The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hearts

  • How do I handle men

    Deola, a young lady I met recently with whom I became very friendly asked me, “How do I handle men that keep running after me everywhere?”

    – Yinka, Minna.

    Dear Yinka, please tell that young girl that women in their sixties who look good are still being chased everywhere they go by men, so it is normal for the attention of a young girl to be sought by men of all ages.

    Tell her to bask in the euphoria of being admired and asked out, but never to get carried away. Also tell her that if she wants to choose, she should choose wisely and let her know that a girl is entitled to only one man.

    She should be nice to people generally and should know when a man is becoming a nuisance enough to ignore him.

  • Males for Love

    •Ma, please help me out I am Femi, 40, father of one, Christian from Ekiti, need a single, divorcee or widow as wife. Her age between 35 and 38, 4 serious relationship. Contact me on 07060917544.

     

    •My name is lfeanyi 37 base in Onitsha need a very big and fat lady for serious relationship. My no 08056745449.

    Hi Ms Agoro, Thanks for your advice asking us to always text readable messages worthy of public consumption. Meanwhile, am Adebiyi, 70, lives at Agbado,still searching for a soulmate of between age 45 & 50 Contact 08!58952726. Cheers.

     

    •Aunty Adeola. I am 42 years old with one child. I am a civil servant working in Lagos. Please I need a Muslim lady .her age should be in between 27 and 37 years old. She must be someone that is ready for marriage. She must be a Yoruba.

     

    •Azeez, 33 years young professional need a serious Muslim lady based in Lagos for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage soon. Call or text 08089991682.

     

    •My name is Adebayo, 30years, lives in Shomolu, Lagos need a serious minded n cute, must be working class lady, between 25-30years for serious relationship. Call 08032244913.

     

    •Kingsley 40 an edo business man, lives in Mowe Ogun State, need a serious lady between 22 to 35 for relationship that leads to marriage and she must be.

     

    Hi Ms Agoro, thanks for your advice asking us to always text readable messages worthy of public consumption. Meanwhile, I’m Adebiyi 70, lives at Agege. I need God fearing, here is my number 08053867697. Bado is still seaching for a soulmate of between age 45 & 50 contact 08!65952726. Cheers.

     

    I am Joe, an engineer working in Port Harcourt. I’m 37 yrs and needs a lady from any part Nigeria who must be psychologically ready for marriageÌ. pls contact me with dis phone number.

  • Re: Me and the oga madams

    Re: Me And The Oga Madams. I have been reading your column for over one year now and I found the above a masterpiece for mankind. It was short, pungent, incisive, educative, truthful and a down to earth advice from you. It was an all- time panacea in arresting forces that break homes. It was most thoughtful of you. If this sort of advice had been embraced by many in the past, the joy in them would have known no bounds today. It’s a pity. GOD BLESS YOU. Keep up the good job. I hope women who are desirous of keeping their homes do read you. That piece said it all. Kudos Madam. K.ADIGUN. 07042426020.

     

    Re: Me And The Oga Madams. I can’t believe u penned those words considering your beauty, brain and your elegance. You rarely find the kind of women you beautifully described in your ‘modern world of today’. However your ilk are the real women God gave the world. The others only fill the numbers. Please continue to be the good wife you are to your “gift” and our men folks.

     

    I read your piece every week. Generally, I read the column to have a glimpse of people’s idiosyncrasy as regards love matters. Hun! Sometimes, to laugh heartily about some dumb questions people asked like the young man of 22 years of age looking for his granny as a lover and so on and so forth. But today, you earned my respect for your piece on ‘Me and the oga madams’. Indeed, you are worthy of the role you are playing for the society. May God continue to strengthen you to live up to the demands of a counselor and role model to the society. Aunty, best of regards. Toyyib, Akure.

     

    I am extremely in love with u. Why? We share same in common—— pragmatic, frantic, sincere, factual, socially experienced, down-to-earth, intelligent, diligent, purposeful, romantic, unbiased, humane, e.t.c. Good luck and keep the flag flying as God will continue to bless, preserve and crown your efforts in life with Glory. Amen. 08023033692.

     

    Adeola, as a sociologist cum social welfare worker for the past 30years I always read and analyse your column in The Nation on Saturday. ‘Me and the oga madams’ was a good one. 36yrs ago when we got married it was ‘my D’ now it is ‘our Daddy’ and ‘our Mummy’. Happiness radiates everywhere. We praise the Lord. Ayoola, Ibadan. 08058517680.

     

    ‘My Oga’, ‘My Lord’. Nice name to give your man. Let me surprise you with dis one: I overheard a wife telling her friend she charges her husband b4 giving him her body. Reason: Says Guy Is Stingy, D Only Time To Get Money From Him Is When He’s Beggin To Thrust.

     

    Thank you so much Deola. Your piece on me and the oga madams was awesome. I learnt this the hard way until I learnt to be submissive simply because I felt I was a younger woman and he an older man, so I could get my way with him. But when I drew close to God and much older women, he is literally eats from my hand now and I’m settled. Lima Lima, PHC.

  • Fraudsters invade Hearts

    I stopped the matchmaking segment of Hearts about two years ago because some shameless and unscrupulous people were using it to dupe people. I cried when certain cases were reported and I couldn’t imagine harm coming the way of anybody through an avenue I desired to use to make people happy.

    I gave in to pressure from genuine people and I started matchmaking again only to be woken up to the reality that ladies especially are forming syndicates to dupe people. I have received so many mails from men about a particular girl who calls herself Dami. I found out that to get her arrested may take long, but we can at least warn our men NOT to contact any of the Females For Love telephone numbers or emails we have published in recent times.

    To have a feeling of the kind of fraud I’m talking about, please read the mail below:

  • Give us this day our rich mamas

    Godson and I became friends not too long ago. I had actually noticed him for a while but other than the smiles shared across a few meters; I never really had the chance to speak with him. Then one day, I came back from work and while the gate was being opened for me, Godson crossed my path. I had just bought some groceries and it occurred to me that I could give him something out of my bag. He was surprised and he didn’t even have to say thank-you because the smile on his face said it all.

    After that, we actually started exchanging some form of greetings. Then on a Sunday afternoon like that, Godson paid me his first visit. It was amused as he went about checking things out. When he saw one of my fez caps, he asked if I was a ‘nigga’. That got me laughing. Then one day he came and saw my partner and ran away. When I asked him why he took to his heels, he said he didn’t want anybody to beat him in my house o.

    I make him enjoy each visit with the sweet things I always gave him. I soon got nicknamed ‘Godson’s wife’ by his mother.

    But it has not always been so good between me and Godson. Sometimes he would tell me point blank that he didn’t want my friendship again. In fact, once or twice, he has stormed out of my house. Most times when we fight, it is always because I’m taking ice-cream and I’m not sharing it with him or I’m taking something sweet that I wouldn’t want to give to him because his mum may have warned me earlier that he’s on drugs to stop his jedi-jedi (dysentary).

    Just last week, after one of such fights, Godson told me he didn’t like me again, and immediately, he started getting close to my hairdresser who gave him some of the groundnuts she was eating. She instantly became his favourite and I didn’t have anything to share. Hmmm…

    If it were not for my partner who has come to enjoy Godson’s visit so much that he wants to see more and more of him, I’m sure that with my one and off habit of not having sweet things, Godson might have forsaken my friendship totally. As I do this page though, he’s sitting in a corner eating the watermelon I served him. Today we’re friends and tomorrow, we shall continue to be friends because my Godson is just three years old and at that age when they can be very funny.

    But what should we make of grown men who still behave like Godson? These are men who wouldn’t even want to be friends with you if you’re not rich. There are so many men like that who size you up to be sure they can get bread and butter from you before they come close.

    I have been getting too many mails from men who make it clear that it is rich women they prefer. One of such men sent the following mail to me last week:

    My Name is Francis, your regular reader, I’m 26yrs. I want a rich woman for marriage. Age is not a barrier, call me on 08033809323.

    Okay, if age is no barrier, then a woman of 60 can be appropriate so far she has enough money to throw around!

    I must have published so many of such mails that one of my fans cried out last week when he sent his own mail:

    Good day madam, I observed most young men looking for wife these days are placing so much emphasis on the ladies being rich. I think God says a man should provide for his family and not the other way round. Please we want to read your article to educate those lazy gold diggers. Abiodun is my name. 08037237642.

    Abiodun, thank you for that observation. I must confess that I’m troubled by that trend too. But I have been careful not to be too morally instructive on this page as I have come to realize that we are all different. Some of the ladies out there wouldn’t mind supporting a man; you know. It is different strokes for different people.

    One thing I’m sure of is the fact that just like my little Godson, most of the men who ‘love’ their women for the sake of money would always threaten to leave the moment there’s no longer sweet things to give to them. It is clear from the beginning that being rich is the name of the game so there must always be goodies to share.

    I cannot say much to the men who desire rich women because I cannot despise them of their desires, but I have just one question for them for them – would you rather be a respectable and responsible hardworking man or be in the same category with a diaper-wearing three year old boy? It is for them to decide.

     

    Please Note: From now on, apart from the counseling part, other parts like matchmaking and your mails would be left unedited. The text messages would be published the same way they are sent to me to enable you judge first-hand the qualities and capabilities of those whose numbers you see here. Please bear with me.

     

  • I’m 22, I need a wealthy woman of 50 for a relationship

    I’m Alex, 22, a student in Lagos. I need a romantic and wealthy woman between age 30 and 50 who

    lives in Lagos for a relationship.

     

    •Dear Alex, your request shouldn’t have come through me at all. I’m sure your mum and aunties have wealthy friends within their age brackets, so all you should do is to walk up to any one of them for friendship. If that fails, you print your request on fliers and go to all those highbrow shops in Lagos where they sell lace and expensive goods and distribute. Who knows, you may be contacted.

    As for me, I believe in morals and I would tongue lash a younger brother of mine who at this age is looking for a wealthy woman old enough to be his mother instead of concentrating on hard work and a bright future. Forget about all the sugar-mummy stuff you see in film, if they exist in reality, it is rare and it takes more pains than what you see. There is also no future in it. Be serious about life, Alex.

  • Me and the oga madams

    I have an older cousin, Fola Ajibola who calls her husband ‘my oga’ and I have a friend, Bimbo Odedeji who has been addressing her husband as ‘my lord’ for all the 17 years of their marriage. That’s on one hand.

    On the other hand, I know of a woman who tells her husband that if he is not home at a particular time of the day, there won’t be food for him and for four months running, she has not cooked for him as he has not been returning at that stipulated time. You may want to know the time she set. Well, it is 6.30pm! Once he’s not home by 6.30pm or 7.00pm the grace time, there won’t be food. Pronto!

    I also know a woman who competes with her husband on all activities. If he can go out and hang out with the men till late, she can also have her limitless ladies night. If she needs to go out for a function, she needs no permission as he also doesn’t take permissions to attend functions. After all, he just announces that he has an event to attend and she doesn’t have to agree to it before he goes, so why should she take permissions from him?

    To my very old-fashioned mind, I will rather embrace the woman who calls her husband ‘my oga’ and the one who calls him ‘my-lord’ than the woman who sets boarding house rules for her husband. I won’t also want to be friends with the one who competes with her husband.

    I may be thinking this way not only because I am old-fashioned. I may have seen so much joy in the home of my cousin that I would rather copy a woman like her.

    Fola was born in England and was raised by her very successful father and my highly sophisticated aunty. She schooled in England and she runs one of the most successful online shoe businesses that I know of.

    She also shuttles between Zurich and Dubai for lace materials and gold, which she sells in London. So by all means, she’s not an illiterate and she is really exposed.

    Fola loves ‘gisting’ on the phone and you could hear her giggling across many miles when we talk on the phone, but the moment she hears the key in the lock signaling her husband’s arrival from work, she announces that her ‘oga’ is back and she has to receive him. You can bet that she would rush downstairs to meet him no matter what she’s doing.

    Calling her husband oga does not take away romance from their marriage; it only constantly reminds her that the man is the head of the home and in the order of things, his opinions come first. Well, her husband literally eats from her palms and they are truly happy because she gives him the respect men want. He reciprocates by giving her all the support she might need for the growth of her business and she gets the cooperation she needs in the house.

    Bimbo, maybe because her husband is her lord, has never raised her voice on her husband even during arguments. You won’t want to rubbish the man you call your lord; would you?

    For me, I love endearing words like ‘honey’ ‘darling’ ‘sweetie’ and I may even experiment with ‘my gift’, ‘my treasure’ and so on, but subconsciously, my man is still my oga no matter how ‘stupid’ some people may call that. If by being nice and respectful, I get my peace and my happiness, why not continue to be just that.

    Were dun wo, ko se bi lomo.  That’s one wicked Yoruba saying that literarily means a ‘mad man is good to watch for amusement but nobody wants to have a mad child’. I honestly enjoy relating the stories of the fights and disagreements that most often than not come up in the homes of the women who are themselves ogas in their homes, but I would hate to have their experiences. I maybe madam in my office; in fact I’m madam to my domestic staff but to become oga madam in the home to my partner, may God not give me such powers.

  • It takes me one hour before I ejaculate; I need a woman that likes sex

    I have a very long and large thing and I need a woman that needs sex partner. It always takes me 50

    minutes to one hour before I can release. I need a woman that likes sex.

     

    •My brother, your case is similar to that of Ebbi above, so take a cue from it. However, since you are still unattached, you still have enough time to search for the right woman who will not only love sex, but one that will love you as a person. A woman may love sex but not want to be touched by a particular man. It will take love and devotion to be naked with a man on the bed for one hour for at least two to three times every week for the rest of one’s life, or for the rest of the man’s active life. So don’t go looking for only a sexually active woman, look for your soul mate that will accommodate you.

     

  • My parents are against my HIV positive boyfriend

    Hello Aunty, I have this guy that I love so much that I can die for. But he is HIV positive while I am negative

    but he wants to marry me but my parents are against it. I really love him and l love him with all

     my heart. Right now, I am getting mad because of all that is going on and I need your help because I don’t want to lose him. Aunty, please help me.

     

    Hi.

    You were not detailed in your mail to me as I do not know whether your parents are fighting your relationship with this guy because of his HIV status. If that is the case, even the most prominent campaigners for the rights of the people living with HIV wouldn’t agree easily for their HIV-negative children to marry an HIV-positive person. It would take a lot of counseling. In most cases where you have a positive and negative living together happily, they might have been married before discovering the positive status of the other person.

    Parental consent in a marriage relationship is very important in Africa, especially here in Nigeria. If they were kicking against it on grounds such as the guy’s lack of adequate finances or religious grounds, one could always have a way of going around it because in such cases, we can say they are not being considerate. But if it is on health grounds, then you have to be on the same page with them. The parents you fail to listen to today as blood is still pumping to your heart in the name of love may be the ones you will go and cry to later.

    All in all, seek counseling on your expectations and limitations with an HIV positive partner. It is possible to live happily with him and have healthy babies. You however need to be armed with information and education about how to go about it. You may in turn educate your parents so they can see that life continues whether you have HIV or not. Wishing you the best.

  • And the circus begins… (1)

    Feelers from the political scene in recent times, indicate that the ‘battle’ for 2015 has begun in earnest. I use the military term usually associated with warfare because as many in this country would attest to, politics here is like war. And like most battlefields, it’s not a place for the weak and lily-livered.

    Anyway, the politicians have stirred from the self-imposed short break they took after the last general elections in 2011 and are gearing up for the next one. The scheming, underground deals and the other things associated with politicking in Nigeria have started. Already, some casualties in this political battlefield have begun to emerge. Last week, the National Secretary of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), Prince Olagunsoye Oyinlola was removed by a Federal High Court in Abuja, a move that some political observers see as a fall-out of the alleged cold war brewing between President Goodluck Jonathan and his erstwhile godfather, former President Olusegun Obasanjo.

    As for the ex-military leader and two time Head of State, its obvious that the old warhorse is up to his old tricks and shenanigans again. When he left office in 2007, I cannot remember Nigerians holding a referendum to pick him as the undisputed kingmaker in the country. But Obasanjo as everyone knows, is like a man with a drum beating in his head- he picks his own tune and he dances to it energetically, unmindful of whether others around him like the music or not. In other words, he does not care about others opinions and does whatever he wants to do, at any cost. He has assumed that role with his usual abraggadocio and domineering ways.

    Now, his body language and reports from various quarters show that he’s shopping for a new ‘prince’ to crown in the next political dispensation, having allegedly fallen out with his beloved godson, Jonathan. In this quest, the feelings and desires of the majority of the citizens for good governance that will usher in progress and prosperity in the country, do not count. What Obasanjo wants, Aremu gets.

    And there lies the tragedy of this country. For far too long, the political leaders have been grossly unfair to Nigerians. All the scheming and deals struck at those clandestine meetings they usually hold during ‘vampire hours’ (that is at midnight or early hours) are all geared towards one thing: self. It’s all about self-interest, self-aggrandizement, self-preservation and other pecuniary reasons. To this lot, the word ‘people’ which democracy is all about, does not exist.

    In fact, the ancient Greeks who invented this form of governance would shake their heads in wonder at the manner in which our politicians have re-invented democracy. Here, it’s more like, ‘government of the ruling class, for the ruling class and by the ruling class.’ But for how long can this state of affairs be sustained? Not too long because the dire consequences of such mis-governance, which is an abnormality in the first place, are becoming too glaring to ignore.

    The rate of poverty, unemployment, hunger and other unfortunate fall-outs of bad governance and misuse of resources have reached crisis level. The only way to turn the tide is to put the people back in democracy.

    This has been harped on for years by activists, civil society groups, the media and other concerned Nigerians alarmed at the way the country is being run. But most of our politicians, drunk on the power, money and other perks of their high offices have grown blind and deaf to the cries of the long-suffering citizens which have reached the heavens itself. Like Nero, who played music on his fiddle while ancient Rome burnt, the politicians are too busy enjoying these perks to care about the common man.

    As some say, it will take a miracle for these people to listen or change. But listen they must because the alternative is too harrowing to contemplate.