Category: Feminique

  • MOJISOLA ALLI-MACAULAY: Newbies in politics should not aim for high  positions

    MOJISOLA ALLI-MACAULAY: Newbies in politics should not aim for high positions

    Mojisola Alli-Macaulay, member representing Amuwo Odofin LCDA in the Lagos State House of Assembly, started her foray into politics as a councillor between 2010 and 2013. She defeated an incumbent to win the Lagos State house of assembly seat in the 2019 elections. In this encounter with Hannah Ajakaiye, she shares her experience as a female politician navigating Nigeria’s tough political terrain.

     

    BEFORE joining politics, Alli-Macaulay worked as a broadcaster at Radio Lagos Eko FM. She moved to Television Continental where she worked as a senior marketing executive in the special project unit. It was from here that she was inspired to pursue a career in politics owing to her ambition to change society for the better.

    “Joining politics was destiny calling. Naturally, I never liked injustice and I’ve always questioned systems. I like an ambiance of civility and order because I’ve been to places around the world and seen how people live. When the opportunity came to contest as a councillor, I won and emerged as the deputy house leader of the Amuwo Odofin legislative council,” she told The Nation.

    Nigeria has often been ranked as one of the worst countries in the world for female representation in parliament. Discrimination, lack of will and shortage of female candidates are factors aiding shrinking spaces for women in the country’s political landscape. Sharing thoughts on her participation in the 2019 election which brought her to her current position as a parliamentarian at the state level, Macaulay recalled a bitter-sweet experience.

    “I had to work very hard to break all boundaries, it was really difficult. I had to surmount antagonism from members of my party and also work on being accepted by the public. Elections don’t come easy as there are always issues and challenges and being a woman, it’s always a different story. I had confidence in myself and that kept me going,” she stated.

    In the Nigerian political sphere, politics and money are like Siamese twins. Although nomination and expression of interest form is sometimes made free for women; that does not make for an exemption from the astronomical amount of money spent on campaigns. The sad trend is turning governance in Africa’s biggest democracy into a ‘venture’.

    “When you emerge as a candidate to run for office, the first thing people ask you is how much do you have? If somebody says good morning to you and you respond, the next thing they are asking for is money. I had to put some of my belongings on distress sales because I constantly needed money,” she lamented.

    Juggling care duties with the demands of a political career in a society steeped in patriarchy is a factor which often debars women from seeking political offices in Nigeria. For some, it’s a hard choice between the home and public service. As a married woman with children, Alli-Macaulay confessed that it is important for married women who want to contest elections to first get the blessings of their husbands.

    “You have to get the blessings of your husband first because you are going to face a lot of challenges and he’ll be your rock. Once you have a rock behind you, you can face anything, and even confront the devil. Some women feel they can do it alone, no way!” she said.

    Her admonition for women aspiring for public office is to start from a lower cadre, as it affords them the opportunity to learn a step at a time. Recalling her encounter with a woman with less than six months experience in politics aiming to contest a seat in the parliament; she said women often make a mistake by aspiring for high positions once they join politics.

    “Sometimes you don’t have to start from a high position, you can start from being a supervisory councillor so that you can have a learning curve. Learn the tricks of the trade, get to understand what politics is about, have the opportunity to be accepted first,” she counsels.

    Recalling that stigmatisation is not just experienced in politics but other professional groups, Macaulay charges women to own their own destinies.

    “You can see that a lot of women are actually controlling commerce all over the world. And I want to say this, any country that does not recognise the strength of women are shortchanging themselves. Women are natural incubators, they are natural multipliers. It’s just an ordination by God. Women should go into politics and serve mankind, it’s right there in their hands.”

    The Centre for Democracy and Development (CDD) commissioned this report.

  • You don’t need to sleep with men for money! (II)

    You don’t need to sleep with men for money! (II)

    DEAR Madam, You are a God-send in this generation, time and age! I just read your column and I’m pleasantly surprised that one can think they way you do and teach with so much passion! May the Lord increase your power!

    Mr. Chidi

    Dear Madam,

    I read your article “You don’t need to sleep with men for money!” The only work we have in Nigeria is “okada,” prostitution, church business, kidnapping, politics and nairabet. Madam Temilolu Okeowo, as a young widow and a mother of 4 children, how can I feed and train the children in school when i didn’t even see the four walls of a primary school, if i don’t use what i have in search of money?

    Anthonia, Benin City

     

    Dearest Madam Anthonia,

    I really do empathize with you as I have never been a widow, don’t know what it feels to have four children and not be able to fend for them and can’t even imagine the hardship you’ve had to endure all these years! I’m so sorry ma! Since we can’t turn back the hands of time I wouldn’t bother about what you would have done or what you shouldn’t have done, neither can I even fathom what was fated to happen to you;the girls out there reading this can only learn from your predicament! I doubt if any amount of preaching can change your mindset which has been cemented by so much tears, pain and despondency over the years but I must let you know that you CANNOT be on God’s side and not have enough! Even as children of God, there will always be trying times! But such times don’t even last! This also depends on your faith and beliefs! I know as a fact and as written in the word of God that “Righteousness exalts!” I can also tell you that if you decide this very day that you want to lean solely on whatever help God can send you this year to start a business that can help you sustain yourself and your children rather than sleep with men for money, I BEAT MY CHEST THAT YOU’LL END UP WITH MORE MONEY THAN YOU EVER GOT FROM ALL THE MEN YOU SLEPT WITH LAST YEAR! This is a very serious matter and I wish you could challenge God, the father of the fatherless and a defender of widows Psalm 68:5. He also says “And let your widows trust in me.” Jer. 49:11. I would suggest you surrender to Him totally for help, you will write me your testimony, I can guarantee that!

    However, I must plead with you to ensure your children prioritize their lives, shun inanities as much as possible,pursue holiness, concentrate on their studies and graduate in flying colors so they can have a better life than yours and take care of you in return in future after all you have suffered for them! Madam, if the truth be told, if you don’t change your mindset about means of making money, your daughters may end up prostitutes and your sons thieves! I doubt you can have the much-needed peace of mind in your old age if you raised such children! I pray God will send you help from His sanctuary even before the end of this month and strengthen you out of Zion! Please take heart! Thanks so much for pouring out your heart! All shall be well with you and your children in Jesus name!

     

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    When I tell you in some of my face book posts that many of your mothers sadly still have to sleep with men-friends for money to pay your school fees and ensure you don’t go hungry, I know what I’m talking about! When I tell you if you don’t lay a solid foundation in your teens spiritually, academically, emotionally, psychologically etc. and that the way you lay your bed in your teens would determine whether you would sleep in comfort or distress in future or even sleep at all, I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! Girls Club seeks to right wrongs and re-orientate the Nigerian girl and not condemn anyone! If you don’t set your priorities right, pursue your destiny vigorously with God steering the ship of your life and make the most of all He has deposited in you to make you shine in life, self-reliant and in fact become a fortress, you would actually end up sleeping with men for money because most men would never help until they’ve had their taste of you! There’s a lot more on this issue coming your way!

    • To be continued!

     

     

    I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

  • Who spends more on women? Car owner or the man without a car?

    Who spends more on women? Car owner or the man without a car?

    By Vera Chidi-Maha

    Last week, I was going through my old collections of CDs and I stumbled into  ‘The Night Of A thousand Laughs’ in a mood to relax and amuse myself. I immediately slot in an episode of that comedy.

    The first comedian that was featured was Okay Bakassi, a renowned stand-up comedian. After him, came my favourite comedian of all times, ‘I Go Die’ he was indeed hilarious and his jokes simply thrilled me,. There was a particular joke he cracked that really piqued my interest. His joke, if you have been watching him before now, is usually delivered in pidgin English. Hear him: ‘This ladies of nowadays, go dey waste dem time, dem go dey follow all dis car owners. De only tin wey dem go dey get from dese men na only fried rice and ice ream. We wey dey trek; we spend fire’.

    Ironically, after watching him for countless times this joke was still able to make me laugh so hard that tears streamed down my eyes. Anyway, it got me wondering. I am aware that most ladies I know and have read of, would rather be seen with a car owner than with a man who has no car. Ideally, when a guy calls you up and asks you out on a date, the girl is not asking for too much if she expects him to come in a car. There is a ‘but’ however. It does not follow that a man without a car cannot say ‘Hi baby, can I come and pick you out on a date? It is not bad, really. The issue here is : who is likely to spend more on the lady?

    I can recall my teenage days when a couple of guys in my neighbourhood then who could not afford decent apartments, made sure they had cars. Way back then, I had always wondered why they opted for cars first instead of decent apartments. Was it that the preferred the cars to their comfort at home or was it to impress the ladies? Till date, I still wonder why.

    Instead of telling you what I think and know about who spends more on women, I decided to talk to three friends of mine; one of them by the way is still an undergraduate in one of the universities here in Lagos while the other two belong to the working class. Here is what Abosede has to say: “I feel the car owners spend more on their women. The reason is in fact very obvious. The car owners are already up there. If they can afford to buy themselves cars, then they can afford to pick their ladies; bills. What is a lady’s hair-do, shopping, to a car owner?

    “Owning a car is not even a child’s play if you look at it. To own a car requires adequate maintenance and depending on the type of brand of car in question, the cost of maintenance varies. For a man to count hundreds of thousands of naira to buy one unit of a car, he must, by my standard, have arrived. I am not really a material girl but, if you present me with both options, I think I will go for a car owner”

    Juliet, on her own part, prefers to date the guy on foot. Hear her: “You see, these guys who are car owners can sometimes be full of themselves. Some are very promiscuous in nature and believe they are doing girls a favour by dating them. They feel overconfident. They move straight to the next girl, if the first girl turns them down. They pick any girl that catches their fancy with no control whatsoever.

    “Well, I cannot say I know much about their spending habits, but I do know that the car owner I once dated would always tell me how much he spent on fixing one part or the other in his car. In fact, sometimes when he went on and on about his expenses on his car, it bore me to death; but to appear like the nice and understanding lady, I try to pretend to listen to him. He did not spend a quarter of that money on me. When I asked him for shopping money he would always come up with lame excuses like, ‘oh baby, if I had not bought a new engine for my car, if I had not recently done the body work of my car, if I  had not refilled the air-condition gas in my car. It is just most frustrating, that I used to wonder if the car was ‘our’ car. Since the car was for him alone, why couldn’t he make provision for my bills as well?

    “The most annoying of the lot are the guys using jeeps or SUVs. They see themselves as God’s gifts  to women. They stop to pick you up at bus-stops and as soon as they wind down their car windows, they expect you to jump at their offer of a lift. When you do accept their offer and hop into their cars, they immediately give you their cards, and it you are smart, this will tell you that they give same cards to tens and hundreds of girls not minding the scare for STDs.

    “The guys on foot value and respect you before even making any sort of pass to you in the first place. They don’t expect you to say ‘yes’ immediately. So, they spend time to woo you thorough and thorough. They remember-to buy you chocolates, bouquets of flowers, cards and so on. They have the time to send you text messages they call you until you say ‘yes’. And when you do, they treat you like a queen. If in the course of your courtship they buy themselves a car, they treat you like you brought them good luck, and they will want to even compensate you by making you their wives. I have seen men who will stumble into fortune while dating a particular girl and claim thereafter that the girl brought them good future. Which car owner wants to know whether you brought the luck or not. They treat ladies like liabilities and not the assets they ever really are.”

    Miss Bimbo, an undergraduate, said: “My sister, there is no basis at all for comparison! Hey, so you expect me, a student, to date a fellow student or worse still, a working class with no car? Over my dead body! Who wants to suffer? All the guys I know without cars have absolutely nothing to offer. They will only sweet talk you and have sex with you, but oh, my God, the car owners? They know how to spoil a lady. They can afford to take you to shows, movies, and clubs. They really don’t mind spending on ladies. For instance, a guy who has a Yaris car, a jeep, all in his garage, if you are nice to him and can make him happy, he can even afford to buy you your own car.

    “Thanks to the guy I am dating now. He picks all my bills. He comes to campus to pick me up in his car. He loves me, he spoils me silly. We have travelled everywhere together. He is not a fraudster by the way. He is a construction engineer. He was divorced before we met. With the love, attention and money, he is showering on me, I know that since we are both singles, we are, of course, very ready to mingle”.

    Well, readers, there you have it, right from the horse’s mouth. Do you have alternative ideas?

  • Who should be your next of kin?

    Vera Chidi-Maha

    For us in this part of the world, writing one’s will or choosing a next of kin is not seen as a top priority. People are so busy with everything else, hence the temptation to ignore the most vital issues of life becomes unavoidable. We have heard of cases where the man forgets to write down his next of kin, and at the event of his death, his extended family forcefully acquires all his wealth and leaves the immediate family empty handed.

    Women, more often than not, have fallen victims severally due to the negligence of their husbands. Naturally, nobody wants to think or plan of his or her death but because it is inevitable it is important that one should learn to plan for the future. It is in the light of the above that we asked people to talk about who take over when they leave planet earth.

    Mrs. Bridget Mustapha:

    Before I got married, my immediate younger one was my next of kin, however, when I got married and started having kids, I changed my next of kin to my husband. The reason is very simple when a lady gets married; her sibling immediately becomes her extended family.

    The Bible commands that you and your spouse become one flesh. I am very sure that if you ask my husband, he will tell you that I am his next of kin. I do not see any reason to choose anybody else. If something happens to me today, I am confident that my children will not know lack because he loves them dearly.

    Mr. Oyebanji Abiodun:

    My wife is my next of kin. I love her dearly and I trust her with my life. In fact, there is nothing she doesn’t know about me. Presently, we are not even in the same location, but we trust each other. I cannot leave any of my kids as next of kin. I am fully aware of a mother’s love. No mother will ever abandon her child no matter how wayward she is, even if she remarries after I am gone; I believe strongly that her kids will still be treated with utmost care and provision. After all, when a child is good; the credit in most cases goes to the mother.

     Mr. Alfred Nweke:

    My pastor is my next of kin. My understanding of the next of kin has to do with a person you can trust. I have known my pastor for years now and he is a very dependable person. He is a believer, he knows and fears God and I know that he will make and take wise decisions that will benefit my immediate family.

    Mr. Williams Aliyu:

    My elder brother is my next of kin. I can never choose my wife. I am a Muslim and I can pick another woman when I choose, but with due respect to women, I would like to state here that women are not deep thinkers. They make and change their minds as often as they change their clothes. I cannot entrust my wealth to any woman. Some women can be so blinded by jealousy that they can even plan to undo their husbands, just to achieve their selfish objectives.

    Suppose I make my wife my next of kin and I die today. What do you think will happen there after? I know for sure that she will waste no time in getting remarried. What happens then? What will be the future of my other wife or wives as the case maybe, what will become the fate of my children, even the children from other woman or women. My elder brother is simply and surely my next of kin.

  • Tips to prevent aggressive kid behaviour (2)

    Control your own temper. Always watch your own behaviour around your child. One of the best ways to teach him appropriate behavior is to control your own temper. If you express your anger in quiet, peaceful ways, your child probably will follow your example.

    Stay strong. If you must discipline your child, do not feel guilty about it and certainly don’t apologize. If your child senses your mixed feelings, he will convince himself that he was in the right all along and you are the “bad” one. Although disciplining your child is never pleasant, it is a necessary part of parenthood, and there is no reason to feel guilty about it. Your child needs to understand when he is in the wrong, it is important to take responsibility for his actions and be willing to accept the consequences

    When to call the paediatrician:

    If your child seems to be unusually aggressive for longer than a few weeks, and you cannot cope with his behavior on your own, consult your pediatrician. Other warning signs include:

    • Physical injury to himself or others (teeth marks, bruises, head injuries)
    • Attacks on you or other adults
    • Being sent home or barred from play by neighbours or school
    • Your own fear for the safety of those around him

    The most important warning sign is the frequency of outbursts. Sometimes children with conduct disorders will go for several days or a week or two without incident and may even act quite charming during this time, but few can go an entire month without getting into trouble at least once.

    Once several effective ways are found to reward good behavior and discourage bad, they can be used in establishing an approach that works both at home and away. The progress may be slow, but such programs usually are successful if started when the disorder is just beginning to develop.

    Remember:

    The best way to prevent aggressive behaviour is to give your child a stable, secure home life with firm, loving discipline and full-time supervision during the toddler and preschool years.

  • TREASURE AND TRACY DANIELS: How we got our first movie roles

    Treasure and Tracy Daniels are identical twins, who have so many things in common. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, Treasure speaks about their world as actresses, producers, models as well as what they would miss about their father who died few months back

     

    TELL us about your experience in Nollywood and how the experience influenced your life and career

    I am one of the most fortunate people in Nollywood because, to me, right from the start, luck played a lot of role for me especially in places where other new and upcoming actresses struggled. So I had a smooth entry and honestly did so little for the kind of grace and success that followed. For instance, my first movie role, which came to me as a surprise, came when I wasn’t even looking but I believe it was because we were twins. At that point, my twin sister and I had gone for a photo shoot at Hotel Presidential, Enugu, and it also happened to be a venue for some ongoing movie  auditioning.

    We didn’t have any idea that it could take place in Enugu State because at those times, movies only happened in Lagos. During our photo shoot, we surprisingly started running into a lot of super star actors and actresses, people we had only been able to see on TV. Here they were, right before our faces in reality. I mean people like Eucharia Anunobi, Pete Edochie; who is popularly known as Okonkwo of Chinua Achebe’s ‘Things fall Apart”. We also had Tony Umez, Clem Ohameze, referred to as Pastor Weaver, Sam Loco etc. We were super excited; it was like seeing the gods among us. Little did we know that we were about to be starred in a movie with these people. The director of the auditioning movie, Lancelot Oduwa Imansuen, referred to as THE GOVERNOR, had sent for my twin and me. We went to the audition hall and we got auditioned as Eucharia Anunobi’s daughters. Whatever we had done, must have impressed the crowd and we received a round of applause from the audition crowd, and that was how we got our first movie roles in the Last Burial 2 as Eucharia’s kids. That was how we made our grand entry into Nollywood.

    I must also admit that most of the success I had in Nollywood had been because I’m an identical twin. It was very fascinating to most people, including me, to watch two human beings looking like a split of one walking in two. I always say that if you are a twin, you already are a star and don’t really require to do so much to shine because you already stand out.

    However, even though it took just one audition call to get me and my twin co-starring in many and more Nollywood movies, we didn’t really sustain the pursuit for a very long time because growth had happened to us and what used to be so good and appealing to us became not really so good and appealing to us anymore as responsibilities also encroached.

    One of the challenges was the fact that Nollywood producers never paid or had a budget for roles played by the younger ones in those days. I guess they believed that kids didn’t pay bills and therefore would not require to be paid some artist fees. It is also believed that if you find pleasure in appearing on movies with all the superstars you admire, that alone should serve as a good enough reward for you.

    Also, some producers who found it fit to pay us for movie roles considered my twin and me as one individual and therefore should be paid the fee of one individual. All these experiences weren’t encouraging to us at all, but we managed it as kids at entry level. However, when we became grown women with bills to pay, we did not accept it anymore. That was one of the reasons we didn’t get frequent on movies as we used to.

    The other reason was that our parents’ church, Christ Apostolic Church, persecuted our parents for our sake and made them withdraw their support for us as young actresses.

    What are some of the memorable moments in your life and career?

    There are a lot and I will try to narrow them down to the most recent good and painful moments of my life and of my career. The good part was when our new YouTube channel reached the monetisation threshold and was finally monetised by Google. After so much work and efforts which seemed like squeezing out blood out of stone, we overcame it. The second of course was the death of our dearly beloved father. It was the lowest moment of our lives and we are gradually overcoming this.

    So after we started turning down roles with little or no decent budget on artist fee, we realised that years went by without us being featured in any movie. We then told ourselves that we were not going to budge to appear in movies and be made famous unnecessarily with empty pockets.

    We were considered arrogant and stubborn by producers, but who cares for fame that would expose you to so many fans who would only come back on the blogs to say how poor you are living after appearing so fancy on movies. So, we had to stop taking those movie roles and waited as long for a decent production to be featured in.

    On the other hand, our fans started getting worried and they kept looking for us everywhere. We didn’t even realise that we already had so many fans, we didn’t even realise that we have been noticed enough to be missed by so many people.

    So, when their questions of our whereabouts became intense, we decided to start a YouTube Channel. This time, not to publish Nollywood movies (since that’s mostly what YouTube is all about to Nigerians, besides music), but to publish updates about my twin and I to our fans and followers. That was how our YouTube channel was born. The challenge was how to get all the people sincerely looking for us to find our VLOGS and our channel.

    It’s ongoing and anyone who knows my twin and I very well will tell you that we never back out on whatever we really set our minds to do. No matter how seemingly impossible it may appear or how long it takes.

    So, we started this channel simply to update our seekers and thought we might as well get paid by Google. We also serve as content providers by our vlogs and other activities we put out there to entertain our community. The response became almost magical from the video we made after receiving the news about our father’s exit and became almost inconsolable. In fact, those were the two videos which shot us up into qualifying for monetisation.

    Our dad was seriously injured in a road accident which occurred on the 29th of October, just eight days after our birthday. He died four days later, precisely on the 3rd of November 2019 on the church altar during Sunday service. He was a priest of the most high God and he died in active service. It can rightly be said that my dad prepared his exit and chose all the events and places that aligned with his wishes. He chose the month, the day, the time and place to breathe his last. It was more than a coincidence and I began to have a turnaround from that single event of his exit and how it all happened. So, I concluded that life in itself is a big mystery and should be paid more attention than I am doing. His funeral arrangement is for the 6th and 7th of February 2020 at his hometown in Ogwudu Ngbo Ohaukwu local government area, Ebonyi State.

    That is when his remains would be given up by men, but as for his real self, he left this world already, even death couldn’t dictate for him. He arranged his own exit and crossed over into a better place, with a superior body which cannot be destroyed.

    I can boldly say I have my own personal guardian angel now and I am one of his legacies. It pains me that most of you reading did not get the chance to personally interact with my dad, The Rev. Daniel Nwokike Idenyi, to see what an angel he was, but I am consoled that you can always see him through me and my siblings and I promise to always represent him well. He was a man of integrity.

    Who or what inspired you to go into Nollywood?

    I would say the super stars who I used to see as mini gods, for example Eucharia Anunobi and Hilda Dokubo. They were so beautiful and spoke good English as well as had such a fanciful life in the movies. I admired them so much and just wanted to be just like them when I grew up. I didn’t know my dream was going to come knocking on my door almost immediately as kids.

    Tell us about the current and future projects that you are working on

    Okay, after we stopped taking non paying movie roles, one of the things we did was producing a couple of our own movies. They were funded by our family and friends and a pool of our little savings.

    Most of these movies haven’t really been seen by our fans because we didn’t have the resources to circulate them successfully without being exploited by pirates and shylocks. Few times we attempted distribution, we spent so much in making more than half a million CDs and DVDs which almost never left the ware houses and those distributed were almost never accounted for by distributors.

    We then called back some of the works and started our strategy on distributing and selling through online. This is one of our main focus for 2020 as well as getting these movies published online. This way people can get them instantly without hassles from any part of the world and each streaming properly accounted for. This would include ‘Unknown Caller’ which was our last personal production and a lot of people are waiting to see it.

    What are the challenges you have encountered in your career?

    The challenges that I am about to state out here are not so unique to me, or my career industry. It affects any young girl growing up from a third world country with nothing else to help but a dream would also be familiar to these challenges. It includes finance, in the third world especially. No one would care what dreams you have or how good they are until you break even. How can you break even without a financial support especially starting from point zero, doing what nobody else in your entire lineage has ever done, carving a niche for yourself in a very competitive industry where even children of the affluent with so much of their parents support still find it difficult to break even? We were able to carve out a name Tracy and Treasure Daniels

    from that industry. You may have good movies or ideas that could give you further breakthroughs or bring in more money, but if no funding comes for it, you are as good as someone who hasn’t done something. So that’s the case, but we refuse to accept that as our reality. Instead, we always push ahead and make plans as though we have fundings, and that has been the magic which brought us this far. Most of these projects surprise even us on how we pulled through.

    How do you relax?

    I love to relax with a book when I’m not working, it could be a hard copy but it’s mostly an audio book. For me, lately as that allows me to multi task too while I learn.

    Who are your role models?

    It used to be many other people but now I see no better person to inspire me than the future and ideal me.

    What advice do you have for the young ones?

    The younger me is that little girl that has nobody, no handed down advantages, no inspiration and just a modest livelihood while growing up. But in spite of all these, she still lived her dreams anyway. If you are in anyway close or relate to this or similar background, then here is a word for you. It doesn’t matter what others are doing, do yours anyway; it doesn’t matter who has gone ahead of you, run your own race anyway; it doesn’t matter how loud other voices ahead of you are, make your own voice heard; oppositions are nothing, fear is nothing. Also remember that excuses are nothing, only your determination is something; the only thing that gets you far.

    You just lost your father. What would you miss most about him?

    I have this penchant for quality people. I admire them like women would admire a rare piece of gem. And my dad happens to be one of such people. He was such an admirable person. I’ll miss having a lover of mankind take my calls. I liked to talk to him on phone. He has this calming effect that makes you see life so easy.  He also had a deep sense of humour which demands a lot of intelligence to grab. I’ll miss that, I’ll miss how he accepted everybody the way they are. He loved humanity, he saw no wrong in anyone, he helped people when he needed help the most. I feel so honoured to be born and raised by my dad, Rev. Daniel Nwokike Idenyi; a man of integrity. Shine on, my dad.

    How would you assess the performance of women in the sector you are operating in?

    I love the recent development of women in Nollywood stepping up to be and do more things that weren’t considered for women earlier in Nollywood. There was a time when the Nollywood icons were mostly men and it seemed like whatever was done those days had to be anchored around the males. Then there had to be male lead starring above everyone else for a movie to be considered proper. Now it is no longer the case; women, especially young girls, star above all features and the movie is still considered successful.

    In addition, women head the camera crew, women sponsor and co sponsor movies, women produce movies and more.  I would rate women as trail blazers and I am so proud to be a woman.

  • TINUOLA OLADEJI: Jump out of the box and raise the bar

    Tinuola Oladeji is a designer and CEO of Tsmart Hub, a one-stop lifestyle store borne out of the passion to give her customers comfort and class. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about her inspiration, running a fashion academy, memorable moments in the sector and more.

     

    WHAT or who inspired you to go into the fashion business?

    I have been in the sector for about fifteen years and I must say that the journey has been fulfilling and filled with so many memorable moments. My love for expressing myself through my outfits had been a great source of inspiration and motivation. On the job, I have learnt so many things and one of this is that I discovered that many women were insecure about their bodies. So, I wanted to help them love themselves through finely made outfits.

    What was it like at the beginning?

    The beginning was beautiful because I was consumed with the passion of helping people solve the problems of looking their best. Sincerely, though the beginning was very ugly, I was too in love with my new found obsession.

    What were you doing before this and what was the experience like?

    That was another interesting part of my life and it prepared me for the new phase. I was a trained marketer and sales person. Then I was working as marketer in an organisation that provides electronic securities to banks and it was good exposure for me.

    Let’s talk about some memorable moments in your life and career

    I must say that there are so many memorable events that make me happy each time I remember them. However, the one that I will love to share is what I call my failed seminar. Then I organised a seminar themed “the brand called me”. For the event, I expected 100 people to attend, spent all my savings, but only 11 people attended.

    There definitely must be challenges encountered…

    There are different challenges and looking back, I will say that they came with the different stages of the business.

    For example, I remember that space to work was a major challenge at a time because I started business in a one-room apartment where I lived with my parents and my other siblings. Moving on, at different stages, raising funds to implement ideas too were tough but interesting. Also leading my employees right was challenging at another point but gradually I learnt the ropes and overcame many of the challenges. In addition, there were also some external challenges and this includes things like government policies.

    Would you consider the sector lucrative?

    Yes, I would say that the sector is extremely lucrative. There are so many opportunities and there is space for you to excel.

    Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life and career?

    My relationship with my creator is my greatest influence in my life.

    Let’s compare when you started doing this and now, what has changed?

    A lot has changed from when I started to now. For example, the social media has made the world a global village where my audience is now wider.

    In addition, I must say that consumer awareness is higher now; choices are more now. The sector is dynamic and you find that the acceptance of locally made apparels is higher and there are so many opportunities. That explains why entrepreneurship in the sector is celebrated more now unlike what we had in the past.

    In what ways has been a designer changed your lifestyle?

    It has brought out the best in me and you are ever thinking of new ideas. So, being a designer has helped my creativity, helped bring to life my topmost desire of changing and helping the world. Now I have a vision of clothing five million African children by year 2025.

    What are some of the changes that you will like to see in the sector?

    I will love a sector where people have the knowledge of running a business properly, not just knowing how to cut and sew. I will also love to see that importation from China and Turkey reduces by 50% because there are now big factories in Nigeria that can meet up the demand. Lastly, I will love to see a sector where technology rules.

    Have you learnt any lesson in all of these?

    I have learnt so many lessons but will love to share few. This includes building a sustainable business that is dependent on people, so build your people. I also learnt that structured business has more tendency to outlast the owner. That is why my quest for a structured business never ends. Financially, I am more knowledgeable to make wise business decisions, which is critical to the growth of any business.

    What is your definition of style?

    For me, I would say that style means my expression of self. I will never go nude in the name of fashion.

    What are some of the things that you treasure most in life?

    I treasure my relationship with God. I also treasure my relationship with my family.

    How do you relax?

    I dance and love good food.

    Let’s talk about the best job that you handled

    We have handled great jobs. We celebrate every opportunity to do jobs for individuals and organisations. We do not regard any as bigger than others.

  • Why I’m called the Kayanmata Goddess – Miwa Signature boss

    Akinola Oluwatomiwa Balqees, the Chief Executive Office of Miwa Signature Palace is called Kayanmata Goddess because she uses Kayanmata, a Hausa herb to resolve sexual issues in both men and women.

    But beyond her expertise in which she’s become known as the best in the trade, Miwa is a drop dead beauty that radiates charm and warmth better felt and seen to be believed. She’s simply a fetish beauty but a sex therapist who has brought joy to many marriages and relationships.

    On why she’s called a goddess, Miwa offered, “I’m called the Kayanmata Goddess because my products speak for itself and people value my knowledge. I understand what I do and above all, I have a pretty face. Most of my products are of international standard, the ones locally produced are acquired directly from the source. I have the best suppliers. My bestseller is TFK powder, it’s an addictive Sweetener that benefits both partners. Adodun soap is a native soap from Ikare in Ondo state, it’s for sweetening, bonding and tightening,” she said with the air a true goddess beholding her kingdom beneath her feet.

    On how she became ‘Kayanmata Goddess’ and how she came about it and the meaning of the word, the Miwa Signature Palace boss explains: “Kayanmata is a Hausa word, meaning ‘Women’s things’. They are herbs used to enhance sexual pleasure. Kayanmata is the same as aphrodisiac, anything that is used to stimulate sexual pleasure. I started business in my 2nd year in the University. I’m a graduate of Electrical Electronic Engineering, University of Ilorin. I heard about Kayanmata from my instructor who then was teaching me how to produce skincare products. I picked interest in it because of my parent’s separation, I had a vision to mend all broken homes.”

    And as many may think of aphrodisiac as something obscene and indecent, the Kayanmata Goddess, as she’s called believes she’s on a mission to save marriages and affirmed nothing would have stopped her from pursuing her dream even if the challenges are as damning as they were when she was starting out. “I tell people its a calling. Not everyone has the balls to go into aphrodisiac business. Abroad, its a norm, but in Nigeria, you are tagged a prostitute. I started selling aphrodisiac in my 2nd year in the university, I was shy when people got to know. I was tagged the “juju seller” and I would cry myself to bed. I skipped a whole semester, I had to rebrand my life and develop a thick skin. It’s not for the weak, It was challenging, it was only reviews from customers that encouraged me. We conquered anyways. The business is wide and I’m still learning but yet the best in the game.

    Akinola Oluwatomiwa Balqees is a native of Ikare, Ondo State. She started her business in 2014 with skin care products. She ventured into aphrodisiac majorly in 2016. Miwa is known for her major impact in women’s sexual lives. The electrical engineer from University of Ilorin is the number one Kayanmata seller in Nigeria and indeed the world. She owns the largest Kayanmata palace in Ilorin, Nigeria and two other branches in Ilorin, Kwara State. She plans to open another branch in Lagos and Abuja respectively this year.

     

     

  • Tips to prevent aggressive kid behaviour

     

     

    THERE are many times when your child’s behavior warms and embraces your heart. But, there are other times when it probably drives you a little crazy.

    As a toddler or preschooler, your child may lack the self-control to express anger peacefully and may naturally lash out, perhaps hitting or biting in frustration.

    While occasional outbursts are normal―especially during temper tantrums―there are things you can do to shape your child’s behaviour.

    Teach the house rules. Children don’t know the rules of the house until they’re taught them, so that is one of your important parenting responsibilities.

    Toddlers are normally interested in touching and exploring, so if there are valuables you don’t want them to handle, hide or remove them.

    Consider setting up a separate portion of your home where your child can play with books and toys. Whenever children break an important rule, they should be reprimanded immediately to understand exactly what they have done wrong.

    Threats are over-rated. It is always more effective to positively reinforce desired behaviors and to teach children alternative behaviors rather than just say, “Stop it or else.”  Tell them that the next time they are angry, they should use their words instead.

    Enter healthy distractions. While teaching your child other ways to respond, there’s also nothing wrong with distracting him at times or trying another approach.

    As long as you’re not “bribing” him to behave differently by offering sweet snacks. For example, there’s nothing wrong with intentionally changing his focus.

    “Control yourself.”  Well, they can’t yet. Remember, toddlers have little natural self-control. They need you to teach them not to kick, hit, or bite when they are angry, but instead to express their feelings through words.

    “We don’t hurt each other.”  Supervise your child carefully when she is involved in disputes with playmates. If a disagreement is minor, keep your distance and let the children solve it on their own.

    However, you must intervene when children get into a physical fight that continues even after they’re told to stop, or when one child seems to be in an uncontrollable rage and is assaulting or biting the other.

    Pull the children apart and keep them separate until they have calmed down. If the fight is extremely violent, you may have to end the play session. Make it clear that it doesn’t matter who “started it.”  There is no excuse for trying to hurt each other.

    Instead of fighting. Teach your child to say “no”  in a firm tone of voice, to turn his back, or to find compromises instead of fighting with his body.

    Read Also: We need to expose our kids to Africa culture, says Adewole Lipede

     

    Through example, you are teaching your child to settle differences with words—more effective and more civilized—than with physical violence.

    “Great job!”  Praise your child for appropriate behavior and help explain how “grown-up” she is acting whenever she uses these tactics instead of hitting, kicking, or biting. And always reinforce and praise behavior when you catch your child being kind and gentle.

    Time-outs are OK. There’s also nothing wrong with using a time-out when your child’s behavior is inappropriate, and they can be used in children as young as one year old. See How to Give a Time-Out for more information.

    Control your own temper. Always watch your own behavior around your child. One of the best ways to teach him appropriate behavior is to control your own temper. If you express your anger in quiet, peaceful ways, your child probably will follow your example.

    Stay strong. If you must discipline your child, do not feel guilty about it and certainly don’t apologize. If your child senses your mixed feelings, he will convince himself that he was in the right all along and you are the “bad” one.

    Although disciplining your child is never pleasant, it is a necessary part of parenthood, and there is no reason to feel guilty about it. Your child needs to understand when he is in the wrong, it is important to take responsibility for his actions and be willing to accept the consequences

    When to Call the Pediatrician:

    If your child seems to be unusually aggressive for longer than a few weeks, and you cannot cope with his behavior on your own, consult your pediatrician. Other warning signs include:

    • Physical injury to himself or others (teeth marks, bruises, head injuries)
    • Attacks on you or other adults
    • Being sent home or barred from play by neighbors or school
    • Your own fear for the safety of those around him

    The most important warning sign is the frequency of outbursts. Sometimes children with conduct disorders will go for several days or a week or two without incident and may even act quite charming during this time, but few can go an entire month without getting into trouble at least once.

    Once several effective ways are found to reward good behavior and discourage bad, they can be used in establishing an approach that works both at home and away. The progress may be slow, but such programs usually are successful if started when the disorder is just beginning to develop.

    Remember:

    The best way to prevent aggressive behavior is to give your child a stable, secure home life with firm, loving discipline and full-time supervision during the toddler and preschool years.

    Additional Information:

    • What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?
    • 15 Tips to Survive the Terrible 3’s
    • Top Tips for Surviving Tantrums
    • How to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety
    • How to Shape and Manage Your Young Child’s Behavior
  • The man, his wife, her job…

    With VERA CHIDI-MAHA

     

    ESTEEMED readers, like my people will say, ‘I greet you all’. I am so sorry for my impromptu absence last week. Hmm, it is a long story, but because of your ceaseless calls and text messages, expressing your concern, I will explain why I just shut down.

    It happened on Tuesday, when I went to keep an appointment with the consulate at the American Embassy. I was scheduled to attend a three-day conference at La Vegas in America. I was to attend the event for two reasons; one, as a member of the NGO, Young Business and Professional Women (YBPW) and the second reason was to cover the event as a journalist.

    After the interview session with the Consulate, I was denied the visa. I cannot even begin to describe my disappointment, but the most encouraging part of the denial was because the Consulate looked at me like I had no intention of coming back to my dear country.

    God knows that if I had gone I wouldn’t have stayed for more than one week; okay two weeks; but at least I would have come back. Anyway, because I am a very emotional person; the denial really upset me; and I decided to protest, by not writing for the week. Reading your sms has made me to return this week. Please, forgive me.

    Now, without wasting time, I want to quickly look at guys that have either refused to allow their wives to work or  stop them from pursing their professional careers in life.

    In an ideal situation, love should not be selfish. Love should be tolerant and accommodating. Some men are cross with ladies who are gainfully employed.

    Some men are also not comfortable with ladies who prefer to be pampered and showered with gifts obtained in the western world.

    They believe that women are asking too much from men, and that pampering us will be spoiling us. Haba, Mallam! Who is complaining about been spoilt.

    Please by all means spoil us o. In fact, we need it. Why is our men so authoritative and domineering in this part of the world. I feel it is wrong.

    Fine women are expected to be submissive to their men, I know. But I also know that some decisions men have made in the past are not completely right.

    Take, for instance, a man that is making all the millions for his family and suddenly decides that his wife should leave her source of livelihood and instead stay home to look after the kids. If you ask me; I consider this a ‘noble’ gesture on the part of our men; after all, no women wants to work for anybody in the real sense of the word.

    Read Also: Couples need healthy sexual lifestyle-Omoshola’s Empire

     

    The average woman wants to be her own boss. However, as ‘noble’ as the idea is, it boils down to selfishness. Why in the world would a man want his woman to be a full time housewife in this time and age? It is wrong; so criminally wrong.

    In the first instance; when a woman belongs to the working class, it helps her to be trendy and be abreast with the happenings around her.

    Secondly, she will not be a liability to her man and her kids but she will be an asset and most importantly she will be a virtuous woman. At the risk of sounding rebellious; I feel no woman should leave her job or business except on health grounds; to please her man.

    I do not care how much a man earns, a woman must, I insist, earn her own; no matter how small.  Let’s consider a general overview of what the holy book expects from the virtuous woman; ‘who can find a virtuous woman for her price is for above rubies; she seeketh wool, and flox, and worketh willingly with her handsl she bringeth her food from afar.

    She giveth meat to her house hold. She considered a field and buyeth it, with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard and she maketh fine lines and selleth it, strength and honor are her clothing, she eateth not the bread of idleness. Let her own work praise her in the gates.’

    So you see, it will be selfish of any man, no matter how fat his purse is, to ask his woman to be less than she is divinely made for.

    What informed this piece was a widowed friend of mine who confided in me that her major regret is not that she lost her husband because death in itself is inevitable, but the fact that she allowed her husband talk her into leaving her job.

    Before her husband’s death, she was an officer in one of the new generation banks, then three years into her career, her husband suddenly hit a ‘jackpot’ and ;things couldn’t be rosier’ she recalled with nostalgia.

    Then, one day, out of the blues, her husband saw no need for her to continue working. He felt since he could afford to pay her from his purse even thrice the amount she was earning then there was no need. So, in order not to sound disrespectful, she obliged, even though deep down she knew it was not right.

    Today, she regrets and curses the day she quit her promising job. Sometimes, I really wonder why a man would come up with such demands. Can any man leave his job even if it is a low-paying one, just because his wife is suddenly earning a bigger pay? The answer is no. no man, will ever do that; I bet.

    A couple, I recently heard of; were both working in the same bank but the wife was earning a fatter pay check than her husband. So, when they both decided to get married, the management of the bank instructed that one of the duo will have to leave its employ.

    Can you guess what the man did; regardless of the fact that he was earning less? He decided that his wife should put in her resignation letter! Trust us now; of course she obliged! She is now a full time housewife while her first degree and post graduate certificates are neatly tucked beneath her trunk box.

    The list, they say, is endless it is my considered opinion that ‘fair is fair’. It is grossly unfair to blackmail women into submission by compelling them to become ‘compulsory liabilities’ depending on their men for everything. Have you considered what could happened to the family when the man loses his job or inevitably his life? God for bid!