The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Historical look at the Lingerie

    BEHIND the Seams: An Indiscreet Look at the Mechanics of Fashion, a new exhibition at Paris’s Musée des Arts Décoratifs, focuses on the history of undergarments and the human form has changed through trends over the years. One may think of this as a chiefly contemporary issuewith women’s magazines endlessly evangelizing “your best body yet”but the reality is that aspirational body reshaping is a centuries-old practice, with artificial techniques used as early as the 14th century.

    The exhibition explores a concern that has gnawed at our psyches (and waists) for generations: how to best showcase the body in accordance with the prevailing norms of the time. The answer pivots around metamorphosis. This means constraining, rearranging, sealing off the body for the purpose of achieving tiny waists, raised buttocks, widened hips, and flattened stomachs. The nearly 200 items created to this end are displayed mostly chronologically, spanning crinolines, bustles, corsets, girdles, stomach-tucking belts, and push-up bras. There is an entire lingo unto itself to describe the instruments at work: boning, padding, hoops, lacing, hinges, pullbacks, waist-cinchers, springs, elastic fabrics.

    Some interesting facts one learns over the course of the exhibit: the physical changes these pieces bestowed overtly denoted superior status, which is why aristocrats (and later the haute bourgeoisie) held them so dearly. Pregnant and breastfeeding women were still expected to wear corsets, with the only concession being more adjustable lacing. A 16th century iron corset looks precisely as frightening and torturous as it sounds. The grander the occasion, the larger the width of the hoop petticoat. (Alternative terminology for “bustle” in French includes a faux-cul (fake backside) and queue d’écrevisse (crayfish tail)both fancy idioms for saying more junk in the trunk.)

    The exhibition space is exceedingly dark, with black walls, black carpet and extremely low lighting. Scenographer Constance Guisset describes it as a “black box,” elaborating that she wanted visitors to focus “on the objects, and try to forget the space.” This absence of background is meant to create a kind of “magical atmosphere,” Guisset explains, with everything beyond the garments floating away. A dedicated space in which visitors can actually try on corsets and crinolines and the like, to get a “user experience” of these vestments, is the exception. There’s a definite sense of humor here that’s unlike the exhibit’s sobriety; this space is colorful and interactive, with mirrored walls and guaranteed laughs.

    It wasn’t until the turn of the 20th century that the likes of Paul Poiret and Madeleine Vionnet provided a fresh take on the silhouette, with an emphasis on the natural line in swaths of loose fabrics. Complex underpinnings very slowly melted away into less and less constraining garments. Nowadays, contemporary designers integrate these former tropes into present-day collections with a wink. {Just to explain: These designers aren’t examples of less constraining garments, but rather inventive and playful approaches to past customs.}The exhibition highlights Christian Lacroix’s robe du soir with an exteriorized corset (1990-91), Vivienne Westwood’s prêt-à-porter tartan bustle (1994-95), both Alexander McQueen’s and Dolce & Gabbana’s respective robe-bustiers (2007).

    Men are not exempt from the transformative nature of undergarments. Over time, virility manifested itself via quilted doublets to artificially puff out the chest, padded high socks to amplify the calves, and prominent codpieces created with stiff layers of fabric to bulge the, well, bulge.

  • Dig a pleasant hole in his heart

    WHEN an orange tree bears bitter fruits, cut down the tree and not just the fruits.” This proverb from Swaziland tells us that it is better to get rid of something you do not value or doesn’t bring joy and pleasure. It is, therefore, very important to make yourself an asset; something to be treasured and something that cannot be replaced. This, of course, does not come on a platter of gold; you must have to earn it by the way you relate with the other person. For many, being a love material comes natural because you cannot give what you don’t have.

    A loving heart is a kind heart – a heart filled with forgiveness and one that pursues the happiness of the other person. Ancient love is not selfish but unfortunately many find it difficult to dole out this kind of love. On the love shelf what you run into is love that is cunning, crafty, stingy, pretentious and very greedy. The goal of a good relationship should be to find someone that you are compatible with.

    If along the line you discover that the two of you are not compatible then it is better to move on with your life and find the sparks somewhere else. The big question is the emotional journey here is easy or not. Well, it varies with people. While some are lucky with casting their emotional nets, others are not so lucky. They may have to go from a second, third or fourth lovebird before catching the apple of their eyes.

    While it is easier for men to do emotional swaps here and there, it is usually not the same for women. This is why it is better to look very well before taking a leap. A fall from your emotional height could lead to fractures or broken bones that would take time to heal or those that leave a permanent damage. A damage that would ultimately lead to further damages along your emotional corridor.

    “No man wants to hear about men who helped to fill the emotional vacuum in the past. Of course, you know that men like to brag about their conquests but it is a different ball game when it is a woman that is involved. It actually ruins the mystique and makes them feel anxious about being compared to the other person.”

    She believes that it is easier when you can identify with love when it catches up with you. Unfortunately, a lot of people get carried away with shadows and by the time they are ready the one that should have been captured must have moved on. Foluke says: “Dating when you’re younger is so much different than dating when you’re older, and if you’re looking for love, you would definitely want something that would work out fine.

    “I have seen a lot of friends who lost their first love struggling to catch up because they do not love the person they got married to. Personally, I was very lucky because I married my first real love and we are both very happy together.” Whether you’re still looking for your first love, or back in the dating field, there are some key things you should not talk about when you’re on your first date.

    Often, going that extra mile to make your woman or man feel special is all you need to make all the difference. You have to give so much and expect little in return. This way you are bound to overlook the shortcomings of the other person and vice versa.

    To fire up the romance in your relationship you must be a good listener. It is better to listen when he or she shares some inner desires, likes, and fears. Here, your duty would be to nudge and guide, and, above all, be interested. Interestingly, it is at this point that you are likely to get more ideas about what you should do next to impress and get more attention. You can also put little notes everywhere he can find all day. They could be love notes, smileys, or lines from love poetry or songs. This can make the one you are giving attention to dream about you all day, weeks and even months. In addition, you can create a spa atmosphere with special lighting, candles, and essential oils. Here, you are bound to make him feel pampered as well as have that special time together. However, it would be interesting to plan details all by yourself. This way your target will love the feeling of being pampered.

    Have a secret code for intimate sharing and use it in a crowd. It could be for saying, “I love you,” “You look lovely,” or “I want to kiss you.” Act silly with him now and then. It lightens up the mood, and gets him to become playful. It also tells him you are comfortable enough with him to be yourself, which is great cement for your relationship.

    As an African woman you can surf your way into his heart by cooking a special meal for him. This is a faster route to making him eat from your palms any day. This is a faster route to making him eat from your palms any day. The signal here is to tell him that not only are you multi-talented, but care enough to make a special spread only for him.

  • ‘It is tough being an entrepreneur’

    ‘It is tough being an entrepreneur’

    Adebisi Junaid, CEO Washline Nigeria Limited, has over nine years experience as a human resource person in the corporate world before she followed her passion – fabric management. She explains to Adetutu Audu that women need to be encouraged as they turn their passion into multi-million naira businesses.

     

    WHAT were you doing before Washline?

    I have been a human resource person for about nine years. I worked in different areas of the corporate world before I got married. After my marriage and my child came, I just felt that I needed to do something different. When I was working, I had to wake up early and get home late. I went to the drawing board and wrote out the list of things I love doing and that was how Washline came about. I know it is either a beauty spa, laundry business or an event management. Before I got married I used to have a washman and we were always fighting about where the crisp was placed on the trousers or something wrong about the ironing. Then I would scream and shout and then say their customer service was poor. Garments are straight forward to understand, so I just stick to laundry business because I know it is easier to understand fabrics.

    Did you have any prior training in the business?

    No. I am still learning on the job. We have got a consultant and I do go for training abroad and here as well. We have consultants coming and engineers too. When I travel abroad too, I look out for new developments to make sure we improve our quality all the time.

    Can you share your initial challenges with us?

    The challenges are enormous. Trying to get good machineries, good hands, electricity and government agencies. I am still trying to cope. The money we spend on diesel is much; we can spend it on something more tangible. We are hoping that the power supply in the country will improve. Most people try to discourage me by saying that I should go back to human resources.

    We are not making money; we have not yet broken even. Some other people have close down business in just six months, by the time you look at expenses. We need to spend money to make money. We just need to appreciate our customers. So far so good, it has been a good story till date. And because of this, we are rewarding our loyal customers because of the impressive support the company had received since inception last year as evident in the growth of the branch network to three within a year of existence.

    The six month promo has as star prize, a return ticket for couple to Dubai, a ticket for couple to Ghana as second prize and the third prize is a Black berry smart phone and lots of other prizes.

    We have written letters to Emirates, Qatar, Arik and others. They are partnering with us to achieve our goals. We want to appreciate our customers and show that we love them and they should also continue to love us.

    For Washline, our job is to make sure our customers are happy and that we tend to go the extra mile. For instance, if you want to launder your clothes, if your garment is torn, we pay attention to detail. If it is something that you want us to fix, we call your attention and ask if you want us to do it for you.

    Coping with competition

    It is just to make sure that our quality is the best and we are on top of our game. Once you can deliver A-class there is no basis for comparison. It is when your services are not good that they will start to make comparison. We are members of the Guild of Drycleaners and launderers in the United Kingdom, a group committed to the best practice in this industry and having one of the most certification procedures internationally. Our membership of this group also enables us to keep abreast of the latest developments in the industry and translate these to better service offering to our customers.

    What is your view on the Nigeria laundry services sector?

    The sector is an area of considerable opportunity, given the increasing sophistication of the Nigerian populace.

    There should be formation of an industry body that would not only help set standards for the business, but also align the operations of the practitioners in the country with global practice.

    Government should put policies in place that will make all launderers toe one direction. Government does not recognise launderers in Nigeria. It is a technical industry and one needs to be up and doing.

    Who are your role models?

    My mum. She is very strict. It was very lonely being the only child. My mum is very strong; she can drive a trailer as a woman. I don’t think I have any other role model.

    How would you describe your style?

    My style is simple and classy. I used to be a tomboy before I got married. My husband always likes me to be right on point.

    What is your view on women going into businesses now?

    Women are really trying now. Husbands should encourage their wives and government should encourage women too. Find your passion and calling; you can turn it into a multi-million naira business, once you are committed to it.

    What was it like when you were growing up?

    I am from a small family of two. I am the first and my younger brother came 13 years later. I attended St. Saviour’s Primary School, Ebute Metta. I moved on to Atlantic Hall. I did diploma in Law at the Ogun State University, Ago-Iwoye before I finally studied Mass Communication at the University of Lagos. I majored in broadcasting. I did my I.T at Cool Fm; I had a stint at Channels TV. I had a brief stint with Ovation Magazine. I moved to a financial advisory firm where I was the human resource person. From there, I moved to Africapital and later went for my Masters before I returned to Nigeria and got married.

    Was it easy leaving the corporate world for entrepreneurship?

    There are some days I say should I go back or move forward. And I am like, ‘you cannot afford to fail’. And that is what has been keeping me going because it is tough being an entrepreneur in this environment. I would rather work and at the end of 30 days get my cheque, it is easier. By the time you pay salaries and clear all your expenses, there is almost nothing left. But I am assured that this is just the teething stage, we will get there.

  • Driving entrepreneurial spirit in women

    IN a fast-paced economy where all roads leads to Africa for investment in an emerging market full of opportunities, many are not folding their arms watching things happen but are going out of their way to take up chances through preparation.

    The Women of West Africa Entrepreneurship Conference which held at the Eko Hotel and Wheatbaker Hotel from June 20th to 22nd provided an ample opportunity for women with skills and ideas to share knowledge on how to initiate and manage their enterprises.

    Borne out of the belief that driving entrepreneurial spirit in women and girls is the route to economic development in Nigeria, speakers were drawn from various industries spanning banking and management, media and publishing, fashion and make up industries, IT and telecommunications, advocacy and charities and other fields.

    During the course of the conference, there were discussions on ways to make entrepreneurship accessible to women through the social media platforms. There were also forums for networking and sharing of ideas as most of the workshops were anchored along lines of interaction which provided participants with the opportunity to bare their minds on challenges and prospects in business.

    Some of the participants at the workshop from various fields of interest shared their experience with The Nation at the event.

    Omotola Adeniyi Martins from House of Tara described the conference as a great experience judging by the calibre of women from the various West African countries that she encountered. “One of them was Magatte Wada, the founder of TIOSSAN from USA. Mo Abudu was powerful in her presentation and she really communicated with me. Forbes magazine managing editor, Chris Bishop, and Mrs. Adesuwa Oyenokwe were equally good,” she submitted. Asked on what she is taking away from the conference, she said she is taking away a message of hope. “I have learnt that even if you work for someone right now, you can also have your own business in the future.”

    In an encounter with Ebere Mogo, the president of Engage Africa Foundation, an NGO involved in fighting non communicable diseases through prevention and the media, she disclosed that she was inspired to come to the conference due to her desire to meet people who are doing positive things in the society. “I saw this as an opportunity to learn from people. I also got ideas from people who are already successful on how to grow my own organisation and I was quite happy.”

    Another participant from a financial institution, Nkiru Odocha, speaking on the workshop she attended on technology and innovation, said she was enlightened with the flexibility that technology provides. One of which she explained is how one can use social media to create a larger clientele base. Odocha believes that every African woman should be involved in doing something positive. “This is not the time for anyone to be idle,” she said.

  • Violence against women, a ‘global health problem

    ACCORDING to a new WHO report, one in three women experience sexual or physical violence. Recently an Indian member of a social organisation called Our City Our Right held a candle during a silent protest following the recent gang rape and murder of a 20-year-old college student in Barasat, in Kolkata on June 15, 2013. Activists and social groups in various parts of the state held rallies and protests following the incident.

    About one in three women worldwide experience sexual or physical violence at least once in their lives, according to a World Health Organisation report released Thursday.

    Put together by the WHO in partnership with the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine and the South African Medical Research Council, the report says 35 percent of women around the world are victims of sexual or physical violence, and that assault at the hands of an intimate partner is by far the most common form of such violence. In fact, a whopping 30 percent of women globally were found to be domestic violence victims.

    “These findings send a powerful message that violence against women is a global health problem of epidemic proportions,” said Dr. Margaret Chan, director-general of WHO, in a statement. “We also see that the world’s health systems can and must do more for women who experience violence.”

    The study found that 38 percent of all women who were murdered were killed by their intimate partners, and more than 40 percent of domestic violence victims were found to have suffered injuries from those incidents.

    In addition, the study showed that women who experience violence at the hands of their intimate partners are more likely to suffer from depression, have alcohol use problems, unwanted pregnancies and abortions, as well as sexually transmitted infections, including HIV.

    Citing the recent assault of celebrity chef Nigella Lawson by her husband, one of the report’s authors told Reuters that violence against women is truly a concern for everyone on the planet.

    “This is an everyday reality for many, many women,” said the author, Charlotte Watts, a health policy expert at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine. “[I]t’s not just poor women, or women in a certain country. This really is a global issue.”

    According to NPR, this WHO report, which considered data from 81 countries, has offered the “first comprehensive look at domestic violence globally.”

    The report’s authors say they hope their findings will help raise awareness about this global problem and will spark the beginnings of change. The first step, they say, will be equipping health care professionals with the knowledge and tools needed to provide the necessary care to victims of violence.

    “There is no magic bullet, no vaccine or pill [for rape or abuse],” Claudia Garcia-Moreno, a physician with the WHO and a co-author of the report, told NPR. “But what we hear from women is that oftentimes, just having an empathetic listener who can provide some practical support and help her get access to some other services –that in itself is an important intervention.”

  • Tracking your emotional rainbow

    CHASING shadows? Yes, that unfortunately is what a lot of people experience in their relationships. On the other hand, it feels better when your feeling bring ecstasy, sweet memories and some fantasy. A colourful relationship can therefore be compared with the rainbow which ushers you into a breath of fresh air.

    The seven rays are forces emanating from the white light. They are perpetually vibrating and encircling the globe in streams of endless energy. The rainbow represents a bridge, depicts a new era, as well as symbolises peace, love and freedom.

    Emotionally, we respond to colours as they fit the time of day or year. Lack of sunlight can cause mood swings, depression and low energy level. You appreciate the combination in the rainbow and you understand what some of the colours stand for. For instance, blue is the colour of distance and you can relate this to the oceans, skies and the heavens.

    The energy of blue helps us to hook beyond the immediate environment, expanding our perceptions towards the unknown. As we swing to yellow you get entangled with the sun and its life-giving and sustaining energy. Yellow enriches, lightens and activates many of the systems of the body. Are you fascinated with the colours? Well, there is still a lot of excitement for you as you track your emotional rainbow. Red gives vitality, orange brings creative energy while green strikes a balance with nature. As you soar higher and higher, you are likely to hit the Indigo mark ushering you to the realm of fulfillment and satisfaction. Indigo amplifies the energy of blue in a profound way, taking you through the mature levels as you move around majestically in love. At this point you must be ready to stretch your emotional luck with violet. Violet is the highest and most subtle specialisation of light, being at the opposite end of the colour spectrum to red.

    For many who have seen the rainbow in their relationship, it is indeed a dream come true. Cynics may ask what the big deal is. A lot! It brings your emotions to a full circle as well as take you to the next phase of the relationship. That is no wonder to me, in a world where we have been raised to believe that things or people make us happy. We have been conditioned to think that we can only feel good when we get a new dress, a new car, a new lover, a new baby, a new house, and that the degree of joy is dictated by the object(s).

    For instance, you can only feel so good while shopping for new accessories, which is a different level of pleasure from being with a lover. So, not only do we need something or someone outside of ourselves in the first place, but even when we get them, we limit our degree of happiness based on the object or person. When what you have is sure then you find happiness radiating all over. But when all you get is uncertainty, the rainbow in your life fizzles out.

    If you are at this stage, then you need to ask yourself certain questions about your relationship. Is it worth dying for? Are you with someone you can vouch for, no matter the odds? Someone who is ever ready to give excuses or that emotional dry bone, the type that would let you down at the slightest provocation?

    There are a number of ways to assess your relationship from time to time. This way you would be able to understand the challenges, prospects as well as identify how to solve some of the knotty emotional problems that you are going through.

    One way to do this is to reflect on his or her self-worth to see if it is a partnership that you cherish. By doing this, you are likely to notice the thoughts, feelings and sensations that come from within clearly.

    Next, you can allow your discoveries to be in the background without being judgmental in anyway. You can now go on to place some form of attention on these perceptions about your ‘sweetheart’ to actually determine if what’s vibrating in your heart is really sweet or not. Here you would start to do the evaluations and see if the ’emissions’ are good, bad, indifferent or poisonous.

    If what you feel is frustration, hatred and anger then you can be sure to notice blaming and limiting thoughts. You can go on to take a deeper search and it is at this point that you would discover that your relationship is heading for the rocks. Being on the brink can bring a lot of confusion in your mind and you certainly aren’t going to help matters this way.

    So, all that your heart would be riveting around would be his or her shortcomings or character defects. The crux of the matter is that what you give is what you get in any relationship. We need to come to the understanding that unless with an abusive or chemically dependent partner, our perception of the other party is actually a reflection of our efforts at creating and recreating love.

    Like a mirror, the other person is going to give you back what you dole out in good measure. Most times, when we take an inventory of our partner’s defects, it is indeed a sure sign that we are avoiding responsibilities for what we have created or brought out in the other person. Even if we cannot change the character of the person we have fallen in love with, we can actually improve on the quality of love and loving that we finally get.

  • Being multitalented comes natural

    Being multitalented comes natural

    Ifeyinwa Odo studied Political Science but somehow the amiable lady veered off to music, designing, as well as working as an air hostess for about six years. In an encounter with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about life as a jazz artiste as well as the hazards of flying.

     

     

    LET’S talk about your profession and background?

    I used to be an air hostess with Arik Air but I left last year. I was there from 2006 to 2012. I went to sing somewhere and the gathering had some dignitaries. Interestingly, they were the founders of Arik Air and they had come from overseas to start Arik. I gave them my CV at that point and never saw them again until I started flying as an air hostess. After three months, I got a call for two interviews and I was shortlisted, signed some documents and went for training and swimming tests.

    When I was young I boarded aircraft a lot, shuttling from Lagos to Enugu by air. Then I fancied and admired them. And by the time I decided that it was a profession that I loved, God gave me the opportunity. It was fun for me because the aviation industry is very versatile. It was interesting and adventurous and it gave me a lot of exposure. I also got contacts for my fashion business which was then a part time passion. On the job, I met people like Lexy Mojo Eyes, initiator of the Nigerian Fashion Show. He really encouraged me. The job took me around the country as well as out of the country. The Arik routes that I passed though included the United Kingdom, South Africa and the West Coast region that includes countries like Senegal, Gambia, Ouagadougou and Liberia. Interestingly, I studied Political Science at the Enugu State University of Science and Technology.

    Why did you leave the job?

    My musical and fashion career started to get bigger. The demands of the job, however, were encroaching and so I needed to step down. Do I miss anything? The answer would be yes and no. I miss the fast-pace demand of the job. You have to be there on time; the travel in and out, as well as the exposure.

    What about the hazards of flying on aircraft? How did you cope with these?

    I thank God. Everywhere has its own dangers. For me, God put me there. He told me that at the right time he would bring me out. So it has been by His grace. But I agree that there are always events like that in the air. The turbulence, little emergencies have kept me on.

    What do you do at the moment?

    I run a fashion outfit called Muciano. Here we design fashion outfits for men and women. It actually started as a passion, something that I did as a small girl in school. While I was at St Mary’s private school in Lagos and I was very good in the needle work and could knit very well. Then I went on to the Federal Government Girls College in Owerri where I did clothes and textiles. I was very creative and good with my hands.

    Does this skill run in your family?

    Yes, it does. I actually got the skill from my mother who was also into fashion and designing but she couldn’t push it to the extent that I did. She actually did it on a part time basis for family and friends. I started sketching my designs from a very early age and this has helped to make my work easy. A lot of my customers do not need to rack their heads over the designs because they are usually satisfied with the things I churn out for them. I would say that being multi-talented is natural for me.

    Who are your targets?

    They actually cover a very broad aspect of the society. They are basically people who know what they want. People with a touch of style and they usually want to stand out. There is actually something for everyone. From the way I have designed my stuff, you would definitely find something for the high class, the middle, as well as the low class.

    So how did you get into music?

    Well, I would say that it is also something that comes naturally.

    I am also a recording gospel artiste. When God called me in 1997, He started working on me. Just before all this happened, I had done some secular stuff too. When I was in school I was the Nightingale and it was a title you had to be proud of. To get it, you must have won a lot of awards for the school which I had done. I represented the school at different events. After I left secondary school, I joined a jazz band at the Sheraton Hotel in Lagos. We used to sing almost on a daily basis and I combined this with my fashion business.

    Along the line, I became born again and that was how I was transformed into a gospel minister, preaching the gospel by songs. I have also recorded my first video; it is called ‘Jehovah na baba’. The video is a contemporary Nigerian style with a fusion of rock in it. The message is something that tries to say that God is the Almighty, Jehovah El Shaddai. It is a message that encourages people, telling them that there is a time and season for everyone to shine. Every challenge is just a phase; it is not going to last forever. So this is for people to know and hold on to God. It is better for God to work for you and take you to the promised land.

    Producing the music and video didn’t come easy because generally living a life of a Christian is not easy. If you persevere, you can be sure that victory is certain at the end. For example, when it comes to financing music, it’s easier to get sponsorship for secular music. However, because gospel music is more of ministration and not entertainment, it is not the same thing. But somehow, God released helpers for me and it was a miracle. I am an evangelist with the Communion Church in FESTAC.

    I also run a fashion school, Musiano Royal School of Fashion. It started about two years ago. The first set of people that were was trained were my colleagues. They created awareness and now I get a number of referrals from different people. Here I teach young people how to empower themselves. I also try to empower young girls who don’t have anyone to help them.

    Tell us about some of the women you admire?

    For fashion, there are quite a number and they include Susan Eyo Honesty of Eve 2000. She worked on my mind way back and that motivated me. There is also Funmi Ajila Ladipo of Regalia. These two women helped to shape me in the short period that I met them. Lexy Mojo Eyes is a big uncle from another mother. He really encouraged me.

    I also love Ejiro Amos, Deola Sagoe,Modella, Mudi and Lanre Da Silva. There is something conservative about Lanre that I really like. I must say that my fashion background helped a lot while I was with Arik in terms of grooming. I knew how to take care of my uniform, the looks and I made uniforms for some of my colleagues. Even now that I am out , I am still doing that.

  • ‘My job brings me in contact with notable people’

    ‘My job brings me in contact with notable people’

    Faramade Akanni is the Document Control Officer at the Aspire Academy for Sports Excellence in Qatar. Personally, she loves to travel and explore new places, and Qatar was a fantastic opportunity for her. The plan was to go there and do two years, but the longer she stayed, the more Akanni fell in love with Qatar. Morakinyo Abodunrin had a chat with her, as she takes you into her world.

    YOU are probably the only Nigerian lady working here at Aspire, how did you arrive here and how has it been?

    Yes, to the best of my knowledge, I’m the only Nigerian lady working at the Aspire Academy for Sports Excellence. Actually, I’ve been around for quite a while in Doha where I worked at Qatar Petroleum and I had to switch jobs. So, along the line, the opportunity came and I think it was not too difficult since I had a good referral from my former employers. I really have to thank God for this, I’ve been at Aspire for over a year now and I really like the working environment. I’m the document control officer at Aspire and my job schedule is self explanatory as my designation suggests. I’m in charge of documents that go out of Aspire and this could be paper files, video files, amongst other stuffs.

    Of course, no two works are the same and I found both jobs at Qatar Petroleum and Aspire interesting and challenging.

    You would agree with me that Qatar is a decent and much organised place, so I really like it here. Coming here gave me the opportunity of knowing about the Qatari much better than relying on information from the news media or internet which often is not correct.

    I presume you had some sort of background in sport before you were employed at Aspire?

    No. I work in the Corporate Department, as such deep knowledge of sport or football per se is not mandatory provided you are good on your work brief. Maybe for other sub sections that have to do with teaching and coaching at Aspire, a solid background in sport is essential.

    So what aspect of the Qatari’s culture do you like for instance?

    It is a lot and I would probably spend a day telling you how much I’ve enjoyed my stay here. Qatar is a small country and before coming here, one was told you can’t do so many things as a lady because Sharia is practiced here. Personally, Qatar is very different from some of those prejudices one had heard before coming here. Qatar is a blend of ageing Middle East and European culture which suits the need of everyone. Qatar is hospitable and they have welcomed virtually everybody from all parts of the world to come in to live and work. Like every country in the world, it has its own sets of rules and regulations but some of those things I’ve heard prior to coming here are just not true.

    So what is true about Qatar?

    In Qatar, women can work, women can go swimming. Women can walk and you know, unlike in some other places, women can drive in Qatar. Moving forward about this conversation, I think people should also know that there are churches here in Qatar. Before I came here, I was told I can’t even bring in a Bible, but all that is not true. Qatar is a place that accepts all cultures and faith; you just have to be law abiding and you can see that there are no signs for churches but we have so many churches here. In fact, the largest Cathedral in the Middle East is in Qatar. The music is beautiful and I’m quite fascinated about how they celebrate their festivals, especially the wedding ceremony.

    Before coming to Qatar, where have you been?

    I was in England briefly after my studies in Nigeria. Of course, you can’t really compare life in England and Qatar because they are two different places and entities. Yes, I had the freedom to express myself much better in England without being judged that I’m a woman. In England, government parastatals are quite accessible unlike Qatar. Qatar is a highly policed state and you know, it is a small country too. Of course, I miss going to the beach because in England, you can go naked and nobody is going to bug you but you can’t do that here in Qatar. You don’t forget that this is an Islamic country and with that in mind, you have to do things in moderation. Though I’m not a feminist to the core, I would wish that the United Nations Commission for Women would be here to demand more rights for women.

    What are the things you enjoy working at Aspire?

    Aspire is a fantastic place to work and I’m very grateful to God for the opportunity. I have opportunity of meeting so many people and if I’m not here, I may probably not have met you. There is also the opportunity of meeting world dignitaries and I’ve had the opportunity of meeting world leaders like former Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo one-on one when he came here for the Doha Goal. I think this might not be possible back home.

    Tell me, what is your impression of Baba (Obasanjo)?

    I found it interesting that Baba is very fit despite his age; and he has a very sound mind too. Very friendly and always on the move. He came here and was told he would be off to Dubai en route to London, and I was wondering that Baba still maintains his busy schedule. He told me he runs a charity for sport and youth development. So, working at Aspire gives me the opportunity of meeting notable people, including President Ali Bongo Ondimba of Gabon, star athletes like Carl Lewis. Some months ago, Manchester United team were on tour at Aspire and I had the opportunity of meeting several of their players. Though I’m not a Manchester United (I’m a Gunner for life); I was lucky to have one of the accreditations and I saw that as a chance to get close to some of these players we only watch on television. I was really impressed with Paul Scholes who was simply incredible as he signed autographs for almost everybody.

    Why did you take an exception to the fact that I tagged you as the Nigerian girl at Aspire on Facebook?

    I had to, because I think every working adult who is more than 20 should never be addressed as a girl because a boy of the same age would not want to be called a boy. I believe anybody over the age of 20 should be called a lady or a woman in the official sense of it; maybe it’s cool as a joke but really, I think being called a lady sounds better.

    So, who is Faramade Akanni?

    Hey! You want me to say everything about myself (general laughter). Okay, I’m a feminist and I have a strong faith in the Bible. I believe that world peace could be attained through dialogue. I’m not a judgemental person and I feel the energy you send out to people is what you get. I love life and I’m a very positive person. I obey rules and regulations wherever I am and I’m in my early 30s. I’m from Oyo State, precisely from Ibadan. I started my education at the International School at the University of Ibadan and then went to the University of Lagos.

    When are you getting married?

    I don’t know. It is not the kind of question that I have an answer to. It is not the same question as when are you going to buy a car? Those sorts of question depend on individuals because you must have saved money and probably know when that is feasible. But when am I getting married? I don’t have an answer to that because I can’t marry myself.

    Are you not in a relationship?

    Is it going into the newspapers? I’ll rather not comment on that because it is personal.

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Question: Dear Princess, I am a 26 year old and have been married for the last 6 months. I am one of those old fashion ladies that do not believe in sex before marriage. My husband most of the time will release before the foreplay is even half way through, which means we can be on this for about an hour or more trying to see if I can get him to hold himself enough to enter before releasing. Even when we finally get him to enter and release, within on minute he is done. Although he is my 1st and only love, my body yells for more than this. Talking with my friends, it’s obvious that this is not a normal behavior. Princess, can you please help me on how I can help my husband so as to help my marriage. I do not want to end up looking outside before getting sexual satisfied. Ngozi, Amambra.

    Answer: Ngozi, what your husband is exercising is called premature ejaculation. Which means “coming too quickly” it is one of the most common sexual problems which in our society most couples do not know where to turn, they just accept it. According to a 2006 congress of the European society for sexual medicine, an American research paper reported that the average lasting time for men with premature ejaculation was 1.8 minutes and “normal” men lasted an average of 7.3 minutes. But there were males who claimed to have premature ejaculation, yet who could last up to 25 minutes. This obviously shows people have wildly different ideas about what is normal. The condition can be so bad that the man can’t have sex because he ejaculates before he can get into the vagina. This can be devastating for a man’s self-confidence, and it can be hugely frustrating and annoying for his partner, especially if she wants to get pregnant. Earlier experience in trying not to get detected might have pre-conditioned some people to develop premature ejaculation. Some studies show it might have been inherited, so it can either be learned or inherited, either way it is a problem. Anxiety no questions or nerved play a part in many cases, like if you’re nervous you’re likely to come quickly. Some men find that drinking some alcohol might help lengthen the climax period. Of course I am not recommending on this as a treatment just an idea. There are different types of treatments from mild to severe cases. If your spouse is considered mild, i.e. you want him to increase his lasting period from 5 minutes to 10 minutes there is no point in seeing a doctor. Using a distraction technique will help by turning his mind to something else when you sense that climax is near. For example, you can think about something totally unconnected with sex or even pinch yourself. For severe ones, there is a “long love” condom, which was developed by a German scientist and won’t cause vaginal irritation. It is called “Long Love Condon” and it contains a local anesthetic (benzocaine or lidocaine) inside. If you are going try this make sure that you are not sensitive to either one of the medication and of course consult your doctor before trying this or any product that can cause sensibility to your skin. There is also a method called “the masters Johnson Method.” Go on the internet for step-by- step instructions on using and following this method. Remember, a marriage is for better or for worst. I would have wished that your husband told you about this before marrying you. The choice of marrying him knowing that he has a sexual problem would have been yours. Finally, love and a good communication skill is essential in any relationship. This is a problem that the both of you can solve together, but it will require both communication and patience from you. Good Luck!

    Question: Dear Princess, in response to your Barristers story about Day,noon and night husband or partner. I am a 53 year old man and I have two daughters who are 23 and 24 respectively and I am not married. I have a steady girlfriend and not ready to settle down again with any woman. Aside from my steady girlfriend, I swing from one woman to another, and I see myself as a “evening partner or husband” to my current partner right now, especially since there is no paper commitment to each other. Deep down, she is free to do whatever she wants as long as I am not aware of it, and to be honest if I am aware I will forgive her. Alex, Benin.

    Answer:Relationships do not have to be such a struggle. Only when we do not understand one another is there tension, resentment, or conflict. The first thing any couple must realize is that men and women are created differently; we are wired differently, unless each takes the time to study the other party. If not there will always be conflicts, and one of the pillar of foundation of any relationship or marriage would have been overlooked, which is understanding one another. So many people are frustrated in their relationships. They love their partners but there is tension they do not know what to do to make things better. Through understanding how completely different men and women are, you will learn new ways for successfully relating with, listening to, and supporting the other person. You will learn how to create the love you truly deserve.

    Thought of the week:

    Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished. This is one of the best ways how a man can overcome the need to be resistant to giving love, while women must overcome their resistance to receiving it.

     

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • ‘My experience in Nigeria has changed me’

    ‘My experience in Nigeria has changed me’

    She talks about hopping on buses to Lekki, Obalende, Ajegunle, Ikeja, and Ogudu. No big deal. She preaches a message of an alternative to violence and deploys environmental education to youths in Lagos State. Still no big deal. But, when the person in question is a white American woman on a nine-month Fulbright Scholarship grant, it raises eyebrows. Enter the world of Erica Licht. Joe Agbro Jr. had an encounter with her recently.

     

    THE media has a lot of negative stories about Nigeria,” Erica Licht says. “I choose to ignore them. I want to come to a place and create my own understanding of a place. My friends and family can think what they want but they support me though. They are happy for me that I’m pursuing the work I’m doing.”

    Licht also dismisses the hardship of moving about in Lagos and the ‘danger’ it portends to foreigners. Development of youths is what keeps her rocking. The Africana Studies graduate of Vassar College, New York, who works independently as a researcher, youth development professional, applied for the Fulbright Scholarship specifically with Lagos, Nigeria in mind.

    She says studying Africana Studies was due to a need to fill a gap “that I felt was left out of my education as an American growing up. And the other key part of my work and study is with criminal justice, looking at criminal justice reform using alternative methods.”

    Speaking on how she settled on Nigeria as we nestled in the library of the Centre for Contemporary Arts, in Yaba, Lagos, she says, “I had never been to Nigeria before, although I had studied it a lot in school both in Urban Studies and in Africana Studies and in Geography. I have been to Uganda in 2007 on a community project. But I have lived in Kingston, Jamaica for a year from 2010 to 2011. And there is a lot of interesting connections between Jamaica and Nigeria that have propelled my interest in coming here.”

    “A lot of Jamaicans look to Nigeria as the source of their heritage. Politically, socially, Nigeria has really set the stage for the rest of the continent. And it is Lagos that really interests me. I’m interested in cities where there is a large population of youths.”

    She says: “I’m interested in what strategies are taken to address youth and violence. What’s working and what’s not working. And my interest is in bringing the environment composition to see what that can do.”

    Previously, she worked in Kingston, Jamaica, and in Bronx, New York where she taught environmental education to urban youths.

    The title of her Fulbright project which she designed is called Outdoor education as an alternative to incarceration for urban youths. The name of the youth group is You and I Teach Each Other or simply UNITE. Arriving Nigeria in September 2012, she hit the ground running. “I got to see a lot of Nigeria,” she says. “I went to Enugu the second week after I came to Nigeria to lead a workshop for the Alternative to Violence Project which was one of the co-partners. My two partners in bringing me here are the Lagos State University (LASU) and the Alternative to Violence Project.”

    The same work took her to Kaduna where she led a workshop for the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) on setting up a community resilient network. She did the same workshop in Abeokuta, Ogun State. From Kaduna, she also visited Jos, Plateau State to see a friend.

    Describing her visit to Enugu and later on Calabar by bus in which Nollywood movies were shown throughout as fun, Licht says, “the whole bus became a community for a day.”

    But her pet project of working with Lagos youths would only commence about five months later. In her head, the programme was done before reaching Nigeria. But, due to cultural differences and advice from her partners and friends, it took about five months to make her programme Lagos-specific. Initially, she had planned to make environmental educational have more focus, but, one of her partners, Onyinye Onyemobi at Alternative to Violence Project (AVP), convinced her to include the criminal justice bit and have the youths interact with police officers directly.

    “That was a huge influence on the programme,” Licht discloses.

    Simultaneously, she was also designing a weekly radio programme on Unilag FM called Justified Nature which she started in the first week of January. On the radio show, her major challenge was on the need to play and the type of music to be played. The director of the station reminded her that she had to play music to appeal to their audience. “It really made me think,” Licht enthuses, “not only about the music. But, I changed the name of my website, www.justifiedoutdoors.com to www.justifiednature.com.” According to her, the word outdoors does not specifically refer to nature which is what it’s referred to in the US. And she adds, “I tried to speak more clearly on the show so people can understand me.”

    By February, UNITE kicked off by having weekly meetings with about 90 youths at three centres: Ogudu, Ajegunle, and Lagos Island, in Lagos. At Ajegunle, she worked with an existing youth NGO, National Youth Council in Awodi-Ora Estate. At Ogudu, it was with students of the Ogudu Senior Secondary School, while at Lagos Island, the meetings held at the Adeniji Adele Police Station and consisted police officers and youths in the area.”

    At the meetings were semi-formal exercises and yoga which sought to create a leveller. Each person even gets a nickname to correspond with their names. In those circles, she is known as Eclectic Erica. No doubt, it is a fitting name because of the many things she is; youth development activist, radio show host, jewellery designer, and spoken word poet.

    “Each group is fundamentally different,” Licht intones. “In Ogudu, there are secondary school students and are 14 to 18 years old. It’s mostly girls but there are three boys. At Ajegunle, they are about 18 to 25 years old, split about 50-50 gender-wise. In Lagos Island, it’s a mix, some are younger, in their 20s, some are in their 30s, but all identify as youths. So, each group has a different effect on me.”

    The Lagos Island group held each session with the Divisional Police Officer (DPO), Monday Agbonika, in attendance while she led the other two groups to visit police stations in their neighbourhood. This was to ensure interaction between the youths and the police. Describing the experience of the Ajegunle group, she says, “that was a huge triumph. No youth group had ever visited the police station in Ajegunle. The DPO didn’t know how to deal with us. But, in the end of the day it was great.”

    In addition to that, she organised a field trip for each of the groups to the Lekki Conservation Centre. “They loved it,” she enthuses. “The youths loved it, the police loved it. Each group had different and similar reactions.” She says the trip spurred some of the participants to wanting to recreate what they saw there in their own community. “Those things,” she says, “included the clean air, the co-existence they saw of things living together in balance and in harmony, how trees and animals are living together, and then the freedom the animals had to move around.”

    She informs that the youths and police also liked the way the guides at the centre took them and showed them around. “There were things they couldn’t have known and the guide needed to show them and tell them about the place. That was how they wanted their communal leaders to be.”

    The trip was a leveler, according to Licht. “It had nothing to do with nature,” she emphasises, “but just being on the trip, we were all equal. We all sat together at the same picnic table. And we all ate the same meal.”

    Building trust

    According to her, trust is very important in dealing with different classes of people. “It’s not just Oyinbos that don’t go into Ajegunle.” Also, every upper-class Nigerians from Ikoyi, Yaba, VI, Ikeja; no one is going into Ajegunle for any reason. They (Ajegunle) don’t have attention like the rest of Lagos.”

    Hence, she says part of what she hopes her work will do is about building such relationships.

    To her, Ajegunle in Lagos is like the Bronx in New York. “It’s in the context of a big city but it’s on the side. The only reason you’ll go there is if it’s your destination.”

    Living in Brooklyn but working in South Bronx, Licht made a long and hectic commuting which saw her pass Manhattan, one of the wealthiest places in New York. The commute would prepare her for own initiative, UNITE, in Lagos.

    And while some foreigners may think Lagos is dangerous, she thinks otherwise. “It’s not dangerous,” she states. “It’s stress. Like getting on the bus, dealing with bus conductors, arguing over N10.”

    Having been in such situations, she says, “I want to be taken seriously. I want them (bus conductors) to know I know the price. And it’s my N10.”

    She adds; “One of the reasons it is easy to lose it here (in Lagos) is that you’re so stressed, hot, and tired. And there is little personal space.”

    However, she believes her overall experience in the country has been incredible. “This experience in Nigeria has completely changed who I am,” she states. She likes amala and gbegiri soup, moin-moin, roasted plantain, and corn and coconut. On the music scene, the Fullbright scholar likes Naija hip-hop and declares she likes P-square, Sunny Ade and that she’s also a big fan of Omawumi. And being a spoken word artiste, she also engaged with two groups; Freedom Hall, which is an open mic session, and Word Up.

    Organising the whole workshop which had assistance from various organisations including the Lagos State Security Trust Fund, Erica describes it as an intense period. She says, “I played the role of the curriculum developer, facilitator, organiser, planner, plus the secretary and the finance person, I handled every single letter for this programme. And you know how much work that is!”

    Speaking at a presentation at the United States Consulate General in Lagos, to signal an end to her programme, participants were full of praise for her work. According to Kehinde Balogun, a participant at the Lagos Island group, “the training on alternative to violence changed my thinking regarding physical confrontations and fight. I knew I would have engaged in many fights if not for the training I had.”

    While Licht would be sorely missed by her friends and those people she has touched, she hopes that through her partners, such as Monday Agbonika, the DPO at Adeniji Adele Police Station, UNITE continues.