The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Question

    Dear Princess, My name is Ayomide, I am a part four engineering student in a higher institution in the country, though due to the ongoing universities strike in the country been at home for some months now. Currently I am dating a 22 years old girl, her name is Olaide, we have been dating for over a year now, l am so in love with her, it took me a while to convince her to date me, she is very homely a down to earth girl, she means so much to me, she is a source of joy and inspiration to me, I am a very serious minded and focused individual as such Olaide is my only girlfriend, I love her so much and see no reason for me to cheat around with any other lady,already we have started discussing future plans and my plan is to graduate from school, get a good job and get married to the love of my life in the nearest future. I have a very close friend to me, we have been friends from childhood and even schooled in the same university, his name is Mayowa, he’d always been more outgoing and on the bubbling side than me, always looking for social activities to keep busy and unlike me, he is very interested in girls, he takes pride in sleeping with different girls even encouraging and teasing me to do same, but in all that we understand and respect each other so well, he also does not joke with his academics and we complement each other so well as friends. Due to the ongoing universities strike, most times we are always at either my place or Mayowa’s place, since Olaide’s university is also on strike too, she spends a lot of time with me. There’s never a dull moment with Mayowa and my girlfriend always enjoys his company and is always laughing at his jokes, she even finds his lifestyle fascinating because he’s always with a different new girl every time we hang out he teases her that he is not an ‘old school” like her boyfriend (me), she always laugh over it and says she loves me so dearly the way l am, that always brings a smile to my face. Princess, recently l kind noticed that Olaide has been becoming so used to Mayowa and whenever he’s not around with us, she is always asking after him, asking over and over again when he will be back, at first that didn’t bother me as I see Mayowa as a brother so it didn’t really get me worried, but when I noticed that is now get to a point that anytime Mayowa is around, Olaide would always like to sit at his side, and always laughing even when he was not saying anything too funny and always having a smile for him, I started getting worried that could it be that my girlfriend was getting to like my friend too much? I trust my girlfriend, there is no reason for me to doubt her loyalty to me also I believe in the friendship I share with Mayowa, he understands what Olaide means to me and how much I love her so I don’t see him betraying me by having anything to do with my only girlfriend but still I am uneasy and alarm bells ringing in my head, I started making sure Mayowa is not always around whenever I had my girlfriend with me even though she would always ask about him. Princess, four days ago Olaide called me and said she would not be seeing me that day because she’s going on some errands for her mum, a day before Mayowa had already informed me that he was going out to hook up with one of his new girls as usual, I was at home alone bored. NEPA as usual has taken light, it was hot inside so I just decided to sit down in front of the house for some fresh air, after sitting out for some minutes, I saw Mayowa’s younger brother passing, I asked him if Mayowa was back, he told me that Mayowa had been in all day and was still at home till now, immediately I called his phone twice, there was no response, since his house was just down like 5mins walk from mine, l decided to take a stroll and check him up at home to ease more boredom. On getting to Mayowa’s house, I heard music from inside so I knew he was home, I knocked and knocked on his door, he took like 5mins for him to come to the door, uncharacteristically for him, he blocked me at the door and didn’t want me to enter, Mayowa has a room and parlor alone to himself in his father’s house, even if he had any female visitor, I had access to his place and would just sit down in the living room while they were busy in the room, Mayowa whispered to me that the babe he had inside was a new catch, he was still busy trying to convince her to sleep with him, I laughed telling Mayowa that when was he going to change his ways, while we were talking at the door, I looked inside, I saw a bag and shoes that looked familiar, Mayowa closed the door, something wasn’t right, the bag and shoe I saw looked familiar, they actually were like Olaide’s own, I called her phone immediately, she didn’t pick, called over and over again, no answer, confused and dejected strolled home, could my imagination be real, was my girlfriend the one in friend’s house without my knowledge? There could only be one answer to what she was doing there if she was the one there I was confused when I got home, Olaide was still not picking her calls, my instincts was telling me something I didn’t want to believe, I could have gone back to Mayowa’s house and forced to go inside but the pain and disappointment I was feeling didn’t allow me to, I was devastated. Later in the day Mayowa came to my place, as usual he gisted me about the new catch and how he slept with her and the naughty things they did together, I kept a straight face, hardly smiled. The next day, Olaide came to my place, I asked why she wasn’t picking her calls the previous day, she said she forgot he phone at home, I called her a liar and told her I was aware she was at Mayowa’s place the previous day, I saw her bag and shoes and he had even told me what they did together and how she slept with him and all sorts, I called her names that I never want to see her again, she bust out crying, going on her kneels and said she didn’t know what came over her and she regrets what she did and would never ever do such again, I told her to leave my place that our relationship is over. She has been calling, texting and apologizing for the past 2 weeks, pleading that I should forgive her, meanwhile Mayowa has been avoiding me, Princess, I am confused, I love Olaide so much but she really hurt me by sleeping with my friend, what do you advise me to do?

    Answer

    DearAyomide, what is bad, Olaide and Mayowa had crossed a line that friends and lovers don’t cross. Respectively, they both mean something very special to you. Unfortunately then both allow the feeling of the flesh to cloud there judgment. Laide got intuated with the easy, uncaring character in Mayowa. You are laid back and much cooler than your friend. If Olaide can be tempted so easily with the fun going side of Mayowa, obviously she needs more than you’re giving her. What guarantee do you have that if the next fun guy comes around she would not jump in bed with him? If you marry her, works to much and she finds repeat itself. It better to go through the pain now than in the future. I wish you all the best.

     

    Thought of the week

    “All that glitters is not gold”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Lord of emotional flies

    WHAT a place to be at this time of the day! It was mid day and everyone was at work or busy doing one business or the other. Sola’s heart and mind was lost and he just didn’t know how to fix the emotional knots that had fallen out of place. Perhaps what he needed was an emotional cleansing or was it laundry?

    While he was still thinking of the emotional way forward, the flies buzzing around just kept intruding and distracting him. They kept on perching on his eyes, nose and lips in a very irritating way. What do they have to offer, running up and down in an irritating manner? He decided to deal with them in his own way. In a few minutes, he became the hero, killing about half a dozen flies.

    Naturally, the other members of the crew took off and peace returned to the atmosphere. Yes, it was time to think straight, but again he realised that killing the flies did not bring a solution and he was back to square one.

    The emotional avenue can be as good as it can be. At such moments, you get carried away and lost to everything else. Conversely, the table can be upturned and at such moments, you may never find your bearing again. In the midst of such emotional confusion, you become a lost voice travelling in an emotional desert and heading to nowhere in particular.

    A quick search at the events that finally culminated in the emotional wars he fought and truly you find that it wasn’t really his fault that things turned out this way. “I actually put in so much into the last relationship and didn’t want it to go the way of the others. But somehow I realised that the more I tried to make it work, the more elusive it became.”

    On the surface, they looked like the best emotional bargain on the love shelf, the type any man would want to pay a fortune for. Tall, beautiful and full of life, these women fit perfectly into his definition of a real woman. But as soon as the emotional journey took off, he realised that it wasn’t what he thought it was.

    Painfully, he discovered that these faces do not match the hearts he so desperately craved for. Instead, they turned out to be wild, wicked and emotional flies. He could not catch up with them and emotional ‘deaths’ became the only viable option. At different points, he tried to ‘change’ them but it turned out that they preferred to bite the emotional fingers that fed them with love.

    Too late? Yes, it was. Everyone was in the picture and their expectation was to see him walk down the aisle with his beloved. Unfortunately, that was not to be and all that he is left with are bitter tales of romance gone awry. Sometimes, there is an element of luck to these things and if you are unlucky to be with the wrong partner (s) then you cannot save the situation on your own.

    Tears? Yes, Sola had been crying all day. Tears of frustration, tears of rejection and tears of anger. Wait a minute! What is going on here, how can he descend this low to cry because of a woman? The handkerchief in his pocket comes to the rescue; nobody must see our dear friend in this state. Shedding those tears was a good relief, indeed.

    It helped to purge away some of the emotions that had been bottled up. Relief that was also temporary. The reality of being bitten twice and more was not a pleasant thing at all. Three wonderful relationships had gone down the emotional drain, flushed away into the archives and stored away forever. Any attempt to revisit to find out what transpired in this (ese) emotional arena (s) would definitely bring affectionate tears, scars of frustration and humiliation.

    The love that he cherished has been thrown into the dustbin of emotional history and there was really nothing he could do about it. Whatever he attempted to say or do became counterproductive.

    Sola’s experience can be compared to Williams Golding’s first novel, Lord of the flies, which takes us through what we want as opposed to what we get from life.

    Even though the novel was not a great success when he first wrote the book, it later became a bestseller and the Nobel prize winner reaped so much later. It was later adopted for film twice. In 2005, the novel was chosen by TIME magazine as one of the 100 best English Language novels from 1923 to 2005.

    So what is the message from the book? It is about a group of British boys stuck on an uninhabited island and they try to govern themselves with disastrous results. Its stances on the already controversial subjects of human nature and individual welfare versus the common good. Here, the uninhabited island represents the desert which is the opposite of paradise. Most times what we crave for is emotional paradise with all the goodies. But instead of getting our dreams, what many are stuck with are emotional deserts that do not take care of their individual needs.

    In desperation, they try to fix the missing gaps, fulfilling selfish desires that end up thwarting the general interest. This leads to what we may consider to be the common good in a relation. This is also very controversial because what is common between Mr. A and Mr. B may not necessarily be the same with Mr. A and Mr. C.

  • ‘I feel older than my age’

    ‘I feel older than my age’

    If you call her Nigeria’s youngest lecturer, she tells you to play it safe by referring to her as the youngest at the Nnamdi Azikiwe University Awka (UNIZIK) where she was appointed to teach sophomore year students Principles of Advertising at the Mass Communication department earlier this year. Young, vibrant and respectful, Ngozi who handles a radio show on UNIZIKFM and also coordinates SLAM, an acronym for Smart Leaders Are Made, which recognises noble efforts of young people in the south eastern part of Nigeria. Hannah Ojo chronicles her .

    IF you wonder how she feels lecturing students, some her mates and others older, she politely tells you it feels great and humbling at the same time. “A great responsibility has been thrust upon my shoulders. People look up to me and there is so much work to be done. You are in the midst of so many great, reputed intellectuals and you are only 22. Sometimes, you could feel older than your real age.”

    Talking about breaking the norm and rewriting conventions, Ngozi’s story fits into the picture. Not many people would be called after their youth service to take up teaching while also pursuing post graduate studies. Far from the norm where one is expected to walk through the rank as a graduate assistant without the responsibility of directly teaching, here she is jumping that line, teaching sophomore students, some older than her ‘principles of advertising’ in a federal university at that.

    Aside divine intervention which success stories are alluded to, ‘NG sparkle’, as she is fondly referred to by old friends, asserted to being proactive and outstanding as a student in the same school where she now teaches. “I was everywhere chasing after my passion for the media,” she explained with a warm smile. “I was a correspondent for the Campus Life pages of The Nation newspaper, representing my school adequately in all I do. I was also the first female president of my department and my then HOD, Prof. Kate Omenugha, was everywhere with me. I dare say that my lecturers and even the Vice-Chancellor, Prof. Boniface Egboka, were proud of me. But most importantly, the God factor worked.”

    Verve and vitality

    True to her assertion of being everywhere, those who knew her while growing up in Lagos with her parents and siblings could testify to the fact that she had always had a ‘restless zeal’ geared in a positive direction. She was a mouthpiece for her secondary school, winning her teachers’ hearts by winning representations in debate competitions. She also dazzled in the drama team and ran the tracks as well aside the duty of being a prefect. All these activities motivated her interest in Mass Communication. She made mention of a foretelling when she got to the university. “As I rode through the city of Awka after my post-UME, I knew I would rule this town, and so I said that to myself.” That is the power of positive affirmation at work. Did it work?

    Progressing in school, she sought opportunities on how she could channel her energy into positive actions. “I joined a youth programme airing on the Anambra State Broadcasting Service (ABS) then. I was happy. After a while, when the UNIZIKFM radio got licensed by the NBC, I joined them, becoming one of the pioneer members of the campus radio station. In my second year, I ventured into journalism on the platform of Campus Life, The Nation newspaper. I was a voracious writer, exploring, researching, interviewing, writing. I endeared myself to friends I met at Campus Life, all of them lovely people and my editor then, the late Mrs Ngozi Agbo, nee Nwozor.”

    Although she did not attest to being an Oliver Twist, one could sense she was not satisfied. She wanted more. “Towards the end of my third year in school, I was made the first female president of the department, after serving as the vice-president. Then, I won the most outstanding student in UNIZIK award.” Urged on by the encouragement she got from both students and staff of the university community, she decided to venture into youth empowerment by registering a media outfit called Slam Media Initiative. With this platform, she was engaged in producing the SLAM Magazine and hosting the SLAM YOUTH HEROES AWARDS which is proudly sponsored by the DBC associates in Awka.

    Talking about SLAM (Smart Leaders Are Made) charges her up and she expresses the vision with utmost enthusiasm. “I’m so happy doing SLAM. In 2011, it was the top nominee for LEAP Africa Nigerian youth leadership awards. The award seeks to celebrate and drive young enterprising passion. We have come a long way. It has awarded so far more than 15 youths from across the south-east. I’m happy when people look at SLAM and say, ‘thank you so much for this!’ It fulfills me.”

    Beauty and brain

    There is a contrast to her personality. A part of her loves fashion and football while the academic part reflects in her natural inclination to research and writing. Blessed with a slim and trim figure which she explored by venturing into modelling at a time, she tries to be modest, denying the fact that she is not big on fashion but likes to be comfortable in her outfit. On how she is perceived by her dress sense in a setting where one is expected to be conservative, she said, “My colleagues love how I dress and my students are drawn to my style.”

    Hard work? Yes it pays!

    What good thing comes without a cost? Nothing! Her achievement illustrates this better.

    In 2011, she was a top nominee for the LEAP AFRICA Nigerian youth leadership awards. The following year, she was a nominee for the Nigerian Youth Merit Awards. She was a joint winner for the Cocacola/NBC award as best culture reporter in 2012. In 2013, she started to teach at UNIZIK. For her, these things did not just happen by chance, she admitted to having to pay the price of sacrifice. “I knew that in school, I dressed poorly then, not that I couldn’t take care of myself as a girl but because I would give all I had to my projects. It was the most important thing to me. I also remember how I would trek long distances sometimes in the scorching sun. How I would miss some classes in school for ‘work’ and all. I remember now the sleepless nights, but God was by my side all along. He gave me a good reward at the end of it all.”

    Lean on me, learn from me

    If there is one lesson people can learn from her, it is the ageless principle that hardwork pays. As someone who is free spirited, she confessed to having to work for everything she has, even as a child. What can other young people learn from her?

    “I like to think that life is too short and there is no time to waste. Young people should follow their passion and never forget to dream. Nobody charges you for dreaming. And yes, be original, nobody deserves you faking it for them. Do good each day, a day will come that it will count.” That, for her, is the essence of living.

  • Sometimes, it’s about your mindset

    YOU must have noticed that confident people seem to get more confident in whatever skills or talent they possess. The same can be said about people who are optimistic and you discover that their level of optimism helps to discover and rediscover hidden potentials in their lives. Of course, the same applies to people who believe in luck to an extent. It’s almost like a universal magic. The more we expect things to go well for us in our career, business and other spheres of life, the better they go.

    That naturally opens you to the power of positive thinking. Conversely, you also find that people who dwell more on negatives are boxed into a corner this way. This same rule applies to our relationship and the outcome we expect from the one you adore. For a number of great minds who end up in great long-term relationships, you discover that they made it because they put in their best and believed strongly that it was going to work out well.

    It was not just because they were the best candidates for the emotional job but they were determined to get to the end of the emotional tunnel, no matter the odds on the way. Obviously, they didn’t also have the rules on their fingertips. They got through the emotional corridors with attractive partners just because they had a positive mindset. In any relationship, negative feelings are bound to come up. That’s a given. But how you handle those emotions determines the kind of experience you create in the relationship. If your emotions own you early on, you probably won’t be able to talk to him or date in a fun and spontaneous way that men crave and that builds attraction.

    Instead of exploring the potentials and prospect, we usually look the other way. Here, what you discover are issues that make our minds to imagine the worst possible outcomes for dating and relationship situations. This pushes all the wrong buttons and gets us all nervous and upset which, of course, creates distance in relationships.

    On the other hand, when you continuously strive to adopt a positive mind set in a relationship and create fun, positive experiences in the relationship, then the one you love and cherish will start to see you as a positive aspect of his or her life.

    If you want to have a conscious relationship and you want to enjoy the incredible feeling that comes from being able to stay close and connected with the man in your life – even during the tough times or bumps in the road – then you MUST learn how to “own” your emotions in situations with men, and communicate them in a way that uses their power to benefit you and your relationship.

    Your emotions and how you communicate them have tremendous power. They have the power to instantly reconnect you and a man, and they have the power to push him away in no time flat. When you don’t take the time to process emotions and put them into perspective, then the feelings you share would have a very different effect on your partner. Instead of achieving your heart’s desire, you may just be getting negative vibrations all the time. If he doesn’t call you back right away, imagine that he is freaked out with his own life and schedule and make it mean that when he finally does talk to you, he’s going to be even MORE interested because it took you so long to catch up with each other.

    If he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship right now because of his past, realise that, first of all, he’s feeling that way because he really likes you and has had to think about being in a relationship because his feelings are so strong. On the other hand, he may just be scared of his deep feelings for you and doesn’t know how to deal with that yet. But as soon as he figures it out for himself, he’ll miss you and want you, and you don’t have to be there waiting around for him to grow up. There’s nothing wrong with you or how you are. And it’s great that you got to see this problem of his early on, and that it’s his to deal with.

    One of the best ways to do this is through communication and appreciating the other party in the relationship. While it’s fairly easy to practice maintaining a positive mood when you’re by yourself and nobody is pushing your buttons, what happens when you’re relating to a man and he’s bringing his own set of ideas and feelings to the table? You must know what to do, understand how to handle any tension that comes up and how to relate to him in a way that will cause his attraction for you to grow.

  • ‘Why I’m focused on children’

    ‘Why I’m focused on children’

    Abiola Akinyeye is a graduate of Mathematics and Statistics, a student member of the Chattered Institute of Bankers (CIBN), a holder of MBA in International Business Management and a banker by profession. Her passion for the piano as a young girl saw her becoming a pianist and an impresario. Akinyeye who is also the brain behind ‘Divine Octaves’ (a soul-inspiring entertainment outfit), spoke with Yetunde Oladeinde about her achievements, challenges as well as her pet projects: merger of Talents and kids got Talent.

    WHY and how did you go into projecting talents in children? The journey into projecting talents in children began as a result of my appreciation for the genuine creativity exhibited by kids. It is worth mentioning that most of the talents in children are latent, therefore there is need to help them showcase the hidden talent in them to the world. Children exhibit potentials for creativity and giving them this platform to express the hidden talents would go a long way to grow and groom the talents.

    Unlike in the past when a lot of emphasis was placed on white collar jobs, things are different now and young people are discovering themselves and making the megabucks too. Once there is an avenue for such discoveries it would ensure a future with a difference for them.

    What is the focus of your organisation?

    We are focused on the talent hunt show for children, musical shows and production for children.

    What makes yours different from others?

    Asides showcasing the talents, we still go the extra mile to help them improve and develop the talent in them. It is better to encourage children and young people to have something that they are passionate about. This way they would not be restless and would have confidence in themselves. Energies would be channelled positively and there would be less time to spend on vices.

    Tell us some of the projects you have carried out. What inspired you to do them?

    We have carried out nine successful projects, out of which five have been focused on children (Kids got Talent).

    We have produced kid’s stars from our shows. A lot of encouragement from parents and kids to see this show every year has been a great source of inspiration. Some of our winners have become brand ambassadors and even won awards. I look forward to the 10th anniversary where all these can be unveiled.

    What about your educational and professional background?

    I am a mathematician and I work in a bank.

    How would you describe working with children and in the bank sector?

    Working with children has been awesome. Apart from winning at the Kids Got Talent hunt, they have also performed at subsequent events and they are really doing well. One of them, Akorede Macaulay, last year performed at the first lady’s party and won. He has also won several awards after the show. The winner of the just concluded Kids got Talent is an eight-year-old singer and guitarist boy called Enosaze Omontuemen.

    What are some of the challenges experienced?

    Even though our world is evolving, some parent still believes that the four walls of the classroom is the only way out. We are using this avenue to let parents know that every child is talented and they should support the talent in these children.

    What are the other things that occupy your time?

    Majorly, my work.

    Who or what would you describe as your greatest influence in life?

    My mum has been a very great influence.

    Some of your antecedents and plans for the future?

    We will be having our Kids got Talent festival in 2014. It is going to be a unique opportunity and we will be celebrating 10 years of growing talents. The festival will also stage a colorful concert for past winners of the Kids got Talent show and there will be a number of other side attractions. Here we want people to see the difference and compare what it was like when they won and the difference and transformation that has taken place.

    The next event actually marks our tenth anniversary and we are starting something new which will include those who are not arts-inclined. Even if you are not talented in the arts, we are creating what we call, “Exploring your numeracy IQ”.

    If you had to advice children, what would you tell them?

    The best thing that can happen to anybody is to discover that which is innate. As children, they should always have it at the back of their mind that they have talents. They should therefore make it a point of duty to exhibit it and not let it die. It is also important to note that no matter how hidden your talent is, it is better to express yourself. From experience, I have come to realise that a lot of young people are discovered during auditioning. They discover some of these potentials and gradually it begins to come out.

  • Success secrets for women in business

    Success secrets for women in business

    When it comes to the economy, you find women doing well in small and big businesses. From the market to the board rooms, you find them carving a niche for themselves. Unfortunately, however, a number of these businesses only thrive for a short period of time, leading to the death of great dreams and discouraging budding women entrepreneurs. Yetunde Oladeinde got some women in business to talk about the problems, prospects and how women can build successful business.

    TO be successful in all spheres of life requires hard work, dedication and understanding the rules. Many have achieved great heights in their businesses but there appears to be a number of odds facing female entrepreneurs in different parts of the country. The question on the lips of many is how they can they overcome the odds and what new skills needs to be learnt.

    Folakemi Fatope, Director, Risk Management of the Central Bank of Nigeria, CBN, believes that female entrepreneurs are dedicated but all that is required is support from necessary agencies locally and internationally. She also stressed that her boss, the Central Bank Governor, Sanusi Lamido, is very passionate about female entrepreneurs who have proved themselves. “Encouraging the advancement of women is something that he is passionate about. In our institution, seven women currently serve as directors as opposed to one when he joined. So as the first Risk Management Director, this department actually came up as a result of the challenges faced recently in the banking sector.”

    She recalled that it wasn’t quite easy stepping into a field that was considered a male area but she was determined to put in her best. “We also have other women as the director of branch operations, director in charge of medicals. During this period, we also established a Consumer Protection Department which takes care of literacy and complaints. In addition, we also have the Audit Department which is also new headed by another female director. “

    Fotope discloses that “We found that there was no female representative on the board and this was not acceptable. Apart from this the Central Bank under Sanusi has been advocating for gender-friendly banking facility. So we launched this in August considering the peculiarities of the economy and the challenges. We have therefore insisted that the procedures should be gender-friendly as well as ensure that women’s access to finance is increased to around the N220 billion set aside by the Central Bank. Of this figure, 60 per cent has been earmarked for women and this comes to about 132 billion naira.”

    On her part, Aisha Atta, Executive Director, Swan Elite, it is important to develop what she calls personal effectiveness skills. “This is needed to take responsibility for developing and managing yourself and the business. Here we are talking about your time, your relationships and support system. Other things you need to develop from time to time are your finance, your skills and other passions. This should be the concerns of the 21st century woman. Managing all this happily and hoping not to drop. You need to do a check list which would tell you how you are faring. You also need to ask yourself questions like how many appointments did you miss, do you spend time with your friend and if you spend quality time with your family.”

    Atta notes that women must know how to manage their time to get result: “Most times, we invest all the time in everything and not ourselves. The result is frustration and feeling that the family and people around us are ungrateful. We need to be self-full, proactive and not wait for others. Highly proactive people rise above the circumstance. When you are relaxed, you think properly. You also need to manage your time properly and focus on the important task. There are a number of things that are unique but not important. Sometimes, what you need to do is to delegate the chores and take a break. It is also important to know how to manage the people in our lives. You can even rate them as most tasking, most draining and most fulfilling.”

    Atta continues: “The people around you are your team. Find out what their skills and talent are, set effective goals and targets. Also, you need to find out what you need to do to get them to do what you want. You should also learn how to manage poor performance and not overload those who are performing. You also need to find out what motivates them because some people thrive on competition, or money and other incentives.”

    For Angela Ajala, the National President of Business and Professional Women in Nigeria, proper planning, networking and mentoring can make a difference. “Our organisation believes in supporting women to grow their businesses at all different levels as vital to their empowerment. BPW partners with the International Trade Centre (ITC), Commonwealth Business women, International Organisation of Employers (IOE) to increase the share of procurement secured by women vendors from 2011 to 2020 and bring greater economic benefit to women and their communities.

    “We encourage more women on boards and in senior decision-making roles. We are also part of the development of gender-based procurement programmes with the aim to increase participation on the ITC Global Platform for Action. Our core initiatives are the Women’s Empowerment Principles (WEPS) Equal Pay Day and Women Trade and Entrepreneurs. The WEPS is a joint initiative of The UN Women and the UN Global pact. We promote these principles through BPW’s large network of affiliates in more than 100 countries across the world. The WEPS provide a seven-point blueprint to empower women as well as offer a practical approach to advance women and point to a positive future for all.”

    Living a balanced life, keeping mind and body in good state, she advised, is also very important. “It is important to think about a good night’s sleep as more of an investment and not an expense. There is some research that says if you get a good night’s sleep that is what helps your brain encode and retain all the things you learn the day before. More work gets done with a solid night’s sleep.”

    Hajia Amina Ahmed, the Executive Secretary of the Nigeria Extractive Industries Transparency Initiative (NEITI) advises women to carve a niche for themselves and be credible in whatever area they find themselves. “NEITI is an agency enacted by law to ensure transparency in the oil and gas sector. We started operations in 2004 and in 2007 a law was established to make it legal. We strongly believe that the national resources from the sector should be used positively. At the moment, Nigeria is on the course to fight the resource cause and we need reforms in the oil and gas sector to ensure that the revenue accrued is used and not wasted. This way we can provide a better future for the younger generation.”

  • Female pharmacist bags award for community project

    ADEFOLAKEMI Adeniyi has won the 2013 Austin Adeusi Adesuyi’s Award for Entrepreneurial Leadership organised by Take Risk Initiative in Lagos.

    Adeniyi, a career pharmacist at a Primary Health Care Centre in Alimosho helped in the rehabilitation of the centre, restoring a local council pharmaceutical department and got companies to donate drugs to cater for the less privileged patients.

    She emerged winner among the three finalists.

    “I have resolved to always make a difference anywhere I find myself so that Nigeria will truly become a great and prosperous nation,” she said, “I am happy with this award because I never knew that I would be honoured for this gesture as I did it to bring smiles to the downtrodden in the society. Everday, I see patients coming to the centre and they could not afford to take their medications because of their financial status and there = was a burden in my heart to help”.

    Adefolakemi noted that private participation in the development of the primary health centers across the country is key and very germane in responding to the public health crises of HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis and other ailments.

    Earlier in his presentation, the Vice President of the TakeRisk Initiative, Praise Nkor said that the challenges around us are opportunities for young people to look inward and proffer workable solution that are safe for today and suitable for tomorrow’s world.

    Nkor noted that Nigeria is faced with infrastructural challenges, insecurity, and inadequate finance for youths to grow their business. He, however, noted that: “There is hope for young minds with requisite skills and godly character.These people consciously or unconsciously take bulls by the horn and believe that the policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all.”

  • Create your fantasies around the season

    Create your fantasies around the season

    Are you looking forward to a fantastic Christmas wedding with all the trimmings? If you are, then there is no need to hesitate because this is the most wonderful time of the year. Yetunde Oladeinde looks at how you can bask in the euphoria as a Christmas bride.

    A time when you can be sure that your family is gathered around you and the church is already decorated? Many would be drawn to its technicolour lights, grand sense of tradition and elaborate ornamentation. Above all, the spirit of togetherness magnifies what’s already supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. Red and green are natural colours for a Christmas wedding. It is likely that your church or reception site will already be decorated in red and green for other events and parties.

    You can actually explore other possibilities instead of limiting your choice to this palate. Other possibilities, which will work with existing decorations, include:

    Your bridesmaid and bridal train: it would be great to dress them in your wedding colours, give them long wraps or sparkly accessories, all of which will help evoke your theme.

    For the wedding cake, having each tier look like an individually wrapped package is a popular look that is perfect for a Christmas wedding. You might also do a take on a buche noel or yule log, with a tiered chocolate cake. The wedding invitation cards should also reflect the season and your theme.

    A Christmas wedding dress may not be different from any other kind. The most important thing is to wear an outfit that flatters you most, and top it off with a long red velvet cape. You can also embrace the trend of colour in wedding dresses by adding a beautiful red silk sash to the waist of your gown, a dress with lots of sparkly beads and sequins, cluster of crystals or a chic floral sash to evoke the power of the season.

    Apart from the wedding day, you can also reflect Christmas in the planning of the engagement and introduction ceremonies.

    Since people make plans for the holidays early and often have many parties and events to attend at this time of year, you’ll want to send your invitations a little bit early. You might also consider “save the date” cards in addition to the invitation cards, which will ensure that those most important to you will be able to attend.

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    Are our men becoming “Muguns” just because of their cheapness?

    Oyinkan went to visit her boyfriend, she is a second year student at a major university in Lagos. They both had an agreement that she would come and spend every third weekend of the month at his place. Victor is in his fifties, divorced with two children, Oyinkan is in her late twenties, beautiful, light colored skin, always love the latest Brazilian weave-on, nice polished manicured nails and she always looked her best. Of course Victor loves her, he was even thinking of one day proposing to her, if she agrees to eventually make her his wife. This arrangement has been going on nicely with barely any interruptions for almost a year now. Anytime Oyinkan visits, Victor will give her anywhere from ₦20,000 to ₦30,000. Once in a while, if she asked that she needs to buy something, he will give her extra like ₦50,000, but never more than that. One this particular day, she came to spend the weekend as usual with him, she excused herself to go take a shower, her phone started ringing in the bedroom, Victor called her that her phone was ringing, but due to the noise from the shower, she did not hear him, he picked the phone and the person on the phone was “Mugun No 6”! He said to himself, “Mugun No 6”! As soon as the phone stopped ringing, he used his own phone to call her phone, of course, he was stored as “Mugun No 12”!Oh my God, he almost collapsed, he rushed right into the bathroom, almost shuffling the phone in her face to askthe meaning of this? Oyinkan was dump-founded, unable to give a clear explanation of why she stored him as “Mugun No 12”! He calm himself down, and asked why does she store names as “Muguns” after much persuade, she told him that she has about 15 boyfriends, since all of them believes that she is only dating just each of them, most of them just give her upkeep money, none believes that she needs more than what he gives her, she went on to tell him that men thinks they are smart, but as far as she is concerned, they are the biggest “Muguns” There affair ended that day. This of course left a big scar in Victor’s heart.

    Question

    Dear Prince, I am a 40year old Business woman dating a 32year old man, his name is Lere. I have been happily married for the last 13years to the love of my life Alex.. We have two sons together. My problem is that my husband travels a lot, he barely stays at home the little time he has to spend with me,heis either on the phone talking about business deals or chattingwith old friends. My husband also loves to play games on the internet with his friends, worst of all, if his favourite football team happens to be playing when he is around, it is like welcome to zobie world, meaning he does not talk to me and I don’t talk to him if l made the mistake of talking to him during the time when the game is on, it would be war. The combination of his attitude in and outside of the bedroom leaves me veryunsatisfied. Anytime we make love, within 5minutes he is done to extend that sometimes when he has exhausted himself outside bedroom he even finds it difficult to perform. Princess, he does not have “premature ejaculation”or “low sex drive”,like you wrote in one of your columns. No, he is fully capable, but it seems he loves money more than he loves me. Yes, I do love him. I’m a full time house wife the two children do go to school l find it more lonesome now for some reason than ever before. I just assumed that its part of the marriage, but the problem is that the lonesomeness is making sad and depressed than before. About two years ago, I met this young man at a party, he requested if l could dance with him because he too was by himself, at first, l was reluctant, but then I thought of myself one dance is not going to kill me or destroy my marriage, so got up and took his hand, I allowed him to leadme to the dance floor. Princess, I can’t lied to you, holding his hand I could feel the softness, the coolness and the gentleness of his hand, I was just imaging how those hands will feel on me if chanced, quickly, I blocked the thought out of my mind. We danced to about three musics, he again like a gentleman led me back to my seat, at this point he brought his drink over to my table and sat with me.We started chatting,he was able to tell a bit about himself, which is how i found out that he too is a married man and also unhappy with his marriage. When i was about to leave we exchange numbers and BB. Pins, we promised to communicate with each other.About a week after we met, he pingged me and we started pinging each other. He invited me out for a dinner date, this act continued off and on especially when my husband is out of town. One thing led to another we started sleeping with each other. This behaviour l know is unacceptable for a married woman, I allowed my body to control my brain and the relationship is in its second year right now. The problem is that I’m feeling guilty and It’s eating me alive. You see, financially my husband is not lacking and he takes good care of his family.Sexually, huh, oh yes, he is very lacking. My concern now is that I think Lere and I are falling for each other and it scares me, both of us seem to be using each other to fill the void in our marriages. I want to end this affair with this young man, but am afraid l will just find another man to fill the void in my marriage. Princess, please advise me am at my cross-road. Felicia, AkwaIbom.

    Dear Felicia

    This problem of your husband working too much and not having time for you is a problem that some married women face. One thing most women don’t understand about men is that they value efficiency, power and achievement more than anything else. For them to develop power and skills is a way of proving their manhood. Most men strive and thirst to self-actualize their success. Achievement is a way of attaining this drive. Now, by the time this goes on all day, when the night comes, he might be so tired to the extend that if you touch him he will get upset at you. The ones thatarestrong enough to know that satisfying their wives in bed is also part of a man’s duty will within five minutes discharge. By doing these his wife is not satisfied. Now, the ball is in the woman’s court, meaning, should she go out to find someone or something to feel the void at home?. The question I want you to ask yourself is,is sexual satisfaction more important to me thanfinancial satisfaction in my marriage?Amarriage that supports me and my children financially, a marriage that most women will die to have. Well, if you are a self-sufficient woman and you know if your marriage fails you can take care of yourself and your kids, then I will say continue with the affair. But if you are not self-sufficient, if you’re not selfish, knowing that if that marriage fails, it will affect all involved, and then my advice is to stop your affair and do whatever possible to keep your marriage. I always do tell women these, unless thereis no love, no financial support, no commitment whatsoever in your marriage, knowingfull well you have giving it your 100%, it is better not to rock the boat, because if you do and the marriage fails, believe me life on the other side is not a bed of roses either. The ultimate decision is in your hands,I have giving you all the tools you need to be able to arrive at the right decision. I wish you all the best.

    Thought of the week

    There are women of quality, there are women of quantity. The lack of money in the country has so much bridge the gap between the two classes that unless you are a man of “quality” yourself it will be very difficult to differentiate between the two. The mistake most men make like Victor is that, they think dating a woman that does not have financial burden or does not ask for a large amount of money at a sitting means the man is smart? Well, I beg to differ, the woman of quantity will have up to “15 Muguns” just like Oyinkan, the woman of “quality” will ninety-percent of the time date only that one man that satisfy her needs emotionally, physically and financially. The chance of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) from a woman of quality is less thanthat of woman of quantity. One of the concerns I have nowadays is that because of the way the economy is in the world, some women of “quality” are downgrading themselves to be with a man of “quantity”, thereby mixing the goat with the sheep! Meaning, they have downgraded their status for money.

    “Only the broken-hearted knows the truth about love”.

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    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Fredrick and Eunice become husband & wife

    Fredrick and Eunice become husband & wife

    EUNICE Temilade Akande recently got married to her heartthrob, Fredrick Ayodeji Richard. The glamorous wedding took place at the First Baptist Church Ifosan, Ilesa, Osun State while the reception was at Highway Hotel Hall, Imo, Ilesa.

    Dignitaries and families who attended the wedding were Rev Amos Fenwa, Mr. Femi Kolade, Deacon A.A Kadewole, Deacon P.A Agberomade, Dr .M.A Olusina , Dr. Femi Adeyemi, Reverends E.O Dada, I.B.A Awokojo, Pastor(Mrs.) Oyegoke, among others.