The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • ‘I almost declined being Rivers commissioner’

    ‘I almost declined being Rivers commissioner’

    Hon. Ibim Semenitari, a CNN award-winning journalist, is a former Rivers Commissioner for Information and Communications. In this interview with BISI OLANIYI in Port Harcourt, a Fellow of the Nigerian Guild of Editors (NGE), the Nigeria Union of Journalists (NUJ) and the Publisher/Founding Editor of Business Eye magazine, whose husband, Henry, is the immediate past Managing Director of Unity Bank, says for the love of journalism, she declined serving in oil companies and other world-class establishments. The lady, who is also the daughter of Sir Gabriel Toby, shares her experiences, while working closely with ex-Governor Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi, as Rivers Commissioner for Information and Communications, among others. Excerpts:

    WERE your parents strict, while growing up?  I lived a very sheltered childhood, in the sense that my parents were very protective of me when I was growing up. They were very strict, very firm and very loving parents. I enjoyed growing up. I was not a spoilt kid. My parents insisted that we learnt the virtues of hard work, industry and discipline early enough. I grew up in a home where discipline was very highly priced.

    My father (Sir Gabriel Toby, a former Deputy Governor of Rivers State) taught us to be very contented with what we had and to be accountable. For instance, when I was in secondary school (attended both primary and secondary schools in Port Harcourt), if my father gave you pocket money, before he would give you the next pocket money, you must retire your expenses. You must give my father a budget for the school term and you must retire every expense.

    When I started doing vacation jobs, by the time I got to the university (University of Benin, UNIBEN), unlike many other kids, whose vacation jobs’ monies would be just their own, after my vacation jobs, my father would ask how much was left from my vacation jobs’ money and what I did with the money.

    While going back to school, my father would tell me that with the leftover of the vacation jobs’ money, I already had pocket money, without any addition. My upbringing taught me to be accountable. After I left UNIBEN, I finished my youth service and I started working.

    Where did you serve?

    I served in Lagos.

    Where in Lagos?

    Daily Times of those days. When Daily Times was Daily Times. I had been praying that I would serve in Lagos. I can proudly say that I was tutored and trained by some of the best in the journalism profession.

    Did you study Mass Communication for your first degree to have had the opportunity of being trained by the best hands in journalism?

    My first degree was in English Language and Literature, combined honours, from UNIBEN. Then I started working. I did PGD (Post-Graduate Diploma) in Mass Communication at the University of Lagos (UNILAG). I do not have a Master’s yet. I finished the PGD’s coursework and passed all the courses very well, but I did not finish my project.

    In the course of doing my project, I got the Alfred Friendly Press Fellowship in the United States of America and I had to make a choice between missing out of the fellowship and staying back to write my project. Perhaps, because I was a professional, why I wanted the PGD in Mass Communication was to have the technical side to journalism, which I did not have.

    For me, as a professional, the experience of an American newsroom for six months was of greater value than staying back. So, I gave up on the project. I did the fellowship and came back to Nigeria.

    What of the youth service?

    From the camp of the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), everybody was trying to go to different places, but I had wanted to be a journalist. So, I wanted to serve in a media house. While everybody was looking for places of primary assignment in banks and oil companies, I was not interested. I so badly wanted to work in a media house.

    I first went to see Prof. Pat Utomi, a younger friend of my father. When I said a friend, they were not age mates, but they are alumni of the University of Nigeria, Nsukka (UNN). Pat was then (in 1989) the Managing Director of Volkswagen of Nigeria Limited, to talk to him about the possibility of serving with Vanguard. At that time, there was saturation at Vanguard.

    So, Pat wanted to talk to them at The Guardian, but he asked me to also try Daily Times. I went to Daily Times and I saw Mr. Onyema Ugochukwu, who was then the General Manager. I told him I wanted to serve in Daily Times. He looked at me and said Daily Times would not pay extras, but I said it did not matter.

    Then, Mediline Tador (a former Rivers State Commissioner for Information and the immediate past General Manager of the Rivers State Broadcasting Corporation) was the Editor of Poise magazine, a publication of the Daily Times, before it was rested. Onyema said Daily Times was starting a women’s magazine and he asked Solana Olumese to talk to me and to interview me and see if I could be part of the Daily Times’ team.

    Sonala spoke with me, along with Femi Ajayi. That’s how I got into Daily Times, which was a great experience, because I was groomed by some of the best in the business, including Sonala Olumese, Femi Ajayi and Chidi Amuta.

    Even though I was working with Poise magazine, I spent a lot of my time with members of the editorial board, especially Lizzy Nkem, and they all liked and took special interest in me. I was very passionate about what I was doing. I loved being a journalist. I still love being a journalist. That is something I love very passionately. They saw the passion and encouraged it. Chijioke Amunadi was my deputy editor in Poise. Pascal Anyaso was a great editor of the arts page. We had a great team.

    I started with Poise in Daily Times, but I wanted to do more than Daily Times offered. I was not just satisfied with doing Poise. That was at the time Dr. Yemi Ogunbiyi, then Managing Director, was about leaving Daily Times. I took a decision to leave Daily Times, while still serving. Helen Obasi said I could come to The Sunday Magazine (TSM), but said I should come and see Chris Anyanwu.

    I went to TSM and met with Chris Anyanwu. She was such a pretty lady. She had her legs on her table, wearing a pair of three-quarter trousers, white long-sleeve blouse and had a chain belt around her waist. Chris Anyanwu said: “I do not hire female journalists,” and I said: “But you are female.” I told her Comfort Obi is female. Comfort Obi was then working at TSM. Chris Anyanwu said Comfort Obi was different.

    Chris said to me: “You are still very young. Won’t you get married and have kids?” I said I would get married and have kids. Chris said she could not hire me. My assumption was that Chris was worried that my family life might interfere with my work. I did not think it would and gladly, it did not, in all of my professional life.

    TSM did not hire me. I then went to Quality magazine, which belonged to the Newswatch group. While I was at UNIBEN, some friends and I had started the first-ever campus magazine called Campus Watch, which was patterned after Newswatch. Our mentors and patrons were the Newswatch’s eminent journalists.

    We had gone to see Yakubu Mohammed, Ray Ekpu, Dan Agbese and Soji Akinrinade and others and we talked to them about Campus Watch and they agreed to be our mentors. They told us that after graduating and we wanted jobs, we should feel free to come to Newswatch. That was shortly after Dele Giwa died.

    When I got to Lagos, I decided not to go to Newswatch. I like to earn my own shirt. I do not like favours. I went to Quality with my story clips and I said I had been working for Daily Times. Even as a youth corper, I had done big interviews which were liked by the Quality team.

    I later met with the Newswatch bosses, since Quality was part of Newswatch. I then mentioned to Dan Agbese our initial meeting, when Campus Watch team visited Newswatch from UNIBEN. By the time we met, I already had a job in Quality.

    About the time I was finishing my youth service, Newswatch wanted to start Eko magazine, which was to be an experiment with having a regional magazine. Working with Eko magazine made me to know all of Lagos, because we went round all the local government areas. We were doing a magazine that was for Lagos.

    How did you get to Tell magazine, where you became head of newsroom, before founding Business Eye magazine?

    I was in Newswatch magazine for the longest time. Just before I got married, I had a brief stint with Sunray newspaper, based in Port Harcourt, when the newspaper was starting in 1992, but I returned to Newswatch after three months (October to December).

    Sunray head-hunted me, but it was not it for me and I had to go back to Newswatch in Lagos. Not because of the salary offered by Sunray, which was better than what I was earning in Newswatch, but I was a Newswatch person at heart.

    Sunray newspaper was a great idea, with nice graphics, but it was not the environment that I wanted to be. Professionally, everybody has an environment that works for them. You define your boundaries. It just was not my boundary.

    Returning to Newswatch from Sunray was not about money. If it was about money, I probably would have served in Nigerian Agip Oil Company, which was a nice offer that a family friend of ours offered. Chief Humphrey Idisi, who owns a drilling company, also offered that I should be his personal assistant during the service year. Chief Idisi also asked me to work in his Lagos office, with great prospect, but I declined because of my passion for journalism.

    Life is more about the intangibles, because my mother always says if you can count it, it can finish. Bible says the things that you see are ephemeral, but the things that you do not see are eternal. Money is good, but I do not place a premium on it. It does not define me. I was raised differently. My father taught us that there are more important things in life.

  • Nothing but the charred remains

    RHODA was his dream girl. For Aderinola, she fit into the picture nicely and he did his best to make it work. On her part, Rhoda became too arrogant and she did a lot of things without thinking about his feelings. The last straw happened at a friend’s party where she did some unimaginable things with an old flame she ran into at the venue.

    It was disgusting and he made up his mind to initiate the breakup. Looking back now, he realised that in the love process, he was actually on the receiving end. Now, six weeks after the break up, it has been emotionally taxing to end the relationship which had taken so long to build.

    His heart was on fire and he has made up his mind not to allow any woman to do this to him again.  Sadly, the letters, gifts and souvenirs they shared in the past still brought bitter memories. He kept on looking and holding on to them in tears. So he decided to set them all ablaze. In a few seconds, it was all gone; nothing left but the charred remains.

    As he stared at the flames and the charred remains, he felt hot all over and his imaginations ran riot. He slept off shortly afterwards and he was in dreamland. Here the things he saw were nightmarish. Gut-wrenching screams fill the air, the smell of burning hair, putrid stench of flesh and a voice screaming in excruciating pain. Yes, it tells the story about his feelings right now. The heart that he cherished so much has just been burnt, was turning black and the sweet memories that should have lingered were fading.

    Twisting and writhing as the heart burns away, he woke up sweating profusely. Burning is a complex process involving many reactions (physical or chemical) along with complicated air flows. Usually, the rising of hotter air (convection) that drives these air flows makes controlling and following burning patterns difficult.

    One item that comes out refined with fire is gold. Sadly, the signs of the emotional times are different from the emotional gold. It passes through the fire but comes out better and refined. A recent experience between two lovebirds captures the burnt affection that is common now. Banke has been missing for about two weeks. Her parents, relatives and friends combed the neighbourhood for the 25-year-old lady but no one seems to know where she’s gone to.

     How can this young and energetic lady, who was on vacation, vanish into thin air and they all wondered.

    Suddenly, the clue everyone had been waiting for came up. Banke’s cousin who travelled a few days before she got missing told her parents a piece of information that became very useful. “While I was travelling that morning, I saw Banke with Muyiwa, her boyfriend, at the bus stop. They were going somewhere together but I didn’t have time to talk to them because I was in a hurry. Please let’s call him and find out what happened,” she said.

    The search party continued and all eyes turned in the direction of the lover boy. Was he in love with her or was he just a gold digger? At the end of the emotional puzzle, a can of worms was revealed. Banke was right; he was the one who actually delivered his babe to a killer gang. Why? All he wanted was the proverbial golden fleece and he was ready to sacrifice love (or was it lust) for personal gains?

    A thorough investigation was carried out and Banke’s body was found the following day. This loving heart had been destroyed, torn to shreds. Parts of her body had been removed and all hell was let loose. Sadly, Muyiwa did not know that his babe was going to be used for ritual. He hadn’t even collected a dime from the old man and his gang.

    “I met this elderly man who said he could help me with my financial state. All I needed to do was to bring someone but he didn’t tell me what they were going to do with the person. I tried looking for someone to take to the old man but I just couldn’t find anyone. That morning, Banke called me and something told me that I could go with her. The intention was to hear what they had to say and see if it was something that we could be part of or not.”

    Muyiwa continued his version of the story: “He looked like a good man and I didn’t suspect any foul thing. When I got there, they asked me to leave and that she would join me later. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear from her and that was when I knew that something had gone wrong.”

    On the other hand, you could see that desperation for material gains made him sign off the love of his life like a contract, all because he wanted to make ends meet at all cost. Even if Banke was not killed, so many other things could have happened to her.

    Interestingly, that is the sign of the emotional times. Here, two, and not three, has become a crowd. Everyone is actually after their own, searching for emotional greener pastures but not ready to pay the affectionate price.

  • The amazing power of a Spirit-filled girl (III)

    A few weeks ago – just before I wrote on the issue of sexual harassment/assault and an urgent appeal to the president last week, I began the series on the above title and published a poem which I composed for the Holy Spirit. Today, I’ll be discussing the 3rd stanza. I welcome you all to school on Sunday.

    “She possesses all His fruits and therein lies her strength.”

    Life is usually a beautiful playground when we are kids and in our impressionable years. Even when we lose a parent, we may not feel it so deeply because as children any little fun makes us happy and quick to forget what could make us cry. It’s only natural for us to grow into our teens with the belief that life’s a ball and in fact our mind which is so set on what we think life is from our own point of view only further raises our great expectations of a dream life and refuses to prepare us for the journey of the wilderness called life. I call it a wilderness because so many humans end up uncultivated and go back to dust with what should have given them a fantastic life, what should have made them very rich, what should have announced their importance in the world and in fact the mission they were sent to the world to accomplish. So many others were consumed by darkness and fell into pits and satanic traps which could have been avoided if only they made an effort to follow the principles of their creator-God. While so many others who tried to maneuvre their way through the wilderness were weakened by their flesh. God has given us all the privilege of a beautiful life but the devil would have none of that and in fact rules the world. We have not been promised a trouble-free life but we have been offered peace by Jesus who has overcome the world for our sake.

    “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

    John 16:33 KJV

    I tell you this offer can only be effective if we accept him truly and embrace the comforter he promised us – the Holy Spirit.

    According to Soren Kierkegaard, “Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.”

    Unfortunately, too many people get into fatal accidents before they even realise what life is all about even when the bible has warned us that the whole world lies in wickedness. It is most impossible to calculate your way through life, it’s either you go crazy or get outsmarted and knocked out by the devil. No wonder the bible says:

    “Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.” Zechariah 4:6 KJV

    Sisters, believe it or not, the best time to possess this spirit and grow with it is now. It saves you so much head-ache that an average woman is going through in the world today. The Holy Spirit is the light you need to coast through life and discover your paradise on earth. It also places you in the super-natural realm such that when troubles come you are not overwhelmed because you have enormous power to surmount it and even make the most of it.

    The fruit of the Spirit includes love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith. Galatians 5:22

    This fruit not only make life easier for you, they place you on a right standing with God who has the final say over your life. The fruit makes it difficult for the devil to climb into your life and further confuse you. Are you so bitter about what someone did to you some years back and you just hate him/her and you find it so hard to forget the past? Let the Holy Spirit take charge of your soul and before you know it, you’d find it easier to love than to hate. If you fight the hatred the devil has planted in your heart which is blinding the eyes of your soul and allow the Spirit of God usher in love, you’ll be pleasantly amazed at the wonders God has long prepared for you and the wonderful way He has since planned to take vengeance on your behalf. Suddenly, you become joyful and happy with life because you know the victory that’s coming your way. Your peace is guaranteed because you know God would never fail you and is quick to shield you from harm. While waiting for God’s beautiful plans for us, we learn to be patient and I tell you beneath patience we find heaven. I believe that if a lot of women were patient enough or had imbibed longsuffering long before they got married, they would never have gotten divorced. The Spirit of God and their longsuffering would have kept them quiet even when they were being verbally abused and unfairly treated by their husbands. This same spirit would have taken charge of the situation and knocked sense into the head of their husbands. When we possess the Spirit of God, we become very calm and gentle even when faced with tribulations. Gentleness attracts the power of God over every situation as long as we live a holy life. With the Spirit of God, our faith is so strong and eventually our life becomes a miraculous time-bomb waiting to explode! How nice! Do yourself a favour of a life time and ask the Holy Spirit to overshadow your life today.

  • ‘The saxophone is my life’

    ‘The saxophone is my life’

    Oluwafunmilayo Ibukunoluwa Ajayi’s profession by training is accounting.  Interestingly, the lady popularly known as Funmi Sax is passionate also about the saxophone and her life revolves around the instrument. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she reveals how the passion started, her achievements, challenges and more.

    HOW did your passion with the saxophone begin? This is something that comes to me naturally because I love singing. My passion for the saxophone actually began when I was young in the church. At a tender age, I was a drummer in the church brigade band and I enjoyed what I was doing so well. Then the church bought new instrument and it was a new beginning for all of us.

    While we all admired the musical equipment and tried to do one or two things with them, I noticed that nobody touched the saxophone. I became very inquisitive and picked it up. Then I remembered seeing it being played by Kenny G and thought that it was something worth exploring. Interestingly, that day marked the beginning of my relationship with the sax and it was a great turning point in my life.

    Sax is my talent, while accounting is my profession. My plan is to play sax. So for one to be successful in life, one has to think of what God wants you to do. You also have to think of what you will do in order to be successful in life.

    I am going to be practicing in this sax field. Definitely, when I entertain people with sax, people normally appreciate me with money. As an accountant, I have to deal with cash so I will be able to account for my money and it will save me from the problem of employing an accountant or an auditor. I am doing everything so as to retain my money in my pocket.

    What kind of music or messages do you pass across?

    Basically, I play soul-lifting music gospel. The message is to inspire, motivate and change lives. The genre of my music is gospel and corporate music. I have dropped four singles which comprised Tungba Praise, Worship Medley, Igbo Medley and Jesus Loves Me. I have been playing sax for 10 years.

    What are some of the achievements recorded?

    It’s been a very wonderful experience touching lives and meeting all kinds of people. To God be the glory, I have an album and I have been privileged to play on the same platform with a number of great Nigerian artists.

    Tell us about some of the memorable events or projects that you have participated in

    It’s very exciting because you meet different people and go to places from time to time. For me, therefore, I would say that all the events that I have participated in are memorable to me. No two events are the same and something significant happens all the time. There are times that I play at an event and the things that happen just go beyond my imagination. So, I would say that because of the experiences and the people that I work with and encounter, I won’t be unable to pick one. Taking about my ministration in the church, for example, there is always a manifestation of God’s power that I find it difficult to explain.

    What are some of the challenges encountered?

     I have encountered different challenges and they have been stepping-stones to a higher level. Some of the initial challenges included getting a better saxophone, finances, the fact that some of the events that I participate in have their on and off season. However, I would say that in spite of the odds, I have experienced so many exciting moments and turning points because “His grace has been sufficient for me”.

    How do you cope with some of these challenges?

    The truth of the matter is that challenges are part of the process. They actually help you to rediscover yourself and get better with whatever you are doing. As a professional, even when you have carved a niche for yourself, you must continue to develop yourself and get better with what you do. My watchword over the years has been, “There is no trial that you are passing through that others have not faced or experienced. And of course, God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthian 10:13.

    Let talk about your antecedents; why you chose your career line as well as the first job that you did

    Music has been my everything; my first and present job.  The saxophone is my life.

    The first day I discovered the potential in the saxophone and took it home was very memorable for me. Then, ministering and experiencing the power of praises is another exciting period of my life. Some of the other interesting highpoints for me usually is when I perform at corporate events and get good feedback from the audience.

     Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

    Christ has been the greatest influence in my life.

    How would you describe the efforts put in by government in the music industry in the country?

    The government is trying their best but I think there is still a lot of room for improvement. I also strongly believe that they will do better if corruption within the system is reduced or even eradicated.

    If you had to compare what you are doing with colleagues in the other parts of the world, what would you say?

    I don’t need to compare. I am only doing that which I was created to do.

    What are some of the changes that you would like to see in the next ten years?

    For me personally, the most important thing I would like to see is the security of lives in our dear country. We need peace in Nigeria, and once we have this, it would certainly affect everything else. In addition to that, I would also like to see a unique growth in the music industry as well as an end to piracy.

    Tell us about some of the people you admire and role models

    I admire a number of our artists, especially Mike Aremu, Korede Bello, Midnight Crew and Tope Alabi.

    I love their creativity, the rhythm, and the vibes.

    For a role model, I would actually pick David in the bible. The reason for this is that his life explains the power behind praises. I also love and admire Gerald Albright and Angella Christie.

  • Stuck with post-dated cheques

    BANKRUPT! Yes, that aptly describes the state that Veronica is in at the moment. She owes some of her creditors and they have given her deadlines to repay the debts. The only assets she could boast of are three post-dated cheques in her drawer, but they just wouldn’t be useful now.

    Like her financial status, her emotions are also tottering on the brink.

    “I was abandoned by men that I really loved. They all ran away when I needed them most. Now, some of them are back just to tell me that they are sorry and that I am the bride they wished they had. They are all married and I am still single, left with emotional promissory notes in the ‘dream’ bank. They actually ran away with ladies from rich families, who had more money and better jobs.”

    In banking, a post-dated cheque is a cheque written by the drawer (payer) for a date in future. It just can’t be cashed or deposited before the date written on it. Of course it is filled with material (emotional) promises, suggestive of a better future, but you just cannot make use of it.

    So, who needs a post-dated cheque that’s gathering dust in the drawer? These cheques are frequently used by customers (lovebirds) who take out payday loans. You buy (love) now and pay later. Sometimes, it could be a guarantee that the loan (love invested) would be paid back. The big question here is when it would be paid back, a matter of time though.

    Sometimes, this can also be uncertain. What if the account that you want to draw from goes red? Sadly, if this should be the case, no matter the number of emotional cheques in your custody, you just can’t draw from them and it can be really frustrating. There is a deliberate payment delay that is synonymous with uncertainty.

    A recent study by researchers found that the more a couple fights about money, the more likely they are to split. In fact, couples who disagree about finances once a week are more than 30% more likely to divorce than couples who disagree about money a few times each month. Even couples who do not end up in divorce court cite their finances as a source of relationship strife. Conversely, the way you and your spouse save, spend, earn and invest can actually be points of bonding and affection if approached in the right way.

    It is, therefore, important to manage your money as a team to ensure that you have a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. Understanding your partner’s spending habits will also help you get to know each other better? Think that the eyes are a mirror to one’s soul? Finances may be an even better bet. Each of our saving and spending habits is a reflection of who we are, how we grew up and our general perception of life.

    Delegating money tasks is another way to build trust and improve communication. While it is common for money to be a source of suspicion and resentment in relationships, it can also be a tool cementing the bonds of your relationship.

    This reminds you of the song, ‘Aint Nothing Goin but the rent’ by Gwen Guthrie, the American singer, songwriter and pianist who stole the show in the mid 80s. Naturally, the song took lovebirds to reality zone, talking about the materialistic side of love. ‘You’ve got to have a j-o-b if you want to be with me/No Romance without finance.’ The song which was also sampled by numerous dance and hip hop artists is referenced in Eddy Murphy’s monologue, ‘No Romance without finance’.

    An example of emotions gone blank, lost in the affectionate vault happened a few weeks back with Madonna and her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie.

    Interestingly, Guy Ritchie just had a lavish wedding ceremony and you would have expected that he wouldn’t want to ‘upset’ his new bride scrolling back to the emotional events of the past.

    Obviously, he had a post-dated cheque that needed to be cashed and so Rocco’s 15th birthday could not be ignored. It was a low-key affair but you wonder how low-key an affair it can be when Madonna was there.

    A short video clip showed Madonna, her former husband, their other son, David, presenting Rocco with a huge cake as they sing ‘Happy Birthday’

    together in love.

    Madonna also posted a cute picture of herself and Rocco as a baby, captioning it “15 years have gone by too quickly!! Happy birthday Son!” That was not all. They were actually reunited for one night only.

    Divorced seven years ago – and there’s been a few digs from both sides since they separated in 2008 –  but Guy Ritchie and Madonna put their differences behind them to celebrate their son Rocco’s 15th birthday as a one big happy-ish family.

    Sadly, neither Madonna nor Guy has had many good things to say about their eight years together. Earlier this year, the queen of pop spoke candidly about how she felt trapped in her marriage. She told The Sun: “There were times when I felt incarcerated. I wasn’t really allowed to be myself.”

    However, the positive side of the emotional story is that they managed to bury the hatchet for this big occasion.

  • President Buhari must read this

    IN the last few weeks, I’ve received desperate reports of more rape cases in some Nigerian tertiary institutions. How can a rapist who walks freely around campus lord himself over female students who have to sit in class and take his lectures? Thousands of girls are going through hell and are too afraid to even tell their parents because they can’t stand being further victimised by school authorities. In fact, I’ve gotten reports from different quarters about a Dean of a Law faculty in one of the federal universities who has not only been notorious for sexual harassment for several years but recently raped a female student who was hospitalised while the university authority is doing all it can to bury the case. This is just so horrifying and would never have degenerated to this extent but for the entire society’s lackadaisical attitude towards sexual harassment. However, we want a change which must take effect as soon as possible. Thankfully, President Buhari administration has promised us change and we are assured we won’t be disappointed.

    To start with, government cannot trust the universities and other tertiary institutions to police themselves. When a university claims to have committees set up to investigate allegations of sexual harassment/assault committed by faculty members, because the committee members are usually members of the university faculty they would rather protect the reputation of their colleague, the faculty and the university name than objective fact findings even when the committee is headed by a female faculty member. Never should these allegations be left alone to the universities and other tertiary institutions to investigate because they have proven to make investigations complicated and unrresolvable.

    Imagine Dr. Baruwa, the University of Lagos lecturer who recently raped a teenager being disowned by the university even when another lady who was a former student of the university boldly exposed how he sexually assaulted her years ago and with proven documentary evidence too. I’ll be shocked if the National Universities Commission and the federal ministry of education are not currently conducting their independent investigations on this rape allegation and how rampant sexual harassment and assaults are in University of Lagos.

    This is why the federal government must set up a committee immediately in every university which should comprise the National Universities Commission, professional bodies like The Nigerian Bar Association etc., the police, the judiciary and a member of the student union to carry out an independent investigation on cases of sexual harassment and assault in our tertiary institutions. And if the allegations are proven, the following steps should be taken:

    1. The National Universities Commission must blacklist the lecturer involved and sanction him from being employed by any tertiary institution in Nigeria.
    2. The police must charge him to court.
    3. The judiciary must prosecute the offender and make him and the institution where he lectures pay financial restitution to the victim.
    4. The offender must serve a jail term.
    5. The professional body he belongs to must withdraw his license and make him unable to practice their profession.
    6. This person must not be allowed to work with females from age 6-40 and barred from being around schools and school children regardless of gender.
    7. An appropriate protocols and procedures of protection should be set for students.
    8. All universities and higher education institutions must set protocols for lecturers on how they should conduct themselves with students. For instance, during office hours when a student has to see a lecturer in his office, there must be a secretary around just like nurses chaperone doctors when examining patients.
    9. The National Universities Commission must have an independent standing committee in every university and higher education institutions to investigate every allegation of sexual harassment and assault.
    10. As American universities are currently doing, the National Universities Commission must start ranking Nigerian universities and other higher education institutions on the risk of female students being raped by faculty members and fellow students on their campuses. This will force universities and higher education institutions to be proactive in the prevention of rape and sexual harassment and every other form of sexual assault by faculty members and fellow students on their campuses.
    11. There must be a strong advocate with legal knowledge to champion this cause and I volunteer myself to fight and protect our female gender from being sexually, morally and emotionally abused by people who have supervisory functions over them. I am poised to ensure every tertiary institution in Nigeria has a standing incorruptible protocol for preventing and dealing with cases of sexual harassment and assault.
    12. I am young, energetic and courageous, passionately committed to the well-being of the female folk and possess the right mental capacity and capability.

     The Girls Club of Nigeria is aimed at influencing a positive change in the female folk and re-orientating the Nigerian girl. Amongst other things, to promote and enhance the development of girls by instilling a sense of self-worth, competence, usefulness, belonging and influence while of course restoring traditional moral values and encouraging the girls to toe the paths of righteousness. If this generation can make amends, the next generation will come out clean.

    Dear fans of Girls Club,

    The lecture series on “The amazing power of the spirit-filled girl” continues next week.

  • ‘You don’t have to be a politician to impact lives’

    ‘You don’t have to be a politician to impact lives’

    Vera Onyeaka-Onyilo is a development communications specialist, social entrepreneur and co-founder of TheoVera Foundation. The foundation has supported several charitable causes in some parts of the country for which she has won wide acclaim both locally and internationally. In this interview with Ibrahim Apekhade Yusuf, she shares her success story thus far. Excerpts:

    WINNING the Life Changers Women of Influence award in London

    I feel highly honoured to be recognised for this award. It brings a great feeling when you are of service to the society without expecting anything in return and you are being appreciated. This will certainly spur me to do more in my spheres of influence.

    Tell us about your organisation

    I’m a development communications specialist, social entrepreneur, an advocate, co-founder of TheoVera Foundation. I work in the development sector, particularly health, governance and agricultural sectors. Our foundation caters to needs of widows and orphans, career guidance and counselling for young people, skill acquisition and financial literacy trainings for women, community outreach and advocacy. I have been involved in this endeavour for the past eight years.

    Source of inspiration

    I was privileged to participate in a British Council InterAction Leadership Programme in Zambia in 2007 with 22 countries participating and there I learnt about Ubuntu. Ubuntu is a Southern African term which means human kindness and is often used in a more philosophical sense to mean ‘humanity toward others.’

    I was truly inspired by that conference and upon our return from Zambia, some members of the Nigerian delegation pulled our personal resources together and embarked on some community projects such as donating borehole and education materials to some communities in need in Nasarawa State and since then I have not looked back. I believe if you live for yourself you live in vain and that has been my driving force.

    I would say I have enjoyed the journey so far. Though it has not been rosy all through, I see trying moments as stepping stones and opportunity for me to learn lessons.

    Staying power

    The difficulty of a task is not an excuse for avoiding it. My motivation is my passion for the kind of work I do. I’m passionate about making a difference; transforming lives and empowering rural communities, especially women and youth. You don’t have to be a politician to serve people. Each one of us can make an impact in the lives of others. That’s the essence and major ingredients of happiness. You can serve people at any level; it shouldn’t be the position you occupy but the people you are serving.

    Challenges of humanitarian service

    The major challenge has been funding. We have not had oppositions to our work and we usually collaborate with other NGOs and development partners to achieve our goals and objectives. Partnership is key for us and it has been wonderful collaborating with people of like minds making a difference.

    Balancing family life, career

    I must give glory to God who first of all created women as special beings and imbued us with amazing gift of multi-tasking; combining the role of helpmate, motherhood and contributor to the wellbeing of the family and society. I also thank God for giving me a good husband and family that understands and supports me. It’s not easy balancing work and home, but how well you manage this can make a significant difference to your relationship with your family. I do not take my family for granted, so I plan ahead. The key is to focus on a plan, get organised. Figure out your family’s priorities and ensure they get your attention. Don’t take office work home and use your weekends to spend quality time with your spouse and children.

    Source of financeMany NGOs experience funding issues but that does not mean we should stop working for the good of the society. We would love to undertake more projects but we are constrained due to financial challenges. So we continue to strive to make impact in the society. We do receive support from some corporate organisations and technical support from donor funded projects, but it is not enough and so our personal resources go into sustaining the work of the foundation.

     

     

    Beneficiaries

    A lot of people have benefitted from our work directly and indirectly. About 5000 lives have been touched directly through our community outreaches, mentorship, capacity building etc. But if we want to look at our partnerships, more people have been touched. For instance, I was part of the coalition that mobilised and led about 5000 women to the National Assembly to advocate for the passage of the National Health bill that will improve healthcare system in Nigeria and benefit the people, especially women and children. The bill was passed, signed into law and is now the National Health Act.

    Projections for the next five years

    I see us getting bigger, expanding our frontiers, transforming more lives.

    Women in leadership

    Women are doing well in all spheres of endeavour even as leaders, but the challenge has remained getting more women into leadership positions. I am an advocate for equal opportunities, rights, resources etc for men and women because I believe women have what it takes to contribute to sustainable development of the society. We need to have more women take up political leadership. 55 years after independence, we are yet to have a woman elected as a governor, president or vice-president in Nigeria. I am writing a book on women and elective politics in Nigeria, which by God’s grace will be published later in the year. We need to get more women into the highest level of leadership as that is where decisions on issues affecting both men and women are made. There needs to be continued advocacy on the part of women on leadership issues in the society, disproving the age-old beliefs and advocating a new paradigm shift. I also want to emphasise mentoring of emerging women leaders. It is the responsibility of women leaders to mentor younger women, so that when they quit the stage, they will have effective representatives to carry on the mantle of leadership.

    Women education is paramount if there should be meaningful progress towards women empowerment. Education is very key. The late Madiba, Dr Nelson Mandela, once said education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. We need to tackle the problem from the root, educate the girl-child to the highest level and she is equipped and has the chance of a better life and achieve her God-given talents. For women who were not opportune to get formal education, they can still learn vocational skills which will help them earn a living. Government needs to create an enabling policy environment that would enable women access credit to grow their business. We need to consider quota system and affirmative action in women political empowerment, also Information Communication Technology, mentoring and networking, among others.

    Idea of mentorship

    Mentoring is very important to raise good and strong women leaders. My first role model is my mum who taught me early in life what it means and takes to be a virtuous woman and not to think of myself alone but to render selfless service for the good of others. My other role models include Dora Akunyili of blessed memory, Liberian President, Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, who is the first female in Africa to be elected as president. I met her in 1997 when she visited Lagos and I was inspired by that encounter. I have also received mentoring from women like Mrs Moji Makanjuola, Mrs Felicia Sani whom I fondly call “mama market”, especially for her mobilising skills, the Country Rep of International Fund for Agricultural Development (IFAD), Ms Atsuko Toda, I have learnt a lot from her leadership and management style.

    Hobbies

    I enjoy travelling to rural communities, especially to work with women and youth, reading, writing, listening to music, nature lover and adventure, playing table-tennis, football.

    I am a very humorous person. In my family, we crack jokes a lot and so no dull moment. At times, when I am under pressure and stressed, rather than cry I just begin to smile or laugh and it helps me relieve the burdens in my heart.

    Lasting legacy

    I want to be remembered as an advocate, a change agent who contributed to the development of our fatherland in many ways, be it in the health sector, agric sector, politics and international development.

    Last word

    Don’t give up. It’s never late, so keep hope alive and you will get to your destination! Look at President Buhari, after four attempts at the presidency, he achieved his dream becoming Nigeria’s current president at 72! No matter your age, you can still make it if you remain focus.

  • The amazing power of a Spirit-filled girl (II)

    DEAR Temilolu, May God bless you for your piece “the amazing power of a spirit-filled girl.” It has increased my desire to be in constant touch with the word of God. I have come to realize that no one can do without it. Thanks once again.

    Mercedes, Calabar

    Wonderful Nigerians,

    I am most delighted to be with you again today and I pray the Holy Spirit would find the life of every girl reading this article habitable in Jesus name. Please repair a distorted destiny by sharing these articles in the next few weeks. I can assure you that not only would the mighty power of God resting on this page change every life that puts this series of lectures into good use; you’ll most certainly make God happy and find favour in His eyes. I welcome you to school on Sunday.

    You’d recall the first line of the poem I wrote on the amazing power of a spirit-filled girl is-

    “Her BFF is the Holy Spirit.”

    Just in case you didn’t know, BFF means a girl’s best friend or Best Friends Forever. Right from our play group as toddlers we love to play with our friends and as we become more conscious of our world, how people react to us and how we feel about people, we choose one as our best friend. It’s an essential part of life and really nice to have friends who really care about you and one who you are sure has got your back and the entire world knows is yourbestee. However, a lot of destinies have been derailed by these so-called friends. A lot of dreams have been killed and a lot of attention to great things which could lead to phenomenal success has been diverted to inanities because of a friend. In recent times, an African/American father who lives in the U.S. with his daughters was recounting their teenage years and told me how he banished a 14 year-old girl who was fond of overdressing and painting her finger nails to different colors from his house and made sure he severed the links she had with his daughter. His daughter is now 21 and in graduate school while her friend dropped out in her 1st year in the university and is now a hair dresser. For the type of high school she attended, she was a brilliant student but her love for fashion took over her life. Hairdressers are human beings and without them we would never get our hair beautifully done, however, does it make sense for a child with very bright prospects to end up one even when she has the opportunity to go to the best schools? Hmm…I doubt!

    In our teens especially, we feel our best friends were sent from heaven by God and it’s almost impossible to see anything wrong in them. In fact, when our parents complain about them we feel they are snuffing life out of us and get very unhappy and really rebellious. Can we ever live without our best friends? We often wonder. However, is that best friend truly the best for your destiny? What to do? The very first and most important best friend you should settle for is the Holy Spirit.

    We love our best friends because we think out of the lot, they are genuine and loyal to us but a lot of times, our best friends end up hurting us the most and end up leaking all the secrets we shared with them. How sad and embarrassing. The Holy Spirit would never do this to anyone. It can only save us from embarrassment, heal our hurts and make life a beautiful place for us. Believe it or not, your best friend doesn’t love you more than she loves herself and would never want you to outshine her; however, the Holy Spirit empowers you to outshine even the champions around you and your role-models.

    We love our best friends because they listen to us, advise us and are most dependable and they support us and wouldn’t mind going out of their ways for us because they care. They may truly care but who says they’ll be there for us when we really need them most? They are humans and no one is infallible. And who says they give the best advice? Haven’t you found yourself regretting some steps you were advised to take? Also, you know the crazy things you and your best friend do in secret. You know your youthful exuberance could have ended you both in a disaster times without number.

    However, the Holy Spirit which has been in existence before creation is committed to ensuring all is well with us till eternity as long as we make ourselves available. It doesn’t offend us neither does it grief us. It is the torchlight we need to chart our course through life. Does your best friend talk about boyfriends, sex and fashion more than she talks about God? Then I’m afraid your destiny is at great risk of being diverted. Wouldn’t it be so nice to know what harm the devil is going to use that so-called best friend to cause you in future? The answer is to make the Holy Spirit your very best friend today and then you may discover that best friend could be the clog in the wheel of your progress and the devil in disguise.

  • Scratching old wounds

    THE sore on her left arm was healing already but it was itching. A little scratch here and there appears to be soothing. Just while she was feeling relieved, it got painful and she was bleeding profusely. For a lot of people, if the wound itches, the tendency is to scratch. Unfortunately, scratching is bad for the healing process. The pain from that old wound reminds her of the emotional wound that she was nursing at the moment.

    For a long time, Nkiru’s desire was to have a good relationship and have the best from the emotional world. That proved abortive and right from school it was tough getting a heart that would melt naturally into hers. Disappointed with the emotional trial and errors that came her way; she finally left school and went for her national service in Enugu.

    Service year was sweet, filled with passionate memories and it was at the peak of it all that she met Chidi. Everything fell in place and it looked like nothing was ever going to change her love for him. “We went everywhere together, laughed around and played like little children. We just could not hide anything from each oother and it looked like this was romance made in heaven. As the days went by, I also discovered that we shared so many things in common and never quarrelled for a day.”

    Then they got to the point where it was important to seal the emotional deal and get things done formally. Nkiru had also chosen a bridal gown design and a number of other plans were in the pipeline. That naturally should have been the best moment in her life but somehow the unexpected happened. Chidi gave her a call and told her that they could not continue with plans for the marriage. Reason: “My father has insisted that I must not marry a Yoruba girl. My mother tried her best to convince him but he remains adamant. Unfortunately, I respect my father so much and I cannot go against his wish. I actually need his blessings for the marriage to be a success.”

    The news hit her like a hammer. It left her dazed for days and even weeks. During this period, she kept hoping that things would change and her dear Chidi would come back to her and says it was all a dream. He didn’t. In the midst of that emotional confusion, she fell ill and went to the hospital. Here, the doctor revealed that Nkiru was expecting a baby for Chidi. She called to tell him about the news and the response was even more devastating than the first experience.

    “You must be dreaming. Your plan is to tie me down against my wish. I am sorry, it won’t work. It is over and you can do whatever you like with the baby.” Nkiru decided to keep the baby while Chidi vanished into thin air. It was tough but luckily her mother and friend, Dorcas, stood by her. After that experience, she became very hard on all the guys that came her way. She went back to school and had two masters and went on to pursue her PhD. On the job, she was flying really high and she had many suitors on her trail. As far as she was concerned, they were all inconsequential. Her son, Donald, was doing very well in school and he was the apple of her eyes. She loved him so much while the boy adored her.

    Life for Nkiru was complete but somehow friends and family would not let her be. The song on their lips was “Nkiru, you need a man in your life.” She finally found Tade, an accountant who attended church with her. To her utmost surprise, he had never been married too. He had a good family pedigree and was very simple. His two sisters were also very wonderful and in a short while the wedding bell rang.

    The two of them had been emotional victims with wounds inflicted by hearts they once loved. It was therefore a turning point and the emotional wounds of the past began to heal. About two years after the marriage, Nkiru had a daughter for Tade but somehow she began to notice something strange about her man. He had mood swings and there are times he gets so agitated and violent. He managed to cope but the major casualty was her son, Donald. Her husband and her son just did not get along and it made her really sad.

    One morning, they argued over something and Tade smashed the windscreen of the car the boy was going to take out. Nkiru quickly got out of bed to intervene and he smashed her head with a big stick. It was after this experience that one of Tade’s sisters opened up, telling her that he suffered from depression when his former girlfriend deserted him. At this point, he was sad and remorseful. This was really dangerous but she just cannot abandon her Tade now. He needs her more than ever, after all the agreement was till death do them part. Donald would go and stay with her mum so that Tade can have more attention.

  • ‘How I got into charity work’

    ‘How I got into charity work’

    Barrister Efe Anaughe is a lawyer and her experience working in the field helped to bring out her compassion for the less-privileged ones in the society. For the multi-talented woman, her creative ability and organisational skills know no bound. This gave birth to a charity organisation, Rhema Connect International, when she was in the university, and it later metamorphosed to the Warien Rose Foundation last year. In this interview with Daniel Adeleye, she talks about her passion, some of the projects carried out, as well as the challenges.

    WHAT inspired you to go into this area of life? I was inspired by a very strong need to help people in need. I found out that a lot of people face challenges and that is why our motto is ‘doing good to all’ especially those of the household of faith. We help everybody, of course we help Christians, but we also help everybody. One of the things I started to do way back in school was that I would pay the school fees of some of my classmates. I used to pay my own school fees last, two weeks to the exams. So everybody knew in my department that I paid my school fees very late.

    After a while, I spoke to a few friends of mine, we gathered money and sometimes we used to send money home through some of our colleagues to their parents to start small scale businesses. So that is what inspired me. My parents are givers to the core; they are very selfless. You can say that is how a lot of them got into me. I got a lot from them when it comes to giving. I have been doing this for many years. I am not a person who is very good at waiting for anybody to bring anything. No, if I have the money I give it except if the money is not there. Whatever I have, I manage it and everybody benefits from it.

    You also coordinate Street Gospel, what is this all about?

    Jerry is a very talented young man who has a great focus. I am quite impressed with him. He is also someone with good looks and they say good looking men sometimes are inferior, but Jerry is a direct opposite. He is focused and dedicated to what he believes in. In 2007, he had an accident; a vehicle ran over his right leg and he was hospitalised for over four months. While he was in the hospital, he took ten pints of blood and he also had surgery four times. During this period, he made a vow to God that if God spared his life, he would use his experience, his talent and whatever he earns in his regular day job to help other accident victims.

    And since January 2008, he has been helping accident victims. He has helped quite a number of people and he’s doing this through a foundation called Jheri HAVI Foundation. HAVI simply means Help Accident Victims Initiative. Ever since we started working with him, it’s been quite amazing. We have helped quite a number of people. In addition to this, we have bought medical equipment for some hospitals such as Navy Hospital, Navy Town, Lagos.

    We also bought electronic POP cutters for them. That was when we realised that those equipment are quite expensive. We bought them because when Jerry was in the hospital, their POP cutter had a fault. So they have to use a surgical blade to remove POP on his leg and it was bad. So as soon as he left the hospital that was the first thing he did. We have bought so many other things for other hospitals as well as given accident victims money for certain treatments. Some of the things that also motivated us were some of the things Jerry saw and experienced while he was in the hospital. One of this was the fact that while Jerry was in the hospital two people died by his side.

    They died simply because there was no money to settle their bills. So we have been to hospitals like the Orthopaedic Hospital at Igbobi, Navy Hospital at Navy Town and many others. We go to government hospitals only and not to private hospitals. One of the memorable experiences that we had was assisting a couple at Agbara where a vehicle ran over their seven-year-old girl, Paravinna. The girl was sleeping under the tree and a trailer reversed and ran over her two legs. Immediately the crowd sighted the trailer, every adult at the scene ran for their lives and forgot about the little child. We went to Agbara and made the donation. A lot of progress has been made and the last time I checked on her in the family house, you won’t believe she was the same girl.

    How did this passion begin?

     I would say that the Warien Rose Foundation started in the 80s with the name Rhema Connect International and it later changed to the Warien Rose Foundation late last year. The foundation was formed mainly to eradicate poverty in the society and empower all. We also offer other services which include technical support in various fields, financial aid through cooperative societies, educational assistance, emotional support groups, wholesome entertainment and other things that add value to life.

    Under our Mobile Vocational Skills Acquisition Scheme (MV-SAS), they are taught various skills free of charge. The opportunities are many and they include soap making, jewellery making, confectionery, hall decoration, fashion and home accessories, to mention a few. We also bring motivational speakers, serve refreshment and issue certificates during the workshops.

    The foundation also holds benefit concerts from time to time to raise awareness on its various projects. For instance, we have had several skills acquisition workshops in various locations which is organised through our MV-SAS. We also do specialised workshops targeted at groups, like the special skills acquisition workshop for commercial sex workers and we later went ahead to hold what we call a benefit concert. This is done to create awareness about the menace as well as raise funds to rehabilitate and empower them.

    We do mentoring programmes for high school students and youths generally. We are also working on skills workshop for the physically challenged.

    We recently started a support group for domestic violence victims called ‘Domestic Violence Anonymous’ (DVA) and we have nine centres in Lagos, three in England; London, Leeds and Manchester. The foundation is still in the process of establishing centres in Port-Harcourt and Ibadan and intend to go wherever invited until DVA is established all over Nigeria, Africa and globally.

    Tell us about life as a lawyer

    Life as a lawyer is quite interesting and challenging.

    It is a different ball game because being a lawyer is totally different from running an NGO. Both of them have their challenges and none of them can be trivialised. There are so many things that go wrong like frustration in some cases, because of the corruption that has eaten deep into our system in Nigeria. The bottom line is under very difficult circumstances, lawyers in Nigeria should be given kudos because they are really trying. For the NGO, because it has been abused by so many people, some people are running these organisations to make money. It has been difficult for some people to bring out their personal cash. That is why we try to look inwards and generate money for the organisation.

     I am not a very good fan of writing to sponsors to come and sponsor anything because, with my own little experience, I have found out that people are very finicky. If there is an award for a first lady, she would go with an entourage and donate large. But if she’s called to come and help somebody who is going through challenges she will send an aide, who may or may not come. And when they come sometimes they almost give nothing. So the glee and glamour takes the whole attention. When it is an award, they will go but when it comes to helping the needy that is when they are always busy. So those are some of the challenges that organisations that are truly doing their works go through. Funding is the major problem.

    Tell us some of the high points in your career

    High point remains when I graduated of course (laughs). Every lawyer is happy to do that.

    Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

    My parents! After God, it’s my daddy and my mummy. As I said earlier, the duo is the kindest people that I ever met. They are very selfless. Even when my mother does not have anything she will still go out of her way to help. So, those two people are actually the greatest influence in my life.

    Who is the woman that you admire?

    It is my mum, (laugh). All constantly is my mum. I have watched her life style. I came from a polygamous home, my mum has a very high thresh hold to endurance. And sometimes I am amazed. I don’t know if I was in her shoe, I could be that patient the way she absorbed pains. Sometimes I look at her and I begin to wonder if she is real. But because I grew up with her and I see her regularly I know that is her person. She is a very forgiving person. She does not keep grudges. I am working on that path, I don’t keep grudges too. I am trying to emulate her for giving character a lot. You could sometimes admire people outside but that does not mean they are living that life. I have gotten close to a few people and found out that the way they live is quite different from what you know about them. With time, I got to realise that people are not really what they seem to be. So my mum is real.