The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • Aspiring female politicians shouldn’t marry ‘a day soup men’ — House panel chair Akande-Sadipe

    Aspiring female politicians shouldn’t marry ‘a day soup men’ — House panel chair Akande-Sadipe

    Hon. Tolulope Akande-Sadipe is the chairperson of the House of Representatives Committee on Diaspora. The lawmaker, who represents Oluyole Federal Constituency, Oyo State, under the platform of the All Progressives Congress (APC), in this interview with VICTOR OLUWASEGUN, speaks of her person, past experiences, philosophy, committee and other issues. Excerpts:

     

    AS the chairperson of the House Committee on Diaspora, what would you say has been your greatest challenge?

    Diaspora is key to the development of the nation, but we need to align the priorities of the three arms of government. For example, prior to the motion raised by me on the floor of the House on the need to investigate Diaspora remittances, the issue of Diaspora remittances was not given the priority it deserved.

    My other example of a related challenge is human trafficking with human trafficking, a large number of girls are often trafficked abroad and there is a need for sincere and progressive collaboration between the relevant ministries and agencies – NAPTIP, NIDCOM, Nigerian Immigration Service and Ministry of Foreign Affairs. However, it is NAPTIP’s sole responsibility to deal with such cases as they have to work closely with immigration to prevent the trafficking at the source. Once these cases are reported, it is the duty of NIDCOM, NAPTIP and Foreign Affairs to bring our fellow citizens back home. The Nigerian police must also investigate, arrest the unscrupulous agents and the judiciary must prosecute on a timely basis.

    My other key concern is the mode of preparing our country’s budget, who determines the infrastructure priority projects that go into the budget each year? What is the involvement of the local government and each constituency’s representative prior to the envelopes going out? In my opinion as an accountant, constituencies and states need to be carried along in determining the budgetary items for their localities. For example, in a private company, each department sends its requirements to the budgeting unit, which collates and builds a budget around each department’s requirements.

    You are versed in policy formulation, business analysis, strategy development and implementation. Do you think this government is doing well in terms of Ease of Doing Business?

    The policies are awesome; the programme is being driven very well by the Vice President’s office, but that is not enough. For the programme to truly succeed, all arms of government must cooperate. The legislators, once they pass value adding laws, need the executive to implement the laws and policies, while the judiciary needs to adjudicate fairly and timely.  The onus falls on our civil service; their cooperation is key as each policy or law is a piece of paper; the civil service is utmost for the proper implementation of these laws and policies.

    You are also an expert in tax/financial management, is the Finance Bill the right thing at this time when most Nigerians are hungry?

    The Finance Bill, 2019 was presented together with the 2020 Appropriation Bill to the National Assembly by President Muhammadu Buhari and has been passed into law. The Bill, among other things, seeks to promote fiscal equity, align local laws with global best practices, introduce tax incentives for investments in infrastructure and the capital market. It also supports small- scale businesses in line with the ongoing Ease of Doing Business reforms and it has its pros and cons, good and bad. Small businesses with turnover less than N25 million to be fully exempted from Companies Income Tax (CIT) & entities with less than N25 million in turnover are exempted from VAT registration. Efficiency must also be built into the system such that VAT paid is completely remitted and in a timely basis to government coffers. We need focus on blocking loopholes that encourage diversion by creating barriers to diversion.

    Hate Speech Bill, what do you think of it? Should it be passed in the House, especially as your constituency is against it?

    What does the term hate speech mean to you? Hate speech is an abusive or threatening speech or writing that expresses prejudice against a person or particular group. Why do you think we have so much hate speeches on social media platform? This is because Nigerians are disgruntled, Nigerians are unhappy. The platform creates an opportunity for Nigerians to voice out their opinions to be heard.

    While I condemn any form of abuse against the human race, I cannot say that the social media has not made positive impact; it has given an opportunity for positive news about the country to travel across the world. It is very informative and has aided prompt resolution on national issues raised. Persons are now more than ever being held accountable for crimes committed against humanity and the nation. As legislators, we understand that there are more pressing issues pertaining to the nation that need to be addressed, issues like unemployment, security, power, socio-economic development, infrastructural development Thus, priority in legislation should be to address these key issues and to create an enabling socio-economic environment for citizens of the country. This would resolve the prevalence of hate speeches, as citizens will be less likely to talk ill about the country when this occurs. Not that I am in support of hate speeches, some are malicious and untrue that have resulted in many lives, reputations and marriages etc. being ruined.

    Hate speech itself is a tort under common law when it results in injury to whom it is targeted.  Injury can be either emotional distress, physical or bodily harm or can even lead to death.  All any such law does is to only codify it and put what already exists under common law into statutory form.

    That being said, may I add that if need be, let us think of ways to regulate the social media rather than enacting draconian laws with strict penalties such as death is indicative of a dictatorial regime. Although if death should occur as a result of hate speeches, murder charges then may apply.

    How useful are Diaspora remittances as a developmental tool for the country?

    Leveraging Diaspora Resources for National Development is aimed at creating an avenue for prospective, meaningful and sustainable diaspora investments, which if well realised will boost growth and development of our great country.

    What dictates your dressing?

    I am not a fashionista; I focus more on what suits my body type. I hardly follow trends not because I can’t afford it but because I find contributing to humanity more exciting. On a lighter note, I remember many friends calling me an ‘Ijebu’ as far back as my 30s as I wouldn’t spend money on frivolous things.

    Knowing what my income was at such a young age, they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t heavily into designer labels all the time nor could they understand why I wasn’t having shopping sprees on my trips abroad.

    How do you unwind? What constitutes leisure to you?

    I love the quietness of nature; unwinding, for me, means spending quality time with my family and friends;  a day at the beach;

  • How to heal a broken heart in a relationship (1)

    How to heal a broken heart in a relationship (1)

    Rois Ola

     

    HEARTBREAK is a universal experience that comes with intense emotional anguish and distress. “Grief is complicated.” The death of a loved one, job loss, changing careers, losing a close friend — all of these can leave you brokenhearted and feeling like your world will never be the same.

    There’s no way around it: healing a broken heart takes time. But there are things you can do to support yourself through the healing process and protect your emotional wellbeing.

     Self-care strategies

    It’s essential to look after your own needs after heartbreak, even if you don’t always feel like it.

    Give yourself permission to grieve

    Grief is not the same for everyone, says Palumbo, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt.

    “Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore.” You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you.

    Take care of yourself

    When you’re in the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to forget to take care of your personal needs. But grieving isn’t just an emotional experience, it also depletes you physically. Indeed, research has shown that physical and emotional pain travel along the same pathways in the brain.

    Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can be great ways to preserve your energy. But don’t beat yourself up over it, either. Simply making an effort to eat and stay hydrated can go a long way. Take it slow, one day at a time.

    Lead the way in letting people know what you need

    Everyone copes with loss in their own way, being clear about whether you prefer to grieve privately, with the support of close friends or with a wide circle of people accessible through social networks.

    Getting your needs out there will save you from trying to think of something in the moment, says Carpenter, and will allow someone who wants to be supportive to help you and make your life easier by checking something off your list.

    Write down what you need (aka the ‘notecard method’)

    How it works:

    Sit down and make a list of what you need, including needs for tangible and emotional support. This could involve mowing the grass, grocery shopping, or simply talking on the phone.

    Get a stack of notecards and write down one item on each card.

    When people ask how they can help, hand them a note card or have them choose something they feel they can do. This relieves the pressure to articulate your needs on the spot when someone asks.

    Go outdoors

    Research has found that spending just 2 hours a week outdoors can improve your mental and physical health. If you can get out to some beautiful scenery, great. But even regular walks around the neighborhood can help.

    Read self-help books and listen to podcasts

    Knowing that others have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side can may help you feel less alone.

    Reading a book or listening to a podcast about your particular loss can also provide you with validation and be a supportive way for you to process your emotions.

    Try a feel-good activity

    Set aside time every day for doing something that feels positive, whether that’s journaling, meeting up with a close friend, or watching a show that makes you laugh.

    Scheduling in moments that bring you joy is vital for healing a broken heart.

    Seek professional help

    It’s important to talk about your feelings with others and not numb yourself out. This is easier said than done, and it’s totally normal to need some extra help.

    If you find that your grief is too much to bear on your own, a mental health professional can help you work through painful emotions. Even just two or three sessions can help you develop some new coping tools.

    Habits to build

    After giving yourself some space to grieve and tending to your needs, start looking toward creating new routines and habits that can help you continue to process your loss.

    Don’t try to suppress the pain

    “Don’t waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings,” “invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal.”

    Consider giving yourself 10 to 15 minutes each day to acknowledge and feel your sadness. By giving it some dedicated attention, you may find it popping up less and less throughout your day.

    Practice self-compassion

    Self-compassion involves treating yourself with love and respect while not judging yourself.

    Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. What would you say to them? What would you offer them? How would you show them you care? Take your answers and apply them to yourself.

    Create space in your schedule

    When you are going through a difficult time, it can be easy to distract yourself with activities. While this can be helpful, make sure you’re still leaving yourself some space to process your feelings and have some down time.

    Foster new traditions

    If you’ve ended a relationship or lost a loved one, you may feel like you’ve lost a lifetime of traditions and rituals. Holidays can be particularly hard.

    Allow friends and family to help you create new traditions and memories. Don’t hesitate to reach out for some extra support during major holidays.

    Write it down

    Once you’ve had some time to sit with your feelings, journaling can help you better organize them and give you a chance to unload any emotions that might be hard to share with others.

    Find a support system

    Regularly attending or engaging in in-person or online support groups can provide a safe environment to help you cope. It’s also healing to share your feelings and challenges with those in similar situations.

     

    To be continued next week

     

     

  • DEMOLA ADEDOYIN: My job is an adventure

    DEMOLA ADEDOYIN: My job is an adventure

    Akogun Demola Adedoyin is an alumnus of the Unilever Marketing Academy. The marketing communication expert has held managerial positions in Brand Support of the Unilever Central Africa business. Now the Chief Executive Officer of Integrated Troops, a marketing communication agency, he reveals how the journey started, ways the industry can contribute to Nigeria’s economy, among other issues, in this interview with Fredrick Adegboye.

     

    TROOPS Activation is your baby…

    You mean Integrated Troops.

    Ok, Integrated Troops; when was it born and what is it all about?

    Integrated Troops is about the evolution of marketing itself; marketing evolved from doing advertising to becoming an integrated marketing communication activity. So it wasn’t about the above-the-line, below-the-line. Now sometimes you don’t even need a TVC (television commercial) to run your campaign, so it becomes an integrated marketing communication of a thing. Now for troops, it is all about the need to understand that you also have your TV set, you have your phone, you have your newspaper, you have your billboard, all of those are the different channels. You have your ‘air force’, the ‘naval forces’ in the seas. You also need to have your troop soldiers where the need arises to evolve a ground battle, so it’s about the ground battle forces for marketing communication. We are ground forces for quality consumer engagement and interaction.

    So, when was it born?

    Troops was born in 2006, and well it’s been there before then and it’s a journey that has always been, especially with my coming on board in 2010.

    What do you mean by coming on board, are you not the one who birthed it?

    I was the ‘driver’ for Troops, Linkpoint and a couple of other agencies. Troops is a result of a need; an industry need.  I actually initiated a few friends to say, ‘guys this is the kind of challenge that we have here and there.’ Some of them said ‘We want you to do it.’ By the time I was leaving service, I chose to align with Troops, as I could have aligned with any other agency. For instance, someone once challenged me and said, ‘why are you always bringing your friends to come and pitch for businesses here?’ And I answered, ‘Do I need to go and look for my enemies to come and pitch for businesses for us?’ I have to make everyone my friends first; I have to look for the best among friends to work for us, because my friends are some of the best in the industry.

    When would you say you noticed you had a flair for marketing communication?

    It started from secondary school. In my secondary school days, after WAEC and JAMB, I started running Mainguys Entertainment. With Mainguys Entertainment, we were running shows; we ran entertainment. There was a particular show we had that was so successful I was going to school and did not remember to submit my list of requests to my father. The next thing, then I was already in school, my father came to my school unannounced. He travelled all the way from Lagos, came to the school unannounced, went to the HOD, presented my name and said, ‘sorry, this student, is he your student?’ He was not asking them to go and call me, because for him, ‘how could somebody who was a student leave home and forgot to collect his pocket money; yet when he  was leaving for school, he dashed his younger brother and sister money? That one is a cultist.’ Mainguys has been there; it’s more of an adventure. You really don’t know where you are heading to; you just want to make things happen. So it started from my youth days, and by the time I was in higher institution, I already knew how to prepare my proposal, get friends involved. We worked for some clients. I already knew people who were in advertising, so if you can do a good proposal and you convince them, they can convince their clients. So by the time I was coming out of school, I knew I should go and work. So in getting my first job, I didn’t negotiate salary; there was no salary negotiation. I just requested for a job, and Sesan Oyebode offered me a job: the amount I got the first month was different from what I got the second month, and then what I got the third month, and then I became a staff. That was the beginning of a great story.

    What’s the difference between marketing communication, advertising and public relations? What’s the thin line?

    There are no lines anywhere. It’s just that marketing communications is a body of communication weapons for different purposes. So, the weapon that you want to use for this particular objective may be public relations; for that objective, it may be advertising. For that other objective may be direct lines; another one, you might just say ‘let’s us do publicity’. Publicity is even different from public relations. So, it’s a whole kind of skills that I like to call weapons. Now because of the complexity of implementation, nobody has to claim to be master of all, so, since we know that they are different kinds of weapons, you must be able to present yourself to the client and say ‘this particular weapon is one I’m an expert in’, because you cannot say ‘I’m general, I know how to use everything’; the client is going to be worried. Which one is your specialty? So, it is not as if you can decide whether you like to use advertising or you want to decide to use PR, no it’s illogical. You have to determine which of these tools is applicable and relevant to the challenge at hand.

    Which one are you general of; which one is your own specialty?

    We are experts in direct communications, direct marketing.

    How can marketing communication contribute effectively to an economy such as Nigeria’s?

    There’s a lot that can be done. For our industry, implementation standard is still not up to what it should be. So, basically, the way I think we can help to grow the economy is to pay more attention to implementation dexterity.

    What is the bane of the industry?

    It’s the Sponge Syndrome. When a sponge absorbs and does not squeeze, it stays there and starts stinking. The one that squeezes will receive fresh water and still squeeze. For me, we should not be sponges that retain to stink, but we should rather squeeze.

    Some people claim you ran to Abuja as a result of some challenges, how true is that?

    It’s a lie; my office is here in Lagos, Adeniyi Jones precisely.

    Your philosophy of life?

    Challenges, for me, are opportunities

    What does your wife do?

    She is a fashion consultant.

    How would you describe fashion?

    Fashion is what makes people feel good.

    In the name of fashion, what will you never be caught putting on or using? Or what do you dislike on a person, in the name of fashion?

    I have seen things, things that I won’t like to see my children wearing; things that I don’t like? Torn jeans, yeah, torn jeans. Torn jeans is an error, I don’t like it. And dresses that leave nothing to imagination

    Describe Demola Adedoyin in just three words.

    Selfless, pragmatic, createpreneur.

  • MOBOLA AKINRUTAN: How I stumbled on making fascinators

    MOBOLA AKINRUTAN: How I stumbled on making fascinators

    Mobola Akinrutan is the CEO of Login Fashion House, known for her fascinators, accessories and her clothing line. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she takes you into her world and the things that inspire her.

     

     

    YOU are great with fascinators, how did this begin?

    It is a very interesting story and something that I stumbled on. I had a party and my makeup artist was running late. So, I had to wear a wig and that was what inspired me to think about them. After the party, I went online and did a course.

    That was a great eye opener for me and it led me into exploring the opportunities here.  That was the beginning and if you check our collections you would be amazed at what we have; a variety of awesome styles to fit various looks. That actually took us into another phase in the business and we have now moved more into photoshoot, which is also very interesting.

    Which fabrics do you love working with?

    The fabric you work will naturally bring out the creativity in what you do. I love to work with our very own ankara.

    What inspired you to go into the fashion sector? 

    It is something that I am very passionate about and I would say that the journey has been interesting for me.  I create, design and style. I love to express myself through my styles and design.  Looking back to when I started, I would say that it has been a great learning curve for me.

    Along the line, I have also discovered that the fashion industry is fast paced, exciting and full of creativity and glamour. To be able to express my passion, I have to discover and rediscover myself on a continuous basis. That makes it very exciting with new things coming up all the time.

    What inspires and drives what you do?

    Transformation comes when your outlook stands out. That is what you get from a good designer or clothier. So, from the onset, my focus was to transform lives positively. So, my desire was to make a positive impact in my country by making fashion simple, effortless and chic.

    What was it like at the beginning? 

    At the beginning, I always knew that I wanted to carve a niche for myself. I wanted to be an independent designer, be sought after when it comes to luxury fashion concerns, especially in the middle market segment and retail chains. Those sectors were hard to balance in the beginning, but gradually that challenge was surmounted.

    What were the challenges encountered? 

    Usually, I get inspired by the challenges around me and create solutions from this. Like every sector, fashion has its own challenges but I was not deterred because I knew where I was going. However, looking back, I would say that personnel can be a big challenge. If you don’t have the right hands, it can slow you down.

    Tell us about your designs and your achievements

    Our designs are high on creativity and embellishment. That is what makes them stand out and be different from others. Something you see and you just want to have for keeps. This is possible with our excellent drawing ability, fine eye for details and strong visualisation skills. In addition to all these, I would also say that we have an edge because of what I call a sharp business sense.

    Each time I look back to when we started, I get motivated in different ways. Designing has therefore given me a platform in the African fashion space and I am proud of my label, especially when I see it on people.

    For achievements, I would say that satisfying our customers is very important for us. We have a great desire to showcase our designs in the international space and put Nigeria on the map in a unique way.

    Tell us about some memorable moments as a designer

    There has been a number of memorable moments for us at Login and they include participating in shows as well as moments when my customers talk about my label (Login). They recommend it, and prefer it.

    How would you classify your designs? Let’s talk about what makes them different.

    It is a collection that takes different people into consideration and we have something for everyone. In the collection, you find that my design cuts across formal and causal wears. And the embellishment part combines with the ability that I sketch my styles out myself.

    What are some of the other things that occupy your time? 

    I love to talk to people and motivate them in some of the other areas that I have interest in and knowledge about. That is also inspiring because that way, they learn from me and I also learn from them too.

    Who or what do you consider as the greatest influence in your life?

    My parents have been two of the biggest influences in my life. They have values that I admire and I am proud of them in so many ways. In addition, I also have a great influence on myself and this has helped to motivate me at the different phases in life.

    What lessons has life taught you?

    The biggest lesson life has taught me is that success is no accident. It is about hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love for what I am doing.

    Who are the people you admire?

    My parents, and my supervisor, Jane Riley, was an inspiration for me. She has a tremendous moral compass. If something appeared morally questionable, she taught us to lean towards the right thing to do. She was right as it strengthened our relationship with clients and benefited everyone in the end.

    If you had to advise Nigerian designers, what would you tell them?

    They are really doing well and I am inspired by the things that they are doing. Nigerian fashion is really setting a pace on the global scene and there is still a lot to do. So, I would tell them to continue to give their best in the industry and put God first.

    Where do you hope to see your brand in the next few years?

    Our dreams and desire is to help project Nigeria positively on the global scene, impact our world and be reckoned with. In addition, I see worldwide sales and to be relevant in different ways. And to give back in employment and training.

    What are some of the changes that you would like to see in the fashion sector?

    To make the sector stand out, I strongly believe that staff and electricity to drive what we do is very important. So, having constant electricity would therefore go a long way to make things better and boost our productivity.

    What are the things that you would not do in the name of fashion?

    Have products that have unique quality is something that would make our products compete favourably with our competitors all over the world. I will never compromise my standard and that has really worked for me. Also, tell us about the other things that occupy your time

    I am into food and that is something that I find very exciting and interesting. I only do food in packs by supplying to events, church programmes, offices and party take aways. Login meals, interestingly, has carved a niche for itself and that is a part of my life that I have found to be evolving in different ways.

    I must say that I am a woman of many parts and sometimes, I don’t even know where I get the energy from. I just got to start my hair line. This inspiration also came when I decided to do more of wearing wigs. So I invested in it to share it with people around me, and enjoy the goodness. That has also opened up a number of opportunities that are exciting and the brand is known as Loginstyleme.

    That is not the only thing. I am also into farming. I have a fish farm and we rear catfish and I also do chicken. My farm is in Lagos and it is called Tyelog Farms.

    How did you coin your brand name?  

    When I moved back to Nigeria, I was trying to get into the fashion industry and also back into the system.  And after a while, I decided to use login and I matched it up with the line am in: Login House of Fashion.

    Tell us about life before fashion

    I studied Accounting and I practiced with my dad in Obat Oil and Gas for about three years. My dad wanted me to stick to the oil and gas industry but I wanted to be on my own. I opted for fashion and he supported me because he is also someone who loves to look good; he is very fashionable. Leaving Obat was a big challenge. I sent in my resignation letter but it was not accepted. So, I had to leave unannounced for the UK.

    The experience has been good, interesting and very encouraging. The name of my outfit is called Login House of Fashion. I showcase children’s wears and I am working more on the English look. I started with my daughter initially; that was before I got the support of my family. The most creative part of my business is the children’s ready-to-wear clothes, and parents are usually excited when they see the things in our collection. They are English designs but I work with African fabrics.

    Now the business has taken shape and I have the support of my family, friends and clients. While I was in the United Kingdom, I went for a fashion course and it was a great eye opener for me. I did just the theory part and didn’t do the practicals because it was a bit challenging. So moving back to Nigeria, I did the practical thing here.

    How would you assess our designers today?

    My design is a crossword. I have just moved more into ‘SBSL’: Simple But Stylish Look.

    Are there new areas that you would like to go into?

    Yes.  I am an entrepreneur who is opened to so many things. Now, I am thinking of going into properties.

  • MOJISOLA ALLI-MACAULAY: Newbies in politics should not aim for high positions

    MOJISOLA ALLI-MACAULAY: Newbies in politics should not aim for high positions

    Mojisola Alli-Macaulay, member representing Amuwo Odofin LCDA in the Lagos State House of Assembly, started her foray into politics as a councillor between 2010 and 2013. She defeated an incumbent to win the Lagos State house of assembly seat in the 2019 elections. In this encounter with Hannah Ajakaiye, she shares her experience as a female politician navigating Nigeria’s tough political terrain.

     

    BEFORE joining politics, Alli-Macaulay worked as a broadcaster at Radio Lagos Eko FM. She moved to Television Continental where she worked as a senior marketing executive in the special project unit. It was from here that she was inspired to pursue a career in politics owing to her ambition to change society for the better.

    “Joining politics was destiny calling. Naturally, I never liked injustice and I’ve always questioned systems. I like an ambiance of civility and order because I’ve been to places around the world and seen how people live. When the opportunity came to contest as a councillor, I won and emerged as the deputy house leader of the Amuwo Odofin legislative council,” she told The Nation.

    Nigeria has often been ranked as one of the worst countries in the world for female representation in parliament. Discrimination, lack of will and shortage of female candidates are factors aiding shrinking spaces for women in the country’s political landscape. Sharing thoughts on her participation in the 2019 election which brought her to her current position as a parliamentarian at the state level, Macaulay recalled a bitter-sweet experience.

    “I had to work very hard to break all boundaries, it was really difficult. I had to surmount antagonism from members of my party and also work on being accepted by the public. Elections don’t come easy as there are always issues and challenges and being a woman, it’s always a different story. I had confidence in myself and that kept me going,” she stated.

    In the Nigerian political sphere, politics and money are like Siamese twins. Although nomination and expression of interest form is sometimes made free for women; that does not make for an exemption from the astronomical amount of money spent on campaigns. The sad trend is turning governance in Africa’s biggest democracy into a ‘venture’.

    “When you emerge as a candidate to run for office, the first thing people ask you is how much do you have? If somebody says good morning to you and you respond, the next thing they are asking for is money. I had to put some of my belongings on distress sales because I constantly needed money,” she lamented.

    Juggling care duties with the demands of a political career in a society steeped in patriarchy is a factor which often debars women from seeking political offices in Nigeria. For some, it’s a hard choice between the home and public service. As a married woman with children, Alli-Macaulay confessed that it is important for married women who want to contest elections to first get the blessings of their husbands.

    “You have to get the blessings of your husband first because you are going to face a lot of challenges and he’ll be your rock. Once you have a rock behind you, you can face anything, and even confront the devil. Some women feel they can do it alone, no way!” she said.

    Her admonition for women aspiring for public office is to start from a lower cadre, as it affords them the opportunity to learn a step at a time. Recalling her encounter with a woman with less than six months experience in politics aiming to contest a seat in the parliament; she said women often make a mistake by aspiring for high positions once they join politics.

    “Sometimes you don’t have to start from a high position, you can start from being a supervisory councillor so that you can have a learning curve. Learn the tricks of the trade, get to understand what politics is about, have the opportunity to be accepted first,” she counsels.

    Recalling that stigmatisation is not just experienced in politics but other professional groups, Macaulay charges women to own their own destinies.

    “You can see that a lot of women are actually controlling commerce all over the world. And I want to say this, any country that does not recognise the strength of women are shortchanging themselves. Women are natural incubators, they are natural multipliers. It’s just an ordination by God. Women should go into politics and serve mankind, it’s right there in their hands.”

    The Centre for Democracy and Development (CDD) commissioned this report.

  • You don’t need to sleep with men for money! (II)

    You don’t need to sleep with men for money! (II)

    DEAR Madam, You are a God-send in this generation, time and age! I just read your column and I’m pleasantly surprised that one can think they way you do and teach with so much passion! May the Lord increase your power!

    Mr. Chidi

    Dear Madam,

    I read your article “You don’t need to sleep with men for money!” The only work we have in Nigeria is “okada,” prostitution, church business, kidnapping, politics and nairabet. Madam Temilolu Okeowo, as a young widow and a mother of 4 children, how can I feed and train the children in school when i didn’t even see the four walls of a primary school, if i don’t use what i have in search of money?

    Anthonia, Benin City

     

    Dearest Madam Anthonia,

    I really do empathize with you as I have never been a widow, don’t know what it feels to have four children and not be able to fend for them and can’t even imagine the hardship you’ve had to endure all these years! I’m so sorry ma! Since we can’t turn back the hands of time I wouldn’t bother about what you would have done or what you shouldn’t have done, neither can I even fathom what was fated to happen to you;the girls out there reading this can only learn from your predicament! I doubt if any amount of preaching can change your mindset which has been cemented by so much tears, pain and despondency over the years but I must let you know that you CANNOT be on God’s side and not have enough! Even as children of God, there will always be trying times! But such times don’t even last! This also depends on your faith and beliefs! I know as a fact and as written in the word of God that “Righteousness exalts!” I can also tell you that if you decide this very day that you want to lean solely on whatever help God can send you this year to start a business that can help you sustain yourself and your children rather than sleep with men for money, I BEAT MY CHEST THAT YOU’LL END UP WITH MORE MONEY THAN YOU EVER GOT FROM ALL THE MEN YOU SLEPT WITH LAST YEAR! This is a very serious matter and I wish you could challenge God, the father of the fatherless and a defender of widows Psalm 68:5. He also says “And let your widows trust in me.” Jer. 49:11. I would suggest you surrender to Him totally for help, you will write me your testimony, I can guarantee that!

    However, I must plead with you to ensure your children prioritize their lives, shun inanities as much as possible,pursue holiness, concentrate on their studies and graduate in flying colors so they can have a better life than yours and take care of you in return in future after all you have suffered for them! Madam, if the truth be told, if you don’t change your mindset about means of making money, your daughters may end up prostitutes and your sons thieves! I doubt you can have the much-needed peace of mind in your old age if you raised such children! I pray God will send you help from His sanctuary even before the end of this month and strengthen you out of Zion! Please take heart! Thanks so much for pouring out your heart! All shall be well with you and your children in Jesus name!

     

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    When I tell you in some of my face book posts that many of your mothers sadly still have to sleep with men-friends for money to pay your school fees and ensure you don’t go hungry, I know what I’m talking about! When I tell you if you don’t lay a solid foundation in your teens spiritually, academically, emotionally, psychologically etc. and that the way you lay your bed in your teens would determine whether you would sleep in comfort or distress in future or even sleep at all, I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! Girls Club seeks to right wrongs and re-orientate the Nigerian girl and not condemn anyone! If you don’t set your priorities right, pursue your destiny vigorously with God steering the ship of your life and make the most of all He has deposited in you to make you shine in life, self-reliant and in fact become a fortress, you would actually end up sleeping with men for money because most men would never help until they’ve had their taste of you! There’s a lot more on this issue coming your way!

    • To be continued!

     

     

    I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

  • Who spends more on women? Car owner or the man without a car?

    Who spends more on women? Car owner or the man without a car?

    By Vera Chidi-Maha

    Last week, I was going through my old collections of CDs and I stumbled into  ‘The Night Of A thousand Laughs’ in a mood to relax and amuse myself. I immediately slot in an episode of that comedy.

    The first comedian that was featured was Okay Bakassi, a renowned stand-up comedian. After him, came my favourite comedian of all times, ‘I Go Die’ he was indeed hilarious and his jokes simply thrilled me,. There was a particular joke he cracked that really piqued my interest. His joke, if you have been watching him before now, is usually delivered in pidgin English. Hear him: ‘This ladies of nowadays, go dey waste dem time, dem go dey follow all dis car owners. De only tin wey dem go dey get from dese men na only fried rice and ice ream. We wey dey trek; we spend fire’.

    Ironically, after watching him for countless times this joke was still able to make me laugh so hard that tears streamed down my eyes. Anyway, it got me wondering. I am aware that most ladies I know and have read of, would rather be seen with a car owner than with a man who has no car. Ideally, when a guy calls you up and asks you out on a date, the girl is not asking for too much if she expects him to come in a car. There is a ‘but’ however. It does not follow that a man without a car cannot say ‘Hi baby, can I come and pick you out on a date? It is not bad, really. The issue here is : who is likely to spend more on the lady?

    I can recall my teenage days when a couple of guys in my neighbourhood then who could not afford decent apartments, made sure they had cars. Way back then, I had always wondered why they opted for cars first instead of decent apartments. Was it that the preferred the cars to their comfort at home or was it to impress the ladies? Till date, I still wonder why.

    Instead of telling you what I think and know about who spends more on women, I decided to talk to three friends of mine; one of them by the way is still an undergraduate in one of the universities here in Lagos while the other two belong to the working class. Here is what Abosede has to say: “I feel the car owners spend more on their women. The reason is in fact very obvious. The car owners are already up there. If they can afford to buy themselves cars, then they can afford to pick their ladies; bills. What is a lady’s hair-do, shopping, to a car owner?

    “Owning a car is not even a child’s play if you look at it. To own a car requires adequate maintenance and depending on the type of brand of car in question, the cost of maintenance varies. For a man to count hundreds of thousands of naira to buy one unit of a car, he must, by my standard, have arrived. I am not really a material girl but, if you present me with both options, I think I will go for a car owner”

    Juliet, on her own part, prefers to date the guy on foot. Hear her: “You see, these guys who are car owners can sometimes be full of themselves. Some are very promiscuous in nature and believe they are doing girls a favour by dating them. They feel overconfident. They move straight to the next girl, if the first girl turns them down. They pick any girl that catches their fancy with no control whatsoever.

    “Well, I cannot say I know much about their spending habits, but I do know that the car owner I once dated would always tell me how much he spent on fixing one part or the other in his car. In fact, sometimes when he went on and on about his expenses on his car, it bore me to death; but to appear like the nice and understanding lady, I try to pretend to listen to him. He did not spend a quarter of that money on me. When I asked him for shopping money he would always come up with lame excuses like, ‘oh baby, if I had not bought a new engine for my car, if I had not recently done the body work of my car, if I  had not refilled the air-condition gas in my car. It is just most frustrating, that I used to wonder if the car was ‘our’ car. Since the car was for him alone, why couldn’t he make provision for my bills as well?

    “The most annoying of the lot are the guys using jeeps or SUVs. They see themselves as God’s gifts  to women. They stop to pick you up at bus-stops and as soon as they wind down their car windows, they expect you to jump at their offer of a lift. When you do accept their offer and hop into their cars, they immediately give you their cards, and it you are smart, this will tell you that they give same cards to tens and hundreds of girls not minding the scare for STDs.

    “The guys on foot value and respect you before even making any sort of pass to you in the first place. They don’t expect you to say ‘yes’ immediately. So, they spend time to woo you thorough and thorough. They remember-to buy you chocolates, bouquets of flowers, cards and so on. They have the time to send you text messages they call you until you say ‘yes’. And when you do, they treat you like a queen. If in the course of your courtship they buy themselves a car, they treat you like you brought them good luck, and they will want to even compensate you by making you their wives. I have seen men who will stumble into fortune while dating a particular girl and claim thereafter that the girl brought them good future. Which car owner wants to know whether you brought the luck or not. They treat ladies like liabilities and not the assets they ever really are.”

    Miss Bimbo, an undergraduate, said: “My sister, there is no basis at all for comparison! Hey, so you expect me, a student, to date a fellow student or worse still, a working class with no car? Over my dead body! Who wants to suffer? All the guys I know without cars have absolutely nothing to offer. They will only sweet talk you and have sex with you, but oh, my God, the car owners? They know how to spoil a lady. They can afford to take you to shows, movies, and clubs. They really don’t mind spending on ladies. For instance, a guy who has a Yaris car, a jeep, all in his garage, if you are nice to him and can make him happy, he can even afford to buy you your own car.

    “Thanks to the guy I am dating now. He picks all my bills. He comes to campus to pick me up in his car. He loves me, he spoils me silly. We have travelled everywhere together. He is not a fraudster by the way. He is a construction engineer. He was divorced before we met. With the love, attention and money, he is showering on me, I know that since we are both singles, we are, of course, very ready to mingle”.

    Well, readers, there you have it, right from the horse’s mouth. Do you have alternative ideas?

  • At 90, Mabel Segun won’t stop reading, writing

    At 90, Mabel Segun won’t stop reading, writing

    Mabel Dorothy Segun is 90. Born in 1930 in Ondo town,  Ondo state, she comes from a literary family of Sabongida Ora in Edo State. Her father, Reverend Isaiah Aigbovbioise Imoukhuede (Aig-Imoukhuede), wrote the first Ora Primer and more. Regarded as a doyen of Nigerian Literature, she is a versatile woman whose outstanding achievements in the fields of literature, broadcasting and sports have won her local and international recognition. In this chat with Evelyn Osagie, she recounts her voyage into the world of writing and more.

     

    I feel okay except that a few days ago I ate something that disagreed with me and I thought I was going to die before my birthday. But at  90, retirement to be precise is when you are free to write whatever you like.

    I decided that as soon as I retired from the Civil Service, that I would spend my time writing. Unless you overdo it, writing doesn’t kill you. You should not stress yourself in order to please people.

    So, that has been my attitude. And I have done a lot of writing after I retired. And I have enjoyed myself thoroughly writing what I like – not writing to please anybody but myself.

    When you are 90, the only thing needed is discipline. You must have discipline. Some feel they should answer every call: people would always ask you to do this and do that because you have done that in the past.

    But when you are growing old, you would have to say, ‘No’, to those things otherwise you would just drop dead.

     

    My writing in recent years 

     

    In recent times, I have dealt mostly with unfinished work or revision. I like to revise my work all the time so that it can be near perfect as possible. I don’t like things that are not well done.

    I am translating a story by Femi Jeboda, entitled: Olowo Laye Mo. I finished writing it, gave it to some people to read and they have pointed out one or two errors, but I am reading through the whole thing again.

    Sometimes, some books take a long time to produce, like my cultural cookery book that took me 18 years to produce.

    I have unfinished work and hope I can finish them before I go. I am working on finishing my book on rural and satire of Nigeria literature.

     

    The feeling of being writer at 90  

     

    Looking back, I feel fulfilled as a writer. I have written for children. And I have written poetry. Right now somebody is doing PhD on my early poetry.

    I wrote poetry, and later I got diverted to children’s books because I wanted to raise the genre. I felt that it was a neglected genre. It’s gone down again. People can’t write for children anymore.

    Children don’t even read anymore. Omowunmi is trying to take over to see what can be done about it. People don’t seem to know how important children’s books are except the Association of Nigerian Authors (ANA). ANA has been awake to the importance of children’s literature.

    In this country, people think they don’t have to bother with it. So those who are not qualified are writing for children, in that some of them don’t even have the experience of children or talk to children.

    The reason you’d find that Cyprian Ekwensi, for example, could write for children was that he could talk to children.

    I remember when we were at Nairobi airport, there was a child of three running around the place. And when he got near Cyprian, he called him and they started chatting with each other.

    And I thought no wonder he could write for children. But tell my honorable Wole Soyinka to try talking to a child… (Laughs.)

     

    Books closest to my heart

    Well, I have enjoyed writing everything.

     

    Challenges of writing children’s books/On writing for children

    Some think children’s literature is easy to write. They don’t know it’s more difficult than adult literature. This is because you have to go into their minds.

    Read Also: Abiodun: a push for effective civil service

    To write for children, you have to write for different ages and that’s why it’s difficult. You have to study their psychology. Some write as if children are measured with one flat stick.

    For example, I can’t write for teenagers because I don’t know them or what they think about. You have to study the different ages of children.

    You have to know the children, what they consider important and what’s on their minds. You also have to find out their attention span.

     

    Being a writer in my days 

     

    It was easy in those days to get your book published. Now, most people are self-publishing. I don’t think that’s good enough. It’s not encouraging at all.

    Why should you spend your money? In those days, African University Press (AUP) published my books, such as “My father’s daughter,” which became what most young people read.

    It was easy for us to write because the teachers we had were people who influenced us and our childhood. They had deep feeling about writing.

    For example, I became interested in poetry because there was one teacher we  had, Ms. Ore Cole, who made poetry come alive so much.

    She read a poem to us, “Sea Fever”, that talks about the sea and how it felt to be on a boat on the sea. It influenced me a lot that I wanted to become a sailor.

    We could see the lagoon and the ships on the sea. The poem really appealed to me. That is how a good teacher can influence you. I never forgot her all my life.

    That is why I have always advocated that the role of the teachers in education cannot be overemphasised. They are influencers.

     

    Conducive environment for writers – then versus now

     

    Creating a good environment for people who want to be creative, like writers, also has an impact on education. We are living a most unnatural condition.

    In the old days, we used lamps; but those were in the early years of the country. And nowadays there is no excuse at all. But we have gone back to it.

    In fact, I was telling my daughter that I wished we had not given away our oil lamps. We gave them away because they were taking up space.

    And now we need them. It is a pity but why should it be so? I am fed up with this country. I wonder when it would change. Why are we not progressing: why don’t we have constant electricity?

    They don’t know it also affects the attitude of young children towards reading. Nobody wants to be straining the eyes at a book before you can see what’s written there. You should be able to sit in comfort and take your book and read but that doesn’t happen.

     

    My father’s influence on my writing

     

    Although I was born in Ondo town, I come from a literary family, the Aig-Imoukhuede family of Sabongida Ora in Edo State.

    My father, Reverend Isaiah Aigbovbioise Imoukhuede, who adopted the surname Aig-Imoukhuede, was a writer. The man was worth more than just a Reverend.

    He wrote “Iwe Kiko”. He influenced me and my brothers – Frank, the journalist and Aigboje, the former Managing Director of Access Bank.

    He did lots of translations, wrote the first Ora primer, a short history of Ora and was translating the Yoruba hymn book into Ora when he died 39 years ago.

    We are writing his biography – my daughter and I are working on it. He did wonders, you know!

     

    On my son marrying Fela’s daughter

    People were blaming me, asking me why  I let my son marry Fela’s daughter. I told them I do not believe in arranging marriage for people.

    Yeni is a good person. She behaves very well. I was surprised when her daughter, my granddaughter came at Christmas.

     

  • You don’t need to sleep with men for money!

    Sister Okeowo, I write to appreciate you for the spirit-led content of your ‘Girls Club’ column. It is a timely compass to many young girls that are exposed to the dangerous wave of ungodliness in our society enveloped with the charade called ‘news’ or information unleashed by the social media on impressionable minds. Please keep it up! The almighty God will continue to inspire you as you write. You are God-send.

    Rev. C. C. Ekeoma, Foursquare Gospel Church, Onitsha

    Dear Madam,

    Thanks so much for the good work you are doing. However, I have a question for you. Are you now saying that most girls that are not sexually-pure “useless their lives” with men? From your writing, every girl that keeps her body will be successful. Please it does not work like that. I have seen a girl who got married as a virgin but never had a child while harlots who abort countless times are having babies. The African continent is so poor that many girls that are morally-upright and holy are suffering. So, please it doesn’t work like that.

    Chichi.

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    Let the truth be told an average Nigerian girl/lady is unfortunately into prostitution with pleasure or under duress! I know a lot of you would have remained virgins and be sexually pure but for your financial incapacity and uncountable overtures from men. The world has gone so bad that an average man thinks every female lady can be bought with money so they slam their sexual overtures in your faces and are so quick to move on to another lady if you refuse because quite frankly most young ladies today would gladly exchange their bodies for money/favour.  What a destructive transaction! What a dreadful waste! What a shameful depraved world! Sadly, even so many mothers out there are grooming their teenage girls for rich men that would take care of them. Haa…..

    Girls…girls…girls….Did you even know every sexual intercourse carries a heavy spiritual significance and the very first is even weightier and could practically determine how a life would go. It not only involves some blood-shed through the piercing of the hymen (it establishes a covenant), it opens up the gate of your life- your entire existence in the supernatural. Now, who are you opening it up to? Why are you opening it? For money? Money and enormous wealth of which you are a harbinger? ANY GIRL WHO BREAKS HER VIRGINITY FOR MONEY/FAVOUR SIGNS AWAY HER BIRTHRIGHT/GOODNESS TO THE DEVIL AND BECOMES HIS SLAVE! Why do you think prostitutes are stuck to their trade? And to think the spiritual transaction is so humongous such that some girls have given away the core part of their spirituality which could announce them in the world and enable them buy aircrafts before age 40 for a few hundreds of thousand or even less than a hundred thousand!  Some have foolishly sold their future and all God has deposited in them to make them prosper in life unknowingly on the altar of sex! Do you think most of these rich and elderly men would go for just any one? Do you think they are Santas?  80% of the world is highly-occultic and a good number of men lavishing gifts on young ladies are reaping bountifully and emptying these ladies spiritually! This is a very serious matter and not a fable! Little do you know what the devil is up to and guess what, the devil hates to release whatever he’s stolen from you unless you put up a fight which could take so many years or snuff life out of you! Why go through that? How would you live a good life if you become emptied of the treasure you need to coast through life because of your temporary discomfort? Hmm…if only you knew your spiritual worth! There’s so much more coming your way! May you not fall into ruin, may your stars not be emptied and may you not beg to eat in future in Jesus name!

    • To be continued

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  • Bolatito Ladoja-Idakula: why I’m lending voice on postpartum depression

    She is a victim of Postpartum Depression (PPD), but she was able to overcome it and is helping other women to create awareness about it. In this interview with Omolara Akintoye, Nigerian singer Bez’s wife, Bolatito Ladoja-Idakula, a graduate of International Relations from Warwick University, UK with Masters in Management from Imperial College, London, speaks on how she has joined women lending their voices on PPD and helping to educate other women, among other diverse issues.

    With degrees in International relations and management, how did broadcasting find you?

    I have always been a very curious person and I enjoy having conversations and learning about people. I won’t say my career is in broadcasting but more in sharing about God’s love through various media avenues. So I believe it is because of my genuine interest in people and also sharing honest conversations I started to find interest in media. After working shortly at WFM, I was able to hone down my focus to sharing God’s love which is why I produced my talk show. The goal is to create more positive and enlightening content as an alternative to a lot of negativity that we currently have in the world.

    You started out as a banker, why the change of career?

    My job as a banker came as a result of me wanting to have a well-paid after university. I wasn’t specifically interested in banking but I wanted a stable income that could support me. My change of career occurred when I discovered that God was calling me to something else and then after the loss of my daughter after delivery, it became clear that my pain had a purpose which was to encourage others struggling with various difficulties and media is a powerful tool to achieve that.

    How do you juggle your role as a mother, wife and a career woman?

    I have learnt to prioritise and I moved based on what is most important to me. In as much as my career is important, I believe my role as a mother and a wife comes first and for me to thrive in my career, I make sure everything is working at the home front. I am also blessed with an amazing husband who understands that we are in a partnership and so also does his part as a husband and partner. I have also understood that life happens in seasons, so not everything is going to happen at once and there are times when my home life comes first and other times when career comes first. I also have an amazing support network which makes it all happen. And once again, I realise that the more I prioritise my relationship with Christ, the more I have wisdom and grace to handle everything with relative ease.

    At what point did you decide to establish the foundation?

    We started to  support other families and women who had similar experiences with baby loss, miscarriage, etc from the moment I shared my story in 2015 but formed ‘The Healing Cradle Foundation’ and registered in 2019 in order to create more structure and more awareness. I realised many people were suffering in silence and needed support to overcome their pain, so I created the support group to address that. Our foundation deals with more than postpartum depression, although this can be one of the issues women who lose their babies or experience miscarriages also deal with. However, this can happen to any woman who even has a healthy baby. If you find that you are constantly having negative thoughts about yourself and your baby, then speak to a doctor. You might find yourself always crying to you feeling like crying or you are just really unhappy. If you don’t feel right after a few weeks, then speak to a professional.

    What is postpartum depression all about?

    Postpartum depression, which is a type of mood disorder associated with childbirth, is quickly becoming rampant among mothers. Postpartum depression is a type of mood disorder associated with childbirth. Symptoms may include extreme sadness, low energy, anxiety, crying episodes, irritability, and changes in sleeping or eating patterns. Sadly, a lot of women don’t know this exists and often times when they have these symptoms, they hate themselves thinking they aren’t mother enough.

    Are there cases that the NGO has handled?

    As I mentioned, we focus on supporting people who have experienced the loss of a child or had a still birth or miscarriage and need emotional support and have dealt with over 30 women, providing counselling for them and providing practical solutions to help them heal. We have also had over 50 women attend our support group meetings where we share and encourage each other in a safe, judgment-free environment.

    We recently were part of the global wave of light event as part of baby loss awareness week. We created an event to bring families together to speak about baby loss and pregnancy loss in a bid to educate the public that this happens and there is no reason to be shamed. Depression involves a lot of healing process.

    How do you source for fund?

    We often appeal to the public. Also beneficiaries of our work always donate in cash or in kind.

    Share with us your talk show, what’s it about?

    The show is called ‘My Jesus Experience’ and the aim is to show that Christ is very present in our daily lives beyond the church, pastors and pulpit.  In it, I discuss with people who still have faith despite experiencing really difficult times. We discuss topics that range from depression, to the having a blind child as well as waiting to have children.