I started menstruating,” she said. Oladutemu Adelowo, a young journalist, also declared that she didn’t hear anything about dysmenorrhoea before she started menstruating.

    Facts and myths of dysmenorrhoea

    Responding to Lakunmi, Dr. Otamere said it is neither documented nor scientifically proven that sugar intake increases the pains of dysmenorrhoea nor that people who experience dysmenorrhoea have easier delivery.

    Asked to confirm the myth that a woman must bear the pains until after her menstrual cycle if not her womb will get damaged from drugs, the doctor said it isn’t entirely true.

    “If the pain is endurable, yes, she can endure but the drugs we usually prescribe is not the type that will affect the womb. What her mother is trying to do is to prevent self medication because what many do is self medicate, which may cause injury to the person. If they do this, they may not get the proper medication and the proper dosage, so the mother is just trying to protect her child. But if she is in the hand of the physician or specialist, we know what to give.”

    On whether sex stops it, he said that is not correct. “I have not come across anything like that and, medically, I have not read up to that extent.”

    When he was asked if child delivery helps to reduce or stop the pains, he said yes. “When you start giving birth, it can improve; it can improve with age too. We have seen very many cases like that.”

    Asked to compare the pains of dysmenorrhoea and labour pains, he said: “If you know what labour is, you will know that it is not comparable to any pain but pain of burns, so dysmenorrhoea can never be as painful as labour pain. Dysmenorrhoea can be quite painful, but for some women when the cycle starts, it starts to reduce.”

    On what a woman should do if she is vomiting and have dysmenorrhoea, he said: “She should be investigated for other things like malaria, typhoid, PIV and other ailments. Women should worry when they have secondary dysmenorrhoea and not worry if it is primary.”

  • The power of the adolescent girl (International Day of the Girl Summit 2015)

    HELLO my darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters and other fans of this column,

    I am most delighted to be with you today which marks a very special day in the life of every girl in the world. I’ve never heard of a day set aside for boys or girls, so we are indeed very special and are meant to live our footprints in the sands of time. In the last few weeks, I’ve been discussing “The amazing power of the Spirit-filled girl” but would have to take a break and discuss the crux of this year’s day of the girl.

    The United Nations marks October 11 as the “International Day of the Girl Child.” The day promotes girls’ human rights, highlights gender inequalities that remain between girls and boys and addresses the various forms of discrimination and abuse suffered by girls around the world. This year’s theme is The Power of the Adolescent Girl: Vision for 2030.

    This year, the Working Group on Girls and IDG Summit Community ask girls all over the world to use their imagination, as they set the stage for the most amazing Girls Speak Out event, ever at the United Nations. Imagine: The year is 2065. Girls hold all leadership positions at the United Nations. More than half of the governmental positions in countries around the world are held by girls. Girls’ rights are honoured, respected and the global economy is booming. Why? How did this happen? What was the event that changed everything? This is what the IDG Summit laid a foundation for on Friday, October 9 with thousands of girls and girl-serving organisations participating and lending their voices to the cause of girls who unfortunately have become victims instead of bundles of virtues to be nurtured into greatness.

    Are Nigerian girls speaking out about their discomfort and expectations? Do they realise they have a right to speak out and be heard? Are you aware, my darling sister, that you are an institution and a nation builder? Are you aware that you carry enormous power that can make things happen and change the world to a better place? Are you aware that you are the solution the world has been waiting for? Are you aware that you were created a heroine and already empowered to have your name engraved in gold? The tragedy is a lot of you don’t know. Now, I won’t be quick to blame you because you may just be dealing with issues teenagers deal with. But getting carried away and ignoring your potential and capabilities when they are best used turns against you in future. Take it or leave it, there’s time for everything. And what should make you shine as an adolescent or youth can never make you shine later in life or in your middle age. Yet again, Nigerian women have been “used” and are about being “dumped” if not already “dumped” in this new administration after screaming change in the hot sun at the risk of their lives and even marriages. This is despicable, unjust, insensitive, unreasonable, awful, badly bad, wickedly wicked; I could go on and on. There are only eight women out of 109 members of the Senate, 14 women out of 360 members of the Federal House of Representatives, four female deputy governors and now out of the 21 ministerial nominees, we have just three women! Whoa!

    My sweeties, I don’t know how soon the real change is going to take effect but if you don’t want to suffer more in future, you need to start asserting yourself by stretching your vivid imagination and diverting your youthful energy on making a difference in your home, community, school etc.

    As early as age 11-12, Malala Yousafzai created a blog detailing her life under Taliban occupation and her views on promoting education for girls in the Swat Valley. Before long, she rose in prominence, giving interviews in print and on television and she was nominated for the International Children’s Peace Prize. In 2012, she almost died in an assassination attempt by the Taliban. God kept her alive because she used her talents – the weapon He gave her to better the lives of others. She eventually became the most famous teenager in the world and at age 17, the youngest-ever Nobel Prize laureate.

    Funke, Chioma, Saratu, who says you can’t do better? It’s all in your mind and entirely in your hands. No one can stop you! But if you don’t start concentrating on your innate abilities now, I’m afraid no one can help you. Start as soon as you are done with this article. Think of what you can do to effect the needed change around you and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how the heavens would ignite your feet with fire, announce you in the world with the transformational impact you are able to make and help you rewrite your family history. May the mighty power of God rest upon you in Jesus name. AMEN!

  • Flying with a butterfly

    DOTUN attended the school’s alumni meeting a few weeks ago. There he met a number of his old school mates and they had become a shadow of themselves. Guys who used to be the toast and envy of all had deteriorated so badly and they all wondered why he looked so clean and radiant.

     “The only thing that keeps me going is my dear Amaka, the woman who has made me to fly in emotional colours. She is a wonderful heart to be with and every moment spent in her company makes me feel better and younger. She helps you plan your day in a unique way and when you are down, she is ever ready to proffer solutions that would make you go to bed with a heart filled with joy.”

    That, for him, is the emotional tonic required to fly around like a butterfly.

    A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best support in your life and business. As you look around for success stories, you find that good relationships improve all aspects of life as well as strengthen your health, your mind, and your connections with others.

    However, if the relationship isn’t working, it can also be a tremendous drain. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back.

    For some, no matter what they put in the other party would just not make them fly because the relationship was not based on trust but on lust and material gains. Once you find yourself on the edge like this, it is better to device ways to repair the trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

    At such moments, it may be better to withdraw from the hustle and bustle to nature. That was exactly what Adunni did recently and it took away the emotional confusion without stress. Here, she saw a beautiful butterfly flying and perching around. The brightly-coloured insect stole the show. It was beautiful watching the overlapping rows of tiny scales jumping around in excitement.

    However, she discovered that as beautiful and exciting as it was, the experience did not last forever.

    To understand this, you need to understand that as beautiful as the butterfly is, it has a short lifespan. The average lifespan for an adult butterfly is 20 to 40 days. Some species live no longer than three or four days; others may live up to six months.

    From egg to adult, butterflies undergo a series of physical transformations known as metamorphosis. After mating, the female butterfly lays her eggs on a caterpillar food or “host” plant. The eggs can hatch within a few days, or within months or even years, depending on whether the conditions are right or not.

    In addition, a caterpillar’s first meal is its own eggshell. It then spends most of its time eating the leaves of the plant on which it hatched. An adult butterfly uncoils its long, straw-like proboscis to sip nectar from flowers, juice from rotting fruit and water from puddles.

    Many butterflies have developed interesting ways of defending themselves from predators. One method is disguise, or “cryptic coloration”, where the butterfly has the ability to look like a leaf or blend into the bark of a tree to hide from predators. Another method is chemical defence, where the butterfly has evolved to have toxic chemicals in its body. These species of butterfly are often brightly coloured, and predators have learned over time to associate their bright colour with the bad taste of the chemicals.

    Interestingly, it also reminds you about the lyrics of the song by Westlife titled; ‘Flying without wings’.

    It talks about everybody looking for that special thing, that thing that makes them complete, the thing that brings excitement to their emotions and life in general. The song writer hints that such pleasures and excitement occur in the strangest places, places where you never knew or imagined that you could find cupids arrow.

    The big question then would be where can you find the kind of love that you truly desire?

    Well, some actually find it sharing every morning while others have to stay away from the maddening crowd to find it in their solitary lives. If you do not get it here, then you may just rediscover lost affection in the words of others or in the deepest friendship. Friends whose hearts are as beautiful as the butterfly can be a great asset. These are the kinds of hearts that you would cherish all your life.

    As elusive as love seems to be, some actually find it at the right time, in the right place and with the right person. It could be found in the eyes of a lovebird, in the heart or just in the things that they do. The crux of the matter is that when great hearts find that special thing, you’re flying without wings.

    It is usually better when partners eliminate assumptions about the things they like, challenges, achievements as well as how the personal finance duties should be divided up.

    Money is emotionally charged and can bring a lot of anger. But it can be great at opening up a dialogue and improving communication. It is, therefore, important to manage your money as a team to ensure that you have a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

  • The amazing power of a Spirit-filled girl (IV)

    LIFE would be so much better for so many people all over the world if they didn’t rely on worldly counsel and tactics to chart their course through life. Unfortunately though, too many people’s orientation, way of life and attitude to life are influenced by the people around them. So many parents themselves had a faulty upbringing and a lack of a close-knit relationship with God further got them into wrong marriages and diverse kinds of troubles created by the devil’s pitfalls and never even realised this while raising their kids. Now, what type of orientation would their children have? I see a lot of elderly women in church who were happy-go-lucky and “chief-rockas” in their hey days now crying and dying to retrace their steps to God’s divine plan for their lives and recover their glorious destinies. However, I tell you for most of them it is too late. You can tell by the look on their faces that a lot of them wish they knew what they know now when they were in their adolescence. Truly, with God all things are possible but it only takes the mercy of God made available by a highly concentrated combination of faith, holiness and determination to get back on the right track. But what happens when you miss out what was destined to make you shine as a youth? An unfulfilled life of frustration and a restless spirit!

    To start with, the earlier you realise you came into this world all by yourself and are responsible for your success in life and stay desperately glued to God the better. You’d be surprised that a lot of people don’t even know the type of star they carry and the greatness attached to their destinies yet some others already know and would do everything to fight it out of envy and don’t forget the devil just does not want us to be everything God wants us to be. They throw in all sorts of spanners in the works of destinies to derail them from the path on which they will succeed. We’ve been warned in the Bible that we wrestle against spiritual wickedness in high places. And you must note that your greatness in life is commensurate with the battles you face. The greater your destiny, the greater your opposition and battles.

    We certainly cannot coast through life based on how others lived theirs and reacted to situations, or with our sense and sensibility. We have to be spiritual from what the scriptures tell us.

    A fight to the finish

    10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

    13-18 Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

     Ephesians 6:10-18 MSG

    Sadly, most females all over the world who are the devil’s major target since he knows they are the nation builders fall prey into his hands. One of the reasons we have so many broken homes and dysfunctional families is this lack of a spiritual connection with God. Too many married the wrong spouses while some others could not just bear the fire raging in their homes. Once the devil succeeds in scattering a home and the couple cannot fight and get back together, an evil pattern has already been established and it could go on and on for so many generations. Not only that, someone’s destiny is bound to be altered. God knew what He meant when He said it is not good for man to be alone; I’ll provide a help-meet. What this means is that for our destinies to manifest God’s original plan for our lives, we need to be married to the right person. And so eventually most of the success of our destiny in life is determined by our spouse. So, what happens when that spouse has been kicked out of our life? How sad!

    The average female today would rather go out of her way to groom her physical beauty than groom her spiritual beauty and intelligence. She wallows in the praises of her beauty and thinks it can lay the world at her feet forgetting there’s someone prettier than her who could easily displace her and that beauty is fleeting anyway. However, the spirit of God is what ushers us into the super-natural realm and gives us the power to have dominion over our lives! There are so many challenges that we are bound to encounter, vicissitudes and vagaries which could trouble our entire existence and make us perplexed for years that could only be solved by just one instruction from the Holy Spirit. What then happens to a life devoid of it?