The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Drinking from the emotional stream

    IT is so good loving somebody and somebody loving you back’. The sweet echoes from the lyrics of Teddy Pendergrass’ great old song admonishes that love is better when the emotional scale is balanced. This week, you could feel the love thing in the atmosphere and love, the architect of people’s emotional fortune (or misfortune), has been set loose.

    Yet, you find that there are a number of people who still can’t drink from the river of love. They actually get to the emotional stream and identify someone they think match their dreams. But beyond these connections, their dreams just refuse to fly and it’s almost impossible to take what would have been an amazing connection to the next level.

    Perhaps they aren’t passionate about what they want? Not really! Sometimes they may even have the passion running all over their veins and still not get connected emotionally. To get the right connections usually require getting the right heart, a heart that is also willing to explore the possibilities that they share in common. Once this is established, then it would be easy to cruise on love’s control towers and not crash midway.

    For Shade, love has not really been fair. As you take a peep into emotional encounters, the pretty lady has been subjected to, you cannot help but cry a little. It has been tales of hit and run lovers, emotional fraudsters and a collection of pretenders to her emotional throne. Her heart has, indeed, seen better days but somehow she still needs to pick the emotional pieces hoping to find real love again.

    It got so bad, and now her memory is fading. Now what’s going to happen that she has discovered an amazing, single, attractive man, someone who wants to get close to her? But somehow she is still not so sure of what to expect. The question on her mind is whether this new man is going to see her as the woman to love and cherish or someone that should be used and dumped.

    For anyone in Shade’s shoes, it is important to look back on your love life to avoid the shortcomings you had in the past to recur. You need to be sure that you do not have a hand in creating some of the heartbreaks you’ve experienced. Once this has been established, then you can romantically move on to the next phase of your love life.

    The emotional current started fading out some months back and she knew at that point that they had actually come to the end of the road. “I just noticed that he had changed towards me and everything I said or did made him angry. Even when I kept quiet, he would make up a story and would read meanings to any response I offered. He didn’t use to behave this way and I knew that somebody somewhere had stolen his heart. I just had to let go because it became traumatic trying to win a heart that had metamorphosed from love to deep hatred.”

    A quick diagnosis of this emotional ailment and you find that they were not operating on the same love frequency and channel. The girl tuned off, thinking she had captured her Mr. Right when he needed her most. Not satisfied with the miserly emotions doled out, he looked elsewhere and found exactly what he had been looking for. By the time the gal realised that another bird had filled in this vacuum, it was already too late.

    Like Shade, Kenneth has come to the realisation that love, like life, isn’t constant. Sometimes, you win some and there are times when there is really nothing you can do about it. What you get to an emotional crossroads then you just have to be brave and move on. It may actually be an opportunity to find someone who is more precious than the heart you are crying all over the place for.

    While it is possible to win a particular heart for a lifetime, some hearts are quite restless, energetic and very adventurous. Just when you think you have found what you are looking for or dreaming about, it zooms off like a butterfly looking for another beautiful flower to perch on.

     So, it is therefore common to find lovers lost on the emotional island .Unfortunately, you cannot fly alone. What about a by hook-or-crook way out of the emotional woods? Oh no! It is impossible to move at your pace; on the love path you can only fly with someone who is willing to fly. If the one you love has other ‘interests’, then you may just let this lovebird be.

    The scenario can also be compared to walking on a broken bridge; here crossing over to the other side can be a real torment if you are lucky. But if you are not, then you can be sure that one of the lovebirds or both of them would fall off.

  • Pursue your destiny (XVI)

    Hello Miss Temilolu,

    Well done! Repeatedly, I offer a silent fervent prayer in my heart that God gives this young, educated and beautiful lady the grace to live according to the content of her articles whenever I read your write-ups in the Girls Club of the Nation newspaper. Remain strong always and be richly blessed.

    Pastor Ayuk (Ikom, Ikom L.G.A.)

    Dear Temilolu,

    In your “Pursue your destiny (XV),” which though you haven’t concluded, I am forced to ask why God’s will on Adam led him to failure. I am saying this because a reader wrote to you to be neutral and I can see you can’t do without referring to the bible. How about pre-bible marriages that went well? I hope the will of God wouldn’t end on visions and dreams. Thanks my dear.

    U. Atine

    Dear Nigerians,

    I am most delighted to be with you again today, the beginning of the best days of your life. I thank my brothers for their messages and thoughts about my articles. We are all going somewhere great and we shall be richly blessed in Jesus name. Quite frankly, a lot of people have made choices without waiting for God and made a success out of their marriages and other endeavors. However, it is very risky for a glorious destiny to handle issues of life that way. This is because such a life is constantly bombarded by attacks from our common enemy- the devil who wants to ensure he/she makes choices that could cause accidents on the highway of life and divert such a destiny from what God originally planned it to be. We all have choices to make in this life and should also be ready to bear the consequences. However, you will agree with me that no one can have “good success” outside God who reveals Himself through the scriptures. He created us and specially designed us in a unique manner, so He knows what best suits us and who/what will assist us to manifest our original glory. He won’t come down to fix things for us but inspires us through His word.

    “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”

    Joshua 1:8

    I must also mention that God gives the RIGHT spouse but not a PERFECT marriage. God would not give you the wrong spouse if you ask Him for the choice to make and patiently wait for Him. Now, when He gives the right partner, it is left for both of them to WORK OUT a good/perfect/successful marriage by daily obeying God’s counsels for marriage. The scriptures clearly state rules for living and as long as neither of the spouses deviates from them, they would surely make a huge, “good success” in spite of challenges which we are told to expect but have been conquered for us.

    You’d recall at the beginning of this series- “Pursue your destiny,” I mentioned that one of the major reasons why ladies make the wrong choice of spouse is because they haven’t even discovered themselves let alone adequately prepared for marriage emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. So, we may not be able to discuss the issues on making the right choice of spouse as raised last week till we are done with re-building our spirits and having an awakened and rejuvenated soul. You will agree with me that once that’s in place, we can’t be confused about making the right choice. In fact, I dare say, the right choice will locate us with speed as the heavy presence of God we carry would attract God’s choice when God is ready to get us married. Abi? How nice!

    I welcome you all to school on Sunday. In the last few weeks, we’ve been discussing Spiritual Intelligence however; I noticed that so many who are deep spiritually, even prophets have one negative element or the other in their spirit which could not only weigh them down spiritually and slow them down physically but could also stop them from manifesting the wonderful things God has been showing them about their lives. Girls, if you want to manifest your original destiny and maintain a glorious life, you have to be ready to deal with a lot that could get in your way and the best time is now when you are still impressionable. Once you recognize these and deal with what should be dealt with, your move on the highway of life will be smooth and you will be so unstoppable. May God visit you tonight and show you your original.

  • Hiding behind the emotional relief valve

    DOTUN got home tired that Friday evening and went straight to bed. He woke up about three hours later, recalling a sweet dream about Foluke, his ex girlfriend. They had a wonderful time together for two years before it ended abruptly a few months ago. She was a girl that he cherished totally and had never had a relationship that was this good.  Now, this is no longer the emotional story. Things have really fallen apart and they are never likely to go to this romantic experience again.

    Now, as he looks back at the sweet memories and the events that transpired in the past few months, he realised that it was all deception. That warmth that he held on to so much was never meant to last. It was a fleeting, temporary (hormone-driven) season, as they all are.

    The beginning of every relationship can be exciting and full of great expectations. There is charm, high hopes and warmth that you imagine would linger for years or forever. Just while you are getting so used to this fantasyland experience, something jostles you back to reality.

    Now, you are in a session where almost every dream melts into tears, fights and bitterness that change your definition of love. Experts naturally blame it on the dopamine surge coursing through our love-struck brains, or chalk it up to hindsight nostalgia and a well-edited memory.

     Regardless of whatever you are going though in the relationship that you have found yourself, it is better to dwell on the positive side of the emotional bargain. This is what is required to take you through the specific season in your emotional lives.

    It can be traumatic falling into the shadowy parts of a relationship, things can even get so bad that you think it is all over and still survive the emotional odds in style. This is the point where you emerge victories on the emotional edge and still conquer the heart that you imagined had slipped away.

    It is quite difficult to know all of the intricate, deeply seeded reasons for failures and unhappiness even when you have put in so much into the relationship basket. The crux of the matter is that happiness is wildly inconsistent and subjective. That, naturally, may be the reason why a lot of people wish that there are some grand happiness formulas they pick and apply to their relationships.

    Sadly, chronic unhappiness can be devastating in the long run. It starts like a joke and gradually simmers under the surface of our lives, building up pressure, and each heavy sigh becomes an emotional relief valve.

    From experience and talking with people around you, there are some consistent habits among the chronically unhappy. One is trying to get back old feelings.

    One big problem for many is that they usually have a lot of expectations that are unrealistic. Most of our ‘happily ever after’ expectations are shattered within a year or two, but what about the high expectations we have for our loved ones? The things they should do and say and think, and how we expect them to be at any given time.

    Of course, we all know that some expectations are good and appropriate. They actually keep us accountable and striving for growth. But what about the expectations that our partners are consistently falling short of? We think things like, “He should be more romantic,” and “If he loved me, he would want to help with the laundry,” and, to varying degrees, “He should do and think exactly as I do and do it how I want it done, the minute I want it done.”

    However, we need to sit down and think about the other person. In the process of doing this, we would find that many of our expectations are a quite unreasonable.

    At some point in every relationship, we have to evaluate our expectations and recognise when they’re making us chronically disappointed. We have to define what absolutely cannot be tolerated, clearly communicate that, and then accept our partners for who they are right now, not who we think they should be.

    While we’re at it, what about the expectations we place on ourselves? This is also very important and it would help us to shape things better and get the best of the emotional opportunity.

    Some people also have the belief that they can only be happy once the other person changes. If only he would make more money or stop spending money or work on his rage issues, then we would be happy together. If only he didn’t have so many problems, then things would be easier. As much as this feels true, it’s not. Our partners were never meant to complete us, to fill our holes, to make us happy. We’re responsible for our own emotions and well-being. It is therefore very important to stop fixating

  • PURSUE YOUR DESTINY (XV)

    Madam,

    I like your articles on “Pursue your destiny,” they are very thought-provoking and inspiring. May God give you more wisdom. Keep it up.

    Anonymous

     

    Dear Temilolu,

    I read your article – “Pursue your destiny (XIV) and I find it very insightful and interesting. A major problem the female folk face today is “marriage.” Please discuss the issue – where to get a good partner, how to dress, how to talk in public and the type of friends to move with. But please don’t narrow your message to the Bible. Be neutral. May God’s mercies shine upon you. Thanks.

    Nureni Obaagun

    My great Nigerian sisters and every wonderful fan of this page-God’s page,

    I can assure you it is your turn to shine and you will arise and shine in Jesus name. In the last few weeks, we’ve been discussing Spiritual Intelligence which is the only vehicle that can transport us to our place of destiny. Any other vehicle will either crash or take us on a path completely different from the one designed by God for each one of us and would eventually wreak havoc. You can gather from the articles in the last few weeks on developing spiritual intelligence that it is not an easy task and it is one which requires a lot of commitment. Unfortunately, at a time when technology advances from age to age when this type of intelligence should also advance, it is on the decline amongst the youth and even the adults. Because of this, too many are behind God’s wonderful plans for their lives. Now, if your eyes are not open in the spirit to know God’s divine plan for your life, how can you chart the right course? It is most tragic to leave our lives to time and chance. We must note that every man’s destiny is tied to a time frame and if we don’t fulfil it at the appointed time, we may never fulfil it. I appreciate my brothers for their messages and agree with Mr. Nureni that marriage which was designed by God to make our lives beautiful is practically marring the lives of both males and females and diverting the course of their glorious destinies.

    A lot of ladies get married for the wrong reasons or better still fail to realise what they are getting into. Some get married because they are so much in love and can’t wait to spend the rest of their lives with the love of their life, some because their parents can’t wait to get them out of the house especially when they want to be relieved of their financial burden while some just want to have children before it’s too late and some others because of societal pressure. Hmm…Sigh. It is so nice to be married but marrying the wrong person could be likened to “hell on earth.”

    Most ladies are more particular about marrying a guy that’s handsome, caring, has a good job, bright prospects, “loaded,” etc. than the will of God for their destinies. We all have an idea of the sort of man we want to end up with and there’s nothing wrong with that but we must not forget the importance of God’s choice. Some ladies see their beauty as a commodity and go for the highest bidder who the devil might have arranged in one way or the other to truncate their destinies. A lot of women are unhappy in marriage today because of their wrong analysis. A man would do anything to win the heart of a lady he wants and most ladies get carried away by kind acts, love, attention and gifts and just conclude that he is the right person. This is a very fatal way to handle suitors. Only God knows the heart of every man and I mean both gender.

    “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” I the Lord search the heart……” Jeremiah 17:9-10

    My brother wants me to be neutral and not narrow the issue of marriage down to the scriptures but I tell you that’s impossible. This is because as soon as God created man, He reckoned it was not good for him to be alone and created a help meet.

    “And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18

    I checked different versions of the Bible and we have “helper suitable for him,” “helper just right for him,” “helper fit for him,” “helper as his complement,” “helper who is like him,” etc. Now, how do we know our right partner without having recourse to God? Unfortunately, a lot of women who thought they had the right spiritual channels which could help them make the right choice had their fingers burnt. All human beings have limited revelatory knowledge to start with and no one is infallible – even the greatest prophets. And also you never can tell the power behind that prophet you think can never go wrong. There’s so much to discuss on this issue and I promise to write on the points raised above. Are you married to the wrong person and wish you could turn back the hands of time? Let God take over your entire life and you will be pleasantly amazed at how you will experience “heaven on earth.”

  • ‘Success without mentoring is tragic’

    ‘Success without mentoring is tragic’

    Izehi Hannah Agunkejoye is the Executive Director of Ladies Helpline Initiative, an organisation which seeks to empower and develop women in communities as well as discover innate talents that can help to transform their lives. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about the impact made and some of the challenges encountered.

    What is your organisation about?

    It was established to groom and prepare young women ahead of future challenges socially, morally, economically, spiritually and career wise. Our target audience are the younger generation of women which include secondary school female students, female undergraduates, NYSC members and the generality of the young women folk.

    What we do is to go to some secondary schools and campuses as well as youth camps to create awareness on the need to abstain from pre-marital sex, discourage abortions, nurture and develop creative women leaders. In addition, we also initiate economic empowerment and career solutions via the instrument of seminars, workshops, conferences, research pilot projects and capacity building programmes.

    The initiative is committed to equipping young female entrepreneurs with moral values and leadership skills, which will make them become effective, value-driven women leaders and make them catalysts for change and improvement of the quality of life irrespective of their background.

    How did the idea start?

    The idea was borne out of previous unpalatable circumstance that surrounded my gaining admission into the Nigerian university. I made my papers at ‘O’ levels at once but I found it difficult securing admission.  I went to several schools within the space of six to seven years trying to secure a place to further my education, at last it came! I gained admission to study Sociology at the University of Ilorin. But what happened within those years of waiting, only God can tell. I had terrible experiences and temptations with people, especially men who wanted to ‘help’ me secure a place with mouth-watering promises, but eventually ended up in futility. Thank God for my parents who brought me up in the fear of God and I had a vision and a goal before me: to be a model to my generation and as well get married as a virgin which I did by God’s grace at the age of twenty-nine to a wonderful hubby!

    I believe young ladies can also be determined to stay sexually pure and out of pre-marital sex if only they dare to do so. When someone gives you a tokunbo car and a brand new car, which one will you go for? The new car of course! I dare young females to stay out of pre-marital sex and its vices; they will attract the right person. In life, you attract who you are and not what you want. So, young ladies of this generation should be able to set goals ahead of them, but they need to be equipped to handle the pressure of life especially at this age.

     What are some of the projects that you have carried out?

    We have our outreaches for both male and female young folks.

    Actually, as a growing initiative, we are carrying out sensitisation programmes in schools, at students’ workshop and seminars and even in churches as well. When we are invited, we deliver value and a timely solution to various degrees of challenges facing the youths, especially females. As you know, these groups of people are vulnerable and they need to be equipped to prepare for the great future that God has in store for them.

    How would you assess women in leadership position in the country today?

    Success without a successor is an incomplete success! If a woman is successful in her field of career or in her endeavours, she should be able to replicate the same in younger women. There are women who have been placed in high positions in the society but do not bother to mentor others. Some may never mentor other young ones, till they pass on. It is a social tragedy.

    Women in leadership should be able to show true leadership in all spheres of life. These women should be able to teach young females through mentoring or any other positive way of balancing work and family. These are the values we want to impart to young people. This is because you don’t prepare for battle at the battle front; you equip yourself before the battle begins.

    However, there are some women in leadership positions who contribute in their own little way to the society. As little as it seems to be, it will go a long way.

    On the contrary, we have some women who look down on others because of what they have achieved. This ought not to be so. At Ladies Helpline Initiative, we seek to bring women in position closer to the younger folks to initiate and encourage mentoring, teaching these young ones what it takes to be a high flyer in life and not just a mediocre. A word of advice to women in leadership: Life is not about your duration but your donation!

    Who or what would you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

    Equipping and nurturing young females with value-driven leadership skills and the right knowledge is our greatest competitive edge, even for me as an individual.

    I believe dreams come true. My greatest influence in life is creating the space or room for self-development because learning is till death. I need to keep my mind young by equipping myself with necessary information that will add value to me as a person as well as to my community.

     If you had to advise Nigerian women, what would you tell them?

    As much as they can, Nigerian women should be our sisters’ keepers. We should learn to mentor the younger ones because today’s girls are tomorrow’s women. As we know from long and indisputable experience, investing in women has an amplifier effect of productivity & sustainable economic growth is a quote from UN Secretary General, Ban Ki-Moon, that I like.

    So, I believe that investing in women and girls is a good investment for our future. However, the boys should not be left out. Women should see themselves as assets in their homes and communities. You can’t become a leader overnight; you need to develop yourself to become one. Most women don’t read these days; they believe they are only meant to be in the kitchen.

    Nigerian women should rise up to the task and see themselves as global change agents irrespective of who they are and where they are.

    Women generally should have a winning mentality.

    What are the other things that occupy your time?

    I read a lot! Also, I love to write. I also love meeting people. Whenever I am less busy I read anything good that is worth reading. I love to write, hence, I have published few books such as:

    The Beauty of Virginity, 10 Golden Principles for Smart Ladies, How to be Naturally Beautiful as a Lady, The Confident Teenage Girl, Little Book of Wisdom for the 21st Century Lady, The Inspiring African Woman;(true life experiences of leading women), Little Book of Wisdom for Teen Girls, among others.

    More books will be published as time goes on. My purpose of writing and publishing these books is to inform the minds of young people, especially females, that she can add value positively to people around her irrespective of who you are and where you are. I believe in the future of these young people because when we invest in them now, we would reap a harvest of value-driven global women leaders who would be change agents in their society, who would stand up to make right decisions. The choices we make affect us and those around us. So, the need for continuous preparation is vital in order to see the desired change that is needed in our dear society.

    What did you study and where have you worked in the past?

    I studied Sociology at the University of Ilorin, Kwara State. I also had my PGD in Theology and Leadership from The Redeemed Christian Bible College. Though, currently am running my Masters in Public Policy: International Non-Governmental Organisation from Walden University, USA.

    Prior to this time, I had my certifications from NESBURG School of Business and Management in Persuasion and Communications, as well as in certification in Innovation Management & Entrepreneurship. Also, I am a member of the Chartered Institute of Personnel Management of Nigeria and a member of Cherie Blair Mentoring Women in business.

  • ‘How to empower women politically’

    ‘How to empower women politically’

    The Director General of National Institute for Legislative Studies (NILS), Abuja, Dr Ladi Hamalai, is an associate professor and the pioneer Project Coordinator of the Policy Analysis and Research Project (PARP) at the National Assembly. The recipient of many national honours spoke with Sunday Oguntola on women in politics as well as the activities of the institute.

    How were school years for you?

    School was fun and a lot of hard work. I have fond memories of my school days. In school, I received best student commendation at graduation and was nominated for the Federal Ministry of Education Merit Award in 1980.

    I attended University of Wisconsin, Madison, USA, one of the top ten universities in the USA between 1984 and 1985, where I obtained a Masters Degree in Political Science with a focus on Policy Studies and the Institute of Development Studies (IDS), University of Sussex, Brighton, U.K. from 1989 and 1993.

    IDS is one of the most referred to Institutes of Development Studies in the World. The Association of Commonwealth Universities sponsored me. I obtained a Doctor of Philosophy in Development Studies. I worked on economic policy making in Nigeria with a special focus on Government-Business Relations within the context of Economic Reform from 1986 – 1990.

    In 1976, I was nominated for the Federal Ministry of Education award while I was at Bayero University, Kano (BUK).  In 1980, I got the Department of Political Science best student commendation and in 1981 the Association of Commonwealth University Scholarship Award as well as   the 21st Century Trust Fellowship, 1990.

    What remarkable career paths have you taken since graduation?

    I started work as NYSC Graduate Assistant at Bayero University Kano on the special request of the Department of political science where I graduated, I proceeded to University of Maiduguri as a Graduate Assistant in the Department of political science on completion in 1982 and rose to the rank of Lecturer 1 in 1996.

    I assumed duty on transfer of service at the Nigerian Defence Academy in 1998 as Senior Lecturer. I was favourably assessed for the rank of Associate Professor with effect from October200 1 before I left to assume duty as a Director in SMEDAN.

    I started work as the Director, Planning, Coordination and Monitoring in SMEDAN, The Presidency from January 2004 though I assumed responsibilities at the Agency since November 2003.

    I was appointed as Project Coordinator, Policy Analysis and Research Project (PARP), National Assembly 2004-2011 after which I was appointed Director General, National Institute for Legislative Studies from 2011 till date.

    I was a visiting Associate Professor at the Jubilee University Taraba State in 2009 and currently a Visiting Associate Professor at the Nigerian Defence Academy Kaduna.

    Many are wondering what actually the National Institute for Legislative Studies (NILS) is all about. So, what is the justification for the establishment of the institute?

    The National Institute for Legislative Studies (NILS) is an organ of the National Assembly established by an Act of Parliament. The Act establishing the National Institute for Legislative Studies was passed by both houses of the National Assembly and signed into law by President Goodluck Jonathan on March 2, 2011.

    NILS builds on the successes of the Policy Analysis and Research Project (PARP). PARP, a capacity building institution of the National Assembly, with the financial support of the African Capacity Building Foundation (ACBF) was established in 2003.

    For over seven years PARP’s programmes strengthened the capacities of legislators and legislative staff through requisite research and analytical support and projected the positions and proposals advanced by the National Assembly.

    What is the vision of the National Assembly concerning the NILS and its responsibility to legislators?

    The institute seeks to promote and disseminate among the Nigerian Legislature the practice of science- based methodologies of law-making while improving the capacity of Legislators to sustain and consolidate democratic governance through deliberation and policy formulation.

    We also want to improve the technical capacity of legislative staff, committee secretaries and political aides to process appropriation bills and assist in policy oversight of the executive and assisting the National and State Assemblies in their efforts to formulate and draft bills.

    In special terms, what are the trainings and the essential services available at the institute?

    Some of the key services provided by NILS cover the following capacity building, teaching and research, publications etc.  In terms of capacity building, the NILS organises two types of training programmes for the legislature, national programmes and international programmes.

    The national courses are those organised within Nigeria and target legislators and parliamentary staff in the National and State Assemblies and Local Councils. These take the form of supply-driven open programmes and demand-driven tailored programmes.

    Are there publications the institute can boast of?

    Presently, the NILS has over 50 titles published on different aspects of legislative practice in Nigeria. Some of NILS’ important publications include the Nigeria Journal of Legislative Affairs.

    The Nigerian Journal of Legislative Affairs (NJLA) was established in 2011 with the sole aim of being at the forefront of cutting-edge research in all aspects of legislative research and development, particularly as they pertain to emerging democracies and legislatures.

    It provides a forum for publication of timely, rigorous, technically sound and scientific research manuscripts that focus on the legislature. The activities and functions of the National Assembly are information and data based. There must be a data bank.

    Why is the number of females in the National Assembly low?

     Women are nation builders. Although the female representatives are forthright and vocal, their low number compared to their male counterparts stalls the level of influence they wield in the House.  There is need to sensitise women on policies that will advance the course of women in the country.

    On women empowerment and the visibility of women in elective positions, the factors militating against women seeking elective positions would be greatly minimised if women support each other more. The effort given by the political parties and by the President to women is pushing women more to the forefront.

    The National Assembly has experienced some stability in the last couple of years. To what will you attribute this?

    What you are seeing is legislative memory. Once legislators come in and they are given one, two years learning experiences, they begin to gain confidence, understand the system and understand their works. They develop the confidence to represent their communities better.

    The difference between the National Assembly of 1999 and 2014 is capacity building. The National Assembly leadership has done a lot of work on capacity building, which is why the reason for the stability and maturity that is now being witnessed in the Assembly.

    The National Assembly had the wisdom of establishing PARP, which is funded and supervised by the African Capacity Building Foundation. PARP has done so well in building   capacity after successful tenure of two terms that the National Assembly still went ahead and established the NILS and processing the National Assembly Budget Office and several donor agencies that give training on capacity.

    We now have several PhD holders as members. About 20% of Senators have Masters. There is a steep decline in members who have secondary school certificate as their highest academic qualifications. Those who have been in public service even those who have served as governors, ministers are now coming into the National assembly.

    So definitely, you cannot compare the first Assembly with the current ones. In fact, each assembly is better than the previous one. So no two Assemblies are the same. And the facts are there for people to see.

    Why do we have less female lawmakers, especially at the National Assembly?

    Women are late – comers to politics. And we must look at them in that way because women are just waking up and getting started in these key functions and participating in them only very recent.

    These are traditionally male dominant functions in our society. This is not intended to make women feel low or discouraged but this is stating the fact of the matter. And if women are late comers, you don’t expect women to perform magic and get to the desired place over night. It doesn’t happen like that.

    You can’t expect women to start competing with the men or rubbing shoulders with them overnight. You can’t expect them to learn to sit, crawl, stand and walk in the same day. Yes, those things will happen but those things take time.

    Traditionally, women have always depended on men. Women depend on men for their financial and welfare resources. If you are dependent on men, you cannot compete effectively.  Even globally, women are at the level of 5%. Even in all the top executive positions in Nigeria’s private sector or owners of industries or big businesses, women are less than 5%, so how can they compete favourably?

     So if you don’t assist women through legislation, or election, you can’t expect them to succeed. What you see today is political parties reserving positions for women and giving them support all the way.

    Except the parties take decisive action and take extra measure to deliberately help women through legislation and politics, you won’t expect them to learn to sit, crawl and walk and run at the same time. This is the only way to improve the chances of women into appointive positions.

    How do you rate women politically?

    Our women politicians are trying. They are performing excellently. You can see that they have distinguished themselves.  They had to go through the labyrinth, because it’s a labyrinth because of all the means and corners that you have to manuvouer to go through to find they way up and get your bearing.

    You can see that quite a number of strong women have emerged in our system in the executive arm, the legislature arm. They have made useful impact and made value additions in our institutions.

    Can you imagine what would have happened if these women were there to contribute all that they have brought into governance? They have made meaningful contributions to their constituencies. So we should support them. Women should learn to support them.  It is the least we can do for ourselves.

  • Sorting out the bumps and rough patches

    Good romance can be compared to that haute couture design that you cherish so much and you feel like wearing all the time. It is personal, attractive and something that makes you the cynosure of eyes, each time you step out in it. You love to flirt around in it, show off and be proud to say it is yours. Conversely, an outfit that is so common and found on almost everyone, feels cheap and you would definitely want to have it tucked away, in the corner.

    The latter obviously depicts romance that has gone sour and brings bitter memories, each time it flashes in your mind. Looking down memory lane, you almost wish, you never had anything to do with it, because it is not worth the while. A wonderful experience is all about creating a mood, touching the senses, cradling the heart, and mingling with each other’s souls; so, be creative.

    Romance and intimacy are important spices, that are necessary to produce a lasting impression, on the person you love and admire. To enjoy a relationship, whatever you are giving must be reciprocated by the other party.

    Here, we are talking about the quality of the portion of love, that is being doled out which must be matched with trust, mutual respect and appreciation of the good deeds. You can therefore be sure that all is well, when you add all the parts together and you have a wonderful outcome.

    There are times when the affectionate lane is dull and unattractive. When you get to this emotional juncture, you sure need to fashion out ways to cross over, without tears. Tears? Yes, they are a necessary part of the emotional itinerary but there is no point crying, for the sake of it.

     How far you go at this point depends on your partner. You definitely need to be there, for one another no matter the odds .If it is the woman who feels like walking out then it means that she needs more attention to find her emotional bearing. Here her better half needs to do more than cuddling, just a little bit. Well if you are the type that is not used to showing off this way, then you may just have to fake it.

    The crux of the matter, is that women need to feel loved and cared about, all the time. Some people believe that with age things should be different. No, it has nothing to do with age at all.  From time to time, you need to give her a little pat on the back, compliment her when she’s doing some task or give her a wonderful kiss, before you walk out of the door.

    This certainly would help to sustain the emotional circle and renew the sparks, from time to time. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not understand this, when things begin to fall apart. Of course, there are a number of signs to look out for, and once you come to the realization that all is not well, then it is better to mend the emotional fence, before it comes crumbling down.

    The big question here is what you watch out for at this stage. Naturally, there are different phases in every relationship. You need to be on the alert especially when the love of your life ,starts to appear more interested in his friends and relatives than in you. Sometimes, there may just be no cause for alarm and it may just be that, your partner needs some space.

    At that point, all he or she needs is some time to rediscover themselves especially after a period of intense intimacy. It would surely be a time to take stock and reassess the love process. It is something done to recharge and they are likely to come back better and brighter, in the relationship.

    It could also be that, there is an uncertainty that needs to be cleared. This could be because the person is feeling, that he or she is not in the right place and is probably thinking of exploring another relationship option.

    Here it is obvious that, the person is not getting fulfillment and there is an emotional vacuum that needs to be filled. The truth of the matter is that, almost every relationship hits bumps and rough patches, at one point or the other.

     However if you spend quality time,building special moments and memories, you will have these times to reflect back upon and those moments will certainly help carry the two of you over the hurdles and obstacles.

    Expert’s advice that keeping the romance alive is an important aspect of a relationship. You need to constantly make time for each other. You have to be willing to set aside special time for each other. The problem however is that couples become too busy with their everyday activities and it becomes easier to sacrifice the romance as opposed to finding and making the time for each other.

    There is no straight jacket answer to relationship and the many puzzles we encounter from time to time. Problems in relationships are inevitable, yet it is possible to remain satisfied in your relationship, in spite of differences?

    Your love for each other doesn’t have to be overwhelmed by your differences. The key is to continually work it out and be mature when the uncertainties come your way. It can also get better when you acknowledge that there is a problem and you both talk about it..a

  • PURSUE YOUR DESTINY (XIV)

    “The God who created the ancient hills, unto Him I give all my praise

    Who deserves all my praise than my heavenly father? Who on earth

    Can truly take all my praise? The God who created the ancient hills,

    Unto Him I give all my praise.”

    AS you join in singing the above song loud and clear to the hearing of the heavens, so shall your success reverberate all over the world in Jesus name. Today, the first day of a new month marks the beginning of the best days of your life. I welcome you to school on Sunday.

     Developing Spiritual Intelligence (Contd.)

      4. Live a quiet life (contd.)

    “For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel …in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength:” Isaiah 30:15

    Confidence here means your faith in God. Faith is a firm persuasion and expectation, that God will perform all He has promised us in Christ. It proves to the mind, the reality of things that cannot be seen by the physical eyes. That is, just as you see physical things with your eyes, faith sees what your soul sees in the spiritual realm. It is what conditions your heart and soul to receive all what God has in store for you. God told us in the scriptures that He knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb and has ordained us as prophets to nations.Jeremaiah 1:5 Wow, get ready!

     5. Abstain from lust of the flesh

    “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;”

    1 Peter 2:11

    We have to deny our flesh for the things of the spirit. Lust is a strong sexual desire. It makes you do things that go against God. Take it or leave it, if you want your original destiny to shine and be free from oppression, you will never have anything to do with ungodly sex. By that I mean any sex outside marriage. Also, it is also important to let you know this includes masturbation and any form of sexual satisfaction. Our manual for living clearly states it wars against our soul which is what connects us to God. Now if we allow our flesh conflict with the spirit of God which is the force behind our journey in life, can we make any good out of life? The point is if you want to grow in the spirit of God, you can’t have a boyfriend because he will not only steal the time, concentration and energy you ought to spend with God, he will make you do things that will make you succumb to your flesh. Now, I am not talking about 2 people who have presented themselves to God for marriage and are doing things His way. However, if your spouse-to-be is getting in your way with God or disturbing your spirituality in one form or the other, you should check again with God and be sure he is the right partner.

    Girls, we all have choices to make in life. It may sound strange that you are being advised against having boyfriends and instead encouraged to grow in the spiritual. All I know is that being in charge of your destiny and having spiritual dominion is what guarantees the best things in life including peace, joy, good health, good education, great wealth that you can never exhaust till you die, all the love in the world and the best husband in the world. It is what enables your star shine, makes you famous in the world and heavenly-celebrated. So, you have a choice to follow whichever path suits you.

     6. Be a member of a praying church

    Unfortunately, a lot of churches today are so distracted by all sorts such that they are no better than a worldly social gathering. It must be noted that a church is as alive as its prayer power and the spirit of prayer in the church is the means of its innermost yearning for fellowship with God. The raw demonstration of the power of God as a result of  intense prayers increase your faith and makes your spirit man hunger for the super-natural.Your prayer fire quickens you in the super-natural and makes you move with speed such that the devil will find it hard to put obstacles in your way or confuse you. Don’t forget iron sharpens iron and corporate anointing usually brings down the power of God. And once the power of God constantly settles on your life as you live a holy life, you not only flow easily in the things of the spirit, you also become a power generator. By being a member of a praying church, you easily become a prayer warrior and I tell you, a prayer warrior is the master of all prophets. This is because if you can see things in the spiritual realm and prophesy and you can’t pray them to manifest, then you just saw them and they may never come to pass. So, please acquaint yourself with a praying church.

    7. Listen to divinely inspired music

    Saturate your mind with worship songs and hymns that will lift up your spirit and invoke the presence of God upon your life and not music that will fuel lust in you or make you gaga going crazy!

  • Escaping from a dead heart

    THE sea brings to mind lots of water, different species of fishes and other creatures. Naturally, the picture that comes to mind is an environment that is rich physically depicting all kinds of emotional gestures. Its natural environment is bound to be a booster for affection, attraction, infatuation and fondness.

    However, if your affection is located on the Dead Sea you are not likely to go far. No matter what you do and the efforts you put in, you are not likely to find any fish (heart) not to talk of locating your dream fish (heart).

    The Dead Sea historically has attracted visitors (hearts) from all over the world for thousands of years. It is known as the salt lake famous for incredibly high levels of salt. The deepest hypersaline lake in the world. This salinity makes for a harsh environment in which animals of any kind cannot flourish.

    However, it has been the supplier of a wide variety of products like balms for Egyptian mummification, potash for fertilizers, cosmetics and herbal products.

    The scarcity of aquatic life in the Dead Sea can be compared with relationships that have no future from the outset. The question here is how do you get into dead relationships? How do you determine who or what to avoid in the search for a befitting heart? A heart that would bring joy and not tales of sorrow, tears and blood; a loving heart and not a cheap sadist masquerading to be sweet and nice just because he or she is planning to rip you off someday.

    32-year-old Josephine’s heart is sinking miserably on the affectionate Dead Sea. She has actually given up all hope of finding love again after three cases of misplaced affection. “The last relationship was the most painful. We had saved some resources together to rent a house and start a family. We also travelled to see his parents and family members about three months before everything crashed like a pack of cards. It was at that point that I realised that he had been deceiving me all along.”

    On his part, he did not wait to give this poor heart any explanation about the whole emotional mess. Instead, he got a ticket and travelled out of the country, far away from this dying or ‘dead’ heart.

    Now she thinks that she has found love again but sadly her affection sadly is with the wrong heart.  “I am in love with my sister’s husband and I don’t know what to do about the situation. The man keeps making flirtatious gestures towards me and I am so confused. Deep inside, something tells me to say yes because he is what I have been wishing for all my life.”

    That is not all! “I think that my sister is very ungrateful and she treats him badly. Each time you pay them a visit, he is always complaining about how tired he has become of her. It is sad that my sister does not appreciate him at all and she does not value what she has.”

    Emotional traitor! There are so many of them around looking for hearts to be stolen and hijacked for themselves. Sadly, a lot of people live, wine and dine with traitors. They entrust their lives and hearts to charlatans who end up plotting their betrayal in a very wicked way. Hearts that hide mischievously in the background planning how to steal what belongs to the other.

    How can you continue to smile sheepishly at somebody, seduce him or her and not expect a reaction? Whether the reaction is positive or negative is another matter entirely. “How can she smile cheaply at your man claiming that you do not appreciate what you’ve got?”

    How on earth can someone stoop so low and lose her heart to a sister’s boyfriend, fiancé or husband?  Or even a friend’s husband for that matter? What kind of friend could that be? Here it would be better to hug the enemy instead of settling for this kind of friendship.

    Besides, who made you the judge of whether or not she appreciates him or not? Are you the emotional spy, the forerunner who must step into her emotional shoes? As a good and loyal sister or friend, your only duty is not to be trusted, be loyal and stop looking for excuses to justify your lust for her man.

    She continued: “I have been in four different relationships in the past six years but I have not succeeded in having any stable relationship. The relationships all start on a very bright note but when I think have gotten it right, things just begin to fall apart.”

    However, she noticed that men who have a soft spot for her are usually already engaged. “When my best friend got married a few years ago, I met the best man and I really liked him. Then I began to pray that she would throw the bouquet in my direction. There and then he would begin to propose to me and marry me later.”

    Was this a dream come true? No, it wasn’t! “When I made enquiries from my friend, I realised that he was already married. To my utmost surprise, he also liked me so much and he wanted us to be friends. Unfortunately, we both knew that we weren’t going to go far.”

  • No matter how hard you try

    IT was a few minutes to five o’clock and she had to get ready for a date with her fiancé in the next one hour. A strange call came in at this point saying he was not feeling fine and she was asked to come over to give a helping hand. Sophia dashed to the place only to discover that it was a set up. The person had also called her man telling him that she was cheating on him and he could come over to see things for himself.

    It went as planned for those who tried to frame her up, but it was all a big lie. Makinde believed it all and told her it was all over. It was the first time she ever found herself completely speechless with a man because everything happened so fast.

    How was she going to defend herself when he had been fed fat with lies and she just did not know what to do? It was better to move on with the pieces, give him time to discover that what he saw was not the true picture or look for another opportunity with love. The emotional corridor is fraught with a number of challenges and inadequacies and sometimes no matter how hard you try, things can really get out of hand.

    There are times when you find that the heart you are keen about all of a sudden becomes “distant” and withdrawn, and you just can’t figure out why. Dotun is feeling this way at the moment and he just does not know what to do. Sadly, the twenty-nine year-old guy recalls how he began to develop strong feelings for a lady he wanted to be with, but she seemed ambivalent and “wishy-washy” about the situation.

    After spending lots of time and energy into the emotional process, she came out to tell our dear lover boy that what she was experiencing for him was not love. It drove him nuts and he began to wonder why she was afraid to commit to him and somehow he just could not understand what she was up to or what was wrong with her.

    Gradually, he came to the realisation that the relationship had been tilted in one direction for so long. All this while, he had been in a relationship with a woman who took him for granted, or just didn’t value him as a person.

    The music reminded her of the good old days; then she was in her late teens and it was the period when she met her first love, the heart that made hers skip as long as it lasted. Unfortunately for her, that relationship ended abruptly; she couldn’t even place her finger on what went wrong. She had three other relationships that turned out to be worse than the first and they all continued to shatter her heart in phases.

    Now, Sandra is at a stage where new relationships aren’t exciting anymore. She has gotten to a point where her heart has become very dull and she feels like all men are “the same”. This is very sad, indeed, but it is not wise to dwell too long here if you still want to have a great relationship.

    Of course, she may be right and it brings to the fore the harsh realities of the love process. If you continue to do this to yourself, you would ultimately get to the point where it makes you just want to give up.

    A number of people are actually feeling this way and for them it is difficult to move on positively into another relationship. They could also move on to another stage where they fear that they won’t be physically satisfying or attractive to their partner no matter the number or years in a relationship.

    Once you start to think that the person you love won’t be as attracted and in love the way you feel, then there would be a lot of mix feelings here and there. One thought that would keep on ringing a bell in your mind is the fear that the heart that you cherish so much might end up with someone else.

    Added to the trauma is another secret fear; the point where you begin to have the feeling that you may never experience the passionate life-long love you dream about, and that you might end up lonely and alone.

    A lot times, we think that every relationship should be like a smooth drive. Unfortunately, there are lots of bumps on the emotional avenue. As a matter of fact, relationships most often start off “hot and heavy”, but then quickly and unexpectedly turn ice-cold.

    Everyone who has had the experience of feeling like they have finally found something “real”, and sharing themselves both emotionally and physically, only to have them suddenly pull away.

    There are some keys you need to know about if you want your partner to grow more attracted and in love with you over time, instead of less. It is important to learn how to effortlessly create that intense attraction that your guy needs to feel with you if your relationship is going to last and grow.