The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hearts

  • 10 myths about sex, menopause, aging

    It’s dangerous to generalize about sex and menopause. There are women who feel sexy during and after menopause, and then there are women who don’t. But there are a few hoary myths about sex menopause and aging we’d like to confront head on.

    It’s normal not to want sex after menopause

    Women are affected by menopause in many different ways.  While some feel less turned on sexually because of symptoms like vaginal dryness or night sweats, others feel “Grandma’s still got it” – and experience a new sense of release and zest when free from PMS, and monthly menstruation.

    They enjoy new-found freedom and independence and say sex is better than ever. The best indicator of whether you will enjoy sex after menopause is whether you enjoyed it before menopause.

    Sex is painful after menopause

    The thinning of the vaginal wall as women age can cause extra sensitivity, and lack of lubrication may require a natural cream to ease movement, but these are both issues that should not stop a woman from enjoying a healthy sex life.

    Once you turn 60 you’re past being sexy

    Sexuality is not age bound.  According to a survey by the National Council of Aging 70 per cent of sexually active women over 60 reported being as satisfied, or more satisfied with their sex lives than they were in the 40s.

    Another study found 84 per cent of older females in 106 cultures studied were sexually active, leading the researchers to conclude cultural factors as much as biological ones determined  whether older people were sexually active or not.

    My sex drive dies after menopause

    Researchers have discovered when a menopausal women enters a new relationship she can be as horny as her 20 year old self.   It seems it is her relationship rather than her gonads which determines how much she wants sex.

    Although sexual drive may be lower, sexual desire may remain strong, depending on whether you have a partner you want to be intimate with and an appreciation that “I can still feel passionate about love at any age, if the circumstances are right.” (Eda LeShan in I Want More of Everything, New York, Newmarket Press 1994)

    As hormones decline, so does libido

    A woman’s libido is not driven by her hormones. Libido is determined more by physical and emotional health, and the availability of a desirable partner.

    Declining hormone levels can always be safely supplemented by bio identical hormones or a natural hormonal regime if necessary. Estrogen creams may be an option – check with a doctor who specialises in this area, rather than relying on your GP for advice.  A locally applied estrogen cream taken in specific doses and for specific periods of time to thicken vaginal walls and restore vaginal secretions.

    However note that vaginally applied estrogen cream should not be used as a lubricant and should not be applied before heterosexual sex, as estrogen absorbed through the penis has been associated with tumor growth in men. Condom use is sometimes suggested for full protection in such cases.

    Too much sex can worsen vaginal dryness

    Doctors who specialize in sexual health are strongly of the view that sex at this stage and age is very much a “use it or lose it” proposition. Having sex regularly actually helps increase blood flow to the vaginal wall, increasing your ability to lubricate during sexual arousal and improving your overall sexual health.

    My slower response is a turn off

    Psychology Today reports men’s and women’s sexual needs tend to converge after 50, with men valuing the emotional aspects of sex – the feeling close to someone – more as they age. Assuming both are in good health, older men and women may be more sexually compatible than ever.

    You may have to work harder to reach orgasm, says Dorree Lynn, PhD, a psychologist and sex educator says,  ”Fifty isn’t the new 20, its being 50 and loving every aspect of who you are and your breadth of experience.”

    There’s nothing you can do for vaginal dryness

    Vaginal dryness happens to almost every woman, according to Sari Locker, a sex expert and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. But there are plenty of personal lubricants available which can help solve this issue with no fuss.

    Choose one that is personally acceptable to you. Water based solutions are recommended. Some therapists recommend regular massage with a natural cream to improve elasticity.

    No one will fancy my aging body

    Sex drive and function are key ingredients in a healthy sex life. Exercise regularly, maintain good muscle tone, eat healthily, don’t abuse alcohol and keep smiling!

    If you keep yourself fit and active the changes in your body will not be particularly noticeable. And your partner is just as likely to feel insecure about his physical image as he ages. A sense of humour and good communication can quickly dispel doubts over flagging self-esteem.

    And just to reassure you, your vagina will not shrivel up like a prune. While the loss of estrogen does cause some change, it is mostly undetectable to the eye. “Many women don’t notice the changes at all,” says Hope Ricciotti, MD, a gynecologist who teaches at Harvard Medical School.

    I don’t need to worry about sexually transmitted disease

    It’s an unfortunate reality that sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise in the over 50s. Unless you have been married to your partner for years, take care and insist on condoms with new partners.

  • Appear younger in days

    Some things we do take days, hours, weeks and even months to help us appear younger looking. Then there are certain things some of us go out of our way to do to ourselves that make us look older. Here are some of those things and how to correct them:

    Avoid having an oily face:

    When dressing to go out of the house here’s how to keep your skin moist while wearing make-up, and make your skin appear younger, too.

    1. Cleanse face and neck and use an astringent to remove all oils and any residual make-up.

    2. Apply a good moisturizer.

    3. Apply any make-up your normal way.

    4. “Powder down” to blend makeup colors and “take off the shine.” Make sure you press the powder “down onto the skin” instead of “wiping” the powder across the skin. The powder actually locks in the moisture and helps protect and keep it from escaping during the day. This also helps to protect your skin from the sun’s rays. You now have the advantage of treating the skin while looking younger at the same time. TRY THIS TEST: Before you apply powder, stand sideways to a window while looking in a mirror and study your face. Apply powder. Return to the window with the mirror to see the difference. If you see no difference, you are very young with no lines!!

    Make your eyes come alive: No matter what shape or size eyes you have, with the proper make-up, they will look more youthful and beautiful. Remember, your eyes should steal the show…not the eye shadow. Here are some simple rules: 1. Wear natural colors. My favorite is a soft off- white or light tone eye shadow on the lids and a brown or gray shade above the lids and a little above the bone . (The off-white mostly blends into the eyelid skin after a short time to give a natural look.) 2. Wear eyeliner to bring out the eyes….never wear black – dark brown looks almost like black yet gives a much softer look. 3. Wear mascara – black or brown is fine. if you don’t have long thick lashes of your own – try artificial eyelashes – brown only – no black. (You will need to trim them down both in width and length and don’t buy the thick ones, they will be too much when applied.) If not overdone, these lashes can give a soft youthful look. Can you tell that I wear them most of the time?? Even my manicurist of 3 years didn’t know it until I told her.

    Poor posture ages you: Never underestimate the beauty and health benefits of good posture. Often poor posture is just a bad habit that is easily corrected. Poor posture not only makes you look older, but could be the first step toward dowager’s hump, double chin, potbelly, and swayback as well as some internal problems too.

    To correct poor posture we must be aware of our posture all of our waking hours for a few days or weeks. Make a point to stand straight with shoulders back, chin up not down. Now you are on your way to that glamorous, healthy youthful look!

    Ask your best friend, your kids or husband to keep an eye on your posture and to let you know when you are not standing straight.

    This can help you get out of a bad habit. This may also help others in your life want to correct their posture too.

  • Dating your friend’s ex-boyfriend

    This past week was really busy for me. We had to move from one house to the other and that was a big deal for me considering the fact that there was much work to be done in the office. I had to juggle between packing, fixing things in the new home and generally settling in on one hand and getting some work done on the other hand.

    In the midst of all that, two of my friends were going for each other’s jugular over a big matter – boyfriend snatching. Not exactly like that, but something similar. Anyway, they wouldn’t let me concentrate on the tasks before me except I played the judge. Hmm…Let me try to put it straight. Madam A had this boyfriend she was not comfortable with because they were operating on different frequencies. To her, he was just a boyfriend-in-transit until she found somebody she considered to be a real man. It was easy to understand her non-committal stance then because in actual fact, she and the bobo (Mansur) were miles apart in the way they were doing things. She was brought up as an ajebutter – prim and proper. She is the kind of lady that would say ‘thank you’ for everything given to her even if the thing belongs to her. She would take an excuse to answer phone calls in the midst of a conversation and no matter how long you have known her as a friend, she wouldn’t open your fridge except you wanted her to.

    Meanwhile, Mansur on the other hand has always been a carefree person. He would try to open your door without knocking. He would go to your kitchen and dish out food without asking if he was permitted to do that. And the bit that I never liked in their relationship was the fact that he would take her money if he needed without asking. He once took some money that she was supposed to help me get some stuff with. He just assumed that it was hers and so, it was his. Of course, it wasn’t funny then because the stuff was urgent and had a timeframe and I was out of town.

    Our small circle of friends knew that the relationship was going to run its course and end and so, we encouraged her to take things easy as Mansur was not going to change.

    Now, Ms. B was one of our friends and although she was also well brought up, she could laugh in the midst of a storm. Ms. B has always taken things as they come and would shrug and move on if something she didn’t like happened.

    The difference between Madam A and Ms. B has been their attitudes towards matters. While Madam A would fret and sulk and withdraw into her shell, Ms. B would see the funny side of things and take them as they come.

    Well, Madam A soon found an ajebutter like herself and before we even got to meet the guy, they had fixed a wedding date. We all had important roles at the wedding and it was fun. Everybody soon forgot about Masur… or so we thought.

    Last week, it turned out that Mansur posted some new pictures on his Facebook page and it turned out that the new woman in his life is Ms. B! Somebody saw the pictures and alerted Madam A and Shakespeare’s quote on women and hell had to be re-quoted and debated “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

    Madam A called Ms. B who confirmed the story and even went on to say a date has been fixed for their wedding. Madam A has been on the phone calling every one of us not to attend the wedding and of course, she wanted my verdict on the issue.

    The problem with me is that I have to be neutral. So, in order not to further damage an already bad situation, I sought help from my ever dependable site, iVillage and this is what I got about dating rules for one friend dating friend’s ex-boyfriends. Enjoy!

    Dating a friend’s ex-boyfriend isn’t just playing with fire – it’s a bomb that can implode your whole social circle. Your friendship may not survive, and if it does, it will never be the same.

    ‘That sounds so ominous, but your day-to-day dynamic and the context of what you share with each other will be different,’ says dating expert Natasha Burton, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. ‘I’d caution women to take stock of their friendship and ask ‘Is this guy really worth it?’’ Ask yourself, ‘Are you drawn to the excitement of plucking forbidden fruit? Or is there an authentic connection that you can see going the distance? ‘ There has to be more than the thrill of the drama because eventually that will fizzle out,’ says Lisa Paz, Ph.D., a marriage, family and sex therapist in Miami.

    Question his motives

    Even mind-blowing sex ultimately isn’t worth sacrificing a friendship, so make sure you and Mr. Ex both see the relationship heading in the same direction and that his motivations are on the up and up. After all, it’s one thing if he was your friend’s college flame and you bump into him 10 years later in an Italian cooking class and bond over lasagna. It’s quite another if he dumped her last weekend and wants to hook up with you now.

    ‘It’s a red flag if a guy wants to date you right after he broke up with your best friend, especially if they were serious,’ warns Burton. ‘If he’s flirting with you a few weeks later, it’s probably more to make her upset and show he can get a girl who’s supposed to be off-limits, than any genuine interest in you.’

    Take it slow!

    If your conscience gives you the green light to pursue Mr. Ex, still take things slow, even more slowly than you normally might with any other guy. Though the temptation will be incredibly strong, ‘don’t jump right into bed with this guy,’ counsels dating expert Hayley Quinn. ‘Build your relationship in a more public way, with daytime activities, coffee dates, lunches. That’s safer because you’re less likely to get carried away and end up in bed.

    Going slowly also gives you time to exit if it looks like it’s not going anywhere.’ (And, Quinn notes, if the relationship is a non-starter, you can easily explain away a few coffees and lunches, and no one needs to know a thing about it).

    ‘Fess up to your friend fast

    If you may have something special with Mr. Ex, your friend needs to know. And she needs to hear the news from you. Dating experts differ on when’s best to speak up. Burton thinks anything less than full-disclosure on first contact could be seen as ‘sneaky’.

    Others say wait unit there’s something to report. ‘Once you’ve had that first kiss and feel like your relationship could be more than casual, then you need to tell, and certainly if you’ve already been to bed,’ says relationship and dating expert Julie Spira, founder of Cyberdatingexpert.com.

    Since there’s no universe in which this will be a pleasant, or even easy, conversation to have, keep it short, simple and honest: I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I don’t want to hide this from you either. I’ve been going out with Mr. Ex.

    Prepare for the backlash

    If telling your friend you’re dating her ex was hard, this next part may be harder. Once everything’s out in the open, you’ve got to sit still with your mouth shut and brace yourself for the emotional backlash.

    ‘Expect a very angry, jealous response,’ predicts Yahoo’s mental health expert Rob Dobrenski, Ph.D., author of Crazy: Notes On and Off the Couch.’Don’t go in with the idea of defending what you did because that says to your friend ‘You’re not allowed to feel what you’re feeling right now.’ But if you let your friend have her say, she may come around at some point.’

    Follow your friend’s lead

    As the wounded party in this situation, your pal (if she remains one) gets to set the tone for how friendly she wants to still be with you… and how much she wants to see and hear about you as a couple. ‘If you’re breaking this taboo, you’re going to have to acquiesce to your friend’s comfort level to try to salvage your friendship,’ says Paz.

    That said, the best way to show that you still want to be a friend is to spend time with her one-on-one and continue to include her in group gatherings even if her ex, your new beau, will be there, too. ‘She can always say she’s busy if she’s uncomfortable, but at least you’ve done the right thing by inviting her,’ says Spira. ‘I see too many women dumping friends for men and then if that relationship ends, they’ve lost a friend.’

     

    Be prepared to lose your friend

    If you date a friend’s ex, be prepared for her to wash her hands of you. ‘You’re going to feel sad, but you’re just going to have to deal with it,’ explains Dobrenski. Still, it’s possible that after some time has passed, you may be able to heal the rift.

    ‘I’ve had clients who’ve reconnected with friends, sometimes weeks, sometimes years, after the dust has settled.’ But you’re going to have to be patient. ‘Don’t push it. That’s doubly unfair to your friend who’s lost both her ex and you.’

    Don’t spread the news on Facebook

    Naturally, you want to tell everyone your new relationship status, but resist doing it on Facebook, cautions Dobrenski. Assuming you’re still Facebook friends with your pal, you should be especially sensitive about posting updates and photos that could potentially hurt her feelings.

    ‘You don’t know who will see that and it could lead to some nasty postings on your wall,’ he says. Instead, personally tell a few close friends and then let the grapevine do its work. ‘Depending on how your friend reacted to the news, I would say no posting pictures of the two of you on Facebook for six months to a year,’ says Paz. ‘Take the high road where your friend is concerned rather than trying to assert your new position as Girlfriend.’

     

  • Ease into your social life as a couple

    When you and your girlfriend move in the same social circle, presenting her ex-boyfriend as your new man requires some delicate maneuvering. ‘The crowd reaction can be a lot more hostile because a pack mentality takes over,’ explains Quinn.

    ‘If you have one outspoken friend who’s vehemently opposed to your new relationship, she can affect how everyone else in the group responds, even if they might have been fine with it.’ You may get a better (less judgmental) reception if you plan small get-togethers with just a few friends at a time.

    ‘Do it at your place, on your turf, and it won’t feel like you’re imposing your new status on the group,’ says Paz. Don’t push and the crowd will likely welcome you back in time. But if you continue to feel frozen out, spend time with friends who support you and seek out some new friends who don’t know your backstory.

    Don’t share relationship details with her

    You may have shared the minutiae of your past relationships with your gal pal, from the weird way the last guy you dated chewed his food to that thing he did with his hips that drove you wild. But when it comes to her ex, silence on matters both sexual and not really is golden.

    ‘Even in the best case scenario where you get your friend’s blessing, tread really lightly on how much you share,’ advises Paz. ‘Even if we’re over someone, we can still be a little territorial and competitive, so something as minor as you getting along well with his mother if she never did can really sting.’

    Be patient

    In situations like these, time really is on your side. Although your relationship with your friend’s ex may start out a little bumpy, if you behave gracefully and honestly and the relationship remains strong, your guy will eventually come to be known as your boyfriend rather than your pal’s ex.

    ‘These things get forgotten as your relationship becomes more serious,’ says Quinn. ‘People will eventually see this wasn’t just some fling, and that you made the right choice.’

     

  • Water is coming out of my private part after I used a contraceptive

    Water is coming out of my private part after I used a contraceptive

    Well done ma, I am H from Kwara State. I was raped when I was 12 years old, since then I never had sex with anybody. I’m 20 now and I have a boyfriend who I had sex with. After the sex I took a pill called Postinor after that I started bleeding. I’m no longer bleeding but water is coming out of my virginal. What is happening to me and what can i do?

    I know that Postinor is one of the most popular contraceptives in this part of the world but since I’m not a medical doctor, I sought for answers for you on your particular needs and below are some explanations about the drug you used without seeking for a doctor’s opinion:

    Misleading language threatening informed consent

    Postinor-2 is being promoted as an “emergency contraceptive” drug – implying that it prevents conception, ie. the union of sperm and ovum, creating a new human life, rather than induces an abortion. This is misleading to women who will be offered the drug. They will be denied facts about the way the drug works. They will not have the opportunity for counseling.

    Women using the morning-after pill will not know whether the pill has prevented a child from being conceived or whether it has caused an abortion.

    How it works

    The morning after pill consists of hormones which must be taken in two doses. The first dose should be taken within 72 hours of sexual intercourse and the second dose should be taken 12 hours after the first one.(5)

    The manufacturer of Postinor-2, the drug company Schering, acknowledges that the morning-after pill “… prevents the implantation of a fertilized ovum in the lining of the uterus”.

    Side effects

    Schering says that “irregular bleeding, breast tenderness and nausea are the most common side-effects” of the morning-after pill. Schering also states that the morning after pill is not suitable for regular use.

    The World Health Organization has warned that:

    •“… repeated use of emergency contraceptive pills in any month can expose women to higher doses of steroids than those recommended during one cycle”;

    •“… there may be a higher percentage of ectopic pregnancies among emergency contraceptive pill failure cases than among a normal pregnant population”; and,

    •morning-after pills “… are not recommended for routine use, because of the higher possibility of failure compared to regular contraceptives and the increased risk of side effects”.

    I wouldn’t know why you’re having watery discharge, but I will strongly advise that you see a doctor as soon as possible. Good luck.

  • Now that we are comfortable, people are saying my father used other people’s luck

    Good evening Aunty Adeola my name is Stephanie. I am 18yrs old.

    Please I don’t want this published in your column. I and my family stayed in a compound for more than 15 years. I and my elder sister were out of school for more than 2 years due to financial problem. My dad is a nice man who helps people in simple way he can. Now God has made a breakthrough for us and we are being accused of using people’s glories. Nobody answers our greetings and nobody wants to associate with us, and the people behind all these stories are those my father has helped.

    Law 10 in the book, 48 Laws of Power is – Infection: Avoid the unhappy and unlucky.

    It goes on to say, ‘You can die from someone else’s misery—emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

    That is that. We’ve all met them and we all have them. We all have people who drain you of energy instead of enriching us, the people who pull us down instead of pushing us up, the people who require more than they can provide; the negative, wining, needy, manipulative people who can turn a happy day into a living hell.

    They are toxic people. One thing is that no matter how good our intentions are in general, most of us have problems with dealing effectively with this kind of people.

    The good news is that there are effective ways to deal with toxic people.

    1. Avoid them: The best way to deal with toxic people is to not deal with them at all; to avoid them. In some cases it may not be an option, but more often than not, it is.

    It is also common to believe you can get a toxic person to change while interacting with them. But, unless you are a professional, you will not get them to change and trying it simply is not worth it.

    2. Set firm boundaries: Toxic people will often use you, one way or another. They may complain to you all the time while you listen hopelessly (?), or they may constantly get you to get them out of trouble. This is where boundaries come in. Boundaries are reflections of what you are and are not willing to do. Setting firm boundaries means not allowing toxic people to use you in any of these ways. It means refusing to listen to them complain, refusing to get them out of trouble. When you have firm boundaries, there is basically nothing bad any person can do to you.

    3. Get over your guilt: Most toxic people are very skilled at making others feel guilty when they don’t do what they want. This makes it particularly hard to set and maintain firm boundaries with them. But, there is a way out of this dilemma: getting rid of your guilt. It is your own guilt which toxic people use to break down your boundaries. When you can set and maintain boundaries with them without feeling guilty, the weapon they have against you is gone. Realize that your guilt is irrational, pointless, and it is used against you by toxic people. This is the best way to get over it.

    4. Do not defend yourself: When you avoid toxic people and you set boundaries with them, they frequently resort to accusing you, complaining and playing the victim in an attempt to get you to change your behavior.

    One of the worst things you can do when this happens is to defend yourself. It is usually a futile action and it only keeps an immature dialogue going which eventually helps the toxic person get what they want. You won’t get anywhere with them by defending yourself and your actions.

    Unfortunately, toxic people are everywhere. And they tend to attach themselves to those persons who are kind and have the most to offer. When you have the people skills to deal effectively with toxic people, you have the option to respond to their attaching in the best ways for you.

  • How can I save my relationship with my hot temper?

    How can I save my relationship with my hot temper?

    Good evening, I am a 20-year-old student of English and Literary Studies, (200Level). I want my relationship to last for me. My guy is 27, loving and caring. My problem is that I’m hot-tempered. Please tell me what to do to stop it. I don’t want to lose him. My name is Kenny from Uyo.

    There are definite triggers that may cause you to lose your temper – stress, anxiety, demanding workloads, hectic lifestyles, family, social and financial responsibilities and unrealistic expectations of people. If someone constantly calls you names, bullies, torments or humiliates you, this is bound to cause a reaction.

    Some people have a shorter temper than others and often become easily provoked and enraged. When it hampers your personal relationships with friends and family, leads to violence, creates trouble in your professional life and people fear your temperamental nature, you need help.

    The next time you get angry, try to breathe calmly and slowly. Science proves that breathing is directly related to anger. If you breathe faster, your blood pressure increases which results in anger. On the other hand, if you breathe slowly and calmly, the body temperature becomes neutral and you are able to control yourself in that situation.

    For the long run, deep breathing meditations benefit in many ways. Like mentioned above, it helps you form thoughts in your mind. Thoughts arise, and dissolve. There are three kinds of thoughts you can expect: Positive, Negative, and Neutral. Your mind helps you choose the best one for you since your breathing is in control. Breathing meditations actually make you realize that the choice, you thought you didn’t have when you were angry and did something you regret, is now available to you.

    Deep breathing increases a man’s will power, to bring self-control over himself, to bring him the strength to make the right choice.

  • My girlfriend is a two-timing, lying person, yet I want her in my life

    My girlfriend is a two-timing, lying person, yet I want her in my life

    Dear ma, my girlfriend whom I have been dating for the past three years broke up with me early this year. When I insisted that she should tell me the reason she lied to me that her family is not in support of the relationship, which I found out is not true. She also told a lot of lies against me to her friend which she said were her reasons for breaking up with me. One of the reasons she gave was that I’m not capable of taking care of a woman, that if she gets married to me when things are tough I would send her back to her parents because I once asked her when I was duped to get some money from her mum so that I could fend for myself. The most unfortunate thing is that this girl is not schooling at the moment she was once in school but expelled because of exam malpractices and when it happened she lied to me that someone implicated her which I later found out to be a lie. I still forgave her because of the love I had for her. I later on sought admission for her so that she would go back to school through my uncle but she didn’t meet up with the university’s cutoff marks for the course she was applying for. It was during that time that we broke up. Ma, sorry to say that this girl wasn’t sincere to me when we were dating. She was dating her two of her former boyfriends whom she dated before me, yet I was patient with her and I always talk to her in a calm voice so that she will understand that what she was doing is not right till when we finally broke up. It hurts me so bad that after showing her so much love we still broke up. Recently she called and apologised to me about what happened and she confessed that she wasn’t sincere to me though I was sincere with her and I showed her real love. She said I’m the kind of man that she would ever wish to be with but it is not possible. When I asked her the reason why she said that, she has been posting me till today. Nowadays she always calls me and we talk and crack some jokes but inside me I still love her and I want her back to me but I don’t want to openly tell her that she should come back to me. Now what I should I do? I need your advice please. – Danaka.

    Dear Danaka,

    We all know what we see in the people we love, so I cannot question you for loving somebody who has done everything in this world to dishonour you. She has lied against you, she has cheated and she continues to make you feel like a fool, yet you love her and want her back after she left you. It’s obvious that with her, you have nothing like pride; just emotions, so set your shyness aside and tell her you want her back.

    One thing I’ll like you to know is that if she comes back to you without you giving her the chance to be penitent, she will continue to sleep with other men without feeling guilty; after all, you knew about her hot pants and still asked her to come back. Don’t expect her to go back to school if she’s not ready and if and when she does go back, don’t expect her to be clean. If she’s set in her ways, you may just have to put up with her the way she is since you have been blinded by love.

    But if I were you, I’d ignore her for a while and let her realise her mistakes and turn a new leaf. Love is worth waiting for when you’re sure it will come to you without much complications.

  • Must know facts about sex

    Unless you want to get pregnant, and you shouldn’t want this if you are a teen, birth control is a must.

    The only protection against STIs for sexually active people is a barrier method lik2e a condom. This is a safe sex must even if you are using something else for birth control.

    Oral sex is still sex and some STIs, including HIV and AIDS, can be transmitted orally. A barrier method, like a condom or dental dam, must be used for this type of sex as well.

    If your partner is under the age of consent, intoxicated or under the influence of drugs, pressured or threatened in any way, or asks you to stop at any point, you CAN NOT legally engage in sex. Any or all of these scenarios could result in your being charged with rape.

    You can get pregnant or catch an STI the very first time you have sex, even if you use protection. It is always a risk.

    Birth control and STI protection must be used properly to be effective.

  • Why not to fall in love at 18 years old

    Falling in love just happens. No one really means it to, but it does. When you are 18 years old, you still have a lot of life ahead of you. There are many reasons why you should not fall in love at such a young age. You may think you are in love, but love is much more than we know about at that age.

    Love involves more than the butterflies in your stomach. It isn’t the feeling of not wanting to be apart from the person for five minutes and it is not the feeling of sitting on the edge of the seat waiting for a phone call. Love is far from those things and you don’t learn about those things until you are older.

    People are consistently learning about what the word love is. When you are 18, it isn’t likely that you have dealt with half of what love means. Love means being there through everything. Loves is the willingness to stick with the person you are with through your disagreements. It means that you will be understanding when they make an error that seems impossible to forgive. Love is about being there when the other person gets so sick they can’t walk. Love is about accepting every part of that person for who they are and what they are. The butterflies in your stomach won’t survive that type of love.

    Long after the butterflies have flown away, you will be left with a different feeling. The feeling will let you know that this person matters to you through anything that is thrown your way. When you fall in love, you can’t just walk away from it because you don’t feel the butterflies anymore.

    When you are 18 years old, you are more selfish. That isn’t meant in a bad way. It simply means that you are more focused on you than you are on other people and their needs. That isn’t love and you have to be able to distinguish between love and that other feeling that only lasts for a fleeting moment.

    You have an entire life in front of you to meet the right person. You will fall in love at some point. Maybe you think that you have already been in love. You may have been disappointed by some of those loves. However, it isn’t likely that you will continue to love your first love in the same way you love the person you actually end up spending your life with.

    The meaning of love changes as you grow older. You become more mature and you know more about what you want. Don’t rush into a relationship that will probably end up fading away in a short time. Go for the relationships that will have long lasting meaning. It is more important to give love than it is to receive it. Giving love means that you have put your whole self into it.

    Don’t fall in love at age 18. You have a long time to worry about such things. There are things for you do to like going to college. There are adventures to enjoy and a life to live. Live your life now and worry about love later on. Love doesn’t go anywhere if it is really love.