The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

Girls, just one ungodly sexual intercourse could deform your destiny!

DEAR Aunty Temilolu,

I am 18 years old, I have a boyfriend and I love him so much and he loves me because he usually does things that make me happy and also advises me when I go off the right path. I don’t want just a mere relationship with him; I want to be his life partner. I was a virgin before I met him.

He asked me for sex and I gave it to him because he was not happy when I refused at first. Please what should I do because he’s asking for it again? I don’t want to have sex with him again and I don’t want to lose him. Please I need your advice because I don’t want to lose him or make him unhappy?

My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

Why would you love any guy above yourself, above your glorious destiny? Why would you please a boy or man to the detriment of your present and your future?

If only places of worship slammed the consequences of ungodly sex in your faces at every single service, the power in the word of God would pierce your hearts and open up your spiritual understanding by fire by force and envelope you with the spirit of God which would make you detest every form of sin.

Alas, the crux of today’s messages is hinged on prosperity! How can anyone who is heavily yoked with the spirits and bondages of multiple, in fact uncountable sexual partners make anything meaningful out of life and not go from trouble to trouble?

How can one discover one’s life partner, destiny helper and help-mate when he/she is already confused and derailed because of an ungodly soul-tie?

How then can such a person enjoy the prosperity nuggets he/she is weekly bombarded with in church if our common enemy-the devil succeeds in joining him/her with his/her destiny destroyer?

This is a very serious matter and one of the reasons for most of today’s divorces and scattered lives of both parents and the children of the failed marriage.

Sadly, lives which were designed to be so beautiful become a nightmare and dreams which had been built for years and reached a dizzying height, crash suddenly into smithereens because of someone’s impatience, ungodliness, spiritual dullness etc. I pray this won’t be your portion in Jesus mighty name. AMEN!

The point is once a life is polluted or contaminated through sexual intercourse with the wrong person, it could have a cataclysmic effect and I tell you it only takes the mercy of God for such destiny to re-align with God’s divine agenda.

At 18, where has my young lady reached in life for her to feel her boyfriend is God’s gift and the best that would come her way? How very naïve and myopic of her.

Perhaps she’s not even in the university yet. We meet more and more people every day, and will always get carried away by different personalities.

She has a few years to spend in the university where she would meet the good, the bad and the ugly, she is going to observe the NYSC and meet more exciting and interesting guys yet the world at large is waiting for her-church, work, social functions, I could go on and on!

My sweeties, what’s the rush? Do you know just that single act of sex could introduce uncontrollable lust into one’s life and before you are 22 you find out you’ve slept with 30 or more guys?

How can you accommodate such rot in your destiny? Because your other friends are engaging in it and seem to be having a ball doesn’t mean you’ll have a ball as well neither will they get away with it.

The earlier you realise that we all have different destinies which carry diverse weights spiritually, the better!

I ask again- HOW MANY SOULS DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED TO BEFORE YOU REACH THE RIPE AGE OF MARRIAGE? Hmmm….or you didn’t know sexual intercourse is sexual union/spiritual union? May the power of God pull you back and may you see reason with this article in Jesus name!

I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

March 15, 2020
Having a comfortable roof over your head is a priority in these times – Wole Lawal

Oluwole Lawal has reiterated the need for Nigerians to have comfortable places of residence in these pandemic ridden times.

A native of Ogun State, Wole is a Lagos born and bred real estate broker. As a real estate broker, Wole currently holds the position of manager at Seagle Properties, a company which has an extensive portfolio of luxury homes and apartments on the island and is owned by Mr Otunba Yemi Lawal.

In an interview, Wole expressed anxiety over the current situation which requires that people stay at home more and go out less.

He explained that “the only way we can see to the end of the spread of the coronavirus is by staying home as long as it is not necessary to move. But how can we stay home if our homes aren’t even conducive enough? Most Nigerians live in dilapidated structures and inhumane living conditions that make home hell and this shouldn’t be so”.

He urged Nigerians to begin to take their places of residence seriously and be intentional when renting, buying or furnishing their homes in order to make it good enough for human use.

“When your home is comfortable, you will barely find the need to go out or mingle. The government is doing what it can. Let’s do ours,” he adds.

March 15, 2020
Are condoms cheaper than diapers?

With Vera Chidi-maha

A junior colleague of mine, Bolaji Sikiru, though I call him BJ, once engaged me in a discussion. I wanted to know from him why men shy away from getting married. I wanted to know reasons why women seem to be more interested in settling down than the men.

Truth is when a man begins to date a woman and even professes undying love for her, as soon as the lady begins to want more; like asking him when he will come to ask for her hand in marriage, oftentimes, it almost puts a grinding halt to the relationship.

BJ’s response, completely threw me off balance; I was expecting him to say things like; Vera, it is for economic reasons that we shy away from marriage, or at least something better than what he told me, these were his exact words, “Vera I believe that condoms are far cheaper than pampers”.

He explained further, to me that it is cheaper to maintain a girlfriend than a wife! Readers, I need you to agree with me that this is criminally wrong. I was livid.

In fact, I am still livid; the reason is because men leave all the pushing, persuading, and convincing of getting married to us women. The ironical part of this is that, when we manage to get them to marry us, they begin to enjoy the marital bliss.

Their once upon a lonely house becomes a home. If you watch newly married men, you can tell they are at peace with themselves and the world. Some of them begin to gain weight, why won’t they; when there is always ready made hot and delicious meals waiting for them at home after a long day’s work.

They get home not house, and everywhere is all tidy and well kept. Who wouldn’t want that? Ironical isn’t it?

Ideally, women love security. We want commitment from the men; it makes us feel responsible and respectable; I do not see why an average man will continue to run away from tying the knots. Fortunately, these days’ women are more of assets to the men than liabilities.

These days, I days, I dare say that women are more supportive of their men, financially, morally, etc, just name it, and the woman is there for you. If you are paying for the wedding hall, the women are picking one bill or the other. Yet, the men are still afraid of commitment.

According to Matthew Fitzgerald, a relationship correspondent, “men love their freedom. For many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them springing for the hills, the dreaded “word” implies compromise, loss of independence, the sacrifice of sexual variety, and the looming spectre of financial devastation.

According project, a recent study showed that men today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married.

So, what can be the reason for this phenomenon? These are possible reasons why men are evasive when it comes to commitment. Men love their freedom – Men are extremely independent by nature.

They like to make their own rules and make their own decisions. Some men feel that getting married will ‘cage’ them. They feel they will lose their free lifestyles, like hanging out with the boys after work, having no need to explain anything about their movement to anyone especially women.

Some men shy away from getting married for fear of having to live with one sex partner forever, sadly but sincerely some men naturally crave sexual variety.

When a man commits to a woman in marriage, they believe they willingly volunteer to cut themselves off from any other sexual pursuits.

They believe sexual boredom can set in followed by a total lack of desire, this is so wrong. Truth is men can actually teach their women to be very sexually active. That way, there will be no room for boredom.

I am also aware that in many cases, men tend to have a fear of making the wrong decision. They fear marrying the wrong women. From the man’s perspective, imagine getting married to a woman you think you love but then a ‘better’ woman comes along. You end up kicking yourself for making the wrong decision and marrying too quickly.

Hey! Whoever told the menfolk that one woman is better than the other? Hmmm, I am just wondering, painfully too, there are some men who are not ready to have children. They believe there is no need to.

Since they are not ready for child, they don’t want to put themselves into a marriage that will supposedly bind them to one woman. If by accident, these categories of men get a girl pregnant, they simply move on and won’t have to be a real father to the child.

They either disappear altogether or give the money away to pay her off (or so they think) in order to stay away. Some men that are wealthy fear losing it to a bad marriage.

They fear that if they get divorced she could get everything and they don’t want that. A larger percentage of men that are not financially stable, sometimes tend to be afraid to go out on dates afraid they wouldn’t be able to afford a nice lunch.

Even if he is able to pick a fair lunch bills, he still feels the responsibility that comes with raising a family.

The summary is this: men tend to chicken out from the idea of marriage. There are many men that do like the idea of marriage and the idea of raising a family; but many men today are simply afraid of divorce, some grew up in a generation that had known divorce than any other which is why they prefer to make sure that they are making the right decision.

March 14, 2020
Why relationships fail
With Rois Ola

GOING into a relationship is easy. You meet someone, you two get to know each other, fall in love, then commit to special partnership wherein your lives become intertwined with each other.

However, while choosing to be committed to someone can be done in a jiffy, maintaining it is an entirely different matter.

As you can see, keeping a relationship alive requires hard work, determination and inspiration. It’s more than simply staying attracted or feeling the spark between you and your partner because you have made a promise to each other – the promise to explore life and its atrocities together.

But why do a lot of relationships easily fail these days? This is a common question we’ve all been asking, given that relationships come and go as quickly than you expected.

Of course, we all yearn to achieve that thing called “forever” with our partner, and the first step to achieve that is by knowing the key reasons most relationships fail.

So, what are these top reasons that can turn your relationship into another break-up story?
1. Having too much of each other
Let this article give you a refresher. Back in the early days of your relationship, you and your special someone just can’t have enough of each other, right? You go out and watch a movie, talk to each other for hours on the phone, text and chat, take a myriad of couple selfies, and dream of things wild and grand like you’re going to conquer the world together.

And there were also times when you two are happy to just cuddle up in each other’s arms and spend the rest of the day doing just that.

However, there are also days when you feel like you’re having too much of each other, to the point that you become heavily dependent on each other’s approval in order to make even the littlest of decisions, or seeing each other’s faces in just about everywhere.

This is when the relationship becomes unhealthy, as its concept starts to consume both you and your partner. As a result, either one of you begins to find reasons not to stick together by spending time with friends, focusing on other activities, or worse, meeting new people.

You can actually prevent this from taking place, though. And to do this, you two should come to realize the true value of respecting each other’s individualities.

It is because even if you chose to be together, you are still both living individual, separate lives. You should then acknowledge that your partner has his or her own life too-own set of friends, own family members, own beliefs, and own aspirations.

At the same time, you should realize that you have your own life to live too, and not just the relationship. By having this established on both each other’s understanding, the lower is the risk of your relationship going kaput, simply because you give each other respect.
1. You two don’t communicate
When two people are in love, they do their best to protect each other. And sometimes, they hide some bitter truths just to keep each other from getting hurt. And you know what, hiding things-or more like, not communicating, is a key reason most relationships fail.

Not communicating doesn’t simply refer to not talking to each other. It is more about not being honest with what you want to say.

Yes, it is difficult to tell your partner the truth, especially when you know that it would hurt him or her. But wouldn’t it be better if you are honest instead of sugarcoating the issues you know you two need to resolve? After all, the truth always sets you free from emotional baggage which your relationship doesn’t deserve.
1. You’re not listening
Communicating also refers to listening to each other’s thoughts without being opinionated. Sometimes, your significant other just wants you to listen to what he or she is saying, without the need of speaking out your own take on things.

Listening requires patience, as you may not agree with your partner’s viewpoints all the time. You must understand that venting is a way for some people to set their emotions aside in order to accommodate sound reason and come up with a good decision. So yes, it is a must that you are able to listen, as this is an essential way to maintain healthy and lasting relationship.
1. You’re not meeting each other’s expectations
You entered into a relationship with your partner because you both wanted to. It’s a choice. But have you thought about what you want to do with your relationship now that you’re in it?

Your partner may be thinking about going on long-term, while you’re just enjoying the moment. You may be looking forward to getting married and having kids in the next five years, but your partner wants to invest on making memories together first as a couple.

Most of the time however, you are expecting more from your partner, and when they come with less, you feel angry and frustrated.

You know this shouldn’t be the case, and perhaps it’s time to think about why you entered this relationship. By agreeing to be together, you also accept your partner’s capacities and limitations, regardless of how these do not meet your aspirations. It’s because that’s what you have loved about that person in the first place, the main reason you committed to being in a relationship.

Commitment is a two-way street. You give and take, and so does your partner. You can’t always expect to receive, nor be always the one to give, and vice versa. But if there’s one thing you both can do, it’s to be each other’s inspiration to dream, believe, and survive whatever obstacle that will come your way.
1. You tend to count whenever an argument arises
There are people who are so obsessed with being in a relationship, they only focus on the perks they get from it. These may include superficial things such as couple shots, wearing couple shirts, celebrating “monthsaries,” or to efforts such as having someone to run errands on their behalf.

And yes, whenever they get into an argument, they tend to count the littlest things they have done for each other, just to prove on who exerted the most to make the relationship work.

Needless to say, this is a major no-no in any relationship. Regardless of the weight of the argument, there’s no reason for you to aggravate the situation by listing down what you’ve done because it won’t in any way help resolve the main issue. Rather, you may want to focus on how to fix the problem together, and move forward together.
1. You evade the real issue
Another solid reason relationships fail is when either of you starts avoiding real problems. Instead of sitting down and talking about them until you’ve come up with a solution, you opt for a quick fix.

For example, your girlfriend is starting to ask about long-term plans like marriage, but you feel like you’re not ready for it yet. But rather than confronting her about your feelings on the subject, you look for diversions, such as treating her out or giving a present, just for her to forget about it.

But you see, this topic will be brought up again and again in the future, and unless you don’t have resolve for it, its impact will only grow worse and may damage your relationship.
1. You are not supportive of each other’s individual goals
Admit it: you do not agree with most of your partner’s life choices. These include fashion preferences, dream jobs, and even places to live in, as well as other heavier decisions. But since you two are in a relationship, you may want to adjust and start supporting each other’s individual goals.

Being supportive means you are giving maximum tolerance on your partner’s decisions and not getting in his or her way to achieve the goal. You can’t always have things only your way since your partner has a life to live too. You may not know it, but his or her decisions are for your benefit in the long run.
1. You want to be the centre of your partner’s attention
There are times when you easily get jealous of the other things your partner puts attention too. This doesn’t necessarily pertain to a possible third party, but more like on his or her hobbies, choosing to spend time with friends, and even dedicating more time on work and other obligations outside your relationship.

If you easily get annoyed by these, you better make some adjustments. Keep in mind that your partner has his or her own life to live too, and so do you. Feeling paranoid whenever these things arise means that you’re not only insecure, but also self-centered, and that you don’t want your relationship to prosper.
1. It’s so hard for you to give full trust
Do you easily get angry when your partner doesn’t come home on time? Do you feel betrayed when he or she goes out with friends without telling you first, or if they jump into impulsive decisions without asking for your opinion? If you often feel this way, then it’s a sign that you are having trust issues with your partner.

You may want to sit down and talk this out together. It doesn’t really hurt to tell him or her your take on the issue, and why you are having trust issues. While he or she may not accept this initially, it is important that you convey your message and have them understand your side. If your partner truly loves you, he or she will be more than happy to help you in building a foundation of trust.
1. You tend to forget about your limits
There are certain limitations when you are in a relationship. Of course, you already have a shared yet exclusive space with your partner, and you two have to respect not only each other’s individualities, but also your shared commitment.

When in a relationship, it is important that you know until when you can entertain people who express that they want more than just friendship. Yes, it’s time to stay away from people who flirt with you, and so should your partner. Sure, there are instances when you just have to be cordial with them, but to avoid suspicion and unnecessary fits of jealousy, better distance yourself from these people as early as possible.

No relationship ever sails smoothly. Of course, you encounter problems, and all you have to do is resolve these together by means of love, respect, honesty, acceptance, and faith in each other. By keeping these in mind and in heart, it’s only a matter of time before you and your partner finally find the road to forever. I wish you all the best
March 14, 2020
Behold celebs who have been married more than once

Kehinde OLULEYE

GETTING married the second time is not always easy, especially when the first breakup happens in the public eye. Celeb divorces and re-marriage have a way of dominating headlines for days or months and years, feeding Nigeria’s thriving gossip mill. None of these favourite showbiz persons planned for breakups, divorces and re-marriage but things happen and life has to go on. Some, however, have to remarry because death took either of the spouses away.

So, it’s no secret that Stella Damasus, Funke Akindele, Richard Mofe-Damijo, Foluke Daramola,Clarion Chukwura, Mercy Aigbe, Shan Goerge, Segun Arinze, Stephanie Okereke, Monalisa Chinda, Regina Askia, Toyin Abraham, Femi Adebayo and Kenneth Okonkwo have been married more than once.

But this is no crime. Some of these Nollywood favourites didn’t plan to be married more than once. It just happened and the beat goes on. Over time, these movie stars have made such a good job of parenting and their careers that they are now seen as sources of inspiration by thousands.

However, whether it was a simple friendly breakup or a messy parting of ways, these Nollywood notables have found a formula for keeping things together after re-marrying. Some of them are still as hot as fire. And today, they are still at it and waxing stronger than ever.

Here are some famous Nollywood celebs who have been married more than once.

Stella Damasus

Nigerian US- based Nollywood actress, Stella Damasus, is at present involved with Nollywood producer & director, Daniel Ademinokan. Stella got married to her first husband, Jaiye Aboderin, in 1999 for whom she had two daughters before Jaiye’s sudden death in 2004. Damasus re-married in 2007 to Emeka Nzeribe, but the marriage lasted for just seven months. And in 2011, she became romantically linked to Nollywood producer and director, Daniel Ademinokan.

Funke Akindele

Nollywood actress, Funke Akindele-Bello, popularly known as ‘Jenifa’, is one of the most loved stars. Funke was married before but went through a messy breakup and divorce. In May 2012, Funke married Adeola Kehinde Oloyede. Barely a year after they wedded, the marriage crashed and the couple divorced in July 2013.And in May 2016, Funke got married to London-based Nigerian rapper, Abdul Rasheed Bello, popularly known as JJC Skillz, in London. The couple is blessed with twins.

Richard Mofe-Damijo

Handsome Nollywood thespian, Richard Mofe-Damijo (RMD), tied the knot with former TV personality,Jumobi (Nee Adegbesan) on the December 29, 2000. Mofe-Damijo was earlier married to Nigerian journalist and publisher, late May Ellen-Ezekiel (MEE).But she died in 1996.

Foluke Daramola

Nollywood actress, Foluke Daramola, has been married once before her current husband,Kayode Salako. She was married to Babatunde Sobowale in 2005 but the union ended in 2008 after two children, on allegations of wife battering and infidelity.

Clarion Chukwura

Nollywood actress, Clarion Chukwura, once had a relationship with Afro Juju legend, Sir Shina Peters, which produced a son, Clarence Peters in the 80s.

She later got married to her first husband, Mr Tunde Abiola and ended the marriage in 2003. After her divorce from late Tunde Abiola, the actress went on to marry another man, Femi Oduneye, popularly known as Femi Egyptian on February 14, 2004. The marriage collapsed after a while. Clarion tied the knot with the present husband, Anthony Boyd, an American in 2016.

Mercy Aigbe

Nollywood actress and director, Mercy Aigbe, married her first husband when she was young and they had a daughter before divorcing. Mercy married her second husband, Nigerian hotelier, Lanre Gentry, youin 2013 with whom she had a son. In 2017, she shared photos of herself after allegedly being assaulted by her husband. She consequently separated from her husband due to claims of domestic violence.

Shan George

Nollywood actress, singer, film producer and director, Shan George, first got married in 1985, when she was just 16 years old. She had two sons for her first husband, but the union ended four years later.

She later encountered and married Anthony Nwosisi. This marriage too did not last. Shan went on to marry her third husband, Momoh Osigwe, and it didn’t work; she later became Mrs Jaiyeola at a stage.

Segun Arinze

Famous Nollywoood actor, producer, director and TV personality, SegunArinze, was once married to popular “Domitilla” actress, Ann Njemanze, but the marriage crashed two years later due to what they termed “irreconcilable differences” on both sides. Segun got married to his second wife, Julie, in 2008 and they are still happily living together.

Stephanie Okereke

The Nollywood star, Stephanine Okereke, was once married to ex- Super Eagles player, Chikelue Iloanusi, in Lagos on August 31, 2004 but the union did not work out. Okereke moved out of her matrimonial home on January 14, 2007. She went on to marry Linus Idahosa in 2012 in Paris, France.

Monalisa Chinda

Monalisa tied the knot with her first husband, Dejo Richards, the Question Mark label boss, and it ended in 2019 over allegations of domestic violence and abuse. The union produced a daughter. On February 20, 2016, Monalisa wedded her second husband, Victor Tonye Coker.

Regina Askia-Williams

Beautiful ex-beauty queen and actress-turned-nurse was once married to Charles Orie, but she later moved on and married an American man, Rudolph ‘Rudy’ Williams, nephew of Ron Everette and grandson of Fess Williams, in Lagos.

Toyin Abraham

Nollywood actress, Toyin Abraham, was briefly married to her first husband, Nollywood actor, Adeniyi Johnson, in 2013 but the marriage lasted barely a year. Interestingly, the duo have moved on with their lives as Toyin Abraham is now engaged to Kolawole Ajeyemi, also an actor, and the couple recently welcomed a baby boy.

Femi Adebayo

The prolific film maker, Femi Adebayo, married his second wife, Omotayo Maimunat, on October 9, 2016 and the couple have been blessed with a son. Femi and his first wife, Khadijat,got separated after eight years of marriage.

Kenneth Okonkwo

Kenneth Okonkwo’s first marriage was to Ogechi Ezekiel. She’s the daughter of Pastor Ezekiel,the General Overseer of Christian Pentecostal Mission International. The marriage took place in 2000. They lived together for two years and got divorced in 2002. He got married some years later to his current wife, Ifeoma Okonkwo.

March 14, 2020
Gender equality by 2030: dream or reality?

The United Nations (UN) has expressed its fears that comprehensive gender equality may be unachievable in the next ten decades, despite being one of the internationally-recognised Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) which must be attained by 2030. OWOLABI OYEBOLA examines how plausible this is for Nigeria to achieve.

A United Nations (UN) report laments that legal restrictions have kept 2.7 billion women from accessing the same choice of jobs as men; less than 25 per cent of parliamentarians were women as at last year; one in three women still experience gender-based violence; women earn 23 per cent less than men globally; women occupy only 24 per cent of parliamentary seats worldwide; one in three experiences physical or sexual violence and 200 million of girls/women have suffered genital mutilation.

Aside these, the report added, not a single country can claim to have achieved gender equality as multiple obstacles remain unchanged in law and in culture. It said women and girls continue to be undervalued; they work more and earn less and have fewer choices. They experience multiple forms of violence at home and in public spaces.

In her statement to mark the 2020 International Women’s Day, Executive Director of the UN Women Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka said: “2020 is a massive year for gender equality; and the benefits of gender equality are not just for women and girls, but for everyone whose lives will be changed by a fairer world that leaves no one behind. We don’t have an equal world at the moment and women are angry and concerned about the future.

“We do have some positive changes to celebrate – there has been a 38 per cent drop in the ratio of maternal deaths since 2000; 131 countries have made legal reforms to support gender equality and address discrimination – and though there has been progress, no country has achieved gender equality. Our best hasn’t been good enough. Challenges remain for all countries, although many of them are not insurmountable.”

One of the many injustices women battle daily occur at work. Such is the situation in Nigeria which does not boast many women Chief Judges. Justice Akon Ikpeme would have added to the number, but the Cross River State House of Assembly denied her the opportunity.

The House refused to confirm her nomination because she hails from Akwa Ibom. To the lawmakers, Justice Ikpeme would not be fair in deciding cases (if they arise) between Akwa Ibom and Cross River State.

Mrs. Funmi Falana, a lawyer, laments that Nigeria lags behind when it comes to enforcing women’s rights.

She said: “Women in Nigeria have been marginalised. Nigeria is far away from attaining equality for women at work, politics, home and so on. We call on Nigerians to remember that the law recognises that all humankind shall be equal before the law, and so every opportunity given to a man must also be accorded to a woman. Women should be given more prominence in politics, appointments, places of decision and policy making in the country.”

Mrs. Falana also condemned the Cross River State House of Assembly for not confirming Justice Ikpeme, describing the action as ‘discriminatory’.

She said: “We have been campaigning against discrimination of women. Justice Ikpeme has served in Cross River State all her life. Nobody remembered she was not from there, but when the time came for her to be confirmed as Chief Judge, they remembered she is not from Cross River State. It is discriminatory and against the interest and purpose of the constitution of Nigeria and all international conventions.

“A woman has the right to hold appointment in her husband’s state expressly. Section 42 of the Constitution provides that nobody shall be discriminated against on the basis of where he or she comes from, sex or race. Justice Ikpeme had served all her life in Cross River State. How suddenly will the lawmakers now remember she is not from there? It is discriminatory and we condemn it.

“I urge the state to confirm her as not doing so will be discriminatory, unlawful and illegal.

Mrs. Marian Jones, also a lawyer said it is not forbidden for women to inter-marry. She insisted that the constitution does not forbid it and so it is wrong for Justice Ikpeme to be denied the position of Chief Judge of Cross River State. Mrs. Jones is from Delta State but married to an Akwa Ibom man.

She said: “It is not written anywhere in the constitution that women should not inter-marry. Denying Justice Ikpeme her position based on her not being indigenous to Cross River State is discriminatory.

“Her right as a woman has been breached; her right to aspire to the height of her profession has been breached. Professionally, seniority in the bar determines who ascends the throne, and that has been breached because her junior has been promoted as her leader which is a sad situation.

“Married women have been discriminated against in Nigeria and this needs to change. The government should address the issue. The constitution should be amended to remove these salient issues that limit women. It is a painful situation. The governor, as a lawyer, should know better. Women have been relegated to the background in a lot of things; companies do not favour women directors. It is time to enforce the rights of Nigerians, especially women, and not take them away. Nigeria has not gotten there but we are fighting that one day women equality will be attained.

Prof. Ngozi Osarenren was Commissioner for Education in Edo State. It, however, took extra efforts for her to attain the height and perform. She is from Abia State but married to an Edo man.

She said: “Nigeria is a joke. Women are still being arrested for their dressing in this 2020. It’s annoying, and the disturbing aspect is that women are sometimes at the vanguard of humiliating and maltreating their fellow women.

“When I was Commissioner for Education in Edo State, some of my policies did not go down well with the indigenes. It was like I had come to shake the table. Then Speaker of the House of Assembly, Zakawanu Garuba, openly called me a stranger during a plenary; cameras were there and a lot of people. As at then I had been married for over 20 years.

“If Nigeria must meet the development goals, favouritism and sectionalism must die. Nigeria might meet those goals on paper, but meeting them in reality is still a long dream. Even when we sign some international documents and conventions do we domicile them?

“These conventions need to be domesticated for them to make meaningful impact. Conventions that Nigeria is a signatory to should be domesticated but we hardly do that and it’s unfortunate.

“Not confirming Justice Ikpeme is all politics and it’s unfortunate that because of politics, we don’t want to do the right thing. If her father is from Akwa Ibom, her mother and husband are from Cross River. What then is the problem? For her to be considered Acting Chief Judge means she is the most senior on the bench. It also means she has spent so many years in the Cross River State judiciary, why didn’t they remember all along that she is not from the state?

“When you don’t want to say the truth, you hide under the umbrella of politics. This is politics and no one knows what they had agreed to trade for her confirmation. I don’t believe in giving me special treatment because I am a woman. Treat me because you think I have the qualities that you need and I happen to be a woman.”

The United Nations (UN) described year 2020 as representing a great opportunity to mobilise global action to achieve gender equality and human rights of all women and girls.

March 11, 2020
Girls, contentment and endurance can give you the world!
By Temilolu Okeowo

Dear Aunty Temilolu, I love reading your articles from the beginning to the end no matter how long it is. I must say your write-ups changed my thinking and way of life. I’m now born-again and don’t care what the world thinks about me! Even if all the guys out there reject me for refusing to engage in sexual immorality with them, I’m most satisfied with the love of God! Thanks so much for shaping my life. May God reward and strengthen you to write more!

Khadijah

My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

Times have been hard for so many since the beginning of time, however, there’s no time in history when moral values was ignored even by a good number of parents and caution thrown to the wind as this age! Many parents have not raised their children well in this regard.

Isn’t it rather appalling to find an expensive phone with a girl whose parents can barely afford to pay her school fees? Or find her wearing the trendiest of clothes to lectures? Fathers may not know the clothing items their daughters have, however an average mother knows her daughter’s wardrobe/what she bought her.

Yet you find so many girls going home with clothes their parents never bought them and their mothers aren’t bothered to question them! There are so many young ladies on campus whose parents have never bought a car yet they have cars gifted to them by boyfriends.

And with the latest set of role models this generation of girls has, your thirst for material things/luxury has risen to a disturbing level such that most girls would rather concentrate on looking fabulous and sexy to attract and date rich guys/men than concentrate on their education/self-development!

If you ask me- there’s serious fire on the mountain! And if you carry these flamboyant life-style in your head and allow it consume your soul and make you join the band wagon of so-called “happening babes” when your parents can barely afford to pay your school fees and even feed you and your siblings, believe me, the stupid, bad devil would not only make you do things that would mess you up and divert your glorious destiny; you may not end up well!

Yes! I know some women who were really “happening” in their early 20’s, flying first class flights all over the world, painting the town red with latest designer wears and brand new Mercedes Benz cars who are now penniless in their 50’s! It appears their potentials to make money and be self-reliant disappeared! Besides, do you even know the type of star you carry and what it would take to manifest?

We are at an age where girls below 16 readily sleep with guys for a paltry sum of N500 because most of them don’t know any better!

A lot of parents are terribly submerged in their economic hardship such that they can’t be bothered to look after their offspring who should be their compensation and goldmine in future.

Yet they allow them rot – yes, these girls rot away while they should be making the most of their virtues, vivid imagination, super innate skills and potentials to chart a course that will give them all the money in the world in future!

Unfortunately, a lot of you can’t endure hardship because you don’t have enough conviction from your parents/closest relatives while too many of you are suffocated by the glamour on social media and pressured by your peers who are running after wealth that could avail them the good things of life sleeping around with all sorts of men, exposing their destinies to a demonic invasion that will ensure they never live out the glorious life they are entitled to.

How sad! Girls…girls…girls, when I tell you contentment and endurance can give you the world, I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! You will have a change of mindset at the end of this series! Please share this article and don’t miss next Sunday’s! Before then, may God open your eyes to see your wondrous future!
- To be continued!
I invite you to follow me on Facebook – TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.
March 8, 2020
Finding your soulmate
Rois Ola

SO many times, men and women have a had tough time trying to figure out who their soulmate is or if they will ever find one. SOME DO, SOME DON’T. Quite sad, but it is not enough reason not to live your life. You know you’ve found your soulmate when they come into your life and everything changes for the better.

When you do find your soulmate, you will feel one hundred per cent certainty that you want to be with them and that it’s going to last forever. When you’re in their embrace you honestly feel like you could stay there forever. One look at their face and any sadness you might have felt that day is wiped away instantly. You could kiss them a million times a day and still want more. They have a scent you can’t get enough of. It’s the scent of home and it smells so sweet. You can feel an almost electric connection through their hands when they interlace with yours.

Your soulmate will make you feel loved the way you have always felt you deserved to be loved. Their love will be exactly as deep as yours. It will be real, unconditional, balanced. You will finally sincerely understand that true love really does exist.

They might not be what you expected or what you thought you were looking for but they will be everything you never knew you needed. They will far surpass your vision of a perfect partner.

They will have as adventurous of a spirit as you do. They will be ready and willing to take on life with you. They’ll be down to do anything if it means seeing you smile. If you’re lucky, they’ll even do something crazy like quit their job to travel the country with you for an indefinite period of time.

Your soulmate will be exactly like you in so many ways. They’ll share those weird quirks you never thought you would share with someone. You will share the same ideas about what’s important in life. At the same time, you will be different from each other in a way that will bring balance to your lives. You’ll build each other up. They will love and embrace all the things that make you insecure. They’ll always know how to make you laugh.

You’ll feel more comfortable with this person than any person you’ve ever met. You can be one hundred percent your authentic self with this person. Your wall will come down easily. They’ll make sure of that. They will see and unconditionally love the real you. They won’t care about your social media persona or any image that’s been built. You won’t need to hide anything from this person. This will feel better than you can imagine.

Your soulmate will always put you first, even when it doesn’t benefit them. They’ll trade beers with you if you don’t like the one you ordered. When you decide on the same meal at a restaurant and they have a weird thing about not ordering the same food as anyone else at the table, they’ll let you get it. They’ll share their fries when you’ve finished your own in record time.

They will know you so well. They can tell exactly how you’re feeling just by looking at you, and not just because you have a wildly expressive face. They can always order for you if you’re going to be late. They’ll remember the things you say and the things you like because they genuinely care.

When you’re passed out early because you can’t hang, you’ll always wake up to a glass of water next to you. When they go into the store, they don’t have to ask what you want and they’ll come back out

Signs showing You may have found Your Soulmate
1. You’ve split up — often unpredictably and unexpectedly. Soulmates rarely experience “happily ever after” right away, despite what media and culture tell us. Often the meeting is too intense to absorb immediately, and you have to separate for a while. You find your way back though.
2. They’ve changed you for the better. The people who we are affected by the most are the ones who have changed us just by their presence in our lives overhauling everything we thought we knew and wanted. It’s not a bad thing, this is supposed to happen, usually.
3. You recognize a family member in them. This sounds strange, but in my best friends and romantic partners, I can always tell they’re going to be someone to me upon first meeting because they instantly remind me of my mom or dad or sibling — not in a creepy way, in a passing, “oh, that’s funny…” kind of way.
4. You may not have “just known” they were the one the moment you saw them, but in retrospect, you realize you did. There’s a lot of overwhelming pressure to be absolutely certain that someone is meant for you forever and ever and ever so much so that while you’re still getting to know them, and maybe can’t even decipher that much, you end up misjudging because you think you need a verdict. All in all though, you look back and realize yeah — they’re it.
5. Your worst self has come out with them, and to only them. The truest soulmates are a direct reflection of you — so they inevitably show you everything that is unhealed.
6. You recognize each other almost as though you’ve known each other before. Because you most likely have.
7. Uncanny connections between major dates (such as your births, your meeting, etc.) You were born exactly 9 months apart, you met on your brother’s birthday… there tends to be some weird synchronicity surrounding dates upon your meeting a soulmate.
8. You’ve had weird, cryptic dreams about each other prior to meeting, even if you couldn’t identify an exact face or person.
9. Or at least you’ve had an inner, gut knowing that they were coming. From a young age you were only really concerned with finding that “one person for you.” You weren’t interested in dating around like your peers, you just wanted to find that one and call it a day.
10. You met while you were young, and reunited when you were older either in actual years or just spiritual and mental maturity.
11. You recognize something when you look in their eyes and it’s basically undefinable but you don’t see it in anybody else.
12. You feel what they feel, even if you aren’t naturally empathetic. You know when something’s not right, physically or otherwise. You can sense what they’re thinking and feeling without them even indicating anything to you.
13. It’s more than just a feeling. Meeting them made you realize that romantic love — especially between soulmates — is so much more than just a fleeting, physical feeling. It’s really more of an inner, gut knowing that permeates your whole relationship, even when (and maybe especially when) you’re apart.
14. You have an intense chemistry unlike you’ve ever experienced. You’re more compelled by them than anything else, and you never went through the phases of being interested in each other, going out, etc. you just kind of were together, as though you had never been apart.
15. They’re your “home.” You realize that “home” is the person or place you always want to return to, and they’re it for you.
16. Despite everything, you realize that it could be no other way — the choice has already been made. You may love other people in life. You could theoretically spend your life happily with a thousand other people, but you know you’re not supposed to. In this sense, it’s never a matter of forcing the relationship to work, but just letting it unfold as you know, even without physical evidence, it’s supposed to.
Having successful relationships has no particular rule, because what works for one person may not work for another. In all the aim is to keep the faith, do all you can, keep love and Hope alive and leave your life for YOU.I wish you all the best.
March 7, 2020
Are all men potential rapists?

Vera Chidi-Maha

NO doubt in my mind we all know that rape is the crime of forcing someone to have sex, especially by using violence. Incredibly, the act of rape from a man to a woman is steadily on the increase, research has shown. It is not only a Nigerian thing but a global phenomenon. The British crime survey estimates that 47,000 rapes occur each year yet sadly, the numbers continue to rise. Back home here in Nigeria, the statistics might not be so accurate. The reason is not farfetched; in this part of the world, the society attaches stigma to a lady who is bold enough to go to court and report a case of rape. Though I am open for correction, but the worst part of the scenario is that some of our men folk often puts the whole blame on women.

Okay, take this:

Act One, Scene One

A man asks a lady out for a drink or two, she turns him down. He becomes persistent, she finally says “yes’ why not”? He takes her out; he asks her out again on a lunch date; she says to herself;” oh, he’s so sweet; and again why not a harmless lunch date. So they do lunch. Then he goes further, calls her up yet again, asks her out on a dinner date; she thinks to herself: “What’s a harmless dinner date; with this “ gentleman” “after all, he’s been so patient and sweet; then she does a dinner date with him. On her way home; he gets her a cab and gives her a few thousand s of naira for her “recharge card”.

Act One, Scene Two

He thinks to himself (believe me, this is the thought of the typical average “Nigerian man”) ah; I have spent a lot on this babe, it is payback time! I have invested; it is time for me to reap from my investment. So he calls her up again and offers an encore of a lunch date. She thinks to herself, “this guy appears sweet and nice, but he is not really my type’ so, she turns him down. He sends her ceaseless and countless text messages professing his undying love for her. He meets a brickwall. He intensifies his effort; he vows to himself; I will not lose this babe, I must not lose this babe. (we all know his motive is certainly not love, it is not even obsession for her, it is simply that rejection of his overture will not be acceptable to him; not after spending…) so, he continues to woo her; sends her flowers and teddy bears. Her resistance begins to gradually crumble; and then she thinks to herself (this thought process is also typical of some average Nigerian ladies) “this guy has tried; I feel sorry for him, I don’t see why I can’t be friends with him on a platonic level.

Act One, Scene Three

He attempts again to ask her out on a dinner date; this time around he becomes more daring though in a subtle manner; he offers to cook her dinner at his apartment. “I have never cooked for a woman before” he says. So, after a brief thought; she feels; oh, he is so sweet and generous; I am sure a harmless dinner cannot go wrong. “so, she gets dressed up, arms herself with the address he sent to her in box and found her way to his doorstep, then presses the doorbell. He opens up the door, obviously delighted that tonight; will be the night that he takes his long awaited… (Please, readers do fill in the blanks). He ushers her in, the room is cozy, everything is in place, the light is dim and romantic; there was candle light on the table, soft music was coming from another corner of the room. He makes her comfortable; offers her a glass of red wine; while she is sipping, he dashes to the kitchen, gets the dinner ready. They have dinner; “Hmmm, this is really nice, she complements; and things for a couple of minutes goes as planned. After dinner, she offers to help with the dishes, he politely turns her down; deep down he is thinking “don’t worry, we are going on to bigger and better things”.

He comes out from the kitchen, sits right next to her on the comfortable sofa. His sitting position becomes a little uncomfortable for her, so she moves slightly away; he moves closer, she moves further away, at his third attempt to move closer again she suddenly gets up and announces she is leaving. “Thank you very much, she says, I have had a wonderful time; you are indeed a fine cook; but I would like to take my leave now”. He says to her, “why would you want to leave now; the night is still young. At her insistence on leaving, he surprisingly drops his gentleman act; and forces her back to the sofa; she attempts to get up; she can’t because he is too strong for her, he forces a kiss on her lips; she moves her hands behind her. At this point she knows, this is the right time to panic. she manages to say “no” “no” to him, “no” means “yes” . He continues to fondle her; his hands and mouth begins to go everywhere, her clothes are up, she is scared, she tries to scream but all she could mutter is a quiet “no” she knows he is much stronger than she is ; he reaches for her pants, she struggles, he gets angrier and more aggressive by the minutes, he tears her underpants…hot tears streams down her face, this is a nightmare she thinks. She prays, to wake up. He forcibly enters her deeper and deeper. It hurts her, she stops struggling knowing that this was a lost battle. It was a long agonizing and worst moment of her life. He gets up, tells her to clean herself up and leave! To him, the monstrous mission is accomplished. She gets into the still quiet night to the comfort of her apartment. She takes her bath, still feeling pains all over her body; she quietly climbs into her warm, waiting bed and cries herself to sleep. Days after the rape incident, she has refused to sue him, for fear of being stigmatized by the public and society at large. She still lives with the bitter experience till date. This is not the first evidence I have that suggests that rape might be a crime of opportunity as much as of impulse. According to research; back in the 1970’s and early 80’s, a number of highly controversial psychological projects sprang up at colleges in the United State, analysing male attitudes to rape. Half of a group of high school males, for instance, said they believed it is acceptable “for a guy to hold a girl down and force her to have sexual intercourse “if he found her sexually attractive. In a survey of 7,000 men, conducted by shere Hite, 46 per cent responded in the affirmative to the question, “Have you ever wanted to rape a woman”

Arguably, the most distressing statistics came from a study conducted at the University of California in 1980. A group of men was read a story in which a woman politely refuses a man’s offer of a lift home. Enraged by this perceived rejection, the man holds a knife to her throat and proceeds to full intercourse, the victim protesting wildly throughout the attack. Asked whether they might behave similarly, 17 per cent of respondents said yes, while 51 per cent agreed there was some likelihood that they would but only if they could be sure they would get away with it. The results of this study and many others like it, is enough to make us ponder on our view on rape, even in this part of the world.

What is both interesting and shocking is that the act of rape is not limited to single or people that are not officially a couple. I have recently been told in person that rape is even present in some marriages! Yes, it’s true.

Act Two, Scene One

Bolaji and Theresa have been married for eight years. They love each other they have kids and live in a dream home. Theirs is what one would call the ideal home and the ideal family. That is when you look at them from the outside.

The problem is, things are not always what they seem. Unknown to many, their marriage has been sexless for over eight months.

Act Two, Scene Two

Theresa for over eight months has been punishing Bolaji, her husband of eight years for cheating on her with their maid. Through the eight month Bolaji will plead almost every night for sex, while the wife will turn the other way, and all were always in place. Then one night, Bolaji could not take it anymore; he had done all he could to get his wife to forgive him. He decided enough was enough. Before they had these issues; they were always inseparable, in bed. This fateful night, Bolaji at first attempted to plead to his wife for sex, as she prepare to turn him down again, he did the worst. He forced himself on her, tore her underpants and the rest they say is… yes, history.

The good news is this, change is possible. There are a million and one way, to win us without using force. You know women need to be pampered, and loved. No matter how bad or resistant we might be; please remain yourself. Do not allow any woman bring out the worst in you, or turn you to a rapist. Good luck.

March 7, 2020
Ways to appreciate your children
Our Reporter

APPRECIATING your children. It’s father’s day again over here in the UK and I received a fantastic gift from my two boys. It was a speaker set for my iPod Nano. I love it and it was bought from my sons own money which makes it all the more special as they were willing to spend their own money to get this.

Whilst being given gifts is not a pre-requisite to appreciating your children, it does help their case. Seriously, I often stop to appreciate my boys but I feel I don’t do it enough.

I think about ways of being a better father all the time and think of ways to show my appreciation. I think most children want a bit of our time and attention and to be loved. If they have this then they will, on the whole, be happy. Obviously events will come up in their lives which will make them unhappy but as long as we are there to pick up the pieces then their suffering should be lessened.

When I talk about children I am talking about 0 ““ 16 years of age. After this it’s time for children to take responsibility. It’s important they know they are still very much supported but to a lesser degree, it’s called tough love at times.

If I were to give 5 tips in appreciating your children more it would be:

Reward them for the good and punish gently for the bad. This is basic psychology but I am constantly surprised how often people don’t get this. The trick is being consistent and they will always know right from wrong. A reward is not necessarily monetary, a huge smile and an appreciative talk can do wonders for their self esteem.

Show them love often, every single day I tell my boys I love them, every single day I wake them up with a hug and a kiss on the head. There will come a time when they won’t want you doing this so make the most of it. It’s this kind of love which gives them the confidence to go out into the world knowing they are loved and knowing you will catch should they fall.

Make time for them when you can. There is a balance between working hard to give them a better life and spending time with them which they crave. I think a lot of people hide behind “˜working all the hours to give them a better future’. Kids live in the here and now; it’s only adults who live in the future.

I believe all children want a little discipline in their lives, however much they moan about it. Discipline shows our children how much we care for them, they may not know it now but believe me in 10-20 years time it will hit them. I can’t believe what I put my mum and dad through and it’s only when I really grew up did I realise what they did for me.

When you’ve shouted at them after them maddening you for the last 3 hours, stop to remember that you were once a child, and then start shouting at them again, a little less loudly than before.
- Source:https://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk
March 7, 2020