Category: New Woman

  • Struggle with belly fat

    Struggle with belly fat

    Most women always wish to have or maintain what is popularly known as a “Coke bottle shape” or what is actually called the ‘Figure 8’, but there is always one constant enemy opposing this target and that is belly fat. Dorcas Omunagbe looks at the challenge for women and how to reduce abdominal obesity.

    BELLY fat has become a constant struggle for most women and some have even given up the fight. Belly fat or abdominal obesity, or as clinically called, central obesity, is excessive fat around the stomach and abdomen. Everyone has some belly fat, even people that have flat abs, it is only normal. Deji Oluwagbemi says that “Excess fat gets stored mostly in the belly and results to what people refer to as pot belly and it is a major cause of obesity.”  He adds that belly fat could be a result of eating junks as well as eating uncontrollably. “The stomach is elastic by nature and would expand continuously if food goes in non-stop, therefore creating more space to accommodate the excess fat from consumed meals, which is what actually leads to abdominal obesity.”

    The fact that belly fat does not make one look good or feel good about one self and not leaving aside the fact that such individual will not fit into some clothes has made it a serious issue. The fact that it takes a step in affecting one’s confidence and esteem shows that it goes beyond just not being able to zip up your jean. Abiola Mary opines, “Belly fat makes people big and unattractive. It spoils the body figure or shape as it were and that is why ladies, especially, work out more on their bellies so as to reduce fat level.”

    It also bears some relationships that might affect one’s health negatively. Amongst some of the health issues associated with belly fat is diabetes. Central obesity predisposes individuals for insulin resistance. Belly fat secretes some hormones that possibly impair glucose tolerance. In addition, belly fat also has a relationship with asthma. As a result of breathing at low lung volume, the muscles are tighter and the airway is narrower. It is commonly seen that people who are obese breathe quickly and often while inhaling small volumes of air. Abdominal obesity also affects pulmonary function. This means that there is a relationship between belly fat and the functions of the lungs. Most times, people who suffer abdominal obesity breathe heavily than those that don’t.

    Abdominal obesity is increasing in the western population as it is now also common place in Nigeria. This is possibly due to a combination of low physical activity and high-calorie diet. Some people are also not very health conscious and just eat whatever seems eatable at whatever time, which also contributes to this. There are various things that might cause belly fat depending on the affected individual. A study has also shown that alcohol consumption is directly associated with waist circumference and with a higher risk of abdominal obesity in men, but not in women, in the present population. Some other people also opine that it could be caused by over eating and eating food not suitable for late hours of the day.

    Evans Aje declares: “It is caused by over eating or by drinking a lot of alcohol. I feel it can be prevented by constant exercise and dieting.”  With this ongoing struggle, there is a need to recommend prevention and cure, but, of course, prevention is better than cure. There are various health tips for preventing belly fat but here are just a few to look out for.

    This includes sleeping often and well, as well as having short bursts of exercises. You also need to avoid sugar because it is the greatest enemy of your body shape. Next, you need to take enough of Vitamin C through fruits and other foods that contain it. Interestingly, you also need to eat fat. It takes fat to burn fat because eating fat does not make you fat, but eating sugar makes you fat. When they say eat fat, it means eat healthy fats.  You must make conscious efforts to slow down your breath once you notice you are getting tense and uptight. Take a breath pause and take a deep breath.  Sonya Collins adds that proper stress management can also help reduce fat. These are simple but surprisingly effective tips.

    Miss Oluwatobi also recommends proper exercise and the right diet. Deji Oluwagbemi adds to this by recommending a vegetable diet. Love Anjorin says, “To prevent belly fat, one should eat early, take lots of water and do not lie down immediately after eating.”

  • Is it thriving or you are just surviving?

    IT was Abosede’s second year on campus and she was having a swell time, indeed. Two guys were in a keen competition over who was going to win this heart. To play safe, she maintained something casual and wasn’t really keen about something deeper.

    The following year, a friend came to see her with an older cousin who desperately wanted a life partner. “He looked very handsome and I wondered why she needed to match make us. Then she told me that he was a shy person and didn’t want to waste time beating about the bush.”

    “Should I say yes or should I say no?” Question and more questions, but the desire to be a good emotional Samaritan took over. Instead of pitching her emotional tent with love she became sympathetic to this shy guy. She also wanted to please her friend and imagined that the emotional gestures would be replicated by this heart.

    “The relationship lasted for about a year and half. Sadly, the two guys who were keen about me then had to move on with their lives and they found better partners. Faithfully, I put in all my energy, love and attention into the love process and I had great expectations.”

    Why not! After all, to whom much is given much should be expected. Unfortunately, she discovered that this shy guy wasn’t so shy after all. He had a number of girlfriends who were competing favourably with our dear friend. She also discovered that she was just not a major contender and she had to dwell on emotional crumbs to survive. For her love and dedication, she reaped sorrow, tears and pain. When she just could not bear it anymore, she packed her garbage and left the rotten heart for these set emotional scavengers.

    It can be frustrating when you are stuck with a partner who just doesn’t “get it” and doesn’t show up emotionally in relationships. So, how do you fall into this category? you ask. It can happen when you dream of dating a partner that is not available. Sadly, a lot of women fall into this emotional box because they are afraid of being alone and in the process then end up picking the same kind of men over and over.

    Related to this is the fact that if you are afraid of being alone, you’re likely to put up with all kinds of behaviour which you aren’t comfortable with just for the sake of being in a relationship.

    The great news is that the only thing standing in the way of the love you want is you. The emotional ball is in your court and you have absolute power to change that. Once you identify your asset and how far you can go, then you would be in charge. This would definitely change your attitude the next time you are in front of an amazing, single, attractive dude who wants to get close to you.

    And when you get close, you need to be sure of sustaining his attention not just for months but for years.  How far you can go would definitely depend on the value you place on yourself. If you are sure of this new asset then you must make him see you as the confident and radiant woman who has nothing getting in the way of her freely and openly giving her love as well as exploring the connection to see where the adventure could lead.

    If you put everything in and still can’t forge ahead, then you must refocus. The truth of the matter is that you can’t keep running a race that takes you round in cycles. Here, you are likely to keep trying the same things over and over again.

    If you are not making emotional progress, then it is wiser to think of another way to evolve and reap your maximum benefits. This can be done effectively when you put yourself on the other side of the wall, the stagnant wall that you have been bumping into in the past.

    For some, if given the choice, they would prefer to jump past the wall instead of continually running into it, while for others, breaking away from the familiarity and patterns of “hitting the wall” may just be a step in the wrong direction or even be a threat to your entire relationship.

    One other reason why we get stuck on the road to an amazing relationship has to do with the fear of being single or alone. Interestingly, there are times when we want to move over to the next phase in a relationship but somehow we just cannot move on. Here, we find emotional walls and obstructions that make our dreams impossible or a whole or even forever. If it is a temporary wall, then you need to think of ways to break free of the patterns that have had you running into your wall.

    This way, it would be easy for you to replace those patterns with the things that will attract and bring love to you so you don’t have to keep fighting or begging for it when you deserve it to begin with. It would certainly take you to the other side of your wall where there are no obstacles and where love and connection flow freely.

  • He does not want me to work

    He does not want me to work

    I am a 26-year-old lady who is doing very well in my chosen career; unfortunately the guy I want to marry is not satisfied with it. He actually wants me to resign from work as soon as we get married next year. I am at a crossroads because I am passionate about what I do. It makes me happy, but he has threatened to abandon me if I do not agree with his plan. My mother has also advised me to do as he says to keep the relationship going. Please what should I do? Mary

     

    Response

    The truth of the matter is that some men like to keep their women to themselves. They fall into the category that can be described as the possessive type. It also means that you are going to be a full time housewife once you agree to the deal. The decision obviously is yours and you need to make up your mind before it is too late. Even though you may be desperate to settle down now, you also need to consider what would happen if he suddenly falls in love with another lady and you are jobless. Food for thought, indeed.

     

    Having sleepless nights

    I am in my late 30s and I have everything a woman would desire in a man. Though I am stable financially, the concern which is giving me sleepless nights is the inability to find a good partner. Unfortunately, all the women I have ever fallen in love with have disappointed me in one way or the other. Is there something wrong with me? Ahmed.

     

    Response

    No, I think that you are perfectly okay. Sometimes the love arena can be discriminatory and there is nothing we can do about that. However, I think you need a positive attitude to life. You need to pick up the pieces and move on to a brighter future. For all you know, what you have been searching for may just be around the corner.

     

    She earns thrice as much

    I am a guy in my late 20s and I am in love with a girl in the same age bracket. She also loves me very much, but somehow I feel uncomfortable with her because of her status. Whenever I think about her education, professional background and salary I feel so inferior to her. She is a medical doctor with a plum job and her salary is thrice as much as mine. Do you think we can go far together? Biodun

     

    Response

    It is only natural for you to feel this way. However, the most important thing about any relationship is the personalities involved. If she loves you and is quite understanding, then you do not have a problem at all. But if she is the arrogant type, then she is going to make life miserable for you in the future. You also need to examine yourself and be sure that you are not the lazy type. If you are very hard working, then it is possible to move higher and earn more as well as get total respect from the one you love.

     

    Blackmailers at work

    My girlfriend has been fed all kinds of stories by my best friend in recent times. Sadly, I didn’t even know what was going on until it was damn too late. Now the girl is so bitter and she does not want to see me anymore. How can I win her love back and convince her that it was just blackmail? John.

    Response

    You must have learnt a good lesson the bitter way. There are friends and there are friends. It is not all your friends that can be trusted. Please try and talk to your girl or see if there is someone you can confide in to talk to her for you. Things would certainly get better. Cheer up!

  • ‘How l’ve lived  with disability  for 40 years’

    ‘How l’ve lived with disability for 40 years’

    Patience Taiye Dickson has been living with disability for about 40 years. Instead of looking at the limitations the graduate of Accounting from Edo State University prefers to be a source of motivation for other woman living with disabilities across the country. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about the major challenges, what keeps her going and the gains from mentoring.

    WHAT is the focus of your organisation? It is about working with women with disabilities .We create an enabling environment for women with disabilities in the communities where they live. We are in 19 states of the federation, to be precise and we are in over 50 groups. We do it in form of self help groups where we just stay together and we discuss challenges facing us and try to proffer solution.

    What are the major challenges that you are faced with?

    One major challenge that we have is charity. Getting into the development world is difficult for now, because of our history and our background as people living with disability, where we are confined to the walls of our homes. It is difficult for us to change our mentality, they way we are thinking to the way the world is thinking.

    That is one big challenge and another big one is exposure and low self esteem and it also has to do with our history, the way we think in a different direction. To bring about the needed change we have had some training. They are changing their self confidence and they are changing. We have over 800 women in this conglomeration.

    We started in February 2009 in Abuja, and work in six different categories: the blind, deaf, physically challenged women, women with HIV AIDs, women with leprosy and those with Obstetric Fistula (OF). We set up the groups  to help women have better access, manage and meet the various needs .As the founder who is physically challenged I started by identifying women with disability who are educated within Abuja to create a forum where they can discuss like problems and suggest ways of solving these problems.

    The SHG in Zing Taraba State was the first group to emerge in the year 2009. The vision is to empower women with disabilities to be self-sustaining and become ADVOCATES for others. Our focus is to build the capacity of Women with disabilities with leadership skills and self-confidence to participate in the society We have organized a number of training of trainers in the area of vocational, entrepreneurial, motivational, computer skills.

    The focus of this group is to make a change in the society, starting by developing themselves. One way of achieving this is for them to come together in the form of self help groups in the areas where they live. This is a positive step towards self-development. Majority of the women we have helped to transform their lives are illiterate and have no means of livelihood. They need a change in their mind-set to make them believe that they can actually live like every other person despite their disability

    What keeps you going?

    God keeps me going. Living with disability for so many years has not been easy; I have been living with it for over forty years. I wasn’t born with the disability but two years after I was born, I had polio trigger and I was paralysed from the waist. It has not been easy but I thank God for the strength from above and also my family.  My family has been very supportive, I am from Edo state. My mum, dad and my immediate family have all stood by me.

    When a child with disability is in a family, everyone is affected. It affects the other children; they have to change school and lifestyle to incorporate the child with disability. They had to make a few changes and rescheduled their way of life and my immediate family has been greatly supportive

    How have you been coping? What keeps you going?

    Passion. I have always had this passion and I have been passionate to have acquired education. I studied at the Edo State University, Ekpoma where I studied Accounting. It wasn’t easy coming from a poor background with so many children. My father had so many children and I am the only one with disability.

    Education is the key, without education it is almost not easy for a girl child with disability to forge ahead. In my case, I was very fortunate and that has been my passion to help others. I have been using my experience to mentor other women living with disabilities.

    Talking about mentorship, what are some the projects that you run?

    It is not just magic but things you can see. We do empowerment in form of skills acquisition and empowerment. We teach them how to make Beads, craft, bags, shoe making, sewing and more.

    Not only doing that because we have been doing skills for so many years and a number of gains have been recorded. But along the line, we realsied that there are business skills which they also need to know about after the skills. We found out that it is not enough to learn the skill but we also need to know and understand what happens after that. We found out that there are some business skills that are missing and we looked into this and are making the necessary changes. These women interestingly are doing very well in this area.

    What are some of the personal achievements that you have gained from all of this?

    I have a number of women whose lives I have touched and that for me is a big development. I am happy each time I look back to assess the changes recorded. We are trying to build the capacity of a new set of women with disabilities and it is a kind of movement for the future. Creating voices here and there alongside with the bigger voices from other women in different spheres of life.

    What do you consider the turning point in your life?

    The turning point in my life was when my mentality changed. In the past, I used to think that this and that was not for a girl or woman with disability. Instead of looking for prospects at that point, I always saw the constraints and it was a great limitation. But when I started working with an organisation called Chisto Faith Blind Mission, an international organisation, they made me to realise that disability was not a barrier. That I was actually like every other person and I could even do more than others once I put my mind at it. Then I started to think in a different way.

    I have been doing a lot of mentorship, counseling and structuring. I have not traveled far and wide but everywhere I go, I try to leave my foot prints. The award that I am receiving today is the third recognition given to me and this motivates and inspires me to do more.

    Let’s talk about your relationship and how you met the man in your life?

    My husband is a pillar of support and someone who believes strongly in me. He has been very supportive and words alone cannot describe what he means to me. He has been my father, lover and a great partner. As a man he is a bold man. This is not the first relationship I had but he decided to stand by me in spite of the odds. For other women out there, the advice is to do whatever you can.

  • Owolabi hooks Bolatito

    Owolabi hooks Bolatito

    LOOKMAN Owolabi Apatira and Bolatito Maryam Fashina recently tied the knot at a colourful Nikkah and engagement ceremony which took place at Nikkoms Event Centre, Yaba, Lagos.

    Dignitaries from all walks of life, the couple’s parents, friends and family turned up at the event in frunchia pink and aquamarine attires to complement the colour scheme.Owolabi hooks Bolatito

  • Teaching  widows  how to fish

    Teaching widows how to fish

    IT’S been almost 20 years since the Beijing Conference for women. Activists and a number of women groups have started to count the gains as well as the gaps. Economic empowerment is a major strategy and there is need to go back to the drawing board to see the changes made by increasing the economic, political, social, educational, gender, or spiritual strength acquired over the years.

    As you take a critical look around, you find that there is still a long way to go. “I discovered that out of every ten people that come to me after service, seven had money-related issues. I realised that ordinary prayers won’t solve the problem. For instance, if someone says that ‘I have not eaten,’ then you have to teach him or her how to fish. It pains me to find young people who are graduates without jobs. Their problem is our problem; you can’t put fire on top of the roof and go to sleep,” declares Kola Aladegbuye, an entrepreneur.

    Aladegbuye goes on to explain: ‘As an Information Technology person, I discovered that life is about discovery. It is not everything that you are taught in the university. What you are taught in the university is just the idea. I saw an advert on Forex Trading about five years ago and I went for the training and that exposed me to the opportunities online.”

    Here, Aladegbuye, who says he has an inquisitive mind, discovered that there was nothing you can do offline that you can’t do online. “That brought about my going to the Internet for information, reading journals and surfing the net. I found out that there are different opportunities designed for the citizens. There are some jobs designed for housewives, like email processing, data processing, and articles writing and so on. Others include blogging, online marketing and affiliate marketing.”

    Like Aladegbuye, Abiodun Akinsola is passionate about empowering widows to make a difference in the families left behind by their husbands as well as in the society. “I have been working to help widows to make them know that they are still in the care of God, no matter what they are facing at the moment. What we have here is a multipurpose shop which is being sponsored by individuals and the church.”

    Her passion started shortly after she lost her husband in 2009. “We came from the USA and somehow we just couldn’t go back again. We kept on hoping to go back to our children who we left behind but we had problems with the American Embassy. Along the line, my husband got depressed and he died. When I was crying and lamenting, I got inspired to start a widows’ ministry to empower women who were passing through the same experience.”

    She continues: “The first widow I met was Mrs. Sanjo and she gave me the name of another widow and the three of us started the process. I later got my green card and had to go back to the United States. By the time I left, there were ten widows and today the number has increased to about 70 widows. I continued to fight and get support for these women and their children. I got help from my church, Mount Olivet Baptist Church in North Carolina, and they adopted the widows and their children.”

    More women joined the group and the needs of the group increased. “Then I asked God what to do and he asked me to stop giving them money. Instead, I was advised to do something that would empower them; teach them how to fish and not just give them fish. His Church then gave us 3000 dollars and we started the multipurpose shop.”

    The group is called Naomi and Ruth Foundation, to depict young and old widows who need support. Akinsola goes on to talk about the celebration of a programme tagged widows’ day and plans to make it an annual event. “Last year, a number of my colleagues gave us clothes and donated household items to support them. This is the third time that I would be visiting them since I left and my dream is to change their fortunes and make them independent.”

    Hard work, dedication and perseverance, Akinsola states, are all that is required for the women to forge ahead. “When I saw the faces of some of the new widows, I wasn’t really happy. I saw worry, anxiety, sadness and frustration on their faces. However, I see a bright future for these women and all we need is for all hands to be on deck. As soon as they exhaust their stocks, they would send in their request and we will continue to restock.”

    Rose of Sharon Foundation (ROSF), a non-governmental organisation founded about nine years ago by Mrs Foloronsho Alakija, has been working to alleviate the anguish of widows in some states like Benue State.

    Within the last five years, ROSF has successfully provided micro credits to 973 widows, educational scholarships to 1,366 widows’ children and 88 orphans towards strengthening an enabling environment for widows and orphans in Lagos, Ogun and Oyo states.

    As part of its strategic plan to reach out and touch widows across the length and breadth of Nigeria, it conducted a feasibility study in Benue State three years ago and discovered that the state had over 5,000 widows, (the highest in Nigeria), of which two thousand widows were registered. A major area to focus on over the next couple of years includes agriculture, due to the fact that a majority of the widows registered are mainly engaged in subsistence farming, through the subsidisation of fertiliser, introduction of mechanised farming, provision of storage facilities for widows’ farm produce, enterprise development training, and educational support for interested widows, their children, and orphans.

  • Students in the  school of sadness (II)

    Students in the school of sadness (II)

    HAPPY Father’s Day, wonderful fathers. You are the first men in our lives and you’ll always remain very special and precious to us till eternity. I ought to do a father’s day special today because of the very crucial role you play in our lives. However, I have to continue this topic and would serve you a very special meal when I am through with this. Thanks for understanding.

    Childhood and adolescence ought to be the most enjoyable part in everyone’s life as it is free from worries, tensions and the distractions that come along with a matured person’s life. One could also be right to say the teen age is the most confusing time in the life of any human being and could bring about perpetual mood swings. Happiness is an emotion triggered by circumstances. It describes that bubbly feeling you get inside when everything is going your way. Yet, it could be transient, unpredictable and undependable because of the unpredictability of life. Even if it seems to be running from you, you must be determined to catch it and tie it to your soul because in it lays the miracle that will turn things round for good and pave way for the best days of your life. Unknown to many, being happy against all odds brings out the best in you and works wonders. Sadness on the other hand paints life in different shades of gray and makes it a dark abyss, most unenjoyable and very tiresome. As discussed last week, a lot of adolescents (and even you – dad, mum, sister, aunty, uncle, grandma and grandpa) could be much happier if only they dropped the unnecessary and uncomfortable baggage they seem so attached to. Here are a few more examples of such baggage which you may still be carrying about and suggestions on how to leave them behind.

     

    1. Living in the past

    Most often, we feel a lot of anger towards someone for something they did to us or for their failure to do something for us. It could have made an enormous difference in our life if they had not done or had done that thing for us. There are times we harbour a feeling of sadness and guilt about something we did or didn’t do. It’s a waste of time and energy. Perhaps you disclosed to a friend some highly personal information which you later regretted telling. Perhaps, even when you vowed to keep your virginity till your wedding night, you broke the vow, slept with a number of guys and feel very cheap. Whatever the reason, we are unforgiving and that precisely is the reason that a past event can engross our mind to the exclusion of other thoughts. This is very unhealthy mentally. Such feelings of guilt and sorrow can only continue to haunt us for as long as we remember or think of it. What is done cannot be undone. It happened in the past and the past cannot be undone. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Forgive yourself, forgive others. Free yourself from all the mental and emotional pain. Throw the past in the bin and allow some fresh air into your life.

     

    2. You hold grudges

    “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”  Mark Twain

    Holding a grudge has about the same logic as drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. You are harming yourself by carrying all of that negative energy. Let the bitterness go… for your own benefit. Forget about the painful embarrassment your friends caused you when they spread that stinking rumour about you. And please stop moaning over the silly boy who dumped you for another girl you know, or those who criticised you unfairly at some point or the other. They probably are having a great time without giving you a second thought, while you waste your life sending them death rays with your mind. Instead of grudging your sister for being your parents’ favourite, why don’t you concentrate on your sterling qualities and wallow in it? It would take your mind off them and bring out the very best of you which they probably never knew existed.

     

    3. You have a victim mentality

    The victim mentality is a very destructive mindset which tends to attract negativity and indeed deprive you of happiness. It is characterised by an attitude of blaming and complaining.  If you live your life as a victim, you also believe the lie that you have no power to change it. That’s not a way to embrace a meaningful existence. Why must you always feel you are not good enough? Quite frankly, this negative mindset may have set in since your childhood, however, you have the power to change it, otherwise, life will box you in a very tight corner and heap all sorts of horrible baggage on you. Worse still, you may never be able to fight your way out. Change your faulty belief systems and empower yourself to take responsibility for your actions and the corresponding reactions you encounter. Never give your power away to someone else. Don’t worry, in a short while, I’ll do a special on victim mentality and give you some tips on how to conquer it.

    •To be concluded next week

  • Much ado about aso ebi

    Much ado about aso ebi

    ASO ebi, a cultural trend started by the Yoruba, has steadily gained popularity and has spread across all cultures. These days, we cannot deny the aesthetic value aso ebi gives every ‘owambe’ – no party is ever complete without them.  Nigerian parties are a symphony created by the colours and fabric picked out for the occasion and there is always the case of guests trying to outdo each other with different styles that dare to upstage that of the bride and groom. As far as aso ebi is concerned, more is more. All rules of not outshining the bride are downed with the free liquor served.

    The aso ebi craze is so palpable that not buying it can determine your entrance into the venue, your inclusion in group photos, whether you’ll eat or starve at the event and, of course, whether the juicy souvenirs will come your way.

    As if the organisers make it on guests, the price of a lace fabric that costs 20,000 naira in Balogun Market is sold it to their guests for 50,000 naira.  You wonder how people can afford to buy as many as they do with the current economic crisis.  It almost seems as if buying aso ebi has become an unwritten statement issued by the organiser to mean, “Contribute towards my wedding or risk being treated like an outcast.” Could this be a reason for the reduction in the number of gifts presented to the bride and groom at ceremonies because the guests feel that after all their contribution towards the success of the wedding has been counted by purchasing the much-coveted aso-ebi?

    However, we are forced to admit that this pocket-draining culture adds colour and life to many occasions, especially weddings, and has come to be known as one of the beauties of the African culture.

    Organising an event soon and looking for aso ebi combinations? Here are a few ideas to look at.

  • Students in the school of sadness

    Students in the school of sadness

    ADOLESCENCE is a time when we tend to see life in an entirely different way from our parents and other adults around us. It could also be a very confusing period of one’s life and no one is more conscious of the discomfort through which adolescents are passing than them. In our adolescence, we can go from the very greatest heights of pure ecstasy to the depths of black despair in no time and often for no reason that adults can understand. Indeed, life is not a bed of roses and does not readily present us what we want. On the other hand, it’s quick to get us unhappy and reveal its ugly side. However, so many times, the emotional darkness of adolescents could be of their own making. This dark emotion not only acts as a veil and blocks the beautiful sunlight from smiling at them, it is the dark cloud that casts a shadow on their soul, weighs it down and makes them exude negative energy. There are so many adolescents who just lack joy and are perpetually sad when they are supposed to be having a ball. Are you one of such people? Here are a few reasons why you may be unhappy and suggestions on how to eject that ugly shadow.

     

    1. You worry about what people think about you

    A lot of people including our parents live their lives based on other people’s approval. It is most reasonable and kind of you to be considerate of those around you and the effect of your actions on them; however, there must be a limit if you want to be truly happy as long as what you are doing is within the ambit of natural law, equity and good conscience. Worrying what other people think is the cause of all kinds of superficial behaviour, embarrassment, missed opportunities, inner resentments, regret, and even bitterness. A lot of your parents have incurred debts they will keep servicing for a long time because they feel people expect them to have changed their cars, moved into a mansion, have a lavish wedding or give their late mother a grand funeral. Many are experiencing “hell on earth” because they have gone into wrong marriages due to societal pressure because of “what would people think?”

    You are already practicing the same thing by having a boyfriend just because you are tired of your mates calling you a mummy’s girl and you have even gone all the way with him and lost your priceless virginity. To worsen things, you got pregnant in the process – became a baby carrying baby, the silly boy denied you, school stopped, your life has never been the same again. Perhaps you terminated the pregnancy and destroyed your womb. Now, looking back, was that boy or your mates – the so-called big gals worth all the trouble after all?

    There are so many other examples including the one that’s weighing you down right now. Do these people you worry about really care about your happiness and well-being? Why do you even have to impress them in the first instance? You should always have it in mind that failure is an orphan and success has many parents. If you go into a venture because of what people think rather than your passionate wish, the probability of failure is very high and the people you wanted to please will CERTAINLY be the first to blame you! However, if you do things your way and succeed in it, these same people will applaud you. This doesn’t mean you’ll stop caring completely, but it will give you an opportunity to decide what you would like to say and do. Living life purely trying to please people who, perhaps, are incapable of ever being pleased by anything we do anyway – and trying too hard to always be seen to be doing ‘the right thing’ – is the royal road to regret and sadness.

     

    2. You compare yourself with others

    It is the most self-limiting and pointless thing you can do. Comparing yourself is the main source of your biggest insecurities and prevents the kind of self-worth and self-esteem that is at the back of all real successes and happiness. It cages your virtues and makes life most unenjoyable. That dreaded feeling of “not being good enough” has its roots in comparing yourself and stands in the way of your success from the outset. Why do you have to feel so downcast because of your huge frame which is probably hereditary? Don’t you think it comes with a huge brain with the most brilliant initiatives that the skinny girls around you can’t boast of? And why do you have to feel so inferior because you have to enter bus to school while your mates are chauffeur-driven? When, then? Behave yourself o! Do you know you may have what it takes to be greater and richer than their entire generation in future? If you are suffering from this self-imposed affliction, you need to get rid of it fast and start valuing yourself like you are the best thing that happened to humanity. You need to recognise your unique gifts which those you are comparing yourself with DO NOT have. Be unique. Be confident. Be proud. When you start valuing yourself and those sterling qualities start shinning, you won’t want to be like anyone else and you will be very happy! Here’s a hug for you because I know you’ll change. Hmm…

     

    •To be continued next week.

  • Trendy  shoes for the  trendy bride

    Trendy shoes for the trendy bride

    THERE is more to looking great on your wedding day than your dress; the right shoes are an essential part of starting your wedding day fashion off on the right foot. Step out in great style with your wedding and bridal party shoes that fit great. Plus, match your bridesmaids’ shoes and dresses perfectly. There are a few things to put in mind in finding the perfect shoe for your dress and your train.

    •Step one: Research Properly

    You really have to know about picking the right shoes so a proper research is necessary. You could surf the internet for the latest trends, get a stack of magazines, bookmark wedding blogs and also talk to your friends who have probably walk down the aisle also or who you know have a great taste for fashion. This fun research will help you get an idea of what’s out there.

    •Step two:  Shop for your shoes while you shop for your dress

    This will help you pick a pair of shoe that will coordinate well with your dress. You might just consider shopping at bridal shops that offer sales of both gowns and shoes. If it is impossible to find your shoe where you found your dress, you can take a photo of your dress and take it along with you while shopping for your shoe.

    •Step three: Consider your style option

    You really need to wear something you are comfortable with and so you have to take note of your style option. If you have been fond of flats, then you should go for flats but if you prefer heels you can stick with it. If a certain style of shoe appeals to you, look for a wedding shoe in that style. Maybe wedges, peep toes, platforms, etc. Just go for comfort.

    •Step four: Picking the right color

    The traditional color of wedding shoes is white or ivory but you can choose to go outside tradition. You can opt for a brighter color. Try to find a color that matches with the overall color scheme of your overall wedding to keep things coordinated.

    •Step five: Break them in before the wedding

    Once you have decided on your shoe and have bought the shoe, you can just try them on before then. Don’t wait until your wedding day to slip on your bridal shoes for the first time. Wear them around the house several times before your wedding day so they are stretched out and have adjusted to your feet. Then you will be ready for your wedding without a blister or ache.