The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • 7 reasons you should keep your marriage private

    An adage state: “Relationships last longer when nobody knows nothing about it”.

     Relationship is sometimes a reserved place where two people could find solace, trust and support, driven by a commitment to honour, love, and respect.

     Marriages require a few essential elements to maintain. At the top of the list is privacy.

    Getting married is one thing, sustaining the marriage is another. In times past, people were very quick to allow others meddle into issues affecting their families, especially when it involves one of the spouses.

    While this, in some cases, has its benefits, one of which includes seeing things from another party’s perspective. However, there are a lot of times when extra people were brought into family affairs, and things don’t go in the best direction.

       Given that not everyone actually is happy that you are happy and they are looking for opportunity to spoil the happiness.

    Therefore, these are seven reasons you should keep your marriage private.

    Read Also: Six tips to identify fake interviews

    1.      You Open Yourself To Negative Opinions:

    Most times when we vent and go about expressing our anger and displeasure about our spouse, we often talk mostly about the partner’s faults and not ours. Also, most times we usually relay these complaints to people close to us, probably our friends or a family member we are close to.

    It is likely for that family member of yours to take you side and God help you the person you reported your spouse to dislikes your spouse. This will be the perfect opportunity to “badmouth” your spouse. Hence, you are usually more open to negative opinions when you go outside of your marriage to resolve issues.

    2. You can filter pictures, not your relationship:

    The evolution of social media has only increased our lust for recognition and makes it easier to get. However, becoming intoxicated by the attention of others is dangerous for your relationship. The issue arises when a couple is more in love with the glamour of having a social media relationship than an actual bond.

    Keeping your relationship private keeps your motivations pure. You want to make sure that every day you decide to move forward in your relationship you are doing so because you couldn’t imagine a life without your partner, not because you are addicted to the false approval of social media viewers. That’s the relationship goals.

    3. It gives the chance for your ex to be in your business:

     The only worse than a third party being in your marriage is allowing your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend it could jeopardize the marriage, if the marriage doesn’t have a strong bond. Hell bent and determined to poke holes in your new love affair. Disclosing too much to your ex can leave the relationship vulnerable. “Be wise”.

    4.  Everyone won’t be happy for you:

    There are some people so distraught with their own lives and will go out of their way to ruin other people’s happiness. The bitter truth is, not everyone wants to see you move forward, and certainly not happy. Sad, yes but true.

    This is why you should be careful about expressing your complaints to third parties. The less people know about your personal life, the less they have to speak on.

    5. It can displease your spouse:

    Most of our spouse’s doesn’t like the idea of allowing third party in the marriage so any time you share problems with others, it can displease the spouse and even become embarrassing.

     It can damage their image in front of others and while you and your spouse have moved on about the issue, the third party may not and it can affect their relationship with your partner.

    6.   You tend to put too much pressure on your relationship:

    This is particularly true when you are a “social media couple”. Every little thing you do, you are quick to post online or any trip you go before we know it, it’s on the gram. This has a way of putting a lot of pressure on your relationship.

    Relationships are already hard work without feeling the need to impress other people. Give your relationship and your partner a stress free environment to learn, make mistakes, and evolve without feeling weighed down by the need to uphold a false image created by social media.

    7.    Why should you not keep your marriage private?

    Honestly, keeping your marriage a private affair saves you a whole lot of headache and even make the marriage peaceful and blissful so why should you not? Fine you may not keep it a secret but really, you should keep your marriage, your home private!

  • Are uncircumcised women really more sexually active?

    THE concept of female (and male) circumcision, as with many traditions, can be invisible until people are forced to examine it. This may explain why nearly half of Nigerians in one study gave as their reason for the practice, ‘it is the custom of our people’. A 36-year-old Ethiopian woman explained, ‘I had the foreskin of my clitoris removed as a baby, just like my brother…why does everyone say it is so terrible and that I should have problems from it?’ Circumcised female genitalia are considered normal to some Africans, just circumcised male genitalia are normal to Americans. As a 30 year –old Infibulated Somali woman explained, ‘ I want doctors to know that the way I look is normal for me’ a woman may desire circumcision to be marriageable, or chaste, for aesthetics, or to conform to tradition. Reasons for deeply rooted traditions are often difficult to articulate and therefore are easily discounted. Although many treat ritual female genital surgery as a singular process affecting millions of women, it is not a homogenous practice.

    I am very sure you have heard so much about female circumcision. I am also very sure that you know the efforts individual corporate bodies, government agencies have fought to stop it. It is believed to be barbaric and unnecessary. What just comes to my mind as I write this piece is the fact that though female circumcision has been put to a ‘near-stop’ but what has been the fate of those that were initially victims of this act? How are they faring? Is it in any way affected their sexuality? If it has, as we are about to find out, are there corrective measures that could solve this uncomfortable situation these ladies find themselves in?

    ‘I know of some women that before you get them ‘in the mood you will need to touch and caress and kiss and fondle everywhere before they are ‘ready’ for you, you get? I also know of women who you don’t need much touch or caress before they are right in the mood. The white man has labelled the first set of women’ frigid’ while the second category of women is labelled sexually active’.

    Have you ever wondered why lady A is frigid and lady B is active? Think you should. My late mum of blessed memory once told me that the reason female circumcision was ‘healthy’ or highly recommended in their time was because it was meant to curb promiscuity in women.

    It was believed that when a female was not circumcised, she was bound to be wayward. I forgot to ask mama if there were researches conducted to back up such findings. A junior colleague of mine has once told me that if a man so much as touches her breast, that she will be ‘gone (don’t ask me where she will go to). Another colleague also told me how he had been married for about five years. ‘In those five years, he said, ‘my wife has never once initiated sex’. If I don’t make the move, she will just lie down there like a log of wood in bed.’ ‘Though I hate to admit it, I am almost regretting choosing her as my wife. The girl I dated before her was more romantic. ‘She initiates it when she is in the mood.’ This really got me thinking. Can it be remotely possible that his present wife may have been circumcised and as a result cannot really feel her sexuality due to her circumcision?

    Ironically, however, studies show that circumcised women experience sexual arousal and orgasm as frequently as uncircumcised women. The researchers also find no difference in the frequency of intercourse or age of first sexual experience between the two groups of women. During the operation (circumcision), all or part of the clitoris and the labia are removed. Proponents of female circumcision claim it makes virginity at marriage and marital fidelity more likely. Those against it, condemn it as dangerous and painful.

    Concerning circumcision and sexuality in women, the research findings of BJOG: an international journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology shows that ‘female genital cutting cannot be justified by arguments that suggest, it reduces sexual activity in women. Well, I am not a researcher neither am I an expert on this, but I know one thing, I know women then can go months and years without a man’s touch and be very comfortable with it, because they don’t miss anything. I also know women that cannot stay three days with a man on the same bed without initiating ‘it’. The practice of female genital surgery is simultaneously complex and controversial. Circumcised women have an increased risk of infertility, in part due to chronic pelvic infections and obstruction to intercourse.

    Although there are no controlled studies of the effect of female circumcision on sexual functioning, but a large percentage of clinicians assume that a woman will have diminished sexual sensation if her clitoris is removed. Someone argued that a woman circumcised before puberty learns her erotic response with whatever erogenous tissues she has left, such as her nipples. It may be true that most sexual activity happens in the brain, but the response of the brain depends on the quality of the instruments as well as the performance. So, it follows therefore that if for one reason or the other, you have a woman that is not easily stimulated, you need to do extra. Some are highly active, so there might be no need to do much, but, for the other group of women who are not easily…. There is to show some prowess, that way, you will be ensure that both of you will end up happy. With a good effort your woman can reach her ‘peak’ again and again.

  • 10 practical ways to teach your children right values (4)

    THE cost of a new monitor was $140, and Chas didn’t have that much money. His parents’ solution was to come up with $140 worth of extra chores for Chas to do around the house to pay them back for the monitor.

    “We know Chas broke the monitor accidentally, but he still needs to learn that in life, you can make some costly mistakes when you’re being careless,” Melodie says. She didn’t want to just “fix the problem” for Chas, as he wouldn’t have learned from his mistake. She figures that the next time Chas is with his friends, he’ll exert more self-discipline and not get into trouble. But most kids won’t learn to do that if they never have to “own up” to their mistakes.

    1. Don’t let your children take the easy way out of challenges

    Along the same line, you should require your children to finish projects they start, even if their endeavors get tough, tiring or mundane.

    Suppose your son begs to sign up for football and then wants to quit after two weeks of practices. Perhaps your daughter signed up for French class but a week later she wants to drop it when she discovers how much the teacher expects students to work and achieve. For the most part, you should not let your children get out of these kinds of commitments (there are exceptions, of course).

    If your kids committed to doing something, they need to follow through on that. You don’t want them to become quitters. Encourage them to finish the projects they start. In the process, they’ll develop perseverance and responsibility.

    1. Involve your children in encouraging and helping others

    Encourage your children to help others whenever they can. It’s amazing how helpful they can be to others just through simple acts of kindness, such as making get-well cards for people who are sick, befriending shy or new kids at school, opening the grocery store door for a mom pushing a stroller or making some small talk with the elderly lady sitting by herself at the park.

    Try to motivate your children to do these kinds of things. Be on the lookout for people who might need help and lead your kids to reach out to them.

    You might also want to get your children involved in a more formal type of service project. That might include visiting nursing homes, helping the local food bank with collecting donations of canned goods or getting involved in a community service organization.

    This is not only a great way to serve others, but your children have the opportunity to develop and practice virtues such as generosity, kindness, compassion and respect. “They’re getting to experience first-hand what it’s like to help others,” Dr. Hill says, “and that’s very satisfying.”

    1. Monitor television viewing and Internet use

    When it comes to teaching your children values, there will be a lot less “unlearning” that needs to be done if you minimize their exposure to wrong ideas in the first place. Granted, you can’t shelter them from everything, but you can and should limit their exposure to television and the Internet.

    Consider putting computers only in areas of your home where the whole family congregates together. “You don’t want your kids surfing the Web on a computer in their bedroom where you can’t see what they’re looking at,” Dr. Hill warns. If your children do have computers in their bedrooms, install parental controls so that they’re not going to sites you don’t want them to see.

    •Source:www.ucg.org

    •Continued Next Week

  • Living with a stranger (2)

    THERE is no way our marriage can be changed…” In 1997, one of Laura’s co-workers, Rita, told Laura about FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® conference. It was a three-day marriage conference that Rita and her husband went to every year to refresh their marriage.

    Laura and Adam could not cover the cost, but for their anniversary Laura’s parents paid for their conference registration, and Adam’s parents paid for their hotel.

    Broken and hurting, the Browns attended the conference. “Some of your marriages will be changed this weekend,” one speaker told them on the first night. But Laura was skeptical, thinking, “There is no way our marriage can be changed in one weekend.”

    But those same words brought Adam hope. “He said that if we had an open heart and an open mind and were diligent to do the homework that our marriage could be changed,” Adam recalls. “I was ready to pay attention.”

    The next morning, the gospel was presented, and for the first time Adam understood his need for Christ. “It was November 12, but for me it was like the Fourth of July,” Adam says. “Fireworks were going off in the back of my head—I was finally getting it!” That morning, Adam dedicated his life and his marriage to the leadership of Christ.

    “We prayed together, and it was incredible,” Laura says. “The presence of the Lord was there, and we knew that God could change our marriage, making it new and filling the void that we felt. We realized that we were trying to do everything on our own, but we could never fix it. It had to be God, changing Adam’s heart and giving me hope again.”

    That night they went to their favorite restaurant and talked for hours at a level of communication they had never before reached. “I’ll never forget looking across the table and feeling intense love for this man, where 24 hours before I did not love him at all,” Laura says. “Now I had a love that said I can forgive you for whatever we have been through. I knew that God was giving us hope and a fresh start and that even though the road may still be hard, God was with us, and it was going to be different than it had ever been before.”

    As soon as the Browns returned home, they started applying to their lives the principles they learned in counseling and at the conference. They began praying together every day, planning date nights, and communicating openly and honestly. They sometimes sent Madeline to spend time with her grandparents so they could stay home and enjoy each other’s company.

    Together they learned how to build a relationship focused on God. “God had never been in our marriage before,” Laura says. “He may have been prayed to at mealtimes, but that was about it.” “He was like a piece of luggage on our roof rack,” says Adam. “And when we learned to trust Him, we gave Him the steering wheel and said, ‘Take us anywhere you want us to go.’”

    After many months of accelerated growth—and a new baby named Malorie—the Browns began to see opportunities to minister to couples in their church, using their personal testimony as encouragement. Then their lives changed again when they were involved in a head-on collision with a drunk driver. Laura and Madeline, bruised and bleeding, were hooked up to IVs, and Laura was put in a neck brace. “I started sobbing as I watched them, thinking that I could have lost my family,” Adam says. “From the house, the cars, the things I wanted so bad—they could be empty, and my family would still be the most important thing to me.”

    From that point on, it was Adam’s goal to concentrate on his family. “God used that wreck to strip the desire of material things from our minds and our hearts, which really opened us up to ministry even more,” Laura says.

    In December 2000, Adam and Laura lay in bed together and committed their lives to God’s service. They said, “God, we don’t know where you’re going to call us, or where you’re going to use us. If you want us to go to Africa, we’ll go to Africa, but show us where to go and we’ll be there.” Eventually they answered God’s call to serve at FamilyLife, and worked at the headquarters in Little Rock for several years.  Now they work with the Military Ministry of Cru (the U.S. name for Campus Crusade for Christ) in Fort Hood, Texas.

    “Looking back, we can see God’s fingerprints all over our lives, shaping and molding us for this time,” Laura says. She remembers that night, looking for Adam and singing to Madeline, never knowing what God would do to complete this work in Adam.

    “We’re still in the process of being completed by Him, but we have seen His faithfulness in the miracles He’s already done in our lives. And now we’re here at FamilyLife. God’s got a plan in all of it, and we just want to be open to be used by him.”

    • Source: Familylife

  • It’s a DREADLOCKS affair!

    DREADLOCKS are very much African. It is one of the natural and, maybe not so natural, hairstyles that only Africans and a few other races can solidly lay claim to.

    Whether grown naturally or with a bit of help, dreadlocks always add something special to their wearers and make their heads stand out in a crowd.

    For many years in Nigeria, dreadlocks were mostly associated with Reggae stars and Rastafarians. But some of the biggest promoters were also found outside the music scene. For example, the late Nigerian internationally footballer, Samuel Okwaraji, who died during a football match between Nigeria and Angola, in 1989, was one of the most famous dreadlock-wearing Nigerians.

    Nowadays, dreadlocks are the rave. Also known as faux locs, the style has become incredibly popular in today’s society with men and women of all ages and races sporting it. Whether you want to add sass to a short do or are striving for that Rapunzel look, dreadlocks have become a symbol of beauty and status. However, it’s important to understand that dreadlocks care takes time and money and they are not cheap to properly maintain.

    It’s the big hair fashion statement this season and it’s everywhere and vibrant in different hues! This hair style has become so popular that it has enticed many A-list stars –Activists, artistes, footballers, actresses, actors, comedians, OAPs, even some academicians,  to mention but a few.

    Faux locs are a great way to add fun an extra touch to the hairstyle, and you can make your hair be more eye-catching by packing your locs in a special way. Dreadlocks hairstyle can be styled for any formal event as it is fresh and appealing. Below are some of our favourite dreadlocks celebs who caught the faux locs bug and are looking fabulous with it:  Ekiti State First Lady  Erelu Bisi Fayemi;  Burnaboy, Ahmed Musa, Clarence Peters, Victor Moses, Ycee, Nse Ikpe Etim,  Folu Storms, Obafemi Martins, Mikel Obi, Uti Nwachukwu,Flavour, Asa, Ehiz, Basket Mouth, Reekado Banks to Weird MC and Wande Coal.

  • How the phrase ‘my dear’ can put you in trouble

    On several occasions, I have heard phrases like “English no be money, grammar no be success, grammar no be money”.

    Yes! I totally I agree, one hundred per cent. So, putting things in view, why do we now go out of our ways to make English language our own? We have our own Pidgin English which has spread across the country. Thanks to Warri indigenes.  I can even say it has now become almost a global (sic) language. It is safer to speak it than scatter the regular English language.

    Recently, a huge fight broke out in my neighborhood, resulting to an arrest that led a jail term of one of our neighbours. The fight was so massive that others who knew nothing about it even joined.

    Some took sides, it was just crazy.

    Frantically, there was bloodshed, it really went out of hand. The guy in question was put behind bars, not because he physically assaulted his neighbor.  No, not even because he raised a finger at her. His crime was that his neighbour’s wife greeted him and responded by saying “oh hello my dear!” That was it. The woman, at first corrected him by asking him to withdraw the statement and respond appropriately to her. Sighting the instance that she greeted him respectful and as a married woman, she deserved to be accorded with the same respect. The man, thinking it was a trivial issue brushed her outburst aside. She thereafter held unto his shirt, insisting that he must withdraw the response to her greeting because  she was not “his dear”.

    The raising of their voices drew the attention of other neighbours and passersby. Not long after, the husband who was a retired police officer insisted that the man must be arrested for addressing his wife inappropriately.

    Ha! “My dear.” What could be wrong with these two words?  They sound harmless, but critically analysing it, one could begin to see that it could sometimes sound condescending. In my part of the country, we address one with “my dear” when the person is younger or of lower economic status. For instance, your younger sibling, or your junior colleague. I don’t recall us using it for a contemporary or even a friend. We should perhaps learn to draw the line on how we address people. I know of a particular part of the country where my “my dear” is used on all individuals. I gave a friend a ride and could recall her talking on the phone with a cleric and as she was ending the call , I heard her address him as ‘my dear’.  To some, it might be just nothing but it could be sensitive to other people’s disposition and ideologies. Be respectful. What’s wrong with, Good morning sir, and the man responds, good morning madam. Good morning Mama Buky. I have heard younger people say to their elders , how are you ma, how are you sir. This is  very civil if you ask me. Civil and respectful. We need to understand that we are not whites. We should not be ‘ over sabi’.

    Respect begets respect. If only my neighbour was civil enough to say ” how are you madam”? Or better still, good morning madam, he would be in his house today… Lol

    “My dear” maybe nothing to you but some people think otherwise. It is no skin off your nose if we exchange pleasantries in an African way.

    You never know, it could get you out of trouble.

  • ‘I love my husband beating me, I enjoy seeing him angry’

    ‘I love my husband beating me, I enjoy seeing him angry’

    ‘’Some of you might think I am mental, but I am very normal. Bom I love my husband beating me, I enjoy seeing him angry. Don’t call me crazy it is just my person .

    “He used to beat the living daylight out of me and sometimes I bleed but I still survive it . We have lived like that for 2 years and he has killed 3 of my unborn kids out

    “of that but I don’t mind, God will give us more. But now he has repented and found Christ according to him and he has become too calm. He does not shout or raise

    “his hand on me again and the marriage is now full. So I met this tanker driver that use to beat me and give me money, I love the guy so much because he is too strong. Bom I am pregnant and I don’t know if should keep it because my husband has not touched me since he found Jesus.’’

    What is your advice for this young lady?

     

    BOM

  • Living with a stranger (1)

    Adam Brown felt he was at the end of his rope. The money was gone; bill collectors were calling, and he was responsible to take care of his wife, Laura, and newborn daughter Madeline. One more night of fighting with Laura only made matters worse, and it was too much for Adam to handle.

    “Please don’t go,” Laura cried, standing at the door with their baby in her arms. “We can talk. We can make this work!”

    “I don’t love you!” Adam replied. “I don’t want to be a part of this marriage! I don’t want to be a part of Madeline’s life! Just move out of the way and let me leave!”

    But Laura would not move from the door. So Adam grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her into the kitchen far enough that he could leave.

    Soon thoughts of fear began swirling in Laura’s mind: What’s wrong with me? What would I do with a new baby if he leaves me? Who am I without him? Bewildered with fear and consumed with pain, Laura put Madeline in the car and drove around looking for Adam and drawing on her faith as she sang to her daughter, “He who began a good work in Daddy, He will be faithful to complete it.”

    Read also: Six ways to make long distance relationships work

    Little did Laura know just how much that song would come to mean in the next few years. For the story of Adam and Laura Brown is a story of redemption and healing and restoration. It’s an example of what God can do when two people give their marriage to Him.

    Two strangers

    Adam grew up in a religious home, but he had no desire to follow his family’s faith. His high school days were filled with parties, drunkenness, and rebellion. Laura grew up in a strong Christian home, but she wanted to branch out on her own and experiment with life.

    After three years of dating during high school, Adam was ready to marry Laura. She said she wanted a Christian husband, so he says he “got saved” to appease her. “My thought was, ‘Give me my checklist. What do I have to do?’” Adam says.

    Married life seemed good at the beginning; they both had well-paying jobs and were satisfied with their lifestyle. “Our goal in life was to get everything—the nicest cars, the best furniture, the best of everything,” Laura says. Soon they learned Laura was pregnant, so they started saving to buy a house and settle into their new life as parents …

    … until Adam lost his job.

    At first he was confident that he would quickly find a new job; he was young, and he had a lot of experience in his field. But after weeks of interviewing, nothing happened. “It started wearing on me,” Adam says. “I wondered what was wrong with me.”

    In time, all the things Adam and Laura had enjoyed during their first year of marriage were gone. The bill collectors started calling, but there was no money to give. Adam was out of a job for a total of seven months, and during that time Laura was put on bed rest because of her pregnancy. For 21 weeks Adam and Laura were both unemployed.

    “The first year of our marriage we did nothing but receive. That was what was important to us,” says Laura. “And the second year we had it all taken away from us.”

    Their marriage relationship became strained. “We were two complete strangers on two separate couches in the same house,” Adam says. They became depressed, and Adam began blaming his condition on God. The only source of hope they had was the birth of their daughter Madeline.

    Adam got a small job, but their financial pressures remained. Adam saw how much attention their new daughter was getting and thought, Why should Laura give me attention? I’m barely putting food on the table…What purpose am I serving?

    The pressure was more than Adam could handle. He and Laura broke into an emotional argument, and that was the night that tipped the scales of their broken marriage. Adam threw Laura out of the way, took their truck, and ran off as Laura held their 4-week-old newborn in her arms, crying out to him.

    “I remember hearing those words,” Laura says. “’I don’t love you; I don’t want you; I don’t want this baby.’ My spirit was crushed, and I was afraid.”

    Adam returned after a week, but four months later he brought Madeline to Laura’s workplace and announced again that he was leaving. Reconciliation followed, but the same cycle occurred three more times within the next year. Finally, Laura agreed to take Adam back only if they would go to their pastor for counselling.

    Nine months of counseling helped give Adam hope for their marriage, but he still had no relationship with Christ. For Laura, it was an awakening. “I realized I did not trust this man and I did not love him. I cried myself to sleep at night, but I continually reminded myself that I had made a vow before God, and there was no way I could break that vow,” Laura says. “There was no joy in our marriage—I felt stuck.”

  • Man accuses Pastor of breaking his marriage

    Mr Tertsea Daagu, a member of the NKST Church, has accused a Pastor of the Church, Terlanga Unongu, of “causing confusion” in his relationship with his wife, Wandoo Daagu.

    Daagu stated this during his defense in a divorce case brought against him by his wife, before a Makurdi Upper Area Court.

    “I have never beaten my wife or accused her of adultery; it is my wife that admitted before our NKST Church Committee that she has committed adultery with one Rev Terlanga Unongu, a Pastor of the Church.

    “I have not accused my wife of having an affair, but she has confessed to having an affair with Rev Terlanga Unongu.

    “In 2007, she confessed to having an intimate affair with the Pastor when the Church committee took up the matter. I have the evidence with me written in Tiv language.

    “Though the committee could not give an appropriate resolution, we appealed to the General Synod where a resolution was passed.”

    He denied ever beating the woman, and claimed that she left his house with the approval of her father.

    Daagu said that he was not opposed to divorce, adding that he was also not opposed to his wife having full access to their three kids.

    The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), reports that Mrs. Wandoo Daagu had petitioned the court to dissolve the marriage, citing alleged brutality and “unnecessary” accusations of infidelity.

    Read Also:‘Choose right, make relationship work’

    Wandoo, who said that she married her husband according to the Tiv Native Laws and Customs at Amua, Gaav in Konshisha Local Government Area in 2000, told the court that there was no longer love between them.

    “We have three children; after nursing our last daughter, my husband started accusing me of being unfaithful.

    “He kept attacking me and would be beat me up at the slightest provocation. I reported this cruelty to his parents, but instead of intervening, they took sides with him,” she said.

    Wandoo said that she left Daagu’s house in 2008, when the cruelty became unbearable.

    “Since I left his house, my husband has never visited me or my parents to discuss our issue. He has no respect for my parents,” she said.

    She urged the court to dissolve the marriage and grant her full access to their three children.

    The Judge, Ms Adole Akintomide, has adjourned the case to Dec. 14, for judgment.

  • Are you living happily ever after?

    To love and to hold from this day, forsaking all other women, in sickness and in health for richer, for poorer, until death do you part?’ The usual response from the couple is usually “yes”.

    If not, what do you think is missing? Have you searched where or when you got it wrong? What are you doing to make it work? Or on the hand are you living each day feeling terrible and wishing you were somewhere else? Do you feel the marriage is no longer worth it? Do you occasionally feel like packing it up and dumping him, with or without the kids?

    Well if you have not reached that wondering and I wish things were different’ stage in your marriage, you probably will sooner or later. These are the times you look back and wonder if this is the same man you married. The times you ask yourself if you were right to have married him in the first place. The days you remember the ceaseless phone calls, the roses, cards and intimate notes he used to send to you then during the courtship days and compare him to the unromantic person he had become.

    So, what do you think is missing? What do you think can be done to rekindle the flame? Let us try and explore what you probably have done wrong? When you married him, he meant the world to you. Your career was perhaps just getting off the ground. You had set some goals for yourself, aside from being his wife and the mother of his children.

    Okay, you wanted marriage alongside the love and security it offers, but somewhere along the line the marriage gradually began to take the back seat. You keep on working and pursuing your career while you only fit in your marital obligations into you spare time. Whether you like it or not he notices such lapses and if you are married to a man that does not know how to ‘express’ himself, your marriage may well be courting doom before you realise it.

    For our men out there, when was the last time you said: “I love you” to your wife? If you can’t remember the last time, then something is terribly wrong somewhere. When was the last time you commended or even noticed her hair do? Especially these days that women spend fortunes on their hair dos? Imagine how disappointed she would feel if her efforts to look good goes unnoticed? Remember how it was with both of you during the courtship days,? Do you recall how often you used to profess your undying love for her so often, that everyone thought she had given you a love portion? What about now? These days, you even consider making love to her as a favour, no more “welcome” or good morning kiss.

    Madam? Have you completely shifted your love and devotion for your husband towards your children? When was the last time you checked if his tie is well knotted? When was the last time you prepared him a special meal? When was the last time you visited his mother?

    Romance should not stop on the day or eve of the wedding. When romance is removed from a marriage, it is automatically heading for the rocks. The romance should be evergreen. Kids or no kids! It is important that both couple continue to find each other irresistible. Do not give each other room for intruders to come in?

    Dear Mr. Cold and always busy, do not give your wife room to cheat on you. Don’t give her reason to seek love or attention elsewhere. If you stop appreciating her, others might start to notice and appreciate her. Have you not noticed that she is lonely and needs her man to make her feel like a complete woman?

    If you are still wondering why your wife is moody or takes certain decisions on her own, it is most likely that you have stopped listening to her or taking an interest in what she does. She can’t please you and you don’t bother to impress her anymore. You sleep on the same bed for a whole month, yet you make or even attempt to make love to her and we all know you have not been diagnosed as impotent!

    Your relationship certainly needs an overhaul. Have you noticed that there is a particular score you have not been able to settle over the years? For instance, if she hates making love in the morning that is when you are at best? Now, the truth is that you are both right and that is the scary part. But, you see, all you need is compromise, find a middle road. Instead of looking for her faults and comparing her with your friend’s wife or neighbour, appreciate those good things that made you fall in love with her when you first met.

    Continue to see her as the trim, intelligent, attractive good mother of your children. The person you are comparing her with can’t sustain a two minutes conversation with you unless it is about food stuff and aso-ebi. Relationships don’t work out in isolation. All hands need to be on deck. You need to work on yours. A marriage is full of compromise, perseverance and laughter. If you ignore the tell tale signs that your marriage is wearing at the edges, your union may just fizzle out. Don’t become the dishwasher, the elevated nanny or the occasional bedmate who is not appreciated. You are licensed owners of each other’s body and you should take advantage and make the best of that license.

    Find time to go down memory fondle in the bath. Don’t ignore the initial affection you both felt for each other. Don’t forget that when your boss complains about your job, you will buckle up and work harder. You can do same for your marriage. Marry your spouse with all his/her spots and blemishes. Discuss and resolve problems. Don’t bottle up your hurt and wait till it bursts. Work on what you have and look ahead to better days ahead. Don’t give up on your marriage or spouse, he or she could be better.