The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hearts

  • Oh teen love and sex!

    I was busy checking out some important products for the office last week when this text below came in:

    ‘Good day. I saw your column and I felt I should say something. Gone are the days when 16-year -olds are meant to carry Bibles on their heads. These days, 16-year-olds now think differently and they are very emotional. I was once at that age and it wasn’t easy at all because people like you refused to see that grown part of the young ones. Fine, their priority should be their books; most times it is just that part of them refuses to die especially when they are already in the university. So since you are given the opportunity to talk to those young ones, try to put yourself in their minds and condition, not just as a senior but as a friend because they must have mothers before asking you, so don’t act as a mum.’ -07036561623.

    I called the caller immediately and we chatted for a while. I tried to make her see things from my own perspective. First of all, I wouldn’t put myself in the position of a friend to youths who may go astray when they are not guided correctly. If they consider me their mother, then I must play that part.

    Your friends are people you share all manner of secrets with and they are expected to laugh with you and encourage you, while your mother’s role is to point the dangers out to you.

    Yes, the days are past gone when teenagers knew very little about stolen sex. But we all can see the negative result of too much freedom for youths. The same way we cannot say that because people are taking drugs anyway, so it should be legalized is the same way we cannot say because some youths are toying with love and sex, so it should be tolerated.

    As usual with handling most issues on this page, I went in search of what I always call superior reasoning to see if I may have been too old-fashioned in some of the things I say to our modern youths. I found out that even in more advanced climes, issues of teenage love and sex is still a source of concern. I came back with the pieces below, which would make us see the minds of reasonable people on our subject matter.

    I’m sorry, the questions and answers would be back next week. Have a wonderful weekend as you read through.

    Teen dating: A mom’s guide

    Everything has changed. What you must know and do to protect your child.

    Remember sitting by the phone, waiting for a boy to call and ask for a date? Then waiting for him to come to the house to pick you up? Well, get over it – dating is different now. “Even the concept of dating is outdated,” says Beth-Marie Jelsma, a psychotherapist in Rochester, New York.

    Kids still start pairing off around the same age (between 12 and 14, with more serious relationships usually reserved for the later teen years), and parents still worry about them experimenting with sex. But these days, there’s even more reason for concern. “Kids almost seem to be running the bases backward,” says Marisa Nightingale, of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, referring to the new sexuality. How do you help your child navigate this complicated world? The first step is to understand it.

    Teens go out in groups

    The groups themselves aren’t necessarily a problem-they give teens the opportunity to develop friendships with lots of people, and they take away the strangeness that kids might feel when they’re alone on a date. But peer pressure can be much stronger in a group. If a lot of kids are doing something questionable, the few who feel it’s wrong may have trouble speaking up. That’s where you come in: Be sure to talk to your child often about what your expectations are, whether they concern sex or drinking or relationships. And ask your teen to think about what she would do if she weren’t in a group, says Sabrina Weill, author of The Real Truth About Teens and Sex. “Say to her, ‘If nobody was drinking a beer, would you? If nobody your age was having sex, would you?’”

    Kids have sex in the afternoon

    Teens aren’t pairing off just in the evening; they’re also hanging out together right after school. The hours between 3:00 and 6:00 p.m., when many parents are still at work, are prime time for trouble. Researchers at the RAND Corporation have found that teens are more likely to have sex when there is less after-school supervision. So if your daughter is home when you’re not, show up unexpectedly on occasion or ask a friendly neighbor to check up on her.

    Kids make dates by cell phone

    Chances are you won’t hear the phone ring-and you won’t get to chat (even briefly!) with your kids’ friends when they call. Tami Beck, a mother of two in Shawnee, Kansas, remembers when a boy came to pick up her 15-year-old daughter and called from the driveway.

    “He pulls in and gets on his cell phone and says, ‘I’m here,’” Beck recalls. “I said to my daughter, ‘Tell him he needs to come in. Your parents want to meet him.’” And to make sure their kids end up where they say they’re going to be, some parents insist their kids call home by landline to confirm their whereabouts using caller ID.

    Kids also use their cell phones to spread the news about parties. Beck demands that her daughter turn off her cell at 10:30 on weeknights and at midnight on weekends (before this, calls were coming in as late as 5:00 a.m.!). If you’re concerned about calls your kid is making, another strategy is to use shared minutes on family plans; that way, you can scrutinize the phone bills. (Also, be sure you know the numbers of your child’s friends.)

  • The most important things teens should know about sex

    For teens, the mere thought of sex can be overwhelming. There is so much to think about, so much to worry about, and so much that can go wrong. Whether you are sexually active or not, knowing the facts about what sex is, and what it is not, is very important.

    Sex is…

    •Both physical and emotional in nature

    •Risky; you can get pregnant, catch a sexually transmitted infection, have your heart broken or your ego bruised, or feel let down and disappointed when it is over

    •A milestone; you only get one chance to lose your virginity

    •Sensitive; be sure that the timing is right for you and your partner

    • not to be taken lightly or treated as recreation

    • best when it is a personal expression of caring between two people

    • messy and full of strange, sometimes embarrassing noise

    Sex is not…

    • a way to make somebody love you or make a commitment to you

    • a test of your love for your partner

    • a measure of how mature or grown up you are

    • a good way to get back at your parents or assert your independence

    •a leisure activity

    •always fun or enjoyable, sometimes you will wonder if it was really worth it

    Remember, when you have sex for the wrong reasons you hurt yourself!

    Being sexually active

    If you are sexually active there are some important things you should know about the sex act itself. There is so much more to think about than whether or not you are doing it right but this is the thing people tend to worry about the most. Rest assured that there really is no right or wrong way to have sex.

    When it comes to se one thing that people should think about but rarely do is the law. There are age of consent laws surrounding how old you have to be in order to have sex and what constitutes consensual sex. There are even laws about the kind of sex acts you can engage in.

  • Society and its obsession with paper qualification (2)

    For a well educated citizenry is of great advantage to any nation particularly a developing one like ours. Besides the skills acquired, formal education broadens the mind, opening it to a world full of new possibilities and vistas. It also emboldens, as it gives one the confidence to face life boldly and the ability to cope with the challenges of a modern world. Perhaps it’s for all these reasons that there’s the saying, ‘An educated mind is difficult to enslave’.

    But the reality is that not every one can have a university degree. And this has nothing to do with class or elitism but the issue of ability. Academic work is for serious minds with the intellectual and mental capacity to cope with the rigors of academia. Not everyone has that capacity and it’s not because they are not intelligent. Perhaps, their talent lie in other areas, such as in creating things with their hands or inventing stuff that can be of benefit to society. Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world was a university drop out. He left Harvard to pursue his dream of making computers that would have a profound impact on the world in the field of info tech and communication.

    What his story shows is that a degree is not the only road to success in life. There are other routes to achieving something with one’s allotted time on earth. But in our society, most people have been brainwashed to believe that the only way to a successful life is by getting a degree from a higher institution. It doesn’t matter how you acquire the degree; just get it and your way through life will be paved with gold.

    That is why many do all sorts including cheating, buying exam questions, paying invigilators to look the other way and all kinds of exam malpractices and scams to get admission into the university. Sadly, some misguided parents even aid their children in this cheating game. The JAMB exams is a case in point. Yearly, we hear of candidates who scored very high marks in the exam but fail woefully in the post-UME that some universities organise to as a lecturer friend put it, ‘separate the wheat from the chaff.’ Despite that, some academically deficient candidates still manage to smuggle their way in and the result of this is that our campuses all over the country are filled with all sorts of students, many of whom have no business being there in the first place. Unable to cope with tough academic work, they pay their way through school by settling some crooked lecturers in ‘cash or kind’.

    And by the time they graduate and enter the real world, it’s the society that now bears the brunt of this mess. Most are largely unemployable and barely literate like the ‘graduate’ of Electrical Engineering posted to a bakery for his primary assignment for the NYSC programme. And there are many like him out there. What this means is that the piece of paper that the degree is written on is worthless if it cannot be defended by whoever owns it. It’s what is in the brain that matters, not some paper.

    Many observers have thrown up their hands in frustration, stating that the situation, like many things that have gone wrong in our society, is beyond redemption. I still believe that something can be done. First, this fixation or obsession with degree acquisition needs to change. Those without university qualifications shouldn’t be made to feel inferior or lesser human beings, that there’s something wrong with them or they are not good enough. Every child came into this world with a skill or talent which can be nurtured in different ways and not by the four walls of a Uni alone. That is why there used be technical or vocational and skills training centres in the past. But many of these are no longer functioning because everyone now wants to be a university graduate even if they have to ‘buy’ the degree and cannot defend it if called upon to do so.

    Our educational policy needs an overhaul with less emphasis placed on paper qualification and more on skills acquisition.

    And in the long run, is it not better to acquire a skill that will be useful to one throughout his life time rather than ‘getting’ a degree through dubious means that one can’t even use to get a job? There are so many unemployed and unemployable graduates these days some of whom have spent as long as ten years or more seeking non-existent jobs. Some, out of frustration and to meet up with their peers take to criminal activities like armed robbery, kidnapping, drug trafficking and others.

    Perhaps, it might be late for those who have already graduated with their dubious degrees but for the young ones still at the foundation school level and the future generations, something can still be done so we don’t keep producing too many deficient ‘graduates’ with degrees that are useless to them and the society at large.

    •Concluded

     

  • The contract (1)

    The first time I saw Max, he had come to do some shopping in my boutique. Back then, I never knew that that chance meeting would have a profound effect on my life. With time, we would grow very close, something that should not have happened as I was a married woman and infidelity is something frowned upon by society.

    Before you start casting stones at me for cheating on my husband, you need to hear my story first to understand the circumstances that made me stray outside my marriage.

    I got married to my husband, Bennie about three years ago. I still remember the ceremony which was held in our local church. It was a grand one, as my husband, who is very rich, spared no expense in ensuring that it was an event that would be the talk of the town for a long time. All my friends had been so envious of me back then.

    “Amanda, aren’t you lucky! I envy you o!” Dorothy, a good friend and one of my bridesmaids had said as I got ready on the morning of my wedding day.

    “Bennie’s such a great catch! I wish I could get someone like him!” said another. They all went on and on about Bennie’s good qualities and what a great husband he will be. If only they knew. For as I sat that morning staring at my reflection in the mirror while the make-up artist worked on my face, my mind was churning with different thoughts. Uppermost was the nagging thought, ‘Was I doing the right thing or was I making a big mistake that would haunt me later?’

    Even as I stood before the pastor at the altar and exchanged vows with Bennie, that thought kept popping up. But I pushed it aside and put on a brave face, smiling and trying to look like a typical happy and radiant bride on her big day.

    You might be wondering why I still went ahead to marry Bennie with all my misgivings. Well, there’s a plausible reason behind my decision. You see, I met Bennie at a very low point in my life. It was at a time when nothing was working and it was as if the whole world was about to collapse on my shoulders. I had finished school but had been unable to get a job after several years of job-hunting. Worse still, my mother who had been my sole support after my father abandoned us years ago, had fallen ill with a sickness that defied solution. There was also a younger brother who was still in secondary school. They both looked up to me for support but how could I play my role in the family without a job?

    At that point, I was ready to do any job as long as it paid some money. So, when I heard a manufacturing company was looking for some factory workers, I went to apply. But to my shock, I was rejected for the job because of my qualification.

    “You have a degree so you are overqualified for the job. It’s school certificate holders we are looking for,” the supervisor in charge of the recruitment told me brusquely. I pleaded with him, telling him I was ready to do the job even with my degree but he refused and ordered me to leave.

    I was walking dejectedly towards the front gate of the company when someone called out to me.

    “Excuse me, young lady,” the voice said. I turned round. It was a man in his thirties, I had never seen before.

    “Sorry to butt in this way but I heard you talking with the supervisor concerning a job back in the office. What exactly are you looking for?” he asked. I studied him for a moment. He was dressed in a dark suit and blue tie and he looked quite respectable like a top executive.

    “And why do you want to know?” I countered, wondering if he was an official in the company.

    “I can see you need a job badly. Maybe I can help you,” he stated. He brought out a complimentary card and gave it to me.

    “I run my own company. There’s an opening there now. So, why don’t you come and see me and we can talk,” he stated.

    I gazed at him warily, not sure if he was serious or not, then looked at the card again.

    “Mr Bernard or whatever your name is. As you can see, I’m in no mood right now for silly games. So, if you will excuse me, I will be on my way,” and I turned and made for the gate once more.

    “What makes you think I’m not serious about this?” he said behind me.

    I turned round again.

    “Because I’m a total stranger to you and people don’t just offer jobs to strangers they don’t know. At least, not in this country,” I said.

    “We’ve been talking for some minutes now so you can’t say we are still strangers,” he noted, smiling a little. He had this sincere look in his eyes that made me relax a little.

    “Look, I understand why you are being wary. You can’t trust people these days. But try and come to my office and I will see what I can do for you,” he said.

    Based on that invitation, I went to his office the following week and he gave me a job right there. It was like a miracle. I was so happy, I felt as if I was walking on air as I went home that day to break the good news to my mother.

    I resumed work not long after and I couldn’t be happier. My boss, Mr Bernard was a hard-working man who drove his workers hard so they could achieve maximum results for the company. He also treated us well and was not mean to the staff.

     

    The proposal

    I noticed he travelled a lot, mostly business trips. On one of such visits to Abuja, he invited me to accompany him.

    “You will need to check the sales records at our office there. So, get ready,” he ordered.

    We were in the city for about a week and we worked most of the time. After that trip, we travelled together to some other cities and even outside the country. It was on our return from one of such trips to Kenya when the office gossips started to circulate the story about my affair with my boss. I laughed when I heard it as it was all lies. Though we had travelled to different places and stayed in the same hotels, he had never shown any romantic interest in me. He was friendly and treated me well but he always acted like a boss to a subordinate to me.

    I knew he was still single and I often wondered why a successful man like him, with money and such good looks was still unattached.

    Some time later, on another of our trips, I told him about the gossip in the office concerning us. It was evening and we were having dinner in the restaurant of the hotel.

    He laughed at my story.

    “People love to talk. So don’t let it bother you,” he stated.

    I smiled at him.

    “Of course it doesn’t bug me since I know it’s not true,” I rejoined.

    He was silent for a while then he looked at me with a serious look on his face.

    “Perhaps we can make it real, give those gossips something to really talk about,” he stated.

    I looked at him warily.

    “What are you talking about?” I asked.

    Then reaching across the table, he took my hand and said:

    “Marry me, Amanda. Be my wife so I can take care of you.”

    His proposal was so unexpected that I sat for a while, just staring dazedly at him.

    “You’ve not been drinking sir, so you can’t be drunk…” I started to say when he interrupted me.

    “I know this must be a surprise to you. But I’ve thought about it and I believe it’s the sensible thing to do. I need a wife, you need a man to look after you. We both get what we want and it’s that not what matters?” he noted.

    When I pointed out to him that there was more to marriage than that, he said:

    “I see where you are going. All that Hollywood stuff like love, romance, desire, passion. I don’t believe in all that. Maybe because I’m a realist who doesn’t believe in fairytales…”

    As if his proposal was not strange enough, there was more to come. Something to do with a contract which stipulated clearly the terms of the ‘union’…

    •To be continued

     

    •Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals

    •What is the contract all about? Don’t miss the exciting details next Saturday!

    •Send comments/advice to 08023201831(sms only) or psaduwa@yahoo.com

  • My husband is double dating, what should I do?

    Please my husband is double dating; what should I do? AA, Ogbomosho.

    My dear sister, I won’t deceive you and help you break your home. The truth is that most men have other women apart from their wives in their lives. It is not in my position to condemn your husband because if you ask him, he would have his reasons for having an affair.

    We should be asking some important questions:

    Hope he has not stopped carrying out his duties as a father and a husband?

    Does he still respect and gives you his love and attention?

    Is he now a visiting husband or he still comes back home?

    We spend too much time worrying when our husbands stray and in some cases, we even fight and throw tantrums. All these won’t solve the problem. And if the man has gone really far as to have actually established another home and has even started raising kids in that other home, there’s very little can do except to try to do your own best to be a good wife and leave the rest for fate to determine.

    While you may be moping, brooding and wondering why he is sharing your love with another woman, I think it is best to ask yourself where you might have gone wrong. If you’re found wanting in any way, please adjust and see if he can begin to see the good in you and you alone.

    Although, sometimes there are just not any particular reasons why men stray, but below are some of the common reasons why men seek the company of another woman, despite taking care of their wife.

    •Boredom– Men tend to get bored of their married life. Life, at times, become monotonous. The wife may be too involved with household chores and children and may not have the time for him. He is in search of excitement and finds it in another woman.

    •A roving eye – Men are supposed to have a roving eye. They like looking and admiring other women. They like to taste something “new” and “different.”

    •A nagging wife – Many husbands get fed up with a nagging wife at home and prefer the loving and caring company of another woman.

    •A neglected wife – Many women do not take care of themselves. They go out of shape. They lose out on their figure. At home, they do not take care of their appearance or dress up properly. Naturally, a man gets fed up with his wife and prefers a better looking woman.

    •Sexual incompatibility is also a reason why men go in for another woman. A few years down the line the husband may feel his emotional and physical needs are not being met and tends to seek the company of another woman. The husband often finds an outlet for his physical and emotional needs by having an affair with another woman.

    •To try out something new is often a reason given by the husband for indulging in an extra-marital affair. He often feels he needs a change of scene and would like to spend time with someone who is “different” and perhaps “more exciting”.

    •Easy access to female companionship is another factor which provides an opportunity for a husband to have an extra-marital affair. Often on business trips, he tends to take advantage of being with another female colleague and enters into a relationship with her.

    •Male ego is also another factor for men to cheat upon their wives. Husbands often feel superior about being a man and like to focus on their “macho” qualities of being able to attract another woman.

    •Peer pressure also encourages a man to cheat upon his wife. Some friends may cajole him into trying out something “new”. They often introduce him to other females with whom he can spend more time.

    •A wife paying too much attention to children and household chores often forces a man to go in for relationships outside marriage. He feels neglected. He wants more attention and since he is not getting it at home he prefers to get it from an outsider.

  • Three boyfriends down the line and my brother still hasn’t approved

    Hello Aunty Adeola, I am 21 years old and I have had 3 boyfriends within 2 years. The first one is the one that deflowered me and I love him but my brother doesn’t like him and that was why how we departed. The same thing happened with the second guy. Now there’s the third one that I love, but because he doesn’t have enough money to spend for me, my brother and his children don’t want to see him with me. I don’t have a father that is why I am staying with my brother and he has also said he doesn’t like my guy’s family. Please I need your advice; what am I going to do?

    I’m really sorry to hear this. Your brother doesn’t seem to know that he is disturbing you emotionally and that is like taking a part of you away with his selfishness. If he had complained about the conduct of any of these young men you have introduced to him, then maybe I would have supported him. But for him to be treating you like merchandise worthy of sale to the highest bidder is not fair enough.

    Some men are not too happy that girls and young women these days put money before love and they would use all avenues to preach to girls to love first before asking for money. Yet, we have a man who is actually encouraging his sister to marry for the sake of money. Did his own wife marry him for money sake? Try to find out. I’ll like to know if he has daughters. If he does, he should wait for them to grow up so that he can exchange them for money. In fact, he has enough time to groom them into ladies who would bring rich men home. As for you, keep your matters away from him until you’re ready for marriage. I pray that by then, God would have blessed this man you’re dating now so that your brother can eat his words. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give him some of the money o, after all, in a way, not accepting the man would contribute to that one working hard to become successful.

  • I’m a young girl having a serious virginal odour but I am not the dirty type

    Sis Adeola, please I really need your help….its personal. I am a young girl having a serious virginal odour which just started a month ago. I am not the dirty type so I wonder what could be the cause; maybe it’s an infection but it’s getting out of hand so much that even when I’m in class I perceive it. Just want you to help me find out what is happening through your experience and a possible treatment.

     

    Vaginal Odor: Causes and Treatment

    Vaginal odor can be a very embarrassing problem. Even if your sexual partner doesn’t notice it, a fishy or unusual vaginal odor can make you feel very self conscious about yourself. What are the possible causes of vaginal odor? What are some of the ways to treat it? When should you worry? Here are some of the things that all women should know about vaginal odor.

    Possible Causes of Vaginal Odor

    Bacterial vaginosis (BV) is the most common cause of vaginal odor. This vaginal infection is even more common than yeast infections, and many women do not realize that they have it. Vaginal odor may worsen after sexual intercourse. Women who have bacterial vaginosis may also notice a thin, white or gray vaginal discharge.

    Yeast infections can also be a cause of vaginal odor. Women who yeast infections are more likely to notice symptoms than those with bacterial vaginosis. A cottage cheese-like discharge and vaginal itching are two other common symptoms of yeast infections.

    According to MayoClinic.com, chlamydia and gonorrhea are two sexually transmitted diseases which can cause an unusual vaginal odor. Most women do not experience symptoms with either of these STDs. Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), which can occur if chlamydia or gonorrhea are left untreated, can also cause an unusual vaginal odor.

    Women who wear tampons may experience vaginal odor if one gets left inside the vagina. However, this is a very uncommon cause. Poor hygiene is one of the more common causes of vaginal odor. Less common causes of vaginal odor include cervical cancer and vaginal cancer.

  • Don’t teach my student nonsense

    February was really bad for some of us. For me, certain things came up that shook my stoic deportment to life. I had borne the pains and anguish for some time before I decided to reach out to a dear friend on phone in the middle of the night. I’m glad I made that call. I was able to pore out my heart and at the end of the early morning, I was much better.

    When I thought mine was the heaviest burden to carry, one of my mentors/father made a phone call to me that I should see him. As soon as I got there, he begged that as part of my work schedules for him, he needed me to teach him the basic use of the computer. I was surprised at that request. This is one individual who wouldn’t care about sending SMS let alone learn the use of the computer. Why the sudden interest? I needed to know. Not one to display emotions, he told me that a large sum of money (enough to buy me a clean house in a good part of Abuja) had been transferred from his account without his knowledge. The money has been traced to Hong Kong and he’s hopeful they nab the people who did it.

    While investigations are going on, he would like to dedicate just one hour per day to teaching him how to use commands on the computer so he would begin to open his emails himself, do internet banking and generally be literate enough to ensure that no one else has his passwords.

    I couldn’t refuse that demand. Yet, I couldn’t say that yes, not only do I have more knowledge of the computer than an average user (after all, I’m an author who has written all my published books straight from my laptop) I actually learnt to use the computer on my own. I didn’t’;t go to any computer school for that. Years of practice and on-the job efforts got me this far and made me a pro. I prayed that he wouldn’t ask me to teach him how to recognize your letters without looking at the keyboard – those are things they teach you in computer schools. Asking him to go to a computer school would mean special schools that open from 7.00pm to 8.00 would need to be located for him. (All big people are always on the move and 9.00pm is still day time for a lot of them).

    Lo and behold, Baba wanted to teach him what I had prayed he wouldn’t ask me to – recognizing letter without looking at the keyboard. Up till now, I don’t know how I managed to take his mind off that. What I know is that today, after just four days of teacher/student arguments, he is able to boot his computer, type words and start new paragraphs, highlight letter to increase font sizes, close files and a few other things. I have to sometimes remind him of commands like ‘Enter’, ‘Backspace’and ‘Control’, but we’re getting there.

    The highlight of the lesson is that since Baba has never been alone with a woman since the years I’ve known him the lessons are done in the presence of his PA and his son. Baba obviously doesn’t understand why these young men laugh when I say things like , ‘open’, ‘close’, ‘enter’, ‘control’, ‘go down’ and ‘shift’. As they are idle when we are busy, their minds must be playing some silly tricks and they are enjoying it.

    As for me, I pray I’m able to help Baba computer literate before the end of March and while I laugh at the games of these young men, I pray they don’t end up teaching Baba nonsense.

  • My partner and I have a son without our parents knowing; how long can we keep this secret?

    Good evening Adeola. I’m 22 and my guy is 24 and both his parents and mine are not in support of our relationship. We have a son without our people’s awareness and my people want me home but I want to go back to further my education but because of my son, I don’t know what to do. I need your advice.

    My dear sister, there are loop holes in your story and I wish I could ask some questions from you directly before I could do justice to this question. Are you living so far away from your parents that you would be pregnant for nine months and they won’t know, and now that you have a child they still don’t know? Are both your parents so busy or careless that they won’t see you where you are for this long and they won’t visit? Let’s even assume that you live in faraway Damaturu in Yobe State and they are in Badagry in Lagos State, don’t you have relations living where you are they could have told them about the new development? Well, anything is possible, so, let’s take it that several elements have contributed to your parents not knowing till now that you have a son.

    If a census would be taken in Nigeria today, your son would be counted as one of us. He would also be counted as a member of a family unit – yours or your partners. If a family member dies today and they were to do an obituary, his name should naturally be amongst the family members listed. If your parents were to pray for all members of the family against certain evil, you would be doing the poor boy a lot of disservice by not letting them know in order to include his name. In fact, as this stage, he would miss out of being included in a Will if one were to be written today. So, the earlier the better you let your parents know that there is a beautiful addition to the family.

    How long do you intend to keep this good secret from your parents? Of course, they may be angry at first that you got pregnant instead of facing your studies, but the joy of seeing this baby would flush out the anger as soon as it appears. All sane people love seeing the offspring of their children.

    In these days and times when girls of 15 and 16 are having babies and their parents cannot kill them, isn’t it nice that you waited till age 22 to try motherhood? In fact, that is the right age for women to start motherhood. As we get older, the quality of egg decreases, so it is best for women to start early.

    If you’re finding it difficult to let your parents know, I’m very good at breaking good news; please forward your parents numbers to me. I can assure you that they would prepare a banquet for your arrival. I’m waiting for the numbers… I wish you the best.

  • I am madly in love with a guy I hardly speak with

    Please if truly this is Adeola Agoro, please help me out. I am madly in love with a guy I hardly speak with. We hardly greet each other and I am in love with him.

    Please what can I do?

    Many women have difficulty showing a man that they are interested. They are afraid that they may act wrong and send the wrong signal to him. When batting your eyes at him has stopped working, it’s time to try a different method. The big questions is: How do you show a guy you’re interested in him? Are your actions sending out confusing signals that are sending him away? Do you know what the right way is to show him your interest?

    Here are some great tips on how to show a man your interested in him.

    Steps

    1. Smile every time he looks your way. Flash him an inviting glance. Eye contact is great. Or, depending on the guy, it may be more effective to blush and roll your eyes. This generally works for shy guys. Don’t stare at him too long or you might freak him out.

    2. Call him and ask about the homework when you really just want him to talk to you but don’t do it constantly.

    3. Practice your gaze in the mirror. This way, you can perfect a confident, positive look of interest. Rehearsing also helps you avoid lovey-dovey doe eyes. Hold eye contact with your reflection for a full minute if you can. This will get you comfy keeping your eyes on your crush when the two of you finally chat. Don’t stare, glaze over or forget to blink!

    4. Be way casual. Don’t fix your eyes on the guy from a distance like a tiger hunting down dinner. Pretend you just noticed him right before you reach him, then catch his gaze and flash a smile as you pass. Check out his reaction: Does he hold your gaze and smile back? If so, good. Repeat this process a couple of times, until one of you is bold enough to strike up a conversation. Try practicing what you are going to say before you confront him; that way there won’t be any awkward silences. Note: shy guys (this will usually be you). Shy guys will very seldom make the first move.

    5. If you are talking to him, looking down and smiling so that he sees your smile, let him know you enjoy talking to him. Even better, a little later state: “I really like spending time with you” Look for signs to see if he likes you too. If he does, wait for him to make the big move, but try to strike up a conversation. Get him used to the idea of having you around. Make him comfortable around you. If things sway a little off course, crack a joke or end the conversation. NEVER try to play hard to get: some guys won’t understand that you are playing, and will think that you’re not interested.

    6. Strike up conversations when the timing’s right. Tune in carefully to what your crush has to say. Guys love girls who listen well—it makes them feel interesting, which in turn makes them feel good about themselves, which in turn makes them feel good about you for making them feel good about themselves! Got it? Cool. Compliment the listening with a compliment. While he’s telling you about that giant trout he caught at the lake last summer, take in all the details, and then say, “Whoa! You must be a really amazing fisherman! I’ve never had a chance to go fishing myself, but I’ve always wanted to try it.” Bingo! He’ll start talking a mile a minute—he’s gonna want to teach you everything! Next thing you know, you’ll be out on a lake in a canoe with your cutie.

    7. Express appreciation for qualities that he happens to possess and interests that he happens to have (and mean it!). Be careful, though: Don’t act even remotely stalkerish. For example, never attend his games by yourself—it’ll look weird. Just go with your crew, have a great time and, afterward, very casually pass him by—once—smile, and say, “Hey, that no-look pass you made was impressive!” A genuine pat on the back for a job well done scores major points.

    8. Flirt. Whether it’s laughing at his jokes, teasing him gently, or touching his arm, a little bit of playfulness never hurts.

    9. Invite him out. It doesn’t have to be as straightforward as asking him out on a one-on-one date. If you’re going to the movies with a group, for example, ask him to come along. Use group activities to your advantage. In addition to bowling nights and mall trips, suggest your group throw a bash for your bud who has a birthday coming up. You be in charge of the invite list, and make sure his invitation is the first one to fly into the mailbox. Better yet, ask him and a bunch of other guys to help you and the girls pull this party off. A day of painting “Happy Birthday” murals and stringing up streamers can be bonding in a big way. Be sure to give him props for his excellent ideas.

    10. Find out if he has a special someone already. You can beat around the bush a little:

    * What’d you do last night?

    * Do you hang out with different people, or do you pretty much stick with the same crowd?

    * Who do you usually end up spending the most time with?

    11. Avoid doing all of the above with other guys.

    12. Leave it be. Once you think you’ve got your message across, don’t push it any further, but don’t back off, either. The ball is in his court now.

    13. Test his reaction to the idea of you and him. Don’t come right out with it and blurt out, “I LOVE YOU!” Do it subtly. A good suggestion would be to say, “I had this weird dream last night where you and I were a couple.” If he laughs or looks weirded out, laugh along and say, “Yeah, I know!” If he blushes or smiles, say something like, “But would that seem too weird?” If he truly likes you, he should reply with something along the lines of, “I don’t think so.” This is a good sign. (NOTE:He may just laugh along because he thinks you don’t like him.)

    14. Try and joke a lot with him. This is very good. If you catch him staring at you in a joking way, stare back.

    15. Be yourself. If he doesn’t like you for yourself, he doesn’t like you, but don’t worry, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

    16. Remember to have your own life. Try not to get super clingy; some guys might like that, but it might be for all the wrong reasons.