The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • From zero to love hero

    IT was a courtship that lasted for six years and she had very high hopes about the relationship. Like every other relationship, she thought it was a learning process and it was going to take her to her dreams. Unfortunately, that was not to be; she lost so much and gained very little in return. It was indeed a season of heartaches that defied all the prescriptions and emotional medication applied. The last blow was the hardest and she almost found it impossible to pick up the pieces again.

    “Ade started dating my roommate, Felicia, on campus and the news was all over the place. When I confronted him, I got a shocking reply. He told me that it was Felicia that he first fell in love with but she did not agree to his proposal then.”

    It was over and her emotions moved down to point zero. For about two years she didn’t want to have anything to do with any guy, no matter how good or great he looked. Gradually, she realised that she just had to move on and in the process met Kevin, an emotional miracle. Initially, he looked like another heart breaker and it started on her terms. She later decided to give this handsome, six footer an emotional chance. It worked, and in a short while her sinking heart was revived and they exchanged marital vows the following year.

    As you can see, the key to making a man want you all to himself is to be the woman who loves him but doesn’t need him. When he senses that he’s very lucky to have you, he’ll be motivated to seal the deal before another guy gets in there first. When he sees that you’re first and foremost committed to yourself and your dreams, he will feel fired up about you. He’ll appreciate you as having high value and be “triggered” to want you all to himself!

    It is only natural to understand where your relationship is headed and hard to resist wanting to know what the other party is up to. For a lot of people the heart sinks when the game isn’t in their favour. They get anxious, worried and sometimes very desperate. Everyone who has worn and lost the love shoe certainly knows how it pinches. It brings tears and bitterness and after a period of time the wounds may or may not heal.

    To feel on top of the emotional game, you need to understand your partner and the terrain. When you come to the realisation that things aren’t swinging in your direction, then it is better to try to talk about commitment in a unique way. If this is not handled properly, then the other party would feel stressful and this will only make such a person retreat.

    Most times the ladies are at the receiving end in the emotional bargain. And so it is usually about his moods, his feelings and his desires and not hers. So what should she do if she is at the receiving end of a relationship? Should she chicken out of this love race or force her way through this love garden? None of this approach is the best. Many would actually tell you that the answer to this emotional quagmire is not a straightforward answer at all.

    First, you need to study the guy in question to understand the best approach to use. If you also discover that he is a man of little words then you need to tread very carefully too. The best way out of the emotional woods here is that no matter how much you’re dying to know what he’s thinking, resist the temptation to bring up this tender topic.

    The more you try to make a case for how great you are as a couple, the more he feels cornered and manipulated. Your reasoning feels like criticism to him and makes him unable to share his true feelings. That’s certainly not the vibe you want to create in a loving relationship. A man falls in love when he feels like he can make you happy by being himself and sharing the deepest parts of who he is. By rejecting those parts, you make him feel wrong and cause him to protect his true feelings – and his heart – from connecting with yours.

    Sometimes, what the other person needs is a commitment or the fact that they are appreciated. So if you feel good about somebody then you must show it. You must know how to open up and share your feelings properly. This way you would encourage him or her to connect to you and the positive experience you’re sharing. As you continue to lay a stronger foundation of positive feelings, it’s only natural that the bond will get stronger and stronger.

    From experience, a lot of gals would agree that opening up about your true feelings isn’t always easy with a man. Sometimes you really have no idea what to say – and you may even be afraid of saying the wrong thing that will push him away. Well, don’t get too worried with this because what would be would be. It is better to lose him at the beginning of the relationship and not midway. Here it’s easier to adjust your emotional seatbelt and refasten it with someone who would appreciate and understand you better. Don’t ever be afraid of telling the truth because you can’t hide it for too long.

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought of the week, response from one of our readers:

    If I found out that the girl I want to marry was once a club girl, I will go ahead and marry her if she promised not to go back to “runs” again. So many things do lead most of our girls to clubbing. Again, ladies who are once harlots, when they marry, they are more faithful to their husbands because they have seen it all. I have seen it happen and they have been happily married. -Kevin

    Compatibility Chart:The score of 70 and above is a pass mark.

    •Is he/she your “friend”? [10]

    •Does your heart jump when you see or think about the person? [5]

    •Do you share the same feelings? I.e. Spiritually, Emotionally, or sexually.[10]

    •Do you share the same religious beliefs?[5]

    •Do you come from similar educational backgrounds?[10]

    •Do you come from similar family backgrounds?[5]

    •Do you like the person’s physical appearance?[5]

    •Do I prefer his/her an intellectual compared to their physical appearance?[10]

    •Do I like he/her regardless of appearance or intellectual?[10]

    •In a conversation do we share the same ideas, thoughts, or beliefs?[10]

    •Regardless of his/her previous social background do I still see yourself having a future with him/her?[10]

    •Do I see myself with him/her for the next 30, 40, or 50 years?[10]

    •Knowing that he/she is selfish or self- centered, do I still see myself spending a lifetime with such a person [10]

     

    How to identify selfish men before it’s too late.

    The way women are created is different from how men are created. When a woman is in love, she will do almost anything to please him, to include overlooking the obvious. In most instances, the obvious is that he is selfish as hell and he thinks that the world revolves around him. In his small mind he feels that it is a privilege for you to be with him. The crazy thing about this scenario is that you reinforce this thought process by continuing to overlook the obvious. He is really into himself which most men are! How many women have had men like this in the past or currently right now? The guy who expects so much of you and gives only what he wants in return? Generally, he will do anything for you only to get something in return. I am afraid most of you have a man like that now, and you probably have chosen to ignore it and overlook the obvious.

    Question:I am in a relationship with two guys right now;I like the both of them for different reasons. One is very rich and buys me anything I want but he is not good in bed. In fact, sometimes I believe that he doesn’t even like sex. The other guy is so good in bed that sometimes we are on it for about 2 or more hours when we have the chance. He is a civil servant and is unable to afford much of my needs. The problem now is that my parents are urging me to settle down and bring my future partner to them. Princess, please advise me on whom to choose. – Amiola, Apapa.

    Answer: Dear Amiola, I cannot choose your future husband for you, but I can advise and guide you on how to decide who is best for you. Choosing a partner has to do with character and sincerely. I have put up a compatibility chart, go through this chart and if either one of them score above 70%, I will say stay with that person. In a relationship, both sex and money are very important, but the most important ingredient that I know is love and a good communication skill from both partners. I wish you all the best. Princess

    Thought if the week:

    Would you marry a Muslim guy knowing full well that his religion allows more than one wife? Although he promised to be with you only, how would you feel if in the future he decided to take another wife and broke his promise?

    Question for the female, would you leave or stay with him?

    Question for the male, wanting to you keeps your promise to your wife but loving another woman outside of your marriage, would you forgo your outside love to satisfy the promise you made to your wife, regardless of what your religion says?

     

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Kenyan women to break glass ceiling in cabinet

    Kenyan women to break glass ceiling in cabinet

    KENYA’S nominees for cabinet secretary positions, which include an unprecedented number of women – six out of 18 – will undergo a gruelling public vetting process by the Parliamentary Committee on Appointments Thursday.

    Despite the appointments – which are yet to be confirmed – women’s rights organisations in this East African nation say President Uhuru Kenyatta’s new government must do more to seriously mainstream gender issues in the country.

    Kenyatta made history on Apr. 25, when he nominated the six women to the cabinet – the highest number the country has had since independence.

    The nominees include former diplomat Raychelle Omamo, who was proposed to head the sensitive Ministry of Defence, a docket which has never before been held by a woman.

    First woman to be nominated head of Kenya’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Credit: Brian Ngugi/IPS

    And Anne Waiguru, an economic and public policy expert, is expected to head the critical Ministry of Devolution and Planning, which will coordinate the implementation of Kenya’s new devolved system of government in 47 counties.

    Charity Ngilu, a former government minister, was nominated to head the Ministry of Land, Housing and Urban Development; Phyllis Kandie, an investment banker, was nominated to head the Ministry of East African Affairs, Commerce and Tourism; and Judy Wakhungu, a former associate professor of science, technology, and society at Pennsylvania State University, was tapped to head the Ministry of Environment, Water and National Resources.

    Earlier, on Apr. 23, Kenyatta and his Deputy William Ruto had announced the nomination of Amina Mohamed as the first woman to head the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

    Twenty-three men, including Kenya’s founding president, Jomo Kenyatta, have held this key post since 1963.

    But ahead of the vetting process, which will pave the way for the tabling of the list of nominees in parliament for debate, approval and subsequent confirmation, Maria Nzomo, the first Kenyan woman to obtain a Ph.D in political science and international studies, from Dalhousie University in Canada in 1981, told IPS that despite the historic appointments, women here still lag far behind men on a number of fronts.

    She said many of them continue to suffer from restricted access to health care, education, political participation and cultural life, as well as legal protection and economic opportunities.

    Consequently, Nzomo, who teaches at the Institute of Diplomacy and International Studies at the University of Nairobi, said the government must do more to address the plight of Kenyan women.

    “Women lack required skills, access to affordable credit or even better education, meaning therefore that they are perennially disadvantaged to men and can only survive by plying informal sector jobs,” she said.

    Her comments were echoed by Grace Mbugua, the executive director of Women’s Empowerment Link, a non-governmental national women rights organisation, who told IPS that empowering Kenyan women would take more than the nomination of the six women to the cabinet.

    “While we must say that we appreciate that President Kenyatta’s administration actually complied with the constitutional requirement regarding appointment of women in public offices, this is not the glass ceiling for Kenyan women and the state must do more if we are to bridge the gender gap in Kenya,” she said.

    The nominations mean that once the nominees to the 18-member cabinet are finally vetted and approved by parliament, the cabinet will meet the one-third gender threshold provided for in the Kenyan constitution as part of a principle of affirmative action.

    Article 81 (b) of the constitution provides that “not more than two-thirds of the members of elective public bodies shall be of the same gender.”

    The Kenya Supreme Court ruled in December 2012 that a constitutional provision calling for a mandatory one-third gender representation would not apply to the 2013 general elections but instead should be implemented progressively by August 2015.

    According to the World Bank’s annual World Development Report 2012, efforts at empowering women in developing countries like Kenya have over the years considerably paid off, yet despite achievements in the advancement of women’s rights and privileges, gender inequality gaps between men and women in key areas of society still persist.

    Highlighting this, Mbugua told IPS that the government must now create and implement mechanisms to bridge the existing gender inequalities.

    “It must for instance create the proper structures to encourage women in leadership through continually reforming laws surrounding elections to enable more women to participate fairly in elective politics and ascend to decision-making positions,” she said.

  • ‘My life and work as a safety engineer’

    ‘My life and work as a safety engineer’

    Antonia Beri who runs her our business as a safety consultant studied Chemical Engineering at the Howard University in the United States. She has practiced for 25 years working as a lead consultant and facilitator with basic training in safety instrumented systems. In this interview, she takes Bukola Afolabi into her world.

     

     

    WHILE in the US, Antonia Beri worked as a process engineer for MERCK SHARP & DOHM and MONSANTO CHEMICAL garnering skills in regulatory compliance, GMP and Root Cause Analysis, especially in the area of process design and safety. Prior to that, she was a consultant in help safety enviroment (HSE) with particular emphasis in process, manufacturing and environmental safety in several countries.

    Her vast experience spans different industrial areas like technical safety reviews and she has certification in the design and specification of Life and Fire Safety Systems in line with national fire protection association (NFPA) and British Standards (BS).

    You said you have been doing this for 25 years; how did you start and why did you decide to go into this area?

    As an engineer I worked in the United States for a while and I picked an interest in process safety and safety as a whole because I found out it was a mandatory aspect for all. In other words, there was no exception to that and you couldn’t justify against the standard. The bench mark were meant for people to follow so I was interested in how it helps both the community and the company in staying long time and being in harmony with each other.

    You studied in the United States and you started this in Nigeria. How many years ago was this?

    That was about 12 years ago

    So how is business going?

    Great! We are making progress, people are getting more educated about safety and they are eager to know the issues that affect them and their daily lives, in their family both at home and at work. So it is interesting to see the change in mind and the change in philosophy and watch how people think it is important to them. When we started out, not much value was given to that and people thought it was for a certain class or category of people. But day in, day out we are still educating the client and we are impressed at how people perceive it and how they see the value it has added to their lives.

    What are some of the challenges?

    Ignorance is the greatest challenge. We live in a very unsafe environment and we don’t appreciate the risk we are taking, so the greatest challenge is the mind. And the next one is the legislature and the operating system from the government. Yes the law might be there, but are they are enforced? They are not even practiced and so when you are talking to people about what their rights are they don’t even know their right and their merits. And even when they are violated (the big corporations are violating that), there is no enforcement from the government. We can actually say that in the last two years that there has been a change in both areas, especially in Lagos State.

    How can we make it more effective than this because Nigerians are not safety conscious and how do you want to get us more educated about these things?

    All of us go through a school system. I think the fundamental base of that is the educational system, imbibing these values as part of our educational culture which will actually ensure that the younger ones are informed. By the time a child goes home and informs the parents this is not safe or that we were told in school that this is not right, it can translate positively to the society at large. The other way of doing it is to go into the community during shows and during events and to talk to people about their safety because it is actually very affordable at the home level.

    It is about getting more people to know about it. The good thing is that as we are becoming a more enlightened society, in the sense of the growth in the middle class, people are beginning to know and ask for that. These days we have an influx of a lot of people from overseas who come to settle and they are used to certain things and they are beginning to ask if we can continuously work in educating the masses. We can make more progress because we are coming from top and from bottom and somewhere we would make it.

    You are moving from fire safety to environmental safety which is the rudimentary aspect of safety, why this slight change?

    This is because they work hand in hand. When you look at fire safety, if you are in a building, you already have a solution from that building that goes into that environment. They work hand in hand so what you are seeing is expanding the base and looking at safety in a holistic manner including fire safety, food safety, construction safety and environmental safety because they are intertwined and it is important that we bring in a holistic perspective so that we have a safer environment.

    What is the difference between environmental and fire safety?

    When you say safety, you are saying safety from harm that means you are still obtaining undesired events in your environment. Under safety, we now have different branches of safety. One is the environment which deals with the living and the non-living aspects of the environment. My environment for example is the air I breathe. So when you have air pollution, you are talking about environmental safety. If you have fire and the fire is burning somewhere, you are carrying the smoke over even though it is the genesis of the fire, the solution can actually cause suffocation. So you look at it holistically from that point. When we talk on that, the reason we focus more on it is that usually it is the most occurrence that you find even at homes. You know you just have a child who got burnt, you forgot to turn off the generator and it catches fire and all that.

    Sometimes you are even driving a car and you get into bump, how can we describe the experience and what should be done to victims?

    Unfortunately, the victims are usually the masses because in our society the privileged are almost able to afford anything. So in the case of an emergency they are usually evacuated, but the masses are at the receiving end. You just mentioned the case of driving, you are driving and you have a pot hole on the road, it is an unsafe environment and you can have an accident and die. I think the government should be held responsible because you are paying your taxes. The government should actually come in and take care of your family and offer compensation and take care of other things. You now find the dead bodies here and there, and the family is looking all over the place for the body for a befitting burial and they don’t even get that, they probably may not be able to locate it because we don’t even have an emergency response source to cater for this. So, unfortunately the masses are at the receiving end of all these negative consequences of an unsafe environment.

    What we are working with so far is telling. When we go into offices, we are talking to people about safety; we go into offices and talk with people who are already conscious and compliant, we try to educate them beyond their office boundaries. You don’t stay safe only at work; you stay safe for your kids. As a mother, I want to be safe for my kids more than my job because they need me more than the job. They can get somebody else to do my job but my kids can’t have another mother, so looking at it from that perspective and you are pushing it on a personal level for them to take it home.

    What do you think is the cause and how can we prevent it?

    It is very easy because it is preventable. In the first place, we build homes and 99.9 percent of them are well spaced. If I have to go and rent a flat, I will look at where the generator house is vis-a-vis where the apartment is, if it is too close, I’m not renting the flat. So what is that telling the landlord? When you are building your house, be conscious of where you are placing these things. In fact, in the design stage of most of our projects, we can actually design out a lot of unsafe conditions. The gas stand should stay away from the house, but in the average home it is under the cooking table; you are living with a danger.

    How can government make things better or implement policies in this area?

    At the inception, I spoke with the Lagos State Safety Commission and we are looking at building codes and standards and how to make them complaint with Lagos State. We are also working with different governments like Sokoto State and doing a proposal on what we can do in the sense that the safety for the governor at that point. When you now start working with key leaders in that light, you are actually helping protect them and further employ more. When you ask some the emergency number of Lagos State, it’s there and it works but I can assure you that as many as 85 to 90 percent of people don’t know. So the government is trying but we would have to work with the government.

    You are going to Ghana for an event. What is it all about?

    It is on environmental safety in the oil and gas industry. I know it is a very controversial issue, so what we are actually trying to preach there is how to prevent it. How to clean up. How to have an emergency response system so that it doesn’t affect it. The problem is if the government is speaking out of interest and the community is speaking out of interest, then the interest of the common person is not taken care of because none of these are common people.

  • From job seekers to beauty ambassadors

    From job seekers to beauty ambassadors

    AS they waited to be interviewed in the posh room of the Hotel Bon Voyage, Victoria Island, something stood them out – their enthusiasm and appreciation for a brand which has inspired them to get out of the ruins caused by unemployment by seeking a self-made life through signing up to be beauty ambassadors.

    These three graduates from reputable universities in Nigeria have gone from being job seekers to job creators for other young people in the society. Their inspiring stories is told through ‘100 Voices’, a platform created by House of Tara, a make-up and skin care company owed by Tara Fela-Durotoye to share their inspiring stories as torch bearers to the rest of the world.

    Olawale Durojaiye, Jessica Osayande and Aleema Kadiri are part of the 25 reps whose stories made the lists of the beauty reps sponsored in an all-expenses paid trips to Lagos where they were hosted to a celebrity status outing.

    Olawale Durojaiye, one of the few guys amongst the lots of ladies graduated from Lead City University with a degree in International Relations. Having made a promise to himself long ago that he was not going to work under anybody, he left for Ghana where he used to sell weavon to ladies. The terrain was not soft to tread as his experience later proved. “The Ghana sun was very harsh. I worked in the sun, approaching ladies to buy my wares and I often get embarrassed by disgruntled customers most of the time. My trip even appeared to be a dangerous mission looking at the risk involved as I often had to travel by road. By the time I came back to Nigeria, I was already looking for an alternative”, he confessed. The alternative came in a flash when he was driving around Ibadan and he saw the House of Tara make-up studio. Encouraged by a make-up he did on himself and the comments he got from friends when he used the picture as Display Picture on BBM, he signed up to be a beauty rep and make-up artist. Now he has his own studio and also does make-up services and sells other accessories. It was this unique selling point that made his story inspiring, thus becoming part of the 25 beauty reps whose stories were selected to be part of the project. Wale’s word of encouragement for other young people toing the path of survival is that hard work pays. “I had always said I will never work for anybody. I do my marketing myself and I am always coming up with different strategies”, the Ibadan-based beauty rep said.

    Jessica Osayande was a little bit hesitant before sending in her story; it was a surprise to her that she made the list of the chosen few. She describes her experience so far as a beauty rep for House of Tara as a voyage of discovery. “After I joined Tara in February 2012, I got a call in the mouth of March from a new private TV station in Benin. I went as a make-up artist but getting there, it was a different thing entirely, I was asked if I had worked in a TV station before because of my voice but I told them no. I told them I have gained confidence in the cause of my trade as a beauty rep.

    The department of History graduate of the University of Benin said that she had to resign from her TV job when the salary was not forth-coming and the tight schedule was affecting her business. She now works full time as a make-up artist and would be opening her studio in Benin City in a matter of days. According to her, her job as a beauty rep now pays her bill and she is giving back to the society by signing up five girls to learn the act under her tutelage.

    Speaking on the basis of her inspiration, she said, “I watched Tara once when she was giving a speech on empowering women and I felt very touched. Then after school when I couldn’t get a job, instead of sitting at home doing nothing, I signed up as a rep in House of Tara and here I am today. It has been a voyage of discovery for me because now I do not have to wait on any uncle or aunty to take care of my needs. I do not rely on anybody.”

    Aleema Kadiri used to be a gentle person, but that has changed now. “I meet new people every day in the course of my work and it has helped in no small way in boosting my confidence,” she declared. The beauty rep and make-up artist who also graduated from the University of Benin was also torn between the walls of confusion as to what to do with her life when she finished from school two years ago. She started with the belief that her dream job would be delivered to her on a platter of gold but later she woke up to the realisation that life does not end in a box, so she had to come out of her shell.

    As it happened, someone introduced her to House of Tara; she became a beauty rep and also attended a make-up school. After going through a period of her life when she had to search within for survival strategies, she now has this story to tell: “I hardly think about getting another job because each day if I decide to leave my house, I make a profit of about N5000 minimum, this is not to mention weekends when I go for special jobs.”

    She believes she is giving back to the society through her job. According to her, “by selling make-up you automatically boost the confidence of women because all women are beautiful but make-up only helps in enhancing the beauty”. Her message to other job seekers is that life does not end in a little box, “come out of your shell”, she urged other young people.

    Speaking on the rationale for the ‘100 Voices’ initiative, the business development manager of House of Tara, Omotola Adeniyi Martins said the initiative is a bigger platform about Tara’s beauty reps as women and men finding out what they do best. The inspiring stories of the sales rep would be published in coffee books which would be distributed across various embassies internationally.

  • Prized possession becomes fragment

    IT was a very cold evening and the rain was still threatening to do more havoc. She had a date to keep and the weather made it look like an impossible mission. How can it be raining cats and dogs when she had to catch this emotional fish? Then the wind came once more and a flower vase which she cherished so much fell and broke into fragments. Some bad omen….She rushed towards it, picked the fragments, wishing she could glue the parts together again. This was a great gift that she had kept and cherished for so long and it was a painful loss indeed.

    Unfortunately, for our dear friend, a few fragments were missing and even if she found every piece, it would certainly be difficult to make this prized possession the same again. Just while she was busy fidgeting with the fragmented vase, a call came in and she quickly grabbed the phone. Good news? Well, for a few moments it was a great relief, indeed. It was great to hear the voice of her dear prince charming, the guy who has captured her heart. Has she captured this golden fish for life or are there some other contenders or pretenders to this emotional throne?

    “Hello Dave, how are you doing? I am ready and it looks like we are running late my darling.” The response on the line was obviously not too good and Sophia’s heart sank. The story was that he had an emergency to attend to and they would have to postpone the outing she had ‘over prepared’ for. Frustration and anger are two accomplices that would either let you know your status in a relation or push you off the edge of an emotional cliff. This interestingly was what happened in the case of our dear friend here.

    “Dave, do you think I am a baby? Do you think I do not know when somebody is making me a fool? If you think I am not important, then you should just hold on to the other person who you consider to be more important than I am.” She went on and on, and it was obvious that this babe was sitting on an emotional time bomb.

    Was this dude remorseful? Far from it! He was either tired of playing this hide-and-seek game or he was never really interested in the first place. “My dear, I guess if you cannot understand that I have other priorities to attend to, then I am not sure that we can flow together. I do not want someone who would give me hypertension and kill me before my time. I must say it was nice knowing you. Good bye.” A staccato of emotional bombs kept flying to and fro and it was obvious that they had come to the end of the road. The era of emotional pretence and lies were over and it was time to start stepping in new emotional waters.

    Now, knowing how most men think or not understanding how men talk about women and relationships often leads to an emotional disaster. If you talk to a number of people about their relationships then you would realise that this is usually where most of the misunderstandings come from. Both the “red flags” and the greatest positive indicators have to do with the same thing in men’s minds. You would also discover that the way a woman feels, reacts to, and communicates her own feelings and emotions is the greatest “make or break” place in a man’s mind.

    If a man feels attracted to a woman, enjoys being with her, and they’re spending a lot of amazing time together then she must be playing her part in the emotional bargain very well. However, the truth is that no matter how good you are, you need to also prepare yourself for the ‘bad times’ too.

    This is important because there’s going to be a situation that would come up along the line where you and your prince will see something differently and misunderstand each other. There might also be a time where a man does something that hurts your feelings, or shows that he isn’t thinking about you and your feelings.

    You need to understand how to manage such moments. Learn how to respond to emotional challenges, disappointments and emotional blackmail. You also need to ask yourself questions like how you share your feelings when at an emotional crossroads. Will you share with him in a way that will inspire and encourage him to open up to the fact that he might have done something wrong?

    Or will you share in a way that he’ll receive as blame or criticism? (Both of which will encourage a man to either feel angry or withdraw). The difference in these 2 choices of how you as a woman respond has everything to do with how you deal with and handle the emotions you have inside yourself. Do you have the patience and maturity to take the time to get in touch with your own feelings as you’re feeling them, and communicate from a place of positive intention? Or do you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, to where they control you.

  • ‘Leadership is about handling pressure’

    ‘Leadership is about handling pressure’

    Ndidi Nwuneli is the initiator of LEAP Africa, director, Sahel Capital and the co-founder of ACCE Foods. Yetunde Oladeinde had an encounter with the social entrepreneur at this year’s edition of the annual Oye Women’s Conference which took place at the Metropolitan Club in Lagos last week.

     

    THERE are a number of female entrepreneurs who run small and medium scale businesses all over the country today. However, a number of these women are just struggling to survive and make ends meet like their male counterparts. Ndidi Nwuneli talks about some of the challenges as well as how women can network and conquer the business scene.

    She said: “Women work so hard and sometimes you wonder what gives them so much energy. When they are passionate about something, they work all day and night to make it succeed. Unfortunately, most women don’t like to work together. Usually, I ask a number of women why this is so. Is it a trust thing? The truth is that as a lone ranger, you can’t go far.”

    One challenge that women face, Nwuneli noted, is the fact that women have so many talents. “They can do so many things at the same time. Sometimes, I tell them to write out everything they do to find out how passionate they are about these things. You need to constantly ask questions like, ‘Does it give me energy for risk or does it give me for joy?’”

    She continued: “Most times, you find the ability to take risk and have everybody around you. The truth is that whether you make money or not you have to pay their salaries. Sometimes, we try to debrief them by blind-folding them to get a feel of what it would be like in real life. When we did this we realise that some of them don’t like to be blind- folded.”

    Personally, Nwuneli says she prefers to be in charge and help others discover and rediscover themselves. “Leadership also depends on how you handle pressure; some people handle pressure well while others do not. It also depends on how much value you place on a particular thing. For some women, it could be their work or career while for others it is the children and husband. So you have to figure out where the other competing priorities are.”

    LEAP focuses on helping young people discover their talents and how to leave a legacy behind. “I started LEAP because I was angry with the state of affairs. We had trained about 20,000 people directly and about 200,000 people indirectly. Interestingly, we measure impact not by numbers but what we do especially through our leadership and ethics programmes. I like to start things and not end them and so we have had two successions at LEAP, giving others the opportunity to be who they want to be.”

    Success in business, Nwunelis explained, is about a gap you want to fill. “This is the time of life where they need to figure out who you are, whether you want to fit in and find out what problems you want to solve. In our society, what you see is people going into a particular business because someone is doing it. Most times, they do not find out the challenges the other person has passed through. A successful business is one that constantly innovates and develops new strategies.”

    The amazon runs a food processing business with her husband and the value statement was a company by Africans for Africans. “Starting ACCE Foods was propelled by passion and a sense of urgency. Whenever we travelled out of the country, we found that the food we buy is one third of the price of food in Nigeria. The price of food is astronomical and we import over 90 per cent of what we consume.

    “We wanted to show that we could do it. We wanted to do things differently. Most companies have Chinese, Lebanese and other foreigners as managers. Now, we are onto the third production manager because we want the best for the company. So, there is an important issue around choice.”

    The process, Nwuneli informs, involves understanding the nature of the competitive landscape, identifying strategic options and then evaluating and making choices. “Most of the foods produced in Nigeria is organic and about one per cent is affected by pesticides while a few use fertilisers. So there is an advantage because this is one of the few places in the world where you can have organic food.

    “For someone going into tomato cultivation, this is lucrative at the moment. It is only the cherry tomatoes that are being imported now, unlike what we had in the past. Paste, however, is huge substitutes and it is very cheap, it is imported and they just pack it. Land does not also pose a big problem for agric business because in Epe you can get land to rent for farming with about N15, 000 a year.”

    Nwuneli adds: “Some state governments also give space to encourage farming. However, if you want to start an airline business it is not so easy. This is relative to space, getting the license and you would need a lot of capital here. Oftentimes, women focus more on the product and forget about the other part of the strategy. It is good but it is better to keep your eyes on the line.”

    She also stressed the need to build companies that would outlive their owners. “How many women have companies that have a board? If a company is about a person, what happens if she falls sick for a month? But if you have a board you would be taken seriously. Having a board is a prerequisite for funding. You need a strong board that is credible. In return, the board would feel honoured in helping us shape the future. Don’t fill your board with friends; it is better to make use of people you respect and those who have value to add.”

    Stressing the need to have mentors and critics on board, Nwuneli adds: “It is better to have people who can tell you when you mess up. You can’t do it alone. You also need champions, prayer partners who can push you. We need to keep our best hands, people with exceptional character because character is important. We can help them to become market leaders. Unfortunately, we live in an environment where the issue of integrity comes up every day. Your relationship with others, their superior knowledge, intuition and vision are important. Taking decisions and admitting mistakes also make us human.”

    It is also pertinent to think about a succession plan from the first day. “Life expectancy now is 47, and for women it is a little higher, say 49. So you can see that a lot of people are living on borrowed time. We also need to differentiate between management and leadership. We also need to change our mindset and stop working for free. They need to pay for your services and as women we need to be discipline when it comes to money.”

    Touching lives and leaving a positive legacy, she believes, is more important than fame. “I went to a US website and they have all the tricks in products that are substandard. These includes some coloured and contaminated spices that include corn starch, dye and extracts. Everyday people are dying and half of the problem is from the food consumed. All of us owe it to ourselves to leave a legacy of excellence. When I hear what people who have passed through me have achieved, it makes me very happy. It is not about you but what you are called to do. St Francis of Assisi said it’s no use walking anywhere to preach unless you are preaching in your walking. ”

  • ‘You must carve a niche for yourself to succeed’

    Feyi Sowunmi is in charge at Oreola Pure Silk, a company where exclusive silk beddings, pillows and other accessories are produced. She spoke to Yetunde Oladeinde about the challenges and other products in the stable of the business as well as the prospect of the soft furnishing business in Nigeria. 

     

     

    SO, what is unique about your company?

    We are Oreola Pure Silk and we do silk beddings. Everything that you find here is made of silk from the sheets to duvet, pillows and some other unique products. They are a luxury brand and so we make sure that what you get is unique and exclusive.

    Silk is a fibrous fabric first developed in ancient China as early as 3500 BC. It has many luxurious properties, which in the past meant that it was only reserved for Kings of

    China for personal use and gifts to others. Being one of the strongest natural fibres in the world, it has natural proteins and amino acids that nourish the hair and skin.

    Oreola’s collection of beautifully crafted products is made of 100% pure mulberry silk. The range consists of silk beddings, silk blankets, silk mattress toppers, silk-filled pillows and silk-filled duvets. The pillows and duvets are filled with grade A strands of highly breathable silk which helps regulate body temperature. It keeps you warm when it’s cold and cool when it’s hot. Oreola’s silk bedding is also exceptionally beneficial to energy and eczema sufferers, thanks to its amazing hypoallergenic properties.

    Why did you settle for silk?

    The idea was to have something luxurious to sleep in and it became a very interesting option. In business, you need to carve a niche for yourself. We did a survey and realised that some people like to sleep in cotton while others opted for silk. So we discovered that silk was actually a luxurious brand.

    What has been the acceptance rate?

    Funny enough, I would say that it has been widely accepted. It doesn’t make you sweat like cotton at night. It breathes well. We also have the cotton and silk mix too.

    Where do you source your materials?

    We get our source of silk from China, where it is made. Cotton is made in the United Kingdom and we have a partner in the UK who makes all the stuff. The fact that it is a luxury thing makes the silk product on the high side. However, I must say that everything else is affordable. Essentially, the products are for those who love luxury.

    What other areas are you looking at?

    Right now, we are going into scents and we have a range of interesting and exciting candles in our collection. From candles we have products for bath and body work. We also have scarves and shawls that are really interesting and exciting. Items that make great fashion statements when you combine with other accessories; we sell gifts, cards and handle weddings. We get referrals from others and those who want to register for their own weddings can do so.

    Is it true that one area that a lot of young people have carved a niche for themselves these days is soft furnishing?

    Yes, you are right. It is a business that makes you independent and if you are good you can make a great impact in a short while. “Soft furnishings” are any piece of furniture that is upholstered over padding, filling or stuffing such as foam, foam chips, polyester filling. The upholstery may be fabric, leather or even vinyl. The piece of furniture may be a chair, sofa, ottoman, stool, whatever, but it would be padded or stuffed and upholstered.

    It also includes large floor pillows, even though they have no framing involved. Curtains and quilts are decorative accessories, not furnishings. The definition of soft furnishings usually pertains to pieces you sit on, lie on, and put your feet up on.

    Soft furnishing involves a lot of creativity. Experts would tell you that it is the art and science of beautifying a space to enhance both the aesthetic and functional uses of that space. In other words, your décor would not be complete without soft furnishing.

    It adds beauty, colour and class to the office, home or any space that you want to beautify.

    Interior design and style means different things to different people. How do you achieve this balance in your designs, products and services?

    For me, style means a personal interpretation of harmony and beauty. There should be a personal touch to what you wear, your environment and the image that you want to project. It is one’s projection of what one considers appropriate, comfortable or suitable. It complements a person’s inner self. It is what is inside that shows outside”.

    What are some of the challenges for small businesses in the country?

    For a lot of entrepreneurs getting the right personnel is a big challenge. You also need to get your clients and customer to accept your brand. I would say this is a challenge because a lot of people cannot believe that this can be done, let alone be done by a Nigerian.

    What advice do you have for young people who are still searching for white collar jobs?

    It is painful to find young people who are graduates without jobs. Their problem is our problem; you can’t put fire on top of the roof and go to sleep. I think that a lot of young people have to rediscover themselves in the face of such challenges. It is not everything that you are taught in the university. What you are taught in the university is just the idea.

  • Leadership anchored on chastity

    Leadership anchored on chastity

    AISHAT Abdulkareem Adekunle is a medical doctor with the State Hospital, Oyo, Oyo State. She is also the wife of the Caretaker Chairman, Oyo-East Local Government, Alhaji Adekunle Adegboye. The amazon recently spoke at a well-attended Women Forum on the indispensability of women in the home and factors militating against their leadership roles.

    Adekunle portrays women as “strength without fuss, full of forces without fuss, making things happen without drawing much attention, and with forces, though unnoticed, but move through long distances producing much work.”

    She stated that any woman wishing to be successful in exercising her leadership role in the home must be prepared to anchor it on chastity, purity, and absolute submission to her husband.

    “Several women are selfish especially those from wealthy families. This category of women is still influenced by their family background. This makes them arrogant in their new homes. Bad company equally contributes to the factors militating against women’s leadership roles. Some try to import what is obtainable in another home to their own homes. Such women forget that each family is unique and independent.”

    According to her, “the real beauty of a woman is in the spirit. Money cannot buy it. It is far above rubies. It is not in the wardrobe. Woman, your beauty is natural. If you have lost your self-esteem, dignity or worth, it can only be retrieved spiritually. A wife of noble character enjoys her husband’s full confidence and lacks nothing of value.”

    Women, the medical practitioner pointed out, will, therefore, have to boycott the company of talkatives outside and go back home to have fellowship with their children, adding that society is banking on women.

    “It takes more than good looks, beautiful dressings and elaborate hairdo to be a wife. It is a responsibility; it is a labour, it is indeed a commitment. If husbands are to be what they are naturally destined to be, wives have a lot to do quietly and conscientiously.”

    Dr. Adekunle, however, lamented that it is worth noting that many women today do not stay at home to fully carry out their responsibilities, adding that this is due largely to their careers.

    She said: “Thus, youths take the opportunity of their absence to engage in bad habits. These women fail in the training and discipline of their children because of their absence from home. When this is the case, some children see their mothers as being wicked and uncaring. When children become criminals, mothers must have contributed to it. Moreover, some women have made themselves “Queens”. They have left the business of cooking for their husbands and children to maids. The maids soon overthrow these “Queens”, wrecking their marriages and ruining their children. The short cut to a man’s heart is through his belly. As soon as a maid takes over any man’s belly, she has gained his heart. Do not ask how it happened if the maid becomes pregnant.”

  • When it’s a scary prospect

    HER mind was in turmoil and she just could not sleep. Steven, why did you do this to yourself? This was the best guy that she ever dated and it’s painful that he also did not make it. Yes, nobody came close to him in terms of the good times spent together. Then it all looked like there was prospect and just when she thought of wrapping up all the fragments of her life around him, a can of worms tore them apart. “I started seeing a change of attitude and I became very confused. A friend then confided in me and told me that he was on drugs. I couldn’t believe it and I decided to confront him with the piece of information.”

    So, how did it go? “Surprisingly, he was not ready to open up. For the very first time, I saw him getting angry and wild. From that point, I did not need anyone to tell me it was true and my heart began to sink. How and why did he allow himself to get into this kind of mess? A few weeks after he had a quarrel with a friend and he beat the guy to a state of coma. He ran away and a few months after Steven called to inform me that he had travelled out. He also told me not to look for him or wait for him. It was over.”

    Yes, it’s obvious that they could never flow together again. He would definitely be uncomfortable with the fact that I knew he needed help. It took some months for the news to sink in, then suddenly the blanket realisation that it was all over swept over her. Perhaps, it was better it happened at that point because she just could not put the pieces together immediately. Sadly, she had been robbed of yet another emotional opportunity.

    Memories of some of the happy moments shared filled her heart and it was as if he was still there; his ever-smiling face, chubby cheeks, sexy eyeballs and rich tenor voice. Oh no! Where is she going to start from now? How come she didn’t suspect that something was going on? Just before her romance with Steven, she had a nasty experience with a guy who was not comfortable with her success and she knew that she wasn’t going to fly with him. Luckily, or was it unluckily, she met Steven who encouraged her and was an easy-going fellow. But now that they had come to the end of the road, she was scared of starting another relationship again.

    When the emotional matter is more than a fling, then you would discover that a lot of women who are busy, successful and inspiring, sometimes have issues with the guys in their lives. A number of these women actually have men who are intimidated by them and their successes crossing their paths. The reality is that Real Men don’t mind if a woman has a great career, or if she makes more money than they do.

    So what is the big deal? Can being successful reduce the amount of emotional current you dish out? Of course, that isn’t true and it is important to stress that what matters is that the woman still has space in her heart for a great relationship. Nothing actually stops her from your dream woman and all you need to do to reap from her emotional vibes is to make yourself available.

    Like women, there are different kinds of men. While you have great guys, you also have those who just cannot put their act together. Experts believe that Real Men are mature and grounded on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. They might not have everything they want in their life but they are on a great path and open to growing on a deeply personal level.

    The opposite of a Real Man is a Boy. A Boy will become uncomfortable when he gets too close to his own emotions, or too close to a woman who truly sees him inside and out, for better and worse. A man knows who he is will listen, learn, and communicate even when he sees or senses that the woman in his life is unhappy or disapproving of something about him or his actions. The things that will make a Real Man appreciate and admire a woman are often things that a “lesser” man would be annoyed, frustrated, or put off by.

    So, the big question we need to ask ourselves is what does a Real Man look for in his woman? Well, a Real Man certainly would be looking out for a total woman, someone who is a playful. This is something that drives men wild and invites them into a deeper level of “connection” and bonding with a woman faster than plain old talk about feelings and experiences. Men were raised to express themselves and connect with those around them through action.

    For men, teasing is a universal way of bonding and communicating that is like an unspoken language that all men speak. Some women feel uncomfortable with teasing or making fun of a man. But for men, it’s again another way they connect socially. The funny part is, the more you can tease a man and have him laughing and wanting you to be serious for a minute… the more he’s going to be wanting to get close to you and know you better. A Real Man also wants a woman who is independent.

    Unfortunately, lots of women mistakenly believe that men are looking for a “weaker” woman who will make them feel like they are stronger, smarter and more powerful. Men who have their own lives are not looking up to a woman to validate their lives. Neither are they searching for a woman who they can “overpower” so that they feel better about themselves.