The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • instant lustrous hair for the festive

    instant lustrous hair for the festive

    DO you care for a lustrous hair this merry period? Of all body features, nothing guarantees you that special outstanding look than a well-nourished and perfectly styled hair. As a saying goes, a woman’s hair is her glory. With the help of the right hairstylist, natural fruits and good hair products you can move from looking ordinary to looking very beautiful.

    For dull hair- Massage 1/2 cup plain yogurt into damp hair and let sit for 20 minutes. Rinse with warm water, followed by cool water, then shampoo hair as you normally would. Treatment can be applied every other week.

    For itchy scalp-Mix 2 tablespoon fresh lemon juice, 2 tablespoon olive oil and 2 tablespoon water, and massage into damp scalp. Let mixture sit for 20 minutes, then rinse and shampoo hair. Treatment can be applied every other week. The acidity in lemon juice helps rid your scalp of any loose, dry flakes of skin, while the olive oil moisturises the skin on your head.

    For dry or sun-damaged hair- Massage 1/2 cup honey into clean, damp hair, let sit for 20 minutes, then rinse with warm water. You can also add 1 to 2 tablespoon olive oil to loosen the honey for easier application. For extremely sun-damaged hair, trying mixing honey with 1 to 2 tablespon of a protein-rich ingredient, like avocado or egg yolk.

    For oily/greasy hair-Pour 1 tablespoon cornstarch into an empty salt or pepper shaker and sprinkle onto dry hair and scalp until you have used it all. After 10 minutes, use a paddle hairbrush to completely brush it out. Treatment can be applied every other day.

    For frizzy hair-Mash up half an avocado and massage into clean, damp hair. Let sit for 15 minutes before rinsing with water. Avocado not just to repair damaged hair. Its oils (which are light and moist like our own natural skin secretions) and proteins boast the

  • Retrospect VINTAGE FASHION

    Retrospect VINTAGE FASHION

    THE year 2014 was a period in Nigerian history that the Nigerian fashion industry had its good in all ramifications. Fashion is fast evolving all over the world, taking new and incredible turns.

    The talent shows and fashion designers’ week has already begun to change the ways designers work and do business for the better. It has also brought in positive media attention as well as feedback and interest from international buyers. It has given young designers’ new opportunities and working designers a strong focus.

    Throughout 2014, a series of fashion and style events dominated the scene. Talented designers and winners emerged through highly competitive fashion shows and beauty queens emerged through pageants organised by different fashion and beauty companies.

    17-years-old Queen Onyemaechi  emerged as the 2014 Nigeria’s Next Supermodel at the finale of Africa International Fashion Week and launch of Vogue Talent for Africa held at Oriental Hotel in Lagos.

    The Lagos, Ajegunle  based walked away with a brand new car at the end of the competition.  In the Most Beautiful Girl In Nigeria competition organised by Silver Group, 19-years-old Miss. Iheoma Nnadi, representative of Akwa Ibom, emerged the winner of the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria (MBGN) 2014.which was held in Bayelsa State.

    In September, 2014 at the Eko Hotel & Suites, Victoria Island, Lagos, 16-year-old Mayowa Nicholas won the coveted female category of the Elite Model Look Nigeria, while 18-year-old Victor Nwigwe won the male category. The ninth edition of the Nigerian Hair Show got a boost with the introduction of an innovation in the making of wigs. At the grand finale, which took place at the Ay Garden and Bar in Lagos on December 10. Lady Silver Salon,  based in Lagos, was declared winner.

    The Vlisco Women’s Month, was another major event which shook the industry during the year. With campaign theme: DARE TO DREAM, a tribute to women who have the faith and courage to realise their dreams. The Vlisco Women’s Month Award election and the Vlisco Fashion Fund are at the heart of all the Women’s Month activities. With actress Stephanie Okereke-Linus as the face of this campaign. The Vlisco Women’s Month Award, honours the outstanding achievements of West and Central African women by identifying and rewarding those who inspire others to realise their dreams.

    The event, which took place at the Eko Hotel & Suites, Victoria Island, Lagos, was attended by important people, including celebrities and trendsetters.

    Also during the year, some make-up companies introduced their products to the esteemed fashionable and beauty conscious Nigerian women. Notable Nollywood star actresses, Stephanie Okereke, Ini Edo and Tonto Dikeh became the faces of beauty products.

    Fashion designer Olakunbi Oyelese of April by Kunbi, became the favourite fashion label of many celebritiesin 2014, Kunbi has clothed many like  Agbani Darego, Tiwa Savage and the ilk. A fashion label that specialises in couture and ready to wear fashion for women who place a premium on the principles of fashion, fit and functionality  is a fashion designer that rule the fashion scene with an ever growing portfolio of prêt-a-porter and custom made fashion items.

    The Lanre Dasilva-Ajayi (LDA) brand became one of the most-talked about emerging brands in Nigeria. The highly successful Nigeria-based fashion brand has resulted in the re-creation and modernisation of Victorian fabrics and designs. It’s no wonder she counts the high and mighty as her clients.

    First black African Miss World, Agbani Darego, was among the panel of judges at the recently concluded Miss World 2014, held at the Excel Arena in London.

    The surge of fashion weeks in the year provided great opportunities for up-and-coming talents to show off their works to the industry and the general public. Ready-to-wear was all the rage and the trend will continue in the next year. Ankara fabrics/prints in diverse styles and hues was a major trend from January till now. It has come back to be a major fashion style in our time.

  • Tips for good breath and inviting smile

    Tips for good breath and inviting smile

    NO matter what fashions are ruling the runway this season, there’s one flattering accessory that will always remain in vogue, inviting smile and glistening white teeth. Unfortunately, as we get older and adopt more grownup habits (e.g., smoking, drinking coffee and red wine), we have to work a little harder to maintain that winning sparkle. There is no denying it that we generally love a great smile with sparkling white and clean teeth, and brushing your teeth regularly is an essential part of a healthy lifestyle.

    Tips to make your smile inviting & for whiter teeth

    Choose the right lipstick shade-Did you know certain lip colours can actually make your teeth look significantly whiter or darker? Learn how to pick the right shade for you. If you have grayish teeth, avoid red lipsticks with blue tones and instead try a cooler tone with a brown base. If you have a yellow or off-white tone to your teeth, avoid deep, dark and bright shades, as well as super-shiny glosses. Instead, try nude shades or pinks that have bluish undertones.

    Whiten while you chew-While certain foods such as soy sauce, berries and curry stain your enamel, fibrous foods like apples, celery, carrots, spinach, broccoli and lettuce actually work to remove stains by exfoliating teeth before the stain molecules attach themselves deeply to the surface. It’s like a skin scrub for your smile.

    Drink through a straw-Red wine, cranberry juice or any chromogenic, or pigmented, liquids that tend to seep into enamel are better sipped through a straw. Even then brush immediately after drinking a stain-producing beverage so that it doesn’t have a chance to set into the tooth’s molecules.

    Try whitening floss-In addition to whitening the spaces in between our teeth, a floss such as Glide Whitening Plus Scope Flavuor helps maintain healthy gums, too. By nature, our gums have a clean, pink, pillowy appearance and shape the teeth nicely. Neglecting to care for your gums will eventually cause them to look red and irritated, detracting from your smile.

    Use whitening toothpastes-Whitening toothpastes may promise to keep your pearly whites sparkling, but the truth is, toothpaste itself doesn’t whiten teeth! it only helps scrub away stains before they settle in and discolour your enamel. Always remember to brush before bedtime, since neglecting to do will give stains a chance to set overnight. That said, certain toothpastes are more effective at removing stains and nything with baking soda is a safe bet.

    Lastly, don’t disregard the strips.

  • ‘I am multi talented’

    ‘I am multi talented’

    Esther Ilelogbon is a woman of many parts. She started her career as a costumier with Nollywood in the early days before setting up her fashion house, called House of Estito. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde,

    HOW is your fashion brand, Estito, doing?

    We thank God, the Estito brand is moving on and like everything, we are getting better. I am working on my new outlet in Okota. Here, I would also be doing ready-to-wear products. The label, basica

    lly, is seven years old. If you compare when we started and now, there have been a lot of progress and achievements. I give God the glory; we have gotten more clients, have been able to reach out to more people and have been able to make a mark in the industry. It has been so far, so good.

    You have a number of awards and recognitions, what do they mean to you?

    My awards are more like a motivating factor for me. When a group of people or an organisation sees your work, your input and give you accolades for a job well done, it gives you a sense of belonging. It makes you feel that all your efforts have not been in vain and it gives you that inkling that you have to live up to expectation, you have to raise the bar, which is what I am trying to do. At every point in time, I try to improve, brace one hurdle and move the brand higher.

    Talking about hurdles, what are some of the challenges on the job?

    They are really enormous. Everybody knows that in Nigeria today running a business is not really easy. The basic challenges are electricity, getting human resources and sourcing for the right sources for the right stuff. It is difficult, unlike what you have overseas; where you have a range of products to select from.

    Here, all you have are things that are imported, except you travel out and ask for specifics. They produce there and so it is easy to buy in bulk. These days, designs have improved, thanks to fabric technology and you have a lot of stretchy things that cut across age and sizes. This brings flexibility in sizes. All these are basically the challenges that we face. Apart from clothes, I also do accessories and they help to complement your dress sense.

    How do you find your way around these challenges?

    You just have to seek a way out and put in measures that would let you achieve your aims with the little resources that you have. That actually is what has been keeping us going.

    What are the other things that occupy your time?

    I have a passion for charity and I have been doing projects for widows and the youths. I do a lot of charity work, skill acquisition for youths and widows. I am also into events management and branding, that is the baby of House of Estito. It’s been good, but like a baby you have to nurture with care to make it grow. We are breaking through bit by bit.

    There are lots of people in the event packaging sector, what makes yours different and unique?

    What is unique with ours is that no matter your budget, we work with you and give you the best. We usually advise on what is achievable with the budget and they are usually excited at the end of the day.

    Let’s talk about life as a costumier

    It’s been wonderful. In the early 90s, I was into make-up and costuming and we were the pioneer of the home video industry then. We had to dress the artistes and handle their wake-up and special effect. I worked on Tade Ogidan’s movie which was a blockbuster featuring Richard Mofe Damijo and Teju Babyface. I also worked with people like Kate Henshaw, Omotola, Kanayo O. Kanayo, Jennifer Eliogu and Eucharia Anunobi. It was exciting mingling with them. The only disadvantage was that you were working behind the camera.

    Some of the awards received included the Global Excellence Leadership award and I came out as the most creative designer of the year. I also have the great women achievers award, News of the people achievers award, City People ankara award, amongst others. I was able to get contacts, learn a number of things about business, life, entrepreneurship and the entertainment industry.

    How about your husband?

    My husband is in the industry and we met in the course of work. He is a special effect person and he has a studio. He edits and it was one of the locations that I was doing make up that he came and the chemistry was right. We have two children and we have been married for about 15 years.

    How do you balance career and family life?

    First, I think passion and determination is very important. You have to be able to fuse your career and family to be balanced. I handled a television programme called Practical Living. It is about going back to the basics and focusing more on salvation. This is different from the trend now that focuses more on prosperity.

    At what point did you go into Law?

    I am a multi-talented person and I like venturing into so many things. The law thing was a childhood venture and I worked at it. All the lucrative professions that you have now were not there. Then it was law, medicine, engineering or nursing, but now things are different. You can be a makeup artist, a blogger or an event planner. All these were not obtainable while we were growing up. As a child, I loved the legal profession and their regalia and I told myself that I was going to be a lawyer. I am happy that I fulfilled that dream.

    Who are some of the women that you admire?

    I admire great women of God like Joyce Meyer. I strongly believe that it is better to live our life for God. I would therefore tell women to be God-fearing, be humble and try as much as possible to bring up your children in the right way. You find out that these days a number of mothers are encouraging their daughters to go into prostitution. They really need to guide them and monitor their way of dressing as well as the kind of men they follow. Sadly, they encourage the young ones to go after money and material things. Unfortunately, these are the things that would ultimately ruin them.

    she talks about her passion for Law, Designing, TV presentation, as well as charity work.

  • Getting a better bargain

    WE all like to talk about great emotional exploits, the forever happy tales and tales of new hearts that have just been conquered. But this is just one side of the emotional coin. The other side which a lot of us like to sweep under the carpet  features the intrigues, treachery and blackmail, which are the strategies that help a greater number of people to survive in this highly competitive environment.

    While the exciting side of the emotional coin can be compared to that delicious and appetising menu, the other unsavoury side compares to the vomit. It is unpleasant in all ramification of the word.

    So, the big question is why do people who should know better end up being victims of the emotional vomit? you ask. The truth of the matter is that to be a complete heart, you must taste the two sides of the emotional coin. Allison’s heart has been in and out of the emotional tunnel and at a point, he felt he just needed a change of environment to get his sanity.

    “I relocated to a new neighbourhood about six months ago and I ran into an ex girlfriend. I was so excited with the connection and in a short while the old flames were re-ignited,” recalls Allison.

    He continued: “I thought she was the answer to all my emotional misfortune and started to build a new future together again. Unfortunately for me, I did not know that she had another motive. One day, I went to work and left her at home. When I came back home about five hours later, I realised that she had moved out with not just her belongings but everything I had laboured for all my life.”

    Like Allison, Dotun is also a victim of an emotional vomit. For about two weeks, Dotun could not eat, drink or work properly. His body, soul and mind were in disarray because the girl he loved so much dumped his heart in the garbage. This made him a shadow of his former self and he was sick.

    Dotun was in bad shape and he kept on vomiting. His younger sister gave him some medication and he felt better afterwards. By the time he got better, he realised that he was feeling very hungry and to make matters worse there was nothing to eat in the house. As he walked towards the bathroom, he saw the content he had vomited earlier on but sadly it had been polluted. This certainly cannot be consumed again, no matter how it is presented.

    Vomiting is the involuntary, forceful expulsion of the contents of one’s stomach through the mouth and sometimes the nose. This can be caused by a wide variety of conditions; it may present as a specific response to ailments like gastritis or poisoning, or some disorders ranging from brain tumours and elevated intracranial pressure to overexposure to ionising radiation.

    Interestingly, you can compare a failed relationship to these reactions. Going back to an ex therefore means going to an emotional vomit. It has become stale, offensive and unattractive. Why on earth would you want to go after emotion that should be flushed down the drain? Why would you waste your time and energy pursuing something that once gave you nausea? Why would you stuff your heart with something that stinks? Or why would you upset your stomach with content that has expired?

    The truth of the matter is that emotional vomits, most times, are not worth going after. You can be sure that whoever or whatever situation that makes them represent themselves has some ulterior motives.

    It is only a few relationships that enjoy smooth experience and become a reference point for others. The normal process is to run into a few bumps on the emotional corridor, rediscover your potential and see if you can still make it down the road.

    Usually, you can be successful when you recognise the problems and challenges ahead of time. From this point, you get better when you have found lasting solutions to the problems threatening your emotional existence.

    You will definitely have a much better chance of getting past them once the answers have been found.

    Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love lives going, says marriage and family therapist, Mitch Temple, author of The Marriage Turnaround.

    They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counselling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error.

    After six years, Deborah’s heart began to melt for affection. She also became desperate to settle down and have children with the new guy who found his way stylishly into her heart.

    Good news! Again, she was in a one-sided show and this dude just wasn’t ready for any emotional trap. On his part, Soji was just not ready to settle down and it was obvious that she was wasting precious time and emotional energy. For the records, he had repeatedly put off the wedding plans twice and this was the third attempt at making this marital dream a reality.

    Age was also not on his side and she began to wonder why he was being elusive at this stage. The chic in question was also intelligent, beautiful and hardworking. Now, he has suddenly cancelled all the arrangements, saying that he is just not ready for a serious relationship.

    Purposeful use of distraction techniques can actually be of benefit in coping with emotions that are strong, especially those that you are uncomfortable about.

    Fear, anger, sadness, and shame are emotions that are very difficult to deal with, and, as a result, they may lead people to using unhealthy coping strategies, such as alcohol or drug use. Although alcohol and drugs may initially work in taking away an intense feeling, this is only a temporary fix. In the long-run, alcohol and drug use often leads to more intense emotions and other problems.

    Given this, it is important to learn how to cope with very strong emotions by using skills that do not put you at risk for long-term negative consequences. One such skill is distraction and it helps to temporarily take your attention off of a strong emotion. Sometimes, focusing on a strong emotion can make it feel even stronger and more out of control. Therefore, by temporarily distracting yourself, you may give the emotion some time to decrease in intensity, making it easier to manage. Distraction is not about trying to escape or avoid a feeling. With distraction, it is implied that you eventually will return to the feeling you were having.

  • Pursue your destiny (X)

    MY darling sisters and every fan of this column whose life is about to change forever,

    I pray for you with all my heart that God will surprise you before the end of 2014 and put great laughter and joy in your mouth in Jesus name. AMEN! And as you prepare to go into the New Year, I urge you to examine your life and make a list of what you feel could have denied you of every good thing you’ve ever desired. Remember, the scriptures tell us the Lord’s arm is not too short to save us but our iniquities have separated us from Him. Hmm…do you know you have power over what has been setting you back and depriving you of the goodies of life all the while? May you discover the giant in you in Jesus name. Amen. I welcome you all to school on Sunday. Today, I’ll be concluding on the Fear of God which I’ve described as the most potent weapon needed for us to discover our purpose in life and how to get God’s divine plans for our lives to manifest.

    The Fear of God (Contd.)

    The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever. Psalm 111:10

    Have you ever been in a situation when as you cried yourself to sleep, you wished you’d never wake up the following morning? Or you woke up one morning and wondered why you woke up again to a life of pain and wickedness. I have been through all that and so have so many women and girls, some of who unfortunately never came out of their despair but got weighed down by their circumstances and got completely knocked out by life. Sisters, that will never be your portion in Jesus name. However, the earlier you get yourself prepared for life’s vicissitudes by having a full understanding of God and the much needed wisdom, the better for you.

    Wisdom is seeing life from God’s perspective and responding accordingly. Wisdom is a priority, and we are told to seek it above all else. Until our hearts are in a right relationship with God, we are unable to have the “wisdom that comes from heaven.” God who has always known all what we have to deal with in life also readily gives us victory and graciously gives us the opportunity to make a gold mine from every situation we find ourselves in.

    Without the fear of the Lord, we make final decisions based on our faulty human understanding (Proverbs 3:56). When we incorporate the fear of the Lord into every moment of our lives, we make decisions based upon His approval. We live with the knowledge that the Creator of the universe is intimately involved in every step we take. It’s sad that because of a lack of wisdom and understanding of God, a lot of elders who are also lacking in the wisdom of God have unconsciously perverted and mis-directed the lives of the young ones around them when their advice was sought. True, they are professors in the vagaries of life because of their length of existence and experience on earth but a lot of them took the wrong path and fell flat on their faces.

    No wonder the scripture says “With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding.” However, it goes on and says “With him (God) is wisdom and strength, he hath counsel and understanding.” That is God has wisdom and power to guide us towards the path of the beautiful life He has destined for us. The experienced in life mean well but a lot of times have a crass way of dealing with issues and could convince you to pamper pain and any wrong counsel may be fatal to your destiny. You never know why you are going through this phase now, so please be careful! This is why it’s very important to surrender our lives to the one who knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb and the author and the finisher of our faith and learn to be alone with him.

    The human life and each individual’s existence on earth is far too complex for anyone to determine why certain things happen to us and how it should go. Even the greatest prophets have limited revelatory knowledge. You will be bombarded with all sorts of analysis- constructive, true, false, logical, irrelevant etc. Also, you could end up being blamed for what was destined to happen for your own good. And what could be more confusing than looking for a way out of the quagmire you find yourself in and then being held responsible for it? It confuses and slows down the faint-hearted such that one falls out of the path of one’s destiny. No matter what you are slammed with right now, I mean even if you are a total disgrace to your family today, with the fear of God, you can be catapulted to heights that the greatest person in your family could never reach and have your country’s flag hoisted for you in another country. Whoa! Remember me o! Congratulations in advance!

  • Women who made headlines in 2014

    Women who made headlines in 2014

    As the year 2014 draws close its curtains, it is an opportunity for many to take stock. It was a year of achievements, challenges and potential in different spheres of life. Yetunde Oladeinde takes a look at the women who made a mark in different sectors this year.

    IN spite of the odds, some women stood out, achieved their dreams and got recognitions and accolades. On the entertainment scene, one name that rang a bell is Chidinma Ekile. The songwriter, artist, stage performer and brand ambassador for MTN was seen regularly at concerts, on air and other social events. She rose to stardom after winning the third season of MTN Project Fame, West Africa, singing competition.

    In the sporting arena, Sapele-born Blessing Okagbare stole the show with her medals as well as her new Commonwealth record of 10.85secs at the 100m final of the 2014Commonwealth games in Glasgow, Scotland. In addition, she won the 200m final race in the same game with a time of 22.25 seconds, thus becoming the fourth woman to win the 100m and 200m at the Commonwealth Games.

    This successful outing depicts a lady who is hardworking, dedicated and passionate about what she is doing. The reward for excellence is recognition and Okagbare certainly is getting what she deserves. In her kitty, you would find the medals, appointment as youth ambassador for Delta State, a parcel of land in the state capital, Asaba, naming a stadium in the state after her as well as the Member of Federal Republic (MFR) national honour by President Goodluck Jonathan.

    Former Minister of Education, Obiagelli Ezekwesili, is one woman who stood out during the year. As one of the leaders of the #BringBackOurGirls campaign group, Ezekwesili and her team consistently pressurised the Nigerian government to act more decisively in rescuing the over 250 schoolgirls abducted from their school dormitory by the Boko Haram sect.

    She was arrested by security agents at the Nnamdi Azikwe International Airport, Abuja on her way to London for a scheduled engagement. She sent a tweet of the arrest and confiscation of her travel document and the information went viral on the social media. The government therefore became under pressure for increasingly clamping down on members of the opposition and she was released. Ezekwesili is a former World Bank executive and a renowned anti-corruption campaigner.

    The Minister of Petroleum, DiezaniAlison Madueke, also made history this year as the first female president of the organisation of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) at the 166th meeting of the organisation in Vienna, Austria. She took over from Abdourhman AtaharAl-Ahirish, Libya’s Vice Prime Minister for Corporation. Her tenure takes effect from January 2015 and before the appointment, Diezani was the alternate president of the organisation.

    A healthy nation is, indeed, a wealthy nation, but early in the year threats of the Ebola Virus ravaging other countries in West Africa looked like a potential threat. This was, however, waved aside initially by those in authority, though it was punctured in the middle of the year when Ebola strayed into the country courtesy of the Liberian diplomat, Patrick Sawyer.

    His status was detected at the First Consultant Medical Centre in Lagos where Dr Ameyo Stella Adadevoh was a senior consultant. Tests were carried out and as soon as Adadevoh got to know about Sawyer’s status, she carried out further tests to confirm as well as alert government about his condition and its implication for the country if he was not properly monitored.

    This ultimately curbed the spread of the virus, but Adadevoh like some of her colleagues paid the price with her life.

    In August, the confirmation of the appointment of Justice Oluwafunmilayo Olajumoke Atilade as the new Chief Judge of Lagos State was remarkable in that the 62-year-old woman took over from her elder sister, Justice Ayotunde Phillips, who retired from the position. Atilade was called to the bar in 1975-76, spending half of her life in the service of Lagos State. She had been a magistrate for 30 years and a judge since 1996.

    In the political arena, a number of women put in their best contesting at the primaries on different platforms. The contests were keen; some lost and some were victories at the polls. One of the outstanding women is Aisha Jummai Alhassan, the APC flag bearer in Taraba State. The female senator representing Northern Taraba won an incredible poll, defeating four influential men, to clinch the gubernatorial ticket with 2425 votes of the total 2471 valid votes cast.

    Mrs Alhassan is also a lawyer and the first female Commissioner of Justice and Attorney General of the state. In addition, she was also the first female registrar, Abuja, FCT and first female senator in Taraba State.

  • Sweetness after the storm

    FOR Cecilia, the past few months have been chaotic, indeed. The lady in her mid thirties has had to work on so many projects and family engagements that could not be shelved. Personally, her philosophy in life is that what must be done must be done well. So, she put all her resources and energy into the activities and made sure everything was in order.

    By the time she was sure that everything was okay, Cecilia realised that the stress had taken a toll on her health. She decided that it was better to take a break for two weeks. Naturally, travelling came to her mind and she made arrangements to go out of town for a while.

    It was fun and Cecilia met new friends. Fortunately or unfortunately two days before the end of this memorable holiday, Cecilia slipped and got a dislocation in the right arm. What a pity! The pain was simply unbearable and the trauma made her forget the sweet memories she had just experienced. She then had to ask for an extension of her leave to sort out this silly arm that now became the centre of attention.

    Her boss granted the leave extension and advised her to take things calmly. The first few days and weeks were very traumatic for her. The arm ached so badly and she wondered why it chose to happen at this point. As a matter of fact, the strain reminded her about the bitter memories from her last relationship. “Emeka was an ungrateful idiot. When I met him, he had no job, no house and was nothing except his degree. At that point, he looked very humble and appeared to be righteous.” She strongly believed in impacting people’s lives and she began to help him open doors that had been closed for so long. “I had some savings in the cooperative society of the organisation that I was working for and I was allowed to borrow twice as much. I gave the money to Emeka to start a business and he was very happy at that point.”

    Was that a smart thing to do? Well, we can’t really blame her because love is about giving and sharing. “He used the money to start a business and things went right. I also introduced him to a number of friends and acquaintances and he got a number of contracts in the process.”

    Two years down the lane, Emeka’s fortune changed and for his sweetheart this was the best time to show gratitude. She was wrong! Just before she realised that she had made a mistake, he began to tell her that she was not fit to be his better half. “Suddenly, he began to complain about my dress sense and a number of other things. I told him that I would change and he agreed to give me another chance.”

    Was this lover boy truly going to give our friend a second chance? “About six months after I got a letter from Emeka saying that he had travelled to the United States and that he had married someone else.” Poor Cecilia, she was devastated and her heart sank. She promised never to fall in love again. Thinking about this grand betrayal now made her health deteriorate. Interestingly, the doctor on duty took a keen interest in her. It turned out that he was another victim of love and somehow they got closer and closer. He turned out to be the man she had been waiting for all this while.

    The big question here, is how do you find your bearing when you are at an emotional crossroads? First it is important not to play the blame game. Assigning blame will cause the other person to either get defensive or feel worthless. Neither of those feelings promotes peace in a relationship. When blame enters into the conversation, then one person becomes the victim and the other becomes the reason why bad things are happening. Does that sound like a platform for a loving and peaceful relationship? You are in this relationship together and assigning blame just creates a separation in your partnership.  Resist the temptation to assign blame, band together, and work through the situation like partners.

    One other thing that you need to do is to remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. When we are upset with our partner, it is easy to focus on what we think they did wrong, or even what we think is wrong with them. How productive is that mindset? What we focus on expands and becomes more noticeable. Wouldn’t it be better to remind yourself what you love about this person and why you fell in love with them in the first place? If you want a happy and peaceful relationship, apply the life skills of positive thinking and positive focus.

    If you find yourself feeling moody and argumentative, focus on the blessings in your life. Focus on the deep value that your partner has added to your life. By shifting your focus, you shift your state away from the negative and toward the positive.

  • Pursue your destiny (VII)

    Pursue your destiny (VII)

    Dear Temilolu,

    I can no longer restrain myself as a Nigerian father, pastor and life coach from saying a very big thank you for your audacious weekly offering in a despairing season like we have now. I have recommended your message as a must-read for my daughters at home and church. I pray the anointing will be fresh upon you each passing day in Jesus name. The lives you are moulding though unknown to you will be jewels on your crown in eternity. God bless your “strange” but impactful voice.

    Pastor Muyiwa

     

    Dear Temilolu,

    Your writing is so insightful, but why is it directed at girls only?

    Chinedu, Lokoja

     

    Hello Nigerians, I’m happy to be with you again today and I thank you all for your kind words. I pray for all my beautiful sisters out there to receive the fire of God and do greater exploits for the kingdom of God. While in the traffic, I saw a young lady walking down the road dressed in a top and a pair of tan coloured leggings which hugged her so tight, like a second skin and brought out her contour. It was such a provocative sight and I just imagined what went on in the mind of every male who sighted her. Funny enough, I have also seen ladies dress this way to some churches and even showing off their cleavages, etc. While you could say a pair of leggings is affordable for young ladies, it’s detrimental to their salvation and their standing before God no matter what you think. Girls, if you are stirring up lust in guys and making them go against the wish of God; you can’t get God on your side. And it doesn’t portray you well. It even presents you to guys as a cheap commodity. I’m a babe like you and there are so many other ways to dress and still look good, in fact gorgeous without appearing seductive. Don’t let your pastor convince you into thinking God doesn’t bother about your appearance but rather is after your heart. While trying to meet up with the latest trends, a lot of girls will end up not seeing their original and working on their stars to manifest while their pastors’ bank accounts will get fatter with their seeds. Your first and most important seed as far as God is concerned is your entire life and this includes holiness within and without. When you embrace God with all your heart and you are filled with His spirit, there are some clothing you’d never wear because you’d naturally exude holiness. God has so much to give you, His wish is for your star to shine, for you to become a pride to your family, country; for you to be an envy of nations as long as you live, to be continuously celebrated in heaven and it’s in your best interest to follow Him with all your heart and flee from all appearances of evil. It’s rather unfortunate that the devil is having a field day and distracting you all with inanities but God will be God. Last week, I discussed three advantages of being alone with God which are having a first class brain, an excellent spirit and the presence of God. I welcome you all to school on Sunday and I remain a sister to all Nigerians.

     

    The presence of God (Contd.)

    When you are “alone with God,” and get used to Him and you carry His spirit,   you automatically carry His presence. You will experience great joy even while encountering severe hardship and the entire world appears to be against you because He constantly reveals to you how victorious and glorious you’ll end up in spite of challenges. His presence lights your path and guides you all the way, shields you from every evil, opens doors, shatters obstacles and grants you uncommon favour etc. Your words not only carry fire and power, as you speak, the heavens stamp and authorise it. What more? You imagine a thing and even without sweating it is established! Whoa! Yes. In fact, if you follow God the way you should, the time will come when you don’t even need to request for anything. You just find the best things in life knocking on your door. Even when the devil tries to attack you, God who has seen it coming jumps to your defence. When you carry the presence of God, you are a champion in all aspects of your life; you just can’t be at the tail region. Life becomes easy as what others would struggle for will come to you with ease. Now, you can only have all these when you make a conscious effort to shun sin and live a holy life. Don’t believe anyone who tells you it’s not possible to live without sinning. Please run away from such a person. It is more than possible. And don’t let anyone misinterpret “God’s grace.” We’ll discuss that some other day.

  • ‘I learnt charity from my husband’

    ‘I learnt charity from my husband’

    Kay Ovia is the CEO of Quantum Markets and initiator of the Star Rising Talent Hunt for children and young people. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about the project, planning for a better future for the young ones and life married to Jim Ovia, erstwhile Zenith Bank boss.

    WHAT is the vision behind Star Rising Talent Hunt? This is a long-term thing and not just the one-off thing where only prizes are given. We plan to make the children arm themselves with adequate knowledge to restore what some of the children have lost as well as make them believe in themselves.

    Most talent hunt projects attract a fee but this one is free. It is not to make money; so the entry and audition is totally free. It is an opportunity to come and have an enabling environment to showcase your talent. We are here to mentor, coach them and at the end of the day they would become great patriots for the nation.

    We also have an academic and mental exercise for students of the senior secondary school bracket. Contestants would be quizzed on subjects such as mathematics, english, general knowledge, current global affairs and the sciences. We are going to discover, hone and nurture God-given talents. This would be done through free counselling and mentoring programmes for children within the age bracket 7 to 17 years. Sadly, a number of projects people have for children are actually for teenagers.

    It would not just be about singing and dancing alone but developing talents in different areas. The team would therefore be providing talent development classes. We would also provide a well-equipped modern library. The mastermind is for the teenagers, especially those in upper secondary schools. To make our selections, we did not go to schools for the rich and famous. There are lots of children that do not have the opportunity that needs to be reached. These are our targets and that is why we are going to government schools and the orphanages. You would be amazed at the raw talents that we found in these schools and I know that the judges would select the best.

    Where do you intend to take this passion to?

    I intend to take it as far as possible. It is a passion that I have had over the years. I actually found out that through this passion I can help children. I have been helping some by paying school fees and mentoring those who come to me. I do have a lot of children on my sponsorship list. I learnt that from my husband; he has the Jim Ovia Foundation.

    However, I realised that I could do my own, reaching out to a different group to make a difference. At the beginning, I began to ask myself how to do this and that was how things began to fall in place. It is a life at a time and if you try to touch lives, it goes from there. By the time we have one centre opened, we intend to take about 200 people and attend to these children on the basis of first come, first served. The centre would be filled with activity. We are also going to have a studio, a library and we would have resource persons from abroad who would coach them in the areas of singing and dancing. In addition, we would also be working with celebrities in Nigeria and it would give us a total package.

    We have people like Zuriel Oduwole and Malala making waves all over the world. Where do you want to take the young talents that you are projecting?

    You can see that Malala and Zuriel are making a difference in their world today. Malala is not a singer, she is not a dancer but she stands out. She is an orator, she talks and people listen; adult listen to her. If I have a child like that I know I would push that child far. Here I am not talking about my biological children. Of course, I have children who can speak very well for themselves.

    I strongly believe that every child needs to be able to speak what is on their mind; they should be able to talk and express themselves. They need to be able to say this is my talent; I want to show the world, this is my dream. Not just five minutes of glory or fifteen minutes of fame. They should say to themselves, ‘I also want to see, what the rest of the world wants to see.’

    What were your personal dreams while you were growing up?

    I was a tomboy as a child. I was always climbing trees and I know that on one or two occasions my mother had to pull my ears and sit me down. For my dream as a young girl, I wanted to be a lawyer because my father was a lawyer. However, I was someone that liked to take something on and the easy thing for me was to do the mathematics and get it over. That was how I chose Finance.

    Having a reality show for children is a great idea but it also comes with a number of complex issues that include the welfare and security of these children. How do you intend to handle this?

    All those who are working with us are vetted. We would as much as possible go through a proper process. By the time we interview people who would work with us, they must be people others can vouch for. You can only do so much but I know that God would do the rest. We would get people to monitor the process and avoid the risk; that is something we would not tolerate at all. If you have a CCTV there, it would caution people especially if they have any bad intention or anything like that. All those measures would be taken care of. If I cannot leave my child with just anyone, then I won’t leave other people’s children with just anyone, so all those details would be taken care of.

    In Nigeria, one other talent that children, especially boys, would like to develop is football. Are you doing something in this area?

    Yes, somebody did mention football, but I don’t have people with that skill on board at the moment. Maybe, if we get introduced to a couple of footballers, then we can take them on and by next year we could add football to our list. It would therefore be easy to take such children on and ask them to mentor them.

    It would be easier for them to give the children the head shot, show them the way and that is the only way people can learn. We would also provide the fund and if they need to be flown abroad, we would get a sponsor for this. I am going to put in my best for these children, not just in terms of fund but getting the right mentors; mentors who would be able to discover those talents that are in them. We already have a number of fantastic talents out there and we would be going to them to mentor these children to be like them.

    What is the secret to your good looks?

    There is really not much to it. Believe it or not I am over 50 years. Sometimes, you wake up in the morning and the bones are not working, but you ask God to give you the grace to move on.

    Tell us about your beauty regimen

    No, I won’t tell you that. It is nothing really. If you are diligent with your hygiene then you would be beautiful. Hygiene, they say, is next to godliness. Then you have to be good on the inside, have the word of God in you and then everything would be great. That is one thing I have told my children. You don’t have to be beautiful for the sake of being beautiful or want to be like the next Miss World. The truth is that beauty comes from within. It includes your eating healthy, good hygiene and you just doing the right thing.

    How would you describe your husband and how he has influenced you?

    He is a very wonderful person to be with. I would also say that my husband is very romantic. He doesn’t miss my birthday or any other important date. Even when I am abroad you can be sure that he is coming with a massive bunch of roses. Women need to teach their men how to be romantic. A man may not be naturally romantic but you can guide him. You need to step up the game.