Category: New Woman

  • Intimacy in a unique destination

    Intimacy in a unique destination

    It’s a time for the couple to relax and spend some romantic quality and intimate time together in a very special location. Adetorera Idowu looks at the top destinations for the most memorable honeymoon.

    A honeymoon is the traditional holiday taken by newlyweds to celebrate their marriage in intimacy and seclusion. Today, preparation for the honeymoon can be simple or elaborate depending on the resources available. The basic aim, however, is to make it a destination considered to be romantic and exotic by the lovebirds.

    This is the period when newlywed couples take a break to share some private and intimate moments that help establish love in relationship. This privacy in turn is believed to ease the comfort zone towards a physical relationship, which is one of the primary means of bonding during the initial days of marriage. The earliest term for this in English was hony moone, which was recorded as early as 1546.

    In Western culture,  the custom of a newlywed couple going on a holiday together originated in early 19th century Great Britain. Upper-class couples would take a “bridal tour”, sometimes accompanied by friends or family, to visit relatives who had not been able to attend the wedding. The practice soon spread to the European continent and was known as voyage à la façon anglaise (English-style voyage) in France from the 1820s on.

    Today, a honeymoon is an opportunity for newlyweds to get away from the stress of everyday life, the stress they encountered from planning their wedding and attention they received from family and friends regarding their marriage. Below are some interesting destinations that would make your honeymoon memorable and interesting:

    1.        Bora Bora

    2.            Goa

    3.            Anguilla

    4.            Bali

    5.            Zanzibar

    6.            Seychelles

    7.            Kailua Kona, Big Island of Hawaii

    8.            Mauritius

    9.            Maldives

    10.          Fiji Island

  • The men in our lives (V): Brothers

    The men in our lives (V): Brothers

    We all played together as children. Sometimes they were very caring; sometimes they were bullish and loved to chance us. They were ever ready to put that troublesome classmate of ours in order. We grew up loving them most of the time. Our brothers are our little daddies and could be more protective over us than our fathers.

    A time comes when things suddenly change and we see our brothers as a clog in the wheel of our progress conniving with our fathers. They tend to be so hard on us and protective when it comes to boys. They are the ones who report us to dad about some boys we have been seeing or some group of bad girls we have been hanging around with. True, the word “brother” stands for love, support, comfort, succour, protection, amongst other things, but how far should it go? Every young girl sure needs some guidance from an older and wiser person but some brothers tend to stretch their duties too far. In fact, so many young girls would rather not go to the same college or university with their brothers. Not because they do not want anyone to check their excesses but because they do not want unnecessary hassles arising from assumptions.

    Elizabeth, 22, said she went to the same university with her brother whom she had a wonderful relationship with while they were in the primary and secondary schools. So close were they that they were seen as partners-in-crime and got punished for each other’s naughtiness most of the time. They had to share a flat together at the university. Her brother virtually terrorised her throughout her stay because of hear-says which were mostly false as she said she wasn’t interested in her environment and could not mingle. She said he beat her sometimes and was fond of calling her all sorts of derogatory names. She said he always went home recounting what the tell-tales told him about her and this always got her into serious trouble and she ended up being punished for atrocities she never committed. When she could no longer bear it, she left their flat in school and refused to go home damning what her family thought. She would have revolted easily but had so much sense her brother never knew she had and a lot of times she felt she was wiser than him.

    She refused to talk to her brother for months because the effect his seeming protection had on her was totally devastating and hurt her badly. After a while, he realised his foolish ways of protecting his sister and apologised to her. Her family had to wade in and apologise on his behalf, but the trauma he put her through had made her so tough that she refused to talk to him. A lot of times when they came across each other in school she wanted to talk to him because she loved him as her brother but the pain he caused her was incomprehensible and not one she could forget for so many years.

    Interestingly, some girls said their brothers cover up for them and take them to parties though they are protective to a certain extent. While talking to the boys, most of them maintain they know better the “evil” boys could to do to girls and they would not want their sisters caught up in all that. This is true, after all the boys who practice the “evil” on girls are brothers to some girls. And most of them believe young girls are gullible and pretty silly in thinking. Some of these brothers want to put some sense into their heads by battering them. This is not nice.

    Every brother has a duty and responsibility to protect his sister and guide her through life; however, it should be done reasonably. It must be emphasised that growing up is a learning process of getting to be a better person and being who you really want to be. A girl should be reasonably monitored and cautioned but at the same time allowed to make her mistakes and learn from them and most importantly live her life just the way she wants. Besides, one’s adolescence comes in a life time and that phase has to be lived to the fullest, though with wisdom. However, we must appreciate our big brothers because they only mean well. Next week, by God’s grace, we’ll discuss how best to deal with them.

  • Two sides of emotional coin

    We all like to talk about great emotional exploits, the forever-happy tales and tales of new hearts that have just been conquered. But this is just one side of the emotional coin. The other side which a lot of us like to sweep under the carpets features the intrigues, treachery and blackmail which are the strategies that help a greater number of people to survive in this highly competitive environment.

    While the exciting side of the emotional coin can be compared to that delicious and appetising menu, the other unsavoury side compares to the vomit. It is unpleasant in all ramifications of the word.

    So, the big question is why do people who should know better end up being victims of the emotional vomit? you ask. The truth of the matter is that to be a complete heart, you must taste the two sides of the emotional coin. Allison’s heart has been in and out of the emotional tunnel and, at a point, he felt he just needed a change of environment to get his sanity.

    “I relocated to a new neighbourhood about six months ago and I ran into an ex-girlfriend. I was so excited with the connection and in a short while old flames were re-ignited,” recalls Allison.

    He continued: “I thought she was the answer to all my emotional misfortunes and started to build a new future together again. Unfortunately for me, I did not know that she had another motive. One day, I went to work and left her at home. When I came back home about five hours later, I realised that she had moved out with not just her belongings but everything I had laboured for all my life.”

    Like Allison, Dotun is also a victim of an emotional vomit. For about two weeks, Dotun could not eat, drink or work properly. His body, soul and mind were in disarray because the girl he loved so much dumped his heart in the garbage. This made him a shadow of his former self and he is sick.

    Dotun is in bad shape and he keeps on vomiting. His younger sister gave him some medication and he felt better afterwards. By the time he got better, he realised that he was feeling very hungry, and to make matters worse, there was nothing to eat in the house. As he walked towards the bathroom, he saw the content he has vomited earlier on but sadly it had been polluted. This certainly cannot be consumed again, no matter how it is presented.

    Vomiting is the involuntary, forceful expulsion of the contents of one’s stomach through the mouth and sometimes the nose. This can be caused by a wide variety of conditions; it may present as a specific response to ailments like gastritis or poisoning, or some disorders ranging from brain tumours and elevated intracranial pressure to overexposure to ionising radiation.

    Interestingly, you can compare a failed relationship to these reactions. Going back to an ex, therefore, means going to an emotional vomit. It has become stale, offensive and unattractive. Why on earth would you want to go after emotion that should be flushed down the drain, why would you waste your time and energy pursuing something that once gave you nausea, why would you stuff your heart with something that stinks? Or why would you upset your stomach with an expired content?

    The truth of the matter is that emotional vomits, most times, are not worth going after. You can be sure that whoever or whatever situations that make them represent themselves have some ulterior motives.

    It is only a few relationships that enjoy a smooth experience and become a reference point for others. The normal process is to run into a few bumps on the emotional corridor, rediscover your potentials and see if you can still make it down the road.

    Usually you can be successful when you recognise the problems and challenges ahead of time. From this point, you get better when you have found lasting solutions to the problems threatening your emotional existence.

    You will definitely have a much better chance of getting past them once the answers have been found.

    Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love lives going, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, author of The Marriage Turnaround.

    They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counselling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error.

    After six years, Deborah’s heart began to melt for affection. She also became desperate to settle down and have children with the new guy who found his way stylishly into her heart.

    Good News! Again, she was in a one-sided show and this dude just wasn’t ready for any emotional trap. On his part, Soji was just not ready to settle down and it was obvious that she was wasting precious time and emotional energy. For the records, he had repeatedly put off the wedding plans twice and this was the third attempt at making this marital dream a reality.

    Age was also not on his side and she began to wonder why he was being elusive at this stage. The chic in question was also intelligent, beautiful and hardworking. Now, he has suddenly cancelled all the arrangements, saying that he is just not ready for a serious relationship.

  • Top things to do after you get engaged

    Top things to do after you get engaged

    He popped the question, you’re over the moon. Adetorera Idowu shares top 10 things to do right after he proposes.

    Spread the good news

    This is the first task; telling your parents about it, then your friends and relatives. Because no one likes to be the last to know, you have to pick up the phone to call them all one by one to share the exciting news. You do not want to let your family hear about it through an update on social media. Set aside time and money to make the call, starting from you nuclear family, of course.

     

    Insure your ring

    Some people don’t see the need for this, but if something happens to your ring, you are going to wish you had it insured. Your ring is a treasured item and although nothing can replace it’s sentimental value and you may not get the exact same type if it gets lost, but at least you can get your (or his) money back. So make a call to your insurance broker to find the right type of insurance cover for your ring.

     

    Sign up for marriage classes

    It’s important to still keep sight of the big picture (the marriage) and think beyond the wedding which is just a day. Marriage classes are usually organised by the local churches and are sometimes mandatory. Attending these classes gives the couple insight into the new institution they are entering.

     

    Have an idea of the date

    Before you announce to the world that you are finally engaged, make sure you have an idea of when the wedding will be. After “congratulations” and “let me see your ring,” here’s the first thing people will ask: “When’s the wedding?” It’ll save you a lot of headache if the two of you come up with a vague-yet-specific answer, like “Early Next Year” it will save you a lot of stress having an answer for them.

     

    Create a wedding blog

    It is also a good idea to set up a wedding website or blog to keep everyone up to date on your upcoming wedding. One the site, you can share your ‘how we met’, “how he proposed” and also post photos, write your “how we met” story, have a guestbook and interact with so many people. It will answer all the questions that people may want to ask.

     

    Start saving

    If you haven’t done so already, start saving with your significant other. Even if you might not know exactly how much your wedding will cost, it’s a pretty good bet that it will be expensive. The sooner you start saving, the smaller the amount per month you need to save. You can then make a wedding budget out of the money already saved. This is particularly helpful if your parents don’t have much to contribute to your wedding or you want to be able to afford some things yourself. Remember that even a simple, small wedding costs money (and sometimes a lot more money than you would ever imagine). A wedding savings account is an easy way to keep cash accumulating for the big day, so you don’t have to rely solely on your parents and contributions from friends.

     

    Star drawing up your guests’ list

    Ask your parents (and his) for their ideal guests’ lists. Before you start putting a number on how many guests you want, it’s time to ask both your parents about whom they’d most want to invite. Be sure to tell them this is just a preliminary list and things might change. After you have their “dream” lists, you can add and edit and trim. With this, you will have an idea of how many people may attend your wedding.

  • ‘Young people should be creative’

    ‘Young people should be creative’

    Onoriode Odah Ovwurie is a publisher, singer, presenter and actress. While on campus, she developed a flair for the arts, entertainment and writing. This innate talent became a reality and she started organising shows and bringing in top artistes to perform for the students. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about her passion, publishing and more.

    Do you find writing songs for yourself and others lucrative?

    I have my own live band called ”Urena live band” and we do almost all genre of music. We play at corporate events, wedding receptions, birthday parties, dinners, naming ceremonies and any social event. I am working on my album that is coming out very soon. I have been in the music industry for quite a while. Back in the days, I featured in the Sunny Neji’s remix video of ”Face me I face you” and also Face’s song titled “Face alone.” I featured in the video too. I was signed under November Records owned by Charles Novia, the movie director/ producer. Majek Fashek, the song guru, was also on that record label. You may want to ask that after all these years how come I don’t have an album out yet? During the time I was under the record label, the Nigerian music industry had not been this appreciated and the kind of songs I wrote then would not be appreciated because the industry had not matured to compete with their foreign counterparts and my songs sounded too foreign.

    I wrote the kind of songs Asa or Waje would sing today. In fact, most of the people who heard my songs actually thought I was a foreigner. I remember Asa also had the same problem when she first released her first album in Nigeria. Nobody even acknowledged her talent, not until she travelled out to release the same album abroad and then Nigerians began to appreciate her.

    In spite of the initial challenges, I continued to push myself and I used to perform in events like Nigerian Brewery opening ceremony of ”Star quest” and other big events. I also played with live bands in reputable places like Sheraton Hotel, Four point Hotel, Oriental Hotel, Weston Hotel, Slick Bar in VGC and many others. Currently, my band plays on Fridays at Ayo Bankole Centre on Yesufu Sanusi, off Adeniran Ogunsanya. Ayo Bankole Junior happens to be one of Nigeria’s best pianists. He is also a music instructor. So, you can see I am still fully into music professionally; music is in my bones.

    I am also a T.V presenter and I co-host a programme on N.T.A. 2 Channel 5. It’s a live programme called ‘Hanging out’, aired on Mondays between 1:30- 2:30.  I started my on-air personality career when I was in the university. As a student, I was an independent producer / presenter with N.T.A Ile-Ife in Osun State, which was the leading network then. The programme was an entertainment programme called ‘Glitz Entertainment’ and it was the only local entertainment programme allowed to air. I do act as well. I have taken part in a few soap operas and I am also an M.C at events. In short, I will classify myself as a full-time entertainer.

    Tell us about your life working in the entertainment industry

    I will say I enjoy what I do. I have always been involved one way or the other in entertainment from a very young age. So I am not surprised I ended up being a publisher amongst other line of my entertainment talents. The industry is so broad, there is room for everyone. You just have to define what area you want to specialise in and go for it. I spend my time singing with my band. I also host karaoke in D’ Chills Hind, aka Lounge 38, in Surulere, which is one of the classy and sophisticated lounges on the main land. So I will say I spend my time socialising and doing my other businesses.

    How would you describe the efforts put in by government in the empowerment of women in Nigeria?

    I will say it is better off than before. In the past, women were not given a voice, but now things are changing for the better, although we still live in a society where double standard is the order of the day. If I remember vividly, it was the era of President Babangida that his late wife, Maryam, made it mandatory that women should be in every government parastatal and since then it has been that way. I believe the government can do better and give women more credit like it’s done in the developed countries. It’s rather unfortunate that the system we operate on does not support women fully.

    If you had to compare what you are doing with colleagues in the other parts of the world, what would you say?

    Truth be told, there shouldn’t be comparison because our system and structure here are very poor. There are lots of loop holes in our social structures and net works. Corruption is the order of the day. A lot of things are not done rightly. And there are people who occupy certain positions who have no business being there in the first place. My other colleagues in some parts of the world have it easier for them because of the system laid down for them over the years. Things are working well because virtually everything is made readily available for them to work with. They have easy access to funds and other things or material they need to help them grow their businesses in as much as it is beneficial to the society and will also bring about employment to people in that field. They have government backings in almost everything. Their governments are fully involved with their businesses and encourage them to the fullest. In Nigeria, everything is stressful; from starting up the business to growing the business and allowing the business to stand and survive on its own. It’s always a struggle to get things accomplished in Nigeria. It only takes the grace of God to survive the Nigerian factors that we are all faced with. Getting loans from banks sometimes is like passing a camel through the eye of the proverbial needle. So, tell me, with the high rate of unemployment and graduates just laying about waiting for one job opportunity to come their way, how will we grow?

    What are some of the changes that you would like to see in the next ten years?

    I would like to see a corrupt-free Nigeria; a country where the right people will assume government positions. Here, we would have leadership who would rule the masses with sincerity and have our interest at heart. I will like to see true democracy practiced, where young leaders are raised to be honest and selfless citizens. I will also like to see better changes in our health, education and housing sectors and put a stop to these security insurgencies we are facing today. We are all brothers and sisters, whether we like it or not. It is really sad our Chibok girls have not been found totally. I sympathise with all the girls and their parents. Most importantly, I would like to see changes in our orientation. Our mind set has to be changed. Today, nobody wants to work hard to achieve result. Everybody wants to cut corners and perform magic and get results over night. Things are not done that way. I tell you hard work pays better. You will be more fulfilled as an individual or organisation when you know you worked hard to get to the top than bribing your way through to the top which most people do these days. They want to reap where they did not sow.

    What are the other things that you are passionate about?

    I am also the Editor -in-Chief of Noww Magazine. Noww Magazine is a lifestyle magazine designed for both adults and teenagers with contents that are informative, educative and entertaining; something that can also be classified as a family bouquet. The focus of the magazine is to bring to the doorsteps of families in Nigeria a high quality, stylish and classy magazine that intends to inform the readers of the current trends in every sphere of life.

    Over the two years that we have been operating, for a new publication, I will say it has been a great experience for us because people appreciate and accept the magazine because of its uniqueness and high quality standard. For every new publisher, the fear is how the acceptance of the magazine will be like because of the fast-rising internet users. Truth be told, Nigerians do not have the reading culture, but I tell you times have changed. We do have people out there who still appreciate good reading materials when they can lay their hands on one. Noww is owned by me, and my business partner is Barrister Chike Onwuka.

    What are some of the challenges encountered?

    Going into publishing is not a child’s play. It’s very capital intensive. You can imagine putting in a lot of money into a business and getting poor response from the public or better still not making sales at all. So, you have to get it right. One major challenge is circulation of the publication. Your circulation net work has to be very efficient or else your publication will not go very far. There is nothing as fulfilling for any publisher like seeing your publication being sampled and sold on the streets, with the vendors, the newsstands, super markets, book shops. That is the joy of any publisher. Your publication can not sustain itself by sales alone, so you will need a lot of advert slots to back up the sales and these don’t come easy. One major problem we face is electricity because it adds to the overall cost of production which you all know doesn’t come cheap.

    How do you cope with some of these challenges?

    We try to do a lot of research to come up with ways to handle the challenges. We are also doing our best to work with competent people who are the key players in the sector and also come up with strategies to help boost the success of the magazine.

    Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

    God is my greatest influence.

  • Marriage in Islam

    Marriage in Islam

    In Islam, marriage is considered both a social agreement and a legal contract. In modern times, the marriage contract is signed in the presence of an Islamic judge, imam, or trusted community elder who is familiar with Islamic law. The process of signing the contract is usually a private affair, involving only the immediate families of the bride and groom.

    Negotiating and signing the contract is a requirement of marriage under Islamic law, and certain conditions must be upheld in order for it to be binding and recognised. These include the following:

    •Consent  Both the groom and the bride must consent to the marriage, verbally and in writing. This is done through a formal proposal of marriage (ijab) and acceptance of the proposal (qabul). A first-time bride is usually represented in the contract negotiations by her Wali, a male guardian who looks out for her best interests. Even so, the bride must also express her willingness to enter into marriage. Consent cannot be obtained from those who are legally unable to give it, i.e. people who are incapacitated, minor children, and those who have physical or mental impairments which limit their capacity to understand and consent to a legal contract.

    •Mahr  This word is often translated as “dowry” but is better expressed as “bridal gift.” The bride has a right to receive a gift from the groom which remains her own property as security in the marriage. The gift is payable directly to the bride and remains her sole property, even in case of later divorce. The mahr can be cash, jewellery, property, or any other valuable asset. Either full payment or an agreed-upon payment schedule is required at the time of contract signature. The mahr may also be deferred until termination of the marriage through death or divorce; in such an instance the unpaid mahr becomes a debt against the husband’s estate.

    •Witnesses  Two adult witnesses are required to verify the marriage contract.

    •Prenuptial contract conditions  Either the bride or the groom may submit contract conditions which, if agreed upon, become legally-binding conditions of marriage. Often such conditions include agreements about the country of the couple’s residence, the wife’s ability to continue her education or career life, or visitation with in-laws. Any condition that is allowable in Islamic law is allowed to be entered, as long as both parties agree.

    After the contract is signed, a couple is legally married and enjoy all the rights and responsibilities of marriage. In many cultures, however, the couple do not formally share a household until after the public wedding celebration (walimah). Depending on the culture, this celebration may be held hours, days, weeks, or even months later.

  • The men in our lives (IV)

    The men in our lives (IV)

    In the last two weeks, I’ve been writing on what makes a good father and the very important role he plays in bringing out the best in his daughter. Now, what about girls defiled by their fathers? This ugly situation is rampant these days and it is called INCEST. We often hear stories of uncles who raped their nieces but I was shocked to discover a young girl so close to me whose waywardness was caused by her father. She came to spend her long vacation with my family and I realised she liked to wear revealing clothes and pushed her chest forward around males.

    Rumours of her dalliances with the males in the neighbourhood were rife and before long, she was nick-named “cheap.” One of the domestic staff members “caught her” with the security guard barely a week into her holiday. She could do the sexiest and craziest dance steps so much that you would think she went to a dancing school. Many times, she got missing for long hours and came back with funny tales. Some other times, she said she was spending the weekend with her uncle or going for a vigil only to end up in her boyfriend’s house. Yet, she was only 15.

    The amazing thing was that no matter how much you reprimanded her, even lovingly, she never changed. No matter the leverage of insults hurled at her, she just could not be bothered and never showed any form of remorse. It was already her way of life and we assumed a spiritual angle to it. She always came back home with tales of her classmates’ escapades with boys. This is a girl who never had any sober moments. But one day, after a weekend at her uncle’s house, she came back looking dejected and tired. When asked what the problem was, she burst into tears and narrated how he slept with her thrice before she could collect her stipend of N 1,500 for the week. This was the same uncle we had invited over to discuss his niece’s waywardness who had castigated her to no end. She said it had been going on for a long time but could not tell anyone because he was the only one fending for her since her ailing father had no job. She said each time she told him she feared becoming pregnant, he would tell her to ask her mates about abortion and have sex with her till she became sore.

    Her next revelation was most shocking. She said her father deflowered her against her will at age 13. She said he simply told her that she constantly reminded him of her mother, his late wife who died at her birth, and wanted her to fill the vacuum she created. Unbelievable it seems, but it’s happening to so many other girls. He continued sleeping with her every now and then while she lived with him.

    One can only wonder what would become of the girl because he not only defiled her physically, but mentally and emotionally. At her tender age, she saw sex as an in-door game and a means to get phone cards, snacks, money to buy hair extensions, fix her nails…and so on. Obviously, such a girl would grow up unable to handle relationships with the opposite sex.  She’s likely to be very suspicious of men and see them as mean and callous. If her father could do the worst to her, then all men could as well be as beastly as they seem. However, that depends on how she’s taken care of by those around her if she spoke out. She may get over it on time and who knows, the experience may not have a long-lasting effect on her. But you will agree with me that it is not only a breach of trust but a very evil thing to do.

    Our relationship with our fathers goes a long way in determining our personality and shaping our destiny. Those with responsible and caring fathers are very lucky. And those without responsible and caring fathers can still get on with the support of their mothers or siblings.

    A Few Tips on How A Father Can Play His Role Effectively

    1.  He must have a good and respectful relationship with the child’s mother. Children are affected by the environment in which they grow and by what they see. That forms their personality and way of life.

    2. Parents are role models for children. A girl who grows up with a loving father knows she deserves respect from the man she marries. If a father comes home drunk every day or gets involved in shady deals or flirts with the opposite sex, his son would do the same and his daughter would feel she can’t marry a better man. What the children see mould their principles and morals.

    3. It is important that the family bonds by sitting together at dinner, praying together etc. This relaxes the child and gives her the opportunity to express feelings, ideas and experiences.

    4. There must be a good level of discipline in the family. If wrongs are punishable, good behaviour must be rewarded and emphasised.

    5. Fathers MUST give exclusive attention to each child as often as possible. During       their time together, they should not allow distractions to interfere. As a result, their children would feel noticed and special!

  • Fostering prosperity and stability

    Fostering prosperity and stability

    Women entrepreneurs all over the world are now understood to be accelerators of global growth. Their difficulty accessing capital, however, is a global challenge. Yetunde Oladeinde identifies ways they can make use of the opportunities provided by cooperative societies to change their world.

    Unfortunately, a number of aspiring entrepreneurs get turned down trying to access a credit line that is critical to starting up their business. For a long time, this has been the trend because women do not have collaterals and the other requirements needed as backups.

    While they continue to  struggle to access the capital they need to spur economic development, the opportunity cost is profound, given that women’s economic impact is magnified by a multiplier effect; women are more likely than men to plough earnings back into their communities, fostering prosperity and stability.

    But despite their systemic disadvantage, women are launching businesses at an impressive rate. At a recent forum, the challenges for women were identified and by proffering solutions, they were advised to seek survival strategy using the cooperative business model as a choice model.

    The event which took place at the University of Lagos multipurpose hall began at 10 am with a welcome address and formal opening by the representative of the Director of Cooperative Society, Mrs. Ibraheem Zulikha.

    The first lecture titled, “Understanding the cooperative business model for the maximisation of benefits to stakeholders” was handled by Mr. M.G Oduola. He began by admonishing participants to see the cooperative society as an enterprise or a business concern with a difference. This is because the survival strategy of a cooperative depends on sound business planning, careful market analysis, competent management and adequate capital, amongst other things.

    Oduola stated that “the management of a cooperative can be professionalised only if the training of officers, members, managers and employees is professionalised.”

    The presentation went on to introduce participants to the cooperative law and regulations as stated under Chapter 15 of the laws of Lagos State, 2003 as well as the roles of different stakeholders in the effective management of cooperative societies.

    The second presentation titled, “Cooperatives as a path to financial freedom” was taken by Mrs. Adeola Essien. She started on an interactive note, asking participants to identify and define financial freedom. Participants went on to stress the fact that financial intelligence was missing from schools’ curriculum while this is a most important aspect of life and everyday living.

    She also talked about the things to do to ensure this. They include, according to her, financial audit, investment in financial intelligence, increase in income streams, reduce your expenses, open an Escrow account as well as seek opportunities to build your asset column.

    Essien also advised that there is a need to have self audit regularly. Other areas that she explored include investments in real estate, paper investments, intellectual property and network marketing.

    Dr Maymunah Kadiri took the third presentation titled, “Diabetes and hypertension; silent killers associated with executives.”

    Dwelling on the fact that health is wealth, she admonished all the participants to take good care of themselves in order to enjoy what they laboured for. She informed that non-communicable diseases (NCDs) kill more than 36 million people each year. Nearly 80 per cent of these deaths (29 million people) occur in low and middle income countries. While more than nine million of all deaths attributed to NCDs occur before the age of 60.

    The programme ended with the last presentation by Mr. Adenuga on: “Harnessing the business opportunities in Agriculture.” He emphasised that agriculture business portends availability and affordability of food, employment generation, youth empowerment, aid rural transformation as well as increase life expectancy. He went on to talk about the opportunities in poultry, fish-farming, rice-farming, cassava, coconut, fruits and vegetable preservation and processing. Other areas that Adenuga identified include investments in modern lairage and abattoirs, feed lots, butchers shops and cold storage.

  • He doesn’t want to see my girls

    He doesn’t want to see my girls

    I’m a new wife. I remarried five years after my first marriage crashed. I had two daughters from that union and I told my new husband that they are very important to me. When he came into my life, he promised to take care of my girls and for the first few months, he did that. Barely a year after, he changed and has become very hostile to my girls. He recently told me to send them to boarding school because he cannot stand their presence in the house anymore. Do you think I should continue with the marriage or move on with my girls? Jumoke

    Response

    A lot of times, people make promises that they do not keep. That, unfortunately, is what you are faced with right now. You have to make up your mind what you want to do at this point. You also need to understand the issues involved; is he afraid that they are getting all the attention he should be getting or are they tempting him to the extent he could even rape them? Your daughters are very important and you need to make this fact known to him. If they are grown up girls, then he may just be uncomfortable with their presence if he is the type that cannot discipline himself. Your daughters’ safety is very important and you must avoid any damage that can be done to them psychologically and emotionally.

     

    Should I look for another woman?

    I have been in a relationship for about six years with a live-in lover but she has never been pregnant. I have actually been waiting for her to get pregnant before proposing to her. Now that this has not happened, do I look for another girl to avoid marrying a woman who cannot give me children? Ade.

    Response

    This certainly looks like a conditional love and it may not really work out. You need to talk to her about it because she may actually be on pills to prevent what you are looking for because she is also not sure that you want to marry her.

     

    He is fooling around

    My world is crashing down around my eyes and ears; I have been seeing and hearing all kinds of emotional betrayal from my sweetheart. I just found out that my fiancé of three years is having an affair. I found some letters in one of the cabinets that are quite revealing and I became devastated about what was going on. When I confronted him, I expected him to lie about it but he just said: “Yes, I have a girlfriend, so what! I can’t imagine the rest of my life without girlfriends, so get over it or just get out of my life!”

    I became withdrawn and he later apologised for his choice of words. He promised to change and considers his fooling around to be “safe and harmless escapades.” Pamela.

    Response

    My sister this is a tough one indeed. It is sad to know that he has flaunted this woman in your face but it is obvious that you are the one he loves.  If he has promised to be good then you should give him another chance.

     

    She is getting out of hand

    I have been in a number of failed relationships before I met my current girlfriend. We came close and I liked her but she had some funny attributes that I didn’t like. I thought that I could mange and change these traits and we got married about a year ago.

    Unfortunately, there are some things I thought I could tolerate before we were married that are now really bugging me. She is also very hostile to my friends and family members and it is really hurting me. I understand she wants our lives to be about us, but I try to keep it separate and the resentments are starting to fester. Okechukwu.

    Response

    You need to be in charge of this relationship and that is what is lacking here. Let her know what you want and tell her the limits. If you continue to allow her to dominate the relationship, it would destroy the peaceful and cordial relationship you are desperately trying to have.

  • Sandra hooks Kenneth

    Sandra hooks Kenneth

    MR. Kenneth Ebiaredo Ekiyor and former Miss Sandra Amarachukwu were recently joined together in holy matrimony at St Andrew Anglican Church, Ogudu-Lagos, in the presence of their parents; Bar. & Mrs. Godwin A. Ekiyor and Mr. & Mrs. Emmanuel Akwe. The colourful event was also witnessed by beautifully dressed family members, friends and well wishers.