The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    QUESTION:-

    Dear Princess, Good Day and complements of the season to you, read your weekly column and I really like the way you advice on issues affecting love and relationships. I never imagined that I’ll be getting across to you for advice on my love life but something happened to me two weeks back that has really been tormenting me and I really need to clear my mind to make a decision.

    I have been in a relationship with my fiancée for six years now; we just did our formal introduction between our families earlier in the year and planning to get married in some few months’ time which as with every woman I was really looking forward to until now. Princess my relationship with Rasheed has been very interesting over the years, we’ve had our ups and downs, been through several challenging and trying times but we always managed to weather through because of our strong love for each other, one major issue we battled at the earlier stage was that of our religious backgrounds, my family is a very religious catholic one while Rasheed is a Muslim, my parents initially objected to our union ,my Dad explained carefully to me that being from a Christian religious background, I might find it hard to adjust and conform with the Islamic lifestyle or might be forced to change my religion ultimately, my parents couldn’t imagine having their daughter move into a Muslim home, it took a lot of strong will from me. Rasheed was able to explain to them that though he was a Muslim but not a fanatic, I was free to practice my religion, bring up our children as desired; he explained he had Christian relatives and they all got along very well. My parents with time got to know Rasheed well, he’s a very friendly, cool and likeable person, my Dad got to really like him and all the initial objections were overlooked, I was the happiest girl in the world because the approval of my family meant so much to me in my relationship with Rasheed, whom I loved dearly and could not bear to loose him for any reason whatsoever until recently.

    There had also been other issues relating to Rasheed’s relationship with one or two other women that have caused some rift between us over the years, sometimes I pick up Rasheed’s phone and see some text messages from some other girl, usually I get furious as any lady that loves her man would, Rasheed would always have a way of wriggling himself out of the situation, apologize to me and we make up, over the past one year there is a particular lady I’ve been noticing her pictures on my fiancée’s blackberry phone, whenever I ask him who is the girl and why does he have her pictures all over his phone, he would always tell me she’s just a friend, that they were just friends and all that, I wasn’t comfortable seeing a particular girl’s picture over and over again on my man’s phone, well since I trusted and loved Rasheed, I let peace reign.

    Princess, two weeks ago I went to a night vigil organized by a friend’s church, she spoke so much about the wonderful anointing that flows in their church and how people have testimonies to give about the wonderful works God does there, Rasheed works as a property development consultant and over the past few months his business has really been slow to an alarming point, I decided to go to the night vigil basically to pray to God to revive my fiancée’s business, the church is located around my area, so I just got back from work, took some rest and off to the vigil.

    I really enjoyed the vigil, the prayer sessions were so powerful, I felt immediately the presence of God, I believed my prayers has been answered, when the vigil finished around 5.30am in the morning, I just felt like sharing the anointing in me with Rasheed immediately, although I was very tired, instead of driving home, I drove straight to Rasheed’s place, I called to tell him I was on my way but his phones were off, guessed he was still sleeping.

    On getting to Rasheed’s place, I used my key to open the door, on entering the sitting room, I saw a lady’s bag and shoes on the floor, my head started banging, I rushed to the bedroom, the door was locked from inside, I banged on it, I could hear voices inside, Rasheed delayed but eventually came to open the door, Princess right before my eyes, I saw the lady my fiancée was always claiming to be just a friend looking ruffled in there, I was mad , disappointed and felt betrayed by the man I loved so much, I had never cheated on him in all our years of relationship, he started begging me immediately ,I wasn’t even listening, I just went into my car ,I was crying as I drove home, I warned him never to call my line and that I never want to see him in my life again, it was over between us.

    Princess, Rasheed has been apologizing, calling and sending people to me, I told my sister about the incident, though I’ve not told my parents about it, I am really mad at Rasheed, I wonder with how many women he has been cheating on me with, Princess what next step should I take now, I don’t know what to do. BISILOLA-KETU.

    ANSWER

    Dear Bisilola, while you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you will probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy. My dear, the imperfection in most males is infidelity. A relationship nowadays is not just about two people, it involves being able to compromise, able to forgive and still continue to trust the person. Can you trust anyone anymore nowadays? Well, it depends on who you ask, the type of up-bringing the person had and of course the type of experience the person has had with past relationships. The Nigerian society according to most men I’ve had the chance to interview believe that it’s a man’s world, meaning when it comes to the issues of women, the man is supreme and for the most part, he can be unfaithful to his partner and be forgiven. Unfortunately, for the women folk, it’s not the same. An average Nigeria woman on the other hand, supports this ideology, by so doing, most men know that if they are caught cheating on their partner, they will be forgiven. This scenario is what makes it very easy for an average Nigeria man to be unfaithful to his wife knowing that if that woman refuses to forgive him, there are hundreds like her lined up to take her place and will even forgive him if he does something worse than being unfaithful. Bisilola, I am not cordoning what your finance had done but let’s be realistic, you said he was very apologetic. I will advise that you forgive him and move on. But, this shows that are chances that he will do it again. Keep an open mind, continue praying and make sure you practice the main ingredients in a marriage, relationship or love which are trust, understanding and most importantly an effective line of communication. I wish you all the best

     

    Thought of the week

    “Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone”

     

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • ‘My journey in fashion’

    ‘My journey in fashion’

    For Ejiro Amos Tafiri, becoming a global brand and exploring new opportunities in the textile industry is something that must be attained. In her collection, the variety of styles presented depicts the designer’s creative ability in stretching beyond a singular structure and design as she manages to cover all areas of ready-to-wear. In this an interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she reveals her driving force and how it made her reap a number of awards and recognitions over the years.

    WHAT would you describe as the turning point in your career?

    Barely a year into our existence, we were selected to represent Nigeria by USAID at Origin Africa which took place in Mauritius. It was a show for African designers and manufacturers to discuss the sector in Africa. It was a great platform for networking and I actually got designer friends from 10 countries in Africa. Mauritius had lots of opportunities and it broadened my horizon and gave me a future for my business.

    How did you get into the fashion business?

    I went to Queens College Yaba, Lagos. I wanted to be a doctor and when I did my exams, the vocational subject was agriculture and I got A3, and for me that was not good enough. I switched to clothing and textiles and I did well. I later went to the Yaba College of Technology where I studied clothing technology.

    What was the experience at Yabatech like?

    It was interesting but tough. First, I had to prove to my parent who did not understand why I dropped medicine for fashion. I did OND and HND there and all through the period, I was always the best student. Interestingly, I had basically science results but I was determined to stand out. In school, I got the best student ND in 2006, best graduating student in fashion.

    Who or what influenced your career in the industry?

    My first internship was with Zizi Cardow. She was a strong inspiration in my career. She made me believe in myself and made me focus on what I wanted. After Zizi, I worked with Tiffany Amber and this was where I learnt the business side of fashion. I also learnt how to understand women. I come from a family of all boys; mum was a tomboy and I didn’t really understand what women wanted.

    So this was a very healthy marriage of opportunities for me. During my Youth Service, I went to Kaine Bode George’s Out Of Africa and I worked here as a junior designer and production assistant. I rose to become senior designer and chief designer that same year. Everyone I worked with mentored me in different ways. I got other opportunities with more money but I decided to stay here because it was what I wanted to do.

    What was the driving force for you?

    When I got in I already knew what I wanted but I needed to understand orgnisational structure which I found was in place there. She was very organised and I learnt that from her. I put everything into what I was doing and they found that the stuffs that I designed sold more.

    How would you describe the clothes in your collection?

    What I make are Afropolitan dresses. Usually, I try to make clothes for real women. Through my designs, I try to tell my African story as well as make it a cross continental thing. In addition, I try to drape, and in Africa we are known for that. I use a lot of cotton, chiffon and some African fabrics. I also make a lot of dresses.

    What motivates your designs?

    I am inspired by different cultures. I love travelling, reading and watching movies. In the process, I get a lot of inspiration, and for me creativity is like going on an adventure.

    Who are your targets?

    I love to design clothes for upwardly mobile young women. These are women who are comfortable in their style and what they wear. Here we are talking about women in their late 20s to late 60s.

    Tell us some of the fashion shows and exhibitions that you have participated in

    We have participated in the two ARISE magazine’s shows. We have also done the three Lagos fashion shows and designs sponsored By MTN and GTB respectively.

    What role did your parents play in all of these?

    Both of them are paramilitary. My dad retired from the SSS while my mother retired as an immigration officer. They were strict and this upbringing made me focused as well as made me want to be excellent at all times. Striving to be best made my parents happy all the time.

    How do you source your materials considering the fact that our textile industry is dead?

    It is really sad. Everything is imported and there is no confidence in things done here. We are all buying from outside the country. It would be better to grow the industry and make things better.

    Where do you hope to be in the next five years?

    We want to be sold in all the major cities of the world. We are currently in three places in Lagos, Abuja and Port Harcourt. This is for mainly distribution and our dream is to go into leather goods and accessories and ultimately be a lifestyle brand.

    What has been the response?

    It is encouraging. Every time we present our show to any audience they are impressed. The response has been good. It is very stressful, demanding but quite rewarding.

    If you had to advise young people, what would you tell them?

    They should always make sure that what they are going into is something that they really want.

  • Can she control his ogling eyes?

    THERE is a season for everything. This certainly is a time to show love and appreciate those you cherish. It is certainly not the best time to lose what you cherish. Yet if you suddenly find yourself in this situation then you must reorganise yourself and move on to the next phase. Losing a precious heart can be a great dilemma but it does not mean the end of life.

    Pretty Moyo is experiencing this now and she is trying to find her way out of this emotional bullshit. How did it all happen you ask? Reluctantly she takes you into her story amid tears. Moyo was in her final year at the university when she met and fell in love Folarin. They actually became close in a very funny way. He was reading in the library and then tears rolled down uncontrollably. She was sitting next to him and she tried to console him. Why would a very handsome dude like this cry in the open? What was wrong with him,” she wondered.

    Somehow he felt comfortable in her company and opened up on his emotional pain and the girl who stole his heart at that point. In a short while, Folarin told her every detail of his emotional life and about the crush he had for a lady whose heart was elsewhere.

    On her part, Moyo tried to make him know that losing a heart does not mean the end. She cared for him like a brother and somehow they got closer and closer.

    I just didn’t know that I was beginning to like him because I had told myself that men could not be trusted after two nasty experiences that took me down the emotional valley. Now, that she was sure that she had found true love again, there was something else that keeps disturbing her. Her man likes to stare at other women and she wonders if this sign was a threat or not.

    For Cynthia, it was meant to be another memorable outing. It was part of the activities that they had lined up for this year’s Christmas celebration. For weeks, she worked very hard on the details and she dreamt of a romantic outing that would leave lasting memories.

    “When Mayowa turned up at the door, he looked great and I was sure that everything was on course. Two hours after, he ruined everything and I just couldn’t believe that the dream we wanted to share together was gone, gone with the emotional wind.”

    What did he do in such a short while? How could something so good turn out to be so bad, you wonder? “Mayowa has a habit of starring at women and I do not like this at all. I had tried to bring his attention to this fact and we had discussed it twice already. This was supposed to be a special day and somehow he just messed it up. This time around, he did not just stop at starring at the babe in question, he abandoned yours truly for about 30 minutes only to resurface with tales about this lost old flame.

    How was I going to cope with a guy who keeps running into extinguished flames and not knowing what direction to turn to at such moments. What would you have done if you were in her shoes? If your man constantly stares at other woman no matter how many times you’ve told him to stop, it would surely make you feel uncomfortable and irritated.

    If you get to this point, then you need to do something to save the relationship if you are keen about it. Here you need to bring his attention to the effect of his constant drooling appreciation of the opposite gender in front of you. Ask him how he would react if you did the same and state that it makes you look like a fool in front of others. If he cares for you, he will understand and try to control his ogling eyes at least to some extent.

    Sometimes, he may just not understand how you are feeling about all this. If your man comes up with the most likely response, that he has to check out other women to reestablish that you’re the best for him, please don’t accept it. If he really loves you, he doesn’t need to constantly reaffirm it, and definitely not by leeching at other women.

    However, if his reason is that he can’t just help himself, then you need to give him a better emotional direction. As a mature man it is better t be in control of his behavior but if he is so much of a slave to his ogling habits, then you have to make up your mind if you want to go on or opt out.

    The fact that men love to look at women’s bodies more than their faces has been confirmed by a recent study. The research used eye tracking technology to prove what many had long observed. ‘

    Twenty nine women and 36 men were outfitted with the eye-tracking system, which measures in milliseconds how long the eyes fixed on certain spots. Their gazes reacted to photographs of the same 10 women, each with three different digitally manipulated body shapes, curvaceous, much less curvaceous and in-between.

    “We live in a culture in which we constantly see women objectified in interactions on television and in the media. Until now, we didn’t have evidence that people were actually doing that to women’s bodies. We have women’s self reports, but this is some of the first work to document that people actually engage in this. Interestingly, the study also found that women also look at other women’s bodies too.

  • A colourful adventure

    A colourful adventure

    Turning out in a fantastic outfit with matching accessories can be a delight. Naturally, you feel grand and become the cynosure of all eyes. Yetunde Oladeinde takes a look at how you can make the bridal train your selling point.

    A lot of ladies actually take the veil for granted. It is actually something you need to give attention too because it is the first thing anyone would notice as you step out in style.

    Interestingly, it is something you can also make yourself, if you are the creative type. For the veil, you can make use of the tuile which is the most expensive choice in English netting .This netting is soft and silky and clings to the wearer. Regular tuile is stiffer than and holds its own shape.

    Here, you need to be careful and choose finer weave tuile, not the large weave extra stiff version .You can also use any lace you like and you must make sure that the tuile is trimmed to the shape of the lace.

    It is also very important to take care of what every other person in the bridal train would be wearing to get a total package that is worthwhile. One group you just cannot ignore is your bridesmaid. This season, you can make it a splash of bright colours.

    Here you can make use of outfits in bold and bright colours like turquoise blue, purple, orange, fuchsia pink, yellow or red. Your chief bridesmaid can have a combination of more than one of the colours or she can opt for something unique and different. Proper planning as well as putting your overall budget into consideration helps you determine your options easily.

  • When the gowns came to town

    When the gowns came to town

    For two days, women from various sectors of life gathered in Ekiti to deliberate on issues of women health and safety. Hannah Ojo who was in Ekiti reports

    ALL our religious and local traditions promote a belief in the sanctity of life. Let us all continue to protect and care for each other. Let us all rise and demand for a safer world for women and girls. Any act that diminishes one woman diminishes the rest of us.” Speaking with a vibrancy that commandeered the attention of the participants, the first lady of Ekiti State, Erelu Bisi Fayemi, set the pace for discourse at this year’s Ekiti State gender summit which was held at Ado-Ekiti recently.

    It was an occasion when the gowns came to town as participants ranged from various walks of life such as civil servants, market women, teachers, wives of traditional rulers and female stake holders in the state. Also, the various persons who facilitated each aspect of the programme, professionals in their own standing, engaged wits and native intelligence to carry everyone along, both the learned and unlearned. Themed Gender Equality, women’s health and safety: towards a healthy, violence-free society, the summit was organised by Ekiti State’s ministry of women affairs, social development and gender empowerment in conjunction with the Ekiti Development Foundation. True to the words of Mrs. Fola Ricie-Adewusi, the state’s commissioner for women affairs and social development, the event proved to the billing of a platform for rich discussions and cross pollination of ideas on the critical issues of gender equality, women’s health and safety.

    Dignitaries who graced the occasion included the Deputy Governor of Ekiti State, Prof. Modupe Adelabu, who stood in for the governor and herself, the convener of the summit, Erelu Bisi Fayemi, wives of the governor of Osun State, Alhaja Sherifat Aregbesola and Kwara State governor, Deaconess Omolewa Abdul Fatha Ahmed, DG of the National Centre for Women Development (NCWD), Ms. Onyeka Onwenu, amongst other personalities within and outside the state. Also present were representatives of non-governmental organisations, representative of the minister for women affairs, delegates from the 16 local government areas in Ekiti State, members of the academia, resource persons drawn from within and outside Ekiti State and donor partners.

    Delivering the key note address, Prof Oluyemisi Obilade, the Vice-Chancellor of the Tai Solarin University of Education, proved her mettle as an academician of no mean stature. Taking the topic, “Safe-guarding our tomorrow, ensuring quality of life: addressing women’s health within the context of culturally condoned gender-based violence,” she gave an in depth illustration, portraying the pitiable state of the plights of women who have to live with a battered psyche in an environment where violence is fuelled by a dominant sense of patriarchy. According to her, “gender-based violence is not only a violation of women’s human rights but has moved into the realm of a major public health problem which can result into a wide range of physical, mental, sexual and reproductive, and maternal health problems.” Citing real life examples of rape victims from Nigeria and beyond, the don stressed the point that women, irrespective of their age, can become victims of violence, especially rape. She buttressed this by serving a reminder of an incident in Ekiti where a 45-year-old man raped a woman of 75. Proffering solutions, she offered the way forward: “the way forward requires fresh vision, fresh passion, fresh determination and action. We must shed our willingness to confront the root cause of many of the factors negatively impacting the health of our women. We must address our predisposition to treat the symptoms rather than the root cause.”

    The elegant stallion, Onyeka Onwenu, did not fail to dazzle when she gave an address in her capacity as the DG of the NCWD. Sharing her experience during a round table discussion anchored by ace broadcaster Chief ‘Ronke Okusanya, Ms Onwenu admitted that the problem of women’s health and empowerment is huge. She, however, advised women to look into their sphere of influence to start making impact. She further stated that it is only a woman who is empowered economically that will not succumb to violence in the home out of fear to stand out on her own. She also hinted on the viability of the entertainment industry to drive home the message of a violence-free society for women.

    As expected of a gathering of women, the summit went emotional at some moments when some of the participants would wear sad and forlorn face during some presentations. One of such was when Mrs. Ebun Anozie of C.O.P.E. Initiative gave a presentation on cancer. It was an emotional account, especially when people had to stand up in remembrance of the late deputy governor of Ekiti, Mrs. Funmi Olayinka, who succumbed to the disease. Nollywood actress, Foluke Daramola, also gave a first-hand account of her experience as a victim of rape at the age of 16 and domestic violence even in pregnancy and after child birth during her first marriage.

    From Dr. Boladale Mapayi whose talk on ‘harmful traditional practices and implications for women’s health’ stressed that women should not keep silent in the face of violence to Princess Kathy Emiko’s presentation which scored a point for women to take ownership of their health through a healthy lifestyle amongst talks on areas such as budgeting for woman’s health, impact of the environment, economic empowerment, there is no gainsaying the fact that the conference served as an optimal means towards cleaning the Augean stable that the issue of violence has come to be in this part of the world.

    Cementing the assertion of Erelu Fayemi that the summit, already in its third series, does not fall into categories of forums where deliberations are made without results, the governor of Ekiti State, Dr. John Kayode Fayemi, signed the equal opportunities bill into law on Tuesday. From all indications, one can say that the issue of gender in Ekiti has taken the centre stage in the administration of the state.

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought of the week

    “After a foolish deed comes remorse”! Feeling sorry always follow a foolish act.

    Question:

    Dear Princess, my name is Linda, I am supposed to be getting married in two weeks but right now I am not even sure the wedding is even going to hold. I made a major mistake which is really threatening to ruin my happiness and my life as a whole, right now I am even contemplating suicide because I feel that might just be the only way out of all this mess and shame which I have brought upon myself. Princess I just need to share my story with you and to other young women out there for them to learn from my mistakes. I am 26 years old, i have a good job as a customer care representative in a major telecoms company in the country. I met my fiancee whom I’m supposed to get married to in two weeks. Two years ago when he came to our office to lay a complaint as regards his mobile line which was mistakenly blocked by our network, that day he was really angry with the staff he met on duty, I was able to calm him down, explained that we were sorry that it was a computer mix up and sorted the issue for him in less than 20minutes, he murmured some thanks asking for my card and took his leave, I totally forgot about him and the incident because in the course of my work I tend to meet a lot of customers on a daily basis treating different issues for them as regards our different services, so for, me he was just another customer. A month later he called my number introducing himself, sincerely I was not able to recollect him particularly since I had attended to several other clients during that period, I asked if he had any issues with his line again, he said no that he just wanted to thank me, I made him realize there wasn’t any need for that since i was doing the job am being paid to do, he asked if we could get together for a drink, I politely declined, it willnot be professional mixing client I met in the course of my work with pleasure. Men in the country I have noticed were very flirtatious towards the opposite sex that works as customer care representative, so I was always careful with them all. Samuel, that’s his name was persistent, every morning he would send me inspirational text message wishing me well for the day, at night he would do same, he would call sometimes during the day just to check on me, I still insisted that I wasn’t ready for a date with him but gradually I softened and agreed to meet up with him for a drink after 2months, he sounded genuinely excited, we met up for dinner after work and I must confess, his company was really enjoyable as I had not been on a date for quite a while, I had just recently broken up with Emeka, my boyfriend of 7 years right from my university days, I loved Emeka dearly and he was everything to me, he was my first love, I could do anything for him but the problem we had over and over again was Emeka’s womanizing streaks, he was very randy, carefree and I was always catching him with different girls, he would always apologize, making it clear to me that I was the only girl he truly cared for, because I loved him so much I would always take him back. After graduation, Emeka was still his normal self, he wasn’t even yet ready to settle down, still continuing with his pranks with ladies all over town, I got tired and frustrated, I wasn’t getting any younger, couldn’t go on waiting for a man that wasn’t ready to settle down to have a family, my mum and aclosest friend who was already married for 3 years with 2kids advised me strongly, as painful; as it was, I called off my relationship with Emeka. Samuel was the man I was getting close to after the break up, so the date with him was breath of fresh air. Samuel is a very serious minded man and we started a relationship, within 4 months, he proposed to marry me, Samuel was the type of man any woman would want to settle down with, I was excited, we started making wedding arrangements. Some weeks to my wedding, I was doing some shopping on the island, it was such a coincidence that I came across Emeka, he is not based in Lagos but he said he came on an official assignment and putting up with a friend somewhere on the island, he wished me well on my upcoming wedding, we got talking as old time friends, somehow I had missed his company when I was through he asked me to drop by for a drink at where he was putting up, since the traffic was hectic, I decided to chill for a while with him. We got there, still gisting about the old times, Emeka was a lively person, after sometime he started getting too close, wanted to start touching me and all that, I told him to stop, was very angry my wedding was coming soon, he calmed me down, talking about the old times and what we shared, asking me to share this last time with him before my marriage, he could be very sweet mouthed, I didn’t even know what came over me, I relaxed, Emeka knew how to make a woman feel real good, he led me to the bedroom and we made love. I felt very guilty afterwards, I just wanted to go home, we got dressed, moved back to the sitting room, Princess, behold in the sitting room relaxing was Samuel’s first cousin, Andrew who I had met several times, he was the one Emeka was putting up with, a colleague of Emeka who was Andrew’s friend linked them up together, Jesus, I knew I was finished, the look on his face said it all, I rushed away from the scene, my head was exploding, when I got home I was crying and couldn’t even talk to anybody. Andrew, told Samuel what happened, he called and asked me if it was true, I was just crying and apologizing, Samuel told me point blank he was calling off the wedding, everybody blamed me and now pleading for Samuel to reconsider, I admitted I made a fatal mistake and would never ever do such again, Samuel is adamant and not listening to anyone, I feel like committing suicide, Princess please what do you advise me to now?? Linda Yaba

    Answer

    A knife cuts ones hand and we throw it away, the damage is already done! I really do not understand you youths ofnowadays, the way you makesex so casual is very disturbing. It is something that two consenting adults should enjoy between each other, yes, some people will tell you the unplanned and the risky one is the most exciting, but at what cost, especially to someone like you. You have not since Emeka in so long, yet you had unprotected sex with him, according to you, he was a loose canon when its comes to women, the real reason you left him. During your separation, he could have contracted the Hiv virus or any other sexually transmitted disease for that matter. Now, couples nowadays have a big problem with fidelity, most Nigerian men believe it’s a norm for them to cheat in their relationships, to the extent that some do it so openly and brag about it. Well, women now do not see anything wrong with cheating on their men, but they are more discreet about it because if a man is caught cheating on his partner, it is acceptable, but it a woman is caught, she will be label a “slut”! Unfortunately, you are caught in this conception. My strong advice is to continue begging him and pray that he loves and believes you enough that this just happened at the heat of the moment. If you can be easily tempted when you are not married, what will happen when you start to have issues in your marriage, will you be able to take your vows seriously? If he believes and feels that you are a strong enough woman to withstand the marital storm and you are able to make him realize this, am sure he will forgive you. I wish you all the best and pray others can learn from your mistake.

    Thought of the week

    In any relationship, love, trust and complete understanding is very crucial. The icing is effective communication and complete emotional support of one another. Lots of marriages nowadays are “empty shells”, wherein none of the above recommendations are no longer present, both couples just stay in it for “show”! Some couples have not even touch each other intimately in years, this are couples in their forties, yet outside the four walls of their home they put up a happily face in the society, yet they are both unhappy together but are more concern about what society will think? “If a wall is not broken, a lizard cannot penetrate it”! Young couples, practice the above advise very earlier in your relationships.

    Thought of the week

    “All that glitters is not gold”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Exploring new opportunities

    Exploring new opportunities

    Big dreams actually start small. This is what has inspired a group of young entrepreneurs who thronged the lostinLagos fair last weekend. Yetunde Oladeinde was at the event and she reports at how these women are using this opportunity to take their businesses to the next level.

    FOR a lot of young mothers, fitting into the job market can be a great challenge. Even when they work hard and develop strategies on how to combine home and career, child bearing and the duties that come with marriage can be a great challenge. These days, a number of women in this category therefore think of small scale businesses that they can manage on their own with limited resources.

    However, this can only thrive when they have developed a great financial policy. This involves budget preparation, proper financial management as well as great strategies for fundraising. Experts say that an organisation is financially sustainability if its core work will not collapse, even if external funding is withdrawn.

    It is, therefore, pertinent to know how to develop and maintain a strong customer base. In addition, there is a need to obtain a diversified income source, build financial reserves as well as strategically manage and finance overhead costs.

    All these can be achieved when there is a constant link between the supply and demand chains. Interestingly, a forum that promises to project such businesses and bring them constantly in touch with consumers of their products and services organised a programme last weekend. For the past two years, Tannaz Bahnam, the founder of LostinLagos Initiative has welcomed entrepreneurs and hundreds of visitors to the Federal Palace Hotel for a fun-filled weekend.

    She declares that “The LostinLagos.com is the premier online guide to Lagos and it gives small and medium-sized businesses a platform to reach out to their potential visitors and customers. Most Lagosians don’t know about all the great businesses that exist in Lagos, and LostinLagos LIVE is an opportunity to create more exposure for them.”

    LostinLagos LIVE brings the best of Lagos to visitors for two days of shopping and great entertainment. Bahnam goes on to explain: “This year, the We Love Lagos campaign was launched to bring a more positive image for Lagos by giving a voice to all those Lagos-loving Lagosians, to show the world how much We Love Lagos. Together with events like LostinLagos LIVE, the campaign will show the world all the amazing things Lagos has to offer.”

    Bahnam continues: “This is a sign that we are making progress and people have applauded what they are seeing here today. For me, working on this has been exciting and energetic. We have lots of changes in place and every year things are getting better. “

    She, however, thinks that government should be supportive and make the environment more conducive for small and medium scale entrepreneurs. “After putting in so much work into our products and services, it is important to attract those who would buy what we have. This brings to mind the issue of advert and signage which has become quite expensive these days. Government should look into this area and make sure that the burden is not too expensive to bear.”

    She recounts some of the achievements and how the exhibitions have helped to project businesses which are owned mostly by women. “When you come to small and medium scale businesses, you find women in the majority and they are doing very well. The women have been very dedicated and this year we were able to raise money for Child Life. This is a way of motivating and inspiring others and by donating to charity we are giving back to the society in our own little way.”

    For Stella Essi Byll of Delavi Couture, “This is a wonderful experience and it is something that we have participated in over the years. In Nigeria and Lagos, you have a number of entrepreneurs doing their own thing but the awareness is not there. If you are hardworking and dedicated the results would be positive because you would be discovered someday.”

    She continues: “The only problems that would be encountered are the facilities that are not in place. There is need for our government to provide a conducive environment for small scale businesses to thrive. This would obviously bring down the cost of production.”

    After four fantastic LostinLagos LIVE events, LostinLagos.com hosted its 5th event last weekend at the Federal Palace Hotel. “This year’s event was successful because we got support from Pepsi, Buyam.com.ng and Stanbic IBTC Bank. As you can see, this year’s LostinLagos LIVE is bigger and better with the best of Lagos businesses from fashion, jewelry, home and gifts and lots more. The other side attractions included a live band playing throughout the two days; a performance by SPAN dancers; Santa’s Grotto with lots of activities for kids from Kidz r Us.”

    Raffle draw prizes were given away every 30 minutes with prizes like overnight stay at Epe Resort, dinner vouchers for the Blowfish Group restaurants, a Buyam.com.ng hamper, a Sony Xpheria Z phone and Sony Laptop on the first day, and lots of amazing prizes on the second day from Dulux Paint.

  • Nwanya takes Veronica to altar

    Nwanya takes Veronica to altar

    Mr. Vitus Nwanya, a manager with Elegant Strides Ltd, Lagos, recently took former Miss Veronica Ivoke of the Environmental Rights Action/Friends of the Earth Nigeria (ERA/FoEN) to the altar at the Assemblies of God Church, Ikeja, Lagos.

  • Equipping young people for the future

    INDICATIONS that all will be well for Nigerian youths, adults and the less-privileged citizens emerged last weekend as the Green and White Initiative Plus lectured her target audience on how to stand tall in the midst of the storm.

    The guest speaker, Mrs. Agnes Joseph, who is also the founder Qurim Ministry, stated that “staying determined and standing against any form of challenges will lead to the victory of your problems.”

    She also enjoined the young ones to know what they stand for, show positive attitude towards problem, stay determined, desist from idleness, and also protect the image of the country.

    At the end of the programme, donated items which included clothing, bags, and shoes were shared among widows and other less-privileged people at the event. A widow, Mrs. Adenike Yusuf, who was present at the event appreciated the Green and White Initiative Plus for their support and contribution. Mrs. Sisilo Oyinado, who was also present at the event also thanked the Green and White Initiative Plus for the lecture and contribution they granted her.

    The project coordinator, Chinwe Osuagwu, disclosed that “The objective of this association is to orientate and encourage the Nigerian youth, adult and also the less-privileged citizen in any situation they find themselves, to shun the habit of giving up, and also to shape the future of our dear country.”

    She said that the organisation engages itself in community services, and charity works like donations and gift items to the needy. “We have also visited a lot of homes for old people, motherless babies and shelters. It has also successfully carried out a lot of programmes which corporate organisations and individuals had sponsored. GWIP is striving very hard to work towards zero tolerance for abject poverty and full understanding of Nigerian citizens’ civic rights and obligations, thereby raising a responsible and accountable new generation that will have a future to rely on.

    “Our programme tagged ‘standing tall in the midst of the storm’ was targeted to celebrate young people that are doing extraordinary things towards their personal and national development instead of relying on the usual excuses people make for failure.”

    The initiative focuses on the need for a greater positive reorientation of Nigerians, especially the youth with regard to a new awakening as responsible citizens. The organisation has engaged in series of intellectual talk shows, seminars, lectures to address issues ranging from personal growth, inter relational skills, civic responsibility and general empowerment.

  • When it’s done deal

    DOTUN wasn’t even her type of guy, but somehow Lauretta put all her affection in his emotional basket. “Till date, I just cannot pinpoint when and how I fell in love with him. The only vivid detail I remember about our emotional beginning was that we met at a shopping mall. That day, I had a lot of things to carry and he volunteered to help me take the shopping bags to the car. We met once again at the mall two weeks after and that was how we became friends. For me, he was just like any other guy and I did not plan to have a relationship with him.”

    Perhaps he wasn’t good looking? “No, that was not the reason at all. When it comes to physical attraction, he was very handsome. Personally, I do not get attracted to men because of their looks. In fact, I try to avoid good looking guys because of the many distractions (from ladies) that they are faced with.

    “When he first broached the idea of a relationship, I turned it down. Then what I felt for him was just friendship, something you feel for a brother. “Unfortunately, for me, he just did not give me any breathing space, while I was evasive he persisted.”

    Her friends actually described him as a ladies’ man and he was. When they met about five years ago, he dated a lot of women and most of the relationship he confessed was fairly shallow. But along the line he realised that what he felt for her was quite different and gradually they became almost inseparable. So what brought about this emotional transformation? you wonder. “There was a day he came to look for me in the office and I was not around. He waited for about two hours and dropped a note for me. Every line was moving and I treasured the note so much. I remember pinning the note to my diary and I read it over and over again.”

    That was the turning point for Lauretta. “I began to notice some of the things I did not see in the past and decided to give him a chance in my life. It was an exciting experience and we had a number of memorable activities together. We had a good life and his company was cherished on a daily basis.”

    He swept her off her feet and just when she thought she had found what she desired, he cross carpeted. “From my emotional hero, he turned out to be a disaster. I began to see that the relationship was all about him and I wanted it to be about me too.”

    The only option was to pull out of this emotional race to save her aching heart. “It was quite painful but the break gave me some direction. I also realised that I had been wasting my time all along. It turned out to be a fruitless emotional journey.”

    Going into the next phase of her life was turbulent.

    She poured herself into her career but it was hard forgetting him. “Even though I realised that I had been taken for a ride, I still missed him. I dated two other guys but I kept comparing what they did with the things I learnt from the one I still loved. My best friend, Ada, noticed what was going on and said I wasn’t satisfied with the other guys because I was still in love with the wrong guy. When she said that, I realised it was the truth and I started crying. In anger, she shouted at me, saying, “Why are you crying like a baby, if you do not love that traitor? You need to wake up and move on with your life. There is really no point crying over split milk.“

    Her friend’s words also freed her from the emotional turmoil that she was going through. It also opened her eyes to the fact that she was still in love with Dotun. A couple of weeks back, he had called and apologised, saying he had learnt from his mistake. Perhaps, it was better to look at the possibility of getting back together. So, she put a call through to Dotun and happily they were reunited. The two of them realised that they still have areas of disagreements as the months rolled by. Yes, they have come to the realisation that they were always going to have some bumps here and there, but there was nobody that they would rather be with but each other. It was therefore better to hang together and make it work, no matter the obstacle in the way.

    Yes, everyone dreams of something good and wonderful. We all have standards and it’s great if we find what we want or something close to the original.

    Like Lauretta, Moyo has been going through some dark patches in her love life.

    Even when she puts in her best, she keeps criss-crossing the emotional zone without getting to the proverbial promised land. “I often wonder what is always happening to me. I have discovered that I do not love the people who fall in love with me.” All you need to do is to focus on the good sides of the person who cares about you and make the love idea reciprocal. If you do not move on and make the best of your emotional situation, then you are going to be caught in an emotional cobweb that may lead to depression.

    While some can stick to a particular relationship for so long and do things that would make it look new as the years roll by, there are others who prefer to be adventurous when it comes to matters of the heart.