The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hearts

  • I want to be a columnist, what does it entail?

    Ifeoluwa Adewuyi Tosin: Aunty A2, please ma, I want to be a columnist, what does it entails? I wish to b one.I love writing but I wouldn’t knw if its gud enof.

    Please help me out.

    Adeola Agoro: ‘What does it entail?’, you meant to write, I’m sure, not ‘what does it entails?’.

    First of all Ifeoluwa, you have to be very proficient in the language you’re using to express yourself. Then you must find an area of interest that will also interest other people.

    Are you looking at writing on crimes, society, gossips, religions, health, tourism or what? You must decide which area you are very good at and begin to write. To convince any editor about your ability to write, you would be expected to submit up to 10 articles of the piece you’re going to be writing on.

    The next step would be to take your articles to media houses of your choice and talk to editors. If you’re good enough and there is space for you in the paper, you wouldn’t need to worry – you’d be added to their list of columnists faster than you could ever imagine.

    In all, I wish you the best.

  • The tycoon’s son (2)

    Lexie dropped out of the university in his second year. Though brilliant, he was lazy and could not be bothered with studying or even attending lectures. So after consistently failing nearly all his papers after each exam, he was ‘advised to withdraw’ from school. His despairing mother wanted him to continue his studies in another school but Lexie was not keen. He told his mother, who had by then married another man and had other children, that he was sick of school. All Lexie wanted was to ‘hustle’ and ‘make lots of money.’

    Over the years, he drifted from one dubious business venture to another and ended up with plenty of debt instead of money. His stepfather tried to get him a job several times but he turned down the offer. He still believed he would make it big one day through one of his ‘deals’. A job would only distract him.

    Lexie’s deals never made money and he was often broke. Though in his 30s, he still lived at home with his mother and had no plans to get married and ‘settle down’. He had not had much contact with his father Chief Agbah for several years. Chief had all but disowned him, calling him a ‘worthless layabout and a drop-out.’ The feeling was mutual as Lexie saw his father as a ‘useless, heartless’ man who had abandoned him as a child. He hardly played his role as a father to him and never gave him much money whenever he asked though he was stupendously rich.

    Lexie met Selina at a burial ceremony in Igen. It was the funeral of Madam Yero, one of the prominent women in the community and a good friend of his grandmother. He had gone to visit his aged grandma that weekend and had attended the party with some friends. The first time he saw Selina, Lexie could not keep his eyes off her. Most men reacted that way to her. With her milky chocolate-brown skin that glowed as if rubbed with oil, dark-brown sparkling eyes, perfect set of white teeth and a figure to die for, she was really stunning.

    She made it clear to him though, that she was not interested when he approached her. Her attitude however changed and she became friendlier when she heard his last name.

    “Agbah? Are you related to Chief Agbah, the business tycoon?” she quickly asked.

    “Yes. I’m his first son,” he disclosed. Her eyes registered surprise, then admiration.

    He was always amused by most people’s reaction to that info. Some would look at him in wonder while others found it hard to believe that the slim looking, casually dressed guy who was often seen in jeans and T-shirts could be related in any way to Chief Agbah, one of the richest men in the state whose business empire spread far and wide.

    After Selina confirmed he was truly Chief’s son from the friend she attended the party with, she stuck to his side for the rest of the night. By the end of the party, they had become friends. They exchanged phone numbers before parting, with Lexie promising to call as soon he returned from a ‘business trip to Port-Harcourt’ as he put it.

    Selina waited for a week for his call and when she did not hear from him, she decided to make the first move if he did not call her. Though with a good degree from a top university, Selina had not worked for a single day since she left school several years before. It wasn’t that there were no job offers. She was just not interested.

    “Why stress myself working for peanuts when I can make more money through hustling,” she used to say whenever any of her school mates, some of whom were working in different organisations, wondered why she was still jobless.

    She believed that her passport to the ‘good life’ lay in her looks and she was determined to get whatever she wanted in life with her youth and beauty. So she dated mostly rich men who had the means to give her what she wanted like a posh car, nicely furnished apartment, trips abroad for holidays and shopping and a fat bank account.

    But like a bottomless pit, Selina wanted more. Her dream was to marry well, preferably into a wealthy family so she could be financially secure for life. Through Lexie, she believed that she could get her heart’s desire. Lexie would be her ‘jackpot’, the road to the good, easy life she craved.

     

    ***

    Lexie could not believe his luck at meeting Selina. ‘Just perfect!’ he kept repeating to himself after they parted. Because of the strong attraction he felt for her, he initially thought of dating her but he changed his mind later. ‘She will be more useful as my secret weapon,’ he told himself about a week after they met. The following day, he contacted Selina and invited her for lunch.

    He took her to a nice restaurant at Ikeja. That day, Selina looked even prettier than she did at the party and he (with some of the men around) just kept staring at her.

    “You look hot enough to eat,” he said teasingly as she sat down opposite him. She smiled coyly at him.

    “Well, I’m starving so can we order? Maybe you can have me for dessert later,” she stated. She put it like a joke but the look in her eyes said she meant it.

    After the meal, Lexie got down to business.

    He spoke earnestly while she listened. But as he continued talking about what he wanted from her, her look changed to one of surprise then disbelief.

    “Are you really sure about this, or you are just kidding me?” she asked with raised brows.

    He shook his head, pointing out that he had never been more serious in his life.

    “But what’s the reason? Why do you want to do that to your own father?” she asked again.

    He then told her about his birth, childhood and being abandoned by the man he could barely bring himself to call father. “I’m his first child but he doesn’t even acknowledge me or do anything for me, despite being so wealthy,” he grumbled bitterly.

    Selina sympathized with him, but was his grudge against his father enough justification for what he planned doing? According to him, he wanted Selina to ‘seduce’ Chief Agbah, make him fall so madly in love with her that he would want to do anything for her.

    “It’s then I will come in and we will be able to extract a very large sum of money from him. Others might call it stealing. But to me, I’m getting my inheritance in advance. I doubt if I’m in his will anyway,” he stated.

    Selina was still sceptical.

    “But what makes you think I could seduce your father so easily?” she enquired, frowning.

    He gave her an assessing look.

    “You could seduce even a priest with little effort with your looks,” he said reassuringly, adding: “Don’t worry. I know my father very well. He’s a womaniser with an eye for pretty, young ladies like you. It will be like dangling a piece of juicy bone before a hungry dog!”

    Selina thought about the plan for days before making up her mind. It was a very tempting offer. If the ‘job’ succeeded, Lexie promised she would get 30 percent of the amount they would make from Chief Agbah. From her calculations, that was a very large amount of money. She could do a lot with that; even retire from ‘hustling’ and maybe relocate abroad and live well for a long time without having to do any work. She was already thirty years old and she knew she could not live off her beauty for ever. With age, even the greatest beauty loses her looks as her mother often pointed out whenever the issue of marriage cropped up.

    But Selina was not keen on marriage, at least not just yet. She wanted to enjoy her life first before being saddled with a husband and kids. She had had so many suitors in her life and broken so many hearts, she had lost count. But she didn’t care. All she wanted was to make money, lots of it so she could live in luxury for life.

    Later, she called Lexie and agreed to do the ‘job’.

    “Wise decision. You won’t regret it,” he stated happily.

    They met up the following day at the same restaurant to work out a good plan on how she would meet his father so their ‘operation’ could begin…

     

    •What happened when Selina eventually met Chief Agbah? Will their plan succeed? Details next Saturday!

     

    •Names have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals in the story.

    •Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only) or psaduwa@yahoo.com. We love to hear from you!

  • Celebrities and their strange baby names

    celebrities are a special breed of people who seem to live in a world of their own. And an odd world it must be especially considering the outlandish names they give their offsprings. First it was music couple Beyonce and her husband Jay Z who named their little one, Blue Ivy. What were they thinking naming their child after a colour and a plant in a combo that sounds like a name of a stripper at a club like some people wondered?

    Now we have North West, the name reality TV star Kim Kardashian and her boyfriend Kanye gave their new baby girl. The name sounds more like a direction or a location on a map than a name for a child. Some Nigerians have also wondered why she chose to name her baby after a geo-political zone in the country. The name has generated controversy on the internet with posters poking fun at such a moniker.

    These are a few samples:

    ‘North West? Did Kim give birth to a baby or a compass?’

    ‘We need to successfully abolish bullying before North West gets to 4th grade.’

    North’s name follows in the tradition of celebrities giving crazy and often bizarre names to their offsprings; names that make one wonder; what were they thinking? Some of the really crazy and unusual ones include:

    Audio Science (daughter of actress Shannyn Sossamon)

    Pilot Inspector (son of actor Jason Lee)

    Harper Seven (footballer David and Victoria Beckham’s daughter)

    Moxie Crime fighter (daughter of U.S comedian Penn Jillette)

    Egypt (Alicia Keys’ son)

    Denim and Diezel (sons of singer Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis)

    Ocean and True (son and daughter respectively of Forrest Whitaker of the last King of Scotland fame)

    We might laugh at these names and think these celebrities are mad, drunk or simply stupid for giving their babies such crazy names. But what about the names we bear in this country as well? Where I come from (the Niger-Delta) must hold the record for having some of the wackiest names in the country. I have an elderly relative for instance who named four of her children: Nigeria, Independence, Tough, Lagos respectively (no explanation needed as they are self-explanatory enough).

    Then there are children named after alcoholic beverages: Brandy, Whiskey (as in Ovie-Whiskey), Heineken, Johnny (Walker), Chelsea etc. Those not from the region, hear these names and laugh. They conclude that we drink a lot that’s why we love these names. My people will argue that it’s because of the weather which can get pretty cold especially in the rural areas of the region during the rainy season. They need these drinks and the popular ogogoro to keep warm, they claim. Whatever.

    We also love colours particularly in Rivers State. So we have names like White, Green, Blue, Brown, Yellowe, Purple and others; these are stylishly combined with other names to get such monikers like Karibi-Whyte, Blue-Jack, Tom-Yellowe, Allwell-Brown etc. I had a primary school mate in Port-Harcourt in those days named Ebite Green. Whenever we wanted to make her angry, we would call her any other colour except her name like Ebite Blue, Ebite Yellow etc. This used to make her really mad and fights often broke out as a result.

    Top personalities, famous people and places are among favorite names people give their children in the region. The most popular are Gowon, Awolowo, Queen (Elizabeth), Chamberlain, Biafra and even the infamous Hitler. Other unusual names from the zone include Government (the most famous being the retired militant Tompolo), Conference, Manager, Limejuice, Taiga, Lawyer, Baby (if you come to my village, don’t be surprised to see an 80 year-old woman bearing Baby), Vote (named for babies born during elections like one of my sisters), Blacky (for babies who are as dark as the back of a pot), Annulment (perhaps when Babangida annulled the June 12 elections?), Odji (which in Urhobo translates to thief), Erhurhu (Dustbin), Obukoenyuvwevwi (Backyard) Okpikebe (Big backside) and so on.

    Seriously, the parents who gave their children some of these names must have been under the influence of ogogoro during the naming ceremony or what do you think?

     

  • He told me to get married, that he will not advise me not to wait

    Aunty Adeola, what will I do? I am a young lady of 28. A friend of 7years suddenly quits the relationship just like that after much commitment from both sides and at the point where things were getting into place. He told me to get married that he’s going abroad for his masters after his service (which he is doing now) that he will not advise me not to wait.

    Whether it was your fault or not, a relationship breakup doesn’t have to break up your life. I know it is a painful experience, especially when you invest so much emotion, time and effort into the relationship. Sometimes it is hard to recover from the hurt, the disappointment and the thought of living your life without that partner. You can cry about it if it makes you feel better, and skip a few meals if you can’t help it, but don’t allow yourself to be stuck in that condition of self-pity and depression. Stop blaming yourself or your ex-partner. Don’t waste time over silly egoistic regrets. Shake off your disappointments, put that chapter of your life behind you and consider it a lesson well-learned. It now belongs to your past; and as you know you can’t change your past. Pick yourself up, move on with hope, and try again. It is only when you try again that you can find a truly happy and stable relationship.

    How do you recover from all this pain and heartbreak?

    1. Try to see the breakup in a positive light:

    This may seem like a crazy idea especially in the first few days of the breakup when the pain is so fresh and you feel so depressed. It is difficult to see anything positive about living the rest of your life without someone you could have sworn was your soul-mate. When you think of all the fun you had together, and how all youar friends and family who knew about your relationship will judge the breakup, it probably makes more sense to you to just concentrate on the pain instead of trying to see anything positive about the breakup. But think of it this way, you wouldn’t have broken up if you were soul-mates. I also expect that “true” family members and friends will rather be supportive of you than try to judge or tease you about your breakup. So, it is ok to breakup sometimes. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Perhaps you are being prepared for someone better suited to your needs. Take consolation in the saying that sometimes “Rejection is God’s protection.” You never know what negative outcomes could have been in your future if it hadn’t ended this way.

    No matter how good your ex was, he wasn’t perfect. It is sometimes helpful to think of all the bad things he did that once made you mad. Ask yourself if he really valued your love. A better partner is on the way. Your star will shine brighter if you wait patiently for it.

    Have a positive mind. Consider yourself better off without your ex. You can now do all the things you wanted to do for yourself, that your ex didn’t allow you to do; either because she was being controlling, wanted you to postpone it, or just didn’t like it. You can now easily buy that expensive home theatre system your ex didn’t want you to buy without any interference. You can now hang out with your friends for longer hours, stay late at the club or billiards, talk on the phone with anyone you want for any length of time, etc. without anyone cursing at you or fighting with you. Enjoy your newly found freedom and take control of your life.

    2. Stay close to people you love and people who love and care about you: These could be your relatives or very good friends who have a genuine interest in your well-being. They can help you fill the void of companionship that your ex may have left in your life. Their company will help to keep your mind off your ex and thus reduce the pain of the breakup.

    Avoid being alone for prolonged periods of time. This solitude can keep you fretting over your ex and failed relationship and translate into a feeling of loneliness, failure, and disappointment. Being around people you like can keep you energized and inspired.

    3. Stay in shape, stay active and participate in fun activities you love:

    Just because you broke up with your partner doesn’t mean you should now dress down, overeat to mask the pain, and stop going to the gym. No! It is now time to look your best. Don’t allow people to think you are now a miserable wretch because you lost your partner; as if your whole life depended on her. Engage in activities you love and enjoy. Go to the gym and get a good dose of exercise every day. Find creative ways of entertaining yourself. These keep your mind occupied and less likely to grieve over your breakup. Because grieving over your breakup will only keep you stressed and depressed. Worst still, as you continually waste time crying and mourning over “spilt milk”, your blood pressure rises making you susceptible to hypertension and other heart diseases. So why lose your life over a lost partner? Forget about her and move on into something more productive.

    Exercise also keeps your mind active, and helps you to stay in shape; so you can be noticed by other eligible partners. Eat healthy meals and dress elegantly to boost your image and confidence.

    4. Pursue your life goals and dreams like never before:

    This is the time to challenge yourself that you can achieve anything or any goal without your ex’s support. Empower yourself with this belief and pursue your dreams and work hard like you are trying to prove to your ex and all your skeptics that you can do it on your own. You can now enroll in that academic program this year. Let them see you succeed and wish they had you. Let this mindset challenge you to be your best. And when you are preoccupied with being your best, you wouldn’t even have time to think about the breakup.

    5. Free your mind and hold nothing against your ex:

    Free your mind and harbor no ill feelings against your ex as that will only keep anger lingering in your heart, and thus poison everything you think and do. Holding resentments against your ex and the breakup could also affect your ability to stay open to new relationships and enjoy life to its fullest.

    Approach the breakup with a positive attitude. Even if you think you were treated unfairly, try to forgive and move on. Choose ease (or peace of mind) over anxiety. Relax and have a clear mind so that you will know the right action to take. If you like, you can remain a friend to your ex. But, if you can’t, then you should just avoid her entirely without harboring any ill feelings.

    6. Move on and stay open to new relationships:

    Finally, move on and stay open to new relationships. There is a saying that “just because you have been choked by food before doesn’t mean you shouldn’t eat again.” It should only serve as a lesson as to what to eat, and how not to eat next time. This can also be applied to relationships and breakups. Just because you tried it once and it didn’t work doesn’t mean it will never work. Don’t let the fear of another breakup stop you from starting a new relationship. Just as all fingers are not the same, all women are not the same. So purge your mind of the “they-are-all-the-same” mentality and move on with hope. Stay open to new relationships and make a fresh start after a reasonable period of recovery. Don’t jump right into another relationship unless you’re really sure about what you’re doing. Your judgment may be clouded by your depressed emotional state. During your time of loneliness after a breakup, a lot of women will come along with adequate attention and care. Most of these women will try to take advantage of your situation to rush you into another relationship. So you have to be careful. Get over your pain first. Analyze yourself and your needs. Don’t just give in to anyone who comes along; that gives the impression of being desperate. And, unfortunately, many like to take advantage of desperate people. So rationalize in choosing your next partner. Utilize the lessons you learned from your previous relationship, and do your part to make your new relationship work.

    But even if it doesn’t work, you should understand that finding the right partner is like digging for gold. Sometimes in order to find the right partner, you have to encounter and overcome a lot of challenges, disappointments and obstacles; similar to the rocks, stones, clay and sand, that have to be encountered and eliminated in order to get to the gold underneath. Only those who don’t give up to these obstacles can bring home the gold. So don’t give up; go for the gold!

  • Since I lost my pretty wife I’ve been scared of ladies

    Adeola, I’ve been following your Hearts column right from my days in Lagos until my recent relocation to Uyo.I have a problem which I need your urgent advice on.I lost my pretty wife almost 3years ago and since then I’ve been scared of ladies because I’m afraid if I could ever find a replacement.

    Dear Uyo man, it’s usually hard for people to start afresh after losing a very nice partner. The truth however is that you must move on in life and accept the fact that no two people are exactly the same. You may or may not meet a woman who is as good as the one you lost. You may even be lucky to find somebody who is so good you would be happy you have a second chance at love.

    Life does not always give us the best options; we have to learn to mould what we have into what can make us happy. Yes, dating again after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience. It can bring out feelings of confusion and concern from friends, family, and those who were close to the deceased spouse.  You’ve lost a spouse and are looking to date again, here are 10 tips to make sure you’re able to successfully navigate the dating waters.

    1. When you decide to date again is up to you: There’s no specific time period that one should wait before dating again. Grieving and the process of moving on is something that’s unique to each person. Some people take years, others weeks, and then there are those who choose never to date again. Whatever you do, don’t let others tell you you’re moving too fast or waiting too long. Make sure it’s something you’re really ready to try before taking that step.

    2. Make sure you’re dating for the right reasons: If you feel like dating again, take some time to understand why you want to date again. It’s not wrong to date because you’re lonely or desire some company. Single people date for those reasons too. However, if you’re dating because you think it going to somehow fill the void or heal the pain that comes from losing a spouse, it’s not going to happen. However, dating does give you the opportunity to open your heart to another person and chance to experience the unique and exquisite joy that comes with falling in love again.

    3. Feeling guilty is natural – at first: As you date, feelings of guilt should subside over time – especially when you find that special someone you might want to spend the rest of your life with. If the guilt’s not subsiding, you might not be ready to date again. Give dating a break and try dating again when you might be more up to the task.

    4. It’s okay to talk about the deceased spouse – just don’t overdo it: Unless you’re good friends or have known your date previously, he or she is going to be naturally curious about your spouse and previous marriage. And it’s OK to talk about the spouse when you’re first dating someone. Answer questions he or she may have about your marriage but don’t spend all your time talking about the dead or how happy you were. After all your date is the one that’s here now. And who knows, he or she might make you incredibly happy for years to come. Constantly talking about the past, may make it seem like you’re not ready to move on and start a new relationship. Showing that you care enough to get to know them can help reassure your date that you’re ready to start a new life with someone else.

    5. Remember: your date is not a therapist: Would you like going out with someone who constantly talked about issues she was having in her life? Dating isn’t a therapy session – it’s an opportunity to spend time with someone else and enjoy their company. If you find yourself dating just to talk about the pain in your heart, how much you miss your spouse, or tough times you’re going though, seek professional help. Your date will have a more memorable night if it’s about him or her then about everything you’re going through.

    6. It’s okay to make mistakes when you’re finding your dating legs : If you find yourself forgetting simple dating etiquette, don’t worry about it. Most dates would understand if they knew it had been awhile since you dated. But don’t make the same mistake over and over. Learn from them and continue moving forward. You’ll be surprised how fast your dating legs return.

    7. Defend your date: You may discover when once the family and friends learn you’re dating again they may not treat this new woman or man in your life very well. The treatment may come in the form of a cold shoulder at family activities or constantly talking about the deceased wife in front of the date. If you have family and friends who are doing this, they need to be told privately, but in a loving manner, that this behavior is not acceptable. If you wouldn’t let family or friends treat your spouse that way, why would you tolerate that behavior toward someone else – especially when your date could become your future spouse? Don’t be afraid to defend your date. If you can’t do that, then you have no business dating again.

    8. Realize that not everyone will understand why you’re dating again : There will always be someone who will not understand why you’ve chosen to date again. They may give you a hard time for dating again or have some silly romantic notion that widows and widowers shouldn’t fall in love again. Their options do not matter. All that matters is that you’re ready to date again. You don’t need to justify your actions to them or anyone else.

    9. Take things slow: The death of a spouse means losing the intimate physical contact. After a while we miss the kisses, having someone’s head resting on our shoulder, or the warm body next to us in bed. This lack of physical and emotional intimacy is enough to drive a lot of people into the dating scene. Don’t feel bad if you find yourself missing these things. It’s completely normal.

    In the dating world wanting something that was part of our lives for years can become a ticking time bomb. It can force us into a serious relationship before we’re ready. The result: lots of broken hearts and emotional baggage.

    If you find that you’re on a date and it’s going well, don’t be afraid to take things slow. This isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s hard not to throw ourselves at our date if things are going good because we want to be close to someone again. We want that warm body next to ours and have the words “I love you” whispered in our ears. But it can save you and your date a lot of emotional heartache if you wait to make sure what you’re doing is because you love the other person and not because you miss the intimacy that came with your late husband or wife.

    10. Make your date feel like the center of the universe : It’s a basic dating rule but it’s often forgotten by widows and widowers. Because we already have someone special in our lives, sometimes we forget to make our date feel special too. Treat your date in such a way that he or she feels like she’s the center of your universe. He or she shouldn’t have to compete against a ghost – even if you only have one date with that person. As long you’re out together, he or she should be the center of your universe.

    Even though dating can be awkward and difficult at times, it can also be a lot of fun. There’s no reason being a widow or widower should hold you back from enjoying a night out. Part of the reason we’re here is to live and enjoy life. And dating is a great way to start living again.

  • Importance of exercise

    Importance of exercise

    Exercise and healthy weight loss not only help your heart, they also trim the threat of developing diabetes by up to 58 percent and cut your risk of cancer.

    Whether you prefer to walk, run, swim, or pump metal, it’s important to add aerobic and muscle-strengthening activities to your daily routine. Even moderate levels of physical activity can improve sleep, sharpen your mind, and decrease your odds of developing heart disease, stroke, and diabetes.

    Exercise is good for the body due to the following reasons:

    First, it helps you cut weight. When you exercise like jog or run you burn the fats in your body. This happens because the body undergoes respiration to yield energy needed for the exercise. The extra carbohydrates in the body are respired in presence of oxygen to give energy. Consequently, this burns away the fats that would otherwise have been stored as fats hence cutting weight.

    Second, it slows the rate at which gets old working out eliminate the inflation which comes along with aging. Moreover, some exercises like yoga minimize production of stress hormones which hasten aging. In-addition the stretching assists in smoothing lines which make you look aged.

    Third, it improves your physical appearance. Bodybuilding exercises burn fats and increase lean muscles. Cardiovascular exercises increases metabolic rate which removes toxins in form of sweat from the skin. This rejuvenates the skin and makes you look presentable.

    Fourth, it reduces stress through the release of endorphin hormone. The hormone works with various organs in the body like the brain and other receptors to ease how you view pain. When exercising instance playing football, you forget the pain and the stress as you only pay attention to your movements.

    Fifth, it boosts self-esteem as well as physical appearance. The proper blood circulation ensures that nutrients reach the scalp hence healthy hair and less gray hair. The lean muscles obtained during bodybuilding exercises improve the physique in men as they gain six packs and shoulder muscles.

    Sixth, it is used to relax and derive some fun. Some exercises like swimming and cycling have become hobbies. This is because the endorphin hormone released initiates motivation.

    Lastly, is the health benefit . Cycling increases metabolism hence reducing chances of stroke. The functioning of the brain is improved through adequate supply of air and nutrients to the brain that occurs during exercise. Obesity is controlled through burning of excess fats. Weight lifting strengthens cardiovascular muscles and reduces blood pressure which combats heart diseases.

     

  • Bitterleaf healing power

    Bitterleaf healing power

    Bitterleaf is one of the widely use cooking vegetable in Africa and it can grow in any part of the world

    Very few people are aware that this vegetable is highly medicinal and can be used to cure diseases as well as help to keep our body in good health condition. The important thing this leaf does is to clean the blood, hence prevent sickness. This made by squeezing the fresh leaves to get the juice. Drink about a glass of the juice 3 times a day.

    •Bitter leaf also cleans the lymphatic system as well.

    •For smokers or those that are been exposed to secondary smoke, bitter leaf is useful by protecting the body against pollutants that come from cigarette smoke and some dangerous gas.

    •The juice prevents malaria sickness due to the presence of Natural Quinine. Regular intake of this bitter leaf juice will prevent malaria sickness

    •It also yield the healing power of Sexually Transmitted Diseases(STD). The drinking of the bitter leaf juice daily and also squeeze the leaves and paste it on the patches and warts that appear on the skin will vanish in course of days.

    •It is useful for treating of ringworm, eczema and other diseases, just squeeze and paste it regularly, drink the fresh bitter leaf juice, this will clear them off in no time.

    •It is useful in curing loss of memory. It could be a symptom of diabetes or a sickness on its own. Whatever the nature, bitter leaf is very good for treating this ailment.

    •If you often feel weak and tired or you lack vitality and vigour, squeeze the bitter leaf in water, take a glass 3 times daily.

    It is good in treating stroke, strengthens the muscle and cleanses the system.

    •In treating pneumonia, squeeze the fresh leafs of the plant in water. Take a glass full thrice daily. Warm the solution on fire each time before you drink.

    •Insomnia is an inability to sleep well, take 2 glasses of bitter leaf juice every night. You may add a little honey if you wish.

    •It prevent Arthritis or rheumatism in patients. It soothes swollen joints and eradicates the pain.

    •Chew the tender stem and swallowing the juices is a well known remedy for stomach aches. Alternatively, pound the fresh leaves in a mortar to extract the juice, add a pinch of salt to three tablespoons of the undiluted juice and drink. This version is reported to bring immediate relief.

  • Making her feel special

    1. Acknowledge special occasions. Be sure you’re ready with a card and a gift when her birthday rolls around, or it’s time to celebrate Christmas or Valentine’s Day. Marking these and other occasions with tokens of love and appreciation are a great way to make a woman feel special. Remember, too, that right or wrong, her family and friends will likely ask her what you got her or how the two of you celebrated.

    Don’t put your woman on the spot by forcing her to lie or to admit that you let the occasion pass without recognition.

    2. Celebrate your anniversary. Anniversaries are like mini-time machines—they allow the two of you to relive an important event (your wedding day, your first date, etc.) They’re a chance to re-experience the special emotion created in and by that moment. Show the woman in your life that you value that event and all that’s happened since, by doing something special on your anniversary. If you can afford it and your wife or girlfriend would enjoy it, go ahead and do something extravagant. But what can be most meaningful is a card or a conversation in which you reminisce about the good times and the growth of your relationship and your happiness.

    3. Give thoughtful gifts. Gifts that come from the heart are among the most appreciated. Put some time and thought into choosing something your woman would love or make something for her yourself.

    When you invest that kind of time and thought into gift giving, she can’t help but be touched.

    4. Give flowers. Not every woman is a sucker for flowers, but the majority really do appreciate a bouquet, especially if it’s being given for no particular reason. Bring flowers on your next date or have them delivered to her home or workplace if that’s appropriate. A card that says simply “Thinking of you” is enough to bring a smile to her face.

    5. Mention her to your friends. If she’s important to you, your friends should know it. That doesn’t mean that you have to go on and on about her (and never discuss what happens in the bedroom with your friends), but making it clear that she’s an important part of your life will make her feel special versus make her feel like someone you want to hide or keep from your friends.

  • Treat your woman well to get a joyful sound in the bedroom

    Dear Hearts, thanks for your inspiring write-ups. I have a problem with the assumption that all the problem men have in the bedroom is from their wives. I read a book titled Marriage Takes More Than Love.

    Most couples are not enjoying their sexual relations because they have no other meaningful interaction. No communication, some of the women are overworked and never appreciated. Romance is signaled by a hand reaching out in the dark, this same hand did not reach out in friendship all through the day. Should someone moan by effort or as a reaction to pleasure? Do you know the percentage of women who do not know what sexual pleasure is? The issues are many. Keep up the good work, some will learn through this avenue. Please leave my phone number out. I am a writer too.

    Thanks, dear sister. You’re right. This calls for a big discourse and that is what we’re doing today. Nice knowing u.

    The articles below have been edited by Kedrian James, Ben Rubenstein, Flickety, Sondra C and 75 others, all on how to treat women well. I hope our men are reading.

    Treating a woman well requires a combination of common courtesy and uncommon acts of love and kindness. Follow the steps below, and soon you’ll woman will see you for what you are: one of the good guys.

    1. Being a Good Communicator. Communicate your feelings. Some men underestimate the importance of telling a woman how they feel. In many cases, men prefer to use actions rather than words to communicate their feelings. If that sounds like you, you should know that women need to hear “I love you” from time to time, so make it a point to express that sentiment. If you have trouble saying the words, try writing a note or getting a card to let her know how you feel.

    The good news: turns out that men are more often the ones to declare feelings of love first in a relationship. Research has determined that men take only 88 days to tell their partner they love them (compared to a woman’s 134 days.

    Watch your timing. Women prefer to hear “I love you” after sex rather than before. It could be they distrust the words a bit if they’re uttered before sex as it makes them wonder if your saying “I love you” simply to get some action.

    2. Be a good listener. Everyone—not only women—wants to be heard. If you know how to listen, your woman will greatly appreciate it, and the bond between you two will grow. Try these tips to be a better listener.

    Get rid of distractions. That might mean turning off the ballgame or ignoring the text you just got. Try to keep from interrupting unless the question is crucial to your understanding of the situation.

    Putting your focus completely on your woman shows her that she’s important and that you value and are interested in what she has to say.

    Read non-verbal cues. Gestures, facial expressions and eye-movements can all be important. Don’t just listen with your ears but also with your eyes so you can gain greater insight into what she’s feeling.

    See things from her point of view. Your girlfriend or wife may be upset about something that would never trouble you, or she might describe a scenario you can’t imagine being a part of—but you have to try. Put yourself in her shoes to try to understand what she’s communicating more clearly. Even if you don’t agree with her reaction or her opinion, keep an open mind and let her know that in any dispute you’re always on her side.

    Refrain from solving the problem. When a woman is talking through a problem she’s facing, a man’s first response is to jump in and try to solve it. That impulse comes from a good place, but it’s not what a woman wants. She simply wants to be heard, so refrain from coming to the rescue with a solution for the situation. If she does ask your opinion about what she should do, feel free to offer your suggestions, but don’t be offended if she chooses a different course of action.

    3. Ask her how she’s feeling. In many cases, you’ll know exactly how the woman in your life is feeling, but sometimes, especially when a relationship is new, you’ll have to ask. Researchers in a study published in the journal PLOS showed men images of eyes belonging to men and women and discovered that it was twice as difficult for the men to accurately guess what women were feeling as it was for them to guess what the men were feeling. They also took longer attempting to interpret the women’s eyes.

    4. Fight fair. Even the closest of couples will have arguments; what’s important is how you talk to your woman during those disagreements. Do not call names or make threats or use physical intimidation.

    When the fight is over, don’t hold on to hurt feelings; reach out and meet your woman halfway in making up.

  • Bringing the romance

    1. Understand that little things mean a lot. While big romantic gestures may have their place, it’s the little things that show a woman how much she means to you. Thoughtful acts like bringing her a cup of coffee in the morning or putting air in her car tires are very concrete ways of saying “I love you” without you having to utter a word. Be consistent. Show her in some way each day that you’re thinking of her and trying to make her life a bit easier and happier.

    2. Send a message. Scratch out a quick note, send her a text or fire off an email to let her know you’re thinking of her. If she has a big day coming up—a job interview, a presentation at work—send her a message of encouragement and support.

    3. Give compliments. You may never have to answer the question, “Do these pants make my butt look big?” if you’re quick to compliment your woman on her appearance. Dispel any insecurities by saying nice things about parts of her body she might feel less than great about, and don’t forget to compliment the things you find most attractive about her. Don’t underestimate the impact of a simple “You look beautiful”—that pretty much says it all. If you do get the “Do these pants make my butt look big?” question, the correct answer is always

    “No.” We all like to be recognized for the things that make us special, so compliment your woman for being who she is. Is she creative, fascinating, funny? Do you admire her achievements and her outlook on life? Tell her! And be sure to look her straight in the eye when you do so.

    4. Follow her lead. Initially, let the woman set the pace for your physical relationship. No woman wants to feel pressured to have sex before she’s ready, and everyone has a different timetable for being ready. Let her know how you feel, but back off (without pouting) if she wants to wait before getting intimate.

    5. Embrace foreplay. Physiologically, experts agree that foreplay is an important part of sexual health. In fact, an Australian study found that the majority of women are more aroused by the idea of foreplay than sex itself. Hold, touch and caress your partner, play games or talk dirty. If you’re not sure what your woman likes, ask. Just do it outside the bedroom. It’s easier to have that conversation if you’re not just about to have sex.