Category: Weekend Treat

  • Celebs who dumped wigs & gowns for showbiz

    This week’s array of celebs belong to a special class of superstars who straddle two special worlds with ease. We are talking about showbiz personalities who are very well known for their voices, acting, lifestyle, fashion and so on. But only a few people know that these famous actors, musicians and OAPs also have another profession in common besides showbiz. They all attended Nigeria Law School and earned the right to don the wig and gown. Some of them studied Law before they were famous, while others did during the peak of their careers. Here is a list of famous Nigerian celebrities you probably didn’t know studied Law.

    Tunji Bamishigbin

    Veteran actor and filmmaker, Tunji Bamishigbin’s life reads like a good movie. He trained as a lawyer, worked for years in a bank and then left the two lucrative professions for acting. After his call to bar, he actually practised for a while in a law firm but left to follow his passion. “I was working with my friend, Prince Adetimoye, but I was so convinced that I wasn’t cut out for that profession. It was almost the same time that I was directing Fortunes with my colleagues, Charles Owoyemi and Ralph Nwadike,” he told NollywoodReel in an interview.

    Richard Mofe-damijo

    Former Commissioner for Culture and Tourism in Delta State, Richard Mofe Damijo, popularly known as RMD, is one of Nigeria’s most famous and accomplished thespians. He actually started his fairy-tale career at the Midwest College, Warri and Anglican Grammar School, where he was a member of the Drama Club. He enrolled into the University of Benin to continue his education and studied Theatre Arts. After school, he worked as a journalist before moving into acting full time. He returned to the University of Lagos to study Law and graduated in 2004.

    Ebuka Obi-Uchendu

    Lawyer and media personality, Ebuka Obi- Uchendu, who is best known for hosting the reality TV show-Big Brother Naija, the long running Rubbin’ Minds talk show on Channels TV as well as co-hosting The Spot and Men’s Corner on Ebonylife Television, is one of the most successful showbiz personalities of his generation. Suave and debonair, he often appears on the list of the country’s best-dressed men. He studied law for his first degree at the University of Abuja, and then moved to the Washington College of Law of the American University Washington DC where he bagged a Master of Laws degree with specialisations in Intellectual Property.

    Lepacious Bose

    Bose Ogunboye, popularly known as Lepacious Bose, was called to the bar in 2010. Before then, she had first studied Theater Arts. She studied Law at the University of Ibadan but she never actually practised. Lepacious Bose is one of the country’s most successful female comedians. Her weight loss story has inspired a lot of females who are on the weight- loss journey. She reportedly lost 70kg and emerged from her time off with a stunning figure.

    Lolo 1

    Comedienne and actress, Omotunde Adebowale-David, better known as Lolo 1, studied Law at the Lagos State University, after which she went to Law Schoolchool and practised Law for three years before going back to her first love-broadcasting. Lolo has been quite successful in her profession and is one of the nation’s top OAPs.

    Funke Akindele

    Funke Akindele, popularly known as Jenifa, is a Nigerian actress, director and producer. Funke first studied Mass Communication, a course she abandoned after obtaining an Ordinary National Diploma in it from the Moshood Abiola Polytechnics, Ogun State. She later went to University of Lagos to study Law.  She has, however, never really practised Law.

    Tosin Martins

    Inspirational singer, Tosin Martins’ name may not have featured on the Top 10 list in a while but not many will forget his evergreen hit, Olo mi. Martins’ hit song, and a few of his other love ballads still rule the airwaves. He went to the Federal Government College, Abuja, after which he attended the University of Lagos to study Law.

    Falz

    It will surprise no one that Falz started his professional life as a lawyer. Folarin Falana, better known by his stage name Falz, is a Nigerian rapper, songwriter and actor. His father, Femi Falana, is a Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN)and Nigeria’s foremost human rights activist. Falz began his career while in secondary school after forming a group called “The School Boys” with his friend before his professional career as a music artist began in 2009. Perhaps Falz probably studied Law to make his lawyer parents happy, because he dropped the wig and gown immediately after graduation to pursue his passion.

    Femi Adebayo

    Femi Adebayo, the son of the veteran actor, Adebayo Salami, is a Nigerian lawyer, film actor, director and producer. He attended the University of Ilorin where he obtained a bachelor’s degree in Law, and earned a master’s degree in Law at the University of Ibadan. But like others, he never practised the profession before plunging headlong into acting in which he is an A-list star.

    Chinko Ekun-able God

    Oladipo Olamide Emmanuel, better known as Chinko Ekun-the Able God crooner, is a Nigerian singer, artist and rapper. He actually studied Law at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile- Ife (OAU).

    Samuel Olasehinde

    Actor and screenwriter, Samuel Olasehinde, son of Pa James (Ajirebi Kayode Olasehinde) also studied Law at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile Ife.

    Kanayo O. Kanayo

    Leading actor, Anayo Modestus Onyekwere, better known as Kanayo O. Kanayo or as KOK, studied Law at the zenith of his movie career. He recently bagged a Law degree from the University of Abuja. By the way, the law degree happens to be his fifth degree.

    Wale Adebayo – Sango

    Wale Adebayo, whose first role as lead character in the epic film “Sango” produced by Femi Lasode shot him into limelight, read Law at the Obafemi Awolowo University.

    Kemi Adetiba

    Kemi is a Nigerian music video director, film make and television director whose works have appeared on Channel O, MTV Base, Soundcity TV, BET and Netflix. Kemi started out professionally as a radio presenter with Rhythm 93.7 FM while studying Law at the University of Lagos, which she later abandoned after discovering her talents in entertainment and went on to study Film Making in New York Film Academy.

    Kenneth Okonkwo

    Nigerian famous actor Kenneth Okonkwo is a multi-talented personality – lawyer, diplomat, actor, politician, entrepreneur and film producer. He graduated with a degree in Business Administration from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in Enugu State and later studied Law at the University of Lagos, Akoka.

    Kelechi Amadi-Obi

    Renowned Nigerian creative photographer, painter, artist and the publisher of Mania Magazine, Kelechi Amadi-Obi also studied Law and was called to the bar in 1993.

    Omawumi Megbele

    Known by her stage name, Omawumi, she’s a Nigerian singer, songwriter and actress who gained fame as the 2007 runner-up on West African Idols, a reality TV show part of the Idols franchise. She graduated from Ambrose Alli University with a Law degree in 2005, before moving to Port Harcourt, Rivers State, where she worked with her family’s law firm, O.S Megbele & Associates.

    Funke Bucknor-Obruthe

    Nigerian entrepreneur, lawyer and the founder and CEO of Zapphaire Events- Funke Obruthe is regarded as one of Nigeria’s pioneering event planners. She studied Law at the University of Lagos and was called to bar after attending the Nigerian Law School in Abuja. She practised briefly before her love for event planning made her start Zapphaire Event. She is one of the biggest forces to be reckoned with in the event planning industry.

    Kemi Afolabi

    Nigerian actress, film producer and scriptwriter proceeded to the University of Lagos where she bagged a bachelor’s degree in Law after her secondary school education at Our Lady of Apostles School, Lagos.

    Folake Akindele-Coker

    Founder and creative director of the notable fashion house, Tiffany Ambe, and the beautiful daughter of Ibadan billionaire, Chief Akindele, Folake Akindele-Coker, is a qualified lawyer with a Masters degree in Petroleum Law.

  • Ways to have a romantic relationship in between life hustles

    Gbenga and Tutu (not real names) had been together for six years. So far, they have a good understanding
    of each other. The only issue is that Tutu is not happy, why? Gbenga is no longer as romantic as he used to be. All the things he used to do, he had practically stopped. No more wedding anniversary gifts, no more surprise gifts, once he comes back from work he will drop his clothes anyhow on the floor. To even carry the baby is headache for him. He leaves her alone to handle all the house work and all while, Gbenga, on the other hand feels the extra things Tutu used to do is no longer forthcoming: the great sex, the listening ear, the attention to his food. Instead, it is always nagging and ignoring him when she never gets her way.

    Over the years, the challenge of having and maintaining a romantic relationship with your partner is an issue of worry for many while dating, early years of marriage and many years after being married. A couple of clients keep asking: “Rois what does a healthy relationship look like”? Every relationship has its unique nature. What is good for Bisi may not necessarily be good for Joke And the only answer I have been able to give and still give is relationships will always look and feel different for every couple.

    However, in my experience with couples dating and married, I have seen that the role models you look up to is very key. For instance, if as an individual you did not get to have the experience to grow up with parents, guardians or people who can influence you, with their wonderful and healthy way of relating to each other, it may be difficult to find a healthy couple to learn from or look up to.

    The scare in this aspect could be that the “healthy couple” may just be faking it. But all things being equal, we are talking about learning from couples who actually relate properly with each other.

    So I will try in my own little way to address healthy ways to have and maintain a romantic relationship as it works differently for people and the fact remains that it finally depends on each couple how they want to function irrespective of what I may say.

    Always tell your spouse you love them and why

    Action speaks louder than words. This is a motto I have lived by in my life, but the words were also created for a reason. They speak clearly, helping erase all misconceptions. Every now and then, you have to learn to verbalize your feelings. Don’t just expect your spouse to know, especially during hard times. Just a very simple “I love you my husband, you are a great father” or “I love you my wife, thank you for standing by me through thick and thin” can go a long way. It will make your significant other not only feel wanted, but appreciated as well. It improves the security in the relationship and improves self-confidence of both of you.

    Always show affection no matter how small

    A certain amount of people, though not very comfortable with intimacy as a result of upbringing, religion or environment, may not be able to do this 100 per cent. At least, some efforts should be made to show small acts of physical intimacy. For instance, learn to hold hands. I can hear some people laughing and asking “in Nigeria?” This is not an European country o!  Yes, I know, but an act, as small as holding hand is a good way to show affection. I had to personally learn how to do this. While sitting watching a movie or TV news, put your arm over their shoulder. What people don’t realize is that the littlest touch can be as important and sometimes depending on your spouse, may be even more than having sex 24 hours a day. Quite a number of people are emotional beings. They may not want to show it.

     Always be appreciative of your partner

    It is very important to always inform your partner as often as possible on how important they are to you in the simplest terms in simple ways: by stating what you like about them , what makes you proud of them, their strength no matter how silly it may sound. Romance should not just be about bonding in every way, especially sexually alone , but it’s about connecting the mind , body and soul to your spouse , creating a win-win situation , with everyone feeling good about themselves. Words like “honey, I just love the way you analyse issues with speed and can make decisions under pressure” or “honey, I admire your skill in cooking jollof rice; I am sure you can even cook it in your sleep” or “honey no one can handle pressure like you, you make everything look so easy.” These are sincere ways of showing appreciation, which ever works for you . Please, try it and see how romance will increase in your relationship,

    Always be open about yourself

    Some couples have a poor habit of letting outsiders know and understand them better than their spouse. This is very wrong and kills the romance in any relationship. Ensure you share what you like and what you don’t like with your spouse. Infact, anything you feel is important information or worthy of note should be shared. Share intimate parts of yourself with your spouse, unless you have trust issues, but this is the right thing to do. Of course, there should also be ability to have some space and boundaries in every relationship, but it is important to share this with them, so they know what to do and what to avoid in order to make you not only happy, but improve the romance you both share.

    Always be available for your spouse

    Being supportive of your spouse is a very important rule. Life sometimes is not rosy all the time , but being available when times are tough is crucial to avoid a feeling of neglect and betrayal. There are times either of you may experience loss of job, loss of a family member, loss of business, financial loss , even loss of a child , you need to be supportive when these challenges in life come because they do come and in a lot of cases , take you by surprise.

    What we are saying is you should be supportive when there is chaos . Bring calm to the situation , be ready to listen and offer help. Sometimes you may not have the solution, but offer sympathy. Be the shoulder to cry on and don’t let them cry on another person’s shoulder.

    Always present gifts no matter how small

    It is not only on anniversary, birthday, or some major occasions that you will present gifts. Every day you are alive is an opportunity to show love, showing love in material forms doesn’t make your spouse cheap. It’s not about jewellery alone or boxers or cakes. You can pick a very good book, take them to the movies, a nice tie, bracelet with a little note by the pillow so when they wake up, they can see it. This is applicable to both sides, meaning even women can do this and not always wait for the man. Both genders should not be waiting for who will buy gifts first. Create a reason for the gift and take action. If there is no reason , then the reason of “ I love this man , or I love this woman” should be enough and this will show them amongst other good behavior that you love and care for them.

  • Hottest plus-sized celebs

    GONE are the days when only thin or medium was considered slim and medium-sized ladies were adjudged sassy. It is no longer a secret that you can actually be big and still be beautiful and bold, sexy and stunning!

    For so long, all sorts of unnatural ideas of beauty left so many women with trauma as they fight against their DNA to look perfect using other people’s images as standards. But nowadays, women now know that they do not have to be as slim to be beautiful.

    While many still consider the ‘lepacious’ figure as the ideal frame of beauty, many men and women are now embracing the idea that females of any shape and size can project enchanting beauty.

    Leading city OAP and entrepreneur, Toolz Demurin,is a lady of impeccable class and style with a large following of fashionistas who hang on to her word and keep an eye on her style. Yet she is not slim. Toolz wears her size well. She is also bold and beautiful. She wears anything that suits her and this makes her comfortable and glamorous.

    Read Also: Eight female Nollywood celebrities unmarried at 40 and above

    It is important to take pride in being healthy and looking respectable. Beautiful women come in all sizes and shapes.

    The days when full-figured women were severely limited in their fashion choices are, fortunately, in the past. Designers and retailers now realize that offering fashionable plus-size clothing is smart business.

    Full-figured women know that who you are is not defined by what size you wear. You can look wonderful and feel great in the body you have. And with so many plus-size women’s clothing options now available at every price point, there’s no reason you can’t look your best.

    So, this week we will be bringing you the leading shapely, sexy and beautiful plus-sized celebs.

    Latasha Ngwube –The founder and Creative Director, Aboutthatcurvylie.com. Latasha’s beauty and personal sense of style could make even the skinniest woman on earth wish for a plus-sized body.

    Yemi Alade – Nigerian Afropop singer and songwriter who gained prominence after winning the Peak Talent Show in 2009, is best known for her hit single “Johnny”. Alade is not only an incredible singer with millions of fans on the continent, she’s also an incredible dancer.

    Anita Joseph – Anita, an accomplished actress, is as famous for her movies as she is for her finely curved famous backside. She is the epitome of African woman hour-glass-body beauty.

    Eniola Badmus – She is not just one of the most famous plus-sized Nollywood actresses out there, she’s the first plus-sized actress to be signed for a major outdoor advert/commercial. Not only is she smart, she’s quick witted and a damn good actress.

    Bimbo Akintola – One of Nollywood’s most recognizable faces and super talented actresses, Akintola is also a talented comedian and OAP. She is one of the few Naija actresses that act flawlessly in both English and Yoruba movies.

    Biodun Okeowo – Popularly known as Omo Butty is a super sexy plus-sized Nollywood actress that has been around for a long time.

    Toolz Demurin – The OAP Toolz’s not just famous for her voice, she’s famous for being part of a minority of plus-sized celebrities in Nigeria. Toolz  isn’t just an OAP though, she owns a plus-sized lingerie line; which proves wrong the stereotype that plus-sized women can’t wear swimsuits and look good at them.

    Daniella Okeke – With a super sexy curve, Daniella is one fantasy woman.

    Taje Prest – Presenter and media personality, Taje is the Creative Director of her eponymous brand. Taje is not just a pretty plus-sized woman, she’s a woman who’s trying to change the status quo for plus-sized women, by making clothes that they want to wear.

    Omotola Ekehinde, is an actress who isn’t quite plus-sized, but she made this list for a few reasons, most notably her influence on how Nollywood sees beauty nowadays. She was sometimes named one of the sexiest and the most attractive in Nollywood, and it’s been said that she has the ideal figure for a woman-despite the fact that she isn’t skinny. She’s been considered a role model for a lot of women. And we wonder how she maintains that bootylicious figure despite being a mother of four.

    Others include Moyo Lawal, Foluke Daramola, Adaora ukoh, Jenifer Eliogu, Daniella Okeke, Uche Jombo, Empress Njamah and Destiny Etiko.

  • Kings and queens of endorsement

    Celebrity endorsement is the mother of all side hustles. In recent times, it has guaranteed a steady stream of hefty income for our biggest celebs with some of them earning as seven or eight digit sign-on fees.

    Once an individual reaches a celebrity status, be it in music, sports, acting or comedy, he is at the point of hitting it big.  Brands, intent on connect in with their existing customers and attract new ones, are always quick to get celebrities aboard to help them promote their products.

    Several successful companies are happy to invest in a famous face because it guarantees an exponential jump in sales in the long run. Companies around the world also use celebrities endorsement to communicate their brand ideals to particular sets of customers and win market share.

    When selecting a celebrity endorser, a company might consider the credibility, physical appearance, intellectual weight, lifestyle and fan base.

    This week, we serve you celebrities who have landed the most lucrative endorsement deals in the business, including the corporate concerns, home appliances, cosmetic, equipment, clothing, food industries and lots more.

    Funke Akindele aka Jenifa

    Funke Akindele, popularly known as jenifa, is known for her success with sponsored ads and recently is believed to have made more money from brand partnerships than from her acting career. Apart from her major deal with a real estate brand, she is also a brand ambassador of a popular product. Idowu Philips

    Idowu Philips, widely known as Iya Rainbow, is a Nigerian veteran actress who has monopolised the twin roles of mother and grandmother for years in some of biggest movies.

    Ngozi Nwosu

    Veteran Nigerian actress and producer Nwosu has many movies to her credit and is one of Nollywood’s most famous faces.

    Helen Paul

    Helen Paul, aka Alhaja Donjazzy, who recently bagged a Ph.D in Theatre Arts from the prestigious University of Lagos is a comedian, singer and actress.

    Saka

    Afeez Oyetoro is a Nigerian comic actor and lecturer,  popularly known as Saka. Saka’s first big endorsement deal was with a telecom firm. He has since notched other deals.

    Odunlade Adekola

    Odunlade Adekola is a Nigerian actor, singer, film-maker, producer and movie director. He is arguably the most celebrated Yoruba movie actor in the industry at the moment. There is hardly a day that a movie featuring him doesn’t appear on our screen. He has quite a few endorsement deals.

    Olamide

    Nigerian hip hop recording artist, song writer and producer, ecords mostly in Yoruba, his native tongue. Olamide Adedeji known by his stage name Olamide but popularly called Olamide Baddo or BaddoSneh is one of the biggest Yoruba hippop artistes of his generation.

    Phyno

    When it comes to endorsements, Nigerian artist, producer and song writer, actor and the most popular igbo rapper, Phyno, is a master. He has a few good endorsements in the bag.

    Dbanj

    Popular Nigerian musician-Dbanj has everything in his favour: good looks, gorgeous body, a winsome smile and several musical hits. No wonder endorsements have not stopped rolling in, even if he has not been very active in the music scene in recent times. Dbanj is still shinning.

    Omawunmi

    Omawumi Megbele, known by her stage name Omawumi, is a Nigerian singer and songwriter who gained attention as the 2007 runner-up on West African Idols, a reality TV show part of the Idols franchise but has become a force to be reckoned with in the music industry with

    Genevieve Nnaji

    One of Nollywood’s veteran and most recognisable actresses, Genevieve  Nnaji, is a Nigerian actor, producer and director. Nnaji has starred in quite a few blockbusters. The extremely photogenic actress is every brand’s dream.

    Wizkid

    Ayodeji Ibrahim Balogun (born 16 July 1990), known professionally as Wizkid (sometimes stylised as WizKid), is one of Nigeria’s biggest hippop stars.

    Davido

    The Omo Baba Olow crooner, David Adedeji Adeleke better known by his stage name Davido, is a Nigerian singer, songwriter, record producer and entrepreneur.

    Burna Boy

    Nigerian international Afro-fusion singer and songwriter Damini Ogulu, popularly known as Burna Boy. Burna has been in the news recently for his very successful album, African Giant.

    Tiwa Savage

    Tiwatope Savage, Nigerian singer, songwriter, and actress, known professionally as Tiwa Savage, is a hardworking and highly talented music super star.

  • Simple ways to make a long-distance relationship work

    Being apart is definitely trying at times, even for couples with a relatively strong foundation. How do you get through it?

    When you’re in a long-distance relationship, being apart sucks for a number of reasons, not least of which is that you’re missing out on that all-important physical connection: holding hands, cuddling on the couch, kissing and, of course, having sex.

    “It’s normal to crave intimacy when you are apart, but sometimes maintaining intimacy and keeping things spicy is not as easy as it seems,”

    No one’s ever said that long-distance relationships are easy, but the distance doesn’t have to ruin your relationship either. With the right commitment and communication, long-distance relationships can actually be more stable than geographically close relationships.  Simple adjustments to your attitude and lifestyle can help you keep your loved one in your life.

    Many people believe that long-distance relationships are never going to work out. Your family may discourage it, and some of your best friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart broken.

    Nobody says it is going to be easy-the extra distance makes many things unachievable. Things could get complicated, and you could get sad and lonely at times.

    Talk about mundane, little things: Don’t feel as though every conversation needs to be a thoughtful discussion about your relationship, hopes, or dreams. Instead, focus on the little things that couples who live together would, such as grocery shopping, doing chores around the house, or redecorating.[6] This gives the feeling of creating a home together, something you both can look forward to.

    Talking about the boring or mundane parts of your day can also foster connection and interdependence, the foundation of relationships.[7]

    Create trust: Trust in a relationship is vital, regardless of distance. Try your best to be faithful and avoid temptation. If you do make a mistake, it’s especially important to be honest and tell your partner the truth in cases where lying would benefit you. For example, if you put yourself in a position of temptation (like going to a bar), lying about your whereabouts would benefit you personally, but would benefit your relationship if you were honest.

    Frequent use of email and online resources can help cultivate trust in romantic relationships.[

    Tip 1: Be ready to work twice as hard as you did before:

    During college, my now-husband (then-boyfriend) went to school year round in Utah while I stayed behind and finished up high school and then attended a local college. Even though we were young, we knew our relationship was the one worth fighting for so we were determined to get through those years. We have now been together a total of 12 years and have been married for the last five. One thing we’ve learned? You need to work toward having a very strong, solid base to your relationship when you’re long distance.

    Be open, honest, and trusting. Take the time to figure out how and when is best to communicate with each other. Work at making each other feel special, even without seeing each other. All the things you work on during a normal relationship will need extra effort for in a long distance relationship

    Tip 2: Establish some ground rules about when you’ll see each other: My husband and I did long distance for five and a half years in total, with me working and going to school in Toronto and him in school in Florida. We had a rule to never go more than six weeks without seeing one another in person and we pretty much stuck to that. Be committed to each other.

    Be open and honest by volunteering private information. You should both be morally committed to each other, continuing the relationship because of personal values, not because of social pressures. Personal values include beliefs like staying faithful is part of my identity. Social pressures involve the perception of society’s approval or disapproval. For example, my mum would be devastated if I cheated on my girlfriend and she broke up with me.

    Watch out for behaviour where your partner tries to manipulate you into doing something that only benefits your partner, like lying about an emergency to get you to answer your phone during an important business meeting. If dishonesty and manipulation become a part of your communication, then you must revisit why your relationship lacks trust.

    Tip 3: Call and text each other throughout the day: My wife and I have had to do the long distance thing twice in our relationship. When we first met she lived about an hour away in San Jose and I lived in San Francisco.

    After we got married I was working in San Francisco and she was in Los Angeles and we only got a few days a month to see each other. We learned that you have to call and text each other during the day and share what’s going on. In other words, don’t wait to do it all in a phone call at the end of the day when you are tired. Make your partner part of your daily life.

    Matty Staudt

    Get comfortable talking about your feelings, needs and desires and listening to your partner’s, too.

    Be open with your partner. The key to intimacy in LDRs is open communication. Discuss the best ways to maintain intimacy with your partner. Don’t be shy to experiment with intimate activities that you both are comfortable doing. Communicate your sexual desires and be open to your partner’s desires, too. – Craig

    Don’t do anything irrational just because you’re angry or upset about something they’ve said or done. Communication is key, if you have a problem then talk it out, it will build better trust and a stronger bond. You can’t maintain a relationship if you are terrified that they will do something to you because you did something out of anger.

    Tip 4: Don’t forget to schedule regular Skype dates:

    It’s really essential that you and your partner have a schedule for when you’ll talk. We’re fortunate that we have so many different modes of contact these days, but texting is not enough to keep a long-distance relationship going. To maintain a strong relationship, you need to talk on the phone, but preferably something like Skype, as often as you can!

    It’s important to schedule those times so you and your partner know that this is the designated time to connect. Also, it’s important to continue living your own life when your significant other is away. Continue to interact with friends, remain social and carry on as you normally would. If you

  • When you’re the other woman

    Life as a mistress or the other woman generally is not fun all the way. Some ladies become secret lovers to their men not really by choice, but by chance. For all you women out there that always have something negative to say about the mistress, please  wait until you know what the situation is before you judge.

    Speaking on this,  a friend who I will simply call Agatha had  this to say: “I am not a home breaker or a seductress. The man I am dating now has been married for 18 years. We have been in this relationship for two years. He has an extreme case of obligation to his wife. I know he loves her and our relationship does not in any way distort or threaten his marriage.

    “At my age, it is difficult to get a single man to date and keep myself happy. I have continued with this guy. He and I were best of friends before we became intimate. Sometimes, he is there for me. Most of my nights are cold and lonely because of his obligation to his family. He only sees me when he likes or when he has a misunderstanding with ‘madam.’ He would be at my place to cool off. For now, it is okay by me.”

    Another lady, Funmi, spoke in a similar vein. “I am a lady who has been having an affair with a married man who is deeply in love with me. We met many years ago as good friends when I was 23. Then I was married. I later broke up with my violent and abusive partner. I  moved away and tried to rebuild my life. Years later, I heard through our mutual friend that this man still adores me. He married his wife because his family put pressure on him because she got pregnant in the course of dating.

    “He always told anyone that cared to listen that I am the woman he would have loved to marry. He is very handsome and women loved to flock around him. Now that we are back together, that deep attraction is still there. My life as a mistress is lonely and very unfulfilling. Love making is great and that is the only benefit of the relationship I enjoy.

    “I know he listens to me. He has promised that we might have a future together. I told him in the beginning that I would rather walk away than to hurt his family, and I mean it because his happiness is important to me. I am sure that soon, it will all be over.”

    For Helen, the story is not much different. “Yes, I am dating a married man and I know the society does not agree with it, but I know why I’m doing it. I truly believe we are meant for each other and I would stay in the relationship for as fate permits. He is my best friend, but fate has not designed us to be  husband and wife and sometimes life can be really unfair. I still have single male admirers and who knows may be one day I will find someone else. But it has really been a bitter sweet relationship and I hope we can remain friends for life”.

    Kate said: “There is no big deal about being the other woman. Sometimes, it is heaven on earth and sometimes it could really be hell. My man friend is every lady’s dream. The most memorable thing he did for me was when he brought me a detachable bungalow in the heart of Surulere and guess what. He bought it in my name! The nightmare, however, started when his wife got to know about our relationship. She has since been threatening fire and brimstone.

    “When her threats became unbearable, I had to put the house up for rent and I have since relocated to Ikeja. We still see from time to time. It is  not the best thing but I have decided to stay on because half bread is better than none”.

    Although  Chi acknowledges the fact of her relationship, to her, it does not necessarily have to end in marriage. “I would never compromise the children of a marriage nor would I convince a straying husband into deserting his family. We mistresses don’t get the best part of the deal. We get the lies and false promises and in most cases, insecurity”.

    Uche dated a man for more than six years before she eventually got married. “I was a mistress for well over six years, but thank God today, I am somebody’s wife. I have many reasons to thank God. I am grateful to God because though the six years were fulfilling, my guy’s marriage was threatened. But God saved it, else I would have lived to regret it.  So many times, I tried to call it off but to no avail.

    “He paid my fees throughout my university years. He was really nice to me and my family, but he was really possessive. He would not see me with any male friend or course mate. In my quiet moments, I used to pray that one day, an end must come to the affair. Don’t get me wrong. I really had a wonderful time; but as a woman, with conscience, I became worried about his wife. In my sober reflection, I used to wonder what she was going through since her husband spent practically all his spare time with me.

    “Well, finally, God answered my prayers. His young nephew from US visited the country on a wife hunting mission and he consulted my sugar daddy and my man recommended me to his nephew. Thankfully, today we are married with a baby on the way. I say thankfully because my guy almost ruined the whole show. During my wedding, he could barely take his eyes off me and when he gave us a car gift, he personally ensured he gave me the keys with a hug and a seductive wink at me which unfortunately my husband noticed. We argued about it for weeks before I was able to talk  my way out of it. I have since kept my distance from my former guy because I don’t trust that we will be innocent when left alone”.

    Kenny is now a born-again Christian and believes her past should stay that way. “I am a born-again Christian. Whatever I did in the past belongs to the past. It is over. My affair with my married lover was not originally planned. You see, he did not tell me he was married initially. I was in a higher institution, while he was a senior lecturer in the school. Let me spare you the details of how we met, but it was really love at first sight. Unknown to me, his family was based in far way Warri.

    “Our affair became so deep that we became live-in-lovers. It was on one of my usual home-keeping chores that I stumbled on his wedding album. Again I will spare you the details of how he explained it away with tears streaming down his eyes.

    “What finally brought me to my senses was when I attended a vigil with some friends. As if the pastor was talking to me directly, he started preaching on the consequences of adultery. He went further to say that if you are a woman and you are living with a man that is not your husband you should leave. Well, the rest as they say is history”.

    Christy said she had been in both situations. “The wife and the mistress as  adults  are responsible for your actions. As a wife, it was very easy for me to become over emotional and be filled with hatred for the mistress to justify staying with my ex-husband who hurt me deeply.

    “It is always easier to stay when someone else is to blame. Mistresses are the hidden ones. We are not treated the way men treat their wives. Since we have accepted to be mistresses, and always stay in the shadows, it can be really lonely and frustrating”.

    For Folake, being mistresses is such an easy role to play if you understand the rules. “You get all the sweet, flirty romantic part. You have great sex, then they go away and you don’t have to deal with their bad moods or wash dirty socks and so on. Being a mistress is really fun for me.

    My comment

    Ladies, as difficult as it is to keep that other woman away completely, there are things you can do. If you don’t want your man to cheat, never let him get bored. Always make yourself attractive. The minute he realizes that you are always putting effort into looking attractive, that alone will keep him on his toes and his mind always on you. It’s about a mental challenge. It may be a game, but it’s what needs to be done, if you want to keep him from straying from home.

  • NKOLI OGBOLU

    Nkoli Ogbolu was the Creative Director at Rosabel Advertising before setting up her own company. She is also the National President of the International Women’s Society (IWS). In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about her passion, running a skill centre, memorable moments and reaching out to the less-privileged.

    When did you become IWS president?

    March 2019. It’s been very challenging but I have put in 16 years of membership with IWS. Of course, you understand that all these years, you would have learnt a thing or two about IWS. I am using all that to run this tenure.

    What took you to the organisation?

    It was Evelyn Akeredolu. She was my classmate in Queens College. At that time, I was at a cross roads of what to do. I had just left Rosabel as creative director and I was starting my own business and I felt it was time to give back. She told me about IWS and I said why not? So, I joined the organisation.

    What type of business did you start on your own?

    It was same advertising.

    How has the sector been for you?

    It hasn’t been easy. You know how it is; everybody is a copy writer, an artist, a printer. Everybody is everything in advertisement now. Sadly, that sector of the economy hasn’t grown because it’s like the owner takes all kind of business.

    I would have thought that with the advent of social media, things would be better now

    It is the social media that has really grounded advertising. Everybody is doing it themselves. They are their copywriters and their artists. And they can do basic graphics.

    Are you trying to diversify and look at other areas?

    Of course, after my tenure at IWS I am looking at doing something that has been my pet dream but let me keep it quiet for now.

    Let’s talk about IWS since you took over. What are the programmes that you have done?

    When I took my tenureship, one thing we had to do is to restrategise. A 62-year-old organisation has a lot going for it but if you do not listen to the wind and what it brings for, then this change that you want to have happen, would not happen. One thing we had to was to look at the possibilities and opportunities that have presented themselves in this 21stcentury with technology and with what is happening around us so that we can uplift. If we say we are a charity organisation and we want to be at the very pinnacle of charity giving, then we must hold our own in that space. And if you look at the trends, you find IDP’s widows are becoming more and more because of the war in Nigeria, so to speak, especially in the Boko Haram areas. Many widows abound. Of course, 10.5 million children are out of school. Can you imagine 35 million widows in Nigeria for a population of 200 (million)? It’s a lot and government is doing so much but it is not enough. So, it behoves us as civil society, NGO to help out and that is what we are trying to look at and do. And of course, that strategy is very key in all of this.

    What are some of the programmes of the organisation?

    We have six charities. The oldest charity is the IWS Day Nursery School in Yaba; it was established in 1963. And the 2nd charity is the LUTH Library Trolley service established in 1968 where we read to patients every Wednesday. That that has been going on since then. We drive the trolley round the wards and give the reading materials to patients to keep them busy and happy. Take a look away from other problems. We also have the Widows Trust Fund that was established in 1998; and in 1999, the skill centre was established. The skill centre celebrated its 20th anniversary last week.

    What do you do at the skill centre?

    We have vocational skills that we teach like catering and events management, sewing and fashion designing, beauty and salon services and adult literacy. Our adult literacy is really gaining grounds and it includes those who have never gone to school but they are mature. We also have hospitality and we are a dynamic organisation, we listen to the needs of the people. That is why we set up the hospitality department. Here, drivers, housekeepers and maids are trained properly.

    How do you reach out to your targets?

    We send out fliers and when they come we register them. It is a very big organisation with proper structures in place.

    How would you describe Nigerians and charity; are they givers?

    Yes, they are givers but it could be better. We are complaining about funding because corporate donors are fatigued. Everybody is rushing to them for funding. So, we have to look elsewhere.

    In recent times, people have been talking about hunger in the land. Is there a way you help to fill this need?

    Yes, we are having a soup kitchen in September and it is going to be one of our major charities for the year and every year now going forward.

    We are going to be feeding 500 people, to help address the hunger need. Government really should hearken to our needs, they should do more. There is so much hunger and poverty in the land. And this country is so endowed that we don’t have to be begging. The government needs to do more.

    Women are also talking about being in public life, are you doing anything about this?

    We are doing more of charity but there are all kinds of things open to us now. The other day, we condemned rape, the trending case. We are going into advocacy and strengthening women for political purpose. That is where we would make the laws that would favour them. So, we are going to be doing all of that, expanding and collaborating with other people.

  • OLOLADE IBRAHIM

    Ololade Ibrahim is a model who has participated in a number of shows locally and on the international scene. In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she takes you into her journey into modelling, impressive moments, inspiration and more.

    Tell us about your experience as a model

    For me the journey into modelling has been very interesting with many interesting experiences. Looking back, I would say that my experience as a model started when I was scouted by a guy named Daniel in Yabatech for Rawmodels Nigeria. That, for me, has been a very memorable beginning and I must say that the experience so far has been amazingly beautiful.

    How did this experience influence your life?

    Modelling is a very interesting experience with new opportunities as you go through the different phases. The experience has influenced my life positively and it has also changed my thought about many things in life. In the process, I have been exposed to so many things and learnt other cultures. It is also very dynamic because I travel a lot, learn about interesting places, as well as met different people who have helped to shape who I have become.

    What are some of the memorable moments in your life and your career?

    There are quite a lot of such moments and the actually motivate me to do more. Some of the memorable moments in my life include 9th August 2019, around 12:07 pm. That was the day and time I lost my dad; may his soul rest in peace. Another memorable moment, this time around in my career, was the first fashion show that I did as an international model during the Milan Fashion Week in September 2017.

    What was the first memorable job that you did?

    My experience at Alberto Zambelli in Milan Fashion Week on 20th September 2017 was quite interesting and memorable for me.

    What lessons did you learn from that experience?

    I learnt of things and one of the best things that I took away as lessons learnt was that sometimes it is not about the money a job is offering. The most important things that inspire others are the opportunities that you get afterwards.

    A job might pay less than you expect but the truth of the matter is that after doing the job, it would just give you a major break as well as open doors for other jobs to come in. From my personal experience, the referrals come in multiple folds.

    Who or what inspires you to go into modelling?

    I never planned to be a model because I had tried a few pageants when I was younger. The first one was a complete mess and the second was Miss Lagos Carnival where I then represented my constituency at Ifako Ijaye. During that competition, I won the best model and Miss Amity then and it spurred me to go on to be the best in my chosen field.

    In spite of being passionate about modelling, I made up my mind not to toy with my education. It is the best form of empowerment and so I gave it total attention. It was after my last paper at Yabatech that Daniel scouted for me for Rawmodels. Interestingly, I didn’t actually take it serious initially because we all know the way modelling has been in Nigeria; the challenges and other issues around the profession at that point. So, I was about to start my IT – industrial training – at GTBank that month when a model agency, Urban Models, based in Milan, Italy, signed me on.

    So, I travelled for the fashion week and the experience was awesome. I must say that it was a very powerful turning point in my life and career. Ever since then I have followed the path, and I am grateful to God for the opportunity, exposure and experience that have been awesome.

    Tell us about other current or future projects you are working on at the moment A number of opportunities keep cropping up and I am currently working on some project which I don’t want to disclose to the public at the moment. However, I have great plans for the future. But I always pray to God to grant us more mercy to live in good health and wealth and more.

    What challenges have you experienced so far, and how did you overcome them?

    I have experienced a few challenges in the aspect of being a black model. You go to castings like the way every other model does, only to discover that it is only one black model that would be picked out of many. Or there are times when you get selected and you go for the job, most times you discover that you are the only black model there.

    At such moments, I usually ask myself the question, ‘where are the other models of colours that I saw at the casting ground. Could it be that they weren’t good enough or what?’

    Sometimes I also have issues backstage with either the makeup artist or the hairstylist. Some makeup artist will end up using another shade of foundation or powder over me and I will end up looking like a piece of shit.

    I had been at a show and the makeup artist just didn’t have my shade. Finally, I had to give her the one I had in my bag. Before handing over my foundation I asked her ‘why don’t you have a darker shade?’ she answered stylishly saying black models don’t need foundation because we are black already. I was just like we are black means no touch-up! And for the hairstylist, it is a no-go area(Laughs). Aside all these, they want black models to see themselves like they aren’t worthy or they are not enough. But I usually don’t allow all that to get into me because before I leave my house in the morning to anywhere, I pray. So, whenever someone wants to give me a bad day I simply shrug them off.

    When you are not working, how do you relax?

    When I am not working I write; that is something else that I am passionate about. I have a book that I am working on. So I would tell my fans to watch out for my book soon. I love to be with my family too and sometimes I just enjoy my privacy.

    Who are some of the people that you look up to?

    I always look up to God. He is my everything. I also admire Naomi Campbell; she is my role model in the industry.

    What advice would you give young people who aspire to be like you?

    The advice I will give young people aspiring to be like me is to always work hard. Once you work hard and put in your best, you will carve a niche for yourself. In addition, it is very important to be versatile. They should never limit themselves to one thing. Once your client knows that you have what it takes, then you would get a variety of opportunities this way. For me, the most important part of it all is to pray, believe strongly in yourself. They would also go far when they surround themselves with positive and dedicated people.

    Where do you hope to be in the next five years?

    In the next five years, I am looking up to God for so many things and the first would be guidance that God should keep and protect us. The second desire would be to be more successful in my career, and my business should be world-recognised; also looking forward to being happily married.

    How would you assess the performance of women in the sector you are operating in?

    The performance of women in the sector that I operate in has been very high and I am so happy that the women are also in control, they push harder and better. They are all reaching for the peak which is a beautiful thing. I will just want us to be more supportive of each other and not be responsible for the downfall of one another. The sky is big enough for us all to fly and shine.

    Tell us about three fascinating facts your fans may not know about you

    For me, the first fascinating fact about me is that I am a great cook. I love good food and everything that has to do with cooking. I am also a nutritionist. The second fact about me that I would like to share with my fans is that I am a very disciplined person and I have things that you can hardly find me doing. Third fact is that I am a very interesting personality and I am fun to be with.

  • My 32 days in Ife Prisons

    He held sway as the deputy speaker of the Osun State Assembly for eight years and took an active part in the struggle to reclaim the mandate of former Osun State governor, Ogbeni Rauf Aregbesola during the latter’s first term in office, ruffling the feathers of the powers that be and paying heavily for it by way of persecution that landed him in prison. Akintunde Adegboye, a lawyer, engineer and estate consultant spoke with GBENGA ADERANTI about his prison experience, life as a deputy speaker, the misconceptions a lot of people have about political office holders, especially lawmakers, among other issues. 

    You participated in the struggle that brought Aregbesola to power. How was the experience?

    We started the struggle in 2004 when we formed the Oranmiyan Group. I was at the forefront with the likes of Chief LayiOyeduntan. We were having meetings in his house at the Oroki Estate. Aregbe (Aregbesola) later came to join us with their own group and we came together.  We were in the Alliance for Democracy (AD) then and he was a member of the AD in Lagos. That was how we started until the election in 2007.

    He was our governorship candidate while I was the candidate for the House of Assembly to represent Osogbo. Before then, the Alliance for Democracy (AD) had metamorphosed into Action Congress (AC) and then Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN). Election came and we won. We had 11 members in the House.

    On the day of the election, you know that PDP was in power with Prince Olagunsoye Oyinlola as the governor, so it was a matter of do or die. The PDP was running down the members of CAN. Eventually, we won the election. We believed that we won all the seats, that was the reason we went to the court. Aregbesola was not declared the governor. We had 11 members out of the 26 in the House, meaning that 15 were for the PDP. But after the election, some of us were declared wanted for disrupting the peace of the land because our members protested.

    In my own case, I had to run out of town. I was in exile for 52 days because I was declared wanted ‘dead or alive’. But we needed to come back to collect our certificates of return and get sworn-in as members of the House. We couldn’t do that until the last day, which was June 2nd, 2007.

    At the point of entering for the inauguration, some of us were arrested; I think three out of the four that were declared wanted. We were arrested and taken to police custody. The following day, we were arraigned and were remanded in Ife Prisons. I was in the prison for 32 days before we regained our freedom and went back for our inauguration. That was how we started going to court. We were discharged and acquitted after four years; that was in 2011.

    You know that Aregbesola regained his mandate on 26 November 2010, after three and a half years, and in my own case, it was after two years. There was a party going for nomination but the logo was not on the ballot paper—PPA, which was being used by PDP to see that I was not the accredited candidate after polling 27,000 against the 8,000 polled by the PDP.

    So the case was at the tribunal here and we won. But when we got to the Appeal Court, the court said any election in which the logo of a party was not on the ballot paper, the Electoral Act 2006 stipulates that the election remains void and the election should be rerun. My party said no, we were not going for a rerun. That was on November 2nd, 2009. We didn’t go for the rerun and the PDP candidate came for the election and they completed that tenure. So by 2011, it was an automatic ticket for me because of the pains I went through. I was the candidate for the 2011 election, which I won with 29,000 to 4,000 against PDP. That was how I came back in 2011.

     

    Talking about your 32 days in Ife Prisons, how was the experience, considering the fact that you were not a common criminal?

    There are two different cases for whosoever is in prison. It is either you are awaiting trial (we call them ATM) or you have been sentenced. In our own case, we thought it was going to be for a few days. The days we were arraigned, the lawyers applied for bail. Initially, it was at the magistrate, but the Magistrate said he had no power to handle the case and that we should be remanded. He said he could not admit bail verbally but written bail application.

    The time we knew this could not be treated was when we eventually went to the high court. The judge now said: ‘We are sorry, we just have to look at the written bail whether it matches what can be used to give us the bail. Since our own was not just ordinary, it was political, that was the reason we went for so long. It was an experience that was not too palatable. We still have pains till today. I had never been to the police cell not to talk of prison. What they called your bed was nothing to write home about, and prisons services were not good. After how many years I have left there, I still go to the prisons to see prisoners and talk to them.  It was not a good experience. The 32 days were like one year.

    Considering that you had a taste of what prisoners go through, did you eventually do something about the prison when you became a member of the House of Assembly?

    We have been saying that it is better for whosoever is going to lead to visit places like the prisons and health centres to see how they fare. I told you that I have been going there to render necessary assistance not only to the prisoners but at times the people working in the prisons. At times, you will see some inmates who are supposed to go to court not going because there is nobody to fuel their vehicles. The prison service itself is worrisome. Some people will just collect the money but they won’t do the necessary things. Some inmates won’t have legal assistance; they won’t have anybody to visit them.

    I had an experience of somebody who was charged for armed robbery, even the case file was missing and he was there for many years.  The government would not know that somebody is in their custody. Family would come, but it would get to a stage they won’t be able to come again.  Somebody will be there for 10 years for an offence whose sentence will be just for six months or one year; nobody to ask of him, nobody to fight for him.  It is an experience that is not palatable.

    With the state of political development in Nigeria, do you see politicians still being given the treatment you got when you were in opposition?

    I can say we can still have such, but not in this part of the world. When Aregbesola came into power, he said whoever among his followers would want to hound the opposition would be disowned. There was a case of some people in Ijeshaland and even here (Osogbo) and Ejigbo where our party members were happy that we had won the election and would want to do to the opposition like they did to us. He said the police should arrest those people. In Ilesha, some PDP stalwarts arrested a lady and she was raped. They even inserted a stick in her private part. But when we came to power, Aregbe said we should leave them to God. That is how a true democrat should behave.

    A true democrat believes that today I may be in power, tomorrow I could be in opposition. If you hound opposition today, that means tomorrow you would be hounded and the cycle will continue.  You see, we have had peace since. That is why you see PDP coming into APC and APC going into PDP, because they still believe they are together.

    Talking about people changing parties, nobody would ever believe that Aregbesola and Oyinlola would sit down together. What lesson has that taught you as a politician?

    In my own case, if I’m tired of the APC today, and APC is not moving into another party or APC is not transforming into another party, I won’t join another party. There is nothing that can happen that would make me say I want to defect to another party. I’ve never done that in my political history. I’ve been in politics for almost 30 years, and in all my political life, it has been just in one way. If I’m not satisfied with the APC, I will sit down, because I see politics as pastime.

    Here in this part of the world, nobody is teaching politics. If they say what is your profession, nobody will say it is politics. I have my profession; I’m a lawyer, an engineer by profession and politics by calling or pastime.

    What you’re saying in essence is that legislating should be made part-time…

    There was a time we went to the US, particularly the state assembly in Atlanta, Georgia, and this question came up. It was part-time. Their own part-time is not like the part-time we are thinking about here. You can’t do the two together here, but you can do it there. In the US, you can go for your teaching job and later come to the House. But here, it is almost 24hours per day. Unless we sit down very well and couch it, work it out on how it can be done, it will be difficult.

    It is not possible to have part-time state or national assembly. People will be coming to you that they are your constituents; they are the one sending you to the House, unless you want to tell them not to come to your house. They won’t come to the gallery at the assembly to see how you are performing. What they come for is money. At least you must know your representative, you must see how they perform. That is the essence why we have the gallery. Come to the gallery to watch, but they won’t come. What they will come for is for you to give them money. Somebody cannot go to the farm and come back to work as a part-time lawmaker for now.

    Even the economy is so bad that if you want to do part-time, there is no way you will not steal, that you will not be corrupted. For now, I can’t see it working, but it would have been better.The young ones now are becoming members of the assembly. I hear that a 31- year-old is now a Speaker in a state assembly. Will you say that person should have part-time plan for the house of assembly? What has been the experience? Somebody who has not been a councilor, who has not been a chairman of a particular area, it can’t work. But I believe it would have been the best for us. The economy too is not encouraging.

    I read in a report that when you were a lawmaker, at a point, you could not fuel your generator. What could have gone wrong?

    That was then. Some of us would want to say it as we see it.

    But many believe that politicians, especially lawmakers have so much money?

    When I was saying it, I meant it and I still stand by it. It was at the birthday special programme for Mr. Special then. We couldn’t fuel our generator and the government could not pay for electricity. There were two things but it was only one that was reported. Why did we have generator in the first instance? It was because there was no light from the national grid. We needed to do our legislative duties of going to the house at least three or four days in a week and getting there, there was no light, there was no fuel and there was no money. The executive would give certain amount of money per month for running of the office. Normally, we have three tiers of government: the executive, the judiciary and the legislature. Of these, nobody would say one is superior, but we know it should be the legislative first before the executive. But since they have the money, they have the custody of the entire money, we just have to go and beg since they have the money.

    However, when people look for power and such power does not include money, they are powerless, and that is why legislature would go and beg the executive. We’re entitled to certain amount of money per month to run the government. It is supposed to be at the first week because we want to run that month. At times they would owe two, three months and even salaries. When I was there, our salaries would be the ones to be paid after paying all the agencies. And the running grant would not be paid as and when due. So we begged them. There was a time we needed to travel officially out of town. We needed certain amount of money and we had to go to Wema Bank. The Wema person said ‘Oga, it is 15 per cent o’. That was the interest. But when they are paying you, would they pay with interest? This was the experience. That was why I said some people are looking at us and they are seeing us as bad people.

    At least if the hospital was not giving all free because there was no money, the other facilities that you constituents and electorate must have enjoyed, it is you that they know. They will come to you. And we have been telling them, we’re sorry o, it is only that some of you won’t move nearer to us, you would have known these problems. We can’t at times fuel our generator.

    What are the things you are missing right now as a private person?

    When you’ve been with your people for a very long time, you still want to at least serve them once you have signed that you want to serve your people. But now, you have moved from being a public person to private person, some people, even if they want to come, they will say I’m sorry I have other things to attend to or may feel this one has left. That is the only thing I see there, but I’m enjoying myself.

    A prominent politician once said deputies are spare tyres. You were a deputy speaker. How true is this?

    Whoever made that statement is right. If somebody is a deputy, he can only perform ultimately, optimally if the Number One is not around. So it shows they are spare tyres. But in some cases, you have some Number One that would delegate, but not total. He will delegate the power of leadership of such organization or institution to his deputy, but not always. We have seen experiences where Number One will exchange words with his deputy. Some will not delegate authority because they don’t want their deputies to know anything about the running of that place.

    But in my own case, at least I can say I didn’t experience such. But it was not total. Because if it were to be total, that means he was not capable. If somebody is capable, he would leave some duties to the deputy. It can’t be total. But I enjoyed working with my Number One because he at least gave me the opportunity to showcase my experience.

    If you were given an opportunity to be made a speaker or deputy speaker again, what would you do differently?

    You know in this life, the more you grow, the more you learn. That is the reason for somebody who has the experience to still move forward so that you would use past experience. You will figure out where you tried, where you failed and see the necessary innovations to put into it. It is only when I’m there that I know we have done this in this way, why can’t we put more efforts into this? But I believe that I will still do more in terms of legislation. This is the number one duty of a legislator, and moving closer to the executive without jeopardizing the power of the legislature. Because at times, your friendship with the executive will cause you many things since you’re expected to introduce checks and balances.

    Challenges like insecurity and religion were alien to the South West but now they are issues. What is the way out?

    Do we say alien?

    Aregbe was the governor, religion nearly became an issue. On insecurity, Fulani were never a threat in the South West, but now things have changed. That is what I am saying.

    Let us detach the two. One is religion. In every house in the South West, you see Christians, you see Muslims living together. Even some are living together as husband and wife. Almost every family has either religion. In Aregbesola’s case, it was only the system that escalated religious imbalances. Here you would see pastors inviting an Alhaji for programmes. I’ve been to churches. Last Sunday, I was in Ilesha in a church, Cherubim and Seraphim. But in a situation that some people want to be mischievous, they now want to pitch religion with politics. The two cannot go together.

    During Oyinlola’s regime, the governor was a Christian, the deputy was a Christian, the SSG was a Christian. Even during Aregbesola’s regime, among the executive members, Christians were in the majority. In the House, the Christians had the majority. Yet they claimed Aregbe wanted to Islamize the state.

    On insecurity, first it is because the economy is bad. We have the herdsmen. But I read in a paper that not the herdsmen but the rustlers that are causing insecurity. You can see a case where somebody was given a cow and he is bringing the cow down South. On the way, the rustlers stole all the cows. Instead of going back to tell the owners of the cow that the cows had been stolen, he would come down to find the means of getting arms and ammunition, because he wants to replace the lost cows. I think that is the reason we have kidnapping. But here, we have been living with the Fulani since I was a toddler. We have some of them who even their parents were born here. Such people, can we call them the Fulani herdsmen that are killing our people?  Though we have cases of Fulanis and farmers clashing in Osun here, we have a team that looks into it.

    While you were in the prison was there a time you were frustrated being a politician?

    In the prison, they knew I was not what I was arrested for. When you see a criminal, you know this is a criminal. They knew I was put there unjustly. I won an election in April 2007 by a wide margin. Could I have gone out the following day to start burning the houses of the opponents? My father’s house was burnt on the 16th of April 2007 and my father was 90-years old then and he was to be burnt in that house, because they went around 1 am, thinking that my father was in the house. I didn’t even have that in mind, but somebody just called me and said can’t we go and take Baba out of that house? I said go. But I knew of my late father; he would say whatever would kill him would kill him inside his father’s house! It was the family house. The house is built inside our family compound.

    When they got there, they said Honourable said we should bring you. He said for what? They said they didn’t know. He said okay. He went inside and dressed. They didn’t  even go with a car, they went with motorcycle and they brought him to our house. That was between 7pm and 8pm. By 1 am, the house got burnt.

    The following day, somebody came and said his father’s house was burnt the previous day. He came to look for the burnt honourable elect’s father. How frustrating that was. Before then, we had been declared wanted.

    Inside the prison, those people saw us as people being victimized. They said I should not worry, that there was a reason God kept me there. That was the way we looked at it. But the experience was bitter. How could I have won an election and be kept in a prison? We thought that the court would just sit and give us bail, but it was not so. It was an experience we can never forget. In spite of that, because we wanted to serve our people, we knew we could experience such. It is easy now. Somebody wins an election and he is sworn-in. It was like we made way for the people coming in now.

    As for my children joining politics, for me whatever the Lord has ordained, whether you like it or not, it must come to pass. But my children are young because it was late before I started having children. They are still toddlers. If they grow old and they want to go into politics, I won’t stop them. But I would guide them on the type of politics they must play. I believe that it is only God that can give and it is only God that can take. Some don’t believe in that. I don’t because of political position go to pastors or Alfas. If you pray for me, I allow you to pray for me. But to just go to somewhere because there is a powerful man of God there, no, no. It is only God that is powerful. I believe in my God.

    So if my children they want to go into politics, the only thing I’ll do is to advise them on the type of politics to practice. Some join politics for position. It is never done. You will discover that you can’t plant in a farm today and start harvesting. Some people they jump from one party to the other because they were not given tickets. I wanted to go to the House of Representatives in 2018 but I was not given the ticket. I was made the chairman of the campaign in our federal constituency. I was the one taking candidates to the nook and crannies of my federal constituency, the senator, the reps and the members of the State House of Assembly.

  • How to reduce divorce rate in our society

    I want to re-emphasise that I get very sentimental when it comes to witnessing weddings. It becomes more emotional when the couple gets to the part of exchanging marital vows. In fact, I will advise esteemed readers not to invite me to their weddings, if they cannot stand waterworks. Me? I know how to shed those entire ‘funny’ tears .

    I love fairy tales. I love happy endings. All my life, I grew up reading Mills and Boons, popularly known as M&B, way back then. In all those novels, there were never divorces. Never. Forgive me; but I am an  incurable romantic; in fact I have spent the major parts  of my life matchmaking couples ,  hoping that they would all end up married. When Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston found happiness and eventually got married, oh boy! I was ecstatic. Do you know that the late Princess Diara and Prince Charles’ fairy tale wedding has refused to leave my head.

    Though I was practically a child then, but I can still recall it so vividly as if it happened yesterday. Do you recall her very long wedding gown? Hmm, looking back, I remember praying that I will also find a Prince charming that will sweep me off my feet; the way ‘ I thought’ Prince Charles swept Princess Diana off her feet.

    I recall vividly Rihanna’s and Chris Brown’s affair, ( before it crumbled) no wedding but they were close. I never knew these romances could ever end. Sometimes, I tell myself that this is not fair. I believe that people that find love should nurture it till death do them part. But then again, I also recall sadly, how Bill Gates was once quote that ‘life is not fair, get used to it.’  Hmmm, what an unfair but true statement of fact.

    When people first fall in love; they glow. It radiates so much from the inside of them that people can tell just by looking at them. When people find love they can’t get enough of each other. Oh, the phone suffers; because they will call up each other countless times. Video calls… They will send ceaseless text messages to each other. If the love between the duo is strong enough, they get married. Trusting that nothing will come in between them.

    However, during marriages , trials will definitely set in. One’s true character will definitely be put to test. These could be traced to some factors like finances, childlessness, the society itself; families, love that cannot stand the test of time etc.

    I chose to write on these strange bedfellows; divorces and marriages because recently I attended the wedding ceremony of a dear reader. The couple wanted a quiet wedding with very few friends and family members, so they chose to legalise their union at a registry. It was at the venue of the wedding that I witnessed something rather odd. I observed that there were two entrances to the registry.

    So, I naturally assumed that everybody there were  attending the wedding solemnization of their loved ones. I was wrong. Like I said there were two entrances; but the strange difference between the two entrances was the fact that we queued up waiting for the couple’s name to be called as there quite a few other couples waiting to get married. The other entrance however, had a longer queue. I became curious as to why more people should be on the other queue instead of joining ours to balance it up. So, I asked questions. It was then I found out to my utmost  dismay that those on the longer queue were couples waiting to be divorced! So, I asked myself, does this mean that divorce rates are higher than marriages.

    According to Sherry Holetzy, a relationship expert, no one has a one-size- fit-all answer to this question, but there are various issues that all work together to make divorce the easy way out when it comes to struggling marriages. One of the biggest reasons so many couples divorce is because they begin marriage with unrealistic expectations. What this means is that there are no fairy tales. Happily ever after is not the stuff that real world marriages are made of.

    This is not to say that happy marriages don’t exist. It is simply to point out that no marriage is perfectly blissful every day, week, month and year. Happy marriages take extra work and commitment. Unfortunately, many people don’t want to do the work.

    For a relationship to succeed, teamwork is required and both persons need to deny many of their personal wishes. Self-sacrifice must replace selfishness. Sometimes one person in the marriage can do this reasonable well, but eventually patience runs out. Self-sacrifice is not natural, selfishness is. Selfishness is when an individual insists on an I-want-my-needs-met attitude, this breaks down a necessary spirit of co-operation.

    The negative cycle begins and continues until intimacy is lost and a marriage begins to crumble. There are, however, legitimate reasons why some marriages fail. Abuse is one, whether that means abuse of a spouse or of children. Nobody I know is going to stay married to someone who abuses his or her children and more people are beginning to see that they don’t deserve or have to put up with personal abuse either.

    Infidelity is another legitimate reason I know that can cause a couple to grossly disagree. The vows of marriage have been broken, although in this part of the world, studies have shown that couples have overcome this particular error through counselling and extended family interventions.

    Too many times people claim that they simply cannot live together. They have the erroneous impression that finding a new mate will make everything take their problems, their bogus expectations and all their other baggage with them into the next relationship. The sad fact is that more remarriages fail than first marriages and it’s because many people don’t resolve issues and work through problems, they simply restart the cycle.

    In all these, I am happy to state that our family values here in this part  are better than it is in the western world. I know that divorce for us here must be a last resort. One must have exhausted all possible avenues of reconciliation before they head for the court.

    Looking at the lives of our fathers and mothers that have celebrated decades of wedding anniversaries, it must not have come so cheap. They must have certainly gone through a lot of trials and overcome them. One certainly requires some level of tolerance to live in the same house with someone from a completely different background.

    It takes patience; above all it takes true love. I beg you, let us reduce that long divorce queue and work hard to keep our homes; I tell you, in the long run, it would yield good fruits. There is no guarantee that the man or woman outside will make a better mate or spouse. Apart from sexual attraction that may endear us to another, there is more to a marriage institution; there is a fervent desire to be known and appreciated by our partners. But then, we must exercise mutual respect for each other.

    Happy marriages require consistent efforts on the part of both spouses. Bad attitudes coupled with unrealistic expectations are two huge elements in the downfall of marriages. On a lighter note, they do provide a lucrative source of income for divorce lawyers.