The Nation Newspaper

Category: Pillow Talk

  • Still in doubt

    Still in doubt

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    When you think about the desert, the image that readily comes to mind is a state of emptiness. In a love desert you would be thinking of a lost love and trying to fill in the gaps in your own way. It is at this stage that the one at the center of an emotional storm becomes a wanderer. No matter how hard you try, it may just be difficult to get your bearing.

    Even when it seems like you have gotten a substitute, you just can’t let go and your mind just keeps wandering and wandering. But you can move on when you forget the negatives and build on the positive emotions that you had in the past. Here you can scroll down memory lane recalling the sweet memories you encountered here and there to get the emotional peace that you deserve. Dreaming about it would certainly lift your spirit taking you close to the fairy tale stories that you have heard about. Still in doubt? No need to do that to yourself. Relax and cross over a bountiful emotional harvest. The type that happens once in a while and one that brings lots of happiness. Here you would find trees and shrubs of affection growing and churning out love branches that inspires and affects others. From the trees you reap fruits that fill the hearts with tears of joy.

    Alternatively, you may find yourself stranded in an emotional desert. Here all you are bound to be feeling is a state of hopelessness, helplessness and rejection. But the big question is what where you hoping to get in this emotional Sahara in the first place. It is obvious that the emotional cargo that you have decided to pitch your tent with is as stranded as you are. No matter how hard you try, you guys aren’t going to go far.

    The one you desperately trying to cruise with it has little or nothing to offer and this state of dryness isn’t going to do you anyone any good. To get a better experience, it is better for you to move out of the desert to locate someone who would provide emotional sunshine as well as take you to the next level.

    In Coleridge’s Poem, “The Rime of the ancient Mariner the Wandering Albatross is actually referred to as ‘bird with good omen’.  Here we are also told about the metaphor of ‘an albatross around his neck indicating an unwanted burden causing anxiety or hindrance.

    Interestingly, in the days when sailing was popular, the bird often accompanied ships for days, not merely following it but wheeling in wide circles around it without ever being observed to land on the water. It continued it flight, apparently not tired, in temptuous as well as modest weather. It is one of the largest birds in the world with the largest wingspan measuring up to about 3.5 meters. From the records, you would also find that the bird is one of the best studied species of bird in the world. Distance travelled each year is hard to measure but one banded bird was recovered travelling about 6000 km in twelve days. They spent most of their life on the wing returning to land only to court a mate and to breed.

    The behavior of the bird is also very interesting having a range of displays from screams, whistles, grunts and bill clapping. When courting they actually spread their wings, wave their heads as well as rap their bills together.

    Interestingly, these birds the bones from its wings are used to produce needles; tobacco pipe stems fishhooks and flutes that would ultimately churn out romantic lyrics and songs.

    Of course, you would agree with yours truly that there are a number of romantic connections with this type of bird. However, if this bird is taken away to a lonely desert, so many things would happen. First it is going to lose its clear white color at adulthood. Life without emotional water can be a nightmare and of course, life in the desert is going to be very lonely.

    Instead of languishing in the desert, it is better to take emotional flight with a great pal. On the other hand when you want to take a flight, it is better to seek emotional refuge in a love garden? Here there would be a variety of fruits to choice from and you would certainly get something you desire.

    Conversely if you are in an emotional desert, all you would find are dry bones.  Nothing good is ever going to come out of this kind of relationship because the environment is stiff and the dust of confusion won’t take you far. You would definitely be far from your low height and all the lullabies that you are used to won’t sound nice in this environment. To make a headway this lovebird must move out of this environment to a better environment to look and feel good.

  • In deep embrace

    In deep embrace

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    The environment is cool and calm. The birds are equally resting in the nests and they must be in dreamland. Somehow, that peaceful ambience changes suddenly, a strong wind blows and the sweet sleep of two birds is disturbed, they were flung out in the open screaming for help.

    Like this bird, a lovebird has been ‘evicted’ from the emotional nest. So how did she get to this point you wonder? In tears she takes yours truly down memory lane to tell her story. “I have been in a relationship with Juwon for about three years and we have had a wonderful time together. While it lasted he was so caring and I did not have any cause to doubt the fact that he loved me. However my friend , Adetoun has been complaining about seeing my man with different women and warned me to be careful”.

    Last week, she came around again and the story , she told me really broke my heart. “I saw your man holding hands with his secretary at the beach last week. If that is the man you call your heartbeat , then it is better not to have a heart at all”.

    That can’t be true. At least she could handle all the other tales but knowing that Juwon secretary was her younger sister’s friend made the news really unpalatable. So our dear friend decided to take the bull by the horn. “ I decided to go to his office to confront him about the things that I had been hearing all this while. However when I got there , there was no need to ask any questions, they were both locked in a deep embrace. Even when they finally noticed that I was in the room with them, Juwon ignored me and continued to cuddle the girl”.

    Confession time? Not really. “Thank God you saw things yourself. There is no point pretending anymore. This is the way I feel about that girl, I have finally realized that she is the one that I love and I just cannot hide my feelings anymore. I am sorry if I have hurt you with the shocking reality and I think it is best to say goodbye now”.

    Dazzed, the poor babe walked back home in tears. Why did she listen to her friend, at least what you do not know does not hurt. Maybe things would have been different if she didn’t find out that they were cheating on her. Perhaps, it was better not to have shifted this emotional doomsday. What would be, would definitely be. The truth of the matter was that she loved the guy badly. It was an unfinished business and she just wondered if he would ever change his mind and come back into her arms. Their love nest had been so sweet, always cuddling themselves in and out of the nest. In his arms, sleep had always been sweet and memorable. Life is lonely in bed these days and filled with the bitter memory of a sad ending to what she hoped for.

    You can imagine how our friend is feeling, the love nest can be exciting when you are laid back in the arms of the one you love.

    Warmth, comfort, rest and sleep.Sweet sleep would definitely make your sleep sound. When you sleep happily, then you are going to wake up filled with joy and sweet dreams. All the things you imagine during the day, the activities that you surround yourself with are the things that you are likely to see in your dreams.

    Conversely, when things are rough and bitter , then you are going to be haunted and wake up having nightmares. It says a lot about your state of mind, emotional disconnect and interconnectivity.

    The love nest is the most valuable asset in It is worse when you do not sleep when you should. This way you are stealing from nature and you certainly would not be at your best.

    For birds and lovebirds an eviction is something to dread. Interestingly, this is the season of emotional eviction. It cuts away your dreams; it startles you from slumber land and brings you back to the stark reality of your situation.

    An eviction notice? Not all the time. Sometimes, the process can be slow; giving you enough time to fathom what to do or what steps can be taken to retain this comfort zone. When a tenant (lovebird) is served with an eviction notice, they still have rights and options.

    The crux of the matter here is that, if you persevere and sustain the emotional tempo and may just get back into the Love nest against all odds. Forceful eviction is worse. That means that the other party is totally fed up with your actions or inactions. But again, why would any heart eject or evict someone that they claim to really love or care about.

    The truth of the matter here is that, if you play by the rules, the owner of the emotional manor is likely to send you packing, when you fail to pay your rent, have become a nuisance or you have simply overstayed your welcome. As scary as the notice is, it is the eviction itself that tells you that you have finally come to the end of the road.

  • Smelling a rat

    Smelling a rat

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    Biodun is a playboy. He likes having adventures here and there. In the process, hearts are broken and mended. For the fun-loving young man, that is the way it should be; no harm intended. No big deal. At the end of each emotional rat race, he withdraws back to the real shell, Doris. That is the girl who makes his heart skip a bit every time; others are just past times. They fill the variety is the spice of life gap and when he gets tired of the counterfeits, and then he goes back to the original.

    Recently, he ran into an emotional nest that looked very beautiful at a glance. It was mesmerising all the way. This beautiful city chic had what any guy would fall for. Moyo was elegant and intelligent. She had a great apartment, nice cars and the right connections. Her qualities and friends made her magnetic; the kind of girl any man would want to date. In a short while, Biodun and Doris painted the city in colours. They were seen almost everywhere together. At this point, her friends concluded that she has finally captured his heart.

    Unknown to the lover boy, Moyo desperately needed Biodun to complete her personality. Her dream was for him to abandon Doris who had been a major threat to their relationship all this while. The agenda here is to get married to him and make this dream a reality as soon as possible.

    Even if he decides to abandon her for the other woman, she could just get pregnant and be his baby mama. That for her would be a fair deal. In her late 30s, motherhood is the greatest thing that could happen to her now. Initially, the great lover boy was oblivious of the game plan, but gradually he began to smell a rat and being a smart guy, the best strategy was to withdraw completely.

    When he did, he began to untie the emotional web and then took to his to his heels. The big question here is if he finally escape from her? Not so easy! The babe pursued her emotional captive round the nooks and crannies causing all kinds of messy scene in the process. The last straw was the day she showed up at a party where Biodun proposed to Doris. The chic-about-town came around with some of her friends and caused a pandemonium. It was meant to be a memorable day, but this emotional spoiler stole the show and Doris cried like a baby.

    In anger, Biodun pounced on her like an angry lion. In the midst of the confusion, one of her friends whispered, “Daku” (meaning faint). So, she fainted and there was a great confusion. Surprisingly, Biodun remained calm and went out of the venue. Where is the man at the center of this confusion? Everyone wondered. Then, he came back again. Interestingly, he heard when the girls plotted to faint mischievously and just played along. So, he went to his car to find his cigarette lighter. It took him a while to find the lighter. When he came back, his friend Tope just kept looking at him, wondering what he was up to and why he looked so unruffled considering the mess he appeared to be in.

    He lit it and put it close to her ears. Moyo jumped up and it was at that point that everyone realised that nothing was wrong with her. She was only pretending to have passed out. The girls ran out of the place in shame. Thank God it was finally over, now he can be sure that poor Doris was out of their emotional snare.

    Well, the crux of the matter here is that it takes an emotional thief to catch another thief. When you move with two pigs, then you must be ready to dance, walk and talk like one. If you are not as the emotional character that you are dealing with, then you may just end up being the victim in the process.

    We all know that no two relationships are the same. However, there are some things that would help us have relationship that would endure the test of the time. The first is that you must be flexible in changing for your partner 84% of the time. This does not mean that you have to sacrifice your core values, beliefs and priorities under relationship pressures. The truth of the matter is that your relationship is likely to spiral downward if you have an “anything goes” policy.

    One other way to have an interesting experience is to be a mystery. Unfortunately, some people tend to bore their partners and hang around thinking they would secure them this way. It’s comfortable and cozy when two people know absolutely everything about each other but we’re more likely to be drawn to a partner who has connections and a passion for life outside the relationship. You also need to remember that a long time relationship won’t flourish if your partner is someone for whom sex is an enlivening essential force and you’re too unavailable.

  • Lust, love and fluctuations

    Lust, love and fluctuations

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    Lost and stranded, Ifedayo just cannot understand the alternating emotional current that she is experiencing at the moment. As much as she tries to decode the tune from  the radio  for  better signals, the tunes are discordant.  Perhaps it is better to shift the emotional antenna in another direction for connection. Sadly, it is still the same old story.  It is obviously an outpour of emotion but the message is vague and confusing, how is she ever going to understand these alternating emotional currents.

    To be or not to be! That is the emotional question on her lips now. She met her true love, Bayo at the hospital when her father had an accident. It was a very traumatic period in her life and he was a great comforter. It was a wonderful relationship after a few nasty experiences with men. Bayo literarily swept her off her feet and the word resistance vanished from her emotional lexicon.

    Was this sacrifice worth the while? Well, the Romeo was glued to her emotional frequency for a while. It was very alluring and listening to these love vibes consistently, our dear friend was certain that the frequency was just right. Those sweet emotional lyrics and lullabies brought tears of joy. Just when she thought she couldn’t do without the dude in question, the source of the emotional current was tampered with and there was an emotional blackout.

    Can we really blame the Romeo in question? He became bored with the package and begun to tune to other emotional frequencies that had a variety of options to offer. Reality zone! Should she fight for control of the emotional station? The truth of the matter was that she had never fought over a guy in her life and so there was no need to fight for this one. If he was truly hers, he would certainly come back. Time and distance brings lots of distractions. The vacuum also brought new frequencies to a heart that was distorted and disorganized. Instead of struggling with melancholic vibrations, she tuned to a lust frequency. A mistake? To her utmost surprise, the selections on the turn table were melodious. It turned out to have vibes that were scintillating.

    Meanwhile, Bayo is tired of the lust frequency and was trying to reconnect. The feeling did not match the expectations. No, this was not the kind of music (love) that he craved for. Back with a bang? He was on but Ifedayo was no longer operating on that frequency. She was actually operating on something higher and more adventurous. End of the story? This time around Bayo had learnt his lessons and he knew he needed to give her time. Time to know and understand that what she was feeling was nothing but distraction. He was right, twelve weeks after it was all over  and she was back in his arms.

    They almost missed it. Interestingly, they are not alone. A number of lovebirds have been distracted along the lust frequency. It is therefore wise to make sure you understand the heart that you are cruising with if you really love the person, also make sure that you are operating on the same frequency and make room for adjustments. Failure to do this can take you treasure from one point of distraction to the other.

    Did I just hear you say that your heart can never be distracted? A big joke? Love and lust are like Siamese twins, where you find one, you find the other. If you are still in doubt, then you must listen to what Tim Hunt, a biochemist says about distraction and the laboratory

    “Let me tell you about my trouble with girls,” Mr. Hunt told an audience at the World Conference of Science Journalists in South Korea. “Three things happen when they are in the lab: You fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticize them they cry.”

    His summation here is that women are a romantic distraction in the laboratory. Truth here is that men get carried away most of the time and it doesn’t matter who you are, temptations abound. The Nobel laureate had to resign as honorary professor at University College London after saying this because there was an uproar about women being a romantic distraction in the laboratory.

    The crux of the matter is that the emotional frequency fluctuates and you need to be prepared to handle the currents without tears.

    True connection is one of Love’s bedrock pre-requisites, a prime reason that love is unconstitutional but instead requires a particular stance. Neither abstract nor mediated, true connection is physical and unfolds in real time. It requires sensory and temporal copresence of bodies. .

    The main mode of sensory connection, scientists contend is eye contact. Other forms of real-time sensory contact include touch, voice or mirrored body postures and gestures. Nevertheless, eye contact experts informs is the most potent, trigger for connection and oneness.

  • Crashing down the valley

    Crashing down the valley

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    Georgina is a very pretty and intelligent girl. In spite of all this ,she has not been able to secure a good relationship. She has tried and tried but no matter how hard she tries love appears to be elusive.  It has therefore been tales of disappointments, tears and frustration.

    So what really is the matter you ask? ‘When it comes to having  intimate relationship I have a problem with communication, trusting the  other person or telling him how I feel about him. I am an introvert and a lot of the guys I come across do not usually understand me.

    Interestingly, she just survived another crisis, something that would have brought more heartaches was nipped in the bud and she trying very hard to save the relationship.’If I lose this one, then I am finished. It is actually my last hope and I pray I would not have to start all over again. ‘

    Sadly, our friend is not the cause of the problem, she has played her part very well but the problem here is that the Romeo has taken her for granted.

    The crux of the matter here is that, when you want a relationship that you want to last  for ever, there are certain things that you must do. Of course , you must be committed personally, be ready to give more than you plan to receive as well as have a possible time frame in mind.

    Even when you have all this at your fingertips, there can still be a snag to the success of this adventure. This is because it takes two to tango and you cannot make a success of the situation alone.Also if you are committed and the other person does not know wants from the relationship then you may just end up being stranded at the end of the day.

    ‘I fell in love with Adewunmi as soon as I set my eyes on her about five months ago. And from that day I wanted her to be my wife. I put everything into that relationship, dropped all my old habits and tried to spoil her with everything I had during the courtship. Inspire of all the sacrifices that I made, I realised that she wasn’t shifting at all. I bought her all kinds of gifts, visited her regularly and spent a  fortune on phone calls.However, I discovered that the more interest I showed in my woman the more difficult when became.

    Scroll down memory lane and the 32 year old lover boy laments that: ” In all the relationships that I have had in the past, I have never done this for any girl and it is so painful to know that she doesn’t appreciate it all.

    Now, I have come to the conclusion that I had been dissipating energy and affection . Interestingly, you can also compare the scenario to Russell Bertrand”s analysis of the mind. “You may sometimes find on a mountain side a large rock poised so delicately that a touch will set it crashing down into the valley, while rocks all round are so firm that only a considerable force can dislodge them.What is analogous in this two cases is the existence of a great stone of energy in unstable equilibrium ready to burst into violent motion by the addition of a very slight disturbance”.

    It is important to share some things in common, have the same goals and be compatible to move your love train ahead.”When I came to this realization Ibegan to ask questions from friends and those who were close to my sweetheart. In the process, I discovered that she had been battered by some guys and the effect took a toll on the softer part of her heart. Now, she has hardened her heart against all men, including yours truly. Too bad, there was really nothing I could do about it.

    Poor guy, he just had to move on with his life. The lesson learnt here is that the people we fall in love with may turn out to be different from our expectations. When you come to this realisation the best thing to do is to move on, there is no point crying over split milk.

  • Crashing down the valley

    Crashing down the valley

    YETUNDE OLADEINDE

     

    GEORGINA is a very pretty and intelligent girl. In spite of all this, she has not been able to secure a good relationship. She has tried and tried but no matter how hard she tries love appears to be elusive.  It has therefore been tales of disappointments, tears and frustration.

    So what really is the matter you ask? ‘When it comes to having  intimate relationship I have a problem with communication, trusting the  other person or telling him how I feel about him. I am an introvert and a lot of the guys I come across do not usually understand me.

    Interestingly, she just survived another crisis, something that would have brought more heartaches was nipped in the bud and she trying very hard to save the relationship.’If I lose this one, then I am finished. It is actually my last hope and I pray I would not have to start all over again. ‘

    Sadly, our friend is not the cause of the problem, she has played her part very well but the problem here is that the Romeo has taken her for granted.

    The crux of the matter here is that, when you want a relationship that you want to last  for ever, there are certain things that you must do. Of course , you must be committed personally, be ready to give more than you plan to receive as well as have a possible time frame in mind.

    Even when you have all this at your fingertips, there can still be a snag to the success of this adventure. This is because it takes two to tango and you cannot make a success of the situation alone.Also if you are committed and the other person does not know wants from the relationship then you may just end up being stranded at the end of the day.

    ‘I fell in love with Adewunmi as soon as I set my eyes on her about five months ago. And from that day I wanted her to be my wife. I put everything into that relationship, dropped all my old habits and tried to spoil her with everything I had during the courtship. Inspire of all the sacrifices that I made, I realised that she wasn’t shifting at all. I bought her all kinds of gifts, visited her regularly and spent a  fortune on phone calls.However, I discovered that the more interest I showed in my woman the more difficult when became.

    Scroll down memory lane and the 32 year old lover boy laments that: ” In all the relationships that I have had in the past, I have never done this for any girl and it is so painful to know that she doesn’t appreciate it all.

    Now, I have come to the conclusion that I had been dissipating energy and affection . Interestingly, you can also compare the scenario to Russell Bertrand”s analysis of the mind. “You may sometimes find on a mountain side a large  rock poised so delicately that a touch will set it crashing down into the valley, while rocks all round are so firm that only a considerable force can dislodge them.What is analogous in this two cases is the existence of a great stone of energy in unstable equilibrium ready to burst into violent motion by the addition of a very slight disturbance”.

    It is important to share some things in common, have the same goals and be compatible to move your love train ahead.”When I came to this realization Ibegan to ask questions from friends and those who were close to my sweetheart. In the process, I discovered that she had been battered by some guys and the effect took a toll on the softer part of her heart. Now, she has hardened her heart against all men, including yours truly. Too bad, there was really nothing I could do about it.

    Poor guy, he just had to move on with his life. The lesson learnt here is that the people we fall in love with may turn out to be different bfrom our expectations. When you come to this realisation the best thing to do is to move on ,there is no point crying over split milk.

  • A trip to fantasy Island

    A trip to fantasy Island

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    The tears flowed endlessly. It was actually tears of joy. She almost lost someone she loved so much. A friend told her he was cheating on her and then the battle line was drawn. It was almost over but luckily the shadows cleared and she is back in the arms of the one she loved.

    To ease out the tension, she put on the radio and the music affirmed that she was right on track.

    I see trees of green

    Red roses too

    I see them, bloom

    For me and you

    And I think to myself

    What a wonderful world…

    Butterflies bliss and Louis Armstrong’s ‘what a wonderful world’ is something many would love to experience in their relationships. This can only happen when what you have is true, pure and unadulterated romance. It’s beautiful, memorable and takes you on a trip to fantasy Island. Here you would always feel the flutter of butterflies in your stomach and on a daily basis the world feels beautiful.

    It is only natural that you would want to be with your sweetheart all the time, and even when you’re not together, you just can’t help wanting to be together. There is actually a perfect balance and you’re happy. Your sweetheart is happy, the world’s happy for you and you’re having the time of your life.

    Is it Love at first sight, unconditional love, Platonic and the other kinds of love? Even when you experience a particular type, you can be sure that your experience would be different from others.

    Interestingly, the unconditional type of love appears to be one of the best. Here you need to ask certain questions to be sure that you are on track. Do you love someone more than you love yourself? Do you care about your lover more than you care about anything else in the world?

    Interestingly, unconditional love is the stuff fairy tales and romance novels are made of. If both of you care about each other and love each other selflessly, you’re in the middle of a special type of love that few ever experience, but spend all their lives looking for.

    The first crush is a memorable experience, one that’s filled with confusing jolts in the stomach. It’s a beautiful experience and most times it feels as if your life actually depended on it at that time.

    And there are times when you like someone madly, but didn’t just want to express your love for them. Sometimes, you may have an intense infatuation for someone, but, yet, you wouldn’t want to spoil the happy thoughts by doing anything about it.

    Unrequited love is a love filled with heartbreaks and one that almost all of us have experienced. It’s the dreaded one-sided love, where you like someone and you know that person will never like you back. They may be in a relationship, or they may just use you. You find yourself falling more in love with each passing day, even though you know you’ll never get any happiness out of this type of love.

    Obsessive lovers are scared, insecure, and obviously obsessive about the relationship. Now you may have been one or may have dated someone like this. It’s a stage all of us experience when we’re afraid of losing someone we love. But if you or your partner has security issues, really, there’s no hope for a happy ending here.

    On the extreme side, you will find selfish love. Even though it involves two people to create that relationship, selfish love also involves two people who are in love with one person. Your partner loves you. You love you. Selfish love is a love where you don’t care about your partner or their happiness.

    You only care about yourself. If you ever find yourself getting into a relationship just for the heck of it without really falling in love with the other person, chances are you’re a selfish lover. Selfish lovers are clever, scheming foxes who only get into a relationship to see what they can get out of it.

    Well, the truth is that no matter the situation, love is something that we all look forward to experiencing. Even the hardest of hearts melt in the love field. But if you can’t find true love then you may just settle for Platonic love which is the simplest of all types. There are no strings attached and no sexual intentions either. It’s pure, friendly and something we experience from a very young age.

    Love, interestingly, comes in so many hues and ways that’s almost impossible to predict what type you are in.

    Sometimes, it can be happy, painful or somehow confusing. As you search your mind, you’ll definitely find that you must have passed through it and would have experienced some ‘refining’ moments. But if you haven’t gone through this phase (s) then there is definitely no cause for alarm. It may just be around the corner, all you probably need is to tap into the next love opportunity.

  • Sharp emotional arrows

    Sharp emotional arrows

    Yetunde Oladehinde

     

    WHAT happens when you step on emotional toes? Well, that, unfortunately, is Moyo’s predicament at the moment. Slim, tall, with a flawless skin and curves in the right places, she has succeeded in stealing hearts from dusty emotional shelves.

    Why not! An eye (heart) for an eye (heart). Scroll down memory lane and you also find that our dear friend was a victim; valuable hearts had vanished, courtesy of some emotional shoplifters.

    Recently, she ran out of luck and was declared ‘wanted’. She took to her heels and tried to find solace in the emotional jungle. The rugged owner of a missing heart did not give up; she staked everything to have her pound of flesh from the hawk – the one that had caused her so much pain. Strategically, she combed the nooks and crannies carefully and finally found the queen of heart, looking remorseful.

    This was not the best time for sermons, and so she was beaten to a state of coma, with memorable scars. Jungle justice! It is the norm and so it is best to tread with caution.

    If you do not want to be an emotional prey, then you must be in charge of the terrain. Don’t also bite more than you can chew. Always make sure that cupid’s arrow is on target, there is no harm trying again and again. Arrows? Yes, they are symbols that we see all the time. From the street signs, road markings and markings on the doors indicating direction to a choice location. This also reminds you of Jeffrey Archer’s book, A Quiver full of Arrows. Fortunes are made and squandered, honour betrayed and redeemed and love lost and rediscovered. In this collection of short stories, you find the passion that drives men and women to love and to hate.

    A good hunter must have a quiver filled with sharp emotional arrows (strategies). Love birds need different arrows for the different phase(s) in their relationships. Arrows also have their different functions and you must understand the terrain. When you use a wrong arrow for the wrong target, it is not likely to work.

    What you are ‘chasing’ would determine the type of arrows required to achieve your emotional aims and objectives. In the emotional jungle, you run into all kinds of hearts. Hearts that are as gentle as dove, hearts that are alluring as well as romantic. On the other side of the emotional divides are lions, crocodiles, hyenas and antelopes.

    Sadly, the emotional wilderness can be a death trap if you are not careful. You are likely to run into trouble when you least expect it to happen. On the prowl are hearts that are as cunning as a fox or hearts that are as wild as the tiger’s.

    If you are unlucky to fall hopelessly and helplessly with hearts in this category, then you must have your quiver filled with deadly emotional arrows. The arrows you choose would ultimately determine who becomes the prey in the emotional jungle.

    Without the required arrow in your custody, you are likely to be lily-livered and abandon the heart that you have been longing for, lusting after and wishing you had for keeps. Winners are usually wild with emotions and aware of all the tricks (arrows) in the quiver during the emotional hunting expedition.

    Learn the ropes, improvise, as well as update yourself with skills that would give you the sobriquet as hunter of hearts like lions and not just hunting for emotional ants, mosquitoes, cockroaches or rats. The crux of the matter is the hearts in this category are not worth dying for.

    Surprisingly, in the emotional terrain, women are better hunters. They have mastered the skills ultimately and use it to capture and get what they want. In the woman’s emotional quiver are tears, smiles, patience, endurance, nagging, as well as intrigues.

    Having the right arrows without making use of them is as good as not having them at all. In addition, a good heart hunter must know how to put the emotional arrow on the bow and draw it back to meet its target. The further you draw the bow (love), the more distance it goes or covers.

    You therefore cover more distance by showing love consistently, sharing your affection and substance dutifully. It is very important to talk nicely to the person you think you love, claim you love or that just makes your heart skip a bit all the time.

    Interestingly, the best emotional arrows aim at trust. It is the arrow that controls all the other arrows in your quiver. You can be sure that once this affectionate arrow is missing in your quiver, then you would miss the target. Love without trust isn’t love. Like a doubting Thomas, you are going to see a dove in the emotional woods and imagine that what you are looking at is a tiger.

    When you see a rabbit whispering sweet nothings into your ears, instead of turning around to caress this cupid-send angel, all you see is a heart luring you to the rabbit hole, to be strangled, cleaned up and adorned with condiments before ending in the pepper soup pot as ‘bush meat’.

  • Jumping from a moving train

    Jumping from a moving train

    By Yetunde Oladeinde

    What do you do with love that has gone sour? Usually, it is better to throw it in the trash can before it runs the tummy. That is exactly the way Teju is feeling at the moment. She had just survived an emotional hurricane and just could not fathom where and how she was going to move on. The feeling at this point can be compared to jumping off a moving train; the disaster that would follow is better imagined than experienced.

    Flashback down the emotional memory lane and it looks like the best love story. But along the line, she came to the realisation that the relationship which lasted for two years and four months was filled with ’emotional errors’. The guy she wanted to donate her heart to was a serial cheater.

    Sadly, Teju just had to move on, hoping to find a better heart, one that would not contaminate whatever was left. On her heart, she felt it may just be too hard to start over on a clean slate. The other option, therefore, was to avoid any emotional entanglements for now.

    The emotional pressure she was going through started to affect her work and so she thought of different ways to recover herself.

    A few weeks after, she just could not take her mind off and there was also tension at work. Teju decided to take a break from work and the restaurant in the neighbourhood looked like a great arrangement. A few minutes’ walk down the road and she was in the right place, relaxed in the serene environment, feeling different. The meal was also great and she waited a little just to get refreshed before going back to work.

    Two jolly good fellows walked in looking as famished as she was and they also had lunch. Once the stomach was sorted out, they talked about some of their recent conquests and escapades. Midway into the conversations, they remembered a third friend, Lanre, and the exploits he made when he was part of this team of emotional ‘musketeers’.

    Unfortunately for them, Lanre recently found love and amended his ways. “I just don’t know what is wrong with that guy. How can he lose all his head for one woman? I thought he was stronger than this but he has really disappointed me. Sometimes, when I remember his matter I get really upset. That is why I have stopped thinking about him,” Adamu lamented.

    The bone of contention is the fact that their good friend has ‘repented’. Old things and ’emotions’ have simply passed away. “One other thing that he does is that he actually keeps all the money he makes into a joint account with this woman. To make matters worse is the fact that the alert actually goes to the woman’s phone number. He just cannot do anything without her. Is that really what they call love? Humh….. I am sure that something fishy is going on.”

    The question here is what is wrong with being faithful a hundred per cent? Our friends, however, feel differently and believe that it is better to have a plan B in every arrangement. “That is not how to be faithful at all. I think he is just being a mugun and I am very sorry for him. I just hope that it won’t be too late before he realises what’s going on.”

    Humorously, Mr. B talks about a similar experience and how a smarter Alec survived the emotional struggle. “Muyiwa had always been smart from our schooldays. Then about three years ago he met this lady and he became very cool and calm. The first time I met the lady in question, I just did not like her at all. She was very rude and domineering and I told him that he was not likely to go far with that kind of lady.”

    He continued: “For the first time, Muyiwa was visibly angry with me and he told me not to interfere with the relationship because he was in charge. So I left him with this emotional cross and thought this was another lost case. We met at a friend’s party about six months after and we reconciled. It was there that he made me realise that he was not as foolish as I thought. ‘We have a joint account and we use this account to service whatever we need to run the home. I pretend to put all my resources in the account but I have a secret account where all the extras that I make are kept. The strategy, however, is to look and feel helpless financially, so that I can continually draw from the joint account .This way I have a robust savings account that she doesn’t know exist.’”

    Can you beat that? Well, a lot of women actually get stuck on the road to an amazing relationship, and most times it has to do with a fear of the unknown.

    Lots of women who are afraid of being alone also end up picking the same kind of men over and over who just don’t “get it”.

    So you need to identify what you want and if it isn’t there, then there is no point hanging on. If you’re afraid of being alone, you’re likely to put up with behaviour you aren’t comfortable with just for the sake of being in a relationship.

  • A wonderful world

    A wonderful world

    THE tears flowed endlessly. It was actually tears of joy. She almost lost someone she loved so much. A friend told her he was cheating on her and then the battle line was drawn. It was almost over but luckily the shadows cleared and she is back in the arms of the one she loved.

    To ease out the tension, she put on the radio and the music affirmed that she was right on track.

    I see trees of green

    Red roses too

    I see them, bloom

    For me and you

    And I think to myself

    What a wonderful world…

    Butterflies bliss and Louis Armstrong’s ‘what a wonderful world is something many would love to experience in their relationships. This can only happen when what you have is true, pure and unadulterated romance. It’s beautiful, memorable and takes you on a trip to Fantasy Island. Here, you would always feel the flutter of butterflies in your stomach and on a daily basis the world feels beautiful.

    It is only natural that you would want to be with your sweetheart all the time, and even when you’re not together, you just can’t help wanting to be together. There is actually a perfect balance and you’re happy. Your sweetheart is happy, the world’s happy for you and you’re having the time of your life.

    Is it love at first sight, unconditional love, Platonic and the other kinds of love? Even when you experience a particular type, you can be sure that your experience would be different from others.

    Interestingly, the unconditional type of love appears to be one of the best. Here, you need to ask certain questions to be sure that you are on track. Do you love someone more than you love yourself? Do you care about your lover more than you care about anything else is the world?

    Interestingly, unconditional love is the stuff fairy tales and romance novels are made of. If both of you care about each other and love each other selflessly, you’re in the middle of a special type of love that few ever experience, but spend all their lives looking for.

    The first crush is a memorable experience, one that’s filled with confusing jolts in the stomach. It’s a beautiful experience and most times it feels as if your life actually depended on it at that time.

    And there are times when you like someone madly, but didn’t just want to express your love for them. Sometimes, you may have an intense infatuation for someone, but, yet, you wouldn’t want to spoil the happy thoughts by doing anything about it.

    Unrequited love is a love filled with heartbreaks and one that almost all of us have experienced. It’s the dreaded one-sided love, where you like someone and you know that person will never like you back. They may be in a relationship, or they may just use you. You find yourself falling more in love with each passing day, even though you know you’ll never get any happiness out of this type of love.

    Obsessive lovers are scared, insecure, and obviously obsessive about the relationship. Now you may have been one or may have dated someone like this. It’s a stage all of us experience when we’re afraid of losing someone we love. But if you or your partner has security issues, really, there’s no hope for a happy ending here.

    On the extreme side, you will find selfish love. Even though it involves two people to create that relationship, selfish love also involves two people who are in love with one person. Your partner loves you. You love you. Selfish love is a love where you don’t care about your partner or their happiness.

    You only care about yourself. If you ever find yourself getting into a relationship just for the heck of it without really falling in love with the other person, chances are you’re a selfish lover. Selfish lovers are clever, scheming foxes who only get into a relationship to see what they can get out of it.

    Well, the truth is that no matter the situation, love is something that we all look forward to experiencing. Even the hardest of hearts melt in the love field. But if you can’t find true love then you may just settle for Platonic love which is the simplest of all types. There are no strings attached and no sexual intentions either. It’s pure, friendly and something we experience from a very young age.

    Love, interestingly, comes in so many hues and ways that’s almost impossible to predict what type you are in. Sometimes, it can be happy, painful or somehow confusing. As you search your mind, you’ll definitely find that you must have passed through it and would have experienced some ‘refining’ moments. But if you haven’t gone through this phase (s) then there is definitely no cause for alarm. It may just be around the corner, all you probably need is to tap into the next love opportunity.