Category: New Woman

  • Climbing to a sky lit with diamonds

    WHAT a day! First she had to argue with that naughty girl in the office, then she discovered that one of the files on her table was missing and the last straw was having to deal with the shouting match with Mobola, her childhood friend, over prized jewellery that was lost over the weekend. Bridget was just a few minutes away from home, yet she was bugged down with the day’s activities and much more. The last hurdle was climbing the pedestrian bridge to the other side of the road. It’s longer but safer; the shorter option of dashing across is nothing but suicidal.

    One leg at a time, no need to rush, after all she was heading to bed and there is no deadline for bedtime. Each step made her gasp for breath, could this be because she hadn’t been consistent (faithful) with her exercise regimen? Almost out of breath, she finally made it to the top of the bridge with cramps.

    The pain vanished almost immediately. The scenery up here was simply marvellous. The sky is so beautiful and stars are shinning like diamonds. Memorable, because diamonds should be forever. It got her thinking of about the risk to people who are used to jettisoning  bridges (physical and emotional), cutting down safety barricades only to become causalities.

    For her, climbing the emotional skies with her dearest wasn’t a child’s play at all. It was rough and tough but she was determined to make it against the odds.

    It is not over yet but it looked like she had conquered the first part of the hurdle. As she continued the remaining part of the journey home, she began to interpret the crisis, the close shaves and scandals in the pipeline. Though all seemed to be ending well, the script did not go as planned. Like some of her friends, she got carried away with those romantic tales; tales that you read about in story books and wish for. Dreamers! That was what her smart friends (defiant pedestrians) called them. This group ran around with guys on campus, cutting the barricades and painting everywhere in emotional colours. She was reserved and different. Temptations? Yes, there were a couple of smart guys around but she was in charge and on top of the game.

    It was in her final year that she met Solape and he was a great compensation indeed. A great heart, he promised to wait and he did just that. That made Bridget to love him even more, rare to find a real gentleman in this time and age.

    Exams were over and the only thing left was her project. She had worked on it half way and needed to see her supervisor for some clarifications. The issues were discussed the following day in his office and he made the necessary corrections. Then something unusual happened – he raped her and she was devastated. It was too sad to be true. How can an emotional thief (stealing from the pedestrians on the bridge) take what she had been saving for her dear Solape?  She couldn’t tell anyone but almost everybody knew that something was wrong with her.

    It got worse when she discovered that she was pregnant two months after. It was just too much to bear. How does she go about telling everyone that she was pregnant for her supervisor? How do you keep a baby for a man who already has three wives (wolves), women who would be ready to tear her to pieces? How do you live with a man you detest so much? No, this cannot be an option at all. She got depressed keeping it all to herself.

    The only viable option was to get rid of it. What if it goes wrong? What if she dies in the process? She had so many questions riveting on her mind with no answers. She finally got some money to sort out the unwanted pregnancy. A few days before the act was done, she had a nightmare. To be or not to be! Keeping the bastard was worse and so she walked into the theatre and it was done. A few weeks after, she noticed that the bleeding was severe and she went back to see the doctor. He promised to rectify the problem. How much? “No, don’t worry, I would take care of that,” he volunteered. The treatment commenced for about three weeks and on one of those days whilst he was carrying out the routine checks, he tried to take advantage of her.

    Not again! Once bitten twice shy! Bridget quickly jumped out of the bed and struggled with the doctor turned emotional lunatic. Luckily, she escaped from this one. You can’t take meat near a dog and expect it (dog) to look the other way. He was obviously fascinated by her body from the outset. She never went back there again. Was she okay now? That was not the issue anymore; she can’t afford to complicate her life further. As it is, there is so much that she would be keeping away from her dear Solape. He actually proposed to her last night and the plan is to get married this Christmas. Should she tell him all that has happened or remain silent forever?

  • The amazing power of a Spirit-filled girl

    SHE possesses all His fruits and therein lies her strength. She does not rely on her good looks, worldly tactics or counsel to find her way through life.

    She feeds on the word of God which transmits divine energy into her and gives her fire to fly.

    The word of God is constantly in her heart shut up in her bones like a burning fire.

    Because she’s constantly flowing in the super-natural, nothing takes her by surprise. She already knows her examination questions long before the time-table is set.

    She’s more intelligent than her teachers and is wiser than her ancestors.

    She never experiences heart- breaks because she is already programmed to wait for God’s choice.

    She has dominion over her destiny because she has subdued her flesh.

    She never suffers the pain of disappointment of any form because she knows that “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things that God hath prepared for them that love him.”

    She has seen God’s most wondrous plans for her and she rejoices in it because they just must manifest.

    Not only is she a mighty weapon in the hands of God as she is a terror to the kingdom of darkness, she is an invaluable asset to her entire generation and the world at large as her light ignites the stars of others.

    At such a young age, she has not only learnt to build her home on earth, she already has a mansion in heaven.

    Are you filled with the spirit of God or you are just an ugly shadow of yourself and the devil’s playground?

    Get your soul ignited today and begin to experience your original.

    Temilolu Okeowo

    A Fight to the Finish

    “ And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

    Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.”Ephesians 6:10-18 MSG

    How I wish the average female would apply the above in their daily life alas, focus on physical beauty has taken over and has been badly abused as most ladies now go out of their way to look like Barbie dolls such that when some ladies step out with their aesthetically done make-up, you wonder if they are a piece of artwork. They love to pose for pictures everyday no thanks to smart phones and instagram pushing their lips forward in order to look sexually attractive. What a senseless venture at a time like this? If they could spend as much time on growing daily in the spiritual, the world would be a much better place and evil would find it real hard to thrive and we would have more fulfilled, accomplished and dignified women with stable homes. Too many homes which would have changed the world, where potential God’s generals, presidents and global icons should have been groomed have been destroyed by the lack of some woman’s spiritual connectivity with God. Just one fruit of the Holy Spirit would have saved the day but even the church today concentrates more on prosperity and miracles rather than holiness and righteousness which is the source of every good thing we could ever wish for in life.

    I see so many women who are living very unfulfilled lives and practically experiencing hell on earth because of lack of power that we are promised to receive after the Holy Spirit has come upon us. I have seen a lot of vessels of God who have been trampled by the devil and turned to slaves of darkness because of too much vanity and lack of the presence of God in their lives.

    If you are 13 years old and you are reading this article, I thank God for your life because this is the best time for you to get connected to the power of the Holy Ghost. It is the surest guarantee of getting everything you want in life without much struggle. It is what could catapult you from the back of your class to the top of your class. It is what could make you a star overnight. It is what could make those who oppressed you bow before you. It is what could make you achieve what even your parents never dreamed you could achieve in your entire life. It is what could make your country hoist its flag for you. It is what could make a foreign country play the Nigerian anthem for you at a special reception just for you. It is what would make you experience heaven on earth before proceeding to eternity. Wow!

  • Re: My daughter is pregnant for my enemy!

    HELLO Nigerians, I am most delighted to be with you again. Last Sunday, I published the story of Madam B whose first love and father of her first child was murdered right in her presence by Femoo, the father of her prospective son-in-law whom she had prayed would marry her daughter. Femoo not only murdered her first love, he also caused her a life of pain and anguish for so many years because her father disowned her and placed a curse on any family member who tried to help. However, God was with her and availed her a life of bliss and peace until she discovered the identity of her son-in-law-to-be. She certainly doesn’t even ever want to come in contact with Femoo, but, unfortunately, her daughter is pregnant for his son. She’s yet to tell her daughter or anyone else her findings and is secretly going through an emotional turmoil. She sought our counsel and a few readers sent in their advice.

    Dear Madam,

    Have you considered the fact that it is possible that Femoo has changed and become a born again Christian? That may be the reason why Tony, his son, is an “omoluabi.”  My mother once offered a course in a tertiary institution, and the title of a topic within the course was, “The good in evil”. The death of Jesus was an evil thing, he was a man who never sinned, so it was evil for him to be killed by anyone, but through that evil, salvation, which is a good thing, came to the whole world.

    And even if Femoo has not changed, it’s possible that God wants to use the union [ marriage ] of Tony and your daughter to break him down and change him. Let Enitan marry Tony, but be wise and prayerful. Let Tony’s father receive the good news that his son has found a girl who he wants to marry. Then at the appropriate time, as you are led by God, let him know that Enitan is the daughter of Dapo, who he killed. As long as you have prayed well, God won’t let anything go wrong.

    David Oyakhilome

    Temilolu ,

    Enitan’s mum needs to realise this issue has gone beyond her at this point. We as humans sometimes decide to deny others their happiness either consciously or unconsciously without weighing the repercussion. All she has to do is to sit Enitan down in the presence of Uncle Mark and explain the entire issues to her with utmost calmness, then give her time to think about it and get back to her with a response. We need to realise three different destinies are now involved (i.e. Enitan, Tony and the baby) therefore the rear-mirror syndrome has to be discarded, most especially now that all the hurt Femoo did has been turned to good through divinity. Moreover, if Enitan’s mum does not want the rejection she suffered from her parents to repeat itself, she has to let go. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy for her but sometimes the pills you take to cure serious ailments are not usually sweet. Let me conclude by saying if Enitan and Tony can agree to deal with it and move on, the parents on both sides have no option except they want to leave the rest of their life in inner pain, secret tears and anguish because that’s all a life of unforgiveness has to offer.

    Shalom!

    Kola Olanipekun

    ‎Hi Temi,

    This story is so very interesting. But there is something that is also unique about it and that is the fact that it’s a real life situation we have in our hands. Nonetheless, my advice to Enitan’s mother is this: LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE! As simple as it may sound, that’s the best option I feel is open for her at the moment. Bearing in mind that her daughter Enitan is pregnant for Tony the love of her life whom she (Enitan’s mum) confirmed to be a proper OMOLUABI! Truth is there is no point allowing the unknown sins of the father to be visited upon the children. Moreover, Dapo is a father Enitan never grew up to know. All her life, she had always known Mark to be her father, so why spoil this moment of joy for her? It’s better she keeps this to herself and if she feels like sharing it, then she may go ahead and discuss it with her husband, Mark. But mind you, life may never remain the same again in her household once the picture comes out. Has it even ever occurred to her that if she had passed on (died) before Enitan got to this stage in life and eventually married the son of her biological father’s killer, wouldn’t she have continued with her life happily married to the young man?  So, please my dear sister, if the happiness of your daughter tops your priority list, then kindly do let SLEEPING DOGS LIE!!!

    Emmanuel Odiagbe

  • From French kiss to French leave

    A peck on the cheek? Not quite, it certainly is much more than that. Muah! Welcome to the emotional clouds, the best example of the sound of a kiss. The French kiss which gives the sound of your lips when you kiss in a very passionate process. This is the interjection or what literary minds would refer to as the onomatopoeia for a kiss.

    A compassionate kisser is confident and can easily interpret the affectionate notes. French kissing almost always leads to more intimate behaviour,’ kisses’  that stir up feelings in your partner. However, it is better done with someone you care about and it’s really not fair to get someone all worked up just to send him or her away wanting. It is not about dreaming but being in it for the long haul.

    The French kiss is therefore a timeless expression of romantic passion, something we have all seen or experienced at one time or the other. An exciting and intimate moment between two people who are attracted to one another, and a symbol of that passion. Experts would readily tell you that the French kiss is not a science; it is an art that is open to the interpretation of all who partake.

    About two years ago, Ronke got entangled with Biodun and he literarily swept her off her feet. It was a season for deep kisses; a very passionate experience which she thought was going to last forever. Sadly, the kissing spree lasted for about fifteen months only. It took her up the emotional hill, panting and asking for more like Oliver Twist. Just while she was savouring the bliss, he discovered another kissing partner. Time to say goodbye? No, there wouldn’t be an opportunity to say goodbye. All she can remember now is that their love had gone cold. What she thought was love wasn’t really love.

    “I got into a relationship with my cousin’s (Soji) best friend. They were both classmates and best of pals. Each time they came home together, Soji marketed his friend’s love for me and gradually I fell for Biodun.” The matchmaker worked on her and she fell for the cheap lies.  She staggered around, drunk in love and thanking her stars for conquering such a heart.

    “He was such a wonderful person to be with and we went almost everywhere together. It was a wonderful experience, but somehow Mr. Right was slow in making any concrete commitment and he just wasn’t ready to settle down. We talked about it a couple of times but Biodun kept on saying that he needed to take care of his financial needs so that we do not get in trouble in future.”

    Tired of complaining, she switched over to the proverbial side of the emotional bone as the patient dog. One afternoon, she stopped at a restaurant to have lunch. As she walked into the place, she saw her sweetheart wrapped in the arms of another woman. “Biodun, please what’s happening here?” she queried. Guilty?

    No, not really. “Do you think that you are going to achieve so much by trailing me or monitoring my movement? You can’t force me to marry you against my wish. Hope you understand that.” His voice changed and that voice did not sound like someone that was in love with her at all. All this meant was that she had been wasting precious time with emotional lip service.

    Better to abandon this heart for the new heart keeper. She tried to make an emotional U-turn. Not so fast! Her rival who had been staring at her with green eye envy moved towards her, charging like a wounded lioness. “So you are the one that has been causing me nightmares? I would deal with you now.”

    It turned out to be a real nightmare, worse because all her life, she had never fought over a man. In a short while they became the cynosure of all eyes; she found herself in an emotional brawl with a wild cat. You can’t afford to play the fool here. Panting and swearing, her rival fought with everything, her nails, teeth and legs inclusive. By the time the bloody fight was over, her clothes were in shreds and her body was sore. Luckily, some kind folks intervened and rescued her from this desperate ‘Dracula’.

    End of the road. Now her heart is emotional sabbatical. That chapter was not just closed but it left her crying and crying for a lost heart. Where exactly did she go wrong? How come she did not know that she was just a spare? Why did she get carried away with the kiss? The emotional theatre had moved on and she was the only cast that did not have a role to play.

    Life and love, like Shakespeare said, are, indeed, stages. Emotional actors should be on standby, ready to play their role at the right time. That, interestingly, is the only way you can make the best of the emotional stage. Once you are missing in action, not in control, another character may just take over your role. Could this be a better cast? The crux of the matter here is that nobody is truly indispensable.

  • ‘Men make us achieve more’

    ‘Men make us achieve more’

    The desire to empower women is the focus of female activists world wide. In Nigeria, one of such women making a difference in their communities is Comrade Esther Audu. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about her passion for female farmers, providing them micro credit facilities and networking with other women to change their world.

    HOW did you come about the title comrade? I am an activist and my passion for women earned me the title. Presently, I am the Kogi State coordinator for women agriculture. At a point in my career, I discovered that in the Federal Ministry of Agriculture, there were some activities that women need to benefit from but they were really lacking behind in the state. I felt really bad and decided to contest for the position of state coordinator for Women in Agriculture under the Agric and Allied Workers Union.

    What made it easy to beat your opponents at the polls?

    I discovered that I did not have the money to assist the women personally. Later, I came out of the ministry and established Women in Agriculture cooperatives in the state. The vision behind this is to empower women through agricultural sustainability. I discovered that there are some programmes that the government would do but once the government is out the programme dies. I started then with Kogi State Women in Agric and in 2013, I registered it as APEX which consists of a coalition of six associations.

     These association, therefore, came together to form Women in Agric Cooperative Federation and each of the association has different activities but complement one another. For instance, the Kogi State Women Agric is into processing of agricultural produce like cassava to gari, chips and bread. While the association of women farmers of Nigeria, Kogi State chapter, are into real farming. These are women who take agriculture as their occupation. They go to the field to till, plant and harvest. On the other hand, those in the initiative for women in agriculture are involved with capacity building. They train the women in areas and activities that concern agriculture.

    Here, you have women that specialise in tailoring, hairdressing and other skills. As a female farmer, you go to the farm and by the time you come back, you want to look good. They make women farmers look good and we do not want them to say that farmers are the poorest. They belong to an association called Women Specialised Network. In addition, we also have the women microfinance institutions. We discovered that for women to have access to loans is not always easy. So we needed an association to take care of women’s needs financially. Under this association, any cooperative society that is into thrift, savings and loans come in. Right now, we also have the Kogi State microfinance institutions where you have male and female beneficiaries.

    Are you also a farmer?

    The cap that I am wearing at the moment is leader of Women in Agric Cooperatives, which is the umbrella body of the organisation. Each association under this also has a president, secretary and treasurer and they have their structures in the local government area and the ward. It is not easy at all. It is just the passion that I have that sustains it. I derive joy doing this, but beyond the happiness it is great impacting on the lives of others. When I started, some people said that no woman association can stand in the state; others had tried and failed but I knew where we were going and God also was with us.

    The highpoint of the support that we got came from the state governor, Captain Idris Wada Ichalla. In the area off rice production, the women were given 200 hectares of land for women. We have been making use of the land, planting rice and now we are proud to say that some organisations are coming in to sign MOU with us to organise rice farmers because the governor helped us. From the rice farms, I was picked out and the government sponsored me to Jerusalem because of the commitment of the women. I didn’t go alone; many of the women also went to Jerusalem and the lesser Hajj. Right now, we have the accelerated rice production union under this organisation. We have over 2000 rice farmers that we have already mobilised. We are also expecting loan from the central bank and our beneficiaries include men, women and youths in the state.

    Let’s s talk about some of your memorable moments

    I remember that the central bank recently guaranteed us power tillers and paid 80 per cent of the total cost. The women on their part paid 20 per cent and they got the equipment. It is a very useful tool and it helps plough and ridge. It is good for the cultivation of cassava, groundnut and maize. My state was able to purchase some of the equipment too and a few weeks ago, an organisation that opened the way for us came down to Kogi State to train the women on how to couple the power tillers as well as teach them how to make use of it.

    That day was quite memorable; you need to see how the women were singing and praising God on my behalf. I was so surprised and was wondering what I had done to see these women in that state of mind. I felt so happy.  Not only that, the micro finance institutions that the women are floating right now are making significant impact on the society. Whenever I see women coming around asking for loans for their businesses, I am very happy. I see the organisation boosting their businesses.

    How do you ensure that those who take loans pay back?

    We have marketers who work on this. They actually look around for our customers and work out the modalities for payment. We do not give loans to those we do not know their shops or farmlands. We have a manager in the bank, accountant and marketers. Just before the loan is given to them they would find out what they want to use as their collateral, you either take us to your shop or show us what you intend to use as your collateral. Once we discover that you cannot run away overnight, we give you the loan to boost your businesses. The loan is from two hundred thousand upwards. Apart from the farmers, we also have some traders who are into petty business and we bring them together as a cooperative to give them soft loans. If one of the members runs away, the others would pay back. So the area of recovery of loans is usually not a problem for us.

    Would you say that women are better farmers?

    I would say that without the support of men, we cannot achieve all the things that we are doing. For instance, there are some equipment in our rice farm that they help us to handle. We have women that operate tractors but it is not common. You still need the support of men, which is why we work with men, women and the youths. Where we cannot go, we allow the men to go for us.

    Let’s talk about government’s policies on agriculture. Are you okay with the policies ?

    Well, I can only talk about the growth enhancement programme organised by the former minister, Adesina. I would say that the women farmers were encouraged during his tenure and they really enjoyed what they are doing. He took agric to a different level and opened a lot of opportunities for us. My advice to the new government is to do more and take agriculture to enviable heights. Even though Adesina has left, there are people there who are not politicians and they are talented. Government should make use of such people to consolidate on the gains made by the former minister.

  • ‘It’s a dummy  that women are  the weaker sex’

    ‘It’s a dummy that women are the weaker sex’

    Eniola Sheri Dada resigned as an Assistant General Manager (AGM) in an insurance firm 12 years ago. Since then, she has been into consultancy and civil society organisation work. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she shares some of her passions, especially working with women in cross border trade. 

    WHAT does gender mean to you? There is a standard definition of gender that includes men and women. My personal definition is simply seeing how we can empower women in every facet of life, whether it’s business, development, entrepreneurship or self sufficiency and their social obligations. I have been in the area for over a decade now and what I have found out is that from the very beginning there was never a level playing field and all the institutions are male-dominated in structure. So, from that premise, women have a lot of catchment to do. That is not to say that there aren’t advancements over the years but there is still so much to be done. It is important that women are properly positioned to be able to fulfil their own destiny. You cannot disable half of the population and expect Nigerians to make any significant advancement.

    Are there some significant changes?

    In Nigeria, we still need to do a lot. We need to disabuse the mind of the society that reinforces the dummy that has been sold that women are the weaker sex; they are not good for anything. That is a paradox because women bear life and we ensure the sustenance of generations. A lot has been done but we still need to take it further and by September, at the UN, all the heads of state and presidents will converge to validate the SDGs (Sustainable Development Goals) to take over from the MDGs in 2016. The MDGs did a lot because, at the centre, the thread that bound all the issues together related to women. It was at the centre and it was said that any country that was able to achieve the goals, the women would be better from all perspectives.

    The Violence against Persons Bill has just been passed into law. Do you think this would also make things better?

    I think that it is a welcome development and we are happy. However, in terms of sensitisation, information and more importantly, implementation has always been the problem that we have. There are some good laws in the books but implementation is the problem. Lagos State is an excellent example of what should be obtainable at the national level. The ministry of women affairs and social development is very active. They have a unit that is able to respond. Then there is also the office of public prosecution. If a woman’s life is threatened, they are able to evacuate her. Lagos State is one of the few states that also have a shelter in a hidden place, where they move the woman and her children if her life is threatened. We also need a structure, especially at the state, that is where the problem is.

    What are some of the things you have done working with UN women?

    ECOWAS and UN women Nigeria initiated an idea of coming up with a documentary on women’s cross border trade. That is my area of strength at the moment. Unfortunately, these women are not as glamorous as our women in business. They are further down the economic ladder, they are semi illiterate. They do not know what the ECOWAS trade protocols are. However, for me, they are the ones sustaining the sub regional economy. They bandy about twelve to thirteen per cent but I disagree. Women are under the radar and no institution including ECOWAS is capturing what these women are doing.

     So by the time we are capturing the extent of trade along the sub region, I believe that it would be considerably higher. For the documentary, a team came to Nigeria and they were asked to do this. ECOWAS then told them that there was someone working in women and cross border trade. They found that I was not part of the team and they insisted that I had to be and I was brought in. I became a researcher to support the team and in the process I took them to a place they had not heard about – a place where women from all over West Africa came to book for goats and other items from Nigeria. The day we went, you won’t believe the amount of trailers put on the road for this. Sometimes, they go on water; you can’t imagine what was going on. We also went to Badagry and Seme as well to talk to them as well as find out what the issues were.

    The main bodies in charge are the Customs, Immigration, the joint border patrol which is managed by the Nigeria Police on our side. Those are the ones that the women come across and there is always an issue because they do not have documents. For ECOWAS countries, you do not need a visa but they ask for some sort of travelling document. ECOWAS is trying to put in place an ECOWAS I.D. card and if any trader is holding that, she doesn’t need to be harassed. I have done two projects supported by DFID and in 2012; one of the components was to have sensitisation workshops for the customs, immigration and joint border police. A lot of these women are widows and single mothers, they are the bread winners. For cross border trade, the entry is easy; they do not need any formal qualification and the women have also devised a system of making use of daily contribution. As long as you are in the group, access to credit, which is an issue for women in business, would be taken care of. As educated as I am, you find that there is always policy somersault and I get confused not to talk of these women.

    Then DFID was supporting the presidential task force on trade facilitation and I got to travel with them because of my projects. We need to look at the women differently, instead of vilifying and treating them like dirt. There is also the issue of exchange because they travel with cash and when they get to the next country they change the money. Ecobank which is the sub regional bank needs to work on this because the women are moving to and fro with money. Instead, they can load the money on a card and even help to pay the supplier from here. The women are unbanked, outside the serious banking system. It is also taxes going out of the window. They are robbed, raped, cheated and harassed. The 2012 project was adjudged to be very successful and last year DFID approached me again, they wanted to scale it up to the West African region and we had raising voices. We had the Nigerian review and we also went to Ghana where we made some interesting discoveries. The Ghana Export Promotion Council is working with the women traders, which is what I would like to advocate should happen in Nigeria.

    What about the problems facing women in business generally?

    For them, there is the issue of access to credit. I am the national secretary for the Nigerian chapter of a pan Africa organisation founded by Gracia Machel, Mandela’s widow. One of the critical concerns is access to finance and presently we are engaging with government at different levels to see how they can support them. There are funds earmarked for this; 60 per cent of the funds available for SMEs have been earmarked for women entrepreneurs but the only people that have accessed most of the funds are men.

    What are some of your memorable moments?

    I have done a number of projects and I have been invited to come and speak outside Nigeria. There was a meeting in Rwanda and they invited me to Ghana, an African roundtable to talk about women traders. In Rwanda, I had to give account of what I had done. In attendance, you had people from Africa, Europe as well and it was a humbling experience for me. They also wanted to know how I got into women and cross border trade and I had to share a personal experience. My late mother had always been a wife of a diplomat but when my father went into retirement, she went into this trading.

    That inspired me and it was quite touching speaking to distinguished audience that included ministers. Also, there was a time somebody was invited to NECA and she asked me to represent her on violence and women cross border trade. She told them that I was the one that would do justice to the topic and I sat there, it was very exciting for me. I also did a two-part course in South Africa. Gender was at the centre of it; that was in 2013 and it ended last year. You go have three weeks interaction in South Africa and then come back and six months later you come back again. I just got my certificate and I am proud of it. It is called training for transformation. I was the only one from Nigeria and West Africa. I am also interested in leadership training for women and the trade investment and competitiveness commission.

  • My daughter is pregnant for my enemy!

    MY dear Temilolu, I find myself in a situation that’s tearing my heart into pieces and it’s been difficult to share it with the closest person to me – my husband. Perhaps your heart-warming analysis and advice even for the most heart-wrenching circumstances would save the day. I grew up under the strict control of my parents. My late dad was a high chief in our hometown and a lot was expected from his children and entire family. I was very beautiful as a young girl and in my university days, guys were always after me. One of them was the most popular and most dangerous guy on campus, Femoo, who was supposed to have graduated the year I got in. Obviously, he was the head of the most dreaded cult on campus. I had heard all sorts about him including the fact that in one particular year, two ladies had a baby each for him. He had a way of trailing me after lectures. He knew my dad’s status in town and so he was careful not to terrorise me. On the other hand, I was in love with Dapo, who was, indeed, my first true love. So many times, we would bump into Femi who would threaten him but Dapo who was completely lost in our world would never utter a word. In our final year, Femi was still around and that was his eighth year. We all graduated that year and my relationship with Dapo continued. A day before we were expected back for our call-up letters, I discovered I was pregnant. It was a mixed feeling. I was very happy I would marry Dapo immediately. On the other hand, I was scared of what my dad would think though I graduated with honours.

    Dapo and I met on campus the following morning. I told him the good news and he was over the moon with joy. Later in the day, on our way out of campus, some guys who were obviously cultists shoved us into a car and drove us far away to an unknown destination. When we got there, Femoo was waiting and said he had nothing against me but that it was a taboo for any enemy of his to remain alive. Before we knew what was happening, right in my presence, he shot Dapo in the head. I passed out immediately. By the time I came into consciousness and opened my eyes, I was in the hospital being watched over by my mum. I was told that our security guard found me unconscious at the gate then I was rushed to the hospital. I was very confused at first but within a few minutes, the event which was like a scene out of a horror movie flashed back. I passed out again.

    Within a few days, there was serious trouble in town as a result of two feuding families. My family and Dapo’s family. Let me save you the gist….it was horrific because everyone blamed me for being the cause of Dapo’s death. The embarrassment was too much for my family. When my dad discovered I was pregnant, the first thing he did was to send my mum and I away. At that time, he was about to take a second wife as his relationship with my mum was strained and so found an excuse to send her away. My mum told me point-blank not to follow her. To further worsen the situation, even when Dapo’s family heard I was carrying his baby, I was a taboo in their house-hold so they would have nothing to do with me. My dad had placed a curse on any family member who dared to plead on my behalf or accommodate me. His secretary, who had been watching all this, graciously took me in, though we had to manage with her meagre salary. Before long, she got married to a wealthy Edo man who had just returned to the country after 18years abroad and we moved into his house in Benin with my baby. He was a very kind man and treated me like his child. Unfortunately, Aunty Stella died in the third year of their marriage during child-birth. That same year, my dad died and I wasn’t even told until I heard after the funeral. I got nothing from his estate. My mother never looked for me. Oh, it was a sorrowful year for us. As God would have it, Uncle Mark (Aunty Stella’s husband) and I found solace in each other; he fell hopelessly in love with me and married me.

    I gave him three boys in quick succession. He presents Enitan, my daughter as his first child to the world and has always treated her like a treasure. He sent her to the best schools and Ivy League institutions abroad. Two years ago, while visiting Enitan in the U.K., she introduced Tony to me as her boyfriend and when I was returning back to Nigeria, I secretly prayed with all my heart that my daughter would marry such a boy. He is an omoluabi personified. I had always wished my boys would be like him. He’s a completely different breed from the present generation of youth. My husband feels the same way about him. Enitan called me last month and told me that she’s pregnant and they have both decided to get married. You can imagine how ecstatic I have been only for Enitan to post his parents’ pictures (though they are not married) and kill my joy. Femoo the cultist who turned my life upside down is my prospective in-law. I am too shocked and too sick to tell anyone. How can my daughter marry the son of the man who MURDERED her father? Please help!

    • Dear readers, please send in your suggestions.
  • Awesome cobbler and his jinx

    IT was one of those parties that you were given a long notice. Ordinarily, you expect that preparations would be very smooth. Yes, Doris actually got everything right. The only snag was the pair of shoes for the combination that she finally settled for. The best bet would be to get something new, and two days before the d-day, she went searching for something exciting. Somehow, she discovered that the kind of shoe she desired was elusive.

     Each time she saw something that matched her taste, it was either too big or too small. Just when she thought of giving up, Doris finally found a red (hot) pair in gloss. It was really cute but as she tried it on, it was a bit tight in front.  Are we having problems walking in this pair? Certainly! The best thing to do would have been to drop it and continue the search. No way, she could make some adjustments here and there and mange it. It was just too good to let go. It has a nice ribbon in front and the heel was well structured for the swag intended.

    All that was required was the creativity of the cobbler two streets away from home. He would do some expansion here and there and that settled it. All the way home, her mind was on the ‘expansion’ plan. Luckily, the cobbler was still in his shack and he promised to handle the shoe nicely. Surprisingly, he delivered the shoe and it looked really good on her. Smiling like a queen, she felt good at the party cat-walking to show that she actually had the world at her beck and call.

    Compliments galore. Everybody loved what she had on. ‘You sure have an eye for good things, dear.’ ‘Where did you get this fantastic pair of shoes?’ ‘I am coming to take the pair after the party.’ Sadly, it was at this point that the shoe on the right leg gave way. What an embarrassment. It opened in front revealing all the patchwork done by her cobbler. The red hot pair messed up big time and she tried to find a way to hide her legs. However, two naughty kids just would not let her be.

    Worse still, two kids pointed in her direction chanting: ‘patch, patch, tear, tear omo babe shoemaker.’ Oh dear! This is a great miscalculation, indeed. Everything around was not looking good, not smelling nice or tasting right. The red pair wasn’t hot anymore and she hid her legs under the table looking for a substitute. The cobbler had added an old leather to her glossy read and the combination was faulty. You can’t combine the original with a counterfeit and expect everything to be alright.

    Like the shoe cobbler, a lot of times hearts get stuck with emotional cobblers. Unfortunately, there is no point stretching a heart that has already been overstretched. Here, the crux of the matter is that some things in our relationships have always been there. We saw the signs and symptoms from the outset but somehow we get carried away with the fanciful side; the looks, gesticulations, the things that do not really sustain the relationship in the long run. So you move on consoling yourself that things would ultimately get better, everything would fall in place and the other heart would melt into yours. Humh! Didn’t we almost have it all? Yes, that comes when you get exasperated. Here, you are confronted with the patches, the differences and the fact that it had been an emotional watercolour all along.

    The death of E’Dena Hines, the 33-year-old step-granddaughter of actor Morgan Freeman,  killed in a horrifying attack in New York last Sunday comes to mind.

    Her live-in boyfriend, Lamar Davenport, 30, was arrested by police at the scene and taken to New York Presbyterian Hospital for psychological evaluation after eyewitnesses reported seeing him stabbing her repeatedly in the chest with a hunting knife on a Manhattan pavement.

    Local resident, George Hudacko, described the scene as “an exorcism.” Davenport could be heard shouting, “Get out, devils! I cast you out, devils! In the name of Jesus Christ, I cast you out!” as he viciously attacked her at 3am. Law enforcement officers told the paper Davenport “may have been high on cocaine at the time.”

    Hines, whose grandmother Jeanette Adair Bradshaw was Morgan Freeman’s first wife, was pronounced dead at Harlem Hospital shortly after the stabbing.

    She became very close to the Oscar-winning actor and a regular on the red carpet with her dear step grandpa. Controversy about this very close relationship was rife with tabloids making so much noise about them having an affair and planning to get married. At last, Freeman was once forced to deny a romantic relationship with Hines and she moved on. Love can be really silly. How can she fall in love with her grandma’s pal (oversize shoes)? Could she have stepped into grandma’s oversized love shoes for love or just for the fun of it?

    It was better to dump the emotional ‘loot’. This took her to another loot that was a potential time bomb. All she needed was some time and space. Sadly, just when you thought she had walked out of this emotional jinx, she strolled into another. A younger heart (undersized shoe), too energetic and volatile (no thanks to drugs), instead of celebrating the love opportunity, chopped her to pieces.

  • ‘How I took over COWAN’

    ‘How I took over COWAN’

    The Country Women’s Association of Nigeria (COWAN) is one of the few women organisations with chapters across the country. Founded by Chief Bisi Ogunleye, it empowers women with credit facilities. The organisation is a beneficiary of the central bank’s N220 billion micro credit loans for women. Ogunleye went to sign the documents for the loan a few days before her death last year. The Centre for International Private Enterprise (CIPE) and the Association of Nigeria Women Business Network (ANWBN) came together recently in Ondo State to give COWAN a new direction. At that meeting, Princess Adesola Ogunleye emerged as the organisation’s new leader. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about her plans to take women out of poverty and the last moments of COWAN’s initiator.

    WHAT were some of the initial challenges? After the demise of mama, Chief Mrs Bisi Ogunleye, I faced a little challenge. Let me call it a little challenge because God intervened in the middle of the storm. When I took over the seat, there were some leaders that did not want to accept me as the national president of the organisation. There were some things that happened in the month that I was inaugurated as President and Executive Director of COWAN. Some leaders gathered together and said ‘no, this is not real.’ Then after some weeks, they came together again and said, it’s Princess that we want, we want you on the seat. The other challenge that we are faced with now is financial because when you are invited for a programme there are lots of financial implications but we also thank God. We are happy that COWAN’s programmes are going on within and outside Nigeria.

    How did you emerge as the leader?

    I emerged as the leader before the demise of Mama COWAN. I have been controlling some local governments in Ondo West. Afterwards, she took me as a daughter and started mentoring me, telling me about COWAN; this is how I want you to go about COWAN. So I had to be a good listener and the Lord gave me the grace to stand the difficulties in the race. Then there was a day, she called me and said Princess, I want you to open your Bible to this chapter and read the words in it for me. I read it and it was about Elijah and Elisha.

    After reading, she said, ‘do you know what I want to pick out from this? It is how Elisha got the authority from Elijah.’ I told her some of the things I have heard about these men over the years and mama said: ‘You are now my Elisha, the focus of COWAN in the future. Are you going to wait till the time God takes your Elijah away from you?’ I told mama that I would and prayed that the Lord would show me the day my Elijah is going. She was talking in parables. She never called me to say ‘Princess, you would take over from me when I die.’ Instead she kept saying so many things in parables.

    However, through the mentoring, through the initiatives of COWAN, telling me the vision and mission of the organisation, I was encouraged to focus on COWAN. Then one day, she asked me, ‘Princess, are you sure you are going to stay with me?’ When I said yes, she was very happy and her face brightened immediately. Then she said, ‘do you know that you are my happiness.’ I asked her why she said so and she replied that whenever I was with her she forgets all the things that caused her sadness or sorrow in life. That I was putting joy in her heart and she was sure that COWAN would not die in future. I was not told directly that I would be the president of COWAN.

     All I know is that I have passion for the woman, the initiator of the organisation. Just before I met her, I had an organisation that I was running. It is called Princess HADE, formed from my names, Helen Adesola. I was introduced to her by one of my sisters, Olori Ronke Akindoju, the Olori Bankeemo, a village in Ile-Oluji, Okeegbo.

    The community is called Bankeemo. She came to my meeting, which I organised some years back. Then I empowered women with microcredit facilities to boost their businesses. She was the one who advised me to join COWAN, learn the ropes and touch women in other parts of the country, which was the focus of the organisation. Just before I met mama, I was into trading. I sold clothes, shoes, bags and other accessories. Then I was travelling to Dubai, London and I brought in imported lace and had a lot of customers for this. Later, I went into land speculation. I used my capital to buy land and sell. I have some of them in Lagos, Ibadan and Ondo.

    Where do you get the energy for all this?

    I emulate my grandmother, the Oba obirin of Ondo kingdom, where my mother comes from. She was very hardworking. She took me from my mother when I was aged six months. I have been with her through my childhood till I got married. After my marriage, the lord gave me the man of my choice, who has been supporting me. He has been good to me and the pillar of my success in COWAN, Prince Ade Ogunleye.

    Could this be because he is married to a beautiful woman?

    No, it is because I am hardworking and he knows the type of woman that he is married to. Beauty alone cannot allow a man to be at your side. You have to be hard working and when you tell your husband or anybody that you are going to the market, let it be market. Be trustworthy; be loyal to your husband and everybody around you.

    Where did you learn these values?

    I learnt them from my grandmother and I learnt from mama COWAN. The first time that I attended the COWAN meeting, I didn’t have much time and immediately after the meeting I took off. The next meeting I attended, I came voluntarily and they had sent me my membership number.  When I got the message, I told my husband that they had COWAN meeting in Ondo and I had to be there in Akure. It was a memorable meeting, but by the third meeting, I realised that when the meeting ended, everyone would go and they left her behind on the chair.

    She would now be looking for someone who would take her home. Sometimes, her driver may have left or her vehicle was not okay. So I asked her, “Mama, can I take you home?” She said, “I would appreciate it”, and I did this a second and third time. When I was about to leave the third time, she asked me to come back, that she wanted to talk to me. That was in 2005, and she started telling me stories about some of the memorable moments in the past. When I wanted to leave, she pleaded with me to stay the night with her. I told her that I have called Ondo that I was in Akure, then she said maybe it was because her house was not fine or that she did not have soup for a rich lady like me.

    I was touched and I pleaded with her to allow me to call my people and I stayed back. That night, we talked and talked; we slept around 1.am. She wanted to know if I would stay with COWAN and I said yes. From there, I had interest for mama, had passion for her work and the things that she stood for. She is a very strong woman and I saw that she was coping without even using drugs without anything. Then one day, I asked her what the magic was and she told me it was God. Then she invited me to a programme in her church at WOSEM, Obadare’s church. She told me to be there on the first of the next month. From there, I got interested in going to Koseunti programme. Then I went to a WOSEM conference in Ilesha and she asked me to be on her right side. She is the chairman of fundraising for WOSEM Worldwide. She said I want you to be my right partner and I said okay. She later went and mentioned me to the general secretary, Pastor Jare Olaoye. She told him that she wanted him to replace her in future with Princess. The man now asked mama what she was talking about. She said I don’t want her to leave this church and I want her to sit on my seat when I am gone. The man was laughing, saying mama; you are saying a story that cannot happen now. However, glory is to God today, the word she said was made a reality. They invited me and put me on the same seat that she used in WOSEM.

    Let’s also talk about some of the other memorable moments that you shared together

    There are so many. The one that I would like to talk about was when we went to Abuja for Nigeria’s 50th anniversary award and she was given an award. One I also considered as a miracle, there was a woman who hated mama so much, Mariam Abacha. She hated her so much that they locked her up in Aso Rock. The award in the banquet hall of that same Aso Rock, they asked Abacha’s wife to present the award to mama. Mama was angry. How can they tell Abacha’s wife to give her the award? She was angry and said that she would not take it. Then they came to me that your mother does not want to take the award and I told them that I would talk to her. I told her how she took me to the right hand of God and that this was the opportunity to prove God more. The Lord has made the enemy to be the one who would present you with an award. The president’s wife that says that you are nothing in their regime and then another president’s wife, Dame Jonathan, is recognising you. So when she was going to collect the award, Abacha’s wife held mama for about ten minutes, saying she was sorry. Mariam Abacha was in tears and mama was also in tears.

  • AISHA TOSAN – My life as a  ‘crime fighter’

    AISHA TOSAN – My life as a ‘crime fighter’

    Aisha Eyiwumi Tosan is the CEO of Bi-Communications, the producers of Crime Fighters. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, the former crime correspondent talks about how it all began, things that inspired her, some of her achievements and how to curb insecurity across the nation.

    LET’S talk about Crime Fighters. How has it been? We are 16 this year. It’s been challenging raising funds to put the programme on air.

    Let’s compare when you started and now. Has anything changed?

    Nothing has changed. What I foresaw that made me create the concept of Crime Fighters to educate members of the public to be security-conscious has not really changed. At the time that I started, we didn’t have kidnapping; there was no terrorism, no insurgency. It was just robbery and then people didn’t believe that they could take their destinies in their hands. They were waiting for the police to do everything for them. Has that really changed? No.

    The irony is that members of the public transfer the aggression that they have to the police, not knowing that the fact that the average policeman has done something wrong to you does not mean that you would not help the police. Whether you like it or not, when a crime is committed, it would affect you. If something happens in your environment and you refused to do something about it, then it would also affect you. As I say to people, crime has no colour; it doesn’t know whether you are black, red or yellow. Crime is not tribalistic; crime is crime. It could happen to you or anybody. It could happen to your friend, it could happen to your neighbour or your family member. You could even be the victim of crime yourself. Nigerians because they have the dislike for the police, because the police overtime are not doing well as it relates to human relations with members of the public, they tend to carry it over not knowing that you are doing yourself. I work with them. I know that some of them are terribly bad but I see beyond the Nigeria policeman because I know I could be a victim of crime. So, what I usually say to Nigerians is do not think of that policeman you see, think about the ripple effect of crime around you. Unfortunately, it is when they fall victim of crime that they begin to realise that if they had done something, it could be my turn tomorrow.

    Are you saying that we need to be our brother’s keeper when it comes to security?

    That is exactly what I am saying. You see someone committing crime and you look the other way. Then you say if I go to tell the police, they would reveal my identity. And I say to them, how many identities can the police officer reveal? If one thousand and one people besiege the police with the same report, the policeman, who you think would reveal your identity, would be tired. Most times, we are not fighting crimes in our own way and that is why you have the multiplicity of crimes going on. It is really horrible and I sit down sometimes and tell myself, Aisha, well done, because I saw some of these things then. Then I said to the society that this thing would engulf us, if we do not fight it.

    What motivated you then?

    As a reporter then, I did a lot of writing in Vanguard. At a point, I felt people were not reading and I felt that visuals would be more powerful than reading. So, I felt maybe I should transmit what I was doing to visuals and then people began to see what I was talking about when I moved to the electronic media. You could see the graphics and people were feeling it. But then again, they saw it as purely entertainment. They couldn’t see in between the lines; the message that I was passing across and talking about. You have a brother who is an armed robber and yet you are not doing something about it. You have young ladies befriend a man who is robbing and you do not see anything wrong with it. You get emotionally carried away because he sleeps with you and what he has done is not wrong. That is why you can see today that women have boyfriends and husbands who are kidnappers and women themselves now aid them.

    How has doing all this influenced your life?

    I think that the best thing that has ever happened to me is the fact that at a tender age of 22 years, I was posted to work with the police. It has helped me to guide my life, to guide my children, to guide my family members because it is a different university entirely. You get to see the good, the bad and the ugly. I was working with people who were not too decent in the society. You are seeing criminals and getting to hear all kinds of stories. Today, we are talking about rape, but if you have a seminar on robbery victims for this nation, you would hear so much. A lot of women have lost their husbands due to crimes like robbery. If they come out to tell you what they go through, you would weep for the society. So, it is something that has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Of course, I come from a military background. My father was in the army and because I come from that background, it helped me to do what I am doing.

    I’d like you to share one or two cases handled that you consider memorable

    I will give you one terrible one that I handled myself. Robbers went to the house of this particular victim, they killed him, made away with his property, raped his wife and raped his children. I did that story and it was very touching. We reconstructed it and a colleague said Crime fighters are parading innocent victims.

    Let’s talk about awards and recognitions that motivate you

    The only one that I would like to talk about now was when the United Nations through the office of Condolezza Rice, US Secretary of State, recognised what we were doing way back in Nigeria and sent an invite in 2003. That was quite thoughtful.

    If you had to advise Nigeria women, what would you tell them?

    I think women should be firm, they are not firm enough. And then they get carried away with religion. Don’t get carried away, be real with yourself. If you have a problem, you have been raped or your child is being raped, please stand up and fight for that child. You know what, it hurts. In future, if the lady is able to put it behind her, when she gets married, it would haunt her. Most times, you see some girls over reacting; they do things that are not normal and you begin to wonder why she is behaving like this. It is actually a fallout of what she has gone through or is still going through.

    What does rape mean to you?

    Rape is a crime. For the first time, we have a centre, The Mirabel Centre, that is talking about rape. Before now, it’s been a general affair where you have the federal and state government talking about it. Now, you have individuals who are coming up and doing something about it.

    Bringing perpetrators to book has been difficult and most times it is seen as a family matter. How can the trend change?

    I am happy you mentioned that it is a family matter. Sometimes, women themselves don’t stand up for themselves. If a crime is committed against you, then you need to fight for yourself. You really don’t need the family member to tell you to keep silent, to keep to yourself. When you talk about rape, you as a woman know what it is; the psychological effect and the fact that somebody that you really don’t want forcefully had sex with you. This would torment you for the rest of your life. Most of this rape may even lead to pregnancies.

    We have had cases where girls got pregnant because they were raped. They didn’t have the courage to tell people, then you want to keep it secret with your family members. The woman has to stand up, the mother of the girl has to fight for the girl. The lady who has been raped also needs to stand up and fight for herself. She doesn’t have to concede to everything her family says. That is the bane of our society.

    Don’t you see the trend changing?

    The trend won’t change until the girls stand up and say ‘no, though you are my father and my mother, I have been raped, I need you to fight for me.’