Category: Pillow Talk

IT was a moving story indeed. The story of teenage house helps who had resisted the advances from madams husband for about three months. When it was obvious that the man wasn’t going to stop, she poured out her heart to madam’s friend in tears.

Whenever his wife was not around, he followed the girl around the house asking for a ‘favour’, something she could not do. But the big question is why some people like to take advantage of others. After all, there are so many others waiting just for a wink and it’s all yours.

That gentleman is not alone. As a matter of fact, there are so many other desperados in the emotional arena. Sometimes, it is just a silly habit that can be compared to a shoplifter stealing things that he or she actually does not need.

A culprit once confessed that monogamy is responsible for all this. Men, he opined, are restricted and so they cannot express themselves freely. But the truth of the matter is that men who are in polygamous relationships have also been fingered to be part of this ‘unholy deals’.

At one point or the other, we all fall in and out of the love process. It is the normal trend and the experiences are usually as varied as the faces of the babes and dudes involved in these relationships.

But for some people, there are no rules at all. It is a spontaneous thing and their brain is usually on vacation at such moments. It comes back briefly when the harm has been done and takes off again because there are other ‘assignments’ to contend with.

The sad part of it all is that these Romeos have no taste when it comes to emotional sorting, just anything would do. ‘If the person involved is a man, then you would find him going after everything in skirt. If a monkey wears a skirt, then you can be sure that he is going to run after her’, informs 28-year-old Folakemi, who once dated a guy who began to behave this way at a point in the relationship.

She adds that “Most times, you find him in the company of dirty, weird and ugly characters all because he wants to date them at all cost. The popular phrase then was gbogbo ejo jije ni. When I got really tired of the mess, I made up my mind to move on with my life. He was not worth dying for.”

Of course, that naturally sums it up. It’s a snake-like affair, slippery, scandalous and dangerous.

One other interesting fact is that those in this category get into loads of trouble. They lose their heads, lose their homes and embezzle resources at their disposal just to stay on top of the game.

Imagine a man driving with his girlfriend beside him and he is busy staring at another girl with a no hold barred kind of gesticulation. Of course, the lady would be embarrassed at his action, but for the man in action, it is already a way of life.

The basic truth here is that the man is no longer in control of his mind. You could actually compare the state of his mind to someone who has derailed from the real thing. Instead of driving the car, the car is actually the one driving (pushing him around) his life and emotions in a zigzag manner.

And since he is not in firm control of his emotions, he may just end up in the gutter, hit a brick wall and even somersault. Interestingly, this valley is not for the men alone. Some women are also emotional tenants and landladies hustling and justling for space here.

Here, you find folks who are carried away with their beauty and they are ever ready to tempt hearts that can’t resist the skirt and the content within the camisole. On their heels, so many mighty men have fallen and may just not rise again. Well, that may just be the best way to balance the power thing. After all, if we are not so powerful on the political corridors, then we may just make use of the emotional corridors and get equity. Justice and fair play here. Survival of the emotional fittest, you would say. Or what do you think?

HEARTS, like everything else, come in different categories. Some are large, others are small and ordinary. Like a lamp, your heart would ultimately create an atmosphere that is as unique as your personality. A small heart would definitely not have enough space to attract or accommodate others. However, if you have a heart that is very large, creative, accommodating and reliable, then it can brighten your world as well as the life of those around you.

Imagine what you could do in darkness with a torch, a lamp as well as a chandelier! The last option is obviously the most effective as well as the most attractive. Chandeliers are often ornate, and normally use lamps. Crystal chandeliers have more or less complex arrays of crystal prisms to illuminate a room with refracted light. However, you cannot go far with a chandelier whose lamps are faulty and do not refract light.

This also reminds you of the love song called ‘Chandelier’ by Sia, the Australian singer. The song is the lead single from her sixth album and it offers a different point of view about party girls. The group of jolly good fellows don’t get hurt, can’t feel anything and are as mesmerising as the chandelier. Swinging from the Chandelier, this heart lives like tomorrow doesn’t exist.

Chandelier is a song laced with self-reflecting vocals, a haunting melody and tribal escalations that give a solemn feel. What’s more, its lyrics tell us the exact thoughts going on inside a girl with an alcoholism problem. Time and again, she tries to tell herself that she shouldn’t it anymore, but peer pressure, lust, need for love always bring her back, convincing her that she can handle anything, that she should live life while the moment is there. In one word: addiction.

Escaping from reality, that is what many think of and that is what takes them to do things that are unrealistic and well as lead to suicidal tendencies. Hearts in dreamland is what comes to mind at this point as you ponder on hearts and relationships that fit into this description. A romantic experience that takes you to your dreams is everybody’s wish but most times what you see isn’t what you get. Just when you think you’ve found love, it slips away again and then the search begins once more. If you are lucky you run into the right heart and you begin to experience the forever happy ending kind of experience. Not so lucky, you try, try and try again. Even after finding a perfect soul mate, maintaining the relationship comes with a lot of challenges and you need to work hard to protect yours forever.

Interestingly, relationship or marital problems come in all shapes and sizes. So, if you are feeling distraught, worn out or desperate for help, it is important to look for help in the right quarters. Don’t ever give up because you are not alone.

Interestingly, there are a number of common relationship problems that we all come across on a daily basis. The first one that comes to mind is infidelity. There are usually a number of signs to see when the love boat is sailing in this direction. Once you notice this on time then you would be able to save the relationship before it crashes.

Some of the other issues that you have to contend with include sexual problems, particularly loss of libido (male and female). If this does not occur in your situation, then you may just be faced with the significant differences in the individuals’ core values and beliefs. Here, what is required is to understand what the other person likes or dislikes and then try to adjust as well as accommodate the other person.

As you go through these adjustments, you should also be in tune with the different life stages, what it means to you and your partner as well as how to make the best out of it all. You also need to be aware of certain traumatic and life-changing events in the way that shows sympathy and empathy for the heart that you cherish so much.

Experts inform that there are significant personal disappointments and traumas in relationships these days. This unfortunately has led to a change in relationship dynamics. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter to you can be very frustrating and challenging. This gets worse when there is manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or friends. Sadly, a lot of people get depressed because they just have a feeling that the relationship is one-sided and the other party is uncaring.

Lack of communication about important matters like this usually leads to separation. Unfortunately, there are times when this is just nothing but perceived lack of concern, care and consideration, financial problems, dealing with a jealous partner, unrealistic expectations as well as poor division of and or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and tasks.

GEORGINA is a very pretty and intelligent girl. In spite of all this, she has not been able to secure a good relationship. She has tried and tried but no matter how hard she tries love appears to be elusive.  It has therefore been tales of disappointments, tears and frustration.

So what really is the matter? you ask ‘When it comes to having  intimate relationship I have a problem with communication, trusting the  other person or telling him how I feel about him. I am an introvert and a lot of the guys I come across do not usually understand me.

Interestingly, she just survived another crisis, something that would have brought more heartaches was nipped in the bud and she trying very hard to save the relationship. ‘If I lose this one, then I am finished. It is actually my last hope and I pray I would not have to start all over again. ‘

Sadly, our friend is not the cause of the problem, she has played her part very well but the problem here is that the Romeo has taken her for granted.

The crux of the matter here is that when you want a relationship that you want to last for ever, there are certain things that you must do. Of course, you must be committed personally, be ready to give more than you plan to receive as well as have a possible time frame in mind.

Even when you have all this at your fingertips, there can still be a snag to the success of this adventure. This is because it takes two to tango and you cannot make a success of the situation alone. Also, if you are committed and the other person does not know what he wants from the relationship then you may just end up being stranded at the end of the day.

‘I fell in love with Adewunmi as soon as I set my eyes on her about five months ago. And from that day I wanted her to be my wife. I put everything into that relationship, dropped all my old habits and tried to spoil her with everything I had during the courtship. In spite of all the sacrifices that I made, I realised that she wasn’t shifting at all. I bought her all kinds of gifts, visited her regularly and spent a fortune on phone calls. However, I discovered that the more interest I showed in my woman the more difficult she became.”

Scroll down memory lane and the 32-year-old lover boy laments that “In all the relationships that I have had in the past, I have never done this for any girl and it is so painful to know that she doesn’t appreciate it all.

“Now, I have come to the conclusion that I had been dissipating energy and affection.” Interestingly, you can also compare the scenario to Russell Bertrand”s analysis of the mind. “You may sometimes find on a mountain side a large rock poised so delicately that a touch will set it crashing down into the valley, while rocks all round are so firm that only a considerable force can dislodge them. What is analogous in these two cases is the existence of a great stone of energy in unstable equilibrium ready to burst into violent motion by the addition of a very slight disturbance.”

It is important to share some things in common, have the same goals and be compatible to move your love train ahead. “When I came to this realisation, I began to ask questions from friends and those who were close to my sweetheart. In the process, I discovered that she had been battered by some guys and the effect took a toll on the softer part of her heart. Now, she has hardened her heart against all men, including yours truly. Too bad, there was really nothing I could do about it.”

Poor guy, he just had to move on with his life. The lesson learnt here is that the people we fall in love with may turn out to be different from our expectations. When you come to this realisation the best thing to do is to move on, there is no point crying over spilt milk.

TOLU and Aramide were often more fun and playful in the early stages of their relationship. It looked like a union made in heaven and they were a source of envy to friends and family members.  However, this playful attitude faded gradually as life’s challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Just when they thought they had it all, it melted away.

The idea of a great relationship is something a lot of people look forward to. Interestingly, it doesn’t always work out this way. In some cases the lovebirds start a process and things just fall into place nicely. Here the truth is that a lot of work goes into the process and life is just smooth and exciting.

If it isn’t, then the emotional war begins and the centre may just never hold again. One basic thing that we need to understand is the fact that there are different phases in a relationship. Here you go from the good, the bad and then to the ugly sides. Conversely, the relationship (s) may start from the bad side, something you didn’t plan for and did not have high hopes about.

However, as you move on, you just discover that this is what you have been craving for all along and the relationship metamorphoses into something interesting and splendid. The crux of the matter, however, is that relationships are usually not so predictable but the most important thing is to put in your best to make it work.

So, the big question would be what it takes to have a successful relationship. The truth, however, is that it takes a lot of dedication, focus, and work. Finding the right person to settle down with can often feel like a very frustrating game of chance. And even when you do find the right one, you’ll still have your work cut out for you as you make an effort to maintain your relationship.

The best relationship advice, according to experts, is “easy does it.” Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control our partner. This pull becomes a destructive compulsion that corrodes the integrity of the relationship. It replaces respect and compassion with anger and resentment. It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.

This advice has impacted the way many approach romantic relationships creating a new world or space which later allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect.  The classic struggle of all relationships is finding the right calculus in the togetherness-and-autonomy equation. Typically, when a relationship is under stress, one of the partners asks for physical space to break the tension.

This would naturally reduce the tension and help to bring back lost affection and a process of rediscovery begins.

The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. To do this, lovebirds need to give each other the space to be themselves and to have their experiences without trying to control the outcome.

It calls for a lot of hard work but the rewards are well worth the effort.

A school of thought believes that things get better when “both of you always think about giving 90% to your partner and you both will be very happy.” What this means is that it is always important to think about how your partner is feeling, try to stand in their shoes and be emotionally generous. The other 10% they argue is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also OK to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on something. They also made clear that this only works if you are both giving 90%.”

A couple who has had a terrific experience shares their success story this way: “I just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising. In return, I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving. Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner. I don’t feel afraid to be giving, because he really has my best interests at heart. We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want. And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants.”

Conversely, some people think it is better to be selfish to avoid having a broken heart. “It’s not my partner’s job to make me happy. It’s my job to make me happy. Of course it’s easy to feel good when my partner is acting in a way that I want —but needing them to be a certain way in order for me to feel good —that’s bondage. Thinking that they’re always going to be in a good mood and directing their affectionate attention towards me — while that may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship, is impossible to sustain long-term. I’m responsible for my happiness. My partner is responsible for her happiness. We deliberately focus on things to feel good in our lives and for things to appreciate in one another.”

IT is a few minutes to 10 pm. The traffic has been really bad and tiring. All you want to do is get home and crash in bed. Somehow you remember that there are a few things on your to-do list that has to be sorted out before crossing over to the next day. The image of a drunken young lady struggling to walk ahead catches your fancy. Her hair, outfits and accessories spell class, almost everything comes with shades of green (natural) and when you move closer you find that she is reeking of alcohol.

“What kind of nonsense is this? How can a pretty young lady be drinking like a fish and getting into trouble,” says a middle aged woman. Yes, she must have been drinking like a fish indeed. This goldfish is likely to have fallen out of the emotional aquarium, out of comfort and she is feeling out of place and confused. A fish (heart) out of water (love) is as good as dead.  “I just cannot believe that this lady drank to this state. I suspect that she may have been drugged by a man (desperate heart) who must have taken advantage of her and now abandoned her,” says one of the judges on the emotional bench. He goes on to paint another likely scenario this way: “Sometimes, I think our girls need to be caned properly. They have become so greedy and follow all kinds of characters especially the old fool’s labelled aristos, all for money. See where this one has landed herself now. The result of this kind of ‘monkeytail’ treatment is usually our girl’s greed for fried snails, cowtail, pepper soup and others.

A falling and fading beauty on the streets. Who or what the hell is this? Could this drunk chic be on a suicide mission? Is she crying over emotional split milk? How did this pretty damsel get into this state? You wonder. You are not alone; a few other busy bodies like yours truly get inquisitive like the cat and everyone begins to imagine what could have happened.

The babe in question has gone blank; it’s so difficult to get any information about where she is coming from or where she is heading to. Sadly, it is getting pretty late and it’s time to vanish to our ‘tents’. Volunteers?  Luckily (or is it unluckily) a volunteer emerges from the small crowd. It’s the king of boys himself (an area boy clad in a jeans and singlet) grinning mischievously. Two of his set of teeth is missing and the others are coloured from smoking and probably eating kolanut. “No worry, I go help her jare. Na she go first drink, abeg if trouble too much na to shak and forget your sorrow oo. Me sef don drink but me I dey see, no be today, welcome to our club.” Laughter, and some comments about her unladylike action. Nicely , he offers a hand to assist her get up on her feet and as she struggles to get her balance she falls into his arms, leaning, clinging and cuddly this god-send for support. They moved on like a pair in love but we all knew that they were strange bedfellows.

Goodbye, the mischievous volunteers wave to us all and the crowd disperses finally.  As you move on, the image of the lady tethering on the brink of alcohol poisoning was more than hilarious. Rather than laughing at her, you just cannot help but pity her. Then your mind begins to imagine what would happen next. Would this Good Samaritan deliver her at her doorstep intact or would he divert the emotional traffic elsewhere? Worse still, you begin to imagine the indignity of her staggering into the thugs’ colony  and becoming a ‘feast’ for the thug and  his other gang, who are probably high on something at that moment of the night.

In the lyrics of ‘Drunk in Love’ by Beyonce, the heart gets filthy when liquor gets in. The thinking cap of faculty would certainly be on sabbatical and just cannot function properly.

Flashing lights at this point are just meaningless. Everything fades and while you try to unravel this emotional mystery, the web is likely to get thicker and thicker. Sadly, it is only when your head clears, possibly after midnight (when the harm must have been done).

Falling in love takes you to a state of mind that you just cannot define at that point. It is, however, worse when you get drunk or resort to drugs to escape from the sad reality that dawns on the victim of a heartbreak. Sipping and getting into emotional fire can be a disaster. So what you drink and the quantity you drink (feelings) really matters.

This takes us to the fruits and fruit salad controversy along the emotional corridors. Here some men claim that women are like fruits and taste better when they are fresh (young). Interestingly, many prefer to have a little bit of everything (fruit salad). Like love ‘salad’, the trick has to do with presentation. It just has to be something enticing to the eyes and pleasing to the palate. Looking good should taste good, but over time taste buds have discovered that it is not what you see that you get.

CAN two broken hearts melt into one? Yes, sometimes two ‘cracking’ hearts can be resuscitated and you could have something that would last forever. A lot of people who have suffered heartaches can still find their missing ribs, if only they look around carefully. Naturally, their emotions have been blown with the winds and they are just managing to hang on. But from this emotional valley, it is still possible to move out and rediscover something new and adorable.

This can only happen when the new bird is sincere and willing to flow with you. Interestingly, this is the situation Noami is experiencing at the moment and she is happy that she allowed her heart to step out of the ‘box’. At a distance, Naomi seemed to have the world in her pocket. Friends and neighbours admired and held her in high esteem because of her rare qualities. She was beautiful in and out. A pretty face, great physique and a large heart. Yet, there was just one snag: there was no Romeo in sight. And so everyone made it his or her business to be a great matchmaker just to find our dear friend a Mr. Right.

“It wasn’t as if I never really found a guy I loved or admired. Unfortunately, he died three months to our wedding. That was a fatal emotional blow, one that I never really recovered from. It actually took me a long while before I started picking the bits and pieces together because my world crumbled at that point.”

He must have been a wonderful guy, the type that you wish to spend a lifetime with. “Yes, he was a rare personality and he transformed my life while we were together. When I got the news from his younger sister I was shocked.”

She kept on wishing it was all a dream and that someone was going to wake her up from this emotional slumber. “Most times, I kept on talking to myself and tell me that it wasn’t true.” Sadly, that never happened and the poor lady’s heart kept on sinking. “By the time I woke up, it was almost too late. All the guys I ran into and admired were all married. I was stuck and the one that desperately wanted my hands were not the kind of guys that I desired.”

 From that point, yours truly was on the receiving end and hung on to life as an emotional beggar with little or no choice at all. Just when she thought that her emotional gates had been padlocked for life, another heart came passing by. “We met at a friend’s wedding anniversary. I knew that all our friends would be at the event and they would all be popping the same question at yours truly. But again, I was lonely and I needed something to fill up this vacuum. To make things easy for me, I had told myself not to take any question seriously and just make myself happy.”

Like she imagined, almost everyone turned out for the event. Two great minds locked together as one sure deserves everyone’s time and attention. I sat in a corner and tried to tuck myself away from familiar faces. Unfortunately, one of the busy bodies finally caught up with yours truly. She was clutching a male hand bag and because I hadn’t seen her in a long while, I imagined he was her ‘property’.

Well, it turned out that my assumptions were wrong. This was actually another matchmaking episode and yours truly was at the centre of the script. “Hello dearie ! How are we today? I just saw that you don’t have any company and I thought I should introduce my cousin, Ajibade, to you.”

“Nonsense! Can’t these people realise that life is not all about having a partner. Who says that I am lonely without a busy body around me? Trust Shade, she zoomed off almost immediately and didn’t wait for my opinion on the matter. What I am going to do with this emotional garbage that she dumped on me? We kept starring at one another liked dundies and I felt like running away.

“Wait a minute! It is not fair to sit on the fence and assume that you are better than the other person. So, I had this desire to help. Poor heart, only God knows who has wounded him this badly. But can two broken hearts melt into one? Then suddenly he opened his mouth and started talking. Well, he wasn’t as bad as I thought and in a short while this familiar stranger wormed his way into my heart.”

The truth of the matter is that a man can be just as afraid or even more afraid of rejection than you are. In order for a man to overcome “shyness” or even his fear of rejection, he has to feel pretty confident in himself or in the idea that if he were to ask you out, you’d respond with a “yes.” Secondly, if you’re always surrounded by a group of people, he may not have the opportunity to be free with you.

If he’s never had a one-on-one conversation with you, where you’re leading with attraction and flirting back, he may not feel too sure of the situation. This is why it’s important that if you want to maximise the chances that a man will follow-up with his attraction for you, you may just have to find a way to engage him. This way he would definitely discover that you are both interested and available.

IT has been a very busy and hectic day. Now it’s a few minutes past 6pm and in your mind there is that sigh of relief, thank God the day is almost over. The only part left is the journey back home, light food and straight to bed. Sweet dreams too! It won’t be nice to let it all end with a nightmare. That certainly would be a bad way to begin the next day. As usual, the roads are quite busy. A sea of heads, tired faces and the traffic is rather slow too. You then begin to do a quick calculation of when you are likely to get home and somehow, you just don’t want to think about the stress.

Thirty minutes after, the traffic gets better but again you are stuck in another just when you thought it was time to finally heave a sigh of relief. More tired faces and limbs and you get worried as you see everyone struggling to move ahead. No catwalks here, almost everyone is doing the sluggish thing but there are a few champions though, their pace is faster possibly because there is so much distance to cover and less time to do this.

It’s also stubborn crowd and they just do the wrong thing even though the horns are at full blast, shouting and screaming is also the order of the day.

The direction of traffic gets predictable, but, suddenly, the flow is disrupted and there is a small commotion.

 Oh dear! Everyone runs for dear life. It’s a cow and unfortunately, this cow is angry. Is it a rebel that has refused to conform to the order of things or is the cow just trying to escape from someone or something? Nobody has the gut to arrest, fight or discipline the cow in spite of the confusion it has created. Sadly, it has no ‘number plate’ for identification. The herdsmen who are in charge have also run out of ideas, it is not just responding to the whips and lashes.

The maddening crowd was, indeed, very interesting to behold from a distance. You just cannot imagine the mood swing that took place instantly. Looking dull and tired a few minutes before the encounter and in a few minutes what you have is frenzy, lots of energy just because something upset the process and jolted them to reality.

Like this cow, the emotional cow is out of order, does not listen to ideas, usually very stubborn and no matter how much you shout and cry, this heart would only do what it wants to do, feels like doing and often bring tears to you no matter how hard you try.

Somehow, we can’t really blame Mr. (or Mrs.) cow. He is obviously angry and frustrated with everything around him because it has been tales of betrayals. There is so much love around, but somehow he is not getting the kind of love that he desires. The love that we pretend to give is to make it fat and ready for consumption. So why won’t this mad cow deal ruthlesslessly with hearts that come his way when it knows that their mission is to seduce him, make him fall for something only to discover that what he is getting is not what he thought it was originally?

 The demands from the emotional slaughter slab can also be very annoying. Who won’t be as bad as our emotional cow especially when you know that you are heading for the slaughter slab, no matter how big or strong you have become?

Cows like humans also go through stress and it’s important to understand your partner’s body language so that you do not get the attack of a lifetime when you think all is well. Showing care, love and attention brings out the best in the other person.

Interestingly, it has been recognised that the dairy cow’s productivity can be adversely affected by discomfort or maltreatment. For example, healthy calves, cows, and bulls will exhibit a good stretch after they get up, then relax to a normal posture. Yet, higher rates of standing, oftentimes with an arched back and with their head and ears lowered, are taken as a sign of discomfort or discontent in studies of cow and calf confinement.

Affection is usually identified with emotion, but actually these are very different phenomena although closely related. Whereas the emotion is an internal individual response which informs of the survival probabilities that every concrete situation offers affection is a process of social interaction between two or more organisms.

Considering the use that we make of the word ‘affection’ in everyday life, it can be inferred that affection is something that can be given to others. We say that we “give affection” or we “receive affection”. This way, it seems that affection may be something that we can provide and receive. On the contrary, emotions are neither given nor taken, they are only experienced by oneself without the requirement of any other person.

Unlike emotions, affection is something that can be stored or accumulated. On the other hand, our experience teaches us that giving affection is something that requires some effort. Taking care, helping or understanding another person cannot be carried out without an effort. Sometimes, we don’t realise the effort made.

The chicken moved around looking for something to peck at. It was young, beautiful and restless. The first move was to hang around Mr. A but somehow there was no chemistry here. Instead, Mr. A looked for a big stick indicating that pretty chickens (chics) are not welcomed here. Of course, that signal meant that the chic should look for someone who would appreciate the gestures. So it walked towards Mr. B and he poured some of the biscuit crumbs on the ground and it swooped on it.

 Like Oliver Twist, our pretty young chic waited asking for more and like a cheerful giver, Mr. B gave more biscuits. Two can play? Just before the answer came, he noticed that a tiny piece of rag had been tied around the right leg. Oh no! This rope means something that won’t make it easy tagging along with his impulse. That was not the only sign of ownership. A red paint was visible on the left leg too.

Haba! All this for identification? Why not! You go all the way to give a tag to something you love, cherish and adore. Even if it strays, the message here is ‘don’t touch, don’t trespass and don’t take away.’ Unfortunately, a number of chics are roaming aimlessly around without any form of identification. The crux of the matter here is that if you allow your chic to roam about and you cannot identify it, then it may be missing for a while or gone forever.

This is exactly what happened to two lovebirds recently. Hardest hit by the emotional miscalculations is our dear Shewa and she is feeling bad because everyone thought she was too slow in the emotional process. Though she has come to terms with the break up, she is still finding it difficult to create space for new romance.

The damsel met Kunle on campus and they had a wonderful relationship. He assisted her with her studies and they complemented each other in different ways. They were very close but somehow Kunle made no promises. It was a very cordial relationship and Shewa did not allow him more than a nuzzle in public. On his part, Kunle played the role of the good guy and never attempted to take advantage of his adorable chic.

They graduated and both passed out in flying colours. Barely two years after, Kunle got a scholarship and he had to travel out of the country for the proverbial greener pastures. When he broke to news to Shewa, she was devastated. Her friend, Morenike, was also afraid for her: “You know all these guys, the way they behave once you are out of sight. I hope you are not going to lose this guy after all you have done for him.”

No way! Her dear Kunle won’t do that, she consoled herself. Time certainly would tell. On the day he was travelling out, Kunle stopped by at Shewa’s place to say goodbye and he asked her to see him off to the airport. That was a great reassurance, indeed. Looked like she was the queen of the emotional manor after all. There was no other girl in sight or so it seemed. She began to imagine that their love letters and phone calls would crisscross the globe. She also imagined how she was going to stash these memorable love notes in her dresser drawer. The last set of imaginations that ran riot was when she would finally be reunited with him in Nigeria or having to travel over to join him where he was.

Dreaming? Why not, it is better to dream sometimes. She got back home late that night. Her love was airborne and possibly thinking about her too. This distance relationship was just for a while, ‘everything is going to be alright,’ she consoled herself and smiled. Her smile lit up the room and her eyes creased with joy. Sleep finally came and she saw her sweetheart in dreamland. Good omen? Sadly, the days ran into weeks, months and years but there was no call and no letters.

From friends, she got the ‘didn’t I warn you’ signal. The only information that sipped in came from Kunle’s mother. “Hello, my dear. How are you doing? Please take good care of yourself, mix and have new friends. I don’t want you to get too worried. We haven’t also heard from him directly, he just sent a friend to us recently. Please don’t wait for kunle o. You know all this men can be very funny, you cannot vouch for them.

When I was about your age, I escorted my boyfriend to the airport and I knew it was over. I married the next guy that came my way. That was how Kunle’s father came into the picture, so be sharp my dear.’

The old woman was just playing smart, she knew her son had put someone in the family way. There would be no letters, no calls and their romance was history. After all there were no strings attached from the onset. She simply did not read in between the lines.