With Funmi Akingbade
Whenever I am privileged to tell couples that sex not only adds to their lives but enhances their health, both physical and psychological, it seems to be an eye-opener for many people.
Whenever any of the spouses is in the mood for sex, do you know that such a partner is indirectly boosting his or her immune system or maintaining a healthy weight?
Yes, good sex offers those health benefits and more because we are vital, sexual creatures. Sex does the body good in a number of ways, the benefits aren’t just subjective or hearsay but backed by scientific scrutiny.
Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody which can protect your spouse from getting colds and other infections. While some older couples may worry that the effort expended during sex could cause a stroke, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke. Instead, sex lowers blood pressure and produces overall stress reduction.
Having sex twice or more a week reduces the risk of fatal heart attack by half. Having sex and orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the love hormone, this helps bond couples and intensifies orgasm. Positioning a pillow or using pillows under your wife’s buttocks before you get going in missionary position makes many wives climax more intensely and faster.
This is due to the fact that many women after one or two normal virginal delivery lose sensitivity in the vaginal area because of the over stretching of the vaginal muscles. But when pillows are directly under the buttocks for support, the elevated buttocks help the husband to get to thrust in and out effectively.
This also helps the husband to really know when his wife is climaxing or getting to orgasm. The husband will feel that his wife is squeezing, releasing her PC muscles and simultaneously contracting her vaginal muscles and as this is happening she is actually reaching her climatic level of orgasm. I always encourage that whenever the husband notice this he should gently intensify the thrusting in a gentle but deepening manner – so keep doing it because she loves so much!
Researchers evaluated few premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their husbands ending with hugs, affections, foreplay and romantic sex. They found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels.
Sex is also a pain reliever, as the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. These chemicals calm pain, from a minor headache to arthritis or migraines, and with no secondary effects. So if you are always complaining of headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms a sure natural pill with no side effect and no financial constraint is sex.
Migraines also disappear because pressure in the brain’s blood vessels is lowered while we have sex. So now we see that actually, a woman’s headache is rather a good reason for having sex, not against it!
Such symptoms improve after sex, because of higher oxytocin levels. In fact sex helps anyone to sleep better because the oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research. And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure.
Sex strengthens floor muscles for women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers lots of benefits. Married lovers will enjoy more pleasure, and the woman will also strengthen the pelvic area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.
To do a basic Kegel exercise, all a woman has to do is tighten the muscles of her pelvic floor, as if one is trying to stop the flow of urine. Count to three, then release. Do these frequently and as often as you can.
Sex reduces prostate cancer risk; frequent ejaculations may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life. Boosting self-esteem is one reason people have sex, but overweight men with increased waist line are more likely to have poor semen quality. If you happen to fall within this category remember that sex is a good workout. If you’re looking to burn more calories, have more sex.
Husband knowing how to suck your wife’s breast can increase her arousal, cause her to orgasm and prevent breast cancer. But scientists say until breast sucking is done in an erotic manner some hormones that fight against cancer may not be released.
So while starting off, use your hands to lightly outline the outer part of both breasts slowly; this will help her nipples to become erect. Use your lips to kiss around the outskirts of the breasts. Start kissing the outline with your moist lips slowly. Then lightly squeeze those breasts together and kiss down the middle. Making your way close to each nipple, and lightly blow over them.
Take each nipple into your mouth, and suck them if her nipples are standing at erection, you can harden your tongue and flick it back and forth, and slowly take it into your mouth, at which point you will begin to suck and nibble simultaneously. But if her nipples are not hard, you can usually manipulate each one by sucking it and then releasing it from your mouth. If you can’t do both together at the same time suck one nipple, and lightly pinch the other with your thumb and index finger seductively.
Researchers estimate that a spouse’s healthy sexual fantasy assists the body’s muscular and cardiovascular system to function better. An erotic fantasy is a product of the imagination that arouses a sexual emotion. Fantasies are often summed up as erotic scenes, seen or imagined, which we enjoy replaying in our heads.
Fantasy can also be an idea, an impression or a feeling. Fantasies are not only sexual; they can be about any topic that awakens human desire and pleasure. But sexual fantasies are in direct contact with our psyche and therefore have such power of arousal. They represent the fulfilment of subconscious sexual desires, through psychic processes.
Erotic fantasies are created from scenes seen or experienced during adolescence or later in adult years and when channelled in a healthy way enhance the better functioning of the heart muscle and the general body muscular system.
In fact, it can also aid a pregnant woman in child birth labour to have a faster delivery because it has an indirect effect on the vaginal wall, by allowing the vaginal smooth muscles to relax fast and expand better.
But there is a note of warning here. Research has found out that pregnant women who want to experience this type of easy virginal delivery should not ‘eat for two’. Pregnant women who eat for two and gain too much weight are at greater risk of having complications than those who stick to a healthy diet, even when they can fantasy well.
QUESTION ONE
What can you classify as a healthy sexual life is for couples?
A healthy sexual relationship is different for every couple because every individual has differing sexual needs. While the activities involved in each sexual relationship can vary widely, in general, “healthy” sex should encompass the following: Both married partners should feel equally pleased with the activities. Neither spouse should feel forced into doing something they don’t want to do. Each spouse should be given the privilege and right to say “no” to sex when there is an understandable genuine reason. Couples should give mutual respect before and after sex to one another. Neither party must suffer a loss of self-esteem. Trust and openness should exist about sexual history and current activities.
QUESTION TWO
I was molested by my step-dad as a teenager, shortly after which I developed a smelly discharge that reoccurs in spite of treatments over the years. I notice habitual pains in my clitoris and I have not been sexually active. What can I do?
Clitoral pain can result from damage or injury to any of the structures of the vulva (external genitalia), including the inner and outer labia, the vaginal opening, and the clitoris. The symptoms may be constant or variable and may improve or worsen with movement or sexual activity. It may be described as a raw sensation or a burning, itching or stinging feeling that ranges in intensity from mild to severe. Sometimes, pain perceived in the clitoris is actually referred pain that originates from injury, disease or infection elsewhere in the vulvar region.
Pain and discomfort in the vulva (vulvodynia) is a common cause of clitoris pain, as are skin irritations from rashes or household chemicals. Recurring infections or cancer may also cause clitoris pain. In other cases, clitoris pain may be related to a chronic underlying disease that affects other regions of the body. Other causes of clitoris pain include vaginal yeast infections and sexually transmitted diseases. The duration and course of clitoris pain vary widely, depending on the cause. Symptoms caused by injury, such as those following sexual abuse, often have a sudden onset. In other cases, clitoris pain may come from an infection that may develop slowly and persist or worsen over time. Clitoris pain alone is rarely a serious medical condition; however, it may be associated with symptoms of a serious medical condition.
QUESTION THREE
Is there anything you can do to change or increase a spouse sex drive? The greatest wish of my husband is for me to have a better sex drive. I have tried all I can but nothing has changed.
Experts say the answer lies not so much in what a spouse’s sex drive is, but whether or not it has reached its potential. While everyone’s level of desire is individual, it can also differ with each partner, and vary within a relationship, increasing or decreasing over time.
Age can also alter sex drive, in men and women, and is usually linked to a decline in sex hormones. Moreover, there are a number of emotional and physical conditions, as well as medications, including some sedative or sleeping pills that can put a damper on desire.
If a physical problem causes sex drive to plummet – such as erection difficulties in men, or painful intercourse in women – and treatment is received, desire usually increases. If emotions are getting in the way, talking to a counsellor or sex therapist can help. And sometimes, sex drive will recharge on its own, as circumstances in couple’s life change — such as the birth of a new child, change of environment, loss of love ones, death of a previous spouse, marriage to a new spouse, change of financial status, change of inspirations and aspirations. But for your case you can use some libido enhancers for women; they are very good.
QUESTION FOUR
I have five biological sons and they are all getting married one after the other. Each time they bring their potential wives to visit me in the village, I eavesdrop on their sexual escapades and wish I can still engage in active sex. But my wife has put a hold on that, claiming we are too old to make love. Is one ever “too old” to make love?
Providing that both you and your wife are in good physical health, experts say both men and women can continue to have sex to any age. However, the aging process itself, along with many health conditions, can make having sex increasingly difficult in later years. However, even if intercourse is not possible, remember that physical intimacy can take many forms, and that sometimes getting older really does mean getting wiser about the many ways in which couples can bring each other pleasure. Tell your wife you secretly still want sex and if she can’t make it available she can give you gentle foreplay. With this you can still recapture the feel of sex.
QUESTION FIVE
What is the definition of sex addiction and what does it entail?
Sex addiction is described as an overwhelming need for sex, the pursuit of which frequently takes precedence over all other things in life, including work and relationships. Sex addicts frequently engage in risky behaviour, including not only vulnerable sex, but also seeking stimulation in dangerous situations. Behaviour is usually self-justified, so most sex addicts don’t view their actions as problematic, though they frequently feel a sense of shame or guilt after indulging their addiction.
Behaviours associated with sex addiction include: compulsive masturbation; multiple extramarital affairs; anonymous sex partners or strings of one night stands; consistent use of pornography; consistent need for phone or computer sex; continuous use of prostitutes; sexual exhibitionism (such as “flashing”); voyeurism (watching others have sex); stalking a sex partner, they are actually a perverted way of seeking sexual pleasure.
