The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • Does a woman really mean yes, when she says ‘no’?

    Vera Chidi-Maha

     

    IT was late M.K.O Abiola who once said, ‘Whenever a woman says ‘no’ she says maybe she mean ‘ yes’.

    Funmi and Bode enjoyed a blissful relationship. They were seen and known as a couple in their place of employment. People had come to accept them as one. They appeared to be so much in love and were so inseparable. It come as a shock to everyone at ZP Investments when Funmi suddenly slammed bode with a law suit, sueing for rape.

    The colleagues, bosses and even the security men were dumb founded. What is going on here, what is this world turning into could Funmi be in her right frame of mind? Perhaps she caught him with another lady? The questions kept joggling in everybody’s mind.

    Never in the five years of the operation of ZP Investments, have they witnessed such a scandal. Yes they have heard of rape accusations before, but not for a regular, known couple? It just did not make sense. Throughout this period, neither Funmi nor Bode said a word to anybody. Management could not even contemplate laying them off or placing them on suspension. They were the most hardworking staff they had and since it was not a case of fraud, they were simply helpless as to what to do.

    The day of the hearing finally came, as can be imagined, the court was filled to capacity. In fact some had to sit outside but they all were anxious to know what this was all about. When Funmi was called to the stand, all she should mutter between heavy sobs was that Bode raped her. When it finally came to Bode’s turn, he looked so emaciated and withdrawn. The scandal seemed to have taken its toll on him.

    During Funmi’s lawyer cross examination of him, he told the court what happened. They had both enjoyed a solid relationship for over three years, which was no news, it however became news when he said, the affair all along had been platonic. Everybody in court was like he had got to be kidding! ‘Ha’, they all thought, is this possible in Nigeria?

    Anyway, he continued, his friends started toasting him about it making him an object of ridicule. They convinced him to go all the way with her or else someone else would do it in his palace. He said whenever he wanted it, she always said no, his friends made him to believe that all ladies mean yes when they said no.

    So on this fateful day, they had enjoyed a nice day out, and had come to relax at Bode’s place. When the time came unknown to Funmi, Bode had resolved that he was going to take her regular ‘no’ to mean a ‘yes’. So even though she resisted him, he still forced himself on her. Little wonder why they were in court in the first place.

    Below are people opinions on the incident.

    Mr. Patrick Mordi

    Funmi should go and sit down. This sort of thing does not happen in Nigeria. How can she want a platonic relationship yet she spends his money, visit his place, alone? What does she expect? She should be real. I am sure she one these girls that read all these romantic novels. It’s not real. Courtesy demands that she should have stopped seeing him long before the unfortunate incident.

    I blame Bode for waiting for three years before touching a lady he calls his regular date.

    Three years?

    Infact, something is wrong with both of them. If the lady is not careful, he could be stigmatised. I trust Nigerian men they will avoid her like a plague in the future. If she knows what is best for her, she had better settle quietly out of court. In the western world, this kind of thing happens all the time, we know, but not Africa and certainly not in Nigeria.

    Miss Fraice Chukwuka

    Men should get it into their thick skulls, when a woman says no to their love advances. They mean exactly that, no. it is a wrong notion to say we mean yes when we say no. some men are really beasts when it comes to making love to a woman. I once dated a guy who I visited innocently with nothing in mind. After all, should everything be about sex? One can enjoy a good relationship without necessarily having sex, with the person.

    I will spare you the unnecessary details. When we got to his apartment, I was impressed; he really had a nice place. He made sure I relaxed, bought me drinks, slotted in an incredible movie called unfaithful before we knew it, one thing led to the other and we were right there on his rug, we started making out. He was kissing and fondling me all over, when it got to the point of removing my pant, I came back to my senses and started to ward him off, it was a little too late because he was much stronger than me and he had his way. I felt used. He kept begging at a point, he even got on his knees and said he was deeply sorry. He claimed he just could not resist me and so on. I wish I had not gone to his place alone. I wish I had not accepted his stupid invitation.

    Well in conclusion, I feel that no real gentleman should force himself on a woman. If she does not want it, her feelings and opinion should be respected.

    Miss Fidelia Ofuu

    Yes, in some cases, it is very true. Some women say ‘no’ to guys, just to play hard to get. When I met my current boyfriend, I remember very well I had secretly admired him from afar and prayed for him to even notice me. When he finally did notice me and asked me out impulsively, I said no deep down. I wanted him to persist, and that he did after resisting him for about two months, I finally gave in.

    You see, the thing with some of our men in Nigeria is that when you say ‘yes’ the first considered to be a cheap lady. So some of us ladies know better

    Generally, men enjoy the chase. It is how they were created. They like to go for things. That is why it not too advisable for ladies to give in to guys, so easily. Some men respect a girl that gives them a little tough time. Allow him call you five times before you return one call. Make him sweat a bit. If he wants you this week, be available next week. If you say ‘yes’ to guy the first time, you have messed the whole process.

    Mr. Tunde Ola

    My orientation is completely different from that of other men. When a lady says no to me, I simply leave her alone. I do not believe in imposing my person on any particular woman or even man for that matter. I believe that people should identify what they want and say it as it is.

    I have a female friend who thinks otherwise. Whenever I ask her out on a date and she says no, I just leave her alone.

    Unknown to me this annoys here like hell. She says she wants me to insist on what I want and convince her to change her stance. I am simply not used to their way of life but because I care for her, I might begin to change to suit her expectations.

    Women generally are highly unpredictable, you never know for sure what they want , but since we cannot do without them, who are we to complain?

  • Why I won’t keep my marriage off social media – Slim Brown

    Having gone on a short break from the music scene, South East topgun, Slim Brown, returned with a whole new vibe. The artiste, whose fan base is daily increasing, in Lagos, speaks on his return to the ever- evolving music industry, why he signed 60-year-old actor, Harry B Anyanwu to his Record Label, among other issues, in this interview with ADENIYI ADEWOYIN.

     

    HOW has it been since you returned to the music scene?

    My return to the music scene has been amazing. Obviously, if you take a short break and you come back, somebody is going to take your place, but I think they made an exception in my case. Since I came back after I got signed on Oojee Records, I have been doing better than I did before I left and I will say that I have amazing fans. Also God has been faithful. It is rare to be off the scene and come back and still be relevant. I just give it all to God and the fans for my kind of music. I think it is also because my music is unique. I never sounded like anyone when I was here and when I came back. My fans accepted me for my uniqueness.

    You did a song with veteran actor Harry B; tell us about it.

    I would say the music business is all about strategy. It is all about concept. And working with Harry B has really given a different perspective to my music and to the fan base I’ve acquired over the years because obviously I did something nobody in the world has done before.

    Getting someone at the age of 60 that never had a song before or ever rapped to get signed to a record label, people were asking like: What will this old man sing? Why are you signing an old man instead of a guy. It is a strategy and it worked well for me. My fan base expanded and I got more reviews. I will just say the music industry is all about your ideas and your strategy, and I think the angle of having Harry B on a song to rap is quite laudable and it sold out.

    How would you describe your relationship with Harry B?

    My relationship with Harry B started in 2018 when I was about to make the video of my song titled ‘Aku’ and I needed a Nollywood figure that was going to play the role of a chief and an Igwe. I reached out to him. He was so excited he said he had been a fan of mine ever since he came back from the States.

    We did some videos and I discovered that he is a vibrant man. He had this hip hop thing in him. He loves to freestyle and all that so I just fell for him. I just felt that I could do something out of this and I took him to the studio and he did a cover to my song, ‘Zamo’. I did a competition for my song, ‘Zamo’, and Harry B  entered for the competition he won eventually because his cover went viral. I got him signed on Oojee Records and that’s how it all started.

    You also recently released an Extended Play (EP) with Harry B…

    The new EP is titled ‘Father and Son’ and it is a collaborative EP with Harry B. I put that EP out actually to promote and at least get enough materials for Harry B because after the song, ‘Zamo’, came out, people wanted to hear more songs from Harry B. The idea is to bridge the generational gap. It is an awesome body of work available in all stores.

    You seem to have a bigger fanbase in South East; why?

    My music actually started from the South being an Igbo boy. My muisc was influenced by the likes of Puff Daddy when I started, but at some point, I decided to start doing something that sounded original. So I started infusing Igbo to my songs. Basically, I will say it’s because of where I started and how much influnece I’ve had on the South Easterners and how much of the fan base I have gathered over the years. So it seems like my music is dominating more in the South East, but I would actually tell you  now that I get a lot of love in Lagos than I used to even in the South East. But I still give it up to the South East.

    How would you describe your type of music?

    My music is a feel good music. I’m inspired to make people happy because we come from a country where the youths are not really excited about what they see. The economy is not favouring the youth and a lot of reasons for people to get depressed.

    You have not really been linked with any woman; are you that secretive?

    Earlier this year, a picture of myself and actress Rachel Okonkwo hit the internet and people started saying we got married secretly, but in about a week, the video came out and the air was cleared. I like women, but I like to keep my relationship private.

    Are you married?

    I am single but as much as I could keep a bare relationship out of social media, I don’t think I will be able to keep my marriage off social media because obviously you cannot hide your wife. I don’t think that’s appropriate.

    What kind of woman would you like to marry?

    If I can get a woman like mother, I will be glad. My kind of woman should be God-fearing, she should have a heart of love, she should love humanity and love God. I am attracted to women that have emphathy, one that is hard-working and got a functional brain.

    Can you marry a woman that is wealthier than you?

    I think that is a win-win thing. I can marry a woman that is wealthier than me. It doesn’t hurt because I am not the kind of man that feels intimidated. I believe I am hard-working. I believe that I am also going to be very successful so if she’s wealthier than me, does it mean I cannot have more money than her tomorrow. But whatever it is, it is not a competition. If she’s wealthy, I am wealthy. If she’s happy, I am happy and vice versa. It is only when you are intimidated by a woman’s success you have an issue with that.

    What are your plans for 2020?

    I am very hopeful about this year. I have a lot of stuffs lined up. I will be making some sounds that my fans are not very conversant with me making. I am going to be changing the sound a bit. I will rebrand and look different from Slim Brown they’ve always known. We are taking it global this year. I am looking at expanding Oojee Records and signing on young talents, especially from the South East. I need to get those kinds of artistes that can become Wizkid, Davido from the South East. I will also be working on a few international collaborations, the kind of collaboration that will foster African music.

    Have you had your most memorable day yet?

    There have been a handful of memorable days. It is just really about the days when the hard work I put in is being appreciated. A lot of times, the fans made me feel special; a lot of times, my songs played on the radio. One was when I met Psquare for the first time in their house and when they saw me they were like “no be this guy wey sing my account is born again”. They were referring to lyrics in the song I did with Wizboy.

    Most embarrassing day?

    It is still my work as an artiste. It is a worse day when you have an expectation for your creativity and it does not get to be that way, especially when you go for a show and you didn’t kill the show the way you should or you put out a song and you get criticism that kills your spirit. The one I could remember was when I was in school and I was in a group with my friends. We had performed at a big show and when I came down from the stage and I expected my friends to give me thumbs up, but they didn’t. I felt like the ground should open for me to just enter and disappear.

  • How past administrations ran education down in Kwara — NUT chair Salihu Idris

    Kwara State Chairman, Nigeria Union of Teachers (NUT), Salihu Toyin Idris, in an interview with ADEKUNLE JIMOH, expresses worries over the recent fines imposed on over 160 public and private secondary schools in the state by the West African Examinations Council (WAEC) for alleged involvement in examination malpractices, among other issues. Excerpts:

     

    WHAT is your take on the appointment of a classroom teacher by the Kwara State Governor AbdulRahman AbdulRazaq as the commissioner for education and human capital development?

    It is a welcome development. It is the first of its kind in the state. But as good as it is, there are many challenges. It is good in the sense that a teacher knows the problems he or she is facing. So it is not new to her now being the commissioner. She knows the problems teachers are encountering in the state. To start with, our working environment is not conducive. You can imagine schools with a population of between 500 and 800 students without toilets and incinerators. This speaks volume about the health of the students, not to talk of the teachers that are teaching them.

    And most of our schools don’t have laboratories. The classrooms are dilapidated. All these things have been going on for many years. But with the commissioner who is a teacher and a product of this ill-arrangement, I think she will be able to reserve the ugly trend.

    Talking about teachers’ welfare, the state government is owing salary arrears, promotion and what have you. So the commissioner is very much aware of the problems teachers are facing in the state.

    The current administration has started renovating schools. I enjoin the administration to also consider the welfare of the teachers, in addition to putting the classrooms and other things in place.

    I can say it with emphasis that teachers in this state have been badly treated. Go to all the sectors, teachers are treated differently. At the Teaching Service Commission (TESCOM), teachers were promoted last with financial backing in 2014. This is 2020. Those that were promoted and were given letters in 2015, 2016 and 2017 were without cash backing. So, it is regarded as no promotion.

    Teachers working with the state Universal Basic Education Board (SUBEB) were promoted last in 2016. When you see teachers in the state talking about their welfare, it is not as if they are demanding for something new. These are things people in other sectors are taking for granted. People don’t feel happy in a situation where you see your contemporaries in another ministry getting  his or her promotion seamlessly. By the time that person gets to the position of permanent secretary, you in the classroom will be on either level 15 or 16. We implore the new governor to address all these inadequacies in the promotion of teachers so that the infrastructural facilities and all other things being put in place will be judiciously utilised.

    What is your reaction to the recent fine the West African Examinations Council (WAEC) slammed on over 160 schools in the state for alleged examination malpractices?

    It is saddening. As teachers we are not happy. Principals are not happy because it has cast a dark spell on our profession. But when things happen; when problem arises, people don’t look into the remote and immediate causes of the problem. The penalty shows lack of insensitivity of the past administrations in the state as far as education sector is concerned.

    During WAEC examinations, a student sits for between eight and nine subjects maximum and such school is having only about six teachers, including the principal and vice principal. That means naturally, the system has designed that school to fail. And the community on its part wants the success of the students from that school. The parents also want their wards to succeed. But all the things put in are not good enough to achieve that success and everybody wants to pass at all cost. It is a serious burden on the teachers. It just like the security challenge where the police are armed with inferior guns but armed robbers are holding AK47 rifles. How can the police match the superior fire power of the armed robbers? At the end of the day, you will say the police are not performing. But the lapses are there.

    Cheating is also bound to take place in an environment where the classrooms are dilapidated, because the students would be crammed in a single classroom. This is the era of android phones and the like. The principals cannot see all. What we are saying in essence is that feeling hungry is not an excuse for you to steal food. I am not exonerating the principals, but it is a challenge to the principals to be extra-vigilant about the students. And the Ministry of Education too had to take note of the type of registration taking place. Why is it that a student who spends SSS 1 and SSS2 in a school now seeks for transfer to another school for his or her SSS three?

    There should be a law that a student must conclude his or her SSS3 where he or she starts his or her SSS1. For such a transfer to come up, the student must be moving from one town to the other. All these shortcuts need to be looked into. We appreciate the governor for looking at the education sector’s problems holistically. If he had not looked at them holistically, he would have punished the principals through dismissal.

    He looked at the problems that led to examination malpractices in the affected schools and decided to bail out the principals. He promised to put things in place in the schools, urging the personnel (principals and staff) to be extra-careful. And he paid the penalty from WAEC.

    We thank the governor for his fatherly role and we promise sincerely that Kwara State will bounce back as one of the first examinations friendly States in the country.

    What about the challenge of the earth of teachers?

    On the issue of inadequate teachers, even the Kwara State House of Assembly members have impressed it on the state government to employ and deploy more teachers to the rural areas. Government needs to take proactive measures. The villages are part of the whole state.

    A situation where teachers are lumped in the urban centres is not good enough. There should be even distribution of teachers for us to know where teachers are lacking. The state government needs to employ more teachers. And we are now lucky that we have professionals outside that are looking for teaching jobs. The era of making teaching an all comers’ job is over. I can say emphatically that the Kwara State teachers met the 2019 December deadline for teachers set by the Federal Government. We promise we are going to put in our best so that the result will be good very soon.

    Why do teachers refuse posting to rural areas?

    For teachers to run away from the rural areas claiming lack of facilities is not tenable. Students are in those areas. In those days, you cannot move away from your primary place of assignment until you have spent a minimum of five years. But now, everybody wants to be in town.

    In fact, in those days, the problem we used to have was even with the communities. The communities then would complain of teachers using their children for farming activities. But these days, some teachers don’t even want to be part of the communities. You must be part of the community before you can succeed as a teacher. But these days, everybody wants to be in the town. It is supposed to be a rotational thing. Other things that can improve the capacity and skills of teachers include training and retraining. This has long been abandoned in the state.

    What can the state government do to ensure teachers posted to rural areas stay?

    There should be a law making them stay. We need to stick to policies. We should shy away from just documenting reforms; what we are putting on paper must be executed. For instance, in Kwara, how many students do you want in a classroom? If it is 30, 40 or 50, there should be a law mandating all to follow it religiously. There should be a law that any teacher that is transferred to a particular place, except on emergency, the person should not leave that place in the next five years. There should be people, apart from the principals, who will be monitoring the teachers. We should have quality assurance people.

    Another thing is that government should not play politics with education. A situation where you transfer about 300 teachers and politicians are coming from different angles to influence their posting is not helping us.

    This should be avoided in the education sector. Government is the employer; it should stay by the rules spelt out for teachers.

    There was a time in the state that a commissioner made it mandatory that any principal that had spent over six years in a school should be transferred. There wasn’t anything we could do than to comply. Because if you are stagnant in a place, you think you have done well until another person comes and digs new grounds. Education had been in shambles in the state before the current administration. But in theory, they would say ‘it is good here.’ It is not good. It is extremely bad. To whom much is given much is expected from that person. But the least is given to the teachers in Kwara and much is expected from them.

  • I have forgiven my sister who eloped with my husband — Controversial gospel singer Gloria Doyle

    Controversial contemporary gospel music artist, Gloria Doyle, is back on her feet, after a long battle with an illness diagnosed as gallstones. Gloria now bubbles, ready to carry on with her music career. She is at present in the studio to record her next album. Abandoned during her travail by those she expected to have risen to her aid, Gloria says: “I’m a different person now. Life has taught me lessons.” In this interview with PAUL UKPABIO, she opens up on her failed marriage, her battles to stay alive and the Good Samaritans that God sent her way. It’s vintage Gloria Doyle. Excerpts:

     

     

    NOT too long ago, you were said to be very ill. Can you relive your experience?

    I was actually down with a gall bladder stone. I had a terrible stomach condition, which the doctors were worried about as it was considered close to the cancer of the stomach. Surgery was considered as an immediate option. But along the line, I didn’t do the surgery. So, I was placed on medications to see if it could alter.

    I’m now relieved and back to work, back to music; though I’m still on regular checkups. The only worry now is my children who all stay in America. We insisted that I should wait till they return to take me so I can do the surgery in America. Either of them should be here to pick me. That apart, I’m up; my music looks good and the future has a good smile.

    How old are your children?

    My first son is 27; the second is 26 and my last born is 24. They said they want to come so they can give me good care.

    When did you have them?

    I finished having my children at the age of 21.

    Why so early?

    I got married very early in life.

    At what age?

    I was 16 going on 17!

    What moved you to get married at such a young age?

    I think I was just crazy then. And the other reason was that, when you come from a polygamous family, you want to believe that maybe, marriage could be a way out. But sometimes at the end of the day, it may not turn out well.

    Was your mom the second wife?

    No, my mom was actually the officially wedded wife, but not the first and not the second. She was the third wife of my father and the only officially wedded wife. So, you can imagine the pressure then, which was more on us her children. At that point, I wasn’t afraid of marriage. I think he was able to give me some of the things that I needed back then: the attention, the understanding and listening ears. So, I believed that was it. But at the end of the day, I found out that we were not compatible. His family was very tribalistic. I was into music already and they didn’t like it. He actually wanted me to be a full-time house wife, which was not my dream or ambition. I wanted to pursue my musical career and even do some other stuff too.

    At that time, did you feel that you had what it takes to go to the top and be a music star?

    Yes, I did know I could do that. As at then, I had started going to the studio. I had started singing right from when I was a child still in school;  I was singing in church and I always had this passion for writing songs.

    Did your husband know about that?

    He knew. I thought he was going to encourage me, give a boost to my musical career but at the end of the day,  that was not what he wanted. He wanted me to be a full housewife. But my musical career was important to me. So, that became one of the major reasons that made me not to accept to be a housewife. And it was a very abusive marriage.

    When you say ‘abusive,’ what do you mean?

    He used to beat me. He was about 13 years older than me. He was really beating me and at a point when the beating was getting out of hand and became life threatening, I decided to pack it up.

    How long did the marriage last?

    Oh, it lasted seven years.

    What was the attraction to marry him?

    He was a nice guy. And at that point, I wanted a friend and he was able to give me some of the things I needed back then.

    Why did you allow the children to go to America?

    Their father is an American citizen though he is a Nigerian by birth. He said he wanted the children to come over; I too thought it would be a better opportunity for them. So, I allowed them to go. It is not that I couldn’t have gone, but at that point, what happened was that he was actually having an affair with my younger sister, who is at present living in America through him. And when the children were going to America, the documents were altered. My name was removed, while my younger sister’s name replaced mine. So, when it was time for me to go to the US, I was denied visa. I have been denied visa three times now. It has got to a point where a DNA test is required to prove that I am the children’s mother and that is the point where it is. So, it’s only when my children come here that I can think of going to America. It has made my travelling out of the country very difficult. And that was the original plan, which was to frustrate me and make me unable to see my children again. But with God, things are looking good.

    But he couldn’t have married your sister?

    But they dated. It was just to have a baby for him that was left. They dated and she was able to use him to set a standard for herself. I understand. And it is okay. I have forgiven her. I don’t have any more grudges. My children are grown up, we relate and that’s all that’s important to me.

    If you were to meet someone else now that asks your hand in marriage, will you accept his proposal?

    Yes, marriage is sweet and okay if you meet a nice person, who is also a friend and ready to be supportive. Marriage is interesting and sweet.

    So you will gladly accept another proposal?

    Well, I still have this phobia for it, but if I meet a guy that can drive the fear away and give me the assurances, of course I will throw away my fears.

    You mean there’s no man in your life at present?

    I have a couple of friends that I relate with; we play together, but I cannot say that I have an intimately strong relationship right now. At present, everyone around me is a friend. When you are a single mother, it becomes an issue with some guys because of our cultural background. It’s not easy to take a lady that has three children to your mom and tell her, this is the person you want to get married to. Maybe if I were outside the country, that will be easy.

    But it happens in Nigeria

    Have I seen any? No. Though I see them date. And when they date to the point of marriage, it is either a family tie or something poses as a problem at that point. But if the man insists on marrying her, it’s either the woman is financially good enough or has some other things that the guy can benefit from.

    So, having your children outside Nigeria made you to concentrate on music?

    Yes, my children left for the US 10 years ago. Before they travelled, I had to survive and balance my career in music as a working mom. But after then just when I was up there, getting it all right, I started facing the gall bladder issue. I am actually coming back strong now. I am in the studio. I have an album that is almost ready and I am feeling real high up there. I have recorded three singles. And the album has taken shape. My producer is ready. I am shooting a video on Friday (yesterday). I feel great. But I need to continually be on my supplements. Right now, I want to do a single to push for promotions and then the album for a launch. I would also be going back to my acting career as a movie producer. For now, it is not like before (smiles); I have to do it one at a time. Health is wealth.

    Were you scared of death when you were ill?

    I was. And I told God that if I die, I will hold you responsible if I go to hell fire because you did not allow me to see my children and do some other things. And I begged God to forgive me because I didn’t want to go to hell fire. You know in Yoruba, some people would call it Ofa (evil arrow) but I couldn’t tell. I just knew that I was ill and somehow miraculously, I came back to life. For those who were able to see my pictures back then, it was pathetic.

    Coming back at this time with lots of new faces already on the block, isn’t it going to be tough?

    I know I need re-branding and a lot of work to do, but I believe that I have all it takes. Back then, I used to do contemporary gospel music and sometimes hip hop. Since I recovered from the illness, I have realised that this world is really about living one’s dreams. I see people, pastors trying to limit me by saying you are a gospel artiste; don’t sing hip hop; don’t sing this, don’t sing that. Now I am myself; If I feel like singing hip hop, I will sing it because that’s the new me.

    You sound as if you are disappointed with the church?

    You see, even when I was down and out, the so-called pastors were not there for me. They were not interested in me at that point. So I have realised about life that people are only interested in you because of what you can give to them. They were just interested in my tithes and the testimonies of people in church. Another thing I realised is that some of those testimonies were calculated and manipulative. I feel used and dumped by pastors.

    So, coming back, for me, is coming back to please God for myself. I don’t keep friends as I used to keep them before. Now, I wait for the leading of the Holy Spirit. I have made my children my friends. We talk, we plan together. The only people who stood by me then were my children who were calling regularly. I have a new song; it is called, ‘I heal’. When I thought about everything and how God raised fans like Niki Laoye, Nathaniel Bassey and Funke Akindele, for me, I thank God. Those were the major people who contributed financially to my rescue. These are people that are not pastors, but they were able to help. A pastor actually heard about by illness and called for my tithe records! Wow, if God does that to us, will we get anything from God? I am tempted to be a female version of Daddy Freeze. Another pastor said they couldn’t assist because they are building a mega auditorium. So, is a mega auditorium more urgent than a soul?

    Do you still attend church service?

    Yes, I still do when I’m invited. My mom is a pastor too. She has a church, Christ Aflame Ministries in Lagos here. Sometimes I attend her church and some other times, I go somewhere else. Sometimes I just sneak in and sit with no airs. Then sometimes I go to the Celestial Church of Christ.

    Is that where you were delivered?

    (Laughs) I think I still prefer their spirituality. If you know what I mean. They preserve some things in the Old Testament like women not going into the altar. I know even there, there are pollutions but then, Celestial Church is still closer to the message of the Bible.

    Are you ready for the big shows and concerts?

    Totally ready. But as usual, I don’t really like those a lot. I love to create my own events and shows. There are people in the industry that have already heard my new songs and they nod their heads and say ‘she’s back.’ People love the songs. What I have heard so far is very encouraging.

    You are actually bubbling and bouncing. Where are the bubbles coming from?

    When you have gone through life the way I have, you bubble. I know people who didn’t go through half of what I have been through and they gave up. I know someone who was just sick for two weeks while I was at the hospital and died. I know someone who was lying down next to me and the husband was telling the doctors, whatever you people want in cash I will give you. At that time, they had already spent about N3.7 million, but his wife died. But here I am alive; so I must bubble. That means God loves me. Money will come. There’s time and season. This sickness has made me to realise that my children really love me. They told me to fight back for me and to fight back for them. I keep remembering that. I am different now.

    Has your fashion sense changed?

    I am not explicit anymore; no more showing of body, but just looking good. I am mature now. I have left that for my daughter.

    If your children come to take you, does that mean you will relocate to America?

    No, I have a lot of things to do in Nigeria.

    Are you looking at collabos?

    (Laughs) There’s only one person on my mind I really wish to collabo with and that is Whizkid!

    Wow, Whizkid, how about Tiwa?

    No, I am not competing with her. There is this calmness and maturity that I see in Whizkid that makes me to respect him and his music. He is a cool guy. Most people who are close to me know that I am a Whizkid fan. A collabo will make great sense with Whizkid. And for gospel music, I would love a collabo with Sinach.

    Now that you are back, are you returning to the movies too?

    I will love to go back to the movies but through the right channels. I don’t want to face what I faced the other time. Then there were lots of sexual harassment except people

    are not coming out to say the truth. If you didn’t succumb, you don’t get a role. That was why I did more of music back then. At least with music, you know you are only paying your producer. Coming back into movies, for me, is being the producer of the movie. That will be a better platform for me.

    What accessories do you not do without?

    Not really an accessory like that. But I love wearing a face cap. It hides my face, gives me a good disguise. I wear lots of face caps. You know, it’s not easy when you have a famous face. Wherever you turn, it’s a greeting or people pointing at you, ‘Ah this person has a familiar face.’

    Has any fan ever embarrassed you?

    More than once; there was this particular day, I was just taking a walk and this lady just appeared from nowhere and started screaming my name repeatedly. That is Gloria Doyle! I was like ‘Oh My God!’ But then, it’s fun too when people recognise you.

    Do you still get ‘toasters’?

    Funny enough, it is the younger guys that get the confidence to toast me. I don’t know whether it is my star. The younger guys have more boldness. They walk up to me and tell me they like me. I tell them that I am a single mother. They say it is okay. But the real mature men just look. So, I don’t know.

    What does that mean to you?

    Of course, I don’t get carried away by such admirations. I have to make a good choice. Sometimes, I just need my peace of mind.

    Your beauty secrets?

    None, except that I use my body lotion, have a bath at least twice a day, stay out of stressful situations and that’s it.

  • Sexual purity preserves your future

    DEAR Aunty Temilolu, l am Busayo, a youth corps member in Lagos. I read one of your articles. You said girls, who wish to have successful marriages, should stay away from premarital sex. Now l ask, does doing so guarantee success in a marriage? This is because l know of five girls then when l was in secondary school, who lived fast lives with guys/men and today, all five are married with kids, but another two who kept away from men and were very religious, are having issues with conception in their marriages. How about that ma, because l can’t figure it out?

    Busayo, L.agos

     

    Dearest Busola,

    To start with, if you believe in God but still doubt the power of obedience to His commands and an undefiled marriage bed, you may need to change your place of worship! It is a proven fact that premarital sex more often than not results in making a wrong choice of spouse! Also, because millions are thriving and succeeding in sin doesn’t mean your destiny can afford to do so. What your friend’s destiny can endure could be what could destroy yours! Now, can you imagine if biblical Joseph or Esther had been tempted to use their flesh to get some temporary comfort when they really needed it, would they have fulfilled God’s glorious purpose for them? Besides, sexual purity isn’t the only guarantee for a successful marriage but believe me it does go a very long way in helping you settle with the right person! At the same time, I have seen virgins who married monsters in human form-the enemies of their destinies so to say! For your friends who are yet to conceive, it may not be God’s time and it may be as a result satanic attacks/foundational problems! If you are charting your life according to what’s acceptable in the world and your friends’ lifestyle and not according to God’s standards, believe me, you may not fulfill your destiny! What does the world or stupid, bad devil have to offer anyone?

    DON’T BE DECEIVED MY DEAR! It would be most tragic for you to trade your future peace of mind and stability for a sinful life of comfort and luxury which you could actually avail yourself if you worked on yourself enough! Besides, what in the world happened to delaying gratification? On the other hand, what joy can anyone derive from sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry, getting dumped after being loaded with multiple and even destructive strange spirits? Do you think all can be well with such a destiny? Do you even know the type of star you carry? Do you know the devil- the enemy of your shining could ensure you live a frustrated life by ensuring you fall into the trap of having sexual intercourse with just one man who appears like a knight-in-shining armor? Hmm…May God open your eyes!

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly-celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    Your beliefs and values would determine the choices you make and the quality of your entire life and as you lay your bed so you lie on it! There are so many out there including some of your parents having mid-life crisis fighting the battles of their life in great frustration and even dragging their children into it because of the unpalatable choices they made in their youth. A lot of families are dysfunctional and a lot of youth are emotionally unstable and already treading on unfruitful and ruinous paths just because either of their parents could not bridle their passion and made the wrong choice of a partner whom they can’t raise a decent family with. However, I can tell you no one is a mistake! God certainly knows of every single destiny here on earth and has made us for signs and wonders. Isaiah 8:18. So, it’s left for you to make the most of this promise and not hand over your life to the devil through ungodly sex! Yes! Every form of ungodly sex gives the devil the reins of your life!

    I must warn you that surrounding all the glamour and enviable lifestyle you see being flaunted out there is a highly-tempestuous world which could flip over any unsuspecting person at anytime. But guess what? Your most potent power against such an onslaught and not being swept away by the tide is activating the power of God with your sexual purity now that you are young, vibrant and energetic enough to fight your way through and become unshakable!

     

    I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

  • KOLA AWE: Why I dumped Law for export

    Kola Awe is a lawyer, TV presenter, CEO XPT Logistics and chairman, NACCIMMA Export Group. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, he opens up on his career, why he dumped law for wood export, working with women entrepreneurs and surviving against the odds.

     

     

    LET’S talk about life in the export sector; how did it begin?

    I have been in the business of export for twenty-two years now. I was a trained lawyer and I practiced for four years. I really wanted to study law and when I finished secondary school and when I checked the course that was readily available, it was law. And I always wanted to be a lawyer because I fancy the intrigue that comes with litigations and all that.

    I enjoyed the practice but the remuneration was not very attractive. I came from an above average family and the social strata was a little bit higher than what I was earning and that became an issue. That now made me to start thinking of something else to do, to be able to live up to the financial status. After practice, I went into the business of export and I met one Indian man, he was into wood export. I actually stumbled into the business and you had to learn all the way. There is no curriculum in export, there is no school that you go to that you are being trained on export. No degree on export; nothing like that. In those days, we just practically stumbled on export in the course of thinking about what do I do next.

    So, the man said he was into wood export and I stayed in Akure for two years, where we were sourcing the wood. We were the first set that were getting the yellow and red appa that was used for parquet, then we moved into wood export. When I found that a lot of people were going into that, I started experimenting on the agro sector and that got me into agro commodity. I got into cashew, ginger, Sesame seed and that was how I got in fully.

    Would you say the sector is lucrative?

    Yes, the sector is very creative but very demanding also. Then it wasn’t as lucrative as it is because the naira was very stable, unlike the devaluation that you have right now. But in terms of the return on investment, it was good. Also, the kind of pressure that we had then is not the kind of pressure that we have now. The number of people in the industry then was not the kind of people that we have now. There was little pressure then, unlike the huge pressure that we have now.

    We started the export of charcoal and if you give someone and ask him to go to Iseyin to get you charcoal, he would give you the best. But today, the man has probably taken money from 50 people and he is in a hurry to meet up with all the demands and in the process, the quality is being impeded. Those are the kinds of things that you get these days.

    What do you do to make sure that you get the best from your source?

    Over the years, I can tell you a good product just by looking at it. I can also tell you all the tricks that they want to play. If you have spent all your life in an industry, you can tell who is a criminal, who is a fair person and who is not a fair person. Even what you do not know or the moisture content that he is still struggling with, I can tell you about it.

    I have mastered the terrain, which is what we do now as the project coordinator and trainer. We are giving back those years of experience, so that they do not make the mistakes or losses that we made.

    What are some of the opportunities for young people in the sector?

    It is very huge. When you look at the economic environment, you see that the opportunities are enormous. Unfortunately, there is no foundational background that they can leverage on to take these opportunities from the environment. The fiscal policy, there is a technical devaluation of currency that we have now. And with any form of devaluation, export goes, we promote and push export. So, the current situation that we are in now points towards non oil sector. That is one opportunity, the other one is the African free trade zone. We are going to have just one common market in Africa. This means that the horizon of the African market is bigger; there is going to be a huge flow and opportunity for anyone to take advantage of. Let’s see the impact of this in other sectors and export logistics, which is another huge area that is opening up and in terms of intellectual properties. Magazines, writing about export, training, capacity building. Those are areas that people need to go into. Currently, there is no strong TV programme on export, and every other sector has a TV programme. This is because very few people are enlightened to talk about it. Not just in terms of academic but what is obtainable in the sector.

    What are the challenges for those who want to go into the sector?

    The challenges are as enormous as the opportunities. If you are approaching a domestic business, the trade is being regulated by Nigeria. So, any challenge that is going to come in terms of policy, regulation is still within. But the moment you say that you are going into the business of export, the regulations expand, the policy expands, the bills expand and the laws expand. You have the domestic laws and the laws of the country of import that you have to abide by and you also have the laws of the international trading community that you have to abide by. That alone is creating a huge challenge for exporters. In addition, you have the challenge of how do you meet up with the quality, labelling, branding, marketing, finance and logistics. So, you can see that the challenge is much more when you are exporting.

    Would you say we are better now with regards to standards?

    I don’t think that we are there yet. Compared to where we are coming from, yes. But compared to where we are going, the rate the international market is dictating standards, we need to do something to hasten the growth. We are competing with people with cheaper manufacturing cost, marketing cost. The challenge is across sector. The food it is complex tracing the source of those foods that you used to produce. It is unlike the modern economy that you can trace every source in the production of that product.

    How many trade fairs have you participated in?

    I have attended over a hundred trade fairs across the world. You find that one of the most veritable platforms to access is the trade fairs. Even before the advent of IT, you cannot go online to search for buyers. Those days, you had to go physically with your products. It was tedious looking for trade fairs and at the end of the day, it is important to sell your products. It’s a platform that has everybody coming together especially for specialised trade fairs. For example, if you are in the food industry and you go for the Gulf food fair, there you would meet everyone that is basically in your industry. So, trade fair is good but one trade fair is not enough. But it is expensive going for trade fairs, so if you have spent a lot of money attending one, when the next one comes up, you may not attend because you did not make a success of the last one.

    The truth of the matter is that you have to consistently attend trade fairs, because that is where people would come and see what you are doing. That is where your competitors would come and it is also the platform for transferred technology. You go to a trade fair, see a particular product, from packaging to labelling, aesthetics and you think of improving on yours. We try to take our people to trade fairs and even in my company Express logistics, we have been able to take more than ten companies to the West African sub region and I tell you, everything came from our participation at trade fairs.

    Let’s talk about women in the sector, how are they faring?

    Like every Nigerian, women are quite resilient. I admire their strength, I admire their dexterity and their focus to succeed. Since, I became the chairman of NACCIMA export group, I have had a number of opportunities to work with women entrepreneurs and their energy is just too much. They are ready to work against all odds. It’s like someone swimming against the tide, you know how difficult it is, yet forging ahead.

    What about the incubation centre and the opportunities for women?

    I will like the organised private sector and other agencies to create more bouquet of support for women in the sector. Being the chairman has really opened me up to the manufacturing sector and I work with companies and not individuals. Then we had zero membership and we have been able to raise that to over two hundred members today. There is a need to put in structures that that improve their growth and export for labelling, branding and others. If we leave them alone, a lot of them would die. We did a programme and I noticed that some of these products can only be sold in Nigeria because of our population. So, we said, how do we support these products not just for the domestic markets but for the international market bearing in mind that Africa was also becoming a major market? This simply means that if we do not support the products of our members here, products from Ghana, Zimbabwe and South Africa would be coming in. We looked at the company and saw that an average company has management problems, they don’t have basic financial knowledge to keep their accounting books together and we said it is not enough to identify the problem but to proffer solutions.

  • Jealousy: The poison affecting your relationship

    With Rois Ola

    Most of us have felt it at one time or another. It could be a mild annoyance or like a fire inside you, consuming you and making you feel like you might explode. Although it is a common emotional reaction when a person is feeling threatened, jealousy is one of biggest relationship destroyers out there.

    Jealousy can range from feeling bothered that your husband is admiring another woman or that your wife is looking at another man, to imagining things that aren’t actually there. Either way jealousy will have a negative effect on your relationship.

    What is jealousy?

    Although feeling jealous is something most can relate to, the feeling is often confused with envy. Envy and jealousy are quite different, however. Envy is a reaction to lacking something and wanting what someone else has. You might be envious of someone’s good looks, or their beautiful home, etc.

    Jealousy on the other hand is the feeling that someone might try to take what is yours. For example, your husband becomes close friends with an attractive co-worker, and you may feel jealous of — and threatened by — their relationship.

    At its most mild jealousy is considered an instinctual reaction that makes us want to protect what we feel is ours. Unlike simply being protective though, jealous feelings can balloon quickly into destructive behavior and cause us to act in ways that are selfish and controlling. It can even cause us to assume things are happening that are not, like seeing a friendly exchange as the sign of an affair, or working late as hiding a secret addiction.

    Instinctual or not, jealousy is not productive. People who struggle with controlling, jealous feelings are often struggling with deeper issues as well. Uncontrolled jealous behavior is typically a symptom of one or more of the following:

    • Insecurity
    • Fear
    • Low self-esteem

    Understanding the root of the behavior can help you work toward controlling it. Any of those three, or combination of them, will not only allow feeling jealous to manifest in destructive behavior, but will also create other problems in a person’s life.

    What Jealousy Does to Your Relationship

    Jealous behavior can be extremely harmful to a relationship. At best the jealous partner is needy and constantly looking for reassurance that they are the only one and that no one is a threat to replace them. At its worst jealously can manifest in controlling and distrustful behavior, and even physical or emotional abuse.

    A jealous partner may try to control the actions of their partner, checking up on their whereabouts or monitoring their calls, texts or emails. This behavior sets up a pattern of distrust that is unhealthy and will eventually cause a relationship to collapse.

    The foundation of any healthy and happy relationship is trust and respect. A person struggling with jealousy is unable to trust the person they are with or show respect for them as an individual or their boundaries.

    Overtime this behavior will destroy the feelings of love and affection that once existed. It will also likely cause repeated arguing and a need for one partner to prove themselves and their loyalty over and over again. This can be exhausting and prevent a relationship from growing and establishing a solid foundation.

    How Can You Control It

    Jealous behavior can be tough to control. The underlying issues rarely go away on their own. If jealousy is a pattern of behavior that is repeated in relationship after relationship it may take the intervention of a professional therapist to help reign it in and provide tools to cope with the causes that are driving it.

    Getting past jealousy in a relationship requires building trust. One partner must trust the other enough to know that, regardless of the circumstance, the love and respect they share will prevent outside influences from threatening their relationship. This can be difficult if one partner is insecure and struggles with trusting overall.

    If you have found that jealousy is a problem in your relationship, whether it is you that are jealous or your partner, it can be painful for both of you. Getting beyond it will take patience, communication and changing of beliefs. If it working together on overcoming jealous feelings and behaviors isn’t working don’t discount seeking help.

    We are all human, no one was made perfect and no one is perfect.But with love, effort, commitment, communication and understanding any couple can conquer this feeling, It takes time but it can be done. Iwish you all the best.

  • The harbinger of death called anger in your relationship (2)

    With Rois Ola

    Harbinger of death called anger in relationship (1) – https://staging.thenationonlineng.net/harbinger-of-death-called-anger-in-relationship-1/

    1. Count to 10 before saying another word

    This will help you choose your words more carefully and not say something you will regret .it’s easy just pause, then start counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, and then 10. The tide will gradually go down. And if it doesn’t WALK THE HELL AWAY!!!It works all the time.

    1. Implement the “I-Thou”

    “Catch” the other’s feelings, trying to feel them yourself. Surprisingly, this makes the experience of those feelings actually diminish. This is powerful because it is really the only way a person can impact another’s experience with feelings of anger in relationships.

    1. Practice listening as patiently as possible.

    Repeat back what you heard in order to confirm you understood, and affirm your partner’s feelings. For instance,” Ade am I write to believe you didn’t expect me to act that way?” when he responds yes then you know you understand clearly the situation you are in, and if Ade says know ask him to repeat or rephrase or better still change language.

    1. Physical connection.

    For one, hug, and do have sex. For many women, this may involve a bit of fake it ’til you make it if the situation is in the process of being resolved but isn’t there yet. For most men, sex actually serves to alleviate resentment because it’s a form of connection in its own right. SEX WORKS, it may not be the final situation but it’s a step, unless you don’t love each other, lack of sex causes doubt or fear. Understand your partner and find out what works. One man’s meat another man’s poison

    Even though you both might not be in the same emotional place during the resolution process, connecting physically can help. In fact, I personally suggest that if the marriage is on a downswing, have sex at least once a day. The scheduled connection might put things in a different light and aid in resolving resentment. This thing called sex is like food for some people, if your spouse sees sex as food, please feed them with it. don’t be stingy.

    1. Learn to Meet on a bridge.

    This can be metaphorical and also realistic. In order to channel resentment into empathy, the “understanding bridge” will need to be gapped. Integrate the idea that “we both have to be on this bridge together.”

    We really can’t see what our partner is feeling until we get out on the bridge. The more steps you take, the more you can see the middle “hump” of this bridge, where you both come together in understanding the other. In order to actualize this place of mutual understanding, one idea is to literally go to a bridge nearby., not third mainland bridge please. Look for a good and calm location and talk things out. Let it a place you both LIKE.

    1. Ensure you engage in daily empathy actions.

    Look your partner ask them how they feel. Empathy is not necessarily the default feeling and needs some retraining to become part of you. if you try it every day it will spice things ups and show you care. Routine empathy can be actualized by checking in with our partners about how they are feeling, Once empathy becomes intrinsic behavior, resentment often becomes a thing of the past.

    Empathy, it turns out, is the answer for how to control anger in your relationships. As such, feelings of empathy also fuel natural anxiety reduction.

    Not only will you hopefully come to an understanding with your life partner, you will both feel calmer. Making empathy a regular part of your relationship will have an impact not only on getting along better, but ultimately feeling more connected and less stressed, because it facilitates you getting out of your own Head, and into your partner’s.

    Empathy, as such, fosters unity, transforming narcissistic into conjoined, and dismay into understanding. Empathy forges the reinvention of self that is necessary for long-lasting love. The truth is every relationship goes through ups and down. No relationship is perfect. If you have done all you possibly and humanly can and it still is not working, then walk away. It does not have to result into death, no one deserves to lose their life all in the name of Love.

    I wish you all the best.

  • Girls, February 14 could scatter your life’s settings!

    By Temilolu Okeowo

    Dear Aunty Temilolu, in the last few years, your golden and invaluable words about chastity have been motivating me and to the glory of God, I’ll turn 20 this year still a virgin! This means a lot to me. Even though there’s been intense pressure, your articles keep my spirituality and resolution firm! May God thank you ma!

    Olabisi

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    I can read your mind on this topic. Your thoughts are likely to be“Hmm…aunty Temi has come again o!” Yes, I have come again to declutter your heart on what may have a negative influence on your life and set you on a ruinous path!

    Valentine’s Day is usually celebrated by lovers all over the world on February 14. If you ask me, I’d say you have no business “carrying it on your head.”

    Right now, a lot of you are heart-broken that your greatest love or crush isn’t sparing you a thought for that day, some of you are giddy with excitement at the gift you are getting from your lover, some of you have stolen money from your parents to buy gifts, while some of you can’t wait to have your first kiss.

    Some of you can’t even wait to taste the forbidden fruit on that day and get deflowered! How I pity you, your parents and your future about to be stolen away by the devil because of some silly feeling if care isn’t taken?

    In your impressionable and teen age, you have so much energy, passion and gusto to do everything you fancy. You have a vivid imagination and an enormous power to do exploit.

    Now what happens when all this energy is channelled towards the wrong things? Did you know that your teen years are the years that will determine how your entire life would go? Did you know your childhood dreams of achieving extra-ordinary feats are seeds of greatness sowed into you by God? Did you know that the devil-our common enemy targets bright stars in their teens and confuses them so they can never fulfill their glorious destiny? And guess what? We are all stars, distinguished with different sterling qualities to shine amongst billions in the world and leave our foot prints in the sands of time.

    Even if you are facing so much hardship in life today because of your parent’s financial inadequacies, do you or your parents have the faintest idea of the magnitude of your greatness in future if only you could concentrate all of your energy on your innate skills and talents?

    I’ve emphasised over and over again that having a romantic relationship in your teens is a huge distraction, in fact a satanic one. Your teen age is the most delicate and important in your entire life.

    It is the age when you should lay a solid foundation for the future academically, spiritually and psychologically and sadly a lot of parents are not helping matters.

    Those who wish to help matters are further frustrated by the madness of the social media. It is normal for you to have a crush in your early teens because you are becoming aware of the world around you and are generally curious about everything and also want to experiment but you shouldn’t allow it to grow.

    It would cause you sleepless nights, affect your grades and before you know it your heart gets broken and who knows what that may cause? Who knows if you are destined to shine as a medical doctor then your heart-break gives you low grades which push you to the Art class! Am I making sense?

    Just because a boy you fancy has threatened to dump you and “val” another girl in your class because you don’t want to have sex with him, you have finally decided to let him have his way this weekend so you won’t miss out on being his valentine! Good grief!  See, no matter what your G.O. tells you, once that happens; your life can never be the same again.

    In fact, your life will not only be opened up to demonic invasion, the consequences of sexual intercourse are much too heavy for you to deal with in your teens. Also, once a life has been contaminated or polluted by sexual intercourse with the wrong person, it can only take the special intervention and mercy of God to live a trouble-free life and fulfill one’s original destiny.

    Why the rush? Why don’t you make the most of now, preserve your purity, virtues, your energy and gather enormous power that would make you one of a very special kind in the world and then get enough wisdom and spiritual intelligence to marry the best man in the world and enjoy all the sex like there’s nothing else to do! May God open up your understanding! I love you all my sweeties!

    I invite you to follow me on Facebook  – TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

  • Who should be your next of kin?

    Vera Chidi-Maha

    For us in this part of the world, writing one’s will or choosing a next of kin is not seen as a top priority. People are so busy with everything else, hence the temptation to ignore the most vital issues of life becomes unavoidable. We have heard of cases where the man forgets to write down his next of kin, and at the event of his death, his extended family forcefully acquires all his wealth and leaves the immediate family empty handed.

    Women, more often than not, have fallen victims severally due to the negligence of their husbands. Naturally, nobody wants to think or plan of his or her death but because it is inevitable it is important that one should learn to plan for the future. It is in the light of the above that we asked people to talk about who take over when they leave planet earth.

    Mrs. Bridget Mustapha:

    Before I got married, my immediate younger one was my next of kin, however, when I got married and started having kids, I changed my next of kin to my husband. The reason is very simple when a lady gets married; her sibling immediately becomes her extended family.

    The Bible commands that you and your spouse become one flesh. I am very sure that if you ask my husband, he will tell you that I am his next of kin. I do not see any reason to choose anybody else. If something happens to me today, I am confident that my children will not know lack because he loves them dearly.

    Mr. Oyebanji Abiodun:

    My wife is my next of kin. I love her dearly and I trust her with my life. In fact, there is nothing she doesn’t know about me. Presently, we are not even in the same location, but we trust each other. I cannot leave any of my kids as next of kin. I am fully aware of a mother’s love. No mother will ever abandon her child no matter how wayward she is, even if she remarries after I am gone; I believe strongly that her kids will still be treated with utmost care and provision. After all, when a child is good; the credit in most cases goes to the mother.

     Mr. Alfred Nweke:

    My pastor is my next of kin. My understanding of the next of kin has to do with a person you can trust. I have known my pastor for years now and he is a very dependable person. He is a believer, he knows and fears God and I know that he will make and take wise decisions that will benefit my immediate family.

    Mr. Williams Aliyu:

    My elder brother is my next of kin. I can never choose my wife. I am a Muslim and I can pick another woman when I choose, but with due respect to women, I would like to state here that women are not deep thinkers. They make and change their minds as often as they change their clothes. I cannot entrust my wealth to any woman. Some women can be so blinded by jealousy that they can even plan to undo their husbands, just to achieve their selfish objectives.

    Suppose I make my wife my next of kin and I die today. What do you think will happen there after? I know for sure that she will waste no time in getting remarried. What happens then? What will be the future of my other wife or wives as the case maybe, what will become the fate of my children, even the children from other woman or women. My elder brother is simply and surely my next of kin.