The Nation Newspaper

Category: Pillow Talk

  • Grass greener where you water

    Yetunde Oladeinde

    Like the saying, grass greener where you water, things get better in a relationship where you play your part well. A lot of people admire hearts that have been watered by others, thinking that it all happened by chance. That is not usually the case.

    The saying interestingly comes from the idea of looking at a neighbour’s lawn and seeing it as better looking, healthier and overall greener than your own. It actually shows that a lot of hard work had been put in place and the outcome of the dedication and perseverance by the owner of the emotional lawn has indeed paid off.

    On the other hand, the reality in many relationships is the fact that partners expect so much and get disappointed when their expectations are not met. Great hearts on the other hand are people who give in so much and yet have expectations that are reasonable; things that their partner can do and have the capacity to do. This way, their emotional investments get greener and by the time they turn around to take stock, everything falls in place beautifully. Those who do not ‘water’ their emotional tree end up having withered affection. All they do is argue, complain and see nothing good in the hearts they were meant to love, cherish and adore. In confusion and frustration, their sweethearts cannot flourish; they also get hostile and things would certainly fall apart.

    Here the hearts concerned would keep on ignoring anything negative.

    Gbenga has been in and out of four relationships, in less than a year. He kept on admiring his best friend’s girlfriend wishing he could get someone as smart and trendy as she was. “When I told my friend the reasons I broke up with the girl, he smiled and told me that his girl wasn’t as perfect as I thought she was. He was actually the one that had been making up for her inadequacies. He honestly never looked at it that way and now he understands that the emotional grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”

    Friend#2: Are you serious? I’ve always envied you. People expect so much out of me. I’ve never been able to have a life because of studying and other schoolwork. If I get less than an A, people freak out like I got an F. I may accomplish that much, but with all the pressure on me I’ll probably be insane by the time I’m 35. In so many ways, I wish I could just be a regular guy with normal expectations and a normal life.

    David has just ended his four-year-old relationship with Jessica. He gave that relationship everything he had but somehow the heart in question did not appreciate and value the efforts that he was putting into the relationship. Initially, he didn’t mind because he imagined that the babe in question was just playing hard to get. However, things got to a point where he just couldn’t take it anymore. He discovered that his sweetheart was hanging out with another buddy and always arrived at her doorstep around midnight. “She just did not know that I was monitoring her and I waited for the right time to tell her the stuff that she was made up.”

    Remorseful? No she wasn’t. Instead, she threw the garbage back in my court. “What exactly is the matter with you? You go out with your friends and nobody says anything about it? You refuse to pick my calls on a number of occasions and you expect me to sit and wait for you, Mr. Prince charming?”

    Wasn’t it better to iron out the emotional difference at this point? “For God’s sake, when will these double standard stop. No, I don’t think that you are the type of guy that I am looking for. I do not want a man that would give me heartaches, please just go away. I am sick and tired of this relationship.”

  • My love for saving lives made me a Food Doctor – Awesu Joseph Temitope

    Adeniyi Adewoyin

    The Founder and Managing Director of Food Dotors, Awesu Joseph Temitope has revealed that he loves to save life which was why he opted to study medicine but not lucky enough with University admission, he later settled for Lagos State Polytechnic, Ikorodu in 2008 to study Food Science & Technology.

    In his words “My love for saving lives as a medical doctor was what translated to my saving lives through food”.

    Having studied Food Science & Technology at the Lagos State Polytechnic, Joseph thought outside the box to carve a niche for himself.

    He continued that he didn’t give up on his dream

    He noted not studying medicine didn’t stop his dream of saving live which was what gave birth to his company, Food Doctors Nigeria Limited in 2009.

    ”When I was in school, whenever I told people I was studying food technology they often asked if I could cook, but when I tell them I am a food doctor, they crave to know more about me.

    However, Food Doctors Nigeria Limited (FDNL), an indigenous food consulting firm and a registered incorporation in Nigeria with a track record on exceptional and professional performance, poised itself as a one stop shop for Food Safety Solutions, Agribusiness Sustainability and Capacity Development.

    “At Food Doctors, with our mandate to save Lives Through Food…..We have a large food and agro-allied professional network pool of over 64 faculty working with the organization in areas of capacity development for farmers and food industry. Also a network of registered nutritionists working on zero malnutrition advocacy project in Nigeria” Awesu noted.

    READ ALSO: ITU: innovation crucial to saving lives

    Earlier this year, on May 9th, 2019 the Orgazation had the Maiden edition of “Food Entrepreneur Rountable Summit” which attracts food Professionals and Food Business Managers across the country to tackle, address and discuss “Food Business Sustainability:Key to Zero Hunger with the Guest Speaker Pat McMicheal, CEO Eat ‘N’ Go (Domino Pizza). This summit was organized by Food Doctors Nigeria Limited having observed a lot of Quick Service Restaurants (QSR) are folding up in Nigeria.

    Also, currently the company embarked on an initiative tagged “Fruit Break” to encourage schools to have a mandatory fruit break during learning hours as this Improves and promotes Good nutritional status amongst students and helps incorporate a good dietary habit as a lifestyle from an early life.

    When asked where do Joseph see Food Doctor in a decade?

    He said, “In a decade, I want Food Doctors Ng to be a leading food and agribusiness consulting firm in Africa”.
    Attachments area

  • Lust, love and fluctuations

    LOST and stranded, Ifedayo just cannot understand the alternating emotional current that she is experiencing at the moment. As much as she tries to decode the tune from the radio for better signals, the tunes are discordant.  Perhaps it is better to shift the emotional antenna in another direction for connection. Sadly, it is still the same old story.  It is obviously an outpour of emotion but the message is vague and confusing; how is she ever going to understand these alternating emotional currents?

    To be or not to be? That is the emotional question on her lips now. She met her true love, Bayo, at the hospital when her father had an accident. It was a very traumatic period in her life and he was a great comforter. It was a wonderful relationship after a few nasty experiences with men. Bayo literately swept her off her feet and the word resistance vanished from her emotional lexicon.

    Was this sacrifice worth the while? Well, the Romeo was glued to her emotional frequency for a while. It was very alluring and listening to these love vibes consistently, our dear friend was certain that the frequency was just right. Those sweet emotional lyrics and lullabies brought tears of joy. Just when she thought she couldn’t do without the dude in question, the source of the emotional current was tampered with and there was an emotional blackout.

    Can we really blame the Romeo in question? He became bored with the package and began to tune to other emotional frequencies that had a variety of options to offer. Reality zone! Should she fight for control of the emotional station? The truth of the matter was that she had never fought over a guy in her life and so there was no need to fight for this one. If he was truly hers, he would certainly come back. Time and distance bring lots of distractions. The vacuum also brought new frequencies to a heart that was distorted and disorganised. Instead of struggling with melancholic vibrations, she tuned to a lust frequency. A mistake? To her utmost surprise, the selections on the turn table were melodious. It turned out to have vibes that were scintillating. Meanwhile, Bayo is tired of the lust frequency and was trying to reconnect. The feeling did not match the expectations. No, this was not the kind of music (love) that he craved for. Back with a bang? He was on but Ifedayo was no longer operating on that frequency. She was actually operating on something higher and more adventurous. End of the story? This time around, Bayo had learnt his lessons and he knew he needed to give her time. Time to know and understand that what she was feeling was nothing but distraction. He was right, twelve weeks after it was all over and she was back in his arms.

    They almost missed it. Interestingly, they are not alone. A number of lovebirds have been distracted along the lust frequency. It is therefore wise to make sure you understand the heart that you are cruising with if you really love the person. Also make sure that you are operating on the same frequency and make room for adjustments. Failure to do this can take you treasure from one point of distraction to the other.

    Did I just hear you say that your heart can never be distracted? A big joke? Love and lust are like Siamese twins, where you find one, you find the other. If you are still in doubt, then you must listen to what Tim Hunt, a biochemist, says about distraction and the laboratory.

    “Let me tell you about my trouble with girls,” Mr. Hunt told an audience at the World Conference of science journalists in South Korea. “Three things happen when they are in the lab: You fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticise them they cry.”

    His summation here is that women are a romantic distraction in the laboratory. Truth here is that men get carried away most of the time and it doesn’t matter who you are; temptations abound. The Nobel laureate had to resign as honorary professor at University College London after saying this because there was an uproar about women being a romantic distraction in the laboratory.

    The crux of the matter is that the emotional frequency fluctuates and you need to be prepared to handle the currents without tears.

    True connection is one of love’s bedrock prerequisites, a prime reason that love is unconstitutional but instead requires a particular stance. Neither abstract nor mediated, true connection is physical and unfolds in real time. It requires sensory and temporal co-presence of bodies.

    The main mode of sensory connection, scientists contend, is eye contact. Other forms of real-time sensory contact include touch, voice or mirrored body postures and gestures. Nevertheless, eye contact, experts inform, is the most potent, trigger for connection and oneness.

  • PILLOWTALK: Smile to the emotional bank

    Yetunde Oladeinde

    molaralife@yahoo.com

    It was Bimpe’s birthday and Wale decided to give her a wonderful treat. He bought a variety of clothes, accessories and took care of the other details.

    Friends and relatives were invited to this memorable event and he actually thought this was the best way to convince her that he really loved her and wanted her for keeps.

    Unfortunately, things did not just work out as planned: the birthday gal and some of her friends who were the ‘typical bad gals’ changed the agenda. Some of the other friends in their circle were brought into the arrangement a few days to the party and they hijacked the ceremony.

    At this point, our dear friend realised that he was not as important as he thought he was on the babe’s emotional scale of preference.

    Oh dear! Why didn’t anyone warn him about all these? How come he never knew that she was cheating on him?

    Frustrated, he left the party midway because every moment spent made him realise that he had been a fool all this while. His heart was very heavy, a belly also filled with animosity.

    Tears? No, there was no need for that now. It hurts but tears weren’t an option. It was only an eye opener, something that has made him wake up from emotional slumber and plan for something better.

    Most times, a lot of guys and babes get carried away with the emotional gesticulations. You need to look beyond the physical and do some assessment of your worth from time to time.

    You also need to know what goes through a person’s mind when they are feeling attraction for you. What really are the criteria for selecting you and not another? Is it because you have a good job, work hard and pretty cute or a really kind or easy going person?

    Time definitely would certainly tell…but before you allow the odds to catch up with you, you may need to do a quick emotional survey.

    A sincere partner should naturally smile to the emotional bank after working so hard to make a relationship work. Yes, sometimes this is as a result of dedication, hard work and perseverance. But there are times when you put in so much and you get so little in return.

    It happens especially when the person that you put all your dreams and hopes upon is insincere. From the outset, he or she has it all worked out, and foolishly you tagged along until the emotional carpet is pulled off your feet in a very rude way.

    Recently, yours truly ran into a story that brings tears to the eyes, breaking hearts all the way. A 29-year-old man actually scammed and robbed 38 women in at least seven states while giving different identities as Ray Holycross, Ray Cross and ray Thompson.

    So, how did he do this? Investigations revealed that he spent years logging into dating websites to meet women before moving in with them and then went on to steal from these women.

    For Jennifer Clark, it was love until the mess was discovered. She met him on an online dating site and was smitten. In a short while, the two lovebirds moved in together. “We lived in my house and I decided I wanted to help him.”

    Once he captured her heart, he tried to convince her to sell her home and her car. The love struck lady agreed to do the wish of her prince charming, while he promised to take her to Chicago.

    So, the emotional coast was very clear. He took her laptop, iPhone, withdrew about $1000 from her account and vanished.

    Just like that! “He made me feel like he was going to take care of me, instead I was left with absolutely nothing,” Clark recalled.

    Was she really stupid or could this be love?”He was extremely charming and convincing and, looking back at myself I feel foolish.” Many of the women who met Holycross online told a similar story. They said he was an online charmer who took off with their cash once they let him into their lives and homes.

  • A curious journey

    THE bird perched on the wall nearby, there were other birds around. Jolly good fellows at work and you just can’t help but admire the beautiful scenario that they have just created. The last bird moved around a particular bird and wasn’t eager to fly away. A closer look and you discover that something had caught its fancy. It’s another bird but the bird had company, a rival who wasn’t ready to let go.

    This beautiful bird was certainly excited (in love) and you can feel the excitement. Just when you think this was going to last forever, a noise from the latest entry into the emotional contest (bird) catches your attention. There is a struggle between these rivals and then it flies away from trouble.

    That scenario aptly captures a number of experiences when it comes to love and relationships. It, certainly, is a sweet and memorable experience that trails the lovebirds at the beginning of every love story. While some are simple, others are dramatic; but the most important thing is attaining your emotional goals and surviving the many odds involved.

    Naturally, love captures and captivates the person at the centre of the game and once you are hooked the rest is history, as they say. Conversely, all the rapt emotional attention, emotions and the other things that get caught in the web of each love story can also go down the drain.

    An upset comes when the other party realises that he or she is being taken for a ride , not appreciated or there is another competitor lurking around ready to take away what you have accepted, kept, treasured and is ready to do just anything to have it for keeps.

    Do anything for love? Yes! Why not! A lot of people are ready to do anything when they fall helplessly in love and that explains why a person known to be very tough softens down and allows the one he or she loves to have their way, sacrifice everything and anything for them. They would definitely close their eyes to things they would never have compromised on, hence the popular saying, ‘love is blind’.

    Love is indeed intoxicating and it hangs on the discovery of something unique and different. It is therefore natural to want to keep and treasure something that is an asset, something that is beautiful and good. Of course, if you are lucky to have a very special connection, then you should be ready to do everything to make it last. And because the experience is exciting and great then you start to think that maybe you’ve finally found the bone of your bones.

    Mr. or Mrs. Right? That, for  many, is usually an elusive race and when this becomes a reality, it is at this point that you find a lot of ladies getting anxious about something going wrong, or about him suddenly “changing his mind” about her. Unfortunately, this is precisely the moment where a lot of women make a lot of mistakes. You can and should communicate what you want to a man and set certain standards.

    A good relationship is about navigating the numerous differences between you. It must come first on your scale of preference. It is actually those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world. It is also very important to enjoy and appreciate what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be.

    Having good communication helps to oil the emotional wheel. Of course, there are days when we disagree but it must be done in such a way that we do not end up always hurting the people we claim to love. How would you feel when the love of your life talks down on you in front of his or her friends? How would you feel when issues you discuss privately with your sweetheart are taken to the public domain? The crux of the matter here is that ridiculing or humiliating each other is not a good idea, at all. You need some level of privacy to succeed in the relationship that you are building. Once you understand this perfectly and make sure you both talk honestly about what irritates or upsets you, then the love arena would continue to wax stronger, no matter the issues confronting you.

    If you have managed to surf the ups and downs of your relationship, you will become an inspiration to other people around you.

    Besides, you will always have a wealth of shared memories to laugh over and look forward to handling differences without stress. This is because you have accepted each other in your entirety.

  • PILLOWTALK

    WHEN an orange tree bears bitter fruits, cut down the tree and not just the fruits”. This proverb from Swaziland tells us that it is better to get rid of something you do not value or doesn’t bring joy and pleasure. It is therefore very important to make yourself an asset, something to be treasured and something that cannot be replaced. This, of course, does not come on a platter of gold; you must have to earn it with the way you relate with the other person. For many, being a love material comes natural because you cannot give what you don’t have.

    A loving heart is a kind heart, a heart filled with forgiveness and one who pursues the happiness of the other. Ancient love is not selfish but unfortunately many find it difficult to dole out this kind of love. On the love shelf, what you run into is love that is cunning, crafty, stingy, pretentious and very greedy. The goal of a good relationship should be to find someone that you are compatible with.

    If along the line you discover that the two of you are not compatible, then it is better to move on with your life and find the sparks somewhere else. The big question is the emotional journey here is easy or not. Well, it varies with people; while some are lucky with casting their emotional nets, others are not so lucky. They may have to go from a second, third or fourth lovebird before catching the apple of their eyes.

    While it is easier for men to do emotional swaps here and there, it is usually not the same for women. This is why it is better to look very well before taking a leap. A fall from your emotional height could lead to fractures or broken bones that would take time to heal or those that leave a permanent damage. A damage that would ultimately lead to further damage along your emotional corridor.

    “No man wants to hear about men who helped to fill the emotional vacuum in the past. Of course, you know that the men like to brag about their conquests but it is a different ball game when it is a woman that is involved. It actually ruins the mystique and makes them feel anxious about being compared to the other person.”

    She believes that it is easier when you can identify with love when it catches up with you. Unfortunately, a lot of people get carried away with shadows and by the time they are ready the one that should have been captured must have moved on. Foluke added that dating when you’re younger is so much different than dating when you’re older, and if you’re looking for love, you would definitely want something that would work out fine.

    I have seen a lot of friends who lost their first love struggling to catch up because they do not love the person they got married to.  Personally, I was very lucky because I married my first real love and we are both very happy together. Whether you’re still looking for your first love, or back in the dating field, there are some key things you should not talk about when you’re on your first date.

    Often, going that extra mile to make your woman or man feel special is all you need to make all the difference. You have to give so much and expect little in return. This way you are bound to overlook the shortcomings of the other person and vice versa.

    To fire up the romance in your relationship, you must be a good listener. It is better to listen when he or she shares some inner desires, likes, and fears. Here your duty would be to nudge and guide, and, above all, be interested. Interestingly, it is at this point that you are likely to get more ideas about what you should do next to impress and get more attention. You can also put little notes everywhere he can find all day. They could be love notes, smileys, or lines from love poetry or songs. This can make the one you are giving attention to dream about you all day, weeks and even months. In addition, you can create an atmosphere with special lighting, candles, and essential oils. Here you are bound to make him feel pampered as well as have that special time together. However, it would be interesting to plan details all by yourself. This way your target will love the feeling of being pampered.

    Have a secret code for intimate sharing and use it in a crowd. It could be for saying, “I love you,” “You look lovely,” or “I want to kiss you.” Act silly with him now and then. It lightens up the mood, and gets him to become playful. It also tells him you are comfortable enough with him to be yourself, which is great cement for your relationship.

    As an African woman, you can surf your way into his heart by cooking a special meal for him. This is a faster route to making him eat from your palms any day. The signal here is to tell him that not only are you multi-talented, but care enough to make a special spread only for him.

  • PILLOWTALK

    YETUNDE OLADEINDE

    MISSING person! The words on the poster drew yours truly closer. The photograph of the lady is simply breathtaking; a missing beauty would certainly make any heart skip a beat. The words and the face conjure all kinds of images and you are in wonderland. What could have happened to this beauty?  Was she kidnapped by a beast(s)? How could she just vanish into thin air without imagining the pain her disappearing act would cause?

    Dead or alive, the truth of the matter here is that she is deeply missed. This reminds yours truly of a missing heart, like people hearts can be missing. So, what kind of heart are we likely to miss? you ask. A sweet heart is a jolly good fellow, someone who brings sunshine (love) into your world, a heart that radiates joy and one who spreads love in mega doses and there certainly is never a dull moment.

    A missing heart is a lost heart; it is over but somehow you just cannot let go. The more you want to forget and move on, it keeps creeping back but there is a lot of uncertainty here. Searching for the lost or missing comes with tales of frustration. The missing person who ran away must have escaped from something or someone, a partner who is aggressive, selfish or non-challant about your feelings.

    Well, somehow, you cannot be judgmental on the emotional corridor. For many, it’s the gambling arena. Sometimes you put in an emotional coin and sweep the stakes. As a winner, you smile everywhere and you are likely to attract more hearts. Everybody loves a winner and you may just be overwhelmed by the level of attention you are getting here and there. You are in the season of love and the best thing to do is to put on your thinking cap and not the emotional cap. If you do not make the best of the emotional coupons, you may just waste them.

    Unfortunately, there are times when you put in all your savings and walk out without a dime.

    With and his your truly heart(s) are hurting and they would be glad to see her back or know exactly what has happened to her. As you think about the possibilities, you heart continues to sink.

    Two close pals who know her story comes to the rescue. That babe ran away. No, this can’t be. How can anyone run away from an environment where the hearts around ‘appear’ to be so loving? Imagine the cost of producing those bright, coloured posters; imagine the number of people to be contacted, if our dear friend is found. They really care, don’t they?

    Forget about the bright, coloured poster and the effect created about a heart that is being missed.

    What actually happened was the case of a missing heart. Her heart left a long time ago. Whatever you are feeling comes from a cumulative effect of your feelings and how you feel for the other person. The vibes from your emotions cannot be compared to the effects you get from a solo instrument; instead you get better like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. So at every phase in your relationship, you have got to ask yourself pertinent questions about what your mind is saying, what your heart is saying, as well as what your gut is saying.

    This is very interesting because there are times when your heart says you have found love but somewhere along the line your mind is warning you about the consequence and more.

    The crux of the matter here is that we must learn how to build the right kind of relationship. We must strive to make those who think we love them happy and have memories that linger. The big question, however, is how many of us have learnt how to build loving relationships?  If we have done this, then it is important to make use of the essentials and allow others to appreciate what we are enjoying in our relationships.

    As you take a look around, you find that there is an art and science to building strong relationships. The first type is to create a safe environment, a place where trust is key and lovebirds are free to share ideas and not allow one person’s interests to dominate the other. No, it isn’t always a smooth ride and there would certainly be days when you need to shout and get angry. Yes, there are days when the emotional battle line is drawn, but, again, when you get to this emotional crossroads, it is better to fight fairly. Of course, for many it is almost impossible to get to anger zone and still maintain some level of sanity.

    Interestingly, you can do this by making your points and addressing the areas that you want to see changes. To do this effectively, there should be no name calling, don’t make threats and it is also very important to apologize when you know you should.

    However, if things get really bad and out of hand, then you are likely to get too angry to really listen. If your emotions have really gone down the drain, then it is better to take a break, give yourself some space and calm down.

  • Still in doubt

    When you think about the desert, the image that readily comes to mind is a state of emptiness. In a love desert you would be thinking of a lost love and trying to fill in the gaps in your own way. It is at this stage that the one at the centre of an emotional storm becomes a wanderer. No matter how hard you try, it may just be difficult to get your bearing.

    Even when it seems like you have gotten a substitute, you just can’t let go and your mind just keeps wandering and wandering. But you can move on when you forget the negatives and build on the positive emotions that you had in the past. Here

    you can scroll down memory lane, recalling the sweet memories you encountered here and there to get the emotional peace that you deserve. Dreaming about it would certainly lift your spirit, taking you close to the fairy tale stories that you have heard about. Still in doubt? No need to do that to yourself. Relax and cross over a bountiful emotional harvest. The type that happens once in a while and one that brings lots of happiness. Here you would find trees and shrubs of affection growing and churning out love branches that inspire and affect others. From the trees, you reap fruits that fill the hearts with tears of joy.

    Alternatively, you may find yourself stranded in an emotional desert. Here all you are bound to be feeling is a state of hopelessness, helplessness and rejection. But the big question is what were you hoping to get in this emotional Sahara in the first place? It is obvious that the emotional cargo that you have decided to pitch your tent with is as stranded as you are. No matter how hard you try, you guys aren’t going to go far.

    The one you are desperately trying to cruise with it has little or nothing to offer and this state of dryness isn’t going to do you any good. To get a better experience, it is better for you to move out of the desert to locate someone who would provide emotional sunshine as well as take you to the next level.

    In Coleridge’s Poem, “The Rime of the ancient Mariner,” the Wandering Albatross is actually referred to as ‘bird with good omen’.  Here we are also told about the metaphor of an albatross around his neck, indicating an unwanted burden causing anxiety or hindrance.

    Interestingly, in the days when sailing was popular, the bird often accompanied ships for days, not merely following it but wheeling in wide circles around it without ever being observed to land on the water. It continued it flight, apparently not tired, in tempestuous as well as modest weather. It is one of the largest birds in the world with the largest wingspan measuring up to about 3.5 metres. From the records, you would also find that the bird is one of the best studied species of birds in the world. Distance travelled each year is hard to measure but one banded bird was recovered travelling about 6000 km in twelve days. They spent most of their life on the wing returning to land only to court a mate and to breed.

    The behaviour of the bird is also very interesting having a range of displays from screams, whistles, grunts and bill clapping. When courting, they actually spread their wings, wave their heads as well as rap their bills together.

    Interestingly, bones from these birds’ wings are used to produce needles; tobacco pipe stems fishhooks and flutes that would ultimately churn out romantic lyrics and songs.

    Of course, you would agree with yours truly that there are a number of romantic connections with this type of bird. However, if this bird is taken away to a lonely desert, so many things would happen. First, it is going to lose its clear white colour at adulthood. Life without emotional water can be a nightmare and, of course, life in the desert is going to be very lonely.

    Instead of languishing in the desert, it is better to take emotional flight with a great pal. On the other hand, when you want to take a flight, it is better to seek emotional refuge in a love garden. Here there would be a variety of fruits to choice from and you would certainly get something you desire.

    Conversely, if you are in an emotional desert, all you would find are dry bones. Nothing good is ever going to come out of this kind of relationship because the environment is stiff and the dust of confusion won’t take you far. You would definitely be far from your low height and all the lullabies that you are used to won’t sound nice in this environment. To make a headway, this lovebird must move out of this environment to a better environment to look and feel good.

  • PILLOWTALK

    SWEET romance! That is what is uppermost in her heart at the moment. For hours, Maureen stayed glued to the screen watching her best movie with rapt attention. At the centre of it all, was the story of two lovebirds; emotionally attached in spite of the pressures and family feuds around them.

    To be or not to be? was the big question. But, somehow, they never gave up, instead their love waxed stronger and the passion kept burning and it ended as they tied the knot and lived happily ever after. As she looked away from the screen, her mind wandered off back to reality zone.

    The story of the lovebirds compared to her personal love story and uppermost in her mind was the wish to capture this heart that seems so elusive in spite of all her emotional investments’. “I don’t think I can survive another disappointment. I just hope this relationship work out because I am not sure I can start all over again.”

    Yes, she has really seen it all. It’s been tales of emotional frustrations and disappointment for our dear friend. Falling and stumbling in the emotional corridor and now she seems to be at a crossroads, looking for options and trying to make a choice.

    Take a deep look and you find that it actually isn’t really her fault. She has had to make the necessary sacrifice and played her role very well. The only snag is that she has been unlucky with her choices.

    The crux of the matter here is that, sometimes, luck plays a big role in the final outcome of the love process. We all gamble making a choice, believing that the choices that we have made are going to match our expectations in the long run.

    Unfortunately, it does not work out this way for many.”My younger sister met this gentleman who appeared to be so unserious and she wasn’t looking forward to anything at all. To her utmost surprise, he turned her world around in a fabulous way and made her a great admiration to family and friends. They were married in less than a year and the relationship remains a great reference point to a lot of people till date.”

    Finding the heart for keeps can be complex indeed. What works for A, may not necessarily work for B. It is actually a make or mar situation for our dear friend at the moment and she just cannot afford to make any mistake at this stage of her emotional life.

    She takes you down memory lane and confesses that it’s been a tale of emotional frustrations indeed. Falling and stumbling in the emotional corridor and now she seems to be at crossroads. This is the last card and it just must work, she prays.

    For a lot of people, love, like life, comes with a lot of challenges. It has the highs and lows too and the best thing to do is to understand your emotional season and make a smart choice. If you fail to decode and move in the right direction, you may just discover that you have lost out of the game.

    Emotional champions are not necessarily those who got the best opportunity in the field, instead they make the best of the opportunities available, play the right emotional cards, thus winning trophies (hearts) that others ignored, abandoned or took for granted .

    Many, like a famous quote, believe that being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”

    To win and be successful, you must keep your eyes on the prize. So, the secret to emotional successes like everything in life involves dedication, determination and perseverance.

    One other secret is to stop all the guesswork many stick to and start creating opportunities that will bring about the intense attraction that your partner needs to feel with you if your relationship is going to last and grow.

    Don’t let yourself get stuck in another relationship where you watch the affection and excitement of the man you love fade away.

    If you’ve ever struggled with how to keep that attraction and passion burning bright without having to try and worry if things are going to work out. It is also important to understand how to maintain a good relationship, prevent relationship crisis and continue to wax stronger in love forever.

    Interestingly, one great way of showing trust is when lovebirds accept mutual respect, set boundaries and have a common emotional goal. This would help them to assess what they do, how to enhance their relationship and redefine their goals as they move along in the different phases of life.

    However, permitting each other to have a private space and avoiding pushing the other person to do things they would prefer not to do helps a lot in creating sustaining happiness in relationships.

  • PILLOWTALK

    IT was supposed to be the last emotional card. Miraculously, things moved on well and the first six months looked like a union made in heaven. Just when she thought she had captured Bosun’s heart, his old flame came back to the picture. The fair-weather lover ditched him when he was nobody. The natural thing to do was to move on and forget the runaway ‘bride to be’. Sadly, Bosun could not resist this ‘prodigal ‘lover’. First, he kept it a secret but it got to a point where they just could not continue as secret lovers anymore.

    Three, certainly, is a crowd. So, who do we send out of the emotional garden? Sadly, it was our dear Teniola that lost out.

    The crux of the matter is that relationships are not based on logic; they are actually influenced by our emotions. This, therefore, makes cheating difficult to define. Whether you consider cheating as sex or simply a kiss, the truth here is that a betrayal is a betrayal.

    We all love to have a smooth emotional ride. A journey that is filled with fun, sweet memories and time shared with someone real and caring. Unfortunately, the fun times are usually too short for many.

    They are part of the reality of living; life and love is not perfect. The lovebirds are responsible for the outcome and it is better to spice a dull space with affection and when it becomes messy, then you make your skills and mop up the mess before it gets out of hand.

    Sadly, many of us are dreamers and we love to hide under the illusion of dating a sweet ‘Barbie’ doll or the prince charming that would never hurt a fly.

    So, when our emotional flight crashes on the tarmac, we are jolted back to reality. The emotional hangover of being cheated is actually the worst. What would you do if you found out that precious heart that you cherish is nothing but a two-timing fool? What would you do if you open the door of your bedroom and catch your fiancé and your best friend in bed? How would you feel when you walk into a restaurant and your girl is in hot passionate kiss with another man? Question, questions and more questions. Sadly, that is the reality of the love zone; hearts have crashed and somersaulted along the emotional corridors and it can be so painful.

    If you ask anymore who has lost a dear heart, they would tell you that being cheated on is the worst thing that ever happened to them. First you feel sad, rejected as well as pissed off. Betrayal through cheating can come from the babe or the dude. However, we all know that it is more common with the guys.

    Interestingly, scientific studies have narrowed down some traits that are statistically more common in guys who cheat. Money is important and it has a lot to do with this and so many other issues that affect any relationship.

    Research also showed that partners were less likely to cheat if they were in the same (or similar) income brackets. Men were more likely to cheat if they made a lot more money than their partner, and they were most likely to cheat if they made a lot less.

    Next, it was discovered that people are more likely to cheat if their friends are also cheaters. Conversely, if his friends are trustworthy, it’s likely he’s trustworthy too.

    Oh dear! That is certainly a tough one; you can get rid of friends in this category easily. So what do you do? Perhaps the way out would be to be at your best and satisfy your man in bed. Not so easy! Experts also explain that most men don’t cheat because they’re not satisfied sexually. They actually join the cheating game because they are seeking emotional satisfaction.

    Ordinarily, you would think that extroverts, our jolly good fellows are the ones to be avoided if you don’t want your heart to crash like humpty dumpty. The research goes on to reveal that introverts are actually more likely to cheat because they’re more likely to agree to someone propositioning them. If you are hooked with an extrovert, then surely there is no real cause for alarm. Even if he’s always out there meeting new people, you actually might be safer. Reason: ‘There is no big deal’.

    That is not all. The emotional researchers also found out that you can trust your gut when it comes to identifying guys who look like they would cheat and finally break your heart. So, if your gut is telling you “no,” then it’s a good idea to listen to that gut.

    Here it is the end of the road for some relationships. Those who have a large heart may just forgive but not totally forget the act. Infidelity can either destroy their sex lives or just be a powerful way to heal and discover the gaps.