The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • My man does not care to buy me ordinary body cream

    Aunty Deola, I am a girl 21. My man does not care to buy me ordinary body cream and when I make requests the reply is, “Do you love me because of my money?”

    My dear, how old is this your man? Maybe this person we’re talking about here is still a young man taking money for boxers from his parents and you want him to buy you body cream. I may not be right. But if I am, you should know that when a boy or young man is yet to find a good job and all he has is love, then you have to take him the way he is. He won’t break a bank to please you. You must have seen his financial incapability before you went into a relationship with him. Or may be like most women (young or old), you just assumed that since he’s a man and he was brave enough to talk to you, then he should have enough money to take care of your needs. Things don’t always happen that way. When a man says he loves you and he shows it, that is the first thing on his mind. He wants to show affection. It is after that, that others things follow.

    One thing I know is that even very stingy men want to look responsible to their women and so, when they have enough to spare, they spend it. Men however do not like women who make unnecessary demands. In fact, from my understanding of men, they want to give you without you asking, except for the occasional demands for important assistance. But by the time a girl gets to the point where she must get money for body cream and hair-do and she doesn’t have a job to unable her do these things on her own from time to time, men may get discouraged and may even feel used.

    As a young woman, you must learn to be independent and to love for the sake of love first before expecting to use the man at will. Men love women who are reluctant to ask; they are ever so willing to make those kinds of women happy.

    This is my opinion, but if you think otherwise, you may have a serious talk with him about your expectations – financial and otherwise – in the relationship. Take care!

  • Mike Adenuga gears up for 60th birthday

    Mike Adenuga gears up for 60th birthday

    It is a season of celebration for the Chairman of Globacom, Dr. Mike Ishola Adenuga Jnr. The pillar of sports in Africa is visibly excited about her approaching 60th birthday. The business mogul will clock 60 on April 29.

    Although the nature of the celebration remains under wraps, those in the know are already gearing up to celebrate the man who changed the face of telecommunication business in Africa. The Apesin of Ijebuland has played a major role in the development of the Nigerian economy. Like a bull, he braves the odds of the difficult business environment in Africa with a strong blend of determination and tenacity of purpose.

    From an early age, he had always wanted to make a difference. And rather than take the well beaten path of mediocrity, he followed the narrow path of seriousness, dedication and diligence.

  • Star of destiny (4)

    New friends are like diamonds- they glitter But old friends are like gold- solid and dependable

    How many times will I tell you that they are my younger sister’s social club members. She begged me to receive them. How could I refuse her?” James stated. After his guests’ departure, Muna had accosted him, demanding why he had allowed them to visit him at home. They had been on the issue for sometime and he was getting irritated by her attitude.

    He went to the mini-bar in the living room, took a bottle from his wide collection of liquor and poured some in a glass. After taking a sip, he looked at her and said:

    “Look, Muna, this your jealous attitude is beginning to get on my nerves. I have a lot of fans because of the job I do and my popularity. Do you now expect me to ignore them because my girlfriend can’t stand them? Afterall, you have your own fans as well and I don’t go crazy when they contact you.”

    “The situation is different. I don’t allow mine to come too close to me while yours are mostly crazy fans who are all over you all the time. And it pisses me off,” she stated.

    “Well, there’s nothing that can be done about the situation. So, you have to learn to live with it,” he said, taking another sip of his drink.

    “That’s where you are wrong. I can’t sit here and watch all these boyfriend-snatching bitches come and go as they like in this house. So, the first thing is that, I never want to see any fan in this house again!” she declared.

    He looked at her, a surprised look on his face.

    “What did you just say?” he asked.

    “You heard me. No more fans coming here! They can meet you elsewhere but not in this house!” she stated vehemently.

    “Is that so? You know what Muna? You seem to have forgotten something. You are my girlfriend not my wife. So, you can’t tell me who can or can’t come to my own home!” he said.

    “I can and I will,” she insisted.

    “Will you shut that mouth of yours or…” James said angrily.

    “I won’t. What can you do,” she challenged him, getting up to stand with her hands on her hips.

    “You dare talk to me like that? You this…” and jumping up from his seat, he rushed at her. He slapped her, and shoving her in the chair, began to rain blows on her. She tried to avoid the punches begging him to stop. But he was like one possessed and as the blows got harder, she started screaming. That attracted the attention of Michael and a maid who rushed into the room and struggled to pry the angry James from her…

     

    * * *

    Muna was lucky. Apart from a few bruises on her arms and neck, she was relatively unhurt from the beating. But it left a deep wound in her heart. How could he treat her so when he claimed to love her, she kept thinking. Debi felt the same way.

    “That guy must be a beast! How can he beat you like this just because of a little quarrel? If I were you, I will keep away from him,” she stated, eyeing the bruises on her friend’s body.

    Muna shook her head.

    “I can’t. I love him. Besides, he has apologized and begged for forgiveness,” she pointed out.

    “Love!” Debi scoffed. “Do you want to wait until he breaks your head one of these days before you come to your senses? If he truly loves you as you say, he will not treat you this way,” she noted.

    But Muna did not reply. She was thinking about his visit to her a day after the fight. He had come bearing gifts with plenty of apologies, blaming his behaviour on the alcohol he had taken.

    “You know I love you Muna. You are the one who makes me happy. Forgive me. And I promise this will never happen again,” he said in a sorrowful voice. Seeing the sad look on his face, her heart melted.

    They made up then, a move that did not go down well with Debi. But it was her life and there was nothing her friend could do about it. On her part, Muna decided to ignore some of his excesses and his relationships with other ladies for her peace of mind and to avoid further conflicts.

    But she forgot her promise when she visited him at home early one morning sometime later. It was his birthday and she wanted to surprise him that morning. But she was the one who got a surprise. On entering the house, she saw a strange girl downstairs in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Worse still, she was wearing one of her night gowns she had left in James’ bedroom the previous week.

    “What’s going on here?” she demanded.

    The girl looked up in surprise at Muna, at the same time exclaiming: “Ah, it’s Muna! Hi!” She seemed excited at seeing the actress.

    But Muna ignored her.

    “Who are you?” she enquired.

    “She’s with me.” Muna turned to see James standing at the kitchen door in a pair of blue boxers and nothing else.

    “James! Thank God you are here! Who’s this girl and what’s she doing here?” she demanded.

    James addressed the girl.

    “You! Go upstairs and get dressed.”

    He left, went to the living-room and stretched out on the couch. Muna followed him.

    “So, it has gotten to this. You now bring all kinds of girls here and flaunt them in my face. James how could you?” she stated accusingly.

    He was silent for a while, then he spoke.

    “Look, I went out with a couple of friends last night, got drunk and I ended up here with her. So, what’s the big deal?”

    “You are asking me that? Well, the big deal is that I’m your girlfriend and I demand some respect!” she retorted, getting worked up. She could sense another quarrel coming but she didn’t care.

    “Fine, you are my girlfriend. But that does not mean I can’t have others in my life. We are not married for Christ’ sakes,” he stated.

    Muna slumped on a chair, suddenly feeling weak.

    “Do you know you are breaking my heart with all these things you are doing?” she said softly, tears coursing down her face. He was silent and simply stared warily at her.

    About six months later, Muna got injured in an accident while on location. On the day of the accident, she had gone to James’ room at the hotel where they were staying for the shoot and caught him in bed with another actress. What hurt Muna most was that she was not on good terms with the lady who considered Muna a rival and hated her with a passion. Out of shock, she had run out of the hotel and had been hit by a car while crossing the road.

    She was in the hospital for about a week and though James came to visit her, she refused to see him. She had had enough of his trouble and wanted nothing more to do with him. Back home, while converlescing, Alex, who heard about the accident, visited her. Muna wept when she saw him again, realizing how much she missed him. How could she have left him for James? He had always been good to her and had treated her well. It was only now, having lost him, that she realized what she had in Alex: a true friend.

    “Why don’t you beg him for forgiveness? Perhaps he will take you back,” Debi advised her after he had gone.

    “You think he will listen to me?” she asked sceptically.

    “There’s no harm in trying,” she stated.

    So, on his next visit, after staying for a while and was getting ready to leave, Muna had gone on her knees and pleaded:

    “Alex, I’m very sorry about what I did to you. Please forgive me. I want you back in my life.”

    He stood still for a while, shook his head and walked out of the door…

    Concluded

    Should Alex forgive Muna and take her back? We will like to hear your views on this!

     

    Send comments/suggestions to psaduwa@yahoo.com or 08023201831

  • ‘By 2015 JAMB will only use e-testing’

    ‘By 2015 JAMB will only use e-testing’

    Being first or pioneering new ideas, either alone or as a team player in a group of people sharing a passion, is f a s t becoming second nature for Professor Dibu Ojerinde. Besides being the first to occupy a Chair in Tests and Measurement, he was the pioneer Director, Monitoring and Evaluation, National Primary Education Commission (NPEC), first Registrar/Chief Executive at the National Examinations Council (NECO) and the first Registrar/Chief Executive, Joint Admission Matriculations Board (JAMB) to introduce online application in the conduct of examinations in Nigeria. In this interview with Adetutu Audu, Ojerinde bared his minds on new developments in JAMB. Excerpts

    Why E-testing?

    The internet age has come to stay with us, hence as actors in the new age, you cannot afford to stay on the fence, you must be prepared to join the train or else you’ll be left behind. The programme was designed to migrate candidates from the use of paper and pencil in examinations to full usage of computers. Candidates must know how to use the computer before the full adoption of the system in 2015. One of the benefits of the innovation is that candidates will receive their results 30 minutes after the examination.

    It would also eliminate cases of incomplete results or result blackout and it will ensure prompt delivery of raw scores and will also check examination malpractices. We went out to six different centres to test if it would work. We were at the University of Ilorin, University of Lagos, Abuja and Rivers State University of Technology, Port Harcourt. From our office, we sent questions straight and it took them seven minutes to get them. From JAMB office, Bwari to anywhere in the world, seven minutes you get the questions and they were downloaded. We had about 600 candidates that day. I don’t want to discuss the issue of saboteurs, but whether we like it or not we have local and international saboteurs. But we are making efforts to block them. If you go to Rivers State University of Technology, everything is internet based. They operate paperless world.

    How credible are the people behind the system?

    The last seminar we had, we asked ourselves what are those things that could fail? We say light and we said the alternative is back-up generator and for computers we said UPS. And I am sure all these can’t fail at the same time. Within three and half hours, it is not likely that all these things go wrong.

    One of the advantages of Computer Based Tests (CBT) is to guard against manipulation and the JAMB e-testing is going on as planned. We have about 77 centres where the CBT will hold.

    This year, we are no stranger to the system. Over one million candidates have registered for the 2013 Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UMTE) and more than 500,000 are still expected to register. The CBT is not compulsory as candidates have a choice to choose either the paper/ pencil testing or the dual based testing, where candidates would read the questions on the computer and answer on the paper with a pencil.

    By 2015, the CBT will become mandatory for all candidates. Out of the one million that have registered so far, only about 4,000 registered for CBT. The idea of CBT is that after 30minutes of the examination, a graphical result will be sent to the candidates’ mobile phones, while specific scores will be sent within four days. The results will show the subjects passed averagely by the candidates which is 50 percent and 59 above average 60 and above. Below average are 49.

    Those who have been able to fill their forms online are having difficulties; they were not able to thumbprint or upload photographs. Even the café attendants were complaining. How is JAMB going to handle that?

    I can boldly tell you that we have registered over one million candidates. We started late last year. Let me tell you some of the things that can lead to the difficulties. For instance, cybercafés are accredited by us because of our previous experience and cheating tendencies of these cafes. About two years ago, 12 candidates ran into a centre with their slips that they wanted to do the exam in Abuja; they went to the centre allocated to them and found that other people were sitting on their seats. And they ran to where I was, journalists were also there. When they checked the details biometric, we discovered that those who were there before were the original owners of the seats. Those 12 people were cheated by a particular cybercafé. And we asked them where they registered, they mentioned the place and I told them to go back and collect their money. So we decided to be accrediting cafes to forestall such in future. If a candidate gets to a cafe, he should ask if it is accredited. If they do, there is a code, before now we can even register in the comfort of our homes and schools. But you have to have a code now. Those people who have problems, possibly the café are not recognised by JAMB. Without code, they cannot access our site to register.

    Some of the cafes have limited bandwidth and wait till night when the narrow bandwidth will be fast. We have seen people who are male and were registered as female. Ogunrinde was registered as Ojerinde. To be frank, cybercafés are part of our problems and we cannot do the registration alone. Our bandwidths have been designed in such a way that it expands as candidates registered. Some people used their toes instead of fingerprints. We have had cases of people coming to the centre without their documents, we asked them to thumb print, once their pictures come up, and they can write the examination. But without that I am sorry.

    I can’t say it can’t go wrong. But practice makes perfect. We have done these three or four times before the end of the year, and we are going to try it again in February. We are working with a high internet service provider.

    You are the current President of International Association for Education Assessment (IAEA). What function does it perform?

    It is an association made up of examination bodies all over the world, ETS – Educational Testing Service is a member, Cambridge in the UK is also a member, the exam body in Netherlands is also a member, in fact all the reputable exam bodies you can think of all over the world are members of the association. It is a body of professionals in testing, measurement, evaluation and in public examinations. In particular we rub minds together, think together to find a way of doing things better. When you learn from a particular group, you go and implement in your own country. I have been a member of the organisation since 1978 as a student in the United States of America. I joined as a student. I have worked with them and they have identified and come to value my contributions to testing and other areas and this was why they made me President. For example, it is under my leadership that UNESCO took up the sponsorship of some programmes in Africa and I was able to attract their sponsorship to Nigeria.

    You have been in JAMB for some years now. What have been your achievements so far?

    Well, we have done a lot; I have been able to put up a computer building in JAMB, which was not there when I came in. Knowing the importance of Information Technology to an organisation like JAMB, we have also equipped it with modern facilities, scanners, and everything required that today we can say it’s the best in the country. We had only five scanners then, today we have over 30 scanners, that is why you do exams today in JAMB and, like magic, in five or six days the results are out. You know the reverse was the case before now.

    In terms of construction, our Test Development building is now there, it was not there before. We furnished and generally renovated the headquarter building. Worthy of note also is the fact that since the inception of JAMB, it had no office anywhere in Nigeria outside the Headquarters in Bwari, today we have within this period built about six offices wholly owned by JAMB and we are still counting. There are now JAMB offices in Jigawa, Oyo, Kwara, Delta, Ekiti and Niger; this completes Phase 1 of our expansion plan. Now we are embarking on Phase 2, and we intend to do over ten offices also. The issue of training is no longer a joke in JAMB. Within the past two months, 16 staff have gone to Netherlands for Item Response Theory Training and that’s what we want to deliver to Africa.

    We’ve started using the civil defence and other para-military agencies for our exams and, I tell you, that it has helped in no small measure to curtail malpractices. We also now use the Biometric data capturing system; it is not only for candidates but for staff. When you resume work you thumbprint and when going, you do the same. By that, the time you came in and went out is recorded. So, we can identify those who don’t come to office, those who come late, and at the end of the month we print out and keep for use for staff upgrading.

    Some people are still criticising the Unified Exam System you introduced. What will you say about it?

    It is ignorance. Now all the candidates who sit for exams have the same background; all of them went through the same secondary school system and possess SSCE. In fact, English and Mathematics are requirements, so why wouldn’t they write the same exams? Also, can we reduce the cost of testing them? Yes we can, but the income of JAMB has reduced as a result of the unification, yet we say just pay for one exam and have a choice of six institutions; two Universities, two Polytechnics and two Colleges of Education. Don’t forget that before now, students would go and write separately for universities, Polytechnics and Colleges of Education, now we say reduce the cost on your parents, just write one exam and you have six choices to make. The Polytechnics and Colleges of Education love it and I know it is the best for the country.

    Universities are conducting post UTME exams and are arguing that it is UTME that should give way for post –UTME and not the reverse..?

    It’s wrong. If they know the reason JAMB was set up, they wouldn’t say this. JAMB was set up to bridge gaps. It has a unifying role it plays in Nigeria. If you localise it, as they now say, some people will remain educationally backward. I know that those who call for the scrapping of JAMB never mean well for Nigeria. Even in the United Kingdom, you have what is called University and College Admissions Service (UCAS), it’s a clearance body like JAMB. Even with their level of development, they have not scrapped the body. The same goes for Turkey and countless countries with peculiar circumstances like ours. Those who established JAMB knew why they did it and I think it is in meeting that desire they so did. Look at the dichotomy between polytechnic and university graduates today, which is very unnecessary.

    It is easy for you to release results these days, but that also comes with problems like missing results and other issues. What are you doing about this?

    We release results on time because we have engaged technology and that is what is helping us. The days of releasing results after three months are gone. Last year alone, we had about 82,000 candidates who had missing results. Instead of four, they got three, or two or one, depending on the shading patterns. Candidates who don’t follow instructions are likely to fail exams, we are not magicians, what you feed the computer with is what you get out of it. They flout instructions and that is the problem.

    You have reduced examination cheating to a bearable minimum. How did you do it?

    When I came in 2007, we had 15.7% cheats, it has reduced to1.67% in the last exam. The scanner is there at the gate to screen out handsets, the Biometric system also came to our rescue. We even capture the pupil of your eyes and then the thumbprint that brings out your picture and so it’s no longer easy to come and cheat. I must not forget the marvellous work members of the Civil Defence and other security agencies are doing for us, we now also use only fenced centres for exams so that we can restrict movement in and out of exam centres.

    There is this lingering crisis over the change of University of Lagos (UNILAG) to Moshood Abiola University of Lagos (MAULAG). Which does JAMB recognise?

     

    For now we recognise UNILAG.

     

  • What do I do to make him know I love him?

    I’m 19 years old, I am in love with someone but he does not know that I love him. I’ve tried to forget about him but I can’t, please help me; tell me what to do to make him know I love him. Thanks. Hussaina.

    Dear Hussaina, in as much as I don’t have much fears about people of your age falling in love, I like letting them know that 18 to 20 are still vulnerable ages when men can work on your innocence and take you for granted.

    Talking about a girl coming out to tell a guy who hasn’t noticed her that she’s in love with him could spell trouble if the guy is not matured enough. It might be interpreted to mean free invitation to sex. It might be interpreted to mean desperation and it could be used against her. So before walking up to a guy to say you like him, be very sure he’s exposed and matured and has good friends who won’t tell him to use the opportunity as an awoof to devour easily.

  • My pastor boyfriend talks to me only when he wants to kiss me

    Good afternoon madam. I’m 16 years old. I met this man; he’s 23 years and he’s a pastor and we’re dating. Each time I visit him he doesn’t talk to me, but he will rather drop recharge cards on the bed for me to load in my phone and exchange SMS with him while we’re in the same rum. But when I leave, he will call and talk to me telling me how much he enjoyed my company. And when I’m around, he will never talk to me, the only time he looked at my face and talked was when he asked me to kiss him. Please madam, I am confused; what should Ii do? I need your advice. Reply me please. J.

    Dear J, shy people find it hard to express themselves when they’re around the people they love but I doubt if your pastor boyfriend plays dumb when you’re around due to shyness. Shy people don’t play dumb, they talk, but you could tend to be uneasy when they’re around the people they love and they may not be able to lock eyes with you for a long time. They may get busy doing something to hide their uneasiness.

    But not talking at all means something else. I suspect that Mr. Pastor is just playing games with you and he’s enjoying the fun the suspense is generating.

    The world is full of pastors these days o! Who made him a pastor at 23? Why would he make a small girl of 23 his girlfriend? Why would he be in the same room with you and not utter a word to you and why would he drop recharge cards on the bed for you?

    Watch how you go visiting this queer guy alone. The Ibos (I think) have a saying that one day, monkey go go market, e no go return. I pray he won’t make a monkey out of you. He has started by dropping

    recharge cards for you on the bed and asking you to kiss him. It will progress from there as you encourage him in this deaf and dumb game.

    He will ask you to touch something one day and from there others things may set in.

    J, your age mates these days are discovering their talents and making good use of it. There are so many of your age mates in the university now going after course work and all other important things. A lot of your age mates who are not so lucky to be in schools are learning vocations that will make them better people. Face what’s important and let Pastor go and face church work. His own pastor is one of the bad ones that will ask a small girl to meet him in the bedroom. Please give me his full names and the name of his church; I will help you find out if their church doctrines allow unmarried people of different sexes to stay together in a room.

     

  • My Valentine’s Day treat

    I have fond memories of my days with Granny Fanny-Jane (aka Mama Saro). I was the only grandchild who lived with

    her from infancy till mid teenage years, and later sometimes during adulthood. We used to sit together baking or cooking during the day time and you could bet that all the hours were spent gisting.

    Towards early evenings, we would retire to the balcony or the living room to talk some more. Many times, she would help cut my nails, clean my ears and generally groom me to become a lady. As I grew older and she weaker, I started helping her dye her hair, cut her nails and I was (and still bad with weaving of hair), I would just comb her hair for her and part it in the middle. We had so much laughter and fun.

    And with all those books and novels, my mum used to buy for me, I always found time away from Granny to read and enrich my mind. I was the best Government student in my set at St. Teresa’s College, which was a shame because with so much creativity packed into my head, I should have been the best in Literature. I got by in Literature too, at least I never failed to make my As up to GCE and WAEC. I tried.

    I used to fantasize a lot too and I put all my thoughts into drawing.

    All my mates in school would remember all the cartoons I used to draw. I could remember how some of them brought exercise books for me to create stories for them in graphic details, which they would take home to read.

    What all that did was creating in me a very soft and romantic person.

    As an adult now, I enjoy evening strolls with my partner as much as I enjoy soaking his feet regularly in the foot tub I got especially for him. I make cooking and serving of it such a delight that people just love eating my meals. I wake the household with soft music most days and make sure there is enough fragrance in the atmosphere to kick-start the day. And oh goodness… we can talk and talk and talk!

    With us, there’s no limit to gisting. Even when we’re having our usual misunderstandings, we always make up by talking some more. Hmm… Mama Saro’s style!

    Saturdays are spent either at any of the parks with us playing games or visiting our favourite fura-de-nunu joint or just driving around town to see and admire the best architectural designs in the hope that one day, we would have one of them someday soon.

    We often have fights over eating out because I love oriental meals while he loves local dishes. He almost always wins though because he blackmails me with the question of whether I’m not the full and happy Nigerian that I say I am.

    We must have done all the romantic stuff under the sun that when this year’s Valentines’ Day came, we were at a loss on what to do to make it different. For us, everyday is a celebration of love. We were so undecided about what to do express our love. We often spread some of the love we have with those less fortunate than us. We all have them in neighbourhood and in our religious assemblies.

    So, what we did to celebrate this year was to give even more to those who may not be able to express love the way we do. I fried and baked and cooked, and we took it to whose smiles at receiving such goodies drew us even closer. It was a very big treat from us to them and the smiles from them just gave us the best Valentine’s Day, yet.

    Mama Saro never gave me a Valentine’s Day present, but the love she taught me has lived with me ever since.

    I pray we all learn to show love to those around us. For you all, I’m bringing these fabulous tips for spreading around a little love to those you care about.

    Food is always a good choice when it comes to spreading your Valentine love. How about cooking food and taking to charity homes this weekend.

    Clothes and shoes are always appreciated, whether they are your new clothes/shoes or old (but not torn ones). Make those less fortunate than you look gorgeous too. Your sweetheart is sure to be impressed with the love you both share with others.

    There may be childless people around you. Give them the opportunity to be called daddy and mummy by arranging for children to visit them and help them with small chores. Give them the opportunity to tell stories to these children and encourage them to be hugged and kissed. It is still a part of spreading love and making other people happy.

    Looking for something to do this weekend into style and waoh people?

    Why not arrange for you and your amiable neighbours to talk to those miscreants in your neighbourhood and let them know the dangers of smoking weed or living dangerous lives. Showing a little love and lending a hand of support (without bringing them into your homes until you’re sure about them) can save our youths and the society. Get them jobs if you can and monitor their progress.

    Looking for date ideas? Visit somebody who is more of a recluse and draw the person out. Most people who keep indoors are lonely and some are suicidal. Save a life but don’t visit alone.

    Volunteer with your partner and your neighbours for a cause. It is a great way to spend time together on something that you are passionate about. You can think of visiting a hospital and making someone’s day a little brighter.

    Perform a small act of kindness. You can truly show someone the power of love just through a simple act of kindness. Don’t ignore that man or woman on your street who doesn’t have a car and has to trek to the bus-stop with all those children in tow.

    All in all, celebrate the power of love. Though, this is belated, but love is still very much around, Happy Valentine’s Day!

     

    How to Get Closer with Your Partner or Spouse by Jasmine Starr

    Being intimate with your partner or spouse sometimes needs to be worked out. The intimacy that once was very available during the start of the relationship becomes hard to find after several years of being together. Raising a family, maintaining a home and career moves usually overwhelms you with too much stress that you tend to forget to get closer or intimate even with your partner or spouse.

    This intimacy is very much needed in order to keep the marriage working. You must take time and give extra effort in getting closer with your partner or spouse. The following are some of the tips that you can use in order to maintain the bond between you and your partner or spouse.

    •Take time to listen to your spouse or partner. Be keen about the non-verbal signal that your partner is showing you. If you think that he has become distant from you, entice him to a talk and discuss your issues.

    •Make sure that you keep a cool head and you listen to his ideas and vice versa.

    •Be honest always. Keeping secrets from your spouse will make you worry which will affect your behaviour towards him. It is always advisable

    and healthy in a relationship that both of you do not keep any secret from each other. And open line communication is the key to this and an honest attitude should guide you.

    •Let your spouse feel that he is important. Showing your partner that he is important to you will keep you close to each other because you can only show the importance of a person in your life when you always take time to spend quality time with him. It does not need to be long but a simple greeting as soon as you see him walk in the room will surely make him feel important because you noticed him.

    Never forget to make contact a physical one with your spouse. Even when you are walking to the grocery store hold his hand or when you are watching TV lean you head on his shoulder. These are just simple gestures but it is important to keep the intimacy between the two of you.

  • ‘Boko Haram is all about Sharia’

    ‘Boko Haram is all about Sharia’

    Fred Agbeyegbe is a renowned lawyer, human rights activist and a foremost member of the defunct National Democratic Coalition (NADECO). He is also a playwright. In this interview with Edozie Udeze, he tackles many national issues bordering on the corporate existence of Nigeria and why religion and oil will continue to dominate national focus in the country.

     

    At 78, and in retrospect, would you say that most of the social ills you attacked in your plays such as The King Must Dance Naked have been solved?

    Of course not. They’ve not been achieved. To achieve those things, we need a change of mind on the part of the leaders of Nigeria. The people who rule us in this country – they are called all sorts of names, the elites and so on and so forth. For me, elitism in Nigeria is fake. The people who go into politics in Nigeria are not the elites. The elites are in fact far removed from government administration. They are the people who have been frustrated out of their minds because all the thinking they have to better the lives of Nigerians are not allowed. This is due to the usurpation of the political space by those who call themselves politicians.

    You mentioned NADECO and then paused. You played a major role in that group; how do you think the coalition fared in achieving democracy for Nigeria?

    Well, maybe I should put the question back to you. I was part of it. Do you think NADECO did the right thing to achieve democracy for us or to remove the military from government? I will say they did. NADECO did well. Ah, maybe NADECO did not do the right thing. The only thing we’ve been accused of most of the time now is that we brought out the modalities to ensure that we have a good country. But when it comes to actually taking over government, we either shied away or ran away.

    Maybe we cannot now complain from what we are seeing because of that, people feel we should have stayed to put the real government in place. Well, it depends on how you look at it. We were not canvassing to become governors and presidents or whatever. We were just simply saying you cannot have the country the way it was, and we are still thinking even now that you cannot have a country as it is now.

    Yes, the military is gone. There is no more (Gen. Sani) Abacha and so on. But I don’t think things are much different from what we had before now. The situation, to me has not changed much and that is why we feel we would have done much more thereafter.

    You are from the Niger Delta. How do you assess the situation there where thugs and kidnappers hold sway in a democratic environment?

    Well, I don’t know if you are correct by suggesting that that is what the youths are doing – the thugs, the kidnappers, the hoodlums of this country, all come from the Niger Delta. Far from it, in fact, the issue of insecurity you are talking about never started from the Niger Delta. No. The truth about the Niger Delta is that we were being oppressed. And even now, we are still being oppressed. Never mind that somebody from the Niger Delta is the head of the Nigerian government.

    The rules Jonathan is operating – the constitution he swore to uphold was not written by Niger Deltans. And nobody consulted any member of this society before the rules were put in place, not to talk of the Niger Delta. So, he is not doing what the Niger Delta people asked him to do. He is doing his own.

    What the Niger Delta people are saying is that you came to our backyard, you dug the place, pollute the air, give us ill-health, and then take the thing and go share it somewhere else… Now you come back to give us crump from the table. And we say that is not acceptable to us. Then they came with what they called amnesty. Maybe they don’t know the meaning of the word amnesty. Amnesty has a specific meaning either in English or in the dictionary or in law or in whatever. What the Niger Delta people were doing does not need amnesty. The fact that they have accepted it like that is just to make peace.

    So, for you the amnesty thing is not right?

    Of course, it was never right. What has it achieved? Have the people of Niger Delta got what they wanted? Have they? I ask you. What they set out to get with the struggle has it ended? Don’t you read what Asari Dokubo says every day? Does he not make sense to you? So, often, you ask yourself, what has the government done? Jonathan is in Aso Rock, so what? Is that what the people were fighting for?

    But the amnesty is said to be one of the reasons we have Boko Haram today?

    (Laughing) Ah, ah, well, they have to say something. They have to! Did Niger Delta people talk about religion? Do you do this because of what? What is the real reason for what Boko Haram is doing compared to the reason Niger Delta began what they did? How are the people being oppressed, that will bring about Boko Haram? What sort of injustice has been meted out in this country to the Northerners that will bring Boko Haram? How do you compare the two situations that will make them to do what they are doing? Nothing.

    So, what sort of political rubbish is that? Didn’t you hear what the Sultan of Sokoto said recently concerning the Boko Haram menace? That all the problems of the North came from the North and created by Northerners! Don’t listen to any excuse because I say don’t come and pollute my backyard. Don’t come and cause me health problems. Don’t come and take our God-given resource under the soil. And then Boko Haram people are annoyed. Why should they?

    In fact, as far as I am concerned all of us are misreading what the Boko Haram people are asking for. They are saying that they are the sovereign people and owners of their land where they stay. And they want to practice Sharia laws and nobody in this world can stop them. It doesn’t matter how many constitutions you make; they want a Sharia state for themselves and probably for the nation.

    And they have been practising Sharia laws a long time ago. The Northern states had Sharia laws, cutting off people’s limbs for offending their laws. Nobody has stopped them from doing it. Keep your Sharia laws to yourself because I am not a Muslim. Don’t come and operate it in my area. In fairness to them, they are not even saying they want to come and operate it in my area. They are saying leave my area alone for me. I want to have it alone and I want to practise Sharia Law.

    Then shouldn’t we say also say leave my Niger Delta to me? Don’t touch my oil or pollute my air or inflict health problem on me? These are the issues and we have to get them right.

    What is your stand on the 1999 Constitution?

    In the first place, we have no constitution. As long as what we have as a constitution was concocted by the military, it will not serve the desired purpose for a democratic society. The constitution we have today is far from being a perfect document to govern the nation well.

    It is a military document. And with that, you cannot genuinely practice democracy. They did it in an attempt to continue to lord it over all Nigerians. Well, we are a long way from perfection. What is the nature of the judiciary? It is not everything that happens in the judiciary that you can call the dispensing of justice.

    So, what is the constitution when people’s rights cannot be adequately protected or guaranteed? No matter the nature of the constitution you give to this country, so long as the Nigerian factor is there, we’ll never make progress. If you like bring a Togolese or Ghanaian to come over here to rule.

    As it is now, the National Assembly itself has no power to make the constitution. They have not been given the power to do so. All aspects of that 1999 Constitution are not only concocted, but a forgery. And any document that tells lies about itself does not stand. It is a forgery. At least from the little law that I know, that is the true situation. So then, the nation itself is run on the basis of forgery.

    Even the power to review the constitution doesn’t belong to the National Assembly. They cannot even be given the power to review it by anybody. That is the much I can say about that.

    Now, the federal government has decided to send troops to Mali to help quell the insurgency there. What is your take on this?

    That is international politics as far as I am concerned. You might argue and say they have not been able to take care of insecurity under their nose, then why are they going to save other people? But there are some valid points in saying that these things have a domino effect. If one place is likely to carry on as they do in Mali now and no one intervenes, more will come up sooner or later. The issue of contiguity are also involved in this matter.

    So, the policy of the federal government is that they want to contain it before it gets to our shores. I cannot fault them that.

    Now, let’s go to your artistic involvements. When you started Ajo Productions in 1983, what did you really have in mind?

    Ajo Productions is my theatre ensemble. It was established in 1983 to put up plays written by me on stage. And that is what we have been doing ever since. We also have what we call Lagos Theatre Associates. It is a collaboration outfit with Ajo Productions to do a lot of things. While Ajo Productions is a theatre group meant to put up plays by professional theatre actors and practitioners, Lagos Theatre Associates is an attempt to ensure that plays are always on stage. And you can immediately know the implications of that. Being always on stage means that there should continually be entertainment for the working people of Nigeria, who, after their tired week can relax. It means that the opportunity will be provided for the theatre or the actors to comment continuously on what is going on in the society.

    It means that there will always be employment for actors and actresses. So, it means that there will be attention all the time to art education. So, when you put all that together, it is a social service that Lagos Theatre Associates are rendering.

    How do you combine theatre and your law practice?

    (Laughs) Well, the theatre thing; I never went to any formal school to train as an artiste or as a playwright. So you have to ask the good Lord where that gift came from. The prowess with which I have been endowed, I am not the one to determine it and so I am carrying on with it. But I have been writing ever since I can remember and I enjoy every bit of it. So far, I have over eight plays to my credit.

    On the law side, it is my profession and I am still there. And I so believe in it that my children – two of them, are also lawyers. I have a grandchild who is equally a lawyer. So, I think that is enough commitment.

    What level in life has theatre taken you to?

    Well, I am sitting on top of the world. My plays are being distributed all over the world. It is on Amazon and so on and so forth. And I am sure you know that at the last Olympics, The King Must Dance Naked was one of the official plays staged in England.

    So far, I can never stop writing plays. At least I have six in the works now. And we just pray for long life so we can continue to write more plays.

    Do you hope to put them into movies someday?

    You see, that is the problem with this country. I shouldn’t be the one to do that. People should be interested in what other people do. But who knows, maybe when I find the money, I can do that.

    There is no theatre in Nigeria because the government who should be providing the infrastructure does not care. The government is not prepared to invest in theatre.

     

  • Vanishing beauty pageants

    Vanishing beauty pageants

    A few years back beauty pageants were quite popular in Nigeria. Now, the business is no longer booming and the pageants are diminishing. Yetunde Oladeinde takes a look at the problem affecting the industry and how the queens are faring.

     

    Women all over the world love to look good and a lot of fairy tales paint beautiful women as heroes and personalities many adore. Hence the creation of pageants to discover beautiful women destined to rule their world. Scroll down memory lane and you find the Miss Nigeria, the premier beauty pageant in the country. It was established to showcase the positive attributes of Nigerian women.

    From Miss Nigeria to Miss Tourism, Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria, Sisi Oge, Miss Telecom, Miss Bold and Beautiful and many more.

    Most of them focused primarily on the physical beauty of its contestants but incorporated other criteria like personality, talent, self-esteem and public speaking abilities. Women and girls were targets and promos and advertorials like this was quite familiar: ‘Confident ladies aged 18 and 26 years, 5 feet 7 inches and above, and fluent in English are called to enter for the pageant.’

    Gradually, men and boys also caught the bug and promoters filled the vacuum with body-building contests like ‘Mr Macho’.

    Whither the pageants?

    It became very lucrative with eye-popping gifts and international trips waiting for potential queens. Unfortunately, things appear to be falling apart in the sector and pageants are vanishing. So the question that needs to be asked is what is happening to pageants?

    For many, one of the reasons for the decline is that organisers have refused to redeem the pledge of prizes and most times they actually promise things that they cannot deliver.

    Lisa Oyaka, a former Miss Valentine, is a victim and she tells her story this way: “I heard about the pageant through a friend of mine. Then I was into modelling and we had just come back from a cast for Hip-Hop world. It was organised by NTA Channel 10 and we had rehearsals for two weeks. It was tedious and I had to spend so much on my outfits and accessories.”

    On the D-day 20 ladies took part and it was a very keen contest. “Initially, I wasn’t so sure that I would win because there were many other girls with potentials. But gradually I began to gain confidence in myself. My skills in cat walking, my regalia and quiz gave me an edge over the other contestants”, Oyaka recalled.

    She continued her story: “When they finally announced that I was the winner, I cried and I felt really happy. I was later crowned by the former queen, Miss Ebele Chukwulobe.”

    After basking in the euphoria, she expected the prize to fall on her laps on a platter of gold. Unfortunately, this did not happen. “Just before the competition, they told us that the winner would travel to America and get some modelling contract over there. Unfortunately, when I won this did not happen. Instead of them doing this, they gave me a Plasma TV and there was no way I could say anything because it was televised.”

    Obviously disappointed, Oyaka got a lawyer who wrote the head office in Abuja. “They promised to investigate the matter. Shortly afterwards, another edition of the pageant took place and as the outgoing queen she was not even invited to the event. “I only read about it in the papers. They did not also allow me to hand over to the next queen which was the tradition. I was blanked out. I really felt shocked that they could do such a thing.”

    One other thing that has affected pageants are scandals and the controversies that trail those who wear the coveted crown. In 1981, Tokunboh Onanuga was demoted after a flaw was discovered on her WAEC certificates. In year 2001, City People magazine revealed that the reigning Miss Nigeria, Valerie Peterside, 31, had lied about her actual age and forged her university qualifications and NYSC certificate. She was reportedly expelled from Ahmadu Bello University prior to graduation due to examination malpractices.

    Next you have the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria Pageant which originally began as Miss Universe in 1983 and it was created by Ben Murray Bruce.

    Last year the pageant recorded a milestone with its twenty fifth anniversary. Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding the winner of the pageant affected the achievements over the years.

    On Saturday, May 5, 2012, Isabella Ayuk was decorated winner. It, however, turned out to be a very short reign. She was disqualified and subsequently dethroned on the basis of age falsification. Ayuk interestingly is a professional beauty queen who had participated in over five pageants just before this experience. These include Miss Niger, Beauty queen of the South –South and Miss Global Nigeria.

    Like Ayuk, a number of beauty queens have been in and out of scandals. This has therefore discouraged a lot of other potential queens from participating in pageants. However, we also have queens who continue to be on top in different spheres of life. Sabina Umeh Akamune is one of the pageants ambassador and she says that: “I felt that winning the title would be a great springboard for my career in entertainment. This was the singular reason I did it.”

    Some of the outstanding queens include Bianca Ojukwu, Regina Askia and Nike Osinowo, who in 2010, after a six year attempt, finally bought the Miss Nigeria franchise from the former organisers, Daily Times of Nigeria and became the executive and creative director of the pageant.

    Last year, however, the franchise for the pageant was given to another person. Osinowo was mentored by former Miss Nigeria, Helen Prest Ajayi and she represented Rivers at the MBGN pageant where she emerged as the first Yoruba winner of the pageant in December 1990.

    Bianca Ojukwu inspires the younger generation of beauties in so many ways. In December 1988, Ojukwu, who had previously won Miss Martini but turned down the prize – a modelling contract in Tokyo – to continue with her education, was crowned Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria, and she reigned for most of 1989.

    She also won Miss Africa 1989 which was held in The Gambia, then represented her country in Miss World and Miss Universe, but achieved greater success at Miss Intercontinental 1989 and was named Miss Congeniality at the now defunct Miss Charm International in Russia where she was also a semi-finalist.

    On the international scene, pageants are also having some hard times. The Miss World pageant is the oldest surviving major international pageant. It was created in the United Kingdom by Eric Morley in 1951. Interestingly, it has also had so many controversies like the pageants in other parts of the world. In 1974, winner Helen Morgan representing the United Kingdom was forced to resign four days later when it was discovered that she was an unmarried mother. Six years after, Gabriella Brum of Germany resigned claiming that her boyfriend disapproved of her participation. A few days after, it emerged that she was forced to resign after it was discovered that she posed naked for a magazine.

    A black chapter in the history of the pageant opened in 2002 when it was to hold in Abuja. Unfortunately, the controversies over the case of Amina Lawal, who was condemned to death by stoning, and a newspaper publication which was termed offensive by a section of the country caused a boycott and other controversies and it was moved urgently to London.

    Reflecting on the waning fortunes of beauty pageants, Yinka Adewunmi, chief executive officer of Catwalk studios, a modelling, grooming and events said, “At a point things literarily fell apart in the industry and a lot of us who were professionals actually saw it coming. It became an all-comers thing and we had a lot of mediocres parading themselves as professionals in the industry. There were lots of sharp practices and they crowned all kinds of people which led to scandals and controversies. For a number of these people the motive was money and once they discovered that it wasn’t a goldmine they just moved on.”

    Adewunmi, who had been on the panel of judges for different pageants, added: “That was why I had to take a break on my pageant Miss Catwalk and moved on to other areas like ushering and protocol services.” It was the beginning of the exodus of professionals from the runway especially as scores of scandals rolled in further tarnishing the credibility of the pageants.”

    For Yomi Onanuga, a former manager of Miss Nigeria and organiser of ‘Miss Environment’ many of the pageants were built on a faulty foundation. “First, you have lack of fulfilment of promises on the part of sponsors. Then you also find that most of the pageants lack glamour and can also be traced to sponsorship. Sometimes, you would have gone to press to announce sponsors, only for the date to draw near and you find sponsors giving excuses that their budget cannot carry what you have proposed. In that case what do you do? You can’t cancel the event at this point and you would be forced to go ahead with your plan.”

    Some others agreed with Onanuga that the withdrawal of sponsors from the pageants dealt a death blow on the event. However, a few others who don’t want their names in print pointed at the scores of scandals that have dogged some of the competition. For instance, a respondent pointed to a particular pageant where a winner was discovered to have been a consort to some of the judges on the panel. To this the respondent asked, “If you are a sponsor will you be encouraged to sponsor such an event that has been tarnished? I don’t think so.”

    However, efforts to speak with some of the past sponsors were rebuffed as they preferred to stay away from the controversy. But just as the the as the fortune of beauty pageants are fading, rising on its ashes are talk and reality shows. It is the new bride in the showbiz world as sponsors are falling over each other to be part of the new game in town.

     

  • Three ways to make him fall in love with you

    Have you ever found yourself falling for a man you were dating and wondered if he was feeling the same way? Did you find yourself trying to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier and smarter in hopes that he would fall in love with you? Focusing on what a man wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to do, but it’s the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic love for you.

    Love isn’t a reasonable emotion – and being “nice” and “understanding” and “a good sport” won’t get you where you want to go. Here are some ways that will:

     

    Tip 1: Don’t give a man more than he gives you. Love, and inspiring a man to fall in love with you forever, is all about you being able to receive love.

    Most of us only know how to give. We give for lots of reasons – because we’re taught that’s the way to get to a man’s heart (it isn’t) because we see other women do it, and because deep down, it feels uncomfortable and scary to be vulnerable enough to really get love.

    “A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives.”

    A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives.

    When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.

     

    Tip 2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed. We become totally, emotionally invested in a man when we’re exclusive with him because he has all our time and attention. There’s no way we can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more we think about it and talk about it, the more we push a man away.

     

    Tip 3: Don’t give him gifts, make him dinner or pay for dates Yes, this sounds unfair, and yet, who pays is often the difference in his mind between friends hanging out together and a “date.”

    If a man complains about paying for everything, let him know you don’t care what you do, you feel great being with him, and you don’t want to pay. Walking, hanging out in bookstores, having a picnic in a park can all be fun, romantic ways to get close to a man.

    (And forget about cooking dinner, or trying to make dating “reciprocal.” A bowl of popcorn and something to drink is fine.)

    When you give a man gifts, give him all your attention and energy, and give MORE than you receive, you’re OVERFUNCTIONING.

    Overfunctioning is doing more than your fair share and stepping up to rescue a man because you know you can do a better job. It’s arriving from your masculine energy. It feels aggressive and forward to a man.

    And it’s totally unattractive to him.