Category: Pillow Talk

A brand new pair of shoes, wrist watch anda bag can really be a delight. It would surely look good and you just want to hold onto it forever. But as the days, months and years roll by, the feeling changes. It’s either you still have some feelings towards this treasure or you want to give it out and need a replacement. Interestingly, this also happens to our emotional treasures too. When you first fell in love with that prince charming, you couldn’t take your eyes off the dude. You must have had sleepless nights thinking about him, but gradually the degree of emotions has fallen from the love heights you used to share together. Now, as we test your heart for romantic vibes, it’s almost zero.

Romance is essential and you need to make it work. It can be maintained by bringing in things that you know that your partner cherishes to bring back the memories.Candlelight, compliments, romantic bubble baths, showers, and romantic dinners are great ideas.You can keep your emotional flag flying at a great altitude if you inject a little romance into some of the things you do and some of the places you go.

That is why the foundation you lay for the relationship is very important. You need to discuss and plan for the future of your dream. This can be done during courtship or during a specially packaged honeymoon.Even though the tradition of a honeymoon following nuptials has changed from its original meaning, it still has a wonderful role to play.

Northern European history describes the abduction of a bride from a neighbouring village. It was imperative that the abductor, the husband-to-be, takes his bride-to-be into hiding for period of time. His friends assured his and her safe keeping and kept their whereabouts unknown. Once the bride’s family gave up their search, the bride groom returned to his people. This folkloric explanation presumably is the origin of today’s honeymoon, for its original meaning meant hiding.

The Scandinavian word for honeymoon is derived, in part, from an ancient Northern European custom in which newlyweds, for the first month of their married life, drank a daily cup of honeyed wine called mead. The ancient practices of kidnapping the bride and drinking the honeyed wine date back to the history of Atilla, king of the Asiatic Huns.

So that leaves us with the question of where the “moon” in the word “honeymoon” originates from. One piece of folklore relates that the origin of the word moon comes from a cynical inference. To the Northern Europeans the term referred to the body’s monthly cycle and, its combination with honey, suggested that not all “moons” of married life were as sweet as the first.

For many, this certainly should be a happy, peaceful time for lovebirds to relax and celebrate the new union. Unfortunately, we also find a number of stories where honeymoon vacations have resulted in horrifying tragedies affecting one or the two lovebirds.

Unfortunately, this was not the case for Shrien and Anni Dewani. Instead of the romantic happy ever ending scenario, it’s been tales of honeymoon murder and demands for extradition of the culprit by the family of the one that was killed. Here, an Indian origin businessman, Shrien, is accused of plotting the murder of his wife during their honeymoon.

Anni Dewani was shot when a taxi in which the couple were travelling was hijacked in the Gugulethu township near Cape Town. She was found dead in the back of the abandoned vehicle with a bullet wound to the neck. Dewani and the driver were said to have been ejected from the car before Anni was driven away and killed.

Why would this 33-year-old plot to kill his Swedish-born Indian wife in South Africa? Did he suddenly discover that he did not really love her? Or could it be that he suddenly ran into an old flame and thought it was better to extinguish this new flame instead?

On his part, Shrien has denied any involvement in his wife’s murder and was seeking to delay his extradition on account of his mental health. So, he has been excused from appearing in court, having been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and depression. Now that the drums of justice to avenge this injustice have been heard, the man runs for cover with the ‘insanity excuse’. He is to be extradited from Britain to South Africa to stand trial.

This love story, unfortunately, contrasts sharply with the next story yours truly ran into recently. Surprisingly, the second story is about two oldies trapped in the love nest and happy to be emotionally tied together for so long. Instead of looking for faults, getting tired of the other and complaining about wrinkles and fat in odd places, they showed love to each other in mega doses till the end. A California couple born on the same day and were married for 75years recently died one day apart. Helen and Les Brown died on July 16 and 17 respectively both at the age of 94.

For those who had a close encounter with them as well as monitored their relationship, theirs was always described as ‘a wonderful blessing”. They were full of love and passion. The couple who shared the same birthday of December 13, 1918 actually eloped in 1937 after they met in high school.

That was not all there was to the quintessential romance. They were also fun-loving and beautiful people. This confirmation was made by their eldest son, Les Brown junior, who sums it all this way: “It was a real love match. They were together every day for 75 years.”

SEUN had been in a relationship with Bidemi for about two years. It was fun all the way. She was actually his type of girl and the courtship period has been very interesting. She had a great heart, a smiling face, as well as a promising future. Everything fell into place for them pleasantly and his desire was to settle down with her as soon as possible.

The babe in question was younger and she still wanted to play around a little. “Each time I tried to get a commitment from her, she diverted the discussion telling me about her plans to go back to school for her masters.”

Would she say yes or no? It was at this point that he ran into Kikelomo in a restaurant and, somehow, she also fit into the picture of a dream girl. However, the first choice was Bidemi dearest, but it was better to have an alternative. So, he kept Kikelomo by the side; this was going to be the emotional joke, just in case Bidemi messes up.

On her part, Kike had a swell time along the emotional corridor. It was as if she had never fallen in love before and Seun swept her off her feet in a short while. Dreamer! She did not know that she was just a spare part, useful only when option A (Bidemi) fails. Unfortunately for her, Bidemi got wind of the emotional duplicate and she quickly closed the affection gaps. It must have been love but it was over and Kikelomo was left in the lurch. She had actually been on the back burner all this while and she just had to move on with the pieces.

 Romantically speaking, however, you need to ask yourself some pertinent questions to be sure that your emotions are directed in the right direction.  You need to be sure about the part of the hook that you are hanging on. Are you having a firm grip on the heart you desire or are you just on the edge clinging desperately for attention from someone whose heart is firmly rooted elsewhere?

Interestingly, there are signs and symptoms to show that you are on the back burner in a relationship.  “I can’t be with you … right now” is a phrase that elusive hearts keep using to string hearts together just in case they run into emotional trouble elsewhere.

Here you get phrases like ‘you shouldn’t keep all your eggs in one basket.’ So, smart hearts try to leave the emotional door cracked open for a willing or desperate heart to explore. Of course, there is the vague possibility of a relationship someday.

Could this be a fair emotional deal? Not really! However, the crux of the matter is that the emotional terrain sometimes is not fair to all. So, some just manage to play along hoping to win by the sides or from the back. This, naturally, does not make the hearts look very good. This adventurous zone is about the survival of the fittest and the hearts concerned are busy keeping track of and keeping in touch with alternative romantic prospects synonymous with a lot of humans.

A recent study published in Computers in Human Behaviour dubs these interactions “backburner relationships.” A backburner, as defined by the study, is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication, in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement.”

The lead study author, Jayson Dibble, an assistant professor of communication, states that “What originally inspired me to think about this is when you meet somebody at a club and trade numbers, you might go through your contacts [later] and say ‘Oh I remember that guy. I might zing him a note and see how he’s doing … It was inspired by my old days in grad school.”

The communication is key here. A backburner is not just someone who wanders into your thoughts every once in a while—the college sweetheart whose Facebook photos you occasionally browse, or the cute friend-of-a-friend you met on vacation and have always thought you’d really click with, if you lived in the same city. These “what-ifs” only become backburners if you actually reach out to them.

Dibble notes that sometimes backburners know they’re backburners and sometimes they don’t. I suppose it depends on whether the communication in question is more artful than a “hey, what’s up?” text sent at 1 a.m.

There are a couple of competing evolutionary imperatives at play when it comes to keeping people on the backburner. On the one hand, it makes a certain primal sense to explore all the potential mates available, to be sure to get the best deal. But having one long-term partner helps offspring survive, in the rough-and-tumble caveman world often invoked by evolutionary psychology.

So, commitment provides benefits, in exchange for letting go of other possibilities -the would have been, the could have been or the should have been. According to the investment model of relationships, people who have invested more resources—time, energy, money—into a relationship should be more committed to it, and alternative partners should seem less attractive.

THE sore on her left arm was healing already but it was itching. A little scratch here and there appears to be soothing. Just while she was feeling relieved, it got painful and was bleeding profusely. For a lot of people, if the wound itches the tendency is to scratch. Unfortunately, scratching is bad for the healing process. The pain from that old wound reminds her of the emotional wound that she was nursing at the moment.

For a long time, Nkiru’s desire was to have a good relationship and have the best from the emotional world. That proved abortive and right from school it was tough getting a heart that would melt naturally into hers. Disappointed with the emotional trial and errors that came her way, she finally left school and went for her national service in Enugu.

Service year was sweet, filled with passionate memories and it was at the peak of it all that she met Chidi. Everything fell in place and it looked like nothing was ever going to change her love for him. “We went everywhere together, laughed around and played like little children. We just could not hide anything from each other and it looked like this was romance made in heaven. As the days went by, I also discovered that we shared so many things in common and never quarrelled for a day.”

Then they got to the point where it was important to seal the emotional deal and get things done formally. Nkiru had also chosen a bridal gown design and a number of other plans were in the pipeline. That naturally should have been the best moments in her life but somehow the unexpected happened. Chidi gave her a call and told her that they could not continue with plans for the marriage. Reason: “My father has insisted that I must not marry a Yoruba girl. My mother tried her best to convince him but he remains adamant. Unfortunately, I respect my father so much and I cannot go against his wish. I actually need his blessings for the marriage to be a success.”

The news hit her like a hammer. It left her dazed for days and even weeks. During this period, she kept hoping that things would change and her dear Chidi would come back to her and say it was all a dream. He didn’t. In the midst of that emotional confusion, she fell ill and went to the hospital. Here the doctor revealed that Nkiru was expecting a baby for Chidi. She called him to tell him about the news and the response was even more devastating than the first experience.

“You must be dreaming. Your plan is to tie me down against my wish. I am sorry, it won’t work. It is over and you can do whatever you like with the baby.” Nkiru decided to keep the baby, while Chidi vanished into thin air. It was tough but luckily her mother and friend, Dorcas, stood by her. After that experience, she became very hard on all the guys that came her way. She went back to school and had two masters and went on to pursue her PhD. On the job, she was flying really high and she had many suitors on her trail. As far as she was concerned, they were all inconsequential. He son, Donald, was doing very well in school and he was the apple of her eyes. She loved him so much while the boy adored his mum.

Life for Nkiru was complete but somehow friends and family would not let her be. The song on their lips was, “Nkiru you need a man in your life.” She finally found Tade, an Accountant who attended the same church with her. To her utmost surprise, he had never been married too. He had a good family pedigree and was very simple. His two sisters were also very wonderful and in a short while the wedding bell rang.

The two of them had been emotional victims with wounds inflicted by hearts they once loved. It was therefore a turning point and the emotional wounds of the past began to heal. About two years after the marriage, Nkiru had a daughter for Tade, but somehow she began to notice something strange about her man. He had mood swings and there are times that he gets so agitated and violent. He managed to cope but the major casualty was her son, Donald. Her husband and her son just did not get along and it made her really sad.

One morning, they argued over something and Tade smashed the windscreen of the car the boy was going to take out. Nkiru quickly got out of bed to intervene and he smashed her head with a big stick. It was after this experience that one of Tade’s sisters opened up telling her that he suffered from depression when his former girlfriend deserted him. At this point, he was sad and remorseful. This was really dangerous but she just could not abandon her Tade now. He needs her more than ever; after all the agreement was till death do them part. Donald would go and stay with her mum so that Tade could have more attention.

To be or not to be? That obviously is the question you ask yourself when you want to go into a new venture, a relationship or a career path. First, you need the conviction to go on because that would be the foundation on which so many other things would be laid.

Once you are sure that you are on the right path, and then it would be smooth sail. But if for some reasons you just cannot find a good answer to your question or questions, then you may be at the crossroads.

This scenario also plays itself out in our relationships. Most times, a lot of lovebirds are at affection’s crossroads. Yes, you admire someone very well but there are some unanswered questions.

This is exactly the stage in which Lauretta is at the moment. She has a crush for this guy but there are so many odds against the survival of that relationship. Should she forget this dream or pursue her heart’s desire and damn all the other consequences? Somehow, she decided to be a dreamer and the dream came with memories of gains and pains.

Scroll down memory lane and you find her recalling some of the happy moments.

It started on a bright afternoon at a Lagos registry with some friends. Wedding bells were certainly ringing in style here and in a couple of minutes these lucky hearts were tied together and admonished to live happily together forever. They were happy for a while but it was not forever.

Riveting in your mind are questions about the real status of lovebirds. Are they truly in love? Would they be ready to make the necessary sacrifices required to make it to the end? Or could this just be a public show of affection, a show that would likely come to an abrupt end?

Well, the truth of the matter is that it takes only two hearts to determine how far they are going to go in a particular relationship. It can be a continuous marathon love race if they are both sincere, determined and have the same emotional dreams about the future.

Even though you just couldn’t take a look at the different hearts to know exactly what they are thinking or imagining, you realise that this lucky fellows have finally scaled the first hurdle.

Also at another registry recently, you find Kate and Henry hanging onto one another so passionately. They walked out of the registry smiling and smiling.  The photographer clicks on and on, trying to keep the memories for posterity. Images they could turn to and remember the very beginning. Images children from the union are likely to laugh about pass the usual comments and compare notes.

Apart from the smiles, there was nothing really interesting about the new couple. They looked so different in outlook and you wonder if they were really meant for each other or was it one of those arrangements? All this may not really count; the most important thing is if the hearts were united.

United in love forever. They are not alone. It’s D-day and 12 marriages have been fixed and everyone is eager to sign the dotted lines. Take a deep look into the crystal ball and you find gaps in different areas of their lives. These include age disparity, height, weight, class and dress code.

Anyway, what has age got to do with love? It is just a number and it does not guarantee whether a relationship is going to work or not. If you have two people who are both in the same age bracket, you would expect them to share certain things in common. Interestingly, this does not guarantee the success of their relationship; there was some other cogent reason to hold on to one another in love.

Also, when you we talk about the height of the couple, you can also imagine what people dream about or desire. Women naturally would want a guy who is taller than they are whilst the prince charming would prefer same height or slightly shorter than he is. But the truth of the matter is that all these grand rules of affection have been broken and replaced with other reasons based on the expectations of the lovebirds. It is always important to weigh the options and select what would be best for you. It is not about sympathy, you must make sure that you are going to fit in and enjoy this new beginning.

When you finally make up your mind, then you are in charge. If this is not the case, then we can say that you have been boxed into an emotional corner. It is not the best because you are going to be complaining and grumbling all the time.

So it is better to cross check and be sure that you have played the right game; you need to be sure that you heart beat is chanting the right love anthem and this would help to reconcile your love account.

But if the love pendulum is not balanced, then the lovebirds need make use of the positive love currents to get back on track. It is a very pertinent stage and you must be sure that it is what you really want.

For all you know, it may just be mere infatuation, something that would only carry on for months or a few years. When it lapses, you may just want to run away. However, the truth of the matter is that you would have created a big vacuum, a vacuum nothing or nobody can ever fill again.

CAN two broken hearts melt into one? Yes, sometimes to ‘cracking’ hearts can be resuscitated and you could have something that would last forever. A lot of people who have suffered heartaches can still find their missing ribs, if only they look around carefully. Naturally, their emotions have been blown with the winds and they are just managing to hang on. But from this emotional valley, it is still possible to move out and rediscover something new and adorable.

 This can only happen when the new bird is sincere and willing to flow with you. Interestingly, this is the situation Noami is experiencing at the moment and she is happy that she allowed her heart to step out of the ‘box’. At a distance, Naomi seemed to have the worlds in her pocket. Friends and neighbours admired and held her in high esteem because of her rare qualities. She was beautiful in and out. A pretty face, great physique and a large heart. Yet, there was just one snag: there was no Romeo in sight. And so everyone made it his or her business to be a great matchmaker just to find our dear friend a Mr. Right.

“It wasn’t as if I never really found a guy I loved or admired. Unfortunately, he died three months to our wedding. That was a fatal emotional blow, one that I never really recovered from. It actually took me a long while before I started picking the bits and pieces together because my world crumbled at that point.”

He must have been a wonderful guy, the type that you wish to spend a lifetime with. “Yes, he was a rare personality and he transformed my life while we were together. When I got the news from his younger sister I was shocked.”

She kept on wishing it was all a dream and that someone was going to wake her up from this emotional slumber. “Most times I kept on talking to myself and tell me that it wasn’t true.” Sadly, that never happened and the poor lady’s heart kept on sinking. “By the time I woke up it was almost too late. All the guys I ran into and admired were all married. I was stuck and the ones that desperately wanted my hand were not the kind of guy that I desired.”

 From that point, yours truly was on the receiving end and hung on to life as an emotional beggar with little or no choice at all. Just when she thought that her emotional gates had been padlocked for life, another heart came passing by. “We met at a friend’s wedding anniversary. I knew that all our friends would be at the event and they would all be popping the same question at yours truly. But again, I was lonely and I needed something to fill up this vacuum. To make things easy for me I had told myself not to take any question seriously and just make myself happy.”

Like she imagined, almost everyone turned out for the event. Two great minds locked together as one sure deserves everyone’s time and attention. “I sat in a corner and tried to tuck myself away from familiar faces. Unfortunately, one of the busy bodies finally caught up with yours truly. She was clutching a male hand bag and because I hadn’t seen her in a long while, I imagined he was her ‘property’.

“Well, it turned out that my assumptions were wrong. This was actually another matchmaking episode and yours truly was at the centre of the script. “Hello dearie! How are we today? I just saw that you don’t have any company and I thought I should introduce my cousin, Ajibade, to you.”

(Nonsense! Can’t these people realise that life is not all about have a partner. Who says that I am lonely without a busy body around me?)” Trust Shade, she zoomed off almost immediately and didn’t wait for my opinion on the matter. What I am going to do with this emotional garbage that she dumped on me? We kept starring at one another liked dundies and I felt like running away.

“Wait a minute! It is not fair to sit on the fence and assume that you are better than the other person. So, I had this desire to help. Poor heart, only God knows who has wounded him this badly. But can two broken hearts melt into one. Then suddenly he opened his mouth and started talking. Well, he wasn’t as bad as I thought and in a short while this familiar stranger wormed his way into my heart.”

The truth of the matter is that a man can be just as afraid or even more afraid of rejection than you are? In order for a man to overcome “shyness” or even his fear of rejection, he has to feel pretty confident in himself or in the idea that if he were to ask you out, you’d respond with a “yes.” Secondly, if you’re always surrounded by a group of people, he may not have the opportunity to be free with you.

If he’s never had a one-on-one conversation with you, where you’re leading with attraction and flirting back, he may not feel too sure of the situation. This is why it’s important that if you want to maximise the chances that a man will follow-up with his attraction for you, you may just have to find a way to engage him. This way he would definitely discover that you are both interested and available.

TRAVELLING for many can be interesting and it also brings new opportunities. You can do this by road, rail, and sea or by air. Travelling by air comes with excitement as well as challenges too, but the most important thing is to be sure that the end justifies the means.

This can either be a direct flight or a connecting flight. Where you are going would definitely determine the kind of flight that you opt for in your journey (physical or emotional). For many, the direct flight is straight forward and you are sure to get to your destination faster than if you had to go with a connecting flight.

The truth of the matter is that it is not all destinations that can be done with a direct flight. At such moments, you are stuck with a connecting arrangement and you just have to change planes (hearts) to get to the destination.

Naturally, this heart is going from A to C but the heart (plane) must stop at B to continue the emotional journey to C, which is in between the place of origin and the destination. It is actually a hectic and stressful emotional process that can be stalled with baggage transfer, flight delays, flight cancellation and more. It is, however, worse when you miss the connecting flight or hurriedly find your way into the wrong flight.

This is the emotional scenario that has played itself out in Amarachi’s life. At a distance, you would think she has everything going for her, but that is far from the real picture. Ever since she met this new guy, her emotional flight got diverted and she is stranded.

“I got married at the age of 15 years, which was quite early. As the last child in the family, my parents and siblings resisted, saying I was not mature enough.”

She loved him so much and they came to the realisation that this was her choice. She made up her mind to sink in this emotional boat and they just had to let her be. So, did this Prince Charming disappoint her? No, he didn’t! “I lived with him for about 13 years and we had a wonderful time together. The union produced three wonderful children and he was the best father any child could ask for. During this period, I also went back to school and read Accountancy,” she recalls.

So, why is this babe raising an emotional alarm? “Just when I thought that my dreams were taking shape, the man died. It was the most traumatic period in my life and it was quite hard getting the pieces together.”

Luckily, her in-laws were also as kind hearted as her late husband. They extended warmness, and things brought succour her way. It was six years in the emotional wilderness, and loneliness made the journey tortuous. Her mother also did not make things better and she kept urging her to look for another heart to lean on. “You are too young to be a widow; you need someone to support you and make life meaningful once more.”

Young, restless and extremely attractive, the emotional corridors became very tempting. All kinds of hearts started to intrude and it was tough dodging and avoiding the turbulence of the emotional landscape. Her heart was unstable and it was at this point that a dashing dude sauntered into her life. He was all over her whispering sweet nothings, the type every gal wants to hear.

Nothing ventured, nothing gain. She yielded and decided to open the doors of her heart widely and wildly for the Romeo to reign. What a relief! For the first few months, that was the ‘melody’ on her fragile lips. He swept her off her feet, making her tipsy all the way. Now that we have found love, what are we gonna do with it?

It was just too good to be real! Time certainly would tell, but in the interim, this poor heart fell helplessly into the emotional gutter. A few months after, she was pregnant. Did he take to his heels?

Not yet! “He took me to the village to see his parents and some other relatives. Everybody welcomed me warmly and I was convinced at that stage that it was for real.” She continued: “He rented an apartment and we moved in together but we were not married formally.”

She gave birth to a baby boy and thought that this would further guarantee her place in the uppermost part of his heart. “Shortly after the baby came, I noticed that his attitude towards me changed.”

He later relocated to the extreme end of the state in search of another emotional greener pasture(s). “He stopped calling me and refused to answer my calls. I got so worried and a family friend told me how to trace him to his new abode. There I discovered that he was living with a sugar mummy; the woman rented a two-bedroom apartment for him and gave him some money to set up a new business.”

All hell was let loose. Was this pretty lady going to abandon her emotional property for this ‘moneybag’ or was she ready to recover this asset from the old hag, no matter what? This emotional battlefield is quite complicated and our dear friend is just alone. Nobody wants to align with her and the ‘loot’ is satisfied with his new status. His fickle-minded heart is surely having fun. Only God knows how long this new mistress will be able to sustain him, before he goes hunting for the next victim.

THE chicken moved around looking for something to peck at. It was young, beautiful and restless. The first move was to hang around Mr. A but somehow there was no chemistry here. Instead, Mr. A looked for a big stick indicating that pretty chickens (chics) are not welcomed here. Of course, that signal meant that the chic should look for someone who would appreciate the gestures. So it walked towards Mr. B and he poured some of the biscuit crumbs on the ground and it swooped on it.

Like Oliver Twist, our pretty young chic waited asking for more and like a cheerful giver, Mr. B gave more biscuits. Two can play? Just before the answer came, he noticed that a tiny piece of rag had been tied around the right leg. Oh no! This rope means something that won’t make it easy tagging along with his impulse. That was not the only sign of ownership. A red paint was visible on the left leg too.

Haba! All this for identification? Why not! You go all the way to give a tag to something you love, cherish and adore. Even if it strays, the message here is don’t touch, don’t trespass and don’t take away. Unfortunately, a number of chics are roaming aimlessly around without any form of identification. The crux of the matter here is that if you allow your chic to roam about and you cannot identify it, then it may be missing for a while or gone forever.

This is exactly what happened to two lovebirds recently. Hardest hit by the emotional miscalculations is our dear Shewa and she is feeling bad because everyone thought she was too slow in the emotional process. Though she has come to terms with the break up, she is still finding it difficult to create space for new romance.

The damsel met Kunle on campus and they had a wonderful relationship. He assisted her with her studies and they complemented each other in different ways. They were very close but somehow Kunle made no promises. It was a very cordial relationship and Shewa did not allow him more than a nuzzle in public. On his part, Kunle played the role of the good guy and never attempted to take advantage of his adorable chic.

They graduated and both passed in flying colours. Barely two years after, Kunle got a scholarship and he had to travel out of the country for the proverbial greener pastures. When he broke the news to Shewa, she was devastated. Her friend, Morenike, was also afraid for her: “You know all these guys, the way they behave once you are out of sight. I hope you are not going to lose this guy after all you have done for him.”

No way! Her dear Kunle won’t do that, she consoled herself. Time certainly would tell. On the day he was travelling out, Kunle stopped by at Shewa’s place to say goodbye and he asked her to see him off to the airport. That was a great reassurance indeed. Looks like she was the queen of the emotional manor after all. There was no other girl in sight or so it seemed. She began to imagine that their love letters and phone calls would crisscross the globe. She also imagined how she was going to stash these memorable love notes in her dresser drawer. The last set of imaginations that ran riot was when she would finally be reunited with him in Nigeria or having to travel over to join him where he was.

Dreaming? Why not, it is better to dream sometimes. She got back home late that night. Her love was airborne and possibly thinking about her too. This distant relationship was just for a while, ‘everything I’m going to be alright,’ she consoled herself and smiled. Her smile lit up the room and her eyes creased with joy. Sleep finally came and she saw her sweetheart in dreamland. Good omen? Sadly, the days ran into weeks, months and years but there were no calls and no letters.

From friends, she got the ‘didn’t I warn you’ signal. The only information that sipped in came from Kunle’s mother. “Hello, my dear. How are you doing? Please take good care of yourself, mix and have new friends. I don’t want you to get too worried. We haven’t also heard from him directly, he just sent a friend to us recently. Please don’t wait for Kunle o. You know all these men can be very funny, you cannot vouch for them. When I was about your age, I escorted my boyfriend to the airport and I knew it was over. I married the next guy that came my way. That was how Kunle’s father came into the picture, so be sharp my dear.”

The old woman was just playing smart, she knew her son had put someone in the family way. There would be no letters, no calls and their romance was history. After all there were no strings attached from the outset. She simply did not read in between the lines.

A nasty pound of flesh! Morenike was determined to take something back to compensate for all the pains. The pain her friend inflicted on her, ‘stealing’ the man she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The ‘thief’, on her part, was also very bitter. Reason: “Someone also stole my man, and so why should heavens come down if I steal from another. I didn’t bring down the roof when my man was stolen,” she argued.

So, for Morenike, revenge was very vital to bringing back the equilibrium. Interestingly, some experts say love is about sharing. But the big question here is what, how and when does the sharing idea fit in? Sometimes, you even wonder if there should be a sharing formula for love.

 Something that must be strictly adhered to like medication: Two teaspoons in the morning, one midday and another two teaspoons-just-before-you-go-to-bed kind of formula.

Not sure it is going to work that way, because people are different. Their attitudes, temperament and fancies, all would determine the servings required at particular points in time. But, again, medication is not something you take happily or easily. It is something that you just want to do and push behind you. That obviously is not to be equated with love, and it is not going to work!

On the other hand, love is an experience where you put in your best to bring joy to the lives of those you treasure. A time to make promises that would not be broken, as well as give in mega doses. Interestingly, as you sniff around the love process, you find people giving according to their different characters.

While some are very generous, you also find those who are very stingy, taking so much and giving so little in return. You actually need to give as much as 70 or 80 percent to merit a miserly 10, or at worst a five percent space in their precious heart. Even when you are lucky to squeeze out this bit, you have to hold on firmly because it may just slip away just before you finish contemplating what to do with it.

Interestingly, it is this kind of characters that are lucky in relationship. They are selfish and hoard what they have and that somehow makes them precious and most sought-after in your estimation; they may not even look really fantastic. But for those who fall helplessly and stupidly in love with them, there is something to treasure. Something that the ordinary or discerning eyes cannot really see or appreciate.

It may also interest you that some simply like to take and take while others do the giving. When you try to put the giving or sharing in your relationship into perspectives. The crux of the matter here is that you may never really find a 50/50 scenario.

Giving is something a generous heart would want to do spontaneously. But there are some things a lot of us would find very difficult to really share. These include things like your sponge, brush and pants. These are essentials you are not likely to share with another. They are just too personal to go round and round. In the same vein, your man is expected to be yours alone, a possession you just cannot share with any other woman.

Funny enough, when it comes to our friends who are scientifically inclined, they do their things with precisions here; a spade is a spade. There is no need calling it by another name just because you want to add any aesthetic value to it. They don’t usually beat about the bush. And of course, you find out that it makes the process fast and straightforward.

But for those of us who are art-inclined, we are simply in a different world entirely. We love to colour and dress things in different garments. Unfortunately, these colourings also bring about other complexities which may be difficult to handle. In the process, we do a number of things haphazardly, make a few mistakes and walk about freely.

Naturally, we cling onto the good old saying that `two wrongs don’t make a right’. Okay, if you stick to this rule, then how can people who have been unjustly treated get justice? How can they right the wrong that they have experienced? Do you just sit on the fence, accept a silly sorry dished out to you grudgingly by someone who waited to be reminded of his or her callous action to your dear heart?

The rule here is that you must brace up for the situation. Get tough and drop all your lily-livered tendencies. Show this naughty offender that you can also be really mean. It must be an eye for an eye, as well as a tooth for another tooth.

The game of revenge can really be sweet when you are the one dishing out the ‘missile’. Here, you need to get the necessary tools or weapon to carry out the ‘warfare’.

A lot of issues are actually involved in this game. If a man catches his spouse pant down, you can be sure that all hell would be let loose…