Category: Weekend Treat

  • ‘My dad threatened to disown me if i ever legalise my marriage’

    “I got pregnant nine years ago while dating my current husband and then the issue of marriage came up.

    I wasn’t working then. He told my family and I that he doesn’t want a court marriage for no reason.

    My parents tried talking to him, I cried and begged him severally to legalize his marriage with me but he stood his grounds not to wed me in a court.

    I involved his family members to help me beg him but they said, he’s old enough to make his decisions.

    He even refused to do a white wedding either because my church requested for a court certificate, so we ended up doing only traditional marriage.

    I later got tired and gave up on the matter. I was hurt and broken but I resolved to marry him like that just to save myself and my family the shame of having a baby outside wedlock.

    My dad was angry and disappointed in him but he didn’t care and because of that my dad vowed to see me a successful and independent woman with or without him.

    After I gave birth to my baby, my dad helped me secure a job with a multinational company and things started to turn around for me.

    I could now take care of myself and secure a future.

    Though I married my husband but I never forgave him from my heart and it made me not to do anything in my husband’s name.

    We currently have three kids together but all my properties are in the name of my children. I never used him as my next of kin either.

    Read Also: Wife finds her death certificate in husband’s car

    Just last month my company decided to transfer me to a branch in Texas and the company is willing to pay for my entire family to relocate with me.

    My husband’s business is not doing too well and he’s willing to relocate also but we have no legal certificate to show that we are married.

    Now he wants us to go to the court to legalize our marriage and I have said “No” My dad has threatened to disown me if I ever go with him to court.

    He’s been tagging me everywhere as a bad wife who is not loyal to her husband, spoiling my family also.

    He’s family members have been calling me trying to persuade me but I told them I’m old enough to make my decisions also and I have stood my ground just like he did to me nine years ago.”

    What is your advice for this young mother of three?

     

    You can also share your story with us on  info@thenationonlineng.net

  • Audio: Marriage counsellor preaches against divorce

    Dr Celine Njoku, a Marriage Counsellor at Holy Family Catholic Church, Festac Town, Lagos, on Thursday advised couples to be patient and tolerate one another to avoid divorce.

    Njoku, a Counselling Psychologist, told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) that most couples did not know what marriage was all about before venturing into it.

    “We are getting everything wrong. I think these are the problems we are having divorce.

    “Divorce should not be in the agenda. To start with, majority of us are Christians. We are lacking tolerance.

    ‘’We are lacking peace; we are being judgmental; we are not overcoming anger.

    https://soundcloud.com/thenationnewspaper/marriage-counsellor-preaches-against-divorce

    “Then, we should be able to tolerate; we should be able to overcome anger. In the beginning, God saw all these things and say for better or worse.

    “Some people are 60 years in marriage. Are they superhuman? They are not. They passed through all these troubles.

    ‘’Marriage is sweet. At the same time bitter and at the end you come out glorified,’’ she said.

  • Online firm introduces new social life for students

    Student Serve NG (SSN) is Nigeria’s first dedicated discount service for students in universities and secondary schools in Nigeria helping them save a minimum of 10% per transaction in their favourite online and offline stores.

    In this interview, Chief Executive Officer (SSN), Kunle George shares how he birthed the dream to connect students to thousands of exclusive discounts from different online and offline stores, both locally and internationally with Everistus Onwuzurike.

    Tell us about Student Serve.ng

    Student Serve Ng is a students’ discounts platform that exposes Local students to exclusive discounts through the year in their preferred restaurants, hotels, transport, events and more in Lagos. These students range from secondary to university levels of education. All a student needs to do is to visit our website, Click on GET CARD fill the required information and proceed to pay. The card is then delivered within 3 – 5 days including Saturdays and Sundays. After which the student can now visit any of our partner stores and just swipe your card to get allotted discount.

     
    In an era where students are majorly concerned about grades and certificates, what birthed this dream?

    There’s more to education than just academics. People need to socialise, network and build relationships. All these aren’t taught in the classroom. Being a socialite myself, I perceived “fun” in Lagos isn’t pocket-friendly so I put myself in the average student’s shoes and realised I will not be able to partake in any social activities due to the cost.

    So I thought to myself, service providers should be able to structure and offer something exclusive to these students simply because they live on budgets and generally don’t have a second source of income. I felt this service has been long overdue and it is the right time to give our students a voice through student pricing. That was how I birthed the Student Serve Nigeria (SSN) – a subsidiary of Kuncard Discount Enterprise.

     What impact have you made so far?

    In terms of impact, I would say I’ve made students realise value for money, which has always been the objective. There’s really no service that solely caters to students’ needs in the market. The feedback we received so far has been great but we can obviously get better.

    About the 10percent discount, do you in any way feel it’s too small and are there plans of increasing the rate?

    The 10% discount is the minimum discount you get on our platform. Our discounts range from the minimum of 10% to 25% depending on the service providers. We have partnered with hotels that offer up to 30%. We can negotiate better discounts for our students in the future, which solely depends on the growth and responsiveness of our market.

    To what do you attribute your success?

    I don’t think I’m successful yet. There’s so much work to be done. We haven’t fully devised the perfect blend of services for this market. I would say we’re still in the research phase. However, in terms of progress since launch in July 2017, I would say persistence and grace.

    We sold over 600 discount cards between July and December 2017 and we were able to partner with Oxbridge Tutorial College in that span. We are currently in talks with another sixth-form college and a few secondary schools to buy into our initiative.
     

    What are the major challenges?

    So far, I would say we have two major challenges. Most students think our service is too good to be true. They think it’s a scam. They do not believe that at N2,500, one can get access to this many discounts for 12 months, which is funny to me.

    Secondly, representatives of major companies are not readily accessible. They have no working emails and phone numbers, they do not reply emails, no functional websites, can hardly locate their head offices, and to ice the cake, the security guard tries to do the job of a desk officer. To be honest, the list is long.

    What is unique about your business?

    To be honest, there’s no company that solely caters to the needs of local students. We are doing something unique. We want to create a discount culture. We want it to be the prerogative of the average Nigerian student to get access to exclusive discounts simply because he/she is a student.

    Where do you see your company in few years?
    We will definitely be the state’s leaders in offering student services. Not just discounted services but in other aspects that interests the student. These could be legal, medical or even accommodation solutions.
    How many companies have you been able to partner with?
    Currently, we have about 17 partners, which include restaurants, hotels, entertainment and transport.
    Since your business is all about partnerships, have you ever turned down any client?

    Yes, we have. We haven’t been approached by major companies, however.

    We turned down a few because we just didn’t see how those partnerships would benefit us.

     What do you look for in prospective partners?

    We do not randomly approach service providers for partnerships. Most times we consult our students about where they want to experience discounts then we contact that company and sell our initiative to them. If you’ve seen our logo, our motto is “For students, by students’. This simply means our students influence a lot of our partnerships.

    So to answer your question, it is really the student that has the answer to this. We just do our job, which is to negotiate a discount for the students.

    Do you have competitors and how do you deal with them?

    I think I do have competitors and believe me, I pay close attention to them. We all need competition in this space because it’s healthy for businesses and can improve in areas in which they’re underperforming and so on.

    All I can say is, we have the better service because it works and is suited and tailored in the interest of the students.

    Tell us about your greatest moment of success?
    When I got the Oxbridge Tutorial College order, I was overjoyed. I was dead chuffed. God bless the Managing Director, Dr, Ogunsanya, and Vibha.
    You are always around school environs with students, so If you were the Minister of Education, tell us what you would want to change in our education sector?

    The entire system needs a revamp.  But what I will do is start with the primary schools. We need to reset our way of thinking in Nigeria. We need to teach these young ones to ask questions, to be brave, to express themselves properly, to be confident amongst many others. We don’t know our rights and are the definition of hypocrites, and that’s why we are a failed state. Uneducated people under democratic leadership will elect incompetent leaders.

    If we focus on a new generation of Nigerians, we can influence change to a certain extent. We can introduce a new line of thought, a generation of curious and brave individuals who will always question authority because they know their rights.

    However, I don’t think I would have the power to change anything as the Minister for Education. I would rather become a billionaire and open affordable schools with my billionaire friends, introduce loan schemes and offer affordable quality education so everyone can attend.

    The Nigerian government isn’t ready to effect positive change in any sector so I don’t think I will entertain the thought of becoming a politician, let alone a minister anytime soon.

  • ‘My mother-in-law makes me hate my husband’

    ‘My mother-in-law makes me hate my husband’

    A young woman, who prefers her identity protected has taken to Instagram to reveal how her mother-in-law makes her hate her husband.

    According to her, she has been maltreated so many times by the mother-in-law who always complained about everything she does.

    She said:

    I’m a married woman with a kid and My mother in law is making me hate my husband because anytime the woman  comes visiting she searches all the whole house to see if there is something new, so she can talk.

    When I put to bed, the woman was with me and she showed me pepper, there is nothing I know how to do, she criticized everything, not up to a week that I put to bed, I have started washing this woman clothes, am a first time mum.

    This woman doesn’t help me in using hot water for my body, she said she will explain that I should do it myself, she told me she doesn’t know to take care of babies, all she do is bathing under 1min she’s done.

    She discouraged me about going to clinic for immunization that she doesn’t believe in it. The list go on and on and anytime I want 2 tell my husband about his mother character he will flare up telling me I don’t have home training and sometimes for days, he won’t talk to me because of the matter.

    I’m so tired, I told my husband I want to get a job at least I can take care of myself, my parent, my kid and assist him too.

    Ever since i got married, i don’t have new cloth but he is buying for himself, all my hair is ripped off when i don’t make it, i have old parent who need financial support and he doesn’t  give my parent money but he can borrow money for his mum if he doesn’t have.

    He is taking care of his baby (6 months). The worst of it, is that since he doesn’t want me to do salary job and i have handwork too. So I decided to use that to make small money.

    About a week ago, i went out to sell my handwork, which i came back late(due to traffic) I begged him but he didn’t even answer me till now , he won’t eat what I cook nor talk to me. I need your advices.
    Marriage can be so annoying

    Bom

  • ‘Some parents make it easier for children to be defiled’

    ‘Some parents make it easier for children to be defiled’

    ‘Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi is the coordinator of the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team. The team was set up in 2012 to respond to issues of rape, domestic violence and child abuse. In this encounter with HANNAH OJO, she speaks more on the factors fuelling abuse of minors. 

    Is your office engaging in activities geared towards sensitizing the boy child on sexual abuse?

    This year, we are bringing more attention to the issue because last year, we carried out a research and the result showed how 85 percent of those abused as minors grew up to abuse children later in life. The result of the research has influenced the way we engage children in our advocacy as we are now insisting that the focus should not be on girls alone but on boys as well.  No gender is immune to sexual violence. People used to think that it’s only girls that could be defiled but it’s not true. Boys can also be sexually abused as data has shown.   When you have data, it helps to strategize awareness and propose policies that are structured to the needs of the society.

    Your data shows there have been cases of sexual violence in places like Alimosho and Kosofo, is it right to say that these cases happen more in low income areas?

    We aggregate our data to the 20 local governments in the state but there are some local governments that are densely populated like Alimosho and Kosofe, so it should not come as a surprise to see a lot of cases in those areas. It doesn’t mean that it’s only those areas that these vices are being committed. Perhaps it is also because of our awareness in those areas that these vices are being reported. After the awareness, we see an increase in reportage, but I wouldn’t say that it is only in low income areas because sexual and gender violence is not a respecter of class or creed, religion or gender. It can happen to anybody.

    Apart from the excuse of poverty and depression, what other factors are fuelling sexual violence?

    According to the data gathered from our research, the first factor is the abused abuser factor.  Another factor was that some people said they had poor performance with their peers –this is real data. Some said it was as a result of poor erectile dysfunction and they were tempted because the children obviously would not laugh at them. However, it is important to state that some people actually make it easier for children to be defiled. The idea of leaving children with neigbours is condemnable. Parents are not supposed to leave their precious jewels with any kind of person.  Perpetrators don’t just pounce on children, they groom them.  They gain their trust, get their confidence and it can start with something so basic but you will be amazed what that can do to a child over a period of time.  Some people will say why didn’t the child speak up? It’s because the child did not know better and that is the danger we have in sexual violence. Society most times often blame the victim, even when it is a child. These are the things perpetrators take advantage of and use to groom children.

    It is often said that many victims of sexual violence are often discouraged from pressing charges as a result of delayed justice?

    The testimony of the child must be corroborated; that is why we ensure that the police conducts proper investigation and that is what has informed our engagement with the Nigerian Police Force in terms of training, empowering and equipping the force with relevant materials. That is one of the reasons why we have relevant support units across 11 divisions in the state. When it comes to legal issue, you cannot be emotional and sentimental, it is facts that can be proved and the evidence. That is why the police is critical because they are the first respondent. There are also the role medical officers play; if a survivor presents himself early, it is very likely that evidence can be preserved and that will help aid investigations.

    A DNA lab was launched in November, it is at Odulami Street in order to help victims of sexual violence to able to preserve evidence and ensure justice. In the DPP, we also have the Sexual Offence Unit dedicated to addressing these issues. At the High Court, we have the sexual offence and domestic violence court, so we expect that we start to see an increase in the number of cases that get to court as well as an increase in conviction. We will also start to see a reduction in the time it takes to prosecute these cases.

    Since you have been the coordinator, can you recall the most pathetic case you have handled?

    All cases are bad, especially when it involves children because they are vulnerable. Who is supposed to have prevented them? Who is supposed to have ensured that it did not happen? It is the adults. Those are the pathetic cases, especially when it is obvious that these cases could have been prevented if different safe-guarding measures were put in place. When an abuse happens to a child, it means that secondary care givers have failed in their responsibility.

  • ‘My husband is a great cheat’

    ‘My husband is a great cheat’

    “I am married with two kids, Four years and Eight months.

    My hubby is a great cheat, and whenever I notice a new side chick I try to get her number and plead with her to stop dating him, I kept doing this.

    Although some of the girls will insult me and report me to my husband who will always take it up.

    Whenever this happens, he stops taking care of me and my child because as at then, I didn’t have the child yet.

    Thinking of the way he treats me and my kid, I thought about getting a job. He has always frowned at this claiming that women who work are prostitute.

    I did get a job and my boss insisted I get a degree. I took to his advice, got an admission and resumed school as a part time student.

    I decided to always take a salary advance to pay my school fee.

    It was a little of new life for me and an improved one.

    During the week, my son stays with my mum while I pick him on Friday.

    Before I knew it, I was pregnant with my second child.

    I was three months gone when I noticed my hubby is seeing a lady I begged her as usual but it did not work.

    She told my hubby and he started maltreating me even with my condition so I went to d girl’s brother to report her and he was able to stop them from seeing each other.

    Now, my husband said I will pay for what I did cos I reported the lady.

    He said I owe him nothing because he gives me money every day. This is an amount that is worth nothing.

    Now, he is asking me to choose between him and my work. He said I should stop working or our marriage should end.

    I would have taken to his decision but I am very sure that if a new chick shows up, he would forget about me totally.

    Ending the marriage is not the issue, the issue is how will I take care of the kids alongside paying my school fees.

    I still have two years to go, how do I cope? I just hope I won’t hurt myself cos this is too much for me to bear”

     

  • The dilemma of a rapist(2)

    The dilemma of a rapist(2)

    It all started in 1990, when in a rainy season I had gone to the latrine to ease myself. I met a six-year-old primary one pupil who might have come to the female section to ease herself, but got stuck due to the sudden downpour. She was half soaked because the rain was with a little wind. I saw her with pity, the desire to carry her back to the class in order to join her colleagues came to me. Rather than do such a benevolent act, something in me decided to have canal knowledge of her.

    It had never happened to me before. I was never a rapist. Was it loneliness? Was it that she was half soaked?  No. Was I without a lover? No. I had more than three ladies in my custody as lovers. They were always ready to satisfy me. Most especially, Mary, a Calabar lady, that would, first of all, massage my body with shea butter oil before handling me the way a construction company would handle a difficult bridge.

    Mary was an expert in the field of love making. If she handles your earlobe, hmmmmmm! And if it is sucking or licking of my breast nipples, aaaaaaaaa! That one was nothing but mesmerizing. And the main act: she would mount me herself until I felt like screaming for joy. She was quite great!

    Just to see that I was not in control of myself, I was to meet her in a brothel in Iloro shortly after the school hours. Reason was that I had given Abike another appointment in my house. She was to sleep overnight. Abike is also good on bed. Unlike Mary, the tigress, Abike has only two styles. But in the middle of the act, she can turn you into a cowboy. She would have been a good singer, if sex was to be a ‘song’ issue. She knew where to start, stop and add interlude and even pause. Wonderful l-a-d-y!

    To crown it all, whenever she was coming to my house, I knew that my day was to be completed. She knew how to cook good food. As she was cooking in the kitchen, she would rush to me and lift my hand up to caress either her bums or breasts. By the time she finished cooking, no more story again. It was a matter of “do you want to eat before you fuck or you want to fuck before you eat”. Up Abike, up me too.

    I lifted Clara up as I later got to know her name, insert my finger into her private part. This was after I had initially romanced her. If you touched all her sensitive parts, she was scared. I boldly told her not to scream lest I would kill her and that she shouldn’t tell anyone, lest she would die.  Truly I didn’t put my manhood into her, but what I did was much dirtier.

    Up till now, each time I remember the scene, I still feel somehow. Reason was that, the first time she saw me, the look of saviour had come  on her face. At least, this teacher would carry me to the class for safety. But by the time I was working on her, it became frightening for her. She looked so distraught.

    God is always there for his children. Someone saw us and went to report to the headmaster. This was how it happened. When her sister didn’t see her, she told the class teacher who instructed that the older ones should search for her. It was in the process that a pupil saw her with me. I ran back to tell the class teacher who went straight to tell the headmaster. By the time I was accosted, there was no escape route for me! I was just looking like a fool and a hungry and helpless fowl.

    Suddenly, the news had gone around that Mr. Michael had raped Clara, the one in Primary One inside latrine. Right from the far end of the town to the centre and nearer, many folks came to see my face or confirm the news. To worsen the case, the girl in question could talk very well, too much for her age. She even mentioned the colour of my pants and told the angry folks that I had a boil near my armpit. May be she knew this when I was using her hands to touch my sensory parts.  And when they searched my body, it was not a lie.

    It was decided that I should give the parents of the child some money to go for treatment in the hospital. The headmaster said he would not go or write to the school board before he sacked me. The parents of the child were ready to contact their lawyer. Many were disappointed in me. Verily, I too was ashamed.  Some of the female teachers who were eying me before now were the worst of it as they cried more than the bereaved. The pastor of my church where I was the Sunday school teacher came. He was shocked.

    To my surprise, the grandmother of the child popularly known as Mama Cook, gently came and told them to stop making noise. She looked at me from the head to toe. Not with disdain, she betrayed no emotion. She looked at the headmaster and the money I put on the table for the minor’s treatment. She said: “So, you have this with you and you can’t go and look for a sex hawker in the brothel? And looking at your age, you can father this girl five times all over. No qualms. Please let him go,” she said calmly but with authority .

    “Hen? What did you say Mama? The headmaster asked with surprise.

    “ Let him go in peace. Nobody should touch or say anything about this matter again,” Mama Cook said again.

    “ But he had already molested my daughter….” The mother of the girl said with tears.

    “Are you the head of the family to decide what to do? Would this money cure the leprosy on ground? Would this uproar wake up the dead? I say let him go so that God will personally punish him, according to his sin. And if you know that you  have what it takes to revenge or handle him, I am going home,” she got up as the elderly ones there started begging her not to go in annoyance.

    She came over to my side, and told me that what I had done was an abomination. That If I could do such a thing to hapless minor in the broad day light, how much more in the dark or in the night?

    “I have told them to let you go freely. No charge against you and no punishment from the school authority. I did this in order to test God. I have been so good to all and I have imbibed the cultural heritage to all that came near me. “Majority of what you younger generation does are alien to our culture. And the way I see you, you can rape an eighty year old woman. Go in peace as I said earlier. But I know that as an old woman, only God can fight for me and my family”.

    As she said this, she picked her umbrella. Efforts by the headmaster to give her a ride back home were nil. Mama Cook sedately went back like a child just learning how to walk.

    That was how it all started. My pastor took me there the second day to beg the victim and her family. But we learnt that the family decided to relocate the child and her parents to another place where the stigma could be hidden.  Up till now, I never heard from them. But the journey of my rape life started after that.

     

    (To be continued)

  • ‘I want to end my two weeks marriage, I hate extravagant women’

    ‘I want to end my two weeks marriage, I hate extravagant women’

    “I got married two weeks ago traditionally, preparing for the church wedding but that might have to wait till next year.

    Now, the  issue is,

    I decided to be giving my wife 2500 naira every week for cooking, we have everything in the house, because I shop every month end for the house, so the 2500 is if she wants to buy fish or anything. But she refused bluntly and said I must be giving her 5k every day or 50k every month for up keeps or she will go back to her father’s house.

    I am not a stingy man but like I said I have everything in house so what will she be doing with all that money.

    Read AlsoHow do I tell my wife I want to take responsibility of my ex, our child?’

    I earn 250k monthly and I have others things I do with money. She is not working yet, she is still doing her NYSC so I pay all her bills.

    Do you think I married the wrong woman? I am getting scared because she has not cooked anything since we got married, if I drop money for her, I come back home to meet it like that.

    Divorce his ‘hungering’ me already, I hate extravagant women. I did not see this before marriage, she was very nice tho.”

  • ‘How do I tell my wife I want to take responsibility of my ex, our child?’

    ‘How do I tell my wife I want to take responsibility of my ex, our child?’

    “Three years ago, I met a girl and two years ago she got pregnant for me which i was sure of because she stayed with me for few months before she got pregnant.

    However, when we decided to settle down things went very bad for me financially. Due to this, she cheated on me with my friend for 300k, and she was 8 weeks pregnant when she did that.

    When I found out she ran away she never came back to pack her things from my house and she never talked to me ever again, that was in January 2016, she got pregnant around November.

    I got married last year and my wife just gave birth, when people wished me congratulations she saw my picture on IG and sent me a message, then she told me she had a daughter for me and she’ll be 2 in July, I saw pictures of the child she looks exactly like me and she has my mother’s birth mark same spot my mom has it and she has mine same spot too.

    Deep within, i feel she’s truly my child. But the problem is i feel she’s not taking care of her enough , i want to be with the child on her 2 years birthday and do a DNA and if she is truly my child i want to bring her and her mother to Lagos , do a business for her and get an apartment for her not too far from where i live so i can see her weekly, and send her to a very good school like i’ll do for my new baby too .

    I don’t know if i am thinking right, and i don’t know how to tell my wife. I Love my wife so much but i just feel this will seriously affect my marriage , i have not told anyone yet not even my parents but i seriously don’t think i want to live without my child , her mother hurt me badly but i don’t want that baby to pay for her mistake.

    Please i need advice. What should i do? Am i making a stupid decision?

    NOTE: I am very okay financially now. So i can do anything but I just don’t know what to do.”

  • ‘Why do good girls suffer most in relationships?’

    ‘Why do good girls suffer most in relationships?’

    ”I have bin so ill-luck wen it comes to relationship. Its been  three months i walked out of a two years relationship but i still feel a hole in my heart.

    For two years that i was with my ex, he never got me a gift, yet i wasn’t complaining cos i knew he was a single dad and he made me believe he spends all his income on his son and i trusted him so much.

    There are a lot of time i send him money out of the little penny i was earning.

    I spent almost 30k on him for his birthday but i received nothing on my own birthday.

    I was the one that paid all the bills on my birthday because he is always making me believe he doesn’t have money not until i went through his whatsapp and i read his chats with like four ladies, and how he has bin spending money on each of them and many other things that i endured during the courtship ??? why does it always have to be the good girls that suffer most in a relationship.

    Looking back at those two years wasted, i have lost counts of the men that are ready to spend on me but i turned them down because i was stupid in love and i on’t know how to double date.

    How can i love again cos i don’t think i can ever trust any guy again after what i have been through.”

     

    Credit: Bom