The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Tune to his frequency

    THEY have been together for about six years, but sadly Morenike’s man went from being the sweet and romantic gentleman she met and married to a lonely “roommate”. In a short while, all the fun and excitement faded. Did she do anything wrong? Nothing really. However, friends and associates began to justify his action saying that a husband or boyfriend will naturally start to lose his desire to be romantic as time goes by.

    Was she at the end of the emotional road? Something deep down urged her not to give up so easily but work at getting back the love, passion and romance she truly deserves from her man. This motivated her to get him back to being romantic, charming and fun again. It wasn’t so easy and it was impossible to get back on track, luckily she got connected once more tuning to his emotional frequency. During that depressing period, she learnt a lot and spent a fortune on books, seminars and counselling.

    When you get the right connections in emotions and radio frequency, communication certainly is smooth and you enjoy the message. The electric currents that oscillate at radio frequencies have special properties not shared by direct current or alternating current of lower frequencies.

    Experts also inform that radio frequency current does not penetrate deeply into electrical conductors but tends to flow along their surfaces; this is known as the skin effect. For this reason, when the human body comes in contact with high power RF currents, it can cause superficial but serious burns called RF burns.

    A lot of people are actually sitting somewhere thinking of how to save relationships whose frequencies have been lost. The truth is that such relationships have gone through turbulent and trying times and they definitely need something new and attractive to get them back on course.

    The best way to inspire the heart that you love is to let go of the fears, resentments, over-functioning and general negative feelings that got you to this point in your relationship. Once you get rid of the negative side, then it would become more interesting and exciting as you tilt towards the warm, feminine energy that drew this heart to you in the first place.

    The reality is that a lot of people find love, key into the emotional system only to discover that what they have is not what they actually anticipated. When they get to this emotional crossroads, they are confused and gradually begin to get out of touch with what makes them happy.

    In these moments of desperation, the emotional playing field gets dirty and from that point they begin to look for the gaps and shortcomings of their partners. Instead of building trust and consolidating on gain, these sets now prefer to chase emotional shadows which would subsequently take them two steps backwards and one step forward.

    If you do not want to find yourself sinking in the emotional terrain, then you must understand what you want as well as set realistic goals for yourself. It is better to learn specific techniques for getting more out of your relationship as well as doing and demanding less.

    Once you get this right, then you will learn and understand how to stay true to yourself and make your relationship better by getting back to what makes you happy and fulfilled at the core.

    Women are usually at the receiving end in a lot of relationships and it is therefore important to learn to “soften” and naturally inspire your man to adore you the way he used to do when you first met him.

    Getting back to the core of your most attractive and inspiring self means letting go of over-doing, over-worrying, over-analysing and just working too hard to keep things going. If you’ve been in a relationship that’s been troubled for a while, you know how the fights and disagreements can drag both of you down.

    Unfortunately, things do not usually go as planned sometimes. When you get to the critical junction in your emotional journey then you need to do a reappraisal of the situation. First, you may need to find out what went wrong , why did his or her feelings change towards you as well as what can be done to make the one you cherish bring back his or her love to you?

    It may just be that you may have committed a few emotional errors. This includes tying to “rationalise” the situation and tell your heartthrob how good you think your relationship is, and how he’s wrong for not wanting it or seeing all the amazing things about it.

    Unfortunately, this strategy did not work. So you went on trying to be sweeter and more affectionate, hoping your love would be reciprocated and open back up to you but all this did was annoy him further.

    The more hurt you felt, and the more he saw this, the less he seemed to pay attention to you and your feelings, or care. As a matter of fact, he may have become colder and more distant the more he saw that you were hurt. The crux of the matter is that the harder you try with a man, and the more you attempt to talk things out with him the less responsive and “emotionally available” he becomes with you.

  • Pursue your destiny (VI)

    Pursue your destiny (VI)

    DEAR Nigerians, I’m most delighted to be with you again today. And also very glad your lives are matching forward, so is mine. In the last few weeks, I’ve been writing on the importance of separating ourselves and being alone with God in order to fulfill our destiny. We never know the type of star we carry till we begin a personal spiritual journey with God. Unfortunately, today’s Christianity doesn’t seem to encourage today’s youth to chart out the course of their destinies with God. The youth is too distracted by inanities and unholiness in the house of God. In fact, a lot of youth simply follow the ways and life style of their pastors rather than follow God with all their heart and obey Him implicitly. My dear sisters, if you truly want to manifest your original as created by God, embrace God with all your heart and He will teach you the way to go. Today, I’d give you some advantages of being alone with God.

    Advantages of being “alone with God”

    1.     A first class brain

    When your life is consecrated to God and you get used to being alone with Him and not one leg in, one leg out, even if you were once a dull student, you eventually possess a first class brain. This is because once you decide to shun everything that will make Him far from you He will constantly be around you as His spirit will make your heart His dwelling place and His power would be vested in your life. Now, when you possess a massive dose of the spirit of God, is there something you wouldn’t know? Can you be found wanting intellectually? When you choose to sit with God and refuse to be pressured into having a boyfriend and engaging in sex and risk being used and dumped, can your heart ever get heart-broken and make you lose concentration? No! Your brain will be progressive and takes in everything you study such that by the time you want to seat for an exam you don’t panic. All you do is revise without sweat because you are sure you have answers to every question that may arise out of that subject or course as it is registered in your brain. Isn’t it so nice to be the number 1 in your class/set and cart away all the prizes on prize-giving day? Do you know that could get you a scholarship to your dream university like Harvard and catapult you to heights no one in your entire family has ever reached? Hmm…it’s up to you o!

    2.     An Excellent Spirit

    “Then this Daniel was preferred above the presidents and princes, because an excellent spirit was in him; and the king thought to set him over the whole realm.” Daniel 6:3 KJV

    Daniel was discovered to have a keen mind, knowledge and also the ability to interpret dreams, explain riddles and solve difficult problems. And his capabilities made him a solution provider and eventually catapulted him to greatness in Babylon. As young as he was, he became the head of the whole province of Babylon and chief of the governors over all the wise men of Babylon. This young man was created just the same way you and I are created. The only difference is that he chose God above other things and got Himself properly groomed by God. Such that when he and the other three, Meshach, Shedrach and Abednego were offered to eat the food that was prepared for the king, he refused and requested for something else because he knew the food would defile him. Ancient Babylon was highly influenced by idolatry. They were ready to annihilate any group who did not bow down in front of their idols. Idol worshipers have the habit of offering their foods to their idols before they eat. Daniel was probably suspicious about the source of the food or he saw that it was offered to idols first and refused to eat it. Now, how many Christians today think Daniel’s way, least of all, today’s youth, if not enlightened by the spirit of God? As far as I am concerned, as technology advances with age, so should spiritual intelligence and exploits to promote the kingdom of God and better our lives. What is the point in coming to a world created by God for us to enjoy boundless opportunities and wealth which belongs to God our father and end up being tossed up and down by the devil and utterly deprived of what rightfully belongs to us? Girls, it’s up to you. The world is waiting for your star to shine and you are not too young to be in Daniel’s enviable position. With God everything can happen!

    3. The presence of God

  • ‘How I made prosecutors sit up for women’

    ‘How I made prosecutors sit up for women’

    Ojobo Atuluku is the CEO of Development in Practice, a development firm supporting development actors through building capacity, management consultancy, research and incubating new social enterprises and NGOs. Early this year, she was given a certificate of appreciation by the World Bank in recognition of her contribution to women, business and law study. In her kitty, you find a number of recognitions as British Chevening scholar, United States International Visitor Alum, Fellow of the Harvard Hauser Centre, Roy and Lila Ash Fellow in Democracy and Governance and Mason Fellow in Public Policy and Management all of Harvard University, where she graduated from the Harvard Kennedy School.
    In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about life as a gender specialist, governance and public policy expert, lawyer, and the need for female participation in the political process, challenges for women in politics and more.

    WHY did you study law?

    I was motivated by two things. I was inspired by a lawyer called Perry Mason who I read about in a novel that defended those who looked guilty and everyone accused them but he found out that they were innocent and took up their case and proved that they were innocent. I also loved their robe and lastly I guess JAMB gave me the option at that point.

    I started my career after my NYSC in 1986 with the Ministry of Justice in Benue State and spent five years there. It was a very interesting experience but I left in 1991 to join the newly set up National Commission for Women as Legal Adviser. I moved on subsequently and between 1997 and year 2000 had a short stint in the private sector when I set up my law firm called Law consult. The experience was very good and I focused more on corporate legal services. The only litigations I did were to support women survivors of violence and it was always pro bono. This legal representation made the prosecution to sit up and made the women more comfortable to go on with the cases. This is important because they can make the person involved feel so dirty and uncomfortable. Sadly, none of the cases got to trial, somehow because the family stopped or the lady at the centre of it opted out. As an activist, you want the accused to pay for the damage but again you do not want to do things that can be distressful to the person you want to protect.

    Talking about violence, the 16 days of activism is already here; how would you assess the impact of the campaign?

    There has been tremendous progress and I must say that even the reports in the media are more. It is an indication of the progress made. Not too sure yet if it is an increase in reporting or an increase in cases too. One of the big progress made is the police gender policy; there is also a senior female police officer responsible for such cases as well as a special unit for this. In addition, you have the Human Rights Commission and even the Legal Aid Council whose mandate has also been expanded.

    Positive policies can help to make a change. What is the place of women in political participation?

    The history of women’s place in elections can be traced from the beginning of Nigeria from 1922 when the first African nominations into decision making body started in Nigeria, to 1950when a women’s party participated in the Lagos town Council elections, to 1979 when Northern Nigerian women received suffrage, and to 1999 when it was decided that women’s wing should not exist anymore in political parties to encourage women in mainstream party politics.

    Sadly, many think they have no place in politics; that it is dirty and uninteresting. If you are in business in Nigeria, you must be interested in politics and there are ways of doing politics. My experience was not as a candidate. I was part of a campaign team of a deputy gubernatorial candidate from my senatorial zone. It is important to be interested because it is only through politics that we can have a space in decision making and so we must be interested in what’s going on. Governance is a two-way process, not just for the politicians.

    It is only through politics that we can influence policies. The policies we hear about every day are not as if some people sit in government and say this is the best way to go about it. It is because they have interest groups and lobbyists speaking in their ears about what they need for their business or interests.

    You have also participated in politics. What was the experience like?

    I started my business in 2009 and by late 2010, I was wondering if I was in the right direction. Something prompted me and I started asking myself why don’t I try politics for two reasons. If I succeeded, then I can have wider impact and if I don’t succeed then at least I would have had the practical experience which would never be wasted and will deepen my work with women aspirants.

    As far back as when I was in school, I had always been interested and involved in the women’s movement. In 1995, I did a five-week study tour of the US on women’s political participation. In 2009 ten years after democracy returned to Nigeria, I did an assessment of what was on ground. And it came to me that how do you train someone on something that you have not practiced? And that was what encouraged me to go into politics. That formed part of my experience in teaching women and it was such an exciting journey.

    What were some of the challenges?

    The first thing I did was to get someone in the inner caucus to get me in. One thing that is important is to have an entry point, where you are accepted into the party and he registered me quickly but I was never invited to any meeting. I never knew when any meeting was happening. Each time I called him, he would say, ‘wait, and I would tell you when we are ready.’ It is not yet time. Then they started registering members online, still I was told no don’t bother, that it was a useless thing to do.

    The most mysterious thing about political parties in Nigeria is their membership. You don’t know who their members are or how they register members – forms are out, it has not yet started etc.

    I couldn’t register in the first party, but somehow I noticed that things were happening within the party. So, I turned to another party and one other interesting thing I noticed was that during the day members belonged to one party and during the night they belonged to another party. I joined this group and I was welcomed by the leadership. The first time I called, they said they had something at eight in the following morning and they wanted to know if I would be available. I was in Abuja and I felt that if I do not go, I would miss a chance.

    I started driving at 4am from Abuja in order to catch up with others. When I got to Makurdi, they said, ‘Oh, it is in Otukpo,’ which was another one hour’s drive. I continued and then they called, saying they were on their way to Gboko . So I took off again from Otukpo to Gboko. That is the story of the Nigerian political journey. You don’t know where you are going or where you would be at any point in time. It is like you are standing in the middle of the road and just following.

    What are some of the other issues you noticed?

    In the morning, you go and report in your principal’s house and you keep idling away. If you do not sit there, you are not an actor, you are not recognised. This is how relationships are made or marred. There is also the issue of people trying to spoil your reputation with people considered as influencers in that field. The long and short of it was that people didn’t know my background because they didn’t know who I was. All they knew was that I was coming from London but the truth was that I have never lived in London, I returned from the States in 2009. It was one of those stories that go around and since it gave me profile, I didn’t deny it, I also did not confirm it. One thing with politicians is that they want to associate with success and if you are successful, you are powerful. If you have money, you are powerful. If you have the ears of someone who is an influencer, you are powerful.

    What was the turning point?

    I became an elder. I believe I paid my dues then, I was part of the elders’ forum but there are always schemes. We were to host the candidates in my LGA and they decided the group to meet with them was too large and they wanted only about 10 people and all three of us women (including one who had been with them from the beginning, were removed from the list). Well, I was not letting a little thing like that keep me out of such a strategic meeting. In the midst of the meeting, I was asked to arrange for the refreshments to be served to the guests in the secret meeting place from the venue earlier planned for. I had to devise a means to do that without leaving the meeting. This is because the only role politicians think women should play is welfare or entertainment.  Even the women leader thing, it is because we must have a woman leader. They would prefer to look for someone who would not oppose them, someone they can manipulate and control. Most of the time, the woman leader does not have a constituency and this explains why the women usually do not have access to decision making.

  • She wants to control me

    A grand betrayal

    I recently found out that my daughter-in-law has been having an affair with my son’s cousin. It was a terrible news and I just did not know how to break the news to my son. I have not yet told my son, who will be devastated. I am actually having trouble carrying this burden alone. I feel they should be held accountable. This bad piece of information will definitely tear our family apart. It has been weeks since I got the information and I just do not know how to break the news to my son, who has been a very loving husband. Should I look the other way, or make them responsible for their actions, knowing the hell it will create?

    Maureen

     

    Response

    What a terrible mess. The bubble would certainly burst any time from now and I am sure that your son would know what’s been going on. It is better not to assume that you are responsible for any damage that may result from this affair.

    It is therefore important to let your son know what is going on instead of keeping him in the dark.

     

    She wants to control me

    I am a 28-year-old man in a relationship with a lady who is 26. We have been dating for about a year now and I really like her. However, I noticed that her attitude changed suddenly towards me and wondered why. Why I asked her what was going on, she told me that she did not like my dress sense and that I needed to do something about it if I wanted her to continue with the relationship. Don’t you think that she would become too overbearing if I allow her to dictate what I wear and how I live my life?

    Jide

     

    Response

    That is not totally true. As much as I believe that a man must be in charge in a relationship, you also need to understand and appreciate what your woman likes. It should not just be from your own views alone because it takes two to tango. Learn to be flexible and try to make her happy in whatever you do. Also, remember that she wants you to be at your best all the time.

     

    She behaves like daddy’s girl

    I met a lady that caught my fancy a few weeks ago at a party. She is really beautiful but somehow she comes across as a daddy’s girl. She is in her mid thirties and she has not had a boyfriend for about five years. She has not done anything bad but my instincts are just suspicious about what she may have up her sleeves. Anthony

     

    Response

    I think you should give her the opportunity to prove herself. It is not fair to judge her based on her age or the fact that she abstained from relationships for about five years. Something must have happened that made her take such a decision and she also needs you to make her realise that relationships can be good and exciting.

  • Making a difference through leadership

    Making a difference through leadership

    Over the years, the problems affecting different sectors have been traced to the problem of leadership. It is, therefore, important to discover public spirited leadership nurtured by identifying individuals with character and instincts to lead. The issues around leadership and how women can become better leaders were discussed at the 2014 National Conference of the Business and Professional Women which took place in Enugu recently.
    Yetunde oladeinde who was there reports

    IT is important to look at their achievements, challenges, inspiration, influence, identifying leadership and its inhibitions Barr. Amaka Chibuike Oduh, the keynote speaker and Senior Special Assistant to Enugu State Governor on International Resources and Special Projects, opined that the theme was apt and women all over the world are already expressing their ability. “Leadership from the women’s point of view shows that we are all leaders in our own right. We have so many examples from the Holy books and in secular life.”

    Oduh then talked about the two schools of thought about leadership traits. “The first carries the followers along and takes time to explain the process. Secondly, we have those who want to achieve something at all cost; they are result-based and they are called the demand leaders. A leader should have the ability to inspire and carry followers along. A leader is someone who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way.”

    According to Oduh, there are some women who have distinguished themselves in leadership positions. “What makes a difference is that a good leader takes her vision to the next level; what we call breaking the glass ceiling. Leaders who want to do things their way include Margaret Thatcher. She got result but the problem with that kind of leadership is that people feel that they are being manipulated. As much as people detested her style of leadership, she was somebody they could not forget in a hurry. If you are a leader and no one is following you, then you are not a leader.”

    Okechukwu Nwaeze noted that there is a need for proper networking and collaboration. “Around with someone and not producing something is not collaboration. For you to be seen as collaborating successfully, you must be seen to be producing something. If there is no mutual acceptable goal, then you are not collaborating. Collaboration comes with the level of interaction and level of technological support. You also need to check your organisational behaviour and the work attitude of your people. I am one of those that believe that the corporate culture of any organisation starts from the top. Your business goals and values must also be clearly spelt out.”

    For Angela Ajala, BPW National President, “The theme of our 2014 conference, Making a Difference through Leadership and Action, is just apt at this point of our country and it is a wakeup call to all of us to be agents of change in our little corner. We must learn to be interested in others and help to raise a woman up. In all we do, we must first consider the impact it might have on others. We must be people of character.”

    She added that “If you cannot point to anybody that you are raising, then it is possible that your life is wasting. You cannot give what you do not have, so BPW Nigeria also builds the capacity of her members, gives them the platform to explode their potential and make a difference. We can only do this more if our dreams are big. Many of us play small because we do not allow ourselves to dream. Imagination lifts us beyond average; dreams infuse our spirit with energy and spur us on to greatness.”

    Ajala went on to talk about the organisation’s mandate and some of the exploits that have been made over the years.  “Our mandate is to help raise another woman. In 2015, we shall be launching our new advocacy on prevention of child marriage, a scourge that has denied millions of girls access to education. We shall also be formalising our women empowerment principles and asking corporate organisations, government and top CEOs to play  smart economics by placing and promoting credible and brilliant women in key positions.”

    For the host president, Tessy Igweani, “Our awardees were carefully chosen, based on their achievements. We congratulate them and wish we all celebrate and emulate them as role models not just for women but men alike. The organisation is an international NGO with ECOSOC status at the United Nations, and a globally ranked and respected organisation that has blazed the trail on women issues.”

    Igweani continued: “BPW Nigeria is 54 years old and has been in the forefront of raising women genuinely in Nigeria. We have led in the fight against breast and cervical cancer, voters’ rights, economic empowerment of rural women, scholarship for indigent girls, orphans, and vulnerable children. Other projects carried out include provision of books to schools, sex education for the girl-child and leadership training for girls. Recently, with partnership from Centre for International Private Enterprise based in Washington, we led a coalition of over 17 NGOs to form the Association of Nigeria Women Business Network.”

  • ‘Learning science outside lab can be fun’

    ‘Learning science outside lab can be fun’

    Chinyere Peace Nnabugwe recently volunteered to train science teachers Association of Professional Women Engineers of Nigeria, APWEN. She studied Applied Physics for her first & second degrees, then went for Guidance and Counselling because she realised that a lot of students really need counselling in order to make good career choices especially with science disciplines. In this interview with BLESSING OCHIEMEN, she speaks on science education and how science can be carried out outside the laboratory.

    WHAT got you interested in physics? I won’t say I really loved Physics; I didn’t come into Physics out of love or passion. I actually wanted to study Medicine and after three years of writing JAMB, I had options of taking supplementary courses; the first time was Cell Biology & Genetics, the second one was Biochemistry. I refused both because I was ignorant of what these disciplines entailed, so I took JAMB again and this time, I told myself that if I wasn’t going to get into Medicine then I won’t opt for biological sciences. I would rather go for physical sciences and that is why I am in Physics. GOD also helped me that I became a student member of IOP and that really helped my orientation about Physics as a course. I now know better that science disciplines shouldn’t be considered as supplementary courses, which is the reason I try to educate the number of people I come in contact with.

    How can a background in Physics be useful?

    Studying physics or any science subject would help you think with clarity; it will help you look for the underlined reality of a problem. It will help one build a problem-solving ability, because it will make you think of all possible steps you can take in order to get to a solution. Studying physics will make you result-oriented and it will make you aim at the goal even if you fail a number of times, it will help you get focused on the result you aim to achieve and not the number of times you failed in doing it. I’m sure you know the story of Thomas Edison, this is what the study of Physics would do to anyone. It builds numeric ability which could be applied in a number of areas where numeracy is required, say mathematics or statistics; it could also be applied in Finance as well as Medicine, so the knowledge of Physics is not limited.

    How would you describe teaching the subject?

    I find teaching basic Physics interesting because it simply is interesting and if all the teachers that participated here today can apply the same method in teaching their students, you would over a period of time see that the interest level of their students to other students who might not have learnt under them will rise. There will be a difference because at least I can tell as I used this method which is teaching science outside the laboratory while in school to raise money for my education and today I already have products who are in the university; people who had wanted to study Medicine and are now studying Biology and doing well today, so teaching Physics or any other science subject can be very interesting. It depends on the level of enthusiasm one has. Teachers’ enthusiasm in teaching any subject is highly needed to achieve the much anticipated students interest. Government can stimulate enthusiasm in teachers by employing the reward system as practiced in the western world because they are seriously needed, otherwise, who else will do it?

    How can you teach science outside the laboratory?

    All that is required to teach science outside the laboratory is to understand the principle you want to pass across and then know how to demystify it. Take for example, if I want to teach the topic chromatography; chromatography simply means finding out the rate of components a liquid or gaseous mixture contains by passing it through an absorbent and I would want to find out what absorbent materials are and which one is readily available. An example is the tissue paper which can absorb water, this you can use to demonstrate ink chromatography, as well as show the students how it is applied in the industry and other areas with examples of other types of chromatography that are available. Teaching in this manner will stir up their imaginative ability but if you just come to the class and copy notes and do theoretical explanations without involving them, they may end up cramming into the exam hall and tomorrow, if they move to an advanced class and another teacher begins to review what has been taught, you might see such students telling you that they had never heard of the word ‘Chromatography’ probably because they didn’t understand the concept when it was taught. Another example is acids and bases.

  • A heart that never sleeps

    AKINSOLA sat in the reception waiting for his friend and schoolmate. His heart was in a state of turmoil and he had not slept for days. Suddenly, his attention shifted to the movie on the television screen and he became relaxed. He watched for a few minutes and fell asleep, slept like a baby and by the time he woke up, he felt better and different. Akinsola is about 29 years old and his heart had literally been to hell and back many times.

    Apart from the emotional tales, his personal story is also heartbreaking. At different point he had had to take a break from all kinds of loss. From the loss of his beloved mother to the loss of a promising career, loss from friends who were ever ready to exploit him as well as the loss of three promising relationships. Oh dear! Where did he really go wrong? What did he do or didn’t do right? Is there really hope for this endangered heart? Those were the questions that kept riveting in his mind when he escaped briefly to ‘slumber’ land.

    Sleep is an essential part of life. It is a phase no one can ever ignore and it is necessary to be fit, alert and healthy. It is obviously the end process for our daily activity and after the daily activity, it is essential to have a good night rest. This naturally ushers into a fresh day and the energy used up the previous day is replenished.

    You can, therefore, imagine what would happen to a heart that never sleeps. We also need to note that depriving yourself of sleep can be for positive reasons. Here, there may be something that you want to change and so you may need to work round the clock to meet your targets. This compares to a city that never sleeps. A place that is filled with activity, a place where social and economic life goes on round the clock with lots of fun in the air. Certainly, it must be a commercial nerve centre and a place where there would be something for everyone. Here it is possible to get attention, quick money as well as fame. The only sacrifice you may need to make from time to time is to deprive yourself of sleep.

    Of course, you can be sure that in this city, your goals would be met in a short while. You would also be smiling to the physical and emotional bank from time to time. Determination, dedication and perseverance obviously would help you drive through the city and conquer its assets as long as you can over stretch yourself.

    But the big question here is how far you can stretch yourself (heart). Life and love, interestingly, are elastic; ever willing to expand and allow you achieve your dreams. However, when you stretch it beyond the limits, it cuts off and that is when things fall apart. When you overstretch your emotional boundaries, what you run into may not be pleasant at all. Bad! And when you have the guts to take a closer look, you would be shocked to find a heart that is decaying.

    All efforts put in obviously were to fill in the gaps for others. You may have put in so much and obviously got so little in return. Those sleepless nights, nights of toiling, may have left nothing but worry, heartaches, a belly filled with animosity, despair and eye bags. On the surface, it looks like a dream come true, but deep down you know that it is all a mirage. There is a big hole in your emotional heart and it is getting deeper because you are the only one who can feel the emptiness within.

    Isn’t love about sharing? Perhaps, you thought that toiling for love would make things better and conquer the restless heart that caught your fancy. Now that things are not working according to the emotional plan, is it better to chicken out and tell the world that this isn’t love after all? In your mind, you may just come to the conviction that no one is ever going to understand what you feel or what you are going through. After all, experts would tell you that it is indeed a selfish world and only those who are stingy with their emotions appear to have the emotional world in their pockets. Determination to conquer against the many odds is therefore the reason for clinging to the ‘sleepless’ philosophy alone.

    This probably explains why many hearts prefer to toil round the emotional clock believing they would win the bold and the restless heart with time. Their desire usually is to change the mindset of the rebellious heart, to tame their emotional tigers and swing the emotional pendulum positively in their direction. Once in a while, your heart and body just cannot take it anymore and then you find yourself in the land of dreams. What a great relief! Unfortunately, that is not the feeling here and for a heart that has been deprived of sleep for a while, it revolts snoring angrily in return. This brings more provocation and this result is a nightmare. It would take you back to your sleepless state and if you are not careful, crash to emotional pieces.

  • Pursue your destiny (V)

    Pursue your destiny (V)

    WONDERFUL Nigerians, I am delighted to be in touch with you again today. I sincerely hope you are trying out the principles God has been handing down on this page. I remain a student in God’s school and what I’m daily taught is working out for my good and keeps moving me forward. I wish and pray for you with all my heart that your life will move forward by fire in Jesus name! I welcome you all to school on Sunday and remain a sister to all Nigerians!

    ALONE WITH GOD (Contd.)

    Last week, I emphasised on the importance of acquainting ourselves with God early in life especially in our teens when we have a vivid imagination of our expectations in life, when we are not so contaminated or polluted with the vices of this world and when we do really have the energy to fight our way through the wilderness of life. And I quoted Ecclesiastes 12:3 which encourages us to remember our creator while we are still young before those dismal days and years come when you will say, “I don’t enjoy life.” That is before the devil fully gains his ground in your life, makes you feel you are enjoying life, manipulates you at will for so many years and then you wake up one day suddenly realising you’ve not made any good of your life. Hmm…girls, do you know a lot of women wish they had been serious with God in their teens? A lot of them say they wish they had someone who constantly hammered the word of God into their ears. Knowing God is not only about being in church every Sunday in the most fashionable apparel or singing with your sonorous voice in the choir. What do you do outside church? What’s in your heart? What in your life is the devil holding on to that makes him have access to continually afflict you with all sorts? Do you know most people now pamper pain and just remain complacent about whatever the devil throws their way? That is wrong o! God didn’t say we wouldn’t suffer afflictions but He says He’ll deliver us from them all. I feel really terrible when I see beautiful sisters whose mothers couldn’t stay married and have children for 2-3 different men following suit and accepting it as their fate. You could call it an evil family pattern, but just because you got into the family way while you were in school doesn’t mean you’d end up like your mother. You have the chance to fight it now and get your life straightened out by God. True, we Africans believe so much in pre-destination. Yoruba people call it “akosile” and, unfortunately, a lot of people think nothing can be done about it. This is a most fatal attitude to life which has derailed and rubbished a lot of destinies.

    What is pre-destination? It is the theory or the belief that everything that happens has been decided or planned in advance by God or by fate and that humans cannot change it? Now Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” It then behoves you to get Him on your side and enjoy the beautiful life He has promised. Have you been told that your predicament is as a result of a family curse hanging on your head which you have tried to deal with by passing through uncountable deliverance sessions and your life still remains stagnant and you think you can never make a head way in life? Wake up o! God cannot lie. Jesus tells us in John 17:23 “I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.” Wow! Can God be cursed? Impossible! Now, doesn’t this mean you should surrender to Him totally and resist the devil by all means, stay away from ungodly friends, purify your heart, daily rub minds with God by studying the scriptures and just live your life like the only reason you are on earth is to please God? My sweet, start o, begin now when you still have plenty of time to spend with God and enough energy to pray violent prayers.

    It’s nice to be fashionable, up to date and enjoy our youth, but I tell you it’s much better for you to prepare a solid foundation for your future while in your youth. And in any case, you can still be fashionable, but in a godly manner. And do you know if you carry God on your head right from a young age, I can assure you that even if your parents can’t afford to send you to school now, you have the chances of buying an aircraft even before you are age 40! We are told in the scripture, which of course is the spirit of God, that those that know their God shall do exploits! It’s up to you! Do I hear someone asking me how she would be able to experience guys and get street-wise in order to discern a good or bad guy and make the right choice when she’s about to get married if she eschews boyfriends, sex, clubbing etc? Truth is, only God knows the man He has chosen to pair up with us in marriage to complement and help us fulfill our destiny. If you follow Him in spirit and in truth, you will operate in the super-natural and He will always reveal whoever is coming your way, his mission and whether to receive him or not possibly before that person sets out to meet with you. Wouldn’t it so nice to be a super-girl? Okay, super-babe? It’s really up to you!

  • A cracked woman cracks everything around her

    A cracked woman cracks everything around her

    All over the world  the sixteen days of activism campaign has provided a rallying point for governments, NGOs, CBOs and other stakeholders  to create activities aimed at raising awareness, influencing behaviour change and securing high level political commitment to end gender violence  Yetunde Oladeinde speaks with Leila st. Matthew Daniel about the impact of the campaign and the way forward.

    LEILA St. Matthew Daniel, a transitional strategist, emotions therapist, psychologist, executive leadership coach and CEO of Jacinta Limited – a lifestyle re-engineering company based in Lagos – is one of those who have been working tirelessly in this area. In an encounter this week, Daniel who is also the founding executive director of ACTS Generation talks about the plans to mark this year’s 16 days’ activism against gender violence.

    “There are lots of people with mental health issues on the street and a lot of children have one issue or the other. A cracked woman cracks everything around her. She is not the nurturer that she should be. We have worked in different areas and with the grassroots and worked with market women. So, each time I get a new case, the first thing is to call the child abuse centre and the instrument of government is very powerful. Lagos State has done so much in this area and there’s a law that says if you impregnate a woman you must care for her.”

    From the one-day conference, Daniel and other stakeholders intend to continue awareness, advocacy and solution-oriented activities with relevant stakeholders. “As we endeavour to achieve the UN global call and MDG goals by 2015, we also intend to partner with relevant agencies and organisations to set up an ACTS Generation Intervention centre to offer wider assistance. ACTS Generation is a gender-based organisation working in the areas of sensitisation, awareness, advocacy and intervention, and aims to address this problem by having an international conference to bring together stakeholders to address the pandemic that threatens our very existence and peace.”

    Daniel added that ”we have all noticed a disturbing trend that not a day goes by without hearing or reading about some atrocious crime committed against women and children, mainly domestic violence, sexual assault and trafficking, including sexual slavery in conflict areas. In some instances, men are also exposed to spousal violence and abuse. As concerned individuals and stakeholders in the society, we cannot just fold our hands and do nothing about this scourge that continues to plague our homes and affect the workplace, schools and mental health of society at large.”

    She continued: “ACTS Generation has been in existence since 2007, working in the areas of women and children and more recently focused primarily on victims of violence, abuse and trafficking. We have interventions for counselling, therapy, relocation and reintegration of marginalised women and youths. Some of the works we have been involved with include organisation of various awareness drives and sensitisation walks and rallies and instances of strategic collaboration with the Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation Ministry of Lagos State. We have also facilitated trainings for organisations and embassies on various world violence days.”

    Other projects carried out include facilitating radio shows on issues of life as well as workshops on personal development and self mastery, using psychology and therapy interventions to empower and address mental health issues. “We were also the initiator and convener of the simultaneous rally on 6th March, 2014 themed: Nigeria Women Mourn, in seven states of Nigeria and UK/USA to protest the slaughter of 45- plus kids in Buni Yadi. This bold walk to protest the ills of Boko Haram broke the barrier of apprehension and galvanised women for the #Bring BackOurGirls initial walk of 30th April which has become a sustained pressure protest in Abuja, Lagos and other parts.

    “Now we are moving on to seek sustainable solutions by organising a conference that would discuss worrisome emerging concerns and find proactive plausible solutions. An action plan document will be published to aid existing interventions in this global fight to bring zero tolerance to gender-based violence.”

  • ‘Why I’m running for governor’

    ‘Why I’m running for governor’

    Adetokunboh Tobun Agbesanwa is the only female governorship aspirant under the platform of the All Progressives Congress, APC, in Lagos State. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, the political scientist and daughter of the late Major Moji Adekunle Obasanjo (Retd) talks about life working with the current governor, mentoring the young ones, her desire and plans to make a change in the state.

    AT what point did you make up your mind to contest election begin?

    I must say that the urge to serve has been in my mind for a long time even before now. And like every other human endeavour, without planning, without focus, you would fail. I have always planned to hold such a big position since my days of youth. As a student of political science there have been theories and so many things we discussed in class that have always made me think of myself as somebody who would like to make a change in the society, especially in Lagos State .

    Over the years, working in government and serving with the current governor I have had a lot of experience from governance and it is only natural for me to want to take my service of the people to a higher level; that is one point. Secondly, in all my activities I have been very careful and that’s why I said that planning is very important. As a young person, I have been very careful because I have always seen myself as holding a high position and I would not want any history that can bring me down. My mates were always saying that I’m too serious minded, but I always told them that I am going where you do not even know. I don’t want anything to draw me back because I know that I would be in public eye and I want to be seen as a good role model.

    Thirdly, I have been an advocate for women’s participation in governance. I see the qualities of women in great need for our country Nigeria and we need to let everyone know that we have a lot to offer. A woman should not just be seen as an object for pleasure or for use. Being the mothers of the nation, we mould the next generation and if we have that responsibility and we are doing it, then what is wrong with taking decisions? We have a lot to do in the future of our children. Apart from culture and other things like religion, there is nothing holding a woman back from leadership. In my own house, there is no difference between a girl child and a boy child. I can drive a car like a man can drive it; I can do anything a man can do. The only thing is that we cannot carry things that are heavy and if you do you may destroy the pregnancy. With science and technology now, it is not by might, it is your thought process. The fourth reason is that Nigerians, especially the youths, should strive to serve at every level. I do not subscribe to serving in my 60s when I have lost touch with the times, as a grandmother. I want to serve now.

    My mother strived so hard to make that mark for woman and I know what she faced and the things that got her down. It is only natural for me as her child; I have decided to take up the gauntlet looking at the mistakes that made her fail. This is the time for women; we have female presidents in different parts of the world in Germany, Liberia and Brazil. Even Benazir Bhutto served in an Islamic state as Prime Minister and she was pregnant at one time. Imagine the country’s president going to deliver, and she made a lot of impact. Those are role models that go to show me that even the position of governor is not too much for any woman in Nigeria and somebody has to bell the cat. If you do not take up the courage to come out, nobody is going to call you in your sitting room.

    Your mother was also passionate about the masses, what are you bringing to the table?

    I am part of the success story in Lagos State so far because I have been in advisory position as a civil servant. The change I want to bring is an emotional change. Not just in terms of infrastructure; in fact, at the moment, Lagos State is on auto pilot. The current governor has done a lot and the person before him laid that foundation. Society continues to develop and the current governor has done a lot on infrastructure and the system that carries it out. I want to put a heart to those institutions. Lots of schools have been reconstructed and the environment is now conducive. In my current position, we are planting trees and looking at how to clean the air with the trees.

    We also need to bring into our education more qualitative education, something like environmental education which I am handling now. We would do better if we bring it into the system and there are so many things coming into the system which we need to introduce to our children. My slogan is continuity and good governance. We want to empower people more. We want to create jobs for our youths. An example here in my example is waste management. Those are areas where developed countries are making a lot of money. I hope to bring emotions and in my agenda developing the human resources is very important. Let’s see how we can have better housing for the poor. Let’s see how we can have more qualitative education. Let’s see how we can get our youths to see the future and see a bright future ahead. Also in my agenda is the tax issue, Lagos State has a very organised tax system in Nigeria and that is why we can do a lot of project. However, we cannot say we are there yet and we need to look at where people are complaining, look at the loopholes and the leakages. Apart from good corporate governance, whatever I have to do as a governor must be sustainable.

    What does it feel like being the only female governorship aspirant in the party in the state?

    As a female in my house, I was the only girl for a long time. I was brought up as a girl-child that did not have any gender bias. My mother would discipline you the way she would discipline the boy child. A boy in the house must cook, make eba and if you don’t, then you starve. I was brought up in an atmosphere of equality and social justice. I was a child who had a confidence and when I did my WAEC, I had six distinctions and two credits. I was never ever made to feel that as a woman you should limit your abilities. I was brought up to excel, be the best of what you are. So, being an only female aspirant, to me, is nothing. My mum was an army officer; on the job you can handle gun and there was no gender. Mum used to tell me that I have signed for this country for one bullet, that bullet can hit me in the head or anywhere. If my mother, who brought me up, signed to die for the nation, what can’t I do for the nation? She also told me as a medical practitioner that if a bullet hits anyone in the head, the person dies, it doesn’t matter if you are male or female.

    In politics, a lot of women shy away because of violence, does this bother you?

    There is a lot of violence, there is a lot of threat to life in Nigerian politics and it is unfortunate. Politics abroad, you don’t find that. If you want to make a change, you have to push aside your fears. My life is not in the hands of any man and, with God on my side, there is no problem. A lot of people die from hypertension, stroke or by crossing the road. So why don’t you die for a good cause? I also feel that they play up the issue of violence to scare women. There are one woman and thirteen men in the race for now. I am seeking the support of both men and women and I have served the state in different capacities. From the grassroots women, I have a lot of support because they identify with me. I am no longer a youth but only a few of us are closer to the youths and this are the leaders of tomorrow or leaders of today who are not allowed. My campaign on Face book is very massive and it is creating more ripples than the campaign on the streets, especially amongst the youth. That is one thing that Governor Fashola uses and as one of his assistants you do need to see him to get an idea across; send it via email and a lot of action can be done on that within seconds. We should take our governance to that level; let’s look for people that are ready to move ahead.

    Memorable moments in life

    I have a lot of memorable moment. I grew up in an atmosphere where there is fair play, where there is love. I never lacked anything. If not for the fact that they said if you study too much you may not get a husband, I may have been a professor. The sky was no limit to me as a young woman. And as wife, my husband has been very supportive. We were classmates in school and we have always known each other and we understand each other. The type of confidence a child has prepares him or her for life. You know who you are, you know your worth and your capabilities. So no one can tell you that you deserve less or you are less. In my office, especially this last assignment has been wonderful. I love the job; love the painting project that has discovered lots of talents especially in public schools.