The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • ‘I pray for a female president’

    ‘I pray for a female president’

    Hadiza Abdullahi, formerly worked with the Millennium Development Goals Office, the Presidency, tells Adetutu Audu why the MDGs are yet unattainable and why the country is ripe for female presidency.

    TWO years into the 2015 time line, are you not shocked that the Millennium Development Goals programme which you are a part of is almost becoming a failure?

    I am sorry but I do not associate myself with failure. It will be hard for me to agree with you and call the programme a failure. However, I can only speak about the time I was there and we were making good progress. During the reign of the former Senior Special Assistant to the President on the Millennium Development Goals, Haj Amina Az- Zubair, whom I worked under, the office had great programmes and projects. It would be unfair to say it’s a failure just because all the eight MDGs are not met. While I was in the office, we had actually reversed some trends and lowered incidences. Collectively, some successes may not be great, but when we take the individual targets and look at them, a lot has been achieved. But if what you say is true, then, of course, there is no one who was part of a project who wouldn’t be saddened to see their hard work derailed. I believe I speak for everybody who had worked tirelessly day and night for the success of the MDGs.

    After five years as an active driver on the project, where would you say Nigeria got it wrong?

    It will be out of place for me now to talk about what I am no longer part of. But I know for sure Haj Amina Az-Zubair must have done something right for her to have been appointed as a special advisor to the current UN Secretary-General.

    Did this account for your frustration and eventual exit from the MDGs Office?

    No, I just felt it was time to move on and spend more time with the family. We were led by a very dynamic person, and whatever we learnt still lives in us. So, although she is no more, there is still some institutional memory in the organisation. I am confident that the old staff would have passed on the know-how and experience.

    We have had other failed development attempts in the past such as the NEPAD, NEEDS and now, the Vision 20:2020 is about to be unrealistic. Can we ever be serious about development?

    Once again, regime changes and policy inconsistency. Governance should be a continuous process. Nigeria, I am sure, has carried out numerous and extensive Needs Assessment exercises which should by now have enabled the production of a blueprint. That is what we require; the needs assessment let us know where we are now, and where we need to be by a certain time frame. If only successive governments would commit to execution of an action plan based upon the identified gaps, we would have significant progress by now.

    So, what is the difference between Nigeria and those other countries you had been to in the course of trying to galvanise global development?

    Commitment to serve; it’s all about service, not what you can get – selfless service. Citizens of other countries are patriotic. They are citizens first before they are either Muslims or Christians, or before identifying with a certain cultural background.

    As an economist and development specialist, what would be your blueprint for bridging the development gap in Nigeria?

    Wow, you have asked me a question that I could speak on forever, but I will just sum it up to entrepreneurship. All over the world, small and medium scale businesses are driving the economy.

    That the youths are the leaders of tomorrow is almost becoming a cliché now. Are you satisfied with the level of youth engagement in governance?

    To be honest, we are still waiting for that tomorrow to come. But when will it come when people that were in leadership roles while my dad was serving are still leading? It’s like we will never get our opportunity. Maybe we will have to snatch it. Have we as youths given ourselves completely to governance? No. Are we making an effort? Yes, we are. We have to take the bold step and get involved, as in physically involved, not by just complaining to your neighbour in your bedroom.

    After the MDGs Office, where are you dreaming of conquering next in the political space?

    I pray and hope to God that Nigeria will be ready for a female president before my time. It is worrying to imagine that we won’t have a female president before our generation. I am optimistic. I can’t imagine doing anything else, to be honest. I have wanted to work in some development capacity since my early years, long before I knew there was a term to describe it. This provoked in me the need to make a difference and culminated in the set up of an NGO for orphans with a friend and sister at the tender age of 14.

    After receiving an award for Outstanding Service and Contribution for Community Service during my high school graduation, my commitment and love for development grew and influenced my choice of course in the university BSc. Economics and Politics. Economics, to understand the workings of the economy, and politics, to educate me in governance to enable me pursue my dream of development with a huge slant towards good governance. On my return back to Nigeria from the university, I was at a crossroads as to what path to take next. I was fighting an internal battle between treading the public or private sector route as I had returned with a preconceived notion that government doesn’t work. However, I saw the former Senior Special Assistant to Mr. President on the MDGs, Hajiya Amina Az-Zubair, speaking on the MDGs, and her passion and commitment was infectious. So, I guess I will just keep doing what I know how to do best.

    Gender equality has always been an issue in Nigerian politics. Have you ever been unduly disadvantaged because you are a young woman in governance?

    Oh, we face challenges every day. In the course of my work in my office I have definitely not been disadvantaged. On the other hand, the line of work inevitably necessitates interaction with a wide range of people and one will sometimes encounter backward-thinking people who are quick to write one off simply for being a female. But as a citizen, yes, all the time. Being northern, Muslim and female checks all the boxes for discrimination. For example, I walk into a hospital or bank in Abuja and the attendant is offering to help me write my name, or speaks Hausa to me (and I am not even Hausa). In this time and age, and my crime is that I use the veil.

    How then have you been able to inspire others, particularly young women, to aspire to the kind of success that you have recorded so far?

    My success in whatever measure isn’t mine to claim. All I can say is Alhamdulillah. I did the work and what was expected and prepared myself for anything that happened. I am still motivating myself to reach higher. Just by being the best me I can be, I believe, in itself, is an inspiration. I will give you an example. While I was with the MDGs, I was a Technical Assistant in a LG in Kwara State that shared a border with Togo. Part of the MDGs goals is Universal Basic Education. I visited nomad settlements to try to convince them to send their children, especially the girl-child, to school. By virtue of being an educated and visibly northern female, the parents were able to dispel all those religious excuses that are used to stop the girl-child from getting an education. A girl and her father walked up to me and the girl said she wanted to be like me and I used the opportunity to tell them both that education was the only thing standing between her and that goal.

    Tell us about your family life and growing up.

    I couldn’t have asked for a better family and I am very thankful. Whatever it is I have become now, I owe it to my family for their love and support. We are very close. My siblings and I were raised to believe that nothing is beyond our reach and our parents gave us wings and lots of encouragement. My dad demonstrated the qualities of hard work and discipline in spite of his elevated intellect and my mum taught us the virtue of patience. For us, impossible is not a word. My parents understood the importance of education from the outset and made sure we had the best. I have a whole network of support. I am surrounded by people who believe in me, people who are go-getters themselves. I have no choice but to attain my potential.

    How are you able to blend the marriage and career?

    My husband is a pillar of support. He has encouraged me to consistently aim higher. You know when they say women somehow end up marrying people that remind them of their fathers? I think I have done just that. I really strive to be like the two most important men in my life. They always achieve what they aim for. They never give up, and that is the same encouragement I get from my husband. He sometimes acts as my sounding board. I bounce some ideas off him and in return I get very useful feedback.

  • Neglecting our children endangers the future

    Neglecting our children endangers the future

    Professor Ibironke Akinsete is a woman of many parts. The expert in the area of women’s health and chairman, Pathcare Nigeria, has impacted on the lives of many. Yetunde Oladeinde had an encounter with the amiable woman who describes herself as a senior citizen trying to balance work and family at the National Conference of Business and Professional Women, which took place at the Chelsea Hotel, Abuja recently.

    HAVING combined her successful career with her marriage to a Professor of Mechanical Engineering, she says that “it is so sad that the upbringing of our children is now left for housemaids. It is important to give them more time because they are your legacy. Young mothers should take their children around and discuss with them more often. If you have all the money and properties and your children do not turn out well then you haven’t done well. They are the next generation and we will all be endangered species if we do not take care of their interests.

    Apart from the children, women, she stressed, must take good care of their health at the different stages of life to be successful. “Health is the new wealth, and prevention is better than cure. In order to enjoy your financial success, we must ensure good health. This is the absence of disease and complete mental, physical and social well-being. There are so many factors responsible for this and they include ignorance, poverty and disease which affect our welfare. In addition, to this you find that nutrition, exercise, lifestyle, genetics, environment, emotion and stress have an impact on our overall health. All these are intertwined and things are better when detected early. This also makes it better when it comes to cost of managing the disease.”

    Akinsete goes on: “A recent statistics from the World Diabetes Organisation says Africa has the highest mortality because a lot of people who have the disease do not know. It is at the end stage that they find out. When we eat our food, the carbohydrate is broken down and the glucose is needed to do the digestion. Diabetes can be due to the lack of insulin by the pancreas or when it is insensitive. There are three types of insulin; the first is the lack in childhood and they would be injected for life. The type two is when there is not enough, here insulin production diminishes. About 90 per cent diabetes cases are type 2 while 10 per cent is type 1. There is also gestational diabetes which occurs in pregnant women and they have high blood sugar. Once the pregnancy is over, it falls and they go back.“

    She goes on to talk about some of its symptoms: “Excessive thirst, excessive hunger, frequency in urination, tiredness and weight loss are some of the things to watch out for. Diabetes is a leading cause of death and sickness. It destroys the eyes and causes kidney, stroke and heart diseases.”

    Some of the risk factors are overweight, family history, age and diabetes during pregnancy. “If someone in your family has had it then you are predisposed to it. Screening includes fasting, blood glucose, random and the new HGBAC used for diabetes and pre-diabetes. Pre-diabetes means that your blood sugar is not normal but you are not yet diabetic. You can control this by avoiding sugar and carbohydrates which is usually broken down to sugar. The risk increases with age and we need to watch what we eat and our lifestyle. Unfortunately, what you hear is that the devil has done its worst when they lose a loved one.”

    Next, Akinsete says high blood pressure is also very common in the society today. “High blood pressure is expressed in two ways, the systolic (high) and the diastolic (relaxed). Normal blood pressure is less than 120/80. If you are in the pre-hypertension bracket, you can stop it by decreasing the salt in your diet. Here, a lot of us are salt addicts but the salt you take increases your risk of hypertension.”

    She stressed that there is a need to check the label of products on the shelf for what it contains before buying. “Cholesterol is needed in the body to function but too much of it clogs the blood vessel and it is a major cause of heart diseases. It is higher than average risk if you are male and over 35 years or female over 45 years. There are two types of cholesterol; the good and the bad. The bad type leads to the hardening of the arteries and narrowing of the arteries. When you go for screening, you must be fasting. It would give you a complete blood lipid profile which would tell you the level of good and bad cholesterol.”

    Akinsete also talks about cancer and some of the reasons why it appears to be on the increase. “Analgesics, bleaching creams and some herbal supplements can put people at risk for cancer. For breast cancer, which is common with women, it is important to note that not all lumps are cancerous. Some of the reasons for its occurrence include starting menstrual period earlier or later, being older at birth of first child, someone who has never had babies or having a mammogram before the age of 50. Others include early menopause or family history of cancer. Prostate cancer, however, is common in African and African-American men. A medical examination must include a rectal examination of the prostrate with the prostate specific antigen.”

    While talking about cancer of the colon which develops from polyps, growth on the inner surface of the colon, she goes down memory lane to recount a personal experience. “My husband and I travelled to America to see my daughter, a doctor who practices in America. She said we should have the colon test which was not a difficult thing to do. Lo and behold, they saw small polyps and it was removed. What if I had not done that test 15 years ago and repeated it five years after. We may be telling a different story and the good news is that there are so many hospitals that are doing it here now. Colonoscopy is what I did and the faecial stool test is what should be done every year. Unfortunately, there are so many mushroom laboratories around, if you must carry out a test, make sure that the results are accurate and reliable.”

    Akinsete, who was the chairman of blood transfusion screening in Lagos for six years, also emphasised the fact that recent findings still place women at a higher risk of HIV infection. “Women are at risk because it is usually transmitted to them. We are sexually active and you do not know where your partner has been. The prevalence is still 4.1 and there is still no cure or vaccine. Women are the ones who are likely to take blood after delivery. Blood transfusion should be properly monitored and Lagos State passed a law about two years ago.

  • Falling for school-sweetheart

    ALL work and no play obviously makes Jack (or Jill?) a dull boy. Falling in love in school means different things to different people. For some it brings memories of a fling, some flings and some unfortunate adventure they hate to remember. For people in this category, it brought distractions and bitter memories which they would wish could be swept under the emotional carpet. Interestingly, you also uncover another group that is ready to tell you that it was actually the happiest thing that ever happened in their life.

    Instead of battling with unfaithful partner(s), they met hearts that were sincere and ready to take them to emotional height they never imagined was plausible when they set out on this journey. And just because it provided the warmth required for true love to survive, happily they built on it to make their dreams come true.

    For 35-year-old Kassim, falling in love with his school sweetheart was the best thing that happened to him. “We met in high school and it started as a mere friendship. We parted briefly and met again on campus three years later. We spent a lot of time together and we were almost inseparable. Then one day we went to a friend’s party and I noticed that something fishy was happening. When I confronted her with the details, she denied it and it made me really angry. Later on, she came around with details and wanted me to forgive her. I was really angry and could not believe what I was hearing.”

    Like Kasim, Adeyemi almost broke a heart that was very precious just because of a small argument.

    Adeyemi returned to his lovely treasure, Bimpe, 11 months after an emotional war. “It started as a war of words at a party and for three months it looked that this war would never come to an end.

    “I wept when I saw him running towards me. I couldn’t believe that he was mine once more. The tears continued uncontrollably because all the precious moments that we had shared in the past came rushing back and I just could not hold back the tears. It was a moment they had both been waiting for.

    “It’s definitely more than we could have ever asked for. The reunion has brought us into another phase in the relationship and I just can’t imagine what life would be like if I missed this,” Bimpe enthuses happily.

    When you come across your dream man, there are a number of things that comes to mind. First, you want to know where it’s going to, as well as understand whether it is something that would transform your life.

    Alternatively, it could be something that would sap your emotional energy if you are not in charge. To get a relationship that would be worthwhile, you need to get a clearer picture about the kind of woman a man can’t help but want to be around or get to know better.

    To position yourself as the kind of woman he sees as a long-term prospect rather than a friend or a casual fling, you must understand the things he likes and those he does not like. You can identify this by looking at six critical elements that come to mind when it comes to love and a relationship with a man.

    They include attraction, commitment, sex, love, communication as well as understanding your boundaries. To survive and be on top of the game, you must have a “positive emotional energy” that men can relate to. Most times, you may not even be the most physically attractive woman in the room, but there’s just something about you that men find irresistible.

    When you bring funny, positive thoughts and feelings to situations, you create an experience that men will want to have again and again.

    You also need to stop complaining about little, insignificant detail which will make him feel unappreciated and disinterested, try to think positively about the future together.

    Men, especially those with high-powered, stressful careers, don’t want more stress from the woman in their lives. They want to come home to a woman who can be flexible about plans instead of rigid or set in her ways.

    However, they also respect a woman who has boundaries and says clearly what is not okay with her. You don’t want to be a doormat, or seem like a person who needs his approval. Thinking of nagging or aggression as a tool for emotional survival? No, it won’t take you far at all. Usually, if a man feels coerced or nagged or cornered into doing something, he will resent you. He won’t feel respected and will feel misunderstood. But he won’t tell you that. He’ll just withdraw so he won’t be forced to do things he doesn’t want to do.

    So, instead of forcing him, let him know how happy he will make you if he does something, and then step back. He’ll feel like you trust him and in turn will want to make you happy.

    It is also pertinent to stress that the way you feel and talk about yourself is how a man will ultimately feel about you.

    When a woman talks negatively about herself, whether it’s her weight, her intelligence or her life in general, that’s how a man will see her. If she is looking to him for her worth and self-love, he’s not going to be interested. He’ll see her as needy and not as someone he wants to commit to. But if she loves herself inside and out, he will love her and want to worship her forever.

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    Compatibility in a Relationship

    The secret ingredient to a happy relationship. It is true that we all want our relationship or marriage to be loving and long lasting.

    Then why are so many people boneheaded about their choices in partners? Many seem unaware of the obvious, predicators of relationship success and longevity. Somehow, too many people have the view that sexual chemistry, physical attraction and love at first sight is what you should look for in a long term relationship. This is barely a Hollywood fantasy and myth.

    What better predicts long term, success and happiness in an intimate relationship is more about compassion than passion. Compatibility matters and it does mattersa lot in an ideal marriage, couples are not just sharing “hot sex”, but are sharing a practical day-to-day life together. Raising children, career, managing a home, cooking, cleaning, shopping, being with friends and family. The rest of the regular daily living is really where the rubber meets the stamp in relationships and relationship satisfaction. Attentiveness to each other feelings is very crucial.

    If couples are not compatible in these areas, then inevitably the connection and attraction will reduce, tension emerges, and too often relationships fracture and fall apart.

    Dear Princess,

    I am a 32 years old woman married to a man that is 61 years old, we have been married for three years , I know a lot of people will wonder how come I am married to such an older man, well I will explain a bit about that to you, in my younger years I have always been unlucky with guys, I had been in several different relationships that the guys just keep walking away when I needed them most, twice I have been promised marriage but the guys just backed out without any real excuse, those incidents left me devastated and really heart-broken. At a time I even made up my mind not to have anything to do with any guy because I saw them all as liars. It was around this time that my very close friend Chioma who had always been known to always date older men encouraged me to hang out with her with one of her older boyfriends ,what is commonly referred to as sugar daddies. Initially I was against going with her because I had always been critical of such affairs but after much persuasion and due to my current state of mind at that time, I decided to escort her just to while away time and free my mind a bit. We got to the club house and there were quite a few men there all of them in their fifties and above, they were all chatting, drinking and could see clearly they were having their fun. My friend mixed up with them freely, I was quiet and just looking at things around me, there was this particular man, he came to me introducing himself as Demola, asked if he could sit down with me, he sat down and wanted to start getting friendly, I was cold towards him cause was not really in the mood to talk, he didn’t get angry or irritated, he asked if I needed anything to make me feel more comfortable, he was just being really nice, I declined all his offers, he just kept smiling, now asked to take his leave, he requested for my phone number, I didn’t want to give it to him but he was persistent in a friendly way, well just to get him to go I gave the number to him and he went off.

    A week later, I received a call, the person introduced himself on the phone as Demola, the name didn’t click, he introduced himself further, we exchange pleasantries, my day had been very boring so I was actually glad to have someone to talk to on phone at the time he called, we chatted for some minutes, it became a routine, he was calling me every other day, I actually I looked forward to his calls, he was very matured, always cheered my moods up ,always having an advice for me when necessary, we got to see each other again after a month, I really enjoyed his company and from then we became really close, he had been widowed for some years and has grown up kids that were my age, I was very comfortable and relaxed around him, some eight months later, he proposed to marry me, I was shocked but also glad because I knew Demola was going to make me a very happy woman, I was 29 years old while he was 58 years, the age gap was much, but after all the heart-break I had been through with younger men, I didn’t care about that, my parents, family and friends too were sceptical about me marrying such an older man, I stood my ground and we were married in a very colourful wedding, I was really very happy and fulfilled.

    After the wedding, life was okay, but as the months went by I started having some issues with my husband as regards his business schedules. He was the CEO of a multinational research and marketing company as such was always travelling from one place to the other for days,sometimes weeks, it was always so lonely without him, I was always complaining, even whenever he was around , he was always so tired, always wanting to relax because of his busy schedule, my sexual needs became secondary to him ,I became frustrated because I was still a young woman who craved to be satisfied sexually and also want to get pregnant to have my own kids, my husband always waved off my complaints saying I was just childish and should understand he was keeping busy so as to be able to retire in some few years to spend enough time with me thereafter. After 2 years of our marriage I was still yet to get pregnant and our sex life was very poor, he showered me with expensive gifts at every opportunity, but deep inside I was not completely happy, since my husband already had his own kids, he wasn’t pressured about my getting pregnant.

    It was around this time I met Kunle, we met at the shopping mall, he was ahead of me on the payment queue, we got talking and exchanged numbers, after talking on phone for a while, we started hanging out for drinks, I always enjoyed his company, he is single. Four months into our friendship, he started asking me out, he knew I was married. Initially, I was surprised but he told me clearly that I am his kind of woman and since he understands the kind of unhappy marriage I am stucked with, he said he’s ready to marry me if I can walk out.Kunle is 38 years old, handsome, caring and has a good job. He has become more persistent over the past few weeks and sincerely I have really come to like him so much. My husband is still very busy with his work. Princess at this point I am confused, what do I do? Should I stick with the unhappy marriage, or listen to Kunle and try to change the path to happiness and fulfilment for myself?Olanike-Maryland.

    Dear Olanike,

    Anyone can into your life and say how much they love you. It takes someone real special to stay. There’s also a saying, the devil you know is better than the one you don’t know. Yes, Kunle is young, appears to have time, you are very close in age, but what gives you the guarantee that when you fully commit to him he will not eventually not have time for you or worst off, would start to cheat on you because he’s still very sexually vibrant and out there. Demola on the other hand, Yes, is much older, caring, loving but due to his busy schedule does not have much time to spend with you and satisfy you sexually. I want you to ask yourself, is life about sex? Is life about being with somebody that can give you peace of mind? Now, I want you to remember that marriage is an institution, it has its ups and downs, in any marriage, you sleep on your bed as you lay it. My candid advice is for you to sit down, do a positive and negative appraisal of both men, keeping at the back of your mind that infidelity and financial difficulties are the two main things that destroys most marriages. Base your conclusion on the man that will probably not cheat on you and can guarantee you a long term financial stability. Most importantly, go with one that loves and cares for you the most and vice-versa. I wish you all the best.

    Thought of the week.

    “While you are busy looking for the perfect person, you will probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Touching widows in anguish

    Touching widows in anguish

    WIDOWHOOD can be very traumatic but it is indeed a sad reality that cannot be avoided by many. One woman who is passionate about touching the lives of women in this category is Folorunsho Alakija through the Rose of Sharon Foundation (ROSF). As part of its strategic plan of reaching out and touching widows across the length and breadth of Nigeria, it conducted a feasibility study in Benue State three years ago and discovered that the state had over 5,000 widows (the highest in Nigeria), of which two thousand widows were registered.

    As a result of this discovery, on Friday, 15th November, 2013, the ROSF Board of Trustees paid a courtesy visit to the Executive Governor of Benue State and his amiable wife, Dr. Gabriel Suswam and Mrs. Dooshima Yemisi Suswam, to discuss how to enter into partnership with the Benue State Government with a view to alleviating the suffering of these widows and their children.

    The ROSF Board of Trustees was led by its founder, Mrs. Foloronsho Alakija, and the other trustees that accompanied her were Mrs. Esther Osho, Mrs. Stella Awoh and Mr. Bassey Essien. The Suswams were very receptive and promised to support and partner with the ROSF in order to alleviate the suffering of the widows and orphans.

    A major area to focus on over the next couple of years includes agriculture due to the fact that a majority of the widows registered are mainly engaged in subsistence farming. Through subsidisation of fertilizer, introduction of mechanised farming, provision of storage facilities for widows’ farm produce, enterprise development training, and educational support for interested widows, their children, and orphans.

    The ROSF members also used the opportunity to visit the state’s First Lady’s pet project, SEV-AV Foundation and SEV-AV Women Coalition Against HIV and AIDS.

    In order to provide quality educational and economic development services to its widows and orphans on a sustainable basis, the ROSF partners with reputable institutions such as the Lagos State Ministry of Education for quality education and education advisory; Empretec Nigeria Foundation (a private sector initiative of United Nations Centre for Trade and Development (UNCTAD) for Entrepreneurship Training Workshops (ETW) Programme, while its Doctors’ Reachout Initiative ensures affordable healthcare services to ROSF widows, their children, and orphans.

    Within the last five years, ROSF has successfully provided micro credits for nine hundred and seventy-three widows, educational scholarships to one thousand, three hundred and sixty-six widow’s children and eighty-eight orphans towards strengthening the enabling environment for widows and orphans in Lagos, Ogun and Oyo states.

  • Spectacular indoor and outdoor

    Spectacular indoor and outdoor

    You want your wedding to be unique, memorable and entertaining, but it can be a challenge to come up with the perfect backdrop for the festivities. There are a lot of places and décor designs to choose from. Yetunde Oladeinde explores the possibilities which can vary based on a number of factors, like the time of year, your budget and the number of guests.

    IT is indeed a day to remember and the venue helps to give you a remarkable starting point. These days a lot of people make use of halls and gardens to make it delightful. One nice thing about this approach is that it doesn’t take much planning and can be a low-stress option. Alternatively, you can make use of country clubs which often have lavish facilities that make for spectacular indoor and outdoor wedding celebrations. If you have lots of space in your premises, you can make use of this and save some cost. Getting married in your own backyard can be a touching tribute to your parents and an homage to the gardener in your family. The size of the wedding and potential weather problems are always considerations when dealing with limited outdoor spaces, though. That should not be a big threat because you can add structural elements like tents, tables, lighting, chairs and a platform to the property could destroy some of the existing landscaping too. For a small and intimate affair, nothing beats a wedding in an inviting little chapel. Here, scale plays a role in what makes the effect seem so fairytale perfect, keep it small and go for classic touches in the flowers and gowns. If you don’t plan on having many guests, using a chapel is a great way to make the proceedings feel cozy without appearing too informal. If you are the adventurous type, then you can opt for something on the water or with an ocean, lake or river view. This can be a dramatic and appealing venue for a wedding. Some interesting options include ferries, houseboats, dockside restaurants and parks near or on waterways. Playing with details around nature can be very exciting. Plants, flowers, ocean treasures and animal designs can be used to make a grand theme for your D-day in style. Your choice may require some additional creative strategising, but it never hurts to explore all the options, especially if it’ll make your dreams come true. An unusual wedding venue can create some hassles, but it can be the basis for great stories later and a one-of-a-kind experience for everyone involved.

  • Be distinct with the pearl

    Be distinct with the pearl

    Getting set for the wedding day can be a delight. Yetunde Oladeinde takes a look at the pearl as an accessory and how it can make you distinct as you step out in style.

    THE best thing that can happen to any bride is to look fantastic and be the toast of everyone. This way, she is likely to feel complete and proud that her day has been personalised. To do this effectively, you need to get creative and make use of your selling points and special features.

    For the bride, getting the right accessories to complement the bridal gown can be a delight. You can make your dreams come through once you know and understand the effect that you want to achieve on your D-day. When it comes to choosing accessories with panache for the day, the pearl comes to mind. For so long, it has proved to be the accessory for ladies with class and in spite of its simplicity.

    The bride can therefore opt for the regal look with the pearl experience. Interestingly, the pearl is known to symbolise wealth, wisdom and feminity. It connotes elegance, high fashion and more. It is a hard lustrous spherical mass, typically white or bluish grey, formed within the shell of a pearl oyster or some other highly prized material as the gem. It speaks volume in terms of quality and you have a variety of exciting options like the priced freshwater and glass pearl design.

    On the list of wonderful treasure that you can make use of in the pearl family is the bridal shoe designs with pearl studs on the fringe and other interesting parts of your choice design. The pearl can also take you into a wonderful adventure with headbands, jewelry sets, pendants and more.

  • ‘How golf became my passion’

    ‘How golf became my passion’

    Christie Adejoh Onucheyo is passionate about golf. She is a member of the IBB Golf and Country Club and just won the 2013 Ladies Closed Championship. But that is not all there is to this elegant lady; the amazon is also a lawyer, human resources expert and CEO of Marthee’s International, a management consultancy outfit. In an interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about how she combines these skills, as well as golf, which she describes as her chief passion.

    TELL us about your passion for golf

    I would say that golf is one of my chief passions. I have played golf for 16 years and I am a member of the IBB International Golf and Country Club. I am a past lady captain of the club and I just won the ladies closed championship. That makes me the ladies champion for the year. We participated to honour the current champion and it was a great honour and I am excited.

    How many trophies do you have now?

    I have lost count; I have trophies all over my house. Apart from golf, I have recognitions in other areas that I am proud of. I belong to the Nigerian Institute of Management and I am a chartered member. We just had the national zonal summit and I was the deputy chair of the organising committee and I got a commendation for that. I am also listed in the international biography of who is who in the 21st century under administration. I am also listed in who is who is in Igala land.

    What is the focus of your organisation?

    I started as an international lawyer and worked in the Human Resources (HR) department of some companies like Global Energy Limited, a geological and engineering consultancy in Lagos. I lectured at the University of Jos and I worked on International Law for about four years. It was a wonderful experience, considering the opportunities that were available then.

    Unfortunately, a lot of things have changed and the university environment is different from what we have now. We handle management consultancy. We also do some work on Universal Basic Education. The company was registered in 1996 but we veered into management consultancy in year 2000.

    Why did you study law?

    My first degree was in Political Science but my father wanted me to read Law. He actually wanted to study Law but somewhere along the line it didn’t happen, and so he wanted one of his children to read law. I was the first child and he thought that I would be a good advocate. My immediate younger brother also studied law and he is a practicing lawyer.

    So I started off as a political scientist with a bias for international relations. At that point, Jos was pioneering International Law and Diplomacy. I found it interesting and found myself as a diplomat admiring their values and way of life. There was emphasis on proper dressing and you had to represent your people.

    Talking about international relations, what comes to mind is the negative image of the country in terms of security, corruption and other issues. What is your impression about this?

    Sadly, Nigeria’s image is at the lowest ebb in spite of the resources that we have and the talents that you find here and abroad. When you go out of the country and see how Nigerians are excelling in different professions and you wonder why we can’t have a better face out there. Our doctors, lawyers and other professionals are in top corporations and they are doing very well. However, the political governance back home is where we have a problem.

    So, it is important for good people to come in and salvage the situation. I don’t want to sound like it’s a bleak situation but what we see now isn’t good at all. Things would actually be better if we rout every bad person out of government but unfortunately, they are doing everything to perpetuate themselves in office. Our embassies abroad are also affected because the structures are run down with bureaucracy and the capacity to speak up is also not there. The person who should do this is often burdened with talking about his or her allowances that haven’t come. You get to such embassies and you find threadbare carpets.

    How would you assess our women in development?

    In the circumstances, considering what we have achieved, I think women are doing well. Sadly, men just pay lip service to these things, even at home. When men say they are gender-friendly they turn around to do something different. So when it comes to appointments, it is better to fight for ourselves and move away from the tokenism that we have been getting. We have a number of women who have made a mark in industry, banking and manufacturing.

    Women like Stella Okoli of Emzor Phamarceuticals, Ibukun Awosika of the Chair Centre, Hajiya Bola Shagaya and Hajiya Bulama. We have done well for ourselves and we need to move to the next stage and consolidate. We have quite a lot of women in different spheres of life. When you also look at Small and Medium Scale Enterprises, you find that women are doing wonderfully well. As women, we do so many things at the same time and combine them wonderfully well. However, if we just look at the figures of female representatives in the National Assembly then we would be discouraged. In terms of economic empowerment, we need women at the top to mentor others.

  • Why women don’t like lady bosses

    Why women don’t like lady bosses

    Disturbing news: a new Gallup poll finds that more women would prefer to work for a man than for another female. Lizzie Crocker reports.

    IN 1967, Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine asked readers how they “would feel if you got a new boss and ‘he’ was a woman.” In these early days of the Women’s Liberation Movement, the magazine’s rhetorical questions didn’t seem particularly strange: “Would you work for her as you would for any other executive? Or would you try to transfer out of that department fast? More and more people in business, men and women alike, will face those questions in years to come.”

    So how do men and women “face these questions,” almost 50 years later? If given the choice, Americans still prefer a male boss to a female one, according to a new Gallup poll. To be sure, roughly 40 percent of 2,059 people surveyed reported no gender preference, up from 25 percent in 1953, revealing a sizeable shift in cultural values about women in the workplace. But among those who do profess a preference, the gender gap remains and ladies are contributing to the yawning rift.

    According to the poll, 40 percent of women prefer a man in charge, compared to 27 percent who prefer a female boss. These numbers don’t exactly show a groundswell of women adopting Sheryl Sandberg’s “lean in” attitude, nor have they budged much over the last decade. In an age when women are used to championing the sisterhood, praising the power of mentoring, and even gunning for a female in the White House, why the aversion to taking orders from other women?

    Some suggest that management positions are still associated with traditionally male behaviours. “It’s not surprising that those who don’t work for a woman would prefer a male: we expect men to lead. As we get more women in leadership positions, those gender stereotypes will begin to break down,” predicts LeanIn.org’s Rachel Thomas.

    Alice Eagly, a psychology professor at Northwestern University, agrees. “The leader stereotype is still masculine, which puts women at a disadvantage. When women do get into those roles and act assertive and take charge there’s backlash.” In other words, women are criticised as much as they are celebrated for breaking the glass ceiling. Take Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer, who was lauded in the press for taking on the executive position and then excoriated after she banned employees from working remotely. When was the last time a male CEO was so widely pilloried for his “draconian” policies?

    Criticism in the media and in the workplace may stem from what Sandberg identifies in Lean In as the “likability gap,” citing data demonstrating positive correlations between success and likability for men and negative correlations between the two for women. “As a man gets better, gets more successful, gets more powerful, gets to the corner office, everyone likes him better, men and women,” she told The New York Times. “As a woman gets more successful, everyone likes her less, men and women.”

    As the Wall Street Journal noted recently, the deficit of women in corporate America was once commonly explained as resulting from a “queen bee syndrome,” after three researchers at the University of Michigan “found that women who achieved success in male-dominated environments were at times likely to oppose the rise of other women…largely because the patriarchal culture of work encouraged the few women who rose to the top to become obsessed with maintaining their authority.”

    Today, the “queen bee syndrome” has become a stereotype in pop culturethink of all the abusive female boss characters like Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada. But the syndrome does indeed exist in real-life work environments. Annabelle, who works at a fashion magazine and labours under a female boss, says she often feels like “it’s just [my boss] against me for something that I have no control over. It’s just this power thing… (The environment) is worse than the all-girls school I went to.”

    Gallup is optimistic that, as more women climb the corporate ladder, the more likely it will be that both women and men will want to work for them: “It is also possible that the experience of working for a female boss affects workers’ preferences…if the proportion of U.S. workers who have female bosses increases in the future, the current preference for a male boss in the overall population could dissipate.”

    It’s a view shared by experts too: as the culture shifts and more women take on positions of greater power and influence, workplace sexism has abated. “If you look at the long term there’s been a massive change [in attitudes],” says Alice Eagly. But as the latest Gallup poll demonstrates, there remains significant room for improvement. “People wonder, ‘Well, she’s awfully nice but can she take charge [in a managerial role]?’ We can’t expect that because we have Sheryl Sandberg out there telling everyone to “lean in” that the culture just shifts. It doesn’t work like that.”

  • Trapped in an affectionate ditch

    IT was a raining day, and everything and everywhere was in a mess. Shivering in the rain, Bose tried to find her way back home. It was a very sad day because she just broke up with her finance. You can imagine how she was feeling in the cold. Empty and almost with no sense of direction, she just could not imagine how she was going to move on with life without Henry. In that state of confusion, her mind travels far away and then like Humpty Dumpty she falls into the ditch.

    Blackout! “For about three minutes I just couldn’t find my way out, my eyes, mouth and nose was covered with filth. Finally I found my way out drenched in filth and I burst into tears. I cried all the way home. It took me hours trying to get clean but the stench took longer to clear away.”

    Was this going to be the end for this broken and battered heart? Certainly not! It took her a couple of months to come back to reality. Her dear Prince Charming was gone and as she x-rayed the episode (s) that led to the final disintegration of the relationship, she realised that her heart had been in the ditch for so long.

    “Everything came clear to me and I discovered that I was the one who had been fooling myself all along. It was a matter of time but I did not want to accept the bitter truth. By the time he took off, I was devastated.”

    What a sad loss! She saw it coming but was helplessly in love. Most times, a lot of people chase shadows instead of understanding the personality they are having a relationship with. “After the first five weeks together, I realised that Henry was a very selfish and self-centred personality. He was also arrogant and highly temperamental. However, I was ready to accept him because he fit perfectly into the physical image that I had always wanted in a man. He was very handsome and was quite charming,” she confessed.

    Like Bose, Marietta had been through hell and back on the emotional landscape.

    Recently, he came out to tell me about his escapades when a lady in the office tried to blackmail him. He was in a deep shit and somehow he needed my support to survive from this lady. The revelations were devastating for me, but somehow I just had to forgive him because I was helplessly in love with the dude. The only fears that I have at the moment is whether he has changed totally or was likely to go back to all this later.

    Interestingly, some men in this category have confessed to engaging in ‘respectful infidelity’, which involves keeping certain things off-limits, like cheating with women at different stages of their relationship.

    The qualities that sustain a loving and healthy relationship aren’t the expensive gifts or romantic treats that you dole out to the one you love from time to time. Interestingly, love is sustained by the small, repeated show of kindness that costs little in money or time. The big question that you are likely to ask at this point is how can you achieve this kind of attitude as well as sustain it.

    “When I started my last relationship there were signs that things may go bad considering the personality that I had fallen in love with. Even though I saw the threats, I made up my mind to make it work and I started filling the emotional gaps. Some of my friends actually laughed at me, saying that it wasn’t going to work. They advised me to look elsewhere because it seemed that I was fetching my emotional water into a leaking basket. Two years into the relationship, it still looked very bleak but somehow I had made a significant impact in his heart. He made a U-turn and today we have become a reference point for many.”

    It is obvious that successful relationships thrive on sacrifice. You must be there to give what the other person cannot give. By lending a helping, emotional hand here and there, you are certainly going to soar higher and higher. Apart from this, you also need to be thoughtful about the things that would captivate the one you adore as well as make him or her shed tears of affection and joy. You can also achieve this by doing everything that you have always imagined about your dream partner to the one that you finally find yourself entangled with for life. All you need to do is an ’emotional transfusion’. This is a situation where you do everything on your affectionate list to the other person without holding anything back.

    Just give and give as much as you can and somehow you would discover that you are going to derive joy doing this too. By making someone happy you are investing happiness for yourself too, and before you know it, it would be time to reap this emotional seeds in thousands. It is important to do this as often as you can and you can be sure of a great transformation in your relationship.