Dear Ma, I’m a great lover of your articles. May God reward you! I just read your article on “Sexual Purity” and I would like to appreciate you for letting me know that I can still become a Secondary Virgin. After reading your article, I have promised God that I will never go back to such acts till my wedding night. Please pray for me ma! May God continue to give you the strength to guide us to the right path? Once again, thanks ma and keep the good work going!
Anonymous
Mummy Temilolu,
My wonderful mummy, my mentor and teacher, while wishing you a happy new year, I must let you know, you are an amazing gift from God to the world and this generation of youth is really blessed to have you! Thank you for teaching us the truth. Thank you for teaching us how to be sexually-pure, thank you for teaching us how to abstain from every form of sexual immorality! You are a blessing to this century! You’ve been a light to the darkness part of many lives which I’m one of them. May God continue to help and strengthen you mummy. I welcome you to your year of fulfilment in Jesus name!
Oyeniyi Omolara
My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian daughters.
I pray for you this shall be your very best year ever in your life’s history- one which would announce you to the world and move you from glory to glory and strength to strength in Jesus name! However, it would be most tragic if you’re engaging in ungodly sex and sharing your life with strangers! Lord has mercy! Because your pastor doesn’t emphasise on it or your parents don’t drum it into your ears constantly doesn’t mean its okay and an ordinary sin that will always be forgiven! Of course, God will always forgive you but may you not lose what God has deposited to make you shine in life! May you not experience “hell on earth” and may you not become an ugly shadow of God’s wonderful plan. May your flower not wither before it blooms! This is a very serious matter! I pray God touches your heart as you read more of my chastity nuggets from 2020.
Verily I say to you, if you are chaste in this depraved world, God can rend the heavens for your sake! I KNOW! May God surprise you!
Ladies, if you knew the type of power you carry, you’d not run after fake pastors who would sleep with you and steal your glory! May you discover yourself in Jesus name!
God says to tell someone whose marriage is delayed because she refuses to be “sampled” in bed- YOUR STORY WILL SHOCK THE WORLD! It’s your turn to shine!
If he’s not your husband, let him go! The more he sleeps with you, the more he steals from you! May you not be completely emptied in Jesus name!
Girls, there’s a wonder in you waiting to manifest! No man is worth losing it for! Say NO to ungodly sex! May your glory shock the world in Jesus name!
Girls, if you can subdue your flesh and resist ungodly sex, you’d easily conquer 90% of life’s battles! May God crown you with world’s best husband!
Abstinence from sex till marriage will not kill you, it would fill your life with power and glory! May God restart your life this year!
Girls, if you want to grow tall in life, stay away from ungodly friends, they’re devil’s tools of limitation! May your glory manifest speedily!
Don’t sleep with him so he can sponsor you! Believe me, the glory awaiting you can buy him 10 times over! May God over-satisfy you this year and forever!
Girls, guys, DON’T taste sex now else you’ll start sleeping around and become spiritually-toxic! May your destiny not become porous to evil!
Did you know God has a record of your tears whenever you refuse a man who won’t help except you sleep with him? Get ready for OVER-SURPLUS in Jesus name!
A chaste life attracts angelic attention! Just one visitation can change your life forever! May the angel of dramatic transformation visit you this weekend in Jesus name!
No amount of money can buy what Sexual Purity can avail you in life! May you not discover this at the end of your life!
Stop sharing your life with filthy strangers! Stop scattering your life! Say NO to premarital sex! May you end up with the right person in Jesus name!
Dearest virgin-in-great lack, God has your continuous assessment and would reward you 10 times what you refused to pay with sex plus unquantifiable spiritual power! Your unusual glory is loading!
I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.
For many months questions have rolled in from various couples asking for what to do to enjoy sex maximally. So today we will be addressing the technicality for maximum sex. Sexual technicality is simply the act of treating your spouse in a very special way during sex to enhance his or passion.
Firstly, there must be proper preparation if sex is to be enjoyed. Careful groundwork is essential and preparation begins long before bedtime. Sex starts at breakfast and not by bedtime.
The first homework is to settle any known or foreseen quarrel as soon as possible. Get ready for sex with a positive mind-set. Many times couples find it difficult to have good sex because of normal life challenges. But I have observed that if couples always wait for a perfect life situation for sex they may not find one. So a positive mind-set for any sexual eventuality is very important.
At any given time filth, lack of neatness or uncleanliness has ruined many anticipated sexual thoughts. You must be neat and clean, and at the same time be seductively attractive. Oral, armpit, vulva and penis hygiene should be well observed, especially when the penis is uncircumcised.
The pubic hair should not be shaved in a way that it will produce sharp coarse ends that cause irritation on the skin of your spouse. This, as simple as it appears, has ruined good, passionate sex and made some husbands develop quick ejaculation, while some wives have to apply hot water for healing.
Neatness is one of the guiding rules for successful lovemaking. Much good sex has turned out to be a nightmare just because of offensive odour from the genitals. Since sometimes sex might be unpredictable, it important to brush the mouth twice daily especially while retiring at night.
This is very important because if there is a need to use your tongue on each other penis or vulva the mouth must be brushed to prevent infection. Many couples contact some form of toilet disease just from unwashed mouth, because the same bacteria responsible for toilet disease are mostly also found in the mouth.
The bed should be laid with clean or new bed spread; old, stinking bed sheets turn off all spouses. Get enough privacy, make sure doors are well locked; this prevents the mind roaming on and off about the door.
At no given time should any spouse disapprovingly take off each other clothes in an offensive, rough manner. It’s important that both husband and wife slowly undress each other; this is an exciting part of the technique. The moment this is in place the best part of the good groundwork has been achieved.
As a matter of fact these particular habits mostly usher in the love play i.e. building up or arousing each other before the husband actually puts his penis inside the vagina of his wife. This is done by holding each other lovingly, caressing each other tenderly, deep tongue kissing, carefully fondling with each other sexual organs, touching and rubbing in a loving manner.
At this point couples should lay themselves bare to one another by letting their partners know their sensitive areas and points of trigger. For majority of ladies, it is the clitoris or the breast – especially the nipples. Let him know that it takes time before your sexual organs respond, especially the clitoris. Make him kiss and use his tongue to caress your breast, your nipples, neck, gently and lovingly. As this goes on, the nipples of your breast get erected and the clitoris increases in size. Caressing should not be done in a hurried way. Take enough time to fully enjoy each other!
It is important to understand timing in lovemaking. There should be a gradual building up and intensifying of emotions and sensations. Do not stop or let up the stimula tion once it begins, but continue in an ever-increasing manner of arousal.
Basically, the whole body of a loving couple is an erotic zone. For the man, the nape of the neck, the back of the ear, the breast, the armpit, the navel, the inner parts of the thigh, the groin, the pubic hair, the shaft of the penis, the eye of the penis are especially their most sensitive areas. All these should be or kissed tenderly or caressed gently with the hand and tongue of the wife. If the man’s skin is too dry, you can get a bottle of pears baby lotion and seductively rub both bodies; it will send sexual signals to the whole body.
The female erotic zone include the base of the neck, the base of the hair, the lips, the armpit, the breast especially the nipples, the tummy, the navel, the inner parts of the thigh, the pubic hair, the clitoris, the lips of the vagina and the inner parts of the vagina.
All these could be tenderly touched and caressed with the man’s hands or the tongue. Caressing various areas of your partner’s body shows an interest in the whole person.
In foreplay, the husband and the wife should talk freely with themselves. They should tell each other what they want. While caressing one another without a rush, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs apart so that the man will be able to gently play with her genitals. As her husband caresses her, she in turn plays with his nipple, the shaft of his penis, the eye of the penis, the scrotum (some men like it when their scrotum is fondled with).
I love to conclude by asking if you are worried about your sexual health. Are you experiencing a non-existing libido, or mid-life sexual crisis, or loss of erection, or premature ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction, or weak erection, or you just can’t stay long in sex as desired? Are you experiencing problems with sperm cell, shrinking penis or general penis issues? You are not far from total freedom, just email or give me a call.
QUESTION ONE
I am 35 years old and I recently started having an active sex life after a long abstinence due to my profession. I am a professional boxer and as a boxer there are times you have to abstain from sex for many months or sometimes a whole year. But my challenge now is it seems that I can’t differentiate between normal erections or prolonged, painful ones. I am not sure if I ejaculate either. How does it take before the average man ejaculates during sexual intercourse? I get so confused; I don’t understand my body at all. I sometimes take lot of alcohol to stay long during sex, but even at that my system seems to break down. I am in a dilemma can you help?
When one alters a normal body-working- life-system it is possible the mechanism gets abnormally disrupted. It took you years to get into this condition, you have to take things easy and work towards an ideal body-working-pattern so as to gradually get things stabilized again. An erection begins in the brain. Physical and/or mental stimulation causes nerves in the brain to send chemical messages to nerves in the penis telling the penile blood vessels to relax so that blood can flow freely into the penis. Once in the penis, high pressure traps the blood within its tissues. This causes the organ to expand and sustain an erection. When you turn off this process you alter normal erection. Normal ejaculation – which is the release of semen at climax – is triggered when the man reaches a critical level of excitement. This makes sexual stimulation to cause nerves in the penis to send chemical messages, or impulses to the spinal cord and into the brain where other chemical messages are sent back to the penis through the spinal cord causing ejaculation.
This has also been altered in you because you chose not to allow any form of excitement at all. This is now affecting the average ejaculation minutes. All things being equal an average man ejaculates within 9.6 to 15.5 minutes.
To make matters worse, you consume lots of alcohol. You have to stop this immediately because alcohol doesn’t prolong ejaculation. Rather, it undermines the quality of your ejaculation and staying power. What alcohol does is help you get a quick feel or arousal and shortly after drops your energy and competency.
QUESTION TWO
I find that I suddenly wet boxers, even my trouser at any slight touch of my genitals. This is not only alarming but humiliating at my age (40). It’s so bad that if I don’t quickly withdraw, I almost pee in my wife’s private. I am healthy with no negative medical condition, but for the past five months I have been experiencing this embarrassing situation. When I drink less it reduces. I am not diabetic. Why should this be?
This may be a situation of male incontinence that results from some medical conditions like enlarged prostate, diabetes, and Parkinson’s disease. Sometimes it can develop for reasons we don’t completely understand, like “overactive bladder.” This is a situation when bending, lifting, or coughing, can puts pressure on the bladder and triggers leaking. Sometimes, it can be caused by the bladder contracting when it shouldn’t. This triggers a sudden and overwhelming need to urinate. Actually, cutting back on fluid intake during the day and a few hours before bedtime, also not drinking caffeine, soda and other carbonated drinks will help a lot – especially staying off alcohol. This is because alcohol is a diuretic; it makes one urinate more.
There may be need for you to adjust your diet and stay off spicy or acidic food, chocolate and artificial sweeteners. Then it is important to train your bladder. Visit the bathroom every half hour to urinate, whether you feel the urge to or not.
Try keeping a record of how much you drink and how often you urinate for a few days. Then try and take note of any leaking, along with anything you drink, if you are drinking a lot or heavy lifting that might have triggered it.
Kegel exercises can help boost the strength of pelvic muscles that help your bladder to hold urine. In spite all these there is need for you to get your prostrate checked by a medical doctor because sometimes the male prostrate starts developing problems from the age of 40.
QUESTION THREE
My husband thinks I am superstitious, but the fact remains that this thing is happening to me. Whenever we make love I sneeze so profusely – especially when the light is on. For me to enjoy sex we have to put off the light and make sure everywhere is fully ventilated. If this isn’t done, as soon as he penetrates I start sneezing heavily. He says maybe I am an ‘ogbanje’!
No! You are neither an ‘ogbanje’ nor superstitious. The truth is workout may make some people sneeze and sex is powerful work. It happens more often than we might think. Researchers believe that the stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system fires off signals in some people to not only enjoy the act of sex, but to sneeze when it’s over.
Besides, exercise can make some people sneeze. This is because we hyperventilate when over-exerted and as a result your nose and mouth start to dry up.
Sunshine may also make some people sneeze; bright sunlight causes one out of three people to sneeze. Sneezing is an important part of the immune process. It helps keep us healthy, and it protects our body by clearing the nose of bacteria and viruses. But you can stop sneezing by breathing through your mouth and pinching the end of your nose.
QUESTION FOUR
I am hypertensive but it has been under control. However, each time I add grapefruit to my diet I react and feel funny. Is there a reason for this?
Yes, it may be surprising, but foods can affect how our medicine works. That’s why it’s always best to ask your doctor or pharmacist if you should avoid some foods. If you take medicine for high blood pressure, anxiety, or insomnia, grapefruit juice may interact with your drugs. But because you still need your vitamin C and potassium you can replace grapefruits with oranges and lime.
The setting was in numerous countries across three continents and, at each location, it was simply breath-taking. It was a non-physical gathering of a distinguished group of personalities made possible by cutting edge information and communication technology which linked participants in Africa, the United States of America and Europe. It was real time; it was hitch-free.
The participants at the celebration made possible by Zoom included a first class Nigerian traditional ruler, at least three university professors, pastors, top civil servants and other eminent professionals in Nigeria and the Diaspora. They had assembled to join Taiye Lambo and Kehinde Lambo-Aderiye to mark their golden jubilee.
The twins are the first children of the former Minister of Health, Prof. Eyitayo Lambo, and his wife, Dr. (Mrs) Esther Olufunmilayo Lambo (nee Aragbaiye). They were born on January 23, 1971 at Abegbe Memorial Hospital, Oremeji, Mokola, Ibadan.
So, when they hit the landmark age of 50 years last week, parents, relations, friends and associates spared nothing to give them a memorable golden jubilee celebration. A live gospel music band and five pastors (two from Abuja, one from Lagos, one from Canada and one from the United States of America) were on hand to give it the needed Christian ambience. The Atlanta (Georgia,USA) home of Taiye and his wife, Adebunmi, and the Chatham (Kent, England) home of Kehinde and Yinka Aderiye were decorated with colourful buntings which proclaimed for all the Zoom participants to see the purpose of the gathering: Taiye and Kennie at 50.
On hand to add the hue of royalty to the celebration was no less a personality than the Olowo of Owo, Ondo State, Oba Ajibade Gbadegesin Ogunoye, a first class traditional ruler who is a first cousin to Dr. (Mrs.) Lambo and her youngest brother, Mr. Oluwadare Aragbaiye, the Ondo State Government Head of Service.
More than 100 personalities, many of who were meeting one another for the first time or had not seen each other for several years, had been brought together in cyberspace at this unique golden jubilee of the twins, who themselves are now the parents of wonderful boys and girls. And although the celebration was non-physical, the attendees could not help but have the feeling that something great was happening.
Three generations of the Lambos, which Prof. Lambo often refers to as the Lambo Clan, were on hand to celebrate two of theirs. Although most of the members of the clan were in Atlanta, every family celebrated in its own home. Prof. Lambo and his wife, who are holidaying in Atlanta, were also in their vacation home, participating in the event.
The master of ceremonies, Mr. Bidemi Omokore, who took charge of the show from his London apartment, had invited the Abuja musician, RevySax, to open the show with soul-lifting gospel music, and that moment signaled to the guests that they were in for a great outing. Not a few of them, particularly the women, were seen intermittently on their feet, as the show progressed, dancing to the pulsating music from the Nigerian capital.
The opening prayer was taken by Prof. (Rev) Olutola Kehinde Peters, who was in Canada but shielded from the nasty winter snow outside his home. Prof. Peters is a long time spiritual mentor of the Lambos, right from his days as the Pastor of UMCA Theological Seminary Chapel in Ilorin, Kwara State. That relationship and close association with the Lambos came into play in the choice of his prayer points for the celebrants.
When it was time to speak, Taiye, a cyber security expert and consultant with his wife, Adebunmi, by his side, made it known that he had not celebrated any birthday other than his 10th year. He noted that he did not look good in the photographs of the occasion “due to petty sibling rivalry”. He said he was particularly glad to celebrate their golden jubilee because it was an occasion of thanksgiving to God for pulling Kehinde off “the valley of the shadows of death”.
Taiye expressed appreciation to God for keeping them and making them see that day. For their parents, he also had a lot of thanks to offer for their love and for pouring into them, the values that made them to be who they turned out to be. Taiye also thanked their siblings and friends from far and wide for their love and support over the years.
For their parents who, with satisfaction written all over their faces and who were participating in the event, he had some assurances. He pledged that they would continue to uphold their treasured values and virtues. Recalling his knack for breaking and fixing things in his first decade in life, Taiye said he had decided to use his talents and skills for good, instead of bad. He also showered kind words on his wife, Adebunmi, and children, who he said put in much work to make the event the success it was.
For Kehinde, she said she had only gratitude to God for sparing her life to witness their golden jubilee. She recalled that she, in 2013, had a gory encounter with gun-trotting robbers in her residence in Lagos from which she narrowly escaped death. In 2018, she said she was diagnosed with cancer and had to undergo a major surgery to remove the tumor and also had some post-operation cancer treatments. The following year, she said she was again diagnosed with cancer and had to go through the required cancer treatments.
Kehinde, a Management Accountant, said it was her faith in God that helped her to pull through those tough periods of her life. She thanked God for how he made her “amazing parents” to be great role models and for how they had always supported her for the past 50 years.
When she took her own turn, Dr. (Mrs.) Lambo, the matriarch of the clan, expressed thanks to her late parents, Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Aragbaiye, her husband, children, siblings and other family members.
She recalled the traumatic labour and delivery of the twins in Ibadan half a century ago as well as the ensuing blindness for three days and a disastrous post natal fainting spell. The past 50 years, she said had been a period of passing through waters, rivers, fires and victories all the way. She admonished the twins to hold on to their faith in God as well as to love and obey Him. She also urged them to obey all constituted authorities because it was God who ordained them. Dr. (Mrs.) Lambo also enjoined her twins to choose their friends wisely, differentiating between destiny helpers and destiny destroyers, as well as to pursue holiness and righteousness.
On his part, Prof. Lambo thanked God for giving him the wife of his dream and for seeing her through the first pregnancy and prolonged labour. He also expressed appreciation to God for keeping him and his wife alive to witness the golden jubilee of their twins.
While praising God for seeing them through the first half of their lives’ journey and helping them to overcome the various challenges that had come their way, he reminded them that at 50, they were now old enough to know themselves real good but were still young enough to make things happen. While they are still too young to retire, he urged them to have a sense of urgency to be more intentional to find and fulfill their lives’ purposes. He urged them to be more confident and immune to the judgment of others of them as well as to make more conscious decisions because they now had the experience and trust in themselves more than before.
According to Professor Lambo, at 50, the twins still had enough time to re-invent themselves if they so desired. He then gave them a 14 point charge to: be more intentional about their lives than before; make the development and implementation of their 15 – 30 year strategic life plan a priority; strengthen their relationship with God on a daily basis; listen more to what God is saying rather than telling Him or asking Him for things most of the time; pay more attention to helping others and giving back to the society and to support the work of God as much as they can.
Professor Lambo also charged them to: carefully and prayerfully prepare for the time all their children would go their own ways; make good health their priority; purse something like a hobby, preferably with their spouses, that would give them fun, pleasure and joy; save more for the rainy day and live simple lives; be intentional in managing their reactions to stress; keep learning and developing themselves every day; continue to hold high the Lambo family’s values of faith in God, humility, contentment, generosity, hard work, perseverance, honesty and integrity as well as to diversify their income earning sources without outstretching themselves.
Then, it was the turn of the nuclear families of the celebrants to pour out their hearts in love. Taiye’s wife, Adebunmi, recalled that when she and her husband first met, they had no inkling of what was ahead. “All we knew was that we were in love and we just had to be together”, she said.
Attributing their success so far to God’s mercies, grace and love, she said they once again had reason to rejoice. She expressed appreciation to her husband for loving God with all his heart and for building the family on the solid rock of Christ. Adebunmi also praised her husband for his humanitarian work, and for being a thought leader in the field of cyber security. She also expressed her thanks to her father and mother in-law “for giving me a fine man to marry”.
Similar thoughts also echoed from Chatham where Yinka, the husband of Kehinde, also thanked his wife for always being by his side and for always loving, supporting, caring and protecting him and their children. Describing her as their family’s super-woman, Yinka thanked Kehinde for being the kindest and most vibrant woman they knew. He had prayers for her and Taiye, “an amazing person with a big heart”, that God would spare their lives to have many more of such celebrations.
Introducing her mum to the cross continental guests earlier, Damilola Aderiye said she stood out with two qualities of excellent time management and problem solving skills, the former she took from “Grandpa Lambo” and the latter she inherited from “Grandma Lambo”.
From their Atlanta home, Valerie, Taiye’s daughter described her father as an incredible leader, mentor, friend, husband and an amazing father.
The Olowo of Owo, right from his palace in the ancient Yoruba city of Owo, poured blessings on the twins and wished them long and happy lives. Similar prayers were also offered by the former Vice Chancellor of Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago-Iwoye, Prof. Afolabi Soyode, and his wife as well as the Head of Service of Ondo State Government, Mr. Oluwadare Aragbaiye.
THE master of ceremonies, at a point in the proceedings, summoned Revysax to the band stand once again and directed the twins and their spouses to the dance floor. It was not for long as the audience clapped for them. Then it was time to cut the birthday cakes, one in Chatham and the other in Atlanta. Supported by their spouses, they cut the cakes to the admiration of guests and were rewarded with a round of applause across the various countries represented in the gathering.
Throughout the celebration and although they tried to keep a low profile, the other members of the “Lambo Clan”, Mrs. Oludolapo Oluwatosin Famakinwa, a supply chain management expert and her husband as well as Dr. (Mrs.) Abimbola Abidemi Lambo – Ogundimu, a public health specialist with the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) headquarters, Atlanta, Georgia, loomed large as they intermittently and through the chat channel on Zoom welcomed guests and expressed their thanks.
It was indeed a night of prayers, prayers and more prayers. Pastor Dominic Ehikhuemen, formerly of Family Worship Centre, Abuja but now residing in the United States and Pastor Wilson Adegbe Akubo, also of Family Worship Centre, Abuja took turns to pronounce the blessings of God on the celebrants. Pastor Akin Romeo Akinwande gave a very powerful charge to the celebrants before praying for them, their families and parents.
Then it was closing time and the turn of the man Prof. Lambo to call his “Senior Pastor”, Dr. (Rev.) Babajide Olowodola of Four Square Gospel Church, Asokoro, Abuja, to pray for them as guests await the next celebration in another half a century. Rev. Olowodola, having served as Special Assistant to Prof. Lambo in his days as Health Minister, left nothing behind in his arsenal of prayers to wish them well.
Soon, it was 9:30pm in Abuja and three and a half hours since the programme started. Guests in their chats spoke of having had an exhilarating time as they, one by one, left the group. To many, it was yet another Lambo exclusive.
Michael Ogwezzy, a professor of Law at Rivers State University, Port Harcourt hails from a family of academics. In this interview with PAUL UKPABIO, the professor of Public Law reveals the lifestyle that facilitated his rise to the peak of academic excellence. He also speaks about life on the campus, his childhood dreams and the strategy that has helped him to avoid scandals with female students.
Did you consider yourself a privileged child?
I was born in the early 70s at a town called Abbi in Ndokwa West LGA, Delta State. Abbi is the community where my late mother hailed from. My parents, Chief and Mrs Ogwezzy, were school teachers. I would have considered myself a privileged child because of the status of my parents as teachers, but I discovered that we lived like every other family in the community. We attended the same community primary school and secondary school and played together with the children of the less privileged too. Because of our lifestyle, I did not see myself as privileged.
What would you readily recall about your early life?
What I would recall about my early life is that my siblings and I were trained under highly disciplined parents who would not allow us to behave in a manner that was contrary to societal norms. They believed that you must work hard and that hard work is the only secret to success and enduring life. They believed that education is the key, and as a child, you must imbibe the value of hard work through education.
How did your early life influence the personality that you are today?
My childhood life influenced the person that I am today because I was made to understand early enough that it is only through education that one can achieve a sustainable living. They ruled out the short cut. My parents made us to believe that it takes painstaking effort to achieve anything worthwhile.Tell us a few things you remember about your childhood and your parents.
As a little child I remembered growing under my grandma while my mother was furthering her education. My grandmother nurtured us till death took her away around 1986. While we lived with her, she ensured that we didn’t miss school both at primary and secondary levels. She would not take any excuse for not going to school. In cases where we would have missed school because we were late and could be punished, the old woman would personally lead us to school and apologized to the teacher for our lateness. She always gave the moral backing. My parents were core disciplinarians and no-nonsense people. They believed that hard work is the basis for success.
In those days, polygamy was popular. Was that the situation in your house?
Yes, I grow up in a polygamous home. But it did not make any difference in my life. We lived in harmony with one another.
What decided your choice of academics?
Since I was born by educated parents, I think that influenced my thinking about making life through education. My parents made me to know that education was the only way I could achieve a sustainable livelihood. Education may not make one a millionaire but it will certainly make one a better person.
What motivated you to continue studying up to PhD level?
After Umia Primary School, Abbi Grammar School and Emu Secondary School, Emu-Uno, all in Ndokwa West LGA of Delta State, I moved to the premier university, the University of Ibadan, where I studied Law and graduated in 2001. I attended the Nigerian Law School, Enugu Campus between 2003 and 2004 to enable me qualify to practice Law.
Because I had always wanted to become a university professor, I proceeded for my master’s degree in Law at the university of Nigeria, Enugu Campus where obtained the LLM degree with a PHD grade in 2008. I also obtained the professional masters degree in Law and Diplomacy (MLD) from Delta State University, Abraka, Delta State. I later obtained the Master of Advanced Studies in International Organisation (MASIO) from the University of Zurich in Switzerland in 2011. I finally obtained a PhD in Law from the University of Nigeria, Enugu Campus in 2013. These citadels of learning left an indelible imprint on my life because I was inspired by those core university academics/teachers who trained me to become what I am today.
What is the correct way to address you now and how do you feel with such achievement, especially in Law?
The right appellation or title is “Professor”, and I think I should be addressed as such. I feel fulfilled that I achieved it at this stage in my life without blemish. I give God almighty all the glory. I am now Professor Michael C. Ogwezzy. I am a professor at the Department of Public Law, Faculty of Law, Rivers State University, Port Harcourt. Right now, I can say the long walk has ended.
Can you share with us some of the challenges you faced?
My challenge has always been to succeed with my academic endeavours. Money was always made available by parents and elder siblings.
You are the second professor in the family. How many more should we expect?
Yes, I am the second professor in my family. I cannot state the number to come. Almost everybody in my home has a postgraduate degree which qualifies them to engage in academics. So expect more coming up shortly.
How is life on campus? Isn’t it boring doing the same thing all the way?
Life on campus is interesting. I have studied in four universities and I have taught in four other universities, making eight. The university is relatively the only sane place in Nigeria of today. There is still some level of decorum on our campuses because the rules and regulations are still enforced even though a few persons flout them and get away with it.
How do you handle your relationship with female students?
I am very strict about this because it can easily rob you of all your efforts. No university condones immoral relationship or behaviour. As lecturers, we are to ensure that we protect and uphold the university rules and regulations so that the university does not lose its place in our society.
Many lecturers pick their wives from the campus. Was that the case with you?
No. I met my wife at the Law School.
Who are your role models?
My role models are my lecturers: Dr (Mrs.) Osifunke Ekudayo, later Prof. MOU Gasiokowu; Prof. Ifeoma P. Enemo; Prof. Obinna Okere; Prof. Robert Kolb and Justice Chima Centus Nweze. Meeting these people in the different universities where I studied through the years influenced what I am today.
What is your advice to younger people?
I would say that they should imbibe the idea of hard work and resilience in life. They should be focused from the beginning and be unweaving in character. They must be humble and respectful in their conducts. They should respect constituted authorities anywhere they find themselves. Above all, they should understand that education is the key to a sustainable life.
Adewumi Adeyanju, better known as Biesloaded, is an entertainment celebrity blogger who was awarded the prestigious Digital Media Blogger title in Lagos 2021.
From dropping out of school and resorting to DJ temporarily, Adewumi has since soared to incredible heights and has become a big name in the Nigerian entertainment industry, blogger, and a digital media expert.
Here are five essential facts to know about the young Nigerian media master who is making a name for himself in the entertainment space.
Date of birth:
Adewumi Adeyanju was born on 17th August 1990.
Place of birth:
Adewumi Adeyanju was born in Ilesa, Osun State, in the western Region into the family of Mr. and Mrs. Ayoade Adewumi. He is the last child of the family.
Education:
Adewumi Adeyanju started basic education at Funto International Academy and continued at Pre-Varsity School Centre, for his Junior High School education and completed where he completed his secondary high school.
He continued to the University, whilst there, he co-founded the blog biesloaded.ng with his friend.
Work:
Adewumi Adeyanju started his career as a web designer and a DJ before switching to blogging while in level 200 at the University. He then co-founded the blog ‘Biesloaded.ng’, and since then, he has been working with some top-tier artists and producers such as Rexxie, Davido, Naira Marley, Seyi Vybz Asake, Burna Boy, and dancer Poco Lee. Right now he serves as the Social Media Manager for Zanku Records and also acts as their Public Relations Officer.
Awards & Nominations:
Adewumi Adeyanju is very active on social media, having a presence across popular messaging platforms. He was nominated for the title of ‘Youth Blogger Of The Year’ and won the ‘Digital Media Influencer Of The Year’ award in 2021.
DEAR Mummy Temilolu, I’d like to say a million thanks for being such a huge blessing to me and so many other girls out there. I wish I could meet you someday soon. God bless you mummy! Love you loads!
Favour Amadi
Mummy Temilolu Okeowo,
Kaaaaiiii, what would I have done without you? I hope to see you some day and give you a big and tight hug! It appears, you were called for this assignment specifically for me. Thanks for yielding. May God continue to inspire you in Jesus name!
Emuejevoke Love
Dear Madam Temilolu,
How I wish some of these feminist groups would share in your dream of raising sexually-pure girls rather than pursuing what appears to keep them more frustrated. May God bless and enlarge you.
Olatunji Liasu
Dear Mummy Temilolu,
Even though I haven’t met with you, I must confess I see you as my mother. How I wish I had motherly-care! I thank God for creating someone like you and enabling me to stumble on your articles, if not I definitely would have defiled my body- the temple of God for worldly things. Thanks ma.
Precious Olajumoke
My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian daughters,
Happy new year to you and my highly-esteemed readers! Yes! I have great regards for my fans and consider them very special people in a highly-depraved world as this. While looking forward to meeting many more daughters and giving them a big hug when the world is safer, I pray for you all with all my heart that this decade will grant you the best days of your life in Jesus mighty name!
However, girls…girls…girls, if I were you, I’d prepare for the coming glory this year with my body, mind and soul and by keeping it pure and saturated in the power of God! Believe me, everything you want to be is on your finger-tips!
I’d start this year with you by sharing some of my golden nuggets on chastity which I believe would transform your mind and encourage you to stay sexually-pure!
A chaste life avails you direct information from heaven that can transform your life. May the sun, moon and stars bow for your glory in 2021!
If you saw your “original”, you’d endure hardship and never sleep with any man for money! May the devil not steal your unborn children’s legacies!
If you’re unmarried and sexually-active, believe me, the devil has an upper hand over your life! May we not become an ugly shadow of God’s original plan!
Girls, do you know you score so high in heaven when you turn down sex/gifts from men? May God give you what no African can boast of!
Girls, you are goldmines! You need not sleep with men for money! May you not lose what should buy you an aircraft before you turn 40!
Girls, if you knew the type of spiritual power you carry and what it could avail you, no one will teach you to stay chaste! May you become a walking wonder!
Ungodly sex demonises and slows you down! Chastity makes you too hot for demons to delay! May your life attract unusual speed this year!
Girls, when you preserve your virginity, you preserve your virtues! You will be spiritually-dazzling and hot! May you become world’s most sought-after!
Some men are mobile satanic altars! Once they sleep with you, they steal your glory! May you not fall for them in Jesus name!
The day you vow to God to stay chaste till your wedding night, an unusual grace falls upon your life and it begins to move in great signs and wonders! May your star shake the world!
Chastity makes you spiritually-intelligent such that you know your exam questions even before they’re set! May God open your eyes!
I have more nuggets that would help you cruise your way to glory this decade and make your dreams come true. However, the earlier you see visions of what God has written for you the better, before the devil snatches it away! That guy may not be going all the way and having sexual intercourse with you but all the other things he’s doing to your body which makes you scream in ecstasy could block your visions of the wonders God has prepared for you. 1 Peter 2:11 And believe me, there are too many people in the world today who lost once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that would have made them rich and famous! May that not be your portion in Jesus name! I love you all!
To be continued!
I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.
Like the mother hen, completely immersed in the affairs of her chicks, Ngozi Ikemefuna once desired a complete immersion in the life of her growing kids. But along the line, she took a plunge into the path of entrepreneurship, reports Samson Oti.
INTERESTINGLY, Ikemefuna’s love for art made it natural for her to realize her dream in an area that gives her the opportunity to express her artistic instinct.
Today, she’s founder of the fast rising party store, event planning and balloon decorations outlet, Zigis Confetti a business she started in 2015.
Narrating how it all began, Ngozi says.
“I started the business in 2015, running it as a part-time business. I began with the procuring and sale of children toys, party favours and premium gift boxes before other inspirations. But truth is, I had always wanted something different from the norm after quitting my 9-5 job. Like most mothers, my priority was my kids. I wanted to engage in a venture that’ll give me flexibility to raise my kids the way I wanted.”
“Three years after that, 2018, I came across balloon art. I fell in love with it and decided to explore the many possibilities of using balloons and its various unique colours for space styling. Coming from someone who loves art like myself, balloons gives you an opportunity to create art, she discloses.
My first job was planning my nieces sweet 16 birthday and a friend’s baby shower which was a success I must say.”
Having found great potential in balloon artistry, the balloon expert says she took it upon herself to learn more about the craft and has invested in numerous training to increase her knowledge. She also holds a Master’s degree in business administration.
She explains further. “In the course of learning, I became aware of the different types of balloons and their uses, examples are latex balloons, mylar/foil balloon and cloud busters.
Today, I have mastered the art of turning any space into a colourful ambience using balloons. It’s interesting to note that our brand has been able to bring glam to several occasions and events using balloons.”
It’s obvious Ikemefuna’s has a deep love for balloon decorations. She discloses that her fulfillment stems from the fact that her eye for details serves to assist her to achieve the highest level of customer satisfaction and as well the high percentage of referral and repeat business experience.
Speaking on her brand offering, the balloonist says her company provides jaw dropping balloon decoration services as well as supplies of party favours, gift boxes, balloons, balloon accessories with hopes to introduce flowers in the near future.
On her success secrets in business over the years, Ikemefuna reveals.
“Consistency is key in every business. I understand that Rome wasn’t built in a day. It takes a process. Starting from not knowing much about balloons to the point of opening my inner creativity still.
Also, meeting and exceeding each customer’s expectations is very important if one must succeed. Don’t forget that creating new ideas, memorable experiences, prompt delivery and being on top of your game are factors to consider. She noted.”
Disclosing further on what it takes to thrive amidst competition in the balloon craft space. The entrepreneur explained that passion and love for the business, being able to create that distinct art prowess, courage to try new colours, forming synergies, constantly thinking out of the box and continuous learning are what it takes. And not forgetting, meeting and exceeding client’s expectations.
Sharing on her achievements since inception, she explains. “At Zigis, we are not where we used to be when we started. We have grown beyond our expectations.
Today, we have clients both within and out of Lagos. We have also partnered with foreign balloon brands and are looking forward to launching our own brand soon. We have also been privileged to execute jobs successfully for both individuals and corporate organizations who can always connect with us on Instagram @zigis_confetti @balloons_by_zigis. ”
Speaking on challenges and how she scaled through, the balloon expert discloses that balloons can be very tricky. “There’s a whole lot to learn about balloons. It’s not as easy as you would think but I must say, you need to have “the balloon experience” which most people haven’t had. It’s important to identify the use of quality balloons to achieve a desired effect/ambience.
On her experience dealing with crisis during the #EndSars protest. She revealed. “Our store was one of the many vandalised by hoodlums. We lost a whole lot of goods, accessories, furniture and many other items. It was a tough moment for us but nevertheless, like true entrepreneurs, we had to rise beyond the eventuality. Truth is, we live by rising up from our pain and loss. Thank God for friends and relatives who were there for us.” She says.
Concluding she has this to say. “The business terrain and the economy may sometimes be frustrating, especially with the high exchange rates, freight and clearing costs.
But my take is, keep pushing. Never give up. Follow your dreams and passion. Always strive for perfection. Align yourself with a mentor, get training and remember, success is a calculated attempt.”
Oluwakemi Ogunkoya is a leadership development strategist, Management Consultant and author. For close to a decade, she has conducted and facilitated high impact workshops across Africa, North America and Asia.
In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talked about the ability to help corporate organisations enjoy seamless leadership transitions and executive onboarding to eliminate deficiencies which invariably minimise their costs and let them focus on growth.
TELL us about the things that you are working on at the moment?
2020 was quite an interesting year for many. It forced us all to think out of the box and think of creative and innovative ways of living and serving our clients. One of the ways, which we evolved in my organisation, Rellies Works was through the delivery of virtual programmes and services. Currently we are working on consolidating our in-depth e-learning leadership development programme for our clients.
Also, another big project we are working on is on consolidating a project very close to my heart, The Lead Africa Now Initiative. Here we raise visionary leaders across the African continent, through capacity building, mentorship, fellowship and much more. I also just got accepted into The Forbes Business Council, where I joined phenomenal leaders like Dr Sam Adeyemi, Olakunle Soriyan, Lanre Olusola, Janet Adetu and Remi Duyile on the council, I am honoured to have been invited to such an exclusive group of global leaders, I am particularly delighted with the opportunities this platform will bring to our organisation, Rellies Works and that of our client companies. We shall continue to drive the agenda for transformative and effective leadership development in the corporate scenes and beyond in Africa and globally.
What has been the experience as a Leadership Development strategist?
The experience is certainly a great and fulfilling one. The joy and fulfilment of being able to turn around the fortunes of individuals and organisations by developing self leadership competence, helping them embrace a wholesome leadership lifestyle and creating a leadership culture that invariably significantly improves business metrics and lasting transformation.
Tell us about some of the memorable moments?
A lot of memorable moments I must say, but one of the freshest memories was launching my new book, The Leadership Guardian in the middle of the pandemic, and pulling off a great summit in the same year; The Leadership Guardian Virtual Summit– themed Preserving the future of humanity through effective leadership which was termed the best online event of the year 2020. In fact, a week rarely passes and reference is not made to the event and I honestly do not take such commendations for granted. I received calls from all over the world with people asking “Kemi, you guys didn’t pull that up in Nigeria”, some have actually compared the event to a CNN production.
Together with my team we set out to raise a higher level of consciousness for the importance of visionary and effective leadership, I was privileged to have a great array of exemplary leaders at the event. The event was a great success and huge transformation for attendees, that is truly one of my fondest memories.
What are some of your business challenges?
All businesses have their challenges and the training industry is not excluded. Top on the list for me is Keeping up with workplace learning trends especially in today’s fast-paced “VUCA” (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous” world, the L&D industry is evolving quickly. therefore programmes and resources (human and otherwise) need to be constantly re-evaluated and upgraded for relevance.
What or who inspires the things you do?
I am driven by impact; that process of taking people from what they never thought possible towards achieving the greatest and grandest vision of themselves gets me out of bed every day. I always say that you cannot become better at what you do unless you become better at who you are. So, getting people to that point, where they understand the place of self, appreciate who they are, realise what their purpose is… getting them to that point of 360 degrees transformation in the personal lives, career or business, that ignites my fuel.
What are some of the other things that occupy your time?
Confession time… I am a workaholic, therefore work takes a lot of my time, however, thankfully I know how to integrate other areas of my life. Other activities that occupy my time include; spending time with my family, watching documentaries or tennis, reading, playing board games, swimming, visiting family and friends and having a quiet time.
What would you consider as the turning point in your career?
I remember those days when I had to jump out of bed with a bang in my chest. My alarm will go off, but I still wanted more sleep, snooze to the rescue. I wanted more sleep not because I didn’t sleep at night, but because I wished my night was prolonged and I didn’t have to spend another day on my desk. I have been privileged to work in the banking industry, Oil & Gas, Professional services to mention a few. At some point, I realised I wanted more than my job experiences offered, I felt that strong urge of enhanced transformation, I started to give an ear to my inclinations: transformation from the core, something that I had done so effortlessly, The adventure began, Why am I here on earth? What am I suppose to be doing? What thing would give the highest sense of fulfilment, I realised I could apply myself more, I cast my mind back to a time where I felt at my creative best and It was during my days as an intern in a top finishing school, where I trained teenagers and some executives on personal transformation. I began to put the pieces together, and the light bulb came when I attended a seminar by Jack Canfield, a leading transformation coach in America, I knew that helping people achieve life-long transformation through leadership development was what I wanted to do, and then the journey began, and it has been a phenomenal journey ever since, I have worked with over 90 organisations and close to 5,000 executives, with hundreds of individuals across various industries in Africa, North America and The Middle East.
Did you feel like quitting at any point?
At the initial point quitting crossed my mind a couple of times, you know how as an entrepreneur you are excited about starting out, and the real knocks begin to rare its ugly head, but as I continued to develop the requisite skills and knowledge of managing and growing a business, moving beyond just passion towards understanding the fundamentals of business development and consolidating on my purpose and vision, the journey has become clearer and the journey more exciting and rewarding.
What are you looking forward to in the next few years?
Quite a lot is in the offing, My PhD is one of the many things I look forward to over the next few years. I also look to creating a viral footprint in the adoption of lifestyle leadership principles through the various expression of what I do.
What advice do you have for young people who want to come into the sector?
The human capital development space is quite challenging and most people will fall at some point and that is normal, just ensure that you fail forward. Only those with the biggest ambition, motivation, and grit will stay and excel. Beyond a high aspiration, anyone who wants to be successful in this space must be able to communicate value and results rather than merely selling services. People care about the results, not just your accomplishments. You also have to be a thirsty learner. You cannot be a casual or passive learner, we live in a VUCA world where everything is changing by the minute, if you are not learning and adapting on the go, you will be left for dead. Success in this space is also hinged on how you are able to build and maintain relationships, not just revenues; therefore, proficiency in relationship management is a vital skill for success in the human capital development space. Also, the ability to manage and deploy resources effectively; time, money, people, tools, and materials are one that every successful trainer cannot be without.
How did COVID 19 Affect you last year?
The Covid-19 Pandemic was quite an unexpected turn, we had to shut our office and start engaging all stakeholders virtually; employees, clients and prospects. We had to adapt to the new normal and adapt quickly to the new changes. Learning to wear face mask for long hours, using sanitizers, staying away from social gatherings, conducting our leadership trainings online, helping organisations equip their leaders on dealing with change , was quite a challenge, but as we know the only constant thing is change , therefore adapting to change is key to not just surviving but also thriving
What key lesson has life taught you?
Life is a bed of lessons, I usually say. I learn every day, but one major lesson life has taught me is, opportunities will come to you sometimes draped in challenges , but if you are unprepared or unable to spot opportunities when they arrive, you will lose out on them , therefore it is important to keep investing in self-development and enhancing competence.
Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?
My mum, Mrs Fiyinfoluwa Adenike Ogunbanke has been the greatest influence in my life, she taught me life principles of faith, love, fairness, discipline, courage, resilience and so much more. My mum has been a great reflection of strength, and beyond teaching me how, she has been a living example of all the principles she taught me. I am always grateful and she always will be a great source of motivation for me.
Any spouses, intending couples and even young adults have asked this question over and again: ‘Do you think he/she thinks I am good sexually?
The thoughts of men and women after sex are so important to their partners. Spouses want to know what’s in the minds of their partner and this knowledge goes a long way in framing their overall concept of sex, marriage relationship and attitude towards their life partners and life in general.
Women are always conscious about what the husband they have just made love with is thinking. If you are also dying to know what your man probably thinks after making love to you, you have come to the right place.
The new groom wonders what to tell his bride after having had it done, should he pay compliments about her prowess in bed? Should he enumerate all the pros and cons of her love making style? Should he just lay still and wait for her to get up and clean up? Or he just sleeps off thinking ‘It’s my right, I paid for this; I paid her bride-price!’
A high percentage of first timer men would love to say something, do something, but ego, culture and tradition always holds them bound and speechless. Oddly, few men get it right here, they don’t just get up and clean up or roll to the other side of the bed and snore off, but lay there still, cuddle the lady in their arms and whisper loving and caressing words to her.
This not only helps seal the sexual act: the new bride automatically trusts her man unconditionally. There is nothing more important for a woman than trust in this singular act to prepare her for a stable relationship. It is an assurance that you will be there when she needs you.
It is very important for a woman to know that you are going to be faithful to her emotionally, sexually or physically. With that being there, you will be dealing with less turbulence in the relationship.
As a man you have to be thoughtful and kind; women love men who are kind and considerate. No matter how uncomfortable it will be for you, sitting with her and providing as much comfort as possible when she is, maybe, crying from the pain of sex, drawing close to you for reassurance will make her love you all the more. If you have not realized already, women are unconditional when it comes to nurturing the ones they love. So, it’s only fair to return that to her as it makes her feel respected as well.
Every guy would like to believe that he’s the one to send shivers down his bride’s spine, and that he is just brilliant in bed. So, yes, he would actually be thinking about the bride’s side of the story. He would like to know how she liked it and, of course, you should answer and do not keep quiet and say nothing. He wants to hear ‘you are the best,’ ‘I feel I need more,’ ‘that was excellent.’ This fires him up; the spark from these statements is what fuels a man’s love in the relationship. stop thinking you don’t care when you sleep off immediately after sex.
But this is when the wife wants some strange sexual escapade. Why? She’s no longer afraid or accidental pregnancy or fear of the unknown. She’s relaxed emotionally to make some demands. So she thinks about a loving sexual relationship with her man all things being equal. So when you see your wife always loving to cuddle and get cosy with you, understand her thoughts. Make her feel equal sexually. Women want to feel that they are on the same grounds as their spouse when it comes to having access to sexual demands.
Several surveys have shown that women expect to see a sexy friend in their partner; they fantasize to be with a man who understands their sexual failures and celebrates their successes. When the husband appreciates this, you are making her happy without being asked to. This gesture can be enhanced when husband lends a hand without being asked – making her feel sexy by your attitude.
(To be continued next week)
QUESTION ONE
I have a sensitive tummy that reacts to virtually anything – even to water. I am always seen with my treated bottled water everywhere. But my challenge is my husband: he has an uncircumcised penis and loves a blow job. To my husband it is either blow job or no sexual activities between us. I do not mind giving him any of his sexual fantasies but my tummy sensitivity to the slightest dirt, un-hygienic contact makes me refuse. I gave him the option of either he is circumcise or we take blow job out of the scene but he refuses both saying I am denying him his conjugal love. As a result of this things have not been rosy. Don’t you think I am at risk of infection and that it’s a wise idea if he gets circumcised? My health is more important to me than sex.
ANSWER
It will shock you to know that majority of men aren’t circumcised worldwide. Approximately 30% of males aged 15 and older are circumcised, according to a 2007 report from the World Health Organization (WHO) and UNAIDS. Rates vary greatly depending on religion and nationality, the report states. It is also amazing to know that the penis is a habitat; in fact the skin of the penis is a big home to a diverse community of bacteria. Studies have shown that there are close to 42 unique categories of bacteria inhabiting the skin of the penis. Majorly, the uncircumcised penis has the highest figure. The inner fold of the foreskin is a mucous membrane, like the inside of a person’s eyelids. And certain anaerobic bacteria thrive in that environment more than when the skin is dry. This research could help
After many years into the marriage ironically men and women still wonder what their spouse is thinking after sex. At this point in time husbands mostly just want to relax and sleep off. At this point, to the man: sex is not only therapeutic, it medicinal, relaxing and healthy. Especially when the intercourse is a rigorous one of more than one round or the man manages to do it just to make sure, he satisfies his wife and he’s not labelled impotent. explain why circumcision has been linked to a lower risk of getting HIV. But I think if you cleverly with all shrewdness make him see the health benefits of circumcision he would understand. But if you give him an ultimatum you may lose him to some other women. For instance, circumcised men may be less likely to pass sexually transmitted diseases to their partners or to develop penile cancer. But if he refuses it’s important to keep his penis clean wash the outer side with soap and water push the foreskin back gently it will retract easily and when the foreskin retract, clean under it carefully wash the entire area with soap and water. When the area is cleaned and rinsed, replace the foreskin over the head of the penis.
QUESTION TWO
My husband-to-be confided in me that he has undescended testicles three weeks to our wedding. Family members and friends insist I should call off the wedding; that he’s likely not going to be able to father a child. I am in-between my family’s position and the love we both share. Should I go ahead and we adopt babies as he suggested.
ANSWER
Actually the decision is yours to make since you are an adult. But before you decide I like to make some things clear to you. First, undescended testicle is when one or both testicles of a growing baby do not move into the scrotum during child birth as it should. As a baby boy grows inside his mother, he develops testicles: early in his development, his testicles are in his belly. Normally, before he is born, his testicles move down into his scrotum, the sac that hangs below the penis. About 5 out of 100 baby boys are born with an undescended testicle. It is most common in babies who were born before their due date or who were very small at birth. Doctors don’t really know what causes an undescended testicle. This common condition sometimes runs in some families (can be inherited).
Most of the time, the testicle descends (drops) on its own by the time the baby is three months old. An undescended testicle doesn’t cause pain or other symptoms. The scrotum may look a little smoother or less developed on one side, or the side without a testicle may look smaller and flatter.
You can’t feel the testicle in the scrotum on the side where it hasn’t descended. I think the mistake of the guy in question is that he should have told you about his medical condition much more earlier than when you guys have made public your intention to get married to the extent of making the wedding day known.
After sex men like to lie in the darkest night and contemplate, not exactly about his wife but about all other life issues. At this stage, the mind is now clear and the issues at hand are better handled because sex earlier on has helped cleared his mind he can think better, reason clearly and act productively.
At this stage I always advice men put their wives in the picture. When she is aware that sexual activities with her can help your productivity she will perform better and will This might be as a result of fear of rejection. Since he suggested adoption I think it is not a bad idea if you consider his proposal. But if your family members and friend oppose the wedding I also think you can hold on a little for proper understanding and acceptance of him by your family. Over 80% of marriages opposed by in-laws most times do not flourish or succeed.
QUESTION THREE
I am 25 and a single mother to two boys age 9 and 11. I lost my husband three years ago. My concern is about my two boys: they are behaving quite strange lately. Two weeks ago one of them insisted he was not going to school because he sometimes experience ‘hard-ons’ at the wrong place at the wrong time – causing other boys laugh him. Yesterday, on our way from Shoprite, I could see his penis getting swollen and stiffing and he was frantically covering it up while experiencing some pain and there was nothing I could do about it. Sometimes when they both wake up in the morning, their penises are hard and bulky. What can I do? The other chap is so withdrawn will lock himself up in his room anytime he has the opportunity to be alone. I suggested seeing a medical doctor but they refuse.
ANSWER
You are not alone: most parents have found themselves in this situation and most teenagers and young adult experience such awkward moments. The hard-ons he experienced is called early erections and these are a normal part of growing up. When guys go through puberty, their bodies go through many changes. Their voices begin to change, and facial hair, underarm hair, and pubic hair starts to grow. This is all normal! Also, their penis, testes, and scrotal sacks will increase in size. This could really be an awkward time for both parents and child. These physical changes are coupled with hormonal changes. During puberty, many guys begin to experience frequent sexual desire. This could lead to a difficult time in the controlling erections. Often, the erection happens at inappropriate times – on the way home from school, or at the football field, or at the breakfast table. It is perfectly normal for all guys of their age to wake up with an erection. Even during childhood, most guys will experience erections during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. REM sleep refers to an “active” sleep state, in which the heart rate increases, the brain is active, and we have dreams. Also during REM sleep, hormones are released and their penis is stimulated by these hormones. Nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) is the fancy medical name for it. Guys may have several erections during the REM sleep cycle. The best thing to do is reassure them and tell them, that they are better off waiting until the erection is gone before heading leaving the room in the morning. They can try relaxing and thinking about something nonsexual, like a sporting event. Or better yet, do a dance competition. Erections typically go away with enough wilful distractions. As they get older, they will be able to control erections better. If he wears boxer shorts and has frequently-occurring erections, let him consider wearing briefs or boxer-brief underwear. These tend to be tighter fitting and could help hide his erection from public view.
At worst, he should just stay seated and remain calm until the erection goes away. If he is with others tell him to un-tuck his shirt. Or use his textbook to shield it.
QUESTION FOUR
I have noticed that the only times my wife usually asks for sex is when she is close to her cycle or when she is menstruating. I don’t like sex during menstruation but most times that seem to be the only available time.
ANSWER
Women experience more sexual fantasies during the fertile times of the month and these are the periods when they are either ovulating or shortly after ovulation, sometimes close to their menstruation time. In addition, women get more aroused in the fantasies compared to men.
Samuel Balogun is a Nigerian- American whose exploits working with the police in the United States of America provokes the biblical question: can anything good come out of Nazareth? From a humble beginning in Mushin, a suburb of Lagos State, he rose to become an international police officer, travelling wide and meeting heads of state he never imagined he could come across. In this interview with INNOCENT DURU, he reveals how the Nigerian system frustrated his efforts to work with the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), his regrets after two decades of service in the Detroit Police Department and his grouse with the security system in Nigeria.
Retired Nigerian-American police officer Samuel Balogun recalls close shave with death at drug dealer’s hands
‘How Nigerian system frustrated my bid to enroll with FBI’
What was your childhood like?
I attended Saint Paul’s Anglican (Primary) School at Idi Oro, Mushin (Lagos). My high school was St Anthony Grammar School, Esure, Ijebu Mushin. I travelled to Greece thereafter. From Greece, I settled in the United States of America. In year 2,000, I enrolled with Detroit Police Depart (DPD) and became a police officer after six months of extensive training, learning federal and state laws.
My first inclination was to become an FBI agent. It took three years for the background investigation. Within the waiting period, I sent a message here in Nigeria for my transcript, but for unknown reasons, there was a delay. I became tired of waiting and enrolled with the Detroit Police Department.
A week to my graduation from the academy, I got a call from the FBI that my clearance had been completed. At that time, I had to make a decision to go back into FBI training or go forward? With the Detroit Police Department, the training was in-depth. For six months, we were running, jogging, shooting, engaged in vigorous physical conditioning and investigative training as swell. I decided to continue with the Detroit Police Department.
In a way, I regret it, and in another way, I am happy. The FBI has more arresting power, as they travel all over the country. But the Detroit Police was just in the state of Michigan. But I am happy for what I have accomplished. I was the only Nigerian in the Detroit Police Department. I visited Nigerian churches before retiring, to try to get other Africans, especially Nigerians, to join the police, but there was this bias that as an American policeman, you are going to get killed. People shy away from joining the police. We have a lot of engineers, we have a lot of architects, but for some crazy reasons, nobody wants to be a police officer.
I retired on November 2, 2020. I am an American citizen and a Nigerian by birth. I still claim both countries. I shuttle back and forth the two countries.
Did you suffer any form of discrimination?
When I became a police officer, there was a stigma that Nigerian policemen don’t command that kind of respect. So when I was going to become a law enforcement officer in the United States, I still knew there would be stigma but the reward is worthwhile. Being a police officer in the (United) States, I have met with heads of state, went to places where but for my job, I would never have the opportunity of meeting such people. In the States, it is a very lucrative job. But in Nigeria, if you tell someone you are a police officer, they look at you negatively or with suspicion. We have to change and rebuild the trust of the citizenry.
What exactly does your firm do?
I am trying to bring back my experience as a police officer in the States to Nigeria. When you look at the #EndSARS period, the performance of the police was something that hurt my feelings. How can we make it better? How can we make the police job something that people will see with respect and want to join?
My security firm is involved in training not only police officers but private security companies. I am in touch with a lot of private security companies in Nigeria. There is another concept which Nigeria is embracing right now; it is called community policing. In the States, it is called neighbourhood policing or community policing. It works in the sense that in every street, there would be a police officer who lives in that neighbourhood. He gets to know the people and the people know him. In some apartments, they will give you a discount just for the police officer to be there because they know once a police officer is living there, the police car is outside and the crime level will reduce. People are more likely to talk to that officer because they know him. They are more able to tell him, ‘Hey, we know who committed that crime!’ For every crime, you need people to tell you what happened. You can have all the gadgets, but if people are not talking, you can’t solve the crime.
Why did you go to Greece?
I studied language in Greece. I speak three international languages. I moved to the States from there. When I got to the States, I wasn’t a police officer at first. I was working for UPS (Universal Parcel Service). I got tired of doing the same job every day. As a policeman in the States or even in Nigeria, it is exciting to do different stuffs you can never predict tomorrow. But for UPS, I know tomorrow I am going to the office and what I am going to do is predictable. I am the kind of guy who gets bored easily. As a police officer, you are helping people to solve crimes. When you talk about the police, it is just like the marine or the army. It has a lot of elements.
What was the hardest crime you cracked as a police officer?
My biggest accomplishment was bursting a human trafficking crime. There was a guy that was using minors for prostitution on the internet. I have an accent and when I speak people know I am an African. So, I had to go undercover and had to call the guy on the internet. I said, ‘Hey! What is going on? I am in town. I am a truck driver and I want some girls.’ He said the younger they are, the more the money. I said about 15 to 16 years. He said okay. I asked how many he could bring and he said two. He said which hotel was I and I gave the name to him. He told me to hang up and he called back the hotel. He subsequently called me and asked if I was there and I said yes. He said he would be there in 20 minutes.
We were waiting for him to come but he was smart too. He dropped the girls down the street and made them walk to the room. The girls asked how much I was ready to pay and wanted to take off their clothes, but I said not yet. In the next room were officers listening to our conversation. When I made a signal, that meant it was time for them to come in. But before you make the signal, you have to make sure they have mentioned the price, they have given the reason why they were there, so it doesn’t look like you are entrapping them. When I made the signal, the officers burst in and arrested everybody, including me.
After that, they processed the girls, and after that, they said, ‘Look, you are minors and we know somebody is pushing you to do this. Now we don’t want to arrest you, but tell us how to get to the boss. The girls cooperated. When the man pulled up to pick them up, we arrested him. That stopped a lot of those crimes.
What were the dangers you encountered working as a policeman in the US?
I faced danger all the time. Every American police must have a bullet proof vest on. But if you are working undercover, you are exempted. If you don’t have your vest on and you get shot, you might be denied your benefits. I have talked to some Nigerian police officers that got injured on duty. I learnt some even died in shootouts with criminals. What happens thereafter? Other officers have to contribute for their funeral. That is a disgrace. God forbid, if anything had happened to me before I retired, my daughter would be taken care of, my family would be taken care of and my funeral would be covered by the city.
I hear all this noise that the Nigerian police are corrupt. But there is corruption everywhere. But to bring it to a lower level, you have to pay people right. A sergeant in Nigeria is earning less than N150,000 a month. That is nothing. The pension is not there, the insurance is not there, the recruitment is poor, the salary is poor. When you put all that together, it is a recipe for corruption. The barracks they live in are even inhuman for people to stay.
In the States, everything is supplied, and when you retire, you are allowed to keep your gun. From the day you become a police officer, that gun is yours until you retire. For there to be a change in Nigeria, there has to be a structure, and something that looks lucrative so that people can join the police.
We have 200 million Nigerians and may be less than 160,000 are police officers, it is not enough. We can see what happened in Washington when there were not enough officers. Out of that 160,000 officers in Nigeria, you have some that are assigned to the chiefs, some to politicians, some to governors, and so on. Then how many is left to police the citizenry? There has to be aggressive recruitment and there has to be a structure. And pay people the right amount of money so that it will attract the right candidates. If the salary is poor, nobody will want to come. Then you still have that stigma that Nigerian police is corrupt. There is corruption everywhere but you can bring it to a minimum. Even in the United States, with all the money, we still have some officers that are corrupt.
Did you have any close shave with death in the course of your career?
Samuel Balogun
I did many times while working under cover. There was a time I was supposed to meet up with a drug dealer and buy the drug. The guy asked me, ‘Are you a police officer?’ I said no, I am an African, I drive a cab. He put a gun to my head, but I insisted that I am a Nigerian and a cab driver. He looked at me and looked at me. Thank God he changed his mind.
The first thing they teach you in the academy is that you can retreat but don’t run. If you see police running, everybody runs. But you can retreat, you can back out. But for you to just run looks bad. As human beings, the fear factor is there. In a minute, your life can be taken away. Fear can cripple you. I can bring a toy gun and just show you and you would start peeing on yourself. But you have to summon some kind of courage. And that is part of my security skills that I am bringing. Even in a dire situation how you can have courage and defend yourself. Even if someone pulls a gun on you and youdon’t have a weapon, you can still fight back.
How did your parents feel when you joined the police?
They didn’t like it. Every time they heard that a policeman got shot, my family would be crying until I called home. Every time a police officer gets shot, they don’t release the name. Immediately that happens, everybody is calling to know if it is you. My mother didn’t like it. But again, a police job is so unique that when one officer dies, everybody in the world will know. And it is not the most dangerous job. If you go to Google now, you will find the most dangerous job is not the police.
I have been to more than 15 Nigerian churches in the States trying to recruit (policemen) so that my legacy would continue. But I couldn’t get one before I retired. For some that were willing to, for one reason or the other, their records were not clean.
From your wealth of experience, what advice would you give the Nigerian government on how to make the police better?
What I can suggest to the government is to re-access the Nigerian Police. There is still going to be corruption; you can never rule it out. If a sergeant in Nigeria is making N50,000 to N60, 000 in a month, something is wrong. I make more than that in a day. I drove down to see the police college and police barracks; they are not fit for human beings to live in. Security is number one. It stabilizes the country so that people can come to invest.
I went to Gambia, a small country that is not even up to Oyo State, they have excellent security. You can walk anywhere. You don’t have to worry about anything. In Nigeria, anybody can come to say he wants to join the police. You have to screen who you are hiring.
It took three years for the FBI to do my background investigation. For the Detroit Police, it took about six months. They came to my street where I was staying to know the kind of person I am. They went to the UPS office where I used to work and asked what kind of person I am. At the end, they will send you to a doctor to evaluate your psyche, because they are giving you a gun. Even with all that, people still fall to the crack. No solution is hundred per cent perfect, but at least, if you can get 95 per cent, good!
Nigeria has to make a better pay for police officers. The salary they are paying them is ridiculous. Sometimes you look at a police officer in Nigeria, the shoe and the uniforms don’t match. You can’t blame them because they are using their money to get those things.
How do you think Nigeria can tackle the menace of banditry, insurgency and kidnapping, among other crimes?
From my experience I can tell you about human intelligence. You can have all the gadgets you want, but you have to have somebody on the ground to give you information. You have to have somebody that is willing to go under cover, you have to have somebody who is willing to go down, down, down to get you the information. Before America goes to war, they would have sent a spy to that country to access what you have. I don’t just come to your house if I don’t know what you have. That is what is called human intelligence. Sometimes surveillance is good, but human intelligence is the best.
What are you giving back to Nigerians from the knowledge you have acquired?
I am training police officers, security companies and executive protection. What my security company is doing is to free the police officers from attachment to chiefs, politicians and all that. We train civilians to represent those officers so that they can go back to the street and do their normal jobs. We have what we call executive protection/training. We have people that follow the president. We can train you on how to be efficient and sometimes using less force, description tactics
What my company is trying to do is to bring people to the table. We are trying to train companies that there is a better way of security where we can teach you how to defend yourself, how to prepare for any emergency, and how to use less force. I have a guy, a navy seal that worked for the United States of America. You will be amazed about what he can do. He can disarm you in a minute even when you come with AK 47. I am also bringing hostage negotiation, people that can talk to you when ransom has to be paid. In the US, we call it hostage negotiation. They can talk to these people and know their psyche. It is a full package. When you come to my firm, you can see the whole spectrum and choose.
I travel a lot, and in all the African nations is where you see officers with AK 47. They said it is more intimidating. Criminals use AK 47 in America too but we still don’t carry it. Is that the right weapon for police officers? I leave that question open.
Have you met and discussed with people in government here? What was their position?
I have talked to a lot of people in higher positions. In some places I don’t want to mention, I have got good responses. My firm has done some things with certain private firms and the police. I have dealt with some highly placed security firms. So, this is not my first time here. We are looking at having training in Sheraton around July/August this year. It is going to be a big one. I am bringing a retired FBI agent, a navy seal, a retired marine, myself and may be two other officers.
This is my country. I am proud of it. I am sad sometimes when you look at the security aspect of it. With my experience, I am trying to make it a better place. It has always been my passion to come back home. I am retired and don’t really need to work again. My benefits are okay until I die. But why die with all this experience when I can pass it to the next person?
