The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Just above the knee

    Just above the knee

    PLANNING for your wedding can be chaotic if you do not know what to wear. Of course, there are a thousand and one outfits to pick from, but, again, it all boils down to wearing what suits you’re fancy. These days, brides prefer to opt for a chic simple, sexy and stylish comfortable short style wedding dress. Usually, the modern wedding dress is simple and cute contrasting sharply with the layered, heavy-weighted, detailed and voluminous conventional wedding dress.

    The main purpose of a short style wedding dress is to make the bride feel as comfy, practical and causal as possible, considering that the wedding is to be held during the summer in a natural sunny location. The crux of the matter is that the modern bride is more preoccupied by her comfort during the wedding day more than she ever was before.

    However, there are a number of things that you need to think about when you want to make a good choice. These include the shape, neckline, skirt style and fabric.

    The short style wedding dresses include the tea length wedding dresses, knee length wedding dresses, above the knee wedding dresses, super short and mini wedding dresses.

    Each one of these sexy types of short style wedding dresses is perfect for bold and courageous contemporary brides who are looking for something more unconventional, unique, attractive and feminine.

    Among the most common and trendy necklines suitable for short style wedding dresses are one-shoulder, off the shoulders, high neck, corset style, halter, spaghetti strap, low back, round neck, sweetheart strapless or V-necks. However, it is important to choose the most suitable one for your body shape.

    For example, pregnant or corpulent brides can opt for a sensual empire waist off the shoulders short style wedding dress that can focus the eyes on the bust line or the upper part of the dress and draw the attention from the hip or the stomach area.

    Your choice of fabric is also very important. For many, the most popular fabrics are those light-weighted, woolly, ethereal and flowing types, such as georgette, illusion net, duchesse satin, damask, gauze, cotton, rayon, batiste, linen, crepe, chiffon or organza silk. If you want to keep it simple and yet stylish, then you can enrich the looks of the wedding dress with beaded necklines, pearl, crystals, sequins, lace or diamond appliqués.

  • Husbands from hell!

    Husbands from hell!

    Following the much-publicised conviction of Akolade Arowolo by an Ikeja High Court for murdering his wife, Gboyega Alaka catalogues some celebrated cases of domestic violence in Nigeria, attempting a psycho-analysis of the trend, as well as a solution.

    FEBRUARY 21, 2014 would probably go down as one day perpetrators of domestic violence across Nigeria would want to look back at and have a rethink about their actions. That was the day 31-year-old Akolade Arowolo, a youth pastor at the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Gbagada Parish, Lagos, was sentenced to death for killing his wife, Titilayo. Arowolo had been standing trial in a celebrated murder case for killing his banker wife, an employee of Skye Bank Plc on June 24, 2011, at their Isolo residence in Lagos after a domestic scuffle. Expectedly, the accused had, along with his lawyer, put up spirited defence efforts, countering that his late wife actually died from knife wounds she inflicted on herself. He argued that Titilayo stabbed herself severally on the day of the fight, before attacking him, claiming she was possessed by an evil spirit.

    Nearly three years of investigation and legal processes that attracted several witnesses, including neighbours and relatives, plus an autopsy report conducted on the deceased body, however, proved otherwise. Prof. John Oladapo Obafunwa, a specialist pathologist, submitted that the deceased died from 76 knife wounds, collapsed that argument and convinced Justice Lateefat Okunnu of the Ikeja High Court of murder intent and action, for which Arowolo has therefore been sentenced to death. Arowolo’s defence counsel, Olanrewaju Ajanaku, has also promised to appeal the ruling, arguing that the court relied on hearsays from witnesses who were never physically present at the scene of the fight to convict his client. As it stands, however, he might have to do a lot more, to save his client from the hangman’s noose.

    To many, however, Arowolo’s conviction is just a tip of the iceberg. They argue that the youth pastor was just fated to be convicted, insisting that thousands of domestic violence perpetrators are still on the loose out there, beating, maiming and killing their spouses (usually the females). Some would even tell you that the killing and maiming happen every day, despite the fact that there are laws that expressly forbid such. Worldwide statistics has it that 70percent of women actually experience some form of violence in their lifetime. But gruesome as that seems, Nigeria’s statistics pushes it to the cleaners, as it is said that one in every three women between ages 15 and 24 get battered by the day. This is in spite of the fact that nearly half of the cases are never reported to the police or documented, ostensibly due to illiteracy, ignorance, culture/religion or a distrust of the system.

    Husbands from hell

    In August 2012, 27-year-old Mary Sunday, who was on the verge of proceeding for a cadet officers’ training at the Police Academy in Kano, ended up at the intensive are ward of the Igbobi Orthopaedic Hospital following an attack by her Police Corporal fiancé, Isaac Gbanwuan. Gbanwuan had allegedly accused her of infidelity following a suspicious phone-call she received. This led to a heated argument that ultimately resulted in his bathing her with a pot of boiling stew and lighted stove in a fit of anger. Sunday sustained serious degree burns on her neck, chest and upper arm and even lost an ear in that gruesome attack. She could also neither walk straight nor sit properly for months, wallowing in excruciating pain and struggle for life. Amazingly, Gbanwuam, the alleged assailant, carried on as if nothing happened and was even spotted at his duty post in Ebute-Ero, despite the fact the case was reported at Pedro Police Station, Bariga.

    Middle-aged Oluwakemi Fawowe suffered a somewhat similar fate, when she was bathed with boiling water, stove and all by her husband, causing her serious burns from her neck down to her waist. Courtesy of the attack, Oluwakemi laid critically ill at the Ogba Medical Centre for months, and could not lie on her back nor stand upright. She even had to cry out for public assistance at a point to pay her hospital expenses and carry on the treatment. Sensing that her husband’s temper and incessant assault and battery on her person were getting to an unbearable level, she had temporarily moved out of their matrimonial home to take refuge with her in-laws, only to be traced there by her husband.

    If the two cases above are scary, how would one describe the case of 36-year-old Mercy Nnadi, whose enraged husband calculatedly scorched her with hot pressing iron on her breasts, arms and leg, killing their one-year-old baby in the process? Mercy’s husband had accused her of having an affair with his father and therefore proceeded to torture her with the hot iron into confessing on the fateful night. Thanks to spirited NGOs like Project Alert on Violence Against Women, Centre for Women Development and Zaharawomen, Mercy recovered fully from the well-publicised attack and has been fully rehabilitated. However, the last that was heard of her intemperate husband was that he was awaiting trial at the Ikoyi Prisons.

    Sometimes, the reasons for these domestic attacks can also be unbelievably petty and flimsy. This is especially so in the case of Mathias Nweze, a former staff of the Enugu State Independent National Electoral Commission, who allegedly shot and killed his wife in anger, after she prepared a different meal from what he expected. Nweze had actually reported himself to the police for mistakenly killing his wife. He ‘confessed’ that he had shot twice at the direction of his generator, on the suspicion that thieves had invaded their home in their Umuida Enugu Ezike Town in Igboeze North Local Government Area of Enugu State and were tampering with the set. It was, however, the neighbours who countered his story, saying that they overheard the argument over food and the subsequent shooting. They contended that he made up the story to wriggle free from a murder charge.

    In Uzebba-Iuleha, Owan-West Local Government Area of Edo State, a certain Godwin Idon allegedly beat his wife, Marvis Idon, to death over the killing of a snake in their home by one of their sons. The act, considered to be a taboo in the land, led to a prolonged quarrel, which led the wife to seek the intervention of a native doctor along with her mother-in-law. But this action further infuriated the husband, who accused her of supporting the erring son. In a fit of anger, he hit her on the head with a plank and the woman immediately slumped and died.

    Contrary to expectations, pregnant women are not spared from this horrific molestation and assault. In June 2012, a pregnant Funmilayo Ajibola was reported to have died two days after she received a serious beating from her husband, Kola. A member of the National Union of Road Transport Workers, Kola was said to be extremely jealous and was in the habit of beating his 30-year-old wife over the slightest suspicion. He was said to have severally destroyed the deceased SIM-cards anytime he heard her receiving calls from people he didn’t know or whom he suspected of having an affair with his wife, causing her to change lines 15 times in just six years of their marriage. It got so bad that he even ordered her to choose between himself and her father, after the deceased came home late one night from visiting her father. On the day of the final beating, Funmilayo was said to have received a call from her maternal uncle, when Kola, who didn’t recognise the number, picked on her and started the beating.

    The same went for four-month pregnant Mujidat, who slumped and later died at the University Teaching Hospital, Ibadan, following a late night quarrel and beating she received from her commercial driver and mechanic husband, Adeleke Adeniyi. Their neighbours testified to being kept awake due to their heated quarrel, but said they could not intervene, since they thought it was a mere domestic quarrel that they would eventually settle on their own. They also said they became apprehensive when the quarrel intensified hours after rather than abate, causing them to force open their apartment door to intervene. That was when they found Mujidat lying helplessly on the floor and immediately rushed her to a nearby hospital in Apata, before being referred to the UCH.

    Silifat Ladeji, an upcoming Yoruba actress, also suffered the same fate in February 2013. She was reported to have been beaten to death despite being heavily pregnant. The report also said Silifat had endured repeated battery and assault from her husband in silence, before the fatal beating.

    Quite interestingly, Toyin Saraki, former First Lady of Kwara State and founder of The Wellbeing Foundation of Africa, once spoke of a psychological

  • Women’s issues poorly represented

    WOMEN’S health issues are still widely ignored in the world of scientific research despite a law passed two decades ago mandating female representation in government-funded studies, HealthDay news reported.

    In the latest review of the scientific literature, researchers from Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston found that there are still large gaps in the scientific process as it relates to women, with many studies failing to include women in patient data sets and ignoring gender-specific outcomes.

    “The science that informs medicine routinely fails to consider the impact of sex and gender, and this occurs at some of the earliest stages of research — from animal to human studies,” said report author Dr. Paula Johnson, executive director of The Connors Center for Women’s Health at Brigham and Women’s Hospital.

    According to the report, less than 1/3 of clinical trial participants in studies regarding cardiovascular health are women, although cardiovascular disease is the lead cause of death among women in the United States. Additionally, depression and anxiety are a major health concern for women worldwide, yet less than 45 percent of animal studies focusing on these mental health issues use female animals.

    The report also noted a lack of focus on sex-specific outcomes. For example, lung cancer research often fail to include data on gender-specific factors, even though lung cancer behaves differently in men than in women.

    Johnson and other health experts claim that a lack of female representation and focus in studies will lead to poorer outcomes for women in clinical settings. They argue that there needs to be better enforcement of the Women’s Health Equality Act, a bill passed in 1990 to promote greater gender equality in the delivery of health care services to women through expanded women’s health research.

    But overall, Johnson said leaders in politics, science and business need to be better educated in the gender disparities that still exist.

    “We really have to raise awareness,” Johnson said. “There’s an overall lack of awareness among our population.

    •culled from HealthDay News

  • ‘Inspiring change for female politicians’

    ‘Inspiring change for female politicians’

    The theme for the celebration of this year’s International Women’s Day is Inspiring Change. Yetunde Oladeinde assesses the strides recorded as well as some of the challenges facing Nigerian women in politics.

    THE first International Women’s Day was held in 1911 and ever since the date has been significant for women all over the world. It is a day to celebrate achievements in the social, political and economic spheres while focusing world attention on areas requiring further action.

    At the moment, the 2015 election is around the corner and different interest groups are busy strategising to carve a niche for themselves. Nigerian women, interestingly, have for long been playing crucial roles in the political life of the country, and this has contributed in no small measure in shaping the political system of the nation.

    It is, therefore, pertinent to find out how women in politics can inspire change and increase the number of women in elective positions across the country. For Iyabo Anisulowo, “Women are more in politics now, unlike in those days. But there are also categories of women, some are just there to support the men; they sing and dance. While some are activists, agitating for political positions to pull their weight and show that they can also do what the men are doing.

    “But because of lack of enough education, the women have not been able to occupy some of these positions. We want more women to contest election, even if they are not going to win, at least people will know that we tried to wrestle power from the men. But we are improving now.”

    She added that “Politics is also very expensive to play and most women are poor. For instance, when we go for rallies, you have to pay for buses to convey your supporters, cook food, among other things. In developed countries, it is not like that. You can interact with your people through the use of technology. Women are not also violent in nature. Politics now involves thuggery and the usage of arms, and only a few women can withstand that.”

    It is also important to look at the women who have made a mark against the odds. One of such women is Chris Anyanwu, a politician and journalist, who has recorded a number of milestones. The achievements came with a number of obstacles like her incarceration during the Abacha regime. “I fully realise that my incarceration was a well-calculated plan by General Abacha and a certain misogynist clique in the ruling circle to force me out of the profession and by it send a strong signal to the female elite that there are limits for women in this society. The tragic demise of the only other female publisher and the gory murder of three outstanding and outspoken women in the country during this same period all fit into this pattern of behaviour,” she said.

    Abike Dabiri-Erewa, member of the Nigeria Federal House of Representatives representing Ikorodu Constituency in Lagos State, is another politician and journalist who has set a pace for many. In the House, Hon. Abike Dabiri-Erewa is distinguishing herself by working tirelessly as she sponsored a bill that would grant freedom to practice journalism after a certain qualification.

    Professor Dora Akunyili, former Director General of NAFDAC and politician, is another amazon that comes to mind. In year 2010, she resigned her appointment as the minister of information in the President Jonathan cabinet and decided to pick a senatorial form on the platform of APGA in Anambra State to contest for a seat in the upper federal legislative chamber in the 2011general elections. Unfortunately, she was not successful at the polls.

    During the 2011 presidential election, Sarah Jubril stood out as the only woman who challenged President Goodluck Jonathan and former Vice President Atiku Abubakar for the presidential flag of the ruling Peoples Democratic Party, PDP.

    And across the 63 political parties, she was the only woman who struggled to occupy the Aso Rock seat of power.

    According to Jubril, “Women had been grossly marginalised in the power-sharing arrangement, with no woman occupying the nation’s highest office since independence in 1960.And this is in spite of the fact that women account for about 51% of the voting population of the country. The highest office a woman has occupied is Speaker of the House of Representatives, which Hon. Patricia Etteh held for four months and 26 days between June and October 2007 before she was compelled to quit over alleged graft.”

    A veteran presidential aspirant of sorts and in her early 60s, Jubril’s presidential ambition dates back to 1992. She was an aspirant in the defunct Social Democratic Party, SDP, in the botched Third Republic. She also aspired in 1998 on the platform of the PDP and lost the presidential ticket to Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo, who went on to win the polls.

    Despite the difficulties faced by women in politics, they continue with their political ambition, contributing enormously to the political and national development in their own way as the challenges militating against them are not present, although Nigeria is yet to have a female president. Women over the years could be said to have recorded

    some measure of appreciable political achievement in other political fields of endeavours, meeting their political objectives with limited support and resources at their disposal.

    In 1957, during the pre-independence era of Nigeria, a couple of women political activists such as Mrs. Margaret Ekpo, Mrs. Janet Mokelu and Ms. Young were members of the Eastern House of Assembly. The late Mrs. Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti, though not a full-fledged politician, was a very strong force to reckon with in the politics of the Western Region.

    Hajia Gambo Sawaba also waged a fierce battle for the political and cultural emancipation of women in the north. One can say that women have always played viable political roles in Nigeria in spite of all the limitations and encumbrances. In addition, the Babangida era marked a turning point in the history of women struggle in Nigeria, when Maryam Babangida institutionalised the office of the first lady in 1987.

  • Stuck with the beast

    SOME people actually love the beast, someone who would beat and traumatise her, yet she just won’t leave. He turns her into a punching bag on a daily basis and she seemingly likes it. It must be an emotional nightmare and you wonder how to define this kind of love.

    The big question here is would you voluntarily hop into a cage with an angry tiger only to wonder how you got stuck with the beast? No, you don’t really have to go through this kind of agony. If you do this then you did it by choice. At that point you are likely to think that you could do something to calm this beast. If you find yourself in this unfortunate state, then it is better to get out before you get hurt.

    This scenario explains what a lot to do when we go into relationships with strange bedfellows. Usually, we set ourselves up for rejection and pain, then insist that it should not be happening or that we can change the other person. Unfortunately, some people repeat this pattern for a lifetime. Seeking the approval of negative people can be an emotional addiction. It approaches insanity in many cases.

    ‘While all deception requires secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive’.

    This quote by Sissela Bok tells us that a heart that is filled with deception must have lots of secrets, do unusual things and plan desperately secrets that such a person would never want to be uncovered. You can be sure that all hell would be let loose if anyone they are shielding the secrets attempts to open the can of emotional worms.

    If the person you love and cherish is willing to make some sacrifice and work on repairing your relationship, then there is a chance that your problems are fixable. But if the strings are very weak, then there is nothing you can really do about it. Perhaps, it may also be the turning point that you have been craving for all your life. It could just be the end of the stress relationship that you have been struggling with all your life.

    Even those with a heart of stone would feel bad when they are taken for granted on the emotional landscape. “My husband of about 12 years is having an affair with a woman he met on a flight.” Sadly, she found out a few weeks ago when he inadvertently left an email message open on his laptop. “Of course, I know that cheating is part and parcel of the love process. The truth of the matter is that it is not written on people’s faces but after a while whatever is done under wraps would come out in the open.”

    When you live with someone for a while, then you are likely to notice when they are going astray. Here, you would notice some changes in their habits and it’s possible that they would begin to do the things that they were not doing in the past. In this particular case, he discovered that her phone records confirm daily long-distance conversations, change in dress code and a more fanciful hairstyle.”

    Did she really smell a rat? “Of course, I sensed that they have never met personally but they were desperately planning to meet in a couple of weeks at a wedding. Despite problems in our marriage, neither of us has strayed, and I’m confident he doesn’t want to lose me nor do I want to lose him.”

    So what strategy would be appropriate in this cat and mouse love drama. “My dilemma is whether to tell him that I know what’s going on prior to his trip, or confront him when he returns with pictures taken by a private investigator. It is so sad and I just can’t let this betrayal continue.”

    Folake has been single for five years. The pretty woman recently reconnected with a man she lost contact with 13 years ago. “It was like a dream come true. We went out a few times and it was wonderful and like every other lady who had been starved of emotions for so long began to fall helplessly in love with the dude. Somehow, the curious part of life got stronger and something advised me to verify everything to be double sure. “

    She cross-checked every information he gave her about himself painstakingly, hoping to get lots of affirmations in his direction. “To my amazement, all the beautiful details that I was holding onto were all lies. What a pity! It would have been suicidal if I had just folded my arms and fallen sheepishly in love with the emotional liar. Tears and more tears with no one to console yours faithfully. The truth was so bitter; I had no choice but to keep it sadly to my chest for a while. Then, gradually, I realised that I had to open up to have some inner peace and satisfaction.”

    Now, it was time to hear from the horse’s mouth. Perhaps he would be sober and be remorseful. “When I confronted him, he was furious and accused me of not trusting him. Now he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m heartbroken. I loved him years ago and thought this was for real. At a point, I felt guilty for not trusting him, even though I knew that he hasn’t been honest with me.”

  • Partners in progress

    Partners in progress

    THERE are times in all relationships when things don’t run smoothly. Often, this is because people have conflicting expectations, are distracted with other issues, or have difficulty expressing what is on their minds in ways that other people can really hear and understand what is being said. Sometimes they just don’t know what to do to make a good relationship. The following material is about ways of enhancing relationships and working with common problems.

    •Five Love Languages

    •Emotional Support

    •Friends

    •Money Matters

    •Coping with Changing Expectations in the Relationship

    •Eight Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good Relationship

    •Online self help resource

    Five Love Languages

    People give and receive love differently. Five common love languages are identified by Dr. Gary Chapman*:

    1. Words of Affirmation 2. Acts of Service 3. Receiving Gifts 4. Quality Time 5. Physical Touch

    We often give love in the way we want to receive love even though we may not know our partner’s love language. Partners may wonder why they aren’t getting love in the way they want even though they are giving love in that way. For example, you are giving your partner gifts but what they want is quality time together.

    * Please be aware that this framework was proposed by Dr. Chapman who is a pastor and an author. His suggestions are not necessarily supported by social science, nor claim to be a product of an academic work. More importantly his framework is built upon a religious background with a focus on heterosexual couples. However, anecdotal evidence suggests that this framework may help not just heterosexual romantic couples but couples of all kinds (same-sex couples, parent-child dyads, friends etc.) to “fill up their love tank” and to express their care for the other in a heartfelt way.

     

    Emotional Support

    Emotional support for each other is critical. This means giving your partner a feeling of being backed, supported; you’re behind him or her no matter what. This does not necessarily mean agreeing with one another all the time. Realistically, no two people will agree on all occasions. What it does mean is treating your partner in a way that says, “I love you and trust you, and I’m with you through anything.” Emotional demands can damage the relationship.

    Insisting that your partner spend all of his or her time with you.

    Insisting that they give up their friends or that you both hang around only your friends. Insisting that you give approval of the clothes they wear.

    Making sure that you make all the decisions about how you spend your time together and where you go when you go out.

    Making them feel guilty when they spend time with their family.

    Making sure you win all the arguments.

    Always insisting that your feelings are the most important.

    … each of these is an emotional demand, and has potential for damaging the relationship.

    Remember, too, that the words “I love you. I like being in a relationship with you. You’re important to me.” are not demands and need to be said occasionally in any relationship.

     

    Time Spent Together and Apart

    Time spent apart and time spent together is another common relationship concern.

    You may enjoy time together with your partner and your partner may want some time together with you, but you also may enjoy time alone or with other friends. If this gets interpreted as, “my partner doesn’t care for me as much as I need” or “I resent the time my partner spends alone because they don’t want to spend it with me and they must not really love me,” you may be headed for a disastrous result by jumping to a premature conclusion.

    Check out with your partner what time alone means and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Perhaps you can reach a compromise without you feeling rejected or neglected or thinking of your partner as selfish, inconsiderate, or non-caring.

    Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner’s needs, usually ends up driving your partner away.

     

    Friends

    Giving up your personal friends should not be a requirement of being in a relationship. Neither should it be assumed that your partner will like your personal friends as much as you do. You might ask: “Which of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which would you rather I see alone or at other times when I’m not with you?”

    There is certainly no reason to share with your partner a friend who she or he does not enjoy. You can see those friends somewhere else or you can see them at home at a time when your partner is out doing something else.

    You do not have to give up your friends who mean a great deal to you. It’s important to talk with your partner about friendships with others, to negotiate them and to recognize that each of you needs to continue your friendships even when you are intimately involved with one another.

     

    Money Matters

    How do you and your partner make decisions about handling money?

    Are decisions made individually or mutually?

    How are the priorities set about how money is to be earned? Spent?

    Who pays the bills? How much money goes into savings and for what purposes?

    How are “big ticket” (tuition, childcare, rent, car payments) items decided on?

    Does each member of the partnership control her or his own money or is it pooled?

    Is each partner expected to add to the mutual income?

    If only one is to work, how is it decided who it will be?

    If you find that you and your partner have differing expectations, it makes sense that you will have to make time to talk about them after stating your feelings, wishes, and desires and listening carefully to those of your partner. Decisions that might be easy to make when you’re making them only for yourself might be more difficult when they involve someone else and the best solutions might not be those you think of just on your own. Discussion and cooperation may not provide any magic solutions to difficult financial problems, but knowing you and your partner agree about how to approach the situation will relieve at least some of the stress.

     

    Coping with Changing Expectations in the Relationship

    Relationships change over time. This is neither a good nor a bad thing, but it is a fact. What you want from a relationship in the dating stages might be quite different from what you want after you have been together a number of years. Changes in other areas of your life, outside your relationship, will have an impact on what you want and need from the relationship.

    The most important thing is that you need to do a great deal of careful, respectful listening to what each wants, and a lot of careful, clear communication about what each of you wants. Change of any sort tends to be at least a little stressful, yet because it is inevitable, welcoming change as an opportunity to enhance the relationship is more fruitful than trying to keep change from happening. Planning for changes together can lead the relationship into new and exciting places.

  • Tackling adolescents’ pregnancies

    Tackling adolescents’ pregnancies

    POPULATION and environment have been inseparable since the beginning of time. They have parasitic and symbiotic relationship. Population gets its existence from the environment and there is also an interplay of dependence between the two for mutual benefit. People have the natural urge to reproduce leading to overpopulation which eventually has adverse effects on the environment such as squalid and congested environment- a major cause of outbreak of epidemics-, food supply not keeping up with population growth, inadequate housing, poverty and social problems, chief of which is early adolescent sexuality which causes adolescent pregnancies among others.

    A bloated population means disproportionate of the land mass available for use by the populace, leading to over- crowding and not necessarily an increment in the source of income which could affect the quality of care made available to the children in term of education, feeding and shelter. A man with low source of income but with many children will not be able to provide basic things necessary to ensure his family’s comfort. And since most adolescents are restless and in case they are not positively engaged, they tend to expend their energy on frolicsome things such as engaging in sexual activities.

    According to the World Health Organisation, WHO, about 16 million girls between the ages of 15- 19 years give birth annually world-wide and about another 3 million girls under the age of 15 years give birth in poor countries of the world. In addition, it has been observed that 1 in 5 girls have given birth before the age of 18 mostly in underdeveloped countries. And this is largely a fall out of lack of access to basic education, because birth rates among women with low education are higher than for those with secondary or tertiary education.

    Girls in a large and poor family living in a congested environment may be under pressure to marry and bear children early to give room for other siblings to enjoy the scarce resources made available by their parents. Poor parents also see their daughters as gold mines and tickets out of poverty by giving them out to rich and older men who are in a hurry to make the girls mothers to prevent them from abandoning the marriage.

    In order to augment their daily incomes, most poor households send their adolescent girls to hawk and in the process expose them to dangers of being raped by men at times old enough to be their fathers. An instance that readily comes to mind is the case of a 76 year old man who put a young girl of 12 in a family way, all in the pretext of buying fish from her.

    An adolescent girl growing up in a single parent house hold is likely to become pregnant due to too much freedom especially if the mother is a career woman who has little or no time to counsel or take care of her daughter. This type of girl takes wrong advices either from her mates in school or from other not too credible sources. Also most of these single mothers may have male visitors that may sexually harass their teenage daughters which can lead to pregnancies.

    Early sexual education for teenagers is very important in the prevention of adolescent pregnancies, but an environment where such topic is a taboo due to either cultural or religious reasons, there tends to be high number of their adolescent girls getting pregnant at very young ages. Today, the rape epidemic in our society reflects the extent of the threat to women’s human rights. Each day, the media are awash with weird stories of varying degrees of inhuman treatments meted out to the female gender by their male counterparts, from child defilement to the rape of adolescent girls, who may be too frightened to report to her parents or the appropriate authorities. These may subsequently result in pregnancies.

    Apart from jeopardizing the health right of the girls through complications during pregnancy and childbirth, pregnant teenagers face deep discriminations and exclusions that prevent them from claiming their rights and living out their true potentials. It leads to their education being compromised. For instance, a 14 year old girl raped and subsequently impregnated by a 21 year old barber, who claimed to be a graduate was reported to have said that she will not go back to her former school for fear of being jeered at by her school mates. In this way, her education may be stopped and will eventually become a nuisance in the society.

    Health complications may arise as a result of adolescent pregnancies because the younger the mother, the higher the risk for the baby and the mother. These complications include, ruptured uterus, post partum haemorrhage [bleeding after child birth], still birth [death of the baby before birth] and most of all vesico-vagina fistula. The latter often cause rejection and abandonment of the girls by their spouses due to the continuous and uncontrolled leakage of urine.

    In order to nip the rising cases of adolescent pregnancies in the bud, parents of adolescent girls should invest quality time in giving them sexual education to serve as guides to prevent them from falling prey to randy and irresponsible men. Parents should also invest in the future of their adolescent girls through the provision of quality education for them to reach their full potentials. It is also important that government raise the minimum age of marriage for girls to 18 years at which time their bodies would have fully grown to withstand the rigors of pregnancies and childbirths, thereby minimizing complications arising out of the process of bringing forth younger ones. Adequate facilities and formulation of policies to increase the level of girl child education should also be provided by governments across the country as an essential catalyst for greater women empowerment .

    On a final note, major stake-holders need to provide a platform where they could regularly interact with adolescents for mentoring. It is, however, important for adolescent girls to bear in mind that depending on the opportunities or choices they have during adolescence, they can begin adulthood as empowered and active citizens or they can be entrenched in poverty.

    Bakare is of the Features Unit, Ministry of Information and Strategy, Alausa, Ikeja.

  • Cruising above the clouds

    LOVE and friendship brighten up your day. They are the oil that keeps your emotional wheel going, especially when things are tough. It is better to cultivate an emotional balance from the onset. It helps you to maintain the elasticity of the heart which is imperative as a future investment. All relationships have positive or negative influence. These skills focus on building positive relationships through managing reactions in all circumstances.

    Interestingly, a lot of people take our emotions for granted, especially in our youth. Why not! Naturally, this is a time when emotional concerns are few and it is a time we just want to play to the emotional gallery not minding whose ox is gored in the process. Hearts, hearts and more hearts are broken, leaving tales of sorrow, tears and blood.

    After all, other people have broken hearts before and so why should your own case be different? Another school of thought argues that hearts get stronger when they have been broken, crushed and shattered. So it must be a part of the emotional process.

    After criss-crossing the emotional landscape in tears, it looked like there was an emotional light in the tunnel. It was at this point that she met Kunmbi at a shopping mall when she went to pick her laundry. He looked calm and nice and almost like an emotional saint. But the phrase, ‘Men cannot be trusted’ registered vividly in the background.

    Four months along the emotional corridors, and the smart Alec succeeded in pulling her off balance and putting her heart in a state of turmoil. It was indeed a time to sing a new song: “Should I say yes, or should I say no?”

    Finally, the weaker part of the heart caved in and she decided to take the plunge; after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. A few dates rolled pleasantly by and it looked like it was going to be the happy-ending type which you often read about in story books. They also recorded a couple of romantic outings in some popular restaurants and it looked like her emotional dreams were falling perfectly into place.

    But deep down, her instincts kept on warning her not to get too excited. She could smell deception but just could not lay her finger on what it was. Was it a problem she could fix? Time certainly would tell. First, the most important thing was to make the best of this emotional opportunity. At the moment, she was lost on the emotional Island and in her heart was that inescapable tingling every time Kunmbi was around her.

    He literarily swept her off her feet, and, one by one, she told her friends about the emotional star who had stolen her heart. They were also very eager to meet this knight in shining armour and a small get-together was organised for everyone to meet our dear Kunmbi. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a disaster. Reason: “He came late and there was a lot of suspense in the air. Then when he finally came to the venue the mood changed, they all knew him. The man I was going to show off to them had been a serial cheater. He had left bitter emotional tales different from the side he had been showing to me.”

    Empty allegations, or could they be the usual mistakes that men make? Well, Kunmbi just refused to give any explanation. He took off and since that encounter did not think he owed his ‘Juliet” any explanation. It was obvious that he just wanted to take her for an emotional ride and did not imagine that he would run into friends who had some nasty experience exposing the side he had covered up for too long.

    Well, that certainly is one of those things. The ball certainly is in her court and she needs to make her up mind whether she wants to pull out or pretend that nothing has really happened. Every decision comes with consequences because the affectionate road is filled with bumps and it could just be a nasty road all the way through.

    It is indeed a case of different strokes for different folks. Most times, what you need to forge ahead in the emotional arena is inspiration. This skill focuses on using other people’s experience in previous and current relationships to connect with your buddy. You acquire this by listening to the person you treasure as well as making the other person feel important.

    One other important skill for relationship management is developing others. Developing your partner occurs when you focus on acknowledging his or her accomplishments and strong points, then offering feedback to them. This skill is important because it helps the growth of relationships and businesses. Like employees who feel valuable and appreciated, the love of your life is likely to do so much once the person knows that you appreciate the effort that is being put into the love process. Conversely, things are likely to work negatively when all you do is to shout at the person you claim you adore and desperately look out for shortcomings and mistakes that are imagined.

    Relationship management skills include the ability to manage conflict in a constructive way. It also means that you are willing to accept different perspectives, as well as demonstrate self-control and respect for everyone.

  • Your pelvic floor and pregnancy

    Your pelvic floor and pregnancy

    YOUR pelvic floor is the most important body part to work out in pregnancy. Now that you are pregnant, there really is no excuse. Interestingly, the pelvic floor is a muscle. A very important muscle that allows you to control your bladder, bowel and uterus (womb) basically, it stops you having any little accidents and keeps your unborn baby in place and it is a vital part of giving birth.

     

    WHY YOU NEED TO WORK IT

    Having a weak pelvic floor makes it harder for you to squeeze the muscles (sphincters) at the bottom of your bladder to stop wee escaping. A common clue that you have a weak pelvic floor is if a little wee escapes when you sneeze or exercise.

    On the flip side, exercising your pelvic floor helps things work out in your favour.

    This is not only around the time you give birth, if you have a weak pelvic floor, you find the lack of control of your bladder continues long after you have given birth.

    Your pelvic floor affects your vaginal muscles, too leading to sex being less satisfying for you.

    On the flip side, exercising your pelvic floor helps things work out in your favour.

     

    A STRONG PELVIC FLOOR EQUALS AN EASIER BIRTH!

    We all want as easier birth as possible and getting to grips with your pelvic floor exercises on a regular basis during your pregnancy is your best chance of achieving this. Having a strong pelvic floor can help to shorten the second stage of labour (when you push your baby out).

    ‘Doing these exercises regularly in pregnancy can help maintain a healthy pregnancy and support a positive natural birth,’ says Teresa Walsh, a midwife childbirth educator at The Portland Hospital, London.

    That baby weight you carry around when you’re pregnant can be hard going, but made easier if you have a strong pelvic floor the muscle will help you to support that extra weight.

    Following the birth, it can also help to heal the area between your anus and vagina (perineum) by increasing the circulation of blood to it.

    Another benefit? Women with stronger pelvic floor muscles are thought to be more likely to have orgasms during sex. Benefits all round, then.

     

    FIND YOUR PELVIC FLOOR MUSCLES

    Imagine that you are trying to stop yourself from passing wind and trying to stop your flow of urine mid-stream at the same time. The feeling is squeeze and lift, pulling up and in around your front and back passages.

  • A knowledgeable labour is most important

    A knowledgeable labour is most important

    Munira Shonibare is a leading furniture maker and founder of I.O Furniture with a modern production line. In this interview, she speaks with Yetunde Oladeinde on life as an entrepreneur, mentoring, her management style and how she maintains a good relationship with her personnel.

    WHAT is it like being the CEO of I.O Furniture?

    It’s exciting for the simple reason that I enjoy what I do. I enjoy constructing things and it’s never a dull moment. It is also challenging for the reason that we thrive in a very challenging environment. A lot of people think that lack of good roads, lack of electricity is the major challenges for manufacturers but I see it differently.

    One thing that we need to invest more in is the people, they actually drive everything. Skill is vital and so you need to have a knowledgeable labour first. Once you get that then you can then support with proper infrastructure.

    Some employers experience high turnover of staff and this can be discouraging…

    We have not found that to be the case here. However, we make our staff feel that they are part and parcel of the organisation. We pay very well and constantly have training for them. Not just training to enhance productivity, but to help them acquire skills that would guarantee a better future. For the carpenters we take them a step further and they learn how to cut marble. We also bring experts and consultants to talk to them on how to manage their resources properly.

    We live in a society that worships money, is it easy to live within one’s income?

    I am a testimonial to that. It is important to dream big and start small. It is better to take one step at a time. When you are focused, you would be structured, disciplined and committed to financial literacy. The problem is that the average Nigerian lives above their means. I have learnt to say no to a number of things.

    Imagine a scenario where you have to pay for three or four aso- ebi in a month at an average of twelve thousand naira each and then multiply this for 12 months a year. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not make such calculations. We’ve done trainings for our staff on financial discipline and things are better here. The minimum wage here is thirty thousand naira and they have stopped asking for loans.

    How would you describe your management style?

    I like for my staff to take responsibility, to be proactive. I’m tough and they are likely to say that I am a slave driver. There is a proverb that says if you want a job done, give it to the person who is hard working.

    Hard work never kills. It makes you better. You make good your promise once the relationship is that of trust.

    They recognise that they would be willing to trust on the same wave length.

    Once or twice we set targets and there are times that I tell them that if we do not make the targets then we do not get paid. It is a collective responsibility. Whatever one person does wrong or right would definitely affect the team. This is what is lacking in the country.

    How would you assess the Nigerian female entrepreneur?

    I think Nigerian women have been entrepreneurs forever. Unfortunately, nobody celebrates them. They are the traders, farmers and still have time for their children and family. Now, it is becoming more and more formal. From the cottage industry, to hairdressers and in the marketing of the final product you find women doing a great job. In Africa the percentage is higher than what we have in other parts of the world. The financial literacy is our problem. Even though we all put in our best, we only have access to about ten per cent of the funds.

    How would you describe the opportunities given to women by the Central Bank under Sanusi Lamido’s tenure?

    They have done a commendable job because they have recognised the role of women. If you educate a woman, you educate a generation. She would use the money to empower her children and the community. Apart from the CBN, other organisations give funds to women and they pay back. It is the best thing that has happened recently and we also have more female CEOs in different sectors. Any time you have a female CEO you find that the returns from blue chip companies grows. The human touch and the nurturing usually would be there. Look at what Angela Merkel is doing in Germany for instance.

    Do you have people that you mentor?

    Every year, I have a WISCAR mentee that I work with. I am on my fourth mentee at the moment. I stay in touch and help them define their dreams. What is gratifying is that you see them evolve.

    How would you assess the performance of women in public life?

    I find it commendable and on a good day I wonder how they cope. I like to see more. In the past, women in positions have been accused of not involving other women. In the public, they give it added value.

    I am hoping that one day Nigeria would come up with a female president. For me, politics is not on the agenda. I prefer to be a change agent, playing the supportive role. I have got strong views and I am not the most diplomatic person to work with.

    What inspires the designs of your furniture?

    Inspiration comes from everything and everyone around me, especially young people. I have three children and the eldest is 25 years. You watch their lifestyles, their expectations and influences to get inspired. Apart from this, three of my management team, most of my staff, are young people.

    There is a number of imported furniture especially those from China. Does this affect your business?

    We have our own market and we are selling durability. If you want the quick fix, then the other option comes to mind. A client had fire in their apartment recently and our furniture survived. So, people looking for quality look out for things like this. You can keep it for life.

    What is new at the moment?

    I have got to attend a fair; it is the biggest fair in Milan. The business is global, their lifestyle and ours is the same. In fact, I would say that Africa is very colourful and you can see this in our dressing, our fashion and how creative we are with entertainment and sports.

    Let’s talk about some of your memorable moments in life

    I have had too many and I don’t know of a distinctive one. Well, the day we completely refurbished this place could be one. There were days when we came and the people kept on wondering if it was possible. Every time I had my babies was memorable. They looked innocent, harmless and totally dependable.

    Will any of your children be toeing this line of business?

    Not really. The first girl read Sociology and Economics, my son read Philosophy and the last child read Chemical Engineering. But again, who knows! I didn’t do it for my children, I did it for me.

    If you had to advise government, what would you tell them?

    They should invest in the sector. We need steady source of power and tax incentives to manufacturers. We are investing in growth and contributing to the social development of the people. Unfortunately, the textile industry is dying or it is dead. Meanwhile, Nigerians love clothes and we are importing from other places.

    Where do you hope to se I.O Furniture in the next ten years?

    I take it one day at a time. I try to give my best every day. I pray that given the structure, it can run itself under the helm of someone competent.

    Who or what is the greatest influence in your life?

    My parents. They are my role models, they taught me everything. Once you are honest and sincere, everything becomes a given and falls in place. So it is better to focus on doing it and be sincere.

    How do you relax?

    I love to spend time with my family, parents and nephews. Just hanging out and exchanging ideas.

    If you had to advise young people, what would you tell them?

    To prepare. Over prepare and go with the flow. It is better to get ready every day. The motto that I teach my people is to prepare all the time, make sure everything is okay. Unfortunately, a lot of our young people do not prepare. They go for an interview without a portfolio. When I went for my first interview, I had my portfolio.

    You must begin to build up yourself, document what you do and dress properly. How can you be looking for a job in a blue chip company dressed in a spaghetti top and mini? Men do not do that. Everything is important, from your code to your demeanour. Appearance is important. We do not value our appearance.